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An Unlikely Affair: Never Quit Your Job for a Man · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You look so cute. I can't even stand it. Are
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: you in like full overalls? Fuck? Yeah, Montana, look at
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: you go? Hi Amber, Hilela, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Good day, my fellows. Welcome to another episode of an
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Unlikely Affair.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Good day, mighty, Hi babe, Hi, how are you good?
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Every time I look outside, I'm like, you cannot beat
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: what you wake up to at Amber's house outside?
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: You really can't. It really is special, it is I
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: like the topic today. You know, I used to be
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: afraid of this topic, but now I'm just ready to
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: grab it by the saggy balls.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: You and I have a very different and I think
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I have a very different I don't want to say outlook,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: but I think we have a different relationship with money.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I have different relationship with money than most of my friends.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: And I think your relationship with money just comes from
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: your experiences, right, what you've seen, what you've seen your parents,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: go through your grandparents, and then obviously you develop certain habits,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: and then whoever your partner is, and as you see things,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: you kind of move differently when it comes to your finances.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I think, and prime example is I got invited to
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Vegas and this person was told me that he would
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: book my flight and hotel and to me, which is
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: this is just in my head, right, I'm like, if
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: you book my stuff, this is now your trip and
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I'm a guest, and there's some sort of control here.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: If I book my flight and my room, this is
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: my trip. I can technically do whatever the fuck I
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: want because I got myself here and I'll see you there.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: It means freedom by booking your own stuff. It means
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I'm not obligated right to show up when you want
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: me to to be in your room if you want
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: me to to not you know what I mean. It's
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: it's a very weird. But I'm so curious. How do
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: you think from the outside looking in? And know? Oh,
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I don't care. I would love to your perspective on
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: how my view of money differs from your view of money.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: Let's get real.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, I don't like this question because anything I are
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: you going to get offended?
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: I just said, okay, I'm not going to get offended,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: and if I do, I'll be like, wow, that hurt me.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Example when which I think this is a great idea,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: but again, I feel like I'm turning over power to somebody,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: if a man wants to take you on a date
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: and you have children, he should pay for child care
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: if he wants to see you. That's what I think
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: you brought that up as like an idea. I think
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: it was one of my friends or somebody was going
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: on a date and they didn't have and we were
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: talking about how expensive child care is, and you had said,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: if a guy and I love where your head's at,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: just like if someone's willing to fly you out and
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: put you up in a hotel room, get you your
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: own room. That's supposed to be like a sweet thing.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: But because of my trauma, I immediately go, you want
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: power over me. You're not paying for my stuff? Do
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: you get what I mean? Yeah?
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: And by the way, so I've had experience in both
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: ponds where someone was like, here's like, I would love
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: to take you out on a date, and I would
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: also love to pay for your childcare for the you know,
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: the two hours three hours that we go out.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Someone's offered that, Yeah, wow, that's really nice. And then
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I have.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: People that have not you know, it's not even in
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: the conversation. I have never taken money, but the idea,
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: I just like the idea of them offering because it
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: tells me more about their character and they're being thoughtful of, Like, Okay,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: she's a single mom. You know. It's the going rate
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: in Los Angeles is thirty a minimum of thirty dollars
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: an hour or thirty five dollars an hour, like most
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: nannies or babysitters wants they want a minimum of four
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: hours or three hours whatever it is.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, so it's it.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: Eventually, you know, it adds up, and so especially when
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: you're going on a first date with someone like at night, right,
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: if you could do it during the day when the
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: kids are in activities orre like, hey, I can grab
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: a lunch with you or something like that, we can
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: go for a hike, that's you know. Then it's like
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: I don't it's fine. But I think for some women
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: who really just can't because financially they are so strapped
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: that total every frickin' dollar. So I think it says
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: a lot about a guy when they can they could
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: just offer it, you know, and I would never accept it.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: But I think again it's the idea of like they're
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: being mindful and it feels good to be taken care
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: of sometimes it really does.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: So that's where I mean that our relationship with money
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: differs because I equate money to someone having control and
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: power over me if they pay, whereas you are not
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: as traumatized, I guess as me in that area where
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: you can say, wow, that's thoughtful, that's sweep, and I
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: immediately go, this is a red flag. Why would you
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: want to pay for my stuff?
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you something. I was extremely traumatized after
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: I got divorced, extremely hush. I don't even know why.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: It's making me emotional. I think this is a bigger
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: moment for me right now because it's just a reflection
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: of the work that I've done. And I want that
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: freedom for you so badly because it's just taking your
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: power back. Someone could think that they have power over
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: you because of money, right, but really they don't. It's
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: up to you to say, like, no, you should be
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: doing that out of the kindness of your heart. It
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: doesn't mean that I owe you anything. There's never there.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: This is not like an exchange, right unless there's an
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: agreement beforehand. But I had to do a lot of
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: work around my relationship with money because I gave up
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: a lot of my twenties fighting for a career because
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: I was conflicted, right, Like, I had a husband that
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: was making movies all around the world at that time,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: and I was like, God, I want to be a
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: woman who has, you know, following my pa as an actor.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: But I also have these two little kids that I
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: didn't want to leave at home by themselves with a nanny,
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: and it was really really hard, and so like, I
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: think I would be in a very different financial position
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: had I said, you know what, I'm going to go
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: out and I'm going to go do what I want
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: and I'm going to be selfish. And some women are
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: career women and that's the choice that they make. I
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: just couldn't do it because that's not the like you said,
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: that's not the life that I came from. I watched
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: my mom and dad build a business out of our
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: three car garage that they converted to a two car
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: garage as a construction company, and my mom was doing
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: it all. Like my mom had no help. She was
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: juggling taking three kids to basketball, golf like when we
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: were in youth group like you name it, and then
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: helping my dad run his business, and then on top
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: of that, taking care of the like the house right,
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: the cooking, the cleaning, the you know, the whatever. We
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: had a horse, we had a goat at some at
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: one point. It's really hard as a woman, and I
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: still struggle with this, like big time. It's a it's
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: a big thing, and I think a lot of women feel,
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: you know, conflicted because at the same time, a lot
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: of households needs they need two incomes. Life is just
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: expensive now, so people don't have a choice.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah I did. I'm I feel badly the way that
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I said that to you, because I do know how
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: hard your divorce was and how much you gave up.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: So when I when I said we have a different relationship,
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I meant in the present moment, because I do know
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: how much you gave up, and I do know what
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: that looked like when you guys parted ways, and how
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: dirty you were done. Yeah, so I feel like I
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: had to take this moment to tell you that I
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: was not trying to diminish the work that you've done
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: or what you went through and how difficult the relationship
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: you've had with money and how it's evolved during the years.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do that.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: No, I no, no, no, I don't apologize. I please
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: don't apologize, because it wasn't that. The moment that I'm
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: having now is like it's it's hard work. And when
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: you say that you don't have that yet, I get
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: emotional because I knew you were. I was in that
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: position that you were, and I want that for you.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: You deserve to be taken care of and go out
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: and have a bad ass career right and make your
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: own money like you deserve that you It's not one
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: or the other. In my opinion. It doesn't have to
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: be with the right person. It doesn't have to be.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: So I want that. And yeah I was. I was
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: done real fucking dirty in my divorce and I wanted
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: my family and I wasn't smart, and you know, I
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: signed a prenup when I when I was in the marriage,
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: and it was it was bad, it was really bad.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: But I wanted so badly for my at the moment
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: meant right, because I was still so sick. I wanted
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: my family together so badly that I was willing to
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: go to any length and if that meant I got nothing,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: in my mind, that meant I got nothing. I got
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: the one thing that I got nothing, But I got
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: everything At the same time, I got the one thing
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: that I always wanted was my family. In the end,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I made a lot of really dumb mistakes and maybe
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: one day I'll write a book about what not to do.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: But would I sign a prenup again? If if I
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: meet the right person and they ask, yes, I would,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: But I would be very it would be it would
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: be different, right. I have a different relationship with money
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: and what a prenup represents because mine was done while
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: we were married, right after there was a lot of infidelity,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: so it was not done on the basis of if
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: this marriage falls apart. The marriage was already falling apart.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: And then it was like shoving papers down my face,
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: you have to sign this. Yeah, you were in your
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: and he was already out of the house, and he
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: already out of the house.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: And you were in your most vulnerable state going through
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: a morning process. And can I tell you I almost
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: gave up vander Pump rules for him.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he had asked me to do that. And I
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: remember being in a parking garage being like, Okay, I
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I think I'm going to do that. This is this
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: is worth giving that up for. And my mom was like,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: what the fuck are you talking about? Absolutely not. Thank
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: god I did it.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Thank God we have women in our life, Like I know,
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: if you were to come to me, or my mom
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: were to come to me, or any other woman that
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: I really trust in my life and say Amber, what
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: the fuck? I would now I would now listen Because
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: I had people telling me that I had attorneys saying
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: do not sign this document, and I was like, I
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: am signing it my family. I want my kids. I
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: didn't want my kids to come from a broken home.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: So that prenup slash post up, whatever the you want
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: to call it, because I remember I never knew what
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: to call it. It represented so much for me. But
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: now guess what, Like I'm sober, I'm wise, I'm like
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: I'm stepping into a relationship with different intentions. If I
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: choose to get married, it's like you just get to rewrite,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: rewrite what has been done. I don't know, That's what
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: I feel.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Can you still do this may sound so dumb? Can
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: you still do some sort of documentation? Like if you
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: choose not to get married, does can you still have
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: like a prenup? Because let's say you're in a partnership,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: a committed relationship with someone for twenty seven years. Okay,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: it's a long time. Some vitual marriages signed licenses don't
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: even last twenty seven years. So in that timeframe, you
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: guys break up. I guess it would depend on what
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: state you live in because of common law marriage. But
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I'm wondering because, as you know, I don't want to
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: get married, but I feel like there needs to be
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: some sort of documentation, whether you would still call that
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: a prenup or not. I don't know where it's like,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: even if we have like a long life together and
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: we build a lot, whatever is yours is yours, whatever
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: is mine is mine, and we just get to part
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: ways and call it a day, Like, I still feel
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: like you have to have some sort of agreement.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't. I know that the laws have definitely changed.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Whereas like if you were married for ten years you
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: would get alimony for life. That is not the case anymore,
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: I believe, not corn I think that that's actually changed,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: like or you could at least argue that you could
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: have whatever document in your marriage. There's this guy, There's
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: an attorney in New York that I follow. He's a
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: very Instagram social media famous, and he talks about some
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: of the weird things that people put in their pre nups,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: like weird like if you gain more than fifteen pounds,
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: like fucked up stuff like not normal, unhealthy.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Can I tell you, though, I don't know that that
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: would actually hold up in court, because I remember during
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: my prenup process I said, I want a clause in
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: there that says, if you cheat, I get X. I
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: remember my attorney being like, we can absolutely put that
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: in there, but just know what we want. If it
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: makes it into like litigation where you guys are at
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: each other's throats because this doesn't work out, it's gonna
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: get thrown out. That's not it's kind of It reminds
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: me of when couples put in their agreement you can't
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: introduce somebody, like during a custody case, you can't introduce
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: the child to a partner unless you've been dating that
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: person for at least a year. And it's like, Okay,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: that sounds really beautiful. I'm glad you guys could agree
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: on that and you both signed off baptida. Let's just
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: say one person breaks that rule and you're furious and
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: you're like, I'm going in to see a judge. The
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: judge would be like, I'm taking this out because you
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: can introduce whoever the fuck you want to this child.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: There's just certain things that you may sign off on,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: but once it hits a judge, the judge can say,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I'm vetoing this. It's stupid.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But I think when you're in high net worth
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: divorce cases, it goes more probably into mediation and then
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: and sometimes you have to mediate and you can't go
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: to trial, like you have to do mediation first, right, right, And.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: It also depends on where you are. I think there's
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: some states that would be like, yes, we take infidelity
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: very seriously. You have to pay for that. California. I
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: remember we were talking about infidelity and they were like,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: you want to know what they said to me, Welcome
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: to Hollywood, La La. I go, that doesn't fucking work
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: for me. Sorry, doesn't work for me.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Wait, I have a question. Did you guys have a
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: prenup done before you guys we're gonna get married.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: We were in the process. I don't know if I've
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: ever asked you this. We were in the process of
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: doing the prenup and the next phone call to my
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: lawyer was I'm leaving him, and I need a case
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: number so that I can leave this fucking house with
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: my child in tow and have him not call the
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: police on me. So he goes, oh, that was this
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: that changed very quick Amber. I wish that I could.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: The day those photos came out October fifteenth, I remember
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: it like it was yesterday. I was blowing Daryl up.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: I said, Daryl, I need a fucking family attorney immediately.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I'm leaving this person and I need to be teed
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: up with my daughter now. Today it was like nine
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: pm and I got a phone call from the family lawyer.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: That was like things changed quickly. I was just looking
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: over your prenup. I thought that's why you called. I
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: was like, no, oh mm hmm.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: You can't fucking write this.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I know. And I remember the girl who was assigned
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: in my case. She was like, la, la, just because
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I would call every day, where's my case number? Where's
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: my case number? I can't leave without my kid. I
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: he will call the police on me, He's told me.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: She was like, you just got a hang tight, I promise,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: see what's going to happen. And it was on The
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: pictures came out October fifteenth, and it was October twenty
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: seventh that I knew what I had to do make
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: him feel comfortable enough to get the fuck out of town,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: and so I did. I remember walking down the stairs
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: and I called him, babe, and I felt like I
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: was gonna throw up, and I told him, I think
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I'm almost ready to let you back in the bedroom.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: We're gonna work through this, and then he was he
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: had to get to Florida next day. He leaves. He's
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: so sad, he doesn't want to go. Amber he just
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: doesn't want to go. And I said, I'm gonna be
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: here when you get back. It's fine. Do what you
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: need to do. As he left, I hit him with
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: the phone call and said, you know, we don't need
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: the nanny to come in or the housekeeper or anybody
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: today because we're going to be out of the house
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: and I'm going to take the kids because it's going
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: to be my mom's last day. And he goes, your
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: mom's going to go home. I was like, yeah, she's
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: gonna leave tomorrow. She's flying out. His assistant calls me,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Now he really thinks we're all good, Right, Lisa, the
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: mediator is going back home Waters are calm. Assistant hits me,
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: he's on the plane. I call my gaze. I was like,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: roll up the fucking minivans. They fucking roll up the
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: mini vans. Jessica's covering every single camera with paper or
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: so it looks like maybe we just had a package
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: and they covered the camera outside.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: FedEx put the stamp, missed package, miss signature package.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Packed whatever. I coult into those cars and was out
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: that bitch amazing.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, long winded story about a prenup. So, in
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: other words, yes, it was done, but it quickly turned
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: into a custody custody paperwork instead. Yeah.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: I wish I had a different experience, but you know.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: What, Amer you were about twelve. I don't exactly I
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: it would have gone very very differently had I been
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: younger and not sober, So give yourself some grace.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Out of the entire prenup, the only thing, well not
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: the only thing, but one of the biggest things, the biggest,
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: like ninety percent of my ah, Man, I really fucked
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: up was I left the house. I should have asked
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: for a house because let me tell you why. I
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: begged him to buy a house, and we almost came
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: close to buying many houses several times to have that
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: like foundation to raise our children. Right, it was about
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: like putting down roots somewhere, and he would never do it.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: He never We went from renting a house.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: We moved.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: I moved in my marriage. So I was married almost
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: eight years. We moved seven times in eight years, every year,
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: almost every year except for one house we stayed eighteen months.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: I was packing my entire family up and moving, and
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: of course he was quote working when we were in
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: the moving process. And that's the biggest regret is that
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: I should have said, no, you want to go out
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: and you you want to be with Laala, you want
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: to go fuck other women, whatever you want to do,
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: but you need to give me a house so I
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: can continue to raise our children. Let me tell you something,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: I'm as much as I it really hurts me. Right,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I don't think I would be where I am today.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't be right.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have the drive, I wouldn't have the the like.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: I'm going to show my girls that, like, you can
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: stand on your own two feet if you have the
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: willingness to do uncomfortable things.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: And you've done a lot of uncomfortable things. Zamber and
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: what you you know, I know that there's a lot
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: that you gave up when you decided to, like, you know,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: really hone in on your family. I think it was
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Lily what is her name, She's the British singer Lily Allen,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: And she said, you cannot have it all. You cannot
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: have a thriving career, be a present mother, be the
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: wife that is a housewife. You can't be all of
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: those things. And I think, yes, if you look back,
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: you could say I picked this, that and the other,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: and I should have been smart and I should have
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: done that. But the way and I know that your
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: kids are at a difficult age right now. What age
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: isn't difficult. I'm like, have a two year old, it's
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: a really difficult age. But you can just tell how
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: safe they feel. You're their rock. There's there's a bond
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: there that I don't think you can always feel because
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: you're in the thick of it. But as an outsider,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: you know, you're like Riley's at a stage where she's
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: not nice to me, and I'm like, well, she calls
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: you about four hundred times a day, so there's gotta
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: be something.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: If they're punching bag. I am their punching bag.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: That is. But they know that there's unconditional love there.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: You are going nowhere, You're always going to show up,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: You're always going to pick them. They have watched you
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: pick up your life and make really hard decisions, leaving
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: when it doesn't suit you anymore, forgiving when you feel
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: like something becomes a cancer and you need to let
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: it go. You have really done an amazing job. And
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I think you need to give yourself credit. And I
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: think at this stage of your life is now when
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: you're going to reap the benefits of the financial aspect
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: of things. Now is your time that thank you.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: That felt like a little like.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Psychic it did it? Did it?
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: Did?
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I felt like you were reading me.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: I was like, wait, tell me more.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I just feel that way. You know, I think you did.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: I believe you did it the right way. And the
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: road was really, really tough. But look at the bright
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: side of having kids so young. You're thirty seven, You're
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: fucking hot. Your life is far from over. Most people
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: have kids much later, and by the time they're raised
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: in on their own it's like, oh my god, now
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: is when I start. It's a pretty intense feeling.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the problem now, I'm just just I'm tired, like
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: you know, because I've been doing it since I was
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: you know, my mom started when she was sixteen, and
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: I think about her and I'm thinking, like, why does
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: like my mom was so young, And now I get
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: why she's tired because she's been You know, even when
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: you're sleeping, you're still thinking about your kids. Subconsciously, You're
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: still worried about your kids, you know what I mean. So,
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: but no, I'm really I'm I will I'll say this.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: I'm more driven than I've ever been. I have a
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: clear idea of what I want. I have goals that
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: I want and I've said this to you privately off
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: of the podcast. I have this internal knowing that everything
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: is going to work out, and it's I don't even
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: know what it is. It's just like I feel like
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: I trust myself for the first time, whereas I could
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: never be in control of my life, my finances, trust
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: myself in a relationship because I didn't one, I didn't
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: grieve my marriage that happened. I got really honest with myself,
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: became sober, have a genuine, honest, loving, healthy relationship with
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: you I'm honest with my kids, and I always tell
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: my kids the truth. And I'm like, oh, okay, this
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: is when life can get really big and good if
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: I just keep showing up and not trying to control
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: everything and just surrender, like surrender what they teach us
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: in the program. It's a program of action, and you
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: just have have to have faith and not the kind
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: of faith that I grew up in the Mormon Church
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: that to me was like a faith that was not
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: I couldn't relate to it right, that was like textbook faith.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: Now it's like i sit outside with my cup of
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: coffee and I'm meditating and I'm listening to my Alan
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Watts and I'm listening you know, reading you know AA
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: material and I'm praying and I'm thinking, okay, God, I'm
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: connecting to you now, like I really get connected. And
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: it's like, okay, I'm gonna be Okay, it's good, it's
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: fucking good. Let's go, let's go.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I always think of Danny from the Valley when someone
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: says let's go. No, don't worry about it now, I'm
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: only going to think of you. I will say this
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: because this is going to be and I believe I've
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: talked about this before, but I want to tell you
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: I don't knock anybody's hustle. Right, if you are a
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: quote unquote sugar baby and you've got a guy who's
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: paying your rent, or for your car, or buying you
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: bags and shoes and all the things, I would demand.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Whatever my rent is, I need the same amount in cash.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Whatever that bag costs, I'm gonna need the same amount
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: in cash. You don't want to do that, then I
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: don't want the bag, and I want the fucking cash.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: You have to fucking be smart. You can't do anything
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: with paid rent. You can't do anything with a paid car,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: you can't do anything with a fucking Louis bag. It
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: all looks very cute, but when when you tap out
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: and you enter thirty and he goes and finds his
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: twenty something year old and you're no longer the sugar
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: baby because you're too fucking old. You're like, well, daddy
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: stacked me up, so I really don't give a fuck.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: I've got enough money now to go buy my own house. Well,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: that's a business.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: When you're in that kind of relationship, it's like a yes,
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: it's a different type of business.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: So it is a business. It's just it's George J
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: me because I'm young and hot and will fuck you
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: like a stripper. And I'm dating you because you have money.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: So now it's time to show me how much you
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: really got, Like, are you actually a brokester? Because I'm
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: gonna need I'm going to need both. That would be
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: my that would be my advice to anybody who's sugar babying.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, cash is everything, And I would
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: take and I'd put it a little bit in the
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: stock market because it's me. I love a good stock market,
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: love a good stock market, baby, I love a good
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: by the way like account. Right before this, I went
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: on my my my app that I use, and I
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: was like, all right, we've really got to turn things around,
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Like we've got to do some deep diving because the
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: market's not doing that great right now as of today.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: But no, you have to be smart with your money.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: And that's the thing.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: And if he takes you to Vegas and gives you chips,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: don't gamble, just go cash them in.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and go buy yourself a coffee and people watch. Oh,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: there was a lot of that.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Yep, move smart, move smart Ladies, get the prenup, get
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: the cash and the chanel. That's what I say. I've
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: learned a lot in my whole days. And never quit
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: your job for a man.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Never never sorry.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: That was really preach, bitch, Never prayant, never quit your
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: job ever, because remember, your career will never wake up
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: in the middle of the night and tell you it
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: doesn't love you anymore.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave you with that, Lady Gaga, You're welcome.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: That was your That was an epic sign off. Thank
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: you everybody for another great episode of an unlikely affair. Amen,
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: I love you, Amber, love you too, baby girl. We'll
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: catch you next week.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Bye.