Latest / Pod Therapy / #451: Choosing Attitudes, Trusting the Gut, Premarital Counseling

Transcript

#451: Choosing Attitudes, Trusting the Gut, Premarital Counseling · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: And something's going to come up. Oh, I don't even search.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I assume that they have a podcast until proven otherwise.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: That's fair.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: It's in their email signature. I go the other direction.
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: It'll always be visible. And also, if they tell me
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: they don't have a podcast, I don't believe them. They
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: have to prove it. Liar.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: Bullshit, sir.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Bullshit. It's always there.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: Podcast until proven innocent.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Nope, I don't find it. Just Google in your name. Okay.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: From fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, this is Pod Therapy. Real people,
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: real problems, and real therapists. You can submit your questions
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: anonymously at podtherapy.net or email us at podtherapyguys at gmail.com.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: And now broadcasting from the Unnamed Studio, that's Jim, that's Nick,
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: I'm Whitney.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: It's time for some Pod Therapy. Oh, God. Well, what
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: an active Patreon we had. There's a lot of things
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: going on.
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 0:56
  Speaker 5: You can hear about how car washes have tried to
• 0:58
  Speaker 5: destroy lives.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. They're the worst.
• 1:00
  Speaker 5: Definitely a lot of action there.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: More than you think.
• 1:02
  Speaker 5: You can get an update on the People's Pergola. And
• 1:05
  Speaker 5: find out whether or not it is finished. It's really
• 1:07
  Speaker 5: just Schrodinger's pergola at this point. I mean, it really
• 1:10
  Speaker 5: depends on the observation, you know.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Of whether or not it's done.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: I mean, it will be until it cools off.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: That's true.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: I mean, at 118 degrees outside, I don't know whether
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: or not that pergola is still there.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: You need a swamp cooler.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not going anywhere near the window. You got to
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: get a swamp cooler, buddy.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: I actually do.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: You need a swamp cooler.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I think Jacob's convinced all of us.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah i've been using mine we went to a restaurant
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: this afternoon and uh the restaurant's air conditioner was broken
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: and they had set up like three or four swamp
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: coolers just in the dining room and like fucking worked
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: did it really it worked like we were so comfortable
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: we were like because we were a little like oh
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: no and they're like no the dining room is really
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: comfortable and like brought us through yeah and they were
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: like is this okay And we were like, actually, yes,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: this is really nice.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: You know the thing that has kind of turned me off?
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I should know what it is. It's a really cool
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Mexican food restaurant downtown on Main Street.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Roberto's.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Shout out to them. That's what it is. Taco Bell.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Taco Bell. That was it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: No, the thing that has kind of turned me off
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: and has kept me from getting a swamp cooler is
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: the swamp part. Hmm.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: The naming of that I thought was a bad choice.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Notes. Would you prefer– evaporative cooler oh yes yeah
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: i believe i believe that is the technical name.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: Oh so people just call it a swamp right because
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: when i hear colloquially it is a swamp cooler yeah
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: i just i think of a nasty disgusting smelling swamp.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah just cold yeah yeah.
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: I feel seen home but he calls that i recommend
• 2:51
  Speaker 5: one especially if you're actually going to use that pergola
• 2:53
  Speaker 5: like Because you're not going out there in the winter.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: It's not a thing.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you are. Are you going to get a heating
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: lamp thing?
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I have one of those too. That's pretty great.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you even need it.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: We have a patio heater outside, and when you turn
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: that thing on, I don't care if you need it
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: or not, it's so nice. It's wonderful.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Because I'm not going to get a heater, but I
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: am going to get– I want to get like a
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: fire pit. Okay. Yeah. I like that. We'll end up
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: using that.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you how good the swamp cooler is. I
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: sat outside today for probably three or four hours.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: And it was hot as balls today.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: It's been so hot.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: And it was wonderful. Yeah. I took a little nap
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: out there. It was so nice. that yeah there you
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: go swamp cooler advocate over here all right we'll be
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: preaching it.
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: Sponsor the show general electric you know send us that
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: swamp cooler money yeah come on and pergola Big Pergola.
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: I don't know who the Big Pergola company is.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Nick does.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Hesair.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Sponsor the show, Hesair.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: You don't want to get in the business of Big Pergola.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Don't mess with Big Pergola. They want something for their money.
• 3:56
  Speaker 5: Once we take that money, we're never getting that.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: It's not only our products that are shady. Oh, good one.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: There you go. Well, welcome to the show.
• 4:06
  Speaker 5: We've got some great questions for today's episode, and we're
• 4:08
  Speaker 5: leading off the order. with choosing your attitude.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: Hi, everyone.
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: I have a question about mental health in the workplace
• 4:16
  Speaker 5: and specifically the idea that we can choose our attitude.
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: A previous workplace of mine had everyone attend a workshop
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: intended to improve morale. There was a lot of emphasis
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: on things like play, positivity, and choosing the attitude you
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: bring to work.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: The problem was that I was.
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: Deeply depressed and highly anxious at the time, and I
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: felt completely unable to choose the attitude my workplace seemed
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: to want from me. Eventually, I became the subject of
• 4:43
  Speaker 5: some workplace gossip, and the situation contributed to my leaving
• 4:46
  Speaker 5: the job.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Thankfully, I'm doing much better these days.
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: I still have moods, of course, but they don't overwhelm
• 4:52
  Speaker 5: me in the same way, and that has actually made
• 4:56
  Speaker 5: me more curious about what happened back then. Maybe I've
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: gotten better at managing my emotions. Maybe my mental health
• 5:02
  Speaker 5: simply improved enough that managing them became easier. Probably some
• 5:06
  Speaker 5: of both, but I'm still puzzled by the idea that
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: we can simply choose an attitude. There seems to be
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: something useful buried in that idea. We aren't completely powerless
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: over how we respond to our emotions, but surely there's
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: also a difference between choosing how we respond to a
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: feeling and choosing whether we have that feeling in the
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: first place. So, what do these workplace philosophies get right,
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: and what do they misunderstand about mental health? Have you
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: seen clients struggle with workplaces that expected a particular emotional
• 5:39
  Speaker 5: disposition from them? And on a more personal level, I
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: still wonder, was there a skill I was missing? If
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: emotional regulation and choosing our responses really are skills, what
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: does practicing them actually look like, especially when someone is
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: depressed or anxious and those skills may be hardest to access?
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Thanks. Anonymous pronouns are he and him.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: Toxic positivity.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I love this question. Do you guys do this? Attitude adjustment?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Do you guys do this kind of positive attitude, kind
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: of active positive attitude thing?
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: My mom told me if I didn't change my attitude,
• 6:19
  Speaker 5: she'd change it for me.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: And so... You know, that's weird. Your mother told me
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: the same thing.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, Jesus.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: You ought to do that one.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: Stop sleeping with my friend.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: I was thrilled. I told you.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: Stop.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, I told you don't stop. God damn it.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: I do kind of practice this.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I certainly practice this. I actively do this.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: So, like, for yourself, you mean?
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: You're not, like, putting it on your coworkers or anything?
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: No, no, no.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: But for you, you're like, I need to bring a positive. No,
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I practice this personally.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: I got you.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: I got you.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Like, I decide that I'm going to have a good
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: attitude about something or I'm going to have a good
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: day at work. And it can look like a bunch
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: of different things. It can look like I just– I
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: have to remind myself sometimes, like, hey, you don't care
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: about this. Yeah.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Your last name is not Spiegel.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Forget that show.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: But, like, I mean, anything. Like– There's so many little
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: things that we get worked up about all the time. Yeah.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: And like– and that's– the writer had an interesting phrase there.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Like what was it? The things that you care about
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: versus things that you can change. Yeah. I forget exactly
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: how they said that. But I– basically things that you
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: can work on versus feelings and that kind of thing.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. And I would.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Say that your definition of like what you're feeling might
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: be broader than the truth is. I know that I
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: found that it was. Yeah.
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: What is an attitude versus what is my emotion?
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Because there's a lot to be said, I think, to
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: just slowing down and thinking through the reaction versus just
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: reacting to it. Okay. Because then that reaction causes its
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: own set of emotions. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: I don't think no one chooses their feelings. Right. Feelings
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: are different than attitude. The way that I think of
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: an attitude is I kind of think of an attitude
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: as like, it's kind of an overall perspective that you
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: have towards something. It's a pattern of thinking that you
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: bring to an event or a situation. And I look
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: at it almost kind of like how, like a river
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: runs a course and And the more it runs the course,
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: the more ingrained it is and the faster it becomes
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: to where it feels like it's not a choice. Like
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: you just– like A happens, which leads to B, which
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: leads to C. It just happens so quick it feels
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: like you don't have a choice. But in reality, I
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: think you do have a choice in your attitude. I
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: don't think you have a choice in your feelings.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: But it takes a lot of practice because, again, like
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: you're kind of changing the course of a river. You
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: have to kind of force the water to work a
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: different direction in order to create new habits and new attitudes.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: But you brought up a really important phrase, Whitney, which
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: is toxic positivity because I think there's a fine line
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: between I'm taking personal accountability for my attitude in a
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: healthy way versus I'm gaslighting myself to be a positive
• 9:15
  Speaker 5: drone so that I don't bother the corporate order when–
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: fuck you guys. The reason I'm miserable here is because
• 9:20
  Speaker 5: you overwork and underpay us. like there can be an
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: element to this that's oppressive.
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Especially if your company is like trying to set
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: that standard, because I think all companies are looking for
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: that positive attitude. And what I've seen somewhat from personal
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: experience and like friends who worked with me was, Like
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: our bosses maybe didn't necessarily say you have to have
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: a positive attitude, but if you had like an extra
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: negative one or like that did stand out and it
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: was like, hey, we don't want that. It's like we
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: aren't going to set the standard for what you should have,
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: but we don't want that.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: So it would create conflict.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You can't accept like a toxic workplace from someone
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: and like causing a toxic workplace.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: But you do– I mean clearly, of course, you have
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: to be careful what you label as being toxic and
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: everything else.
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: I'm only a little tongue-in-cheek with that because I know
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: it's overplayed. Of course.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: Of course.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: No. Yeah. The word toxic.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Matt Donnelly and I were just talking, very quick side note,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: the other day about the word residency in Las Vegas entertainment.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, go on.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Because we've been here long enough to see the definition
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: of the word residency change. Thank you. We were talking
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: about Matt's show that he's been doing at the Magician's
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Room at the Link Promenade.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: His residency.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Yep. His residency. I kept saying, oh, yeah, your residency.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: He means that legally. He is a resident.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: He lives there. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I was
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: saying residency as well. And then I watched a couple
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: of eyebrows go up when I said residency. And we
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: were like, motherfucker, it's because like, oh, Metallica playing The Sphere.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I don't think they've said this. I'm just using this
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: as an example. But someone playing a schedule like Metallica
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: playing at The Sphere, which I think is like seven shows,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: that gets called a residency in the news. And that's
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: a newer thing.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: That is to me.
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: I feel like it's shortened like the amount of time
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: you're playing. Like a residency to me used to be
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: like months. Like they're here for months.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Or you're like planning on being here until you don't
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: make money doing this anymore and then you close.
• 11:21
  Speaker 5: I remember Celine Dion did a residency at the Coliseum
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: and it was like a one-year contract.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, it was open– I believe– with Celine, it was,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: it was either a year. I thought it was more
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: than that. It was a multi-year thing.
• 11:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: I think it was, that's what a residency used to be.
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: Then it was like, Britney Spears is going to play
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: a few shows here. And that means, okay, it's more
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: than one weekend.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Jubilee at the, at the Bally's was a resident show. Yeah.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: That was a residency. That was a resident show there
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: in residence.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: The show lives here.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: At that, at that establishment. In residence is a different phrase.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: And it played for, but that's it all. It's all
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: the same thing. Oh, In our business, like that's what
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: it was. And now residency has morphed into this other
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: thing in much the same way. Watch me circle this
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: shit back.
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: Oh, look at him go.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: In much the same way that you have the people
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: with the positive attitude, because like, of course it makes
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: sense to want all the employees to have a positive attitude.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: It makes the workplace nicer. It makes your employees happier.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Happier employees are more productive. I mean, just on paper.
• 12:22
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: You want your employees to be happy because it benefits
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: the boss and the company.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: Well, but then I think the onus of that comes
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: onto the company. Like, do you want your employees to
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: be happy or do you think you can, Cause your employees,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: give your employees a reason to be happy. That's it.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And that's the thing is it comes, it starts,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: the idea of it starts at a reasonable place and
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: then slight changes to a couple of definitions start morphing
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: around a little bit.
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: And now all of a sudden you have required happiness. Right. Yeah.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Instead of like, hey, we got rid of, you know,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: like the free donuts in the break room on Fridays
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and everybody's kind of bummed out.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: A little bit.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Maybe we'll just put some donuts back in the break room.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: No, no. We're going to say that, hey, if you
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: mention the donuts, that's harassing the person who used to
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: go pick up the donuts.
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: We need you to have a positive attitude.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: That's it. Yeah.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: That's a good example.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: At that point, fuck you.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: I think it's important to note that the writer brings
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: up mental health and how that plays a part. I'm
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: glad we talked about just general positivity or not.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: That is important.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: But bringing up mental health in it, it gets a little,
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: little tricky, sticky, icky. I don't know, Jim, what you think, but, um, I,
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: what I've seen is this is actually a little bit
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: more recent.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: I've seen this.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: Um, I have friends that work in banking and they
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: talk about their employees doing this. I've seen this, um,
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: at the insurance company I worked at, like what is
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: happening a little bit more now. And even with the,
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: actually a client or two in the last like year
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: or so, um, Where when there is a mental health problem,
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: like kind of what this writer is describing, I'm so depressed.
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: I'm not able to even choose a good attitude. Like
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: it's affecting my work life. Maybe I'm tearful at work.
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: Maybe I'm– yeah, it's affecting my work life.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: And they left.
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: FMLA is becoming like a popular– thing now to use
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: for mental health stuff.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: That's it. Fuck my life.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: What is that? Yes, it is.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Family, medic, something leave of absence.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Something like that.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: Now you don't usually get paid for that, but it
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: keeps your job secure. So, um, and sometimes you can
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: do like intermittent FMLA where it's, Hey, I'm super fucking
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: depressed for this week.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: I can only come in three days. And you know what?
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: When I show up those other two, I can bring
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: that quote positive attitude. The other days I can't, I
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: can barely brush my teeth today. And so I can't
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: make it in.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Right. Like, and I want to say too, like, I
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: think what Nick and I were talking about earlier too,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: with the kind of choosing the positive attitude and all
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: like that definitely requires kind of that social battery. Like you're,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: you're using that social battery to do that. Yes. And
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: so I want to know, like people, you don't always
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: have that charged up and ready to go. I don't.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So take a drink. but I've been practicing this
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: with golf. And here's the thing.
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: When he said a river runs a course, I thought
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: he meant golf.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, I was just impressed with Nick's analogy.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Also, Nick's analogy earlier. Go back, everyone, and just listen
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: to that. And just picture Nick Dressed in an Eagle
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: Scout uniform, standing in front of a campfire, saying that
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: to a group of scouts. It's beautiful. Moving a river.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Be knee deep in your own cup.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: I was picturing fly fishing, but that works too.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: That's where I thought he was going to come in and.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Tip her out. Either way.
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: No, but I have been working really hard in the
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: last six months to change my attitude well.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: I remember you've talked about this.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: Because you just.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: Shit on yourself all the time. And now he's shitting
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: on minorities. It's not my fault. It's the damn Mexicans
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: filled the wall. Really, really happy you chose a specific
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: in that example there, Joe.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: If you're going to do the bit, do the bit.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: Go all the way.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: Thank God for immigration.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: That's why I always use the Dutch for any of my...
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: If I want to do a racist joke, I just
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: use the Dutch.
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: Too good for too long.
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: Put on your Dutch shirt, buddy. You got that new
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: Dutch shirt. Why don't you just show it off?
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: Why don't you just do that?
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: But no, it's– We're not sure it's not a hate group.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: We're looking into this.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: It's just constant work. Like that's the thing. It's like
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: it is an active effort constantly– for four and a
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: half hours.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Like, why are we playing this game?
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Like it is it, but it's just, again, like
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: you're kind of diverting your, your natural instinct is to
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: just turn and go one way because that's how you,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: that's your comfort zone. Like my comfort zone is anger,
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: you know? And so like, it's, it's hard.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I saw a video on Instagram this week that I,
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I didn't send it to you. Honestly.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: I really must have gotten distracted. It was just a
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: little kid, probably like 10, 12 years old, in a
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: golf clubhouse. They had clearly just played around, and this
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: kid is just like scream crying, and his dad is
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: videoing it on his cell phone. And his dad is like,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: did you play a good golf game today? No!
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: No, I didn't!
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, I hate it! Do you like golf?
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: No!
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Do you not want to play golf anymore?
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: I want to play.
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: Golf! How did you get real footage of Nick?
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: Pretty much.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: His dad was with him on the course.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: It's just an abusive relationship, honestly.
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: I saw a similar one with the dad filming the
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: son after his first fantasy football.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: He was like six weeks in. And he's so upset.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: He's like, everybody's injured.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Welcome to fantasy football.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: It's just not fair.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, my starters.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: There's just a lot of misery in the world.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm in three fantasy football leagues this year. I'm
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: so mad.
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: I joined one of yours. I'm in the scoop league now.
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: As pod therapy, by the way. I'm repping the brand.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I'm in the scoop league. We're at tier three. We
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: have to earn our way up to get up there
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: to you. I'm in tier one. That's the thing. I
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: fucked around last year my first year and won the
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: tier two. Did this to yourself. I was like, now
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I can't quit.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: Shit.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I'm on my way.
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: I'm on the.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Elevator coming up to your level.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Was that the end of your golf analogy?
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: My point to that is just that I've been doing
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: this for probably three, four months now And it is
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: constant work, and I have to constantly remind myself every shot,
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: between shots, walking up to the ball, afterwards. It is
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: so much work to change your attitude on something, but
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: it pays off. I mean, it's beneficial.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: What would it take at this point, outside of Laura
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: saying she's going to leave you if you don't stop
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: playing golf?
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: I don't think that would do it.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: It might not. What would it take at this point
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: for you to just be like, fuck this. I'm not
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: going to play golf anymore. Oh, he's quit golf so
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: many times. In the years I have known Nick. Sure, yes.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: On the way in here today. What do you think
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: it would actually.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: Do.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: You think it would take an event? Or do you
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: think it would just take a buildup of frustration for
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: you to actually walk away from it?
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: I've thought about this. Cause I think if it was
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: something that like, if I got injured, okay. Like, let's
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: say if I was in a car accident or.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Something, right.
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: Seriously, seriously.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: No.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I'll break your arm. We can work you over.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: If it was something like that, where like, let's say.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I'll hit you with a golf club to be poetic.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: I mean, yeah.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Gotta do it.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: I would rarely be able to shoot in the 90s. Like,
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: and I would be shooting 101 or something like that.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: I would have to decide at that point, do I
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: just accept the new normal or do I quit?
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Because it would be very difficult for me if I'm
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: completely healthy and all of a sudden I'm shooting... mid
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: or upper 90s, I would fucking lose my mind.
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: Question.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I have the same exact question.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: What's yours?
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Is 90s good?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's not my question. It's not good.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: My question was could you please stop masturbating?
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's also a good question.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: Also no.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: That's why the cameras do not show our waist. That's
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: why I was asking.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: It's very self-conscious when Brian was here.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: I thought this was America.
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: My question is as you age, my understanding from golfers,
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: I know maybe they weren't as good as you are.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Right now at one point.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine that they were.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: But I think of.
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: Like my grandfather golfing when he was 80. Like he
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: would score a hundred, I think. Like, are you okay
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: with your 80 years old?
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: So how do you know?
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: Like, cause you said suddenly, but it's like, I don't
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: think that's a suddenly it's like slowly there's more and
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: more nineties.
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: Well, that's what I'm saying is like, if it did
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: happen suddenly, which I have, I have gone through streaks
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: like that where it's like all of a sudden I
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: can't break 90. And it's just like no matter what I.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Do, I just can't break my knee.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: And you're still here. You're still doing it.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Those were the times when I would say like,
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: fuck it, I'm done.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I'm absolutely done with this.
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: Well, now we know what it takes to finally get
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: you to quit.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Back to the question.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: What question? It wasn't about golf.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I think we've solved that problem.
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: I think we've solved that one. I think we've moved
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: on to solving the rest of the problems.
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: I have a couple of notes on this one because
• 21:51
  Speaker 5: I think there's a couple of different angles to attack this.
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: So first– In Man's Search for Meeting, Victor Yolande, or
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: not Victor, fucking Yolande.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Victor Frankl. He survives. Everybody drink. There it is. Yeah.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Victor Frankl survives the Holocaust.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: Honestly, he talks about that book as much as I
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: talk about golf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we're going to
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: be fair.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I bring it up a lot.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: I almost quit that book so many times. Yeah. If
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: I ever can't turn the pages.
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: So in the book, he famously, his big takeaway is
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: that humans have a need to find meaning in their.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Lives in order to survive.
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: And he talks about how that is what he witnessed
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: in the Holocaust, people surviving these terrors by finding some
• 22:28
  Speaker 5: shred of meaning. And then the takeaway from there was
• 22:31
  Speaker 5: the one thing that cannot be taken from a human,
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: the one ultimate freedom every human has is to determine
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: their own attitude. And that's the fundamental premise of his book.
• 22:41
  Speaker 5: And a lot of people think the book's just about
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: Finding meaning he starts from there, but then he determines
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: that that was the one thing the Nazis could not
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: take away from him was that he could choose how
• 22:51
  Speaker 5: he wanted to engage with the world.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: And that was an attitude.
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: And he differentiates in the book that that is different
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: than emotion, right? The Nazis can make him sad and did.
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: And like you as a human encounter that. But then
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: the attitude is the outward expression back into the world,
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: which has a reinforcement loop to it, which is like
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: the eyes with which I choose to see. And there
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: is a choice to that, and that's a fascinating thing
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: that humans do have the ability to do. But I
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: think there's another side to that discussion. So like on
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: one side, I think that the writer's question is– my
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: answer would be yes, I do think that we can
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: choose that attitude. But on the other side, I think
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: there's been a lot of like discussion the last few years,
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: especially among like people coming out of the autistic community
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: and especially women in the autistic community, feeling that they
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: were forced to mask. For years and years and years.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: One of the people I worked with, I think of this,
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: that she did not.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: Do well in the workplace. And so it's like, well,
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: you have the ability to choose your attitude. You don't
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: have to put upon, you know, with these other people.
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: And it's like, there is an interesting piece of this
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: that says, I want to be careful not to deny
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: authenticity either. And so like, there's a lot of humans,
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: especially in the female autistic and ADHD neurodivergent community who
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: have this huge experience of masking their To try to
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: do what is appropriate that women are acceptable for doing
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: and not being allowed to be themselves because their attitude
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: is off-putting. And I think that there's an interesting balance
• 24:15
  Speaker 5: there because when you're talking about work, you're talking about
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: an environment in which you can't just walk around treating
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: people however the fuck you want. And if you're having
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: a bad day, you cannot make it everybody else's problem.
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: There is a social agreement in the workplace that like, hey,
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: none of us fucking want to be here.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: So please don't torture us.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: It's not their problem. Yeah.
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: But to an extent, you're also allowed to suffer. And
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: like you can let your coworkers know like, hey, I'm
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: going through a lot. I've suffered a tragedy in my life.
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: And it's like, okay, you're giving people that the way
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: they can give you back that social agreement to be like, please,
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: don't feel the need to make small talk. You don't
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: have to entertain us. If you seem short-tempered with us,
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: we'll understand why. There's a balance to that. But like
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: with this question, I think where the writer is saying like,
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: is my attitude something I should learn to control? And
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: I'm glad Whitney brought up the mental health component because, yeah,
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: if somebody is dealing with chronic depression and anxiety– it
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: becomes so much harder for them to choose their attitude
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: because they can't even choose their mind state. Like they
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: are in experience of panic and that's a physical thing.
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: It's a mental thing. And so like it's very hard
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: to just portray calmness and put togetherness. And like there
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: are so many careers that like you don't have the
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: ability to just be who you are that day. Like
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: I have a family member who's a coder and I'm
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: so envious that when he wakes up and goes to work,
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: He does not have to put on a show for anybody.
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: Whereas if you work in mental health, I mean work
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: in the insurance side, it can be a little bit
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: more– you can have a bad day.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: You can do it sad.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: But you can't do private practice sad.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: No. You can't give people that energy.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: You throw that mask on.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: So like I 100 percent believe Viktor Frankl is right that, yeah,
• 25:48
  Speaker 5: I choose my attitude every single day because no matter
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: what I have gone through in the world, no matter
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: what scary thing is happening, I have to come back
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: with an attitude that is a gift to the person
• 25:58
  Speaker 5: I'm working with. And for them, it doesn't allow me
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: the opportunity to be authentic, but it's not supposed to.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: That's not our arrangement.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I was going to say that's part of our job.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 26:05
  Speaker 5: The social agreement between us is that you're not going
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: to find out what's really going on in my heart today.
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: We're here to find out what's really going on in yours.
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: But I do think it's like such an interesting balance
• 26:14
  Speaker 5: between like authenticity versus attitude being something that you can control.
• 26:18
  Speaker 5: But then the extra circumstances of mental health and emotional
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: realities being a burden. Like I remember being a school
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: teacher and I remember being so envious that like people
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: just woke up and sat at a desk. And did
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: work and didn't have to put on a show like
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: nobody could see them. They could just do their job
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: sad or scared or angry. But then sometimes I think
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: about when I am going through that and I'll notice
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: in the morning, like I'm feeling anxious or I'm going
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: through something for some reason. Once I start my sessions,
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: my internal mood state. actually changes because of my attitude presentation.
• 26:52
  Speaker 5: And so there is this fascinating interplay between all these
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: different components.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: It is a dance.
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: I don't like whenever companies try to control people's all expressions,
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: but I do think they have a right to impose
• 27:05
  Speaker 5: that to some extent, to be like, look, We're trying
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: to develop a positive culture here because if you give
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: negativity to our– like Milu, you're going to create that
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: back for yourself and that's going to become the shit
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: that we all have to swim in all day. So
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: I do think that that's not out of bounds to
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: like nudge that.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Well, and I do think too one thing that I've
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: learned in kind of going through this golf journey is– I'm.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Glad you brought that back.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I was worried you weren't going to come back.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: Well, we started talking about some stuff that was just
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: kind of boring.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, moving on back. So what I've learned though is
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: like changing one's attitude is more of a game of
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: prevention than treatment.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So like it's. it's your, cause I agree. Like
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: there's kind of this authenticity of like, okay, yeah, this
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: is how I feel. I just, I'm supposed to just
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: not show this.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: That feels very inauthentic. Like if this is how I feel,
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: why can't I show how I feel? Why can't I
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: behave how I want to behave? Why can't I, you know,
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: why do I have to hide this? But that is
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: trying to adjust attitude after the emotional event, as opposed
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: to looking at setting an attitude that, Before going into
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: the event. Oh, there you go. That's a completely different thing.
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: And that's what I've learned in this, this journey is
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: that like, I need to start off.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: With a different attitude. And then I can respond more
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: positively to negative events. Right. Right.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I have a thing that I say at work
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: and it is, uh, I'm not trying to make your
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: day worse.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Like if you're my coworker, like I'm just not trying
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: to make your day any worse.
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: Mm.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I might not make it better, but I'm not trying
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: to make it worse.
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: It doesn't set an expectation that it's going to be
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: some over-the-top happy person, but I'm not going to be
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: an asshole today.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: I'm not trying to.
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: Make your day worse, but you need to take your
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: ass back to that Chinese place and give me my
• 28:54
  Speaker 5: soy sauce because I'm not eating this rice dry.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: That's right. Also, I can't help but mention that much
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: like Jim, I also often feel like I am putting
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: on a show at work. Oh, wow.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Weird.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: What a burden.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Putting on a show.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: It just feels.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Like a performance.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Every day.
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: Circus tent. Yeah.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: Literally.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Metaphorically. That'd be funny.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: I almost said, not my circus, not my monkeys. I
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: was like, it is a circus.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: You should just start doing that at work.
• 29:19
  Speaker 5: Just walking around talking about how this all feels metaphorically
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: like a show. Just feels like I'm just putting on
• 29:24
  Speaker 5: a show for you people. Do you guys ever feel
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: like all we do here is just pretend?
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: You know? Does it just feel like that? You ever
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: feel like people just come parading through here just to...
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Just to watch what we do.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: Got their acts going.
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: It's like they don't care about who we really are
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: as people. you know they just care about our talents
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: and just fuck that you know i want to be
• 29:42
  Speaker 5: like and they think that their money is gonna soften
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: that yeah you throw your money at me i'll just
• 29:48
  Speaker 5: keep taking off my clothes yeah you know not i
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: will i will yeah Because I got bills to pay.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: To be clear.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: Daddy's got to pay the bills.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Clarify that.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Anyway, Ryder, good luck with that. Yeah, I hope that
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: you do continue to choose energy. Glad to hear that
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: the symptoms.
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: Have gone away, that the depression and anxiety is improving.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: That's awesome. Sometimes just endure. Sometimes that's it.
• 30:07
  Speaker 5: But I think you're asking some really good questions here.
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: Thanks for giving us a chance to take a deeper
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: look at it. We're going to take a quick break.
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: And when we come back, we're talking about trusting your gut.
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: You're listening to Pod Therapy.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Judy Schneider, Leon Kassab,
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: Carolyn Albert, Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike Elm, Darren Cunningham,
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: Brady Malachek, Max the Ginger Scoop, Elio Dare, Amy Aardvark,
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: and Edgar Allen Ho. And if you'd like to sponsor
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: the show, become a TheraProducer at patreon.com slash therapy.
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: I had to make the difficult decision as a co-commissioner
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: of the Pod Therapy Fantasy Football League to remove two players.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Who were AFK.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, was I one of them?
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: For the entire season.
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: Sorry, bud, you're still in. Whitney, you're still in too.
• 30:49
  Speaker 6: See, this is the thing that like, if you want
• 30:51
  Speaker 6: to make it fun, make it fun. If you want
• 30:54
  Speaker 6: to make it serious, if you want to make it serious,
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: we should not be in there.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: There's a line.
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: Not playing at all is the line apparently. Like if
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: you just didn't do anything for 16 weeks.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: That's Whitney.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: That was the line. No, I set Whitney's to auto.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: So it's fine.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Mine's in auto.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: She hasn't been able to get out because a robot
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: runs her team. Anyway.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: AI baby.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Here's our trivia.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: We're doing song lyrics again. Oh, yes. Okay. So we're
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: going to go in. We're going to each. You're each
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: going to have a shot at it.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: If you get it wrong or you pass.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: For the next one.
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: Do we have to finish the song or identify it?
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: No, you need to identify the song.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm fucked.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: One point for the song, two points for the artist.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, Jesus.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Three points total.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: Three points total. And you're going to have to keep
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: track of your own because I got shit to do.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: That's too much math.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: As a hint, all of these were in Rolling Stone's
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: 50 Greatest Songs of All Time.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I'm fucked.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Somebody's going to have an advantage.
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: Can't it just be the Backstreet Boys catalog?
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: I know, except then I have no advantage because Jim
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: knows all the songs.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: I would fucking smoke you.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: I know, I don't like that.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: It's getting hard to be someone, but it all works out.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter much to me.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: Pass. I don't know.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, I think I know this. Jacob's just going to
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: fucking dunk on this. It's The Beatles? Or no.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: The very longest.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: With eyes closed.
• 32:30
  Speaker 6: Fuck.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: This is bothering me because I feel like I know
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: this song in my head, but I don't know.
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: Go with your gut. So.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: It's Easy Come, Easy Go.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: Is it that song?
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, what? It is not. Oh, okay.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: Then never mind. That says what that was going to be.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, no. It's not Bohemian Rhapsody.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: Okay. Then I don't know.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: Jacob.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: That is from the third act of Handel's Messiah.
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: Close.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: What? No, I don't know. The confidence was very... All right.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: I'll throw it up. I'll keep going.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Let me take you down because we're going to blank, blank.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: Paradise City.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: Nothing is real. And nothing to get hung about blank
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: blank forever.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. Oh, now I got it. Well, buzz in
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: because we ain't got it. Blank blank forever. Give me
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: those last couple lines. Nothing is.
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: Real.
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: And nothing to get hung about.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Nothing to get hung about.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: So it is the Beatles.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: Strawberry fields forever.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, man. I know you said, but sometimes you lie
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: to me, so I don't trust you.
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: That's true.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: If you were, uh, if you were honest about pergolas,
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: I'd be honest with you.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: You know what? I can't answer the next question about
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: going with your guys. So I'm going to tap out.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: I've learned the hard way.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: Whitney.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: Uh, Load up on guns. Bring your friends. It's fun
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: to lose and to pretend. She's overboard and self-assured. Oh, no.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: I know a dirty word.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: I got it.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: Load up your guns.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, here she comes. Look out, boy.
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: She'll chew you up.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: It's that song?
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: No.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: He is just throwing you off. I know.
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: I don't like this.
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: But now that we're all singing it, there's no way.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Load up your guns and what?
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: Load up your guns. Bring your friends. It's fun to
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: lose and to pretend. She's overboard and self-assured. Oh, no.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: I know a dirty word.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I got it.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know why we're expected to know this song
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: that Nick wrote last night. I hope it comes around
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: to me. I don't know. Oh, okay.
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: Load up on guns and bring your friends.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: It's fun to lose and to pretend.
• 34:53
  Speaker 5: Our little group has always been and always will.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: This isn't going to help you. Oh, it smells like
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Dean's spirit.
• 35:02
  Speaker 5: I would like to say It Smells Like Teen Spirit
• 35:04
  Speaker 5: by Nirvana. I obviously knew the fucking song by saying
• 35:09
  Speaker 5: the goddamn song.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: You didn't have the title yet.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: You jumped in while I was still singing.
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: I didn't jump in with a title because I was
• 35:16
  Speaker 5: enjoying that I fucking knew it.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: I thought it was a buzz in game. We're going around?
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Definitely not.
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: I got my turn and on my turn I answered it.
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: Three points, motherfucker.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: I'm keeping my own.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Here we go.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: Now here you go again. You say you want your freedom. Well,
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: who am I to keep you down? It's only right
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: that you should play the way that you feel it.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: This is the problem. This game– I'm not good at
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: this game. You guys think I'm good at this game.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: I'm really not because if I don't have the rhythm
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: of the lyrics, I can't find it at all. If
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: I just have– even songs I know really well.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: I hate that he says them so monotone.
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: I know you do it.
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: What's weird is that's him singing though.
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: Oh, shit.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: That's him in the shower singing. Jingle bells, jingle bells.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: He's like Will Shatner. Jingle all the way.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: A what fun it is.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: To ride in a one-horse open bike.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: That's why Nick loves the song Man Eater. Because it's
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: already written monotone.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, read the words again.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: Okay. Now here you go again. You say you want
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: your freedom. Well, who am I to keep you down?
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: It's only right that you should play the way that
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: you feel it. But listen carefully to the sound of
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: your loneliness.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Pass. I'll pass.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: Is it Stevie Nicks? Or the band she played Fleetwood Mac?
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: So here you go again. You say you want your freedom.
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: I'm the embarrassing man.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: I know. What's the name of that song?
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Bat Bottom Girls.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: I hate you so much.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Did you hear that shit about Whitney the other day?
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: Is it?
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: God, what's even like just a popular song? I can't
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: think of the name. But I get two points.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: So you're passing?
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Dreams.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: Okay. It's Dreams. Oh, sorry.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: I could have passed.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: For the one point.
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 37:11
  Speaker 5: Jim's in the lead with three points. Whitney comes up
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: with two.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I definitely have at least three points. Okay.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: I'll give you maybe the title, but you never said Nirvana.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did that too. Play the tape back. Let's
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: go to the tape.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: Play the tape back.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: Wait, I thought Jacob gave him the title and then
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: he guessed it.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I said the title. He never said the title.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: I'm claiming my three points, but go to hell.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Trusting your gut. I'm going to give you one and
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: a half. I'll take three. Hi, guys.
• 37:36
  Speaker 5: Everyone seems to say trust your gut, especially when it
• 37:39
  Speaker 5: comes to relationships. But how do you know whether your
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: gut is actually picking up on something or whether it's
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: just anxiety or insecurities? For example, if your partner doesn't
• 37:48
  Speaker 5: text you back for several hours, you might get that
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: feeling that something's wrong. Maybe they're losing interest or talking
• 37:54
  Speaker 5: to somebody else. But if you've been cheated on or
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: abandoned in the past, couldn't that feeling simply be your
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: nervous system recognizing something familiar rather than detecting a real problem?
• 38:05
  Speaker 5: At the same time, what if someone really is treating
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: you poorly, but you've convinced yourself you're just being insecure
• 38:12
  Speaker 5: or anxious? So how do you distinguish intuition from anxiety?
• 38:16
  Speaker 5: Does genuine intuition actually feel different, or is that something
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: we only recognize in hindsight? I'm wondering if trust your
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: gut is potentially bad advice for people whose past experiences
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: have taught them to expect rejection or betrayal. But telling
• 38:32
  Speaker 5: them to ignore their feelings isn't exactly healthy either. How
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: do you learn to trust yourself without automatically trusting every
• 38:40
  Speaker 5: feeling you have? Thanks, anonymous pronouns are he and him.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: This is a good question.
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: How much do you guys trust your gut? Not at all.
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: The Beatles.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what that means.
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: So I'll give you an example of this, because this
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: is something that just came up recently. If you're following
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: Nevada News and you work.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: In behavioral health.
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, me.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: I follow all of it.
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, there's that.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of behaviorals there. Sending seizures through the
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: entire system.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: There's also a gentleman who was recently arrested. That was
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: operating a program here in Nevada.
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: Uh-huh.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: And I'm not going to go into the details, but
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: several years ago, I was told about this program to help.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: prisoners for reentry.
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: I can see this.
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: And somebody, a coworker of mine, actually my supervisor said, oh,
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: this person's amazing. You need to go check out their program.
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: It is so good. So on and so forth, blah, blah, blah.
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: And I went and I sat through the lecture thing.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: I met the dude and like right away, I was
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: just like.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: Nope, nope, something.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: And I have that. And I think a lot of
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: us do where you meet somebody and you're like, I
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: don't know what it is, but no, like I can't
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: describe something's off. I'm going to keep my distance from this.
• 40:08
  Speaker 5: So this implies that you've met me and said yes.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: No, what it means is I've met you and you
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: keep turning up.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: He tries to run away and you chase him. That's
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: a big part of it, actually.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: He just keeps showing up.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: All right. Proximity wins.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: I said no.
• 40:26
  Speaker 4: No does not mean no to Jim.
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: We're at 15 years now. At this point, it's just like, well,
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: all right.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: It's still here. There's no surprises anymore.
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's an interesting feeling. I mean, it gives you
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: like the yikes.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: Is trusting your gut just– are we just talking about
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: a quick reaction to something? Like a reaction without really
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: actively thinking it through?
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: But I mean, your brain is doing some work. Your
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: brain is subconsciously doing that math for you. Yeah. But
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's doing it based on your life experience
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: and based on your chemical layout in your brain and
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. It's still your brain doing it. Right.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: So I mean, if you don't trust your brain, then
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: maybe don't trust that quick reaction. But at the same time,
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: I do like the... Because I do that too. I
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: meet people and I'm like, nah, I'm good. But I
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: also don't– I rarely go back and follow up to
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: see if I was right.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's fair.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: You also said yes to me.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: I have not.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm hearing.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: I don't think anyone in here does.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: Here we are. When Jim asks these questions, he gets
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: these answers.
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: I'm just saying, everybody's talking about how they just reject people,
• 41:41
  Speaker 5: but then here we are, sitting in a person's house,
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: you know, talking.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: I haven't gotten my PayPal for the evening yet.
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: I'm not even gullible, so that's why I'm on the
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: couch over here.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: Like, seems like a fine guy.
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: Um, so there's a couple of thoughts I have to this.
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: I've actually gone over this having worked with young women, um,
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: who are college age or mid twenties. Um, this is
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: something we talk about a lot cause they'll have been
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: through a relationship where, uh, the person cheated or, uh,
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: treated them poorly. Or like, as we talk through after
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: their breakup, we're talking through experiences they had.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: It's like, Oh, I should have seen that.
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: And these poor girls, they like, blame themselves and think, God,
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: I feel like an idiot.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: I didn't notice these things.
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: And, and we talked through that, but the next question
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: is always like, what now? So how do I know
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: if someone's a good guy now? Cause I thought they were, but, um,
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: now if I'm, if I'm like dating someone and kind
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: of the writer gave some good, uh, surface level examples, like, Oh,
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: they take a long time to text back. But sometimes
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: it's like, Oh, they made like a snide comment or
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: something where, Maybe they were having a bad day, but
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: like maybe they weren't. Maybe they're just like condescending and kind.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: Of a dick.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe you just put on weight.
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: So something that I go to for this is if
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: I'm answering the writer, if I'm answering him, I'm going
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: to say– That, yeah, your intuition may be a little
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: bit off for a while. If something's happened, it may
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: be skewing wrong or like off. So what we talk
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: about is we do this in therapy, so I'm doing
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: it with them. There is a bounce, like a, like,
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: let me bounce this idea or this scenario off of
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: you and hear your feedback as someone who's neutral and
• 43:33
  Speaker 4: outside of my head. And if you have someone you
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: feel safe doing that with, I think that can be
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: helpful because you need.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: To like recalibrate a little bit.
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: And so that will help in a sense that if
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: you trust that person, they can maybe give you a baseline,
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: like a new baseline.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: The second thing I.
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: Usually go over though is you definitely know the red
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: flags sooner. Like now you know, you're the expert now.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: So it's almost like to learn to trust themselves again.
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: It's like trusting that you know not good now when
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: you see it. So maybe, yeah, maybe initially they were
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: able to fool you a little bit or they were
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: nice and you gave them a shot.
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: Great.
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: But when you start picking up like this doesn't feel
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: good because maybe that other guy did that to me
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: or like I'm getting this similar feeling, don't blow that off.
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: If you're feeling like, hey, I don't like this, you
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: can try talking with them about it.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: I recommend that.
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: It doesn't mean you leave and like I need to
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: escape this. It's going to be so bad. Try and
• 44:32
  Speaker 4: work through that. But if it is not working out,
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: like just– Cut your losses sooner. Maybe you spent a
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: year and a half with the last person.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: I recommend Smoke Bomb. Ninja. Ninja Smoke Bomb. Always carry
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: one with you.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: So recalibrating is the exact word I was thinking. Because
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: I worked at a treatment facility for women. And so
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: the phrase that I heard all the time. So I
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: always heard the women saying, oh, my picker is broken.
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: I almost said that.
• 45:04
  Speaker 5: At the men's facility, they would say my pecker is broken.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: But that's because it was.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: But I think we were talking about the same thing.
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: Different, different.
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, usage isn't that. Same idea.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: But, yeah, what I would.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: Say though is– I was talking about my bird. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: That uses its beak to get insects out of bark.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: But what I would say is like, no, it's not broken.
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: It needs to be calibrated.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: Because, yeah, if you're– and we've talked about this before
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: in the past. It's like if you're– we kind of
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: judge human beings based off of what our parents are
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: like because our parents are our protectors. Mm-hmm. So when
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: we meet new people, we compare them to the people
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: who were our protectors, who kept us safe. Well, if
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: your protector was also your abuser, then you don't have
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: a good calibration. And so you can't really distinguish everything.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: Everyone looks exactly the same. So it's through history that
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: you kind of start to understand like, oh, I'm picking
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: up on the same qualities. And so you have to
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: calibrate that. I'm able to kind of do this now
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: a little bit I feel like with– because I've worked
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: at so many organizations. Like organizations as a whole.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, you can tell now. You've got a lot of practice.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: I mean if I go into a place and be like,
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: is this a place I would work?
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: No, I don't think so.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: But it took time to calibrate.
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: You like had these experiences that were like maybe you
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: thought they're a good place.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: It's fine.
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: I'll give them a chance. And then you realize later, oh,
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: maybe I should have just trusted that instinct.
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: Oh, sure.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: I've definitely done that with jobs before. I didn't even
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: think about that from the job perspective.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely like, oh, this doesn't feel great. But the
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: money is coming in and the checks are clearing.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: This is all right.
• 46:43
  Speaker 5: I mean, I keep putting the lotion on my skin,
• 46:45
  Speaker 5: you know, but then like, I don't know.
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: The check clears. I mean, then he pays.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: And it was on the job description.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: And I don't want the whole thing. That's your fault, Jacob.
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: My fault that.
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: I didn't read it. It's my fault that I didn't
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: read it.
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: I think that there really is a lot of good
• 46:58
  Speaker 5: debate about this.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: And you should have seen what I was wearing. Yeah.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: That's why I was hired. A little midriff. Yeah. Never
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: hurt anybody.
• 47:05
  Speaker 5: Trusting your gut versus recovering from trauma, right? So like
• 47:09
  Speaker 5: trauma inherently– disfigures our context cues and like we the
• 47:14
  Speaker 5: the nature of how we define ptsd is that you
• 47:17
  Speaker 5: are ab reacting your reaction sensors are wrong sized compared
• 47:20
  Speaker 5: to what's going on and so when somebody's been through
• 47:23
  Speaker 5: things they every time they smell smoke they think fire
• 47:25
  Speaker 5: right and so like they they've lost that calibration you
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: know to understand where danger is to trust their intuition
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: with others but there is this interesting component to that
• 47:33
  Speaker 5: where like on one hand as whitney was saying you
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: could have somebody that feels like they can no longer
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: trust their own judgment and And so they don't trust
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: their judgment at all, and that's not great because I
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: do want them to listen to that internal voice instead
• 47:47
  Speaker 5: of always looking for somebody else to make the decision
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: or ignoring their internal voice because they don't think they
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: can trust it. That's one side of the spectrum. I
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: think the other side is believing that that internal voice
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: is just infallible. Like you're always right. I trust– I've
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: met people like that too. They're like, no, I trust
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: my gut.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, I hate that.
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: I'm always right. And it's like– And you can't show
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: them facts.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: It's non-falsifiable, right?
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: Like you don't know what that road would have led
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: to because you didn't take it, right? And so you're
• 48:15
  Speaker 5: just always like, nope. I heard later on that they
• 48:18
  Speaker 5: were married for 20 years and it didn't work out.
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: So therefore I dodged a bullet and it's like, fuck you.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: And that's why I don't eat pasta.
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
• 48:24
  Speaker 5: There's always going to be something. So like I think
• 48:27
  Speaker 5: that there's a lot that goes into this. There's a
• 48:29
  Speaker 5: fascinating study about neurology here.
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: Dr. David Eagleman wrote this book.
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: It's a little dated now, but he's kept it updated.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: It's called Incognito.
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: And the book talks about how much your subconscious brain
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: is doing without you being aware. And like it's working
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: out problems all the time that your consciousness is not
• 48:49
  Speaker 5: focused on. It's like handing it to this assistant. And
• 48:51
  Speaker 5: one of the things that your subconscious brain does, according
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: to Dr. Eagleman, is exactly this gut feeling that you get.
• 48:57
  Speaker 5: It's assessing and connecting dots and running through memories and
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: like all kinds of things that give you a mental
• 49:05
  Speaker 5: profile of somebody that you've met. And it gives you
• 49:08
  Speaker 5: those feelings of like, do I feel calm in their presence?
• 49:10
  Speaker 5: Do I feel like alert?
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: What's going on?
• 49:12
  Speaker 5: Those gut feelings are actually your subconscious brain doing all
• 49:17
  Speaker 5: the calculations. But it's not infallible.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: No.
• 49:20
  Speaker 5: It just is the archivist, right? It's, as Nick said,
• 49:23
  Speaker 5: it's going back to your childhood. It's going back to
• 49:24
  Speaker 5: what's familiar to you. And this is also going back
• 49:27
  Speaker 5: to like how a lot of women will be like,
• 49:29
  Speaker 5: why do I keep ending up these really toxic relationships?
• 49:31
  Speaker 5: Why do I keep doing these patterns? Why do I
• 49:32
  Speaker 5: always pick the bad boy? It's like, oh, you know,
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: my picker's broken. And sometimes it's like, it's not, it's just,
• 49:37
  Speaker 5: that's what's familiar to you. At some point you became
• 49:41
  Speaker 5: familiarized with that type of person. And so they are
• 49:44
  Speaker 5: attractive to you because you know what to do with them.
• 49:46
  Speaker 5: And I think that's true of all human relationships, not
• 49:48
  Speaker 5: just women, but like. We tend toward these relationships that
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: are familiar and then if it doesn't work out and
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: it's like, damn, I did it again. This person did
• 49:56
  Speaker 5: this exact same thing as the other 10 people do.
• 49:58
  Speaker 5: What's wrong with me and my gut feeling?
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: It's like, well, nothing.
• 50:01
  Speaker 5: It's just your gut, your microbiome likes cheeseburgers. So like
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: that's what you eat because that's what you're used to eating.
• 50:07
  Speaker 5: That's what it's all calibrated toward. So sometimes you have
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: to actively push against your gut intuition to actually change
• 50:14
  Speaker 5: your proverbial microbiome in your mind so that you're– To.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: Fix that picker. to fix the picker.
• 50:20
  Speaker 5: You have to actually push yourself in a direction, which
• 50:23
  Speaker 5: happens a lot in therapy. And a lot of what
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: people do in therapy, they don't even present with like
• 50:27
  Speaker 5: a depression or anxiety. They show up and say, I'm
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: not great at living my life skillfully. I'm not handling
• 50:34
  Speaker 5: relationships well. I'm not handling myself well. I don't trust
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: my own judgment. I need a second pair of eyes
• 50:39
  Speaker 5: that I can trust and has heard my story. And
• 50:42
  Speaker 5: we can process these things because I need to help
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: my compass point true north again need to recalibrate that's
• 50:48
  Speaker 5: it and so like it's a it's a fascinating part
• 50:50
  Speaker 5: of what therapy is and i think that makes this
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: conversation really really difficult there's not one size fits all
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: answers to this yeah.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: There's a another book i i don't know i'm sure
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: i've mentioned.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: The bible point yeah it always comes up everybody drank
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: greatest story.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: Ever told done that's where i learned how to play
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: golf it's called the gift of fear have you read
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: this book too.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: The Gift of Fear.
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: No.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's really good.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: By Joe Rogan. Yeah, I was going to say.
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: By Marilyn Manson.
• 51:18
  Speaker 4: No, I mean, it's on my bookshelf at home. I
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: can't remember the author, though, so I'd have to look
• 51:21
  Speaker 4: it up in a second. But I want to say
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: it's like a FBI profiler or something like that who
• 51:28
  Speaker 4: wrote it. And he talks about it opens up starting
• 51:31
  Speaker 4: with like a traumatic scenario of a client he worked with.
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: And he kind of has her walk back through the
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: things that she might have ignored. And this is not
• 51:41
  Speaker 4: to blame the victim. Let me be very clear. He's like,
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: I'm very delicate with how we do this. But it's
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: almost like to remind them that you did have an
• 51:50
  Speaker 4: instinct about this person. But because of society, because of
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: being a woman, like we have to be nice.
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: I don't want to. Be racist by not looking at that.
• 51:59
  Speaker 4: Like, I don't want them to think because they're just
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: a man. I, you know, I'm not talking to them
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: because of these societal expectations that are placed on us
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: or else we're thought of as a bad person. We
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: ignore them and it can place us in danger. And
• 52:13
  Speaker 4: so he kind of walks back through to say, like, oh, no,
• 52:15
  Speaker 4: you you did have some instincts there. But maybe they
• 52:19
  Speaker 4: were ignored because of reason A, B, C, D, E. Right.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: So it teaches you to kind of pay attention to
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: those instincts a little more, maybe understand them a little more.
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: Correct.
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: And then build up the strength to be like, if
• 52:29
  Speaker 4: you feel that, even if it doesn't even matter, it's like,
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: why do you care? You don't know that they're actually dangerous,
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: but if you just get a wrong feeling.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: just don't engage. Like you don't have to. Um, but
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: I think that Gavin DeBecker.
• 52:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank you. Yes.
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: Yes. Gavin DeBecker. Thank you.
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: Um, so yeah, it, it was a really interesting read.
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: It's not a long read, but, um, I like that
• 52:49
  Speaker 4: book too. And when we're talking about trauma, it is
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: very different.
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: You're right, Jim. I'm glad you mentioned that.
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: Cause it does rewire your brain, but, um, but he
• 52:56
  Speaker 4: talks about people who've been through trauma and how do,
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: how do we look at that after that as well?
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: So I just thought it was a helpful book to
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: kind of remind you to, as a person, it's okay to.
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: Just, you know, we've, we've kind of talked about this
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: from the perspective because the writer doesn't go into really detail,
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: but we've talked about this from the perspective of meeting
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: other people, but we can also look at this from
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: the perspective of just making just decisions.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: Kind of like what Jacob was talking about earlier. Yeah.
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: You know, do I do this or should I do this?
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: And also I think it's important to kind of look
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: at the power of expectations where it's like, if I
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: have a past of, things going this way and i
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: have an expectation that things are going to go this
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: way how does that expectation impact my behavior right and
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: how do i maybe inadvertently cause the thing to actually
• 53:50
  Speaker 3: happen yeah.
• 53:51
  Speaker 5: Because it doesn't have like premonitions like it doesn't know
• 53:55
  Speaker 5: the future it only can compare what to this situation
• 53:58
  Speaker 5: to what it thinks or supposes about its own life
• 54:01
  Speaker 5: its own past its own history its own connecting of
• 54:03
  Speaker 5: dots And like I think sometimes we give the gut
• 54:05
  Speaker 5: like way too much power in situations, which is why
• 54:09
  Speaker 5: you need to deliberate, why you need to apply reason
• 54:11
  Speaker 5: to sit there and cut through that with like the
• 54:13
  Speaker 5: pros and the cons and your decision making and like
• 54:16
  Speaker 5: really try to apply something. I think the gut should
• 54:18
  Speaker 5: still have a vote. But, like, I think it should be, like,
• 54:21
  Speaker 5: multiple parts of yourself.
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 54:23
  Speaker 5: And one of them is your intuition. Like, I do
• 54:25
  Speaker 5: think that you need to have that at the table.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 54:27
  Speaker 5: But I never want that to be in the driver's seat.
• 54:29
  Speaker 5: I like intuition to be in the passenger's seat.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: I've got this feeling about this person or about this scenario,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: whatever it is, and, you know, start breaking it down
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: a little bit. Right. This is clearly setting off alarm bells.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: There's a reason for that. What are these alarm bells
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: that it's setting off?
• 54:43
  Speaker 4: Right. Yeah.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: Like, what's going on here? Oh, sorry.
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: No, no, go ahead.
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: I was going to shift a little bit because the
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: intuition part. Do you all know anyone who's just weirdly intuitive?
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: I have a friend, I.
• 54:57
  Speaker 4: Swear, I will be having a rough day. I haven't
• 55:00
  Speaker 4: talked to her in a couple weeks or something. And
• 55:02
  Speaker 4: she'll call me and she'll just be like, I just
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: had a weird feeling. Do y'all have any friends like that?
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: She's hacked your phone.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's it.
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: 100%. Got it.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: She's a Nigerian princess?
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: There's a bug somewhere in your house. She's getting updates.
• 55:15
  Speaker 4: No, this is a terrible example probably. But her, just
• 55:20
  Speaker 4: recently- Never slowed us down before.
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: Just recently, her dog's been getting older. you know, not
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: doing well.
• 55:27
  Speaker 4: And she's like, basically like I'm, I'm having to decide
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: like how long until I can put her down. So
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: we have a, this little video app that you.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: Record on, like we share with you.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: Can I do it myself?
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: That'd be way easier.
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: Um, so she's going through all that. We'd share, I'd
• 55:41
  Speaker 4: shared with her that both of you had had someone
• 55:43
  Speaker 4: come to your house, Turns out she lives in a
• 55:46
  Speaker 4: small town where that's not really an option.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: I felt really bad for her.
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: You don't have neighbors?
• 55:51
  Speaker 5: There's a farmer with a shotgun somewhere.
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: She called a horse vet. They wouldn't even come out.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. They're like, we won't do that because it's
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: like a bigger dog.
• 56:02
  Speaker 4: So anyway, she's on this video for some reason this
• 56:05
  Speaker 4: day because she's been talking about it for a couple weeks.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: They know that even the bigger dogs are smaller than
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: the horses though, right?
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes.
• 56:13
  Speaker 4: And she's like, I don't know in the next month
• 56:15
  Speaker 4: or two, I need to look into this. And literally
• 56:17
  Speaker 4: she's like, goes into this whole like heavy video ends.
• 56:21
  Speaker 4: And our other friend, there's four of us on this.
• 56:23
  Speaker 4: Our other friend chimes in that her dog literally like
• 56:26
  Speaker 4: died in her arms that.
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: Day, like kind of unexpectedly.
• 56:29
  Speaker 4: And I know that's like a little bit of a stretch,
• 56:31
  Speaker 4: but I'm like, what the fuck? Like, we haven't really
• 56:33
  Speaker 4: been talking about this. You just go on this whole
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: tangent about like how upset it's going to be, how
• 56:37
  Speaker 4: difficult it's going to be. And then our other friend
• 56:39
  Speaker 4: just pipes in like, oh my gosh, my dog just
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: I just took her to the vet.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: She got blood work.
• 56:42
  Speaker 4: Everything was good. And she like, wasn't breathing well and
• 56:45
  Speaker 4: died in my house. I was like, I swear your
• 56:47
  Speaker 4: fucking intuition.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: Like, I don't know what it is. It's just creepy.
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: Almost. Yeah. Laura thinks she's a witch.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, I should get her in touch.
• 56:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Cause she, she kind of does that as well.
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: And I will admit there's a lot of coincidences. However,
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: There's also a lot of coincidences when you're looking for coincidences.
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 57:07
  Speaker 5: I wish so bad that you left Christianity, went into atheism,
• 57:10
  Speaker 5: then go hard right into the occult. It would just
• 57:13
  Speaker 5: be so fucking awesome if all of a sudden Nick
• 57:16
  Speaker 5: was like, no, dude, I believe.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: She knew the pizza man was on his way. I
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: just do. I live my life the same way that
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: everybody else does. I start my day. I put on
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: my pants. I inspect the chicken bones that I have
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: cast before me.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: What do they tell me about today?
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: And then I read the paper. Yeah. The same way
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: everybody else does.
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: Typical morning in Laura's household.
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: I make my decisions. Cast the bones, as we call it,
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: in the Tangeman household. That's right.
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: That's great.
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: How we know what the weather's going to be without looking.
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: It feels like it's going to be hot today.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's going to be hot and dry.
• 57:49
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: Just like these chicken bones.
• 57:51
  Speaker 5: Anyway, Ryder, thanks for giving us a chance to talk
• 57:53
  Speaker 5: about this. I really think it's nuanced. I think mental
• 57:55
  Speaker 5: health actually plays a huge role in whether you can
• 57:58
  Speaker 5: trust yourself. But I think that there is always going
• 58:00
  Speaker 5: to be that delicate balance and I don't think anybody
• 58:02
  Speaker 5: can ever get it perfect. So just remember that the
• 58:05
  Speaker 5: gut at its best is a guessing machine. It does
• 58:08
  Speaker 5: not know the truth. It cannot see through space and
• 58:10
  Speaker 5: time except for Laura. So just make sure that you're
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: watching out for that.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: With the chicken bones.
• 58:15
  Speaker 3: With the chicken bones. Witchy Laura. Witchy Laura.
• 58:19
  Speaker 5: We're going to take a quick break. And when we
• 58:22
  Speaker 5: come back, we're talking about upcoming marriage. You're listening to
• 58:26
  Speaker 5: Pod Therapy.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Judy Schneider, Leon Kassab,
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: Carolyn Alpert, Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike Helm, Darren Cunningham,
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: Brady Malajek, Max the Ginger Scoop, Elio Dare, Amy Aardvark,
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: and Edgar Allen Hope. And if you would like to
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: sponsor the show, you can become a patron. Become a therapist.
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: Become a patron.
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: Become anything.
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: Become anything at patreon.com.
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: Become a real boy.
• 58:50
  Speaker 5: Don't let a podcast tell you you can't copy.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: Okay. Throw it at me. Hit me, Tangeman.
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: Let me clear my throat for the singing. Very blank
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: writings on the wall. Very blank ladders about to fall.
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: 13-month-old baby broke the looking glass. Seven years of bad luck.
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: The good thing is in your past.
• 59:16
  Speaker 5: Superstitious by Carlos Santana.
• 59:22
  Speaker 4: No.
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: Is that the name of the song? I don't get any.
• 59:27
  Speaker 3: Very superstitious.
• 59:29
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh okay read it one more time I'm
• 59:32
  Speaker 4: a double here.
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: Person very blank writings on the wall very blank ladders
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: about to fall 13 month old baby broke the looking
• 59:43
  Speaker 3: glass seven years of bad luck the good thing is
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: in your past.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: Sounds like Jacob knows oh I know it oh.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: Um I'll pass is uh superstition By Stevie Ray Vaughan.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, I would not.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: No, Stevie won.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, I was like.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: Superstition, not superstitious.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. I was like, Nikki will look. So I
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: was like.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: So close.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: Wow. All right.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: Song is superstitious.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: I sang.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: The lyric is very superstitious. That hurts.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: Then why blank out the lyric, you know?
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Very superstitious.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: All right, Whitney. Okay. Ooh, a storm is threatening my
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: very life today. If I don't get some blank, ooh,
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 3: I'm going to fade away. War, children, it's just a
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: shot away. It's just a shot away.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: Ooh, that smell.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, read it again.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 6: Could you smell that smell?
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: Ba-dum-dum-dum-dum.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: Ooh, a storm is threatening my very life today. If
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: I don't get some blank, ooh, I'm going to fade away. War, children,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: it's just a shot away. It's just a shot away.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: I ain't got nothing.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know either.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: He's over there fucking jamming.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: I don't know. He saw them in concert. Oh.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: A couple of times.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: Is this Guns N' Roses then?
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: Nope. I'm just kidding.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: I've seen them once.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: It's Creed.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know past.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: SJ sings this song. It's one of SJ's big songs.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: I would expect her biggest fan to know.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: I would too. Huge SJ in the ruckus. I can't
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: think of the title of the song right now. Sing it.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: Give me the lyrics again, Nick.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: Give me a couple of them.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 3: Ooh, a storm has threatened my very life today. If
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 3: I don't get some blank, ooh, I'm going to fade away.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: It's just a shot away. It's just a shot away. Ooh,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: sail around.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: What the fuck is that song called?
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know that I know it.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: Keep singing it. We'll help you if we can. People
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: are yelling.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 4: People are screaming in their cars right now.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: Do we get any Backstreet Boys lyrics?
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: It's Rolling Stones. And it is....
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: What do you look for in a tornado? What would
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: you go find?
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 4: The eye.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: Eye of the Tiger.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: Yep, that's it.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: Eye of the... Man, it's just blocked in there now.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: This is a Rolling Stones song. It's a Rolling Stones song.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: It's a very famous song. It's a duo song with
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: a female singer.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 3: This was Whitney's, so technically, Jim gets a guess.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: I've already said Rolling Stones. I've already gotten those points.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to get it. I have no idea
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: what this song is.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 4: Shit.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: All I can think of is the title. Proud Mary
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: is the title that's in my head, and that's clearly
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: not it.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: Give me another hint for that title.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: You seek this in a storm. Yeah.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: The calm.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: Give me shelter.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: Shelter.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 3: I had to work really hard on that one.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 4: You did. All right.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: Do you get a point then?
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: You know what? I'm going to donate my extra point
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: there to Nick.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: So I get the two for stones, but Nick gets
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: the one for give me shelter.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: I'm tied with Nick.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: Jacob, this one's yours.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: Ooh.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: All right. Dream, if you can, a courtyard, an ocean
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 3: of violets in bloom. Animals strike curious poses. They feel
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 3: the heat, the heat between me and you.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, shit. Achy, breaky heart. Billy Ray Cyrus. That's the
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: third verse. Yeah.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: The little known third verse.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: It's the bridge. Do it again.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: Dream, if you can, a courtyard, an ocean of violets
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: in bloom. Animals strike curious poses. They feel the heat,
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 3: the heat between me and you.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: I don't have it. Pass. I got nothing. Whitney.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: They feel the heat, the heat between me and you.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: How can you just leave me staying?
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: There it is.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: Gone in a world that's so cold. Uh, is that Prince?
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is Prince.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 4: Um.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'm just like my mother. Oh, yeah. That's it.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: You got it now.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'm satisfied.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 3: Doves cry. There we go.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: I was like, I just have to sing it.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 3: Do it.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know why. But it sounds right when doves cry.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 3: Very good.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of the ones I've gotten.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 5: You're doing great. Yeah, that was very solid. God, none
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 5: of that rang a bell in my head at all.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: Just the heat between me and you. I was like, oh, that.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: I had no idea before that.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there it is.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 5: Upcoming marriage dear random therapist on a podcast hello i'm
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 5: engaged to be married and thankfully things are going marriage
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 5: that's all.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: I wanted to say earlier.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 4: Well it's what brings us together today today things.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 5: Are really well in our relationship we communicate well enjoy
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 5: spending time together and generally feel like we're on the
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 5: same page but i think i'm a witch and he
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 5: plays a lot of golf huh That's a lot of no's.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: Huh.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 4: Anonymous.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: A happily engaged.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: It could be anybody.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: Anyway, he's a therapist.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: And I hate gluten.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: Chicken bones told me to write it.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 5: But as we're getting closer to the wedding, I've started
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 5: wondering about all the things we don't know yet. From
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 5: your experience as therapists, what are the biggest things married
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 5: couples actually fight about? I'm especially curious because you probably
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 5: see couples after they've been dealing with these issues for years.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 5: Are there common problems that seem to come up again
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 5: and again?
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: And more importantly, hiring cute babysitters, attractive housekeepers are more
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: important or, and more importantly, are there things my fiance
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: and I should be doing now while things are good
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: to set ourselves up for a happy and fulfilling marriage?
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: We're not looking for a perfect marriage.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 5: We just want to give ourselves the best possible foundation.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 5: So therapists, What do you wish more couples knew before
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 5: they got married? Signed, a very happily engaged listener. Pronouns
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 5: are she and her.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: Lightning round. What's the one thing?
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: Like the one thing you tell people.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 5: Number one thing that couples fight about. I would say
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 5: right now, how to argue.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like if you want to figure out what to
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: argue about. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: Money is. Money's up there.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 2: Money's going to be a big one.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 3: It'll come up.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: Fucking housekeeper. Fucking housekeeper.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 5: Lately, maybe it's just a trend right now. The thing
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 5: that I've been seeing.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: A pile of money makes some of those problems go away.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: But as some people say, Mo Money.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: Mo Problems, Stanley.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: Mo Housekeepers. Mo Housekeepers. That's what that sounds like.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 5: We need 10 of these. Yeah, no, just dirty fucking houses.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: All this money. It's a mess.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 5: Just get to sit here and drink beer. Somebody's got
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 5: to sweep all this money up. Got to watch them work,
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 5: make sure they're doing a good job.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: That's what the song Mo Money, Mo Problems is actually
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: referring to, is the mess that the actual cash makes
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: on the floor.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 3: Cash is messy.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: Got to sweep that up.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 5: I've been seeing a lot of couples arguing or fighting
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 5: over intention. So one of them saying like, I try
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 5: in our relationship and you're dormant, you're neutral. So like I,
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 5: you don't show affection, that kind of thing. So one way,
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 5: one way relationship.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 3: There you go.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: A lot of that lately.
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 4: So the thing I was going to bring up that
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 4: I've seen more is, A little similar to that, but
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 4: I would say the, what I would call like the
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 4: track they're on is, uh, I'm growing and changing one
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 4: direction and the person's not, but it's because like, Hey,
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 4: I've tried to tell them, uh, like, you know, I'm
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 4: going to the gym more and you're just going to
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 4: the bar more after work.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: Where it's like, Oh, we're growing apart.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, man, that's tough.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 4: Cause it doesn't feel like anything's wrong per se.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: You're going to the gym more, you're getting more personal
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: training clients and And I am killing more chickens to
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: get their bones.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: To read the future.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: Their sweet, sweet, knowledgeable bones. We both have our hobbies.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 3: The problems we're all familiar with.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 5: Every couple in America, man.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: Typical.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 3: What do you think is the most common?
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: Same old story. What do you think is the smartest
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: bone in a chicken, Nick?
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: The neck bone connected to the other.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: The wishbone. Oh, there you go. What do you think
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: is the most common fight?
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 3: Well, from my professional experience, it's drugs. Yeah.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: All of them seem to be fighting about drugs.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 3: A lot of fights over drugs. Alcohol or drugs. It
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 3: comes up every single time. So that's mostly what I
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 3: deal with. Yeah, I don't know. I think I get
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: the kind of the growing apart or the perception of
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 3: someone working harder than somebody else.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: Is yeah i'm doing more around the house.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah any kind of perceived imbalance yes i think uh
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 3: yeah that definitely which.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 4: Leads back to kind of art like arguing fairly kind
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 4: of what jacob was saying like i know it's communication
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 4: is so generic, but it really.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 3: Is how to argue.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: I was going to suggest actually discussing how you're going
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: to argue and laying down rules on how you're going
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: to argue. Pistols at dawn. That's it.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: We're not allowed to yell. Whatever it is. We don't
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 2: do it right before bed.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: Whatever the rules are, you figure out these are what
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: we need to do. This is how we need to communicate.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: We're not going to make personal attacks. Leave your mother
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: out of it.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 3: I think that actually is for new couples.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: I would leave Jim's mother out of it. If she
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: would lose my number, I don't want her to. How
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: many times I got to ask for new couples.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 3: About to get married. That actually is, is a really
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 3: good point, which is, um, learning how to communicate in
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: a way that is about the issue and doesn't turn
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 3: into a personal attack.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: Um, cause one thing I see, like, Couples will do
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 3: this a lot too is like hold on– like build
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 3: up stockpiles of ammunition.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 3: To use later in an argument.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: You've left the dishes out the last eight nights in
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: a row. Right.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 3: And I'm going to hold on to this.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 3: Until I got the right moment to use it.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: Or until like I'm pissed off. Yeah. Like I'm good
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: and pissed off now. And by the way, once I
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: get good and pissed off, I'm also going to yell
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: about this other thing I'm mad about.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 3: Yep. Then we throw in the kitchen sink.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Then it's also you've left the dishes out.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 5: They sit on those little infractions believing like whatever, it's
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 5: not worth fighting about. But that's how these things pile
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 5: up and I think become like resentment. And then the
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 5: dam finally breaks like you were talking about.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: Damn. And then it's just way too much.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 5: And now you can't have a productive conversation.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 5: Whereas it's death by a thousand cuts. Like if, if
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 5: the couple would notice early on, like, Hey, we're going
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 5: to have these periodic check-ins and we're not going to,
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 5: because a lot of times they don't want to fight.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 5: Cause like they don't want to break the vibe. Like,
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 5: I don't want to fight with you. We're about to
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 5: hang out or pizza, watch a movie. I don't want
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 5: to bring up the fact that you didn't fucking do
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 5: the dishes and I had to come home and do them.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 5: So like, I'm not going to ruin the vibe, but
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 5: like when couples can have like a regular like meeting,
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 5: like a lot of couples will establish like their Sunday meetings.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 3: The airing of grievances.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: Yes. Festivus. The weekly Festivus.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 3: They go through how everybody has let them down.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 5: But yeah, like they'll have this like check-in station where
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 5: it's sort of like, hey, what is something you appreciated
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 5: this week? What is something I could have done better?
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 5: You know, what is something you want me to keep
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 5: doing the same? You know, and like just this quick
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 5: check-in where it's like, yeah, you know, I appreciated this,
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 5: but you didn't get the dishes done. You kind of
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 5: said that you were going to take care of that.
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 5: I ended up having to take care of that. I
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 5: had people coming over. I didn't want them out.
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 1: That kind of sucked.
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 3: And like, OK, great.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: We didn't wait till it.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 5: Was at a nine out of 10 for this person.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 5: They caught it at a two and then brought it up.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 5: So when we talk about like the writer says, what
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 5: can a couple do during the fiance stage to get
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 5: ready for getting married? Circle back over to Jacob's point.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 5: The number one advice I do in premarital counseling is
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 5: just learning how to have conflicts that are really healthy.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 5: So like using those I feel statements, not hiding your emotions,
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 5: but reflecting them, like giving them away early in the conversation,
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 5: because like otherwise it's a bad faith conversation. If the
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 5: whole time you're being kind of snippy and short-tempered and
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 5: then it's like.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: What's wrong with you?
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 3: Nothing.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: Nothing.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 5: You're just a bitch. If you weren't being such a bitch,
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't be like this. No, you're kind of coming
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 5: off like you're angry at me. Tell me what your
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 5: emotion word is right now.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 2: I'm not angry.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 3: Fine.
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not angry. I'm just responding to you.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 5: Why are you hearing it? You're hearing it that way.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 5: It's like this becomes such a bad faith argument.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: It's awful.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 5: And so teaching couples to lead with emotion, starting with, look,
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 5: I am feeling this, learning their emotional vocabulary. I'm feeling
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 5: this because of this situation. Depersonalizing actions from intentions, right?
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 5: To say like, look, I felt frustrated when you left
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 5: the dishes out knowing that we had company that night.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 5: You trusted me to get it done or you were
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 5: negligent and that was frustrating for me because I had
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 5: other chores I wanted to do but instead I had
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 5: to spend 30 minutes doing the fucking dishes. And I'm
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 5: not saying you're lazy. I'm not saying you're a bad person.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 5: I am frustrated because of this action.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: That's it. That sucked.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 1: This instance sucked and I felt a certain way about
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: this instance.
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 5: Detaching the action from the intention is a huge thing
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 5: to be able to do in communication.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: It is a good faith argument. Right. It is having
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: a good faith argument. It is– we both acknowledge that
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: there is a problem here. And we're going to argue
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: about the problem. And we're going to stick to that.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: It's what we were saying earlier. We're not going to
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: make personal attacks. We're not going to veer off the subject.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: We're going to work together as a unit to try
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: to address this.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 3: I do like the idea, too, of kind of letting
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: the emotions– uh, just, just being very clear and just
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 3: throwing it out on the table. Here's where my emotional
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 3: state is right now.
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: Right off the bat. Yeah.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 3: I've done this before where I've, I've said like, just
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 3: to start off, Hey, I'm feeling irritable right now. And
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 3: I don't know why, like there's nothing we need to
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 3: talk about, but I'm throwing it out there right now
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 3: that like, I don't know. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm hungry.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe you sat on your balls.
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 3: But this is– yeah. No, that's pleasurable. Oh, okay. Yeah,
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 3: that's fine. That's fine. No, but like– yeah, just to
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 3: kind of– hey, this is kind of where I'm at
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: right now. I don't know why.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 3: I'm going to figure it out. So if I get
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 3: snappy about something, just know it's not about you.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 3: I got to figure this out. Give me– Give me
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 3: an hour. Give me 30 minutes.
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 5: But that accurate emotional weather report goes a long way
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 5: to just, like, detaching a lot of fights before they even, like,
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 5: get a chance to build up a head of steam.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 5: Or another thing that is really helpful in couples therapy
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 5: is teaching them to normalize what the other person's actions were.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: Like, hey.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 5: Uh, I get that you were really scared whenever I
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 5: didn't answer the phone, whenever you were calling over and
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 5: over again. And like, I didn't answer and I'm, I'm
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 5: sure that you felt scared and you know what shoe
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 5: on the other foot, if it were me blowing up
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 5: your phone and you weren't answering, I would, my heart
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 5: would skip a beat too. I'd wonder what's going on.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 5: It's raining outside. What have you got in a car accident?
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 5: But the truth is it was raining outside and it
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 5: was very scary. And like, I was trying really hard
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 5: to focus on the road. So like I decided I'm
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 5: not going to answer that phone because I'd rather you
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 5: be worried than I'd be dead.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: So like in that sequence– Plus I was having an affair.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 5: I was also having an affair with the weatherman.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: He likes to tell me what's going on.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 5: But like no, in that scenario, you're normalizing the actions
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 5: of the other person, which really de-escalates the conflict, right?
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 5: Because then it's not like, well, then you're going.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 3: To make me fucking worry.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 5: How can you put me through that? You obviously don't
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 5: care whether I'm suffering or not. Like you started the
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 5: position with I'm sorry you went through that. I normalized
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 5: your experience.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: I went through that too.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 5: And yet here's why it had to happen, or here's
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 5: my excuse, right? So like, these are some of the
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 5: things that we do in couples therapy, whether somebody shows
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 5: up because they're having a really hard time or somebody
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 5: shows up and says, look, we want to inoculate our
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 5: relationship against some of the more predictable things that go wrong.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 5: Another area that's really predictable that I always try to
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 5: encourage in couples therapy, and there's some people that philosophically
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 5: disagree with this. So I'll caveat that is needs assessment,
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 5: figuring out how your partner is wired as a person
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 5: in relationship. And keeping in mind they will change over
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 5: time in your relationship, but getting to know that version
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 5: of them, inviting them to share what their needs are
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 5: in their relationship right now and in their life, and
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 5: making that something that you're habitually doing as part of
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 5: a relationship. Like you're trying to feed the fire of
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 5: your connection. There's this fascinating graph that they taught us
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 5: in our marriage and family therapy program where I got
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 5: my master's where they show the happiness of couples over time.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 5: And it's like one of the most scandalous things I've
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 5: ever seen in all of psychology because there's two different
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 5: groups that they're measuring. One's the straight line. One of
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 5: them is a perforated line, the dotted line. And the
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 5: straight line starts off at a 7 out of 10
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 5: on happiness and keeps growing steadily for the first few years.
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 5: And then at about 4 to 5 years starts to
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 5: level off. And then about 6 to 7 years starts
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 5: to decline and becomes less and less happy over the
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 5: years of their future and plateaus at like a 2
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 5: or a 3 or keeps dipping down. The perforated line,
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 5: the dotted line starts at like a 3 out of
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 5: 10 on happiness. And over years 1 and 2, it
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 5: was kind of very flat, maybe not moving north at all.
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 5: And then years like 3, 4, 5 starts to inch
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 5: their way upward and steadily increases, plateauing at like an
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 5: 8 in like year 7 and 8 and then staying
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 5: in that range for the rest of history. And what
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 5: are the two lines representing?
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: One is an arranged marriage.
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 2: I was going to ask.
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: I was going to say that too.
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 2: I was like, is one arranged marriage?
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 3: I'm joking.
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 5: So the solid line is romantic marriage, married for love,
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 5: met each other, thought they were the right one, fell
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 5: in love, 7 out of 10, and just expected to
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 5: stay that happy when so much of the initial power
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 5: of a relationship is being chosen, being pursued, all that
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 5: energy that goes into building a relationship, the uplift of
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 5: the next stage of commitment and being engaged and getting
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 5: a house and all the things that go with it.
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 5: Whereas the arranged marriage starts really low. They don't have
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 5: an investment in each other. They don't even know if
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 5: they really like each other yet, but they start off
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 5: with an understanding in order to be successful. I have
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 5: to get to know you. There are obligations. Like we
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 5: both have things we must be doing for the other
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 5: or this won't work. And there's a lot of outside
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 5: social pressure from their culture that like, Hey, she might
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 5: suck at being a wife, but you better fucking rule it.
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: Being a husband.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 5: Cause like that is still not an excuse. You still
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 5: keep your side of the street. And so like that
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 5: effort actually lifts them up over time. So like one
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 5: of the things that I do in premarital counseling or
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 5: just in couples counseling.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: Arrange marriages.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 5: I encourage arranged marriages. and also like trying to– Which is.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: A service that I offer, by the way. I will
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: arrange your marriage. Yeah.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 5: There's no thought that goes into it. Jacob is like Thanos.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 3: Don't you?
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: You are not my mouthpiece here, sir. Jacob's philosophy, he's
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: like Thanos. It's random and fair. My chin looks like balls.
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 5: Anyway, I like to teach couples about like how to
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 5: find their partner's needs and how to make that part
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 5: of the way they live their lives that they are
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 5: intentionally trying to address those needs, like making the effort, right?
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 5: So that's a big part of I think how you
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 5: can keep a healthy ecosystem in your marriage.
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: I am always delighted by all of the different marriage
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: studies that come out and to have like the timelines
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: and everything, because it's always that seven year itch timeline,
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: like that seven year itch thing that people talk about.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: Like there's all kinds of reasons, but yeah, it just,
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: it just checks out.
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 5: So the latest piece of thing that I'm learning about
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 5: with that is I've really been doing this deep dive
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 5: into evolutionary psychology and like so much of human behavior
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 5: just goes back to The four million years that the
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 5: genus Homo was just existing in the world.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 1: It's not even like looking at it as like the
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: four million years is the wrong way to look at it.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: Because if you zoomed out on it, if you were
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: talking about any other species, you would say the entire
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: existence of the species till now. Right. Yeah. And like
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: you look at our history. Up to and including now
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: because statistically it's no different at all.
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 5: We've had like society for maybe 10 to 20,000 years.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 5: We've existed as Homo sapiens for half a million.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 5: And so it's fascinating when you look at that. But
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 5: the seven-year itch, the argument from evolutionary psychology is that
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 5: humans would pair bond. And monogamy is a natural thing.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 5: Often people say, oh, monogamy is not real. It shouldn't
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 5: even happen in nature.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: No, we see it.
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 5: And we suspect that there's truth to that. But the
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 5: pair bonding was probably not for life.
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 1: Go watch March of the Penguins and tell me there's
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: not pair bonding in nature, you heartless assholes.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah, the book I'm reading talks about how birds tend
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 5: to do more monogamy than mammals. But humans do have
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 5: this pair bonding. But if you think about it, it
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 5: takes a lot to raise a baby human to the
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 5: point where they can survive. It takes about four to
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 5: seven years.
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: That's it. And by the time they're about seven, they're
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 1: probably going to live. Yep.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 5: And so there's a strong chemical pair bond for about
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 5: the amount of time it would take to raise young
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 5: and then to move on. And because you have a village, right?
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 5: You have like a lot of people. And so like
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 5: that restlessness gets satisfied by knowing and having close relationships
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 5: with lots of people in your village as well. Whereas
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 5: modern society, we isolate the couple. We put them in
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 5: this little box and like we wrap them up in
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 5: all these layers, which really has more to do with
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 5: property management than it does like organic. Like this is
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 5: what humans would do if they built a pro-human society.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 5: So it is fascinating how that works.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. It's really neat. Seven years. That's how long
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: you have. And then your marriage is going to suck.
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 4: Do you have like instead of like what's the number
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 4: one thing that like splits couples up? Do you have
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 4: like if someone asks you what's the secret or what's
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 4: your one advice?
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 3: Protective factor. Yeah, like what's something that you can do
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 3: that would protect it?
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 5: Oh, you're reframing her question. I thought your answer was
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 5: a protective factor.
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 2: I was like, ooh, what's the protective factor?
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 4: What is your– because I think there are a lot
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 4: of things we could each say, but if you had
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 4: to pick one, like the top thing.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 5: Arguably, it's very– I'm glad you used the phrase protective
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 5: factors because just like with suicide assessment and homicide assessment,
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 5: you're looking for these artifacts of their life that would
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 5: be extremely inconvenient to fail. So like if you're wondering
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 5: if somebody is going to commit suicide, having children in
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 5: the home– is a protective factor. Being religious and fearing death, like,
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 5: is a protective factor. Like, having obligations, having a job
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 5: and bills to pay is a protective factor. So, like,
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 5: with a lot of marriages, sometimes just the obligations they
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 5: have accumulated together give them reason to push through hard
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 5: times and not follow their gut or whatever the slump
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 5: is that they're experiencing and hold tight.
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 3: So, have children to save the marriage.
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 5: Children, property, they know too much.
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, like, SJ and I have been together
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: for so long, like, It would be, at the very least,
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: inconvenient to get divorced.
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 5: That's what I write in every anniversary card.
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: Hang in there. Because the other option is rough.
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 5: At this time, it is inconvenient to separate. Happy anniversary.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 3: That does, though, kind of remind me of, like, I
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 3: feel like marriages that are really good and successful... It's
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 3: almost kind of like both partners see themselves as part
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 3: of a team.
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 3: Where it's like we're working together to fight a common
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 3: goal as opposed to fighting each other.
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And yeah, I take that– a step further and
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: it is like other people might be on our team
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: but we're this is definitely it yeah we we got
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 1: we got this too here and they're like everything else
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 1: might be a question but like this is this is
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 1: where and like i will i'll get prickly about that
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: like that's that's where where my my hackles start to
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: go up is like oh no like there's something happening
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: behind me like the person who's got my back is
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 1: is not getting my back on this and like i'm
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 1: counting on that I'm counting on you being, I expect
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: you to be there. I'm counting on you to be there.
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: That's it. And so like, if I feel that that slips,
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like, Oh, I don't like that. My ride or die.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 2: I like that the teamwork or like we're, we're a
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 2: team working together. I agree with that.
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 4: I think mine is just still going back to like
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 4: growing and changing together. I feel like that, like every
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 4: decade you're a different person, each of you. And so
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 4: it's like, you kind of have to reevaluate and think,
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 4: are we moving together?
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 2: Like, the person i said he's like safe peter.
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 4: We are not and he doesn't get a say he
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 4: saw the arranged marriage he cannot leave.
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: Sign the documents whitney had signed the prenup today yeah
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 1: the predated prenup a postnup.
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 5: I've actually seen the argument that uh Marriage certificates should
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 5: not be permanent.
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 2: My uncle, who's a lawyer, used to say this. He's like,
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 2: every 10 years, you should reevaluate. Or five years.
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 3: Maybe he said five.
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 5: And people would try harder to get picked again. It
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 5: would create a different kind of energy. It would destigmatize
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 5: the concept of divorce.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 4: Or it gives you an easy, like I say, an
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 4: easy out. Like if you're like, I don't know, we've committed,
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 4: but you're like not happy. I feel like that gives
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 4: you a cutoff where you're like, all right, well, maybe
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 4: I'm not. And both people are expecting like someone could leave.
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 1: Because on January 1st of this year, we're both sitting
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 1: down to reevaluate.
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a free agent.
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: I think it would just.
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 3: Become the NFL. It would just really become the NFL.
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: I'm meeting with other teams, you know, during the off season.
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 3: Or worse, it would become college football. It's a bidding process.
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 5: Even with that, college football is still superior to NFL.
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 2: It is more fun.
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 1: It is not even close. Anyway, we're going to wrap
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 1: up the show. We're going to take a quick break.
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 5: When we come back, we're wrapping up the show. You
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 5: are still listening to Pod Therapy.
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 2: As we wrap up the show.
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 1: We want to remind you that.
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 3: By listening to the show, you consent to our rules,
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 3: which include not being a person of influence or power
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 3: in the state of Nevada.
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 5: And having no possible negative repercussions for.
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 3: Any of the hosts.
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 1: I didn't tell you guys about the new gig I've
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: been doing. Oh. I've been getting trained up. We do
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: at Absinthe through Spiegel World, you know, the crew there
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: and everybody, we do all this medical training. And so
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 1: we do all this extra medical stuff.
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 3: Like CPR stuff?
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 1: Like CPR, but also for like trauma stuff. If you
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 1: have an acrobat get hurt or something. Dentistry.
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 3: I didn't even think of that.
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: If you fall from height, you want me and my
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 1: crew around. If you can't have like doctors around, if
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: you can't have real doctors around, you really want us around.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 3: Well, you're a real doctor.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 2: That's fair.
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 1: Well, that brings me to my new job. I actually
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 1: have a job assisting doctors. A doctor.
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: My job title is a Medicaid.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I am a Medicaid. Really good title. Is it
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 1: a Nevada based job? No, it's not a Nevada Medicaid,
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 1: but not specifically.
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 3: No, no, no. No, no, no.
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 5: That would be too specific. You can cross state lines.
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 3: I certainly can.
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 1: I can cross state lines anytime I want. That's really good.
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: I can aid whoever I want, medics or non-medics.
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 3: That's really important.
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, but I am an official Medicaid now. Yeah.
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 2: That's cool.
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 1: Real cool. In no way that associates with anything. As
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: we wrap up the show, we want to remind you
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 1: to do the callback. That's right. Patreon.com slash therapy.
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 5: You can get the extended show ad-free a day early,
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 5: as well as enjoy our live chat Discord community and
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 5: our deep dives, interviews, skill shares, research, roundups, and rants
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 5: as you are listening to this episode of I will
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 5: have released a Monday episode, a deeper dive on AI,
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 5: talking about whether or not we should invent a god.
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 5: for the AIs to follow in order.
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 3: To keep them in line.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 2: It's already been done.
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 5: We're just going to impose us some religion on these bitches.
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: That'll solve the problem. Yeah, that worked well with humanity.
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 1: It works for a while. It did.
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 3: And then it doesn't.
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: It's very profitable.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 3: It keeps us in.
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: Line for a little while. You have forgotten about the Crusades. Ah,
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 1: that was a good part.
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 2: So long ago.
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: We'd like to thank the benevolent, revered.
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 5: Generous, and flagrantly pro-therapy diehard who loves you all so
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 5: much they give till it hurts our thera-partner Pickett.
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 1: Pickett.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 5: And we want to thank our bosses, the mysterious and
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 5: shrouded Illuminati members of our fan club, the TheraProducers. Thank you,
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 5: Jake Schneider, Myra, Robert Brownie Jr. Mint, Smitty Scoop, Richard
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 5: fucking Macy, Judy Schneider, Malia, Leon Kassab, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain,
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  Speaker 5: Tess Miller, Dan Martin, Sammy Scoop, Slurpy Kaye Motherfucker, Ben
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 5: Stanley Slapping Your Face, Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway, Byler T,
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 5: Mike Helm, Oscar Swanrose, Paris, A Sunny Boy, Darren Cunningham, Lib,
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 5: Sandra McWaffle, Team Monaco, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Heyo, Hannah Marie,
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  Speaker 5: Andrew Langmead, Emma, Tonka, and Pony Soprano, Alina, Brady Malachek,
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  Speaker 5: Chick Falacio, Gabrielle Adame, Sean Sutherland, Maxi Ginger Scoop, Chad Mag,
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  Speaker 5: Adam Warren, Inca La Prince, Sam Cohn, Be Gay, Do Crimes,
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  Speaker 5: and Dale the King.
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 3: If you'd like to do this episode uncut and unedited.
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 3: Like Dr.
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: Phil.
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 2: Why wouldn't you?
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you? But who cut him?
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 3: Patreon.com slash therapy. Maybe nobody. And thank you for supporting
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 3: us all. That's all the time we've got for this
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 3: week's session.
• 1:29:06
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• 1:29:09
  Speaker 5: Scenic Koi Pond Studios. And thanks to those of you
• 1:29:11
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• 1:29:15
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• 1:29:17
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• 1:29:29
  Speaker 1: Do you want to.
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 3: Submit a question to the show? Yes, you do. We
• 1:29:31
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• 1:29:36
  Speaker 3: at podtherapyguys at gmail.com or click the link in this
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  Speaker 3: description and be taken to our anonymous Google form. I'm Nick.
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 2: I'm Whitney.
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 3: I'm Jim. Thanks, and we'll see you for your appointment
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 3: next week. Name that tune.
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 1: Happy Birthday. We don't got happy birthday money, man.
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 2: Nick says blank, blank to you. Blank, blank to you.
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 3: Was it public domain?
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it went public domain a few years ago.
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank God. See ya.
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: Bye.
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 4: Bye.