Latest / The Bridges and Beacons Podcast / Recover From Intimacy Burnout & Re-Ignite Your Relationship with Linda Landon

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Recover From Intimacy Burnout & Re-Ignite Your Relationship with Linda Landon · The Bridges and Beacons Podcast

• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another incredible episode of the Mystic Nerd Squad podcast.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Your host here, Kelly Meyerson, one three manifesting generator with emotional authority.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna kick off with that because my lovely guest today is Linda Landon, who is an expert in human design.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we have had an amazing conversation leading up to this night.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's something maybe spoiler alert.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have these incredible conversations with all of my guests.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we know each other in a good way when we come onto the screen.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So Linda and I um talked about what we were gonna talk about tonight.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so we did a pivot, which I love to do.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Manifesting generator, I'm like, ooh, here for a pivot.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So tonight we're gonna talk about recovering from intimacy burnout and how you can use human design to go through that.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome, Linda.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy to have you.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Kelly.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, I'm excited we're doing a pivot to.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: So how should we start?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want me to tell a little about my background or I would love that.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I would love that.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe just even start that this is people who have been listening to me know that I totally geek out on human design.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So why don't you tell us your human design first and then tell us what you're up to?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm a human design projector and I'm a 5'2.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: 5'2s are oh my gosh.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: So um, Kelly, when I found out I was a projector, it just blew my circuits because I had been spending my whole life trying to be a good generator, you know, working hard, doing everything I was taught to do, taking all the marketing courses, you know, building, creating, and I kept getting sick, especially when I would reach a certain level of success or competency, my body would just tank.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: I also have the gain of the body and in my incarnation cross.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: So when I found out I was a projector, I realized I'd been doing it all wrong.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the point was I've been doing.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not supposed to do, I'm supposed to be.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that's such a common, I've heard that from a lot of projectors, this like experience of trying to be a generator in the world and then realizing it was just contrary to how you best operate.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, people would say to me, you work harder than anybody I know.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was really good at working, but I wasn't really good at receiving what what and and and really putting out who I am.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So over the last seven years, I have been recovering from being a generator and stepping into my wholeness as a projector, and my life has completely changed.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was able to extract myself from Los Angeles, where I didn't really belong, but I lived 20 years, move myself to the mountains of Western North Carolina, find a house, design, remodel.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I was able to be a contractor and manage all these different generator people working for me because projectors can do that.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And um, but that's not really what we're gonna talk about tonight.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm getting all excited.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um what I would want to talk about is sexuality, intimacy, and specifically those of you out there who are couples who are coming out from under the rock of being in a pandemic for talking, two and a half years, and maybe you've been living together, working together, taking care of aging parents.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Most of my clients tend to be 50s and over, but you could be younger, you could be taking care of younger children.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: And now that you're, you know, it's sort of safe to come out, you just want to get away from each other, right?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's so true.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh might be true for some people.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Some people have actually become more connected through the pandemic.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Some people just feel like just completely flattened.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: So um I'm writing a book.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm writing a book for couples who have just lost the sizzle, they've lost the the you know, the thing that that drew them together in the first place, and they want it back, but they don't know how.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm writing a book about that, and we're gonna be using human design, but not just human design.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: I also have um, I didn't even tell my story, but I have over 20 years experiencing experience working with somatic, different kinds of somatic body-based practices.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm very body-based.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's also in my human design chart, um, the game of the body.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: So what I'm doing in this book is I'm weaving how to use human design to support clear communication, asking for what you want, speaking in such a way that your partner really gets you and wants to be with you.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, using communication as a uh tool to bring you together.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'll also use human design as a way to help couples just better understand how they operate, like you know, looking at the centers and all these things.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's this really amazing somatic piece that I'm gonna bring in.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know, you know, tell me what you'd like to know, and I'll I love it.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm thinking, you know, it's so true what you're saying that people have been living together, working together, taking care of aging parents, raising children, you know, and so how much of relationships have people sort of pushed aside for the moment if there were so many other added pressures in life?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm guessing that there's quite a lot of people who are having that experience.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and now sort of like you said, like, come out, come out, wherever you are.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like we've been sort of when you said two and a half years, I was like, oh my gosh, she's right.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's like two and a half years just about that we've been operating in this way.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, for long-term relationships, this has got to be um a tough time for some.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it feels like we've been operating in this way for such a long time.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, how do I even think back to what worked before with all of the added layers and and complications?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, so what would be like your one piece of advice for where to start?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I want to start with some of the excuses that see, and you sort of touched on one of them, which is I don't have enough time to really be with my partner and connect.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I've got to take care of the kids, the family, my job.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: There's just no time.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: And um when we do have sex, it's it's quick, it's sort of just to satisfy and even an itch or satisfy.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes um one partner will admit that he or she is having sex with the other just to satisfy them and make them happy, but really they're not that into it.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: So don't have enough time.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, sex may be painful, especially intercourse.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of clients where those of the clients with the vaginas have because I, you know, I work with women with women, women with men, that with I, you know, I work across the board.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: I even have a trans client.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: But for women, some women, because they're not really warmed up or they're not really into it, they're not really turned on, their vaginas are shut down.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that was the issue I had.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe should I tell a little bit of my story?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, I don't even know where to start.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just say I've been a body worker for 20 plus years and I weave that into my work with clients now, even though I'm officially a coach.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, most of my adult life until well, let's say the first 20 to 25 years of my adult life, I thought I was sexually frigid because I just couldn't get really turned on.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I liked kissing and I liked all that yummy for what we call foreplay.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: But when it came to penis in vagina, can I use all these words here?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, they are medical terms.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my seat just shut down.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: So um I thought there was something wrong with me.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a diagnosis called vaginissimus, and I um was celibate for quite a long time, and I did a lot of exploration, a lot of exploration, a lot of sexual exploration, and not solo.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was doing it in classes with groups, with fantastic teachers, but I wasn't in a committed, intimate relationship.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things I discovered was that I was incredibly orgasmic.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: I have more sexual energy than I could have imagined.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: And post-menopause, my sexual energy is much stronger than it was when I was younger.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I learned how to um let myself get turned on enough so that intercourse was something that I really wanted, and it was easy, it was wasn't painful.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just you know, that's just a quick sketch, but I learned a lot of tools along the along the way.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: So in this book, I'm weaving human design, which is more of a like a month mental understanding with somatic practices, and we start with the premise that for whatever period of time this couple is working together, they're not going to step away.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: So no exit is like the primary piece.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: No acting out, um, no, you know, not showing up when you said you were going to.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: And no exit could mean also don't do things like gaming or over-texting or overeating.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there might be things that that you uncover that are ways that you escape being in your body and being present.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because the practice that I teach, the wellness sexuality practice, is all about being present.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: So we in when we get started, we define what their exit strategies might be and they agree together to take them off the table.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: I I love that because I think that is gonna hit a lot of people.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: That um there are many ways, I think, especially through the pandemic, and I'm sure prior to that too, people were using different methods of escaping.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I hadn't until you mentioned it thought about how people could be escaping and avoiding each other by those different, you know, binging, food, TV, shopping, you know, any of those things that we can sort of numb out on.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, let alone just wanting to leave the relationship because some of the people are coming to me, it's getting really hot in here, but I think let me just open this to me.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's the subject.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's the subject.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, some of the people who come to work with me think the relationship is over.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: So these the agreement to stay together and work on this for a certain period of time, there's a container, you know, it's not forever, it's for an agreed-upon time.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then we look at those other pieces that we're talking about.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then once we've made agreements about that, there is an agreement and we come we come up together because one of the things that I do with people is that I don't have a template that I put on you, I don't have a model, I don't have a methodology.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I bring deep listening presence and attunement.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I listen and I help my clients excavate what is their heart's desire, what do they really truly want for themselves individually and as a couple.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then we make an agreement together that we're going to uncover what gets in the way of them having that.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then the uncovering some of those those patterns, those tendencies start to melt away.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I we're we're all in this exploration together.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: I have no idea, just like you and I said we would start today.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: I have no idea where this is gonna go.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so one of the but one of the agreements they make in this initial piece is how much time are you willing to commit a week to doing the practices, to doing the work?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it might be 30 minutes once a week or 30 minutes twice a week.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: That might be it.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because one of the big excuses couples have is I just don't have time.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and I wonder, this is just me sort of thinking about it, you know, is it similar to like, I know I can relate to a lot of women who kind of put off self-care.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so they wait till the very end of the day when they've got nothing left to be like, okay, now I'm ready to take care of myself.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like either I'm gonna deprive myself of sleep or deprive myself of self-time.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so are a lot of couples up against that, that they sort of they fall last on the priority list, and they're at the end of the day physically, mentally exhausted and not not invested in that time together.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: I love that you said that because let's say that couples are physically, mentally, completely exhausted, and then they decide they're gonna have sex.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what that looks like, you know.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe like I mean, I've had right, I've had my clients complain, you know, they just fell asleep on me.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it's perfunctory, it's not present, sort of like scratching an itch, and then it's over.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I love the way you said that.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, they pick a time that's not the end of the day.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: And and then we go from there, and like the the next piece is see, there's no exit, and then there's just parameters.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I do bring in parameters, like one of the things I say to my clients, and this is like a shocker no sex, no usual, or let's say no genital sex for this period of time, no intercourse, no penetration, and for some people, again, it depends on the couple, no um touching of the genitals.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: We take that off the it again, it all depends.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so then you know, you're thinking, well, then then what are we doing here?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's what could possibly happen, right?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the cool part.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I so I shall I say some more?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Please do, yeah, yeah.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there's a lot of people listening who are like and and then so and and it's not necessarily in this order.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still it it it all depends on who I'm working with, but ah, so I just like um well at some point we weave into human design and ways to speak and communicate together, so that's a very important piece.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then we begin with this very simple practice I call sensing.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: And what it really is is reconnecting with your inner three-year-old.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, going back to that young, young, young, young, maybe even younger than three-year-old part of you, that you know, was exploring the world and exploring their body and exploring everything was just like, oh, whoa, you know, with no, I mean, in total innocence and without judgment or, you know, for some of us, like I I I was um taught pretty young that, you know, self-exploration of any kind, whether it was my genitals or any other part of my body, was not okay.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was yucky, dirty.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I have in yeah, it's I have a very vivid image in my book about that.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um so we take you back to this place when you were young and innocent and open and in your body, like you were living in body.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: You had gotten to this place where you just cut off for lots of good reasons, which we could talk about for for hours.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: But sure.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so I said I helped my clients set up these practices together where they sit together, sometimes side by side, and just close their eyes and just start to discover how they feel in their own bodies.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I give them little practices to do that a three-year-old could do, and you do them alone, and then they start doing them together.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like one of the practices is called the hand cuddle, and one of the partners is the sort of the quote giver and the other or the explorer.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: One of the partners is the explorer and the other is the receiver.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: And the explorer will explore, say, just the hand of the receiver.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just explore with using the communication skills that they've learned already through human design and some other things we've thrown in.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: And the one who's exploring can ask questions, just the right questions, not too much.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: And the one who's receiving can make requests.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I have to tell you, when clients start with us and then they come to see me the next week, it's like something has switched on.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: There's like this excitement, this joy, this turn-on, just from the simplest, childlike, curious, open-ended exploration.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, it sounds like it's a very in the moment kind of thing.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're bringing people into presence, but you're doing something that's novel.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's not like a typical thing we'd be doing.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you're you're bringing in that element of curiosity and a little bit of fun, and it's sort of taking you out of what's normal and kind of like finding yourself in a different place and space.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for saying that.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: See, as I'm talking to you, I'm getting more clarity because I'm writing the book.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: The book is not written.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: I love what you just said.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: We're taking them out of what's normal, what's ritual, what's normal.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that immediately drops you into a place of curiosity and innocence.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: And if it doesn't, if there's resistance, which there will be guaranteed, oh my gosh.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: Resistance, aversion, then we stop and we work with that with open-ended curiosity.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we look at those patterns that you know we developed really long time ago to protect ourselves, to keep ourselves safe, and and then just examine them with so much compassion and appreciation.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And in that, they can start to drop away.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's how, and that to me sounds like a simple, easy for somebody who's listening and they're really resonating with what you're saying.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's like some simple, easy, gentle homework to say, hey, babe, I heard about this thing on this podcast, you know, and and give it a try.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I think the other piece of that, you know, speaking from, you know, I've been married for 10 years and I have an eight year old, and age we both have aging parents, and you know, we are very good like opportunities.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Operators.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like we can we can run the house, we can do the thing, we can, you know, so when you have two very highly both, he's a generator, I'm a manifesting generator.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we have we have all generators in my house.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's plenty of energy to do all the things, and then some.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we're very good at getting all of the things accomplished and very good partners.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, it's fun for us when something novel comes into our lives.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we get to go do something that we don't typically do, or you know, it might be something as simple as we're gonna go play catch at the at the park or you know, go for a hike on a trail we've never taken.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: But like that instant you take yourselves out of what is normal, familiar routine, you suddenly you're like, oh, I gotta pay attention a little bit more here.
• 24:53
  unknown: Yeah.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if I if I may refer to your your beautiful chart, you also are, you know, for those of you who've been following Kelly, you might have heard about the profile, but she has what we call a one-three profile, which means, and you know, please embellish and add on to this, that you love to investigate and do your research, and then you want to go out and try it.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: You just you've got to dive in.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so new things are exciting to you because you're learning through experimentation.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's 100% me.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then your husband is a generator, and I don't know his profile, but even generators are masters at mastering the next thing.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: You master many things because you're you know you're like trying to try and lightning in a while.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: May I ask what your husband's profile is?
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm thinking off the top of my head.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I want to say he's a 4-6, but I'm a terrible, I'm terrible at remembering exactly.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, because you have an open head in Ajana, it just goes right out.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was so grateful when I discovered, because I have an open head in Ajana too, when I discovered that we don't remember things.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing, I don't have dementia, there's nothing wrong with me.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it just flies out.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: All right, I'm looking up his chart.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody does this, right?
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: For their he's uh he's a five-one.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, I so you're both in you both investigate.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: You're the great explorer, and the five is a little more shy.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: Do you find that sometimes you have to sort of seduce him into going or sometimes, yeah.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, yes.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I think I'm much more the the willing adventurer, you know.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, I would say say that's true, but we're we're both very much like go down the rabbit hole and like spend a whole day studying something and like come up for air in 24 hours, like, oh hey.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: And when a five goes down the rabbit hole and studies something with you, they take what they've learned and then they can use it to teach and transform others.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: Fives are very much here for transformation.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's 100% him.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's an incredible, he could teach anything he knows he can teach somebody like beautifully and very well and organized.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: I have the experience and I can give people the shortcuts.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm not the best teacher because I think it's my open head and ajna that like I I can speak like from experience better than knowledge, if that makes sense.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, also manifesting generators are are busy moving on.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're moving on, moving on.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: So true.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then you know, he can take what you've what you've learned and use it as a teaching for others.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: And would you say that he's good at fixing things?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: So he's a good balance for you too, because you make some steps and then he can come in and kind of fix things.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: Very much so.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think he knows that he's doing that, but he definitely, thank goodness.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's very grounding for me.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: So even this kind of conversation I'm having with you about profiles is something that I weave into my work with couples so they can better understand and appreciate the good things, and I think that they struggle with and have a lot more compassion.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, and you were talking about earlier that piece of communication.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and um, I know for me, uh, I need to inform.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I know when I've really gotten into a lot of trouble is when my head goes down and I stop communicating and informing people what I'm doing.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's sort of like it's like I fell off of the radar, and it's like, what happened?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: Where did you go?
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: You said you were going to check an email, and then I got lost.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: You got you got you got you went down that rabbit hole.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I I know that, you know, going back to what you were saying about parameters, I have to say, I am going to be doing this from this time to this time, and then I have to be accountable, set an alarm.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: Technology is a wonderful thing, and come back, surface for air and say, here I am, I did this, now I need to do this.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because uh, yeah, I have two generators and uh two two guys that I love very much, but their love language is is attention.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: They want, you know, undivided attention.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: So when I disappear off the radar, it's like, where'd she go?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: What's she doing?
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's a really good example of one of the teachings that you know you've learned from human design, and I bring into what I teach couples is that for instance, if one of you is a manifesting generator, you want to just you get an idea, you're inspired, you're very creative, and you just want to run off into the ethers and do it all by yourself.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: So communication, informing is really, really important.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, one of the basics is you know, when generators are talking to other generators is that you ask each other yes, no questions.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: Honey, do you want to, you know, uh set up our like one of the things I I teach my clients is how to set up a sacred space for their practices, and some people call it a nest.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: And and so are honey, are you ready to set up our nest?
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, no.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then of course, with open sacral beings like myself and other projectors and manifestors and reflectors, we ask each other open-ended questions.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: How would you feel about so all this nuancing of how you speak to each other, how you ask questions?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny when I tell people they're like, ah, that's so stupid.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: But then when they start to apply it, right?
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not stupid.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't ask me what I want for dinner.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't ask me.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Give me choices.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: I can answer yes or no.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's so funny when I learned that.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my gosh, I need yes and no questions.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, uh, and and I'll say, just give me choices.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Ask me yes or no, because it's so much easier for me than open-ended.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: I it's it, there's nothing up there.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, I can't run through choices.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: I or come up with something on my own.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, every once in a while I'll have like a I really want, but but we've played that game of what do you want for dinner?
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, what do you want?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want this?
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, how about this?
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: But at least you're getting into yes no questions at that point.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, I I'm wondering what's it been like with your family with all those male men generators in your life when you start to inform them before you head off.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's so much it's so much better.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I realize it's like it's it's such a a kindness to people.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: And because I'm not intentionally spacing out and moving on, but it feels that way.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it feels that absence is felt.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I've learned that, especially for my son.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he needs to know when you're leaving to go to a different room because he looks up and you're just gone.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, where did you go?
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and so I've I've gotten much better at that.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm going downstairs, I'm gonna run a load of laundry, and then I'll be back up.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: How old is your son?
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: He's eight.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's so sweet.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's such a perfect example.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: So what else should we talk about?
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_01: What would you like to know?
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, where shall we go?
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: I know we've got a couple more minutes.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't yeah, I I think I I would love that's a very bad question for you.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: Would you like to talk more about that?
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: That was an example of an open-ended question that's not gonna work.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I love that, Linda.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you did that.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_01: Would you like to talk more about human design?
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: Would you like to talk more about let's start there?
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we can definitely do that.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was also gonna say, I would I would love to hear more about how people can really connect with you and work with you and some of the places they can find you.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um happy to.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just where I get to make my really cool announcement.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: Please do, please do.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: So um, should I just say my contact information for all of you out there?
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: So you can reach me by email at Lynda L-I-N-D-A at ignite-n-i-t-e, your y-o-urjoy, jo-y.us, and that's also my website, igniteyourjoy.us.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: So my announcement is that in order to do some new research on my book, which I'm writing, I am offering a set of three sets of coaching packages.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, three different couples can apply.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's a good fit, they'll get to get three free coaching sessions with me.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_01: Where we'll we'll start, you know, we'll we'll start this incredible process together.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're interested, you know, just email me and say, I want to, you know, I want to set up an interview and we'll talk.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm definitely, I will link all that up in the show notes for people to to connect with you.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: And are there places on social media where people can follow you?
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I have a Facebook page and I'll give you, did I give you that information?
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: I can give you a question.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think so.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I could link it in the show notes.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: I have a Facebook page, I have a personal page, a business page.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's I use that more than Twitter.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: I have an Instagram, but I mostly use social media, and then I um I like to interact with my list of people and I send them emails.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, very nice.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely available.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so we'll put that in there too.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we all have our different ways of uh communicating with our audiences, right?
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: Depending on our our design and our I don't know favorite way to communicate.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: And after I get this book done, I I would like to launch a podcast series too, because what you're doing is just so much fun.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to call in experts around sexuality, sensuality, and yeah, because there's so much available and so many great people too.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think I think the topic itself is probably for so many people, it's a hard thing to talk about, to feel comfortable and confident talking about, um, even just to bring up with with your partner, your spouse.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think the fact that you're gonna have a book that's available for people to be able to to read and to learn and to do some homework from the different methods that you're talking about, I think that's fantastic.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, and I highly, highly, highly recommend doing a podcast.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love doing this podcast.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's it is this is my my joy work, the things that make me feel really good in the world and talking to people like you, Linda, and getting really curious about what people are doing and how they're really providing such a great resource for people in the world, which you are absolutely doing.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I I really appreciate you keep giving me these nuggets that you know, sexuality is harder for people to talk about than their finances.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's true, it's so scary.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, a book is safe.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: You can start with a book together and you can like open it up and you can go through it step by step.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then if you really want to dive in, then you can call someone like me.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: But it's a really safe, easier spot to start.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then what I love about what I'm doing is that I take I take the pressure off, I take the fear out of it, I take the performance out of it.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: One of the um parameters of the work that my couples do together is no goals.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like all the goals are taken off the table.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: No goals of climax, no goals of intercourse, just all those goals get put aside during an agreed upon time.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_01: And they might find for the rest of their lives.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: So we take the pressure off.
• 38:30
  unknown: Yeah.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know a lot of people sign up for courses and teachers and trainings to improve their sex life, improve their, you know, their turn on, their attractiveness.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: But there's this pressure to perform, and that's all removed in the way that I work.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: There's no such thing as performing anymore.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's sort of like, if I can make an analogy, it's sort of like the difference between like a lifestyle shift and a diet.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: Say that again.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's the difference between like, you know, going on a diet and changing your lifestyle, getting more into fitness and nutrition and sort of changing the way that you operate on a day-to-day basis versus something that's short-term and is going to be a short-term fix.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm excited to read this book.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is going to be fantastic.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: Do we have any sense of when it's going to be out and available?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I I don't.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things I've learned as a projector with an open root center and a couple of other things that are in my chart, I can't put a deadline pressure on me.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: I have to follow my inner flow.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: And my aim is this year by the end of the year.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's great.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think letting it sort of come from where it needs to come and um getting some couples involved who can give you some insight and input.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I congratulate you just for talking about it.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very brave thing to talk about the book that you're writing as it's in process.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's so easy to have a completed work and just say, here we're going to celebrate.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: But to like you're putting yourself on notice, you're telling everybody that you're doing it.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very different experience, um, I can say for myself, than than actually, you know, finishing and being able to say, here it is.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_00: You you just made yourself accountable to a few extra people.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: You probably like that.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's good.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's a good thing.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great thing.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm really excited for you.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: I would love for you to come back, you know, whether in the process of the book or as it's completed and ready to launch to come share, because I I just know that there are definitely some people in the audience listening who are really resonating with your message and feeling a sense of hope for a little bit more joy and better communication in their relationships.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and just being into each other again, like just really enjoying each other's company like you used to, or maybe even more than you used to.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_01: Having that yumminess of being together back.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 41:09
  unknown: Yeah.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I thank you so much, Linda, for coming and talking to us and um looking forward to reading the book.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and as soon as you have the title, let me know because I will share that out with people.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_01: It might be something like the title of this podcast.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's a possible play with it, have fun.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: This this is your joy, right?
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, writing a book is such a great way.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thanks everybody for listening.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, stay curious.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: Have a good one, everybody.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: Goodbye.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: Bye, everybody.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.