Latest / Career Coaching with Fexingo: Professional Coaches, Career Counselors, and Guidance for Workers / How to Get Unstuck by Changing Your Career Narrative
Transcript
- Lucas: If you've been feeling stuck in your career — not because you lack skills or connections, but because the story you tell yourself about your career has become a dead end — there's actually a research-backed way to rewrite that narrative. And it doesn't require a new job, a new degree, or a new boss. Luna: Okay, I want to hear this. Because I think a lot of us have that voice — 'I'm not the kind of person who gets that promotion,' or 'I'm just not good at networking.' That story becomes a cage. Lucas: Exactly. And the research comes from organizational psychology — specifically a concept called 'narrative identity.' The idea is that we all construct a story about our professional lives that gives them coherence. The problem is, when that story is built around a setback or a limitation, it can trap us. A 2020 study from the Journal of Vocational Behavior found that people who reframed career setbacks as coming of age stories — 'that failure taught me what I actually want' — reported higher career adaptability and job search intensity. Luna: So it's not just positive thinking. It's actually changing the arc of your story. Lucas: Right. Before we go deeper — I want to mention something. You're listening to Career Coaching with Fexingo, and we keep these shows completely ad-free. No sponsors, no commercial breaks. We do that because we believe career advice should be straightforward and free from interference. If you've found value in these conversations — maybe you've used one of our frameworks in a real conversation or a job interview — you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's it. No perks, no tiers. Just a way to keep this resource open for everyone. Now — let's get back to the narrative. Luna: And honestly, that's a good model for what we're talking about — a simple, clear ask without any guilt. Lucas: So let's talk about a concrete example. I worked with a marketing director — let's call her Sarah — who was laid off from a tech company during a restructuring in early 2025. When she started looking for a new role, her narrative was: 'I failed. I was part of a team that got cut because my projects weren't delivering. I'm not senior enough.' Every interview she went into, she was apologetic. She was underselling herself. Luna: And that came across, right? Interviewers can smell a lack of confidence. Lucas: Absolutely. So we worked on what I call the 'three-step narrative reset.' Step one: identify the stuck story. Sarah's was 'I was laid off because I wasn't good enough.' Step two: gather counter-evidence. Sarah had actually launched two campaigns that exceeded conversion targets — one by 40 percent year-over-year. She had mentored three junior marketers who got promoted. She had been recruited for her current role. None of that fit the failure narrative. Luna: So she literally had to write down the evidence that contradicted her own story. Lucas: Exactly. Step three: rewrite with agency. Instead of 'I was laid off,' the new story became 'I chose to take a strategic pause after a restructuring to find a role where my strengths in campaign strategy and team development are most valued.' Notice — she's the subject now, not the object. She has agency. Luna: That's powerful. And it's not dishonest — she did take a pause. She just reframed the reason. Lucas: Right. And within three weeks of using that narrative in interviews, she had two offers. One was a senior director role at a larger company. The same résumé, the same experience — just a different story. Luna: So what about people who aren't actively job searching? How does this apply to someone who's stuck in their current role? Lucas: Great question. I'd say the most common stuck story I hear is 'I'm not the kind of person who asks for a promotion' or 'I'm not political enough to get ahead.' That's a narrative that assumes your traits are fixed. But organizational psychologist Herminia Ibarra at London Business School calls this 'working identity' — the idea that we change our professional identity by taking small actions first, then the narrative follows. Luna: So you act your way into a new story, not think your way into it. Lucas: Exactly. She found that people who successfully pivoted careers didn't start by writing a new narrative. They took a small step — like volunteering for a cross-functional project — and then, after the fact, revised their story to include that experience. So if you're stuck in your current job, don't try to convince yourself you're a leader. Instead, lead one meeting. Then update your narrative to include that. Luna: I love that. It's almost like reverse-engineering your identity. Lucas: Yeah. And the research supports it. A 2022 paper in the Academy of Management Journal studied career changers and found that those who engaged in 'narrative experimentation' — trying on different stories in low-stakes contexts, like talking to a friend or a mentor — were more likely to successfully transition than those who tried to stick to a single rigid narrative. Luna: So you can practice your new story before you use it in an interview or a review. Lucas: Right. And here's a practical tip: before your next one-on-one with your manager, write down your current career narrative — in one paragraph. Then ask yourself: does this story make me the hero or the victim? Does it emphasize growth or stasis? If it's the latter, rewrite it using the three-step framework before you walk into that room. Luna: And if you're in an industry where 'playing the game' feels gross — like you think you have to be a self-promoter — how do you rewrite that narrative authentically? Lucas: That's where the counter-evidence step is critical. If your stuck story is 'I hate self-promotion,' look for times when you naturally advocated for a teammate or a project. That's not self-promotion in the sleazy sense — it's stewardship. You can reframe your narrative from 'I'm not a self-promoter' to 'I amplify the impact of the teams I work on.' That's authentic, and it's actually more compelling to leaders who are tired of narcissists. Luna: That's a reframe I could use myself. I think a lot of us avoid networking because we associate it with selling, but if you frame it as 'I'm curious about other people's work,' it becomes a different story. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the core of narrative identity: you can't change what happened, but you can change the meaning you attach to it. A layoff is a fact. But 'I was laid off because I failed' is an interpretation. 'I was laid off as part of a restructuring that gave me the freedom to find a better fit' is equally true — and far more useful. Luna: And it's not toxic positivity. It's strategic framing. Lucas: Right. And the data shows it works beyond just job search. A longitudinal study from the University of Michigan followed MBA graduates for seven years. Those who used 'redemptive narratives' — stories where a negative event led to a positive outcome — earned on average 12 percent more and reported higher job satisfaction than those who used 'contamination narratives,' where a negative event spoiled everything that followed. Luna: So the story you tell yourself has a measurable financial impact. That's wild. Lucas: It really is. So here's my challenge to listeners: take one stuck story you have — about your career, your skills, your industry — and spend fifteen minutes this week doing the three-step reset. Identify it. Find the counter-evidence. Rewrite it with yourself as the agent. Then test it on a trusted colleague. Luna: And if you do that, will you come back and let us know how it went? We'd love to hear. Lucas: Absolutely. Drop us a note — we'll share some of the best reframes in a future episode. Until then, pay attention to your own voice. It might be the only thing holding you back.