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He stole my identity... I will NEVER love again! · Johnjay & Rich On Demand

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Good morning, John Jane Rich. Can I help you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, hi. I'm calling because it says the best part
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: about being single.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's the best part about being single?
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Well, not worrying about your husband stealing your identity.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, or racking up credit card debt.
• 0:17
  Speaker 4: Sounds personal. That's terrible.
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  Speaker 3: Did that happen to you?
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Yes, it actually did.
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  Speaker 3: I would imagine most of the people that you date
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: wouldn't steal your identity. So, I mean, you could go
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: back out there and be okay with that.
• 0:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know.
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  Speaker 2: I think now I don't want to date anybody because
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: now it's like, what is your name? And I don't
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  Speaker 2: have a last name now. You know, I don't want
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: to give anyone my birth date or let them know
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: who my mother is because I'm afraid someone's going to
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: try to steal my identity again.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: How did you end up finding out that he was
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: doing that to you? Lawsuits.
• 0:50
  Speaker 5: Oh, wow.
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  Speaker 2: I had lawsuits coming in my name.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: What is your first name? Brian.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Brian.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, Ryan. Well, that's not going to work because I
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: was going to be like, how's the guy going to
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: pretend to be Ryan?
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: No, that works. That works. No wonder.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: If you were Francine or Stephanie, you'd be like, how
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: does this get.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so now, you know, dating is not an option.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: That's so sad.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, you already went through it. What are the chances?
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: What if she's dated three guys and all three stole
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: her identity?
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: That would be a bad man picker on you.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: You got to believe, Ryan, that you can find somebody
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: that's not going to steal your identity. Now, I will
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: tell you this. Someone stole my wife. My wife's roommate
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: stole her identity in college, so I guess it can happen.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: It's so terrible. Right?
• 1:34
  Speaker 5: It can.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: And now it's okay. I'm okay being single. I'm at
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: an age now where I have my kids, I have
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: my life, and we're just trying to figure out what
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: the next thing is to do.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: All right, Ryan. Well, that's a good one. So that
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: is a good reason why it's great to be single.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a wonderful thing.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: All right. Thanks for calling in.
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: You're welcome.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, that leads me right into
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: this thing. I saw this article from your tango.com is
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: subtle signs. Someone you love has a narcissistic victim complex.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: What the heck is that?
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: Define that.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to define that.
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: To me, it would be like, they're always the victim.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: So it says like they keep score of everything people
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: have done to them in a loving relationship. It isn't
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: healthy to keep score. A partnership should be equal and
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: neither partner should hold their sacrifices over the other's head.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: So does that make sense?
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: I've done everything. for you growing up or one of
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: those things? Is that what that is?
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Victimhood is real and suffering deserves acknowledgement,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: but identity built around victimhood, particularly when it's paired with
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: the entitlement and low empathy characteristic of narcissism, may perpetuate
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: the very impersonal harm it claims to protest. Does that
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: make sense to you guys?
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: No.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: You guys keep asking me questions. You ask questions. I
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: have to keep reading.
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: I feel like.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I like the headlines. I just move on.
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: I don't know if it does.
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: I think it's like maybe a thing that the two
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: go hand in hand, right? Because if you're narcissistic, then
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: you think everything's about you, right?
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: It's all about you.
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: Me, me, me, me, me.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. And then you throw the victim in there.
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: And then you throw the victim in.
• 3:05
  Speaker 5: So it's like if somebody is being like nasty to you,
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: maybe if you're a narcissist, you're like, how could you?
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  Speaker 4: Like, I'm so great.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: There's no way that you, that I.
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: Could be that way.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: That would make sense.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: And maybe they don't move past it.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: So subtle signs someone you love has a narcissistic victim complex.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: They need you to recognize that they were wronged. That's
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  Speaker 1: one of the things. Narcissists don't just struggle to let
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: bygones be bygones because of their need to be a victim.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: They demand that others recognize they were wronged. They view
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: ordinary criticism as unfair treatment. Narcissistic people hate criticism.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Any comment or cause for concern is an attack on
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: their ego.
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: That exactly goes. It's like, what do you mean you're correcting?
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  Speaker 5: Even if it's like, even if it's just like helpful.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: It's like, what? What I gave you is great. There's
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: no way it needs anything else.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: They can't admit that they contributed to the problem.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Well, that's all of us.
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  Speaker 4: I know a couple of those.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: That's all of us all the time. They believe they
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: deserve special consideration. Healing from trauma is a journey. While
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: average people will use resources available, narcissists would rather remain
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: stagnant than grow. They're quick to act entitled. They see
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: every boundary as an example of cruelty. When you're in
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: love with a narcissist, constantly in a victim mentality, you
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: may set boundaries, but a narcissist will see this as disrespectful.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: Ooh, this doesn't sound like a good relationship. This sounds toxic.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: To them, setting boundaries feels like a sign of rejection. Ooh.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: They can't stand when someone else receives sympathy or attention.
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  Speaker 1: Narcissistic people hate sharing the spotlight with anyone else. Once
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: they're no longer the center of attention, they throw a fit.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: It's immature, but these people can't help it. They can't
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  Speaker 1: accept what they did wrong. You can't help people who
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: don't want to be helped, even if you love them.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter how much you beg for them to change,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: but narcissists don't change.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: Well, that's true. We know if you like, you know,
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: try to correct somebody like that, it's not going to
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  Speaker 3: go anywhere. So why bother?
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: They hold grudges. There's nothing good about holding a grudge,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: especially in a relationship. But for narcissists with chronic victimhood tendencies,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: they don't forgive you. You could write them a 10-page apology,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: completely taking the blame, and it would still never be enough.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: They overlook your suffering. Narcissistic people are quick to overlook
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: another person's suffering, even if it's the romantic partner. They
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: have no compassion for others, and it's hard for them
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  Speaker 1: to understand other person's perspective or pain.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: That also sounds a little psychotic too.
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: I was going to say, yeah. It seems like a
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  Speaker 4: lot of narcissists lack empathy.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: So then how do you keep a relationship if you're
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: that other person?
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  Speaker 4: I mean, you usually don't or it's toxic and unhealthy.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Run.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I was going to say. What if it's your family
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: member though? What do you do with that?
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's just the people you love. Narcissists.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 5: And I think that's where like the emotional stuff comes
• 5:50
  Speaker 5: into it, right?
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  Speaker 3: How do you try to set boundaries and nobody, they
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  Speaker 3: don't respect the boundaries. That's tough.
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: You got to cut them off.
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  Speaker 3: Oof.
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  Speaker 1: So that's just a little information. I think that Ryan
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: who called in might've been in one of those situations.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Ryan. Thanks for listening.