Latest / R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E. / Stop Explaining Yourself: Reclaim Your Power

Transcript

Stop Explaining Yourself: Reclaim Your Power · R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E.

• 0:00
  Welcome to Real Talk for Real Life.
• 0:03
  Realizing everyone is always learning and living your full experience.
• 0:10
  This is where we live out loud, on purpose, and with purpose.
• 0:15
  I'm Coach C, your host, and this is episode 5 of my bonus season,
• 0:20
  Excessive Explanations.
• 0:23
  Stop explaining yourself.
• 0:25
  We got to talk about something today that's been draining your energy and you didn't even realize it.
• 0:31
  Excessive explaining.
• 0:33
  Not communication. Not clarity. I'm talking about the over-explaining.
• 0:39
  The justifying. The rehearsing in your head.
• 0:42
  The paragraph after paragraph trying to make somebody understand you.
• 0:48
  Let me free you right now. Everybody is not confused.
• 0:52
  Some people just don't agree. And instead of you accepting that,
• 0:57
  you go into presentation mode.
• 0:59
  You start breaking it down, adding context.
• 1:03
  Softening your tone, rewriting your truth, all in hopes that they'll finally
• 1:09
  say, oh, okay, now I get it. But let me ask you something.
• 1:15
  Why do you need to be understood by someone who has already decided not to see you clearly?
• 1:20
  See, excessive explaining is not about clarity. It's about seeking validation.
• 1:27
  It's you saying, if I can just explain this the right way, maybe they'll approve of me.
• 1:33
  And that's where your power leaks out, drop by drop.
• 1:38
  Because now you're not standing in your decision, you're trying to negotiate your identity.
• 1:43
  Let me bring it closer. You said no, but then you followed it up with the whole essay.
• 1:50
  I just have a lot going on. I didn't mean it like that. I hope you understand.
• 1:56
  No. No is a full sentence. You change your mind, but now you feel like you owe a press conference.
• 2:05
  You set a boundary, but now you feel guilty for enforcing it.
• 2:10
  So what do you do? You over-explain.
• 2:14
  And every extra word you add weakens the authority of your original decision.
• 2:21
  Let's be real. The more you explain, the more you invite debate.
• 2:26
  Now they got room to question you, challenge you, poke holes in your reasoning.
• 2:32
  And before you know it, you're defending a decision that was already made in
• 2:37
  clarity. That's backwards.
• 2:40
  Listen, clarity doesn't beg. Clarity doesn't chase.
• 2:45
  Clarity stands. and the version of you that's becoming does not need a co-signer.
• 2:52
  Some people won't understand your growth. Some people won't like your boundaries.
• 2:57
  Some people benefited from the version of you that over explained and now you're
• 3:03
  quiet, you're firm, you're direct and it's uncomfortable for them.
• 3:09
  But let me tell you something powerful.
• 3:11
  Discomfort is not a sign you're wrong. Sometimes it's proof you've grown.
• 3:18
  You don't need to explain your peace. You don't need to justify your evolution.
• 3:24
  You don't need to shrink your voice to make it easier for someone else to digest.
• 3:29
  If they don't get it, let them not get it. If they don't agree, let them not agree.
• 3:36
  Because your life is not a group project and you are not here to be understood by everybody.
• 3:43
  You are here to be aligned with yourself.
• 3:47
  So the next time you feel that urge to explain,
• 3:51
  to clarify, to over-deliver your reasoning, pause and ask yourself,
• 3:58
  am I explaining to inform or am I explaining to be accepted?
• 4:05
  Because those are two very different things, and one of them will cost you your power.
• 4:12
  Here's your fearless homework. For the next 48 hours, number one,
• 4:17
  say what you mean in one sentence.
• 4:21
  Number two, do not add a follow-up explanation unless it is required for logistics.
• 4:29
  Number three, when you feel the urge to over-explain, pause instead.
• 4:36
  And here's your line.
• 4:38
  That's what works best for me. No extras, no apology, no paragraph.
• 4:45
  Stop explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.
• 4:50
  You don't need better words. You need stronger boundaries.
• 4:55
  This is Real Talk, where we're realizing everyone is always learning and living your full experience.
• 5:03
  This is Coach C. I'll see you in the next one.