Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 206. Six Ways to Strengthen Your Empty Nest Marriage When You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart

Transcript

206. Six Ways to Strengthen Your Empty Nest Marriage When You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Hinkelman and you're listening to the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 0:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: The show for Christian moms who want to let go with grace and actually enjoy their empty nest.
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a certified empty nest coach, speaker, and mom of five grown kids.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know the challenges this season brings from letting go to setting healthy boundaries, to rediscovering your purpose, and reconnecting with your husband.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week I'll be your guide.
• 0:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: offering heartfelt conversations, faith-filled encouragement and practical strategies to help you thrive in this next chapter.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: My husband and I are loving the emptiness years and I have strong growing relationships with my adult kids and I want the same for you.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't miss the end of each episode.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll share a quick coaching tip you can apply right away to improve your relationship with your kids or your spouse.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: One favor before we dive in.
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you find this episode helpful, would you leave a rating and review?
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms to discover the show.
• 1:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a link in the show notes with instructions.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure you're following the podcast, so you don't miss a single episode.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get started.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the midlife of a podcast, the place for faith friendship and real talk for empty nest moms.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Once the kids leave home, many women are surprised by the ache they didn't expect, an ache in their marriage.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: The house is quieter, the roles have shifted, and suddenly the man who once felt like your closest teammate feels farther away.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You may still love each other deeply, but the connection feels thin, fragile, or strained.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: It'd be you found yourself wondering, have we grown apart?
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not alone.
• 1:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And more importantly, you are not without hope.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today we're talking about six grace filled ways to strengthen your emptiness marriage when it feels like you're growing apart.
• 2:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll look at how awareness, perspective, prayer, and intentional love can help you move closer again and how God meets us tendantly in the season of transition.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let's talk about rebuilding connection when the nest is empty, and your heart belongs for closeness again.
• 2:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: See if this feels like your marriage.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: He fills his time with more work, projects in the garage, or evenings with the guys.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: you try new hobbies volunteer and stay busy.
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yet somehow the space between you keeps widening, echoing louder in the silence.
• 2:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mama, if you're feeling distance in your marriage, I want you to hear this clearly.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: This does not mean that you failed and it does not mean that your story is over.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: When the kids are gone, the questions come quickly, what do we talk about now?
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who are we without the roles that one's defined us?
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Loneliness creeps in and if we're not careful, so does negativity.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Criticism slips into our conversations, we begin to focus on what's missing instead of what remains.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Those small habits, I rolls assumptions, unspoken resentment, slowly isolated from the very person who's supposed to feel like home.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: For many couples, the season can feel so unsettly that desperation sets in.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: We quietly wonder if we simply grown apart, and the statistics don't help ease our fears.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a reason Gray divorce has become a common phrase.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nearly 40% of divorces today involve couples over the age of 50, a staggering shift from just a few decades ago.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: That reality can make a struggling marriage feel fragile, even doomed.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: But Mama, this does not have to be your story.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: The emptiness doesn't have to sail the end of intimacy or connection.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: It can be an invitation to awareness, to intentional love, to prayerful rebuilding.
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about the six ways to strengthen your emptiness marriage.
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: When it feels like you're going apart, now God can meet you right here in this tender season.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Step number one is to practice awareness.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It can feel easier to stay busy and minimize the ache, but ignoring the distance doesn't heal it.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Awareness is the moment that you stop numbing and start noticing when you recognize that you and your husband are drifting.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not failure, it's an invitation to take responsibility for what you can change.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can't change your spouse, we already know that, but you can partner with God to examine your own heart.
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Notice where you've built walls instead of bridges.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Pay attention to the moments that you withdraw, shut down, or choose silence over connection.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask yourself, what am I protecting?
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: What am I afraid to name?
• 5:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Awareness requires courage, the courage to acknowledge the distance and consider a different response.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the smallest shift matters most, a softened tone, a curious question, a willing heart.
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture reminds us, let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord, lamentations 340.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Healing often begins with honest reflection, and more often than not, it begins with you.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Step number two is cease focusing on the negative.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is so easy to notice what's wrong, the unfinished projects, the emotional distance, the ways your husband disappoints you, but here's the danger.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: What you focus on, gets magnified, and when you fixate on flaws, they begin to eclipse everything else, and before long, it feels like all is what's broken.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been there.
• 5:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: During a season when three of our four kids had already left the nest, I found myself increasingly critical and quietly disappointed in my husband.
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And one day, I'm prayer God gently interrupted my thinking.
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: He challenged me to write down my husband's positive attributes.
• 6:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: the physical, vocational, personality, and character.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what surprised me was how quickly the list grew.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as I wrote, my heart softened.
• 6:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Gratitude replaced frustration, and I was reminded what a gift this man truly is.
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I prayed over that list for days and weeks, actually.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't tell my husband, but something changed within me.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing about my husband changed that day, but my perspective did.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture tells us, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is peer, think about such things, in Philippians 4.8.
• 7:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the most powerful work God does in a marriage begins with a simple shift in how we choose to see.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe that's the shift your heart needs to.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Strategy number three is to understand the impact of criticism.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Phew, few things cause a husband to retreat faster than criticism.
• 7:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: When a man begins to believe he can't do anything right in your eyes, he slowly pulls away.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: He looks for spaces where he feels competent, respected, and safe.
• 7:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: time with friends, long hours at work, another project to fix or manage.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Criticism doesn't motivate him to lean in, it makes him feel small and unseen.
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: While this dynamic can certainly go both ways, it's important to understand what happens in a man's heart when he senses contempt or chronic dissatisfaction.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Over time, he stops engaging.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: at because he doesn't care, but because he no longer feels welcome, and the distance grows, and both of you feel misunderstood and alone.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead, try a different approach.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shift from constant correction to intentional affirmation.
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't about pretending everything is fine and ignoring real issues.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about choosing words that build rather than tear down.
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture reminds us, gracious words are honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones, in Proverbs 1624.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you lead with encouragement and speak life over your husband, you create space for connection to return.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Try it and watch how the atmosphere in your marriage begins to soften.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Life is busy, chaos happens before the coffee finishes brewing.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why friends, a Christian parenting, created morning minute.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: A concise scripture with a daily email for busy parents and grandparents.
• 8:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's on quick pause at the start of your day.
• 9:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week, day morning.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll get one verse to strengthen your spirit when parenting inside grounded in Christlike wisdom, one short action item to guide your heart, or your grandkids, and one resource to help you go deeper.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: It takes just three minutes to read, but the encouragement lasts all day.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's free, don't miss out.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Subscribe now at morningminute.org to get this quick encouragement in your inbox every weekday.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's morningminute.org or click the link in the show notes.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Strategy number four is to lead with love.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, love isn't a feeling we wait for, it's a posture we choose.
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: In seasons of distance, it's tempting to pull back and protect ourselves.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: But Scripture calls us to lead differently.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: The clearest picture of love isn't found in romance, it's found in action.
• 9:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 13 gives us a holy mirror to look into.
• 10:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Love is patient, of is kind.
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not easily angered or rude.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: It keeps no records of wrongs.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It protects, trust, hopes, and perseverance.
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not sentimental language.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a daily, intentional way of showing up.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, pause and ask yourself these three questions.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do I enter conversations with tenderness and grace, am I leading with patience or with frustration, and have I been keeping score instead of extending mercy?
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Leading with love often looks simple, but it's powerful, a kind word instead of a sharp one, a gentle touch, a sincere affirmation, an intentional moment of connection.
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes your husband doesn't need everything to be fixed, he just needs reassurance that you're still in this, even when things feel a little disconnected.
• 10:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture reminds us that all that you do be done in love, first Corinthians 1614, when love leads, walls come down, hearts soften, and connection has a room to grow again.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: strategy number five, to help you feel more close to your husband, partner with God through prayer.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: When the distance feels like it's widening, prayer becomes more than a spiritual discipline, it becomes a lifeline, setting aside time to meet with God helps you lift your eyes from what
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: and regain his eternal perspective.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before you try to fix your marriage, you're invited to sit with a one who sees it clearly.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as you meet with him, God does his quiet, faithful work.
• 11:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: He heals what's wounded, corrects what's misaligned, and gently guides you towards a different response with your husband.
• 11:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You cannot change him, but you can partner with God in allowing him to change you.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as your heart softens, healing can flow from your relationship.
• 12:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Prayer also stitches stretches your faith.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It loosens a stiff neck and replaces resignation with hope.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture reminds us, is anything too hard for the Lord in Genesis 1814.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing in your marriage is beyond God's ability to restore.
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is not too late.
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: There is still time for mending for renewal and for God to do what only He can do.
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Strategy number six, find common ground.
• 12:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: When distance grows, it's easy to focus on how different you've become.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Different interests, different rhythms, different ways of processing life.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: But healing often begins not by emphasizing what separates you, but by returning to what still connects you.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Start by revisiting the values that first shaped your marriage.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: What did you believe
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Those shared foundations still matter.
• 12:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture reminds us can two walk together unless they agree.
• 13:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Amos 33.
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: A agreement doesn't mean sameness.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It means choosing to walk in the same direction again.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look for simple ways to meet in the middle, do something enjoyable together even if it feels small.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Step into your husband's world for a change, watch the game, take a ride in the golf cart, wander through a car show, cook alongside him in the kitchen.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: These moments are about the activity itself.
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're about presence.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Common ground creates space for connection.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: It says, I still want to walk with you.
• 13:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I still care about what matters to you, and often that willingness is enough to begin drawing two hearts closer again.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mama, even if it feels like you and your husband are drifting apart, this season can serve as a gentle signal not to give up but to grow.
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: It invites you to slow down, look inward, and honestly consider how you may be contributing to the distance.
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: From that place of awareness you can partner with God in the holy work of moving your heart closer to your spouse.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: This week I want you to carve out 15 minutes with God and ask him this question.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you want me to do differently in my marriage?
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Seeing what gently bubbles up and then take
• 14:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you allow love to lean through prayer, grace, and intentional connection, distance doesn't have to have the final word.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: God is always able to soften hearts, restore intimacy, and renew what feels warm.
• 14:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Connection can be rebuilt, hope can be reclaimed, and this season can become one of deeper unity than you ever imagined.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Grace and Peace Mama, you've got this and God's got you.
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama podcast.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: My hope is that you leave each episode feeling encouraged, grounded, and clearer.
• 15:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Clearer about what you're feeling, what God may be stirring in you, and how to move forward in the season of the empty nest.
• 15:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Through these conversations, I'm not just sharing stories, I'm coaching you, helping you name what's happening beneath the service, challenging the thoughts that keep you stuck and take intentional steps toward peace and confidence as a midlife mom.
• 15:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready to go deeper and want personalized coaching support, I invite you to apply for coaching.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Coaching is a focused one-on-one space where we work together to gain clarity and
• 15:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Process emotions and discern what God is calling you to in this next chapter.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the application linked in the show notes and let's stay connected.
• 15:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can find me on Instagram at P-Hinkleman that's P-H-E-M-K-E-L-M-A-N or on Facebook at Pamela Hinkleman M-D-Nest Coach.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure out the season alone mama.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Support and direction are possible and I'm here when you're ready.