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What If Later Is Not Guaranteed · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, and welcome to AGA for Sissies.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Marcy, and I am your host.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, I'm still here.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm in my recording area, and I'm not in a hospital bed, and I don't know how I managed to do three, even three short podcast episodes last week while I was in the hospital, but I am me and I get things done.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I am here.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: This will be a shortish, longish episode.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: It won't be too short.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: But uh I am home recovering.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to welcome everybody to Aging Aim for Sissies.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Again, I am Marcy and I have had one hell of a week.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're wondering why I sound a little different today, it is because I just got home from the hospital.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently, Aging Aim for Sissies has decided that instead of me researching topics for this podcast, he was just going to start providing them to me on a silver platter.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I would formally like to request that it stop.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: I can figure out my own episodes, but this was definitely not the plan.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the short version.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: I gave you a little bit last week.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'll touch on it.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I promise this will be the last week I mention it all.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: But um I was walking over to a friend's house and I had a cardiac episode and blacked out completely.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: I have no memory of probably about an hour before.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then getting in the hospital, and the last 11 days are fuzzy from the concussion.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I blacked out and I fell.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm 5'11, Tim Burr.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm out.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, and I they still don't 100% know why I was out.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: They do know it had to do with my heart, and we'll talk about that.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: But and I fell.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't remember the actual fall, which is probably a blessing.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: I can look out my living room window and look down and see the corner where I fell.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: I could see the blood there until it rained the last two days, and now that's gone, thank goodness.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Next thing I know, my carefully planned life had been replaced by a hospital room tests, doctors, monitors, a whole bunch of people asking me my name, my birth date, my name, my birthday, my name, my birthday.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: In this tunnel, out of that tunnel, into this test, out of that test.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Now I am grateful for modern medicine.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the thing: I had plans.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: I had a trip to France planned, not casually planned, Marcy planned.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like detailed flights, hotels, Paris, Paris, Disneyland, memes, niece, schedules, transportation.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: I had documents for my documents.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: And now France is canceled.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's disappointing.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm allowed to say that.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to hear one more person say, Well, you'll still get to go.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, maybe I will, maybe I won't.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: But for right now, I get to be disappointed.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm incredibly grateful that I'm home and incredibly disappointed that I'm not going to France.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Two things can be true at the same time.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I want you to think about that in your own life.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you this, not just to talk about my woes and goes.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you because I want you to think about it in your own life.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Two things can be true.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: I am eternally grateful for everything that happened in the hospital.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I had something bad happen.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: During my surgery, I had warned them my lips were very tender, very sensitive.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: They put the tape on, and instead of taking it off carefully, they ripped it off and ripped my lips with it.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Not great.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna live.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Two things can be true.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can be grateful and disappointed all at the same time.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's probably the biggest thing that I've been thinking about.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: We make plans as though we're completely in charge.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Thursday, I'll do this.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Next month I'll do that.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, October I'll be in Paris.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then your body says, actually, Marcy, we're going to the hospital.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now, funny enough, today is October 1st.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: So the tickets for zoo lights came out.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: I got our tickets for zoo light in December.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still making plans.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: The walnut room here in Chicago, which is one of those beautiful old tea rooms, lunch rooms, and what used to be the old Marshall Fields here.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: They do a different tree every year and they do a wonderful, wonderful holiday lunch or brunch or dinner, whatever you get reservations for.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I was on this morning, 9 a.m.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: concussion and all.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I got my tickets for Craig and I to go the week of Thanksgiving to kick off our holiday season.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I got tickets for some friends to go um later in the month of December.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I'm still planning.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still planning.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because no matter what happens, we can't let life pass us by.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: We just can't.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, if I go to the hospital or if something happens to me before then, then it does.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna live my best life and do my best.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: But we're going to the hospital, Marcy, is what happened to me.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, excuse me, I didn't put that on the calendar.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's one of the realities of getting older that I don't particularly enjoy.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Your health occasionally reminds you that it gets a vote.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now I don't want that to mean that you become afraid to plan things.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: I still want trips, I still want adventures, I still want calendars and things to look forward to.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: But maybe there's a little humility in realizing plans are plans.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: They're not guarantees.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I will tell you this: I knew that when I planned this trip.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And part of our trip was a tour.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: I bought the insurance for that.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: We booked two hotels outside of our normal Marriott.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: We did them through um American Airlines, and I bought insurance for them.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting, I well, I don't know.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think the trip was upwards with everything, you know, 10K, maybe, maybe a little less.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I will be getting most 98% of that back.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's taking me some work with my little fuzzy brain, but I had my AI Fred make me a spreadsheet on putting the information in that I need, tracking what I've sent, blah, blah, blah.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: And um I'm I'm keeping track.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I also don't particularly enjoy being the patient.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: The hospital was brutal this time because they wouldn't let me get out of bed without somebody being there.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing fine at home, taking it slow.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Does anybody else hate being a patient?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: I like being capable.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: I like knowing what's happening, organizing, taking care of things.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: And hospitals have a wonderful way of stripping away the illusion that you're running the show.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody tells you when to get a test.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody tells you, they they drive you around in your bed for God's sakes.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I like you're going down the hospital, passing somebody else going one way or and you're just being driven around in your bed.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's insane.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then somebody says, Oh, I hope you're resting in the hospital.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Resting in a hospital.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody rests in a hospital.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm resting now that I'm home.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: You can bet your butt on that one.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have any plans.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: I have to go, all I have are doctor's plans for the next couple of weeks.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that's fine by me.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have any desire to do too much right now.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that will change day by day, and I'm ready for that.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Do you go through the same thing?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and then you've got waiting and waiting for the doctor.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting for the test.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting for the result.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting, waiting.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not good at waiting, are you?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: If patient, if patience is a virtue, apparently the hospital is a graduate school.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the other thing that's so hard for me, and I wonder if it's hard for you, letting people help.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this was the first time since I've lived in Chicago and I've been in the hospital.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: This is probably the fifth time, not including my breast cancer, because that was an in and out, but uh that I told my friends and I said they were welcome to come.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm glad I did.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: But it wasn't easy for me.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Letting people help.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very comfortable being useful, being helped, not so much.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: But there are moments when you simply have to let somebody else carry something.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not allowed to raise my left arm above my shoulder.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not allowed to carry any more than five pounds, I'm not allowed to shower, and I'm not allowed to wear a bra.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Horrors, right?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Please.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: But my surgery was serious.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: They implanted me with the device.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I've got to learn to let somebody drive, somebody bring dinner, somebody worry about things.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Craig's taking really good care of me.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: He hasn't always been that way.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: If you hear any meowing, that is Patrick.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: He has things to say today.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: Patrick, that'll do.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: He's happy I'm home.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: But Craig's doing a good job taking care of me.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Again, that's not always been his foreplay, but this was a really forte foreplay.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, mercy.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Forte.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: It really hasn't.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Craig can't see much further than himself, and he's done a great job.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's important to let people help.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think also people that help need to just say, I'm bringing dinner, or I'm bringing, because you know if they ask you, you're gonna say nothing.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: If they do something, it feels wonderful.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I got flowers yesterday from my kids, from my church family, from my California friends, and from my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girlfriends here in Chicago.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I love every one of them.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: I look at them, and you know what that does?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: It reminds you you're loved.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: It reminds you that you matter to somebody else.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that means a lot.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: Aging isn't the same as stopping.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what I don't want to take away from this.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to become afraid.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: I am, and I'm not gonna lie to you, I am seeing a cardiology therapist because I am scared and I'm gonna work through that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: But we should not be afraid, and if we are, we need to get help.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want one health event to make my world smaller.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to stop traveling or trying things to make plans because something might happen.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's not living.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm yes, I'm going to recover.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to listen to the people taking care of me.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to give my body some time.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm going to make more plans, because which I've already done.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what we do.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: I have a trip in November, the middle of November, to go to California.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to see the kids.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to see Alec and Sharon and Kyle.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm slow, I'm slow.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: If I feel that I need a wheelchair to go, we're going to the new George Lucas Museum in downtown LA.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: If I feel that day that I'm feeling a particular way, I'll get a wheelchair and my son can push me.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to be proud, but I'm going to go.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not finished having adventures, not remotely.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to give you your your survival challenge this week.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's a little different.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to think about something you've been putting off.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Not because you can't do it, because you've been waiting for the right time.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: What is that thing that you've been waiting to do, just for the right time to do it?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: Is it calling somebody, taking a trip, opening a bottle of champagne, going to a restaurant, using your good dishes, buying some theater tickets, whatever it is?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying throw caution to the wind.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm saying don't assume later is guaranteed.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: If something matters to you, give it some room in your life now.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: And before I go, thank you.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you to ever to everybody who has checked in, worried about me, told me I'm important, sent me good thoughts, prayed for me, given me a little grace while my life has gone sideways.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: I am home, I am recovering, and I'm still podcasting.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: You can't get rid of me that easy.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm very grateful to be sitting in front of this microphone today talking to you.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Just a reminder: my other two shows are a little different this week, too.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: On Inside Marcy's Mind, we're talking about what happens when life looks at your beautifully organized plan and says, oh, that's adorable.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: And on Unbottled, we talk about something 38 years of sobriety has taught me.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: Life still happens sober.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Recovery doesn't prevent the hard stuff, it changes how we walk through it.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: So that's where I am this week.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: France is canceled, plans have changed, my body has gotten my attention, and I'm learning again that getting older isn't about controlling everything that happens.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's about deciding what you're going to do with what happens.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: And apparently, it's also about collecting increasingly ridiculous stories from my podcast.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I want to research my own material.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be the material.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: I am Marcy.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is Aging A for Sissies.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: And wow, they weren't kidding about this title.