Transcript

#4 Tony · Heavyweight

0:15
Speaker 1: Pushkin, did you ever come outside?
0:22
Speaker 2: We have to leave it a Hi.
0:24
Speaker 1: This is Khalila from Gimblet Media. Please hold for Jonathan Goldstein.
0:29
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
0:29
Speaker 4: Who is this Khalila from Gimlet Media.
0:31
Speaker 1: Please hold for Jonathan Goldstein.
0:34
Speaker 2: Please hold? Yeah, Wow, hello, Hello. How nice of you
0:55
Speaker 2: to take the call from yourself. O. Hey, Jackie, you
1:00
Speaker 2: seem surprised that you called me.
1:02
Speaker 1: So nice to hear from you.
1:03
Speaker 2: I didn't call you.
1:04
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that I had you on my calendar.
1:06
Speaker 1: But this is great. How are you doing. It's been
1:08
Speaker 1: so busy. It's nice to like decompress and have a
1:11
Speaker 1: normal conversation. How's it going? From Gimblet Media. I'm Jonathan
1:21
Speaker 1: Goldstein and this is Heavyweight Today's episode, Tony.
1:36
Speaker 5: Paul, how are you very good?
1:39
Speaker 4: Thanks?
1:41
Speaker 5: I was wondering if you would be up for meeting
1:44
Speaker 5: me for an hour? Okay, what about I was absent
1:48
Speaker 5: for most of your life, and you know I've always
1:52
Speaker 5: felt bad about it.
1:54
Speaker 1: Here's something you don't hear every day. A godfather awkwardly
1:58
Speaker 1: asking out his thirty one year old godson on a
2:01
Speaker 1: god date.
2:02
Speaker 5: I know you're busy. I know your busy as life
2:05
Speaker 5: mouth father who and but I think you spare an
2:08
Speaker 5: hour like Monday or to the night.
2:11
Speaker 4: You know.
2:12
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, a week in advance, not the I don't know
2:14
Speaker 3: what the hellse going on.
2:16
Speaker 1: The Godfather being blown off as my friend Tony, the
2:19
Speaker 1: realization that he needed to be a better godfather came suddenly.
2:23
Speaker 1: It was like if Vido Corleone woke up one morning
2:26
Speaker 1: and thought, you know, godfathering should be more than just
2:29
Speaker 1: decapitating horses, and then picked up a rotary phone and
2:33
Speaker 1: asked Johnny Fontaine out on an ice cream date. But
2:36
Speaker 1: to explain how Tony got to this point, let's go
2:39
Speaker 1: back to the beginning. It all started when Tony and
2:42
Speaker 1: I were catching up and regarding work. How is that
2:47
Speaker 1: going good?
2:49
Speaker 4: It's really great.
2:50
Speaker 6: I've like, I'm actually enjoying the process I'm making this film,
2:54
Speaker 6: which is I think the really amazing thing about the
2:57
Speaker 6: past year.
3:00
Speaker 1: This past year has been a hard one for Tony.
3:02
Speaker 1: He's recently divorced and still adjusting the house that has
3:07
Speaker 1: been settled.
3:08
Speaker 6: Everything settled, Everything is settled. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
3:15
Speaker 1: I first met Tony in college when he was a
3:17
Speaker 1: young film student with manic energy. Jean Shallott curly black
3:21
Speaker 1: hair and gray clothes that always smelt of Greek food.
3:25
Speaker 1: After college, we became roommates and on the weekend his
3:29
Speaker 1: mother would visit. She referred to me as gatzo'meli's mano everyaki,
3:33
Speaker 1: which I think translates loosely as the alley cat haired
3:37
Speaker 1: little jew. But I didn't mind, because whenever she showed
3:41
Speaker 1: up she brought homemates Benicopita and Terra Mussolada. Tony would
3:45
Speaker 1: wash down these Grecian delights with copious amounts of booze.
3:49
Speaker 1: Pretty soon he started washing everything down with booze. There's
3:58
Speaker 1: an image from that time that stuck with me. Tony
4:01
Speaker 1: had decided to join me at the gym after downing
4:03
Speaker 1: a half bottle of vodka. I remember him wailing on
4:06
Speaker 1: the heavy bag in his undershirt and gray jeans, looking
4:09
Speaker 1: a little like a kid, pounding on the floor, fed
4:12
Speaker 1: up with everything. Eventually, Tony turned to harder drugs like heroin,
4:17
Speaker 1: and soon after that we stopped being roommates. Tony went
4:24
Speaker 1: to rehab and after he got out, spent some years
4:27
Speaker 1: putting his life back together. He had a few relationships
4:30
Speaker 1: and then he met Natalie. Natalie was smart and loved
4:34
Speaker 1: to write, and when Tony hugged her, she disappeared into
4:37
Speaker 1: his body. Tony's a big guy, with a thick black
4:40
Speaker 1: beard covering his boyish face, and Natalie was apple cheeked
4:44
Speaker 1: and glamorous. I liked being around them. One time, while
4:48
Speaker 1: walking by a curiosity shop, I saw a comically small
4:52
Speaker 1: ping pong table in the window. Immediately I thought of
4:55
Speaker 1: Tony and Natalie. I imagined the two of them in
4:58
Speaker 1: their kitchen, smacking the little ball back and forth together
5:01
Speaker 1: and laughing. During their wedding vows, Natalie said, I vowed
5:06
Speaker 1: to grow old with you, but most of all, to
5:08
Speaker 1: grow young with you, and Tony interrupted her right in
5:12
Speaker 1: the middle, eyes welling up to say me too. It
5:16
Speaker 1: was like he'd blown his youth but was getting another chance.
5:20
Speaker 1: But then, at some point, around three years in things
5:23
Speaker 1: started to get tougher. Tony spent a lot of time
5:26
Speaker 1: locked in his studio, working obsessively on his movies, and
5:29
Speaker 1: Natalie started to feel hamstrung by montreal, its smallness, the
5:33
Speaker 1: lack of opportunities. They wanted a baby but were having
5:37
Speaker 1: a hard time with it. And then Tony's dad died,
5:41
Speaker 1: making him the sole caretaker of his mother, a woman
5:44
Speaker 1: who didn't shy away from espousing strong opinions about her
5:47
Speaker 1: son's personal life. All of this was hard on him
5:50
Speaker 1: and Natalie.
5:52
Speaker 6: She was not happy. She was not happy. She was
5:54
Speaker 6: not happy. She just didn't want to be here.
5:58
Speaker 1: Natalie wanted to start a new life in a new place,
6:00
Speaker 1: but Tony felt happily stuck in the old one, and
6:03
Speaker 1: he couldn't leave his mother all alone. So when Natalie
6:06
Speaker 1: decided to leave town, he knew he couldn't go with her.
6:09
Speaker 1: Was there ever a conversation in which you were both
6:12
Speaker 1: trying to envision a way in which you could leave
6:14
Speaker 1: the city.
6:14
Speaker 4: No, because there was no way, like even with.
6:18
Speaker 1: Your mother, to go with you. Why is that no?
6:27
Speaker 1: Tony's mother is an eighty four year old Greek woman
6:29
Speaker 1: with little English, whose only hobbies are meticulously cleaning her
6:33
Speaker 1: toaster of and wringing her hands while frowning and so
6:37
Speaker 1: in here lies the heart of Tony's current problem. Before
6:40
Speaker 1: they separated, Tony and Natalie were trying to have a baby,
6:43
Speaker 1: and now he finds himself alone, middle aged, and worried
6:47
Speaker 1: he's missed his last chance to have a kid.
6:50
Speaker 6: I don't think there's a point to anything if you
6:54
Speaker 6: don't have a relationship with a young person, How do
6:56
Speaker 6: you mean if I sit here in the dark thinking
6:58
Speaker 6: about it and realizing, you know, I'm forty six years
7:00
Speaker 6: old and I live alone and I'm not, you know,
7:03
Speaker 6: probably not going to have kids, and who the fuck
7:05
Speaker 6: gives a shit if I live or die side from
7:09
Speaker 6: my mother and a few friends. But really, who gives
7:13
Speaker 6: a shit? You know, who's going to feel a loss?
7:18
Speaker 6: I'm not saying that in a negotistical way, But who
7:20
Speaker 6: do I mean something to? Whose life have I enriched? Like,
7:24
Speaker 6: I don't think I don't understand what there is to
7:28
Speaker 6: do here if you're not somehow helping or being connected
7:31
Speaker 6: to a younger person.
7:40
Speaker 1: Lately, Tony's been thinking about three young people he had
7:43
Speaker 1: been connected to, his estranged godchildren. Tony admits to screwing
7:48
Speaker 1: up those three relationships during three difficult chapters in his
7:52
Speaker 1: life drug addiction, rehab, and divorce. What if you were
7:57
Speaker 1: to try to get them back in your life?
8:00
Speaker 6: I'm not sure what difference I can make. And somebody's
8:05
Speaker 6: like it's kind of like, hey, yeah, here I am now,
8:07
Speaker 6: I'm ready for you, Like I haven't been here all
8:09
Speaker 6: these years? But hey, here I am now, you know.
8:11
Speaker 1: Not hearing my friend give up on himself so easily,
8:14
Speaker 1: I decided to suggest something bold. Why not try reaching
8:18
Speaker 1: out to the god kids he lost?
8:20
Speaker 6: Now, I mean, I actually do want to have a relationship.
8:26
Speaker 1: I do. You don't know until you at least try.
8:29
Speaker 4: Right, I'm I'm, I'm open to anything.
8:34
Speaker 1: And do you have their phone numbers? I get him
8:39
Speaker 1: to tell me about them. Beginning with the first Paul.
8:43
Speaker 4: I was sixteen years old. It was very formal.
8:47
Speaker 6: I held this kid in a Greek Orthodox baptism ceremony
8:50
Speaker 6: for an hour.
8:51
Speaker 4: My arm almost fell off.
8:53
Speaker 6: Babies are really heavy, especially when you have one arm
8:55
Speaker 6: to hold onto them and have a candle in the other.
8:57
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it was cute. You know.
8:58
Speaker 6: I was really young, and I was close to their family,
9:04
Speaker 6: but I was sixteen. Within like two years, I was
9:07
Speaker 6: a raving, lunatic, alcoholic drug addict. I didn't see much
9:14
Speaker 6: of him or anybody at all from the family for
9:18
Speaker 6: quite a few years, and I didn't think about it much,
9:22
Speaker 6: that's for sure.
9:23
Speaker 1: And this god kid what's his name? His name is Paul,
9:27
Speaker 1: and Paul would be about thirty years old.
9:28
Speaker 6: Now, uh, yeah, he's thirty one.
9:33
Speaker 4: And here's the thing.
9:34
Speaker 6: I've never actually talked to him about about how he
9:36
Speaker 6: felt having an absencee godfather. But he beat me at
9:40
Speaker 6: an arm wrestle, and he I think he really enjoyed that.
9:43
Speaker 1: And when you say he enjoyed that, he enjoyed hanging
9:45
Speaker 1: out and spending time with you, or he enjoyed beating
9:47
Speaker 1: you enjoyed beating me for being such a crappy godfather.
9:51
Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying.
9:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, is there a particular question that you would want
9:56
Speaker 1: to pose to him or to all of them?
10:02
Speaker 4: Do you hate me?
10:04
Speaker 2: Like?
10:04
Speaker 6: Does it mean anything that I'm somebody's godfather because I
10:08
Speaker 6: said so or somebody said so, or we did something
10:11
Speaker 6: a long time ago. It can mean nothing or it
10:14
Speaker 6: can mean something. You know, Godfather's a big fucking deal
10:18
Speaker 6: if you think about it. It has this spiritual implication
10:21
Speaker 6: God right, it's not toilet father.
10:31
Speaker 1: And so, with my encouragement, Tony picked up the phone
10:34
Speaker 1: and reached out to Paul, which brings us back to
10:37
Speaker 1: the phone call you heard earlier on Saturday. Yeah, I
10:41
Speaker 1: think that's that'll be easiest.
10:43
Speaker 5: Okay, are you are you up to this? You don't
10:45
Speaker 5: feel like I don't want to impose on.
10:47
Speaker 4: You like and you said, you know you feel bad.
10:49
Speaker 4: I don't think you should. There's nothing to feel bad about.
10:55
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, but yeah, give me a call the weekend
10:57
Speaker 5: and we'll try to figure something out. Okay, great, and
11:00
Speaker 5: I'll call you perfect. Right, sounds good.
11:09
Speaker 1: On Saturday, Tony called with no response. He reached out
11:12
Speaker 1: again and again. Eventually he gave up. Tony and Paul
11:18
Speaker 1: never got together. Tony and I reconvened, and I tried
11:26
Speaker 1: to bolster his spirits. Maybe things would go better with godchild.
11:29
Speaker 1: The second Zoe.
11:31
Speaker 6: She is the daughter of a rehab buddy who was
11:35
Speaker 6: actually also a drug dealer here in Montreal when I
11:37
Speaker 6: was dealing in Montreal, and we met in rehab in Ottawa,
11:43
Speaker 6: and he asked me, do you want to be her godfather?
11:46
Speaker 6: I said sure, I said you guys in baptizer. I said, no,
11:49
Speaker 6: be her godfather? Okay, great, And so it was just
11:53
Speaker 6: like that. That was easy, yeah, but it was meaningful.
11:58
Speaker 6: I was happy to do whatever was going to be
12:00
Speaker 6: required of me. And I did see the kid, you know,
12:04
Speaker 6: when she was young, and then I moved to Montreal,
12:09
Speaker 6: and so she basically grew up without me.
12:12
Speaker 1: In the intervening years, Tony's only seen Zoe a couple times.
12:16
Speaker 1: When she comes to town. She doesn't bother looking him
12:18
Speaker 1: up because.
12:19
Speaker 6: I remember how I used to see people that were like,
12:22
Speaker 6: never mind forties, Yeah, like people in their thirties were crusty,
12:28
Speaker 6: you know, a yellow Tony ailed, you know, old people.
12:32
Speaker 6: And occasionally, you know, I get like she likes something
12:35
Speaker 6: on my Facebook page and I'll be like, ooh.
12:39
Speaker 1: But Tony wants more than that. Since Zoe still lives
12:42
Speaker 1: in Ottawa, just a two hour drive away, I suggest
12:45
Speaker 1: to go visit her. Maybe it isn't too late. But
12:48
Speaker 1: after his failed attempt with Paul, he isn't sure she'll
12:51
Speaker 1: even want to see him, so I offered a road
12:53
Speaker 1: trip down with him for emotional support.
12:57
Speaker 4: My god, O late.
12:59
Speaker 1: You know, the whole purpose of this thing is for
13:01
Speaker 1: you not to be a dead meat god Dad.
13:03
Speaker 4: I know. I feel really bad. It's my fault.
13:05
Speaker 1: It's Zoe's last week of high school and Tony's arranged
13:08
Speaker 1: to pick her up after her day of finals.
13:10
Speaker 6: You don't mind driving a little faster to you don't
13:13
Speaker 6: go like snail past grandma style.
13:15
Speaker 1: That's my style. No grandma style.
13:16
Speaker 4: Don't do that.
13:18
Speaker 1: When we get to the school, Zoe's waiting outside.
13:21
Speaker 4: All right, here we go. You're feeling good. I'm feeling good.
13:25
Speaker 4: There we get here we go?
13:27
Speaker 5: Here were god?
13:29
Speaker 7: Hello? Hello?
13:31
Speaker 1: Zoe is eighteen. She's wearing a Yin and Yang choker
13:34
Speaker 1: around her neck and a pink scrunchy in her hair.
13:37
Speaker 4: So how's everything?
13:38
Speaker 6: How are you really good?
13:40
Speaker 4: Almost done?
13:41
Speaker 1: High school?
13:43
Speaker 8: The final frontier?
13:45
Speaker 4: So go to the park.
13:50
Speaker 1: Would you like some candy? Tom Zooe. As Tony's emotional
13:55
Speaker 1: support system, I thought it might be helpful to bring refreshments.
13:59
Speaker 1: We drive along, chewing in silence, and then Tony decides
14:09
Speaker 1: it's to break the ice.
14:10
Speaker 4: I have a really disgusting story to tell you.
14:14
Speaker 8: Well, can you contextualize what discussions?
14:16
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I'm only thinking about it because it
14:18
Speaker 6: happened right around here.
14:20
Speaker 2: Oh no, I don't like where this is going.
14:23
Speaker 6: A friend of mine has been collecting his vomit for
14:26
Speaker 6: the past twenty years in a gigantic tin like a
14:29
Speaker 6: gigantic metal drama in the basement.
14:32
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what heck? I wasn't expecting that either.
14:40
Speaker 2: That's so terrible.
14:41
Speaker 4: Why would you?
14:42
Speaker 8: Why would you bring something like that up right now?
14:46
Speaker 1: So like, how did you find out about that? So
14:50
Speaker 1: many questions and fun fact, the Vomit House is on
14:54
Speaker 1: Ralph Street. Google map it. It's right there next to
14:58
Speaker 1: Brown's inlet the park we're on our way to.
15:10
Speaker 8: I've only been to this park once before, and that
15:13
Speaker 8: was a weird day. I started dating this guy and
15:18
Speaker 8: like the first time we ever hung out outside of
15:20
Speaker 8: school was in this park. We were on those swings
15:23
Speaker 8: and I just remember being like, wow, this is really weird,
15:26
Speaker 8: like this is a date.
15:28
Speaker 1: So I guess that was like my first date. We
15:31
Speaker 1: find a picnic table beside the playground where young mothers
15:34
Speaker 1: are playing with their babies. Tony and Zoe sit side
15:36
Speaker 1: by side, she fiddling with a strand of hair and
15:40
Speaker 1: he's staring at the table, sweeping pebbles of sand back
15:43
Speaker 1: and forth. The two of them catch up. It turns
15:46
Speaker 1: out Zoe's taking improv classes and Tony's taken improv classes too,
15:50
Speaker 1: back and forth.
15:51
Speaker 4: I'd love to see that. I'd love to see that.
15:53
Speaker 2: You'd like my troop. I think you'd like those guys
15:55
Speaker 2: a lot.
15:56
Speaker 1: Being both a friend who wants to encourage bonding as
15:59
Speaker 1: well as a lover of show business. I ask if
16:02
Speaker 1: they might improvise a scene or two.
16:05
Speaker 4: This is my favorite bench.
16:07
Speaker 8: It's funny because it's also my favor revenge, and I've
16:09
Speaker 8: actually never seen you sitting here.
16:11
Speaker 1: But instead of the comedic romp I'd hoped for, I
16:13
Speaker 1: get a sluggish five minute piece of Samuel Bickhetti in theater.
16:17
Speaker 8: So I guess what I'm saying is you'll either have
16:20
Speaker 8: to move to the bench that's beside mine or beside his.
16:23
Speaker 1: And scene I thought, like, I'm probably was supposed to
16:27
Speaker 1: be like funny well, because he.
16:28
Speaker 4: Usually his energy.
16:29
Speaker 6: And you're on stage and you're like, you're doing stupid
16:31
Speaker 6: shit and people are laughing, You're not laughing, and.
16:34
Speaker 1: In my heart it feels like Christmas morning on Ralph Street.
16:38
Speaker 1: As Tony and Zoe begin to bond.
16:41
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'm playing.
16:45
Speaker 1: They're having fun, but Tony's still thinking about godfatherhood. Tentatively,
16:57
Speaker 1: he brings it up.
16:58
Speaker 4: I the godfather.
17:01
Speaker 6: Traditionally, that's well, godfather's supposed to to write spiritual instruction.
17:06
Speaker 6: And I wasn't there when you were really young, when
17:12
Speaker 6: you were told when you were young, this is Tony,
17:14
Speaker 6: He's your godfather.
17:15
Speaker 4: Do you remember that.
17:19
Speaker 6: I always knew that you would.
17:20
Speaker 8: You had this like connection to my parents that was
17:22
Speaker 8: really valuable, So by extensionally you'd be valuable to me
17:25
Speaker 8: even though I didn't know you that.
17:26
Speaker 4: Well, Yeah, what do you What can I offer you
17:29
Speaker 4: at this point? From this point onward in.
17:32
Speaker 8: A formal fashion, I don't know what you hope for
17:36
Speaker 8: me to provide for you is like to provide for me?
17:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, I mean it's a two way street. I
17:41
Speaker 1: mean I can't just like take so much and not
17:43
Speaker 1: give anything to you.
17:44
Speaker 6: So that's the point. The point you don't you know,
17:48
Speaker 6: that's the point is that I'm here for you.
17:53
Speaker 1: That is the point with a God child, not so
17:57
Speaker 1: much with a God adult. The children's book is called
18:00
Speaker 1: The Giving Tree, not the Giving and Taking Tree. Children
18:04
Speaker 1: aren't self conscious. They don't find it weird to take
18:07
Speaker 1: without giving anything in return, but adults do. I'm begetting
18:11
Speaker 1: to feel like pushing Tony to reconnect with his godchildren
18:15
Speaker 1: might have been Foolhardy. Tony can't just insert himself into
18:18
Speaker 1: a past he missed out on. And as for the future,
18:22
Speaker 1: Zoe's getting ready to go off to college. She's at
18:25
Speaker 1: the point in life when actual parents see less and
18:27
Speaker 1: less of their kids, never mind godparents.
18:31
Speaker 4: She was a little bit country and he was a
18:32
Speaker 4: little bit rock and roll.
18:33
Speaker 6: That was a song, I'm a little bit country reverse,
18:37
Speaker 6: I'm a little bit.
18:39
Speaker 1: As Tony sings both parts of Adannie and Marie Duet,
18:43
Speaker 1: Zoe watches him with a big smile on her face.
18:46
Speaker 1: It's clear they really enjoy each other and the afternoon
18:49
Speaker 1: goes well. But as far as the god parental relationship
18:52
Speaker 1: Tony wants, it feels like it just might be too late.
18:57
Speaker 4: I'm really impressed.
18:58
Speaker 6: I think you've got a pretty fucking firm all on things. Well.
19:03
Speaker 8: I mean, if you're ever in dire need for like
19:06
Speaker 8: a caregiver when you're old and can't go the bathroom
19:09
Speaker 8: or something.
19:10
Speaker 1: Like, I could help you. Only one godchild to go,
19:18
Speaker 1: Will Tony be a godfather or a toilet father? Is
19:21
Speaker 1: the cat still in the cradle? And if so, will
19:23
Speaker 1: he scratch Tony's eyes out when roused from his godfatherless slumber.
19:28
Speaker 1: We'll find out after these important messages from our sponsors.
19:40
Speaker 1: Tony's first godchild, Paul, didn't have the time for a relationship,
19:45
Speaker 1: and his second godchild, Zoe, had outgrown the whole godfather
19:48
Speaker 1: goddaughter thing that left him one last chance, nine year
19:52
Speaker 1: old Nicholas godchild.
19:54
Speaker 6: The third Nicholas godchild number three is Nicholas, the son
19:58
Speaker 6: of my cousin.
20:00
Speaker 1: This one is especially challenging for Tony because, unlike with
20:03
Speaker 1: Paul and Zoe, Tony's not the only godparent in the picture.
20:07
Speaker 1: Tony's ex wife, Natalie was and likable when they started dating.
20:11
Speaker 1: She helped him reconnect with his family so much so,
20:14
Speaker 1: though when Nicholas was born, his mom, a cousin Tony
20:18
Speaker 1: wasn't even especially close to, asked them both to be
20:21
Speaker 1: as godparents. Tony and Natalie were together at Nicholas's baptism.
20:25
Speaker 6: I was holding him and he was really was he
20:29
Speaker 6: was really upset until I took him, and he was
20:33
Speaker 6: quiet the whole time, And everybody was kind of spooked
20:36
Speaker 6: by the fact that he was suddenly so.
20:37
Speaker 4: Quiet mm hm when I was holding him. So there
20:41
Speaker 4: was this whole kind of energy.
20:42
Speaker 6: Around, like, oh, why is this power Tony has over Nicholas,
20:46
Speaker 6: or why is he so quiet? And everybody seemed to
20:49
Speaker 6: make a kind of a strange impression on people, And
20:51
Speaker 6: it felt good to sort of be I guess for whatever.
20:54
Speaker 4: Reason that nothing to do with me.
20:57
Speaker 6: Somehow this kid felt soothed or calm by me, and
21:04
Speaker 6: we baptized the kid. We had a big party, and
21:06
Speaker 6: then we started. We were there every year, like thirty
21:10
Speaker 6: four times a year, which is pretty good. But it
21:13
Speaker 6: was all good, But it was all about being with Natalie.
21:19
Speaker 1: Natalie was the initiator. She's the one who planned the
21:22
Speaker 1: Godparents stuff, like trips with Nicholas to the movies in
21:25
Speaker 1: the museum. Nicholas loved Natalie and related to her and
21:29
Speaker 1: Tony as a unit. So when that unit split up,
21:32
Speaker 1: Tony couldn't bring himself to keep visiting Nicholas and his mom.
21:35
Speaker 1: It reminded him too much of Natalie.
21:38
Speaker 6: I didn't feel like seeing them. I didn't feel like
21:41
Speaker 6: going to her house because I always went there with Natalie.
21:46
Speaker 1: But Nicholas's mother continued to reach out. Nicholas really misses you,
21:50
Speaker 1: she'd write. Eventually, she suggested they all get together on
21:53
Speaker 1: neutral ground, her sister's house.
21:56
Speaker 4: So we did.
21:58
Speaker 6: We set up a surprise dinner, which was about two
22:00
Speaker 6: months ago, and I went over and they were really
22:07
Speaker 6: happy to see me. But at the same time, I
22:10
Speaker 6: noticed Nicholas's first reaction. He was, he was, he was
22:13
Speaker 6: kind of shocked, and I could see that all this
22:17
Speaker 6: stuff went through his eyes, and then he put on
22:19
Speaker 6: this kind of smiley, happy guy thing.
22:22
Speaker 4: I could read it all in his face right away.
22:25
Speaker 1: And you think that was because Natalie wasn't there.
22:28
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah.
22:30
Speaker 1: Tony's afraid that Nicholas won't want a relationship with him
22:33
Speaker 1: that doesn't include Natalie, Afraid that maybe he's not the
22:36
Speaker 1: godparent that Nicholas wants. But he also doesn't want to
22:39
Speaker 1: repeat the same mistakes, so he screws up his courage
22:42
Speaker 1: and goes back over for dinner, hoping he and Nicholas
22:45
Speaker 1: can connect again. But before Tony gets a chance to
22:51
Speaker 1: sit down, the very first words out of Nicholas's mouth.
22:58
Speaker 4: Naldie, She's She's okay.
23:03
Speaker 9: If he just couldn't get back with her, that would
23:05
Speaker 9: be relief.
23:08
Speaker 4: Why would that be a relief.
23:10
Speaker 9: I want to see her again. I never get to
23:12
Speaker 9: see her.
23:12
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true.
23:18
Speaker 9: I only see you, and.
23:21
Speaker 6: That's not enough. You will see her again. Then she says, hi,
23:28
Speaker 6: because she's in Australia. Actually she's in New Zealand.
23:32
Speaker 9: You don't want to be in the place as she is.
23:34
Speaker 3: Right, Well, I don't want.
23:36
Speaker 6: To be in New Zealand because it's far away from
23:37
Speaker 6: everything that I do.
23:39
Speaker 4: My mother is here.
23:40
Speaker 6: My mother's an old lady, she's eighty five years old
23:42
Speaker 6: and she needs me. She can't live alone, so I
23:45
Speaker 6: can't go anywhere. So it's finally he doesn't want to
23:50
Speaker 6: be here.
23:51
Speaker 3: It's over for Yeah, it's over for y out sausage.
23:59
Speaker 6: It looks like that, but you never know. I'm not
24:05
Speaker 6: in love with anybody else.
24:07
Speaker 1: They sit down on the cow and Tony faces the
24:10
Speaker 1: thing that's hardest for him to talk about, even with adults,
24:14
Speaker 1: let alone a child.
24:15
Speaker 4: So are you going to be sad if if you
24:16
Speaker 4: don't see her again? A bit? I can't?
24:20
Speaker 3: Just kidding a lot?
24:25
Speaker 4: Is there anything that you want to ask me or
24:28
Speaker 4: about not leave or anything?
24:30
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
24:32
Speaker 3: Did a part of did you feel like a part
24:35
Speaker 3: of your heart broke up to pieces?
24:39
Speaker 4: Yeah? He did, yeah, very much? A lot.
24:48
Speaker 3: Do you miss her a lot?
24:50
Speaker 4: Yeah? I do?
24:53
Speaker 3: Well, you should have you should have said this, come
24:58
Speaker 3: back whenever you come. You could come back whenever you want,
25:03
Speaker 3: or just say or just say sorry or something.
25:09
Speaker 7: Yeah I did, Okay, I said sorry, and so did she?
25:16
Speaker 7: She had things to be sorry about too, And then
25:18
Speaker 7: I said come back for a long time. I said,
25:20
Speaker 7: come back whenever you want. And I think I think
25:26
Speaker 7: she's decided not to. I think she's decided.
25:31
Speaker 3: Maybe it's because Post Canada takes a long time to
25:34
Speaker 3: get a note, really long.
25:36
Speaker 4: No, but I read her on the internet.
25:39
Speaker 3: Oh Internet, Oh that makes more sense, I thought, you
25:43
Speaker 3: Brian from Postcarada.
25:46
Speaker 1: Tony's putting away his own feelings and focusing on Nicholas's,
25:50
Speaker 1: which is a very godfatherly thing to do. And Nicholas,
25:53
Speaker 1: for his part, seems to be straining on his emotional
25:56
Speaker 1: tiptoes to try to reach Tony, and together they meet
26:00
Speaker 1: somewhere in the middle.
26:02
Speaker 6: Do you remember when I, you know, I baptized you right, yeah,
26:06
Speaker 6: and you were crying, you were really upset.
26:08
Speaker 4: I had to pick you up.
26:09
Speaker 6: When I picked you up, if you went totally quiet,
26:14
Speaker 6: and everybody was like, he's so quiet, and and everybody
26:18
Speaker 6: said you you made him calm, And I thought that's cool.
26:22
Speaker 6: Maybe that's what godfathers are supposed to do. They're supposed
26:26
Speaker 6: to make people calm and be like everything's okay, don't
26:30
Speaker 6: worry about it, you know, but let me ask you something, Yeah,
26:37
Speaker 6: what kind of godfather do you want me to be?
26:40
Speaker 3: I wanted you to be the same thing as you
26:42
Speaker 3: are right now, which is what You're a really good godfather.
26:48
Speaker 4: I am. You're pretty good, thanks man. I appreciate that.
26:54
Speaker 4: That's very nice.
26:55
Speaker 3: You're really good.
26:57
Speaker 7: Good your godfather you that's awesome, cool man.
27:11
Speaker 1: And with that, Tony was a godfather, because when your
27:15
Speaker 1: godchild tells you you're a godfather, you're a godfather. When
27:30
Speaker 1: I talked to Tony a couple of weeks later, he
27:32
Speaker 1: had already seen Nicholas again. They went to visit Tony's mom.
27:36
Speaker 1: He says she liked having a kid around to wait on,
27:39
Speaker 1: to serve spin a coopita.
27:44
Speaker 4: She's laughing in her heart.
27:47
Speaker 9: This is the best day that I ever had.
27:52
Speaker 4: And it's only just begun.
28:20
Speaker 6: Now that the furnitures return to its goodwill home, now that.
28:30
Speaker 7: The last month's rent is skeeding with the damage. To
28:36
Speaker 7: take this moment to the sew.
28:40
Speaker 4: If we meant it, if.
28:42
Speaker 7: We tried, we felt around for far too.
28:49
Speaker 1: From things that accidentally. Heavyweight is hosted and produced by
28:57
Speaker 1: me Jonathan Goldstein, along with Chris Neary and Khalila Holt.
29:01
Speaker 1: The senior producer is Wendy Dore, Editing by Alex Bloomberg
29:05
Speaker 1: and Jorge Just special thanks to Emily Condon, Anna as
29:08
Speaker 1: a Macappola, and my delightful pal Jackie Cohen. The show
29:12
Speaker 1: was mixed by Hailey Shaw, music by Christine Fellows. Additional
29:16
Speaker 1: music credits for this episode can be found on our
29:19
Speaker 1: website Gimbletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song is
29:23
Speaker 1: by the Weaker Than's courtesy of Epitaph Records, and their
29:26
Speaker 1: ad music is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on Twitter
29:29
Speaker 1: at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimbletmedia dot com.
29:34
Speaker 1: We'll have a new episode in two weeks.
29:52
Speaker 3: The only thing that's the most important is just to
29:55
Speaker 3: have have a good life.
29:59
Speaker 4: What's a good life for you?
30:01
Speaker 3: Just to have some stuff, food, have friends, but not
30:07
Speaker 3: to be rich and a offt.
30:09
Speaker 4: Or something that's very true.
30:12
Speaker 3: How do you know that I just made it up?
30:14
Speaker 4: This is true. I think what you're saying is true.
30:17
Speaker 9: I just made that up.