Latest / Your Life Your Story - RISE UP / Junk In Your Trunk

Transcript

Junk In Your Trunk · Your Life Your Story - RISE UP

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome to Your Life, Your Story.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Jill O'Boyle.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is all about turning your battles into breakthroughs and helping you rise up.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you feel stuck.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Life feels heavy right now.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: You want to numb the pain with all the wrong things in life just to get by.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: But could your battles in your life actually be perfectly placed in your life for a reason?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Could you use these battles as your breakthrough?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: On this podcast, I will uncover how you can do just that.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not only will I share my personal story, but I am honored to have some amazing guests on the show who are opening up about their life and the battles they have gone through.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: But through faith and God's calling, they didn't give up.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: They're now living their best life.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: so can you.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're there, you're ready to let go of the chains and discover freedom on the other side, then join me inside and let's rise up together.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or I guess we would say we would call it junk.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: To them, it's what they call their prized possessions.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: I know I've stepped into someone's car before and looked around and thought, wow, there's a lot of clutter and junk in here.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're quick to judge from the outside, but what someone calls junk is someone else's treasure.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're honest with ourselves, we all carry a lot of junk with us.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Stuff that we really shouldn't be carrying, stuff that needs to be dealt with, sorted through, reviewed, and discarded.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: But we don't discard it, do we?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, we just go through our stuff, we ponder it, look at it longer than we should, and then we decide, yeah, you know what?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna hold on to that just a little bit longer.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're like me, I've gone through my closet so many times, and let me just say I need a major do-over in my closet.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I keep stuff for way too long.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sweatshirts that are beyond your normal wear and tear, frankly.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I just keep holding on to it because it has meaning.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or pants that are just too tight.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: But let me add it to the pile of, oh, I'll fit into these someday.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: These are gonna be my motivation pants to lose the weight that I said over and over I would lose.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is those pants are way up top.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Way up top of my closet in a corner that's pushed away where I can't even get to them.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the only time I remember that they're actually up there is when guess what?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I go through that annual let's get rid of junk time.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then what happens?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, I forgot about these pants.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, let me let me just keep these a little bit longer because I am this year.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: This year is going to be the year that I'm gonna get back into those jeans.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: But guess where I put those jeans?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: The same dang spot.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: That far back corner where I don't even see them until I make myself find them when I start doing that annual clean out the closet time.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Anybody else have a skinny jean pile in their closet?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, maybe someday I'll get back into these?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's a reminder that it's time to deal with the junk.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's taking up room in your closet that you could use for new and improved clothes, clothes that actually fit you, ones that you wear often, the kind that gives you a sense of I feel good in this outfit and I can be who I am in this.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a reminder to say, out with the old, in with the new.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: So many of us hold on to our junk, things that we think will serve us in the future, but never do.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so it just becomes heavy baggage.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's like packing for a trip and trying to fit all of your outfits into the suitcase that you want to wear, but you can't fit anything in there because you're still lugging around your 1998 jeans.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, come on.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you get to the point.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm saying is metaphorically, just like our 1998 jeans, so many of us carry excess junk and weight on our shoulders that we don't need to be carrying.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: We have so many past hangups and hardships and childhood trauma.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of looking at these chapters in our life with an intent to find healing and meaning and purpose, we just push it aside, right?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: We just push it deep down.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: We put it on the top rack of our closet, way up there where we can't see it, until there's a trigger occurs and makes us face it again.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Just like the genes, a trigger to clean out my closet.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Then, oh, now I'm gonna now I realize I haven't lost that weight.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, those are still up there.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let me let me push it back a little bit longer and keep holding on to this baggage.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And these triggers in life will continue to haunt you and show up in your life until you deal with that chapter.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta come to terms with the junk.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Inquire about it, find the magic and good in the hurt and pain, and then close that chapter.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, what baggage and junk are you carrying around?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the thing every single one of us has baggage.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: We have all picked up things along our way in our life.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And when we don't deal with the baggage in the right way, it can show up in the most inappropriate ways.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, what kind of baggage am I talking about?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because as you know, this isn't about our 1998 skinny jeans, is it?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, unfortunately, it's not.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot deeper than that.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, baggage can show up in your life in several different ways.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: The first way is hurts.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hurts are that undealt pain that happened to you as a child.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe for you, it's a hurt of your parents' divorce.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you have a lot of unanswered questions about why they got divorced.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you're starting to now look at your life and thinking, I'm starting to shape the same patterns as my parents, and oh my, am I gonna be divorced too?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe your mom cheated on your dad and you've never asked the questions why or what was going on in their life during that time.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so you have unanswered questions, you have unanswered hurts and pain that when triggers in life happen, it causes you to act in an inappropriate way because you haven't dealt with the hurt from your past.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: The other way that baggage shows up in our life is habits.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: We stick to habits that control us in a negative way.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I can think of many habits that are not healthy habits.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: So addiction is one.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Addiction to alcohol because you're trying to numb the pain of the hurt that you haven't dealt with.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't want to deal with the problem.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: So you just go to the next thing to numb it, you know, to just ease the pain, not deal with it.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: So addiction to alcohol or drugs, or maybe it's your parents were addicted to alcohol and you saw those things showing up as a child.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And because you think that that's how they live, you have to live the same way.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so you start molding the cycle and habits of your parents.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Addiction can also show up in other ways.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Phone addiction.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Phone addiction is so crazy right now.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, just look, I've my husband and I were sitting outside on our patio the other day, and three beautiful teenage girls walked by.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: They're all in a row walking down the street, and all three of the girls have their phone right to their face.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: They're with their friends, but yet they're on their phone.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the the friendship right there was not good enough, so let's talk to our other friends who aren't with us.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it is crazy.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Just look around at restaurants, nobody's talking anymore.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a bad addiction.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Facebook is a bad addiction.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's a way to lose time.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Social media has a purpose for sure.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you can use it for your business and you know personal life.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: But when it becomes addiction where you can't get out of bed, and the first thing you do is check, oh, how many likes do I have?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: How many notifications?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: How many, you know, pictures did people like on here?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And or you find yourself just scrolling, and next thing you know, it's an hour later, and you're like, wow, um, I was supposed to clean my closet out today, but I've just been scrolling.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Career in work is an addiction.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: My personal story is I was attaching myself to work.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was attaching myself to work because I wasn't wanting to communicate what was really going on in my life.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so I attached myself to work, which what, as you know, we've talked about this on the podcast, then leads to burnout, right?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So baggage can show up in your life with a lot of ways, hurts, habits.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: The next way that it can show up is insecurities.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Past insecurities of fear of not fitting in.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe for you it was like being made fun of as a child, looking different or being ashamed of for where you've been.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's an issue with your childhood and your and your upbringing, and you're just ashamed of the of the family drama that you had to go through.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's an insecurity that shows up in different parts of your life.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And when you don't deal with these, they'll just continue to build up and they'll show up in ways that are ugly, embarrassing, shameful.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, how many of you have been having a great day?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like things in life are going great, and out of the blue, someone says something and it hits a trigger button like that.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And the next thing you know, you're chewing your spouse out about something, and they have no idea why you're blowing up about it.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's triggered something about the unresolved baggage that you're carrying around.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And because you haven't dealt with the unresolved baggage, it will continue to show up and cause you relationship pain.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you, when you can't deal with your baggage, it will not only hurt you, but you'll look back and you'll say, why did I say that?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't mean to act that way.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: That is not who I am.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it not only hurts you, but it pulls you away from the people you love, the relationships you create between people.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when you haven't dealt with it and explode on the ones you love, they're caught off guard.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, rightfully so.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And they feel like you're always just a loose cannon anymore.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, man, every time I'm around them, they blow up.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or they're excessively drinking or always get hung up on this one thing.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: In our story, Jack and I both had to deal with our hurts and our habits, and we both had to deal with those in our own way because we both had different hurts, habits, and insecurities.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: We both had different upbringings in childhood.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And until we could clearly communicate about our affair and come to terms with the hurt and the battles, triggers would continue to come up all the time.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: All the time.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, things we would see on a movie of an inappropriate relationship would be a trigger for Jack to say hurtful things that night to me.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: So we'd be having a great night, we'd be watching a movie, and then a scene in the movie would have an inappropriate relationship happen, and it would immediately trigger Jack to making him think about our situation.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then we would go into a cycle of arguments.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then alcohol and being around gatherings in which someone would comment about someone cheating or being unfaithful.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so we'd be out on like a patio just having a good old time, people would be talking, somebody would say something about, oh, did you hear about that neighbor who's cheating on that neighbor?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And just like that, it would issue a trigger as a reminder of my past, our story, and it would lead to another argument.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so it pushed me away, thinking, okay, we're never going to get past this.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it would spiral me into negative thinking that we wouldn't be able to overcome this.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it would be a vicious cycle of the blame and shame game.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And this is just going to be my life now.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: And Jack and I wouldn't be able to have a social drink together if the affair was going to keep coming up.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we do about this?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: all of those thoughts would have been true if we left the baggage in our trunk, if we couldn't deal with the affair in a healthy way and be open and honest about our feelings.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: We both had to realize that we were carrying around our hurts and our habits.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And we needed to understand where the other one was coming from, and we needed to communicate about it.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And more importantly, we had to give the hurts and pain to God and let Him talk to us about how to free ourselves from this.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: And with healing, understanding, communicating, you can start to make room in the closet.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can start to open up a new heart, start to welcome more love, and let go of the bitterness and the junk that's holding you back.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you free yourself from the baggage?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's the question, right?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So some of you are like, I'm resonating.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, this is happening over and over in my life, and I do have a lot of hurts and habits that I'm carrying with me.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, Jill, tell me, how do I free myself?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: So here's some steps that you can take.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, you need to be humble.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Plain and simple.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: You need to accept that you admit you're carrying baggage.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: You've been carrying baggage for far too long.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: You've let this hurts, habits, insecurities take over, and now it's showing up in inappropriate ways.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: So be humble.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, be honest with yourself and with others.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Honesty will always set you free.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: So stop keeping your secrets in the dark.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Stop keeping your junk in the trunk or in the back of your closet.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Be open, be honest with you, with others, and most importantly with God.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, God already knows your sins.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: God already knows what's in your darkest secrets.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: He already knows that, but he's just waiting for you to confess and surrender and say, hey God, I know you already know this, but I'm surrendering to you.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm letting go of this hurt, these hangups, and I'm giving it to you.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Help me push Satan aside.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Help me push the enemy aside who keeps bringing it up day in, day out.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, share your baggage.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Share my baggage?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Jill, you okay, you took it too far.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I can do step one and step two, but sharing it, yes.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you guys, when you can dig deep, find your story, find your hurts, your habits, your insecurities, and you can share that.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: There is so much freedom on the other side.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing: you need to get around friends, you need to get around a network of circle that can support you, uplift you, understand that, hey, guess what?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're not alone.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: So many of us keep everything so secret inside because we fear to be different.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or we think we're gonna be different.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: But you're not.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody else is going through the same thing.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I I bet if you asked the neighbor, three houses down, they're going through something.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Your coworker, two cubicles over, going through the same thing.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: The lady at the checkout line, going through the same thing.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: The world is big, but it's really small.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: And there are people that need your advice, your counsel, how you went through something, or better yet, you need to find someone who can give you that advice.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Develop a friendship that you would have never seen coming, that you had no idea how much you were similar to maybe a person in your small group at church.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: My Rise Up Group program, great way to get connected.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a community of women who are turning their battles into their breakthrough or who are trying to discover their purpose.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: So reach out to me.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: We can get a community of women together and you join the Rise Up Group program.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: So let me ask you, are you ready to deal with your baggage?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to get the junk out of your trunk?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: We all have chapters in our life, and so many of us want to close that chapter.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: We want to not open it again.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: We want to put it on the shelf.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I encourage you to dig it up.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Go back to that chapter and see where in your life you have been holding yourself back because of some things in your past that you haven't dealt with yet.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Connect with your inner heart, your soul, your past.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you just might find that that junk you've been carrying around could actually be a treasure in disguise.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: A battle you went through that might lead you to freedom when you deal with the baggage instead of just dragging it around with you.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, for me, I would have never, never in a million years would I have think that I would be here sharing my story with you, speaking openly on a podcast, on stages, about having an affair and having it be a blessing in disguise.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, when you look at it from outside in, you're like, there's no way.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like affair is detrimental.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: But God turned my baggage into a miracle, a miracle that could change your life as well.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it takes time.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I gave God one year of my life.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: I committed to discovering how I could get past the hangups, the hardships, the career burnout, the affair.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: And he led me right here.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I couldn't be more proud of standing tall and strong in my story because I know it's changing lives.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: If our story in this podcast has been changing your mindset or resonating with you, or even helping you think differently about your life and your story, would you mind sharing that with me?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I love to know what's resonating with my listeners.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I would also love to feature your story.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: So are you ready to go to the next level and be honest and open with yourself?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: If so, reach out and let's connect.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: I am here to help you stand tall in your story.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to bring you together with a community of women where you can be the true person that you are.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can speak freely, honestly about your life and your story.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: So are you ready to say yes to your story?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Give it a shot.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Dig deep, get intentional, and reach out.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to connect with you.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, friends, that is it for today.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you like this episode, please give it a like and share it with a friend.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: To make sure you stay up to date and never miss an episode, go ahead and hit the subscribe button.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: I love helping you rise up.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, go out and make it a great day.