Latest / On Your Own Time Podcast / The Final Whistle wasn't Blown - Ray Conlon Episode 1

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The Final Whistle wasn't Blown - Ray Conlon Episode 1 · On Your Own Time Podcast

• On Your Own Time Podcast: Hi Ray, you're very welcome to On Your Own Time podcast. this is round two, yeah, we tried this already. Yeah, thanks very much for coming to join me, and ⁓ taking ⁓ part of your Saturday morning out with this. and I'm that you're here as we first guest, 'cause you're one of my best one one of my best mates and we have a massive story and a very, very interesting story I think people would like to hear from you. ⁓ so ⁓ Ray, so all I want is a brief introduction, who you are, where you're from. ⁓ Ray Connellan, ⁓ from Sumption Road at Loan, County Westmead. We're all GA fans lately, so have to get in the old West Mead ping there. come from a big family, six older brothers, two older sisters, and my was really army, but I wasn't army man. And it wasn't for me. I just loved football. ⁓ wanted to work and play football. Who did you play football Or what level did you play football for? And this third question is pick out someone that stood out to you as a player. Okay. ⁓ started off playing under tens football for Hillview. that really Assumption Road in the local area leagues. So we had some fabulous players along the street that played under tens, but one player stood out for the younger ages was Darren Wallace. May he rest in peace. He would have made it, he would have been Best of the best. Unfortunately, he lost his life when he was 17. But ⁓ he played at Atlantis with when we developed that far. But from the Hillview under tens, you played under 11s, 12s, 13s, 14s. Yeah. ⁓ ended up developing that there was five of us were called to the Atlanton Youth team when we were probably fifteen, sixteen. And that's when I realized that there was another player that took my my eye straight away, like called Fergie Nugent. This lad was unreal. He he was fantastic. He he ⁓ due to injuries he'd just stopped playing after a while. He got injuries to his knees a few times. But ⁓ that player just stood out. Was Dennis Clark around your team? He was with at Lowentown first team. We'd always travel down to St. Mild's Park on Sunday afternoon, that's when their games were. And we all sat in the same place, all the youth youths players, to watch them play in it. Dennis was playing that. Dennis could player. Yeah. So here what what team was I guess? What's road? Hillview called. Hilview, yeah, yeah. Modern teams you play for. at Low Newt's when I didn't make League of Ireland, because I actually wasn't good enough. I I wasn't strong enough on the ball and I was too thin and too light. I I took a break for a year. Then we played for Carl's All Stars in ⁓ Ross League, and a friend of mine, Malcolm Huylin, came with me to ⁓ Carl's Stars. I don't know why we were called All Stars, but we were. ⁓ You weren't All Stars, are you? We weren't All Stars. No, no. We're all starters at drinking points after the games. But we went from there. Myself and Malcolm, of course, went to play for Gentex. Gentex. Some players are Gentex. Mark Murphy played with us, that way he was Mark was in midfield, he was excellent. Then you had Sid Allen, Tony Farrell, the legend Tony Farrell. He tackled us for the ball. Never mind tackle anybody else like. Tony Farrell. hard as nails and then we had Bomber Prendergast, we had some wonderful players, you know. So we went from there to play with Elan. Myself and Malcolm travelled to Elon to play with Elan and that's a funny enough story. We were still playing with Gentex and Elan. We were playing Conox Senior League. And we were travelling to Ballana and Mayo Castle Bar. Tough journeys on Sundays. But the old roads as well. The old with a hangover it was quite tough like but you play cards on the way and you have the fun. Yeah, yeah, big cards. Most of the new is mobile phones. The new generation of mobile phones. Yeah, there was no phones. We didn't sing songs like but we ⁓ we played cards, but Elan had put a team into the C C F L and myself and Malcolm were tired of travelling the journey with Gentex Sunday on the on the road for two hours. So Elan put in a team to the Owls League, which is the C C F L now, but they called it the Owls League off Lee West Meal Longford. And they the first seven games. So man called Philip Marshall that managed us out in Carl's All Stars asked us to go and play with Elan. So long story short, we went from the bottom of the table to finish second in the league. That's just sorry, we did well because of the two defenders that come in. So the play so you you and Mike can get the credit for it. We did, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had some ⁓ Super Sundays where we go to Thirty Harry's pub and they give like a a man of a match award or else the muck of the match and Got a few of them. So what was the muck of the match? The player that they can slag most in the pub afterwards was like a slagging thing. So is that the ⁓ the the worst player or is it? If you're a worst player, you're a muck. Muck. So anybody doesn't know that down the country's muck, we call bad players muck. Yeah, we that's a G call, man. Muck of the match award. And they had a certificate in the pub ⁓ in Dirty should have it on the wall and put your name on it each week. It was good fun. Some super days. Savage. So here then then you took your step to refereeing so Talk to me what ⁓ what made you become a referee. it was down to a decision. I was playing over thirty-fives. After I finished playing with Elan, I stopped playing for a few years, went back to play. And I lived in Longford for a few years. Twenty years actually. Twenty years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lost my hair living in Longford. You lost your hair well before that. Don't start this now. ⁓ on. You'dn't even buy the coffee for today. ⁓ I playing an over thirty-fives match and I was playing left midfield, and those games were challenging. So The referee was having a tough day at the office. So there was about two minutes left. And I I won't say bombed down the wing, but I ran down the wing. I was two metres from the end and I put in a cross. And Niall Farrell, who was a fabulous midfielder in a long field at the time, jumped, stuck his head in the ball, back at the net. That was it. Game was one one, going to extra time. But the ref decided to blow it up and give a goal kick and said my ball was out of play for a goal kick. I was like, it wasn't. It was it was actually two yards in. So I gave him a piece of my mind and he said, If you think you're a referee, go do a referee's course. So I said a few more things to him that he wouldn't be saying to a ref now. So I got sent off anyway. So ⁓ then I did then I reached out to people. I had a mentor since then being you to help me out. Reached out to you and did a referees course and that's where it all started. You've done the referees course and yeah, you mentioned me, I helped you out with trying to get in. I kind of half pushed you off. Not pushed you off, but I obviously get you get a lot of plenty of phone calls in terms of I didn't know who you were. Yeah. ⁓ you want to become a referee. So I said, go online, try to find the next beginner's course. And the next beginner's course happened to be in Donegal two days later, three days later, letter Kenny. And then a week roll on a week. Ray Conland texts me and says, I've that referees course, What did you do after you've done referees course? of course you have to get games where like to learn how to blow your whistle, you have to learn your fitness, learn how to games, learn how to go through games. So ⁓ it's all friendlies but these games aren't so friendly. They're not so friendly, so ⁓ A wise man said to you have to get in there and learn from the toughest games. So one of the first frenches I was given was Monksland versus Bullet Park, senior division, Saturday night, in the rain. I arrived up, thought it was going to be. sure, this will be a handy. Lord, such a such a such a loss in my head thinking I could just walk through this game because they eat me up. Did all the players eat me up and they laughed at me and I cautioned the lad and they laughed at me and I was afraid to make decisions because I didn't want lads shouting at me. 'Cause that's what to do, to shout at you and you have to have thick skin. Absolutely. But I heard that I ⁓ I ⁓ I remember young young me as well. Like I started refereeing very, very young. You're twelve, brilliant. Twelve, yeah, twelve. I and I said I started refereeing at sixteen I remember a local referee who was doing the appointments at the time. he put me into a game when I was only seventeen and it was Atlone, a friendly game we talked about. Atlantown played Willow Park. ⁓ Lord. So I was only seventeen and he actually said to You're only you're only on the line, so you're only doing the line. So I rocked down to the game forty minutes, forty five minutes for a kickoff. And ⁓ I was the only one there with two teams and I rang the referee and I was like, Why is no one here? ⁓ bit of a problem, ⁓ the two r the other two officials pulled out, you're doing it by yourself. I said, What? Willow Park versus Athlone. Like anybody that knows that it's Willow Park is a local team and Athlone is a national team. And then look you had like for Willow Park, we had like Colin Fortune playing in the middle of the park for for at Willow Park. Nice guy. Nice guy. But then you had like he was an ex Athlon Town player, you'd Noah McGee playing for Athlon. Lovely. ⁓ you had all the the the the top players that came to it was with Athlone were still playing for Athlon. Nice like Nice Gullion was playing there. but then we had very, very hard players in Willow Park was like Rushy was there, Rushy was playing Russell's playing for a flower ⁓ well apart at the line, but it was a very, very difficult game. Of course. And I opened my eyes. I was like after that, I was I'm ha hanging up my whistle, I'm not refereeing ever again. I understand. but learned so much from that game. and again, it it was either some people some people get thrown in deep and it doesn't work for but it kinda worked out half ⁓ kind of for yeah, back to your story. That's okay. No, I'm happy to listen first. So you joined the Midlands referees branch. So what games you got just in the branch at the moment. After I had a few years in the branch, I heard there such a thing as a school of excellence, which was a school that will develop referees, to pick probably 26 referees across across the country to go to a two-year tough development course, fitness. mentally laws of the game challenges. So I was wishing to get into a school like this to learn more. But to get into that stage you have to go through your own health fitness, be strong mentally and get big games to be ⁓ assessed in. Yeah. So luckily through the branch, I got the referee some under nineteent finals, some Division II finals, division one finals. then I did a game one day and And a guy came t to watch me who like is sitting beside me now at the minute and he's my toughest critic. I did a game, I think it was a semi-final in Clara. And I didn't, in my opinion, miss a couple of things, but it was a very challenging game. So coming home, Decky decides to give me a call to pull me in for a coffee. And he went to town on me for missing a couple of decisions, so I thought I didn't miss them. But he really is tough on me. He's that tough guy. So you gave me a hard time over it and I kind of fell out with you and I was angry and I was angry, but you knew something else was here in the back of your head. So two days later I got a call from the FRI to say you've been appointed to the FRI Junior Cup final. And I was like Really. But you knew this all along, didn't you? You knew this. And you're only hard on me for me. You weren't hard on me because of a it's not a personal thing. You were hard on me to get things right because it's gonna help me to push along and develop. So I was a an assistant referee for the FR Junior Cup final. It was an amazing day. But I knew learned to be as good as I am from the people that mentor me. So I got this year a refereed that Oscar trainer cup final, which is a huge competition. I never thought I'd get back to this level, but it's all down to the early days, developing and learning how to control the game and make decisions. Yeah, perfect. No, no, it's savage and I talked to the friend of yours as well and ⁓ and yeah, look where you are today we that's down to your own ability, that's down to not down to anybody else and yeah. Mentors and mentors can give you a small bit of things a small bit of advice, but it's you who has to go out and do the job. Yeah. take it back to your your your days in Longford. So in terms of challenges you've you've from moving from Atlon Longford, the challenges that you you've you've came across in Longford and then to Athlone and so on. even though I was living in Longford, I was working in Atlone still a lot. So it's over and back to Atlone. And I found I won't say lost friends, but I kinda I kinda got out of touch with a lot of friends. So that was one of the most difficult things. But I kinda built my own life in Longford. I have a wonderful daughter. ⁓ good friends, involved with a football team over there for a few years before I started refereeing as well called Olympic FC. there were fun days and that was the Saturday division of the C C FL. So I found it was tough 'cause I missed my friends and missed my family and you know, I know it's only Longford, it's forty minutes away, but I found it challenging to stay friends with my friends and stay close with my family. But I built a wonderful life in Longford and it was really good. keeping involved with football And then there was a mentor in Longfellow called Patty Nolan, who ⁓ I spoke with a fair bit and he mentored me for a lot of years when I started refereeing. So was a tough time, but I'm back in Atlone now and I love life. Brilliant. Back to Atlone, it's close to my friends again and close to my family and You change you change a few jobs? I do, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we all change jobs. We kinda like keep the one job for every few months you're changing jobs. Every few years. When I was forty eight during COVID, I decided to go back to college and I did a supervisory management and leadership course in college for a while. 'Cause the career path I was always going down and I was never new. I'm fifty-four now and still don't know what I want to be. I wanted to be a shift manager in the extrusion ⁓ because I worked in a drone extrusion for sixteen years and I I know a plastic and medical device field is where I always worked. So a I really get on well with. He was a manager of the medical advice company and I was kind of jealous. I seen the life he had and I seen what he had to do and his car and his house and I said I want to be him someday as well. So I ended up getting through college and getting the shift manager's job in a medical advice company. So I felt that was a success for me. To go through college at that stage. It was tough enough, yeah. It's tough at that age as well, to go to change ⁓ from like outside of the comfort zone. Take take us outside your comfort zone. Yeah. Massively. College is tough. It will be, yeah. ⁓ the other thing I thought I would talk a small bit about as well, like you saw the biggest thing you've probably faced in your whole life is the the biggest challenge w I come here, I've been working closely with you and talking closely on this ⁓ you were diagnosed with cancer. It was. And that was even a shock to me because my fitness through the school of excellence that I was on for two years, my fitness level is always good, but I always felt the evening of a training session or a match. I felt tired and I was getting pains in my stomach. I just thought it was cramps because I love Fiji Cola bottles. Fizaj jellies. I Fizia jellies and I reckoned I was having too many Fiji jellies and I thought it was like too much sugar in my system, getting cramps. So at night time my stomach would swell up like a rugby ball and be as hard as a table. I was wondering why you know, go to the doctor and he'd say, just too much Fiji Cola bottles, too much sugar. So it was a Wednesday evening, I did a game in challenge game I was having pains in my stomach still. Went to the doctor the next day and he sent me to Badness Law Hospital. They did a few scans on my stomach and said, Everything seems fine. No, it wasn't a C T scan. It was just x-rays and scans and they said, No, ⁓ you seem fine. Take this medication. You'll be okay. so they released me from the hospital the next day. I went home, everything was fine. Then the pains came back the next week. was yeah, I was the hospital and then they sent me home. They said everything was fine. They couldn't find anything. So they didn't do a C T scan. Yeah. That's what looks deeper. They just did like a normal scan on my stomach. they said everything was okay. Then the following week I went to the doctor again. I said, I'm not good. The pains were worse. In a scale of one to ten, the pains were fifteen. Jesus. These pains were like making me faint ⁓ and I not able to see properly. People said teeth decks are bad, but this pain in my stomach, it was like horrendous. I'd lose power in my legs some days and I'd get dizzy and my eyesight will go with the pain. So it got so bad. I have a wonderful partner at home, Arlene Kelly. Thanks, Arlene. was in the house one day and she demanded the next day after seeing the doctor, we get an ambulance. And I was like, But I've got to do stuff from work. She said, You're getting an ambulance, you're getting it now. So she said the ambulance be here in ten minutes. And I said, I've got to do this. She said, No. Ambulance came and I start deteriorating. She's seen it in me. She said I was gone grey in my face. She said she didn't recognise who I was because I'd lost so much weight in the space of four or five weeks. I couldn't see this. But she's seen it because she sees me every day. And a few of my friends kind of said to me, Judge, you're not well skin. And I says, No, I'm fine. They said, You don't look good. I said, ⁓ a few points last night. Yeah. anyway, went to the hospital. And pain was getting worse and I did actually say goodbye to Arlene lying on the bed because I thought I was gonna die there and then with the pain because I was coming in out of consciousness and I wasn't able to walk. I couldn't walk to the toilet. I was holding on to the wall and I collapsed in the toilet in the hospital. And I was lying on the ground and I said, I'm not dying on the floor, the toilet of a hospital. So I managed to get back and a nurse seen me on the ground, put me in the bed I was there for seven, eight hours and then sent me for the C T scan. And ⁓ was the scariest moment in my life after the C T scan when a doctor came down and said to me, We've reviewed your C T scan ⁓ we've got to do an emergency life saving surgery, you immediately. If we don't, we're gonna lose you in twenty four hours because there's a rupture on your bowel ⁓ it's leaking. And if we don't get there now, we're gonna get sepsis and we're gonna lose ya. And I can remember lying down and the tears are running down my face. She said, Did anybody in your family have cancer? And I said, My dad died of cancer fifteen years ago. She said, Okay. And I was on my own at this stage. And she said, Is there anybody we can ring? But I had just texted Arlene twenty second before this. And the doctor actually rang Arlene and said the same sentence. She said, We bring Ray to theater now to do an emergency life saving surgery on him. And if we don't do it now, we're going to lose him. And I was like, This is real. This is real. She said that had opened me up in my stomach. work on the bowel and then I'm gonna have a stoma bag, which is a bag that collects my bits. I still have it. I'm still here now at the minute. and I was like, okay, let's do this. Let's go for it. So this is on the sixth of November, sixth of October, twenty twenty four. So it's like just a year and a half ago. that was tough enough to hear. But even still when you're in so much pain and so such so much morphine, I was like Go on, let's go. And I'm pressing this button for the morphine. ⁓ hey, you know. but the morphine just tells your brain you're not in pain. It doesn't take the pain away. It doesn't stop what's happening, it just makes your brain think that you ain't got no pain. Yeah. So that was fair enough. went to theatre. I can remember getting a mask on my face and I was gone. And then there was eight and a half hour surgery. I had fifty-two staples in my stomach. So I had two bags at the time. Then I looked around and I realized I was in intensive care when I woke up and my family was there, my brother Danny, who was excellent, Arlene was there. And I still hadn't got a clue what was happening here. So then when I managed to come around after while I looked down, I seen my stomach and I went, Jesus. And I was in a room with wires and machines and I was like, What's after happening? So I didn't know what happened at that stage. So I was eleven no, I was seven days in intensive care. And on day two we tried to get me out of bed to stand and I looked down on my legs and I just had bone. Pure bone on my legs. I've not seen a mirror at this stage, but I had no flesh. And then I realized my arms were just bone. All the flesh was gone. I couldn't stand. I wasn't able to stand much. ⁓ So yeah, that was difficult then because ⁓ I was walking five and ten steps in a Zimmer frame. And they kinda carried me back to the bed because I couldn't stand any longer. My heart rate was gone a hundred and eighty over a hundred and twenty or something. I was I couldn't stand. So each day I got to walk five steps more and I had thirteen tubes in my body were they were feeding me through my neck. And I had tubes in place that we won't mention. I was intensive care for that time and a lot of friends and family came to see me who kind of inspired me to to stay going. Now at this stage the cancer word wasn't mentioned to me. It was fine. There was no Just about the blockage. Yeah. I just thought it was blockage and it was twisted gut was mentioned and then diverticulitis was mentioned, which is an infection of your bowel. Okay. So they told me then on day three or so when my brain started focusing on what happened, that they removed half my bowel And they're sent another way to be to be checked. Yeah. And I'll have my bowel bag for my stoma bag for a while yet. And recovery is the biggest thing to go to go through now. And I said, Yeah, okay, fair enough. so my fifty-four staples were lovely, they were fine. They're I was able I was counting them and six pack's gone. Six pack was gone. I loved my six pack, I did, I love my six pack, but that was gone ⁓ they said this is a tough process you're gonna go through, but Because of my family and friends, I got through it. It was it was it was fine. So on day, I think it was day seven, I went back into the hospital, got over intensive care. daughter came to see me and the first thing she said to me was, Dad, you look like Frankenstein. Said, Katie. That was wonderful. Got texts off my son Dylan, who was also a soldier, ⁓ and me good luck and it was good to have family and friends who all came to see me. so the following week I got let home, was still told nothing. Found it difficult to walk, but I kept on pushing through it and pushing through it. been at home for two weeks, then I had a consultation back in the hospital on the 8th of November, I think it was, or the tenth of November or something. And they said, You better sit down for a second, and I says, Okay, I'll sit down. And Arlene Kelly, who has been wonderful to me, she came in with me and the said, Just to let you know, right, you've stage three bowel cancer. And I was like, Okay. And there was tears in Arlene's eyes. And I said, What's the next thing? They said we recommend chemo straight away. And I said, So lose my hair. they looked at me like they didn't know what to think. Arlene was like, Ray, just take this serious. I said, I am. Well I lose my hair. ⁓ ⁓ doctor was laughing a bit and he realized that I was looking at the good side of things. It's your way of processing. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ they said gonna start chemo straight away because it's gonna be pr a preventative action. We're confident that we got your cancer out. There was two tumors in my bowel that was blocking everything for me, which was creating the swelling in my stomach. So I couldn't pass my stool as such. that was a buildup of everything in my stomach. So they took away probably a third of my bowel. And they come back, they said there was two tumors in it. So they removed sixteen lymph nodes and there was fourteen they removed sixteen lymph nodes and fourteen had cancers in them. So there's that they got everything out, but They recommended the chemo as a preventative action that the cancer won't come back. Jesus is mad. I think take it back to the the time they your your the ominence was called. Arlene was telling you you're going in an ominence, you're going to an ambulance, and all you want to do was work. Yeah, because I was doing lads' wages from work because I got the shift manager's position and work. And if I just knew the wages, they work and get paid the next week. But it's mad, like it's it's mad because we're all work driven at times and we all push off the sickness. But if Arlene wasn't there, I was dead. You were dead. I was gone. So for anybody listening out there, any if if you've any way doubt at think my work that's that's replaceable, but you're not replaceable. yeah, that's all one thing I want to touch on there. But so you're diagnosed with cancers, okay? Yeah. I started I think, the following Monday, as far as I can remember. Because I remember I remember you were talking to me and the f the conversation we had was No, we're y you need to take a step back from refereeing, you you can't you had you only had cancer, the the trauma eventually. how long did you take off? The the surgery was the eight sixth of October. Yeah. they said to me, Ray, you won't run again. I one of the first questions they asked was when can I run again? When can I go back in the pitch? When can I referee? And they said it's gonna be six, seven months before you can even attempt to run because of the surgery of your stomach. It was so severe. Right. The surgery wasn't just to open my stomach. There was lots of work done inside my stomach that needed to recover. So they said it's gonna be six, seven months before you even can attempt a small jog and I was like, Okay. Okay, so that's six, seven that's quick, that's it. Yeah. When did you come back? The eighth of November. Eighth of December. weeks to the day. Eight weeks to the day. Eight weeks to the day. And I remember the day I I remember your you rent me. Actually it wasn't you oren me, someone else was at the game, your referee. It was a kid's getting buried. ⁓ buried, yeah. It was in Monsel, wasn't it? Yeah. He says, ⁓ she's just seen Ray got very emotional at the game, at the at the end of the game. I th and I don't think many people knew really what was going on with you. take me back to that game in particular, that game in Monstran. Yeah. I think it was the twentieth of November I started my chemo. And the chemo was horrendous. my partner, Arlene, again, she I put up a Christmas tree to try and cheer things up in the house. But I was laying down on the couch. I didn't know what the Christmas tree was. Jesus. I didn't know. And then the dog had come in and the dog didn't lick my face, but the dog I was lying on the couch. The dog was looking at me and I didn't know what the dog was. Because your brain doesn't work. You can't think the T V was like it was moving on the wall and the sickening feeling is just horrendous. can't say I've ever gone through anything as bad in my life. A hangover is bad. But that has to be the like that has to be the most extreme thing. something I can go through. Yeah. Has to be. Yeah, it's it's it's the most difficult times in my life. And I get so hard. I known you a long time and you're you're mentally strong anyway. but I I actually sa I have to say you're mentally strong going through that. I've like I said this to loads of times. I've never seen anybody so strong in in in their own mindset. In terms of that that I I I can't talk ⁓ about 'cause I've told I've I've never been in a situation situation. But you're so positive the whole way through like yeah. ⁓ So I did that's that's a credit to you and make it it it just shows positivity and it that probably comes down to your fitness level as well and being fit and being healthy coming in like obviously if you're if you're not fit and you're not healthy come with other issues, that's obviously gonna have an impact on it. Yeah. But she sets a massive credit to what she came through. Yeah, it was difficult and getting back to your first question about getting back to football. So quick the doctor said to me during your recovery nice slow walks up and down the stairs okay will help you. And I said, well the toilet is upstairs in the house in the loo and I gotta go up to empty my bag and it's very funny, I farted through my bag and it makes it makes crazy noises. I know. I know. Been in your company and you don't. But ⁓ the sec go up and down the stairs and that'll help your stomach because of course lifting your knee lifting your knees helps your stomach. So I said, I'm gonna keep on doing this. So I spent half my days when Arlene wasn't there. Walking up on stairs. I kept on doing it. I kept doing it. Even when I didn't have to do it. To me that was training. And I would go up one step at a time. Then the next day I push two steps. So challenging? Challenging myself. 'Cause I wasn't you see, the chemo when you get your intravenous in the hospital on day one, it goes through your arm, okay. And when I walked in going, I can do this and after five hours of this going through your arm, I left the hospital and the pins and needles down your leg and the numbing feeling and that's when the yellow kick face looks in. And that's when I was yellow. I looked in the mirror when I was leaving and I'd put on a woolly hat and my head and gloves and two pairs of gl two pairs of socks. So that only really lasts that illness lasts five days. Okay. It dip. And Arlene was with me in the hospital when the nurse had said, When you get your intravenous on day one, for five days your life goes down that way. And she said, You might as well apologise now to Arlene because you're gonna be horrendous. You're gonna say things, you're gonna do things, you won't be yourself. But then On day six, you'll probably pick up and it'll be fine. Those five days are tough. She saw the toughest five days. So then a weeks it'd two weeks of medication to take, you had ten chemo tablets a day to take. And the numbness would still be there, but you wear gloves and woolly hats and stuff. And of course, I was missing football. And she said, You're not going back to football yet. And I said, I have to do something. So I rang the Midland School Boy League and said, If you have any old game on a Saturday morning, give us a shout. And they said, We can't give you a game ray in the middle of chemo. And I said, I need this. need this mentally. I need to get out. I can't keep lying down. I can't keep walking up and down the stairs. I I'm physically ready. And they said to me, Ray, it's only been seven weeks since your surgery. And I said, I know, but I'm fine. I didn't say this to Arlene, she was quite mad. She said, You're not ready, you're not ready. So then the big last grant me on the seventh of December. And said, Ray, there's another thirteen school match tomorrow in Monksland if they feel you can do it. Don't do too much running. It's only a small game. And I was like, I'm ready, I'm fine. I wanna do it. I wanna do it. This was Jordan McKemo. Now we did have to wear a woolly hat and gloves and But you wear ⁓ during the winter anyway, because you're ahead. Don't start this. Okay, go on. Keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer. That is. But yet I was allowed to drive the car. You couldn't drive for six weeks. Because you're not insured to drive for six weeks after major traumatic surgery. So I was yeah, you can't, you're not insured. So I didn't drive. So I don't think I even said it to Arlene. I was doing a football match. I think I just got my gear together and left I left the house and just left. going for a walk, like went to Monksland and ⁓ I had a special cover that I got for my 'cause my ⁓ sticks out through my stomach like a strawberry. Okay. So I had a special cover for that, that if the ball was to hit me or someone hit me it wouldn't affect my bowel and I was still had just gone my first round of the keyboard and I was taking my medication. So I was on the pitch and I never felt as alive. I was like, my God, I can do this. I'm able to do this. But I shouldn't be doing this for seven months. ⁓ this is like eight weeks and two days from the surgery. So the surgery was the sixth of October and this was the eighth of December. I was back on the pitch and I felt alive. When the game was over, I didn't want it to end. But then when the players went off, I walked down to the goal at the bottom of and I stood in the goal and I just lost myself. The tears flowed down my face like I've never, ever thought they could. And guy who was a referee and I class him as a friend now, Paul Burry was there, a fellow ref in the middle in the CCFL. He came down and gave me a hug and I said, Thanks. Because that was the day that I said, I'm back. I can do this. I'm alive, not lying on the couch anymore, not letting this chemo beat me. But this is December. This was So it's cold anyway. Yeah. This was eight weeks from the surgery when they said it'll be seven months. That's crazy. And then I did a match the following week. Then To Galway, didn't you? Yeah. School was much in Galway. So I don't know who's actually on the line, weren't it? My nephew Damon Conlan and Anatoli came with me the next day and I was on the line for that one, but still I wasn't giving up. And then I wanted to do two matches a day. then when there was no matches, excuse I was doing a five K run. Yeah. Every morning I was getting up and she said, Now where are you going? I said, ⁓ I'd to do something. ⁓ She You're in the middle of chemo, you should be resting. I said, You rest when you're dead is what I said. And I kept on going and then I was getting boxes sent in and buying new runners ⁓ and she like, Here we go But in hindsight, is that what was that your way of processing it? That was the way of People often say that when on a football pitch between the four corner flags you lose the worries in life for ninety minutes. And that's it. I processed it by forgetting about it. During football games. Just keeping busy. When I was running, keeping busy. I was just getting I was recovering physically. Every day I was getting stronger. And then my last bout of chemo, sir, it was like a it was handy. Yeah. It was handy. I went for a walk or a jog each morning, even though I was yellow and that I couldn't grab a liter of milk out of the fridge because it was so cold that the shock goes up through your system so fast. Yeah. But they were the mentally challenging days where you have to push yourself. And I wasn't giving up. A winner never quits and a quitter never wins and I wasn't quitting because I've been through so much I said, No way, this isn't big to me. That's just a positive metal ⁓ mindset like you have. Yeah. You can obviously Not everybody in the situation can do that, like physically can't do that, like so like but fair play to you. So the roll on out, ⁓ what what situation? What what's the situation now with you? Situation's all good now. I'm waiting on another surgery for a stoner reversal and I of want a waiting list for that. But the bigger thing here, they said to me last December that I was going to get the reversal surgery anytime from January on. Expect a phone call with four days' notice. I've been back packs in January for the phone call. But they said that they're so busy in Hospital Galway where I'm getting the surgery done that each week there's two and three people coming in needing emergency surgery for same issue as me. So when they come in like a push down the list. They're getting three and four each week coming in with cancer. It's it's gone up so much. But cancer's such a ⁓ every family In every family across the world, let's say has cancerous touch them somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's and you know, as I just said to you today, ⁓ the hardest part of cancer is not the cancer itself. It's dealing with it afterwards. Yeah. Dealing with the chemo, dealing with the mental torture I went through. Depression is the biggest kick afterwards. Touch on that in a second, depression, but I want to touch to bring you back to the December. this was his mindset was he might do you remember having a conversation before Christmas about You wanna do you wanna you wanted to run a Martin? Yeah, I do. said to ⁓ I I always wanted to run a Martin, I always wanted to run a Martin. And what did I get there for Christmas? ⁓ yeah, for Christmas a good friend of mine decided to get me a ticket for ⁓ Limerick Martin on the fourth of May. Yeah. Which was when I should be allowed to come back and do a little bit of jogging. So we we ⁓ we decided to ⁓ a referees community, a c referee group, we'd do a relay Martin. ⁓ as a group, we'd cover the same distance as a as a Martin. I to Ray, I said, Ray Sh you d you did the last bit. It's only like four c four four K or four miles for a small distance from. No, no, if I'm doing this, I'm doing at least ten K. All right. which you don't you think it more did more on the day. I think it yeah. So like it that's a show is ⁓ so and then that's actually ⁓ a yearly oak now. So we it we actually done done it this year again this year to help another referee we actually raised money for Charlie for your one as well? Yeah, we raised money for the Irish Conscious Society. ⁓ And it was we four and a half thousand euro. Brilliant. This is not a lot of money to some people, but it's a lot for someone. Because one day, many years ago, someone believed that if you had bowel cancer, sure we'll open them up here and we remove half the bowel and we put a bag on their stomach. That takes research. No one would ever believe you, you said years ago, so we can cut that out and put a bag in there and you'll be fine. the body, the human body is amazing. And these people designed this bag, the research that was done was amazing. So if they can save one more person from the research they're doing, then our job to raising that money for the Cancer Foundation was good. Okay. If we put one family, if one person gets a life saved, that's another life that we had to save. So it wasn't just me. It was the bunch of referees from the CCFL that ran that marathon with us to help raise that money. And thank you to everyone that donated some money. It all it's all gone a long way. saved lives. I know we did. We saved someone's life. Well, even today, like the conversation today, someone might be listening to us or watching us, ⁓ and might be going through the same situation or something similar similar. Like it's there's always help out there for people and there there always is. And touch on families and you're not on your own. You're never ever on your own. and you were never on your own. And that that was that was emphasized today a good bit through the conversation. so hoping to get a reverse reverse, ⁓ Yeah. So hopefully your best of luck with that, right? Thanks. ⁓ we'll have you back on again. I'd I'd be wrecking your head more about. but ⁓ so a few t a few takeaways from this. So if you had if someone was listening to this, what advice would you give them that needs? If you're struggling in any way, because I was struggling mentally. And I identified it pretty quick. Well, not pretty quick. Took me about three months to identify that I was waking up at two and three o'clock in the morning crying. I won't say crying for nothing, dealing with the trauma I went through. I recovered physically and I'm probably fitter now than I've I've ever been, to be honest. I I've even in my my thirties, early forties, I'm fitter now and I'm stronger now than I ever was. But when I identified that I was struggling mentally, I reached out to my doctor. I spoke to my partner, I spoke to my friends, I told my family. I told you, I told my brother Danny, my partner, I told the people closest to me that I was struggling and need help. And identifying that was tough. But that's the hardest challenge. I went to my doctor, I got help. Not afraid to tell people, because people think are tough on the outside. But we're all teddy bears on the inside. We're all softies on the inside. Because the brain can control the body and I felt demon was getting in and he was taking over my life. It was tougher to deal with the mental torture than the chemo. Yeah. That was tougher. It was harder. The days of crying because I couldn't find a pair of socks to match. All those days, all those challenges were hard. And I wasn't struggling financially. I wasn't struggling with anything like that. But I was just struggling with day-to-day things. Getting the help and afraid to reach out and ask for help. Nothing wrong with that. So you had the positivity when you were going through it. Like and we had this conversation recent probably during later a couple of months ago. I was I took a step back from local football and you were the chairman and you arrived out to the house and you had a ⁓ bit of a a bit of a breakdown. A bit of a you broke down mentally in terms of told me everything was going on mentally. And for you that it was a shock to me because I've always seen you as that positively that that fellow that's always always happy. ⁓ to do that to me and the first conversation I said to you is you forget football, look after yourself and the football will come secondary, yeah? Yeah. so depression. So talk to me about that stage with that day you come up to me. That was probably the the turning point. what made you come out and actually talk to me? 'Cause you don't really call to a house cycle. What made you come out? there's a lot happened in my life at the time. And it was tr not through work as such. There was A lot of pressure on me and I wasn't able to deal with any of it. I couldn't make decisions. I wasn't able to make critical decisions or key decisions in my life as such. You know, it was all the small things w was hard for me. And to reach out to your closest friends and say, I'm struggling here reaching out to someone and asking for help. And straight away you said, Step away from that, step away from that, I'll cover this. So you stepped in as chairman. But I knew my own I needed someone else to help me as well. And reaching to my closest friends worked out. So I just not afraid to speak. I hiding it in so much it was killing me. Keeping it in so much my brain would would I'd be sweating for no reason. There was so much building up and I had to release it. And releasing it was just talking to someone. Absolutely. So seeing a wonderful psychologist helped me through a lot of dark days because the dark days can be really dark. But by releasing the problem, the little problems in your life, it's such a relief. It's the weight of the world is off your shoulders. And when you know you have someone there to do something small for you, helps out because I always say to you, a small hole sinks a big ship. And I lots of small holes in there. And I was getting worse and worse. And little bits of help from good people blocks up all those holes. Absolutely. And you blocked one hole, my friend Malcolm, my friend Tommy. son, my daughter, mum, my brothers, family, they all blocked up all those holes and I'm in a good strong place now. Sam. So look at to see the positivity in you today. ⁓ Ray, so we're gonna leave it there, okay? We've here we there's we could spend three hours talking about this. and we might touch it we might we might bring it back later on in a couple of more episodes to talk a bit more about your how we are after retreatment. Yeah. So thanks very much for coming today. Ray, you're an inspiration and ⁓ hope you I hope you've helped someone here today. ⁓ So as we We get Cancer the right card. right Thanks, ⁓ Dick. Thanks