Latest / Brandon Fogal Evolution / #290 - Every Mistake a Creator Can Make—I Made Them

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#290 - Every Mistake a Creator Can Make—I Made Them · Brandon Fogal Evolution

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  I am not having a midlife crisis. I don't, I, I'm probably way past the middle of my life anyways.
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  I'm 40. I'm 40 years old. 40 years old, everyone. I'm in my forties. Am I?
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  I'm just going to, I don't, I don't really ever go off a script anyways.
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  This is more of a therapeutic cleanse for me that I'm actually doing this video right here.
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  I don't, I talk about a lot of number, a number of different things in my videos
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  and just what I have learned since I've been doing YouTube.
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  I've done this for, I started two years ago, two years ago, 2024.
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  Started doing this, started doing a podcast, started putting stuff on the internet.
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  And what i've learned so
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  far there's many things i've learned and i
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  think just goes this this doesn't apply to
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  everyone because i'm i'm probably a lot different a
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  lot different than a lot of people and i
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  might not resonate with you but i feel like
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  i've made every wrong decision doing this
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  every wrong decision putting stuff on
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  the internet making youtube videos and it really
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  it just characterizes and it epitomizes me i
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  somehow always get to where i'm wanting to go to
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  but the way i get there is so messed
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  up and so weird it like i i
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  it's like i choose every wrong way to go but somehow i
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  always end up where it turns out good and just analyzing the things because
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  i what's really driving me is i have uh well i guess what sparked me even doing
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  this as in like making this video right now that I've made every wrong decision
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  is just watching my analytics.
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  My looking at the things that I see the people that pop in, watch the content I make.
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  It's I get a lot of new, a lot of new watchers, a lot of people that watch jump
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  in because I do hot topics.
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  I do things that I think are trending that I think are going to resonate with
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  people and capture attention.
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  But then there's very little return viewers. and there's very little regular viewers.
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  And I, um, I don't know if anybody's experienced that, but I think it just really,
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  it characterizes me and I'm just being blunt, being vulnerable,
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  being open and honest to how I feel, how I am. I've never been a likable person.
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  And I've, and I've said this before in previous videos, I've never been a likable
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  person. I've never been a person that people gravitate towards.
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  And I think it's like a salesman aspect of
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  it that like people don't buy from someone that's
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  selling the greatest product or that maybe delivers
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  the best presentation they they buy from people
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  that they like and they trust i've never
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  been a likable person but i try to be as much
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  as possible a trustworthy person that i'm going
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  to tell you the truth you'll see me slip up
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  sometimes that i like i i think i tell way
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  too much of the truth like you're probably like saying well
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  the video you're making is way too much of the truth because i give
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  way too much i i share way too much I expose way too much and you'll see me
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  slip up on things because sometimes I'll get into something I'll be like there's
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  such a double take because I have a a conscience that just really weighs on
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  me I have a conscience that if I don't speak the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.
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  I feel like I've done something completely wrong. And there is maybe an element of truth in that.
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  But I suffer with OCD.
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  I have a lot of weird things. Almost like my wife is the one who's the balancing,
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  the wisdom part of our marriage in a lot of ways. I feel like I have a lot of
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  wisdom, but I have a lot of layers to get to that wisdom.
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  And I have a lot of filters that holds back the wisdom I actually have and the
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  logic that's actually in my mind. because I feel like I, and then this goes
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  into just of like, I write there. I don't even care. I don't follow out a complete thought.
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  A lot of times I don't have the words to grab, grab from that I'm looking for.
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  I can't. And then I, and I'm also, I'm like a squirrel.
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  I see, I get jumped to the next thing.
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  It's something else grabs my attention. I go to that and don't always follow through.
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  And I, I, the reason I'm even making this videos, one thing is to almost to
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  just, I needed to get it out there.
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  I needed to share it. And I, and also I don't, I know that I don't really care
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  because a lot of the videos that you make, anything that I make,
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  everything get, get buried easily.
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  It just, it doesn't really matter if it's going to resonate with people that
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  want to watch it. They're going to watch it.
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  If they don't, it's going to get buried and nobody's going to remember it tomorrow.
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  So it doesn't really matter.
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  So I, I, I have no uncomfortability of posting whatever,
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  because I know that if something's going to help someone
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  or something that some is interest because everything on
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  the internet is so interest driven now that if it's good it'll go and if it's
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  bad it will fall and it'll fall off the map and with me like i i've found just
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  everything about that i create everything that about that i am and that i make
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  the name of my show is evolution.
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  I changed the name of my show to Evolution, which I've had second thoughts about that.
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  But every time I do, I'm like, that is like the exact characteristic or emblematic
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  version of what I am and what I am doing.
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  I am just almost like random mutation, adaptation of just figuring this out,
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  natural selection going through.
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  But also that Evolution is not at all what I am.
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  This is so weird because I'm a Christian, which is obviously going to push off
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  so many other Christians, people that buy into my worldview,
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  that they don't want to be like maybe associated with evolution or they see
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  the word evolution and they don't want.
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  A lot of people probably don't even think this through. Probably a lot of people
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  are hearing for the first time that my show is named Evolution.
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  But it just for me it just represents exactly
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  what i am the and what my
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  show is and what put it on the youtube on youtube is because
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  it just it pushes everyone away and the people that would be drawn to the word
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  evolution are the people that don't aren't in the same like experience of reality
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  that i'm having i don't have a experience of reality that we did evolve from
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  apes or we evolved from whatever,
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  you know, how, how all this can be. I don't, I don't believe in all that.
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  But I liked the word evolution. What kind of drove me even to picking that word,
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  I like Andrew Schultz's show flagrant.
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  And I like that word flagrant, how that is. And I didn't want to just pick the
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  same thing or something similar.
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  I liked the word evolution, so I went with that.
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  But it's so weird, and I've tried to step back from it.
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  But it almost is who I am. Because I'm like the exact weird off version of what you would expect.
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  It's why it's, it's what comes to me. I have this, I guess, condition,
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  whatever, I don't know, condition that like, I, I see everything through the
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  lens that everyone, I feel like everyone is looking at me.
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  But I then at the same time, I have the real realization, nobody cares,
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  everybody's doing their own thing.
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  And I don't necessarily want everybody to be looking at me, which is like made
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  it seem like I, I've chosen every wrong way going into YouTube.
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  It's like, the natural normal thing to
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  do is to pick a niche to pick something that
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  is going to capture a specific audience specific people
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  that care about a certain topic and to keep going to about that to be a channel
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  that focuses in on that and i've just been so rebellious it's not at all in
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  line with me that i can do that it's hard for me i'm gonna focus just on this
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  i care about just like this.
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  It's like, I just, I'm a whole person. I don't want to just be that.
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  I didn't get into this for this to be a job.
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  I don't want this to be a job. I want this to be something self-expression.
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  And it might not be the best version of somebody that's out there that wants
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  to hear that self-expression, that they want to even listen to it or be a part of it.
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  And I think that that is why I drive a lot of just random people to my channel,
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  to what I'm making, but then no return visitors, no regular viewers.
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  And it's not none, there are very few, but maybe those are the most diehard
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  extremist people that I want to be a part of my tribe,
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  be with me and be in the same version of this journey and reality that we're
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  going through together.
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  Maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's finding that, but I've just,
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  I've looked back in this, these past two years, what I've,
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  what the decisions I've made, and this might not make sense at all to you,
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  but I just think that everything I've done and created and gone towards,
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  it's like, it doesn't make any natural sense. Why do I keep going?
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  And I just go to, and I've said it before, I try to stay out of comments,
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  but if you're doing YouTube, you do have like YouTube studio.
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  So you always see something, even if you don't want to look at it,
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  if you're, if you're going in there to do whatever, you're always going to see
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  something because it's always on the front page and you can't turn away.
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  You it's there and it's hard to not look and it's and
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  when i like on all the videos that i commented like on tiktok or anything like
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  that i make i really i never try to go to the comments i try to click in make
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  the notification go away and i don't want to see it because i've seen so many
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  the people that post on my things there's people that are do do say encouraging
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  things a lot of the times but the majority is just people that just.
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  Don't and it feels like they'd have for
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  them to say what they're saying and maybe it is just the
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  the craziest people out there that are commenting
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  on videos because a lot of times i i watch videos and i don't comment on them
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  i don't i normally don't even like them even if i like it you know i but i've
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  just seen that just like it really eats on you a lot of the things that people
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  say like things just like the meanest comments will just stick with you and
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  i know i want to try to develop a poker face.
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  I want to develop a, that I don't care, you know, mental attitude.
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  But like, sometimes I just, I, it's not who I am.
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  And it's like, whatever the right decision next is going to be for me,
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  or maybe this may resonate for you.
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  If it, if it does, let me know. But I feel like I know that I'm going to choose the wrong way.
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  And every, every, every aspect of my life, I choose the wrong way,
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  but somehow it turns out okay.
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  Somehow it works out and it goes in unexpected directions that I wasn't planning
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  for, but it turns out better than what I was wanting.
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  So it's just, this is all, this is all mainly just to come across and just say,
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  if you're here, I'm thankful you're here and I love you.
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  And, and even the people that just are casual people that just bounce in and out.
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  I want to make stuff for you and I want to make stuff that's going to be helpful
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  to you and be beneficial and valuable because I have along those paths as well that like, I don't care.
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  People out there that are, they're going to watch, they're going to watch.
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  I'm going to do my own self-expression.
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  I'm going to do whatever I want
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  to do, but that's also an unsatisfying way to do this that I've found.
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  I think that that is that element of the image of God that we have in us.
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  Not only it's like we can be experiencing something so great and it can be awesome,
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  but if you're not including others in it and pointing others towards it or it's
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  like if you see an awesome sunset or you see something beautiful out there,
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  you want to say, look at this.
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  You don't feel satisfied. It doesn't complete your joy until others are a part of it.
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  And I think it is that selfish version. If I'm just going to make it for me,
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  I'm going to just soak up whatever it is.
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  If you're not doing it for others, if you're not trying to involve others,
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  you feel like you're lacking and it feels dried up.
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  It feels that the well does not go any deeper.
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  And I just, that reminds me of a verse in the Bible.
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  I think it's in 1 John where John the apostle, he says, I think I've written
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  these things to you or something.
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  So that our joy may be complete. He says something like that,
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  that you might, you might share in our joy because it is that generality of that.
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  We need others. We want others to be a part of our journey.
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  Like even God, he's the exact like perfect version of this, that he doesn't need anything.
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  He's completely independent, you know, father, son, Holy spirit,
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  this triune God that is together,
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  you know, that has perfect relationship in himself, but he creates outside of
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  himself to bring glory to him. He pre he wants to make things.
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  And that sounds so twisted because I automatically think I'm not trying to be
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  like in that vein that I want to make things all about me and like that I'm
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  God or anything like that.
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  But I'm just saying that us having the image of God in us, we are creators.
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  We are people that want to make things not just for our own enjoyment and our own self.
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  We want to make things that are lasting and help others.
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  And it's it's it's not going to fulfill your what
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  you is most helpful for most the
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  greater good if you're just doing it for yourself and because
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  i've went down that so many times the comments and i was going to go look even
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  show my the comments or whatever a lot of them there are
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  just people commenting or not i mean whatever i
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  mean a lot of people that are just comment in general they're not they don't have
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  like deep motives they're just like anybody
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  if i comment on something i'm just saying something about whatever
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  but there are some things that are just like that are
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  just mean like literally mean that people post it's like like why would you
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  even say that but maybe i say things that are i don't i don't think i say things
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  that are i really don't try to just tear someone down i don't try to for no no reason.
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  I hope I don't, I don't, I don't want to ever do that, but it's like, things can eat at you.
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  And, and this quite come across that I'm just, things are just eating at me like terribly.
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  And, but really they're not. I just, I needed to like almost recalibrate,
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  reset a little bit and just share this.
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  And because it doesn't matter if it's, if it's going to be useful,
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  it's going to go. And if it's not, it's going to, it's going to be buried under
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  everything else. So it doesn't really matter.
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  I think it's that living in freedom, ultimate freedom,
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  throwing everything to the wind you don't care about what other
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  people think because i i can't it's hard for me to care about what other people
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  think because i go the exact opposite i choose the the rebellious way of not
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  just sticking on something and doing something that's going to be repeatable
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  because i think like people that go to mcdonald's they don't expect sushi or
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  they go to a chinese restaurant they don't expect.
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  Mcdonald's i don't know you you go to things and
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  you want whatever it is there and i think that is it's
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  hard for me to repeatable of just the same thing over and over and maybe i just
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  gotta fight that and i think the evolution part of me will do that eventually
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  it will push me towards i gotta go towards the current i gotta go towards the
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  stream towards the flow but it's like even if i don't,
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  and I'm fighting upstream and going every which way, I don't think I can stop.
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  I really don't think I can stop because everything outside of me is saying stop
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  and you're doing terrible.
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  And even everything inside of me is saying stop. You're doing terrible,
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  but whatever it is else that is pushing me to keep doing this, it's hard to stop.
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  And I think it's just that fire. At this point, I'm doing it for the love of
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  the game. That's bottom line.
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  Kevin Costner, whatever that game is he's the pitcher and like maybe it's called
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  for the love of the game i don't know it might have been called either way i'm
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  that's where i'm at drop a comment let me know what you think if this at all
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  resonates with you it's just i needed to share it so i hope you have a good
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  day and see you in the next one see y'all.