Latest / Pod Therapy / #343: Rude Brother In Law, In Laws Inviting Boyfriend's Ex, Best Friend Dating my Ex
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Why is it this thing that like people have to like,
- 0:02Speaker 1: let's ie like when they see it's just stupid.
- 0:06Speaker 2: So like, no, Las Vegas, if you take out all
- 0:10Speaker 2: the casinos, we're just a hole in another No.
- 0:13Speaker 1: No, that's my point though, Like if you look at Vegas,
- 0:15Speaker 1: you think, oh, that looks fun, like there's there's there's
- 0:17Speaker 1: fun shit to do, and I get it, Like you're
- 0:19Speaker 1: just like, oh, that looks a good time whatever. New York.
- 0:22Speaker 1: I think there's this impressiveness of like, holy shit, there's
- 0:24Speaker 1: a lot of big buildings and you think, Jesus, that
- 0:26Speaker 1: is one of the biggest cities in the world and great,
- 0:28Speaker 1: uh the fucking Birch Khaliva in whatever, the Dalai Lama
- 0:31Speaker 1: place is so like you see that ship and it's like, wow,
- 0:34Speaker 1: that's really tall, you know, the Arabian place, you know whatever,
- 0:43Speaker 1: the fucking tall you know talking about No, I just
- 0:49Speaker 1: I'm on the record with this. I'm fine with the Olympics.
- 0:52Speaker 1: Your city is not beautiful or romantic. This smells like
- 0:56Speaker 1: that episode is very possible.
- 0:58Speaker 3: Our partners dirty be and Pickets from fabulous Las Vegas.
- 1:03Speaker 3: No mata. This is pod therapy, real people, real problems,
- 1:05Speaker 3: and real therapists. You can submit your questions anonymously at
- 1:08Speaker 3: pod therapy dot net or email it's a pod therapy
- 1:11Speaker 3: guys at gmail dot com and now broadcasting from the Churn.
- 1:14Speaker 3: That's Jim, that's whitney on Nick signed for some pod therapy.
- 1:17Speaker 3: So you guys, you've never been me. No, you've never
- 1:20Speaker 3: been there, but your opinion somehow is relevant.
- 1:24Speaker 1: I'm saying, if you look at it, it is not
- 1:27Speaker 1: distinguishable as a unique or pretty place except for the
- 1:30Speaker 1: Eiffel Tower. Just wrong. And if it's not there, you know,
- 1:34Speaker 1: oh my god, it's so romantic. It just wrong. You're
- 1:38Speaker 1: kind of on the river. You cannot It's gross. The
- 1:41Speaker 1: whole thing is gross. And they know it. They know
- 1:44Speaker 1: it's a scam. It's a fucking scam. Okay, but look,
- 1:48Speaker 1: I I travel, like all of it. I travel.
- 1:52Speaker 4: It was hundreds of years of like the best architecture
- 1:56Speaker 4: in the world, like like literally for hundreds of years,
- 1:59Speaker 4: the French would bring in the best architects on the
- 2:02Speaker 4: planet and have them build things in Paris.
- 2:05Speaker 1: Jacob, you shut up.
- 2:08Speaker 5: Yeah, I went further than La Joya.
- 2:13Speaker 1: I know I've been waiting to tell you this. I've
- 2:16Speaker 1: been waiting I thought you were so proud of me,
- 2:18Speaker 1: so like you that pissed town. Yeah tower, yea. So
- 2:26Speaker 1: for our anniversary trip, we went to Santa Barbara. Never
- 2:29Speaker 1: been there before. That was a paris of the West coast.
- 2:33Speaker 1: The pistol was not even detectable, and it was fine,
- 2:37Speaker 1: like it's just it's a coastal town. Whatever. That was
- 2:39Speaker 1: kind of interesting. What was weird is the hotel we
- 2:43Speaker 1: stayed at was beach facing. You could not see the
- 2:46Speaker 1: sunset over the water because it was facing south, which
- 2:50Speaker 1: is weird because it turns out and I looked up
- 2:52Speaker 1: a map, California's curved, and so there's a point where
- 2:56Speaker 1: you can stand on it and you look at the beach.
- 2:58Speaker 1: You're not facing west. I was facing south California.
- 3:07Speaker 5: A weird.
- 3:09Speaker 3: This will blow your mind. Yeah, Reno, Nevada is further
- 3:13Speaker 3: west than LA.
- 3:15Speaker 1: Because of the curve. Yeah, fucking weird. It's so weird.
- 3:21Speaker 6: California is still curved.
- 3:23Speaker 1: Bacon left. So there's this little town forty five minutes
- 3:26Speaker 1: outside of Santa Barbara. It's called Solving. It's a Dutch town.
- 3:30Speaker 1: Have you guys ever heard of this with the castle?
- 3:33Speaker 3: No?
- 3:34Speaker 1: No, not the castle. So this this town solving s
- 3:37Speaker 1: O L V A ng. It is all dedicated to
- 3:41Speaker 1: Dutch architecture. It was like, I guess, settled by the Dutch.
- 3:44Speaker 1: And so it's this beautiful little town that looks like
- 3:47Speaker 1: you're in dutch Land and it's really cool. And I
- 3:50Speaker 1: had Dutch food. Okay, yeah, but take away.
- 3:53Speaker 2: Yeah, dowhere else, you guys are preaching to the choir.
- 4:00Speaker 1: Yeah, get rid of that one iconic building and it's
- 4:02Speaker 1: a shithole, like I'm really pictures of it round now
- 4:05Speaker 1: cut smells like piss. Oh no, a little bit, Hey
- 4:08Speaker 1: what is that?
- 4:08Speaker 3: What is that? Windmill? Kind of remind you of does that?
- 4:10Speaker 3: Does that kind of one in Paris?
- 4:12Speaker 1: Yeah? I didn't even Yeah, but it was really cool.
- 4:20Speaker 1: So I got like Dutch chocolate, like the little bakeries
- 4:23Speaker 1: and it was it was really.
- 4:24Speaker 2: No, it doesn't have to go overseas.
- 4:26Speaker 1: No, I don't. And that's the best the world have that.
- 4:29Speaker 1: California doesn't not much bud like I mean, fucking yeah,
- 4:33Speaker 1: apparently modern goddamn sewage. You know we we have that
- 4:37Speaker 1: in America.
- 4:38Speaker 2: Why is California Okay? But nowhere else?
- 4:41Speaker 1: Yeah? Because I get to it.
- 4:43Speaker 2: Yeah, would you go to Arizona.
- 4:44Speaker 1: But I've been there, but not like for a reason,
- 4:48Speaker 1: like you just go there like you have like business
- 4:50Speaker 1: or something like, Oh, I guess I have to go
- 4:51Speaker 1: to Arizona. You get to Phoenix and you're like, all right,
- 4:54Speaker 1: you know, so it's like, what's your favorite place to
- 4:58Speaker 1: go in Arizona? No place to go home after this?
- 5:04Speaker 1: If you do, you have to go somewhere.
- 5:06Speaker 2: You're not going to.
- 5:10Speaker 1: Leave. Let's say you leave the state.
- 5:11Speaker 2: Yeah, the state.
- 5:12Speaker 1: Well, then I get well, I want to go your
- 5:14Speaker 1: what's your favorite place to India? Money is no option. Uh,
- 5:17Speaker 1: childcare is done. So it's just you and the wife. Yeah,
- 5:21Speaker 1: you're going somewhere, or it could be and a hooker. Yeah, okay,
- 5:23Speaker 1: thank you. Widen the options the three of you. Yeah,
- 5:28Speaker 1: I'll have fun. That's right, dinneiversary gift. We could both enjoy.
- 5:31Speaker 4: Where you go, the kids are taking care of maybe
- 5:34Speaker 4: they're was your your parents or another. Essentially you're paying
- 5:38Speaker 4: for their time. Prostitute with the heart of gold.
- 5:40Speaker 1: Yeah, they all do. Southern Cali. I want to go
- 5:44Speaker 1: to Southern Calige. I'll do that. There's nice beaches down there.
- 5:47Speaker 1: It's clean, good time.
- 5:48Speaker 4: Even in the US, you have a blank to go
- 5:51Speaker 4: anywhere in the US.
- 5:53Speaker 1: Southern California is where you're going. Maybe Hawaii. I've heard
- 5:56Speaker 1: it's nice, But then I also think that's bullshit, because
- 5:59Speaker 1: like when we were on the beach, my wife's like, oh, well,
- 6:02Speaker 1: they want to go to Hawaii, and I'm like, just
- 6:04Speaker 1: stand here on the sand and look at the ocean
- 6:07Speaker 1: and pretend you're there. Holy shit, And I'll just sit
- 6:09Speaker 1: here and like sing fucking blue Hawaii and like, dude,
- 6:14Speaker 1: it's the same, goddamn, it's literally the same ocean.
- 6:17Speaker 4: You know how You know how in California you go
- 6:19Speaker 4: to one beach and then a different beach and you're like,
- 6:20Speaker 4: holy shit, that other beach is a lot better than
- 6:22Speaker 4: this beach. No, you know how that happens. Well, Okay,
- 6:25Speaker 4: you go to some beaches and you're like, oh this
- 6:26Speaker 4: this beach is awesome.
- 6:27Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll accept that.
- 6:28Speaker 4: Yeah, the beaches in Hawaii are better than any of
- 6:30Speaker 4: those beaches. Okay, any beach that you pull over on
- 6:33Speaker 4: the side of the road just randomly, they're all beautiful.
- 6:36Speaker 4: They're all better than anything in southern California.
- 6:38Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, but see, I don't know that I'm telling
- 6:42Speaker 1: you that so no, I know, but like that's.
- 6:44Speaker 4: What you're actively arguing against it.
- 6:47Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I'm saying, like you do know it.
- 6:51Speaker 1: I feel like Hawaii's wasted on me. Like I would go,
- 6:53Speaker 1: money no object, take the time, go do where you
- 6:55Speaker 1: want to go. I'd probably go to Hawaii or southern California.
- 6:59Speaker 1: Why a pretty goodbye to see. But you said money
- 7:01Speaker 1: is no object.
- 7:02Speaker 4: So what I'm saying like you you were able also
- 7:04Speaker 4: to do Hawaiian a pretty good budget.
- 7:05Speaker 1: All right, do Spirit fly there? I think so?
- 7:09Speaker 3: Chan I mean Southwest does so.
- 7:11Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I probably get there. That's probably it. I'd
- 7:13Speaker 1: probably go to one of those. I'm not going.
- 7:15Speaker 4: The first time we went there, we did Hawaiian Airlines
- 7:17Speaker 4: and we did like a the airline, hotel, rental car
- 7:21Speaker 4: package all through it, okay, and it was like two
- 7:25Speaker 4: grand for a week for the for the two of us.
- 7:27Speaker 1: Wow, that's a really good deal. Yeah, it was quite bad.
- 7:30Speaker 1: That's pretty cool. Well, I went to dutch Land and
- 7:33Speaker 1: to California, so that was pretty cool. We got my
- 7:36Speaker 1: chocolate on and I had sausages. I would like to
- 7:40Speaker 1: go to this place in California's pretty it does look adorable. Yeah,
- 7:42Speaker 1: it's it's uh, it was if you're going to Santa
- 7:45Speaker 1: Barbara and you're doing the whole like because they do
- 7:47Speaker 1: boats in Santa Barbara's like sailboating and ship and there's
- 7:50Speaker 1: like a wharf, so like that was pretty cool. Yeah,
- 7:52Speaker 1: and they have a really cool like a bar scene,
- 7:54Speaker 1: Like there's this main street that's very waable, everything shut down,
- 7:57Speaker 1: like so no traffic, and it's like really cool bars
- 8:00Speaker 1: and just like really great restaurants. So that was pretty cool.
- 8:03Speaker 1: I am a big fan of southern California. Yeah. Yeah,
- 8:05Speaker 1: there's a reason it's yeah, fucking popular. Everybody's there. It's beautiful.
- 8:10Speaker 1: So yeah, that was super cool. But I went to
- 8:12Speaker 1: a whole new place. I'm very proud of myself. Yeah,
- 8:15Speaker 1: thank you. That's the right response.
- 8:16Speaker 4: Wait, I want to encourage you when you when you
- 8:19Speaker 4: exhibit good behaviors.
- 8:20Speaker 1: Buddy, I want to encourage it.
- 8:21Speaker 3: Yeah, way to think outside but pressed right up against
- 8:25Speaker 3: the box.
- 8:25Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, baby steps. Okay, I got outside the box.
- 8:29Speaker 1: I get out. I'm out of it. Box is still
- 8:31Speaker 1: in good view. Yeah I can't.
- 8:34Speaker 3: I just wish I could have been there when he
- 8:35Speaker 3: explains this to his wife. Yeah, I got an idea,
- 8:38Speaker 3: let's do something different. She's like, oh no, no, no, no,
- 8:41Speaker 3: still in California. Yeah, a little north across the street.
- 8:46Speaker 3: Are you ready to go crazy? Are you ready to
- 8:49Speaker 3: lose your fucking mind? Applebee's Santa Barbara, let me tell you.
- 8:55Speaker 4: She's like immediately putting in the ballgag and then he's like.
- 8:58Speaker 1: To Dutch Barbara to see a Windmillah. Yeah, it was
- 9:02Speaker 1: really cool. Sadly putting the ballgag away. No more ballgage,
- 9:06Speaker 1: but it was really cool. So did a little traveling also,
- 9:09Speaker 1: last note. Then I'll read questions. I got a lot
- 9:11Speaker 1: of ticket because I always try to get one. Yeah,
- 9:13Speaker 1: and so I go to the gas station. I'm like hey,
- 9:16Speaker 1: she goes, well, how many do you want? I was like, well,
- 9:17Speaker 1: how many can I get on one ticket? And she's like,
- 9:20Speaker 1: oh huh yeah, I've never looked into that. And I'm like, okay, great,
- 9:23Speaker 1: I guess I'm the first guy I ever asked that
- 9:25Speaker 1: feels efficient, you know, I feel like more than one. Whatever.
- 9:28Speaker 1: So she like takes a second and she comes back
- 9:30Speaker 1: curiously like the powerball type multi million millions, and she goes, oh,
- 9:35Speaker 1: it says here you can get ten, and I was like, yeah, sure, yeah,
- 9:39Speaker 1: whatever ten And she's like you want ten. I was like, yeah,
- 9:41Speaker 1: give me ten. She's on the same ticket. Yeah yeah.
- 9:44Speaker 1: And I'm like, what the fuck is this? Like, am
- 9:46Speaker 1: I asking a question? I know none of us.
- 9:50Speaker 3: You get the same ten numbers.
- 9:51Speaker 1: I'm no, bro, she gave me one fucking number, like
- 9:55Speaker 1: a line, one line of numbers that works for ten
- 9:59Speaker 1: lives atoss. I have the same number that is going
- 10:08Speaker 1: to be you. That's just funny. It's fucking dumb.
- 10:11Speaker 4: So you're just covered for like the next couple of
- 10:14Speaker 4: months with a lot of pay attention to lottery for
- 10:18Speaker 4: like two months. How great would it be if Jim
- 10:21Speaker 4: won the lottery and didn't realize it.
- 10:23Speaker 1: Dude, that's what's gonna happen. Give me ten numbers, let
- 10:26Speaker 1: me pay attention to the next one. Actually, you should
- 10:28Speaker 1: send us the I actually thought about putting a picture
- 10:32Speaker 1: of it on the discord because that's the only way
- 10:34Speaker 1: I'm going to find out if I want, you know.
- 10:35Speaker 4: Somebody's a picture of the thing that has a barcode
- 10:37Speaker 4: on the discord.
- 10:39Speaker 1: Yeah, don't publish the thing that has Actually I don't care,
- 10:42Speaker 1: do whatever. You want a lot of money, so anyway,
- 10:47Speaker 1: A lottos are tricky, but yeah, I'm just holding on hope.
- 10:50Speaker 1: So every week I will let you know if I'm rich.
- 10:53Speaker 1: I was in l A a couple of weeks ago, and uh,
- 10:55Speaker 1: here my arms tied. I was.
- 10:57Speaker 4: I pulled into la I was very close to my
- 11:00Speaker 4: friend's house where I was going, and I had to
- 11:03Speaker 4: pee so badly.
- 11:04Speaker 1: How badly was it? Very badly? I really had to peek.
- 11:09Speaker 4: And uh, well, you got caught up behind a traffic
- 11:12Speaker 4: accident on the freeway, so it had been a longer
- 11:15Speaker 4: trip and blah blah blah whatever. So I'm like, oh,
- 11:17Speaker 4: I'll pull into this gas station here. I'll go ahead
- 11:20Speaker 4: and get gas because I'm gonna drive home. I was
- 11:22Speaker 4: just there overnight, so you drive home the next day.
- 11:24Speaker 4: It's like, I'll go ahead and fill up the gas
- 11:26Speaker 4: tank and I will pee in this gas station. So
- 11:29Speaker 4: I start doing the gas. I go in there and
- 11:31Speaker 4: the guy's like, oh, there's no public bathrooms. I was like, oh,
- 11:36Speaker 4: do you have a glory? I was like, but I like,
- 11:38Speaker 4: you have a bathroom though, right? He goes yes, but
- 11:41Speaker 4: it's employees only.
- 11:43Speaker 1: Did you fill it?
- 11:44Speaker 4: And I was like, I will pay you, right, now,
- 11:49Speaker 4: if you will just let me use that bathroom.
- 11:52Speaker 1: And he didn't say anything. I was like, I've got
- 11:54Speaker 1: a twenty. I've got a twenty right here. Oh, I'll
- 11:57Speaker 1: give you.
- 11:57Speaker 4: I'm gonna twenty dollars because I was like, I'm I've
- 12:00Speaker 4: got a piss right, this is gonna happen. And I
- 12:03Speaker 4: was like, I'm not gonna mess up your bathroom because
- 12:05Speaker 4: thats what they're worried about the word about people going
- 12:06Speaker 4: in there and sucking it up.
- 12:07Speaker 1: Yeah, like, I'm not gonna mess anything up. You come
- 12:09Speaker 1: in there doing drugs.
- 12:10Speaker 4: You can come in there and check on it if
- 12:13Speaker 4: you if you want to, after I'm done, whatever you want,
- 12:16Speaker 4: please let me into this bathroom. And then he finally,
- 12:18Speaker 4: he finally was like fine, and you know he wouldn't
- 12:21Speaker 4: take the money.
- 12:22Speaker 1: Uh. And then but then the funny thing was he
- 12:25Speaker 1: had a car remote.
- 12:27Speaker 4: Type remote thing that opens the door that opened the
- 12:30Speaker 4: bathroom door that yeah, the door open.
- 12:35Speaker 1: I was like, that's a boss move.
- 12:37Speaker 4: I started laughing really hard, and he was like, yeah,
- 12:41Speaker 4: it's kind of silly.
- 12:43Speaker 1: That's awesome. I would put those in my house just
- 12:49Speaker 1: so people had to ask me, oh, yeah, my bathroom,
- 12:52Speaker 1: like where is it. Oh, it's around the corner. But
- 12:54Speaker 1: hold on, he can I I'm really drunk. Can I
- 13:01Speaker 1: sleep in your guest room? Get no problem? I love it.
- 13:06Speaker 1: Oh that's pretty cool, fun travel stuff. Check out all
- 13:09Speaker 1: the extra goodies. We discussed the Olympics and which sports
- 13:13Speaker 1: merit being in it, which ones do not, And everybody
- 13:16Speaker 1: has very high opinions of Paris. Check that out Patreon'm
- 13:20Speaker 1: not gone the ones who have been there. You guys
- 13:23Speaker 1: haven't all been there? Have you all been there? I've
- 13:25Speaker 1: been there. It's that common.
- 13:32Speaker 4: Believe it, or leaving the country this kind of wh
- 13:37Speaker 4: my god, that is really cool.
- 13:40Speaker 1: Mine is genuinely blown. I know that's a weird thing.
- 13:43Speaker 1: That's a really weird thing to discover.
- 13:46Speaker 3: Wow, But somehow you have the strongest opinion. I don't know, bro.
- 13:49Speaker 1: If Jacob was like, hey, man, I have a hookup.
- 13:52Speaker 1: I have free tickets to Paris. I want to give
- 13:54Speaker 1: them to you for your anniversary, I would say no,
- 13:57Speaker 1: I would you fuck that. I'm going to say a Barbara,
- 14:01Speaker 1: they have I don't have.
- 14:04Speaker 4: But I could get your free tickets into a lot
- 14:06Speaker 4: of things in Paris. That's probably that are hard to
- 14:09Speaker 4: get into type things and you still wouldn't fucking go now.
- 14:12Speaker 4: I just I wouldn't even offer them to you now,
- 14:15Speaker 4: it would be wasted, waste never, No, I'm not getting
- 14:20Speaker 4: gym into the Mulin rouge.
- 14:21Speaker 3: You.
- 14:22Speaker 1: Is that a real place? Really big? So it's just
- 14:26Speaker 1: like a big whorehouse. Well it's a show like they've
- 14:29Speaker 1: got I've seen the movie.
- 14:32Speaker 3: Oh well then you know everything there is to know.
- 14:34Speaker 1: It's a whorehouse in the movie. I'm so confused. Is
- 14:38Speaker 1: this a different place.
- 14:39Speaker 4: I just want Jim to have an excuse to say
- 14:41Speaker 4: whorehouse on this episode.
- 14:44Speaker 1: It's gonna get a drop thumb up, I guess. All right,
- 14:51Speaker 1: we got some great questions today. It's a whorehouse. Brother
- 14:57Speaker 1: in law ignores me from anonymous at the whorehouse. Hi, guys,
- 15:06Speaker 1: that is reasonable.
- 15:08Speaker 3: Just a quick FYI on this one, Okay, I trimmed this,
- 15:11Speaker 3: okay significantly, So I did take a little artistic license
- 15:17Speaker 3: with this.
- 15:17Speaker 1: Okay, off the top.
- 15:19Speaker 3: Yeah, the letter didn't call for dinosaurs, but I thought.
- 15:22Speaker 1: I would know what throw them in. Yeah, not wrong.
- 15:27Speaker 1: My brother in law ignores me. Hi, guys, my brother
- 15:29Speaker 1: in law who is a dinosaur.
- 15:30Speaker 7: Okay, to be specific, Hi guys, This is the anonymous
- 15:38Speaker 7: mother in law that said, oh no, this is the
- 15:40Speaker 7: anonymous writer with the mother in law that said my
- 15:43Speaker 7: hair looked like a gay Polynesian man and got upset
- 15:46Speaker 7: but not having twelve.
- 15:47Speaker 1: Packs of Kobusha cans. I remember this.
- 15:51Speaker 4: I just want to say, we're all very curious what
- 15:53Speaker 4: a gay Polynesian haircut looked like.
- 15:55Speaker 1: Yeah, we still need that. You could just get that.
- 15:58Speaker 1: I could google it all you want gonna find out.
- 16:03Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you for answering my
- 16:05Speaker 1: question last time. It was nice. Even if you guys
- 16:07Speaker 1: did joke about it. Well, you have listened to the show,
- 16:10Speaker 1: so you know what's gonna happ when you write it.
- 16:12Speaker 4: It helped to put especially if you put the phrase
- 16:14Speaker 4: gay Polydesian haircuts, the hook come up.
- 16:18Speaker 1: We cannot be helpful. Control out of our hands, We
- 16:21Speaker 1: cannot not touch that. It help did that you did this.
- 16:26Speaker 3: If a seven year old crashes a car, you don't
- 16:29Speaker 3: blame the seven year old.
- 16:31Speaker 1: You put keys in our hand. To be very clear,
- 16:34Speaker 1: we are the seven year old. It helped to put
- 16:38Speaker 1: in perspective how ridiculous my mother in law's behavior was.
- 16:42Speaker 1: But it also gave the sense of her having less power.
- 16:45Speaker 1: I was also very touched when one of you said,
- 16:47Speaker 1: it's not that he doesn't love you, he just hasn't
- 16:50Speaker 1: healed from his trauma, which was very helpful to hear. Well.
- 16:53Speaker 1: I'm here again seeking your wisdom and advice. On an update,
- 16:56Speaker 1: my fiance found a counselor to talk to, and my
- 17:00Speaker 1: brother in law is now ignoring me when I speak
- 17:03Speaker 1: to him. We aren't too sure what to do or
- 17:05Speaker 1: how to approach the brother in law. But if we
- 17:07Speaker 1: just leave it because he is heavily enmeshed with his mom,
- 17:11Speaker 1: or if we try to have a conversation with him
- 17:13Speaker 1: so he can begin to open up and build a
- 17:15Speaker 1: bridge with us and him. We're not sure what to
- 17:17Speaker 1: do because this would be determined whether we have a
- 17:21Speaker 1: family wedding or just a lope because of the difficulty
- 17:24Speaker 1: of my fiance's family. Here's some history to give content.
- 17:28Speaker 1: The history has been skipped.
- 17:30Speaker 3: Ye, the history. The history was all from the last email. Okay,
- 17:34Speaker 3: so we addressed most of that already.
- 17:36Speaker 1: Got it. Go back and listen to that one audience.
- 17:38Speaker 1: If you want to figure out this, you have a
- 17:39Speaker 1: quick a quick recap as to what they'll.
- 17:42Speaker 3: Basically, so writer has pretty much stopped going over there
- 17:49Speaker 3: because mother in law was just constantly acting weird, constantly
- 17:53Speaker 3: antagonizing the writer about all sorts of different shit. Her
- 18:00Speaker 3: fiance kind of felt pressured in the middle. That kind
- 18:03Speaker 3: of supported the writer. But then there's just all this
- 18:07Speaker 3: drama and everything. She lived overseas and would come back
- 18:11Speaker 3: and visit, and the mother in law yea is just.
- 18:14Speaker 1: A mega bitch, like super weird. Yeah, and they were
- 18:17Speaker 1: worried that mother in law was gonna like ruin the
- 18:18Speaker 1: wedding and she yep, yep, yeah, that's what it was,
- 18:21Speaker 1: all right. So and then now we're caught up. Here
- 18:23Speaker 1: is nick summary of the present day situation. So Nick
- 18:26Speaker 1: has read this, and now we are reading the summary.
- 18:29Speaker 1: I suggested to my fiance to invite his brother over
- 18:32Speaker 1: to try to mend things. When he came over, he
- 18:34Speaker 1: hardly spoke to me, only making eye contact with my
- 18:37Speaker 1: fiance or my sister. I felt dismissed and ignored. My
- 18:40Speaker 1: sister asked how he was, but he didn't ask me
- 18:42Speaker 1: how I was. When he spoke to me, it was
- 18:45Speaker 1: with short answers. I complimented him on his hoodie and
- 18:47Speaker 1: he just said thanks. When we ate pizza. He didn't
- 18:50Speaker 1: speak to me. If I spoke, he would look down
- 18:52Speaker 1: and scratch our dog. Even if I mentioned his name,
- 18:55Speaker 1: he wouldn't respond. My fiance finally asked if he was okay,
- 18:59Speaker 1: and he said yes and responded to my story, so
- 19:02Speaker 1: he was listening. I told my brother in law about
- 19:04Speaker 1: the panic attacks and nightmares I had after seeing my
- 19:06Speaker 1: mother in law Christmas Eve. I also mentioned how scared
- 19:09Speaker 1: I was of having another panic attack if I came,
- 19:12Speaker 1: if if she came over, or if I came over
- 19:13Speaker 1: to saw her. I told him about my forty five
- 19:16Speaker 1: minute mindfulness practice and using lavender spray in the car
- 19:19Speaker 1: to call myself yes. He said, well, it seems you
- 19:22Speaker 1: are worrying about worrying. That is odd. Mom knows about
- 19:26Speaker 1: your anxiety. She doesn't grieve you not being there. His
- 19:29Speaker 1: face was very expressionless, no empathy, just dead cold. I
- 19:33Speaker 1: mentioned this because I avoided my fiance's family for six
- 19:36Speaker 1: months because of the panic attacks and nightmares I had.
- 19:39Speaker 1: When he was leaving, I told him to drive safely
- 19:41Speaker 1: and he said I won't. Okay. Damn well, Jacob says
- 19:45Speaker 1: that too, so I will not drive safely. Fuck you
- 19:48Speaker 1: and your rules do. A won't tell me what to do.
- 19:51Speaker 1: After this, I felt deeply hurt and thought maybe I
- 19:53Speaker 1: shouldn't bother with my fiance's family at all. My fiance
- 19:56Speaker 1: thinks we should invite his brother again in a couple
- 19:59Speaker 1: of weeks to work on the relationship. However, it takes
- 20:01Speaker 1: two people to make a relationship. A few words about
- 20:04Speaker 1: family dynamics. My fiance's family is very enmeshed now that
- 20:08Speaker 1: we've moved out, all his enmeshment is now focused on
- 20:11Speaker 1: his brother. His brother once blamed me when we got engaged,
- 20:14Speaker 1: saying that now his mom has latched onto him. I
- 20:18Speaker 1: wonder if his brother is bitter towards me and blames me,
- 20:21Speaker 1: which is why he's acting this way. My mother in
- 20:23Speaker 1: law tries to talk bad about my my fiance's brother's
- 20:27Speaker 1: girlfriend to my fiance as well. Anyway, what are your thoughts,
- 20:31Speaker 1: reflections or advice. I feel very affected by his family
- 20:34Speaker 1: and want this approval from them that will probably never happen.
- 20:38Speaker 1: Thank you for reading my message. Keep doing the awesome
- 20:40Speaker 1: work that you always do. From anonymous.
- 20:43Speaker 3: Okay, so any any questions so far, because I may
- 20:47Speaker 3: be able to answer him having read this letter. So
- 20:49Speaker 3: brother in law by the way writers and listeners, Yeah,
- 20:53Speaker 3: you teach me the sausages made. Yeah, So it's just entertainment.
- 20:57Speaker 3: It's the way the show runs. So if you send
- 20:59Speaker 3: in a really really long letter, we will edit it
- 21:02Speaker 3: down to.
- 21:03Speaker 1: Have to have to or it'll be the whole show
- 21:05Speaker 1: and nobody would listen. And we already struggle with that.
- 21:10Speaker 1: So we got to keep those fart jokes keep going,
- 21:14Speaker 1: all right, a couple of questions. The impression I got
- 21:16Speaker 1: was that brother in law's Yeah, brother in law is
- 21:20Speaker 1: not like overtly a dick, but there's like passive aggressive
- 21:25Speaker 1: stuff and sort of like subtle stuff that she's taking
- 21:28Speaker 1: his jabs. Yes, okay, so there is the possibility that
- 21:31Speaker 1: she's overthinking this ship slightly.
- 21:34Speaker 3: However, I think, having read this, I would agree. I
- 21:37Speaker 3: think brother in law doesn't like you. Okay, yeah, I
- 21:40Speaker 3: think that's Do you agree, I do? I mean, yeah,
- 21:45Speaker 3: something's up. I mean just the way that he's he reacts.
- 21:48Speaker 3: He doesn't answer her, he doesn't look at her. He
- 21:51Speaker 3: does okay, I mean, and he's not he doesn't say hello,
- 21:54Speaker 3: he doesn't ask how you're doing. He's cold, and it
- 21:56Speaker 3: comes through very cold. Yeah, And it seems pretty obvious.
- 22:00Speaker 3: Like if I was trying to tell somebody I didn't
- 22:03Speaker 3: like them without flat up, straight up saying I don't
- 22:06Speaker 3: like you, Yeah, it would look a lot like this.
- 22:08Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, so yeah, she's probably reading this, I think,
- 22:13Speaker 1: so all right, Wow, So then Jesus, what do you
- 22:17Speaker 1: do about that?
- 22:19Speaker 2: Yeah? My first thought was the fact that you mentioned
- 22:25Speaker 2: inviting the brother in law back over to try and
- 22:27Speaker 2: mend things. My first question would be, how are you
- 22:32Speaker 2: planning on doing that? Like what would be different that
- 22:34Speaker 2: time than this time? Do you have a different plan?
- 22:38Speaker 2: And I would really recommend doing that. Talk to your
- 22:41Speaker 2: fiance before the brother in law comes over, and I
- 22:44Speaker 2: would get on the same page with him, like, hey,
- 22:47Speaker 2: we can invite him over, but maybe we want to
- 22:50Speaker 2: lay out like what we're noticing. That would be my
- 22:52Speaker 2: thing if you really want to fix something and be like, hey,
- 22:55Speaker 2: we can't just let it kind of do that weird
- 22:57Speaker 2: fly under the radar thing where you're just short like, oh,
- 23:00Speaker 2: nothing's wrong, No, I'm fine, put the book up. Yes
- 23:02Speaker 2: there is, like you won't look in all in the eyes. Yeah,
- 23:05Speaker 2: acknowledging the tension, And so I think acknowledging what you're seeing.
- 23:09Speaker 2: It's important that their facts like, hey, it seemed like
- 23:12Speaker 2: when you were over here last time, you were avoiding
- 23:14Speaker 2: eye contact, you didn't really reach out to me whenever
- 23:18Speaker 2: you reach out to my sister and and just seem
- 23:22Speaker 2: sure every time I gave a response. Now if they
- 23:24Speaker 2: still try and be like, oh, no, it's fine, it's nothing,
- 23:27Speaker 2: or like blow it off, because sometimes people who are
- 23:30Speaker 2: avoidant will go that route, I would say, well, this
- 23:34Speaker 2: is what I want. Then I want to have a
- 23:36Speaker 2: relationship with you as family, like I would like that,
- 23:39Speaker 2: like what are my goals as the writer, like what
- 23:42Speaker 2: are my goals and kind of put it back on them,
- 23:45Speaker 2: and they may still be like, no, no, everything, it's fine,
- 23:48Speaker 2: it's fine I and don't want to talk about it.
- 23:50Speaker 2: Then you've done everything you can. Ye, you've done everything.
- 23:53Speaker 2: I feel like you can give it one more shot
- 23:55Speaker 2: the good ol like second try or whatever.
- 23:57Speaker 1: But I like that you get like yourself on behalf
- 24:00Speaker 1: of somebody else. No, the first part makes me anxious,
- 24:04Speaker 1: like if if I thought somebody didn't like me. And
- 24:08Speaker 1: this happens sometimes often, okay, every great, once in a while,
- 24:12Speaker 1: it's very rare. No, Well, those guys I don't care
- 24:19Speaker 1: whether city smells a piss, which you said, why why
- 24:24Speaker 1: am I I'm carrying your fucking water over here? Like
- 24:27Speaker 1: this was your critique, and I'm just like, oh, I
- 24:29Speaker 1: heard they smell like piss, and you're like, you don't.
- 24:31Speaker 3: Know, say the people smell like piss if.
- 24:34Speaker 1: Their city smells like piss, they smell like piss. My man,
- 24:37Speaker 1: the city they call it o de toilette because it
- 24:42Speaker 1: smells like piss. I remember when somebody doesn't like you, okay,
- 24:50Speaker 1: which again this happens sometimes. I oh god, that would
- 24:54Speaker 1: make me so anxious if somebody asked me that either way.
- 24:59Speaker 1: So like, if I'm the guy that somebody thinks that
- 25:02Speaker 1: I don't like them, if they say, do you not
- 25:04Speaker 1: like me? Is there a problem? I'm guaranteed going to
- 25:08Speaker 1: fucking lie to you, because if I already didn't like
- 25:11Speaker 1: you and you have to ask, then I clearly was
- 25:14Speaker 1: trying to conceal it or play it down. And now
- 25:18Speaker 1: I'm not gonna come out with it because if I'm
- 25:20Speaker 1: that much of a douche or I dislike you that hard,
- 25:23Speaker 1: I'm not hiding it. You don't have to ask. I
- 25:25Speaker 1: don't like you, and you can tell that. So the
- 25:27Speaker 1: fact that you have to probably means I'm going to
- 25:29Speaker 1: conceal it. But I like the second.
- 25:30Speaker 3: Maybe maybe Jim will I could see this. But here's
- 25:33Speaker 3: the thing. I could see this going a couple of
- 25:35Speaker 3: different ways. Number One, you could conceal it, in which
- 25:39Speaker 3: case the broad law could conceal it. In which case, yes,
- 25:43Speaker 3: you're doing everything you can, but you're also probably not
- 25:45Speaker 3: going to make any progress.
- 25:47Speaker 2: Right exactly, so you're still going to do the same.
- 25:49Speaker 3: It's the same thing.
- 25:50Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 25:51Speaker 3: Now, maybe even the worst case or even worse, he
- 25:54Speaker 3: may say, yeah, you know what, I don't like you,
- 25:57Speaker 3: and here's what I here's here's why I don't.
- 25:59Speaker 1: I would just start crying.
- 26:00Speaker 3: Yeah I know, I.
- 26:03Speaker 1: Like ugly cry.
- 26:05Speaker 3: Please like me.
- 26:08Speaker 1: So here's a sot bad.
- 26:10Speaker 3: If you actually wanted to resolve this issue, you got
- 26:15Speaker 3: to make sure that you're capable of taking that feet.
- 26:18Speaker 1: Don't ask that question.
- 26:19Speaker 3: If you don't ask the question, if you can't handle
- 26:21Speaker 3: the answer, because if you asked the brother in law,
- 26:24Speaker 3: because here's here's how I would do it. Honestly, if
- 26:26Speaker 3: I was in this situation, I would have a conversation
- 26:29Speaker 3: with that and say, hey, it's it's clear that you
- 26:31Speaker 3: don't like me?
- 26:33Speaker 1: Why don't you like me? And I would open the door.
- 26:36Speaker 1: Yeah you can handle that.
- 26:38Speaker 3: I can handle that. Yeah, I'm fine with that.
- 26:39Speaker 2: What do you mean I don't like you? Why would
- 26:41Speaker 2: what do you mean? And that's what they're going to
- 26:44Speaker 2: say if they're avoidant, GYM what.
- 26:46Speaker 1: Oh, that's what's going to do?
- 26:48Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think and then I would have I
- 26:50Speaker 3: would have Yeah, you've blown the whistle on me and
- 26:54Speaker 3: y Z.
- 26:55Speaker 1: Here are my observations. I can't say that you don't like.
- 26:58Speaker 3: But I would say that the evidence support sure, or
- 27:02Speaker 3: I'm getting the impression you don't.
- 27:04Speaker 1: And if you do, boy, am I relieved to hear that.
- 27:06Speaker 1: And then it pivots to your second point, Whitney of
- 27:09Speaker 1: because I really want us to get along. Well, sure,
- 27:11Speaker 1: I do like you.
- 27:13Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we can move towards resolving that issue. Yeah,
- 27:16Speaker 3: but you can't resolve the issue if we're not willing
- 27:18Speaker 3: to open up and talk about it.
- 27:20Speaker 1: No, I do. I think you totally can. I like
- 27:22Speaker 1: Whitney's second point because I think you can skip the
- 27:24Speaker 1: first point. I think you can just tell them like
- 27:26Speaker 1: you can nod to like, Hey, sometimes they get the
- 27:28Speaker 1: impression that maybe I've said or done something that's rubbed
- 27:31Speaker 1: me the wrong way. Okay, cool, that's light touch, and
- 27:34Speaker 1: they can that gives them plausible deniability to be like,
- 27:36Speaker 1: oh no, we're okay. Okay, But then you can go
- 27:39Speaker 1: to Whitney's second point and be like, you know, because
- 27:42Speaker 1: I I think you're a great man, You're You're so
- 27:44Speaker 1: good for my fiance. I love your family. I know
- 27:46Speaker 1: you guys have been through a lot, and I just
- 27:48Speaker 1: really admire you and I want to get along with you,
- 27:49Speaker 1: and I really hope you sense that for me. I
- 27:51Speaker 1: hope that's the energy I give you, because I think
- 27:53Speaker 1: whenever you offer friendship in that nice way, the other
- 27:55Speaker 1: person's like all right, I mean I kind of maybe
- 27:58Speaker 1: I judge you.
- 27:59Speaker 3: That is a possibility. However, let's let's role play this
- 28:02Speaker 3: for a second.
- 28:02Speaker 8: Okay, so like the girl, Yes, of course, the haircut.
- 28:08Speaker 1: It's pretty much haircut mustache. You are raising I'm on their.
- 28:17Speaker 2: Behalf talking about.
- 28:24Speaker 3: Okay. If Whitney is the writer, okay, and I'm brother
- 28:27Speaker 3: in law, Okay, let's just say that the reason I
- 28:32Speaker 3: don't like the writer, the reason I don't like Whitney
- 28:35Speaker 3: is because she is so fucking pretentious.
- 28:38Speaker 1: Okay, she is arrogant.
- 28:40Speaker 3: Every time she comes over to the house, she talks
- 28:42Speaker 3: about like she knows what she's talking about. She doesn't.
- 28:48Speaker 3: She doesn't allow anybody else to talk. She dominates all
- 28:51Speaker 3: these conversations, so and so forth. Let's say I've got
- 28:53Speaker 3: really good reasons why I don't like this person her. Okay,
- 28:57Speaker 3: the idea of I get because I get what you're saying.
- 28:59Speaker 3: From solution focused perspective. It sounds like, Okay, we don't
- 29:03Speaker 3: have to open up this door. We can just figure
- 29:05Speaker 3: out where we want to go and we can start
- 29:08Speaker 3: working towards that. I get that. However, if she's not
- 29:12Speaker 3: aware of the behaviors that irritate me, then how is
- 29:18Speaker 3: she going to change. She won't know about those, and
- 29:22Speaker 3: she's going to continue to do them, and I'm going
- 29:24Speaker 3: to continue to get upset. So I think that is
- 29:27Speaker 3: kind of the roadblock here and getting through to any
- 29:31Speaker 3: kind of progress. Okay, Yeah, now here's the other thing.
- 29:35Speaker 3: I've given this a lot of thought too, because I
- 29:37Speaker 3: had to write this. Yeah, here's the other thing writer, Okay,
- 29:43Speaker 3: in my current job, and I'm not going to go
- 29:45Speaker 3: into details of what it is, but everyone wants.
- 29:47Speaker 1: That I have to.
- 29:50Speaker 3: I get feedback surveys people people, Yeah, people write, and
- 30:01Speaker 3: they're all like scale questions like strongly disagree to strongly
- 30:07Speaker 3: agree okay, there's like eight to twelve of those, and
- 30:12Speaker 3: then there's little questions in there where you add information
- 30:16Speaker 3: like what you could do better?
- 30:17Speaker 1: Okay. Always every time that this is done.
- 30:22Speaker 3: Eighty I'd say eighty eight to ninety percent are all positive.
- 30:30Speaker 1: They're all agree strongly agreeing. But those aren't the ones
- 30:34Speaker 1: you pay attention to.
- 30:35Speaker 3: Ten to twelve percent guaranteed every time these surveys are dead.
- 30:41Speaker 3: Ten to twelve percent is strongly disagree straight down the board.
- 30:47Speaker 3: And these are and they will never give you feedback.
- 30:52Speaker 3: They never say, hey, here's what you could do different.
- 30:54Speaker 3: They never answer those questions. They only do strongly disagree.
- 30:58Speaker 3: So writer, here's what I'm telling you. Like, if you
- 31:01Speaker 3: are the type of person where you need to be liked,
- 31:05Speaker 3: you need to understand that ten to twelve percent of
- 31:09Speaker 3: the population are fucking idiots.
- 31:12Speaker 1: There you go, they just don't like you.
- 31:14Speaker 3: Yeah, and they're not They're not going to like anything
- 31:16Speaker 3: that you do, right.
- 31:17Speaker 4: And it twelve percent of the population are idiots. Just
- 31:20Speaker 4: not all the people that are idiots dislike you.
- 31:23Speaker 1: Right right right.
- 31:24Speaker 4: People enjoy it and they dislike you idiots and they're
- 31:28Speaker 4: okay with you.
- 31:29Speaker 3: Yeah, some are idiots and they really like you.
- 31:31Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 31:31Speaker 3: Yeah, there's all sorts of.
- 31:32Speaker 1: But there's a but there's there's I guess what I'm
- 31:35Speaker 1: saying here is that there's ten to twelve percent of
- 31:38Speaker 1: the population that we really shouldn't care what their fucking
- 31:41Speaker 1: opinion is.
- 31:41Speaker 2: Right, But it's hard one. It's going to be your
- 31:43Speaker 2: brother in.
- 31:43Speaker 1: Law that does make a difference.
- 31:46Speaker 2: And I wanted to touch Jim probably is going to touch
- 31:49Speaker 2: on this too. But the enmeshment part I think is important, like.
- 31:54Speaker 4: Friends that I have in measurement clause is where the
- 31:56Speaker 4: president can't own things that the president says.
- 31:59Speaker 1: Support uh yeah, yeah yeah, you can't bucking rolling now
- 32:05Speaker 1: whatever I want.
- 32:07Speaker 2: But the investment part is like, your fiance is probably
- 32:11Speaker 2: really attached to his brother. If they all grew up
- 32:13Speaker 2: all fucking intertwined, it's like that's going to be harder
- 32:16Speaker 2: for him to just be like, yeah, we just won't
- 32:19Speaker 2: have brother over.
- 32:20Speaker 3: It's like, oh yeah, well, part of me is like
- 32:23Speaker 3: is this is this the writer's problem to solve or
- 32:27Speaker 3: is this the brother's problem?
- 32:28Speaker 1: No, dude, it is the writer's problem. Yeah, it is
- 32:32Speaker 1: the problem. Is it the writer's problem to solve?
- 32:34Speaker 3: I think the brothers the fiance, what's his take on this, like,
- 32:41Speaker 3: because he's in the middle of that.
- 32:42Speaker 1: Is a good question.
- 32:44Speaker 2: Well, if you're going to be married, then well all
- 32:46Speaker 2: the problems are showing.
- 32:47Speaker 1: The wisdom of the Spice Girls prevails. If you want
- 32:50Speaker 1: to be my lover, you gotta get with.
- 32:52Speaker 2: My friends, you know, get with them.
- 32:54Speaker 1: Well, no, you sexualized that in the nineties. That meant
- 32:58Speaker 1: you all my friends.
- 32:59Speaker 4: It was there's a song about group sex jem Oh
- 33:01Speaker 4: my god.
- 33:02Speaker 1: I did not catch any of that.
- 33:04Speaker 3: No idea.
- 33:06Speaker 1: But yeah, like, if you want to be in a
- 33:08Speaker 1: long term relationship with me, you need to make every
- 33:11Speaker 1: effort to fuck my brother or else it's not gonna
- 33:13Speaker 1: be good. It's in my way. Yeah, so I don't know.
- 33:18Speaker 1: I do think it's gonna be writer's problem no matter what.
- 33:21Speaker 1: I think that there's only so much writer can do.
- 33:25Speaker 1: And I think it's also fair sometimes writer, there is
- 33:28Speaker 1: there is a path which is do nothing. There is
- 33:30Speaker 1: a path which says leave it alone, don't ask give
- 33:34Speaker 1: it time. And you know, because I I don't know
- 33:36Speaker 1: some of the way this is written, and it may
- 33:38Speaker 1: have just been your edits. I get the impression that
- 33:41Speaker 1: brother in law is a little annoyed because the writer
- 33:44Speaker 1: almost takes offense at every goddamn thing. It's like, hey,
- 33:47Speaker 1: you breathed just now, you know, like hey you look
- 33:49Speaker 1: down like the detail that writer has a little fucking bit.
- 33:54Speaker 1: And then writer, you know, brother in law says like, hey,
- 33:56Speaker 1: you're just worrying about worrying. Mom knows that you're anxious.
- 33:59Speaker 1: Mom does isn't going to feel aggrieved that you don't
- 34:02Speaker 1: show up, And she's like, well, I have a lot
- 34:03Speaker 1: of opinion about this stuff. And like I almost like
- 34:05Speaker 1: sense in the room that brother in law is gonna
- 34:07Speaker 1: roll in his eyes and be like, yeah, look I
- 34:09Speaker 1: get it. You and mom don't get along, but like
- 34:11Speaker 1: it's gonna be fine. Like I don't want to make
- 34:13Speaker 1: this whole thing about you now, and I have to
- 34:15Speaker 1: like comfort you. And it's like I don't think he
- 34:17Speaker 1: likes me, And it's like I think he's just kind
- 34:18Speaker 1: of fucking annoyed by you, like and sometimes the answer
- 34:20Speaker 1: isn't ask him about that or make it better. It's
- 34:23Speaker 1: just let it go and like dial it down a
- 34:26Speaker 1: few notches and don't look for a fence and then
- 34:28Speaker 1: ask to address it. Does that make sense?
- 34:32Speaker 2: It makes sense, I guess, And I hear what you're saying,
- 34:34Speaker 2: and I understand the words you're saying.
- 34:36Speaker 1: You want him to sleep with all the friends. I
- 34:38Speaker 1: get it.
- 34:39Speaker 2: You referenced spice girls, not me. Now I'm still a
- 34:43Speaker 2: little on board with well, okay, I feel like if
- 34:46Speaker 2: you took your route of just leaving it be, and
- 34:51Speaker 2: this is a little bit from personal experience in my
- 34:54Speaker 2: own family dynamics, it will eventually come to come to
- 34:58Speaker 2: heads okay, where it's like, hey, we haven't spoken in
- 35:02Speaker 2: three years, Why what happened there? Like we need to
- 35:06Speaker 2: all sit down and talk about this. Yeah, it was
- 35:09Speaker 2: fucking amazing. It was very uncomfortable and difficult, and you
- 35:13Speaker 2: feel very like high high alert, like that anxiety is.
- 35:16Speaker 2: They're like, oh my gosh, how am I perceiving this?
- 35:19Speaker 2: How am I sharing what I want to share?
- 35:21Speaker 1: Like? Right?
- 35:21Speaker 2: Am I listening? Okay? Am I sharing? Okay? Like there's
- 35:24Speaker 2: a lot that goes into that. So I guess if
- 35:27Speaker 2: maybe the brother in law isn't ready, and that's why
- 35:29Speaker 2: I said, go ahead and give it a second shot.
- 35:31Speaker 2: But if they still are just kind of like no, no,
- 35:32Speaker 2: nothing's wrong and not really wanting to talk about it,
- 35:35Speaker 2: you cannot force that. And yeah, let it sit.
- 35:37Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely think let it sit as an alternative
- 35:40Speaker 1: to do anything, Like your brother isn't allowed over here anymore,
- 35:44Speaker 1: and I'm going to start making you choose. That doesn't
- 35:47Speaker 1: turn out well. So I think you get to a
- 35:49Speaker 1: place where if the dude's not overtly flipping the table
- 35:53Speaker 1: and being unkind and making you uncomfortable in your space,
- 35:56Speaker 1: if his crime is that he's sort of passive and
- 35:59Speaker 1: not inenthusiastic about hanging out with you.
- 36:01Speaker 2: If he's coming over, you not be there.
- 36:03Speaker 1: Yeah, he's there to see his brother. Maybe he's not
- 36:05Speaker 1: there to hang out with you. Take the hint, go
- 36:08Speaker 1: watch a movie. Let the boys play video games.
- 36:10Speaker 3: Kind of in a sense of like, Okay, I just
- 36:12Speaker 3: I come to accept the fact that he doesn't like me.
- 36:15Speaker 3: I don't know why, but I'm just going to give
- 36:17Speaker 3: him space sometimes that.
- 36:19Speaker 4: I don't know that I would give space even Okay,
- 36:21Speaker 4: I mean I think I agree with everything up to
- 36:25Speaker 4: leave the house.
- 36:25Speaker 1: You don't have to chase. Yeah, I think I don't
- 36:27Speaker 1: think I got to be chased out of your space. Yeah,
- 36:29Speaker 1: but he.
- 36:29Speaker 2: Depends on what you're uncomfortable. Some people are uncomfortable, like
- 36:32Speaker 2: if someone's in their space being rude, like rude to them,
- 36:36Speaker 2: I get, But then you can't say don't come over it.
- 36:38Speaker 4: But I think I think you want to claim like
- 36:41Speaker 4: like your house. That's like if I had a friend
- 36:44Speaker 4: that that I just did.
- 36:45Speaker 2: Not, like there is one.
- 36:50Speaker 1: Her friends that I happen to dislike.
- 36:55Speaker 3: No one's listening to this, but no, like I mean they're.
- 36:59Speaker 4: Friends of hers that I don't that I don't love. Uh,
- 37:02Speaker 4: And like if they're coming over the house, fine, yeah,
- 37:04Speaker 4: I don't have to make myself scarce. Like I'm just
- 37:06Speaker 4: gonna do what I'm gonna do. I'm not gonna interfere
- 37:08Speaker 4: with whatever they're doing. I'm not gonna be rude. But
- 37:11Speaker 4: at the same time, like that's my spot, sure, Like
- 37:15Speaker 4: I don't have to leave just because somebody who I
- 37:16Speaker 4: don't care for is coming over.
- 37:18Speaker 1: You'll leave a room, though, wouldn't you.
- 37:19Speaker 2: To be fair?
- 37:20Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, that that goes along with not being rude.
- 37:23Speaker 3: Well, I mean that you need to establish dominance. You
- 37:26Speaker 3: go in the corn.
- 37:27Speaker 1: That's right. Yeah, this is yeah, that's right. I was going.
- 37:32Speaker 2: You can leave the room and you're in another big room.
- 37:36Speaker 1: I'm not putting on pants. I'm not doing it because
- 37:40Speaker 1: it's my house. In my space, I don't wear pants. Yeah,
- 37:45Speaker 1: this is a good one. Writer options definitely don't sabotage it.
- 37:48Speaker 1: And you don't always have to like And I think
- 37:51Speaker 1: that one of you said this point about like, yeah,
- 37:53Speaker 1: some people are not going to like you. That doesn't
- 37:55Speaker 1: necessarily mean that they have to be exiled from your presence,
- 37:58Speaker 1: and that only people that like you and enthusiastically endorse
- 38:01Speaker 1: you are welcome in your space. There's gonna be people
- 38:03Speaker 1: that are like, Okay, this is my husband's best friend
- 38:05Speaker 1: or this is my husband's you know, brother, whatever, and like,
- 38:08Speaker 1: don't be mean to me, don't insult me in my home,
- 38:10Speaker 1: don't try to turn my spouse against me. I don't
- 38:12Speaker 1: do anything weird. But like, yeah, I get it, you're
- 38:14Speaker 1: you're not. We don't do well together. I rub you
- 38:17Speaker 1: the wrong way. It's cool. I'll just take care and yeah,
- 38:22Speaker 1: that's it. So there's room for that. I think every
- 38:24Speaker 1: marriage has that. Every you know, spouse has a friend
- 38:28Speaker 1: or a family member that you don't super duper care for,
- 38:30Speaker 1: but you're cordial and then you give them their space
- 38:32Speaker 1: and you don't sabotage their relationship and you don't make
- 38:34Speaker 1: anybody choose, and you don't harass your spouse about it. Like,
- 38:37Speaker 1: I just don't think they like me, Like, why the
- 38:39Speaker 1: fuck do I have to keep caring about this? Like
- 38:41Speaker 1: I get yeah, maybe he doesn't. I don't know. But
- 38:43Speaker 1: he doesn't insult you in our home. He doesn't tell
- 38:45Speaker 1: me anything bad about you. He's not friendly family.
- 38:49Speaker 3: I I empathize with the with the I think it's
- 38:54Speaker 3: I think it's very difficult. But then I also think
- 38:56Speaker 3: too that, like you get to a point where just
- 39:02Speaker 3: acceptance becomes kind of a relief.
- 39:06Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's a good So do.
- 39:08Speaker 2: They elope them and not have a family if.
- 39:11Speaker 3: You want my opinion, you always no reason to ever
- 39:16Speaker 3: spend a dollar And don't invite people to your wedding.
- 39:22Speaker 1: That's stupid. No one wants to go to weddings. Depends
- 39:27Speaker 1: on the cake. Some of these are dumb. We just
- 39:29Speaker 1: threw a great party. Yeah, just do that, throw a
- 39:32Speaker 1: party and then get married quietly without anybody realizing that
- 39:35Speaker 1: there was a wedding. That's the trick.
- 39:37Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know, that's that's up to you, you
- 39:39Speaker 3: and your fiance to decide if you wanted to do.
- 39:42Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I think you can do whatever the
- 39:43Speaker 1: fuck you want. I think you get a registry. Like
- 39:45Speaker 1: if you want to if.
- 39:46Speaker 4: You want to have a big wedding and invite the family, great,
- 39:48Speaker 4: have a big wedding, invite the family. You want to
- 39:49Speaker 4: bite the brother, invite the brother, if if fiance wants
- 39:53Speaker 4: to invite the brother, awesome, brothers invited.
- 39:57Speaker 1: I think a.
- 39:58Speaker 3: Big key here is expectation management, you know, like because
- 40:03Speaker 3: I think if you here's another example, let's say you
- 40:07Speaker 3: invite the brother over again, we're going to give this
- 40:09Speaker 3: another shot. If you go into that with the expectation
- 40:13Speaker 3: that this time is going to be different, and this
- 40:15Speaker 3: time he's going to be really kind and he's gonna
- 40:17Speaker 3: be figure exactly, and then what what's going to happen
- 40:22Speaker 3: is that's kind of like what Jim was looking forwards,
- 40:24Speaker 3: this kind of confirmation bias. You're going to be looking
- 40:27Speaker 3: for things that confirm what you already believe. And I
- 40:31Speaker 3: guess that's not really example of like expectations. But you know,
- 40:34Speaker 3: it's it's one of those things where like you start
- 40:36Speaker 3: to question everything, what did that look mean? Oh he
- 40:40Speaker 3: didn't he didn't finish his meal? Is that ta me?
- 40:44Speaker 3: Is that? You know? And then you kind of start
- 40:46Speaker 3: reading into things and just be mindful of that. I'm
- 40:48Speaker 3: not saying that's what you're doing.
- 40:49Speaker 1: But it's a liability.
- 40:50Speaker 3: Just be careful.
- 40:51Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't want to get into that. Elope get
- 40:53Speaker 1: the registry. Have sex with all of his friends, that's
- 40:56Speaker 1: the pot. Did we say you have sex with the brother.
- 41:01Speaker 1: I mean, that's clearly how you get him to like you.
- 41:03Speaker 2: That's one way issues.
- 41:06Speaker 1: It's on the table.
- 41:08Speaker 2: It's not a muss. It on the tables, on the table.
- 41:14Speaker 3: It's hard to do that and be angry at the
- 41:16Speaker 3: same time.
- 41:16Speaker 2: It is right, that's psychology.
- 41:18Speaker 1: Want to know I really didn't like your say in
- 41:21Speaker 1: the beginning, but I've really got to know her.
- 41:22Speaker 3: I really don't like you.
- 41:25Speaker 1: This is great. The pull my hair a little bit.
- 41:28Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick break and when we
- 41:30Speaker 1: come back, we're going to talk about in laws, violating
- 41:32Speaker 1: boundaries with an X. You're listening to pod therapy. Outlaws Today.
- 41:40Speaker 3: Episode is brought to you by Robert Brownie Junior, Miss
- 41:43Speaker 3: Kayla Lansbury, Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley, Adam Hathaway, Dan Martin,
- 41:47Speaker 3: lib Hey Yo, and Andrew Langmy. Would you like to
- 41:51Speaker 3: sponsor the show to come up? Their producer ptreon dot com.
- 41:54Speaker 3: Slashsh Therapy got some trivia this week from Anthony comorad
- 42:01Speaker 3: question number one.
- 42:03Speaker 1: Can you see the answers?
- 42:04Speaker 3: I can't, damn it. It wasn't I wasn't meant to
- 42:07Speaker 3: see the answers, but the way it copying and pasted,
- 42:09Speaker 3: I definitely see.
- 42:11Speaker 1: Anthony didn't sunk up no fair. Okay?
- 42:15Speaker 3: What color are aircraft? Black boxes?
- 42:19Speaker 1: Oh? Oh?
- 42:21Speaker 3: Are there options? There are options? O'kay we'll ward two
- 42:24Speaker 3: points on the fly.
- 42:25Speaker 1: Oh boy, I think if you just go for it
- 42:27Speaker 1: right now, I think you can get it. I mean,
- 42:29Speaker 1: I'll just say black. You're going for it. If I
- 42:31Speaker 1: have to guess anyway, you.
- 42:34Speaker 2: Know, it's going to be an option.
- 42:35Speaker 1: Yeah, you going to be an option. I'm just going
- 42:36Speaker 1: to go black. I'm gonna Once you go black, I
- 42:40Speaker 1: can't go back.
- 42:41Speaker 3: There's no that's true.
- 42:43Speaker 1: Yeah, the.
- 42:45Speaker 3: Rule is I have that written down.
- 42:47Speaker 1: I'll bet you it's red. It's going to I guess.
- 42:53Speaker 2: I gonna guess like stainless stainless steel.
- 43:01Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I like it.
- 43:03Speaker 3: Uh, you're all wrong.
- 43:05Speaker 1: Orange. I think I was the closest. What were the
- 43:10Speaker 1: what were the options? Black?
- 43:11Speaker 3: Orange, red, or blue?
- 43:13Speaker 1: I would have was in there?
- 43:16Speaker 3: What film did Stephen Spielberg win his first Oscar for
- 43:20Speaker 3: Best Director?
- 43:21Speaker 1: Oh?
- 43:22Speaker 2: Boy, wait say that again? I was sorry?
- 43:25Speaker 3: What film did Stephen Spielberg win his first Oscar for
- 43:30Speaker 3: Best Director?
- 43:31Speaker 1: Goodness, gracious man, that it's one of my two.
- 43:38Speaker 2: Al Right, I'm going with ET.
- 43:39Speaker 1: I'm gonna go close Encounters of the third kind. I
- 43:42Speaker 1: don't think it's that. I'll go Schindler's list. Oh ship
- 43:49Speaker 1: mine was mine? Was Schindler's list of ET? Two points?
- 43:52Speaker 2: Damn, it's well done. That's so good.
- 43:55Speaker 3: Last one for this round. What is the unit of measure?
- 44:00Speaker 3: I'm sorry?
- 44:00Speaker 1: What ounces?
- 44:04Speaker 3: What unit of measure is used for a computer mouse?
- 44:08Speaker 1: Ounces to measure the weight of the computer mouse?
- 44:14Speaker 2: Like how fast it is?
- 44:15Speaker 3: How fast it moves across the screen?
- 44:17Speaker 4: I need options, but I think it's gonna be great
- 44:20Speaker 4: if it's like miles per hour.
- 44:24Speaker 1: I hope it's a scurry zero point two. How fast
- 44:27Speaker 1: is the mouse scurry? That's one point scurry? Oh ship, yeah, yeah, okay?
- 44:35Speaker 3: Millimeter centimeters, pixels or mickeys?
- 44:41Speaker 1: Oh please let it be mixed. I wanted to be Mickeys,
- 44:43Speaker 1: but I'm gonna go pick my heart, says Mickeys. Pixels
- 44:47Speaker 1: feels correct, Yeah, because what who cares? How far on
- 44:50Speaker 1: your desk it moves, That's irrelevant, and it matters how
- 44:53Speaker 1: the cursor. Yes, pixels.
- 44:56Speaker 2: Uh, I guess I'm gonna say Mickey's just I hope.
- 45:00Speaker 1: I love the dream Whitney to get this point for you,
- 45:04Speaker 1: it is mickey?
- 45:08Speaker 3: Is it really used by computer scientists and programmers? One
- 45:12Speaker 3: mickey is the smallest measurable movement of a computer mouse.
- 45:15Speaker 3: Oh that's fantastic, typically equal to one two hundredth of
- 45:18Speaker 3: an inch or just over one tenth of a millimeter.
- 45:22Speaker 3: The sensitivit a commuter computer mouse is likewise measured in
- 45:26Speaker 3: Mickey's per inch. That's fantastic, while its speed is measured
- 45:30Speaker 3: in Mickey's per second.
- 45:31Speaker 1: Oh yes, wow, Oh that's lovely. We all want something
- 45:38Speaker 1: on that. That's great, but.
- 45:41Speaker 2: Don't take it.
- 45:42Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry, sorry, I'm over here with a donut, all right,
- 45:45Speaker 1: so nothing. That's the end of that one. That's the end,
- 45:47Speaker 1: all right. In laws violating boundaries with my ex short version,
- 45:52Speaker 1: my parents family invites his ex wife to everything. What
- 45:59Speaker 1: as well? You got a fuck my ex man as
- 46:04Speaker 1: well as me every sibling, Birthday, thanks Giving, Mother's Day,
- 46:08Speaker 1: and Christmas. We've explained multiple times that this is not appropriate.
- 46:13Speaker 1: They've been separated and divorced for two and a half years,
- 46:17Speaker 1: they have no children together, and oh Jesus, and his
- 46:23Speaker 1: ex wife has family in town. My entire assumption, yes,
- 46:28Speaker 1: and his ex wife has family in town that she
- 46:31Speaker 1: can celebrate events with us. They now see me as
- 46:34Speaker 1: cold and dramatic for not attending anything because they keep
- 46:39Speaker 1: including the ex. I feel like they do not respect
- 46:42Speaker 1: me or see me as a legitimate member of the family,
- 46:46Speaker 1: even if I have been romantically involved with their son
- 46:48Speaker 1: for two years. They won't listen to stated boundaries. They
- 46:52Speaker 1: think we can all be family someday. But this woman
- 46:56Speaker 1: has called me horrible names in the past, and I
- 46:59Speaker 1: am not comfort being in the same room with her.
- 47:02Speaker 1: Thanks anonymous dude, What the fuck?
- 47:06Speaker 2: Okay, I have a fun little story this when my
- 47:09Speaker 2: parents got Currently, she's in our basement with that art.
- 47:14Speaker 2: She's the one who creates all that art.
- 47:17Speaker 1: Very talented.
- 47:19Speaker 2: Whenever my parents got divorced, so my dad was not remarried,
- 47:23Speaker 2: this is different. Obviously they have children together, but my
- 47:27Speaker 2: mom totally would go on like ski trips with my grandma, like,
- 47:30Speaker 2: oh wow, her ex mother in law.
- 47:32Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they were friends, just like it out they
- 47:36Speaker 1: how long were your parents together before the divorce?
- 47:40Speaker 2: Eight years together eleven by the time the divorce was finally.
- 47:43Speaker 1: The kids together. I kind of get that angle because
- 47:46Speaker 1: I kind of get it, like, look, you're connected, I'm
- 47:48Speaker 1: the grandma. I want you to be cool with me,
- 47:51Speaker 1: like I want us to have peace in the kingdom. Yeah,
- 47:53Speaker 1: I mean going skiing is a bit much. But I
- 47:55Speaker 1: could see them being like, hey, I remembered your birthday.
- 47:57Speaker 1: I hope you're well, you know, like kindness.
- 47:59Speaker 2: And I'm just remembering two for my graduation from college,
- 48:06Speaker 2: my cousin, who's one year older than me, we like
- 48:08Speaker 2: did a joint little graduation thing in January one on
- 48:11Speaker 2: a cruise and it was me and my mom and
- 48:14Speaker 2: then my cousin and our grandma. So like my mom
- 48:16Speaker 2: and grandma were in a room together too, So it
- 48:19Speaker 2: was like that was even just in college, not that
- 48:22Speaker 2: long ago.
- 48:22Speaker 1: I've seen situations where people are friends with their ex
- 48:26Speaker 1: after a divorce. It's obviously it's odd, but I have
- 48:30Speaker 1: seen the situation where that happened in my family. My
- 48:33Speaker 1: uncle and aunt divorced, he remarried. They still had kids
- 48:38Speaker 1: in common, and my aunt ended up becoming very good
- 48:41Speaker 1: friends with him and his wife and they would invite
- 48:43Speaker 1: her out on their boat and they would go fishing
- 48:45Speaker 1: and hang out and like it was totally great, and
- 48:48Speaker 1: it was actually really great for their daughters because like
- 48:49Speaker 1: the daughters were never forced to choose is right, and
- 48:52Speaker 1: they would always be very kind to my aunt and
- 48:55Speaker 1: be like, oh, come over for the barbecue, we don't care,
- 48:57Speaker 1: you're great, and like the two women got along and
- 48:59Speaker 1: they were both very friendly to my kids. Yeah yeah,
- 49:01Speaker 1: and it was like, hey, we both are the moms.
- 49:03Speaker 1: You know, so I've seen that happen. That's a dynamic
- 49:05Speaker 1: that is not the ship.
- 49:07Speaker 3: No.
- 49:07Speaker 1: No, actually, now that you mentioned it.
- 49:09Speaker 4: After my parents got divorced, my mom eventually she initially
- 49:13Speaker 4: moved into an apartment, but eventually she moved into a
- 49:16Speaker 4: house that my dad's parents owned.
- 49:18Speaker 1: Okay, so my dad's parents became her landlord.
- 49:21Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I just remembered that to my uncle. My
- 49:25Speaker 2: dad's brother owned the house that we rented. Lots of
- 49:29Speaker 2: enmeshment here.
- 49:31Speaker 1: I guess it's not that uncommon.
- 49:32Speaker 2: I don't know, but yeah, there's kids involved in things
- 49:34Speaker 2: like that.
- 49:35Speaker 1: In a situation in which the writer says to the
- 49:38Speaker 1: parents like.
- 49:40Speaker 2: Talk to each other.
- 49:41Speaker 1: Yeah, like, do not do this anymore. I am uncomfortable
- 49:44Speaker 1: with this.
- 49:45Speaker 3: For them to just be like.
- 49:48Speaker 1: Daughter in law, I married, your ex has.
- 49:51Speaker 4: Insulted the Yeah, that's weird, but like that's a lot.
- 49:56Speaker 2: So what about the partner, Like that's exactly what I
- 49:58Speaker 2: was thinking to.
- 50:00Speaker 1: Just like, nah, he's got plans.
- 50:07Speaker 3: Yeah, he's sitting back putting myself in this situation.
- 50:11Speaker 4: Like if I were the guy and like my family
- 50:14Speaker 4: didn't think I would want less.
- 50:16Speaker 3: Inviting my ex, it's not just affecting my new girlfriend.
- 50:23Speaker 1: I don't like, what the fuck we like her? Get
- 50:27Speaker 1: along with her? Is the guy?
- 50:30Speaker 2: Like, so in my mind I played this out if
- 50:32Speaker 2: the guy in the situation, you nick, like, if you
- 50:35Speaker 2: were in that situation and you stop showing up at
- 50:37Speaker 2: family events, are they because you're like my ex still
- 50:40Speaker 2: showing up. I don't want to go then, you know,
- 50:43Speaker 2: are they gonna still pick your ex over you?
- 50:46Speaker 1: Like I mean, and that's the risk you're running. Yeah,
- 50:49Speaker 1: that is that's the boycott. I think that's something that's
- 50:51Speaker 1: a solid boycott totally. But I could also see them
- 50:54Speaker 1: being like, really, for the last two years, you haven't cared,
- 50:56Speaker 1: and it's like, I mean, I want to know what
- 50:58Speaker 1: the man is thinking here. Yeah, this poor.
- 51:01Speaker 2: Dude, because that's my go to not to make I
- 51:03Speaker 2: don't think you should force your partner to say that,
- 51:06Speaker 2: but I'd be questioning, hey, what are your thoughts about this?
- 51:10Speaker 3: Are the only one that's bothered?
- 51:11Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I wonder if the boyfriend is like, look,
- 51:17Speaker 1: I don't care. She yes, she's my expect Like, we
- 51:19Speaker 1: grew up together, our families were friends. I just can
- 51:23Speaker 1: be platonic with her, and it is she's always been
- 51:26Speaker 1: in my life and whatever can.
- 51:28Speaker 2: Be platonic with somebody that's trash talking your girlfriend.
- 51:31Speaker 1: That gets weird. But I could also see scenarios where
- 51:33Speaker 1: she's like, did you hear what she said to me?
- 51:35Speaker 1: And he's like, hey man, you're kind of taking it
- 51:36Speaker 1: too personal.
- 51:37Speaker 2: Oh no, we got to get your wife on this. No,
- 51:45Speaker 2: that's just a no. I'm going to tell you you're
- 51:47Speaker 2: being overly sensitive off.
- 51:52Speaker 3: That's why we brought.
- 51:57Speaker 1: And I'm just gonna take notes. Yeah, yeah, I think
- 52:15Speaker 1: that the okay, it's a solid point that there is
- 52:18Speaker 1: no situation in which if your current girl is uncomfortable
- 52:23Speaker 1: or offended by your ex, you don't get to sit
- 52:26Speaker 1: down and regulate that. You don't get to say, well,
- 52:29Speaker 1: what you mean.
- 52:29Speaker 3: I don't see there's any way that you can do that.
- 52:32Speaker 3: I think there's I don't even see there's any discussion
- 52:35Speaker 3: here with this. It's like, hey, you know what, I'm
- 52:38Speaker 3: your current girlfriend and this is really uncomfortable and I
- 52:43Speaker 3: think you kind of have to make a decision.
- 52:44Speaker 1: I have my back here. I'm uncomfortable with it. But
- 52:47Speaker 1: I mean the in laws have really been vocal about
- 52:50Speaker 1: like no big deal and saying weird ship, like we'll
- 52:53Speaker 1: all be one big family one day. That is very
- 52:55Speaker 1: like if you have kids, I see it. I see
- 52:57Speaker 1: the England likes thing changed with the Birds.
- 53:00Speaker 3: They have no children.
- 53:03Speaker 1: Yeah, what you have kids? Like, all right, look, don't
- 53:10Speaker 1: make the kids do to Chris coming out. Even then
- 53:13Speaker 1: that's too much.
- 53:14Speaker 2: Even then, Yeah, they can stop in and say hi
- 53:16Speaker 2: at the birthday and leave. That's about the extent.
- 53:19Speaker 1: Yeah, be cordial over all at the soccer game, great
- 53:22Speaker 1: to see. How are you great? We'll be sitting over here,
- 53:24Speaker 1: you know, let us know which car the kids are
- 53:27Speaker 1: going home and fine, But like, what if the X
- 53:30Speaker 1: starts dating again?
- 53:31Speaker 2: That's what I was just thinking.
- 53:32Speaker 1: Brings the date.
- 53:34Speaker 2: Family about?
- 53:36Speaker 1: Dude, what the fuck is wrong with these people?
- 53:39Speaker 4: I'm on I'm on team brighter here.
- 53:43Speaker 3: Ud trying to imagine, Yeah, Christmas, what I'm trying to imagine,
- 53:51Speaker 3: like what the scenario would be in which the bonds
- 53:55Speaker 3: would be that tight with the in laws that they
- 54:00Speaker 3: still feel like they need to maintain that because I
- 54:03Speaker 3: was kind of thinking, like.
- 54:03Speaker 1: They're all totally overlooked that, Oh, that's the obvious, we're
- 54:11Speaker 1: going to keep that on the table, all right.
- 54:12Speaker 3: But I'm also wondering, like.
- 54:14Speaker 1: I don't know where in the house they did it,
- 54:15Speaker 1: but might have been on the day.
- 54:16Speaker 3: I think that because I'm I'm thinking like because I
- 54:18Speaker 3: just imagine like my hometown, you know, like really small
- 54:21Speaker 3: towns where it's like, oh, we all know each other,
- 54:24Speaker 3: like yeah, yeah, I work at the bank with her.
- 54:26Speaker 3: You know or something like that, where it's like, you know,
- 54:28Speaker 3: everybody is constantly.
- 54:30Speaker 1: There is a vibe. Yeah no I'm not on the
- 54:37Speaker 1: table and you were fine with that. Oh yeah he's fine.
- 54:40Speaker 1: But they're nice at the bank and he's got a
- 54:42Speaker 1: real fucking beef.
- 54:43Speaker 4: You can't work together, you can. No, that is the
- 54:49Speaker 4: thing that's unclear about that.
- 54:51Speaker 1: My in laws lived in a really small town and
- 54:53Speaker 1: and like that I could totally see.
- 54:56Speaker 2: That, Like, I, your wife sex is still showing up.
- 54:59Speaker 1: No, it wouldn't. I wouldn't be comfortable. Can you see, Jim? No,
- 55:03Speaker 1: But like, okay, my in laws are that those people,
- 55:06Speaker 1: they are super nice and like I've seen, I have
- 55:09Speaker 1: three brother in laws. They've all dated people and like
- 55:12Speaker 1: some of them do still and they're very nice. My
- 55:14Speaker 1: in laws would be sweet to them, and I could.
- 55:15Speaker 1: I don't. I think inviting them to family events is
- 55:18Speaker 1: a bridge too far, but I could easily see them
- 55:21Speaker 1: just being very comfortable with like, oh we're all having
- 55:23Speaker 1: a barbecue, feel free to not buy for a burger
- 55:26Speaker 1: that not quite come over for Christmas, We're getting you
- 55:29Speaker 1: a gift.
- 55:30Speaker 3: But also like, what is the ex wife's motivation here? Too?
- 55:34Speaker 1: Yeah, like is she really that kind of I have
- 55:37Speaker 1: a theory. I have a theory. But you did the math. Yeah,
- 55:42Speaker 1: because you did the math, Because I did the fucking math.
- 55:45Speaker 1: What the writer says. They've been separated slash divorced for
- 55:49Speaker 1: two years. I have been with him for two years.
- 55:54Speaker 1: So I think there might be a little bit of like,
- 55:56Speaker 1: fuck you, you stole my husband going on. Yeah, and now.
- 56:00Speaker 3: It's I know that it makes you uncomfortable that I'm
- 56:03Speaker 3: here at Easter.
- 56:05Speaker 1: Yeah, right, so she knows what she's doing.
- 56:07Speaker 3: I'll be here early and I'm staying.
- 56:09Speaker 1: I think it's one of the things where her husband
- 56:10Speaker 1: was like, hey, we're done, we're separated, I'm moving on,
- 56:14Speaker 1: and then maybe she was like, hey, that's shitty, like
- 56:17Speaker 1: your timing's bad.
- 56:18Speaker 2: And I don't well, even if it was close, like
- 56:20Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be overlaped. But I think if
- 56:23Speaker 2: you're separating from somebody, it's just you feel hurt, and
- 56:26Speaker 2: if they're moving on to someone else, you're like, bitch.
- 56:29Speaker 1: You're the ex wife, Just move on.
- 56:30Speaker 4: I don't know that her motivation matters to this at all, Okay,
- 56:34Speaker 4: because like whether she's being invited or not is what
- 56:37Speaker 4: matters to the writer and to the family. Yeah, like
- 56:42Speaker 4: whether the whether the ex is accepting the invitation, that's
- 56:44Speaker 4: a different thing. Like if she's showing up uninvited, then
- 56:47Speaker 4: it's on her. But she's being invited to these events,
- 56:50Speaker 4: so we all, I think it's on the family.
- 56:52Speaker 1: That's shitty. She's already told these people please stop doing this.
- 56:58Speaker 1: I mean, does she take it to the next level
- 56:59Speaker 1: and get her boyfriend to start an embargo? Do you
- 57:04Speaker 1: take it that far? I mean, here's the thing. They'll
- 57:06Speaker 1: like to get pregnant. You can say anything, get pregnant.
- 57:09Speaker 1: That's the move, doesn't matter who it is.
- 57:12Speaker 2: Another great advice.
- 57:14Speaker 1: Yeah, man, we're so good at this.
- 57:17Speaker 4: If you get pregnant, then you get to say, like
- 57:19Speaker 4: I don't want her on my on board child, Fine, yeah,
- 57:22Speaker 4: have her there.
- 57:22Speaker 1: I'm not showing up.
- 57:23Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna miss the babies first Christmas. Ways, Yeah problem,
- 57:27Speaker 3: get pregnant. Yeah, I won't bring the kid to Grandma
- 57:29Speaker 3: and Grandpa's out right if.
- 57:31Speaker 1: Don't have the up any relationship problem? Yep, you think
- 57:34Speaker 1: he's mad at you pregnant and if you're not pregnant,
- 57:38Speaker 1: just lie about it. You get away with that for
- 57:40Speaker 1: too much. I don't know how the ship works.
- 57:42Speaker 2: It's like, Bryan, I'm pregnant. Then it pans her in
- 57:45Speaker 2: her little head. She shakes her head.
- 57:47Speaker 1: Yeah, and then he's like really trying hard to like
- 57:49Speaker 1: impress her and get her back, and I just want
- 57:52Speaker 1: you to know I'm gonna do the right thing. It's like, okay,
- 57:54Speaker 1: it's just all excited and he's taking her. Yeah, no,
- 57:57Speaker 1: it works.
- 57:58Speaker 4: It just you just get a range of like different
- 58:02Speaker 4: sized pillows that you put under your shirt.
- 58:04Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh yeah, No, men are idiots. You can just
- 58:06Speaker 1: be like, oh no, women don't start show until about
- 58:08Speaker 1: nine months, like.
- 58:09Speaker 8: Okay, we don't know. Yeah no, no, no, so good, babe,
- 58:17Speaker 8: so good. All right, So I think we solved it. Yeah,
- 58:21Speaker 8: I think we got it.
- 58:23Speaker 3: I mean, I just like I don't have much else
- 58:29Speaker 3: to add other than just like I think, like from
- 58:32Speaker 3: writer's perspective, I don't want to tell the writer like, hey,
- 58:36Speaker 3: you need to tell boyfriend, boyfriend he needs to do
- 58:41Speaker 3: I don't want to give that advice. Don't. However, I
- 58:44Speaker 3: feel like I could feel like boyfriends should already do it.
- 58:47Speaker 2: I'm on next. I agree.
- 58:49Speaker 1: I kind of feel like that, Well, what about girlfriend
- 58:53Speaker 1: telling boyfriend Hey, look, this keeps happening. I've asked for
- 58:56Speaker 1: it to stop. I am uncomfortable. I'm not going to
- 58:59Speaker 1: be a Christmas with your family. I thought about that too,
- 59:02Speaker 1: what's the downside of that? No?
- 59:05Speaker 4: No, they're still gonna have Christmas with and the ex
- 59:07Speaker 4: wife will be there.
- 59:09Speaker 3: Not only that, Not only that, but what if boyfriend's like, okay,
- 59:12Speaker 3: you can stay home.
- 59:14Speaker 2: That's information too. That's you deciding all right, this isn't
- 59:17Speaker 2: really maybe a person I should be this.
- 59:19Speaker 4: Yeah, that's I think Step one is, honestly, writer, sits
- 59:22Speaker 4: down just with yourself and figures out exactly what this
- 59:27Speaker 4: means to you, and like you got to figure out
- 59:28Speaker 4: exactly what this is worth to you, Like is this
- 59:31Speaker 4: a relationship ender? Is this a I'm not gonna go
- 59:34Speaker 4: see your family anymore type event? Or is this I'm
- 59:37Speaker 4: gonna keep on doing this begrudgingly and it's gonna fucking
- 59:40Speaker 4: gnawn me for a long time, but I'm gonna I'm
- 59:43Speaker 4: gonna soldier through it.
- 59:44Speaker 1: Like where is this on that spectrum? Because if this
- 59:47Speaker 1: is I'm going to.
- 59:48Speaker 4: End the relationship over this end of that, then that
- 59:52Speaker 4: is something you go to your significant other and you
- 59:55Speaker 4: can explain that to them.
- 59:56Speaker 1: You can say, I don't believe you.
- 59:58Speaker 4: Have understood directly how I feel about this, so let
- 1:00:03Speaker 4: me explain this to you. I've taken some time to
- 1:00:05Speaker 4: really figure out how I feel about this, and let
- 1:00:08Speaker 4: me let me express to you what my findings are. Yeah,
- 1:00:11Speaker 4: I like if it is if it is to the
- 1:00:13Speaker 4: degree that this is going to be a relationship ender,
- 1:00:16Speaker 4: that's something that you can spell out. If this is,
- 1:00:19Speaker 4: you know, I don't I don't respect your family, I
- 1:00:23Speaker 4: don't care to see your family anymore.
- 1:00:25Speaker 1: I won't be going any more family functions.
- 1:00:27Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that, and that can be you know, that
- 1:00:30Speaker 4: can become a relationship ender at that point.
- 1:00:32Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, there's there's all these different things.
- 1:00:35Speaker 4: But I think you have to sit down with your
- 1:00:37Speaker 4: with yourself first and really figure out what that's going
- 1:00:40Speaker 4: to be for you. And that might be sit down
- 1:00:43Speaker 4: and kind of think on it and meditate on it.
- 1:00:46Speaker 4: That might be go talk to a therapist about it. It
- 1:00:48Speaker 4: might be talked to a close friend about it. It
- 1:00:50Speaker 4: might be any of it might be a combination of
- 1:00:52Speaker 4: those things.
- 1:00:53Speaker 1: Uh, it could be anything, but I think that has
- 1:00:56Speaker 1: to be step one. Good point.
- 1:00:58Speaker 2: It's finding your boundary, and I think keeping at a
- 1:01:00Speaker 2: boundary and not an ultimatum. I just want to enforce
- 1:01:03Speaker 2: that because it's like such a fine line at times
- 1:01:07Speaker 2: with you. If you don't do this, it's not.
- 1:01:09Speaker 1: Saying yourself hostage.
- 1:01:11Speaker 4: Is this is where I'm at, This is what I'm feeling,
- 1:01:14Speaker 4: saying your family or me, because I want to be
- 1:01:16Speaker 4: over here.
- 1:01:17Speaker 3: To elaborate on that, because like I think that's a
- 1:01:19Speaker 3: good point, like the ultimatum versus a boundary, and I
- 1:01:21Speaker 3: think one of the it's hard for people to understand
- 1:01:23Speaker 3: the difference between those. I've always defined that as an
- 1:01:27Speaker 3: ultimatum is something that you do with intent to manipulate
- 1:01:31Speaker 3: someone else's behavior, which is different than a boundary, which
- 1:01:36Speaker 3: is just saying this is what I'm doing to protect.
- 1:01:39Speaker 2: Myself, being honest with what you want.
- 1:01:41Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not available to come to these gatherings if
- 1:01:43Speaker 1: this other person is going to be there, and that's
- 1:01:45Speaker 1: that's my choice. It's like okay, well then, and then
- 1:01:48Speaker 1: like you have to be prepared, like Jacob said, because
- 1:01:50Speaker 1: boyfriend might say, Look, it's my brother's birthday and I
- 1:01:53Speaker 1: don't have control over the fact that my parents are
- 1:01:55Speaker 1: going to do this, but I'm not going to abandon
- 1:01:57Speaker 1: my brother. I'm going to go and like, you need
- 1:02:00Speaker 1: to be prepared for that, and you kind of don't
- 1:02:03Speaker 1: want to just out and out sabotage your own relationship
- 1:02:06Speaker 1: in the name of this bitch, Like I don't want
- 1:02:09Speaker 1: that to happen. But I think you are allowed to
- 1:02:12Speaker 1: recuse yourself and let people be annoyed by it. Let
- 1:02:15Speaker 1: people be like, well, I don't know why she does that. Okay,
- 1:02:17Speaker 1: I'm sorry that you don't understand my feelings, but that
- 1:02:20Speaker 1: is my truth.
- 1:02:20Speaker 4: I'm not going to and it doesn't have to be
- 1:02:23Speaker 4: you are sabotaging your relationship because of that. It can
- 1:02:26Speaker 4: just be I feel the relationship has been sabotaged by
- 1:02:30Speaker 4: this situation. There it is, and so I have to
- 1:02:33Speaker 4: remove I'm gonna have to remove myself from the.
- 1:02:35Speaker 1: Situation in life, Coach, that's fine. I still agree with
- 1:02:39Speaker 1: to get her pregnant. I still think I get up there.
- 1:02:45Speaker 1: It is flickering lights almost Yeah, I think that you
- 1:02:50Speaker 1: go with life Coach A or B both were solid answers.
- 1:02:54Speaker 1: I really one involves child support payments. The final Angel
- 1:03:00Speaker 1: move is pretty clear and just saying it's just the
- 1:03:04Speaker 1: biggest you to those grandparents, because then your in laws
- 1:03:07Speaker 1: are like, oh, ship, she's got us by the balls.
- 1:03:09Speaker 4: I also need to go on record and say out
- 1:03:11Speaker 4: loud that is terrible advice and don't listen to that advice.
- 1:03:14Speaker 4: Yeah a lot while just let you know, making advice
- 1:03:19Speaker 4: real advice, advice not as real. Rub his fingers say,
- 1:03:23Speaker 4: it won't work if you do it, though. Good luck
- 1:03:26Speaker 4: with this one. Writer, boy, I'd love to hear more
- 1:03:29Speaker 4: anything that you.
- 1:03:30Speaker 2: I want to hear updates.
- 1:03:31Speaker 3: Follow I'm fine devoting an entire episode.
- 1:03:35Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, we need we need some
- 1:03:41Speaker 1: of them. You earn the right to call in because
- 1:03:43Speaker 1: it's it's crazy enough that we're like, here's our cell phones.
- 1:03:46Speaker 1: We want to hear I need.
- 1:03:47Speaker 4: I need a letter from the in laws, the letter
- 1:03:50Speaker 4: from the parents who keep inviting.
- 1:03:51Speaker 1: The we needed Jerry sein felt this ship. Wait a minute,
- 1:03:54Speaker 1: maybe Jerry that one. I want that one.
- 1:03:57Speaker 6: What's the deal on a p Have you had the
- 1:04:07Speaker 6: food on those days?
- 1:04:08Speaker 1: Why do we eat turkey on thanks goodick? Yeah? So
- 1:04:12Speaker 1: I would love just this whole thing to be live streamed.
- 1:04:14Speaker 1: I mean, I think the next holiday, I want Labor
- 1:04:16Speaker 1: Day to just be live stream, so that's what we need.
- 1:04:19Speaker 1: Writer anyway, good luck with this, Congratulations on your upcoming pregnancy,
- 1:04:24Speaker 1: and I hope everything works out really well. We're in
- 1:04:27Speaker 1: take quick break and when we come back, we're talking
- 1:04:28Speaker 1: about best friend broke up with me, to date my axe. Yeah, Jesus,
- 1:04:34Speaker 1: this show is fucking awesome. Today we got all the juice.
- 1:04:39Speaker 1: It's good.
- 1:04:40Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Robert Brownie Junior,
- 1:04:43Speaker 3: Miss Kayla Lansberry, Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley, Adam Hathaway, Dan
- 1:04:47Speaker 3: mart lib Ao, and Andrew Lamead. If you like sponsored show,
- 1:04:52Speaker 3: become a their producer at Patreon dot com slash therapy.
- 1:04:56Speaker 3: Then okay.
- 1:05:00Speaker 1: Jacob has two, Whitney has one, Jim a goose egg.
- 1:05:03Speaker 3: Despite the term as American as apple pie, the first
- 1:05:07Speaker 3: recorded apple pie recipe came from what country?
- 1:05:11Speaker 1: France? I mean kind of feels like France. I'm gonna
- 1:05:16Speaker 1: wait on answers, but I like France. I'm going for two,
- 1:05:19Speaker 1: You're going for two.
- 1:05:20Speaker 2: I'm waiting for Francers too, but I feel like it's
- 1:05:24Speaker 2: one of those Dutch countries like the Netherlands.
- 1:05:26Speaker 1: No, I've been there, apple to Oh shit, I didn't.
- 1:05:29Speaker 1: I forgot?
- 1:05:31Speaker 3: Options are Asia? Oh shit, it's not a country? England?
- 1:05:38Speaker 1: Or is it France?
- 1:05:41Speaker 3: Canada?
- 1:05:41Speaker 1: Can I be their friends?
- 1:05:43Speaker 3: New Zealand?
- 1:05:43Speaker 2: God dam Canada? England, Asia, New Zealand.
- 1:05:49Speaker 1: I guess I want boy England. I mean the money's Asia, guys.
- 1:05:53Speaker 1: You get a lot with that, you know somewhere there.
- 1:06:01Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to go to New Zealand.
- 1:06:03Speaker 3: All right, Okay it is England?
- 1:06:06Speaker 6: Whoa.
- 1:06:07Speaker 3: The most recorded recipe for an apple pie was written
- 1:06:11Speaker 3: in English thirteen eighty one in England and called for
- 1:06:15Speaker 3: figs raisins pears san saffron in addition to apples.
- 1:06:21Speaker 1: About that doesn't that's a lot like.
- 1:06:23Speaker 3: An apple pie?
- 1:06:24Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not in favor.
- 1:06:26Speaker 3: How many miles away from Russia is Alaska?
- 1:06:32Speaker 2: Isn't it like sixty eight? Or it's Sarah Palin's I know,
- 1:06:35Speaker 2: that's what I was thinking of Sarah enough.
- 1:06:38Speaker 1: That you can set you know, she never said that.
- 1:06:41Speaker 4: Oh, Tina Fey said it as Sarah Palin.
- 1:06:46Speaker 1: He became lower.
- 1:06:47Speaker 2: You're right, You're right, yeah, because she was just implying
- 1:06:49Speaker 2: they were super close.
- 1:06:51Speaker 1: Sarah Palin talked about how close Russia was to Alaska.
- 1:06:54Speaker 2: Yeah, I do remember TFA made it.
- 1:06:56Speaker 1: Like I could see Russia from my house. Yeah, very active.
- 1:07:00Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 1:07:02Speaker 1: Jd Vance fucking a couch.
- 1:07:03Speaker 3: Oh oh yeah yeah yeah.
- 1:07:07Speaker 4: They were saying that it was in his autobiography that
- 1:07:09Speaker 4: he that he fucked Latex Glove in his couch and yeah,
- 1:07:13Speaker 4: it's just not in there. However, has John Oliver pointed
- 1:07:16Speaker 4: out the AP printed a what do you call it?
- 1:07:20Speaker 1: Would you would take it back?
- 1:07:21Speaker 3: Retraction?
- 1:07:21Speaker 1: Retraction?
- 1:07:22Speaker 4: The AP printed, I guess it wasn't even a retraction,
- 1:07:25Speaker 4: but like a clarification that was like jd Vance did
- 1:07:28Speaker 4: not have sex with his sofa, and.
- 1:07:31Speaker 1: That they had to pull that.
- 1:07:33Speaker 4: And he pointed out that legal would say, you could
- 1:07:36Speaker 4: say that he didn't put in his book that he
- 1:07:38Speaker 4: had sex, so we don't know never had sex with
- 1:07:42Speaker 4: a sofa.
- 1:07:43Speaker 1: Another retractive. That's fantastic, all right, So I need numbers.
- 1:07:47Speaker 1: I think five.
- 1:07:49Speaker 3: Hundred miles, okay, fifty three miles one thousand, fifty three
- 1:07:54Speaker 3: miles one and seventy four miles.
- 1:07:58Speaker 1: Oh boy, what the lowest one was? Sixty three fifty three.
- 1:08:02Speaker 1: I want that one.
- 1:08:03Speaker 2: Okay, I want that one too.
- 1:08:05Speaker 1: Okay, I'll take the five hundred something you.
- 1:08:08Speaker 3: Would it is fifty three. The Bearing Strait separates Russia
- 1:08:13Speaker 3: and in Alaska at their closest point, a distance of around
- 1:08:16Speaker 3: fifty three miles.
- 1:08:17Speaker 1: There you go.
- 1:08:17Speaker 2: I feel like it helped them say my original.
- 1:08:19Speaker 3: Guest, the venus fly trap is native to what region?
- 1:08:27Speaker 4: Oh, I need to understand the word region. The planet
- 1:08:32Speaker 4: is Venus Asia.
- 1:08:33Speaker 2: Not Lordies.
- 1:08:35Speaker 1: Yeah, region, South America? Is that too big? Do I
- 1:08:40Speaker 1: need to say?
- 1:08:43Speaker 3: Let's go with options? Mexico, Hawaii, North and South Carolina,
- 1:08:50Speaker 3: the Amazon rainforest.
- 1:08:51Speaker 1: I'll take Amazon rainforests.
- 1:08:54Speaker 2: Yeah, me too, I mean yeah, that was gonna be too.
- 1:08:58Speaker 1: South America was the region that I was also going
- 1:09:00Speaker 1: to say.
- 1:09:01Speaker 3: North and South Carolina fly trap scientific name and parentheses
- 1:09:09Speaker 3: is native to the coastal bogs of North and South Carolina,
- 1:09:13Speaker 3: specifically within sixty mile radius of Wilmington, North Carolina.
- 1:09:17Speaker 1: I can also be found.
- 1:09:18Speaker 3: In Cape Fear River basin.
- 1:09:21Speaker 1: Okay, scared, Yeah, that's really nido. They're native only to
- 1:09:28Speaker 1: North and South Carolina.
- 1:09:30Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
- 1:09:31Speaker 1: They also sell them at our home depot. The sun
- 1:09:34Speaker 1: has one.
- 1:09:34Speaker 3: They're oh it does say North Carolina, South Carolina and
- 1:09:37Speaker 3: home depot.
- 1:09:37Speaker 1: Sorry yeaheah, Okay. The region of region they call it
- 1:09:42Speaker 1: the Orange region. Yeah, it's everywhere. Best friend broke up
- 1:09:47Speaker 1: with me to date my ex. Hello genius podcasters and
- 1:09:52Speaker 1: Jim Good Evening. In a moment, I'll explain the deats,
- 1:09:57Speaker 1: but here is the gist. Friend, twenty five year old
- 1:10:01Speaker 1: female ended her friendship with me twenty four year old
- 1:10:05Speaker 1: female to be with my ex, twenty seven year old
- 1:10:08Speaker 1: non binary who never stopped hitting on me until a
- 1:10:13Speaker 1: week before they started dating. And the whole thing is
- 1:10:17Speaker 1: making me sick out to hear anything else.
- 1:10:20Speaker 4: You're better off just be done with whatever this is,
- 1:10:27Speaker 4: move on with life without these two people get pregnant.
- 1:10:31Speaker 3: That's the move.
- 1:10:32Speaker 1: How you show that bit? It's not a fixed all Joe, Okay,
- 1:10:36Speaker 1: all right, fixing some situation, right, you gotta measure it out. Sis.
- 1:10:39Speaker 1: I don't know if this is one of them. Might be.
- 1:10:41Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's definitely not. I'm not gonna say
- 1:10:42Speaker 1: it's not gonna work. Is that normal? Or am I
- 1:10:45Speaker 1: being insecure? Now? For some context, my ex and I
- 1:10:48Speaker 1: dated for a little over a year during COVID and
- 1:10:51Speaker 1: then broke up. Our breakup was clean and civil, and
- 1:10:54Speaker 1: I made sure we kept a proper distance from one another. However,
- 1:10:58Speaker 1: my ex never stopped dimensioning how much they regretted ending
- 1:11:02Speaker 1: it and tried to convince me to get back together
- 1:11:05Speaker 1: for years and saying they still loved me. Fast forward
- 1:11:09Speaker 1: to twenty twenty three, my ex still calls to tell
- 1:11:12Speaker 1: me they love me and begs for us to get
- 1:11:14Speaker 1: back together, but I refuse because I cannot go back.
- 1:11:17Speaker 1: I've worked so hard to heal from that relationship, but
- 1:11:20Speaker 1: since we're in the same friend group, it's hard to
- 1:11:23Speaker 1: cut them off completely, so we still meet during social events.
- 1:11:27Speaker 1: My best friend, on the other end, is not very
- 1:11:29Speaker 1: social and very few friends. We've been friends since college
- 1:11:33Speaker 1: and lived together for seven years. We've been more than
- 1:11:35Speaker 1: sisters and supported each other through everything. After her last
- 1:11:39Speaker 1: breakup from a five year relationship, she became extremely depressed
- 1:11:43Speaker 1: and isolated. To help her, I started taking her to
- 1:11:46Speaker 1: every social outing I attend. Whether I was hanging out
- 1:11:49Speaker 1: with old high school friends, work friends, or even taking
- 1:11:52Speaker 1: my sister to the dentist, I would bring her along.
- 1:11:55Speaker 1: I literally merged our social lives together. One day, my
- 1:11:59Speaker 1: friends planned a birth they party for me, and I
- 1:12:00Speaker 1: made sure they also invited my best friend, so she
- 1:12:03Speaker 1: wouldn't feel lonely without me. My ex was also there
- 1:12:07Speaker 1: because again we are in the same friend group, and
- 1:12:09Speaker 1: my best friend wasn't part of it. Originally, my best
- 1:12:13Speaker 1: friend hated my ex and never approved of our relationship.
- 1:12:17Speaker 1: She always called them ugly, weird, and unpleasant and urged
- 1:12:21Speaker 1: me to find better options within my league. However, during
- 1:12:25Speaker 1: my birthday party, they somehow clicked and started chatting, despite
- 1:12:29Speaker 1: my ex telling me they loved me and begging me
- 1:12:31Speaker 1: to get back together throughout the party and basically just
- 1:12:35Speaker 1: the usual rant of I'll cry if you told me
- 1:12:38Speaker 1: you loved me. The following week, I found out that
- 1:12:41Speaker 1: my ex and best friend had started dating out of
- 1:12:44Speaker 1: the blue, and we're now and we're now in a relationship.
- 1:12:50Speaker 1: I was confused and worried about my friend because she
- 1:12:52Speaker 1: is very vulnerable during this phase of her life, and
- 1:12:55Speaker 1: my ex has a history of taking advantage of helpless women,
- 1:12:58Speaker 1: love bombing them when they're in their lowest and then leaving.
- 1:13:02Speaker 1: Also the fact that they had been literally swearing they
- 1:13:06Speaker 1: loved me just a week ago, so how could they
- 1:13:09Speaker 1: do this to my best friend. I voiced my concerns
- 1:13:12Speaker 1: to her, but she said I was just jealous of
- 1:13:13Speaker 1: their bond as if I couldn't have my ex back
- 1:13:17Speaker 1: ages ago if I wanted to. I felt deeply hurt
- 1:13:20Speaker 1: and devastated, but decided to cut them both off and
- 1:13:23Speaker 1: move on with my life instead of making it a
- 1:13:25Speaker 1: bigger deal. I told my ex, I don't care what
- 1:13:28Speaker 1: two consenting adults do with their lives, but I would
- 1:13:31Speaker 1: never forgive them if they played with my friend's feelings
- 1:13:34Speaker 1: and they and then let my friend know I can't
- 1:13:37Speaker 1: look at her the same way again. Something in me
- 1:13:39Speaker 1: was broken and feeling that the person I considered my
- 1:13:42Speaker 1: sister disposed me for someone they met a week ago
- 1:13:46Speaker 1: and painted me as a villain that is just jealous
- 1:13:49Speaker 1: of what she has made me disgusted. However, I keep
- 1:13:53Speaker 1: seeing pictures of them being lovey dovey on my friends
- 1:13:56Speaker 1: social media. It makes me really uncomfortable. I don't know why,
- 1:14:00Speaker 1: but I feel sick to my stomach. Is that normal?
- 1:14:03Speaker 1: Or am I being insecure? The whole thing was over
- 1:14:06Speaker 1: nine months ago, and I still can't handle the whole thing,
- 1:14:09Speaker 1: especially after knowing they're bad mouthing me to other people
- 1:14:13Speaker 1: and trying to distance the friend group away from me
- 1:14:16Speaker 1: by hosting events knowing I won't be attending, nor would
- 1:14:19Speaker 1: I know about those events. I feel lonely without my
- 1:14:22Speaker 1: usual friend group and hate to admit it, but seeing
- 1:14:25Speaker 1: them together just makes me angry. What do I do?
- 1:14:29Speaker 4: Anonymous single part of the rest of that email that
- 1:14:34Speaker 4: made me change my advice, repeating himself, I'm living there,
- 1:14:40Speaker 4: guilt and pregnant.
- 1:14:42Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Yeah, there's so much hurt to that
- 1:14:45Speaker 2: I can't believe the friend like whipping that script.
- 1:14:50Speaker 1: So quickly that.
- 1:14:55Speaker 2: I'm like, is the exits non binary? They really persuasive
- 1:15:01Speaker 2: or like, are they mind fucking this?
- 1:15:04Speaker 1: Well, they've been together now nine months, so like, I mean,
- 1:15:06Speaker 1: it's not new lasting, it's not new. So I mean,
- 1:15:10Speaker 1: I hate the word legitimate, but like it's a thing
- 1:15:13Speaker 1: that relationship exists. I still feel like it's super shitty
- 1:15:17Speaker 1: to do, you know, Like the ex lover who's non binary,
- 1:15:23Speaker 1: that's difficult because they don't seem like a great person.
- 1:15:27Speaker 1: That's probably why the writer broke up with them, and
- 1:15:30Speaker 1: they keep pestering and doing all the shit and writers
- 1:15:32Speaker 1: like aware, Yeah, they're kind of a sleeze. The fact
- 1:15:35Speaker 1: that your best friend who you've been very loyal to,
- 1:15:38Speaker 1: decided to date your ex. Yeah, that shit's weird. Yeah,
- 1:15:42Speaker 1: like that's a that's a big move.
- 1:15:44Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know. A world's hardly where that's okay.
- 1:15:48Speaker 2: I mean, it would have to be like extreme odd
- 1:15:50Speaker 2: circumstances where that's okay.
- 1:15:52Speaker 3: I mean. And it just seems like I empathize with
- 1:15:55Speaker 3: the writer because it seems like it's a lot of
- 1:15:57Speaker 3: loss all at once.
- 1:15:59Speaker 1: Yeah, that you're dealing with.
- 1:16:00Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's you've got that relationship ended, took you
- 1:16:04Speaker 3: a while to get over that. You got over that,
- 1:16:07Speaker 3: but there's those constant reminders. You lose the friend and
- 1:16:11Speaker 3: then now it's like the entire friend group because now
- 1:16:15Speaker 3: they're planning events and then they're inviting friends and then
- 1:16:18Speaker 3: you know, leaving you out of it. That sucks. And
- 1:16:24Speaker 3: like it's one of those things where it's like I
- 1:16:27Speaker 3: hate it. I hate being punished for things that I
- 1:16:29Speaker 3: didn't do wrong, you know, and it's like you feel
- 1:16:33Speaker 3: like you did everything you you did the right thing,
- 1:16:36Speaker 3: like you were responsible. Hey, this relationship is not what
- 1:16:38Speaker 3: I want. I'm going to end it, and I'm going
- 1:16:40Speaker 3: to be civil about it, and I'm going to be
- 1:16:42Speaker 3: an adult about it, and I'm going to do the
- 1:16:43Speaker 3: right thing, and I'm not gonna bad mouth this person.
- 1:16:47Speaker 3: I'm just going to keep my distance, you know. Yeah,
- 1:16:52Speaker 3: goes through a huge you know, breakup and then so
- 1:16:55Speaker 3: you drop everything and then you're like, I'm going to
- 1:16:57Speaker 3: be here for you, and you invite them along and
- 1:16:59Speaker 3: you include them and everything, and then like for all
- 1:17:03Speaker 3: the good that you did, you're rewarded with all of.
- 1:17:08Speaker 2: The sun by friends. Yeah, like yeah, no partner, which
- 1:17:13Speaker 2: you don't have to have a partner, but it's just
- 1:17:14Speaker 2: like all of it's just dropped.
- 1:17:16Speaker 1: I have an interesting philosophical question about this go on writer.
- 1:17:20Speaker 3: Date out philosopher.
- 1:17:23Speaker 4: We should we say bets before he says what it is?
- 1:17:25Speaker 4: You know what, whether it's interesting or philosophical.
- 1:17:28Speaker 1: It will it will be at least the latter. So
- 1:17:32Speaker 1: writer broke up, okay, Writer said, I dated X during
- 1:17:35Speaker 1: COVID for a year. Then we broke up. Okay, so
- 1:17:40Speaker 1: during COVID, So let's call that twenty twenty. We've been
- 1:17:44Speaker 1: broken up now for a long time, right, and my
- 1:17:49Speaker 1: it's now July when we're seeing this, And in twenty
- 1:17:51Speaker 1: twenty three, late twenty twenty three, that's when friend dates
- 1:17:56Speaker 1: X starts dating X and our friendship ends. So you've
- 1:18:00Speaker 1: been broken up with your ex for two to three
- 1:18:05Speaker 1: years now, and now your friend starts dating your ex
- 1:18:09Speaker 1: and you guys were together for one year. Now. I
- 1:18:11Speaker 1: get that X kept pestering you, but X is also
- 1:18:13Speaker 1: part of your general friend group. So you've clearly moved
- 1:18:17Speaker 1: into this new platonic mode of like, yeah, we dated once,
- 1:18:21Speaker 1: and there is a statute of limitations on this where
- 1:18:25Speaker 1: you're now hold on, hear me out. I'm looking at you, okay,
- 1:18:27Speaker 1: because the way you turned your head was angry. So
- 1:18:30Speaker 1: but oh no, no, no, okay, I have no emotion. Okay, good.
- 1:18:33Speaker 1: There is a statute of limitations of like, oh, did
- 1:18:36Speaker 1: you and this person date once upon time? Oh yeah,
- 1:18:39Speaker 1: that's we dated a long time ago. It was brief,
- 1:18:42Speaker 1: you know, but we're we're cool, we're friends, and it's
- 1:18:44Speaker 1: like okay, and if that's kind of like again, you
- 1:18:47Speaker 1: might not like that person or whatever, but you're all
- 1:18:48Speaker 1: in the same friend group. There could be a scenario
- 1:18:52Speaker 1: where that was long enough ago and lasted a minimum
- 1:18:55Speaker 1: amount of time, and like, my new friend that I've
- 1:18:58Speaker 1: brought into our friend group meets that person and goes, hey,
- 1:19:01Speaker 1: you guys, use the date. Yeah, like briefly, a long
- 1:19:03Speaker 1: time ago. We're both moved on. Who cares, I've dated
- 1:19:05Speaker 1: other people now, we're friendly. We're all in the same outh.
- 1:19:08Speaker 3: You know.
- 1:19:08Speaker 1: Whatever we all say to each other, make a lot
- 1:19:09Speaker 1: of assumptions there. Anyway, I'm painting this picture of the
- 1:19:12Speaker 1: statute of limitations. Have at it. What do you think
- 1:19:15Speaker 1: about that? Let me ask you this. You and your
- 1:19:18Speaker 1: wife have been married for quite some time, a couple
- 1:19:20Speaker 1: of months anniversary.
- 1:19:24Speaker 4: Yeah, like that at some point she's going to look
- 1:19:26Speaker 4: up and realize what she's done and realize that she
- 1:19:29Speaker 4: still has life ahead of her.
- 1:19:30Speaker 1: Yeah, she'll get out while she can't. Yeah. And let's
- 1:19:33Speaker 1: say a year or two after that.
- 1:19:36Speaker 4: Yeah, you find out on this show that I am
- 1:19:40Speaker 4: dating your wife, which I'd assume, yes, yeah, I mean
- 1:19:44Speaker 4: for her sake, I would, I would hope.
- 1:19:45Speaker 3: Yeah. Hey, you know what, give credit where credit is due.
- 1:19:48Speaker 1: Thank you?
- 1:19:48Speaker 3: Until waiting after the divorce, what nice guy, Jacob?
- 1:19:51Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you. Yeah, to come out publicly
- 1:19:53Speaker 1: about it. I assume he's the cause. And also he
- 1:19:58Speaker 1: was a geniture. Yeah, he waited.
- 1:20:01Speaker 4: You would at the very least with our relationship on
- 1:20:05Speaker 4: this show, you and I are not best friends out
- 1:20:07Speaker 4: outside of this show. What you and I are not
- 1:20:11Speaker 4: best friends outside of this show. But even with our
- 1:20:15Speaker 4: relationship on this show, I believe you would at the
- 1:20:20Speaker 4: very least not even want me to but expect a
- 1:20:25Speaker 4: conversation about that before that happened, before I asked your
- 1:20:30Speaker 4: ex wife out, you would expect me to come to you.
- 1:20:35Speaker 4: It's a hey, hey, Jim, uh, just a heads up,
- 1:20:39Speaker 4: bare minimum you would expect, like, just a heads up,
- 1:20:41Speaker 4: I'm gonna go on a date.
- 1:20:42Speaker 1: With your wife with your ex wife.
- 1:20:44Speaker 4: Absolutely, And that's not that's not your best friend, that's
- 1:20:48Speaker 4: somebody that you host the podcast.
- 1:20:49Speaker 1: But also you're talking about a long marriage and even
- 1:20:52Speaker 1: marriage versus like, oh I dated somebody during the pandemic.
- 1:20:55Speaker 1: It's not a big deal. I broke up with him.
- 1:20:58Speaker 1: I don't have feelings for him. Year. That's I think.
- 1:21:01Speaker 1: I think like the pandemic because.
- 1:21:11Speaker 3: It was kind of a warped tunnel of time, like
- 1:21:15Speaker 3: nothing counted, Like you couldn't get st d S or
- 1:21:18Speaker 3: anything right. You're fine, count.
- 1:21:25Speaker 1: Okay, but flip it on its head. Can we agree
- 1:21:27Speaker 1: that there is a reverse of like the magnitudes, where
- 1:21:32Speaker 1: the formula is okay, like, yeah, that's my with not
- 1:21:36Speaker 1: with the best friend.
- 1:21:38Speaker 2: A close friends together seven years.
- 1:21:41Speaker 1: I think that's with the X the friend.
- 1:21:45Speaker 2: We've been friends since college. I lived together for seven years.
- 1:21:48Speaker 1: So yeah, the portrayal is on the Live with Me
- 1:21:52Speaker 1: I was dating him, which is the X like, which
- 1:21:57Speaker 1: I think is an interesting difference. Yeah, that's true. I
- 1:22:01Speaker 1: think I think it's a betrayal on the on the
- 1:22:02Speaker 1: part of the friend. Well, yeah, I'm just saying that.
- 1:22:05Speaker 1: What would be our scenario where the statue has to die? Yeah,
- 1:22:09Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think you have to murder.
- 1:22:11Speaker 1: Suggesting murder, you keep bringing it up.
- 1:22:14Speaker 5: I don't think you have to back a car ye,
- 1:22:17Speaker 5: like between thegular homicide and talking wife getting a little
- 1:22:21Speaker 5: specific and I don't know what needs to like and
- 1:22:25Speaker 5: also apparently not fucking friends like but you know, I'm
- 1:22:27Speaker 5: not crying.
- 1:22:28Speaker 2: You know you allergies?
- 1:22:31Speaker 1: He got a pit adrill? What is the statute of
- 1:22:34Speaker 1: limitations before you can date your friends? X? Wait? How
- 1:22:37Speaker 1: long does that need to go?
- 1:22:38Speaker 3: There?
- 1:22:39Speaker 1: There is a number, there is, it exists, And you're right.
- 1:22:43Speaker 1: I think Jacob's point is there's a courtesy call, there's
- 1:22:45Speaker 1: a Hey, they asked me out. I I am interested
- 1:22:49Speaker 1: in that, but if you say you're uncomfortable, I won't
- 1:22:51Speaker 1: do it. That's different.
- 1:22:53Speaker 4: If you want to keep that friendship going, I think
- 1:22:55Speaker 4: you got to at least do that.
- 1:22:56Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I think that's an expectation. We can all
- 1:22:59Speaker 1: still agree that right is to describing a piece of
- 1:23:01Speaker 1: shit friend. I'm good with that. I'm just curious. That's
- 1:23:03Speaker 1: why says a philosophical question, what is the statute of
- 1:23:06Speaker 1: limitations before? I think that's okay.
- 1:23:08Speaker 3: I think that kind of speaks to Jacob's point. It's like,
- 1:23:11Speaker 3: there is no statute of limitations you have to No, no,
- 1:23:14Speaker 3: it depends on what you want as the outcome. Okay, yeah,
- 1:23:18Speaker 3: you know, because if you don't like if if saving
- 1:23:21Speaker 3: their relationship is important, you know, then it's it's a
- 1:23:25Speaker 3: significant amount of time, if not ten fifteen minutes, you know.
- 1:23:30Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like it just kind of doesn't matter if
- 1:23:33Speaker 1: they're still to exactly, Yeah, are all x'es off limits forever?
- 1:23:37Speaker 1: Like I mean no, no, okay, that's.
- 1:23:42Speaker 2: Like, if you like slept with them, I think that matters.
- 1:23:45Speaker 2: If it's like, you know, it depends on how deeply
- 1:23:50Speaker 2: you felt for somebody to be honest, but it's almost
- 1:23:53Speaker 2: non existent. Like I again, it'd have to be a
- 1:23:56Speaker 2: weird outliar situation where you're like, you know what, I
- 1:24:00Speaker 2: dated this person and found out I'm not even attracted
- 1:24:03Speaker 2: to that gender anymore.
- 1:24:04Speaker 3: Go for it.
- 1:24:05Speaker 2: I don't know, like something wild where it's just.
- 1:24:07Speaker 1: Like, like we all grew up the same friends. I
- 1:24:10Speaker 1: found that.
- 1:24:11Speaker 8: Yeah, that's fine, that's fine.
- 1:24:15Speaker 1: Yeah, but the scenario, it's like, hey, we grew up
- 1:24:17Speaker 1: together whatever, like we were all friends. You don't have
- 1:24:19Speaker 1: a monopoly on that person. Just dated them. It didn't
- 1:24:21Speaker 1: work out for you. Guys, you need to get over it.
- 1:24:23Speaker 3: So are you saying Whitney that, like, imagine you're single
- 1:24:28Speaker 3: a friend Jesus, imagine a man that dated a friend
- 1:24:35Speaker 3: of yours. That man is off the table forever for you,
- 1:24:40Speaker 3: even though you're single.
- 1:24:41Speaker 2: Depends on what kind of friend. Again, is there somebody
- 1:24:44Speaker 2: we were Yeah, like I have. I was roommate with
- 1:24:47Speaker 2: the same person all through college. Love her to death.
- 1:24:50Speaker 2: So four years of living with her through college, if
- 1:24:54Speaker 2: she came to me or I went to her and said,
- 1:24:57Speaker 2: like I want to date one of your her exes,
- 1:25:03Speaker 2: I don't know. I can't. I mean, she also dated
- 1:25:05Speaker 2: both genders, so that would be really interesting conversation up.
- 1:25:09Speaker 2: It'd open up a whole other conversation. I think she'd
- 1:25:11Speaker 2: be like, go on, so everybody right, but it would
- 1:25:17Speaker 2: just yeah, it would depend and I don't know. Yeah,
- 1:25:21Speaker 2: out of her exes that I'm thinking of, I'm like,
- 1:25:23Speaker 2: I don't know which one she'd be totally okay with,
- 1:25:26Speaker 2: And maybe she would. She's like married with kids now
- 1:25:28Speaker 2: and stuff, and so she's like, yeah, that was twenty
- 1:25:31Speaker 2: years ago.
- 1:25:31Speaker 1: So like these people all in their early twenties, writer's
- 1:25:35Speaker 1: twenty four, I know, so living together for seven years
- 1:25:38Speaker 1: that age.
- 1:25:38Speaker 2: Absolutely we were.
- 1:25:39Speaker 1: Friends in high school and like we know the same crew.
- 1:25:42Speaker 1: We're still in her early twenties, and there's a lot
- 1:25:44Speaker 1: of mixing and matching going.
- 1:25:45Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think there would have been a situation
- 1:25:47Speaker 2: at that age with her that I'd been like, yeah,
- 1:25:49Speaker 2: go for it. Like maybe at thirty eight, now, okay, maybe.
- 1:25:52Speaker 1: I date somebody at twenty And now I'm twenty four,
- 1:25:56Speaker 1: and now you met up with my ex that I
- 1:25:59Speaker 1: dated from life like twenty to twenty one or nineteen
- 1:26:02Speaker 1: to twenty. I don't know. I feel like this gets
- 1:26:04Speaker 1: measured a little differently at that age range.
- 1:26:06Speaker 2: Well, but it doesn't matter because the writer is angry. Yeah,
- 1:26:10Speaker 2: so we're like trying to justify me. I know, you're
- 1:26:13Speaker 2: kind of curious, and that is an interesting question, of
- 1:26:15Speaker 2: interesting philosophical question, like what is the limit? I think
- 1:26:17Speaker 2: it's just a million different variables. Yeah, but overall, generally, yeah,
- 1:26:22Speaker 2: it's almost nonexistently.
- 1:26:23Speaker 1: It's like in the group that I grew up with,
- 1:26:25Speaker 1: like the church group that I was in, we all
- 1:26:27Speaker 1: there was like twenty of us, and there was a
- 1:26:29Speaker 1: lot of mixing and matching between like oh, middle school
- 1:26:32Speaker 1: and then high school in like early college, yes, and
- 1:26:34Speaker 1: it was like among a lot of kids. In middle school, we.
- 1:26:36Speaker 2: Were all he was the church leader, a week leader.
- 1:26:39Speaker 1: We were all kids at the same time. We're fucking
- 1:26:41Speaker 1: each other. It was legal, but no, like in that
- 1:26:43Speaker 1: situation then it's like, oh, well, you can't date that person.
- 1:26:46Speaker 1: I did that person in tenth grade.
- 1:26:47Speaker 2: It's like yeah, but you're not fucking them, Like.
- 1:26:50Speaker 1: Oh, they were all fucking.
- 1:26:51Speaker 2: Okay the middle school.
- 1:26:53Speaker 1: This was an evangelical church. They were all.
- 1:26:57Speaker 2: In God's penis vagina, fucking.
- 1:27:02Speaker 1: As long as there's metal on the roof, God can't
- 1:27:04Speaker 1: see that.
- 1:27:07Speaker 2: No, I just think when when you're young like that, Yeah,
- 1:27:10Speaker 2: dating means something different typically, and it's like, oh I
- 1:27:13Speaker 2: liked them and we held hands and went to the
- 1:27:15Speaker 2: movies and like made out maybe or something. But like
- 1:27:19Speaker 2: I don't know when you start dabbling into like more
- 1:27:22Speaker 2: emotional like entwinement or how many people to do scissor.
- 1:27:33Speaker 1: But that.
- 1:27:34Speaker 2: I was looking back at the writer's question, and I
- 1:27:37Speaker 2: guess just expression. They said they feel lonely without their
- 1:27:39Speaker 2: usual friend group. They feel angry, which probably because they're
- 1:27:43Speaker 2: feeling like they're being iced out by everyone. It's like
- 1:27:46Speaker 2: these two people, well one person specifically your friend, betrayed you,
- 1:27:50Speaker 2: and then you also maybe feel like they could be
- 1:27:53Speaker 2: getting hurt by your ex partner because they were kind
- 1:27:56Speaker 2: of a shithead. So there's complicated feelings there, like being
- 1:27:59Speaker 2: up with her for betraying you, but also worrying about
- 1:28:02Speaker 2: her maybe. And then on top of that, they both
- 1:28:04Speaker 2: are kind of feeling like they're colluding against you to
- 1:28:07Speaker 2: like pull all your friends away from you. That's just
- 1:28:10Speaker 2: a lot of layers.
- 1:28:11Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd be more upset about losing the friend group
- 1:28:15Speaker 3: than it wouldn't be about the other two, because like,
- 1:28:17Speaker 3: if the other two just do that to me, like
- 1:28:20Speaker 3: I would make the best I try to find that
- 1:28:22Speaker 3: silver lining and just be like, Okay, they saved me
- 1:28:26Speaker 3: some time because they're shitty people, yep, and so they've
- 1:28:31Speaker 3: saved me from having to invest any further into this
- 1:28:34Speaker 3: relationship for them only to disappoint me later anyway. So
- 1:28:37Speaker 3: that's how I would reframe that. But losing the friend group,
- 1:28:41Speaker 3: I think that would hurt the most.
- 1:28:43Speaker 1: Yeah, especially when you're that young, that's your people. Yeah,
- 1:28:46Speaker 1: that's really hard. And now for like nine months you're
- 1:28:49Speaker 1: not being invited to stuff. It's like, no, you're gonna
- 1:28:51Speaker 1: make it weird. And it's like they did in my ex.
- 1:28:54Speaker 1: It's like, well you were hanging out with your ex
- 1:28:56Speaker 1: and it's like, I don't know, I could. This is
- 1:28:59Speaker 1: an area where people, you know, I don't know, I
- 1:29:02Speaker 1: don't think they're all assholes.
- 1:29:03Speaker 2: But no, no, and you invite your friend group to
- 1:29:06Speaker 2: stuff like yeah you can, Nick's probably gonna go there.
- 1:29:09Speaker 3: That's what I was thinking too, is like you can
- 1:29:11Speaker 3: invite them, you know, and you can try to maintain
- 1:29:13Speaker 3: some sort of connection or maybe not even all of them,
- 1:29:17Speaker 3: but you know, just like individuals from that group, you know,
- 1:29:19Speaker 3: and just to try to work on maintaining some of
- 1:29:22Speaker 3: those individual bonds. It's also maybe not a bad time
- 1:29:26Speaker 3: to kind of start exploring other friend groups and just
- 1:29:29Speaker 3: kind of.
- 1:29:29Speaker 1: Like your best friend. What got best friend depressed in
- 1:29:32Speaker 1: the first place, was that best friend broke up with
- 1:29:33Speaker 1: somebody that'd been danging for five years. Yeah, clearly you
- 1:29:36Speaker 1: go fuck that guy, like, that's obviously the move. You
- 1:29:39Speaker 1: look that dude up, you get pregnant, and then you
- 1:29:42Speaker 1: go have the life she was denied.
- 1:29:46Speaker 3: So so far, we're three for three on three of
- 1:29:48Speaker 3: these letters, like get pregnant.
- 1:29:53Speaker 4: You know, I shot Jim down earlier. I can't shoot
- 1:29:56Speaker 4: him out on this one. Thanks, But I think I
- 1:29:58Speaker 4: just agree with.
- 1:29:59Speaker 1: That's best friend support right there. Yeah, that's what that
- 1:30:01Speaker 1: looks like. I think Jim and I just became best friends.
- 1:30:04Speaker 1: Got him back in the show and right there before
- 1:30:07Speaker 1: he takes it back. Good luck with this one, writer,
- 1:30:10Speaker 1: and congratulations on your inevitable upcoming pregnancy. As we rep
- 1:30:15Speaker 1: up the show, we want to remind you can sign
- 1:30:17Speaker 1: up to patreon dot com slash therapy. You can get
- 1:30:18Speaker 1: the extended show add free a day early as well
- 1:30:22Speaker 1: as enjoy our live chat discord community, our weekly deep dives,
- 1:30:25Speaker 1: interview skill shares, research roundups and rants. We have new
- 1:30:29Speaker 1: reviews at iTunes. Thank you for the support Hedge Dishes.
- 1:30:35Speaker 4: This goes back to the beginning of the show. You
- 1:30:37Speaker 4: can have all these five star reviews. You get one
- 1:30:40Speaker 4: negative one though, that's the one you pay attention to,
- 1:30:42Speaker 4: go back and read it all the time. There's a
- 1:30:44Speaker 4: two star on there that says, fuck this gym guy.
- 1:30:49Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I think about three day Oh it's den
- 1:30:54Speaker 1: is absolutely real. Yeah, yeah, it's terrible, but we did
- 1:31:00Speaker 1: get a new five star review. Insightful and entertaining. A
- 1:31:04Speaker 1: must listen mental health podcast. Absolutely love pod Therapy. This
- 1:31:08Speaker 1: podcast is a gem for anyone interested in mental health
- 1:31:11Speaker 1: and personal growth. The hosts, Jim, Nick, Whitney, and Jacob
- 1:31:15Speaker 1: have an incredible dynamic that blends humor, empathy, and expert
- 1:31:18Speaker 1: advice seamlessly. What are the other three do?
- 1:31:23Speaker 4: Hey?
- 1:31:24Speaker 1: Their banter is like a therapeutic comedy show. You'll laugh,
- 1:31:27Speaker 1: you'll learn, and sometimes you'll laugh so hard you'll forget
- 1:31:30Speaker 1: that you're learning. They tackle serious topics with a lighthearted approach,
- 1:31:34Speaker 1: making each episode both informative and entertaining. The way they
- 1:31:38Speaker 1: address listener questions with genuine care and practical advice is
- 1:31:41Speaker 1: like having a personal therapy session with friends. Would listen again?
- 1:31:46Speaker 1: Thank you? That's lovely and we got another five star review.
- 1:31:49Speaker 1: Best podcast for future mental health professionals. When opening up
- 1:31:53Speaker 1: the armoir of mental health in the podcast world, that
- 1:31:57Speaker 1: one show stands above them all. Whether you're resting your
- 1:32:00Speaker 1: head on a pillow or taking a tour around town. Jim, Nick, Whitney,
- 1:32:04Speaker 1: and Jacob provide great insight for those needing advice and
- 1:32:08Speaker 1: for those aspiring to become mental health professionals. I love
- 1:32:12Speaker 1: their extra content, which is a reservoir of deep dives
- 1:32:15Speaker 1: into the profession. Love this podcast. Keep up the great work.
- 1:32:19Speaker 1: Signed Chad, Chad the Safety lensa Chad Safety Leo.
- 1:32:25Speaker 3: It's funny even when you're sincerely trying. That's its fire funny.
- 1:32:29Speaker 1: I'm not wrong. We also got a letter, an update letter.
- 1:32:34Speaker 1: I guess this is under announcements.
- 1:32:36Speaker 3: It is because it fits under announcement. Oh it's not really,
- 1:32:38Speaker 3: it's not an update. Oh okay, it's almost like I
- 1:32:41Speaker 3: knew what I was doing when I put it there.
- 1:32:42Speaker 3: Do I read this yeah, okay. Tax changes for Canadian
- 1:32:45Speaker 3: listeners from Andrea Hi Pod Therapy casting crew a positive
- 1:32:51Speaker 3: change in Canada healthcare worth sharing. As of June twentieth,
- 1:32:54Speaker 3: twenty twenty four, psychotherapy is joining other medical services and
- 1:32:58Speaker 3: is now hs TE exempt.
- 1:33:01Speaker 1: Which is the harmonized Sales Tax. It's collected from clients
- 1:33:04Speaker 1: and paid to the federal government by service providers. These
- 1:33:06Speaker 1: services are still not free, and universal health care still
- 1:33:10Speaker 1: has some limits, but at least care provided by some
- 1:33:12Speaker 1: licensed mental health workers is slightly cheaper, up to fifteen
- 1:33:15Speaker 1: percent cheaper, depending upon which province you call home. Some provinces,
- 1:33:19Speaker 1: like for example, Quebec, have special rules. The article I
- 1:33:22Speaker 1: found doesn't say anything about life coaches as they are
- 1:33:25Speaker 1: not licensed or regulated. Sorry, Jacob, no, no, we don't
- 1:33:28Speaker 1: like to be licensed or regularly. They don't want the
- 1:33:29Speaker 1: government to tell them what to do. We do that
- 1:33:33Speaker 1: unrelated but also worth sharing. I just found out that
- 1:33:36Speaker 1: many employee assistants plans will reimburse some mental health care treatment,
- 1:33:41Speaker 1: even for part time employees. Apparently they've been doing this
- 1:33:44Speaker 1: for a while, but many don't know about it. So
- 1:33:46Speaker 1: if you need help, ask for help. Love the Show
- 1:33:49Speaker 1: still keep chipping away at the stigma. Cheers andres Savedra.
- 1:33:55Speaker 3: So yeah, no, that's good. Updates And just to our
- 1:34:00Speaker 3: French listeners, just want to say we're very sorry for
- 1:34:09Speaker 3: saying that your city smells like piss.
- 1:34:11Speaker 1: I was like piece that was worth it. That's all good.
- 1:34:18Speaker 3: So we got no new therapals, third actyls their producers
- 1:34:21Speaker 3: this week. Thanks week. Well it was Whitney's birthday. I
- 1:34:24Speaker 3: think people just cut into it.
- 1:34:28Speaker 1: Dot com slash therapy, make us read your name.
- 1:34:30Speaker 4: But it is the first any anything coming up on
- 1:34:33Speaker 4: the and the agenda with.
- 1:34:34Speaker 1: The tarot wests that we need to that we need
- 1:34:37Speaker 1: to vote on.
- 1:34:40Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I don't know. There's one house that
- 1:34:43Speaker 2: they were mad is on an airbnb list, so they're
- 1:34:45Speaker 2: going to go storm that one of pitchforks.
- 1:34:47Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm on their side on that. I'm with you.
- 1:34:52Speaker 1: It is the first episode of the month, so we
- 1:34:54Speaker 1: do want to think all of our therapods, theradactyls, and
- 1:34:57Speaker 1: of course we think all of our therap producers and
- 1:34:59Speaker 1: partners every but Therapod's thank you, Thank you University, Jeff
- 1:35:03Speaker 1: Robert Paulson, Polygon, Colin Scoop. Surenot Corey Owens, Joseph Pngrazio,
- 1:35:08Speaker 1: Christine Phillips, Gavin Bristow, Carrie Terhak, Stacey Westerland, Kiwifruit Scoop,
- 1:35:14Speaker 1: James k Chelsea Sarason, Craig, Little Ticket, Ev Podcast, Don Door,
- 1:35:18Speaker 1: Jim Hunter, Todd Canfield, Scoop, Atron, Felicia Butler, David Sorensen,
- 1:35:22Speaker 1: Shayla Bullock, Laurinizzo, Stacy Coleman, Adam Pettanuzzo, mattz Lenegren Scoop, Itter, Ascending,
- 1:35:28Speaker 1: Ian Sotoe, Jessica Seifer's Lee, Popsicle That, Josh Guy, Doctor Scoop,
- 1:35:31Speaker 1: Little Mama, Ninja Scoop, James Dawson, Sarah Olo, Grumpy Lake,
- 1:35:35Speaker 1: Mead Park Ranger, Sam Buck, Karen McCulloch, What Weekend, So Nobody, BP,
- 1:35:39Speaker 1: Lila b Gay, Two Crimes, Kelly Gagner, Nippy, Brian Emra,
- 1:35:43Speaker 1: Matthew Johnson, Drew Hellage, Alec Lancaster, j D Congen, a
- 1:35:48Speaker 1: Literal Pickle, Matthias vander Brandt, James Hubble, Max The Ginger,
- 1:35:51Speaker 1: Scoop Andres Savedro, Molina Ken Tinsley, Julius Kappel Water Girl,
- 1:35:56Speaker 1: Stacey protect and Scoop a non a Nurse Smells Funny,
- 1:35:59Speaker 1: Brady Malicha, Matt Cubick, Duffy The Slowly Getting their Therapist Pair,
- 1:36:03Speaker 1: Chad Chad the Safety, Lad Hey, Thanks for that review,
- 1:36:05Speaker 1: Chad Walker, Fluke, Joel McMillan, Kirka Grim, Irvin Santon, Philip Guiton,
- 1:36:11Speaker 1: Tim Mystery Almost Doctor Nurse Joy, Melissa l. Geisler, Christopher
- 1:36:15Speaker 1: de Gersi, Tricia Ortiz, Chris Conway, Kirsten Johnson, d J Seaward,
- 1:36:20Speaker 1: Mississippi Hippie, Scott a Fee Fee, Patty Glad Frey, alaws In,
- 1:36:24Speaker 1: Todd ve Emaratta or No, Anthony Camarada. Thanks of the Trivia,
- 1:36:27Speaker 1: Buddy Eli, Heather w Kyle, David Williams, Kate Police, Marc Aurelena,
- 1:36:33Speaker 1: Buddy Dobbins, Eric Dyer, Frontastic Glitch, Scoop, Bud Nuts, Stephen Landon,
- 1:36:38Speaker 1: shy ruperel Alita Balais, Letters, Kenneth Wong, John Finlayson, Adam
- 1:36:44Speaker 1: Ballads McKay, Pizzle, Dizzle Language, Robert. I think Lopis is
- 1:36:53Speaker 1: definitely going to be the title of the Patreon. Robert Cole,
- 1:36:56Speaker 1: kJ Mister Poth, Carmen Perry, Sinsidium, Jeff Darnell, Jimmy b
- 1:37:01Speaker 1: Jacob Hurt, Persephone Hazzard, Ray j Shark, Clicka Daniels recreated,
- 1:37:07Speaker 1: Nathan Mookie, Jenny Rose, Jacob Billings, Lee, j W. Reynolds,
- 1:37:11Speaker 1: aka A Scoop, Jesus James, James s Alex Jardine, Anna
- 1:37:17Speaker 1: Ivanovic or Ivanovitch. I don't know which one. I don't
- 1:37:20Speaker 1: know which. Juan Monterey, Dylan Calopi, Wolfyo Five, Ben Sherman,
- 1:37:25Speaker 1: Chris Courtney Dale, The King, Nora Monico, Autrey Johnson, Jess
- 1:37:30Speaker 1: Jesse Miller and Cedar.
- 1:37:32Speaker 2: Hayden, Third Actels Ice, Blue Scow, Brian Lehman, Scoop, Brady,
- 1:37:37Speaker 2: Fred Bishard Junior, Andrea Anderson, Scoop, Lindsay Frozen Cusser, Lorie Elsroth,
- 1:37:43Speaker 2: Robert Ward, Richard Bruns, Linda Brandemer, Cy, Shaannagan, Sorry, Scoopy, Scoopy, Justice,
- 1:37:51Speaker 2: Oky Scoop, Dank, Butta Brooks, Slyile, Adam Ripchick and Lovely
- 1:37:58Speaker 2: Spark and the them down there, Jim and Manu, Brogan, Hastings,
- 1:38:05Speaker 2: Adam Wore and any Lena anymore.
- 1:38:08Speaker 1: Okay, the secret and of course we'd like to thank
- 1:38:12Speaker 1: the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrantly pro therapy diehards who
- 1:38:15Speaker 1: love you all so much that they give till it hurts.
- 1:38:18Speaker 1: But their partners, thank you, Dirty Bee and pick It.
- 1:38:21Speaker 1: And we want to thank our bosses, the mysterious and
- 1:38:23Speaker 1: shrouded Illuminati, members of the fan Club, the their producers,
- 1:38:26Speaker 1: Thank you. Jake Schneider, Myra, Robert Brownie Junior, Mint, Smitty Scoop,
- 1:38:29Speaker 1: Ben Don, Judy Schneider, Kayla Lansbury, Missus and mister hot
- 1:38:32Speaker 1: Dog Scoop, Malia, Leon Cassab Mason Miller, Richard Macy, Carolyn Albert,
- 1:38:37Speaker 1: Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller, Sammy Scoop, Ben Stanley, Slap in
- 1:38:40Speaker 1: your Face, Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway, Builer, t Mike Helm, Paris,
- 1:38:44Speaker 1: Samantha Cone, Darren Cunningham, Lib Team Monico, Thunder Cougar Falcon, Scoop, Mantley'sa,
- 1:38:49Speaker 1: Tanjamin heyo oscar swanros A, Sonny Boy Serpecaia Motherfucker, Sandra mcwaffle,
- 1:38:54Speaker 1: Dan Martin, Hanna, Marie Andrew Langmead and Emma Kaine.
- 1:38:57Speaker 3: And if you would like to hear this episode uncut
- 1:38:59Speaker 3: in on edited and why Jim and enjoy our spontaneous
- 1:39:03Speaker 3: side projects. Go to patuon dot com slash therapy, and
- 1:39:05Speaker 3: thank you for supporting mental health.
- 1:39:07Speaker 1: That's all the time we got for this week session.
- 1:39:08Speaker 1: I want to thank our Landlord's my best friend, Jacob
- 1:39:11Speaker 1: Smith's ice Cream Social Podcast, and thanks to those of
- 1:39:14Speaker 1: you contributing to our show today. We really appreciate it.
- 1:39:17Speaker 1: Remember pod therapy, this is something to keep all to yourself.
- 1:39:20Speaker 1: Share this episode with the world. Tag us on the
- 1:39:22Speaker 1: socials when you do. It's at pot therapy guys on Instagram,
- 1:39:25Speaker 1: threads and Twitter. It's pod therapy on Facebook. And don't
- 1:39:28Speaker 1: forget about all the extra good He's at patreon dot
- 1:39:30Speaker 1: com slash therapy.
- 1:39:32Speaker 3: Do you want to submit a question to the show,
- 1:39:33Speaker 3: ask anonymously at pod therapy dot net or email us
- 1:39:36Speaker 3: at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com.
- 1:39:38Speaker 2: I'm Nick Tangement, I'm winning, I'm Jim.
- 1:39:40Speaker 3: Thanks and we'll see if your appointment next week.
- 1:39:44Speaker 1: Isn't it cool how we do wet like that