Latest / Outspoken the Podcast / Getting 'Back to Business'

Transcript

Getting 'Back to Business' · Outspoken the Podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Mums Group that you actually
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: want to be a part of.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: I'm Amy Torber. And I'm Kate Torber.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: And Sophie is an absentee at today's meeting because she
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: is in full.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Dog mum mode.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: We've joked about what a, you know, very hands-on dog
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: mum she is. Poor Archie is at the vet at
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: the moment. He's got a bit of an upset stomach.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: He's going to be absolutely fine though. Yes, he will
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: be fine. But, you know, he needs his mummy there,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: which is understandable. He does. And it has been quite
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: a stressful weekend. We're recording on a Sunday. We've already
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: had a few phone calls venting to each other. I'm
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: just feeling so overwhelmed because I think I'm in that
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: part of my cycle where I just want to get
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: everything clean. Apparently, there's a part of your cycle where
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: you're really productive. but it's frustrating because I just don't
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: have the time. Okay.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Can I admit, I keep.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Seeing all these buzzwords being thrown around like my luteal phase.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: What phase is that? Is that before you get your period?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Oh God. Now you're putting me on the spot, but
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I think the luteal phase is yet in the lead
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: up to your period when you're, you know, not feeling
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: your best, you're a bit moody and stuff. And then
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: there's that phase that for me feels like it lasts
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: two days where you're feeling really great.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: And I think, yeah.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm at that stage where I'm like seeing
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: these TikToks pop up. I'm like, How are people keeping
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: their houses clean? Because it's always like my weekly reset.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: And I was like, how do you find time to
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: have a weekly reset?
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Like I managed to keep.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: On top of the regular jobs. Like whenever my son
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: is in his high chair, I'll quickly do the dishes.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: And clean the kitchen up.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, I'm looking at some of the areas
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: like my bathroom and my laundry.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I need like a deep clean. Yes,
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I need to deep clean this.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: And it's like going to take a few hours. And
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I'm at the stage where I don't even really have
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: the right equipment to do it.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I keep seeing all these people pop up on TikTok
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: and the utensils that they're using or whatever they're called,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: the hardware that they're using to clean their bathrooms and stuff.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I need to go on Amazon shop
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: or TikTok shop and buy all this shit.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: I just saw a TikTok before of.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: My friend who was actually doing a weekly reset and
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: she has such a beautifully clean house and she was
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: actually mopping the wall. And I was like, oh God,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I need to do that because I've got two golden
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: retrievers that rub against the walls all the time. Are
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: the mums group doing that? Are we cleaning walls? Like
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I think good on you, but I can't remember. I mean,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I think actually I can remember the last time I
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: cleaned a wall. It was when I left my rental
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: and they demanded the sugar soap.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Wall scrub.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I didn't know we were doing this on
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: a weekly basis, but it's at the point where I'm like,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: do I start costing up a cleaner? Like, would it
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: be worthwhile?
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't even know what a cleaner would cost you,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: but wouldn't it be good say every three months to
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: get someone in to do a deep clean?
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: I feel like end of lease clean. Actually with Harry's.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Birthday party coming up, I was thinking, geez, would that
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: be money well spent.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: To get a cleaner? Is it like a thousand dollars?
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, not, not the deep clean, but just the, you know,
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: A few hours here and there. I suppose it's about
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: balancing up your time. Like for us, we work from home.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: So when I'm not working, I'm essentially not earning money.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I've never enjoyed cleaning, but now I have a child
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: for some reason. It seems really fun. Like I've now
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: stumbled across onto the clean talk.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Is it because you can't do it?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: It's, I don't know. I think it's because I'm home more.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: So I want the space to be clean. I actually
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: found this woman's video. She was in America and she
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: had this insanely tidy house and she was trying to
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: convince her audience that all you need is Is, you know,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: 10 minutes here and there throughout the day and you
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: don't need to clean for hours. But what she was
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: describing was probably two hours worth of cleaning per day.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: And the funniest thing is the first thing she does
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: in the morning is she airs out every room in
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: her house. Oh, Mamma Mia Out Loud were talking about this.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I think it's like there's a German word or something
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: like that. and it translates to burping your house. Essentially,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I need to burp my house with two dogs. The
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: unfortunate thing is our dogs have managed.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: To rip through all of our flywire screens. So when
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: we burp our house, it just lets like bugs in.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I'm not really painting a great picture of my house,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: am I? I promise everyone it's not as disgusting as
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: you're portraying it to be.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Do you know what?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: There's nothing that a good glass house candle can't fix.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: That's my go-to when.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: People come over. I'm like, caramel candle out. Well, the
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Akoya ones are good too.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: They are very good. How's your week been, Amy?
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Well, I actually got a rare chance to go out
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: shopping by myself.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: What a treat.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Down at, yeah, Marion Shopping Centre because I had to
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: go collect my prescription glasses. I actually had a little
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: wanderer down around there by myself as well after my
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: dog wet my bed.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Jeez. Can we just like rally around and donate to
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Kate's deep clean of her house?
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I know. I feel like I need to give that
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: some context.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: My poor dog had surgery on his knee and he
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: sleeps on our bed and he was so out of
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: it that he weaned on the bed.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: So I had to go get a new bedspread.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: When he's not eating fly screen doors, he's urinating on
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: your bed.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: Get dogs, they said.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: It would be fun, they said. When I was down
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: at Marion Shopping Centre, it was so weird. I kept thinking,
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: does that person.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: Know that I'm a mum?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Like I was trying to pick out glasses, sunglasses. And
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I went to choose like the new, you know, like
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: the narrow glasses. They did not suit my face whatsoever.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: And I asked her, I was like, are these ones dorky?
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: And she was probably like 23. She probably thought I
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: was so old. Did you actually say dorky?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I said dorky. Because I feel like you aged yourself then. Yeah, yeah.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know what the cool term is.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know. And then some girl came into the
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: store that we used to go to high school with.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my God, I haven't seen.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: That woman for years. Anyway, totally aged myself.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: But I went into Cotton On after and I was
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: talking to this Gen Zer and the whole time, yeah,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: It's weird. Do you get that where.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: You think, did these people realize that I have a child?
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll be like, when I see other toddlers.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Out, I'll be like really smiling at them.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: And then I'm like, I probably look like some creep
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: because I don't have mine with me to be like, oh,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: that's so cute. You know, actually I told Dale about
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: it and he's like.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: What are you talking about? I have never ever thought
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: that before.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: That is just the difference between men and women because often,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: and I know this is gender stereotyping, but you are
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: thinking about what other people are thinking of you. Whereas
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: men just seem to like, I mean, when it comes
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: to shopping, they seem to just want to get in
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: and get out, don't they? Actually on that, I found
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: myself smiling at a lot of the parents who would
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: walk by with their kids. And then I realized I
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: probably thought I might've looked deranged because I didn't have
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: a child with me. And then I saw this TikTok
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: and everyone was talking about the secret parent.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Smile that you do.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I'd never noticed it, obviously not having a child before,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: but it's almost this like, I've got you or I
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: know what you're going through or good on you.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: You're out at the shop.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So you're still doing it when you don't even
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: have your kid there, which is the funniest thing. I
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: always think, oh God, does it look like I'm smirking
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: at them?
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Cause I don't have a child with me.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, actually I saw this TikTok the other day
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: and this lady was saying that she was out at
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: the supermarket for a rare outing by herself.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Her two kids were at childcare.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: And she found that she, like, again, that she was
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: smiling at all these people with kids. And she actually
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: walked up to a dad there who was picking up
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Yakult with his child. She's like, just getting some Yakult
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: too because, you know, the awful bugs going around at childcare.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: She's like, why the hell am I saying this? What
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: is wrong with me? I noticed that you used the
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: term lady.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And it always throws me when I'm not referred
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: to as a girl. And previously when I, before I
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: had children, I was kind of offended to be referred
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: to as a girl.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, that's very demeaning. In a work sense,
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: I think it's. Yeah.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: But now if like sometimes people with their kids will
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: be like, pass that to the lady. And I'm like.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: The lady?
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: When did we get here? I'm still a girl. I'm
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: only 37. Yeah. Strong enough to bear the children and
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: not get back to business.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Guys, can we just please give the moms who have
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: not got back to business a break?
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Because I be doing my business, honey.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: And my business is a mom.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: There is a trend that keeps popping up all over
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: my social media and I'm assuming a lot of other
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: mums group members. It's the back to business trend. Oh,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: that has infiltrated my feed too. So it's set to
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: the Beyonce song with the lyrics. And basically mums will
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: post a photo of them when they're pregnant and then
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: the second shot is them postpartum when they're hashtag back
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: to business. Yeah. And a lot of the posts that
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: have gone viral are of course of women being who
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: have quote unquote bounced back. Yeah, one of the videos
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: gaining the most traction is from an American influencer and
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: she looks absolutely insane in the last shot. Like she's
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: in a bikini with a six pack. I think it's
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: got over a million likes on it. There are also
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: some women, I think in response to some of this
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: bounce back promotion that are sort of bucking the trend
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: and going, okay, hang on. Well, this is me back
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: to business and it might not be with a six pack.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: but this is more of a realistic look at postpartum life.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: And I've really enjoyed those posts. And I think that
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: was sort of what it was meant to be like
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: at the beginning. And it's almost been co-opted by this
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: bounce back movement. Do you think it is promoting bounce
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: back culture? I'm in two minds about it, to be honest,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: because when I saw the first video and it was
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: a woman, like a really skinny woman with a six pack,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh fuck, this is not good for
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: postpartum women to be seeing because The issue is the
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: before and after format. So we're not seeing what went
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: on in between that time. We're just seeing these two
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: images side by side.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: We don't know.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Has that been five years that it took her to
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: get that incredible body?
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: We don't know.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: And also, you don't see all the sacrifices as well,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: because that's the other side of it, that a lot
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: of people are saying these women should really be celebrated because-
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: You think of all the sacrifice it takes to get
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: into the gym. It's good for your mental health, all
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: of that side of things. This is what I don't like.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: It's really flattening the postpartum experience into two images. And
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: if you don't have a celebratory before and after, then
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: you're not getting back to business and you're essentially a failure,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: which I don't like. And then as you're saying, there's
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: this other camp that are saying well hang on women
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: should be proud about their achievements and they definitely should
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: like women should be proud if they feel like they're
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: in a position whether it's reflected in their appearance or
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: their personal attitude that they are back to business let's
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: celebrate that that's why i'm so torn like it's so
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: difficult yeah well australian tiktok creator who goes by the
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: name of teague she's currently 21 weeks pregnant oh is
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: she i didn't realize that yeah and she was infuriated
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: by the backlash she put it really well let's have
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: a listen to what she said you know what.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: Pisses me off these women have fought so hard to
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: physically get back to that looking like that and mentally
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: to deal with all of societal pressures to be a
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: good mom and the mom guilt and we have no
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: idea what they've sacrificed to get their ass to the
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: gym okay or to use that time for their physical
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: improvement okay also some of them might be there for
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: their mental health because postpartum is really mentally hard Okay? Also,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: we don't know how long between pictures. There's no disclaimer.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: It could have taken that lady four years. It could
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: have taken her four months. And you know who the
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: only people complaining about it are? Are other women. Are
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: other mums. I haven't seen a man comment on this trend.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: The only people bringing down mums is other mums. And
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: I get it. if it's not the message that you
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: need to be receiving right now, but newsflash, you're not
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: the only person on the internet, okay? And also, maybe
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: those mums just posted it because they look sexy, okay?
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: They look sexy and they're about to train their asses
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: off to look like that and they're proud of it.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: It's not about you, babe, okay?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I think she made some really good points there, especially
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: about mental health and also about societal pressures that women
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: face because I think a lot of mums who prioritise
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: the gym often get slammed, especially by the older generation,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: because there's this view of, well, why are you spending
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: all this time at the gym? It's really selfish. Shouldn't
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: you be spending time with your children? But no one
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: ever says that when a dad's going to work out
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: at the gym. And I just think it's really unfair,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: especially because society expects women's bodies to look a certain way.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: And then when they go and achieve it, it's like, well, no,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: you're a shit mum. think that people are viewing this
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: TikTok trend and saying, oh, they're shit mums. I think
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: it's more that it's putting pressure on other mums who
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: might not be at that stage. And I think again,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: with this trend, the difficult thing is, as you mentioned,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: you don't know at what stage postpartum these women are
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: at and the process and the journey that it's taken
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: to get there. I think what I don't like about
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: it is it says back to business. And that to
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: me is like, okay, so what society wants you to
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: do is you have to have a baby and then
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: you have to pretend like you haven't ever had a
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: baby and your life has not changed at all and
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: you're just back to business and you're.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Getting on with things. And just sort of flick, like
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: the flick of a switch.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: That's why there's another trend on TikTok that I much
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: prefer and it's this video of, you know that song, Labor?
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: It's like all day, every day therapist.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: You know that song? Oh, yeah, yeah. The absolute banger.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: That's the trending sound and it says, Mums will literally
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: get pregnant, grow the human, birth them, nourish them, lose nights, weeks,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: months of sleep, learn to care for the baby alone,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: rebuild themselves and come back.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Stronger than ever.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: And then it shows all of the in-between moments like
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: upfeeding the kids at the gym, building your body back.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: And it's not seen as like an aesthetic thing. It's
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: seen as more Look how strong the woman's body is
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: to be able to go through that. And I think
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: that's what people need to remember. Like we should all
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: be so proud of our bodies for going through such
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: an ordeal. Yeah. I think the trend was initially meant
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: to be about female empowerment, but it's lost its way
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: like it normally does on social media when the context
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: is taken out of it.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: On Teague's point about men, she said, you know, it's
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: mums that are shaming other mums.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: You notice there's no men commenting.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I actually asked my husband's opinion.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: I showed him the video and I said, what do you.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Think of this trend? He was so confused because firstly,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: he's like, what does bounce back mean?
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: It shocked me. I was like, okay, these.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Men are living in a different world to us. And
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: then he assumed that the women were just showing them
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: what they were like pregnant and then showing what it
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: was like when they were back at work.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: And he's like, well, this is an influencer back at work.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: And I was like, no, that's not what it's about
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: at all. Taking it very literally. But that's the thing.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I think that there has been some confusion and I
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: think it was meant to be about female empowerment and
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: then it turned into who can share the best before
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: and after from pregnancy. Well, we put this out to
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: the mums group and there were a lot of mixed
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: opinions and So one person said, I see it as
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: mums being proud of themselves. We all know how hard
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: it is being postpartum.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: We're allowed to flaunt our accomplishments. I'm nearly a year.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Postpartum from my second child and I'm proud of myself.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Another person wrote, I'm not a fan personally. It's just
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: another example of bounce back culture, but people can do
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: what they want. Another said, hate it. And someone else said, personally,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: so happy when mums are proud of themselves. I've also
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: seen this trend with mums getting degrees, et cetera, not
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: always physical. Another mums group member labelled the videos as
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: out of touch, while another said it implies that getting
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: back to.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: Business means being skinny.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, someone added, hate it, business is much more than
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: flat tummy. And yeah, I think that's what has really
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: got under my skin. It's like, I'm so proud of
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: where I am nearly two years postpartum, but I don't
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: see that reflected in in a nice picture of myself.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I look at it from the perspective of how much
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: I feel like I've personally developed and, and proud of
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: like the fact that, you know, we've grown this business
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: together whilst looking after our children, like as the primary caregivers.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: And I just don't know how I would possibly be
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: able to reflect that in a hot image of myself. Yeah.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: But you know what?
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: You hit the nail on the head before when you
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: said it depends what stage of life you're in because
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: a lot of women who were pregnant were actually saying,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I love seeing this content because it makes me feel
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: hopeful that maybe I can get fit and healthy and
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: feel really strong and confident. And I must admit when
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I was pregnant, like you're feeling your worst, aren't you,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: during pregnancy? And you can't really do that much exercise
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: depending on how healthy you are during your pregnancy. And
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: the thought of, I don't know, getting pregnant I don't know,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: doing something for yourself. That seems really nice.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: I mean, I suppose it's what connotation you put on
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: the term back to business, whether that is back to work,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: if it's back to business in the sense of it
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: used to be a gym junkie. One part we haven't
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: touched on is mum's feeling hot. Like reclaiming it, like
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: you're allowed to want.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: To actually feel attractive.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: And I kind of like that in this trend because
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: You do feel really ugly postpartum. And I think maybe
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: that's a point that some people are missing is that
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: these women are saying, I feel like myself again. I'm
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: feeling confident.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling myself. Maybe there's a.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Sense of me that looks at that feeling jealous and
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: it's like maybe.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: You don't feel back to business then.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Well, it's more like for me at the moment and
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: it's not like my physical physique, but it's my hair.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Like it's irritating me. I don't feel bad to business me.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I just don't.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: But I just feel like I remember seeing Molly May
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: talking at, she was asked to do the catwalk at
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: the L'Oreal fashion parade. And she was going to be
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: on the catwalk with, you know, Kendall Jenner and all
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: these top models. And she was like, I'm postpartum, but
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: my daughter's too.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: And at the time I was like, Oh, that's so funny.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: And then I'm like, hang on. I feel the same.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, my hair is like regrowing from the
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: postpartum fallout.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: And, My hair.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Notoriously grows so slowly. I'm like, am I ever going
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: to have hair that matches again? And, you know, those
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: little things like that, that really knock your confidence. And
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: then you do see these women that are like, I mean,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I saw Hailey Bieber at Coachella and I was like,
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: where's her baby hair?
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: My darling, they all have hair extensions. I know, but
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: even if I had hair extensions.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: In, they still flick up. It's just giving my hair
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: this weird volume. That's why I'm wearing a hat in
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: this recording. Getting the slick backs. You know, mom is
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: just constantly texting your mom friends and be like, oh
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: my gosh, we should get together.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: What are you doing next week?
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Hey, oh my gosh, we should get together again. Oh,
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I totally wish we could have.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: What are you doing this week? Hey, I'm free next week.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Do you want to get together?
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: And like you all mean well, you all mean so
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: well and you all genuinely are totally okay with the
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: fact that it's going to take a month or two
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: before you actually get together.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Okay. If I told you that I was adopting a
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: parenting style called FAFO, what would you.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Think that meant?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Is it something to do with like fly in and
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: fly out? Like it sounds like FIFO to me.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: That you're not there?
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: No, so the acronym stands for fuck around and find out.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: So basically it's where you let your child experience the
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: consequence of their own actions.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: Kind of sounds dangerous.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's basically where you let your child experience the
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: consequences of their own actions. That actually freaks me out.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: As a helicopter parent, it sounds quite dangerous. Well, on
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: a small level, it could be say Jack was like,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: I'm not wearing my coat. And you're like, it's cold outside, darling.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Like you need to wear a coat. Don't let him
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: wear it.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: And he finds out. And then he goes, okay, I
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: should have worn my coat. That is it on a
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: minor level. The thing is though, I look at that
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: and go, okay, well, they might learn that that was
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: a bit silly, but then they'll catch a cold or
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: they'll cry. You know, they'll whinge about it. I mean,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that actually works. Well, a lot
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: of millennials, they do gentle parenting. I don't know what
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: parenting style, like, do you think you have a parenting
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: style yet being nearly two years?
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I mean, you said helicopter parents.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. I mean, I've seen those sort
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: of gentle parenting videos. and people take the piss out
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: of them and say their kids are walking all over them.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I feel like I just sort of more instinctual, like,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: you know, you just sort of do what you think's right.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know what type of parenting that is. I
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: probably need to look into it more. And I mean,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: are you meant to develop a parenting style?
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Well, you probably should. You probably should discuss with Rhys.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: So it's, I mean, I haven't worked out a parenting
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: style yet, to be honest, because I feel like by one.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: You're in survival mode.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Like they don't really know what a consequence is and
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. I mean, I don't think
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: toddlers know what consequences are.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Well, there are a number of videos that have gone
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: viral of this parenting technique in action. So in one video,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: there's a little girl who's got a bowl of hot
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: chips and she picks up one of the chips and
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: dips it into this plate of salt.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: And her reaction is priceless.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And then there's another video. I think it's got around
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: 500,000 views. And it's his mother who was just at
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: her wit's end with her toddler. So he kept begging
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: her for this drink that was in the fridge. And
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: he thinks it's juice, but it's a really spicy tomato juice.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: It's got like peppers and everything in it. Anyway, he's
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: begging for it. She goes, okay, here you go.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: Here's the juice. Let's have a listen to what else
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: was said.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: He wants spicy hot V8. I told him, no, that's
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: not juice. Being a butthead. So you know what? Guess
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: who's going to get a cup of spicy hot V8 juice?
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: Because I'm over it. I ain't going to do a lot. Okay.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: You ready?
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: It's good?
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Yep. Drink it.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: It's not hot?
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: It's not hot.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Drink it.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: I can't have it. Why? Why?
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: What's wrong? It's hot.
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: Did I tell you it wasn't juice? And you wanted
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: it anyway, huh?
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: I can't drink it. Well.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: I want water. Here you go. Can I please have
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: your water? Can I please have your water?
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: I feel a bit uncomfortable about these videos because where
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: are we seeing in this video the.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Result of this parenting?
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, we see the kid getting punished. Well,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: that's what a lot of child psychologists were saying. They're
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: saying it's actually humiliating the child. Yeah.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: Well, particularly filming it.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, like, okay, if that's how you decide to parent,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: that's on you. If you want to say, okay, well,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: you want the juice, have a drink.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: But to film it. Well, especially because the kid was like,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: is it spicy? And she's like, no, it's not.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: It was.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: That's terrible.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Well, actually, how do you feel about this? So it
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: reminds me of a story Dale told me. So when
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: he was about think 10, don't quote me, but around 10,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: he kept saying to his mum, oh, can I have
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: a beer? I want a beer when everyone was drinking them.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: So she just snapped and said, fine, have a glass.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: And he drank it and said it was the most
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: disgusting thing and then never asked her again.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, that worked. That's the thing.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: I want to know some, you know, did this kid
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: who drank the spicy drink never ask for another drink
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: in the fridge again or actually listen to his mother? Well,
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: the reality is people are saying that it's FAFO parenting.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: It's actually just gentle parenting, but with consequences. Well, I
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: think that's it for another Mums Group. Thank you so
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: much for listening and for supporting the podcast.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: We truly appreciate you all.
• 23:05
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• 23:07
  Speaker 1: go and leave us a five-star review because it helps
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: get the podcast recognised on the charts. Also, make sure
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: you are following the Mums Group on TikTok and on Instagram.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: You can also follow Kate, Sophie and I. We'll put
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: all of the details in our show notes below. This
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: episode was recorded on the traditional land of the Kaurna
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: people of the Adelaide Plains. We pay respect to elders
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: past and present.