Latest / LIVING WITHOUT FEAR / 145. Living Without Fear - How to Trust Your Emotions Again | With Esther Buerki

Transcript

145. Living Without Fear - How to Trust Your Emotions Again | With Esther Buerki · LIVING WITHOUT FEAR

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  What if the real reason you struggle with confidence isn't
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  that you doubt yourself, but that you were taught your
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  feelings were wrong? Hello my dear friend.
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  Before we begin, let me ask you something and I want you to
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  really feel into it. Have you ever had the feeling so
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  clear inside you and yet someone told you you're wrong and
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  slowly, quietly, you started believing them?
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  This is Esther speaking to you from Switzerland.
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  And today, I want to talk about something that has shaped my
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  entire life, and maybe yours too, without us even realizing
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  it. Today we're talking about
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  trusting our own feelings. Not just listening to them, but
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  taking them seriously. Honoring them.
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  Believing them, even when the people closest to us don't.
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  Because here's the truth. The moment we stop trusting our
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  feelings, we don't just lose confidence, we lose our inner
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  home. For years I thought something
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  was wrong with me, that I lacked self-confidence, that I needed
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  to be stronger, louder, more certain.
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  But last week, something shifted inside me, Gently, deeply,
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  unmistakably. Last week, during an ordinary
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  day, something extraordinary happened.
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  I suddenly understood why trusting my own feelings has
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  always felt so difficult, why it felt unsafe, why it felt
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  fragile. And the realisation landed
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  softly but powerfully. I had always believed others
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  more than myself. This understanding brought me
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  straight back to my poverty, those tender, confusing years
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  with my parents. I remember sitting there, my
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  heart wide open, saying something that felt incredibly
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  brave at the time. I don't feel loved.
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  You never tell me. I don't feel it in your actions.
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  I feel unseen. And instead of curiosity,
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  instead of questions, I was met with shock, with anger, with
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  rejection. They told me I was wrong,
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  ungrateful, insensitive. And again and again.
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  I went to my room, closed the door and cried.
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  Not just crying, breaking, feeling completely alone,
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  feeling like my feelings were dangerous, feeling like I was
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  wrong. Sometimes lying there, I wished
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  it could all just end. And this is the moment where
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  something inside me quietly decided my feelings cannot be
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  trusted. No one ever said that sentence
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  out loud, but it was written into my nervous system, into my
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  body, into my way of being in the world.
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  Last week, I looked at that younger version of myself not
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  with judgement, but with compassion, and for the first
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  time, I truly understood her. She wasn't weak, she wasn't
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  dramatic, she wasn't wrong. She was a child whose feelings
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  were dismissed and suddenly everything made sense.
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  I always thought my struggle was about self-confidence, but it
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  wasn't. It was about self trust.
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  How can you feel confident when you don't trust your own inner
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  voice? When the people you depended on
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  taught you that your emotional truth was incorrect?
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  If only someone had asked me one simple question.
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  Why do you feel unloved? That question could have changed
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  everything. And this is where I want to
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  gently speak to you. Whether you're a parent, a
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  partner, a friend, or simply a human in relationship with
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  others, when someone shares a feeling you don't understand,
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  don't defend, don't correct, don't explain, ask, listen, get
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  curious. Because feelings are not facts,
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  but they are real experiences and they deserve respect.
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  And now let me speak directly to you.
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  If you're on a journey of building confidence, please
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  don't try to fake it until you make it, because confidence
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  built on self betrayal will always collapse.
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  Instead, ask yourself something much more powerful.
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  Why don't I trust myself? At what point did I learn that
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  my feelings were wrong? Because once you start trusting
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  yourself again, something magical happens.
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  Other people's opinions slowly lose their grip, their voices
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  become quieter, and your own voice becomes clearer.
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  You stop searching for permission.
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  You stop needing validation to exist.
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  Of course, appreciation from others feels good.
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  But it's not. It's no longer a lifeline, It's
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  a bonus. And then you arrive at the most
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  important question of all. Do I feel at home within myself?
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  Here's a simple but powerful practice I invite you into.
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  Check in with yourself throughout the day, not only in
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  the morning, not only in the evening, but right in the middle
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  of life. When you're in a group, when
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  you're alone, when you're with people you love.
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  Pause and ask, do I trust myself right now?
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  Am I taking my feelings seriously or am I minimizing
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  myself to stay connected? And when you notice that you've
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  lost yourself, because we all do, go back.
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  Go back to your younger self, Take them in your arms and tell
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  them what no one told you back then.
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  I believe you. Your feelings make sense.
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  You were never wrong. Every feeling you feel in your
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  body is valid. You don't have to justify it,
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  you don't have to explain it. It is already enough.
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  self-awareness is not a one time act.
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  It's a living practice. And yes, it's an ongoing
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  journey, but it's also a beautiful one.
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  Layer by layer, you come home to yourself and I truly love this
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  journey. If you feel cold to go deeper,
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  I'm offering a free one-on-one coaching session with me.
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  A safe space where your feelings are taken seriously, where we
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  strengthen yourself, trust together.
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  You can reach out. I would love to meet you there.
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  Thank you for listening. Thank you for your openness.
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  Thank you for honoring your inner world.
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  New episodes are uploaded every Thursday.
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  Until next time, remember this. Your feelings are not the
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  problem, they are the path and you are already enough.