Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / ‘No One Ever Hated His Own Body’ — Really?

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‘No One Ever Hated His Own Body’ — Really? · Pastor John Piper's answers

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Interesting question here from an anonymous young woman. To start
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  Speaker 1: this new week off, We'll get right to it bestor John,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Hello to you, our friend writes, I know the Bible
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  Speaker 1: is inspired by the Holy Spirit, but I struggle to
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  Speaker 1: accept some things. Paul wrote, particularly Ephesians five twenty nine,
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  Speaker 1: that no one ever hated his own body. I have
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  Speaker 1: hated my own body for most of my life. I
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  Speaker 1: was bullied for my looks and weight as a child,
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  Speaker 1: felt neglected by my parents because of it, and developed
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  Speaker 1: such intense self loathing that I hurt myself, abuse my body,
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  Speaker 1: and even starved myself. I know I'm not alone. Many
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  Speaker 1: people hate their own bodies and harm themselves in various ways.
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  Speaker 1: This makes it hard to believe Paul is speaking literally
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  Speaker 1: when he says no one ever hated their own body.
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  Speaker 1: If Paul were alive today, wouldn't he see how widespread
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  Speaker 1: this problem is? Was he speaking figuratively or was the
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  Speaker 1: statement more reflective of his time, when body hatred might
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  Speaker 1: not have been as common. What do you think Paul
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  Speaker 1: meant in this passage?
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  Speaker 2: That is an important question. It's right at the heart
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  Speaker 2: of Christian hedonism, It's right at the heart of understanding marriage.
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  Speaker 2: One of the reasons I feel that its weight is
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  Speaker 2: because it's just so easy for us Bible lovers like me.
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  Speaker 2: I love the Bible to repeat what the Bible says
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  Speaker 2: as though it presented no problems whatsoever, when for the
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  Speaker 2: ordinary reader didn't grow up on the Bible reading it.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe for the first time, the Bible has sentences in
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  Speaker 2: it that really sound out of sync with real human experience,
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  Speaker 2: like this one. So let me read the context, so
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  Speaker 2: we get in front of us and then try to
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  Speaker 2: understand how Paul might answer this question, because I think
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  Speaker 2: there's an answer several levels. In the context, he's comparing
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  Speaker 2: Christ's love for the Church his bride to a husband's
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  Speaker 2: love for his wife. That's the comparison. He says. Christ
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  Speaker 2: is sanctifying the church so that he might present the
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  Speaker 2: Church to himself in splendor, in the same way husbands
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  Speaker 2: should love their wives as their own bodies. He who
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  Speaker 2: loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated
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  Speaker 2: his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as
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  Speaker 2: Christ does the Church, because we are members of his body. Then,
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  Speaker 2: he quotes Genesis two twenty four, Therefore man shall leave
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  Speaker 2: his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,
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  Speaker 2: and the two shall become one flesh, that is, same body.
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  Speaker 2: This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it
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  Speaker 2: refers to Christ and the Church. So the argument is
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  Speaker 2: that a husband and wife, as God has designed it,
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  Speaker 2: are one flesh, so that when a husband loves his wife,
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  Speaker 2: he's loving himself. And then he introduces the premise, no
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  Speaker 2: one ever hates his own flesh, and he draws out
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  Speaker 2: the conclusion. Therefore, no Christian should hate his wife, but
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  Speaker 2: instead nourish and comfort cherish her. But our friend, who
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  Speaker 2: doesn't give us her name, I understand that sent this question.
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  Speaker 2: She said, I developed such intense loathing that I hurt myself,
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  Speaker 2: abused my body, even starved myself. And she asks, if
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  Speaker 2: Paul were alive to day, wouldn't he see how widespread
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  Speaker 2: this problem is. So Paul says, no one ever hated
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  Speaker 2: his own flesh, and she says, I do. So first,
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  Speaker 2: let's remind ourselves what Paul knew about self harm. We're
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  Speaker 2: so often prone to think that our ages are unique,
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  Speaker 2: our time is unique, and we have different or better knowledge.
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  Speaker 2: He knew first that Judas killed himself. And you would
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  Speaker 2: think that if there were an extreme expression of self hate,
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  Speaker 2: it would be self murder. Second, Paul knew about religions
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  Speaker 2: that practice self mutilation, like the bail worshipers in First
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  Speaker 2: King's eighteen. They cried aloud and cut themselves after their
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  Speaker 2: custom with swords and lances, until the blood gushed out
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  Speaker 2: upon them. That's the way they tried to get attention
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  Speaker 2: from their God. Third, Paul was aware in his own day,
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  Speaker 2: and he explicitly opposed it in Colossians two twenty one
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  Speaker 2: to twenty three that some religious practices were intended to
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  Speaker 2: harm the body. He said, these practices have indeed an
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  Speaker 2: appearance of wisdom in promoting self made religion and asceticism
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  Speaker 2: and severity to the body, but they are of no
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  Speaker 2: value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh. So Paul
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  Speaker 2: doesn't need to learn from the twenty first century about
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  Speaker 2: self harm. He was aware of self mutilation and suicide.
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  Speaker 2: He was even aware that his own body was considered
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  Speaker 2: contemptible by his opponents in Tewod Corinthians ten ten. After
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  Speaker 2: all that Paul had been through, just think of it.
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  Speaker 2: So many imprisonments, so many whitms and scourgings and beatings
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  Speaker 2: and late nights and fastings, and shipwrecks and dangers and stoning.
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  Speaker 2: I do not doubt that when he looked in the
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  Speaker 2: mirror he did not like what he saw. In fact,
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  Speaker 2: most people don't like what they see, right, I mean,
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  Speaker 2: face it, most people do not like what they see
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  Speaker 2: in the mirror. That's why they work so hard to
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  Speaker 2: change it. So what did Paul mean when he said,
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  Speaker 2: he who loves his wife loves himself? For no one
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  Speaker 2: ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.
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  Speaker 2: Let me give you two levels of answers. The simplest
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  Speaker 2: answer would be to infer that Paul was speaking the
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  Speaker 2: way the proverbs do regularly, namely, giving a common sense
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  Speaker 2: generalization about life. The proverbs do this over and over.
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  Speaker 2: Train up a child in the way he should go,
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  Speaker 2: and even when he is old, he will not depart
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  Speaker 2: from it, generally speaking, Proverbs twenty two six. Or honor
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  Speaker 2: the Lord with your wealth, then your barns will be
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  Speaker 2: filled with plenty generally speaking Proverbs three, nine, and ten.
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  Speaker 2: We know these are generalizations and not universal truths without
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  Speaker 2: any exceptions, because the Bible itself makes plain that God
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  Speaker 2: often acts in other ways in fact I when you
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  Speaker 2: think about the friends of job, elif has buildad and
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  Speaker 2: so far, their basic error was they didn't see these
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  Speaker 2: as generalizations but as absolutes, and so they clobbered job
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  Speaker 2: and said you have to be a sinner because it's
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  Speaker 2: going bad for you. So we could say rightly, I
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  Speaker 2: think that when Paul said no one ever hated his
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  Speaker 2: own flesh, he means, generally speaking, that's the way people are,
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  Speaker 2: and that's the way it should be in marriage. So
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  Speaker 2: that might be enough, But I'm not satisfied with that.
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  Speaker 2: I want to press in a little more deeply because
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  Speaker 2: I think Paul would probably defend his statement a little
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  Speaker 2: differently than that. I think Paul would clarify that when
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  Speaker 2: he says no one hates his own flesh, he does
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  Speaker 2: not mean no one dislikes his own flesh. Paul would say,
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  Speaker 2: you can stand in front of the mirror and find
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  Speaker 2: your body disgusting and still not hate your own body,
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  Speaker 2: not the way Paul means it. The comparison, remember, is
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  Speaker 2: with Jesus and the Church. When Jesus looks at the
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  Speaker 2: church the body, he does not find her attractive. The
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  Speaker 2: church is ugly shot through with sin, wrinkles, splotches, but
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  Speaker 2: he loves the church, and he's seeking to make her beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: He means to have a splendid bride. So what then,
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  Speaker 2: does Paul mean by hating one's own flesh? I think
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  Speaker 2: he would say something like this. The sense in which
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  Speaker 2: nobody hates his own flesh is that everybody treats his
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  Speaker 2: flesh in a way that he or she thinks will
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  Speaker 2: bring about greater happiness and less misery. Listen carefully. I
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  Speaker 2: spoke to a young woman who now and then would
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  Speaker 2: intentionally cut herself. That may be what we're dealing with
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  Speaker 2: here in this woman who writes in she intentionally cutters
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  Speaker 2: her badly enough to go to the hospital. And I
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  Speaker 2: asked her one time why, and in a moment of candor,
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  Speaker 2: she said, nobody loves me. Nobody hugs me, nobody touches
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  Speaker 2: me in any caring way. But when I go to
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  Speaker 2: the emergency room, they care for me, they touch me.
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  Speaker 2: It feels good. It's some relief. And if we ask
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  Speaker 2: why did Judas kill himself, wouldn't the answer be wouldn't
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  Speaker 2: he say, I can't stand the pain of living with
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  Speaker 2: what I have done. In other words, he's seeking relief.
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  Speaker 2: He's seeking the lesser misery or what measure of happiness
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  Speaker 2: can be had by a traitor, which isn't much. Now,
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  Speaker 2: the implication of all that for marriage is not that
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  Speaker 2: you can hurt your wife if you're just trying to
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  Speaker 2: minimize your pain. Just wicked to conclude that the application
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  Speaker 2: is your wife is part of yourself. You always want
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  Speaker 2: to find relief from your pain and to increase your
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  Speaker 2: happiness in some way, and there are sick ways to
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  Speaker 2: seek it, but don't do that. Turn to Jesus and
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  Speaker 2: learn from him how to bring about the greatest happiness
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  Speaker 2: for yourself and thus for your wife.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, people hate their bodies every days, Paul well new,
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  Speaker 1: but even in self harm, people are seeking relief, non destruction.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you, Pastor John for diving in here. So a
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  Speaker 1: lot to think about coming out of this episode, and
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  Speaker 1: think you for joining us today. If you have a
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  Speaker 1: question to ask Pastor John, find a link to email
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: us and even find our complete episode archive and ask
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: Pastor John dot com. Every episode with audio in full
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  Speaker 1: transcripts available for you. Twenty four to seven. Well, God
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  Speaker 1: reveals his glory to us through his word, which ultimately
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  Speaker 1: leads us to the face of Jesus Christ. The transformative
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  Speaker 1: power of scripture doesn't just inform our minds, is meant
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  Speaker 1: to change our hearts, bringing us into deeper communion with
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  Speaker 1: God in Christ. Pastor John will explain how all of
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  Speaker 1: this works. Next time, Antonio Rinky, We'll see you on Thursday,