Latest / The Favourite Self Podcast / 27. Stop Downplaying Your Dreams: How to Own Your Success and Celebrate How Far You've Come

Transcript

27. Stop Downplaying Your Dreams: How to Own Your Success and Celebrate How Far You've Come · The Favourite Self Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Here's your reminder to stop downplaying the dream.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much power in admitting that it matters to you, admitting that you want it.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, taking the time to celebrate what you have already created.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Favorite Self Podcast.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think of it not as your future self or your best self, but your favorite self.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite self that just makes me feel the truest version of me.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: What lights your favorite self on fire?
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Carly Ottaway, founder, author, storyteller, and a woman who learned that building a successful life means nothing if it doesn't feel like yours.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is for women who are building businesses, raising families, leading movements, and asking themselves, is this it or is there more available to me?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is your invitation to come back to yourself.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let's dig in.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Before we get into today's episode, I want to personally invite you to something I have been dreaming about for a very long time.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: The Favorite Self-Retreat is happening on October 1st at the beautiful Wisdom Gardens Retreat Center in East Gwillenbury.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is a full day for the woman who can feel a new chapter calling her, the woman who is ready to reconnect with her deepest desires, trust the vision she has for her life, and step forward with the confidence to create something even bigger than she has allowed herself to imagine.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we'll create space to release the stories, patterns, and beliefs that no longer belong in your next chapter.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: But this day is also about so much more than what you're leaving behind.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's about remembering who you are, reclaiming the gifts, dreams, and desires that have always been within you, and becoming the version of yourself who feels safe, worthy, and fully capable of bringing her wildest dreams to life.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: You'll be guided through breath work, subconscious rewiring, reflection, meaningful conversation, and powerful exercises designed to help you clarify what you truly want and confidently step into what's next.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: This really isn't about becoming someone else.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's about coming home to the most powerful, expressed, and fully alive version of you and giving yourself permission to dream bigger.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: So if you know you're ready for your next chapter, I would love to have you in the room.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Spaces are limited and spots are already being claimed.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: You can learn more and reserve yours through the link in the show notes.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get on to the episode.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to another solo episode of the Favorite Self podcast.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have been thinking lately about how quickly something can go from being a dream that you are somewhat terrified to admit that you want to something that actually feels so normal that you forget it was ever a dream at all.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: We work so hard to get somewhere, and then the moment that we arrive there, we minimize it.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Does this feel like you?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: We move the goalpost.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: We tell ourselves that it actually isn't that big of a deal.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: We focus instead on who else is further ahead or what still hasn't happened for us yet.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's so easy to get into that trap.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is we become so familiar with our own lives that we forget to look at them through the eyes of the person who once dreamt them up in the first place.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes before we've even allowed ourselves to want something fully, we start downplaying it just in case it doesn't happen, just in case someone judges us for wanting it, just in case we try and we fail, especially if we fail publicly.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I am realizing how much we lose when we do that.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because your dreams deserve to be acknowledged.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: The ones that you are still reaching for and the ones that maybe you are already living without even realizing it.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Downplaying your dream doesn't actually protect you from that disappointment.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: It only disconnects you from how much it matters.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So today, I really want to stop and celebrate a few dreams of my own and talk about why letting yourself own what you want is so much bigger than you.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because your dreams, first of all, deserve to be acknowledged.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: They deserve to be celebrated.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not just the ones that you're still reaching for, but the ones that you are living now in this moment, maybe even yesterday, last week, a month ago.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to start off by celebrating this podcast because we have hit the six-month mark of podcasting, or we're just about to hit the six-month mark.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I've shared and published more than 25 episodes.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: We have thousands of downloads.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: We have hit the top 100 list in entrepreneurship many times and consistently hit the top 200.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I have stayed so consistent in releasing an episode every Thursday, even throughout the summer when schedules went crazy.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: But the best part is that I have been receiving messages from listeners who tell me that they look forward to the podcast every single week and that it's a highlight of their week.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And hearing that listeners feel seen, both in the interview episodes and the solo episodes, truly just brings me so much joy, so much fulfillment, and just reminds me why it matters that we follow through on our dreams.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth is, podcasting was something that I avoided for a long time, especially my own podcast.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I carried a lot of fear around using my voice in this way.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Recording a podcast really required me to trust that my ideas and experiences were worth sharing ultimately, that people actually cared, that they wanted to listen.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it has taught me so much about myself already in just six months and has stretched my capacity to be seen and heard and to use my voice in ways that I didn't even realize what happened.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I knew it would stretch me, but podcasting really has changed me.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it would be so easy for me to treat the podcast like another regular part of my work because the reality is it is.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's in my schedule.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: In order to follow through and build those habits to show up consistently, it is work that I have to show up to every single week.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: But six months ago, it was something that I was afraid to even begin.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm just being really mindful in the celebration of it to not lose sight of this because I didn't start this podcast because using my voice felt easy or even natural to me.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: For sure, I have come a long way in that, but I really started it because I knew it was time for me to stop hiding behind that fear of using my voice in that way.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if I only look at what this podcast hasn't become yet, the milestones I haven't reached, because yes, I have big goals for this.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is I miss the significance of what it has become already in these first six months.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's such an important reminder that something that once required so much courage can quickly become part of your normal.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that is actually exactly why you need to make sure that you intentionally stop and pause and take the time to celebrate it.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I'm doing this week.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I want, I have some more stories to share with you, of course, on this topic, especially when it comes to going from being afraid to use my voice to sharing in this way.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because I, when I think back, I remember how I used to be afraid to raise my hand in class.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was so terrified of asking a stupid question or getting the answer wrong and doing it in front of all of my classmates.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was terrified of people thinking that I wasn't smart enough, of people judging me.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And underneath that, of course, was this deeper fear that I wasn't enough.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is that hiding and keeping my hand down felt safer than risking that judgment from others.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, from a young age, I had this deep, I've always had this deep curiosity about other people and about storytelling and sharing their stories.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been listening to this podcast since the beginning, you know that I started off my career in journalism, and it really gave me this opportunity to use my voice while centering in on someone else's story and making them be the focal point.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I got to interview so many incredible people, Canadian icons like Margaret Atwood and Jan Arden and major CEOs and CIOs and CFOs of especially in the business technology world.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I got to interview artists and creatives and business leaders and world champions.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: And what I loved most in the interviewing wasn't just getting to meet these impressive, incredible people.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was the art of really uncovering what shapes us, what shapes them, what lights them up, what is their purpose.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love discovering what makes other people feel alive and what they have learned along the way through their experiences.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I love helping people tell their stories and see the power in their stories.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what led me to building the marketing agency Web of Words 11 years ago, because I knew it was such a superpower of mine to be able to be that mirror to reflect back, not only to help them articulate their own story, but to also channel that and reflect back the power of their story so they could actually see to believe how powerful they are.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: And what lights me up ultimately isn't just interviewing these amazing, successful people.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's that human story beneath the success.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's the part that I love so much.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And how quickly we recognize what's possible for us when we hear another woman tell the truth about what was possible for her.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we see to believe through her experiences and her win, her wins, the proof of what is possible for us in our lives.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because if she can do it, then I can do it too.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: So that initial curiosity and my love for interviewing and sharing stories really became the foundation of this podcast.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: I knew from the start I really wanted to feature incredible women in business and the stories that shape them.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to dive deep and explore who their favorite selves were underneath the covers, behind the curtains.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to go deep.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want listeners to hear these stories, hear these interviews, and recognize something within themselves.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to ask the questions that they are asking in their heads while they're listening.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be that channel for them.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's a part of that that has to really understand that there are no stupid questions.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is literally my job to help the person I'm interviewing share their story in a way that really connects to my audience and knowing what my audience needs to hear and the questions that they would want to ask.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that I think is a superpower.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, has been one of the greatest compliments that I have received in this process and maybe the most unexpected, which is funny because thinking back, I'm like, yeah, okay, that of course makes sense given my experience.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: But hearing from people, telling, hearing from the people that I've interviewed, telling me, and these are, you know, really amazing women who have been doing this for a long time, who have been on a lot of podcasts, sharing that this was their favorite episode they ever recorded.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And hearing from guests who tell me about how much they appreciate my interviewing style and how I ask the questions that they would want to be asking, and how just it makes them so much more excited to follow along because it makes the information so much more digestible for them and they can actually integrate it and actually take action on it, which I love.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wanted this podcast to mirror possibilities back to the women that are listening for their own lives, and that is the feedback that I feel like I receive every week.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm celebrating that.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I also want to celebrate solo episodes like this one because I feel like I've come a long way.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: I still have a long way to go, but that's not the part we're talking about today.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is that because of my background, interviewing other women felt exciting and somewhat natural to me, okay?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the solo episodes that felt the most vulnerable in really a completely different way.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because interviewing other women is what allowed me to use my voice from the beginning.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I started.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: But solo episodes require me to believe that my voice alone is enough.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: And in an interview, I can center around someone else.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: I can put someone else in the spotlight, which I love to do.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: I am really good at that.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: In a solo episode, there is no one else to hide behind.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: It is my voice, my ideas, my stories, my experiences, my beliefs, and also the belief that I have something worth sharing, worth saying.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that solo episodes would be what would really help grow my brand in a whole new way.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: I know that they are so important in building trust with you, with the listeners, and really showing my own authority in marketing speak.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I also knew they would help me grow personally and really help me stretch myself.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I wanted this podcast to transform me ultimately, not just promote me, but really transform me and my own identity because that's what I believe this is all about.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had to let it stretch me.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had to let it stretch my capacity to be seen and heard in a whole other way.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And recording alone can feel sometimes like talking into the ethers, right?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: You just don't even know.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm recording looking at a screen right now, speaking to a camera.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's not other people in the room.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm someone who really adjusts and moves based on other people's energy.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: So it can be challenging when I'm just standing here feeling like I'm talking to myself, even though I know I'm not, I'm talking to you right now, to you who is listening.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: But unless I'm speaking to a live audience, I cannot see anyone's reaction to what I'm saying.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: I might not know until it gets released.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it really feels like I am just talking to myself.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: But then the podcast goes out, and I hold my breath a little bit every single time, and the messages come in, and I receive a message from someone, a DM, a text message from someone who felt deeply seen by an episode.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: And everything just is worth it to me at that point.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: That makes it all so worth it.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I just think this is an important and powerful reminder of how courage can look so different for different people and in different circumstances and using different modalities.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes courage actually looks like speaking or sharing before you have any evidence that someone is actually listening.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: We all have to start somewhere.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: We all have to have the courage to use our voice before we even have the proof that it's going to make a difference, it's going to impact people.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's the hard part.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to my next point, which is around this invisible impact of showing up.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think it's really important to point out that your impact, as we know in business, is not limited just to the impact you can measure, just to the metrics.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we can see the download numbers, we can see the likes, the comments, and the messages, we can see the podcast on the top 100 lists, but there is so much impact that we will never be able to measure.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because for every person that sends you a message, there could be 10 or even 100 or multiple hundreds of others who felt something but just never reached out to tell you.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: So remember that for every person, for every person who tells you that your story mattered, your story made a difference, your post made a difference, your podcast episode, your email, there are others who are hanging out behind the scenes and feeling the same way and just haven't spoken up and shared it for many different reasons.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: So there's someone out there that maybe you don't even realize, or I know there is someone out there who you don't even realize that you have impacted.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: You have given her permission to want more because you admitted that you want more.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is so incredible.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the ripple effect, the sometimes invisible ripple effect that we don't even see.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: But by sharing your truth, you give someone else language for her to own her own.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we need to remember that not all of our wins are going to be visible to us.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: But that doesn't make them any less real.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: You may never know her name, you may never hear her story, but it doesn't minimize the impact that you had.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I always also encourage people to send the message, to reach out, to, you know, share the compliment.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: When someone's work has impacted you in some way, tell them.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because your message could be actually exactly what they need to hear to keep going.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: And how powerful is that?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: We are all these beautiful, powerful mirrors reflecting back at each other, encouraging each other, supporting each other along on this journey.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so much better and more fulfilling and more rewarding when we get to do it together.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, we also have to trust that when we are speaking out into the others, talking to the camera, not even knowing who's listening or if anyone is listening on the other side, we have to trust that the messages that we feel called to share.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Are going to be received in a way that we'll never truly be able to measure the impact of.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the what the messages we do receive in return only represent part, maybe even only a fraction of the actual difference that we're making.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: And isn't that really encouraging and really fucking cool?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think about this a lot when I have this moment, especially a lot this summer, while when I like tune in and remember when this was just the dream.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my most vivid reflections in this is watching my children in the backyard playing.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I've shared this, I share this on my stories quite often, if you follow me on Instagram, because it's one of my favorite things to just sit and watch my kids play in the backyard, whatever season, whatever the weather.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just love sitting there and watching with them.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, getting up and playing with them, but I love watching them because I'm watching them running around in the grass, playing under the big maple trees, jumping into leaf piles, or playing in the snow, or running through the sprinkler.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it reminds me of that magic of my own childhood, especially growing up in the 90s, right?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: When we weren't distracted by screens and we were playing around the neighborhood until the streetlights came on.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: And there's just this like really beautiful magic in that because there was a version of me not that long ago, at least it feels not that long ago, who didn't even know if she was going to be able to have children of her own.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was a very real thought and possibility to me, for me.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: And now my kids are, my daughter's almost eight, and my son's five, and I can easily turn these moments watching them play into just an ordinary part of our life.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember that these ordinary moments were once literally my biggest dreams, my biggest dreams for my life.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: And now they are my ordinary.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I do not take that for granted.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: And there's something so powerful about the gratitude that comes from, okay, yes, I guess romanticizing that part of your life and really seeing the beauty in it.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something that I love about social media too, and and Instagram, maybe in particular, because it is so visual.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: Being able to share these moments is part of the process, at least for me, of pausing to appreciate it and reflect on it and see it that way.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: And like, not that I encourage, you know, I think there's a fine line when you're documenting your life.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to be taking yourself out of it and still being present in it.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: But if you are using that documentation to actually let yourself slow down and pause and appreciate it, it adds a whole other layer to the beauty.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it really is like this power of remembering ultimately.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: You are remembering a bet this past version of you who would be so proud, so excited, so happy to see where you are now in the life and the business that you are living currently.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it really also is a powerful exercise because it is rewiring your subconscious mind at the same time.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: It is giving your brain evidence of what has already become possible.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it is helping you recognize your own capacity to create things, dreams that you once couldn't see clearly for yourself.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's such an important reminder that today's normal maybe once felt impossible to you.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if it was actually possible, then imagine what else is possible that you can't even see yet for yourself.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope this is your reminder to make sure that you don't let the life that you once dreamt about become something that you rush through without noticing.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is a practice of those little moments every single day.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: Remembering, taking the time to pause and remember how far that you have come ultimately is giving your brain evidence of what else is possible for you.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: And recognizing that, like, yes, okay, today, this moment of literally taking a minute to tie my kids' shoes before taking them to school, that's something that I years ago dreamt about doing, about having the schedule that I could, first of all, about having the kids to have the shoes to tie, and then having the freedom in my schedule that I could be there in the morning to take them to school and to pick them up from school, and to just have that be my everyday normal life.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the power of pausing to reflect and celebrate, because it's not just about honoring the past version of you, it really actually is also expanding your belief in what can happen next.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then that brings me to another story about this past weekend.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: My book signing at Blue Heron Books in Uxbridge.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: And this bookstore, if you are familiar with it, then you know the magic of this bookstore.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: But it is known as one of Canada's top independent bookstores, and it's very easy to see why.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Highly recommend checking it out.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: People travel from all over to come here, as I witnessed on this day.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it has also always been one of my favorite bookstores ever since I moved.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm it's only 30 minutes from where I live, and I love taking the time to go out and visit this bookstore in particular.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it was at the top of my list when I was thinking about where I wanted my book to be carried.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, there's also the incredible alignment of the name, where if you've read Coming Home or you know my stories and you know how symbolic blue herons are to me, of course, my book had to be at Blue Heron Books.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: What I didn't realize at the time when I had this bookstore on the top of my list was just how rigorous their writing process is, which I can completely appreciate, especially in the age of AI, when we know kind of just where the publishing industry is going.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important to have a lot of rules and boundaries around what products that you are inviting into your store.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: That is how they stay as one of the number one bookstores.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I was pitching myself and communicating and reaching out, I realized pretty quickly that they actually prefer to connect directly with your publisher first.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a big part of their process.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it took me almost a year.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think I first walked into their bookstore with my book in December of last year.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it took me almost a year of following up and checking in and waiting and then communicating like through my publisher, navigating long periods of not hearing anything, you know, that rejection, that feeling of rejection that comes from that silence.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Then to eventually finally get the word that my book would be on the shelves and to be invited to hold a book signing, which was so exciting, getting that email.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I quickly downplayed it.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of letting myself like really feel proud and excited, I started minimizing it.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: I started worrying that no one was going to come.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: I told myself, I've already held so many book events and received so much support from my community.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it's been almost a year since I've published my book.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: This was a new community for me, and I didn't know how people were going to respond.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then I also found out that the signing was scheduled at the same time as my daughter's soccer games.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't learn this until the week of because we don't get the soccer schedule until the week of.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so sad to miss her games.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: They are one of my favorite parts of the week watching her play.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was also really sad that my kids wouldn't be able to be there and that my daughter wouldn't be able to be there.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: She loves coming to these events with me.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: So when this was happening, I was like letting myself actually think, like, oh, maybe this is a sign that it's not meant to be.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, literally, that's what crossed my mind.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized that that was my own self-sabotage of that moment because I was actually considering canceling on one of my dream moments.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: And there was even a conversation that I had with my daughter when I was talking about how sad I was to miss her games.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, Well, what's more important?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: She asked me that.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: What's more important to you?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then it gave me this chance to explain to her that her, her, she is always the most important to me.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: My kids will always be my number one.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, sometimes there are these big moments around my own dreams that are also important for me to prioritize.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so she gets to see me and witness me prioritizing myself in those moments too.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: And what was really cool was my kids were actually able to come out to the bookstore after their after the soccer games and see me there.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: So she got to see again, and she's been a part of it before, but she got to see exactly what it was doing and why I had to miss her games.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's so important for her to see that proof of possibility too, and to also see like what's going on behind the scenes when I unfortunately do have to miss a game.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: Reflecting on this, like literally at the event or driving to the event, I was reflecting on all of this.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I was getting emotional.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I was like feeling tears coming to my eyes and then working on my breathing, knowing that I didn't want to just like have a breakdown in the car right before I was heading into this bookstore.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I realized that downplaying, I was downplaying this dream.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: And by downplaying the event, it was like it was my attempt to protect myself.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I told myself and decided to myself that it wasn't a big deal, then maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if no one came.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: But it was a big deal.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so grateful to have people in my life who remind me of what a big deal it is and can be those believers in me and be those mirrors reflecting that back to me, including Luke, who constantly reminded me of that leading up to this event and the importance of me being there and reassured me it was worth missing my daughter's soccer games for me to be there.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then also friends of mine who reached out and were able to reflect, reflect that back to me.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so grateful for that because we all need those people in our corners in those moments.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was, of course, a big deal to me.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: It was a big deal to my current self, but especially to the version of me who worked so hard to get to that point.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so close to walking away from something that my past self had spent literally years dreaming and creating and working towards.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: How wild is that?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then the coolest part is that it became my best book event so far.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: I met so many incredible people with incredible stories.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: I signed and sold so many books, and I also got these invitations to attend author events and to be uh the featured author for book clubs.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I had conversations with people who immediately understood the heart of the book.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that was also such a beautiful experience because I knew I was talking to my people.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: I knew they get got it.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: I watched their faces light up as I explained the core message behind the book.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it really felt like one of those moments when you know you're meeting the right people at the right time, which I always love thinking about because it really is that power of one, you know, one day, one event, one person, one connection that can open doors that you couldn't even predict, open to opportunities that you didn't even know were there, which is so beautiful and really the magic of it all.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm so glad that I followed through and was able to shift my perspective and have this pause, this moment to pause and reflect, because I almost let the fear make me abandon something that my past self had worked so hard to create.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can never know for sure what one event, one conversation, or one connection is going to lead to.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: And just make sure that you don't let fear convince you that your dreams aren't important or aren't worth pursuing.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now I want to get into the why behind why we downplay our dreams.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think the first reason is fear of judgment.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: We are afraid of being judged for wanting too much, or maybe for not wanting enough if we're comparing to others.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's this part about naming a dream and saying it out loud that makes us visible and vulnerable in a whole other way.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because it opens us up to the perceptions of other people who maybe think that we are unrealistic or self-indulgent or overly ambitious or it's too much or it's not enough.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: And we worry about what they think and how we are being perceived.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is that it is safer to be quiet, to be casual, to be chill about what we want.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not how we call it in.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: We have to be bold, we have to be courageous, we have to step into that energy of knowing what a big freaking deal it is, to quote my friend Sarah Lambert.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: We have to come in with that energy in order to step into the identity of the person who is living that life.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: The second part is that we think or maybe feel, whether it's conscious or subconscious, that minimizing the dream is going to protect us from the disappointment of not reaching it.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is a big one.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because if we pretend that we don't care, we can hope that it won't hurt if it doesn't happen.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or if we don't celebrate, then we can avoid looking foolish in front of other people or avoid, again, their opinions of us.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: But minimizing the dream doesn't actually eliminate the disappointment.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's really important to recognize.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: It only prevents us from fully experiencing the hope, the excitement, the pride, the celebration that comes from that.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: And when we have the courage to also share it, we are being mirrors to other people, reflecting back the possibility of their own dreams and helping them see what's possible for them, helping them have the courage to say their dreams out loud, to celebrate their dreams out loud.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're really actually doing our community a disservice when we hide and what we let the fear make us small.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then the other piece is that we normalize our accomplishments.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because when something becomes quickly part of our everyday life, we forget what it took to get here.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: We forget the courage that it took.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: We forget the hard work that it took, the blood, sweat, and tears that it took, and we immediately move the goalpost.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: We immediately think of the next goal and the next big thing.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or perhaps most dangerously, we compare ourselves to someone else.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what's the worst part of this is when we compare our beginning or even our middle to someone else's success on the other side.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or we compare when our circumstances, our level of support are completely different.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not a fair comparison.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: And compare this is when we realize that comparison truly is the thief of joy.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because if by comparing to someone else, you are downplaying your own dreams, you are not doing anyone any favors, especially not yourself, but also not your community who wants to be there to celebrate and support you and be inspired and expanded by you.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, you can be grateful for how far you've come and recognize that while still desiring more.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: One does not eliminate the other.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: One does not cancel out the other.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's another piece of this where we are uncomfortable letting people see us celebrate ourselves.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: This could really hit if you are someone who maybe doesn't like to celebrate your birthday, for example, or doesn't like to celebrate those little moments, let alone celebrating business milestones or life milestones online or in a public forum.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because celebrating can feel like breaking.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: Celebrating can feel like this showboating kind of energy.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: And we find ourselves actually waiting for someone else to tell us that an accomplishment is important.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: We are looking outside of ourselves for permission to feel proud.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: We're looking for that external validation that our own success is worth celebrating.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: Really, the importance is always the internal validation.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: When we are able to recognize internally what this means to us and celebrate it for ourselves and take the time, even if it just means pausing to have your favorite drink or treat yourself to your favorite restaurant or buy something that you love or sleep in or write about it in your journal.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: Owning a celebration requires us to decide that it matters, even if someone else doesn't understand it.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you do not need someone else to confirm with you that your dream is worthy of celebration.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is your permission slip.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then finally, this leads to talking about the cost of this, the cost of downplaying your dreams.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because the reality is when you downplay your dreams, you miss out on the experience of fully receiving what you've created.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: You tell the universe that it doesn't actually matter.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: So how are you expecting to receive more of that?
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: You disconnect from the version of yourself who worked so hard to get here.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: You deprive your brain of the evidence that you can really create meaningful change from the power of your dreams and your vision.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_00: You also make it harder to trust yourself when you're working towards an even bigger dream.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: You hide the journey that could give another woman the permission to pursue or have the courage to pursue her own dreams.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe most importantly, you become less present for your own life.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: So downplaying your dreams doesn't make you humble, but it actually makes it harder for you to receive your own life, your own desires.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: And when you refuse to acknowledge how far you've come, you are depriving yourself of evidence of where you can go next.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: To wrap this up, I think it's so important to name this part when we're talking about this, about how your dreams are bigger than you.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you name your dream, when you have the courage to say your dream out loud, another woman feels permission to name hers.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: When you have the courage to go after your dream and pursue it imperfectly without having all the answers, without having the certainty, you show someone else that she doesn't have to feel completely ready either.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: When you talk honestly and share your story truthfully, and you talk about the fear behind it, you remind others that that courage.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: And fear can coexist together.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when you celebrate yourself, you are modeling what it looks like to fully receive an accomplishment.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you are modeling to the universe that you are open to receiving more.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, your dream may be personal to you, but your willingness to be seen while you are going after it, while you are pursuing it, creates a massive ripple effect on its own.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we're not even talking about accomplishing the dream yet.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: We're just talking about pursuing it and being open to share your journey in that pursuit.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because sharing your dream isn't about making everything about you.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually about allowing people to see themselves and their own possibilities reflected in your story.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: And how beautiful and powerful is that.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I pretending to feel chill or casual about something that I actually care so deeply about?
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: What have I already created that I am treating like it's no big deal?
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: What would my past self be so amazed and proud to see and celebrate in my life today?
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: And just to wrap up, here's your reminder to stop downplaying the dream.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can admit there's so much power in admitting that it matters to you, admitting that you want it.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, taking the time to celebrate what you have already created and letting yourself feel proud without immediately qualifying the accomplishment.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: Take a minute to pause and recognize and remember the version of you who once hoped for, dreamed for, prayed for the life that you're living now.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: And trust that by sharing your story, you are changing what someone else believes is possible for themselves.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe to bring this back to your favorite self, maybe becoming your favorite self isn't just about having the courage to pursue your dreams.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's also about having the courage to admit how much they matter to you.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't have to make your dreams smaller to make other people feel comfortable.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: You get to let yourself want what you want.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: You get to let yourself celebrate what you've created.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: You get to let yourself be seen doing both.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_00: And there might be someone watching you right now who is only beginning to believe that she's allowed to want that for herself, too.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, I want you to name a dream that you've been downplaying or a dream that you've already achieved, maybe without actually letting yourself celebrate it.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: Write it down, say it out loud, send me a DM about it, post it on social media, or share it with someone who will reflect back to you and remind you that it is a big freaking deal because it is.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next week.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to the Favorite Self podcast.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode stirred something in you, there's a reason for it.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: You could take a moment to share with a friend, someone who's also building something brave, that would mean so much to me.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: Better yet, leave a review.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_00: It helps this message reach even more women who are ready to lead differently.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: And before you go, remember this your favorite self is already within you, waiting to be heard.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.