Latest / The Danger Zoo / Nav Underworld / Rescuing Haze

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Nav Underworld / Rescuing Haze · The Danger Zoo

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Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
0:07
Welcome back everyone to the Danger Zoo.
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The department of anomalous and non human genetic entities,
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Reconnaissance and zoological occult operations.
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I am Coyote the game warden. I am here with Pretty Kitty and
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Saudi. Hi.
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Coco, as most of you know, Hazy died in the last episode because
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he started talking shit and that's what happens.
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So now we have to go get his soul and put him back in a new
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body. Yeah.
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Hell yeah. For those of you that don't
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know, Hazy is Gypsy, like Czech Gypsy, so his religion is Pagan.
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So that's who we have to get a soul from is a God named Vales
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who is in NAV in a swamp and some of the souls there look
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like cows and that's pretty neat.
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But I sent baby Bird ahead of time to check stuff out for us
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and I had some good communication with him.
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He said this was the place we had to go to get hazy, and then
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we lost communication with him. However, when I sent him in
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there, I had him take a zip line.
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So he hooked it up from our world to that world by a zip
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line. So that's how we're getting in
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here. Is is that how it works?
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You can just ride a zip line across the planet.
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Have you never ridden on a zip line and experienced the
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euphoria of that? How else would you get to
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heaven? All right.
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Point taken. Yeah, I'll let that slide.
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Anyways, we needed a body. Saudi, you were in charge of the
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body. How'd that go?
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Yeah, I got this one guy, my my brother, he rents A crematorium
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and you know, I just asked for a favor and he gave me a body.
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So yeah, I got this guy insert me throwing the body on the
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ground and me not knowing who it is.
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Jesus Christ, that's Hulk Hogan. How did you get the Hulkster?
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Who? Who's that?
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Don't worry about it. Did did he come with a pink
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Cadillac or was it just him? Actually, yeah, there was a pink
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Cadillac in his dowry. I don't know why dead people
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have dowries, but yeah. Did you have to wrestle him?
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He's dead. Well, no.
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He was a he was a rigid cadaver in a fridge.
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Oh no, just wrestling him like one of those Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
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dummies and you're like, that's horrible.
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I swear he said brother was that when I picked him up?
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It's just the air escaping his lungs.
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It just naturally comes out. Brother, brother, this is
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horrible. This is way more disrespectful
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than I thought it was going to be.
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Oh, sorry, Hulk Hogan, but your body's going to a good cause.
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And I loved you as a wrestler. All right, back story.
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That's Jesus Christ. Valles, also called Volos, is
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one of the most ancient and significant deities pre
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Christian Slavic paganism. Bunch of gypsies.
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He presides over the underworld NAV, guiding departed souls and
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maintaining the boundary between life and death.
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Mythologia Valles is also associated with earth, water,
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forest, wind, no magic, trickery, livestock and wealth.
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Those powers combined. I am captain pregnant.
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Didn't he die too? Well, that's a lot of powers for
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one one God to have. It's kind of.
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It is better and it makes more sense than Poseidon.
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I want, I want the seas and horses.
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You're like, why? I don't see the correlation.
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He wants the horses too. What?
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Do you not know about Greek? You know what?
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That's that's a conversation for a different day.
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You're a you're a Pagan pretty Kitty.
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What the shit? I'm joking, obviously.
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I mean, you're not that Pagan. OK, As a psychopomp figure,
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which I didn't know what that was so I looked it up, It's
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basically a God that deals with dead people.
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He ensures that smooth passage of souls to the nether realm.
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Like from Minecraft. I'm sorry, that fucked me up.
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No, not, no, not that one. Not.
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There's no Ender Dragon here. No.
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Well, you know, it's funny. You should say that and you'll
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find out. Oh no.
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So he he ensures the smooth passage of souls to another
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realm. People once believed the dead
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grazed like cattle on the lush plains of NAV under his watch.
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Why do all these cows look so sad?
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Wait, what? Only two of them look sad.
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The others look all right. I mean, some people do not have
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good deaths or good lives. Actually, yeah, now that now
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that I look at the other two cows like there's two sad cows
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that are like Chud Maxing and then there's 2 like Chad Max and
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cows, they're just like the epitome of like bovine beauty.
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All right, all right. So Velesque stands in the
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eternal opposition to Perron, God of Thunder, in a cyclical,
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cyclical myth that embodies the clash of chaos and order across
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the cosmic World tree. So wait, we're getting into that
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stuff. So basically, we're here to get
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Hazy Soul back and shove it into Hulk Hogan's body and hopefully
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make a glorious new person. It's like sex, but more fun.
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Hell yeah. Yes.
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Oh, I thought you were talking about just in the dead person.
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Sure. OK.
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I was told by my parole officer I'm not allowed to do that
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anymore. Fuck, dude.
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Parole officers take the fun out of everything.
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Sorry to hear that. Mission setup, mission code
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name, Soul resurgence location, Swamp of NAV, Land of the dead.
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The objective is to penetrate the swamp portal leading to NAV,
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retrieve Hazy's soul from Velez and escort the soul back and re
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inhabit it into Hulk Hogan's vessel.
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But we're not doing that, we're bringing the vessel with us.
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That's going to be more fun. I guess I'm carrying it because
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you guys are like twink built. Oh.
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Yeah, you're definitely carrying it.
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So I'm going to be leading the way.
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You're going to be holding Hulk Hogan and Pretty Kitty.
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He's going to be in the back since he's our range fighter,
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our long range fighter. Oh yeah, look out.
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So under a cold silver moon, the team descends into the lowlands
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via a long, swaying zip line, the metal pulleys squeaking
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softly above the hiss of the wind.
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The landing platform is nothing more than a rotting dock lashed
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together with frayed rope, half sunken into the brackish water.
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Canoes wait there, narrow, black painted and silent as coffins,
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rocking gently in the current. The mist is thick and clinging.
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Jagged willows lean over the water like skeletal Sentinels,
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their gnarled limbs clawing towards the rippling black
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surface. The ripples move without wind,
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as though something unseen is breathing just below.
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The air is heavy, not with the chirp of crickets or drone of
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mosquitoes, but with faint murmurs, whispers threading
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through the fog in an ancient tongue no one recognizes except
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maybe Pretty Kitty. You might be able to understand
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it. Hell yeah.
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On the bank ahead, half buried in peat and Moss, Slavic rune
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stones protrude at crooked angles, etched with curling
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symbols that shimmer faintly in the moonlight.
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Each time the canoes drift to the shore.
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The light from those runes seem to pulse and rhythm with the
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paddles, heartbeats. The ground there is treacherous,
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sinking under foot into sucking mud, littered with the remains
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of long dead plants, spinely stalks, and skeletal leaves that
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crunch like bone. Every so often a pale, human
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shaped silhouette materializes in the mist, drifts silently
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between the trees, and then dissolves without a trace.
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The deeper the team pushes into the swamp, the more the world
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seems to hold its breath, as though waiting for something or
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someone. Luckily we're coming in a zip
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line, so we're not touching any of this ickiness.
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Nice. Hell yeah.
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But we are. We are coming real slow.
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I'm going to be the first one to land.
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I'm coming down nice and slow. OOP.
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I land here. What are you girls doing?
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You guys? You guys are about probably
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there's 100 foot, 100 foot separation between all of us on
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the zip line. I just didn't have 100 feet to
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show you. Well, I'm obviously going to
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keep riding the zip line to the end.
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Yeah, I'll do the same. Everybody gave me a look check.
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Did you have to do a look check? I did. 16.
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OK, OK, OK, sorry, hold. On I pulled up an old character
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sheet. Give me a second.
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The new character sheets are under stats if you want to click
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on those. I know, guess what I got.
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Net 1. A6.
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As you're climbing Hulk Hogan, his body slowly slips from your
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hands. You actually pull the whole
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Sylvester Stallone thing from the one movie where he's a rock
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climber and you're just like holding on to it.
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You're like, no. And then, and as this thing is
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falling, the air escapes it, and you hear one less brother before
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it's the swamp. Water, I dive in.
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I dive in after I like. It was a plan diving after the
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body. Give me an athletic check, baby.
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Let's go. 8. You go to dive in and you just
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flail, just falling right on top of Hulk Hogan's body.
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Hey, at least I'm with the body. For sure.
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I'm just hanging out on a body, guys.
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You just hear me go over the comms.
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Hey, what the fuck was that? The zip line just shook like a
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whole lot. You guys all right.
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It shook a whole lot because a whole lot just went on.
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I'm good. That's hot.
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Yo. What are you doing on the zip
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line? What are you wearing?
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I'm wearing fear because I'm fucking scared.
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I'm Catholic and I'm in a Pagan underworld.
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See, I'm Catholic and I have the opposite output out.
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Outlook God will protect. How far am I away from the
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ground currently you've. Made it to right above Thadi and
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that's approximately 40 feet above the water.
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Oh, so I can't grab them at all? Gotcha.
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No, no. What's happening, girls?
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I'm just going to slide all the way down.
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It's it's not that kind of zip light like we're having to pull
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ourselves across. No.
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I mean you could keep going for sure.
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Just give me another leg check and thoughty what were you
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saying? You know what's been stuck on my
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mind about that monologue you gave to set the scene earlier?
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What's that? Which was beautiful.
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By the way, do you even know what brackish water is?
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Yeah, it's a mix between seawater and freshwater.
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All right, good boy. I got a 15.
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Anyway, sorry, are you fighting for your life over here in the
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water, in the brackish water? No, I'm I'm floating on the body
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like I'm using it like a canoe. Oh, that's fair.
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OK, you float actually, pretty Kitty.
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What's your luck role again? 15.
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Oh, fifteen. Yeah.
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You come all the way down and you land right behind me and
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you're like, I think thought he fell.
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You could tell me if he fell or not.
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That's up to you. Sorry, I don't.
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I don't mean to put words in your mouth.
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Just. Whoa, yeah.
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So you're you're. Allowed to hit on him, but I'm
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not allowed to hit on you? You're allowed to hit on me.
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You can't smooch me, damn it. That's part of the game, so.
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So Coyote, I think, I think thought he might be drowning.
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I I saw him down in the water. He said he was fine.
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Meanwhile, off screen I'm using his shoes as paddles.
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Oh my God. Paddle towards you.
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Guys, you're straddling the Hulkster and you're just using
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his 26 inch pythons as flotation devices.
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You paddle across the brackets Water.
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Yeah, see, the image that I want to make is me emerging from the
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fog towards you guys like me, riding him and paddling with his
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shoes. What's that noise?
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You hear that? I just want you to know it's out
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of your paddling and the fog is starting to lift and you can see
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us but can't quite make out everything.
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But you see a flash go off and it's me taking a picture because
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that's probably the coolest fucking thing I've ever seen in
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my life. You make it to the shore.
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What are we doing, girls? Well, this Hulk Hogan guy, the
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way you guys responded earlier when I threw him on the ground
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to show you he he's like some sort of deity, right?
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Shouldn't he go in the throne in the center of the island?
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Oh, that's a great Essentially. Yeah.
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Essentially he is a deity. Especially to 8 year old me
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watching the Hulk Hogan cartoon. Absolutely.
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I love 8 year old you. Thanks.
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All right, let me do a medical check.
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OK. Yeah, he's not.
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He's not waterlogged. He should be good.
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Hazy. Might be a little moist for a
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while, but we'll see. OK so so can I put him in the
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throne? Yeah, go for it.
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OK, well, I put him in the throne.
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You drag the body over here to the throne.
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I grabbed the staff off the throne. 1st as you walk up to
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the throne, you notice the figure sitting in the throne.
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Oh shit, oh shucks. And this man is, he's not super
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tall, like he's taller than you, but you could tell he's not
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human. He's got horns coming out and he
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wears A robe and he looks very deity like.
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He looks very Percy Jackson and the lightning thief or whatever.
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And he just looks at you and he goes.
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Such boundless curiosity. Tell me, little ones, what stirs
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your spirits to wander here? I say, oh shit, another deity.
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What about this guy? You know this guy?
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And I hold up Hulk Hogan. The deity eyes you for a second,
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and he looks over at the partially rotting corpse.
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He goes. Holy shit, is that Hulk Hogan?
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That's a question for you. Sorry you made me choke on my
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beer. Can I?
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Try to like stare down this guy and get a read off of him by
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doing an insight check. So you, so you followed Toddy
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over here. Go ahead and give me an insight
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check because he is, he is looking at the Hulkster.
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He is mesmerized, so you roll for that thought.
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You can answer if you want. Yeah, my buddies say this guy's
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a deity, but probably not from my religion because I don't I
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don't recognize him. I got a told OK.
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We'll go one at a time. He looks at you, thought he He
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goes. He is a God shaped by pixelated
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dreams and plastic idols, sacred only to the generation who
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survived Y2K. And I'm behind you.
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And I'm like, that's me. This is one of my deities and
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I'm Catholic. I don't praise him above God,
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but I mean bronze is still a pretty good position.
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That's idolatry. No, that's fine.
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This is a fake world. What do you mean this is this is
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as real as it gets? What?
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I don't know, we're we're literally in a Pagan underworld
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right now. I don't know how to argue any of
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my religious points at this point in time.
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My reality is I'm just going to pretend all of this is just
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God's plan. Yeah, I think everything looks
15:53
pretty real here. I mean, I could touch you guys
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in the ground and it seems pretty real.
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Don't you fucking touch me. OK, what it what it what it
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pretty Kitty get on this inside check.
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I kind of. I got a 12.
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Pretty Kitty notices this is the less the God we are looking for.
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Hey so he he knows this God is here.
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He actually, it wasn't even an inside check.
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It was a history check for him. Wait, hold on.
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If it's history and lore I got a 14 then.
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Yeah, yeah, it's a history of lore.
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Because wait, is you have a religious one, don't you?
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What do you mean? There's faith in ritual that
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that's the same modifier. OK, yeah, you got a 14.
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So Pretty Kitty knows this guy from his practices.
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Because Pretty Kitty, also Pagan, he knows this is the
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less, and he knows that he's not normally aggressive and that he
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is here to watch Souls crossover.
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That is the laziest job ever. Hey guys, this is Villes.
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He's here. He.
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Probably won't harm us. He's a good guy.
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Oh. You're vias Nice to meet you.
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VIAS I didn't know you're Hispanic.
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The moment Pretty Kitty says that he's harmless, Villes looks
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at Pretty Kitty and just stares. Dagger and we can all palpably
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taste and see aura building behind him of just pure.
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If you've ever watched One Piece, it's like emperor hockey.
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We're all just kind of. So he ignores my comment about
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him being Hispanic. Absolutely.
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He's more upset that somebody called him.
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Wait, what did you call him? Pregedy Harmless.
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I said it might be harmless, but yeah.
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Yeah, deities don't like being called that.
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They prefer being called Mexican or being called probably off
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harmless. Yeah, he's a deity.
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He's not a Republican. Oh.
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Yeah, there we go. There we go.
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Anyways, he he, he settles down a little bit and he looks back
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at you. He's like.
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The lifeless vessel of a once great warrior.
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Tell me, what tribute do you intend with this relic of power?
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Oh, well, easy. My brother, he runs a
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crematorium and we need a body to put our friend's soul in.
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And he gave me this one and we came here to put the soul in the
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body. So yeah.
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Soul Chasers, always so eager to bargain with what they barely
18:27
grasp. Yeah.
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Yeah, you walk where the dead sleep.
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Souls are not freely given here. Well, there's a first for
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everything. True that homie.
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By what crooked path have you found your way to my threshold?
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We took a zip line. I I rode I rode the Hulkster as
18:57
a canoe in. I'm just standing behind you
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guys, like, I don't know what to say.
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I'm like. He brings a hand up to his
19:05
beard. He massages his beard a little
19:07
bit as he thinks. A zip line through the realms of
19:12
the dead. Mortals never cease to amuse.
19:18
Oh, we did not do that. We did not do that.
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That was already there. Give me a deception check.
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Let's see what Baby 18? He looks at you and he says.
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Do not be fooled by this vessel, even death itself bows to me.
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I wasn't lying. None of us three put that zip
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line there. Yeah, we have a friend, Baby
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Bird he. Look.
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Shut up, shut up. Shut up.
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Fucking kick pretty Kitty in the back of the leg.
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Shut the fuck up my leg. The deity doesn't seem fazed by
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this information. And the deity says to us.
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You speak of the little one, baby bird.
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He was already flailing through my realm before you dared to
20:06
step foot here. Never heard that name before.
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Yeah, I don't even know what a bird is, let alone a baby of
20:13
such things. And bad at playing stupid for
20:20
some reason. The deity raises hand, waves it
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and then disses behind us. Usually blink and I look back at
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our zip line is gone OK? Well, I turn back to Mr. Vaez,
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that's his name now, and I go, well, it's gone now, so no
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problem, right? He leans in, looking at you up
20:45
and down, studying you. Is he checking me out?
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Yeah, I think he is, yeah. Your choice is freak of
20:54
recklessness and your allies really worse.
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I'm forced to be here. I don't know what you're
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talking. I just pipe up behind.
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I don't know what what they're talking about.
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I don't pay them to be here. Exactly.
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You don't pay us. You blackmailed me into this.
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Technically I pay pretty Kitty, you're the only one getting
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blackmailed. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes
21:18
sense. While you're having to start the
21:22
shop on the side to make some money, the daily looks at you.
21:29
You seek a soul and yet bring empty hands.
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What offering buys the dead from the dark?
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OK, so option number one. Well, first thing that comes to
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mind. We can when we reanimate this
21:48
corpse, he'll still be pretty Hulk Hogany.
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We can have him give you an autograph.
21:54
The deity breaks his very stoic looking face and he's.
21:59
Like oh for real, that would be sick.
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If you let us, yeah. Very well, the pact is stuck.
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Oh, let's go. Seek your friend if you still
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remember he was shaking his soul, but trend carefully,
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mortal. This mire breeds teeth.
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You must find another exit because your precious tether is
22:28
severed. Should you reach the edge of my
22:31
realm, be warned, the gate is watched and the dragon hungers.
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Wolves. Oh yeah, no, no problem.
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I'll just take the way out that I came in, which is.
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On hold with hazy souls stuck in him, drowning.
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Yeah, all right, all right, sure.
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Fuck it. Send it.
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OK, so we got permission to go search for our soul.
23:00
Yep. We got permission to go look for
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Hazy's soul. Oh, let's go.
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As we go to walk away, the deity looks and says.
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Oh, and servants of the dying God, the cross you carry.
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Birds brighten this place, but heed by warning.
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Stay away from the Father and the Son.
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Their gaze is fixed the. Wrath.
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Close to the surface, it is the spirit you must trust, the wind
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that moves sideways, the breath between east and West.
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That path. Drifts light over dark water.
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Oh, OK. Thanks I guess.
23:42
Where the fuck that? Is as as we walk away, I like
23:45
lean over to you and I'm like the Holy Trinity is always
23:48
within me because I'm a good Catholic boy and I always go to
23:50
Mass on Sundays. That's right, just like Father
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John, it is always inside me. Oh yo.
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Moving on. I'm not.
24:00
I'm not a little boy anymore. I'm inside him, Yeah.
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Jesus Christ. That's fantastic.
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That's what that's what he said when you went inside him.
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Oh no. Oh, this all right.
24:13
Somebody do something? Can I take can?
24:15
I take this boat and try to go to the this one right here.
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I don't know how to. Mark it.
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So here's the thing, the reason I took your marker stuff away so
24:25
you guys have to describe the area.
24:27
So there's four canoes. There's one to the north of us,
24:30
South of West and east. OK, OK, well, I'm.
24:34
Going to go to the one to the southeast because there's a
24:39
human shaped cloud right next to that boot.
24:42
OK, OK, cool. So you head to the southeast
24:45
one. Are we splitting?
24:47
Oh, we're splitting up. We're splitting up.
24:48
Cool, cool, cool. I'll go to the West one then.
24:51
I'm. Going to the northwest, I mean
24:53
the northeast, sorry. OK, pretty kid.
24:56
He goes to the Northeast. Everybody make luck checks.
25:01
That's, Oh no, dirty 20. Nice 13.
25:07
I got 11. Oh, Dottie, when you get to your
25:11
canoe, it looks fine. It looks sturdy.
25:13
That ghost that's right in front of you doesn't appear to be
25:16
hazy. It's just kind of floating there
25:17
and disappears for a second. Pretty Kitty.
25:20
As you get up here to this little boat, out pops this
25:24
little amulet you see just sitting there in it.
25:26
I want to grab it. You sweet summer child.
25:32
What have we learned? Have we learned nothing?
25:35
Yeah. Literally nothing.
25:37
I got a Nat 20 for any role. Just give it to me.
25:46
All right, you pick up this amulet and you read on the
25:50
backside of it made in China, but it also says soul grain
25:54
amulet. Nice.
25:56
Hey guys I got a amulet. Are you saying this over the
26:00
radio or are you just yelling it?
26:02
I'm just yelling it. To where the deity can hear you.
26:08
It's all right. You see the deity looks back
26:11
around around his throne at you, eyeing you.
26:14
But you can. He doesn't seem too concerned,
26:17
he just seems wary of you. Where do we leave the body?
26:24
Oh, I left it with a deity because he's a cool guy.
26:27
Fair enough. All right.
26:28
What are we doing? Well, I'm going to paddle to the
26:32
next ghostly figure to the actually, no, I'm not going to
26:36
go there because that's a very feminine looking body.
26:38
That's obviously not he. I mean, Hazy's pretty skinny
26:43
with no musculase. Oh, shit.
26:45
You right, you right, you right. Yeah, I'm going to the the next
26:48
one down to the southeast. Right.
26:51
Your canoe paddles down to the southeast, and when you get to
26:54
that ghost, it also wavers and just disappears.
26:59
Can I tell if it's a woman or not?
27:01
Yeah, it's definitely a woman. You hear from the shore this sad
27:05
cow here. Not a sad cow.
27:08
Not a sad cow. Pretty Kitty, what are you
27:12
doing? I'm going to the island with the
27:15
cow on the right or right in. Going east right?
27:19
Give me a luck check. Luck one.
27:25
Nice, nice. You make it halfway there and
27:29
something just goes and you're you're beached right in the
27:33
middle of here. There's something underneath the
27:36
water doesn't that means brackish water When you put your
27:41
hand down there to feel around, It's a give me an insight.
27:45
Insight. All right, I got.
27:49
The brackish water reference makes me uneasy.
27:52
Inside. What could be in brackish water
27:54
thoughty? A lot of shit.
27:56
Inside is 5 doing great. Wait one.
28:05
Oh, that's not good. He's going to pull up a
28:06
character sheet right now. Yeah, you reach down there and
28:10
you feel a texture of some sort. It doesn't.
28:14
It's nothing you can think of, but it does remind you of your
28:17
uncle's fancy shoes he used to keep in his closet for church on
28:20
Sundays. Those are weird shoes.
28:23
Oh no. I want to yank my.
28:27
Hands. Weird shoes.
28:30
Does this, does this plane happen to be in a similar
28:35
environment as southern Florida, You know?
28:38
What it's got some, it's definitely got some Florida
28:42
feels in here for sure. Oh no, pretty kitties cooks,
28:46
dude. I take my canoe to the West
28:50
here, and then I come up to this little cow here and I'm like,
28:53
hey, yo, buddy, what are you doing?
28:55
And the cow turns around and I'm expecting it to move, but it
28:58
goes, hey, I'm Steve. And I'm like, Jesus, all right,
29:04
cool. You, you good, Steve?
29:07
Oh, man, I don't know what happened.
29:09
I was just drinking and driving, showing off to this girl and now
29:13
I'm a cow. Dude, Steve is literally me in
29:16
high school. Steve is not be drinking and
29:19
driving to fucking anyways. I'm like, oh, that, that sucks,
29:23
Steve. So you don't like being a cow?
29:27
He just like looks at me and he's like I'm a cow man, this
29:31
sucks. Hey, don't have a cow, all
29:33
right? Jesus, like I hate I hate you.
29:40
You know what? For that pretty Kitty, roll for
29:41
initiative all. Right.
29:44
Oh yeah, baby, I got a yeah. Fucking 18?
29:49
Hell yeah. Out pops a fucking Gator.
29:53
Holy shit. Good job, pretty Kitty.
29:56
I knew it. Alligator looks you up and down
30:01
and takes a snap. Oh wait, no, get your go.
30:03
You go first. All right, I'm going to try to
30:08
just shoot it in the fucking face, I guess.
30:12
Point blank that 20. All right, give me damage.
30:18
That's AD 6, right? Yeah, no, no, one shot 1 kill is
30:23
D4, sorry, 2 D 630 foot, I mean 300 foot for the sniper rope.
30:28
No, no, the D4 is additional to it.
30:30
It'll be your normal shot for your weapon, but when you get a
30:34
critical, that's when you add the other dice.
30:36
OK. So I just got 4.
30:39
Do you roll both dice? No, I just rolled the one the D.
30:42
6 So roll both. Oh, sorry.
30:46
I got A7. All right, so total of 7.
30:51
So you shoot this alligator and it goes right through his head
30:55
and he just eviscerates in the smoke.
30:59
Nice. Whoa.
31:02
That was pretty fucking lucky. I go over my radio.
31:06
Hey I just killed the alligator ghost thing.
31:09
I go over the radio and I go. I want the leather.
31:15
I go over the radio and I say, you do know what ghosts mean to
31:19
both of you, correct? Yeah.
31:23
To the background you hear. Quit shooting shit in my swamp
31:27
all. Right.
31:34
Who's up next, Donnie, I think you're up.
31:37
Yeah, I go talk to the other sad cow.
31:39
OK, you pulled around here to the sad cow.
31:42
Bust a boat UE AU boat UE. Wow, you really think you're
31:48
clever for that one, don't you? I.
31:50
Yeah, it sounded a lot better in my head.
31:52
I'm going to be real. Anyways, You walk up to this
31:55
cow. What are you doing?
31:57
Hey cow guy, how's it going? What's up, man?
32:04
What was that? You're sad.
32:09
You hear a voice come out from the cow and it's hazy going.
32:12
Oh hey, thought it. Shit.
32:15
What are you doing here? Hey, Mr. Cow, can you understand
32:19
me? You.
32:23
You see, his face goes from sad to just are you fucking dumb?
32:30
Oh, so you do understand me. I'm looking for my friend Hazy.
32:35
Can you tell me where he is? Hazy, the cow says.
32:39
I'll stomp you to death and then you'll be here too.
32:47
Oh, thanks. What?
32:50
What is happening right now? I I key the radio and I go
33:03
target located and then I go back to the cow and I go, how
33:06
about me? You hang out, little guy.
33:11
Hazy, the cow starts backing away from you real slow, like
33:15
he's super worried you've you've officially made a ghost cow
33:23
uncomfortable. I hold my hand out like you do
33:27
for a scared dog. I go.
33:28
It's OK, buddy, come here. I'm not.
33:31
I'm not. Don't be scared of me.
33:35
Oh with hold on, do a a persuasion check.
33:40
No way I got a dirty 21. Nice.
33:44
As you hold your hand out, you forget that you just reached in
33:47
your pocket and Hazy looks at your hand and he goes.
33:49
Oh shit, are these gushers? And he runs back over to you,
33:53
starts eating them out of your hand.
33:56
Can I pedal? Yeah.
33:59
Fuck it, I guess Hazy's not here to stop you.
34:01
So. As he eats out of my hand, I
34:06
feel the the cold wetness of his nose on my palm and I pat his
34:10
head. He he is a ghost.
34:13
So he you feel just mostly missed when you do that.
34:18
Well, I imagine it. OK, there you go.
34:20
I go to the radio and I ask, OK, you you located him.
34:24
What's your location? Like South southeast of Vayas,
34:31
the Mexican deity. Jesus.
34:33
OK, I hop back on my canoe and I start heading over towards you.
34:37
I actually head over here. I drag my canoe across.
34:42
Jesus. I get to the center island.
34:44
I drag this canoe across. I hop back in you.
34:47
Could probably use that other canoe as like a bridge.
34:50
I don't know. I look at that canoe and I'm
34:51
like, I don't trust that canoe. And then I come across here and
34:55
then I come up to you in Hazy the Cow and I see him eating
34:59
gushers out of your hand and I'm like, well what the fuck?
35:01
You have gushers. Please, please get on your hands
35:06
and knees and eat out of my hand.
35:08
I fucking won't do it, pretty Kitty, what are you doing?
35:13
I guess I'll go back to the island that I was on previously
35:17
with the the last guy. Give me a luck check.
35:22
All right, 19. Just lucky duck as you turn this
35:27
canoe around you, you canoe it, you boat canoe.
35:32
Don't try to make it work. As soon as you get to here, you
35:36
hop out and you turn around and you watch your canoe just sink
35:40
into the water. Oh, that's fun.
35:43
Hey guys, my canoe sink. As that's happening, I reach my
35:48
hand into my pocket and pull out more gushers and I hold them out
35:52
like I did for Hazy the Cow and I start shaking them towards the
35:55
coyote. I'm like, come here boy, come
35:56
here. I give you the finger and I pull
36:00
Twizzlers out of my pocket and I walk away.
36:03
Damn, hey, you got. Twizzlers.
36:06
I got Twizzlers. I really thought that one would
36:09
work. Don't know why you thought it
36:12
would. You didn't even let me roll for
36:18
deception. You're not deceiving me.
36:21
You've got gushers. I love gushers, but I'd rather
36:24
eat Twizzlers than gushers out of your hand.
36:27
Oh, you'd rather eat Twizzlers out of my hand?
36:29
I reach into my pocket and pull out Twizzlers.
36:31
No, stop trying to feed me. OK, well so I start like backing
36:41
towards the canoe bridge you made, but like holding the
36:44
gushers out in front of me to leave.
36:45
Easy, the cow towards the central island again.
36:49
Just leave easy the cow West across the canoe bridge.
36:53
He just follows. He like eats a couple.
36:55
He stops eat and you back up a little more and he just keeps
36:58
following you. OK, We we cross the bridge.
37:02
I'm right behind him. I got my hands out like I'm
37:04
going to push him just in case, but he's a ghost.
37:06
I can't touch him. You go, you get stuck, you're
37:11
going to push him to fall right through him.
37:14
I just go over the radio. Do you guys, do you guys want to
37:16
go cow tipping after this? Hell yeah.
37:18
Hell yeah. All right, we get him up to the
37:23
sorry go on. As we get to the central island,
37:26
I head northeast towards the Hulkster's body.
37:31
We get up there and Hazy looks at the new body and says.
37:34
Is that Hulk Hogan? Sweet.
37:38
It's about to get a lot cooler for you, buddy.
37:41
Why? Well that's that's more Coyotes
37:45
department because all of this this stuff isn't really my 4K.
37:48
Standing behind him, you see my hands burst into flame and I go
37:52
Shazam and I slapped the cow's head, making the cow turn into a
37:57
spiritual orb and it slowly just floats in the air.
38:01
And with my hands on fire, with my lava telos Manos, I grab him
38:06
and I go over to the Hulkster and I look at him and I'm like,
38:09
all right, open his mouth. I.
38:13
Open his mouth, no hesitation. Just wide, like Serpent open his
38:18
mouth and I shove Hazy's body inside and then the body starts
38:21
to shake and rise 10 feet above the ground.
38:26
And the dad, he's sitting there with popcorn in his hand, He's
38:28
like. Yo, this is fucking.
38:32
Cool that. Just want to get a signature.
38:35
His autograph, he's hyped. He's he's got a signature book
38:40
sitting in his lap already just waiting for this shit.
38:43
And a bright light happens and a weird mixture of what looks like
38:50
Hulk Hogan and Hazy appears a lot skinnier than Hulk Hogan
38:54
was. And you can see that it's
38:57
starting to change, but it seems to be like a slow process.
39:01
And the body slowly lowers back to the ground like a feather.
39:04
Hey. And that's all the time we have
39:08
for today's episode. Everyone join us next time to
39:11
see what happened to the hazy Hogan body.
39:14
Does Vaez get his autograph? Do I figure out what that thing
39:18
is? Does Hazy say oh?
39:21
What you're going to do? With the Hulka mania runs wild
39:24
on. You.
39:27
I can. Awesome.
39:29
I can't wait to get hazy in here and make him say this stupid
39:31
shit. Transmission lost.
39:39
Teen status unknown.