Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner’s Disastrous I Do Part 2

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Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner’s Disastrous I Do Part 2 · I Do, Part 2

• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Hey, they're folks, and welcome to I Do Partner two
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: and if you got love right the first time around,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: this podcast ain't the one for you, because this podcast
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: for folks who gave it a second try, third, even
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: fourth sometime your hosts include it. And welcome to this episode.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Sitting alongside my partner Amy Roboch here with TJ. Holmes
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and our guest today. Robes is somebody that I would
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: argue is probably he is, probably has a resume that
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: he could host this show. We could recruit him to
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: be one of our hosts of this show.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, because we are talking with the original the og
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Golden Bash, Gary Turner. He has a new book that
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: is out now called Golden Years What I've Learned from Love,
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Loss and Reality TV. And you are Gary right here.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: We're looking at you with the new love of your life,
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: your new fiance, Lana.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, pretty awesome.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Congratulation, Thank you so much.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: It's been wonderful.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: It's been wonderful and wild, I bet because wild, Yes,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: a lot of emphasis on that, because theres a lot
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: we haven't seen of your life, and we still the
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: things we've seen have been wild. So there's a whole
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: lot more to be told. But can we first and
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: foremost get this out of the way.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: What is the correct way to say your name? It's Gary, Gary, Gary.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: The main thing is the hard G Gary. So yeah,
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: if my mom told me I was named after Saint Gerrard, okay,
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: and that I had an Irish name, and technically it's
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: supposed to be Gary Gary. But yeah, you know, you're
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: kind of splitting here.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: And it's such it's hard enough to get people not
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: to say Jerry, right. You don't want to get too picky, right.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: And you know, ever since the nuns whacked me on
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: the head when I was in about third grade, I
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: answered it both and I don't make waves about it.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: It's always a big deal to get somebody's name right.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: And I think when people see it ge I throws
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: people off and they see it spell. But Gary, it
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: is good to have you in studio. Can we ask
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: for how's your health? How are you physically? Give us
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: an update on how you do?
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: Pretty good?
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Actually, you know, there's been no change. I keep going
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: to the doctor every six months and getting those blood
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: tests that I'm supposed to get, and as long as
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: I don't have symptoms, I don't have any treatment yet.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: That's fantastic, it is. And the prognosis. Have they given
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: you an idea about when treatment might have to start
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: at some point?
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: So typically a person can have this disease from three
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: to nine years before they need treatment. The problem is
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: you don't know when to start the clock. So I
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: don't know if they found mine in year three or
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: year seven. But I'm way optimistic, and I have such
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: a good reason to be optimistic now, you know, I'm
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: thinking I got a long time. How do you feel?
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: I mean, you look, I'm sitting here looking at you. You
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: look great, You're upbeat, good energy. But how do you
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: physically feel? The question is always how does a normal
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: seventy four year old guy supposed to feel? Because when
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: you know you have aches and pains, or you have
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: that little grogginess or whatever, it's like, is this normal
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: for my age or is this something else? I choose
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: to think it's just normal for my age. Guy.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I love that, you know, because I am a cancer
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: survivor as well, and so when you have anything that
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: feels off, you sometimes go to deaf con five like
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: you start to worry, like this is it? This is
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: the moment when my life changes and I get that.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: So little things are big things, and it's good to
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: hear you are taking care of yourself and you are
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: making sure you're being monitored.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Thanks, and it's good that you can relate to that.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: You kind of get it, you know, I do.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: I do. It's it's something that when you start RECOGNI
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: that you don't. Your health is the most important thing
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: you could possibly have, and you don't know that until
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: it's taken away from you, right, So.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: True that is is love helping your health. It's sure
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: helping my outlook on life. I would like to think
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: it transfers over to health. Absolutely.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: They say that all the time, right, you have something,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: your upbeat, you are optimistic, you have something to look for,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: you have years you want now, and that's different and
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: it can help health.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: That is perfectly said. Every day you get up and
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: you go, oh, I get another day with Lana. I
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: get another day of adventure and excitement. I mean, really,
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: we've known each other for getting really close to eight months.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: Every single day has been a riot, and every day
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: is full of smiles. I don't think I've ever met
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: a more positive, energetic person. She won't allow me to
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: get down.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: We can't wait to get into the book because you
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: don't hold anything back. But I do want to ask
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: one more thing, because I have to say, for anyone
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: who can't see your face right now, who's just listening,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: you are eminate, like you are radiating love and positivity
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: and joy, and it really is infectious and beautiful to see.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: So like, truly congratulations. You can tell you are happy?
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I am really exca.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: You are joyful? Can you tell us for people who
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: haven't been keeping up? Because you mentioned you and Lana
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: have known each other for eight months, a lot of
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: folks the last they've heard of you was you were
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: in the middle of a dealing with a three month
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: marriage that you were getting divorced from, and all of
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: a sudden, now you've got beautiful Lana in your life
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: and you're preparing actually to get married for the third time.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: How did this all happen so quickly?
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: Ooh, that's really a good question, you know. I like
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: to think that the show's premise worked, probably some divine
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: intervention in there that put the two of us in
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: the right spot at the right time. But I think
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: if you don't give up, you still keep heart, you
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: keep hope you keep humor in your life. Good things happen,
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: you get to the spot where you're supposed to be,
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: and you know, a little praise to above. You know
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: that helps a lot. So that's kind of where I'm.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: At with it connect those dots for us the show
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: and how it relates to you now, the divine intervention
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: you talk about that led to you being engaged.
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: Where did God come into play? I guess?
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: And getting from proposal and a marriage we all saw
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: to us sitting in a room now with you and
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: your fiance.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: So you know, the conversation that Lanna and I have
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: had a couple of times is look at all the instances, consequence,
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: ar mean, coincidences, everything that had to happen in the
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: right sequence for us to have met on you know,
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: March seventh of this year, to meet each other in
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: such a magical way, and it's like you look back
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: and it's like I wouldn't have been where I was
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: at had I not been on the show. She would
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: not have known of me.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Landa reached out to you via Facebook? Is that what happened?
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, kind of, you know, after I realized she
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: wasn't a stalker, I took her a little more seriously.
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: How long did that take? Did it feel?
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Stalker is for a while, About a New York minute,
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: not very long.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: So she reaches out, you realize that she's the real deal,
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: and how long before you actually met in person? And
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: then you realize she was the one?
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: So it wasn't very long. It was several days. You know,
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: there's no sense in putting it off, you know, TikTok,
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: TikTok when you're seventy something. And so she reached out.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: We kind of realized that neither of us were being catfished.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: And you know, from her perspective, I think it was
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: more than mine. She really wasn't sure I was the
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: real guy. In fact, to try and prove to her,
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: I went out in my garage and I took a
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: picture of my license plate in my car, and my
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: license plate is GLD batch Bach and I go, I'm
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: really the guy, and she goes, that picture could have
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: come from anywhere.
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: Who would do that.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: So, after we vetted each other it it got to
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: the point where I said, okay, let's meet for dinner,
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: because that's what she threw out. She said, really, the
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: only way you're going to convince me that you're really
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: the Golden Bachelor is to meet me in person. I go, damn,
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: I'm done. Then that's what we're doing.
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: Wait a minute, she reaches out to you and then
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: you have to prove who you are.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: What is that?
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: Does that make?
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: Thank you?
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: Thank you?
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: But okay, brought that up over all, Right, he's some
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: male based factor driven logic around here.
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: Yes, that doesn't make any sense.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what was that dinner?
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: Like? Oh man, I you know, I really can't overstate this.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: I was at the restaurant Vestibule a little bit early
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: waiting for her, and when she showed up, it was like,
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: oh my god, this is it. She's tall, she's elegant,
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: she carried herself well, she looks gorgeous, and you know,
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: the dinner was just amazing.
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: She showed up.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: I was so impressed. I gotta I gotta tell you this.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: I was so impressed because early on in the dinner,
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: you know, I had told her that I had cancer
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: and she looks at me and she goes, you know,
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I've already done the research. I know all about it.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: You're fine, that's not an issue with me. Yeah. She
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: brought a little plaque that said, you miss one hundred
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: percent of the shots that you don't take. Okay, I
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: mean she's presenting this to me at the dinner, and
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: finally she gave me a condolence card because my father
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: had passed away about six the days prior. So I'm
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: going this woman has really a nice heart. And so
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: she was clear with me. She goes, I have a
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: five date rule, so don't get too excited. And I said, well,
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: can I ask you out for the second date on
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: the first night? And I said, you know, after dinner
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: we go to dairy queen?
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: Can that count as two days?
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: She didn't go for it, but we did spend extra
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: time after dinner together, so it was I'm telling you,
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: it was magical. We talked, we realized how much we
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: had in common with our Midwest background and our beliefs
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: and our values and our kids. She has two daughters
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: and a son, and I have two daughters, and we've
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: mixed the families already, and it's hard to believe how
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: well they get along. It's pretty much a laugh riot.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: Isn't it incredible when you've had the perspective of things
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: going well and things not going well, going through heartbreak
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: and heartache, and then all of a sudden when things
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: line up, you know in a way you didn't before
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: or you couldn't have.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, that is so true, because you know, I spent
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: all of that time on the show looking for a
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: feeling and trying to force it and trying to create it,
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I didn't
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: have to force it. I didn't have to create it.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: It was just there. And it is like, I mean,
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: I'm sitting here right now, there's a little bit of chill.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: It's like it's really really good.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know you all can hear to our listeners here.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: There's sometimes I say this, sometimes I can hear you
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: smiling through the phone, and I'm sure if you all
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: anybody's listening, you can hear him smiling as he's talking.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: It is very cool to see to your first date
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: were you You mentioned the clock ticking? Right, you understand
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: the clock taking? What am I waiting around for? How
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: do you balance? I guess the clock was ticking while
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: you were doing the show as well. Do you try
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: to balance? Okay, the clock is ticking, but I also
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: do need to be in a need to be in
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: a hurry and do something because I just was in
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: a hurry and did something, feeling the pressure of the
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: moment and all this. So how did you still at
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: seventy four go, wait, maybe I shouldn't rush it, but
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: this is it and I need to get off the pop.
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: So on the show, I didn't have any control over
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: the velocity of what was happening. You know, that was
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: going to happen, whether I liked it or not, and
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: those things, the energy and the flow of it. But
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: back in the real world, once I got there, things changed,
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: and you know, I was very despondent after the divorce.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: I thought, man, after forty three years of success, I
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: did something that was a real failure, you know, and
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: I felt personally responsible for that failure. I'd failed myself
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: and my own values and what I believed in and
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: so forth. So it took me quite some time to
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: get over that. But once I put my mind back
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: on the right track and became more positive about things,
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: and then you know, Atlanta shows up, then it became timeless.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: There was no timeline involved. It was just one thing happened,
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: and then the next thing happened and so forth, and
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: really we didn't even think about the time lapse and
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: the age and all of that.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: You said something I know a lot of our listeners
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: and me as well, I would be curious to hear
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: you talked about the divorce, seeing it as a failure.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: You said it took you a while to get over it.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: How did you Because a lot of people do feel like, well,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I can't give this up because then it will look
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: then I did something wrong.
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: I failed in this. How did you get past that feeling?
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not even sure I have a good answer
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: for that. You know, you'd self evaluate, you'd go back
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: and realize, Okay, Fundamentally, the mistake I made going into
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: that show was that I was coming out with my partner.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: It was never an option for me to come out
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: empty handed, so to speak, that I wouldn't have my partner.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: That I believed in the vetting that ABC had done
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: with the contestants, and I believed in it everything that
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: was leading up to that. So I my own mistake,
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: the fundamental mistake, was not believing that I could walk
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: out of there without someone.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: Did you feel pressure to do that? Was it personal pressure?
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Did you feel pressure from the show, from the fans,
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: from the audience that was.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: Really a personal pressure. And then you know, there is
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: a chapter in the book that talks about drinking from
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: the fire hydrant, and you know, certainly that is a pressure,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: but it's something you put on yourself. There's such high
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: expectations going into that environment, and not expectations that someone
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: is placing on you, but from within. And you know
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: when you fail at those expectations at the end, and
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: you've not done a great job of evaluating your own
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: life and the love life that you've joined with someone else,
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: and I screwed up SoC.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: And I've heard had several people describe how you describe
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: the feeling you had either the night before you propose
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: and all these things, and it was what was the
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Heather was just telling us like you felt empty, even
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: like you're seeing during the proposal. Can you take us
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: back to for a second, because people get cold feet, right,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: it sounded like and you maybe you tell us, was
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: it beyond just cold feet and being nervous? What did
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: it feel like when you were about to make that
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: decision and about to propose. Did you just know this
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: ain't right? Or was it just normal I'm a little nervous.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: So to set the stage a little bit give us
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: some context. Remember, the night before I proposed to Teresa
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: was a very emotional night because of Leslie, And those
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: were the feelings that were really overriding everything else that
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: I had done the wrong thing, that I hadn't handled
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: the Leslie's situation properly. And I do remember how emotional
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: that was, and telling myself, Hey, you've got to get
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: your head straight because twelve hours from now you're going
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: to be standing in front of another woman asking her
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: to marry you again. Would you give me an Oh
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: my god, for me too?
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay, that's that's too much. It's like, yeah, oh wow.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: So it's really it's tough. It's really really a difficult situation.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: How much harder was it to be the Golden Bachelor
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: than you thought it was going to be?
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: Oh? Man, I never no one's ever asked me that question.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: It was way harder than I ever thought it was
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: going to be. I thought it was going to be
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: unicorns and butterflies and everything great, and man it was
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: it was work. It was work, And I don't mean
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: that in a negative way. I mean that it was
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: a job and you had to throw yourself into it,
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: and you had to give it everything you had, and
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: you had to go buy someone else's rules, You had
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: to give up control of your own life. There was
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: a lot. There was a lot, and but again I
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: go back to the belief that it was like, all
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: this is going to be worth it. I'm going to
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: find my person at the end of these episodes. I'm
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: going to be in the best place possible. And then
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: that doesn't quite get there.
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: It didn't.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: And then the aftermath, what was the public scrutiny like
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: for you personally?
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: Oh, it sucked the the you know, part of that
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: failure is I also felt like, in the face of
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: my daughters that I had let them down and all
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: the things as a dad that I had preached, you know,
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: all those principles, and then afterwards the the media scrutiny
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: was so critical and so lops I did. And that
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: was part of the beginning of the thought of the book.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: It's like, no, you're not seeing the whole picture. You're
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: not seeing this in balance. There was two people that
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: made this decision, not one. It wasn't like I imposed
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: my will on this decision. We talked about it. We
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: agreed that this is what was best for us, and
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: so yeah, I wanted. I wanted the whole story to
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: be told.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: But why did we miss that story in the first place?
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Is it, really, in your opinion, just the way a
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: couple of tabloids it takes off and you can't stop it.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Or was there someone feeding this machine, if you will,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: that storyline.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: That would maybe be for someone else to judge other
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: than me.
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: Oh no, we got you here, so you.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: I think there were some influences that allowed it to
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: go that way. And you know, that's where I felt
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: quite a bit of betrayal. You know, Teresa and I
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: the day before we were interviewed with Juju Chang and
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: announced that we were going to be divorced. We solemnly
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: agree that we're going to look out for each other,
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: and I think that was the noble thing to do
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: on both of our parts. Part of that agreement was
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: that neither of us would put out a unilateral statement.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: ABC suggested that would be a very good idea, just
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: stay quiet. Forty eight hours later, Terrace is putting out
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: a public statement. Boy, and I'm going come on, that's
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: not what you know, that's not in our best interest,
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: our mutual best interest.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: There you go, mutual?
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah, did you get a heads up the other state
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: was coming on?
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: No? No, no, huh no. So I really thought we
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: had set the stage as best we could to weather
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: the storm, take the blows, and then move on. And
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: then it turned out that wasn't the way it happened.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: And as we know, just from being members of the
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: media and certainly having our own firestorm of stories being
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: written about us that weren't true at all, once that
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: train leaves the station, it's almost impossible to stop it.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: So a lot of folks believe your divorce with Teresa
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: was because of your cancer diagnosis. There's a lot of
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: finger pointing. Can you clear up? And I know you
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: do in the book, but for the listeners right now,
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: and the details are there and they're fascinating. Why did
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: you and Teresa get divorced?
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Well, when real life hit us and on the show,
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: you know, she had mentioned in that last dinner before
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: the Fantasy Suites that when she found the right guy,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: she was ready to quit her job. That really changed
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: my thinking about her because before that I had always
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: wondered about that particular factor because I wanted to travel
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: and I wanted to adventure, and I knew that I
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: was getting to the later parts of the fourth quarter
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: of my life, and I wanted to capture a lot
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: of the things that I was never able to do.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: And so then after the show was over and we
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: get into our conversations about marriage and what's going to happen,
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: and she continued she would continue to go back to
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: the statement that I want to work for another year now.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: To a guy twenty five years old, another year may
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: not seem like march to a guy like seventy five. Again,
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: I gotta go TikTok, TikTok, TikTok. What percentage of my
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: remaining years is another year? And so that became a
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: real point of contention. We worked on where we could
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: possibly live, and she was pretty outspoken about not liking
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: the Midwest and Indiana at all, and quite honestly, I
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: wasn't a big fan of New Jersey. I thought it
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: was a great place to go and spend some time,
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: but I didn't want to be a personal or permanent
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: person for there.
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: And you're not alone.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: We get it's New Jersey. I love you New Jersey,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: but it's not the first time we've heard.
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: Something like that.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: So that's that was really where it began is that
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: I looked at the things that I had expected not happening,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: and that ven diagram, that ven diagram has no overlap. Okay,
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: she's either working or she's able to travel, and it
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: didn't happen.
• 22:11
  Speaker 5: That was just the beginning.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, I just made me think about my dad,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: who's been talking about retiring for the past ten years.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: I'm going to retire, and literally it has been a
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: decade and he is not getting any younger. He's seventy eight.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Did you think it was possible? Again, we're talking about
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: one year. Some people might hear that and say, well,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: you can't handle a year if you love her, blah
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: blah blah. Was that the concern? It sounds like that
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: was the jumping off point to many other issues.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: It was. It was, quite honestly, And you know, you
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: look at some of the things that you value, and
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: I guess my definition of intimacy and the sharing of
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: feelings and the sharing of planning and the joy of
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: food and all these things were absent. And it's like,
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: so when you crystallize one point and you start thinking
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: about all these other things that don't quite work. To me,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: I was led to an inevitable conclusion of how that
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: was going to play out.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I was about to ask you to give some advice
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: to other people out there who, look, you had to
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: make a pretty brave choice, one to get married and
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: then to get to think that I can still This
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: isn't what I should be doing, even at this age,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: and I don't have to settle. There are a lot
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: of folks in their thirties, hell late twenties, forties, been
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: in marriages for a long time, who have this feeling
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: there's nothing else out there for me. I need to
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: stay here. I'm embarrassed to do this. What would you
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: say to those people? A lot of them we have
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: in this core audience here. I'm not encouraging people to
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: go run out and leave your marriage. I'm not saying that.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: But there are some people who are in positions like
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: you were, who don't take what many would see as
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: a brave and courageous step to get out of something
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: so that you could have a better, fulfilling, happy life.
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: What do you say to those people facing that kind
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: of challenge.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: So that's a really, really good observation. I think the
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: whole setup that you gave that question is really on point.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: When you commit yourself to a relationship and Lant is
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: sitting right here and it's like, it's so great to
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: work on that relationship and it's rewarding and fulfilling, but
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: they're not all going to be good days, and there's
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: going to be days where you have to say, I
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: got to work on this. You know, we've found an
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: area we need to resolve a conflict or friction. And
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: if you've done all that work and you have to
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: do it over and over and over again, all of
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: a sudden, you got to go. Life is supposed to
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: be joyful. I mean, really, I believe that life is
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: supposed to be joyful. We always have to pay our dues,
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: we have to work, we have to do the things
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: that are necessary. But we find joy in our kids,
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: in our relationships and all the things we do, our activities.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: And if you're not finding joy, you need to change
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: something thing. And if you look at yourself and you go,
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: you know what, I'm pretty happy with who I am.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: I don't think I need to do the changing. I
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: think my environment or my circumstances is what needs to
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: be changed. Do the right thing, the right do the
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: courageous thing. And once you decide, don't freaking drag your feet.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: That's That's one of the things that I feel strongly
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: about is when you know you've made the right decision,
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: follow through on it.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Wow, that is really from a personal standpoint, that is
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: wonderful to hear. We talk a lot about relationships here.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: We dealt with a lot in our own relationships. Look,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: we got four divorces between the two of us sitting here,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: and so to hear that is encouraging and we will
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: take every time we come in here robes these podcasts
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: turn into something else. We have one plan to talk
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: about a book, and all of a sudden we have
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: a therapy session and we walk out of here better
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: people than we were when we walked in. So personally,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: thank you, we really appreciate it.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: And it's your willingness to share your story and to
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: be vulnerable and to be transparent that really does help
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: other people who are on similar or adjacent paths, who
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: feel shame or feel like they can't do what they
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: want to do, or don't feel empowered to see and
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: hear your story matters.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: Oh and we are just getting started with mister Turner.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: We got so much more to get into with him
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: that you know what, we thought. We'd split this up
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: into two conversations, so please make sure you tune in.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: We will be posting another part two of our conversation
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: with mister Gary Turner