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An Unlikely Affair: The Red Flag Warning You Needed · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi Amber, Hi Lelah, Welcome to an unlikely affair. Hey babe,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: it's La La Ken, Hello Amba.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Hello, gorgeous bitch.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: Ooh she's a spicy lady today. Can I just tell you?
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Utah kicked my ass to the point where I drove
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: all the way to the studio this morning. I had
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: my trainer come at like six thirty because I was like,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: then I gotta put a face on. I got to
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: get to the studio by ten, and it's gonna be
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: rush hour.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: It's gonna be crazy.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: It took forty five minutes to get there, and I
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: knock on the door and I'm like, I just have
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: this gut feeling that no one's inside.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: Oh no, pl I'm like, it's on zoom today.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Hun.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: They're like, yep, we're almost ready for you.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm gonna need about fifteen because
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: I gotta get home.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I'm also boy crazy right now, So I think that
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: also is playing a part.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Oh oh god, I feel like we need to catch up.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: We haven't had a minute to catch up because you've
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: been gone.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: Are you still talking to that guy?
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Good?
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Wait did he come out. He came out for Valentine's Day.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: He no, he didn't come out for Valentine's Day. I
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: was solo on Valentine's DA, which was actually really beautiful,
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Like I almost needed that experience, Like I feel like
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: this was nothing. I laid in bed, that's it.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: And you had Riley.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Riley ended up going over to a girlfriend's house and
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: they had like a Gallantine's and she spent the night.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: And so I went to brunch with Autumn and the
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: baby Leo and Riley came with us and then we
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: hung out and that's it. I think Autumn and I
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: ate like an early dinner because she goes to bed
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: early with a baby. And I came home and I
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: turned on TV, and at first I was like, you
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: know when you're like you feel like you're going down
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: the rabbit hole and you like are starting to get sad,
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: and you're like, Nope, not doing that, Yeah, nope, not
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: doing that. And I was like, yeah, dude, you're good.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Just I said, you know what I'm for. Just imagine
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: this is your last Valentine's Day alone for the rest
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: of your life. And I was like, oh, well, in
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: that case, I'm gonna lighting a candle.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I know. But also Valentine's Day is such oh, like
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: you think about it, and it's all of these men
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: who on the day of Valentine's Day, remember it's Valentine's Day,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: and they're all going to Trader Joe's getting flowers heart jewelry.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: That is so tacky, but they have to have something.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: And it's just it's actually for me when I go
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: out and about it's a reminder that like we're the
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: last things on our man's mind most of the time.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you to show up every fucking day
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: and you get Valentine's Day off.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: How about that?
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I actually love that I did, because to be honest
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: with you, I actually don't love Valentine's Day. I don't
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: like it. It's too much pressure. It's like it's almost
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: like Christmas. It's like Christmas in a way. That's why
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I've always loved Tonica because it's like eight days of
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: like presence every day and the kids appreciate it. Where
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: it's like Valentine's Day is there's too much pressure, and
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: as a woman, what do you get a guy? And
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: then you feel bad and then you're like, well if
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: he didn't get me, like, it's just not my favorite holiday.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: It's right up there with Halloween.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, don't even get me started on Halloween hate a theme.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: But also I my love language, which I want, I
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: want to know yours. My love language is quality time, touch,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: and words of affirmation. Those are my top three. So
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: you're when you're talking about Valentine's Day and it's all
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: about like getting her a gift and taking her to
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: a nice dinner, I'm like, those are things that, like
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I they don't speak to me. This holiday is not
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: for me. But it's also Eastern's birthday, so it's never
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: it's on Valentine's Day. His birthday is on Valentine's Day.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Oh that's so cute.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: It's cute, but it's also really hard because when you
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: want to take it out to dinner, you can't.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: M Yeah, well that's exciting because for him, he gets
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: to spread his birthday out over like a few days.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: Totally.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about red flags and also intuition because
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I feel like you and I are finally in a
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: place where we want to trust our gut, and for
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: so long I silenced my gut, which, by the way,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: my gut is working now because I you said something
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: to me. I think it was a couple of weeks ago,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: right before San Francisco, and I was saying to you,
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: I was like.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: The band aids.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Remember I had gone to the doctor and you picked
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: me up and I was like, damn it, I knew
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I should have brought a band aid And you said,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: that is your gut.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: You need to listen to it.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: So I went to a gender reveal in Utah, and
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: my gut I usually go against, and I felt that
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: it was a boy. So I went against my gut
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, my gut is always wrong. I'm going
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: to go girl. It was a boy, and I was like.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, my gut is working. I'm gonna listen
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: to her.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, isn't it so powerful? Like it's like this small,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: subtle like nudge.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah right, it's not.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: Like I feel like anxiety shows up very differently. But
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: when your gut is really trying to tell you something,
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: or it happens so quick in like two seconds, and
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I should I should probably bring this
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: and you're like, oh my god, I cannot, Like you
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: just ignore those lit It's like nanoseconds of this like
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: little whisper and you're like, oh, man, I should have listened.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: That's your gut, I know.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Can I ask you what are like, what are the
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: main red flags for you? When you're talking to a guy?
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Well he used to not know what a red flag is.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Well, I think based off of both of our situations
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: we loved, we gravitated toward a red flag.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean we've made this stoke before, but it's
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: like painting the red flag screen and it's true, it's
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: really really true. And it's just that just goes back
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: to not listening to my gut. When I've been dating,
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: I really pay attention to do they open the door,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: do they what side of the street they walk on? What?
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: You want him on this side of the street where
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: the street is, like, if you're on.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: The side, yeah, because if something happens needs you to
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: be taken out first, he needs to go, he needs
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: to go first. If you're at a restaurant, how he
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: interacts with the waiters. I was on a date, tell
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: me everything, and he was so rude, so rude to
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: the waiter. I was like uncomfortable, Like I actually wanted
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: to apologize and I'm thinking, you're a grown man, a
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: grown man like, and you're being rude his attitude not
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: using Like it's my biggest pet peeve. If you go
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: to a restaurant and you don't say may I or
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: like please and thank you, you have to realize, like, yes,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: you're sitting down and you're being served at a restaurant.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: But these people are humans, Like they're not They're they're
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: human beings. So like the most you can do the
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: bare minimum is like treat them well. Like I feel
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: like we've all like just like the bare minimum in
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: life should not be the bare minimum we're what we're
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: seeing out in the world, especially when it comes to
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: like green flags and like just in general. So for me, definitely,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: when I go on a date, I just want someone
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: just to be kind, generous, a gentleman, like just like
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: og kind of courting. I guess you would.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Say, Okay, I like this, you know, I would say
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: a red flag for me that that is also a
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: super huge trigger is being secretive about whatever it is
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: we have going on. Like if I'm talking to a
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: guy and there is an element of like I don't
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: want my business out there, I immediately I'm like this
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: is a red flag because why Like, I'm not saying
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: that you need too, I'm not saying that you need
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: to share every detail about us speaking, but to make
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: that blanketed statement of like I don't want people knowing
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: my business, okay, well that.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: You're keeping this a.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Secret, and I'm gonna need to know why, like you
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: wanting you wanting the details and the ins and outs
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: of like us talking or us dating. You want that
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: to be kind of like between the two of us. Cool,
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: But if I'm rolling over to your house your apartment
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: because you don't want to be.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: Seen, we have a huge problem.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: It happened with the guy who I talked about last
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: episode through the FaceTime with the kids. When we first
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: hung out, we were in the elevator together and he
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: was like, we get to the room and he's like,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: I got nervous, and I was like I immediately frozen.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I was like, why why'd you get nervous? Like you
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: being seen with me? Because we had a problem. He
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: was like, are you triggered right now? He called this
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: seems like a trigger. He was like, it has nothing
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: to do with you. Those people were talking about the
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: game reminded me that I play this weekend, I got
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: nervous nothing to do with you, and I felt myself
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: get like I've done.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: That's some PTSD right there.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a big from your ex. By the way, my
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: ex you had him last. I don't claim him.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: At all at all, in any capacity.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: He is yours, all yours. Oh now he's mine.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: Now he's mine. Okay, okay, okay. So that is also
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: a huge red flag when you're hiding someone. And listen,
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: when you're you're dating early on, sure, you may be
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: dating four or five other people, right, I'll never forget.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: When I eloped, he looked at me and said, we
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: can't tell anybody what And I said, huh. He said,
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I don't. I just don't want anyone to know because
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: like I have a dream of having this like big wedding,
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: and like I know we did this like this way,
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: and I always thought I didn't listen to my gut,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: he's hiding something. I mean, that's the extreme. Guys, like
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: that doesn't happen, that doesn't typically happen.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: But that's the reason for the trigger for you. That's
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: that's obviously monumental. I mean, that's like the biggest secret
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: of life to be like we just got married, and like,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: don't tell anybody. That's so strange, but that that for
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: you created a moment that you would forever carry. And
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: now anytime someone wants to be secretive that it takes
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: you to a place of that moment being triggered.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Well, I won't do it. It's like a weird thing.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: I don't think, by the way, I don't even think
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: I've ever been in that position where someone said, hey,
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: let's not talk about our relationship.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I was seeing this guy. I was seeing this guy
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: and I was with my girlfriends and he was like,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: you know, come over when you're finished. I was like, great.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: He texts me, I'm on my way there. He like
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: calls me a car. I'm on my way there, and
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: he says to me, where did you tell your friends
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: you were going?
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: I was like, uh, to come see you, and he
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: was like he got all.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Funny about it, and I was like, let me be
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: very fucking clear, You're not Lebron James by any means,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: and you never will be, so shake that off. And
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I'm certainly not someone. I'm certainly not kim k. Like
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: no one's given a fuck about the two of us.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: And then I pull up to his house. He's like,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: let's talk about this. When you come in, I literally
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: like re requested that same uber. I was like, I
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: get out of the car and this one. I'm like,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: please take me back to the city. He's like, you
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: didn't even stay. I was like, let me be very
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: fucking clear with you right now. I tell my friends
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: where I'm going because I'm not a secretive person. And if,
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: by chance you choose to murder or me and dump
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: my body in the Hudson, I'm going to need my
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: friends to know you were the last person to see me,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: all right. And I never spoke to him again. I
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: was fucking furious.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Good for you, good for you.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Get off my jock anyway. I've had a lot of
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: those experiences.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: That's what Hollywood does to people. And you could be
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: an athlete, right, it doesn't matter, Like when I say
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Hollywood la. It just makes people. And I'm sure it's
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: like this in New York too. It just it just
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: breathes a different type of person. Everyone thinks that their
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: shit doesn't stink and that they're the most important person
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: in the fucking room.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: I know, and then it makes me crazy.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Thing through and say you're you ain't shit and either
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: no one cares what we're doing. A lot of stuff
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: going on in the world. People don't care about us.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: No, no, look at the DJ doesn't even care about
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: the Epstein files anymore. No one gives a shit. I
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: don't did you have to bring that up? But I
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: had to.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: They don't care.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: No, the DOJ said they're done. They're done.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: What are you talking about. They're not going through it.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: They're not going to release the rest of the Redact anything.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Oh no. The DJ is like they're totally just like
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: covering up everything. Now, I mean they were that. You
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: got this impression that they weren't going to This is
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: like a ted talk What is happening to basically show people,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: this is how you fucking hide criminals that our politicians
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: who are have some sort of notoriety or running a country.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Right anyways, that's a fucking red flag right there.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: And here's the other thing is there have been many
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: times that I and we've talked about this a lot.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I have not been dating. I would say the last
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: time I dated was literally like nine months to a
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: year after I left your ex After that, I noticed
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: the toxic meant were still latching onto me, and I
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm either done dating. So even the guy
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: that I just said with the hiding, it was like,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: there's nothing to hide, like you and I are fucking.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: That's as That's as as far as this goes go.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: Fuck whoever you want. I don't care.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: But I have so many people saying to me, you
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: got to get over it, meaning my time with your ex.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: You got to get over it. You have to move on.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: I refuse to call him anything except your ex.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. If you don't want to claim him, we
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: can refer to him as whatever you want, but he
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: I will not claim that anyway. It's not that easy
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: to get over. And without saying too much, it's the
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: shit that we're seeing with the Epstein files, a lot
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: of covering up and doing all of these things that
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I experienced, and it was wild.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: The cheating, don't give.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: A damn as long as you're fucking someone who ain't
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: me great. It was everything else that I am so
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: scarred by. And yeah, it's going to take a very
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: special person to get me to put my guard down.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: And I will always have my guard up to some degree.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: But you know what, I'm actually very hopeful that's that's
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: going to It's going to become more normal than it
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: is right now.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: It's not about putting yeah but really fast. It's just
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: not about putting your your guard up. It's just being
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: aware and listening to that voice that we talked about,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: your intuition, that gut feeling. Okay, green flags, let's do this, baby,
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: let's fucking go.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: Tell me your green slags.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: I have five, I've written down five that I mean,
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: I'm sure there's more, but number one. Okay. They make
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: plans in advance. I love that.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, I love that too.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: I want something to look forward to. I don't like
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: it when you go on a date and if it's
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: not gonna It's like, if there's no chemistry, it's one thing,
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: but if it's clear that both people have chemistry and
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: they don't say i'll call you later though, like you
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: want you, I think just to regulate. I mean I
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: should probably be regulating my own nervous system, but like
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: you just want to know, like, hey, that was really fun,
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: like I would love to see you again. Simple.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, you can regulate it, but also someone coming into
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: your life needs to Like when we talk about green flags,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: some of my green flags would be like unimportant to
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: someone else. Like the green flags are are obviously that
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I want you to be like a good human, but
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: also green flags for me are things that what is
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: it that makes me.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: Feel comfortable in whatever it is that we're doing?
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Right? Yeah, I mean, don't you love having someone that
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: kind of like makes a plan something you look forward
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: to in life in general? Yeah?
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: And it also makes me feel like I'm important to this.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I'm important enough to plan four. Yes, and I that
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: you are taking me into consideration well before we go
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: and see each other. The guy that you're talking to,
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I love that he makes the plan, Like you can
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: tell that you have been on his mind and he
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: is teeing up like he he's he's seeing you with
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: intention And at this stage in the game, in our thirties,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: mid thirties, you gotta be intentional one hundred percent.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: He's really really good at them, and that makes me
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: feel really good. Number two, consistent communication. You don't need
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: to talk to the person every single day, but consistent communication,
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: like we have our phones on twenty four to seven. Yeah,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: like it could be thinking of you, doesn't mean you
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: have to get into a full conversation or going to
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: the gym listening to this song or have you seen
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: this meme or whatever it is that means so much.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: I love this.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Okay. Three, they introduce you to their people.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Your list is resonating with me.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: You're not a secret. You're hanging out with their friends.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: And do you know how many guys that I've been
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: on dates with that I'm like, Hey, look at I'm
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: on FaceTime with my sister. This is my sister, or Hey,
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: come meet my sister, or hey, we're going to you know,
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: just because I live so close to my youngest sister.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: And it's not because I'm like introducing to the family
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: so soon. I just want them to know, like, hey,
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: this is my life. I want to get my sister's
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: opinion because her opinion matters to me. And it's like
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: I love seeing their reactions. And it actually, more times
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: than not, I've been like, thank you so much for
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: introducing me to your family, Like that was so sweet
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: of you. And it's like, yeah, I want you to
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: because it's important to.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Me, right, And it's not like some bit it's just
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: like as simple as like I am willing to take
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: a FaceTime in front of my people. Yeah, And it's
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: as simple as who are you talking to? Oh, I'm
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: talking to this guy. It doesn't need to go any
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: further than that. But it's like I'm letting people know that,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: like I'm speaking with you.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm interested. This is a potential person that I'm
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: you know, could fall into a relationship with. I also
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: think like second date, go out to dinner with Like
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: if you're in LA or you're in a big group
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: of people with friends, like bring them with you. Who
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: cares what people think? Like you want to see how
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: he's going to react right away. I don't like surprises.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I think my list the green flags come with there's
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: no surprises. Like what you see is what you get.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: And when I take someone out to a dinner or
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: invite them to friends or go whatever, take them as
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: a date to an event, I want to see how
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: they are in public. I want to see how they
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: are in a business setting, see how they are in
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: a friendship setting. Like that means I just want to
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: cut to the chase and like we're too old for
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: this bullshit, you know what I mean?
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Everything that you just said reminds me and you saw
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: the because you liked it. But Michelle Obama did a
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: podcast where she spoke about how it takes so many
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: years to really get to know the person that you're
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: in a relationship with.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: It's introducing them to friends and family. How do they
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: respond in conflict, how do they travel? How do you
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: guys stay together? There's just so much.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: It's constantly a test because you may get into it
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: over something small, but how are you going to figure
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: out like the big things. You're constantly getting to know
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: one another, and I think the biggest thing And again
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I have not had any long term relationship, right, but
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I can imagine that at every at every stage of evolving,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: you guys have to make the decision to evolve together.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: What does that mean? I don't know.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Maybe when I find my person I'll understand that. But
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: everything you just said reminded me of what she said
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: on her podcast, what.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: She said in that video. I love that she said,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: go on go on a vacation, and that's it. That
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: really hit me because I was like, I, that is
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: a that is a tell if you can go on vacation.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: And by the way, it doesn't need to go to
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: be in Europe you could go anywhere, right, you can
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: come to Montana, Yosemite, wherever you want to go. You
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: just want to see how you travel with that person,
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: because if that's something that's important to you, like it
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: is me, I want to know I could freaking travel
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: with this person for ten days without killing each other.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: You want to know what I think is I've become
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: very very high strung when I travel, a ball of anxiety.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I got to know you can handle me, like I
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: need you to keep me balanced and head where my
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: feet are because I can be up in the clouds
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: and fully tweaking.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Right. And some people like to go on vacations and
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: they love to do NonStop activities from morning tonight. That
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: I'm not that. I'm like a one to two I'm
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: a one to two activity a day and I just
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: want to just chill, right.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I'm a one to two activity for the whole time. Okay,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: the rest of the time. I'll wake up tomorrow and
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: tell you how I feel. Okay, that's so funny. Respect
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: your boundaries.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: That's a given, right, Like, like we were talking, I'm
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: not introducing you to my kids. Let me take the lead.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: It's not happening, or I mean, what is maybe something
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: that you is like a non negotiable.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: It's a boundary for me, Yeah, a non negotiable.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I've been asked this question, and actually I've been
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: having this conversation with the opposite sex a lot since
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I entered twenty twenty six and said I am open
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: to love and finding my person. I feel like there
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: is just so much to pick from.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: But I'm like having.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: These conversations where I'm like, this is so wild. This
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: is what people talk about when they're like trying to
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: do more than just like sleep with someone. And I think, my, my,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna know in my gut when I find the
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: right person. But my hard boundary is I will never
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: legally marry you.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: Why are you looking at me like that?
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Because I'm in shock. I didn't know that. Yeah, really, yes,
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: I want I want to give you a ring. I
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: want you to give me a ring. I want to
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: have like a beautiful ceremony. The only thing that I.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Don't want in it is the piece of paper.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: Like I want to call you my husband.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: I will be your wife, but I want to know
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: that every day we're waking up picking each other, not
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: because we go Oh my god, it'll be such a
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: headache if we get divorced. Like I just, I want
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: to Goldie hawn my ass off with somebody.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Ugh, that would be amazing.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I want my Kurt Russell. You know, Oh, I know
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: what is yours. You acted so shocked.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: I feel like I.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: Ask because I wasn't. No, I didn't know that about you.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: I had no idea I would like to get married.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: Call me stupid, Comma stay stupid. I think that that's wonderful.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I just I think I just need a round two.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: You deserve that, because I don't think it's fair to
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: say that you had a round one.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: You deserve a big wedding.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: You deserve someone to like shout from the rooftops how
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: much they love and adore you. And you deserve that.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: And if that's what you want, then you absolutely should
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: get that.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I think that's what I want. Ask
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: me tomorrow today. I would like that.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: That's what I want. I think that's what I want.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Mi green flags are similar to yours. I need consistency.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Consistency is like my biggest thing. Don't fall off the
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Like you said, we don't need to talk every single day,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: But like you gotta be consistent transparency. I don't care
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: if the conversation is difficult, Like, I want to make
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: sure that we are building whatever we're building based on
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: trust and honesty, even if it's going to hurt my
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: feelings or I hurt your feelings. We got to be communicating.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I would say my other green flag, if you let
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: me steer the ship with the kid with the kids,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: don't you don't need to bring up the kids thing.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: I will bring it up and then you and I
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: can pingpong off of each other.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: But like, you don't need to be the.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: First person to bring it up. They're not yours. I'll
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: let you know when they need to be discussed.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Mm hmmmmm, because.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: I get very triggered when someone else mentions them. I'm like, no,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: don't worry about it.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. What is another green flag?
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: What about when they're clear with what they want, like
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: their intentions?
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, intentional? I would put that under my transparency. Okay,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: but yes, I need that's another one. Entering this new
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: phase of life, opening myself up to more than just
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: like a sleeping buddy. I need you to be intentional.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: What do you want out of this because with this
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: new mindset that I'm trying really hard to take on,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: if you're looking to just hook up, like unfortunately I
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: had that moment of just hooking up. I've gone through
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: those phases throughout the four and a half years, like
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I'm needing something a little bit more.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: It's just not hitting the spot anymore.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: No, I agree, I'm right there with you. So many
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: vibrators out there. You really don't need.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: A man, No you don't, but it's not you know,
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: it's funny. Esther Perel is someone that I love. She's
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: a therapist, psychologist. She's amazing. I love her approach when
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: it comes to relationships. Okay, she said today, we're always
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: looking for a best friend, a partner, a business partner
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: in a relationship. All of our things that we are
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: asking is too much. Right, So when you go out
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: and you find a partner, you don't need a best friend,
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: a best guy friend, right, you have your best girlfriends.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: You want a definition of what a partner is. And
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: she does this like very beautiful speech on what that
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: looks like. You have to follow her. She's amazing. I
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: would love to actually get her on the podcast because
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: I would geek out.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: I like where this is going because of business partner. Like,
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: let me tell you something, the moment I get involved
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: in business with somebody, it has gone south so quickly.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: I don't need any help making anything go south quicker
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: than it already has, you know. And then there's nothing
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: that makes me drier than like communicating with you about business,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: Like this is my unwine time. You're supposed to be
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: my escape. That's another green flag. Someone who has your
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: gonna laugh your ass off. Someone who has a normal job. Oh,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: you want like a normal like a I mean just
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: a job. Actually, yeah, I'm very confused.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Wait, you want a plumber or do you want a
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: football player?
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I know I don't want an athlete. I've been very
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: I've been very very transparent about I don't want an athlete.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: I didn't get this memo to me to like start
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: a life with.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: I just don't want it, Okay, and also unpopular opinion,
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: but I'm gonna say it anyway. I've noticed that a
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: lot of women who date athletes like lose their identity
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: a bit.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Oh we talked about this, true, Yeah, like it feels
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: that way there, it feels that way. I don't know,
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I just I know some people that I follow where
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, this is so interesting that everything they're
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: posting has everything to do with their person, like.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: That is their life.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: And while that is beautiful and wonderful, you know, I
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: don't want to get lost.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: You know, I've worked hard.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: To have my own identity, and I've worked hard to
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: rebuild my identity many times. I'm not looking for anybody
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: to like. And I'm not saying that I don't want
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: to be overshadowed, but I just I don't want to
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: be with someone whose career is so fucking needy that
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: I can't focus on my own.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, well then that narrows it down. I mean,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: you're going to need someone who really supports you, but
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: also has their own career that's outside of maybe entertainment.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I don't love the entertainment idea.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah no, I mean I actually don't. It's so weird.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: This popped in my head. Is like someone in music
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: maybe would be okay for you.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: Okay, are you talking like a singer or like.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no no no no, I'm thinking
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: like a music executive, someone that work said his side, yeah, okay, yeah,
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I mean that like makes it
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: feels like it makes sense for you, because listen, here's
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: here's the honest truth. You're in LA. Yeah, you're gonna
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: get a lot of people who are in entertainment in
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: some capacity, right, totally, unless you marry someone that's like
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: a builder, like a construction home builder.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I know that I'm in construction seem
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: a little skeazy.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Too, unpopular opinion, a lot of traumas that I have.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: Do you think people are gonna hate me on this podcast? No,
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: We're okay.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: There's going to be a lot of people that are
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: going to be able to relate to what you have
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: to say, and some people are not gonna be able
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: to relate to you what you have to say.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, because nothing that I'm saying is a personal attack
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: on anybody else.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: Let's make that very clear. I'm talking about you that
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: I want in my life.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I hope no one takes my wants personally, That's all
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. Sometimes that happens. I don't want the woman
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: who's married to the builder to say.
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: Fuck you, my husband's amazing. It's like, I'm sure he is.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: I'm only I'm talking about a very specific builder that
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I once knew. My other green flag A gorgeous face
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: I deserve.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: Oh and so do you.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: I have to want to see you and be like
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: I have to fuck you right now, like I can't
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: keep my mind or my hands off of you.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: That is a muss.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, well, I have that right now. He doesn't live
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: in the state.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: By the way, another green flag. Long distance I thrive for.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: I love that for you.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: It's actually good. I actually I really enjoy the long distance.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: I swore off long distance, and now I'm open to it.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: When you find a person that is is worth figuring
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: it out. Listen. I said this to him last night. Actually,
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: I said, I never thought I would do long distance.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: But I think the key is when you're doing a
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: long distance relationship, there has to be a plan, like
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: an endgame, like we could do this for eight months
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: and then you're moving here or I'm moving there, Like
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: there has to be a yeah, a game plan. But
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: also the long distance you communication, which is everything you
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: have to conquer the art of it. So I think
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: that there's something amazing about it. Anyway, thank you so
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: much for listening to another episode of an Unlikely Affair.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: We're going to catch you guys next week. Love you,
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: bye bye