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The Mid Year Glow Up To Your Inner Circle · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadagal Land Always was, always
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
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  Speaker 2: Payticks, I'm out and this is two broad chicks to
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  Speaker 2: show that shares life lessons and tips to help make
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  Speaker 2: you rich in life. And welcome to the start of
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  Speaker 2: our little series, our midyear glow up series. Who doesn't
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: love a midyear blow up? Deli Rodney raisy hand. No
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  Speaker 2: one raised their hand.
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  Speaker 3: Everyone loves it.
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  Speaker 2: Everyone loves it. And normally we do this episode as
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  Speaker 2: like one episode in the middle of the year, but
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  Speaker 2: there's always so many things that we want to kind
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  Speaker 2: of encompass it. So rather than doing like one big,
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  Speaker 2: giant long episode that you get halfway through and you're like, boring,
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  Speaker 2: I've got places to be, people to see, we're doing
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  Speaker 2: little mini pockets of basically a course, the mid you
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  Speaker 2: glow Up course if you will.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: Exactly like the media glow.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Up for your mind, body, and soul exactly.
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  Speaker 2: We're going to be talking things relationships, skincare, money, all of.
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  Speaker 1: The above, fashion and style of course.
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  Speaker 2: And also emotional hygiene. Yeah, very which I'm very excited
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  Speaker 2: for that one. And I'm like, I have dirty emotions.
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  Speaker 3: I need mouthwash for my emotions.
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  Speaker 2: I need mouthwash for my hot I actually do really
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  Speaker 2: need mouthwash at the moment, but today not right right now,
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  Speaker 2: just at like home, but I didn't have a coffee,
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  Speaker 2: so maybe yeah, you know, but today we're going to
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  Speaker 2: be talking the midia glow up to Your inner circle
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  Speaker 2: very important, so friendships, relationships, and all of the above.
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  Speaker 2: So why does your inner circle matter?
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  Speaker 1: So you're inner circle includes the people that you spend
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  Speaker 1: the most time with. Human beings are very very social.
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  Speaker 1: We thrive in social situations, and well we've always thrived
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  Speaker 1: in groups, and there are lots of benefits to having friends.
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  Speaker 3: And that's even come from somebody who's like a little
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  Speaker 3: bit more of a I don't know how to describe
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  Speaker 3: it introverted.
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  Speaker 1: It's like an extroverted interest introverted anyone.
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  Speaker 2: But like the reason why it's like that is like
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  Speaker 2: it's a spectrum, right, Like no one is, like, yes,
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  Speaker 2: I like being around and loud to people one hundred
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  Speaker 2: percent of the time, because bro, at some point in time.
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  Speaker 3: You've got to go to sleep, right, So, like, I
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  Speaker 3: do think we.
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  Speaker 2: Have it the I have an issue with the amount
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  Speaker 2: of labels we feel the need to give us anyway,
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  Speaker 2: in terms of like, you know, and how maybe glorified
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  Speaker 2: some of them are of the over others, whether it's
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  Speaker 2: you know, extrovert over introvert or whatever you want to
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  Speaker 2: look at in terms of labels that I don't think
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  Speaker 2: you're in a circle, changes molds or is different depending
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  Speaker 2: on where you align on that, because I think you're
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  Speaker 2: in a circle and your support system works to whatever.
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  Speaker 2: Your way to give love and be loved is, Like,
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  Speaker 2: you don't just not have friends because you're an introvert.
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  Speaker 2: Like in quotes again I'm saying I don't. I don't
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  Speaker 2: think those exist. Like, I just think you are who
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  Speaker 2: you are, and you have relationships and are yourself in
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  Speaker 2: different ways because in some relationships I'm probably a little
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  Speaker 2: bit more quieter, believe it or you know, and then
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  Speaker 2: in others I'm like, oh, like doing a death drop.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: So drag race reference just for the literals out there,
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  Speaker 2: yeah likely okay, no, no, no drag race reference. It's a
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  Speaker 2: dance move. But yeah, so I don't even think like
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  Speaker 2: that term applies. I think potentially even with like life,
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  Speaker 2: like you know, when you were twenty, you were probably
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  Speaker 2: going out a lot more and you'd be like yeah
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  Speaker 2: or even like your social circle can change, Yeah, you
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  Speaker 2: would consider your inner circle does change over time.
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  Speaker 3: But I think some of those core things.
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  Speaker 1: That you need in your inner circle, whether it's a
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  Speaker 1: group of ten people or two, is that they can
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  Speaker 1: really help maintain your emotional stability and self esteem. They're
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  Speaker 1: also the people that give you those reality checks and
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  Speaker 1: pull you up on your ship when you need it.
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  Speaker 1: And those pants do not match that top, yeah exactly, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: or you put down the blue jeans you have four pairs.
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  Speaker 2: If you ever said that to me, I think I'd
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  Speaker 2: start crying if you ever said that to me. Belate, okay.
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  Speaker 1: And also to help in like romantic relationships as well, right,
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  Speaker 1: because I think a lot of people do consider their
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  Speaker 1: romantic partner to be a part of their inner.
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  Speaker 3: Circle, and I think that's normal.
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  Speaker 1: But you definitely need those third parties who you can
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  Speaker 1: vent to and talk to and who can give you
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  Speaker 1: that perspective.
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  Speaker 3: Even if your partner is your best friend.
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  Speaker 2: There's a very large conversation about, like, you know, your
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  Speaker 2: partner shouldn't be your best friend, Like I asterix that
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  Speaker 2: to you know, if you have a romantic partner, I
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  Speaker 2: do think they should be your best friend. But I
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  Speaker 2: don't think they should be your only best friend. I agree,
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  Speaker 2: I like to have a partner that because as someone
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  Speaker 2: who has dated guys that I think they love, but
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  Speaker 2: I don't think they liked me. I very much value
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  Speaker 2: at my inner circle to have a romantic partner in it.
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  Speaker 2: But that isn't It's a circle for a reason. Otherwise,
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  Speaker 2: if my partner was my best friend, to be a
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  Speaker 2: line you now a to b I thought I was
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  Speaker 2: going to get a laugh with that, But that's okay.
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  Speaker 3: I thought you're being earnest.
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  Speaker 2: No, if your boyfriend's only a partner, it's not a circle,
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  Speaker 2: it's a line, bitch, thank you. I was like, come on,
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  Speaker 2: tough crowd, tough crowd.
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  Speaker 1: But also, your inner circle is literally important for your
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  Speaker 1: health and your longevity in life. A twenty twenty three
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  Speaker 1: studies showed that people with high friendship scores had their
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  Speaker 1: chances of all cause mortality reduced by twenty four percent
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  Speaker 1: and a nineteen percent reduction in the risk of stroke.
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  Speaker 3: Your inner circle has like a quarter of an impact
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  Speaker 3: on your mortality. That's wild.
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  Speaker 2: And I think what's probably the most important part in
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  Speaker 2: this as well is who you let into your inner circle.
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  Speaker 3: And it's not.
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  Speaker 2: There's so much weight on just having friendships that sometimes
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  Speaker 2: it does mean that the bar two friendships is in hell.
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  Speaker 1: You know.
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  Speaker 2: I actually saw a post and it was of a
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  Speaker 2: recent study, and it said that nearly one in three
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  Speaker 2: people have someone in their life researchers would classify as
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  Speaker 2: a hassler, So it's someone who regularly creates stress, conflict,
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  Speaker 2: or emotional burden. And in one study, each hassler in
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  Speaker 2: a person's social network was associated with a one point
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  Speaker 2: five faster pace of biological aging, or nearly nine extra
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  Speaker 2: months of biological age. So kind of like what you're
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  Speaker 2: saying is like hassler's can literally age you. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gonna say, I think I brought that
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  Speaker 1: up as a life lesson a few months ago.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I like, toxic friendships are literally toxic to
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  Speaker 2: your health. You get higher disease risk, more inflammation, reduce
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  Speaker 2: immune functions. So like, really emphasizing and glowing up your
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  Speaker 2: inner circle is protecting your peace and your health. Yeah, seriously,
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  Speaker 2: it's crazy how much stress like affects your body. And
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  Speaker 2: there was also research by social psychologists doctor David McClelland
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  Speaker 2: from Harvard University found that the people you habitually associate
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  Speaker 2: with determined as much as ninety five percent of your
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: success or failure in life.
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  Speaker 3: That is a lot of pressure.
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  Speaker 2: That is like girl, yeah, so yeah, if ever I
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  Speaker 2: fail at anything else.
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  Speaker 3: It's my faulty. No, but I think you don't flip it.
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  Speaker 3: Let's flip that, Yeah, the success exactly.
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  Speaker 2: So I think that's a nice way to look at
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  Speaker 2: it as well, like all the success in your life.
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  Speaker 2: And I think that's true. That can probably be you know,
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  Speaker 2: put down to maybe the support you had as a
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  Speaker 2: child or friendships you had while growing up and then
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  Speaker 2: obviously later in life.
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  Speaker 3: But have you heard of the mirror effect? No, So there's.
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  Speaker 2: This phenomenon called phenomenon.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you know.
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  Speaker 2: No, just one time we're growing out, my dad said
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  Speaker 2: phenomenon and never let it and we never let it go.
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  Speaker 2: And so basically that word to me now is phenomenon.
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  Speaker 2: But it's called the mirror effect. So there's this phenomenon
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  Speaker 2: called the mirror effect, and basically it means your friends
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  Speaker 2: and who you choose to spend time with actually show
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  Speaker 2: what you're willing to tolerate and celebrate on a daily basis.
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  Speaker 2: So if you're in a circle, is flaky, avoids hard
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  Speaker 2: or serious conversations when they need to happen, or isn't reliable,
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  Speaker 2: you will subconsciously start to show those traits too, I
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  Speaker 2: believe that. I believe that as well. So like if
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  Speaker 2: you were in toxic friendships, you will start to display
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  Speaker 2: those And like as someone who has had friendships that
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  Speaker 2: you know, weren't necessarily the strongest and you know, nor
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  Speaker 2: the nicest, I can absolutely say that that does rub off.
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  Speaker 2: Like I think it's a reactive thing, you know, if
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  Speaker 2: someone's growing up and in high school, like sometimes if
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  Speaker 2: someone drops low, sometimes you do as well.
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  Speaker 1: Well. I do think that saying you are the company
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  Speaker 1: that you keep is partially true and definitely applies here.
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  Speaker 1: I don't think that you're always responsible for your friends' actions.
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  Speaker 2: No, but you are responsible for your reactions.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and how much you tolerate your situations as well.
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  Speaker 3: It also reminds me of.
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  Speaker 1: Something called the five friend theory.
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  Speaker 3: Have you heard of that?
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  Speaker 1: So it's also referred to as the average five And
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  Speaker 1: it's the idea that you're the product of the five
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  Speaker 1: people that you.
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  Speaker 3: Spend the most time with.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, So it's so true though, because if you're around
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  Speaker 2: like let's say you're friends and they're always bitching about
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  Speaker 2: someone or they're all always moaning about something, you just
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  Speaker 2: end up bitching and moaning as well.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Or if you have that one friend who on
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  Speaker 1: the flip side, when you're having a moan or a
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  Speaker 1: bitch about something or a bit of gossip, and then
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  Speaker 1: you have that one friend that's like, come on, guys,
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  Speaker 1: like it's none of our business or whatever, you're like, damn,
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  Speaker 1: they're right.
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  Speaker 3: So I do.
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  Speaker 1: That's true, but I just never really thought of it
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  Speaker 1: that way. So it's an idea that was popularized by
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  Speaker 1: motivational speaker Jim Ron. So it's things like your habits,
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  Speaker 1: your income, your mindset, and success are greatly influenced by
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  Speaker 1: the five closest people.
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  Speaker 3: In your life.
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  Speaker 1: So I think we were talking about it more so
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  Speaker 1: in terms of like behaviors or attitudes, but that it
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  Speaker 1: could impact even career and income, which I think is
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  Speaker 1: true as well, because if you're surrounded by people who
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: are really career oriented or really motivated and productive people,
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  Speaker 1: I do think.
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  Speaker 3: That definitely rubs off.
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  Speaker 1: Your friendships aren't responsible completely for your action.
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  Speaker 2: But they definitely do influence them.
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  Speaker 1: The things that we do, or how we perceive things,
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  Speaker 1: or how we react to things. And I do think
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  Speaker 1: it's important to acknowledge that and take stock of your friendships,
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  Speaker 1: all the five closest people around you, and how they
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  Speaker 1: could potentially be influencing.
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  Speaker 2: Or even just like zooming out a little bit and
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  Speaker 2: going like, do these relationships and friendships make me the
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  Speaker 2: best version of myself?
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  Speaker 1: Like?
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  Speaker 2: Do these relationships and friendships actually bring me joy? And
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  Speaker 2: would I be like proud to look back on this
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  Speaker 2: time and be happy with how like I've spent my
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  Speaker 2: life and who I've spent my life with?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, And are these friendships or relationships in your life
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  Speaker 1: helping you reach where you want to be and reach
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  Speaker 1: the success that you want? Because I saw a post
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  Speaker 1: as well, which I'll link in the show notes, but
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  Speaker 1: somebody was talking about this five friend theory and they
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  Speaker 1: pointed out that you absorb what's around you.
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  Speaker 3: So even when it comes.
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  Speaker 1: To ceilings that you put on yourself, So whether it's
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: a ceiling for.
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  Speaker 3: What you think that you could achieve or you could.
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  Speaker 1: Do with your career, or really anything, if the people
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  Speaker 1: are around you are like you can't do that, or
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  Speaker 1: that's not gonna happen.
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  Speaker 3: Then you start to believe that when you see like people.
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  Speaker 2: You know, like online telling stories about how they like
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: told their friends they like wanted to start making content
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: online or something, and their friends like laugh at them.
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  Speaker 2: I'm like disgusting, it was fucking one of yours.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, but exactly, yeah, I just I.
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  Speaker 2: Just think when you look at it, and again the
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: term in a circle, I do think we very easily
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  Speaker 2: kind of conjure up the idea of like friends or
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  Speaker 2: like the show Friends, or Sex and the City, and
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  Speaker 2: we immediately want to blink and create this like friendship
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  Speaker 2: group that constantly sees each other without having to make effort,
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  Speaker 2: like doesn't really have like crazy arguments or disagreements. And
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: you know, we conjure up these ideas of like the
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  Speaker 2: friendship group, right, And a lot of people in adulthood
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  Speaker 2: feel bad about themselves because they might not necessarily have
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  Speaker 2: that friendship group. But having an inner circle does not
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  Speaker 2: mean you need to have a big, giant friendship group.
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  Speaker 2: Your in a circle can be two people, yeah, you know,
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  Speaker 2: like you're in a circle can be your two best friends.
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  Speaker 2: You don't need a million friendships. You just need people
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  Speaker 2: that fill your cup, make you shine and support you,
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  Speaker 2: and like again, that's sometimes going to have hiccups. Like
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  Speaker 2: radical honesty is a really big part of friendships, as
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: we've spoken about recently. But I know, you know growing
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  Speaker 2: up that that was one thing that I was always like, hmm, like,
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  Speaker 2: you know, having enough friends, But you really don't need,
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  Speaker 2: you know, a huge amount of friends to have an
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  Speaker 2: inner circle. You just need to actually support yourself by
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  Speaker 2: who you're too using to support yourself with.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I agree, And you're in a circle. And
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  Speaker 1: those friendships that are closest to you also don't have
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  Speaker 1: to be perfect, just like you're not perfect as well
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  Speaker 1: within yourself.
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  Speaker 3: Like that also doesn't mean that you have to put
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  Speaker 3: up with their shit.
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  Speaker 1: I think you want, you want all the relationships in
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  Speaker 1: your life to be that positive.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: Agreed.
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  Speaker 2: I think you can. If you're feeling like you want
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: to have a little bit of a reflection on you know,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: your friendships and you're in a circle, you can ask yourself.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: You can ask yourself three questions about them. One, after
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: I'm with this person, do I feel expanded or diminished?
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  Speaker 1: Two?
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  Speaker 2: Does this person talk about dreams or just problems? Big one?
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: And would I want my children to turn out like
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: this person's by see that one is a spicy, spicy
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: mean boll. How often do you take stock of who's
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: in your life. I don't know if I do it
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: that regularly, to be honest. I do think that when
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: we wrote our book Finding of People, we were talking
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: about this study that found that people typically sort of
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: like refresh their friendships every seven years. And I do
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: think that that's true, and it happens kind of naturally.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so every seven years.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: I don't sit down with a notepad and pen and
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: be like cross cross cross tick tick tick. But I
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  Speaker 1: do think that when I look back, I do think
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  Speaker 1: that just naturally, through school and UNI and going through
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: different stages in my career and also just different stages
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: in life, as people move away or prioritize their career
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: or family or whatever it is, like, your friendships do change.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: So I think that that's probably how often that would
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: happen for me. But I definitely do every time I
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: leave like a social situation, I definitely pay attention to
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: how I feel after it.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: So maybe there's a little micro stock takes yeah.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: And then so next time, if I'm invited to a
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: situation or to a like an outing or whatever a party.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: Then I really am like, how did I feel last time?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Do I feel like, you know, I'm ready to go
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: out and be like a social butterfly, or did I
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: feel a little bit drained or you know, I try
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: and think about those things before I go and spend
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: time with somebody as well. What about you?
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think for me, I kind of imagine it
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: like my inner circle is like a room and there's
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: just like an open door essentially, and so it's like
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  Speaker 2: some people will be in the room for a while
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  Speaker 2: and then maybe they'll duck out for a bit, and
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  Speaker 2: then maybe they'll come back in the room, or maybe
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  Speaker 2: they won't. And that's kind of how I see my
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: inner circle because I've definitely found now in my later
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: twenties and now thirties that I don't think showing up
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: and being there for friends. I also don't have kids,
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: so like, I'm sure this perspective would change once or
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: when or if you know, I have kids or more
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: of my friends have kids. But I think, you know,
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: for a lot of the close friendships and people I
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: consider in my inner circle, it's just easy to be
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: there for them and it's easy for them to be
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: there for me, and so it's like they're just in
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: the room and they're just there. And then there are
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: definitely people that I still love and have so much
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: care for, but maybe they've moved away, maybe we haven't
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: spoken as much. Maybe you know, they've gotten a new
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: partner and they're like ducking out.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: But the doors still open.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: And there are some people that I'm like, they probably
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: won't be coming back through that door, and that's okay, yeah,
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: you know, like it's not I wouldn't sit here and
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: be like these are the three people that are in it.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: It's kind of more just like a yeah, I don't.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: But that also comes a lot more from the fact
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: that I felt like I was chasing friendship a lot
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: at a certain point in my life and that I
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: wasn't good enough for friendships for a very strong period
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: of my life, whereas now I think it's very valued
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: to me for people who willingly show up and that's
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: like what I like to do for them as well.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: I like that it's not like a hard and fast
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: from no, yeah, having a open door theory exactly.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: I like it.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Well, that's a wrap for our first little episode.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: We'll see for episode two.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Chickies, thanks for having us in the emails.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: We love to be here.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Bye bye