Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / A Simply Wholehearted Project | 21 Day Challenge with Amy Wicks and Ashley Pittman

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A Simply Wholehearted Project | 21 Day Challenge with Amy Wicks and Ashley Pittman · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hello friends, we're so excited to be here today.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Today is going to be a little bit different.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to introduce you to my sidekick and co-host Ashley Pittman.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: She has become one of my dear friends because she's a 5 a.m.er with me at Starbucks.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we walk before and then warm up with a cup of coffee and just talk about life and our marriage, kids, and life, and also both of our desires to write and how we're trying to be disciplined in that habit.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to I'm not only going to introduce you to her and you get to hear more about her life, but we're also going to talk about a new idea that we had that we are going to be doing with our kids, and we hope to encourage you to join us on this journey of loving your kids well.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll get into details about what that looks like and what our 21-day challenge is, and uh we'll be sure and uh cover that in our show notes of how you can find out more.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: But in the meantime, just enjoy this conversation between Ashley and I.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yay! Ashley, we're doing this.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're doing it.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's we're having a podcast.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: We really are, we're here.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so we've been talking about this the last few months.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I now you and I met really not that long ago.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: No, Septemberish?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, August ish.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: We think we were at um our church's Wednesday night prayer meeting.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I went.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: The one time I've been with three with all three kids even hiding in a corner.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you were there in the back corner as well.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we should explain.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: They have child care for the little ones, but our not so little ones who still probably need child care during prayer service.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: They were with you, and mine were too.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And um so and they were all like, you know, we're just trying to uh maintain the chaos and trying.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to make sure we didn't wreck too much havoc.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Create too much distraction.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's the operative word was try.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, it was kind of one of those things that honestly I was I was feeling pretty tired and stretched that night, and we were kind of standing nearby, and uh I was like, Oh, that's an unfamiliar face.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: I should introduce myself.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, I think we were asked to pray, like find someone and we were, and usually that's where I would exit because my kids were at the end of what they were gonna do.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I was thinking, I've got it's time to give.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I need to peace out.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: But the actually the Holy Spirit very clearly prompted me to go over there because I honestly didn't want to because I was like, I just want to pray with my husband and forget this and kiss.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to pray with anyone I don't know.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: But uh yeah, so anyway, we just start talking and prayed with for one another.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think we tried to set up a coffee date after that or maybe a play date with our kids.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And um, look at us now.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And here we are.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're doing a podcast.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're having a podcast.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And friends, I really enjoy Ashley because she, when we get together, we laugh a lot.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that would be a fun element uh to add.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So just to keep us laughing because there's nothing more I love than realizing I'm grinning stupidly while driving down the freeway because of something I'm listening to.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's fun.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Laughing laughter is my favorite.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: It is, it's it's a it's a core value.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I agree.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think I should embody that core value.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: At least, you know, it's good medicine, right?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, uh, we both well, why don't you share a little bit with um our friends, your family, kids, all that sort of stuff, what that looks like for you.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just general broad strokes.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Broad strokes, okay.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: Well, my husband is David, and we've been married nearly 20 years.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And yes.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's um two decades.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And um known each other since we were probably 15.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: So we go way back.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Way back.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, so your whole life practically.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Basically.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I've known him more than longer than I have not known him.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, more than a half for sure.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: So we have four kids.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: We have um our oldest is 19, she's in college, and then we still have at home a seven-year-old, okay, an eight-year-old, and a ten-year-old.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, you have your hands full.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Two boys, two girls.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, we are busy.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And your oldest is um enjoying her first year off at college.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: She is.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: She's she's enjoying her first year and is double majoring and doing all kinds of crazy things.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um just crazy smart, crazy proud of her.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: And still comes back to visit you for a place to land.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, she still comes back to see us.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's a good sign.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: It is if you're gonna be able to do it.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: She wants to come back and see us.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is really, really good.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So we we also, you know, I only have three kids, but they're about almost exactly the same age as your three.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so they enjoy uh running around being crazy at parks and whatnot.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so um so that's been a fun way to connect, a good excuse.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, walk while we play.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: All that sort of stuff.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Share some coffee.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So we like to do that a lot.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Coffee walk.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Anything with coffee.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you tell me there's coffee, I will be there.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's the gold at the end of the coffee.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: It is, it's it's all I need.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's a small, it's just an easy.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean easy.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Give me coffee.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so one day we were walk kind of doing that walking, talking, letting our kids, you know, ride their scooters around the park and whatever, trying to keep our eyes on them, make sure no one, you know, grab them or something like that.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like that probably won't ever happen.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: But um our kids would be way too loud.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: It would not be successful.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: The getaway would not be self.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but we I was sharing a blog post that I had read that morning.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it it's a well-known pastor who who took the time for 365 days to write one thing that he appreciated about his wife in a journal.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: So he wrote one thing a day, and then I think it was maybe her birthday.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it was Christmas, but she he gave her this journal.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I think at first she was like, Ugh, you know, I don't like journals.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you giving this to me?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then of course she opens it up.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And she sees what he has done.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, wow, like that's that's a huge commitment.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's an amazing gift.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's an amazing gift.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you will treasure that always.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And not only will she treasure that, but then her kids and her family and anyone else, you know, in the future reading about their their lives and their love.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: It would be an inspiration to a lot of people.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I was inspired.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, definitely, you know, but then very intimidated at the same time.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: 365 unique things to say is a lot.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I didn't know if I could be that creative as much as I enjoy writing and I was fairly sure I could not be unique things to say that might be a little difficult.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But because well, the reason why the story came up was actually not about our marriages in that moment.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: We were actually talking about our kids.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, when you have kids, it's always the current struggle and the current crisis.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's not all of them, it's at least one of them.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Someone has always got a crisis.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, type thing.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Ish.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: They keep us on our toes.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, really the goal is a parent to just try to stay one step ahead of them.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's the goal.
• 7:00
  unknown: Yeah.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if it should be the goal, but it is.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, at least or at least be able to fake it.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Act like you know what's going on.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly, exactly.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: So uh anyway, in that moment, I literally was inspired to take that idea that I'd read this morning and apply it to our kids.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe because we weren't ready to commit to the 365 days for our husband.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: But so we honestly were like, well, but maybe we should apply this to our kids, but not 365 days, not a full year.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, um, and notice he didn't do it in a leap year.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, to with that last year.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: One extra would have put him over the edge.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I said, well, what if we what if we created a challenge for ourselves to do this with our kids for maybe 40, 30?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're like, okay, how about if we did it for 21 days?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: 21.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: So what if for 21 days we took one child?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now you could take the, you know, take this challenge seriously and you could do it for each of your children if you have more than one.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you could do this at the same time.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or you could take this same challenge and duplicate it, you know, like copy it every 21 days and apply it to a different child.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: So um I am gonna take it one at a time.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I I feel like I just should start with the one that I'm maybe struggling with the most.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe um I I I kind of see it as that I'm not just going after discipline, um, behavior issues.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm going for is I'm going after their heart.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm pursuing them.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And really, if you have that, the other things will flow eventually.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: It does.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: It does in time.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Obedience flows best from love.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Not just get your stuff together and do it.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right, exactly.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Not not to try to create um ideal perfect behavior and that because that's externals.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that is good, but we want it to flow out of what's coming on from the inside.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because I have a child who is naturally compliant.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: He just tends to be a rule follower.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's great.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's easy.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: But you don't really want that child.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: If you send that child out as a teenager, as a compliant rule follower, or just kind of going with the flow, he could get in trouble.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if he gets with the wrong crowd or whatever, or if he can't be assertive, right.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so it's more than you want their heart.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Something going on on the inside to motivate that, not just, oh, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to stir the pot or I don't want to rock the boat.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um because that's not that's just not what we're looking for.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Something deeper.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so it might be easy to kind of lose your attention, maybe and focus on that one because they're just kind of checking the boxes.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're easy.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to really, I think, work hard to focus on that one.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And see what's going on on the inside.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because you might not see it.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because then I think also they can get lost if you have other ones who are more disruptive, needy, a little bit more of the behavior issue.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: It'd be easy for them to get, you know.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just overshadowed.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: It would be a natural thing.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, so I I think that if, you know, there's been a lot of things that I've done, you know, I I've looked at their love languages, uh, really purpose to meet those and and come up with ideas of how I can uh because each of them have a different, you know, top love language.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we think we all have those five needs that we need to be met.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I parenthood, if we're doing it somewhat, you know, intentionally, we're gonna meet a couple of those, but it's just trying to make sure you're meeting the right one um to the right kid.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um so that I mean, so that naturally, like this sort of challenge would meet the need for words.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I I think we're going for a little bit deeper because there's something that shifts in our hearts uh as we are looking for the positive, which is really kind of what this is.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So as we're so we we have been kind and we have thought through 21 different prompts to help you come up with I I don't know if this pastor had that sort of thing to go off of, or if he just like, you know.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe he just noticed.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe he just set himself to notice his wife, maybe and just he's probably a lot more disciplined and spiritually deep and wise.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe so.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Probably so.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And he's seeing and he's seeing things as he should.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: So um, because I haven't arrived there there, we thought it would be nice to give ourselves some prompts and to share with our friends just some some provoking questions to help us notice our children.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's unfortunately easy to notice their misbehaviors.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: And and I know that I feel a lot of I get to the end of a lot of days and I feel like all I've done is say stop, no, don't do that.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that kind of thing.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: And it really weighs down.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: It really weighs their hearts down, and some more than others.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I I have one that I feel like gets really bogged down under under those corrections.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: And unfortunately the same child needs a lot of that.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: It just it's just a personality thing.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: And um and so I really I think it would be great to have some something very intentional to focus on all the good things because there's also tons of great qualities and that that I could call out.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: And in the same things that are kind of weaknesses, there also is a strength in it as well.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: It just needs to be kind of corralled and directed.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think I'm excited about the opportunity to give a lot of encouragement.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because we may, you know, even be nice about our corrections.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: We may be saying, please do this and please do that.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean, just I mean, that's life.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're just, you know, getting through it.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: We've got a lot to do.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: We've got school, homework, soccer, soccer practice, music practice.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of it is just kind of the ebb and flow of command and just conversation within.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: But this is this is another thought.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And now, you know, you could do one of two things with this, I think.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: You could you could use it, you could have those prompts in your mind, and you have like written in your, you know, calendar reminders on your phone, you know, today I'm going to um be looking for this character trait to affirm in my child.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: And you might use that to then go ahead and say it to them during the day, which if you have a words of affirmation um person, I mean, that would go, that would go a long, long way.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: But you could also just write it down and then give it to them in a note card.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe ahead of time buy like a special note for that kid and that has plenty of space where you can write each 21-day um affirmation.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: You probably don't the the free printable that we'll have for this, you probably don't want to write your answers on there and then give that to your kids.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: It needs to look more original.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Not fill in the blank.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we don't want to do fill in the blank for the kids.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: That might take away from the value of it.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so you could really use it to share it with them in that moment uh as you've noticed it, or then present it at a later time, maybe taking them on a special date or doing something that they enjoy.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: And um, or maybe even just before they went to bed one night, you know, as you're you know, praying with them and you're listening about the day and just say, you know, I appreciate you and I want you to know that.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I've written some things in this card and want to share that with you.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: So and then I know I have one who's not a reader.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was gonna say some kids can't read, so they need it's just gonna have to be verbal.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I thought I would go ahead and write it down for him to keep.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: He is kind of a a saver and he's got a little space where he can create that.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to make sure he knows someday, because if I only do this once ever.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Did you go back to it and goes, oh yeah, my mom did do something nice for me.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: She did call out my better self.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I will probably sit down with him at one point and maybe read a couple.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that he has the attention span.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um I mean, he's six, he's all boy.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, to, you know, listen to a lengthy, you know, dissertation about his finer qualities.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm sure he'll enjoy it, but you know, probably by number seven, he'll be done.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Snippets, yeah, exactly.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Snippets.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I think for him, I'm gonna I'll probably try to do um, you know, a couple days at a time and just remember to say it and say it to him and and call that out.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: I I I just I love this idea because um I mean we sort of covered some of that, you know, the idea of where it's too easy to get lost in in just living life and not saying it.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: But then really I think for us it resets our hearts to be looking for those things specifically.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because you'll see what you're looking for.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you're more focused on, you know, and I know that I sometimes can lean towards a more critical spirit of just noticing the wrong.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so I could use a reset.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so if I'm looking, you're set to look for what's good, right?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Then it changes.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think it'll change your mindset, it'll change the way you speak, absolutely in the whole thing in my own heart.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it it's it's almost you know, similar to the idea of having a gratitude journal uh where you're you know, you're f focusing instead of thinking about your laments and complaints, you're you're going, oh no, I'm gonna I'm gonna choose to see.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's all in what we choose to focus on, right for sure.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's choosing to to fall in love with our kids.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're we're just, you know, given our kids, whether through adoption or biologically, you know, we're we're given this, these kids that we we do love naturally, but there's seasons in life where we have to choose to love them unconditionally, but then choose to also fall in love with them um and who because the Lord made them in a certain way.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: They are who they are.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And who they are is a gift, as they are.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly, as they are, exactly.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I think they need to know that.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: That it's not mom is trying to conform you into what uh what I think you should be.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, but it is this is who I see that you are and I love it, and God's done a good thing in you.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's huge.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: That is because I get hung up a lot of time on the outcome and in just the throes of a motherhood at this stage, I have no guaranteed outcome.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: No, there's no guarantee.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's just lots of work and at the end we'll see.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: No idea because then their free will comes in and exactly and stuff.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: So Exactly.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I think it's it's in the meantime, is instead of being tied to that outcome, like what what can I do now really well to and and to just appreciate them for who they are in this moment.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's behavior we really don't appreciate.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's hard to be a kid.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just be real.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, sometimes you look, oh, it would be so easy if I was a kid and all I had to do was eat and whatever.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: But no, it's hard to be a kid and to be under sometimes under expectations or to feel like you're well, you know, you know, it's just to be this or do that, or gosh, I messed up again, or I mean, as an adult, you still feel that.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: So kids feel it.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: We've just had more years to figure out how to handle it, maybe a little bit better.
• 17:39
  unknown: Right.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean it's a l it is a lot of pressure, and it's so easy because I think sometimes some of us romanticize our childhood, or we now appreciate the lack of responsibility we had back then, and it's so easy to be like, oh, you guys have no idea what you have.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: But they're figuring out so much, and they and just like us, they desire to be in a different season than they're in a lot of times, or have more responsibility and freedom.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Just as we do on a f on the flip side.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, those it it's just that again, like the struggle is real and they're little persons, you know, they're not just, you know, just they can't think for themselves somehow or don't have their own feelings, and it's valuing that and and also speaking life into it because I think when we call them out, and it's not necessarily it's not making something up, and it's not just fluff.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're not saying, oh, you know, you you're you're so great at that, you know, right just for the sake of it, but it's it's getting specific and and not general broad strokes, it's getting really specific and calling them out um at what we see, you know, that has great potential and we see little glimpses of and encouraging them right uh in that way.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I think in a a large part, I mean we have to help them in their weak areas, but I think it's much more beneficial to focus on their strengths and make those even better.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: And there's certain things you have to kind of bring them along, you know, there's certain skills they need they need to be able to read and and math and you know, certain things they have to have.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: And but there's certain you may just see that you're not gonna be a mathematician.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna harp on that, but you are an amazing artist.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: How let's get some classes, let's do music, let's do the things you're good at.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so I really think you know, I keep thinking about that uh Philippians 4 8 that I used to call it my filter verse.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I have not walked in it well at all.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: As I'm saying this out loud, I call it a filter verse.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: I just quoted it the other day.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's filtering very well, but it's whatever is good and excellent and praiseworthy and noble and of good rep good repute, good report.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: One or the other.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, those are the things you should think on and dwell on.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: And um so as a parent, we have to notice sometimes you know, the not so good.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: But we're guiding them into the good and the excellent and the whatever, all the rest.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think I just think it's a really good opportunity.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just sitting here thinking about that and and a kind of an organized way to force yourself into doing that.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: And uh it could bear a lot of fruit.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think it will.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think if if nothing else too, that if we continue to make a habit of that, then for our kids, I mean, really the the greatest teacher is how we live our lives.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if by example we can pass this concept on to them, you might take years before it would bear fruit.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it will.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I I mean, I think a couple, you know, or one of mine in particular is just not bent naturally to see the positive or, you know, uh a lot of times just sees kind of the sarcastic humor, negative side of things.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And she is witty and funny, but it's not the, you know, Philippines.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're the only one laughing here.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: So something's wrong.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is not good, you know.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't, and instead of just constantly getting on her all the time and and creating consequence, um, and then I have to also look, okay, what's what's in me that reflects that that she has, you know, been somewhat encouraged to Yeah, that's the hard part.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: When you start to see yourself in some of it.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So this would be a way to, you know, intentionally reset our focus, reset our words, uh, and lend a great lifestyle example to our kids through our actions of, you know, affirming um their God-given, you know, character traits and talents and and the beautiful things that they are.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it would be beautiful to be able to see them to do that for each other and for other people, if they see it modeled, to begin to change their own their own ways of speaking to each other, which would be an amazing thing.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: And um even just is how they live their lives and just learning to see the best in other people and call that out.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: Just to be encouragers, I think would be a beautiful thing.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: It would.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I that was just what popped in my mind is that sometimes when they're saying something mean that in turn they have to say something nice, you know, three times or something like that.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I've been struggling with their lack of creativity lately.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but again, that goes, okay, reflects.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: What are the words that they hear coming from me?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're not very creative and maybe they are too broad.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: And right while I am telling them good job and and you know, noticing and everything like that, maybe I'm not articulating it well, and so I'm not giving them good verbiage to intern use surplus.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, sometimes I think we expect them to just be able to do things or know things and they don't.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I am excited to get feedback on this 21-day challenge.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we're recording this now, um, but I think what I'm going to do is that um we're gonna give a a little bit of feedback after we're done with our challenge and give you some of uh how it's gone for us and to share with you.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we're gonna um but we're gonna be giving you all sorts of ways that you can connect and you can share what awesome fruit has come from this challenge.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um for sure in the show notes we'll be linking to all the printables and and all that sort of stuff on that way to connect with us.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sounds good.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you soon.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Ashley and I are excited to do this 21-day challenge with our kiddos, and we're excited for you to do the same.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: We really are sure that good fruit can come from this, whether our kids value uh our words right away or not.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: We know that it'll be a great tool to shift our hearts to our kids, and maybe in the process turn their hearts towards us, which this is what this parenting gig is all about.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, in the meantime, I hope you live simply wholehearted, finding more ways to live unplugged, purposeful, and intentional.