Latest / Is Your Way In Your Way? / Embracing Life Through Forgiveness and Wonder

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Embracing Life Through Forgiveness and Wonder · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: Welcome you to Is your Way In your Way podcast, and I'm your host, Cassandra Crawley Mayo, and for those new listeners out there, the name of my book is titled Is your Way In your Way.
0:37
Cassandra: It's actually a self-discovery guide for women on how to restore yourself, learn from your experiences and be your true self again, and we actually talk about topics that are related to what I call personal growth, personal development, business development, business growth and these are individuals who are stuck.
0:58
Cassandra: You know like.
0:59
Cassandra: You want to write a book, you know you should be getting out of this toxic relationship.
1:05
Cassandra: Or you want to be a speaker, you want to have a podcast, you want to adopt a child.
1:09
Cassandra: It's a number of things, but you just can't seem to get there.
1:14
Cassandra: So this podcast is going.
1:17
Cassandra: My hopes is always that it's going to be a blessing to you, that something will be said that will trigger your soul and say you know what I'm going to do this thing.
1:27
Cassandra: And perhaps today is the day, and I have a special guest on today, and her name is Marni Battista.
1:35
Cassandra: Hello, Marni.
1:37
Marni Battista: How are you?
1:38
Marni Battista: I love that.
1:39
Marni Battista: I love our purposes are so aligned and I'm just excited to be in your aura here.
1:47
Cassandra: Oh, I'm excited for you to be here too.
1:49
Cassandra: Hey, well, actually I told Marni that I'm going to put her back in the orange room, so I just called her out of the orange room and her topic what we're going to talk about today is living courageously.
2:01
Cassandra: And before we get into our conversation, I just want to read a little bit about Marni so that you can, I would say, have some background on her and to understand why she is qualified to talk about this topic.
2:16
Cassandra: Marni is a CEO and founder of the Institute Living Courageously, where she's developed a research-based holistic system empowering ambitious women to break free from self-imposed limitations, embrace authenticity and live on their own terms.
2:39
Cassandra: Drawing inspiration from a year she spent traveling the country in an RV and guided by ancient spiritual questions.
2:49
Cassandra: And guided by an ancient spiritual questions, marni's transformative approach blends personal growth principles and meaningful self-assessments.
2:56
Cassandra: This is gonna be good.
2:57
Cassandra: You guys Listen.
2:58
Cassandra: Her upcoming book is called the Radical Living Challenge.
3:03
Cassandra: It's seven questions for a meaningful life, offers a universal framework to enrich, happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction, and together, her coaching, her writing, even her innovative methodologies, help individuals tap into their fundamental nature, designing purposeful living and purposeful lives, and become the architect of their own success.
3:31
Cassandra: Yes, we are on one accord here, marni, this is going to be good.
3:37
Cassandra: Hey, I'd like to know before I'm fascinated about your RV for a year trip what was life like before you and your husband and your two cats all decided to travel for a year.
3:52
Cassandra: What was life like before you all did that?
3:56
Marni Battista: Well, it's kind of interesting.
3:57
Marni Battista: I, on the outside, like I'm saying, the Instagram version of my life was amazing.
4:03
Marni Battista: Right, I had built a business up over a 10 year period to be successful.
4:09
Marni Battista: I was an industry leader in my coaching niche at the time.
4:13
Marni Battista: I had a big team that was working for me.
4:17
Marni Battista: I had a lovely house, a housekeeper who was also like a house manager, my husband was like a doting husband and and, uh, you know it all looked great, handsome.
4:31
Marni Battista: My kids were doing well, all look great, right, um, and then um, but I was like grinding hard, cassandra, like I felt like I was um playing the game of Jenga.
4:46
Cassandra: You know that game where you build the thing and you have to pull it, yeah, and.
4:51
Marni Battista: I felt like if I didn't control every single piece of it, if one person or one thing fell out of the line, it would all explode.
4:59
Marni Battista: And it felt it was a lot like that.
5:02
Marni Battista: You know, when you're at the top of that, that tower, and you're like trying to push every single thing without making it fall apart.
5:10
Marni Battista: And I was just sort of on autopilot.
5:13
Marni Battista: And in February 2020, literally two weeks before the world went into lockdown I was skiing in Canada at a resort called Whistler and I unfortunately followed a friend down a ski run that was probably a little outside my expertise and I ended up landing flat on my back and breaking seven bones in my sacrum.
5:39
Cassandra: Oh my gosh.
5:40
Marni Battista: Yeah, oh, wow.
5:43
Marni Battista: That was a near crippling accident.
5:49
Marni Battista: You know, like millimeters away from a very different outcome.
5:52
Marni Battista: In the recovery process of that, I had to basically not move from my bed for about 12 weeks and I couldn't do anything.
6:03
Marni Battista: And I realized that I'd spent my whole life doing and if I wasn't doing, then who am I?
6:10
Marni Battista: My recovery didn't go as smoothly as I wanted it to.
6:15
Marni Battista: I talk a lot about this in the book.
6:17
Marni Battista: I had decided I was going to be the fastest recovery in the.
6:21
Marni Battista: It just wasn't going my way.
6:25
Marni Battista: A friend of mine referred me to a person that I had a conversation with and this person said you've broken your sacrum, which is the foundation of your physical self, because you need to rebuild the foundation of your life in a new way that is not just based on your neck up, on your head, on productivity, on achieving, on doing that.
6:50
Marni Battista: You need to be an integrated whole person and lead with your heart and your emotions and your soul, and that's why you're here.
6:57
Marni Battista: And I was like, wow, and so that got me on this road to really re-evaluating my life and confronting my fears and the problems that I thought I had.
7:14
Marni Battista: You know, like my team wasn't performing well, Sales weren't.
7:19
Marni Battista: You know, I needed to break this one goal.
7:21
Marni Battista: My husband needed to change in this way.
7:23
Marni Battista: Those were really my problems.
7:25
Marni Battista: All those things, right, right.
7:27
Marni Battista: My problem was that I was terrified and this speaks to your intro.
7:31
Marni Battista: I was terrified of change.
7:33
Marni Battista: I thought that my life was that Jenga thing and if anything fell out of place then I would die Like I would explode.
7:40
Marni Battista: Who am?
7:40
Cassandra: I.
7:43
Marni Battista: And that was the beginning, really deciding like do I want to sit here in this house looking at pictures of my kids growing up, being stuck in the past, lamenting what, what, the loss of what was?
7:58
Marni Battista: Or do I really want to live the rest of my life?
8:02
Marni Battista: And um, my mom had died at 64.
8:05
Marni Battista: I was 55 when this happened and I thought, girl, if you have nine years to live, do you really want to spend it stuck in fear?
8:12
Cassandra: Yeah, that's kind of it.
8:13
Cassandra: Wow, I love that analogy.
8:15
Cassandra: That's one of my favorite games and I loved it when you talked about it sounded so much like me in control, you know, like it had to be, like this's no other way.
8:29
Cassandra: And then from that I thought things were going smooth, you know.
8:33
Cassandra: And then all of a sudden, voila, it's kind of like oh, I'm out of control, what do I do?
8:41
Cassandra: And you made that decision and it's unfortunate.
8:44
Cassandra: But perhaps I say it's fortunate because it takes something like that to happen to someone for them to say you know what, I can either be bitter about this thing or I can be better.
8:59
Cassandra: And thank God, marni, you chose you know what.
9:02
Cassandra: And that person that spoke in your life said oh no, ok, you have more to do, you have more give, so let's get with it.
9:09
Cassandra: So it's your decision whether how in other words, you were just sick and tired of how you were and and it sounded like you just surrendered- I, I had to surrender.
9:20
Marni Battista: I mean, you know, like the, the things that were keeping me stuck.
9:25
Marni Battista: So interestingly, once I started asking different questions, rather than why is this happening to me, and why did this doctor not fix me?
9:33
Marni Battista: And why is this person such a jerk, you know, going into um, what might really be underneath this um threshold that I'm at, where I'm not healing in the way I want?
9:45
Marni Battista: Uh, I, I got access to a lot of information and the key, which I actually have never talked about any other show, was that I had a client retreat.
9:57
Marni Battista: It was in Utah and it was like the first time I was traveling and I had to bring this special chair and I had to sit there with my feet on this thing and I had you know, it was all very whatever and I had my clients do this forgiveness exercise.
10:12
Marni Battista: There was like a labyrinth and I had them go through this hope oh no process and you know they did it and the retreat ended and I had to stay there an extra day and it just hit me like do you have some forgiveness to do?
10:26
Marni Battista: And I went in the blaring sun with this little strap around my back and I I realized that I had to forgive the, the friend who I followed down the ski mountain.
10:41
Cassandra: Oh wow.
10:44
Cassandra: So, oh my gosh.
10:46
Cassandra: So it's kind of like you blamed them.
10:48
Cassandra: I totally blamed her.
10:51
Marni Battista: I was like why are you because this is so funny, we're having such a good conversation this is a whole nother direction.
10:56
Marni Battista: Um, when I skied with these friends, so my husband and I used to always joke that we turned into like total followers, like we lost agency whenever we skied with them, because they knew the mountain, they were better skiers, and we would just follow them and do shit we had no business doing.
11:12
Marni Battista: Anyway.
11:12
Marni Battista: And my, so we were a couple you know two couples, maybe all your listeners can can relate to this and my friend's husband was always saying to his wife you know, like don't push, don't push people, like don't push people, right?
11:28
Marni Battista: And so on this day that we were skiing, it was the girls, only the husbands were not skiing.
11:37
Marni Battista: And um, so my friend was like you can do this, come on.
11:39
Marni Battista: The friend you followed, uh, the friend I followed.
11:41
Marni Battista: And so in my mind I was like this is you know, it's like her fault, like her husband told her not to do this kind of stuff, that she's super selfish and you know she's a, you know she battles narcissism she was raised by narcissists Like we're super good friends but, unconsciously I was blaming her.
12:01
Marni Battista: I had lost my dad, um, about nine months before this.
12:05
Marni Battista: There was a whole incidence with my brother and the will and a bunch of family stuff, and I realized I wasn't forgiving him Like I was, had all this anger toward him and I I did this, so I did this forgiveness thing.
12:19
Marni Battista: I like hobbled through this labyrinth, I was bawling my eyes out and and I, you know, I was okay, like nothing happened overnight.
12:30
Marni Battista: But my husband and I were testing out this rv idea.
12:35
Marni Battista: So, from this place in utah, we had rented a little like a sprinter van because we thought van life would be cool, uh, and we were going to go on a one-week trip, uh, in utah and arizona see the grand canyon and I was going to do the trip at the limit that I could do it.
12:52
Marni Battista: And we went to Zion National Park and there's this famous hike there called Angel's Landing and I really wanted to do it and my husband's like you cannot do this hike.
13:05
Marni Battista: I was like so I woke up in the morning and I was like something feels different.
13:10
Marni Battista: And he was like so I woke up in the morning and I was like something feels different and he was like don't back and everything, yeah, yeah, he was like don't.
13:16
Marni Battista: He was like don't push it, like you feel good, like you don't have pain today, like, and I was like I don't know something's different.
13:23
Marni Battista: So I put that thing on my back and I started walking and he was like are you okay?
13:28
Marni Battista: And I was like, yeah, the pain is gone.
13:30
Marni Battista: I was like he's like what?
13:32
Marni Battista: I'm like it's just gone.
13:33
Marni Battista: He's like okay.
13:34
Marni Battista: And I said let's just keep going.
13:36
Marni Battista: And we walked a little further and he's like are you okay?
13:39
Marni Battista: And I was like, babe, the pain is gone.
13:42
Marni Battista: Um, and I made it to the top.
13:44
Marni Battista: What?
13:45
Marni Battista: Yeah, I made it to the top.
13:47
Marni Battista: And from that day on, cassandra, that pain left my body.
13:54
Cassandra: Marnie, Marnie, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
13:56
Cassandra: Do you believe when you literally in your heart, you let go and you forgave that release?
14:06
Marni Battista: that pain.
14:06
Marni Battista: Yeah, I released the I forgive.
14:10
Marni Battista: I forgave my friend, my brother and myself and that whole.
14:14
Marni Battista: And I did that ritual, the hope, oh no, forgiveness ritual and I believe that I was holding on to all of that somatically in my body.
14:22
Marni Battista: And when I literally let go and forgave, like something, something shifted.
14:27
Marni Battista: And when I talk to clients I always tell them like and this is really a big part of the book is like the problem you think you have isn't really the problem.
14:35
Marni Battista: I thought my problems were the problems I described before.
14:39
Marni Battista: It really was.
14:39
Marni Battista: I was afraid of change.
14:40
Marni Battista: I thought the problem was some physical thing and these doctors were jerks and I needed to find the right cure.
14:46
Marni Battista: But the real problem was that I was holding on to anger and resentment.
14:50
Marni Battista: So the problem you think you have might not be the problem that you really have.
14:53
Marni Battista: And when you actually find that and heal it, then things kind of start to open up.
14:59
Cassandra: Wow, that is powerful.
15:01
Cassandra: That's powerful because I know I have listeners that are thinking like you know what?
15:06
Cassandra: There's some people that I need to forgive even myself are thinking like you know what there's some people that I need to forgive even myself, you know.
15:13
Cassandra: So this to me is a rude awakening, because they always say how powerful forgiveness is and unforgiveness is a cancer, how it just spreads and can certainly impact your body.
15:23
Cassandra: Thanks so much for sharing that.
15:26
Cassandra: So after that is that when you all decided to take a year trip in the RV with the cats, yeah.
15:33
Marni Battista: So we did this little experiment in the spinner van and we loved it.
15:39
Marni Battista: And so part of the process that I do is you, you do what I call an experiment and you assess it like what worked, what didn't work, what are you really testing for, and then you make adjustments.
15:52
Marni Battista: And so my husband and I were like that was amazing, but like there's no way in hell.
15:57
Marni Battista: We're living in this small space.
15:59
Marni Battista: Like we it would not work right, like to work and live, and the cats, and, and so then we did another experiment.
16:07
Marni Battista: For six weeks we rented a RV.
16:08
Marni Battista: I was then testing, like some very specific things Can I work, which is the internet work, so that I can carry on with my business?
16:20
Marni Battista: Can I still exercise and do my workouts and eat healthfully.
16:25
Marni Battista: Do my husband and I like get a lot?
16:27
Marni Battista: Does this bring us closer?
16:28
Marni Battista: Or do we argue Like there were a lot of different things?
16:30
Marni Battista: And this in the fourth week of the sixth week?
16:35
Marni Battista: I looked at my husband and I was like I'm literally having the time of my life.
16:38
Marni Battista: Let's do it, let's sell the house, let's do this, let's make the commitment.
16:42
Marni Battista: I'm ready and it was terrifying.
16:45
Marni Battista: But I knew, because I had gone through the life design process and I'd done these experiments and I tested these certain things, that I just knew it was, it was the time, and so we sold the house, sold most of our stuff, put some stuff in storage, went to an RV show, bought an RV and set out on this adventure.
17:11
Cassandra: Wow, oh, my goodness.
17:12
Cassandra: So I'm going to say the Institute living courageously came from all of this.
17:20
Marni Battista: Yeah, you know that's a great question.
17:22
Marni Battista: So before that actually I've been working with a business consultant and my old business was very limited in that I was only helping people in their dating life, like that was my forward facing brand.
17:36
Marni Battista: I was a dating coach but, I, had all these clients that were staying with me for years and years and they were building their dream life.
17:42
Marni Battista: And, um, I was talking to this consultant and he asked me a really great question.
17:48
Marni Battista: Um, and he said, what's the soul of your business?
17:53
Marni Battista: And I was like well, the soul of my business is helping women fall in love with themselves and then living a life that's beyond their wildest dreams.
18:04
Marni Battista: And he's like and how did they do that?
18:08
Marni Battista: And I said well, they have to be courageous.
18:11
Marni Battista: And he's like well, that's really what your business is and that's how the Institute for Living Courageously was formed.
18:16
Marni Battista: Oh, my goodness.
18:26
Cassandra: I like that.
18:26
Cassandra: What's the soul of your business?
18:30
Cassandra: Wow, I love that.
18:31
Cassandra: So so the fall, the selling of the home, the, the healing all of was, it was like your truth seeking journey.
18:44
Cassandra: I mean that got to that, that truth of who you really were.
18:45
Cassandra: So you know, cause a lot of us identify ourselves with the work we do and that's not who we are, Right, Right.
18:51
Cassandra: And then when the work is gone, then who are we?
18:54
Cassandra: You know, it reminds me of a professional football player, professional, and when that's when they're done, it's like now what?
19:05
Marni Battista: That is so great.
19:06
Marni Battista: You know, it's really I I.
19:07
Marni Battista: This really resonated with me when I heard it.
19:10
Marni Battista: So I love sports, I love football in particularly.
19:12
Marni Battista: But I was watching a documentary about this, these college students at Michigan that were wanting to be professional football players, and there was this one kid and he'd go to class and he'd sit in the back row and he'd fall asleep.
19:25
Marni Battista: And so the the you know the university had a tutor for him or an academic support.
19:30
Marni Battista: And she was like dude, I told you like why are you sitting in the back row?
19:35
Marni Battista: Like you need to focus.
19:36
Marni Battista: And he goes well, I can fall asleep in the back row Cause I can lean my head back.
19:40
Marni Battista: And she said I don't remember his name.
19:43
Marni Battista: But she said what does the NFL really stand for?
19:48
Marni Battista: And he goes, not for long.
19:51
Marni Battista: And she goes, you're right, what do you want to do after the NFL?
19:56
Marni Battista: And he's like I want to be a consultant, I want to.
19:59
Marni Battista: She was like then you need to sit your ass in the front row.
20:02
Marni Battista: And I think that that is like a metaphor for life.
20:05
Marni Battista: Right, you can.
20:05
Marni Battista: You could take the easy way.
20:07
Marni Battista: You could sit in the back row.
20:08
Marni Battista: You can, like you know, be like, yeah, I want to, you know, do this thing, and then just kind of fall asleep, right Right.
20:37
Marni Battista: Or you can be like, wait, no, this is really what I want to do.
20:40
Marni Battista: I need to show up, I need to sit in the front row, I need to, I need to pay.
20:44
Marni Battista: Pay attention, because life is not for long.
20:47
Cassandra: Life is not for long.
20:48
Marni Battista: So it's it's a really a really powerful, powerful message about, like, how we want to look at our life.
20:57
Cassandra: Oh, I love that.
20:58
Cassandra: Ooh, not for long, I think I've ever heard that.
21:00
Cassandra: But you know what?
21:01
Cassandra: I want to start using that Right.
21:04
Marni Battista: Because it's true, I'm playing my first year of fantasy football, cassandra, okay yeah.
21:09
Marni Battista: And I've loved football and I watched football.
21:11
Marni Battista: For those of you who don't like football, I promise stay with me, there's a lesson I didn't know, so I just watched my teams.
21:18
Marni Battista: I like my teams, yay Go team, watch Superbowl, whatever.
21:25
Marni Battista: So now that I have this whole, this team that I was managing, I did not realize how often these, these guys, get injured, like really injured, and they're out and they're in and they're out and they're in and um, it takes a lot of tenacity and really commitment to the longterm, the way they don't give up, hurt and when they get out.
21:40
Marni Battista: And I've learned a lot about my own resiliency and what happens in the face of challenge, when the universe makes it look like you're not meant to do this thing, and how do you show up?
21:49
Marni Battista: And they show up, they go out and they play like they're going to win every single week.
21:53
Marni Battista: And and I really think that that's an important, important message, because when you want to change, when you have something that you want to do, often the universe will test six weeks from now, you might not be able to play, and so do you want to like, sit there and be like, why is this happening to me?
22:23
Marni Battista: Or do you want to do the work so that, when the moment comes, you're ready?
22:27
Marni Battista: Or the guys who are the second or third string, yeah, practice every day even though they don't know if they're going to play.
22:34
Marni Battista: And then all of a sudden, the middle of the game they're in.
22:38
Cassandra: That's right, exactly.
22:40
Cassandra: Great analogy.
22:41
Cassandra: You're this analogy queen.
22:44
Marni Battista: I am my secret talent.
22:46
Marni Battista: I am loving this.
22:47
Cassandra: I am loving this.
22:48
Cassandra: So you're in the RV for a year.
22:52
Cassandra: Yes, a lot happened, I can tell.
22:54
Cassandra: You had some revelations and, as a result of that, it sounds like you evolved even more.
23:02
Cassandra: In that, and I like to hear, because one of the things you talked about on your life on your terms, you know, like living courageously on your terms and I say that to live in your best life on your terms what do you mean by on your terms?
23:18
Marni Battista: That's such an awesome question.
23:19
Marni Battista: I think that most people don't even know what that means, because they're so conditioned with the shoulds of what their life should look like.
23:29
Marni Battista: And a lot of people if this is you, I'm just going to call you out a little they kind of get attached to being in that victim mentality where they don't have to decide, Like I can't, anyway, it would never happen.
23:44
Marni Battista: You don't know my situation, you don't you know.
23:47
Marni Battista: They argue for their limitations and I say can I swear on your podcast?
23:53
Marni Battista: Go ahead.
23:54
Marni Battista: I say bullshit, Like why are you?
23:57
Marni Battista: Why?
23:58
Marni Battista: What do you get out of not being empowered and having agency over what you want?
24:02
Marni Battista: Because you have to know what you want to go get it.
24:05
Marni Battista: And I think a lot of ladies out there don't really think about what their terms are, because they just believe that they can't have it and underneath that is the belief they don't deserve it or they don't, or they're afraid to fail, or they're afraid to succeed or whatever it is.
24:19
Marni Battista: So I think, on your terms means something different for every person, and it's really based on what I call your soul map.
24:26
Marni Battista: Like what is it that you love?
24:29
Marni Battista: Like, how do you love to carry it out best, what are the conditions in which you thrive and what are the core motivations that make you feel like you're in flow?
24:36
Marni Battista: If it's not resonant at a soul level, it's a hell no, and we don't want to have hell no's in our life or just figure out how to live with them and wait for one day.
24:46
Cassandra: Right, that's right.
24:48
Cassandra: I read something that says about how you identify and resolve thoughts and behavior patterns that prevent success in personal and professional spaces.
25:03
Cassandra: How do you identify that in individuals?
25:07
Cassandra: How do you do that?
25:09
Marni Battista: Yeah, that's such a fun question to answer.
25:11
Marni Battista: I think that when you look at a person's life, I don't know about you, but one of my favorite things that clients do is when I first start working with them, they want to show me their calendar.
25:23
Marni Battista: They want to, like, show me how busy they are.
25:32
Marni Battista: Okay, okay, they're like you know, girl, I can't look, I can't date, I can't work out, I can't cook, I can't make time for friends, I don't have any time for fun.
25:41
Marni Battista: I mean, look, look, marnie, you know.
25:48
Marni Battista: And um, and it's so, it's like well, let's start looking at the rules that you have that allow your life to be so busy and programmed by other people and obligations and rules that you're literally waiting for your life to start till some other situation outside your control changes right.
26:08
Marni Battista: And so just from that one exercise we can uncover so many limiting beliefs.
26:16
Marni Battista: I had a client I've been telling this story a lot because it's just mind blowing who told me she's a single mom and executive very high level, two teenage daughters Um, no dad in the picture uh, telling me that she has to wake up at three in the morning to do the laundry.
26:29
Marni Battista: Oh, that's the only time she has time to do it.
26:33
Marni Battista: And I was like, okay, well, what?
26:37
Marni Battista: And she told me why.
26:39
Marni Battista: Well, you know, you know I work really hard.
26:44
Marni Battista: So to be a good mom, I need to like, volunteer and I need to show, I need to be a good mom.
26:49
Marni Battista: Well, what is a good mom to you?
26:50
Marni Battista: Well, you know you, you volunteer to sew the costumes for the play that my kids are in.
26:56
Marni Battista: You offer to bake the cookies no, they can't be from the store.
27:00
Marni Battista: You offer to drive.
27:05
Marni Battista: You do all these things, and at work, you just have to say yes.
27:11
Marni Battista: Because I'm on the chopping block every day when I look at her life at the beginning and then what happened after starting to break through these and start to let go of them the one, the, the, the salient point your listeners can take from this is that she finally got to this idea that I matter.
27:30
Marni Battista: My needs are as important as other people's needs, and so we don't.
27:37
Marni Battista: we could still be a good mom and go to the play and and support you and cheer, but I don't.
27:42
Marni Battista: I don't need to always be the one to make the costumes, even if I'm really good at it.
27:46
Marni Battista: I can.
27:46
Marni Battista: I can go to the store and get cookies.
27:49
Marni Battista: Uh, you know, I can tell my boss like you know what.
27:53
Marni Battista: Uh, I'm going to miss something really important for my kids, so I have to leave early for this conference.
27:59
Marni Battista: My client like at the end of our time working together, not only did she set boundaries at work, but she got offered a massive promotion.
28:10
Marni Battista: She healed the relationship with her kids.
28:13
Marni Battista: She started to make friends.
28:15
Marni Battista: She lost like 60 pounds.
28:16
Marni Battista: She got, she got ready and got excited about started to date.
28:21
Marni Battista: She healed the relationship with her adult siblings and her parents, cause she was also like I'm the only caretaker, like my siblings are irresponsible.
28:31
Marni Battista: I have to take care of my parents.
28:32
Marni Battista: There's so much possibility when you remember that you matter.
28:37
Cassandra: Yeah, marnie, that that was really good because, you know, I always ask my clients.
28:41
Cassandra: I'm like so where did that come from that?
28:46
Cassandra: You had to do this, you had to do the clothes at three, you had to make the costumes, you had to bake the cookies, when does that come from?
28:53
Cassandra: You know?
28:54
Cassandra: And once they figure out, it's like first of all you made her aware Listen to this, you have to do this, this, this, so where did that come?
29:04
Marni Battista: from.
29:05
Cassandra: And a lot of the stuff can come from our childhood.
29:07
Cassandra: This is the things we believe we should do.
29:09
Cassandra: We should do that.
29:10
Cassandra: We should that.
29:11
Cassandra: Well, can you change the narrative?
29:12
Cassandra: Why don't we change the narrative?
29:14
Cassandra: And that's something that you had her do, and kudos to you because her life is transformed just based on what you're sharing.
29:23
Marni Battista: Yeah, and it makes her.
29:23
Marni Battista: Her parents were alcoholics, like, so she's been being the responsible ones.
29:28
Marni Battista: She was like 12 years old.
29:30
Cassandra: Yes, yes, she was in charge of everything.
29:32
Cassandra: She had to take care of everything.
29:34
Cassandra: Wow, that's wow, what a breakthrough for her.
29:37
Cassandra: Wow, now you talked about I can't wait to get to the rabbi question but the things you talked about is how does one know if it's the right or wrong thing to do?
29:51
Marni Battista: Love that.
29:52
Marni Battista: So one of the things that I believe is and I talked about this earlier is that our soul is our unique guide, our GPS, our navigational system for what is resonant with who we really are, and it will tell us what is dissonant.
30:13
Marni Battista: And I think there's a couple of things.
30:15
Marni Battista: One of us don't.
30:16
Marni Battista: We don't listen, we don't even we're not aware there's a line of connection.
30:20
Marni Battista: So we have to actually understand there's a line of connection, learn how to access that connection and then start understanding what that feels like, and then how do you start following it?
30:32
Marni Battista: And once you understand what that resonance is is like it becomes easier to do what I call holographic decision-making which is uh, yes, there's intellectual decisions, right, that we have to make right.
30:50
Marni Battista: So there's like I need clarity, I need facts, I need data, Right.
30:53
Marni Battista: Um, and then there's an emotional piece that we need to look at, Like what are my feelings around this, Making sure that I'm coming from my adult self and not my wounded self.
31:03
Marni Battista: And then there's this spiritual component, Like is this resonant?
31:08
Marni Battista: Like what is my intuition?
31:10
Marni Battista: What is this in terms of aligning really with who I am in the world, so that it feels like ease, flow and grace.
31:19
Marni Battista: And when you have this holographic decision-making system in place, then you're able to really discern what is a hell yes.
31:29
Marni Battista: And I learned this from a gentleman named Greg McKeown who wrote this book, Essentialism.
31:34
Cassandra: And he says if it's not a hell yes, then it's a no says if it's not a hell yes, then it's a no, that's good, that's good.
31:43
Cassandra: That reminds me of a movie that I saw and I can't even remember the name of it, but Maya Angelou was in the movie and this young lady was trying to figure out whether she should marry this guy Right, and she says well, I tell you this if you have to think about don't do it yeah, exactly, yeah, it should be a hell yes, yeah, exactly so I like that.
32:03
Cassandra: I love that.
32:03
Cassandra: I'm so, girl, you are something else thanks, cassandra.
32:09
Marni Battista: I think you're just a great interviewer you're a great podcast host.
32:12
Marni Battista: Wow, now I.
32:14
Marni Battista: You know I'm.
32:15
Cassandra: I can't wait to talk about the seven questions.
32:18
Cassandra: Okay, the rabbi.
32:20
Cassandra: Now what we didn't say.
32:22
Cassandra: Doing your year in the RV?
32:24
Cassandra: Okay, did you, would you say?
32:29
Cassandra: I would say, but would you say that's one form of living courageously.
32:34
Cassandra: Oh yeah, okay, all right.
32:38
Marni Battista: Yeah, and it's not just in the living in the RV.
32:40
Marni Battista: It was changing my life completely.
32:43
Cassandra: Okay, Okay, Good Cause I want to.
32:44
Cassandra: I want to stay with that topic.
32:46
Cassandra: We had Now the questions.
32:49
Cassandra: Imagine being asked from the gates of heaven to determine whether one has lived a meaningful life.
32:57
Cassandra: What are those questions?
32:59
Marni Battista: Okay, so there's seven of them.
33:01
Marni Battista: They're in my book.
33:03
Marni Battista: They're literally listed on the.
33:05
Marni Battista: Gave it away, the publisher gave it away.
33:07
Marni Battista: They're on like the back cover.
33:09
Marni Battista: You're on the.
33:10
Marni Battista: You go to Amazon.
33:10
Marni Battista: You're listening to questions.
33:12
Marni Battista: Um but what I want to talk about is, um, I always have, like, in every podcast, there's like, uh, a question that feels really resonant, and so, uh, the one that was on my mind this morning.
33:25
Marni Battista: And I, I really do.
33:26
Marni Battista: Sometimes I wake up.
33:27
Marni Battista: I don't know about you, but sometimes I wake up and I'm like this isn't working.
33:32
Marni Battista: Why is this happening?
33:33
Marni Battista: What should I do about that?
33:34
Marni Battista: You know, and I forget.
33:35
Marni Battista: I'm like, wait a minute.
33:36
Marni Battista: That's the old way of thinking about what makes a meaningful life you know, pivot.
33:42
Marni Battista: So the question in my mind this morning, um is, were you hopeful?
33:46
Marni Battista: And that's one of the questions Were you hopeful?
33:51
Marni Battista: And it's asked in the form of did you count your blessings?
33:54
Marni Battista: And I think that a lot of people understand gratitude at a basic level.
34:04
Marni Battista: They're like oh yeah, I'm supposed to be grateful, but what I invite people to sort of develop the practice of is this idea of appreciation.
34:18
Marni Battista: So if I would say there's three levels to gratitude, one is like I am grateful for this amazing big water bottle, right, and you can say you're grateful for something and sometimes you can feel it, that's level one.
34:33
Marni Battista: Level two is appreciation.
34:34
Marni Battista: So if I just ask your listeners to think like what do you really appreciate in your life?
34:40
Marni Battista: Maybe it's that person who said, like your hair looks amazing today, right.
34:45
Marni Battista: Or appreciate that your boss, like gave you an afternoon off because you know you had something going on and it was easy to get out of work.
34:55
Marni Battista: Like we get a feeling in our body when we think like, wow, I really appreciated that.
34:59
Marni Battista: When we get quiet, yeah.
35:01
Marni Battista: The third level, which is magical, which I talk about in the study of this question, is did you have wonder, wonder?
35:14
Marni Battista: I think of it like childlike, wonder If you've ever watched a little kid, or you've gone with a little kid to like Disneyland, or you know we're in the holidays, like you watch kids, like you know build a snowman, right, or like you know whatever it is, and they're just like, wow, that's the coolest thing ever, right?
35:36
Marni Battista: It's like looking at life through a child's eyes.
35:38
Marni Battista: Yeah, Because, they have wonder and appreciation and gratitude and marvel.
35:43
Marni Battista: And what I invite your listeners and the readers of this book to do is think about if you had wonder for the most mundane things in your life, how could that change how you feel about your life?
35:59
Marni Battista: You know, like wonder at like, the magic of like.
36:04
Marni Battista: I was looking at the trees, it snowed and I learned last year that the reason why the leaves fall off the trees is because they literally don't have energy to sustain even one little dangling leaf.
36:17
Marni Battista: And if they had that one dangling leaf, that means when spring comes they're not going to have as much energy to grow beautiful leaves.
36:25
Marni Battista: That we see in the spring and the summer, and I was thinking about that this morning because I was looking at these beautiful leafless aspen trees and I thought you could think that those were ugly and it's like wow, winter, grr.
36:40
Marni Battista: And I was like God, look how beautiful they are.
36:43
Marni Battista: They're just standing proud and tall and naked as hell, with no leaves, like ready for it.
36:51
Marni Battista: It like receiving the cold and holding on to the weight of the snow and below the ground, like all of all this magic is happening, you know, and I just was like wow, I have wonder at like just the fact that, like literally on cue, yeah, like it's a time of the year and winter happens, that's, that's kind of a miracle, yeah, even with climate change and so think of all the things you could think about like you drink your cup of coffee.
37:19
Marni Battista: How did you even, how did that coffee even that bean land in your house?
37:23
Marni Battista: You know, like the sheets that you're laying on, like they feel soft, like feeling that and being like, damn, that's pretty amazing.
37:32
Marni Battista: Like I get to feel this sensation.
37:35
Marni Battista: So in my book one of the questions is you know, did you count your blessings?
37:39
Marni Battista: Like, are you really focused on in creating and cultivating wonder, childlike wonder?
37:45
Marni Battista: When you do that like you're, like walking through life, if we can remember to do it just in a state of joy.
37:52
Cassandra: Yeah, yeah.
37:53
Cassandra: Now those questions like how did you come up with that?
37:58
Cassandra: Like the rabbis, imagine that's just your creativity.
38:05
Cassandra: Like was it doing?
38:14
Marni Battista: like, was it doing?
38:14
Marni Battista: So?
38:15
Marni Battista: I'll tell you so.
38:15
Marni Battista: Um, so in the jewish, uh, in the jewish literature, there's this thing called the talmud, which is like this ancient text, you know, and uh, lots of different uh leaders, rabbinic leaders, uh had questions and then they would discuss them.
38:28
Marni Battista: Like one of the foundations of Judaism is like conflict and discussing and points of view and opinions, and so there's a whole section in there about, like, what really makes a meaningful life.
38:40
Marni Battista: And I was sitting, my dad had died, as I said, and I was at a Jewish service and the rabbi gave a sermon about these questions and I started to think like my dad was so hard on himself because he grew up in this like very wealthy neighborhood as a kid and he said all his friends like did so well and he did well, but not at their level.
38:58
Marni Battista: And I think, to some extent, he always felt like he didn't achieve enough and I was like that's such a that's, as he would say, such a crock of shit, like he was such an amazing, loved person and it was like more than enough.
39:09
Marni Battista: Um, I thought, well, wait, just thinking about my dad, am I leading a meaningful life?
39:15
Marni Battista: And that was in the moment with that accident.
39:17
Marni Battista: That's where I was like I need to re, I need to pivot, like how am I really going to decide this?
39:22
Marni Battista: And so I found out about these questions and I really started to study them.
39:25
Marni Battista: Um, and then in my book I was like I need to universalize these, I need to modernize these, I need to really create a frameworkice nurse who made a decision that she was going to interview individuals that were transitioning and to find out what their regrets were.
39:56
Cassandra: Yeah, and there were five regrets, but the two that really resonate.
39:59
Cassandra: The other three were like I wish I didn't work so hard, spend more time with family travel, but the other two was like I wish I could have been more true to myself.
40:08
Cassandra: And the second one was I wish I were happier.
40:12
Cassandra: And I was like, wow, that is so deep to me.
40:16
Cassandra: And that's when I'm like, my goodness, I started thinking, and you know, you know, am I happy?
40:22
Cassandra: Well, what does that look like?
40:23
Cassandra: You know, because I don't think at times we even know unless we're asked.
40:27
Cassandra: You know, as you indicated, all we do is go through life.
40:30
Cassandra: You know, as you indicated, all we do is go through life.
40:33
Cassandra: You know, when you, when you go to school, you graduate, you go to college some of us then you're supposed to get married, supposed to have kids, supposed to get a house, dah, dah, dah.
40:38
Cassandra: And who says that?
40:39
Cassandra: I mean, where did that come from?
40:41
Cassandra: So I love that, because I just couldn't wait, because, for me, I'm not afraid to die.
40:53
Marni Battista: My fear is am I going to live?
40:54
Marni Battista: Yes, I love that.
40:54
Marni Battista: I love the way I I'm with you on that.
40:55
Marni Battista: I never thought about it like that, but that is that is true, right, like I want to live as well, as well as I can.
41:03
Marni Battista: Um, and I think one thing that you said um was something like about how this is like a fundamental thing, and I realized, like the word fun is in that, and I think for a lot of ladies, they're so busy striving and worrying and focusing on what's not working as we all do that they forget to have fun.
41:25
Marni Battista: And when they show me that calendar, fun is like the last thing on the list.
41:30
Cassandra: Exactly Fun and play Right.
41:33
Cassandra: That's right.
41:34
Cassandra: Dr Seuss says fun is good Fun is good.
41:39
Marni Battista: My adult kids came for the holiday and it snowed like 30 inches or something and my husband made like a sledding in the backyard and my kids grew up in California, so in Arizona, so, like the, these kids never played in the snow before and they were like I want to go sledding, Uh.
41:58
Marni Battista: And they played for two days literally in the snow and I went.
42:01
Marni Battista: I split.
42:02
Marni Battista: I went down there and we were all like, and we all were talking about how, um, and they're in their mid to late twenties and they were like, damn, I'm not playing enough.
42:11
Marni Battista: And that was in their twenties.
42:12
Marni Battista: So imagine all of us in our fifties like our thirties, our sixties.
42:16
Marni Battista: We have to play.
42:18
Marni Battista: We have to program in time for play.
42:21
Cassandra: Exactly.
42:22
Cassandra: And the kids?
42:22
Cassandra: That was a wonder for them.
42:24
Cassandra: They were loving it.
42:25
Marni Battista: Yeah, for sure it was fun.
42:26
Marni Battista: The videos are epic it.
42:27
Marni Battista: Yeah, for sure it was fun.
42:28
Marni Battista: The videos are epic, yes, yeah.
42:31
Cassandra: Now, marnie is your book.
42:34
Cassandra: I thought I saw somewhere that it was going to be done in 2025.
42:38
Cassandra: Is it?
42:38
Marni Battista: published already, so it's available for pre-sale, pre-order now, so you can get it on Amazon, barnesandnoblecom, target, walmart, like everywhere, and it will be released.
42:51
Marni Battista: So you'll get to actually get your copy in your hands February 5th.
42:55
Marni Battista: There's also an audible version that I recorded, which was really fun and interesting to read my book aloud.
43:02
Marni Battista: So that's available as well and, yeah, I really recommend that you get it.
43:09
Cassandra: I am, I'm going to get it, and I know many of my listeners are going to get it.
43:11
Cassandra: I am, I'm gonna get it, and I know many of my listeners are gonna get it, because it's time for us, those who are not, to live courageously.
43:17
Cassandra: Now there's one other thing that I know my listeners would love to get that phenomenal quiz that you have.
43:26
Cassandra: Oh my gosh, you missed it the personality type quiz.
43:32
Cassandra: I'm like, oh my gosh, I couldn't wait to take it and I want to say what do you think I was?
43:37
Cassandra: But I'll, we don't have a lot of time.
43:38
Marni Battista: I bet you're a creator.
43:40
Marni Battista: Were you a creator I was.
43:41
Marni Battista: Good job.
43:42
Marni Battista: I was like this girl's a creator for sure.
43:47
Cassandra: I sure was, and I wanted my my listeners to to take that quiz.
43:53
Cassandra: I think it's fascinating.
43:55
Cassandra: I was so, you know.
43:57
Cassandra: I even had to think about some of the questions.
43:59
Cassandra: I'm like, no, don't think about it, just go ahead and do it and from that you create a soul map from that quiz.
44:05
Marni Battista: Yeah.
44:05
Marni Battista: So it starts to show you like where the like, where your soul, where, where your soul map, what it looks like and the parts that you need to expand and based on.
44:18
Marni Battista: So it's kind of like where you're thinking, where you're feeling, what's holding you back, where you're not living into your soul map, and so it's very insightful and also gives you direction.
44:30
Marni Battista: What's interesting is over a thousand people have taken that quiz so far, and when I get the amazing opportunity to engage with people about it and I say, how long have you been a settler, how long have you been a wanderer or how long have you been a dreamer?
44:47
Marni Battista: Those are some of the categories People are like for as long as I can remember, and all that's telling me is that if you don't take action to figure out how to find your courage, the data is kind of showing like time or changing circumstances or a different economy or a different age, or when your parents or when your kids, you know, fill in the blank yeah, it's just you're gonna keep doing it.
45:16
Marni Battista: So it's kind of a wake-up call wow.
45:20
Cassandra: So I'm gonna call your quiz a call to action it is a call to action.
45:24
Cassandra: Yeah, I'm gonna call that a call to action and that is is on your um on your website.
45:32
Marni Battista: It's on, so you can find it at marniebattistacom or you can go to decode your destiny quizcom, which is easy to remember.
45:41
Marni Battista: Decode your destiny quizcom.
45:45
Cassandra: Wow Great.
45:46
Cassandra: I know they're going to look at that, because I couldn't wait to do the quiz.
45:50
Marni Battista: Yeah, and then if you do the quiz and then if you want to have a conversation with me, kind of like kind of looking at your soul map and kind of going walking through, that, I'm happy to do that too, and there's an opportunity to do it, because I love to collect my data.
46:08
Marni Battista: Yeah, I can tell you a data girl.
46:09
Marni Battista: I just you know.
46:09
Marni Battista: I always tell my kids, my husband, my clients data, not drama.
46:13
Marni Battista: What's the data showing you?
46:17
Cassandra: Exactly, exactly, exactly.
46:19
Cassandra: So I'd like for you to share, based on my listeners and what my podcast is about, any other words of wisdom that you can provide them to get them unstuck.
46:32
Cassandra: Let's make that move.
46:33
Cassandra: Just let's just do it, because I believe there's some listeners here that, based on our conversation, they're gonna like okay, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna take that quiz and I'm gonna get out of my way and I'm gonna start living more courageously.
46:49
Marni Battista: Oh.
46:49
Cassandra: I love that If Marnie could follow somebody fall down, hurt herself and how resilient she was to, like you know what.
47:02
Cassandra: This is not this.
47:04
Cassandra: This is not my life.
47:05
Cassandra: I want to live a victorious, courageous life.
47:09
Cassandra: So what will you have to tell my listeners so they can do the same?
47:13
Marni Battista: Okay, this is what I've noticed and this speaks specifically to you the title of your book.
47:19
Marni Battista: I think that I'm going to tell your listeners, I'm going to ask a question and then I'm going to tell you.
47:27
Marni Battista: The question is are you more committed to your bullshit?
47:30
Marni Battista: Are you more committed to your vision?
47:32
Marni Battista: Because I hear a lot of people arguing for their way, arguing for their limitations, arguing for what sucks and finding a consensus, building getting a tribe of people who agree with you that it sucks.
47:49
Marni Battista: And notice your words.
47:54
Marni Battista: You know like.
47:55
Marni Battista: If you're like.
47:56
Marni Battista: Here's another example.
47:57
Marni Battista: Let me tell you the quality of your words, the quality of the conversations you're having.
48:02
Marni Battista: If you are arguing for your way, that's in your way you're never going to get there.
48:08
Marni Battista: So it's time to stop arguing for your dreams instead of your limitations.
48:14
Cassandra: Oh, that's good.
48:15
Cassandra: That's good, marnie.
48:17
Cassandra: I tell you we hear about nuggets.
48:20
Cassandra: Like you just spread so many nuggets, but to me I call it diamonds.
48:24
Cassandra: I mean you just raised the bar.
48:28
Cassandra: Oh, thank you.
48:30
Cassandra: You have sprinkles of all of this and I'm just so thankful to have had you on my show.
48:36
Cassandra: And, like I tell my listeners, I know that this show has blessed you and you know somebody else that it will bless, and I encourage you to forward it.
48:48
Cassandra: I also encourage you, number one.
48:49
Cassandra: It will bless and I encourage you to forward it.
48:50
Cassandra: I also encourage you, number one it's going to be on all podcast platforms and if you like this show, I'm pretty certain you're going to like the other ones.
48:59
Cassandra: So I ask that you subscribe and like.
49:02
Cassandra: And, marnie, again, bye for now.
49:06
Cassandra: Blessings to you, my listeners, bye for now and God bless you.
49:10
Cassandra: And Marnie, oh my gosh, thank you so much.
49:14
Marni Battista: My pleasure Mwah to all of you love.