Latest / LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships / #52: How to Help Your Adult Child Build Real Connections, Confidence, and Happiness

Transcript

#52: How to Help Your Adult Child Build Real Connections, Confidence, and Happiness · LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships

0:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch, a podcast for parents with older kids in their 20s and 30s who are struggling to launch into adulthood.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: And just so I'm clear, I'm not talking about all adult children.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: If your son or daughter has any of the following, a diagnosed mental illness, a neurodevelopmental disorder, a physical disability, a chronic health condition, any type of addiction, or is going through a temporary situational crisis, they should be getting professional treatment, medical supervision, and of course, all of your help.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: I don't want any confusion.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: There's a big difference between an adult child who can't launch and one who won't.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Knowing what you're dealing with will guide your approach.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: So this podcast is geared towards young adults who are unmotivated, insecure, unsure, immature, disrespectful, disobedient, lack basic life skills, and they choose to be entirely dependent on you.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: In fact, they're far more capable than they appear.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: They can live productive, responsible, and purposeful lives.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: They just need your guidance, patience, and wisdom to get there.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: And maybe you need a little help too, which is exactly what I hope I bring into your life.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: Along with these solo episodes, I often sit down with guests, experts, parents, and sometimes young adults themselves to share real stories, insights, and strategies that not only help you navigate this stage of parenting, but enable you to build a stronger, more respectful, and loving relationship with your adult child.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed this podcast, please remember to hit the follow button so you never miss an episode and always share it with someone who might need to hear it too.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: When it comes to raising children, we've all heard the expression, it takes a village.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: Traditionally, that village was made up of those closest to us, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, even neighbors who felt like extended family.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: Bringing up kids was never a job you did alone.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: If a parent was exhausted, someone was able to step in.
2:33
SPEAKER_00: If a child needed guidance or a helping hand, there was always an elder, a mentor, or a trusted friend nearby.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: But today, the meaning of it takes a village has changed.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Families are spread out, neighbors keep to themselves, and many parents feel like they're carrying the weight of raising their kids entirely on their own.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: I know I did.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: For years I was a single mom raising my son practically alone.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: But don't get me wrong, as hard as it was at times, I wouldn't have changed a thing.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: More on that topic in an upcoming episode.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: The truth is for many of us, married or single, that village is gone.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: The support of extended family has been replaced by long stretches of solitude and screen time.
3:26
SPEAKER_00: Adult children are hiding out alone in their rooms, finding comfort in online friends, yet isolated from real connection to the outside world.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: And parents feel the loneliness too.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: After work, it's easy to fall into the same routine, scrolling through their social media feed, comparing your life to everyone else's highlight reels, which only adds to that feeling that things at home aren't where you hoped they'd be.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's you.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: You stay busy, you get things done, but underneath it all there's that frustration, the worry, and the mental exhaustion that never really leaves.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: The truth is you're not that far off from your adult child.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: You're both stuck in a kind of standstill, living under the same roof but growing further apart, each feeling alone in your own way.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: They feel untethered, unmotivated, and disconnected from real life, while you feel helpless, drained, and completely alone, desperately trying to reach them, which is why community and social connection become essential.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Because when you have people around you who truly understand you, that comfort alone can restore hope, lift your spirit, and give you strength to keep moving forward.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: In this episode, I want to talk about the importance of community for both your young adult and for you, because the evidence is crystal clear.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: Meaningful relationships are the strongest predictors of happiness, mental well-being, and even longevity.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: First, we'll look at what studies show, and then I'll share practical ways for you to start building lasting connections.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: Real quick, here are the three most powerful studies on this topic.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: First, there's the Harvard Study of Adult Development.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: This is the longest running study of its kind.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: It began back in 1938 and it's still going today.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: It has literally followed generations of people for almost 80 years.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: The results of this study couldn't be clearer.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: People who maintain close, caring relationships live longer, healthier, and are far more happier than those who don't.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: For example, the folks who had warm, supportive connections at age 50 were healthier and more content at the age of 80, meaning their relationships have literally been protecting both their mental health and physical well-being more than any other factor.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: The second study is this massive meta-analysis that was led by Julianne Holt Lunstad.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: She analyzed 148 studies involving more than 300,000 people, and the results were striking.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: Those with strong social connections lived about 50% longer than those who were isolated.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: The impact of close relationships was as powerful as quitting smoking or maintaining a healthy weight.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: In other words, community isn't just good for us, it's as essential to our health as diet and exercise is.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: And the third study was done by Ed Diner and Martin Seligman, who wanted to understand what makes people genuinely happy.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: What they discovered was simple but powerful.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: The people who felt most fulfilled in their lives weren't the wealthiest, the smartest, or the most successful.
7:06
SPEAKER_00: They were the ones with the most meaningful relationships.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: Over and over, it was the quality of their connections that made them the happiest.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: So the bottom line is this if you want to protect your mental health, live longer, and feel more joy, the answer is with our friends and family members who make us laugh, lift our spirits, and show up when we need them the most.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: They are the greatest gifts in our life.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: What I'm about to share next is something I'm sure you've heard before, but it's worth repeating because sometimes we forget how powerful this truth really is.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: And hopefully you can share it with your kids because they need to hear this.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: When people reach the end of their lives, their greatest regrets were the relationships they neglected, the friends they lost touch with, the time they didn't spend with the people who mattered most, and the words they never said.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: Palliative care nurses were among the first to notice this pattern.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: Spending so much time with patients in their final days, they began hearing the same reflections over and over again.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: Deep regret on the absence of meaningful relationships.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: One nurse in particular, Bronnie Ware, wrote about these experiences in her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
8:30
SPEAKER_00: After years of patient interviews, she found that the most common regret she recorded was, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: Because the fact is, human beings are social creatures.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: We're meant to connect, to belong, and to share our lives with others.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: But let me be clear: being social doesn't mean you have to be outgoing and love crowds.
8:57
SPEAKER_00: It's about feeling genuinely connected to another human being on the most personal level.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: It's about having someone you can talk to, share some time with, or simply feel heard and understood.
9:10
SPEAKER_00: Whether that's one close friend or a small family circle, it's those types of relationships that we benefit from the most.
9:18
SPEAKER_00: So what happens when your adult child doesn't have any real in-person connections?
9:25
SPEAKER_00: Their motivation and confidence begins to collapse.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: Their world starts to shrink.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: They've lost the mirrors that healthy relationships provide.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: People to encourage them, to challenge them, to remind them of their worth and to help them see what's possible for their life.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: Isolation is so dangerous.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: I've spoken about this in an episode 47.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: It slowly chips away at identity and direction, and over time it increases depression and anxiety.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: That's why you helping your adult child to rebuild real-world connections is one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about your approach and how you can gently guide them to start discovering real life community.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: First of all, it's a slow and patient process.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: Have conversations about what they used to like.
10:23
SPEAKER_00: You can ask, what's one thing you wish you could try again, something you used to enjoy?
10:30
SPEAKER_00: The goal is to help them rediscover their interests outside of the home.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: Once they find a sense of belonging, a group, an activity, or an environment where they feel accepted and connected, everything begins to shift.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: Their confidence grows, motivation returns, and life starts to open up again.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: Listen, I know what some of you might be thinking.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: I've suggested this before.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: I've already brought it up, they're not interested.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: They have no desire to go anywhere or meet anyone.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: But that's the problem.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: You've let it go for so long that they've lost the desire to step outside and meet people.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: So what now?
11:14
SPEAKER_00: You're just gonna let them stay inside because they want to?
11:18
SPEAKER_00: That's your kids' life.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: And they're living in your home.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: If you know what's best for them, how can you continue to let them make poor choices?
11:28
SPEAKER_00: It drives me crazy when I hear parents say I can't force them.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: They are not in a good place.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: They're making decisions for themselves that are not healthy.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: When parents tell me they're afraid, this is what you should be afraid of.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: The isolation, the social disconnection.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to give up.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: But instead of pushing too hard and nagging them and making them feel even worse, start with baby steps.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: Take them with you to run errands.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: No pressure there.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: Make the activity something as mundane as grabbing groceries, a coffee, maybe a trip to the library to borrow some books.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: Head over to the mall together.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: The last thing I want you to do is run their errands or bring takeout food home for them.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: That's the opposite of this exercise.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: You're just enabling them to live their life like a hermit.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: You're their parent.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: You can help remind them what their past interests were.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: The point is you need to help them see how important it is to start reconnecting, to build a new social network, one friend at a time.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: I always found that when I suggested things to my kids, even if it was met with resistance, rolled eyes, or even a dismissive tone, it always planted a seed in their mind.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: And then I let it sit there for a while.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: Quite often my kids would come back to the suggestion on their own when they were ready.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: And don't ever underestimate the impact you have on your adult kids' lives, positive and negative.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: Even silently, by modeling social connection, letting them see you reaching out to friends and engaging in family gatherings or joining something new.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: I truly believe that the best influences we have on our kids isn't what we say but what we do.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: So here are five suggestions that research has shown are the best ways for young adults to start building real social connections again.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: Number one, encourage them to volunteer.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: Whether it's an animal shelter, a food bank, or a community event, volunteering gives them purpose, structure, and a chance to meet caring people.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: And helping others builds confidence and belonging.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: Number two, suggest a class or a workshop that fits their interests, cooking, photography, art, something computer or AI related, anything that gets them learning, creating, and doing alongside others.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: Shared experiences create natural low pressure connection.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: Number three, get them moving.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: Joining a gym with weekly fitness classes, a sports league, or an outdoor group not only helps with their mental health, but it introduces them to people who are focused on growth.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: Number four, if they're struggling emotionally, encourage them to join a mental health support group where they're surrounded by like-minded people who are struggling in similar situations and truly understand what they're going through.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: And number five is help them find a job or a part-time position that involves some level of human interaction, something that gets them out of the house, working with others and rebuilding their confidence through responsibility.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: And what about you?
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Parenting a struggling adult child can be incredibly isolating.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: It's hard to explain to people who haven't lived it.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: Even close friends or family might not really understand what it feels like to carry that kind of worry.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: And that's why you need your own kind of village.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: A community of parents who are going through the same thing.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: People you don't have to explain yourself to, who simply get it.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: These are the people who will remind you that you are not failing, that you're not alone, and there's still hope for change.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: So where can you turn to?
15:51
SPEAKER_00: Here's a few suggestions.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: Look for parent support groups.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: If you want in person, there are faith-based organizations and community centers that host meetups specifically for parents of adult children.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: There are also online communities that can be just as powerful.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: Parenting forums, Facebook groups, and programs like mine are spaces where you can share openly, learn from others, and feel supported by people who understand this stage of parenting.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: You might also consider group therapy, workshops, and courses designed for parents of struggling young adults.
16:30
SPEAKER_00: These provide both guidance and connection in a structured but educational and judgment-free setting.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: When you have people to talk to, to learn from and lean on, everything feels a little lighter, a little easier.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: It's that sense of support that allows you to parent from a place of calm instead of worry and exhaustion.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, it really does take a village, not just to raise children, but to stay strong as parents while we help our young adults find their place in the world.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: We were never meant to do this alone.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: Feeling connected reminds us that life is richer when it's shared.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: So whether it's helping your adult child build new relationships or finding your own circle of support, remember that community is what carries us.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: So reach out, show up, let people in.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: Because when we lean on each other, healing begins.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: And both you and your adult child can start a new chapter.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't mean to sound morbid, but when we look back on our lives, it won't be the deadlines we met or the things we owned that mattered most.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: It'll be the people we loved and the moments we shared.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: True happiness comes from being part of something.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: So don't wait.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: Rebuild your village now or help them with theirs.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: Because the greatest gift you can give yourself and your adult child is a life rich in connection.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: And yes, I'd love to be a part of your support system.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: You can visit my website anytime and see the resources that I offer.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: All the links you need to reach me are here in the show notes.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for listening.