Latest / Midlife Glow Up: Simplifying Fitness, Nutrition and Healthy Habits for Women over 40 / 26. Why You Keep Setting Goals… But Never Reaching Them

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26. Why You Keep Setting Goals… But Never Reaching Them · Midlife Glow Up: Simplifying Fitness, Nutrition and Healthy Habits for Women over 40

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you set the same goal?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's to strength train consistently, or finally get your nutrition on track, or maybe it's to lose the same 15 pounds you've been trying to lose for the last three years.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: You are strong, you're motivated, you have a workout plan, a grocery list, maybe even a fresh journal, and then life happens.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you miss a day, and then maybe two days, and before you know it, the goal is a memory vanished, where all the other goals that never quite made it go.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the part that really stings.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: You start to wonder if the problem is you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Again, you're not disciplined enough, you're not motivated enough, you're not the kind of person who actually reaches her goals.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to tell you that it is not you.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is just the system.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or more accurately, it's the lack of having a system.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because setting a goal without a system to support it is like trying to drive somewhere without directions.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: You might get lucky, but most of the time you're going to end up lost and frustrated.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to give you the directions to get where you're going.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's a simple four-part process that closes the gap between setting a goal and actually reaching it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: By the end of today's episode, you will know exactly what's been getting in your way and exactly what to do about it.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Midlife Glow Up Podcast, where we simplify fitness, nutrition, and healthy habits for women over 40.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Joan Dandano, your midwife help and wellness coach.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are ready to feel strong, consistent, and confident in this season of life, you are in the right place, my friend.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Before I walk you through the four-part process, I want to spend a couple minutes on the why.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because once this clicks, everything else is going to make so much more sense.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is that goals are not a plan.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Goals are an end destination.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And knowing where you want to go doesn't automatically tell you how to get there or what to do when the road gets bumpy.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So think about it like if you said, I want to exercise three times a week, that's my goal.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't tell you which days, it doesn't tell you what time, it doesn't tell you what happens when your kid gets sick on your workout day, or when you're traveling for work, what do you do then?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're just exhausted on the couch, what do you do if it's your workout day?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Without those answers built in ahead of time, every obstacle becomes a decision point.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And decision fatigue for women in midlife is a real deal.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: We are making hundreds of decisions every single day.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And when we're tired, or especially when life throws us a curveball, the easiest decision is to just do nothing, to skip it and then to start again Monday.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And Monday start dates become running jokes that we just tell ourselves.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: The women I work with who finally break this cycle are not more motivated.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: They are not more disciplined.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: They've just stopped relying on motivation and discipline as their strategy.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: They've started building a system that does the heavy lifting for them.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And the system has four parts.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to go through each one of them.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So part number one is to define your commitment.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So right off the bat, I want to tell you stop setting goals.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually part of the problem.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Stop setting goals and instead start making commitments.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: We have to get out of the land of vague intentions and into the land of very specific commitments.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: So a goal says, I want to work out more.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And a commitment says, I will do a 30-minute fit zone strength workout on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 7 a.m.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do you see the difference?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: A goal says I want to eat healthier.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And a commitment says I will prep my lunches for the week every Sunday afternoon.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: There is a specific difference there.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: One is a wish and the other is a plan.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: So when you define a commitment, you want to set specific things.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: What you're doing, when you're doing it, and how long it'll take.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need a 10-page plan, you don't need a lot of complication here, but you do need clarity on those three things.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: This works whether we're talking about a fitness goal or a nutrition goal because the principle is still the same.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: But a workout commitment looks different from a meal prep or a nutrition commitment, but both need that same specificity to have any chance of actually happening.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: So right now, if you're thinking about a goal that you've been carrying around, I want you to ask yourself, what is the specific commitment underneath that goal?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then write it down.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Part number two is so important.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Part number two is where your commitment actually becomes real.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not on your calendar, it doesn't exist.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I know this might sound dramatic, but I know that your life is probably a lot like my life.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I would never schedule a doctor appointment and not put it on my calendar.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I would never tell my daughter that I would take her to her dance competition, but not put it on my calendar.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I see this day in and day out with my clients.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: A client telling me she's committing to working out three mornings a week, but when I ask her to show me her calendar, there's no evidence of it there.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just in her head, but her head is already so full.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: When you block time on your calendar, whether it's a digital calendar or a paper plan or whatever works for you, but you're doing something very important because you're making a decision in advance.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're telling your future self exactly what she's doing, when she's doing it, so that she doesn't have to figure it out in the moment.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because in the moment, she's distracted, she's tired, she's exhausted, she's pulled in a million directions.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: So treat those calendar blocks like appointments that you have made with yourself.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: You would not no-show to a hair appointment, or you would not no-show if you told your mom you'd take her to your her doctor's appointment.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself that same respect.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to be really clear about one thing.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to be realistic about how long things actually take.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So if your workout itself is 45 minutes, but you also need to drive there and shower after, then block out 90 minutes.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you are gonna do Sunday meal prep and you think it might take an hour, block yourself an hour and a half because inevitably it's gonna take a little bit longer than you think, and just give yourself that little bit of buffer.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, part three is probably the most important.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you take nothing away else from this episode, take this one.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Every single commitment needs a plan B.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: We have to plan for life to be unpredictable.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Life is predictably unpredictable.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: It is chaotic, it is busy.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are not planning with a plan B, then when life throws you a curveball, like sickness or travel or kids or work or extended family, and you missed your planned workout or your meal prep session, then what happens after that?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us go into this analysis paralysis.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, do I fit it in later?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Do I just skip it this week?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Do I start over Monday?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And because we're already dealing with whatever just derailed us in our life in the first place, we often just let the workout or the food prep session go.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then we feel guilty about it.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the spiral starts.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: But plan B eliminates all of that.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So here's how it works: you set your commitment, you also decide right then in advance what is your backup plan.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're not making a new decision in a hard moment.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: You already made the decision.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: So now all you have to do is follow through.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: So let me give you some examples of what this might look like.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if your plan A is a 45-minute strength training workout at the gym, and your plan B might be a 20-minute body weight workout at home.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: So they're not exactly the same, but it's also progress over perfection.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's still something.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And something is more important than nothing when we're trying to build towards consistency.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: If your plan A is a full Sunday meal prep session and you're going to be taking out a few hours out of your afternoon to make lunches and breakfast for the week ahead, then your plan B might be spending 20 minutes prepping just your protein and washing veggies so that you at least have the basics ready to go.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's not perfect, but it keeps the week from going completely off the rails.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: If plan A is three workouts this week and you only make it to one because you're traveling, then your plan B might be to do a hotel room workout using just body weight with no equipment necessary.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe it's just doing five push-ups and five squats before you get in the shower.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: But remember, it's so important to do what we say we're going to do.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: That self-trust piece is so, so, so important.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And the key is that your plan B is already decided.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: So that when life happens, and it will, you don't have to think about it.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: All you have to do is just activate the backup plan.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not sitting there negotiating with yourself.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: You are just falling back on the plan that you already prepared.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is the step that separates the women who stay consistent from the women who keep starting over.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, it's not about being perfect.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's never about being perfect because perfect doesn't exist.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: But it is about having a plan and then a backup plan.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth part and the final part of this process is tracking and celebrating.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the one that most women tend to overlook or skip altogether.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: When we allow the compound effect to take over and we build that momentum and that consistency over time, it is so helpful to be able to visually see your progress.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you can visually see your progress, it becomes more natural to celebrate those wins because you can see it.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: What I mean by tracking, I want to really define that verse we go much further.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not necessarily talking about tracking every single morsel that you eat in my fitness palette knowing your calories and your macronutrients.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think at this age and stage of our lives, we are over that.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: I really do believe that is too complicated.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: However, I do believe that a simple habit tracker is key.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: You could have just a couple of check boxes on a piece of paper.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: You could use the notes app and your phone.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you use, the point of tracking, again, is not to be perfect.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: The point is to create a visual record of your efforts.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what happens if you don't have this.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you finish a hard week and you feel like you've accomplished nothing and you can't remember what you actually did and you lose momentum just when you were starting to build it.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: But when you track, you can look back at the week and say, oh my gosh, I worked out twice.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: I said I would do three times, but gosh, twice is better than I was doing before.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And even though, gosh, I planned a food prep Sundays and Wednesdays, and I really only did Sunday, but I remember before I wasn't doing any food prep at all.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And gosh, I activated my plan B on Thursday when things went sideways.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is progress.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so much easier for you to celebrate yourself when you can actually see it right in front of you.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what do I mean by celebrating?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain needs acknowledgement.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Celebration isn't frivolous, it's actually part of like your neurology.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: When you recognize a win, your brain releases dopamine.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And dopamine makes you want to do that action again.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's how habits get reinforced.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how consistency gets built.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: So celebrating the workout that you showed up for, even though you didn't feel like it, is huge.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Celebrate activating your plan B instead of quitting, that's really important.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And celebrating the Sunday food prep session, even if it wasn't a full meal and all you did was prep the protein, every act of follow-through deserves to be noticed because you're building something really important here.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: So treat it like it matters.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to put this all together and recap.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: We have a habit of overcomplicating things.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: So when we set a goal and then we feel like, gosh, I can just never follow through with my goals, it's probably because you're missing one of these four parts.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to go back over the four-part process for you again and just really simplify it so that you can hear it.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want you to really think about how could you apply this to a fitness goal or a nutrition goal or even a sleep goal or a stress management goal, any healthy habit that you are trying to build.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, here it is again, the four-part process.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So number one is define the commitment.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: So stop setting arbitrary goals and start setting specific commitments that detail what you'll do, when you'll do it, and how long you'll do it for.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Number two is to put it on your calendar.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: So make a decision in advance so that future you doesn't have to think about it.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's on your calendar.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: What gets scheduled gets done.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Number three is to create your plan B.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: So decide right now what you'll do when life is lifing, because it always will be.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: So get that plan B, your backup plan established ahead of time so that when life goes sideways, you just follow through with your backup plan.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then number four is to track and celebrate.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Make your progress visible and acknowledge every single one.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't seem, it seems insignificant.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Celebrate it anyways.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself a gold star.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: We need to remind ourselves that this is a process.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is challenging, this is hard, this is difficult, but it's so worth it.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we can get in control of our health and our fitness and our nutrition and our wellness, then we can show up as the best version of ourselves for the future, for the years and years and decades to come.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: So before I let you go today, I want to encourage you to pick a commitment and walk it through all four parts.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Define the commitment, calendar the commitment, plan B your commitment, and then begin to track and celebrate your progress.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: And when you do that, when you actually follow through on a commitment, even once, even imperfectly, I want to hear about it.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is the beginning of something real.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: So if this episode resonated with you, would you take a moment to share this with a friend who might need to hear it?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Word of mouth is really everything for this podcast and for small businesses because it means the world to be able to spread this message with more people.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have questions about this or you want to share your commitment with me, just hop over to Instagram and at JonesFitZone and send me a DM.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: I would absolutely love to hear from you.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, progress over perfection and consistency over intensity.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep growing, keep glowing, and bye for now.