Latest / MyMaine Birth / 85. From Natural Birth Plans to Medical Emergencies: Lea's Experience

Transcript

85. From Natural Birth Plans to Medical Emergencies: Lea's Experience · MyMaine Birth

• 0:01
  Angela: I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine.
• 0:13
  Angela: From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.
• 0:23
  Angela: Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
• 0:31
  Angela: Welcome to episode 85 of the my Main Birth podcast.
• 0:38
  Angela: Occasionally on the podcast we hear powerful stories that shed light on the challenges, the unexpected turns and the emotional aftermath of a birth story that does not go as you imagined it would.
• 0:52
  Angela: I believe it's important to create a safe space for these narratives, to raise awareness about the benefits of undisturbed birth and to support those who have gone through difficult birth experiences.
• 1:04
  Angela: To all the pregnant mothers listening, I encourage you to assess your emotional readiness for today's episode.
• 1:11
  Angela: If hearing stories of birth trauma is not what you need at the moment, please skip this episode and join me again in episode 86 for an empowering birth story For those who have recently experienced birth trauma yourself.
• 1:25
  Angela: I want you to know that you are not alone.
• 1:28
  Angela: I see you, I hear you and I'm here to support you.
• 1:31
  Angela: I offer a virtual service designed specifically for mothers who need to process their birth story.
• 1:37
  Angela: My birth debrief sessions over Zoom provide a safe and confidential space to explore your emotions, find healing and work through any lingering feelings of disappointment, fear or grief.
• 1:50
  Angela: I'm an experienced birth professional and I'm ready to listen, offer guidance and help you navigate the complexities of your birth experience.
• 1:59
  Angela: If you're interested in scheduling a birth debrief session, click over to my website, mymainbirthcom, for all of the information.
• 2:07
  Angela: Remember your story matters and I'm here to support you every step of the way.
• 2:12
  Angela: Together, we can heal, grow and find strength in our shared experiences.
• 2:18
  Angela: Thank you for joining me today on my Main Birth, and remember to take care of yourself and each other.
• 2:24
  Angela: And, as always, let's keep the conversation going.
• 2:27
  Angela: You can always message me over on social media.
• 2:30
  Angela: You can find me on Facebook and Instagram at my Main Birth and if you'd like to join my email list, you can head over to my website, mymainbirthcom.
• 2:41
  Angela: Today's birth story guest is Leah, and she's here to share about her two birth experiences at Holton Regional Hospital.
• 2:49
  Angela: Hi Leah, welcome to my Main Birth.
• 2:53
  Angela: Hi, how are you?
• 2:54
  Angela: Hi, leah, I'm good.
• 2:56
  Angela: How are you?
• 2:56
  Angela: Pretty good.
• 2:58
  Angela: So, to get started.
• 2:59
  Angela: Do you want to share a little bit about you and your family?
• 3:03
  Lea: Sure so we are a family of five in northern Maine and I have two-year-old twins this is Eden and I have a nine-year-old daughter, and I'm a stay-at-home mom and also gone to college.
• 3:19
  Lea: And that's about it.
• 3:23
  Angela: Awesome.
• 3:24
  Angela: Now will you share a little bit about when you first found out you were pregnant with your oldest and your thoughts in choosing your care.
• 3:33
  Lea: So I had originally had wanted to have a natural birth.
• 3:41
  Lea: However, I did end up choosing just hospital care, and she was a pretty stereotypical pregnancy.
• 3:51
  Lea: I loved being pregnant.
• 3:52
  Lea: I felt the best I've ever felt.
• 3:55
  Lea: I lost a ton of weight and I just really enjoyed being pregnant with her and I carried her full term and I loved that.
• 4:07
  Lea: And then I had my water didn't break but I started labor early and I had her.
• 4:18
  Lea: I was pregnant for, or in labor for, 19 hours and that was pretty.
• 4:25
  Lea: So when did you decide to go to the hospital?
• 4:28
  Lea: Probably 10 hours after I realized I was contracting.
• 4:33
  Lea: Well, I had gone earlier in the morning and they told me it wasn't real labor and so they sent me home and so I eventually came home, I took a nap, took a, a shower.
• 4:46
  Lea: I just tried laboring it out at home because I knew there was only limited stuff that they could do.
• 4:52
  Lea: And then I ended up going to the hospital around seven o'clock at night and they ended up admitting me because I was in active labor and she stayed high in my abdomen and she wasn't descending and that was really scary because I was fully dilated by 10 o'clock and my doctor chose not to do a C-section.
• 5:22
  Lea: So he ended up making me push after I had the epidural and I ended up tearing with a stage two tear that was extremely, extremely painful and took a very long time to recover, and that one was I had to.
• 5:44
  Lea: After had her, they had to take me into the OR to do vaginal reconstructive surgery, and then that was a whole journey in itself.
• 5:56
  Lea: And then she ended up having postpartum blood clots.
• 6:02
  Lea: So she was a month old when I was hospitalized for blood clots in my lungs and my leg and that was very, very scary.
• 6:13
  Lea: I took her to the hospital to have or not the hospital, but to her doctor for shots and I couldn't breathe and so they're like let's check your O2.
• 6:24
  Lea: And he was.
• 6:27
  Lea: He thought that the machine was broken because it was so low and that was a very.
• 6:32
  Lea: I was in the hospital for 10 days and they had to put me on heparin, which then has to be monitored to a certain level, and then they had to put me on woven ox shots I had to administer at home and I had to have every other day blood work for eight months and I was on blood thinners for 10 months and it was painful.
• 7:01
  Lea: It was very painful the clots were.
• 7:03
  Lea: It felt almost like a charley horse, but it didn't let go.
• 7:10
  Lea: It wasn't necessarily a cramp, it was more so like my bones right down to my core was throbbing and nothing was touching the pain and it wasn't the stereotypical label of a blood clot.
• 7:24
  Lea: It wasn't really there Like blood clot.
• 7:25
  Lea: Wasn't really there like I didn't have the swelling, I didn't have the redness, it wasn't hot to touch.
• 7:30
  Lea: So the only symptom I had was that leg pain and the shortness of breath.
• 7:36
  Lea: So that was, that was scary.
• 7:41
  Angela: Yeah, oh, otherwise, how did your postpartum go?
• 7:44
  Angela: Did you choose to breastfeed?
• 7:46
  Lea: I wanted to breastfeed, but due to being on antidepressants from the blood clots, I ended up not because I went through a very significant baby blues, postpartum depression, and that was very difficult, because I wasn't able to experience the that baby bliss because I was, so I was just withdrawn, I guess because I I'd lost so much blood that at one point I had asked the doctor am I going to die?
• 8:21
  Lea: Because I felt freezing cold, my blood pressure was dropping and it it was scary.
• 8:30
  Lea: And so I think, when everyone has a baby, we have this idea of what it's supposed to look like and you're supposed to hold your baby right after they come out and you're supposed to be able to hold them and snuggle them.
• 8:46
  Lea: And I didn't get to do any of that.
• 8:47
  Lea: I didn't hold her until six hours after she was born.
• 8:52
  Lea: I didn't get to feed her until the day after.
• 8:55
  Lea: I did not breastfeed, but I just didn't feel stable enough or strong enough to actually hold her.
• 9:01
  Lea: So so I think that that really had a effect on my postpartum happiness, I guess.
• 9:13
  Lea: And I was a first time mom and I didn't.
• 9:14
  Lea: You know, I spent my entire life babysitting and I had this idea that I love kids.
• 9:21
  Lea: I'm going to be great at this.
• 9:22
  Lea: And then I had my own.
• 9:24
  Lea: I was like, what am I doing?
• 9:25
  Lea: I don't know what I'm doing.
• 9:26
  Lea: Can I actually keep this person alive?
• 9:31
  Lea: And after I started healing from that, I did intensive therapy for a long time because I I just felt like I had such a close call to death that I don't know if the trauma was from how badly her delivery went or if it was from the fact that I had such a close call of death that the nurse at the hospital had said I don't know how you didn't die walking in Walmart.
• 10:07
  Lea: And I was like, well, that's not very comforting to hear.
• 10:09
  Lea: So it it was just dislarming and it just took a long time to recover from mentally mentally more than physically.
• 10:19
  Lea: The physical recovery wasn't terrible.
• 10:23
  Lea: It it did hurt.
• 10:25
  Lea: It had I had a lot of vaginal itching from the healing of the stitches because essentially the stitch I ripped from the inside, not the outside, so they had to suture from my perineum up towards my urethra, but it wide at my urethra, so it it was a different kind of tear wow, so then, so is that part of the reason that you then, a lot of times I hear these stories and the parents wait you know this many years before they have more children.
• 10:59
  Lea: Um, yes, so my the doctor that I had my daughter with, he actually recommended me not having more children due to due to the blood clots and where I'm from, it's just a small little town, so the hospital isn't, you know, it's not set up for big, dramatic deliveries, it's for the normal quiet ones.
• 11:24
  Lea: Um, so he recommended me not having other children and I went back and forth with that for a long time because my heart desired more.
• 11:34
  Lea: I love being a mom and I did keep that human alive, and so it just I went back and forth with it for a very long time.
• 11:47
  Lea: And then, when my daughter was three, she was diagnosed with autism and I decided that I was happy with how our life was at the time because I did not want to disrupt this routine that I fought so hard to get down, to disrupt this routine that I fought so hard to get down.
• 12:07
  Lea: And then, when she was five, I said if I don't get pregnant by the time she's five, I'm officially saying I am done.
• 12:15
  Lea: And I was officially done when she was five years old and I was tracking my periods and all of that to be sure that nothing had happened.
• 12:28
  Lea: And then she turned seven and I missed my period and I was terrified because I was told not to do this and I didn't want to go through the blood clot thing.
• 12:42
  Lea: So first off I I went to the OB.
• 12:46
  Lea: I ended up having to see a high risk one in Bangor, which was great.
• 12:51
  Lea: But essentially I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the pregnancy because I was so scared and that's something that I've never considered.
• 13:00
  Lea: I've never considered that.
• 13:03
  Lea: So it was a hard thing to think about because I didn't want to do that.
• 13:09
  Lea: But I also felt like I was risking my be and I met with my high risk OB when I was 10 weeks and he assured me that we could have a healthy, safe pregnancy and we decided to carry through with the pregnancy.
• 13:40
  Lea: And that was a huge, huge, huge feeling of emotions because I was not expecting it in the least and I didn't know it was twins at that time.
• 13:53
  Lea: I didn't find out it was twins until 13 weeks.
• 13:55
  Lea: So I was taking it on and I was so excited but terrified that this is what we were going to do again and then we found out it was twins and that was that was.
• 14:10
  Lea: I wish I could have recorded it because it would have been the best video ever.
• 14:16
  Lea: I laughed hysterically because I had made a Facebook post saying that watch, it's going to be twins.
• 14:22
  Lea: And it was, and then they had.
• 14:29
  Lea: I had a pretty good pregnancy with them.
• 14:32
  Lea: I felt really good till the very end it got.
• 14:35
  Lea: It got very difficult.
• 14:36
  Lea: We had.
• 14:37
  Lea: I didn't get gestational diabetes or anything.
• 14:41
  Lea: Um, my care was a c-section because with the blood clots they wanted to have a secured delivery.
• 14:52
  Lea: They just wanted to be able to have complete control over what was going to happen.
• 14:58
  Lea: So I spent my entire pregnancy with them, from start to finish, on lovinox shots for blood clots.
• 15:08
  Lea: Then I was supposed to have them in bangor and at 38 weeks my water broke and I had saw my doctor that day and I for an ultrasound and I had asked him if he would check me because I felt like something was happening because I had so much pressure, and he was like oh, we're gonna see you next week anyway, it's fine, it's fine and I was like, okay.
• 15:43
  Lea: So I went home two hours away.
• 15:47
  Lea: I got home, I cooked lunch and I started feeling crampy.
• 15:51
  Lea: I thought it was just the regular aches and pains of pregnancy and I took a nap and I was fine the rest of the day I was fine.
• 16:02
  Lea: So then I ended up cooking supper and I got very, very nauseous and I ended up having to go lay down.
• 16:15
  Lea: And I was laying there and I started having a panic attack and out of nowhere my water just broke all over my bed and I was like I was.
• 16:25
  Lea: I was like what, what's happening?
• 16:29
  Lea: Because I just finished my panic attack and then that happened and I was so scared about dying.
• 16:35
  Lea: I just prayed to my friend and I was saying please pray, please pray.
• 16:39
  Lea: About 25 minutes out of Holton, so it it was a little bit of a jaunt to get to Bangor.
• 16:56
  Lea: I was going to just get in my car and go, but my aunt had convinced me to call the ambulance and I'm glad that I did, because I ended up being in full-blown labor and fully dilated by the time I got to the hospital.
• 17:12
  Lea: So they got me into my room, they checked me and she said we need to move fast because I feel body parts.
• 17:20
  Lea: So we had at that point she had rushed me into the OR and I was fully aware of everything going on.
• 17:33
  Lea: I was terrified because I knew I had already AN, so I was nervous of how that was going to work so they didn't have time to put me on a what's it called epidural.
• 17:45
  Lea: So they ended up putting me under general anesthesia and that made it difficult because I was terrified of not waking up and I was afraid of bleeding out.
• 17:59
  Lea: I was afraid of you, I don't know.
• 18:04
  Lea: I was just very, very scared and it was.
• 18:08
  Lea: They put the mask on me to breathe but they had it formed to my face too hard and I literally couldn't breathe because it's suctioned so tightly around my face and I kept trying to tell the nurse I said I can't breathe, I can't breathe.
• 18:23
  Lea: And he said just breathe, and I said I can't.
• 18:25
  Lea: So I remember I now, two years later, I have very sensitive neck touchiness that I don't like because I remember them feeling my throat to put the tubes in and I remember them splashing a bucket of liquid on my stomach and I remember feeling a zip.
• 18:49
  Lea: I don't remember, I don't feel, didn't feel pain, I just remember the sensation and sometimes I think that is just as bad as feeling it.
• 19:00
  Lea: So they delivered my daughter first and she was fine, and then my son had to go to the NICU and Bangor on Life Flight because he had ingested too much anesthesia and he could not get his sugars monitored, leveled in his temperatures.
• 19:17
  Lea: So he went there and they were able to get the ambulance to transport my daughter, eden and I to Bangor to be with my son and it was a ride.
• 19:32
  Lea: We started traveling down there about nine o'clock.
• 19:36
  Lea: We ended up hitting two moose in the ambulance and that was super painful because at this point I had just I just had the C-section and the only pain I was on was I think it was tramadol, it was just basic pain medication.
• 19:55
  Lea: It wasn't anything heavy and every bump we'd hit in the ambulance would like jolt my belly and when we hit the moose, and when we hit the moose I clenched my stomach, I it was horrible, and so that was scary.
• 20:13
  Lea: We did arrive to the hospital in Bangor around one or so.
• 20:24
  Angela: So you guys did you have to switch?
• 20:25
  Lea: to a different ambulance, or were you?
• 20:25
  Lea: We actually did not.
• 20:26
  Lea: And I'm shocked really, really, because I was nervous we were gonna have to, but it was making a sound.
• 20:32
  Lea: But the driver got out and double checked and he said that it looked fine.
• 20:37
  Lea: So we just continued our drive and I was in excruciating pain because at that point I haven't even gotten up to walk yet and that was a whole nother thing that I wasn't prepared for.
• 20:54
  Lea: So then a few days had gone past and I started developing a slight bleed from my incision and they had taped it or whatnot.
• 21:07
  Lea: They said there was a few centimeter tear and it was okay until it wasn't.
• 21:17
  Lea: I went home and it just got bigger and bigger, like that spot.
• 21:23
  Lea: There was a spot that just kept growing underneath the incision and it eventually got so heavy that I had to hold my belly when I was walking and I ended up getting an infection of cellulitis and it got so hard and hot and painful and I ended up going in and out of the hospital a bunch of times pleading them to do something.
• 21:51
  Lea: And they had.
• 21:52
  Lea: They just said that there was nothing they could do and that it'll eventually dry up.
• 21:58
  Lea: Yada, yada, yada.
• 22:00
  Lea: And it did not.
• 22:02
  Lea: Um, it ended up bursting at four o'clock in the morning a week after I was home and I bled and bled, and bled and it was terrifying and they had just wanted me to let that happen.
• 22:17
  Lea: I said but I can't, because I have a daughter with autism.
• 22:23
  Lea: And it wasn't just a small leak, it was.
• 22:27
  Lea: I was gushing blood.
• 22:32
  Lea: So my sister-in-law had ended up taking me to Presque Isle because we weren't getting help and they found that I had a grapes grapefruit sized hematoma underneath my incision.
• 22:47
  Lea: And that was something I was not prepared for either, because I I never even heard of that before and I thought, okay, go on for the c-section, you're done.
• 22:58
  Lea: The.
• 23:00
  Lea: Everything went smoothly, aside from it being an emergency C-section and the hematoma.
• 23:12
  Lea: They gave me a shot that would slowly make it dissipate, but it wasn't.
• 23:18
  Lea: It wasn't doing that prior to it bursting.
• 23:21
  Lea: So when it bursted I had lost.
• 23:26
  Lea: They figured I can't remember how much it was, but they weighed it to see how much all of my wound dressings were while I was in Presque Isle ER and they decided to admit me and take me to the operating room in the morning to remove it.
• 23:50
  Lea: And the problem with that was is they could have left it alone, and let me just deal with the bleeding, which wasn't really an option to me, or the other option was to have the surgery and have a open wound.
• 24:05
  Lea: I just wanted the bleeding to stop because it was horrible.
• 24:11
  Lea: It was horrible and it was scary and it was messy and I couldn't do anything.
• 24:18
  Lea: I just wanted to be with my babies and I couldn't.
• 24:25
  Lea: So once again I ended up in the hospital.
• 24:28
  Lea: I was there for five days.
• 24:29
  Lea: I had a wound vac, so I had an entire open wound that was packed with sponge and then the wound vac was placed and they originally were just going to open it up a tiny bit, but when they went to put a tube in to remove the blood clot, it just busted completely open.
• 24:57
  Lea: My entire C-section was open, and so I spent the next five months going through that horrendous, horrendous, horrendous recovery of a wound vac, and I would rather go through a c-section three more times and my labor with my first one than ever have to deal with the pain of a wound vac ever again.
• 25:27
  Lea: It was terrible and I had to have dressing changes every other day, and so essentially sorry for the people that are squeamish, but essentially what was going on was I was healing so fast that the new skin was growing into the sponge.
• 25:52
  Lea: So every time we had to change a sponge it was ripping the new skin and it was terrifying.
• 25:58
  Lea: It was so painful and I did have to follow through with the blood thinners until I don't remember what day it was, but I was essentially able to come off of them.
• 26:12
  Lea: But once I had the wound vac done, they did stop them because they wanted to be able to control and see what my blood volumes were.
• 26:24
  Lea: And yeah, and here we are two years later still trying to process all that, but we're doing okay.
• 26:37
  Angela: That sounds like an incredibly difficult postpartum period effect feeding yeah, I really wanted to breast.
• 26:49
  Lea: I really did want to breastfeed because at this point I wasn't on any meds and I was like I didn't care if I couldn't do it long term, I just wanted to be able to do it in the beginning.
• 27:01
  Lea: And I don't know, I just feel like my idea of everything was kind of stolen from me in a sense, and I wasn't able to breastfeed until I was off my medications and so I gave up.
• 27:23
  Lea: But then, when I got off of the blood thinners, I was still producing milk.
• 27:28
  Lea: So I decided to try it with my daughter.
• 27:29
  Lea: I was able to breastfeed her for a good.
• 27:34
  Lea: I tried for a month and I was producing a little bit, not enough to fill her fill her, obviously, but enough to feel let down.
• 27:46
  Lea: And I was very surprised that my body was still producing, even though it hadn't been stimulated to to to do that.
• 27:56
  Lea: Um.
• 27:56
  Lea: So that was a pleasant, a pleasant surprise, and I primarily just did the one because I didn't know if it was going to work, and it did, and I'm glad that I was able to have that experience.
• 28:12
  Lea: And then she ended up being very, very attached, and still is.
• 28:21
  Lea: And so I don't know if she's attached because we did that or if she's just attached because she's a mama's girl.
• 28:31
  Lea: I did have my tubes tied because I thank gosh.
• 28:38
  Lea: I'm so grateful that I did because I mentally could not go through another pregnancy and ending traumatically like that.
• 28:47
  Lea: Because to have two traumatic recovery be that extreme.
• 28:54
  Lea: It terrifies me at the thought of what a third recovery would look like, because it just feels like it kept getting worse and I don't wish that on anybody, anybody.
• 29:11
  Angela: Wow.
• 29:12
  Angela: Now, as a final question, if you were to give advice to other families that might be going through similar situations, what would be the biggest thing that you would want to share with them?
• 29:26
  Lea: I didn't necessarily have resources as I live in a small area, but I am super, super, super grateful to have the communication I did with my counselor and I'm very grateful that I was assertive with my care and when I wasn't getting answers from one place, I persisted, because had I not done that, I don't know what would have happened if I would have just continued to bleed until it dried out, but again, it was so messy.
• 30:00
  Lea: I think that just not accepting someone's first response, like if you feel unsettled by your first response, don't hesitate to go to get a second and a third or a fourth response, because sometimes we just know, and I think a lot of the times we feel well, they're doctors so they know.
• 30:24
  Lea: But the truth of the matter is, yes, they do know, but we also know our own bodies and so if something doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and say, no, something is wrong and this needs to be fixed, and also to expect the unexpected, because I went into pregnancy both times thinking how magical and blissful and how amazing it's gonna look, and I went both pregnancies not being able to hold my babies immediately.
• 31:03
  Lea: I wasn't able to feed them immediately, I didn't even see my son for the first 20 hours of his life because I couldn't even get there.
• 31:12
  Lea: So just, but don't, don't make it or don't allow it to make you feel like you're not doing your job, because I know in the moment you feel like you need to push yourself to get there, because that's what moms do, quote unquote.
• 31:30
  Lea: But in that case sometimes you just have to know that healing yourself and getting yourself healed is enough for your children and to accept the help.
• 31:45
  Lea: If you're in the hospital and they're offering to help you with your baby, take that help, because once you get home it's just going to be on you and your partner, or just you, and and that's okay too.
• 31:56
  Lea: But just, I think just being gentle with yourself and leaving the expectations of what you think it's going to be will help you not be so bothered if it doesn't go how you imagine it.
• 32:12
  Angela: Yeah, absolutely Well.
• 32:15
  Angela: Thank you so much, leah, for sharing your story today.
• 32:19
  Lea: You're welcome, thank you sharing your story today.
• 32:25
  Angela: You're welcome, Thank you, and that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast.
• 32:27
  Angela: Thank you for joining me and listening.
• 32:29
  Angela: If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages.
• 32:42
  Angela: I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide.
• 32:55
  Angela: I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms.
• 33:00
  Angela: I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms.
• 33:02
  Angela: It's called 37 questions to ask your care provider whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers.
• 33:10
  Angela: This is for you.
• 33:11
  Angela: Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for.
• 33:21
  Angela: So go grab that.
• 33:23
  Angela: It's at mymainbirthcom slash download.
• 33:32
  Angela: Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.
• 33:34
  Angela: Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.