Latest / The Modern Taoist / The Strength You Were Born With
Transcript
- 0:06Welcome to the modern Taoist with Kit Man, ancient wisdom,
- 0:11modern life and the way. Join the free Modern Taoist
- 0:16community on patreon@patreon.com/the Modern
- 0:21Taoist or visit thewebsite@dawananda.com And now
- 0:28the Modern Taoist. Hello, hello and welcome to
- 0:31another episode of the Modern Dallas.
- 0:34My name is Kim man and I thank you by the way, for everybody
- 0:38that's joined us on the Patreon community, everybody's over
- 0:41there it's absolutely free to come say hello.
- 0:44It's a little more informal there.
- 0:48Like yesterday I put up a video of our our little hike we took
- 0:52out near a waterfall. I'm lucky enough to live in a
- 0:55place where there are, you know, 30 waterfalls within an hour any
- 1:01direction. So we're able to get out and,
- 1:04and go on those cool kind of hikes all the time.
- 1:06But there's a little tiny video up there on on Patreon right
- 1:10now. If you'd like.
- 1:11Also check out the website. We've revamped a bunch of things
- 1:14on the website. It's still not completely done,
- 1:16but it's getting there. And that is dawananda.org, DAO
- 1:20ananda.org. And we had people ask if they
- 1:24could, if we could put up a donation page, which it took me
- 1:27what, almost a year to get around to doing that because I
- 1:30don't know, it just never felt like something that I needed to
- 1:32do. But we had enough people ask and
- 1:35it made sense. So that's up there as well.
- 1:37And, and we're heading into a different time of the year.
- 1:44And so one of the things I want to talk about today, we don't,
- 1:47we don't often form whole episodes around specific
- 1:52chapters of the Daodejing because they can be a little, I
- 1:59mean, depending on the translation you have, they can,
- 2:02they can kind of it can, it can delve into something that just
- 2:05gets kind of unwieldy and sort of, I don't know, kind of
- 2:09exhaustingly boring maybe sometimes.
- 2:14But there's a chapter that I particularly like.
- 2:16And we, we have had a, a couple of people ask, could I explain
- 2:20chapter 55, which is basically in I, I, my favorite translation
- 2:26is like a baby, but it's chapter 55 is an interesting chapter.
- 2:33And let me just jump right into it because it's very relevant to
- 2:40life as we are living it right now.
- 2:43There's a a particular kind of exhaustion that doesn't come
- 2:50from working too hard. It comes from working against
- 2:53yourself, this sustained effort of trying to be more capable
- 3:00than you currently are, more certain of a situation more like
- 3:09we've talked about many times in control than the circumstances
- 3:13would permit. And we've talked about it in
- 3:19other episodes as this kind of low level push that modern life
- 3:26has convinced us simply what it means to be serious about your
- 3:33own life. To be someone that takes things
- 3:36seriously, that doesn't coast along.
- 3:39To be someone who's always working to be better, stronger,
- 3:42faster, more prepared, more resilient.
- 3:47And people treat that effort like it is a virtue that they
- 3:52need to have. And it feels like the
- 3:54responsible thing to do. Chapter 55 of the Da Daejing
- 3:59stops you kind of right there and and wants to examine
- 4:03something, and it does something that a lot of philosophical
- 4:06texts don't do, in that it reaches for the most disarming
- 4:12possible image to make its central point.
- 4:19A lot of Taoist talk and a lot of philosophical talk is always
- 4:24about big exalted things, sages scenting on the mountaintop,
- 4:32rivers, mountains. An ancient master in his study
- 4:38right today. The image that I want in your
- 4:43mind is something that it is it, like I said, it is a little
- 4:46disarming. And that is the image of a
- 4:50newborn baby, a person of very deep virtue.
- 4:57Laozo says deep virtue is like a newborn child.
- 5:07Soft bones, weak muscles, no knowledge of the world, no
- 5:12strategies, no defenses, no accumulated armor.
- 5:16And yet, predators leave it alone.
- 5:25It's grip. You ever have a newborn baby?
- 5:28Grab your hand, your finger. It's grip is surprisingly
- 5:34strong. Have you ever noticed that?
- 5:39Have you ever noticed that a baby can scream and cry for
- 5:43hours and never go hoarse? It is, in the most literal
- 5:50sense, operating at full capacity and forces absolutely
- 5:58nothing. Now, that's not meant to be
- 6:02charming, right? That's meant to be clarifying.
- 6:09Because what Lazo is pointing at is something most adults have
- 6:14spent years moving away from without realizing what they were
- 6:19losing. We can talk all day about how a
- 6:23river doesn't have to try to be the river, but let's make it a
- 6:27human being. A newborn baby doesn't try to do
- 6:32anything. It doesn't strive, it doesn't
- 6:37perform, it doesn't manage how it's perceived in order to
- 6:43optimize its energy expenditure. A newborn baby's not trying to
- 6:49maintain a consistent identity across social media platforms.
- 6:54It is entirely, completely, without reservation, it's self.
- 7:04And that complete selfness is what makes it both invulnerable
- 7:12and inexhaustible. Chapter 55 is asking a quiet and
- 7:19serious question. What in the hell happened
- 7:24between then and now? What did you trade away in the
- 7:32process of becoming the person you currently are?
- 7:36And is any of it worth getting back?
- 7:43Most of us spend our lives in the process of becoming harder,
- 7:49and I don't mean that as a pejorative.
- 7:51I mean that in the in in the literal sense.
- 7:59More armored, more defended, more deliberately constructed to
- 8:06withstand life specific pressures and disappointments.
- 8:13Those experience, those things that we have experienced have
- 8:17taught us to expect the worst. This process begins early.
- 8:25That newborn child who trusted everyone and everything at some
- 8:30point got hurt and it began to learn to be selective.
- 8:40A person who expressed themselves openly and got mocked
- 8:44learns to be more careful in their expression.
- 8:48A person who committed to something and watched it fail
- 8:51learns to hold back just a little, to hedge, to not put
- 8:58everything in. And each of those adaptations
- 9:03feels like we're getting smarter, right?
- 9:08Like that is the appropriate response of a person who has
- 9:11learned how the world works. And each of those adaptations,
- 9:17in some specific and and and limited sense, is correct.
- 9:23The world does sometimes kick you in your ass.
- 9:26Sometimes it stings. And that hedging that you have
- 9:30learned does sometimes protect you.
- 9:34The armor that you have built genuinely does deflect some of
- 9:40what it was built to deflect. The problem is not the
- 9:45individual adaptation. We've talked about this before.
- 9:49The problem is rarely the thing. The problem is the accumulation,
- 9:58right? Because you're not just wearing
- 10:01a suit of armor, you're wearing a suit of armor that has layers
- 10:05to it, and each layer of hardening that gets added
- 10:08doesn't protect you against the specific thread it was built
- 10:10for. It reduces the surface area that
- 10:14allows for genuine contact. The person who has armored
- 10:20themselves against vulnerability can no longer be fully reached
- 10:23by intimacy, right? The person who has hedged
- 10:28against the disappointment can no longer fully commit to
- 10:32anything. The person who has learned to
- 10:34manage how they are perceived can no longer be entirely
- 10:38present without part of them watching how they are perceived.
- 10:47And this is what Chapter 55 is pointing at specifically.
- 10:50The hardening process going from newborn baby to something else
- 10:57feels and looks like growth, but in many respects it is the
- 11:04opposite of growth. It is not the accumulation of
- 11:08genuine strength. It is the accumulation of
- 11:10defense, of defensive structure, And defensive structure, however
- 11:17necessary it is, comes at the cost of the very quality that
- 11:23made the newborn both invulnerable and inexhaustible.
- 11:28And that quality is what Lao Tzu calls harmony.
- 11:34He. And the meaning is precise.
- 11:40The newborn cries all day without going hoarse because it
- 11:46is operating in perfect harmony with its own nature.
- 11:52Nothing is being withheld, nothing is being forced, nothing
- 11:58is being managed. The full energy of that baby's
- 12:03system is flowing without obstruction.
- 12:09An adult who has accumulated a lifetime of defensive
- 12:13adaptations is not operating that way.
- 12:18Their energy is not flowing freely.
- 12:20It moves through a series, or rather maybe even a system full
- 12:27of obstructions, the places where authentic response has
- 12:33been suppressed, where natural movement has been redirected,
- 12:40where the original self has been edited to conform to what
- 12:46experience taught you was safer. And the result is a person who
- 12:52works very hard to produce what the newborn produces without
- 12:59trying. This is the problem that Chapter
- 13:0255 is diagnosing. Not that you've grown or learned
- 13:06or adapted to the world's realities, but that in doing so
- 13:10you have traded away something essential, and that the trading
- 13:15feels so much like progress that people never stop to look at
- 13:20what it cost. The last lines of Chapter 55 are
- 13:26the ones that really hit hard and they don't get enough
- 13:29attention, Lautzo says. Forcing life is called an I'll
- 13:34omen. The mind that tries to control
- 13:38the natural energy of life, that uses effort and will to override
- 13:42what is already present, is thought to be strong.
- 13:49But things that reach their peak through force age quickly.
- 13:53That is not the way of the Tao, and what is not the way of the
- 13:57Tao ends early. That is not mild.
- 14:03That is a very precise description of a mechanism that
- 14:07most people in the modern world are inside of without knowing
- 14:11it. And as I try to always give you
- 14:14at the beginning of these conversations, is how the
- 14:18mechanism works. And that mechanism works like
- 14:22this. The natural energy of a person,
- 14:25what the Chinese call Jing, the essential life force, is not
- 14:33unlimited. That is a misnomer.
- 14:38It replenishes, but it requires the right conditions to do so.
- 14:42Those conditions are rest and harmony and the absence of self
- 14:49opposition. When a person is living largely
- 14:53in alignment with their actual nature, doing work that is
- 14:57genuinely theirs, that brings them joy, responding to
- 15:02situations where their authentic reactions are existing rather
- 15:08than managed. The system replenishes naturally
- 15:15when those conditions are present, and expenditure and
- 15:19recovery stay roughly in balance, right?
- 15:24They stay all balanced out. But when you are a person that
- 15:28forces things, when the will starts overriding the natural
- 15:32signals, When the performance layer gets thick enough that it
- 15:36requires constant energy to maintain, when the gap between
- 15:40who you actually are in a given moment and who you are
- 15:43presenting or sometimes pretending to be, becomes
- 15:47sustained effort, that expenditure begins to exceed the
- 15:50recovery. The system runs at a deficit,
- 15:54and that deficit, held long enough, produces exhaustion, Not
- 16:02a tiredness, but a depletion. The visible symptom of this
- 16:09depletion is what Lao Tzu calls early aging.
- 16:14Not necessarily in the physical sense, although that happens
- 16:16too, but in the quality of your aliveness.
- 16:23I have something very someone very specific in mind when I
- 16:26think about this, and I'm not going to say who it is, because
- 16:28they are related to me and they may listen to this.
- 16:30I don't know that they do, but I think of this person a lot
- 16:37because they're of their lack of aliveness, even though they are
- 16:41alive and living and doing perfectly fine.
- 16:44They think the person who has been forcing for long enough
- 16:50develops a particular flatness, a going through the motions
- 16:56quality of life. The enthusiasm that was once
- 17:00genuine has been replaced by the performance of enthusiasm.
- 17:05The curiosity that once was natural has been replaced by an
- 17:09effort to appear to be interested.
- 17:12The energy that was once freely available is now something that
- 17:15has to be manufactured through caffeine, through external
- 17:20motivation, through increasingly effortful application of
- 17:25willpower to a system that would honestly just prefer to rest and
- 17:34would prefer to get in alignment.
- 17:38Your system much prefers to be in alignment.
- 17:45This is the mechanism the chapter is describing.
- 17:47Chapter 55. Force applied to life produces a
- 17:51version of strength that burns its own fuel.
- 17:55It produces fuel and burns its own self out.
- 17:59The more it is applied, the more is required and eventually the
- 18:05cost of maintaining this forced version of yourself becomes the
- 18:08primary project of your energy. The newborn baby does not do
- 18:13this. It has no forced version of
- 18:16itself. It only has the actual version,
- 18:21fully expressed, without obstruction or management.
- 18:25And that's why it cries all day without going hoarse.
- 18:27Because the system is not fighting.
- 18:30The energy is flowing in One Direction outward, fully,
- 18:34sometimes freaking loudly, without the enormous internal
- 18:38friction of worry. I'm not asking you to go out
- 18:44into the street and start screaming because you wouldn't
- 18:48be able to anyway, because you'd be worried about what the
- 18:52neighbors think. What Lautzu is asking with, by
- 18:59the way, this chapter is unusually direct for him.
- 19:05What he's asking is, do you know what you're spending your energy
- 19:09on? And do you know how much of it
- 19:13is going towards the maintain, the sorry, the maintenance of a
- 19:17constructed version of yourself? The place to look for this
- 19:23pattern is the texture of your energy across the day.
- 19:26OK, not in dramatic exhaustions, but in very quiet moments.
- 19:37Notice what it feels like to arrive somewhere you're
- 19:41comfortable being yourself. A place, a person, a situation
- 19:46where the performance layer that you have is not required.
- 19:53Where you don't have to manage how you're coming across or
- 19:57maintain a particular version of something, where you can simply
- 20:00be whatever you are in that moment.
- 20:07Most people, when they arrive somewhere like that or with
- 20:11someone like that, feel almost a release, a subtle but real but
- 20:18very real shift. Like setting down something
- 20:22you've been carrying long enough that you've stopped noticing
- 20:26that release is weird because what it is, is information.
- 20:33It's telling you how much your energy was going towards
- 20:36carrying something that you only notice when you don't have to
- 20:40carry it. Now notice the inverse.
- 20:48The moments in your day where your energy is depleted, where
- 20:52your energy expenditure is the highest.
- 20:56Not because of some task, I'm not talking about physical work,
- 20:59but because something about the situation requires you to be
- 21:01someone other than who you currently are, who you even want
- 21:06to be. The meetings where you perform a
- 21:09version of yourself that simply does not exist outside that
- 21:12meeting. The conversations where you
- 21:15manage what you say before it comes out, the social situations
- 21:20where the gap between your internal experience and your
- 21:23external presentation is so wide that trying to build a bridge
- 21:30costs everything. In both of those cases, in the
- 21:36release and in the expenditure, what you're observing is the
- 21:40difference between harmony and forced operation, between the
- 21:45newborns effortless full expression and the adults
- 21:51sustained self management. Lautzen's observation that
- 21:58knowing harmony is knowing the eternal is, is worth talking
- 22:05about here because it's pointing at something specific rather
- 22:08than something beautiful. The eternal, in Taoist terms, is
- 22:14the unchanging, underlying nature of things.
- 22:19It is the quality that persists beneath all variation, all
- 22:24adaptation, and all constructed identities.
- 22:28The person who knows harmony, who knows themself without
- 22:33effort, who has genuine contact with the effortless, unforced
- 22:40operation of their own natural energy, that person knows
- 22:44something true and stable about themselves.
- 22:51And that stable truth is not what you've constructed.
- 22:54It is what was there before the construction began.
- 23:01The recognition practice that we have to do then is not about
- 23:04tearing down what you've built because the adaptations in the
- 23:08armor have their reasons, right. Some of them are genuinely
- 23:13necessary. I'm not here to, to tear any of
- 23:15that down or, or tell you that that's wrong.
- 23:18The protect the the practice is about developing the capacity to
- 23:22distinguish in specific moments, in specific situations between
- 23:27what you're doing because it's genuinely called for and what
- 23:30you're doing because the pattern and the armor is required you to
- 23:35do it regardless of whether it's called for or not, right?
- 23:37The first is responsive, second is automatic.
- 23:42The difference between them is exactly the difference between
- 23:45the newborn's effortless but very strong grip on your finger.
- 23:52Firm, not because it's force, but because it's natural and the
- 24:00adults effort, full effort, full maintenance of a consistency.
- 24:06In the moment you're picturing this baby and how it can be so
- 24:15wildly strong when it grabs your finger because it's not trying.
- 24:21Something to watch for is a a specific kind of moment because
- 24:26it's where the distraction shows up most clearly.
- 24:31It is the moment. Excuse me?
- 24:32It's the moment when a situation changes and your response is no
- 24:37longer the right one, but you have the response anyway.
- 24:41When the defensive armor activates, not because there's
- 24:43an actual threat, but because the pattern has been running
- 24:47long enough to become autonomous.
- 24:50You can feel that moment if you're paying attention.
- 24:52Something in you responds to what is not actually there
- 24:55anymore. Anger that belongs to an old
- 24:58dynamic arrives in a new situation that doesn't warrant
- 25:01it. We've talked about this before.
- 25:03The guardedness that protected you once keeps operating in a
- 25:07relationship where you where you are genuinely safe.
- 25:11The difference between that happening though, and that
- 25:17happening and and continuing to do damage is you, is you
- 25:20catching yourself. Because each time you catch
- 25:23that, each time you see that pattern running past its
- 25:25usefulness, that is the moment where you are beginning to
- 25:30understand where harmony is right.
- 25:36A small direct contact with the natural response underneath the
- 25:41constructed 1. That contact is the practice.
- 25:46That is what we're looking for. That is why I've brought it up.
- 25:50I don't know 3 or 4 different episodes before, because that is
- 25:54the practice finding that moment of contact.
- 26:03Chapter 55 ends with a warning and a promise.
- 26:07Actually, the warning says whatever is contrary to the Dow
- 26:13ends early. Your forced life, the life
- 26:17organized around sustained effort of being something then
- 26:22you other than you actually, or what you actually are, burns
- 26:24through itself. It produces A premature aging, a
- 26:31depletion that arrives before it should, because your system has
- 26:35been running against itself long enough to exhaust what should
- 26:40have been a much deeper resource.
- 26:47Most people, if they're honest, can feel some version of this
- 26:50inside them already, a specific kind of weariness, A tiredness
- 26:57that comes not from doing too much but from being someone
- 27:02other than yourself. This flatness that descends on
- 27:08stretches of life, the sense that something is being spent
- 27:15and is not being replenished. That is not neuroses.
- 27:23It's an accurate perception of a real dynamic.
- 27:27Chapter 55 is naming it clearly, so that the response can be
- 27:32something other than pushing harder.
- 27:35That is the warning. The promise that comes after is
- 27:42equally direct. The person who carries harmony
- 27:49in abundance, who lives in genuine harmony with their own
- 27:54nature rather than sustained opposition to it, becomes,
- 27:59again, like the newborn, protected from the predators,
- 28:06the poisonous insects and the wild beasts and the birds of
- 28:09prey. Understood.
- 28:10Metaphorically not they're not. We're not talking about real
- 28:14birds and bugs here. We're talking about the
- 28:17metaphors. Those are the hostilities of
- 28:21life that genuine alignment makes you resilient to, not
- 28:26immune. Resilient resilience is not
- 28:31immunity, right? Think of it like getting some
- 28:40people are resilient to the flu, but they are not immune to it.
- 28:47The difference is they still get the flu that doesn't last very
- 28:53long. They don't get very sick.
- 28:54They I got the flu today, probably.
- 28:56I don't know. The person who is not fighting
- 29:02themselves as considerably more available to meet the world's
- 29:07challenges than the person who has depleted themselves by
- 29:12trying to be someone or something that they are not.
- 29:18And the application begins with a single question.
- 29:22Ask yourself honestly, in the context of your actual life,
- 29:29what am I forcing? Not in the abstract.
- 29:32OK, Specifically, where in your daily life are you applying
- 29:38sustained will to override what would naturally be there?
- 29:45You got to go deeper than thinking about, oh, I have a job
- 29:48I don't like. That's not what we're talking
- 29:50about. We're talking about the fact
- 29:53that you have to perform something that the moment does
- 29:56not require. Where is the gap between your
- 30:00internal experience and your external presentation?
- 30:06And what is the maintaining of that gap costing you?
- 30:10It is costing you your harmony. So we're not talking about
- 30:16abandoning responsibility or commitment or the genuine effort
- 30:21that making a living requires. It's not what we're talking
- 30:23about. Taoism has no interest in being
- 30:26lazy. It has no interest in you
- 30:28quitting your job and going off into the woods and sleeping in
- 30:31your car for four days. That's that's not what we're
- 30:33talking about here. Chapter 55 is not a case for
- 30:36doing nothing. The newborn is not passive.
- 30:39A newborn baby is the least passive.
- 30:42Its grip on your finger is weirdly strong.
- 30:46Its voice when it is screaming is wildly full.
- 30:51That is not pacificity. The energy is completely
- 30:55present. What is absent is self
- 31:01opposition, effort that is genuinely called for, that flows
- 31:07from real engagement with what's actually in front of you, that
- 31:11moves in the direction of your actual nature rather than
- 31:14against it. That effort doesn't deplete you.
- 31:21What depletes you is the other kind, the effort that goes
- 31:24towards maintaining a version of yourself when the situation
- 31:27doesn't require it. Right.
- 31:30The application is to look for places in your life where some
- 31:33of that force can be released. Not everywhere all at once.
- 31:36Not going into the street and screaming, That would be its own
- 31:39kind of forcing. But one place.
- 31:43One relationship, 1 area of your life where the guardedness has
- 31:50outlasted its usefulness. One role where the performance
- 31:55has become more effort than the work itself.
- 31:59One context where you could be more genuinely yourself, and the
- 32:05cost of doing so is lower than the accumulated cost of not
- 32:10doing so. You see what I'm saying?
- 32:15When you find what that place is in your life then.
- 32:23And without drama, without making announcements, without
- 32:25turning it into a statement about your personal development.
- 32:31Just choose to be yourself. You don't have to go all the
- 32:36way, not immediately, just a little more yourself.
- 32:42Just enough that your system gets a small experience of
- 32:45moving without the friction of self blocking.
- 32:53That experience is what chapter 5 is pointing, or chapter 55 is
- 32:59pointing at. Not a destination.
- 33:02We don't do destinations. Not a permanent state of
- 33:06achieved natural harmony. No, no no, no.
- 33:10Just a recurring, renewable, available experience of what it
- 33:15feels like when the force lets up and the natural energy is
- 33:19still there, still fully present, still complete.
- 33:26The newborn didn't lose that. You still have it entirely.
- 33:35But where is it? You're saying to yourself, if
- 33:38you've been paying attention, you know where it is.
- 33:40You still have it. It's buried.
- 33:43It's buried underneath all those layers.
- 33:46They got built on top of it, and it is, as Lautso says, in
- 33:56accordance with the eternal. It's there, It is available to
- 34:03you. Harmony exists inside you right
- 34:09now, as long as you can dig underneath those layers.
- 34:16Be yourself whenever possible. Find situations where you don't
- 34:23have to force. Find situations where you have
- 34:29that cosmic lack of a better word release right now.
- 34:37I know you're thinking about it. I know you're like, Oh yeah, I
- 34:41could do this. Do it.
- 34:44OK, let's move on to our listener question for the day.
- 34:52This one, I don't have a for some reason, I don't have a name
- 34:56on this one. Do we have a name?
- 34:57I don't think so. Oh, there it is, Ella, says Kit.
- 35:02I feel like I've been doing this practice for a while now and I'm
- 35:04genuinely more present than I used to be.
- 35:06But the people around me haven't changed.
- 35:12My family still triggers me. My colleagues still frustrate
- 35:16me. I thought I'd be above it all by
- 35:19now. What am I missing?
- 35:22Ella? What you're missing is not
- 35:24probably what you might think. The expectation that is embedded
- 35:32in your question is that deeper practice should produce greater
- 35:39immunity to the people around you.
- 35:43That as you have become more present, more aligned, more
- 35:46genuinely yourself, the things that used to trigger you should
- 35:50lose their power. And eventually you'll be so
- 35:52settled that the family dynamics or the colleague frustrations or
- 35:56whatever will simply roll off, like my grandpa used to say,
- 35:59like water off a duck's back. But my friend Ella, that is not
- 36:06how it works, and more importantly, that's not really
- 36:10what the practice is for, because Taoism is not working
- 36:16towards being impervious. Let's go back to the newborn for
- 36:24a moment, right? Cries all day, fully,
- 36:29completely. No, holding back doesn't get
- 36:33depleted. The harmony is the absence of
- 36:36the response, right? We just talked about that.
- 36:38It's the completeness of response without, without
- 36:42residue. So what you might actually be
- 36:47developing and may not be recognizing as progress because
- 36:51it doesn't look like in your words, rising above it all or
- 36:55being above it, What you may be developing is the capacity for
- 37:00the trigger to move through you more cleanly.
- 37:03You are now noticing the trigger.
- 37:07Whereas before the trigger was triggering you and you didn't
- 37:10notice it. Now you are obviously are,
- 37:12because you just said that that the trigger should lose its
- 37:15power. So you are developing the
- 37:17capacity to notice and to allow that trigger to move through you
- 37:23more cleanly. You're allowing it to arrive, to
- 37:27be felt, to complete its triggerness, and to pass, rather
- 37:33than having it arrive, catch on something, and pull the whole
- 37:37wool out of the sweater. That is not the same as being
- 37:42triggered. That is a a different
- 37:44relationship to being triggered. The family still triggers you.
- 37:48That's probably not going to change completely because the
- 37:51trigger is wired into a very old dynamic and those things are
- 37:55very durable, as we've discussed.
- 37:57I don't know, 8 or 10 episodes ago.
- 38:00What changes with practice, slowly and unevenly, is how long
- 38:04the trigger holds you and how much of your energy it saps the
- 38:08triggers. I want you guys to always
- 38:10remember the triggers are still probably going to arrive.
- 38:13Unless you get yourself to a point where you are a Taoist
- 38:17master and these triggers just come and go and flute through,
- 38:20float through the wind, then then you're probably still going
- 38:24to have to be dealing with the trigger.
- 38:26The key is not that. The key is not letting the
- 38:29trigger stay. What changes with practice is
- 38:35slow and uneven, but it does change is how long that trigger
- 38:39holds and how much of that energy it takes.
- 38:42If you're honest about the comparison not between now and
- 38:46the ideal that you're measuring yourself against, but between
- 38:49now and a year ago, I bet you'll find out that that duration of
- 38:54that trigger is shorter and your recovery time is quicker and the
- 39:00residue is lighter. Because remember, we're not
- 39:05going after a destination. Being above it is not the goal
- 39:10because that does not exist. Real progress is what you are
- 39:18going through right now. It just doesn't look like you
- 39:21thought it might because you had an expectation of being above
- 39:24it. You see what I'm saying?
- 39:28I'm proud of you because the simple act of writing that tells
- 39:33me that the practice is working. You noticed and that trigger is
- 39:42not staying well done. Sometimes we go through these
- 39:50situations, and I'm going to go a little off topic for a second,
- 39:54but sometimes we go through these situations and we expect
- 39:58there to be a in the modern world, everything that we expect
- 40:04always has an outcome, right? We expect things to get fixed.
- 40:13We take our car to the mechanic and we expect the mechanic to
- 40:17fix the car. That is a tangible, physical
- 40:22thing, right? It's specific steps that lead to
- 40:28a specific result. We are not a car, we are not a
- 40:35machine. We are nature, and the only
- 40:41thing that will ever arrive is a return to naturalness.
- 40:52But that takes time and it takes learning the difference between
- 41:02forced effort and natural effort.
- 41:07And we spend a lot of time. I, I'm, I'm going with the some
- 41:10anecdotal information here because of the, the questions
- 41:13that I get, which by the way, you guys keep them coming,
- 41:18they've been. So they just get better and
- 41:22better as we as we do this. But many questions I get from
- 41:27people that are just joining our community, are just beginning to
- 41:30practice stowism are all many of them are, are still expectation
- 41:37based. And we need to remember that
- 41:42that there is no final episode to this.
- 41:48This comes this. We do this to become resilient
- 41:54to whatever outcome is presented to us and facing those outcomes
- 41:59in the moment they arrive, rather than expecting them to be
- 42:02one way or another. Yeah, your Daoist assignment for
- 42:11this week. At some point today, I'd like
- 42:14for you to find 10 minutes where you don't have to be anyone in
- 42:22particular. 10 minutes. No role to fill, no version of
- 42:30yourself to maintain. No one is watching, no one is
- 42:36managing, and you don't have to manage anyone.
- 42:40Nothing to produce. Sit somewhere comfortable
- 42:46outside if you can. And for those 10 minutes, let
- 42:50yourself be as unfinished as you actually are.
- 42:58I don't want you to try to be calm.
- 43:01I don't want you to try to be present.
- 43:03I don't want you to be living in the moment.
- 43:06I don't want you to be practicing an attitude of
- 43:09gratitude. I don't want you to be
- 43:13demonstrating anything, even to yourself.
- 43:16Just whatever is there, be you. If you're restless, be restless.
- 43:26If you're sad, be sad. If there's nothing in
- 43:30particular, you be nothing in particular.
- 43:35I don't want you to spend that 10 minutes accessing your
- 43:38original nature or returning to the newborn baby's harmony.
- 43:42I just want you to sit there. Give your system 10 minutes of
- 43:51not being forced in any direction. 10 minutes of not
- 43:56performing is more than most people will ever manage in a
- 44:01week. And if you can do that for 10
- 44:05minutes tomorrow or later today, you'll learn to do that for 10
- 44:11minutes every day. And at some point, those 10
- 44:15minutes will become 20, and those 20 will become 45, and
- 44:18those 45 will become a couple of hours, and you'll begin to get
- 44:22replenished. But do it now. 10 minutes of
- 44:29just being you. That's your assignment.
- 44:34Chapter 55 is not a chapter about becoming a baby again.
- 44:39It's not asking you to to be naive, or pretend that things
- 44:42you've learned from experience don't matter, or to approach the
- 44:45world as if the armor you built has no purpose.
- 44:48It's asking you to be something, or to do something rather more
- 44:52precise and more difficult. It's asking whether you can feel
- 44:57the difference between the natural gap that firm hold that
- 45:00comes from genuine alignment. They cost nothing to maintain
- 45:05and the forced grip, the one that requires continuous will
- 45:09and continuous expenditure and continuous self opposition to
- 45:13sustain. Remember, the baby grabbing your
- 45:15finger is doing it without forcing.
- 45:17It's not trying. If you reached out to grab
- 45:19someone's finger, you'd concentrate on how hard you grab
- 45:22it. That's not what we want.
- 45:27We're asking whether you know what harmony feels like from the
- 45:30inside, not as a concept, but as a direct physical experience of
- 45:36operating without friction. Chapter 55 is asking with the
- 45:42seriousness that only Loutsome managed to combine with
- 45:46gentleness in the same breath. Whether the version of strength
- 45:50you're building is the kind that grows or the kind that ages.
- 45:55Whether the life you're currently living is moving
- 45:58within your nature or against it, or whether the cost of
- 46:03forcing is 1 you've actually consented to or one you're
- 46:08simply allowing to happen because you have not stopped to
- 46:11examine it. The newborn is still there,
- 46:15fully intact, fully available. You never lost it.
- 46:21It's underneath everything that you piled on top of it, and the
- 46:27practice is learning gradually to find your way back.
- 46:33If this one landed with you, if chapter 55 clarified something
- 46:38you've been feeling but didn't have the words for, send
- 46:41somebody else along for the ride.
- 46:43Give them the link to the podcast and you have a question
- 46:46or something you're sitting with, put it in the comments.
- 46:49Go to the website daoananda.org, DAO ananda.orgor.com or come by
- 46:57the the Patreon. We're all over there.
- 46:59Everybody's having a great old time.
- 47:03Slowly but surely we are building things over on
- 47:06patreonitspatreon.com/the Modern Taoist.
- 47:09And until next time, thank you so much for coming along in the
- 47:13journey and for listening to The Modern Taoist.
- 47:19Thanks for listening to The Modern Taoist with
- 47:22kidmanjointhefreepatreoncommunity@patreon.com/the Modern Taoist and subscribe to
- 47:29the podcast for new episodes every Tuesday and weekend.
- 47:33Taoists and check insuranceeveryfridayvisitthewebsite@dawananda.com
- 47:40And don't forget to like and follow us on whatever platform
- 47:43you find us.