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#866 Time Crunch Moments: Creating Margin · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
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  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just answers.
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  Speaker 1: Now. Before we began this podcast, I ask you to
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  Speaker 1: make a list of all the things that you need
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  Speaker 1: to do every day because there is so much to do.
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  Speaker 1: You don't know where this is going yet, but can
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  Speaker 1: you read out what's on your list?
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  Speaker 2: Well, it starts with a reset of the house.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, once the kids leave, right, which they don't leave
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  Speaker 1: anymore because I'm schooling. So how's that reset going?
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  Speaker 2: Putting everything back in its place so I can feel
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  Speaker 2: like there's some order in my home. Ye, But there's
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  Speaker 2: all the washing, the folding, the hanging out, the ironing.
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  Speaker 2: There's meal prep and the dishes and tidy up that
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  Speaker 2: come as a result of that. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
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  Speaker 2: Food just never ends. There's taxing kids to and from school,
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  Speaker 2: extracurricular activities, then trying to squeeze in all the errands
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  Speaker 2: that are require I had to keep the house functioning.
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  Speaker 2: And on top of all of that, I'd like to
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  Speaker 2: have a little bit of time for me so I
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  Speaker 2: can exercise and do a bit of self care. Yeah, okay, so.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to add to that. You've got to maintain
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  Speaker 1: your relationships, like you actually want to have relationships with people,
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  Speaker 1: which means being in touch with friends, whether it's on
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  Speaker 1: messenger or Marco Polo or regardless of or actually having
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  Speaker 1: an in person conversation and catch up with somebody. You
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  Speaker 1: didn't mention the yard or the car.
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  Speaker 2: Well, and then the service service plays a really big
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  Speaker 2: part in our lives and that takes up significant amount
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  Speaker 2: of time.
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  Speaker 1: Oh and you still haven't mentioned there's the need to
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  Speaker 1: earn an income. There's a need to sleep. Nobody mentioned sleep.
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  Speaker 1: And we need to have time with our kids because remember,
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  Speaker 1: we love them, and we want to spend time with
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  Speaker 1: our children. That's why we had them. So the expansive
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  Speaker 1: list of things that need to be done in a
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  Speaker 1: day is just enormous. Today, our conversation is about creating
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  Speaker 1: margin because I think one of the most commonly asked
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  Speaker 1: questions that I get from people is how am I
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  Speaker 1: supposed to do it all and still be a good parent? Like,
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  Speaker 1: how do I hold this together when the list of
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  Speaker 1: things to do is just impossible to get through.
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  Speaker 2: I think the problem is the question, we're not actually
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  Speaker 2: supposed to do it all?
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  Speaker 1: Well, wouldn't it be nice if we could. But that's it,
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  Speaker 1: isn't it like we've got this thing out of here?
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  Speaker 2: You can't do it all.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. I've always had the motto we should bot off
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  Speaker 1: more than we can chew and then make it up
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  Speaker 1: as we go along. But what I'm finding over time
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  Speaker 1: is that, well, you get a lot more done than
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  Speaker 1: you would otherwise with a motto like that, but it
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  Speaker 1: short does where you out it can be absolutely exhausting.
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  Speaker 1: And so in today's conversation, we want to share with
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  Speaker 1: you four tips that are going to make all the
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  Speaker 1: difference when it comes to creating margin in an overscheduled,
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  Speaker 1: over busy life. Some time ago, I shared on the
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  Speaker 1: podcast the analogy of the washing machine for those who
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  Speaker 1: missed it. When you were pregnant with one of our
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  Speaker 1: first children, I decided to be really helpful around the
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  Speaker 1: house and do all the close whing. So I went
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  Speaker 1: and collected all of the darks and all of the
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  Speaker 1: whites and all of the pinks because we had daughters
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  Speaker 1: and there were so much pink clothing, and decided that
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  Speaker 1: the duck's load was the biggest one. So I was
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  Speaker 1: going to load that in the machine and wash that
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  Speaker 1: first and once it had finished. I pulled the clothing
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  Speaker 1: out and it was dirtier than it had been when
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  Speaker 1: I put it in there. And when I called out
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  Speaker 1: to you after browsing the Harvey Norman catalog to see
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  Speaker 1: if we should buy a new washing machine, you commented
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  Speaker 1: that I'd put about three loads worth of washing in
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  Speaker 1: one load, and when you put too much in, you
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  Speaker 1: get a lousy result.
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  Speaker 2: Not only do you get a lousy result, but that
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  Speaker 2: washing machine is not going to last very long if
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  Speaker 2: you keep doing so.
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  Speaker 1: But it doesn't just happen with washing machines. It happens
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  Speaker 1: with fridges. You overstack the fridge. The fridge doesn't keep
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  Speaker 1: the food cold. It works with when I'm mowing the lawn.
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  Speaker 1: If I don't stop and empty the catcher all of
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  Speaker 1: a sudden, I get a lousy result with the lawn
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  Speaker 1: because the catcher can only hold so much grass that
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  Speaker 1: I've clipped.
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  Speaker 2: Well, since we're going with thinny analogies, if I put
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  Speaker 2: too much food in my belly everything because I can't function,
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  Speaker 2: I feel sluggish. I just want to go to sleep,
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  Speaker 2: and I have a belly.
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  Speaker 1: Especially depends on what sort of food you're eating, But
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  Speaker 1: that's probably a conversation for another day. I think, though,
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  Speaker 1: the main point is when you put too much in,
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  Speaker 1: you get a lousy result, whether it's your belly or
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  Speaker 1: whether it's the refrigerator or the washing machine or whatever.
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  Speaker 1: And our lives and the lives of so many parents
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  Speaker 1: that we talk to, are just stacked, stacked, so full,
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  Speaker 1: so fo ideas that we think can make a difference
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  Speaker 1: when you look at the list and think, I can't
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  Speaker 1: possibly do it all. Actually I'm adding a fifth one.
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  Speaker 1: We've already kind of touched on it, But the first
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  Speaker 1: one which is getting tacked on to the top is acceptance.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe your very best friend here when you accept that
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  Speaker 1: you can't do it all, rather than ongoingly convincing yourself
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  Speaker 1: that you can. The idea that you can is probably
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  Speaker 1: your greatest enemy and causes the greatest frustration and leads
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  Speaker 1: to the inner able to tolerate things when they're not right.
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  Speaker 1: But when you accept that there is actually a limited
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  Speaker 1: number of hours in the day, you only have a
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  Speaker 1: limited capacity, limited energy, limited focus, and limited resources, just
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  Speaker 1: that acknowledgment may very well be the what is it
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  Speaker 1: the thing that clicks in your brain that makes you
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  Speaker 1: go okay? Since I can't do it all. Now, I
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  Speaker 1: need to be a little bit strategic about what I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to prioritize, which brings us to the second idea,
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  Speaker 1: which was our first idea. That's now our second idea, but.
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  Speaker 2: It's no less important. A few years ago, as we
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  Speaker 2: all went through the pandemic and the struggle and challenge
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  Speaker 2: that that was, we for the most part have recognized
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  Speaker 2: the immense gift that it gave us in helping us
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  Speaker 2: to recognize what the priorities were in our lives and
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  Speaker 2: the things that were most important to create in many cases,
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  Speaker 2: happier families.
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  Speaker 1: We're never going to go back to how busy we
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  Speaker 1: were before the pandemic. We're going to use this panders
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  Speaker 1: a learning tool, said everybody, and then as soon as
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  Speaker 1: the restrictions were lifted, we all went back to our
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  Speaker 1: crazy lives. It feels like they've only gotten busier. So
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  Speaker 1: be intentional.
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  Speaker 2: That next step is about recognizing what our priorities are,
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  Speaker 2: because until we recognize that, we are actually stuck, and
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  Speaker 2: then on top of that, recognizing that every decision we
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  Speaker 2: make is a choice. Right, nobody's got a gun to
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  Speaker 2: our head telling us we have to do X Y,
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  Speaker 2: and Z we're the ones who determine how full the
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  Speaker 2: washing machine gets.
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  Speaker 1: Just quickly on that. One of my favorite object lessons
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  Speaker 1: comes from a guy called Stephen Covey. We don't have
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  Speaker 1: time to pop this into the podcast, but can I
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  Speaker 1: recommend you jump onto YouTube and just type in Covey
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  Speaker 1: CoV Ey, Covey Big Rocks. It's a four minute YouTube
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  Speaker 1: clip where Stephen Covey is standing in front of an
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  Speaker 1: audience of probably very highly paid executives at a big
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  Speaker 1: training session, and he's got a bucket full of all
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  Speaker 1: these tiny, little green rocks. It fills three quarters of
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  Speaker 1: this bucket, and then a handful of big rocks. The
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  Speaker 1: big rocks have labels on them like family relationships, and
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  Speaker 1: work priorities and sleep and just all the stuff that really,
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  Speaker 1: really really matters the most, the stuff that should be
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  Speaker 1: right at the very pinnacle of our priority list, and.
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  Speaker 2: The green rocks is the list that I just gave you.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, all the slu And he asks this lady to
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  Speaker 1: get those big rocks into the bucket without going over
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  Speaker 1: the top of the bucket with all the green rocks
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  Speaker 1: already in there, and she just can't do it. It's not
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  Speaker 1: until she starts fresh and puts all of the big
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  Speaker 1: rocks in first. That then she's able to tip all
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  Speaker 1: the other stuff in around it. And in this particular
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  Speaker 1: one she gets it all in. But the reality is
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  Speaker 1: I don't think that you can not in real life,
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  Speaker 1: and that's kind of the point. So clarity in priorities,
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  Speaker 1: I think, is our critical first idea. What is it
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  Speaker 1: that matters most? This requires us to do some heavy
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  Speaker 1: lifting in our brains. It requires us to to try
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  Speaker 1: and get priorities and structures and routines right because it
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  Speaker 1: will help us to get more done. Oh. Craig Bruce,
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  Speaker 1: our executive producer, sent through a quote that I think
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  Speaker 1: is perfect here from poet and author and Dillard who said,
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  Speaker 1: how we spend our days is of course how we
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  Speaker 1: spend our lives. What we do with this hour and
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  Speaker 1: that one is what we are doing. A schedule defends
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  Speaker 1: from chaos and whim It is a net for catching days.
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  Speaker 2: Priorities.
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  Speaker 1: Schedules makes a difference. What's our second thing? Which is
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  Speaker 1: kind of our third? About our second thing?
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  Speaker 2: You plus can number three is how can we outsource?
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  Speaker 2: What things can we outsource? Is it that we organize
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  Speaker 2: for our groceries to be delivered instead of having to
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  Speaker 2: go to the shop and doing it all ourselves. That
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  Speaker 2: seems to be a really popular choice for a lot
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  Speaker 2: of families cleaning. Can we afford to have somebody come
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  Speaker 2: in and help with the cleaning or do we use
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  Speaker 2: the minions that we birth?
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I've got to do a group We
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  Speaker 1: could laugh now, So I just want to highlight here
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  Speaker 1: on outsourcing. We recognize many, many, many people obviously doing
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  Speaker 1: it tougher now than we have in a long, long,
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  Speaker 1: long time because of the financial pressures that the economy
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  Speaker 1: has placed on so many families. But whether it's paying
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  Speaker 1: someone for cleaning, or whether it's just helping out with
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  Speaker 1: car pooling and mixing up the routine with that kind
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  Speaker 1: of thing, like you said, getting some assistance with the shopping.
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  Speaker 1: Being creative in the way that we can outsource can
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  Speaker 1: be a really useful way to create margin.
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  Speaker 2: Number four.
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  Speaker 1: Learn to say no big fan of this one, becoming
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  Speaker 1: you're a big fan of becoming let me rephrase, becoming
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  Speaker 1: a bigger fan of this one. Over time, when you
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  Speaker 1: know what you're saying yes too, it becomes easy to
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  Speaker 1: say no to other things. So this is why knowing
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  Speaker 1: your priorities matters so much, Because if you know that X,
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  Speaker 1: y Z is your priority, that being at the kids'
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  Speaker 1: school assembly or watching them place bored on Saturday morning,
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  Speaker 1: or being at home and focused rather than being on
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  Speaker 1: the phone or doing those emails. When you know what
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  Speaker 1: those things are, it's much easy to say yes to those,
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  Speaker 1: which makes it easy to say no to the other
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  Speaker 1: stuff that's going to intrude on that And Lucky Lave,
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  Speaker 1: I think that you've kind of touched on it already
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  Speaker 1: with the outsourcing idea, but I just want to highlight
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  Speaker 1: that another idea is to delegate stuff to the kids.
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  Speaker 2: I was listening to a podcast recently and I loved
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  Speaker 2: the way they talked about this. This idea of assigning
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  Speaker 2: kids chores feels hard, and for most kids, they're in
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  Speaker 2: a buck right they don't want to be a part
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  Speaker 2: of it. But she use the word contribution, what part
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  Speaker 2: are you willing to contribute to the running of our
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  Speaker 2: house today? And I just loved it. It's literally a
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  Speaker 2: tiny shift in words, but it makes a significant difference
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  Speaker 2: in the way it's viewed.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I've heard you use that word with our children
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  Speaker 1: just recently, and I also noticed that the children seem
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  Speaker 1: to be willing to make a contribution when you phrased
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  Speaker 1: it and framed it that way. All these things can
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  Speaker 1: help to create margin. Will they guarantee to transform your life? No? Well,
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  Speaker 1: sometimes perhaps maybe we encourage you to try it. Get
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  Speaker 1: those big rocks in, understand what the priorities are except
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  Speaker 1: that you can't do it all, get the minions involved, say
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  Speaker 1: no when you can, and outsource outsource outsource. We really
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  Speaker 1: hope that these things create margin in your family and
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  Speaker 1: help to make your family happier. Happy Families Podcast, as
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  Speaker 1: Always is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig
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  Speaker 1: Bruce is our executive producer. For more information about making
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: your family happier, we encourage you to visit us at
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: happy Families dot com dot a you or check out
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: our Facebook page Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families