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10: Depression and Weakness · Finding God at Work

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, I'm Chris.
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This is Finding God at Work.
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Just a reminder that Finding God at Work
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isn't just a podcast, it's also an online
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course.
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Check it out at FindingGodAtWork.org.
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Our current series is wholehearted, Becoming Healthier Christians
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at Work.
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We're going to start talking about depression in
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this episode and the next couple episodes.
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I have personal experience with depression, and so
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I need a couple episodes because I have
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a lot that I want to say.
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So I don't know how many episodes we'll
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do on each of the other topics we're
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digging into as we kind of look at
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different mental health challenges in Christian perspective, but
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we're going to need at least a few
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for depression.
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So bear with me.
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If you don't experience depression, and this isn't
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a big concern for you personally, it still
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probably affects one or more of the people
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you see regularly in the workplace.
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A Gallup survey from a couple of years
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ago shows that almost one out of three
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US adults has been diagnosed with depression at
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some point during their lifetime, and those numbers
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have been on the rise and, as you
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may know, are rising faster among young adults.
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So this is really common.
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I imagine that a lot of my listeners
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are experiencing depression themselves.
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So even if you're not, you can engage
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with a level of empathy here as we
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walk through this question in the next few
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episodes.
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When we think about depression and work specifically,
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depression makes work harder to get done.
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This is at least one of the common
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symptoms of depression.
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Since things are moving more slowly, it's harder
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to execute the things that you intend to
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do.
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This is definitely part of my experience with
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depression.
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I've described it as walking through molasses.
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Sometimes I imagine my depression as a big
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dog, and I've nicknamed him Deppie, the depression
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dog.
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And so sometimes Deppie is just sitting on
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top of my chest when I wake up
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in the morning.
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It's really hard to shove him off and
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go to work.
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But even when I get to work, Deppie
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is right there alongside me, and sometimes he's
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bigger and sometimes he's smaller, and sometimes he
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puts himself right between me and the computer
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and the work I'm trying to get done.
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It's really hard.
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It's hard to focus.
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It's hard to put out the level and
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quality of work that I want to do.
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My specific experience with depression is unique to
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me.
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It's not everybody's, but I hope it can
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be a helpful illustration as we talk about
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broader patterns that a lot of people experience.
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My words in the next few episodes will
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kind of be tinged with what is depression
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like for someone who is a high achiever
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and is frustrated that their depression is keeping
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them from achieving as much as they normally
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feel like they should, because that's how my
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personality works and how my experience of depression
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works.
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But it takes lots of different forms.
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And one thing that I think is so
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important when we talk about depression is acceptance.
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What does it mean to accept that we
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are depressed, to accept the limitations that depression
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imposes on us, and to accept God's love
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for us in the midst of our weakness?
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So I want to go to a passage.
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It's not explicitly about depression.
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It might connect with depression.
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We're not sure it's from the life of
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the Apostle Paul.
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It seems as though he had some experiences
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that might be along the lines of depression
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at different points.
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But regardless, this is still a helpful paradigm
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that we find in this passage that we
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can apply to the situation of experiencing depression
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in the workplace.
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This is from 2 Corinthians chapter 12.
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So the greater context here is that Paul
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is facing off against some other apostles who
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disagree with him.
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They think he has the wrong message.
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They're basically trying to defame him, bring down
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his reputation with the Corinthians, the ones who
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are receiving this letter from Paul.
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So Paul decides to defend his reputation.
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And as part of this, he's appealing to
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different experiences that he's had, including experiences of
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visions and revelations from God.
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But then he takes this very interesting move
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and he says counterintuitively that he doesn't want
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to boast about those.
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He doesn't want to brag about that.
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He wants to talk about his weaknesses.
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So we'll pick this up in chapter 12
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verse 6.
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Even if I should choose to boast, I
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would not be a fool because I would
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be speaking the truth.
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But I refrain so no one will think
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more of me than is warranted by what
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I do or say, or because of these
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surpassingly great revelations.
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Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming
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conceited, I was given a thorn in my
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flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me.
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Three times I pleaded with the Lord to
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take it away from me.
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But he said to me, my grace is
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sufficient for you, for my power is made
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perfect in weakness.
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Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly
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about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may
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rest on me.
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That is why for Christ's sake, I delight
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in weaknesses and insults and hardships and persecutions
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and difficulties.
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For when I am weak, then I am
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strong.
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The specific verse that I want to focus
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on here is where Paul says in verse
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8, three times I pleaded with the Lord
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to take it away from me.
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Okay, so whatever this thorn is, Paul calls
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it a messenger of Satan.
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He puts it in the same category as
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hardships and persecutions and difficulties.
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So he's using this metaphor of a thorn.
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He doesn't specify what it is.
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It's obviously some source of great pain in
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his life or perhaps some kind of limitation.
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People have debated what it was.
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It's kind of beside the point.
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Whatever it was, it was something that was
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debilitating to Paul.
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And so he very naturally pleads with God
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to take it away.
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It says three times I pleaded with the
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Lord to take it away from me.
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So Paul's first attitude about this debilitating condition
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that he has is I just want to
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get rid of it.
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I just want to get rid of it.
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And that is often my response to any
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kind of limitation or debilitating condition that I
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face, including my walk with depression.
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So when I first started to experience depressive
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symptoms, I was not all about going to
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therapy or getting treatment for them or anything
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like that.
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I was just like, what can I do
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to get over this?
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How can I just get beyond this?
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How can I master this in some way
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so that I can get to the other
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side of it?
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The difficulty here is that basically what that
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amounted to for me was denying that I
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had depression.
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Now, I'm not saying that Paul was denying
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that he had this thorn.
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He was pleading for God to take it
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away and it wasn't being taken away.
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But that for me is sometimes that attitude,
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that willful attitude of just rejecting something.
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Okay, I don't want to receive this.
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I don't want to experience this.
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So I'm just going to pretend it's not
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the case.
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And I've fallen into this kind of encyclical
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pattern in my life.
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I have a seasonal quality to my depression.
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It gets worse in the winter and better
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in the spring.
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And so it's like, okay, I'm doing better
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now.
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So I never have to worry about it
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again.
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And it took me a few years before
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I was like, maybe I have a chronic
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condition that I could prepare for before it
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gets worse again in the winter.
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And so it was just, it was tough
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because my first response was rejection, denial, rather
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than accepting that I have depression.
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And so I want to start there for
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anybody who's listening, where you might be wondering
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if you have depression, maybe you face different
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difficulties in the workplace, but you're not sure
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if it amounts to depression.
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And it can be really helpful just to
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name something to get a diagnosis.
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And of course, an official diagnosis is something
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we would get from a doctor or from
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a therapist or counselor.
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But I'm just going to read the definition
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of depression from the Mayo Clinic website, just
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in case that definition is helpful.
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Depression is a mood disorder that causes a
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persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest.
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Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression,
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it affects how you feel, think, and behave,
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and can lead to a variety of emotional
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and physical problems.
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You may have trouble doing normal day-to
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-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as
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if life isn't worth living.
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They go on and list some of the
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symptoms, such as feelings of sadness, emptiness, angry
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outbursts, irritability, loss of interest in normal activities,
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sleep disturbances, tiredness and lack of energy.
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So even small tasks take extra effort, reduced
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appetite, anxiety, agitation or restlessness, slowed thinking, speaking
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or body movements, feelings of worthlessness or guilt,
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trouble thinking, concentrating, frequent recurrent thoughts of death,
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suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide.
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Okay, so lots of different symptoms there.
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But as I was going through that list,
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if you checked off like four or five
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of those, if you're like, oh yeah, I'm
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anxious a lot and I feel like I'm
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moving really slowly and I have trouble concentrating,
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and also I'm just kind of feeling empty,
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it's like there is a decent chance that
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you are experiencing something along the lines of
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depression.
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Even if it's not major depressive disorder, that'd
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be a good thing to talk to a
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therapist about or your doctor about and see
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what next steps there might be to figure
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out what's going on with you.
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Again, it might be something different, but that's
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why it's good to talk about symptoms with
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somebody that can help you get a good
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diagnosis of whatever it is you're facing.
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So that's the first thing, the first step
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on the way to healing is acceptance.
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Denial does not actually help us move into
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healing.
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Okay, but when we think about what acceptance
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means, how it plays out in the workplace
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specifically, acceptance also means accepting the limitations that
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depression imposes on us, which I just hate,
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I hate accepting limitations.
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I'm the kind of person who early in
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my career in my 20s, I would always
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stay super late at the office just to
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get stuff done, just so I could say
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I had it done.
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It'd be better to achieve 120% even
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if I'm working longer hours or missing out
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on family activities.
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And that was something I kind of had
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to unlearn and realize how to set better
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boundaries with work as time went on.
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But one thing that bugs me about this,
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about the limitations that depression imposes is for
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me, because depression has like a seasonal aspect
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to it, it's not exactly the same all
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the time.
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I know what it's like when I'm in
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a high performance mode.
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I know how much I can get done
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when I'm feeling energized.
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And then when I'm depressed, I just can't
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do it.
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Like I just can't do the same stuff
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that I do when I'm energized.
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And so it feels like the limitations are
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stupid, right?
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It's not like a permanent feature of my
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personality.
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It's not like, oh, I'm just not like
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that kind of achiever.
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It's like, no, I am that kind of
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achiever and I just can't do it because
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of the stupid depression.
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And so, I mean, and when I'm depressed,
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I probably don't even enunciate it with that
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level of emphatic energy because I'm depressed.
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So it's more like, oh, I just can't
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do it because I'm depressed.
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The limitations feel stupid.
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They feel pointless.
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Like I shouldn't have to deal with these
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limitations.
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I should be able to just get everything
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done.
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And one of my therapists was really helpful.
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He was like, Chris, you feel like you
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have to bat a thousand every day.
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You feel like you have to give 110
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% every day.
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What if some days you don't have that
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much gas in the tank?
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Like what if some days you only have
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like 35% of your maximum productivity available
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to you?
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And that was tough.
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I was like, that's stupid.
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But as we continued to talk and unpack
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that, I realized, wow, that's super freeing that
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I actually, I am not at peak performance
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every single day of my life.
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And that's okay.
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It is okay to accept that there will
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be limitations, even limitations that feel stupid because
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of my depression and that will affect my
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work.
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Okay, so then that kind of raises the
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question.
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What does that mean in terms of your
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work environment?
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How do you respond?
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And again, every person's situation is different.
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But one thing is in as much as
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you have some say over your workload to
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be okay with turning it down a notch
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when you're in a season of serious depression.
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So if you have a lot of things
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on your plate, can you in some way
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rearrange your work so that you have some
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fewer things on your plate because it's gonna
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take longer to get through things if you're
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walking through molasses every day or if Deputy
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of the Depression Dog is nosing in between
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you and your keyboard in the middle of
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every work meeting.
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Depression has real effects on our capacity to
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produce, to be productive.
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And so it's okay to take that into
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account when you're delineating your plans for a
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given day or given week.
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Now, obviously, that might involve conversations with colleagues
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and your boss as well.
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And this is gonna depend on how empathetic
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and emotionally mature your boss is and also
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just on the culture of your workplace.
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But one thing I've found is usually I
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am more hesitant to share something than my
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boss is to hear it.
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So like I waited for a long time
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back when I was at the mortgage company
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before I started talking with my boss about
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my experience of depression.
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And then as soon as I opened up
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about it, he was like, my son struggles
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with that.
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What can I do to help, right?
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Like he was just so immediately ready to
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make adaptations in my work schedule to help
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me figure this out.
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I wish I had talked to him earlier.
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And so then because of that lesson, as
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I move forward into my new employer where
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I now work at the food bank, I
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was honest kind of right off the bat
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with my boss there.
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And that was super helpful.
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And she was empathetic and understanding as well.
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So obviously, you may not have such amazing
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bosses, but do you know that for a
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fact or are you just afraid of that?
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Are you just afraid that your boss isn't
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going to be empathetic?
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What would it be like, again, based on
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your read of how trustworthy your boss is,
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to reveal a little bit to them at
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least and say like, hey, this is what
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I'm going through and maybe make a request
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for some sort of accommodation, whether that's a
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change in projects or hours or something else.
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Okay, again, if you're like a high achiever
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like me, it's just the humility of even
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entertaining the idea that you would ever come
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to a boss and say that you're doing
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less than 120%.
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That's the key piece.
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That's so hard is, oh, I wish I
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could just impress everybody.
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I don't want to have to ask for
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help.
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Okay, so now this brings us back to
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the passage.
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What does the Lord say to Paul in
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this experience?
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When he's pleading for God to take this
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experience, whatever it is, his thorn away, three
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times I pleaded with the Lord to take
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it away from me, but he said to
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me, my grace is sufficient for you, for
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my power is made perfect in weakness.
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My grace is sufficient for you.
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That is God's word for every follower of
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Jesus who's facing depression and limitations in their
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productivity because of depression.
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My grace is sufficient for you.
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You do not have to hit it out
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of the park every single day.
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You do not have to give 120%
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every single minute.
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You are going to face limitations and God's
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grace is sufficient for you.
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His power is made perfect in weakness.
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Part of what I dug into with my
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therapist as I tried to figure out why
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is it so hard for me to accept
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that I have limitations is understanding, okay, behind
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that desire to impress people is also a
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certain self-concept.
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For me, there was a sense that me
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accomplishing things is what gives me value.
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Me getting things done is what makes me
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important.
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My productivity is what makes me matter in
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the workplace and everywhere else in my life.
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And I realized that that is not the
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teaching of scripture.
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The teaching of scripture is not that our
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work gives us value, although work itself is
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valuable.
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Yes, the teaching of scripture is that God
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deeply loves us because He created us in
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His image, because He redeemed us in Jesus
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Christ, because God is love always and faithfully
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and without wavering, no matter how up or
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down we are.
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And if that's true, then having the humility,
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having the courage to open up a little
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bit and admit that I'm depressed and receive
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something from possibly a boss or coworker or
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someone else I'm asking for help, that can
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be a form of accepting God's love for
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me in my weaknesses.
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That His grace is sufficient for me.
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That His power is made perfect in weakness.
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That when I have that humility to ask
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for help, it becomes clearer that the true
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productivity of my work isn't just about me
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and how impressive I am.
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It's about how God's grace works through me,
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even in the work I'm doing every day,
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to bring something beautiful about in the world.
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It's not about me at the end of
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the day.
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It's about God's purposes and God can accomplish
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His purposes even through weak people.
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That's actually His modus operandi.
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That's His MO.
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God likes to get things done with people
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who are limited and flawed and sometimes depressed.
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That's what He does because He's gracious, because
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He's loving, because He wants to include us
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even when we're far from our best.
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Okay, so we can see in this passage
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this encouragement to a kind of acceptance of
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receiving grace, of knowing that God's power works
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even in weakness.
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But then Paul takes it a step further.
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And I kind of don't like this step.
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I don't know.
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I kind of wish this verse wasn't here.
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Paul says, therefore I will boast all the
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more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's
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power may rest on me.
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So he doesn't just stop with God has
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grace for our limitations.
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He says, okay, you got to press into
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that.
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You got to own it.
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You got to say, I will boast all
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the more gladly about my weaknesses so that
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Christ's power may rest on me.
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He's saying, when we acknowledge our weaknesses even
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more boldly, when we press into them even
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more fiercely, when we are honest about them
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even more courageously, that then that somehow paradoxically
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opens up more of Christ's power to rest
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on us.
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Somehow the power of Jesus Himself as the
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Messiah connects with us in our experience even
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more fully when we just admit that we're
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weak and that we have problems.
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So I just want to say that as
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an encouragement to you as kind of our
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first thought.
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We're letting Jesus be our anthropologist, right?
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We're letting Jesus tell us what it's like
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to be a healthy human being.
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And here, when Jesus the Messiah came to
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Paul in this vision and was teaching him
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what it means to be a healthy human
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being.
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He said, my grace is sufficient for you
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for my power is made perfect in weakness.
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That's what we can receive as we step
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into navigating all the ups and downs of
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depression as disciples of Jesus in the workplace
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and everywhere else.
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Lord Jesus, thank you that your grace is
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sufficient for us.
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Help us to believe that, help us to
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own that, help us like Paul even to
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go further and boast in that to brag
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about how weak we are because we trust
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that it's not about us being impressive.
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It's not about us willfully having our own
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way.
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It's about you.
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It's about your love being made manifest in
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the world.
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Even through our work that we do imperfectly
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and weekly when we feel depressed.
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Show us how to own these things in
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appropriate and confident ways in our work relationships.
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Show us how to welcome you when we
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feel so down.
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Jesus, do your work in us as we
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do our work with you.
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Thanks for listening.
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Finding God at Work is a production of
19:34
Mission Central, a ministry based in Aurora, Illinois,
19:37
dedicated to forming Christians for mission and everyday
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life.
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You can subscribe to the podcast wherever you
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listen to this episode to get 10 minutes
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of teaching on faith and work every Tuesday
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and Thursday.
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To get resources to go deeper with each
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podcast series, read our blog, and get info
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about upcoming courses on faith in the workplace,
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go to our website, missioncentral.church.