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What steps help me ask for help effectively · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Asking for help is hard for many carers, and it's a big part of why a lack of support can be so difficult to shift.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Lots of carers worry that asking will make them look weak or not up to the job, and some feel their situation isn't big enough to deserve help, and others find it hard to hand over that control because they know the person they care for so well.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: And these worries are common and they usually come through caring a great deal.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the first step that helps you ask for help effectively is getting honest with yourself.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: So take a quiet moment and ask which parts of caring weigh on you the most and what kind of help would make the biggest difference.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Then ask what makes you hesitate, as you might notice a thought like a good carer should cope alone.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And try asking what you would say to a friend in your position.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: As most of us would tell them, that no one can do this alone and that looking after yourself helps the person you care for too.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It also helps to remember that many people like being asked, as helping makes people feel useful and can bring them closer to you.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you can also try a small solution focused question.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is a small request that would make this week easier?
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  SPEAKER_00: And start from there.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, practical ways to support yourself with this is to start small as you don't have to hand everything over at once.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you might just pick one task on one person.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Also, be specific with your requests, as this gives someone something clear to say yes to, which is easier than I could just do with some help.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if it suits you, let them shadow you for a day or come along to an appointment so they can see how you do things.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: You might also just want to treat it as an experiment so you can hand the task over for a while and then take it back when you're on your feet again.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if something doesn't go perfectly, give it a few days, talk it through together and adjust accordingly, as everyone needs time when they do start something new.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And once the task is handed over, leave the person to get on with it and you can check in from a distance and stay calm and encouraging as there are many ways to do the same job, and handing it over frees your attention for the things that you need the most.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you find it very hard to ask or you have no one to ask, speak to your GP and tell them that you're a carer.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: There are also local carer services or a national carers helpline that can talk through your situation and help you find support in your area.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if guilt, worry, or loan are taking over, then accessing talking therapies can give you a space to work through those feelings.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can go back to the app's resources for more around lack of support as a carer, and if you are thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.