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Hope for Multigenerational Families · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  You know, and that is the gospel lived out is walking forward, misstepping, failing, repenting, standing back up with courage and moving forward. And if your kids don't see that happening, they're not going to want to be a Christian. Yes. They're not going to want to, they're not going to want to perpetuate that.
• 0:20
  Hi, welcome to the Family Teams podcast. Our goal here is to help your family become a multi-generational team on mission by providing you with biblically rooted concepts, tools, and rhythms. Your hosts are Jeremy Pryor and Jefferson Bethke, and we can't wait to chat about all things family.
• 0:38
  Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Family Teams podcast. It is a beautiful Memorial Day weekend, and I'm joined by a bunch of members of the same family, the Steward family. I wrote an essay about five generations of...
• 0:53
  trying to like April and I were having a conversation too on a podcast, trying to imagine what it would look like for us to think about what this, we're into our third generation in terms of living in Fort Thomas, actually four, my parents are living here as well. But we've kind of started to imagine what a multi-generational family and five generations in one location, one area really with the same vision
• 1:14
  what that could look like. We were dreaming and writing. And I got an email from Brooke, and Brooke said, hey, my parents have really been thinking about this way for a long time and have raised us with this kind of perspective. And anytime I hear that, my ears perk up. I'm like, oh, that sounds like something we should dive into. So I'm excited to be joined by Jim and Jennifer Stewart, who are Brooke's parents, and also Tyson and Casey, who are
• 1:43
  along with Brooke, they're adult children. And so we just want to have a conversation. I'm here with April. We just want to ask you guys some questions, hear the story, and as fellow travelers trying to figure out how in this kind of hyper-individualistic Western culture do you raise a multi-generational family that has a kind of cohesive culture? So...
• 2:02
  Yeah. Thank you guys for jumping on the podcast with me today. I'd like to just start with, you know, Jennifer and Jim, if you guys wouldn't mind introducing yourselves, tell us like who you are, where you live, what your family's like, and then we're going to start asking you some questions about your family story.
• 2:18
  So my name is Jennifer Stewart and my husband, Jim, and I live in Northern California in the foothills between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe. And we have eight children at this time and they're all married and 22 grandchildren. And we're both self-employed. So. Yeah. My name's James Stewart. The area in which I live, I was born and raised there. I never left that area. Yeah.
• 2:44
  So this, do you want me to just dive right in? Yeah, let's talk about it. How did you start to think this way? You guys obviously chose to have a larger family. And what was the impetus? Right. So it's a process. It wasn't an intentional starting point. So we didn't like make a plan and then follow it. Essentially, it was God's plan for that. Right.
• 3:09
  So when my oldest daughter, Casey, was five years old, my wife said, I don't want to send her to school. And the schools in 1985 were a lot different than they are now, essentially. And so I'm kind of like, well, it wasn't too bad for us. So we started talking about it, and so we decided, okay, we'll homeschool. And homeschool was a lot different then. It was going against society. It was going against the church.
• 3:38
  So to do that, you had to be motivated by God to do that. It was a faith thing. And so when we started doing it, I was kind of not totally on board. But as we started to do it, we got involved with homeschool, other people who homeschooled. And it was very new at the time, very new. Right. And there was a small group of people doing it, and they had just started having like
• 4:04
  some conventions where you could go and meet with other homeschooling families. So there was a whole mindset about how you raised your kid biblically, what that looked like, and it was kind of new ground. You kind of went through it, and you kind of just did the process and just trusted in what God's Word said. So there's lots of things in God's Word that tells you how to raise a family. Yeah.
• 4:33
  had a place of value on children. And so as this went along, we learned these things. So we had three children at the time, and we were kind of like, are we going to have any more kids? We don't know, you know. And so then, unfortunately, we had Brooke next. So...
• 5:00
  that kind of started the process of placing value on children. Well, and God's word says that children are a blessing. And, you know, we were learning all this as well at that time. And as far as homeschooling, we, you know, we also were kind of like not sure about certain medical things. We tended to want to do more alternative things. And we were researching that. And so we just, in everything that had to do with family, we were really kind of
• 5:29
  looking at that, like after a couple of, you know, sort of negative experiences in the hospital, we kind of, you know, so, well, maybe we should explore home birth. And, and so, you know, we just kind of, I, I kind of like to say that I don't have a lineup and sign up attitude. It's like if everybody's doing it, I'm going to think, okay, well, we're going to research that first. We're not just going to line up like everybody else and do it. We're going to really figure out this is what God has for us to do with our family. So that was kind of our attitude.
• 5:59
  So then at that time, also too, when Casey started homeschooling, we started homeschooling her, we started to attend church full time, all the time. That was kind of one of the requirements of being in that program at the time. The homeschool program. And so... And they said, in order for this to really work as under God, you really need to be, you know, working under the Lord's leadership, you know, not just out on your own. Yeah.
• 6:27
  So yeah, so if you, essentially what we were learning is if you consider the Bible to be truth, which we do, well, if you act on that truth, and how does that truth affect your family, your way of living, the church, government, all the structures involved? And so you, your mindset starts thinking different ways as that progresses. And
• 6:52
  It's not essentially radical thinking, I wouldn't say, but it's biblical thinking. And you can consider that radical if you want, but I don't. I consider that normal. It should be a normal way of life. So essentially, to make a long story short, that set the framework for essentially how we viewed our family. And we both happen to be self-employed, so our children...
• 7:20
  worked with us and did things as we worked. So Jim was in construction, he still is, and I started hearing about cottage industry and there's find a need and fill it type of thing. And the need at that time was that I couldn't really find any homeschool curriculum. We were using Christian school curriculum. And so I was just going to teacher stores, seeing what I could find to use with my kids.
• 7:45
  really just using the library because there wasn't anything. And as I developed what, you know, something that I could do with my unique situation at home with the multi-ages I was teaching, I just developed curriculum. And so then we developed a chore system and we started going to conventions and selling it and doing workshops and teaching people how to, how to homeschool their children. As we learned, we helped others. And so our children grew up going to homeschool conventions and actually the
• 8:13
  sitting in the booth while I was speaking or selling books. And they just really grew up being able to interact with all ages in that way, which was really a benefit. It helped us certainly in what we were doing, but that was kind of the vision.
• 8:30
  And then, you know, as Ty got older, he worked with Jim in construction. And so, and all the way along as our children, we had children over the course of, we had eight children in 20 years. So when Casey got married, our youngest was one and a half. And so she didn't really grow up in the same house with her older sister that long. But that was just, you know, it was just working and busy, crazy life. But that's kind of what we built our life upon. Like Jim said, it wasn't something like, so let's do this. But we actually did.
• 9:00
  As we did believe the Bible and saw that children were a blessing, we thought, wow, what if our children all grew up and married, kingdom builder, dedicated Christians who love the Lord, and each of their households became an embassy for the kingdom? How many people could they actually reach out and touch that we could never touch because each of their households would know by whatever work or whatever they were doing that?
• 9:26
  that they would come in contact with, how, how cool would that be? And, you know, people, people always say to Jeremiah, I don't know how you did it. And we're just like, well, we didn't do it. You know, we just kind of felt like that was the way the Lord was leading us. And we certainly hoped for that and worked at that. But, you know,
• 9:43
  You know, we just felt like you do what God says in his word, be obedient. And really, it's by the grace of God that we believe they have turned out to do exactly that. Each one has married a God-loving, God-fearing spouse, and they have built their homes like that. And so we are, we were just like, oh, that we would be so rich if that happened. And so we are rich in that way.
• 10:09
  Yeah, and even that was a process with our family. You know, as you know, with children, one of the most important things is finding the right spouse, you know, to spend your life with. And so that's a matter of prayer and instruction with you, because you essentially have teenage or early 20s children who,
• 10:35
  They're not really adults yet, you know, but they're getting to the point where they're becoming adults. And one thing that we always did is talk to our children a lot about life, about living, about working, about God's word, about what's best for them. Because you can't just say, you need to do this, even though it might be right.
• 11:01
  they have to, it has to be of their own volition to follow that. And you have to try to set the parameter that that's what's best for them. If you do these things, you'll have a good outcome. And God's word says that.
• 11:18
  So you look at that principle, you act on it, and you instruct your children that way, in a loving way, especially, if you can. You know, so basically, that's kind of it in practice.
• 11:35
  You know, you can, we could go on and on about certain circumstances and certain things we did. And, you know, my son worked with me. And so he interacted with clients since he was about 12 years old. Well, by the time he's 18 or 19, he's equal to a guy who's 25 or 30 years old, you know? So it's just a head start, you know, your head start on the principles and different things like that. Yeah.
• 12:00
  So, you know, Jim says we talk to our kids a lot and, you know, it's just, it's not just like we wrestled through all kinds of things with them, you know, and we have six girls. So I say, oh, go talk to your dad. I mean, he just, he was a real sounding board, you know, because I was more emotional as a woman and there's lots of working through stuff and wrestling with stuff. And I remember when Brooke was, she, we're, you know, we could talk about, you know, the
• 12:26
  in that home full movement, there was a temptation towards legalism. And we had to kind of work through all that kind of stuff too. And, and at one time she was, we're having some problem with the church. She, she was going to move out and go live at Casey's house and work at Starbucks. And, you know, I was kind of like that fearful thing, like, Oh, what if she goes some wacky way? And, and, you know, but then you just have to believe that you did the best you could have given them the foundation and the Lord is going to be faithful, you know? So yeah.
• 12:55
  So good. Well, so, you know, one of the things that I, one of the questions I love to try to understand is what is your hypothesis for why things worked out well for your family and why things tend to, I mean, I think the current statistics or something like,
• 13:13
  80% of evangelical kids fall away from their faith. I mean, it's just horrendous, the numbers. And so what it seems like is that there was a lot of intentionality. I was, you know, really interested in the integration, Tyson, between you and your dad and work. I think that that's a key that a lot of people, you know,
• 13:32
  don't get to experience. But yeah, I'd love to hear from Brooke, Casey, or Ty. What did you see growing up? Obviously, I'm sure you had friends that were struggling. And what was it about your family that would cause you to not just say, you know,
• 13:47
  the typical sort of teenage, like, I want to do with the opposite of my parents. Like, and so many of the people that I think we talked to assume that that's totally normal and that, that everyone's going to do that. And therefore there's going to be a huge fallout generationally. And so we don't believe that we're certainly not seeing that with our adult kids. So it has caused me to think that there is, there are things that maybe we're doing that are, we're kind of.
• 14:13
  that a lot of people are going along with the culture that that is making it very difficult for their family to to kind of move forward generationally so yeah i'm curious what what did you guys see what is your hypothesis any any variables any practices any beliefs anything that's unique that you saw in your family i don't know who would like to start but i'd love to hear from each of you possible
• 14:35
  Yeah, well, as I've pondered this, one of the things I've realized looking back is that my parents weren't too extreme one way or the other. So we weren't too legalistic that we had to do things a certain way. And they weren't, you know, too lenient. They were intentional. So, for example, we went to church every Sunday and it was a rhythm and it was a part of our life. But we didn't have to go to church. Yeah.
• 15:02
  So sometimes dad would say, let's go for a drive today. And we would go on a family drive. And then we'd have this family day together and we'd have lunch and we'd go through old bookstores or we'd do fun things as a family. And so it never felt like we have to go to church. And I, looking back, I wanted to go to church. We all wanted to go to church.
• 15:27
  And church was our community, our extended family. And we went to a small church that supported missionaries all over the world. It's this little church, and they supported like, I don't know, do you remember how many missionaries, Dad? Like 50 missionaries. It was a lot. And they would come, and they would share their stories with us when they were on sabbatical, and we developed relationships with those missionaries. And then because...
• 15:55
  My parents had just this open mentality of hospitality, and it wasn't like our house had to be perfect to have people over. My mom would just cook an extra lasagna, and we would have the missionaries over for lunch. And so we would spend our Sunday afternoons, many Sunday afternoons, sitting around the table visiting with missionaries. And so that...
• 16:17
  It really expanded my view of who God was. And it wasn't like I was living in a little bubble. I got to see how God was working all over the world and develop those friendships with those missionaries. And so I think that that helped me to be grounded in my faith and to choose that for myself as I got older. It wasn't just something that my parents were making me do. It was something that I actually wanted to be a part of. So that's really good.
• 16:46
  That was a rhythm that I think was just really a blessing. That's great. Wow. Yeah. Being able to see through kind of that portal, all these different places where God's moving, I'm sure that does something to your faith to interact and to have that done through the home. Like Jennifer, you said your house is like an embassy. Man, that must have felt that way to your kids as you hosted those missionaries that are coming and going. Yeah.
• 17:10
  You know, one of the things that you mentioned, Casey, was the kind of striking the right balance when it comes to like trying to be intentional, but not legalistic. That's a really interesting, because I think part of what I think a lot of Christian parents struggle with understanding is that.
• 17:28
  When you give into a high level of legalism, it tends to create the sort of black sheep, rule follower dynamic within your children. Somebody does a really good job and realizes they can get a lot of sort of attention from their parents by perfectly keeping the rules. And then somebody...
• 17:45
  realizes they're going to fail a lot at keeping the hyper-legalistic standards. And so they just become a black sheep. And it really rips the family apart because you start to see, you know, a lot of these unhealthy roles develop amongst your children. Now, we've talked a lot about that. But at the same time, you can't be just like completely...
• 18:04
  unintentional and just say, oh, like the answer is to have no structure and to have no leadership. I mean, and so this is a very difficult thing to balance. And I think you have to do it in relationship. I love Jennifer, when you mentioned that Brooke would go to a gym or whoever, like your kids were processing things, the six girls. So that, yeah, that relationship that especially I think has developed. Yeah.
• 18:26
  with the father can really help. It helps him calibrate that properly for the family and his own leadership. I find that if you start to distance yourself relationally from your kids and then just have a hyper legalistic or hyper, like kind of anything goes attitude towards the way that you're leading your household, it really can cause like a lot of disintegration to happen.
• 18:49
  I'd love to hear a tie from you, Tyson. What did this start for you? Anything that you noticed in growing up that you think would be helpful? Why did this work in your family's case? And what have you seen maybe in other families where they really struggled to pull this off? As I've matured as an adult and faced things in my own life, you know, you tend to look at your family shape and influence pretty deeply. And, you know, as I look back, you know, pretty much every kind of...
• 19:18
  vice or failure has happened within our family or, you know, peripheral to our aunts and uncles or grandparents or that kind of thing. And, you know, I, my parents, they dealt with problems. You know, they, they, they drag them out in the open and they deal with them. And I don't think that very many people do that. Yeah.
• 19:41
  You know, they communicate, they talk about it as painful as it is to do and hard as it is to do. That was huge. And they continue to do that to this day. You know, and that's a, I would say that's probably one of the foundational things that has perpetuated our faith. And, you know, as I've observed conflict in my life, different church conflict, relational conflict.
• 20:09
  People will go to great lengths to cover up or harbor whatever pain they have in their past. They will destroy the people around them to do that. And, you know, there's been crossroads where it took longer to work through the things in our family, but...
• 20:26
  We've gotten through it. And, you know, my parents haven't been afraid of the consequences. They've acted in faith to do that. And that's perpetuating their kids. Their kids are doing the same things, you know, and dealing with things. And you can't hide things from your kids. You know, maybe when they're little, a little bit, but as they grow and observe, they're going to know everything. And, you know, for parents to
• 20:52
  not be willing to deal with things and to think somehow, whether it's intentional or subconscious, that maybe this will go away if I don't deal with it. It's going to come back up later. And, you know, you're growing and being sanctified. Christ is chipping off the edges and, you know, the...
• 21:14
  The reality of that is that there's going to be things that aren't pretty that you're going to have to deal with. And, you know, my parents, they talk about their experience of talking to their kids. That's what they're talking about, those real life things. And, you know, they...
• 21:35
  You're trying to make the best decisions you can with the information you have as you're growing and maturing as an adult and as you're growing in your marriage, as you're growing as a parent, as you're growing in your workplace, all of these different things.
• 21:49
  It means you're going to make, you're going to fail. You're going to make poor decisions at different times. You're going to, you're going to give into things, you know, and that, that is the gospel lived out is walking forward, misstepping, failing, repenting, standing back up with courage and moving forward. And if your kids don't see that happening.
• 22:13
  you're, they're not gonna, they're not gonna want to be a Christian. Yes. They're not gonna want to, they're not gonna want to perpetuate that. Yeah.
• 22:19
  And that's authentic. It's real. You can see there's the criticism of, I don't want to do that. I don't want to have that same faith. And I'm doing everything I can to be opposite of what my parents did. That's because there's a hypocrisy there. That's because there's an inauthentic. That's because of an unwillingness to repent. That's the kids see. And I really feel like
• 22:46
  You know, I, when I was 30, I couldn't have told you that, that that's why what was happening within our family, you know, but I really, I really think that there's a lot of things that, you know, the outworking of a lot of those things that we're talking about right now, me going to work with my dad.
• 23:02
  You know, my parents' marriage, you know, it being a journey like dad was talking about. It wasn't like you sat down and wrote this map out, you know, that's the Christian walk. I'm doing the primal path with my boys right now from John Tyson. And you have to do a little six week thing beforehand as a dad and go through and, you know, be self-reflective and work on some stuff. Yeah.
• 23:27
  probably the most impactful thing from that time was that God doesn't want you to be a good man. He wants you to be good at being a man. And God doesn't want families to be good families. He wants you to be good at being a family. He doesn't want you to have a good marriage. He wants you to be good at marriage. And that is failing, repenting, standing back up with courage and moving forward. Wow, that's really good. And I would just add to that, Ty, one thing that I've seen too is that
• 23:58
  As we have each failed or gone through suffering, we have been there for each other. It wasn't like you felt judged. It was the other family members showed up.
• 24:10
  and helped you through it and having that community around you. I think God created us for that. He created us for connection and community and we need each other not to feel rejection in those moments, but that like Ty was saying, that is the gospel. And so we all know no matter what happens, we have people that will be there. They will be walking beside us and that, that deep love. And I think our kids are seeing that and yeah,
• 24:40
  it's inspiring. I know for my kids, it's inspiring their faith because they know I have family and they will be there no matter what happens in my life. Need a blueprint to revise your family to be a multi-generational team on mission? The book Family Revision by Jeremy Pryor is the book that summarizes all the big picture ideas you hear on this podcast. Available on Amazon or familyteams.com.
• 25:10
  Wow. That's awesome. Yeah, that's such an advantage. I'm curious, what are your thoughts about this? Part of what Ty is describing is the ability to... Oftentimes with people, you can have a five-year, 10-year friendship or relationship. They have a 20-year, 30-year, 40-year relationship
• 25:28
  relationship requires that ability to repent, to be humble, to repair relationship, to speak the truth, even when it's hard to drag, like you described, tie problems out into the open and talk about them. And the conflict avoidance strategies that I think oftentimes work in the short term are devastating to families in the long term. We've talked a lot about that.
• 25:48
  Yeah, I think it's so encouraging to hear all of you share. So our kids are, we have five kids ages 24 down to 15. And so our oldest two are married and we're new grandparents as of a year ago. So, and we have two on the way. So it's very exciting time for us, but lots of like...
• 26:07
  okay, is this going to, what's this going to be like? And, you know, having welcomed two in-laws into the family in two years, it's like so, so quick and so much to adjust to. And so just a lot of like, I wonder what it's, how this is all going to play out kind of conversations that we're having right now. So it's really encouraging to hear your all stories, but, you know, seeing the fruit of what I'm hearing is that, you know,
• 26:32
  Your parents were very, they helped you navigate relationships. And so sibling relationships, especially to be adult siblings that choose relationship or choose to be there for each other in hard times. I'm curious what that looks like for your kids. So like the grandkid level. So from my perspective, the third generation of your family, what does that look like for them? Are they, I know it's probably quite an age range.
• 26:59
  But are they with each other often? Are they, do you think that they'll turn to each other in times of, you know, building businesses or do they hang out for fun? Are they any of them the same ages? Like those kinds of things. I'm curious about what this looks like in the third generation as we start our third generation. Yeah. Yeah.
• 27:19
  Let me jump in real quick. And then I know, Casey, you know, all of them have kids that they can speak to that. But, you know, first of all, the second generation, which would be our kids, they're all so close to each other. All the daughters and their husbands, sons and their wives, they're all of their siblings.
• 27:40
  you know, siblings and spouses are best friends. Wow. And are all, and Casey and Aaron, they just moved to Idaho a couple of years ago, but they are able to be back, you know, in our midst and everyone's coming up here to Idaho as well. We're visiting in Idaho right now. And, but-
• 27:56
  That support system is really huge. And I mean, I don't want to make it sound weird by saying it's positive peer pressure, but it's really more of knowing that everyone is there. We have a family text going all the time and so forth for whatever's happening, rejoicing or praying or sorrowing or whatever's happening with each other. But the cousin thing is huge.
• 28:20
  And God has blessed us with enough resources that we can go back and forth. And Casey's son has flown to California to be at one of the kids' plays, high school play, and vice versa, graduations and so forth. But I just wanted to mention that Jim and I have a large piece of property. And we've talked to Casey and I, or older kids, about how can we make it so we can stay there and make it so that we can grow old there and grow.
• 28:48
  you know, manage the property and the grass and the lawn and all that. And so, you know, we actually have our grandkids over a lot to help us. And we pay them and I feel like we pay them well. You know, we just, but more importantly, we spend time with them a lot doing things like that. And we talk to them all the time, tell them stories, but it leads into something we're able to actually impart to them. So we see our role as grandparents as parents,
• 29:15
  continuing life. It's just as important to be able to bestow our experiences or wisdom. And Nana always has a crazy story or something to tell. And I was just in the car with my granddaughter, Emma, Casey's daughter, and she was telling me about this boy that she had a boyfriend. And she said, he's a Mormon and he's not my boyfriend anymore. So then I had this opportunity to say,
• 29:39
  it's really important who you marry. And she's like, yeah. And I go, well, can you imagine if you were married to a Mormon and every Sunday he went off to his church and you went off to yours? And then when you had kids, you'd have to decide which church I could cause a big problem. So there's always an opportunity to chat about things like that.
• 29:57
  Love that. Yeah, I'll speak to this just for a second. It's just kind of a funny story because my daughter is, because I'm the middle child, we actually all got married consecutively as well. So Casey got married first and down the line of the eight of us, we all got married consecutively. And I was actually considered the, I was the oldest person to get married in our family at 24. I was 24 when I got married and I was the oldest.
• 30:22
  Old maid. Yeah, I've been old maid. And so anyway, but so all of our kids are actually kind of consecutive in that way, too. So Casey and Ty both have teenagers, but Ty spans across almost through because his youngest are the age of some of my kids. So he has kids that are in clumps with both kids.
• 30:43
  the older siblings and the younger siblings because of that, because of having eight children. But Casey and Tyson and Whitney, they all have teenagers. And now my kids are, my oldest is nine. And then now some of the younger siblings are half newborn. You know, she's seven months old. So we have, we definitely have clumps. We have some groups of siblings or cousins that are all kind of like they were born the same year. We have a few, a few clumps like that.
• 31:08
  But it's hilarious to me because the story is that my daughter, especially when she was younger, when we would hang out with friends at church or whatever at our life group, she would call them her cousins because she believed that every child her age was a cousin because she has so many cousins. So she would need to come to me and clarify, like, Mom, are they my cousin or my friend?
• 31:34
  And then she was also needing to clarify because I told her at one point, like, you can't, you can't marry cousins. So she was like coming to clarify, like, is that boy my cousin or my friend? I don't know if he is, I know I need to clarify this. So it's definitely, there's like a lot of culture around, like, there is a lot of beauty in like our kids growing up with their cousins. But also for me, it's a kind of a cool picture too, because...
• 32:02
  because I'm a middle child, it's cool because Bella, she, she gets input from her aunts. Like my, my oldest daughter's nine. So she'll get input from her aunts and can hear instruction from her aunts and uncles that sometimes is harder for her to hear from me. And so like, but, and, and I know all of my siblings well enough to know that, like, I, I, it feels like a village. It feels like these people, I know what the advice and the,
• 32:29
  Things they're going to challenge her on are all things I would want her, you know, giving, getting advice and being challenged on. And so like, even like we were at Casey's recently and I was instructing her on something, but Casey was able to pull her aside and talk to her about that same thing. And she was able to hear it in, and like respond to me in a more humble way because she had heard it in a different way from an aunt. And so just like kind of a beautiful thing of like,
• 32:54
  the cousins are all growing up with each other. And Bella is all, my nine-year-old is also looking up to her teenage cousins and talking through like, Oh, like, you know, thinking about what they do and how they live. And so it, you know, it's kind of cool. Cause I'm like, Oh, like my old, my oldest nieces are some of the peer, like the, the people that my daughter is looking up to. And so that's like really cool. And then I have conversations with her. Like I had a conversation with her this morning when I went to my younger sister's house and,
• 33:23
  And was just like, you know, you're nine now, so you can help with the baby. Like you can, you, if the baby's crying and your aunt is busy, you can ask if you can help with the baby. So like, she's like, you're an in-between, you know, like you get to now start being an older person to the younger people. And so, yeah, it's really beautiful. Yeah.
• 33:43
  That's so cool. Yeah, that is an awesome, man. Yeah, having all of those, that incredibly dense relational network. Imagine raising your kids. I just want you guys to understand that people are listening to this, you know, that if you do this faithfully downstream, what happens, the gift you're giving to your children and your grandchildren is a tremendous gift because of that relationship.
• 34:05
  They will find someone in the family that can tell them the truth the way that they need to hear it. And that's what you guys are experiencing. And that's so beautiful. I know that when I think about the in-laws coming in, I'm curious, Jim and Jennifer, what you would say to how have you enfolded in-laws? Because I imagine having eight in-laws.
• 34:26
  children that are very close to each other, it'd be, it'd be like you're marrying into this tribe. And so I have people that have all these experiences and this really deep connection. And now as you're describing, they're all friends with each other. Yeah. What, what, what, I know that can be difficult when, when you have a very close family. So, and we're, we're definitely trying to understand how to do that well at this stage in our lives. Yeah. Any, any thoughts about how, how to, how to think about when, when you have a,
• 34:53
  When someone's marrying into the family, how to make sure that their experience is that they feel like they belong. Well, several of our in-laws have been our friends too. Oh yeah. Talking about the kids, husband and wives, not their parents. Are you talking about our child's spouse or our child's spouse's parents? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Your, your, your children's spouses. Oh, okay. And also the parents, because that's also a question we ask.
• 35:23
  That's another thing, too, because, you know, fortunately, as Christians, and all of my children married Christians, naturally, they were brought up differently. And so we just apply the same principles, essentially, as with our kids.
• 35:45
  They're adults now. They're married. They have their own life. And they will usually come and ask, and I've talked with my son-in-laws in different ways before they got married and then after they're married. Yeah.
• 36:03
  You know, they're capable people. And so you kind of have to have hands off, too, and only respond. So that takes some effort because when you've had eight kids and you've instructed them all the way through this, you have a tendency to think that you know what's going on, you know.
• 36:21
  And you don't necessarily know what's going on. So sometimes fewer words are good too, you know, just sit back and just relax and let God work it out. And they work it out. And if they don't, then they'll get helped. You know, they'll ask or we'll, you know, once in a while, you might have to say something if you see something that you are really concerned about, but basically the,
• 36:47
  I don't know if that's a very good answer, but that's kind of the way it is. Well, maybe the kids can speak to that about their spouses. But we've had a really wild and crazy and fun-loving family and have had a lot of fun as we interacted and did all kinds of things with parties or just whatever we do. But I think hearing from some of my kids, I think they've kind of felt like our family could be a little intimidating. So I don't know. Brooke, maybe tell us how Matt feels.
• 37:17
  Well, Matt, since he was 15 and had braces, though. Nice. Yeah, Matt, my husband's an introvert. So when he met my family and he's from he has one biological brother and two half siblings. And so when he would come to our family events at first, he was a little overwhelmed with just like.
• 37:38
  There's so many conversations, like I can't keep up. And so like I, one of my stories that we both laugh at now is like when we were first married, I'm standing in a circle with my five sisters and we're like, yeah, and, and then the next sisters, yeah, and then, yeah, but yeah. And then, and then, and then.
• 37:54
  Because when you grow up in a big family, there's this kind of unspoken law that if you want to talk, you have to talk louder than the person talking. So, you know, that's how the conversation goes and you just keep going. And so my husband at one point, he goes, yeah. And and then nobody acknowledged that because he wasn't speaking loud enough. And so then we kept talking and then he just tries again. He goes, yeah. And and nobody acknowledges. And he tries a third time. And I remember I looked over and he just was like, I give up. I can't do it.
• 38:21
  And now he's learned that that's like the unspoken rule of like when you're having a passionate conversation that you just got to really get in there with the conversation. But he would say like he was like, I've always thought it was so cool when I was around big families because I didn't have a huge family. And so I was like, I always thought it was so cool to be around a big family. He's like, but.
• 38:42
  I have known a number of big families. And as I've been around your family, I've seen that you guys are, you're definitely like all really love each other, but you're not like a clique where it feels like it's hard to get, it feels exclusive or something. He's like, you guys are all very welcoming people.
• 39:01
  So he's like, he's gotten to know, and he's like, I feel like all of your, you know, like my brother-in-law's and, you know, my brothers and the people that have married into the family, he's like, I just, we all really like enjoy each other, even though we're all very different.
• 39:18
  he's like, it feels like everyone's genuinely interested in you as a person. It doesn't feel like a tribe that you have to try to penetrate into and you have to hold some kind of standard to be welcomed into it. It's like, truly, he feels like, man, there's a culture in your family of being like a very welcoming family. And he notices that because when we were growing up, I knew many large families where it did feel like a clique and they thought they were the best thing since, you know, since
• 39:44
  buttered bread. Like they were, they were, they were it, that family was it. And so it felt like kind of intimidating to be like, how do I, you know, they are kind of judging me. They have a standard and they're judging me. And, and in our family, it definitely feels like people genuinely are interested in each person as a person and not because we think we're all that, you know.
• 40:06
  We do think we're fun. We do. I was thinking the same thing. Like we were just really taught by my parents to really love people. So even though I'm very close to my sisters and they're some of my best friends in the world, each of us have friends and worlds outside of our family. It's not like our family is our only world.
• 40:27
  And so all the time we'll say to people, you're one of the sisters, like come along with us. And just this culture of inclusivity so that people feel loved. Like at Thanksgiving, one time Ty invited a friend, co-worker who didn't have anywhere to go. And they're just, they're part of the crew. They're part of the family. And so I love that culture. And I'm trying to build that with my kids as well. That's good.
• 40:58
  Well, I think, I think one of the things that I I'm curious to about is there's sort of a belief that our culture has been said to me directly before that the pinnacle of life is sort of like college and then life just kind of gets hard and it goes downhill from there. And my, my hypothesis is if you follow, if you're following God's ways and you're building family and generationally things, just the amount of meaning that you're experiencing in your life just compounds, it gets more intense.
• 41:27
  And for you guys, Jim and Jennifer, at this stage in your life, looking at this vast, you know, group that you guys have, you guys have created this amazing family with the, the your eight children and your grandchildren, and then be able to look into the future and see where this could go right beyond you and beyond your own lifetime. How do you experience that meaning? Because I think that, like I said, a lot, a lot of people lose hope that this is even possible. And part of why I wanted to talk to you is because you,
• 41:55
  Yeah, I would say there's a number of people listening to this that would probably, if you said, hey, it's possible right here in America to build a multigenerational family that is close, that loves the Lord, and that you can really sense is going to make a difference for his kingdom. A lot of people are like, that's a pipe dream. That's not real. And so they invest in other things instead that they think might last because they don't believe this can last.
• 42:22
  But where you guys are sitting, how do you experience that in your own walk with the Lord and as you think about this season of your life and be able to see so much of the fruit? What is that like for you? Well, it's just that tremendous blessing. And it's a blessing that's not, how can I put this? It's a blessing that's heavenly. So we will be able to see our kids in heaven.
• 42:49
  And, you know, I don't know if you're going to play golf in heaven or if you're going to ride a boat around or, you know, you know what I'm saying? So I'm not trying to be cynical, but I think that the blessing is so tremendous. It's hard to talk about. Yeah. Yeah. And we have people constantly comment on our family. And I give the glory to God.
• 43:17
  That's where it came from because it comes from his word. It comes from knowing Jesus. And, you know, as human beings, it's difficult to navigate that, your relationship and your relationship with other people. But there is a way of doing it. And God can bring you through it. And you need to place importance on what's important. And, you know, family is important. It's important.
• 43:47
  You have the most influence over your children that you do over anybody that you'll ever know. Well, the only things that last forever are the word of God and the soul of man. So that's what you have to build on and upon or toward.
• 44:03
  But, you know, as we think about, you know, I keep thinking, I want to live long enough to see it all. Yes. In our family, you know, we have so many resources, somebody who can clean a pool or somebody who can fix a car or fix my computer or build me something or even beyond that, you know, to Casey's husband, should we see a lawyer about that?
• 44:28
  this. I mean, he's not a lawyer, but the tie and Aaron have been involved in so much business and different things. And, and, but also I see people, as Jim says, people, you know, I don't want to say it's embarrassing, but we don't quite know what to say. They're like, Oh, your family's amazing. And we do obviously give glory to God because it was by the grace of God that this is happening with intention as well, but we can't make it happen. But also, you know, I think about people comment on that. They, they kind of want to know how, you know,
• 44:57
  And why? And Jim and I can't reach all those people, but we hear our kids telling others why. And Casey and Erin are involved in adoption orphan care ministry. And so, you know, obviously they have two Ethiopian children and a South Korean child. So they really stick out like a sore thumb. And so they are able to really reach people with that message, you know.
• 45:24
  And so, and even our daughter Callie, the one that's younger than Brooke, you know, it's kind of neat to hear our kids regurgitating in word what they've seen or lived in action, where, you know, being involved with other moms that are saying, oh, I have two kids and that's it, it's crazy. Or, you know, God can lead people to do whatever they want to in that regard. But then she's able to actually say why she thinks that.
• 45:49
  you know, even if it's hard, even if we don't have a lot of space to raise children, our house is small or whatever, just hearing the stories that they're, you know, or why they're homeschooling or, you know, I think that that's kind of our vision for seeing this played out the next generation and the next generation is hearing that those values are from God's word.
• 46:16
  are true and they work. And, you know, like Casey said, you know, or Brooke, that it's not a click at all. Our intention is to, is to expand the kingdom with this message. And if you're living it, there's nothing better than living it, you know, and taking the opportunity to speak it also, and to kind of like take that and teach other people, you know, why it's a good thing. You know,
• 46:46
  Why are they a blessing? Is it just a lot of fun to go to Disneyland with a lot of people? Or, you know, I mean, really, why are they a blessing? And why is that true?
• 46:55
  Yeah. Like as you're describing, it's, yeah, you've created a whole army of kingdom expanding, you know, people. So it's like people think that in their own life, what they're doing with their personal effort is what they need to spend time focusing on because we don't understand the law of multiplication and what happens when we invest generationally, how, how.
• 47:18
  There's just, it just outstrips everything. So yeah, kind of, as we kind of conclude, I was wondering to Tyson that you're doing Primal Path with your son. So, you know, being kind of in this, in a generational family, you've got upstream. Now you've got, now you're investing downstream. Yeah. Anything else you would say about what you're, you want to pass on to your son and to, to hope that this reaches your grandchildren so that this gets to the fourth generation and the fifth generation. Yeah. How are you thinking about.
• 47:44
  You know, the kinds of, you know, what is it that you, what is it you place hope in that this is going to keep going downstream from you? Well, you know, some thoughts I had as we were, we were talking here the last 20 minutes or so that, you know, the life is in the living. It's in, it's in every day, you know, and we tend to, we tend to look forward and go, if only I had this.
• 48:08
  If you're talking about vision, you're talking about intentionality, Warren Buffett says that when they interview him, how come people don't follow your path to wealth? And he says, well, because people don't like to get rich slowly. And that's the same with investing in your family. It's, we want an instant result, but we don't really want to do the work. And you're alluding to
• 48:38
  what if, you know, what if we were able to be obedient to God multi-generationally? And, you know, our family's like a microcosm of the grace of God working that out within a set of parents and a set of kids and their spouses, you know, and we're
• 48:58
  We're doing the work individually with our kids to perpetuate that. You know, in Israel, when they were in Egypt and they came into Egypt, there was...
• 49:11
  somewhere between 3,000 and 10,000 of them that with Jacob came in with Joseph to Egypt, and they, God blessed them. And, you know, they were oppressed by the Egyptians, but within whatever period of time that was, 125 years, there was two and a half million of them. Somewhere in that neighborhood, God told them he was going to make them as numerous as the stars. He told them he's going to give them the land of the Canaanites flowing with milk and honey.
• 49:40
  the rate of their growth, whether some of that was through converting, some of it was through just the Lord out blessing them by not having miscarriages, but they grew 2.5 million people in a short amount of time. If they had continued to obey God's commands, that's a reproduction rate of 4.17.
• 50:04
  per year in 195 years that have been 10 billion Israelites on the earth. So essentially, you know, God's kingdom won't be established till Christ returns, but he did give a path of obedience and it would only take 195 years for every single person on the face of the earth to be a Christian. It is, but it is a,
• 50:30
  one person at a time, it is doing the hard work. Yeah. And it is obedience. And, you know, that is, God didn't tell us this is what's going to be next. He said, step in faith. And that's the hard work. You know, and so that's what I tell my sons. That's what I tell my kids. That's the way that I live.
• 50:52
  You know, you're going to have small things every day that you can act that way. And then you're going to have pain and trials where you can really put the rubber to the road and go, I'm going to put my money where my mouth is. And I'm going to act on the theology that I believe. And I'm going to step out and trust the Lord. And I'm going to do this. And so...
• 51:15
  You know, you obviously you see the way that we we have a posture of having a lot of fun in life. I think life is is supposed to be play. You know, when God created the world, he was playing. He did not need to make a snowflake to be different. Every single one of them.
• 51:35
  He did not need to create such diversity. And so, you know, there's a reality to life that it's an already and a not yet. You know, we take communion at church. Christ Jesus has won, but yet there's still tears and pain. So there's a reality of living this life in this suspense of pain and turmoil, but yet tremendous joy and hope.
• 52:04
  Like what you hear, be sure to leave a rating and review for this podcast, wherever you use streaming. Yeah. And so, you know, live with a lot of fun, live with a lot of joy, play a lot, work hard, exercise your faith. Don't, don't have a fantasy that if I only had this, you know, that, that I would then be happy. Yeah.
• 52:33
  So good. Well, you guys, yeah, this, one of these is kind of ringing my ears to your point tie about, about just living life is, you know, what you said, Jennifer, I think that it works, you know, like we were like, God laid out a blueprint and he's, he didn't leave us without an understanding that there is a way to do this.
• 52:51
  And if you follow it, it doesn't mean that there aren't going to be really hard things in your life, like you were saying, Ty. It does mean that God's plan is highly functional in its design. And there's a lot of sin in the world. There's a lot of things that are coming against that. But don't lose hope that God has revealed to us a way of living life and building families so that it could be a blessing, not just to us, but to the whole world. Yeah.
• 53:19
  And that we want to take that seriously. And part of what we wanted to bring as you guys, whoever's listening is just, you know, another story that like this is working, that God's plans are good, that God's word is true. And that we should encourage you guys to follow. And it's, it is the long game. Like you just said, it's like,
• 53:38
  You're not going to get there. If you're obsessed with getting there in one year or five years, then you're not going to follow this plan. This is a multi-generational plan that takes generations to really see out. Generations of faith, generations of obedience, generations of following the Lord. So yeah, thank you guys so much for doing this today, taking some time and sharing your story with us. We really enjoyed meeting you and talking to you. And yeah, I'm sure this is going to encourage a lot of people.
• 54:06
  Yeah, I just want to say thank you. We're so encouraged just to hear, you know, people ahead of us and our journey. It's really encouraging. We don't have a lot of that in our life. So it's really exciting to see a family that's ahead of us and see the fruit. And it's just really encouraging. So thank you for sharing. Thank you.
• 54:26
  Thank you for listening to the Family Teams podcast. If you're enjoying this content or have learned something new, please make sure to leave a rating and review and share with a friend. To stay up to date with our events, new content, and products, you can follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Family Teams.