Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 94 | The Cost of Pressuring Yourself to Make Money (and How to Stop) with Carrie Lingenfelter

Transcript

94 | The Cost of Pressuring Yourself to Make Money (and How to Stop) with Carrie Lingenfelter · Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design

• 0:00
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It quickly turned into this fear mentality of am I enough, Do I know enough?
• 0:08
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I felt like this imposter syndrome kicking in of do I have enough background, and it can quickly create this tunnel vision of thinking we need to be a certain way, act a certain way.
• 0:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Do you want to?
• 0:25
  Erin Gray: create a system to stop avoiding your money.
• 0:27
  Erin Gray: Maybe you're feeling guilt and shame when it comes to finances.
• 0:31
  Erin Gray: Welcome to your Money, your Rules.
• 0:33
  Erin Gray: I'm Erin, a former certified financial planner and CFO, and yet I used to avoid my money and had fear, no matter how much we had.
• 0:41
  Erin Gray: I can't wait to teach you how I overcame my money avoidance and started consistently managing my finances in a really simple way.
• 0:49
  Erin Gray: It's time to get comfortable with money.
• 0:51
  Erin Gray: Have you been pressuring yourself to make money?
• 0:55
  Erin Gray: If so, I think you're gonna love this episode.
• 0:58
  Erin Gray: Today on the podcast, I'm chatting with my dear friend and fellow podcaster, keri Lingenfelter.
• 1:03
  Erin Gray: Keri is the host of Heart to Heart Parents Podcast, where she's on a mission to help conscious parents find the tools they need to raise their children mindfully.
• 1:13
  Erin Gray: In this episode, keri shares how she realized she was pressuring herself to make money in late 2024 and how that pressure actually affected her business and her personal life, and how that pressure actually affected her business and her personal life.
• 1:25
  Erin Gray: Keri shares some really powerful insights that I know are going to resonate with so many of you, and if this episode resonates with you, I would love for you to join our growing community of like-minded women entrepreneurs.
• 1:38
  Erin Gray: You can head over to my Facebook group Money Mindset Tips for Women in Business, where we talk about everything from overcoming money mindset blocks, building financial confidence, increasing our financial literacy, achieving our financial goals and managing our money while growing our business.
• 1:55
  Erin Gray: I'll include the link in the show notes and let's dive in.
• 1:58
  Erin Gray: I'm so excited, keri, that you're here, that we get to.
• 2:02
  Erin Gray: Finally, I've been on your podcast, but I don't think you've been on mine yet and I'm so excited, so excited, that you're here, and thank you for coming on and sharing your time with us.
• 2:12
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yay, thanks so much for having me, erin.
• 2:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's so lovely to get to connect with somebody and chat about our adventures that we've chatted about along the way and our podcasting journeys.
• 2:22
  Erin Gray: Yeah, so Carrie is also a fellow podcaster and, um, yeah, we're going to talk about understanding.
• 2:29
  Erin Gray: She and I have both experiences, and before we got on the and hit record, you know, one of the things that I feel really passionate about is sharing the message of like all of us go through this right, Whether it be with money or our emotions or whatever it might be.
• 2:48
  Erin Gray: And so Carrie and I have both had experiences, and I know clients of mine have experienced this.
• 2:55
  Erin Gray: Women I have talked to is this pressure to make money.
• 2:57
  Erin Gray: So I would love if you wanted to share just how has that shown up for you and why do you think that is?
• 3:06
  Erin Gray: And then I'm going to.
• 3:06
  Erin Gray: I'll share my insights as well.
• 3:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Okay.
• 3:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I think the pressure that I've seen is definitely an internal pressure that I am putting on myself to figure out how to make money.
• 3:23
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And it's interesting because my original journey when I started Heart to Heart Parents podcast was this mindful parenting journey and sharing the message and the wording and tools and tips and things that help my kids and help me to be a sane mom, so, and connecting with other parents.
• 3:41
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But it quickly turned into this fear mentality of am I enough?
• 3:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Do I know enough?
• 3:51
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I felt like this imposter syndrome kicking in of do I have enough background, and it can quickly like create this tunnel vision of thinking.
• 4:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We create this tunnel vision of thinking we need to be a certain way, act a certain way.
• 4:07
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then you get online and you start to search things right and then that just like feeds into this giant ball of energy and fear and you're in this giant ball.
• 4:21
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I feel like it just overcomes you.
• 4:23
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And the more I got into that ball this fall, the more I started to try to produce.
• 4:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And so I went from one podcast a week to two podcast episodes a week and I went from trying to build my listener base and trying to create a product and trying to.
• 4:44
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then my husband also was an engineer.
• 4:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So he was like what is what do our numbers look like?
• 4:48
  Carrie Lingenfelter: How's it going, how?
• 4:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What does this look like, carrie?
• 4:50
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And that just made this panic and fear, because I was raised in a family that I was telling you earlier.
• 4:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It was more of a patriarchal family where the husband made the money.
• 5:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: My mom also worked.
• 5:06
  Carrie Lingenfelter: She was a working, busy mom trying to do it all, but I still saw all of the choices and decisions coming from my father, yeah, and so as soon as my husband said, what do your numbers look like, or do you have any ideas about when you're going to see this financially coming out for you?
• 5:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And I just was like, oh my God, I'm going to have to shut it down.
• 5:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: He's going to make me stop.
• 5:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Like, just that fear ball just got bigger and larger and I think I reached out to you and I was like Erin, I can't create.
• 5:38
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Like, how do I create?
• 5:40
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I was just so in my mind.
• 5:42
  Erin Gray: You're like Whoa, carrie, we need, we need to chat it.
• 5:52
  Erin Gray: It does.
• 5:52
  Erin Gray: It feels like so much pressure.
• 5:53
  Erin Gray: And I think that if we aren't in tune because this has happened for me and I think everybody's awareness, you know, falls along it we're all at different points of awareness, like some, sometimes, in some of the things I do, my awareness is like after the fact, like exactly what you're saying, like it had been culminating for some time, and then you're like whoa, what is happening?
• 6:11
  Erin Gray: And I think this is why it's so important to tap into our bodies, because our bodies tell us if we are heart-based or ego-based.
• 6:21
  Erin Gray: You know, with our mind, right, very mind.
• 6:24
  Erin Gray: Mind is like it feels constricted, it feels tight, it feels rushed, it feels pressured versus.
• 6:30
  Erin Gray: For me, it's like when it's coming from a heart-based place, it feels expansive, it feels like going towards something, it feels light, it feels fun, it feels like oh, my goodness, like wonder, like what's going to happen.
• 6:42
  Erin Gray: And and I think, if we aren't paying attention and we are looking out because I do this so often as well, and I've really had to be like no, like what boundary are you going to put on yourself?
• 6:54
  Erin Gray: We're not going to look at other people anymore, right, like you're going to compare yourself to yesterday, to last week, to last month, like, stop comparing yourself to other people.
• 7:05
  Erin Gray: And when we start comparing ourselves, when we start getting in our head, I call it, you know, getting really heady and like thinking about, like um, trying to trying to solve it from a logical base, like when you putting money at the main forefront, versus this is an expansion and a service that we are doing for ourselves and for other people.
• 7:35
  Erin Gray: It it can start to like what you've experienced and I have experienced, it starts to feel very pressury and it shuts you down because you really go back into that like so what I call that survival based versus more of that creative.
• 7:50
  Erin Gray: I mean like creativity can't exist when we are putting so much pressure on ourselves and our.
• 7:55
  Erin Gray: I mean we're literally in that like fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, freeze response, right, you're not thinking about like oh what, what podcast topics can I talk about?
• 8:06
  Erin Gray: You're like how can I make money, which is like urgent right now, in this moment?
• 8:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, so, so true, as, as I got further and further into that mindset, you and, like you said, when you're in that heart space, you have that flow and that energy just keeps blossoming and expanding and growing and blooming.
• 8:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And it's interesting because you talk about the 5D of money, I'm talking about the 5D of parenting, and so we're both coming at this from our heart space, we're both creating these podcasts that have a spiritual piece to them and even so, even though I started the spiritual piece, the spiritual project, I still got into my head right, I couldn't create, I couldn't.
• 8:57
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I feel like everything just locked up, it literally locked up.
• 9:01
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think I told you that time I was.
• 9:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: People were telling me, you know, if you use that word spiritual in your marketing, that that's a different piece than, like, the conscious parent or the mindful parent.
• 9:13
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But when you bring in spiritual, that's a new game, and I so I was so scared I can't use spiritual, I can't use spiritual, so I wasn't using it, and then it locked me even more into.
• 9:25
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What do I even talk about if I'm not talking about spiritual pieces?
• 9:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Because I am spiritual.
• 9:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That's a huge piece of my foundation and me and my journey is spiritual parenting and spiritual motherhood.
• 9:37
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And so I ended up like I took off the word spiritual everywhere and my shoulders, my neck, everything locked up.
• 9:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then I don't remember exactly if it was chatting with you, I think it was when I realized I need to literally put spiritual everywhere.
• 9:53
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It needs to be one of my main pieces.
• 9:56
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Own that spirituality.
• 9:58
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm wearing a sun shirt right now.
• 10:00
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm owning that spirituality Like blossom shine, shine, bright, light me up.
• 10:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So my word for 2025, my phrase is light me up.
• 10:08
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's expanding and growing spiritually.
• 10:12
  Carrie Lingenfelter: As soon as I wrote spiritual on my website, everything loosened up.
• 10:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And guess what?
• 10:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: As I'm getting into my heart, I'm over here recording.
• 10:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I had to reset at that point.
• 10:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Put spiritual in places, stop trying to do the two episodes a week, stop trying to figure out what a funnel thing is for the business marketing.
• 10:35
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I was trying in my headspace to be that left brain person because for me, I'm very right-brained and create and connect, and so trying to find that piece of that flow again.
• 10:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And now I'm over here doing my interview and then I'm like, oh, I'll record one of my own.
• 10:54
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I have more I want to say.
• 10:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I'm putting out the two episodes a week again, but it's because it's coming from my heart space.
• 11:00
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I have so much creative flow.
• 11:01
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm like oh, here's a prayer affirmation that parents could really use, and it just comes and it bubbles out.
• 11:10
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And now, in the metaphysical program that I'm looking at doing for myself, I'm in that and it's just this flow piece.
• 11:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It just create, create and things continue to line up.
• 11:19
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's really cool, yeah.
• 11:21
  Erin Gray: I wrote down.
• 11:22
  Erin Gray: Lean in because I really believe that this is my word for 2025 is simple and you know, when we lean in, when we really own, then you get to talk about energy, then you get to focus your energy on like one thing, right?
• 11:40
  Erin Gray: Versus if you're trying to be all of these things to all of these people, you're diluting your message and the people that are really looking for you aren't going to be able to find you, because it's like are you spiritual?
• 11:52
  Erin Gray: Are you not spiritual?
• 11:53
  Erin Gray: Are you like what are we talking about here?
• 11:55
  Erin Gray: Versus like no, I'm talking about being spiritual with your kids and helping you do that and helping you do that.
• 12:01
  Erin Gray: And I think that when we lean in which is scary, right, because I think that there's that biological like, if I do this, what might happen, you know, like the fear of like being left out or like you know that kind of thing versus no, people are going to flock to you because you lean in, and I think also, too, you know, we don't give ourselves the chance to experiment.
• 12:28
  Erin Gray: I think the last year, I've been experimenting with different things and I'm grateful that I did that versus coming back out of the gate and being like I have to do.
• 12:39
  Erin Gray: You know I have to make this amount of money or I have to like, you know, because it gave me an opportunity to kind of test the waters and be like what do I really like to really talk about and what are people really?
• 12:49
  Erin Gray: What do I love to talk about and what?
• 12:51
  Erin Gray: What is it a real true need?
• 12:53
  Erin Gray: And that really is money.
• 12:55
  Erin Gray: With women and I think sometimes in the 3d world business people can be like okay, you started your business, okay, what's your one-year goal?
• 13:04
  Erin Gray: You know it's like get to the point.
• 13:06
  Erin Gray: And I and I think that business is a lot like a baby.
• 13:10
  Erin Gray: You know, like you have a baby, you give that baby a lot of stuff for a long time before that baby does anything for you.
• 13:18
  Erin Gray: I mean, I think Grayson was maybe like three or four before she said I love you.
• 13:22
  Erin Gray: Back to me, and how much we expect our business to do things for us immediately, versus building that strong Like I go back to my construction days of like that strong foundation, like are we going to build it from our business with strong rebar, with good plans, with good concrete?
• 13:44
  Erin Gray: You know, like, are we going to build a strong foundation for ourselves?
• 13:47
  Erin Gray: Are we going to just like throw some shit together and hurry up and like hurry up and make some money, but long-term it's not going to stand because we haven't done that deeper work of like building foundations, building systems, getting really clear, and I don't think that that is talked a lot about.
• 14:07
  Erin Gray: You have so much here.
• 14:08
  Erin Gray: You go back to like looking externally right, how many people are they?
• 14:12
  Erin Gray: You know?
• 14:12
  Erin Gray: Oh, I did this.
• 14:13
  Erin Gray: You know, in in six or 12 months, like we aren't celebrating the slow growth or the slow success.
• 14:20
  Erin Gray: You know, I don't know about you, but like anything that I've done, it's taken me some time, you know, and but it's so much better, it's so much sweeter because I had all those obstacles that I needed to overcome to get to where I was.
• 14:34
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, I think my grandma used to always say there's no lost learning, there's no lost stepping stone, there's.
• 14:44
  Carrie Lingenfelter: You were meant to learn something along the way and yeah it's.
• 14:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I don't know if we're it can.
• 14:54
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Sometimes, if you were like I, was grown in a or raised in a more strict setting and so I don't feel like there was as much energy or allowance to experiment, it was, it was be there on time.
• 15:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It was figure out what you're doing in college, cause you need to get out, which I understand.
• 15:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: There's a financial piece, they're helping me with college, like I need to figure this out.
• 15:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But, um, there wasn't that I.
• 15:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I and I was raised spiritually.
• 15:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I mean I had spirit, my grandmother was very spiritual and I was raised spiritually.
• 15:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I mean I had spirit, my grandmother was very spiritual, but I love.
• 15:36
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Ed Cartoli says the more education you have, the more spirituality and healing you need, and the more connection you need to come back to yourself, the more you learn.
• 15:40
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So, yeah, just being these sensitive people and learning what we really need as a little bit more, maybe that room to expand and grow and try things out and understand that maybe I started out with a podcast and then it meandered over here and then it meandered over there and then I thought then the panic set in.
• 16:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Right, I need to make money, I need to figure this out.
• 16:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Oh, I'm going to try out for TED Talk.
• 16:07
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then I didn't get it.
• 16:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Oh my gosh, why didn't I get it?
• 16:10
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But then, looking back at myself, like, did I want to do the TEDx?
• 16:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Heck, no, I did not want that.
• 16:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That was a fear response in trying to fix it and change it and make it work.
• 16:23
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But now allowing myself room to experiment and try things.
• 16:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And the more you try and you open to experiment, the more things you find are coming, the more the magnet is like.
• 16:37
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think that's what is it?
• 16:40
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Like receives, like, or like we attract, like Attracts, like, yeah, like attracts, like.
• 16:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That's energy.
• 16:47
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That's where I was trying to go with that saying.
• 16:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But the more I put out there and the more confident I feel in what I'm doing, the more things are coming toward me energetically.
• 16:56
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And it's also learning.
• 16:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Sometimes I can say no, sometimes I can say not right now, but in the future.
• 17:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That would be great.
• 17:06
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Right now I'm still expanding and teaching.
• 17:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Future, that would be great.
• 17:12
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Right now I'm still expanding and teaching.
• 17:13
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm learning to be okay with my numbers growing in the way they're growing with podcasting, with my business growing the way it's growing, because I'm still growing in myself and I'm at the point in the journey where I'm teaching myself these pieces and building this foundation like you said, building this foundation and where I need to go next.
• 17:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm not in the point in my journey where I'm ready to be on Mel Robbins podcast, being one of the top podcasts.
• 17:37
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm not ready to be interviewed by the best in the business because I'm not there yet and understanding that.
• 17:45
  Erin Gray: Yeah, I wrote down mistakes cost you money.
• 17:47
  Erin Gray: That was one of the things that I grew up Like.
• 17:50
  Erin Gray: On the one hand, my dad obviously was always been entrepreneurial, but there was this underlying theme of like okay, if you did something and you're not going to, like I had to finish playing tennis if I didn't like it or I had to like.
• 18:02
  Erin Gray: It's almost like this you're not allowed to change your mind.
• 18:05
  Erin Gray: So, going back to like the experimentation, and if you have beliefs like mistakes cost you money, you're going to be less inclined to experiment because of that belief system.
• 18:15
  Erin Gray: And I think also too, you know, we think that we want whatever it is, like you were saying, like with Mel Robbins, but when you actually extrapolate that out, like you said, like I'm not ready for that, like I'm not, I don't even have systems in place.
• 18:29
  Erin Gray: If, if, if I went on her podcast, would I be?
• 18:32
  Erin Gray: How would I support all the people that want to come?
• 18:34
  Erin Gray: And you know, work with me.
• 18:36
  Erin Gray: I don't have all that set up, and so I think that that's here we go back to.
• 18:40
  Erin Gray: Like being really clear on is this a heart's desire or is this my ego talking because someone told me that I should be at this place, or, you know, I think that this is it's.
• 18:52
  Erin Gray: It's really coming from being clear on like what.
• 18:58
  Erin Gray: Where is this desire coming from?
• 19:00
  Erin Gray: You know, is this a should?
• 19:01
  Erin Gray: Is this I should be farther along?
• 19:03
  Erin Gray: Or you know I should have it all figured out by now?
• 19:06
  Erin Gray: Or is this like no, I want to do this because I want to like anytime.
• 19:11
  Erin Gray: It's not a heart's desire.
• 19:12
  Erin Gray: There's a reason, there's a logical reason behind that versus no, I want it.
• 19:18
  Erin Gray: I want to just try this podcasting because I wanted to see what might happen versus putting so much pressure on yourself to be a certain place at a certain time in your journey.
• 19:31
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's so funny because I'm over here talking about conscious parenting.
• 19:35
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm talking to my kids.
• 19:36
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Why do you feel like you have to be perfect?
• 19:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: You're in third grade.
• 19:40
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's okay if you don't know every single division problem.
• 19:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's okay if the time tests make you nervous.
• 19:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Why do you feel like you have to be perfect?
• 19:48
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But yet, looking at ourselves, why do you feel like you have to be perfect?
• 19:52
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But yet, looking at ourselves, why do I feel like I have to be perfect?
• 19:54
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Why do I feel like I have to be in the top 1% of the podcasts for parenting within the first year?
• 20:00
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What is why?
• 20:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And also, I've learned to tell myself what is the measure of success?
• 20:07
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Because when I originally started, what is the measure of success?
• 20:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Because when I originally started, it was like my wishes were.
• 20:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I wish for a successful podcast, I wish for a successful business.
• 20:18
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What is your measure of success?
• 20:19
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yep, you're at episode such and such.
• 20:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Isn't that successful?
• 20:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: You've gotten to interview all of these amazing people and you've grown so much and for me, I'm using so many of the tools that I have learned talking to all these experts about parenting.
• 20:32
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm now using those tools for my kids.
• 20:34
  Carrie Lingenfelter: How much inner child work did I get to do this year in my parenting journey?
• 20:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Because I interviewed tons of people about inner child, like how much healing and growing, and that's what I meant to learn right now.
• 20:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So what are we using to measure our success too?
• 20:49
  Erin Gray: I love that.
• 20:49
  Erin Gray: When did you so?
• 20:51
  Erin Gray: I know you talked about you and I kind of connecting and being like, oh my gosh, I feel so much pressure but, like, what were some of the things that you did to align yourself back to your heart's desire?
• 21:01
  Erin Gray: And, like you said, what is your measure of success, versus making it about solely about money?
• 21:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What is your measure of success versus making it solely about money?
• 21:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So, to get back to my heart's desire, I definitely had to embrace what I was feeling right.
• 21:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That word, that spiritual word, was a huge one for me.
• 21:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Another key piece for us was looking at our.
• 21:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We have two neurodiverse kids, highly sensitive kids, and so in our house it was sitting down with my husband and saying what is our priority right now?
• 21:35
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What do we need to look at?
• 21:37
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And I reached out to you because I said we have a lot going on in our house right now and energetically I need to.
• 21:43
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I need to reassess what is important and for me, I really have a really supportive spouse, so I was really lucky in that.
• 21:53
  Carrie Lingenfelter: He said I feel like I put some pressure on you with this podcast this year and you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself too, like what is causing you to feel that way.
• 22:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And so we were able to reflect together and that was so healing because I never saw that as I was a kid.
• 22:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I never saw my parents communicating in that way.
• 22:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think they did everything behind closed doors and then brought it to me as a kid, so I don't even know what does nonviolent communication.
• 22:21
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Look like my husband read the book.
• 22:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm still supposed to.
• 22:25
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's on my bookshelf, but I'm the queen of 50 books at one time.
• 22:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So you know understanding.
• 22:36
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's like we're talking a different language for ourselves.
• 22:38
  Carrie Lingenfelter: If we did not grow up with communication healthy communication about finance, that's a different language because that's new.
• 22:44
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I've never seen that.
• 22:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I don't know what that looks like.
• 22:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I always just thought the man made the decision.
• 22:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I've never seen that.
• 22:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I don't know what that looks like.
• 22:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I always just thought the man made the decision.
• 22:50
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And so discussing, you know, needs of a family, that was really important in our family.
• 22:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then once I felt that release of you don't have to be the best podcaster, you do not have to be making this certain amount of money by the first year or have this many episodes done by the first year, as soon as I could break down all of those walls of fear, um, then I really connected again.
• 23:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Um, and I can't remember what the second question was.
• 23:18
  Erin Gray: No, how did you, how did you recognize?
• 23:20
  Erin Gray: And then come back to, and I think, like what you're saying is like getting that clarity, and I think it's, and what I've recognized too is like there's seasons in our life and I don't think that the business world, old school business world, talks about seasons.
• 23:35
  Erin Gray: You know, it's just like business versus.
• 23:38
  Erin Gray: There is a time that maybe you spend more time on your business and maybe, and then there are times where family takes priority and that's what you know is needed.
• 23:51
  Erin Gray: Like you're saying, that's what's needed in this moment, and it doesn't mean that we're not going to have a successful business and that, first of all, here you go back to, we already have a successful business right Versus, because I can actually identify what do I need in this moment?
• 24:10
  Erin Gray: And what I need in this moment or this season is to be more energy wise with my family than I need to be in my business.
• 24:17
  Erin Gray: And I think that when you can start to get so clear on that, I think present also, presence also increases right Cause then you're not feeling any of this guilt of like.
• 24:28
  Erin Gray: No, it's like this is a conscious decision that I need to be with my kids, for you know more than what I need to be in my business and and then you can be, be there for them and then when the time or the season comes where it's a little bit more business, then that's then that's what you know gets to be.
• 24:46
  Erin Gray: But I don't think that there's a lot of women either.
• 24:48
  Erin Gray: You know, I never was like that mom boss or like they call them, like mompreneurs or like all that kind of stuff, like I never was into that kind of stuff.
• 24:57
  Erin Gray: But I think that there needs to be more women that like we are balancing both and we're figuring it out and and there are different seasons in life and that's okay.
• 25:08
  Erin Gray: And the more that more of us talk about this, I think, the more we normalize it and be like yeah, you know, I, I mean I decided to take off, just completely take off, not do business at all for the last three years, and that was such a profound thing that I chose to do, because then I was actually ready to come back, versus I think all of my time before was like trying to do business and trying to do my you know family, and versus like, no, I just want to be with my family and that's what I want to do in this season in life.
• 25:42
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I feel like when you are able to step away and focus where you need to focus your energy in that moment.
• 25:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: For me, for a while it's been my family, but it's been really interesting because I have this new version of clarity.
• 25:57
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I wrote down the word clarity because you're clear on what pieces you enjoy in your business and you can focus on those pieces and the pieces lately I was pushing so hard on the social media platforms really grow, grow, expand on social media.
• 26:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But now I'm like what is that for?
• 26:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Like, yeah, that's a part of it.
• 26:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Sure, that's helpful and I can do it when I have the space energetically to do it, and then when I don't, I back off.
• 26:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I follow Erin's cue and I don't go on when I don't feel like it.
• 26:31
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And you know I'm I feel like I am a testament to of um what it looks like to find that balance.
• 26:41
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Because for me, I was a mom that I always thought I was going to go back to work and then, as soon as I was pregnant with my son, I was like I'm not going back, I don't think I'm going to go back.
• 26:51
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then I had my son and I was like I can't go back, I had this.
• 26:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I knew he needed me 100% and raising highly sensitive, neurodiverse kiddos, twice exceptional kids.
• 27:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's like energetically heated all of me and there was nothing left for me to create or to go.
• 27:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But I'm a testament of you can come back from that.
• 27:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: You can slowly grow and follow your energy and follow it, and that allows you to be more creative.
• 27:21
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That allows you to not have the fear of needing the success right away.
• 27:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm not sure if that resonates, but that's where I was going with that it does.
• 27:31
  Erin Gray: Because the thing that came to mind is why are we rushing?
• 27:34
  Erin Gray: And I always say we're rushing because we're trying to feel a feeling.
• 27:37
  Erin Gray: But we can feel that feeling right now, today, anytime we want to, and when we actually truly understand and embody that, then I think the rushing yes, we can go back and you know, it's kind of like a pendulum swing, right, but we can catch it faster because we can be like, oh wait, hold on a second.
• 27:56
  Erin Gray: What am I going to feel when my podcast is this or I've made X amount of money for Aaron?
• 28:02
  Erin Gray: It's going to be like I'm going to, I'm going to feel proud of myself, like look at you, I am so proud of you.
• 28:06
  Erin Gray: Well, I can say that to myself and I can feel that every single day that I sit down at my desk or every single day that I come out of my office or anything that I've done Right, and so we're chasing these feelings and we we have to wreck and don't have to right, but like, we've got to recognize that, like the feelings they are generated within us, they will never be, because it's not.
• 28:31
  Erin Gray: It's if, if we think that the feeling is going to come from the thing.
• 28:33
  Erin Gray: It's just going to be elusive, like that's what was my experience.
• 28:36
  Erin Gray: I just moved the goalposts right.
• 28:38
  Erin Gray: You're going to reach so many downloads or you're going to reach so much money and then you're just going to be like not good enough, still got to keep going versus no, today.
• 28:46
  Erin Gray: You know, every day I do this.
• 28:52
  Erin Gray: This is I'm proud of you for showing up, for continuing to put in the work, and then the consistency.
• 28:54
  Erin Gray: I think those are like skill sets that we need to be building, not like can we get to X as fast as possible?
• 29:04
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I had such a overwhelming peaceful feeling when you were describing that.
• 29:08
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think it really resonates and it's really interesting, because that's exactly what I'm trying to teach parents to do with their kids is let their kids be themselves, let their kids show their strengths, show their challenges and not have to mold into this box of what society thinks we need to be.
• 29:28
  Erin Gray: Yeah, I love that your, that your podcast is about parenting and I love that mine is about money, because here's the at the end of the day, it's all the same, right, it's just.
• 29:37
  Erin Gray: How is it packaged up, right?
• 29:39
  Erin Gray: Like, at the end of the day, it's like, how are we in tune with our bodies, in tune with our hearts, honoring our true selves, not looking outside of us, cause, you know, with your parenting right, it's like you're teaching parents how to parent based on what they feel is best connected to their child, right, versus some book or some you know show or some other podcasts, it's telling them to do X, Y, z, and it's the same thing, you know, like you can put any other circumstance, you know.
• 30:08
  Erin Gray: It's the same thing with weight, it's the same thing with, I mean, just name it, it's all the same.
• 30:13
  Erin Gray: It's like trusting yourself, honoring your heart, being connected to yourself, and I think the biggest thing is probably trusting yourself.
• 30:21
  Erin Gray: Trusting yourself, trusting in God, spirit, source, universe, that you're going to be okay and that you're going to figure it out.
• 30:27
  Erin Gray: I think that's.
• 30:28
  Erin Gray: I think that's the biggest.
• 30:31
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I had a moment when I was interviewing somebody, a spiritual practitioner, and she I was telling her oh yeah, my grandmother raised me spiritually.
• 30:41
  Carrie Lingenfelter: She was putting Eckhart Tolle and Edgar Cayce books on my nightstand when I was in my twenties and you know, I was in my education era.
• 30:48
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I was like I don't have time for that.
• 30:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm reading all these books about, you know, raising children, how to teach a kid math.
• 30:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So, um, and that person said, yeah, I was raised spiritually, but it was different.
• 31:01
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I was raised in connecting with myself.
• 31:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I was raised, I was taught how to meditate and how to hear my heart, and I wasn't taught by another philosopher or another spiritual guru telling us how to do it.
• 31:19
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I was taught how to find it in myself.
• 31:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And that was just like earth shattering.
• 31:23
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That was months into podcasting.
• 31:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I was like, wow, you just blew my world because that's so true.
• 31:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Isn't that what we want?
• 31:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Not to follow another agenda of how it's supposed to proceed, but to be able to tune into ourselves and figure out what is best for me right now, what do I need to know right now, and to look for the path that's shown in front of us.
• 31:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: If there.
• 31:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I always tell my husband in his work part.
• 31:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: If there's no path being shown to you right now is now the time to make a change.
• 31:56
  Erin Gray: Yeah, yep, oh, I love it, carrie.
• 31:57
  Erin Gray: Anything else you want to add that maybe we didn't talk about that came up while we were visiting.
• 32:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I can't think of anything.
• 32:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think maybe just there's one other piece that I've learned so much this year and really you talk on it too.
• 32:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think like the inner child pieces of if something's not sitting right, tuning into ourselves and figuring out what is the core of that, that's making me feel uncomfortable or making me react in a certain way.
• 32:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: There's so much inner child pieces and you've really taught me that with the finance piece as well.
• 32:31
  Erin Gray: Yeah, I think that's really, that's a really good one, because I think you have to get still and you have to get.
• 32:38
  Erin Gray: When I say quiet, I mean like connected, and I think wanting something versus or not wanting to do something because it's not a heart's desire feels different in the body than wanting to do something and feeling fearful.
• 32:54
  Erin Gray: And in order to make that distinction, you really have to be connected, like with you and your TEDx.
• 33:00
  Erin Gray: It truly wasn't a heart's desire, but there are some people that truly do want to do TEDx and they feel fearful and they're afraid, and so you really have to ask yourself questions and tune in and get clear.
• 33:21
  Erin Gray: And one of the questions I always ask myself is like, after I've done this thing, will I be so glad that I did?
• 33:25
  Erin Gray: And if my answer is yes, then I know it's probably fear and that's why I'm not doing it.
• 33:28
  Erin Gray: And if my answer is no, then I'm like okay, then I know it's probably coming from some outsourced source or my ego is saying you should do this.
• 33:34
  Erin Gray: But really kind of slowing down and tuning in to be like do I really want this?
• 33:39
  Erin Gray: Is this truly what I want or is this some egoic?
• 33:44
  Erin Gray: You know desire or fear-based as well.
• 33:46
  Erin Gray: That I'm not.
• 33:47
  Erin Gray: I'm not going after it.
• 33:49
  Erin Gray: Yes, Beautiful.
• 33:52
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I love it.
• 33:53
  Erin Gray: Okay, so where can people find more about you, learn about you, connect with?
• 33:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: you?
• 33:56
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, I have the website heart to heart, lifecom, and then I have the parenting podcast.
• 34:01
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's heart to heart parents um podcast and it's we're on Apple, instagram or um Spotify, all those places.
• 34:09
  Erin Gray: I love it.
• 34:09
  Erin Gray: Thanks, keri, go check her out.
• 34:11
  Erin Gray: She's got an amazing podcast.
• 34:12
  Erin Gray: It's so helpful.
• 34:13
  Erin Gray: And thanks, keri, for coming on sharing your time.
• 34:15
  Erin Gray: Did you learn something today?
• 34:17
  Erin Gray: Do you know another female entrepreneur who might be avoiding her money?
• 34:21
  Erin Gray: Will you send this episode over to her for me and, if you have it in you, please leave me a review for this podcast?
• 34:29
  Erin Gray: It helps the show grow and I love hearing from you.
• 34:31
  Erin Gray: See you next week.