Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 8 - The Emptiness of Doing it All Without Community // Heidi St. John

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Ep. 8 - The Emptiness of Doing it All Without Community // Heidi St. John · The Christy-Faith Show

• Now we both knew he was lying at that point but you know what he may me want to do that day he may me want to be a better mom welcome to the Christy Faith show where we share game-changing ideas with intentional parents like you I'm your host Christy Faith experienced educational adviser and homeschool Enthusiast together we'll explore ways to enrich and transform both your life and the lives of your children we have a special guest today Heidi St John she is a amazing podcaster author who just went into the world of children's literature right Heidi yes I did yes author of over 10 books it's an honor to have you on the show today the first question I want to ask you is I know that you just came out with a children's book will you tell us a little bit about it yes this is my first forray into children's books and Brave books contacted me you know maybe a year ago or so and of course I was thrilled because I love what they're doing the story follow a character named Mr Mouse who has all this you know he's really good at helping people and but he's not good at getting help he's not good at asking for help he reminds me of every homeschool mom ever and so he gets into trouble he helps all of his friends and then when he needs help he refuses to ask for it and so guess what his friends eventually they realize oh he's in trouble they help him and he gets by With a Little Help from his friends and what I'm hoping is that this book will resonate not only with children because it really does teach children it's good to ask for help we were created to live in community but I think it's going to resonate with homeschool moms you know I've raised seven children I know what it's like to you know feel like you're drowning and everybody needs that Mom on the other end of the line who's like girl you need a mocha with extra whip I will be there you know you want sprinkles girl you need sprinkles you know I everybody needs that person on speed dial in their life and that's kind of the story of The Mouse and the sea but the other thing I love is just working with Brave books I love a company that's going to give Scholastic a run for its money I love any company that wants to put the the woke ideologically upside down backward company Scholastic who is pedaling disgusting books to children out of business you know so brave is putting really great books into the hands of children and we're making story time something that everybody wants to do again so people can check it out at Brave books.com if they use my name Heidi at check out they'll get 20% off and also they'll get my book for free so I'm the so The Mouse and the sea is my book with brave and they'll get that book with their with their kit and they can get a monthly subscription yeah so it's a month so we really want I mean they can buy my book on Amazon sure but what we really want you to do is subscribe and become a member of the book club and then they get a brand new book every month so different authors different books every single month it's awesome I love braid books awesome great and I know I was just recently reading a survey that said six in 10 adults feel too busy to enjoy their lives and 60% of Americans believe that there are not enough hours in the day to complete their to-do list and a couple years ago I had I was going through a little bit of a rough time emotionally and I had a friend who was too and afterwards after we both came out of the fog we had this conversation where both of us were crying and we were like we could have helped each other we could have just gone on the phone and cried together and I feel like so many of us Mamas in particular homeschool moms especially we carry so much of the mental load of our families and we're also volunteering we're generally people that care about others I mean that's just the personality trait of ours we deeply deeply care for others why do you think it is so hard for us to reach out to people who and I want to talk about when we do feel lonely but for those ladies who do have lots of great friends why do you think think it's so hard for us to reach out for help well I mean I blame I'm an old you know older Mom myself now but I blame the Advent of social media for a lot of this stuff I mean we've developed unrealistic expectations for mothers most people don't post their B real right they post the a real so that everyone thinks that their life is perfect there's no such thing as a perfect mom and bad days don't make bad moms and yet what we see on social media is the opposite either that or we see the moms who are just you know complaining and everything's a drudgery and you know motherhood's a drudgery and homeschooling is a drudgery I think there's got to be a a different way to look at it listen our kids need us to be healthy right they need their moms to be healthy they need them to be engaged and we find that by engaging in community we were created for relationship and the relationships we find online these virtual relationships we just got out of you know three years of the most ridiculous thing we've ever lived through in this country the lockdowns and all that which have created I think even more of a mental health crisis than we already had going into it and I I'm just encouraging people ask for help accept help when people give it to you you know and teach your kids to do the same because we're setting the tone for our kids also it's a jumping off place for us to not become the Martyr Mom right we've all been martyr mom I have also been martyr mom but it's not attractive and so you know we could avoid those meltdowns maybe sometimes if we could just ask for help yes our own meltdowns not our kids meltdown exactly well maybe both yeah well that do it all and the thing is is I feel like especially with the latest wave of feminism if you look at the history I'm a trained historian and there's been several waves of feminism I feel like this generation has the worst end of the deal because we are told that we have to have the jobs and raise the kids and now homeschool on top I'm a full-time working homeschool Mom myself we have this doit all yourself mentality in our society and it's actually praised and I want to unpack that a little bit because like you were saying we're not designed to do this we are wired to do this with community and with people and I feel like there is a tremendous amount of loneliness amongst the crowd and I can't help but think that this is somewhat normalized because of our school experiences growing up I grew up in the public school system even if you go to a private school I was very lonely I had lots of friends but still felt very lonely going through the school system and I think that we're kind of accustomed to living this way studies are showing that this is not a great way to be living I say in my book that at what the end of my socialization chapter I say the most popular kid in school could very well be the loneliest oh boy I mean that's so much to unpack and it's absolutely true you know I think what's what's coveted right now in especially in the younger Generations is platform and I have watched people you know I've been writing for a very long time I you know probably one of the you know one of the one of the ogs of Facebook right yeah and I would tell these younger mothers who would come to hear me speak like you can have you know 500,000 people that follow you online and be the very the loneliest person that you know because these relationships are not real we need each other we need real inperson relationships I think one of the reasons that I think my Ministry has resonated with moms over the years is that I came from a broken home I came from a very unhappy home I did not see marriage modeled well for me and my parents divorced when I was 18 well then you know I come to realize really I believe just through the power of prayer and and God's working in my life that the responsibility for educating children was my responsibility and my husbands primarily and when I decided to pull our kids out of the public school system all of the lies about socialization I heard every single one of them and I realized in pretty short order that a lot of things I had believed about education a lot of things I had believed about family were just lies they were just things that were made up in the culture and the real benefit of bringing our children home was twofold for us it gave us time that was being really stolen from us by the school system but it also gave me the opportunity to just be real and I have been real with audiences for you know going on 20 years you know I'm the mom who would stand up in front of you know 5,000 homeschool moms and and you know I had spit up in my shoes you know I was like there was one point I can't remember where I was speaking for a conference and I had a brand new baby at the time our kids are 20 years apart so my oldest is 32 and my youngest is 13 and and so I'm pretty sure it was my youngest but I was getting ready to go take the stage and I was breastfeeding her you know sitting in the front row just trying to you know make sure she her little tummy was full before I took the stage and I put her kind of over my shoulder and kind of you know tap tap tap and she just I mean she spit up all over me it was ridiculous I took the stage was spit up in my shoes was spit up in my hair with all over my clothes and I just told the moms I said can we just have a moment of silence for every mom who has felt like she's going through her life was spit up in her shoes like moment of silence for that Mom right and there's something really precious I think about being real and I I want to encourage you know a new generation of moms keep it real like you know the the best things in life happen to also be hard things right marriage well a lot of people say homeschooling is easy and I just flat out disagree I think at times homeschool can feel really hard and part of it is the weight of the responsibility to not mess up our kids we are often riddled with self-doubt second guessing and feeling over welmed with excessive amounts of information out there and all of the options and at the same time we love our kids we don't want to mess this up so how do we build a home school that our kids will thank us for later on down the years when they are adults well the first step is joining Thrive homeschool Community where you find The eight-step Homeschool success framework this helps you build an undeniably successful homeschool that gives your kids what they need now that also prepares them for their future and helps you in the daytoday as well each year and each kid presents us with Uncharted Territory but with the right plan you can rest in the security and confidence that you are doing a great job the path is easy join Thrive say a quick hello to all your new friends start right away The eight-step Homeschool success framework and kiss anxiety goodbye it's risk-free no contracts you can cancel any time no questions asked I truly believe this and I've read the studies on this that a lot of this do yourself it's all on my shoulders I I got to get this done it's my responsibility actually in many cases I'm not saying every listener here that I can say so in my case is a trauma response this is this is part of we were we it's a trauma response to painful things that happened in our childhood where we believed we couldn't trust others for whatever reason and I want to just acknowledge that because I feel like especially I don't want anyone hearing this to listen and say oh great here's another thing Heidi and Christie are telling me to do now I have to reach out to people when maybe that's actually really hard for you right now because of stuff in your history and the other thing Heidi is I think that this is a big thing in my Thrive homeschool community and a lot of the listeners here also follow me on social media is that there's no glamorization here when I was on a a zoom last week in my Thrive homeschool Community I was crying with the ladies because you know what life is really really hard but at the same time this is what's scary and I want you to talk about this because platonic relationships are actually pretty hard and when you put yourself out there and decide to be vulnerable which is what we're supposed to be doing not everyone knows what to do with that not everyone knows how to honor that and it makes people uncomfortable and I think that that's so vital like you said to have those core people in your life I was at pilat class this afternoon and I looked at a lady crying and her 48-year-old son is dying and it's like and here she is at Pat's class because she doesn't know what to do you know she's like almost like a walking zombie and I just sat there and listened to her and I'm not a saint but I'm like this world is just so hurting and it's really and I would bet that that's pretty hard for her to be like vulnerable in that way and I want to talk about that a little bit because it's risky because I have chosen to be vulnerable at times and was like well that didn't go well or I got hurt as a result of you know and you and I are public personalities you much more so than I but I had I'm gonna just be honest with the audience when I first hit on Tik Tok I had to get into therapy because so many people judge you for what they see on social media and that's just a piece of what I've chosen to share every piece of content I make is really me but it's not all of me right and so you know I had people canceling me here and this there I'm sure you get that a lot oh yes so having that grounding I know I just talked a lot but I want to hear what your brain was turning when I was sharing about that vulnerability piece I'd love to hear you speak on yeah it is hard for people and I think you have to have a you have to have people in your life who you who you really trust and if I'm very honest I would say that my circle is very small yeah the circle of people that I am just like going to call up and be like here's what happened or this article was written about me and the paper or whatever it was I mean my life has pretty much been an open book I released a book from Tindale in 2017 called becoming mom strong how to fight with all that's in you for your family and your faith and in that story in that book I told this the story of my growing up I had I grew up with a a father who was abusive I I mean the guy was arrested for some of the things that happened in our home when I was growing up and be as a result of that so I got married at 19 years old Jay and I are coming up on our 35th wedding anniversary and when he married me at 19 in 1989 I was about as broken as a 19-year-old girl could be I was had been broken emotionally broken spiritually broken physically just broken in every way and shortly after I got married I finally went to see a physician who put me on an SSRI and I stayed on those for almost 20 years and struggle with mostly anxiety not so much depression but mostly anxiety I was just wired for panic attacks I had panic attacks for no reason and I I felt uh a freedom at some point I can't remember how long it had been into my public um Ministry to share this in a book and I mean I I went to all of my siblings first because my story is kind of their story like I can't really tell a story about my family without saying these are the people in my neighborhood you know so I had to really get sort of permission from them to do that and then I did that but then there were two things that happened the main thing and this want people to hear there is so much free I'm not worried about people finding out that I was on Xanax anymore because I told them already people are like I can't believe it I'm like you missed the memo dude you you're late to the party like everybody everybody knows also my story is a hope of is a story of healing it's a story of not staying in that place it's a story of my relationship with the Lord Jesus that changed my life and and change the trajectory of my life and my family that's a story worth telling and if people don't like it I kind of don't care I'm 53 years old now you don't like me I don't care I don't care and there's Freedom that comes in that but there's always been downsides to it right and so when I ran for congress for example they they printed articles about me saying I was unfit and unstable because I had been on anxiety medicine really tried to take this thing which is a my story is a story of Victory I'm nobody's victim right I came out of what what could have uh been a situation that actually killed me and instead I've raised seven healthy whole human beings and homeschooled them my story is a victory story but somebody who had didn't have my best interest at heart would turn it into a different story and so you have to be comfortable with your own narrative and I think part of that for me has just been laying it all out there now do I do that in my everyday you know every little thing that bugs me every little you know comment that someone makes about me on social media or someone says something mean I actually read ch faith you'll love this I read almost all the mean reviews of my book on my show the other day just for fun it was awesome it was so much fun I was like and this person said you know Heidi St John is this and this and this and this and she's a blah blah blah blah blah and I was like yeah you right that's exactly what I think thanks for writing in you know like I I happen to know the truth and I'm standing on that and my story is a story of healing and so I'm not going to let anybody take that narrative from me and I think people need to own their own narrative own the narrative you know before somebody else gets the narrative it's your story to tell and so find those people that are close to you I mean there have definitely been I think you know for me as someone who has a relatively large platform the things that have been most hurtful is you kind of don't know who your friends really are yeah right you know somebody who just wants to be your friend because they want to get a a slot on your podcast or whatever you know so you have to be you have to be Discerning you know who who and then when you find those people shoot fire hang on to them because I think real friends in this life are very hard to find and when you find them you want to hang on to them so I I feel like for me at this point in my life now I'm a grandmother I have four grandbabies and soon to soon to have five I just at a a point in my life that I am comfortable saying I don't have it all together comfortable saying oh hey I yelled at my kids oh hey you know my house is a mess or whatever because I know who I am and I think we social media has taken that from a from a lot of people yes who feel like they have to put a different Persona out online and what it really does is it injures the people who are listening and watching because that's not real life so keep it real and then own your own narrative before we continue I want to share with you a program that has been a game Cher for our homeschool at our Learning Center we instructed and taught pretty much every math program out there on the market so we know firsthand how important a solid math Foundation is for our kids Futures finding the right homeschool math program that didn't compromise academic Excellence but also one that didn't put me and my kids through the ringer was a challenge till one day I tried CTC math you guys the rest was history first off it's a Mastery based program which means your kid gets a solid grasp of the material it's also loaded with mixed reviews ensuring kids never forget what they've learned and the questions are adaptive which keep students confident and progressing at their own pace but the best part all the teaching and Grading done for you with CTC math there is no compromise on Excellence your child gets a top-notch education and you just made your homeschool life easier visit CTC math for your free trial today yeah exactly and then when you know there's always that fear like when by the way is this podcast for other people or is it for me is this Heidi mentoring Christie right now but also which it can be no but I think it's just so vital to that that relatability and that place of shame that a lot of us you know and I you talk about I think in your book The Mouse and the sea or this is part of what you talk about when you talk about your book is this social media piece where there's all this very curated you know I started out as a Tik tocker so we're pretty Raw on there I mean I have some stuff on there that's like okay but still you know I feel like there's a lot of curated content and I even realize that if someone was to binge watch my page right now they'd get pieces and it's all real but they don't actually know me yet they don't actually know me well because there's Nuance to you you're more you're more than a Tik Tok account yeah yeah and that's totally okay but when they meet me they're going to I would hope and I would pray that they're going to meet someone who understands them sees them has compassion and just wants to love on them and Inspire them because so many moms and I want to speak to this you to speak to this as well so many moms in our country homeschool and there's reasons for this I talk about this in my book a little bit homeschool crippled with fear am I doing enough am I enough what is my kid supposed to be learning right now will there be gaps in their education yes will there be gaps and all of that and so I spend a lot of time and I'm sure you do too doing this D scholing but I'm a huge believer that deschooling needs to be a Reclamation it's not just it's like you don't just say I'm going to quit smoking or I'm going to lose you don't say I'm gonna stop eating junk food you actually have to start eating healthy food right and so I'm huge on that let's replace these toxic ideas let's replace the the fallacies of what an education is with truth and I want you to speak to that being a mama who has homeschooled all of her kids a lot of them are flown and grown now you're a grandmother now what would you say to the mom who is within her first five years of homeschooling she's still looking up those state standards and honestly you know it's it's not her fault we've been we've all been indoctrinated and imprinted what would you say to that Mama well I think you I think again it goes back to owning your own narrative there was a reason why you took your kids out of school go back to the reason why did I take my child out of this school why why have I decided to bring my kids home the reality is that the schools have lied to us right our media is lying to us the news is lying to us education system is lying to us the I mean come on we can talk about big Pharma we can we can we can run the gamut of people who have lied to us and you're talking to you I consider myself sort of the tail end of the pioneer movement in homeschooling where you know I was give give Heidi St John a little red wagon I'm gonna go to the library and figure it out you know but I know for a fact that I was lied to as a student I went to one of the most elite Christian schools in Portland Oregon and it's funny to me you know I went there kindergarten through 12th grade what is happening in our schools when I can get out of this school or you can graduate from a government school and we don't feel competent to teach our own kids how to read we don't feel competent to teach our children that you 2 plus 2 equals 4 or basic arithmetic basic math it's because we've been told of of falsehood we've been told that you have to have a certification to do that that you have to have a degree that you need a teacher certificate to do that well none of it's true and I remember that when I got a someone gave me a book called teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons that was the gateway drug for me a classic yes so they give me this book and all I was trying to do because my other daughter was already in the government school right so my oldest daughter who's now 32 with four kids of her own she was in the government school and I was I had her little sister at home and I was trying to pass the time so I went down to a homeschool supply store and I walk in this guy named Eli of course his name is Eli right at The Homeschool supply store I walk in there and I just said listen I'm not interested in homeschooling I don't understand why any woman in her right mind would SE would want to be home locked up all day with her kids for 18 years in a row when a yellow bus come taken away for free so I'm not here because I'm interested in homeschooling I'm just here because I'm trying to to have something to do with my daughter while I wait to enroll her in the in the public school he said fine gives me this book teacher T to read in 100 easy lessons and Christy Faith like three four lessons into it I was like I can teach you to read wait what what you're reading you're like her dad would come home from work and I'd be like honey stop everything Sierra read this for your dad and she's reading the word am right yeah she reads and and I'm like I did that I did that I taught her that right and it was this light bulum with this extraordinary this unveiling right like the scales fell from my eyes and I learned that year that I could accomplish with Sierra in a half an hour a day what it was taking the public school eight hours five days a week nine months out of every year they were stealing my daughter from me and it made me angry enough to pull her out of school and we never look back none of the none of my other kids ever step foot in a public school and I think that this is the Awakening of this generation right yes these mothers who are like oh hey hey hey I'm gonna take my kid back thank you very much and then the doubt Creeps in right yes then the doubt Creeps in what about socialization that's my favorite question I love when people ask me that please ask me about I'm begging you I remember I remember during covid and this is not a CO episode but I'll have to tell you I remember during covid because I was the I was the girl who would not wear the mask I'm so sorry no science I won't do it so I I go into the store and I just am like do it ask me ask me why I won't play your stupid little game ask me why I'm not doing it I want you to that's how I feel about socialization ask me go ahead make my day when people ask me about socialization I always tell them thank you so much for asking that's exactly why I pulled my daughter out of government school that's exactly why I did I feel the same when people say to me well there's going to be gaps in my kids education yeah you right you're right and there were gaps in my private Christian school education and there were gaps in your education the question poliy but the thing is is that parents don't know what's actually going on in the schools teachers do I mean I started out in the classroom we know sure we checked all those boxes those kids don't why do you think we had to retach everything in September remember it yeah we're not retaining anything yes and like the big question and it's the question that led to my own deconstruction is I dared to ask myself look where it got me I dared to ask myself what is an education what is because I believe the short answer is it's the cultivation of a human being it is and when you do when you refine it to that it is who cares about the freaking water cycle or the periodic table I cheated My Way Through Chemistry and then never even needed that again you know and it's not that there isn't value to discipline well it's a discipline right memorize the memorize the periodic table why just so you can say you did it I know and my kids do memory work but the thing is is that's what's so exciting is parents are waking up but this goes back to what your current passion project is and that's reaching out for help because this is why I wanted to Circle back it's why I even mentioned it in the first place to you is as homeschool moms especially ones in the first five years it is extremely countercultural I have so many mamas in my community where their husbands aren't really supportive they're kind of skeptical all the in-laws the grandmothers are basically super normal I had very nor very typical typical sadly not even skepticism but actually wanting them to fail and they're in my membership antagonistic yes and that's why I want to talk about yes it's good for every mom in America listening to this to reach out and ask for help but I just want you know my heart my heart is homeschool moms and I do feel like it's very easy to become isolated when you are a homeschool mom because for example like even on my colde side I don't care if my neighbors hear this right now we are the only homeschool family we're not included in a lot of stuff we are totally fine with it grounded you know we drove by the neighbors that had a lemonade stand the other day my girls in the back seat didn't even care by the way that's because they're so healthily socialized they're they're they don't have just one peer group they have a bunch right they didn't care they didn't feel they didn't even feel excluded nor did I my point is is that is that it can be an extremely isolating choice and your friend group if you are your friend group and your friend landscape will change and there might be that little storming period that could last a year or two where you're like where are my people maybe you've joined a co-op and you're like okay these aren't my people I've done that I'm like okay on to the next one and then you know that type of a thing and so I I just feel like it's an important message to even if there's just that one person that you can reach out to and say I'm feeling really lonely and insecure in my homeschool right now yeah it can even even if you're in weirdly if you're willing to be vulnerable even if you're in like a large free Facebook group chances are if you put that out there someone's going to relate you know and it's one of the reasons why I started the my community but don't you feel like that's the truth is that it homeschool moms in particular it's just we have so many arrows being pointed at us at any given time the government doesn't even trust us that Community is just vital enjoying the show and don't want to miss out on future episodes hit that like And subscribe button and show us some love with your reviews those five star reviews really do help us reach more people yeah it's so important and I think too you know like I said before it really does go back to being willing to ask for help being willing to be vulnerable owning your own story know why you did it you know fruit takes time to grow when Jay and I pulled our kids out of the government school system his parents thought we were crazy my parents thought we were crazy my family so many of our friends because I was one of the only on you know first people to ever do it in my family well guess what so now it's been you know 27 years I mean they made fun of us guess who's not making fun of us now no one's making fun of us because there's fruit now because now they can see oh my kids are happy and healthy and whole and they're actually doing fine they've got jobs and families of their own they're getting married and starting businesses they're doing just fine but back then I didn't have that it was just this Grand experiment you know was just like well I hope this works you know and and I just I'm so thankful we didn't give up I'm so thankful we didn't listen to the naysayers find your people we're doing something extraordinary here in Vancouver Washington at The Homeschool Resource Center people can find out about it at firmly planed family.org just click on The Homeschool Resource Center Jay and I have planted in the United States over a hundred homeschool cooperatives and so we've been doing this for a really long time because I believe so passionately that we need need Community we absolutely need to do life together and you can find your people there's no reason for anybody to homeschool alone anymore absolutely no reason at all if you're looking for groups you can go I love to send people to The Homeschool legal defense Association hslda.org and they have you know state state listings of groups that are in your area and you can click on those and uh find out about that but we need each other we need each other we got to be real with each other we have to be willing to say oh hey that didn't work and what are you doing with your with your 8-year-old who's screaming at you or the kids who aren't listening one of the beautiful things about home education is it gives you the opportunity to put down the textbook yeah and start instilling character in your children character comes before curriculum character comes before curriculum every single time before you teach your kids the ABCs teach them how to love each other if they're not respecting you as their mother or you as their father they won't have respect for other people either and so in our house that was primary these were the primary things that we taught I was much more concerned that my children were grounded spiritually and emotionally than I ever was about make sure that you memorize the periodic table because guess what I've got one shot at training my children up one shot at making sure that they're that they're the healthiest they can be when they leave my home and I don't want to waste it screaming and yelling about the periodic table that's not to say we didn't do chemistry and not you know please don't miss understand me I'm not saying you know tidy said don't educate your kids no I'm saying get your priorities in order yes and the school has it backward right the schools are filling your your kids heads with useless information and and and knowledge when they what they really need is wisdom and Christy said it really well the other you know a few minutes ago that this it's human formation I call education we're discipling our children we are giving we are passing on to them generational wisdom and all you got to do is go on to the campus of California state Berkeley and see what it looks like to have a generation of fools right these are kids who have a lot of head knowledge but they got no wisdom to back it up yes and that will be the thing that takes your child through life and so part of it now and I like to tell this to homeschool moms I've been the sobbing crying homeschool mom my husband came home from work one day and you know here I am Heidi St John cannot keep house plants alive and I'm homeschooling six kids and there was a lot of CR I this is fake I can't keep house plants alive no I cannot I cannot yeah fake plant behind me yes yeah although I'm I'm growing micro greens right now and I'm actually succeeding at it but that's a story for another day I I am telling you Jay would come home from work a lot and I would be in tears on the couch you know the kids lost their math book for the 400th time even though I made you a cubby with your name on it your math book has your name on it why do you lose your mathbook I don't know and one day jay came home from work and I was crying on the couch and he was just like what's going on babe I just kind of looked up at him like you really don't want to know like I forgot to plug the crockpot in and the day just went to Heck from there I mean I don't know what to tell you and he said he goes look at me Heidi look at me so I kind of sit up and I look at him and he goes Heidi St John ordinary women would be dead by now there is nothing ordinary about you those yoga pants that you've been in for the last seven days they are hot I love them on you you could wear that that same t-shirtt that spit up stained t-shirt six more days in a row that messy thing you're doing with your hair is sexy now we both knew he was lying at that point but you know what he made me want to do that day he may me want to be a better Mom oh it's it's not about it it's not about perfection it's not about how many likes you can get on Instagram or what some other homeschool mom is doing or how she's posting all the things she's doing that you're not doing that made you feel insecure I can get because I make content you you too I can guarantee you she got off camera and was screaming at her kid or she made that kid stir that bowl of muffins 25,000 times to get the right to get the shot and I am so against that I am so that's why you don't see my kids you don't see my kids faces I don't include them on my stuff and I don't care what people think about that because I'm I'm not going to Define their childhood by making content for me you know like it's so unhealthy it's true it's so unhealthy and people look at these moms and they think they're doing it all well guess what they're not doing it all they're absolutely not doing it all people say well how how come Heidi St John was able to write you know 10 books and homeschool the kids and start all the things that we did and start the nonprofit whatever what they maybe don't realize even though I say it all the time is that I didn't do it by myself I did it in in partnership with my husband yes and then the Lord brought people into my life Melissa Crabtree works for me she's here now she's just moved to Vancouver she and her husband to help us here but she's worked remotely for me for 13 years and all of the first fruit of any money I ever made I gave to her and I was still broke right because I needed the help so I gave her the money and I I look at you know these women who are trying so hard to create this Pinterest perfect life for your kids your kids don't want Perfection they just want you yeah they just want you sit down and read them a story here's the other thing fun fact after graduating six of my seven the things that are the most important about your homeschooling this is a pro tip I hope somebody's hearing me the things I thought were the least important things reading stories to my kids on the couch you know snuggling with my kids taking walks to the park those turned out to be the things that my that my kids remember the most that they are now doing with their own kids those were the the the touch points along our day had nothing to do with whether or not I was able to finish that papier-mâché craft that I almost killed myself over nothing to do with that it's all about relationship ships relationship relationship relationship listen to me moms long after you close the last page on your math textbook long after you're done teaching spelling and prepositions and I hope you're teaching US History to your kids please For the Love of All Things That is Holy teach us history to your children long after you're done and I hope they know the Constitution too that was just a freebie by the grace of God your kids are going to be calling you for crockpot recipes they're going to want to hear how your day is going you are raising parents for your grandchildren that's what you're doing what kind of parents are they going to be for the next Generation you are setting the tone and has very little to do with a mathbook and everything to do with are you making that heart-to-heart transfer it's not so much about a data transfer it's a heart transfer yes and that's the success that's found in homeschooling it's got very little to do with yes we're teaching our kids academics yes we're doing it but what we're really doing is we're shaping their hearts that's the most important thing that you're ever going to do yeah that reminds me of the CS Lewis he has a quote I don't have it memorized about how it if you view education wrong you're all you're going to make is an evil genius like basically like what you're saying when you're just when a to you when an education is just imparting information it reminds me of my mom's pulmonologist which I would love to say his name right now but I won't do that he's an awful person he's an amazing like practitioner and my mom you know she wants to leave him but she should but it's a whole story it's a whole story because she likes the surgeon that he worked with no no go away terrible human being he's a terrible human being that's not nice to her and it's like but he's this amazing successful person well I can guarantee you he's leaving a body count in his personal life in his business in all of this he's leaving a body count and we want to be people who when anyone who gets comes into contact with us including our children we want them to feel loved cared about safe that we are someone that they can talk to because ultimately it's about getting rid of that shame right and yeah anyway and if you are a Christian you know where that is found where shame was finished forever I'm so glad that you came on the show today Miss Heidi St John we will put all of your resources your school all that co-op network the brave book everything will be in the show notes have no fear people I know people are going to be jumping to check out everything that you have going on I have no doubt that there's going to be new audiences introduced to you because of today so I'm so thankful that you came on to share your wisdom oh thank you for having me this has just been an absolute delight