Latest / Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck / Interview with Taylor Godfrey | Awakening to Trauma, The Human Experience, and Spiritual Communities

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Interview with Taylor Godfrey | Awakening to Trauma, The Human Experience, and Spiritual Communities · Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Alive and Kicking Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kay Eck, and this is where we talk to ordinary people about their extraordinary lives.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Alive and Kicking Podcast, everybody.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: My guest today is Taylor Godfrey.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I know Taylor because she actually helps produce this podcast and has been uh working with me on partnering in a very exciting collaboration that is going to um draw together some really high vibrational inspirational people, and we'll be sharing more about that um as time goes by.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: But for now, I just want to welcome you to the podcast, Taylor.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, thank you for having me, Taylor.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's an honor and a pleasure.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to talk to you today because you have a lot of interesting things to say.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: You are a young single mother and have a lot of feathers in your cap, so to speak, in terms of the things that you bring to the world and to humanity.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to kick off today by talking a little bit about something that you've been writing about since I've known you.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I haven't known you that long, but you are writing extensively on um trauma healing.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I would like to know how you came into your authority on that subject because you do write with such authority.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Kay.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um I feel that there, I'd have to kind of go back in time a little bit to share where the reality of writing and speaking and knowing trauma intimately has happened for me.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I had a really um, like most people, I think we'd say, you know, our childhood was great, um, multifaceted in the idea that things were really good and fun and joyous.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then there were also moments um growing up that were out of the blue and not necessarily normal for my peers or others that I knew.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um I want to talk about how great my childhood was and then also just the things that happened that led me to this.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I'll try to keep it short, but um I grew up on a farm um essentially with my grandparents.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: My mother was a young single mother, 16, and um her parents um pretty much uh had the idea that she should continue living her life as a 16-year-old, 17, 18, and that they would do their best to build a family dynamic where they were highly involved.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I say to this day a lot that my grandparents raised me.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um it was it was my my mom and my grandparents.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um but growing up on the farm and um not necessarily having what felt like parents that were the next generation um was probably the first thing that kind of broke a mold for me.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, I would go to school and meet peers, and typically it's just people's parents.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then growing up and having my aunts and uncles close and um being on the farm was like there was always something to do.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, you know, I got to see life, life, life felt like it was, it was just so alive for me.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I got to see the cycles of chickens and hens and what we do when we raise them, and then when we collect their eggs, and then we're ready to eat them.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um, I remember being a little girl and running around barefoot on acres of land and um wondering how when was the right time to pull the carrots or pick the tomatoes?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, or what do we do when there's creatures in the pool?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like it was there was always something to take care of um and something to do.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like that was the first kind of um like part of my upbringing that um again broke the mold, but also hadn't really just paying attention to life.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't feel that I didn't feel that I had these strict um rules or I guess in heavy indoctrinations upon me.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, everyone knows that like when you're with your grandparents, it's like, oh, you're gonna have ice cream for breakfast, you know, whatever.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: It was fun like that, but it was also uh I I felt so aware of my surroundings.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: So that was something that I just give my gratitude and attention towards for anything that unfolds in my life because I know that I know that my upbringing was um incredibly conducive for helping me build that.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um that note, um what else?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm just gonna jump right into the into the nitty-gritty.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: So some of the stuff that um really first woke me up to our being aware of what is trauma and how do we manage it or work with it.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um in my childhood, uh, young adolescence, young adulthood, um, teenage years, I had experiences where I was faced with um sexual assault, um, sexual abuse, rape, the whole, the whole gamut of that life.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I remember um I uh drawing back a little bit to my childhood, this uh the first instance was I was I was sometime in in my junior high years.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: And uh when this experience happened to me, I remember, I remember feeling, okay, there was a handful of things that I felt that will stick with me probably forever.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um one, it was why do I feel out of control?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: Where is my power right now?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um two, where where why does this man right have so much power over me and that I feel helpless?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: So those were really ingrained in me.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: I felt my power was taken away and I felt the intensity of somebody else's power over me.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um and then three, this may or may not open a can of worms for viewers or listeners.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um when I had experiences through sexual assault and abuse, I had this feeling K something like washed over me and it came not only to me, but through me.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that was oh I'm getting goosebumps just saying it.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um that was one of the first instances where I knew, crazy to say, despite what I was experiencing, that I had divine guidance.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: And that was the first instance that I knew there is there is an orchestration taking place on this earth, and I'm a part of it.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I think I think the way that that happened is for the first time that I was able to fully, and it because it's so intense, right?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: Whenever you go through something traumatic, um, and I'm not just talking about, you know, like the small things in childhood that we say are childhood trauma, that we just internalize our mom yelling at us or something, which is a big deal in the long run, of course, because we work through that stuff.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: But when it's something so heavy and you're in such a tender, vulnerable place that I in your youth where you're not fully cognitively developed, there's this feeling that comes upon you like, where's my security?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: Where's my foundation?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, where's my protection?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: Everything that I knew, and everything that was familiar and resourceful and like routine to me just went like this.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: So that was perhaps one of the first times in my life.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and and though those experiences have happened throughout the course of the years, and I did have just kind of different, I guess, awakenings when that happened.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um but me experiencing trauma was my first instance of not only having that, like not only having the rug ripped out from under my feet, but having that first feeling of, well, where do I go from here?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: And how do I implement what just happened?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: How do I can I tell my mom, right?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: When I'm 12 or 13 years old, and I can I tell my mom this, you know, is this my fault?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: So, and it's and it's all these emotions working through you.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: And the big thing for me, like experiencing that and um several other forms of abuse throughout my life was well, how do I kind of get up and keep moving?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Or how do I where just where do I go from here?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I these are things that I I I had actually repressed for a very long time.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um and then when it resurfaced in my um teenage years and young adult years, which was still a young adult, um it was when I started to realize um I have I have to dig this up, you know, I I can't bury these bones, right?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um not to dig it up, to relive it or remember it, or um because something in me just said, you know, this this just can't this can't live suppressed anymore.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: This can't live down here anymore.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um so from there I kind of went into it felt like I was it it was like ready or not, here comes some kind of divine power and force, and it just started working through me.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I felt like I had no choice but to get to the root of my suffering and the root of my traumas and the root of my pain.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um and that was that was a really one of the most challenging times in my life, and I don't know if maybe maybe that period that forced me to reckon with it and feel it and you know, process it.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't really know if that might have been more challenging than the actual thing itself.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, that moment was kind of a a big kickoff.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um that was um I would say in my high school, my high school and first several years of college years is when um I had an experience that led me to just start feeling all that stuff.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: And that's kind of where it all began.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, I mean that is um so incredible on so many levels that you had such a great level of awareness at such a young age, but still your the protection of Taylor resulted in the burying of these of these things, even though you had such an incredible level of awareness, super advanced.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um so how did you begin the journey to toward well, first of all, how did you know that that's what you needed to do?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Was it just intuition?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: I think what drew me to, I don't want to say drew me, it it literally felt like a force that came to me that I didn't really have an option to do.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: So if if I could put it in practical terms, well, you know, if how did you get there?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: What did you do?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um I wasn't ever consciously looking to explore my trauma to begin with.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it started for me because I was on uh just a physical health journey.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to take care of my body.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and this was, like I said, this was like high school years and early college years.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um I was always kind of, I don't know, a go-getter, kind of like an alpha, you know, like I want to know the the next, like I'm just curious about the world.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: I want to know kind of the next best thing.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: I want to know like the next big thing in health.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like I first thing that brought me to that.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um so you know, it started as like it's so funny how these things it how these things work.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's you do one thing and you don't realize that it's gonna take you into a completely different space.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I started, I just want to take care of my body.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, I started exercising and clean eating, and then I was like, wait, am I clean eating?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: What is clean eating?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: Is this clean?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: Or like I'd exercise and I'm like, is this healthy?
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: Should I be this vigorous?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: Should I be counting my calories?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: Did I come here to count calories?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like I I so I started dissecting that and I was like, maybe I shouldn't go to the gym before school.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: Or, you know, maybe I should eat the burger or whatever, whatever I wanted for lunch.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that started to shift for me.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um and my perspective on like the health journey opened up like, well, what is health?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: Or what is what am I healing?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if if I want to be healthy, I don't think it's just going to the gym and sticking my face in front of a TV and running on a treadmill and like worrying about how I look, like it started to just expand for me.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think starting that journey helped it, but then I think like just having the awareness of, well, this isn't healthy, it's becoming obsessive, you know, um, because it actually did become obsessive for me at one point.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, when you're when you're in those high school years and you have all that influence of like media and your peers and so many things around you, it it's it's it's like, oh I'm gonna feed this like outer life, right?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna feed like what this looks like or how people see me, and just completely neglecting what was inside of me, right?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: And um I think um so when I was on that health journey, actually, I did end up developing eating disorders even.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: I became uh anorexic and I just wouldn't eat, or I was bulimic and I would eat something that I loved and then purged it because oh my body, like I can't have this, you know, I can't have the cake.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I think that being in that health journey thing and then watching how it unfolded, I started to notice that I'm just giving myself the same sickness that I was trying to rid myself of.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm becoming obsessive about what's going on on the outside.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm becoming obsessive about how people see me to the point where I'm literally empty inside because I'm not feeding myself, but virtually like my values, my beliefs, like there's no substance.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that's when I feel again, like my journey of health started to just like I just I had this it it and this is where I feel like you know it sounds so silly, but I really feel that there is a force of creation that is really always with me and moving me and speaking to me.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um these moments of serendipitous um experiences like took place in my life.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: I was looking for a job and I ended up at this health food store, and I thought, great, I'm gonna know exactly what I'm doing.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I had no idea what I was doing, you know, because I just came from this limited mindset of what I think health is, that I learned that this this is what this is what I thought I knew, but like this is what I didn't know that I didn't know, like, and it just keeps going.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so I got this job at this cute little place called Fruitful Yield, and I feel like everyone knows Fruitful Yield in the area.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: And um that was the first time where I realized, wow, this health journey and whatever I'm healing, whatever, whatever this journey is that I'm on, it's about me and I have to want it.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: I have to value it.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: I have to, I have to value me.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I have to, it's not, it's not for how I look.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like it's not like all the stuff in the magazines.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's this is about me and my health.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to know what it is to be healthy, you know.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: I not just what I'm eating, but now I'm learning about all these vitamins and minerals and I'm learning about what I'm putting on my skin.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness, I was putting this stuff on my skin all my life.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: Who knows what it's doing to my insides?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I life at that point like just started becoming super alive and also kind of really deep for me.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: It was like, whoa, like everything that I do out here impacts this in here, and everything I do in here impacts this out here.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: And that was, I think, some of the first moments that I was like, okay, um what I'm doing matters, and I have to be aware what I'm doing.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so something that uh really pushed this whole uh awareness for me of my trauma and my healing and all of it.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: I met somebody who worked at the health food store with me, and um she was just my coworker, but it was one of the first, one of the first times in my life where I said, there's something more happening here, you know.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_02: I had this experience, like I know you, you know, like my I feel like my soul knows your soul.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: We came, I'm so glad we met, you know, it was one of those feelings like we were supposed to meet.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I met this dear woman, um, her name was Pam, and she taught me when I worked at the health food store all about energy medicine.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: And when people come to the store, everyone would ask her, Pam, where's Pam?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: Who's you know, can Pam help me?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: And Pam was sort of my first, how would I explain it?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: She was one of my first guides, one of my first teachers of life, literally life.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: I in the long run, I knew that I didn't go to the store to get the job.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't even go to the store to get it learn about my health.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't even go to the store to learn energy medicine.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: It was like I was going to the store and it brought these series of layers of like deeper truths and alignments for me.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I learned, I picked up energy medicine from Pam, and that was the first instant where I feel that like the healing in my life really started to like I have to look at this, you know, like this happened.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: I actually almost forgot this happened.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: I have to address it, you know, and that's that's when it first sparked up for me, ready or not.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, it it sounds like you were born incredibly self reflective and inquisitive.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: I I that I don't know whether that was cultivated by your grandparents or whether it was just born in you.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: But from such a young age, you were like already on that path in terms of looking at how life was affecting you.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think that's very typical of um young children.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: I I think it was true for me, but I didn't have the, I don't feel like I had the sophistication that that you had or have now, frankly.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think what would be really helpful for people to know if you would share is um how this healing, this walk toward the trauma, what does that walk look like?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think we often hear that you need to feel your feelings, you need we need to resolve the unresolved trauma, but nobody ever really talks about how to do that and what that looks like.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it's a good thing they don't.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it would be useful for people to know if you're sharing that.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it's one of those things again where I don't feel like there's one solid answer.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, for me, um, I'll talk about kind of how it began for me and then how it unfolded, and then some more golden nuggets that I found at the core of all that.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so for me, um moving through and healing my trauma, it first started with what are the things in my life that just aren't serving me right now?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: And in that moment for me, moving through all that vigilant health guru, like exercise stuff, I realized I am one no longer vigorously pushing my body to the point where I feel like I hate it.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: That was one thing, and that was just for me at that time in my life.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then other things, like I had this moment where I was like, what am I listening to?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_02: What is this music?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I was like, this isn't what?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: And like this is going through my system, and I'm it's in my cells and I'm feeling it, and this isn't serving me, you know.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: And then it became like, you know, even just the things with food, it was like, I actually really love chocolate cake, and I'm gonna eat chocolate cake because I love it, like not because it's not serving me on a you know toxin level, whatever.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: But it's it at that point, it was like, what are the things that I'm doing that I I don't really feel like I love and that I feel like don't really love me back?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then in the same side, it was so what can I implement here that I do love?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Because if I'm emptying on all this stuff that isn't serving me anymore, which was a lot, I I went through physical purges, was giving my stuff away, I was selling things to my friends.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: I I even was like, oh my, I need to raise money to get a new car because I have memories of this car.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it was it was like I literally wanted to redo my life.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: And then I realized, well, if I'm emptying all this stuff out that isn't serving me, what am I made of?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: I I have to fill something in there.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: So this was just at this time.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um I started taking on yoga, uh, learning about yoga.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I would just start by practicing in my room and then slowly, you know, I I tend to be an introvert sometimes and I was like, I gotta get out and go to a class.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that was significant for me because I heard my body for the first time.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't just pushing for a result.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: I was with my being, my mind, and my body the whole way.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know, yoga in that moment for me was like I'm not running and not listening, you know, it's like I'm moving my body in a way that my cognitive presence and my heart, everything is right here in accordance with it.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like nothing, no part of me is getting left behind.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: So yoga was really conducive for me at the time.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what else?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: I started listening to um like healing music, like like I found uh, I would think if I'm pronouncing her right, Snatam Ko or like she sings um like Guru Dev, and I found all that, all that amazing music.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I I it at this point in my life, I I keep feeling like I'm iterating so much that it was really this point in my life that I was filling myself with like all of these good things, okay?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like I I was like, I need to get crystals and sage and all of all of the stuff that I thought was gonna like heal me, right?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: So then this is where my healing path kind of went hopsy turvy, and again, everything that I thought I knew, the rug was pulled out from my feet, and I had to go deeper and I had to see more.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, while it was helpful and conducive to fill myself with those yummy good things, you know, the uplifting music, I still do that.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: I my crystals, I got couples sitting around me right now.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: There were still things that were within me that I didn't pull out or see that I had to look at.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I went to Colorado and I met up with this person that I went to high school with, that I inspired him with my writing and all this like gorgeous stuff.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and we just weren't paying enough attention.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: And one day I was like, oh, we're gonna have a child.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_02: And before I shared it with anyone, that was when that kind of shadowy aspect of me who had been like, hey, dig deeper.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, listen to this.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: She really came full blown.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, honey, you just really gotta start paying a lot of attention.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I'm gonna be a mother.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: I have huge responsibilities.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, of course, there's the question, do I want to be?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: Can I?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there's of course there's routes to take, but you know, my naive, my in-love heart was like, we're gonna be parents, let's do it.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: So uh we shared the news with his parents.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it it had been like almost a year since I had been there.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um and how old were you at then?
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: How old was I?
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think 21.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty young.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: Pretty young, yeah.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: I in my head I'm like, I'm not 16, but I'm 21, so there's still you beat your mom by five years.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: So um, yeah, we shared it with their parents, and um they were like that was the moment.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I mean, all of this leading up, but that moment I'm never gonna forget sitting on their worn in leather couch.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: His dad sat next to me, he sat across from me, his mom sat next to him, and I it just was so heavy K.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, holy shit.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_02: And they met me there, you know, they weren't like thrilled at all, they were like, this is gonna be a huge responsibility for the rest of your guys' lives, and whether you like it or not, our families are gonna be connected for the rest of our lives.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, oh my god.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: But that line, Kay, our families are gonna be connected for the rest of our lives, whether you want it or not.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how to explain it.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: It was like something from the ethers just went and came down and right into my very womb.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I'm conceiving way more than a child right now.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: There is something big that we are gestating and going to birth, and that was that changed everything again, again for me.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, here I am thinking that I have you know, life is on my side, I have it all figured out, and there's a lot more to this.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta learn how to make it in the world, I gotta learn about finances, which I've kind of always been pretty good at, but there's more, you know, I gotta learn about how to be a mother and what this means for the future of my child.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I think actually I know that my experience in motherhood was the actual first time that I realized some of this, some of this stuff that I have inside of me, some of this pain, some of this trauma, some of this hardship.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_02: Some of it's mine, but some of it's not mine.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: Some of it comes from behind me and behind her and behind her.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_02: And my pregnancy, oh dear, I feel like my pregnancy uh really like it, it I was getting ready for a baby, right?
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: But I was getting ready for who I was gonna be also.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um I went through this process where, you know, of course you nest, right?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: You're you get everything ready, you want everything to be beautiful, but it went deeper than that for me.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, there's things that we're not gonna do anymore.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: There's people we're not gonna be involved with anymore.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_02: There's choices.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_02: If you are gonna make this path with me, you know, parenting, there's things that we're gonna cut out.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_02: I hope that works for you, you know, because this is not just our child, but this is a little piece of the future, right?
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_02: We're putting this out there, and so how we do this and what we do kind of matters.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_02: So uh it was that part came easy for me to say, but to do it all.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_02: I was not prepared.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: I was not prepared for what was gonna come.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_02: There was a lot, there was a lot that came after that that fueled me, to say the least.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: So um this, I I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about this, whether you were aware that this path that you were on was a spiritual path.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then later I want to get to um, you know, some of the things that you have to say about the spiritual community and about the human journey versus the spiritual journey.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: So let's let's dive into that a little bit.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: Well, um, this is actually perfect because uh where I left off in the story about motherhood really planted the seed for everything that took place from there.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I had these ideas about how to do motherhood, right?
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um we're gonna send her to Waldorf school.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_02: She's gonna have all natural food, all natural toys.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: Everything is gonna be perfect.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um not all that worked out that way, but and then the piece that was okay.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: So the piece that brought more kind of challenge, uh, but also kind of like a duality, maybe a little bit of a polarity for me, was we decided, well, we're just gonna move in with your parents.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_02: And they wanted that, and everybody wanted that.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_02: So um, you know, of course, we told my family and got the news out, and then we said, we're gonna full-blown do this.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um, his parents moved into a big home, they invited us to live in there, they invited um his other brother and wife and children to live in there, and it was like, wow, this is we're gonna like take care of our babies together and grow together.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I realized that, oh my goodness, we just are not the same people, we're not the same.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh boy.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that is a huge, huge revelation that could really rock you when you stepped into a paradigm that you and then you realize like, uh-oh, what is this?
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, of course.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_02: So um there's multiple sides of me, right?
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to see like how beautiful that was going to be.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but then I there was also the piece of me that was like, we just I don't know, we just don't see things the same way.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_02: So um his family, uh very, very God-fearing, very uh Christian, um, incredibly strictly religious.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I didn't come from a forced religion background.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I did have a mamma who was always preaching out of the Bible, and I was like one of only the only grandchild who would sit at her feet and listen to it because it was intriguing.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, she's speaking in tongues, you know.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_02: I liked, I liked the connection to divinity.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: I liked knowing that there was something higher or more that really loved us and cared for us and guided us and watched us and moved to us and through us.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_02: I love that idea.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I also realized that my entire life, I wasn't religious.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't, I certainly wasn't Christian.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I loved Jesus.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: I could, I could write a whole book about things that I know and feel about that.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: But my whole life was spent dipping my toe into everything, like on the farm and growing up, and even in high school, I was I was so involved.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I was I wasn't in any friend group.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's like there's a Venn diagram of groups, and I was at the center, you know, I was a jock and I was a nerd and I was a gamer and I was a stoner and I was an artist.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: I literally was like all of it, and my life always was that way, whether I was consciously doing it or not.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I think I eventually got to the realization that um I am on a spiritual path.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't even really know what that looks like right now because I've always been told that it looks a certain way.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_02: So the first time that that like really stripped me was uh living uh with my daughter's dad's family.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um you can love people and also just know that there's incredible differences.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but some of the things that came up there, um, there was a lot of I really had to silence myself, I really had to quiet myself, I really had to be pristine and proper all the time.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like you might get looked at weird if you don't wake up at a certain time, um, if you don't eat the same way, if you don't enjoy the same things.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I started to feel like, hey, maybe this, I see how this could be like the high and mighty, but oh my gosh, my soul feels stripped.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel like I'm here.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like my identity and my body's here, but there's pieces of me that aren't welcome here, and I don't know if that's okay.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, I don't know if I can live that way, you know.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so in a series of events, um I removed myself from the situation and uh just said, I this isn't for me, you know, I can't do this.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm not religious, but I'm also I'm not like a Buddhist.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not, I just I don't have one particular route to the divine.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, and and I I had voiced this several times, to me, like the divine is so much more benevolent.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_02: We can even put a name and a face on.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: Can you reckon with that?
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_02: And the people I were with were not having it.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: The indoctrination and the program was so strong, and you know, bless their hearts.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I completely understand and see their journey is just different than my journey.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: I just came here born without those shackles, and I'm the I'm the blessed one, I'm the lucky one.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_02: Despite everything I've been through, the blood, guts, gore, there has been immense blessings and bounty.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_02: I have been guided, you know, I've been protected.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: I I feel that I feel that I just I just had this knowing that I don't have that stuff to undo.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm blessed for that.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I will still honor you and love you from afar.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_02: So uh that was the first instance where I was like, there is a spiritual path, there is a God, there is a higher calling, there is a benevolent creator that's orchestrating this that I want to know, that I want to pray to.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: But you know what?
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: I kind of want to just talk to that person too.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't, I don't want, I don't want them to only respond when my hands are together.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't, I don't want to feel like I'm connected with them only when I'm feeling my best.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: I want to know that there is a source that created me and that's here with me, even in the hardship.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_02: And that was kind of the first nudge where I said, Well, I'm just I'm not religious and the spiritual path is a little bit different than I think.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: I moved out of that, and for me, it was okay, here we go.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of again, I'm healing something.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I almost don't know what I'm healing, but if I'm paying attention, if I'm showing up, something's something's gonna be here.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: So um when I left, um, at that time, I my daughter was one year old, and not even, and that was the moment of um, well, I'm gonna be a single mother.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, there was a lot of hardship in between then.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_02: There was a lot of verbal, emotional, physical abuse.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, there was a lot of, it was just detrimental.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_02: There was a moment where I like really realized, oh my gosh, I just need to get out of here.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_02: This is this is I moved home.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, my daughter was almost a year old, and I was flailing, right?
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_02: Where do I go?
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_02: How do I start new?
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't even, I couldn't even go home to mom and dad.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: I went home to grandma and papa, my grandparents, who believe it or not, just moved into a retirement home and like they're ready to settle, you know.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_02: So my heart is like, you gotta figure this out really fast, girl, because you love them so much, you want to respect their space.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_02: And that was me, right?
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_02: I I they're the kind of people who will give the shirts off their back, and I feel like especially to me because we're super close.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: But that moment for me was like, whatever I'm doing, I gotta do it now, like and yesterday, because these are the people who are caring for me and letting me in, but I want to honor and acknowledge their end of life, and I'm not gonna be here as a burden.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_02: So oh um the year was 2017, um, which isn't really that long ago, but it feels like eons ago.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um I yeah, I moved home and I I said this is this is where I actually am going to be the woman that I wanted to be.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_02: All the stuff that I went to Colorado that I thought I was going to California for took me right back home.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_02: And now I have a child, and now I've really got to step it up.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_02: And now I've really got to know what I want.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I think I started to reparent myself.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it was hard because I wanted mom and I wanted grandma and I wanted I wanted somebody to do a lot of the things for me.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_02: But I was like, you know what?
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_02: I am.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: To be the one to like do this, and that was hard.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_02: Being a parent to myself was the most challenging and also loving, the most loving thing that I could have done because ultimately, if I sought advice outside of myself, nobody could really feel and know my experience.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_02: You know, nobody nobody knew the trauma that I went through, the abuse that I went through, the sexual abuse that I went through, how hard it felt to be a single mom right there.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I remember reaching out to my mom and I love her, I love her dearly.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_02: She would never understand, she couldn't because our dynamic was just different.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_02: She was a single mom at one point, um, but she remarried and she took that life of raising more children and being a suburban sports mom and loving it.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_02: And that was for her.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I love her.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: It just I my path at that point was not to go and look for another man, you know.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_02: My path at that point was who am I?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: And what am I gonna do?
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: And what did I really come here to do?
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: And my experience just kept bringing me like like from one thing where I thought that I landed, and I'm like, I started to realize this is a leaping path.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I'm not gonna live here.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_02: I have to know that where I'm at now is gonna take me to the next thing.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I started to really get on my toes as my daughter started to grow.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_02: She really pushed me to aliven and awaken.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: And she is, whoa, she came in very strong.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_02: She's like a she is a light beam and a force that to this day is like, mom, come on, tick tock, you know.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so at that time I said, I'm gonna do everything in my power.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_02: I returned to work in different fields.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, this time it was a it was it was a different time around.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, it's not the same as before.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_02: I know a little bit more than before, but I'm also not stuck here.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: I picked up a waitressing gig.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_02: I was working like all the time.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what else did I do?
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: I started nanning like on nights and weekends.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_02: I found the school district who was doing like um I could supervise the daycare before school hours and after school hours.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_02: So I was going from one job to the next job to the next job for like, oh my gosh, two almost three years.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: And in that process, I said, you know, yoga really helped me.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: I wanna, I wanna help people, you know?
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I think this is where that new age spiritual ego started to like prime itself on me.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but the other side of the same coin, always, always K.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_02: It was incredibly valuable for me.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I went through my yoga teacher training process.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I taught for some time, and then I realized um I want to like I want to offer more to my students, you know.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want just like the body and the mind.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_02: I wanna, I can feel their energy, you know.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: I wanna I wanna help them move whatever they're working through in their personal lives.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_02: So I took on Reiki and then I took on Reiki two and three, and I I wanted to do energy medicine.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um before I fully got into energy medicine, meanwhile, I'm still working like all these jobs.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like literally the first three years of my daughter's life were like, I just I mean, I had moments where I would break down.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_02: Am I ever gonna am I ever gonna be able to watch her?
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_02: Am I ever gonna be able to have these moments with her?
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I missed some of her first big moments because I had to fill the roles that in modern day society the man is always filling, you know.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_02: But the silver lining K was I'm pursuing myself, you know, and I realized my mom didn't get to pursue herself, my granny didn't get to pursue herself, my great-granny didn't get to pursue herself, and I don't know if that was their choice, I don't know if that was because that's just the way that things went and they thought that they were doing the right thing.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if somebody controlled them.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_02: I know in some circumstances there was a lot of domestic and sexual abuse with my ancestors, and I know that they had their limitations.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_02: So even though it hurt so bad to not not have that, like I felt most women get to be at home with their babies, and you know, and don't get me wrong, I know that is so challenging because I did it for a year, I did it for a year home with my baby, and that was a lot.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: So that was hard, but the silver lining, like I said, whoa, here's me, I'm pursuing me, and that was that was enlivening.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_02: So, in my journey of um becoming a yoga instructor and um a Reiki practitioner, um, I started to process what happened in my birth and what happened after my birth.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_02: And that's where the energy medicine started becoming uh a very prominent necessity for me, um, as well as the need, uh, the feeling that I want I want to show up for other women.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_02: I want to show up for other people who have been through what I have been through and help pioneer them through this.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_02: So essentially it started in yoga and Reiki, but it really moved in birth work.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: Birth work for me, Kay, was I peeled back so meaning you became a doula.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_02: I became a birth doula, yes, yes.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_02: So a birth doula is um not like a midwife where I get to do medical procedures or any kind of medical um advice.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm solidly a spiritual, emotional, overall support and intimate advocate for a mother and a partner, if she has a partner.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I think that was, or I feel that was probably one of the first moments that um I got deeper in touch with more of my trauma and then realized well something here I'm working through because I I'm showing up for these women now.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so in that in that process, um I actually had like physical um it almost like PTSD.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm reliving my birth and I'm reliving my postpartum.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, very it kind of came on and off.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um it would come throughout the process of doing birth work, um, but I would have moments where it was like, whoa, I really don't remember all of my birth, or oh my gosh, they did take my baby away right after birth, or oh my gosh, she wasn't breathing right after birth, or whoa, I really was not taking care of postpartum.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_02: I really was hurt, I really was not taken care of.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_02: I did not have the support that I needed, and I knew that, but I never really felt it.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I never let myself feel how important that was, and and and that I needed that kind of acknowledgement and real support.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_02: So being a birth doula gave me that um it was an honor.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_02: I was able to travel back in time and process and move through my birth that I didn't even know I wasn't fully present for.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_02: But then it was one of the first instances where I think even more than being in a yoga instructor, I am witnessing not only a mother give birth, which is an honor, an absolute honor.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm not doing it by the way.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm I I don't deliver the baby, I don't catch the and you know, it's not a pizza.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not doing any of that.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just here and she feels safe with me.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_02: And she got to talk to me before all of this, and she got to share with me what her needs are and what her values are and what her expectations are.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_02: And then we talk about well, what if this doesn't happen?
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_02: What are what is our plan?
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we cover all of the ground, and this for me became like a metaphor for life.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like we have a plan, we have a vision, we have somebody who supports us, we have somebody we feel safe with.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_02: We have we know what's gonna happen, maybe if things don't go the way we thought, but also things aren't really gonna go the way that we think because birth is mind-blowing, and it's you can't you can't put a time, it's it's physiological, you can't put a time or expectation on it.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_02: So that experience for me, I got to hold space for women and partners to move through huge transitions in their life.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: And that for me was not just birthing a baby.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, in the same way that I didn't just birth a baby, you're birthing a new you, you're birthing a new cycle, you're birthing a new pattern in your ancestry.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_02: You're almost kind of birthing a new paradigm.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_02: You're calling in something that's etheral, that's disembodied.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_02: You're calling something from the divine and saying, I'm here, I'm ready for you.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_02: Come to me.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_02: I love you.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_02: Let's do this work, move through me, I will bring you to life.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: That was, oh, I'm getting this bumps.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_02: I honor and love being a birth doula.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_02: And at the same time, again, that catalyzed me into something more, something else.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_02: So um I kind of didn't do as as much birth work.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um I also did end of life doula work at the same time.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, that was kind of more on the side and kind of more on the back.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but in the same way, it was I get to, there's layers, right?
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_02: I get to honor and be with those who are at the end stages of their life.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I get to honor and be with the loved ones, and I get to help them meet their needs.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about legacy projects.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to be at a funeral?
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, do you want a green burial?
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to celebrate at home?
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_02: What are your spiritual values?
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_02: What can we bring to the table?
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_02: How can we add meaning to the end of life?
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_02: And not just in a way like it's a tell us how you really feel about this person and let this person who's passing tell us their story, you know, because they're going out and it's valuable.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that was another huge experience for me where I was like, I love doing this.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_02: I love being this spaceholder, but there's something more, there's something more like prolific that's happening here.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_02: I am literally standing at the door where divinity in a whole other world meets humanity.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm there when the babies come in and I'm there when the elders die.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_02: It is a huge honor.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, I'm getting goosebumps again.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but in that, so I kind of slowly said, um, I can't do all this busy work anymore.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I can't be a waitress.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: I can't work at the health food store.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's helping me survive.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not thriving.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_02: And these are the things that I really want to step into.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_02: So um I just started taking leaps.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, it was very challenging.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, it did not come easy.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_02: I failed and failed and fell a trillion times um because I wanted to step into what I thought was like my calling or my purpose.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um what else happened there?
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um in that process of doing birth work and end-of-life work and letting that kind of become my everything that encompasses me at that time.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I started taking on uh shamanic energy medicine and I was practicing with a shaman, uh, and a lot of it was virtual because we went through that period where several months are coming in and oh, here's COVID, and there's we have so many restrictions.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that was a very intensive process for me.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that was that was where I was like, wow, there really is something deeper in birth work, there really is something deeper in being an end-of-life doula.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: There really is something even being a yoga instructor.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm really showing up with my presence for these people.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_02: But the shadow side yet again was what do I need to process in myself?
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_02: And what do I need to see and look at in myself?
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_02: So going through this initiation of sorts, um, studying shamanic energy medicine, I had to look at so much K.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it was a blessing.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_02: It was, it was beautiful, you know, there was all the beautiful chanting and the music, and there was the ideas of crystals and healing and all the good stuff.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but there was also like there was also ceremony, which was new to me.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_02: There was also let's honor the womb space, which was new to me.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, there was a lot of let's go back into past lives, which was very daunting and new to me.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_02: And then it even went beyond that.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_02: It was like, well, let's figure out the ancestry and go further back.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_02: And that was like, whoa, for me.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_02: So um to kind of wrap up that experience, um, diving into shamanic energy energy medicine, um, I started doing sessions, facilitating sessions, and that looks kind of different for each person.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes people would just come to me and they didn't know what they wanted.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, okay, well, I'm we're gonna just kind of move the energy and see how things go.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and sometimes it looked like I'm drumming or kind of turns into something like Reiki, which is called an illumination essentially, where um I can kind of move into the energy field of the person and see what is blocked or see what's activated that they don't want activated anymore.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then sometimes it's like, you know, I have somebody come to me and they're like, Well, I don't feel like this is mine.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, like somebody came to me once and they were like, they were a medium or something, and they're like, I don't think this is mine.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I'm getting like depression and uh I'm almost suicidal.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_02: And then we did work to find out that their great great-grandpa or somebody um had a very catastrophic death.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_02: And he was the person because he was doing this kind of like divine work, like really opening his energy field and calling in all sorts of things that I don't know.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that he was able to process what happened to his great-great-grandpa essentially, because his great-great-grandpa it happened on a whim, you know, it was a crazy murderous death or something.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_02: And the people in his ancestry, you know, didn't really feel it or process it, but he was open and willing and was processing that.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_02: So some of the work um like in shamanic energy medicine was just super deep.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, it was very intense, and um, I learned a lot.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_02: I learned about well, I always have to call in my guides and I always have to be protected, and I also always have to remember that there is the divine force working to me and through me.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but also it drew me back to so my childhood like put a huge marking on all of my life.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_02: And when I moved to Colorado and moved back, that was like another little nudge where it was like, God, I'm back home.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_02: But doing the shamanic work, I realized I gotta kind of tune into my ancestry a little bit.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I I, you know, I want to know what happened with my mom, and I want to know what happened even with my dad, and I want to know what happened with their parents and going back and so on and so forth.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_02: And it feels like the work that I've been doing, it's it's always like it's always more than what it is, right?
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's like I'm not just a yoga constructor or I'm not just a birth doula.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's like I came to this planet as a being, a being that didn't have this body.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_02: And now I'm here and I have this body and I'm honored.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_02: And there's so much that I can't do without this body.
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_02: This is this is like the vehicle that's bringing me through all of this.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_02: So diving into my ancestry and you know, seeing, oh, oh, I went through this abuse, you know, my granny went through this abuse, or I went through this patriarchal religious thing, my mom went through this thing, you know, and it's not in a way that it's not in a way that is like, uh, I'm blaming them for it.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's just we are biological beings, you know, we're cosmological beings, but we have a biology that we have to work through.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_02: So this experience for me is how I started to sift and sort through that spiritual community, spiritual world, spiritual right and wrong.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_02: Working through all of this ancestry stuff.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, meanwhile, you know, I have that bigger piece of me that's doing this this work, right?
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_02: But then there's that part of me who's like, well, I just quit my wagressing job, I just quit with the kids at school.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh dear, what am I gonna do?
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it it was I I was seeing there's my human self, and then there's kind of this higher self.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, it was well, how do I integrate them?
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_02: But also how do I honor?
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_02: How do I honor this human self?
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so a lot of the stuff that I was hearing or delving into or just kind of being aware of in the spiritual communities, a lot of it was um it was it was very challenging to hear some of the stuff that was taking place to me personally and to anyone at large.
• 1:03:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um some of it was, well, if you're thinking a certain way, you're going to attract your abuse and you're going to attract your suffering.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I just remember like my brain going, What?
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_02: Did I attract my 12-year-old self being inappropriately touched?
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, did I?
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_02: Is that shame on you?
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, is that my fault?
• 1:03:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I I think like diving into that ancestry piece and coming to terms with I am a biological being, you know, I am human at the end of the day.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_02: There's some stuff that's I'm gonna process and move through um that might not be mine, um, but that doesn't negate the fact that we have a responsibility, okay?
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_02: That doesn't negate the fact that this shit is really hard sometimes.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_02: No one told me it was gonna be this hard.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I I it sounds silly, but I feel like I have this memory coming to the earth plane, and all my people were like, go on, you got it.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_02: And they're like literally pushing me, and I'm like, no, I don't know.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_02: It was a real experience for me, Kay.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_02: It was back in the healing, like the very initial period of my healing journey.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_02: I would have these dreams that like my guides are pushing me to come to earth, and I would wake up in the morning with bruises.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_02: Can you explain that?
• 1:04:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like uh, so there's that side of me that was like, well, you know, I did sign up for a lot of this before I came.
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_02: I understand this, but I also recognize that I kind of have a choice in some of this, and some of it, some of it I don't know.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't know how to deal with it.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I gave birth to my daughter, I didn't plan it.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_02: It was karma, you know, for me, it was like I think she was a karma baby because that's when I processed all the stuff that my ancestors worked through.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I think like having having these intense experiences and you know, some people like it was it was an honor.
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_02: It was an honor doing birth work and it was an honor doing energy medicine.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I, you know, I still dip my toe here and there.
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um talk about more of that later, but um there was still that piece in me that you know I have a human struggle, and I I'm just trying to do my best to move out of this place and into that more conducive, higher loving, safe space for me.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that was challenging.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_02: That was so challenging.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_02: Being met with some of the accusations of like you attracted whatever happened to you, or um or just you signed up for it before you came.
• 1:05:59
  SPEAKER_02: I mean.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe that is true, but how does that help me right here, right now, in my struggling?
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_02: When I can't even see what my next launch pad, what my next leap pad is, it is so not helpful to say those kinds of things to human beings.
• 1:06:17
  SPEAKER_02: So when a human being is in a place where they are truly a victim, they are truly vulnerable, they are truly hurt, you don't really want to pour all of the self-responsibility stuff on them right away.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_02: It kind of like perpetuates the trauma.
• 1:06:35
  SPEAKER_02: Well, look what you did or look how you got here.
• 1:06:38
  SPEAKER_02: I think what we need in those circumstances, especially in skilled uh psychotherapy or even yoga, honest, honest to God.
• 1:06:49
  SPEAKER_02: Just communicating and especially in spiritual communities where people go because they know that they're hurt somewhere.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_02: People go because they're seeking a safe space.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_02: People go to spiritual communities because what they grew up in and what they were taught is not how they feel or what they know.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_02: People go here because they want to meet people who have been through some of the stuff they've been through and learn how do we get through this?
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_02: How do we get to that point?
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_02: How do we meet that part of ourselves?
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_02: So when we're telling people in these spiritual communities, well, you created it, or somebody's coming in broken as a victim, and we're looking at them like, well, stop telling the story, you know.
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_02: I like I've had women say to me, Well, you're you're just spinning the story.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, maybe I was, but I couldn't see that from that point.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I if I'm in it, I need somebody to see that I'm in it.
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_02: This is me purging it.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_02: This is me, I'm word vomiting it.
• 1:07:46
  SPEAKER_02: If you can see, if you have the capacity to see that I'm in this space, don't hurt me because I'm there.
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I think when people need, when people are in that vulnerable space, we really need love and not like an enabling love, not like a false kind of like, oh, I'm sorry, I know, okay, but like somebody who really sees where you're at and honors it, and maybe also shows you the silver lining at the same time, you know, because this is just for me.
• 1:08:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's what's been conducive.
• 1:08:25
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, when I was going through this was only a year and a half ago, okay, that I was like, my life is over.
• 1:08:35
  SPEAKER_02: I even did all this amazing work and I love it, but I'm still a single mom and I'm broke and I'm gonna, I'm not gonna do it.
• 1:08:42
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it was so challenging.
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_02: But in that process, I had one friend who stuck with me throughout those couple of years and he witnessed everything.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_02: Uh he witnessed my my blessings, he witnessed my breakthroughs, but he witnessed me break down, you know, he witnessed me become a hot mess.
• 1:09:02
  SPEAKER_02: He witnessed me scream my lungs out.
• 1:09:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't know if I can do this anymore.
• 1:09:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I was never told, you know, well, if you did this this way, or you know, if you look at this, it was kind of just like I hear you.
• 1:09:19
  SPEAKER_02: I see you.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes it was I was physically being held.
• 1:09:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I feel you.
• 1:09:28
  SPEAKER_02: And that acknowledgement, I think that having that sacred witness that unveils all of it.
• 1:09:39
  SPEAKER_02: In all that time, I didn't even realize I was being a sacred witness in birth and in death and for my clients.
• 1:09:46
  SPEAKER_02: But that's what we need.
• 1:09:48
  SPEAKER_02: We just need a sacred witness, not somebody who's gonna try to push us to the next best thing right away.
• 1:09:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know, healing is messy, healing is it's not overnight.
• 1:09:58
  SPEAKER_02: We are healing from things that if I'm healing from something my great-great-granny went through, don't tell me that something I went through last year needs to be over by now, you know, and it can be in the sense that I'm improving my life and I'm enjoying the blessings, but it's the duality, it's the polarity.
• 1:10:17
  SPEAKER_02: We have to understand that in the silver lining and the blessing and the love, there was a lot of hardship.
• 1:10:23
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of hardship that got us here.
• 1:10:26
  SPEAKER_02: I only know deep love.
• 1:10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I have this love for all people, like all of life.
• 1:10:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like I look at people like they're this we're this tribe that came here and we kind of forgot our culture a little bit.
• 1:10:41
  SPEAKER_02: I have this deep love for people, but feel and know that because I sense their struggle and the grief.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the two go hand in hand for me.
• 1:10:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think not only in life, but in spiritual communities.
• 1:10:56
  SPEAKER_02: And if you ask me, maybe there's not really a huge difference.
• 1:11:01
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe, maybe our lives are all in a spiritual path if we're willing to notice it as such.
• 1:11:09
  SPEAKER_02: But we're human, you know.
• 1:11:10
  SPEAKER_02: At the end of the day, my feet touch the floor.
• 1:11:13
  SPEAKER_02: I have this body that I'm moving through.
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_02: I might be sore, you know, while I can process it mentally, you know, months later, I may not feel it in my womb until I'm ready, until until I feel safe enough to, you know what I mean?
• 1:11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think people kind of um have a tendency to deflect their own pain and the struggle of their own journey by paying attention to other people's journeys.
• 1:11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you can understand because it is difficult, it is everything that you're saying it is, and that is um it it that needs to be met tenderly too, because of where it comes from.
• 1:12:10
  SPEAKER_00: But this idea of being a sacred witness to each other is so incredibly beautiful, and oh well, as we learn to do that, which I feel like we are, um it's gonna be the the healing is gonna be so fast, and I think it's a little bit that they're just sort of focused on the wrong thing.
• 1:12:31
  SPEAKER_00: They're focused on how do you get from point A to point B the fastest, which isn't really their doesn't need to be their concern.
• 1:12:41
  SPEAKER_00: They need to be concerned with how they're gonna move from point A to point B.
• 1:12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 1:12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so Taylor, let's move on to the lightning round.
• 1:12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 1:12:52
  SPEAKER_00: All right, um, question number one.
• 1:12:55
  SPEAKER_00: How has your definition of family evolved over the years?
• 1:12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Oof, wow.
• 1:13:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so my family has become those who are not just blood family, um, but people that I feel like are soul family.
• 1:13:09
  SPEAKER_02: I meet people and we are going in the same direction, and it might not last forever, but we serve a crucial point in time for one another.
• 1:13:20
  SPEAKER_02: And uh those are kind of my family, the people that were going in that same direction.
• 1:13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I do feel like family has become, I don't know, like tribe isn't really tribe, also sounds a little exclusive to me, but there is like this this very fluid unit that if you don't hold on to it too tightly, you know, you'll you'll get some really interesting people moving in and out.
• 1:13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you kind of move from birth family to family of choice and then family of destiny in some ways, you know.
• 1:13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um I love that, yes.
• 1:13:56
  SPEAKER_00: All right, number two, is there a book that you've read over and over?
• 1:14:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh uh Women Who Run with the Wolves by uh Clarce Buncola Estes.
• 1:14:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have not read that book yet.
• 1:14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Although I know I should, and I know I have it in my possession somewhere.
• 1:14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I have I have like this habit of I I I literally cannot read books more than once.
• 1:14:20
  SPEAKER_00: I've tried.
• 1:14:22
  SPEAKER_00: I have read the first 100 pages of Harry Potter four times.
• 1:14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh I don't think that really counts.
• 1:14:30
  SPEAKER_02: We do have that in common, by the way.
• 1:14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 1:14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, do you have a motto or words you live by?
• 1:14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 1:14:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um no, that's a good question.
• 1:14:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I I don't think that there's a specific one, um, but I this is just coming up to me.
• 1:14:54
  SPEAKER_02: This is something that's been dominant or prominent, I guess I would say, all my life.
• 1:14:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that the only constant is change.
• 1:15:02
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't necessarily say it, but I I feel it and I recognize it.
• 1:15:07
  SPEAKER_02: And that it's comes up as something that I inevitably have to acknowledge throughout life.
• 1:15:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, here we go again.
• 1:15:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's here we here we go again is that it very well could be it, yeah.
• 1:15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm gonna take that model.
• 1:15:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's gonna be my model from now on.
• 1:15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go again.
• 1:15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, do you have anything that you collect?
• 1:15:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, um, I do collect books, not really on purpose.
• 1:15:36
  SPEAKER_02: I just my stack of books have grown so big.
• 1:15:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then uh I don't know if I call it a collection, um, but I I guess it is.
• 1:15:47
  SPEAKER_02: I collect all of the information that I can find about my ancestors.
• 1:15:51
  SPEAKER_02: I write it down in books.
• 1:15:52
  SPEAKER_02: If I have specific photos that I like or documents, uh I take in that stuff.
• 1:15:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I guess it is a collection.
• 1:15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's really cool.
• 1:16:00
  SPEAKER_02: I thought of it.
• 1:16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what are you grateful for right now?
• 1:16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
• 1:16:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I mean, simple things that are also super profound, like my daughter and having water and having a roof over my head, and being able to live and not just survive.
• 1:16:23
  SPEAKER_02: Those are things that I feel like are really taken for granted.
• 1:16:29
  SPEAKER_02: I have clothes in my back.
• 1:16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Things can get really simple, can't they?
• 1:16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, here we go again.
• 1:16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Did you bring a question for me today?
• 1:16:49
  SPEAKER_02: I did.
• 1:16:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what is the one thing uh either in the morning or when you start your day that really um just helps you get going clear and steady on your path?
• 1:17:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have come into this practice where the my my very first conscious moments in the morning are I used to have like I used to have like this image of God like over my head or in a column of light.
• 1:17:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I when I would you know sort of connect with that divine presence, it would always be the imagery would always be from above my head somewhere.
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, that makes sense.
• 1:17:47
  SPEAKER_00: We think of heaven as being upstairs, you know, right.
• 1:17:50
  SPEAKER_00: But lately, maybe for the past year or so, that that presence has moved right into my heart center and it's connected to my lungs in some way.
• 1:18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I am connecting with that divinity now, it is inside my body, it is so intimate, it is so not another thing outside of myself that it is the most solid rooting that I have ever experienced in my life, and it enables me to be rooted and to be centered at the core of my existence, regardless of what is happening around me.
• 1:18:38
  SPEAKER_00: And this was such a gradual process, it was not like a lightning bolt or anything like that, it just was this.
• 1:18:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think that I had to clear out a bunch of cobwebs in my heart, and in order for to make the space for that to occur, and also to like you know, to shed the layers of armor and that I had built up so that I could prepare a soft space for that to occur, and it doesn't it it only happens when I desire to make that connection.
• 1:19:16
  SPEAKER_00: So some mornings, you know, I'm like, oh, gotta go, gotta do this, gotta do that, gotta make things happen, got a whole list.
• 1:19:24
  SPEAKER_00: But typically that is the first conscious awakening thing that occurs for me.
• 1:19:32
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 1:19:33
  SPEAKER_02: What about um um it's something very similar.
• 1:19:38
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like sometimes I have all these ideas of how everything's gonna look or go.
• 1:19:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but for me, it's like taking this world because I'm a dreamer, right?
• 1:19:50
  SPEAKER_02: I have this like big field of dreams and taking it and I want to feel it come down into my heart space and into my belly.
• 1:19:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel ready to approach the world when I'm aligned from my power center and my heart and somewhere up here because all of this together, it's like what I was saying earlier, being in the body is it's the vehicle.
• 1:20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I can't go anywhere.
• 1:20:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know I have I have such a profound connection.
• 1:20:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've always had a profound connection to my body ever since I was a kid, but um now it's just it's just you know next level.
• 1:20:24
  SPEAKER_02: So yes, I feel I have to really listen to it before anything takes place.
• 1:20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it'll it'll definitely tell you when something's amiss when you when you have that practice.
• 1:20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Taylor, I just want to thank you so much for being with me today.
• 1:20:38
  SPEAKER_00: You are such an incredible force of nature and your connection to I I don't even know what you're connecting to.
• 1:20:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's so it's so big and it's so profound, and you bring it through in such a beautiful, wise, ancient way.
• 1:20:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's so incredibly impressive.
• 1:20:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I I I thank you so much for sharing it with us.
• 1:21:02
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Kay.
• 1:21:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's an honor to be here.
• 1:21:04
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for having me.
• 1:21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.