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Why Your Thought Habits Are Blocking Your Growth | Amy Kemp on CEO Mindset & Subconscious Performance · Unstoppable Success Podcast

• 0:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: Hello, everybody.
• 0:03
  Jaclyn Strominger: Welcome to the Unstoppable Success Podcast where extraordinary leaders share their real strategies, turning points, and breakthroughs behind their success.
• 0:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: I'm your host, Jaclyn Strominger, high achievement success coach and master connector.
• 0:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: Each episode I sit down with founders, executives, and visionary leaders who are building something remarkable.
• 0:23
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I ask them questions that most people maybe are afraid to ask.
• 0:27
  Jaclyn Strominger: So if you're ready to think bigger, connect deeper, and lead boldly, you're in the place, right place.
• 0:32
  Jaclyn Strominger: So let's go.
• 0:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: And today I get to introduce you to Amy Kemp.
• 0:36
  Jaclyn Strominger: Let me tell you a little bit about Amy.
• 0:38
  Jaclyn Strominger: She is CEO and founder of Amy Kemp, and her work basically she helps leaders and business professionals understand how deeply thought habits impact every part of their work and lives, which is so true.
• 0:52
  Jaclyn Strominger: As a certified habit finder coach, Amy has led hundreds of female business leaders through a four-month small group engagement called Encounter that is designed to replace unhealthy thought habits with more healthy ones.
• 1:08
  Jaclyn Strominger: She has also worked through the habit finder curriculum with hundreds of leaders in one-on-one settings, in one-on-one settings and with leadership teams at small and large large companies.
• 1:20
  Jaclyn Strominger: She is also the author of a great book called I See You.
• 1:26
  Jaclyn Strominger: So welcome to the podcast, Amy.
• 1:29
  Jaclyn Strominger: Thank you so much for having me, Jacqueline.
• 1:32
  Jaclyn Strominger: It's so great to have you here.
• 1:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: So I have to ask because you know, habits are so critical in our lives.
• 1:40
  Jaclyn Strominger: So what got you down this journey to realize that you know you had a was there a habit you had to break?
• 1:50
  Amy Kemp: It's a great question.
• 1:52
  Amy Kemp: A lot that I'm still breaking.
• 1:54
  Amy Kemp: Actually, so the work that I do is very specific to subconscious habits of thinking.
• 2:02
  Amy Kemp: So the grooves in our brain that exist because at some point in our lives they helped us survive, but are no longer serving us in maybe a new context, a new era, a new role.
• 2:18
  Amy Kemp: And so a lot of times these habits of thinking are so deeply rooted and they're so invisible to us, and yet they're impacting everyone.
• 2:27
  Amy Kemp: The story behind it is I was working in a sales leadership position.
• 2:33
  Amy Kemp: So the current company Amy Kemp Inc.
• 2:35
  Amy Kemp: started nine years ago, but before that, I worked basically in a sales leadership role where I was leading a very large sales team that was across the country.
• 2:44
  Amy Kemp: And I worked with a coach, I worked with several coaches, but one that had probably the greatest impact on my life and work used a tool called the Habit Finder that measures these subconscious habits of thinking.
• 2:59
  Amy Kemp: I did not have dreams of becoming a business coach in any way.
• 3:05
  Amy Kemp: Rather, I kept having women who talked to me all the time in the in my personal life, who were these very intelligent, accomplished, successful women who also were very lonely, very much isolated.
• 3:26
  Amy Kemp: You know, they couldn't be friends with anyone at work because they're leading everyone.
• 3:29
  Amy Kemp: They go home and they're leading their families at home.
• 3:33
  Amy Kemp: Just very little time or bandwidth for like personal relationships.
• 3:37
  Amy Kemp: And then also it's hard to find people to talk about the things that they were dealing with.
• 3:42
  Amy Kemp: And so I kept thinking, oh, if I could get these women that were all talking to me individually together, something really magical could happen where they would know, oh, I'm not alone.
• 3:54
  Amy Kemp: There are other people out there like me.
• 3:56
  Amy Kemp: So I had this, you know, how you keep on when something like that happens, it's like something sticking in the back of your head.
• 4:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 4:04
  Amy Kemp: Yes.
• 4:04
  Amy Kemp: And every book I would read, every podcast I would listen to, every friend I'd have lunch with, it was like, it would come up.
• 4:12
  Amy Kemp: So I was out in Salt Lake City speaking at an event.
• 4:16
  Amy Kemp: The coach that I worked with who used the Habit Finder tool lives out there.
• 4:20
  Amy Kemp: I reached out to him.
• 4:21
  Amy Kemp: We always connected periodically.
• 4:23
  Amy Kemp: Um, and he worked with a lot of people in my organization.
• 4:26
  Amy Kemp: Anyhow, had dinner.
• 4:28
  Amy Kemp: And I was telling him about this thing that was chasing me, and I was avoiding it and not wanting to, you know, I was like, I'm really busy.
• 4:37
  Amy Kemp: I'm I'm it was I was like at the pinnacle of my career.
• 4:41
  Amy Kemp: I had three busy kids.
• 4:43
  Amy Kemp: I was in the Uber era of parenting where nobody drives and everybody's in something, and it just felt like the last thing I needed to do was start another thing.
• 4:52
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right.
• 4:53
  Jaclyn Strominger: Besides the chauffeur hat that you have the chauffeur hat, which is different actually from the mom hat, by the way.
• 4:58
  Jaclyn Strominger: Very different.
• 4:59
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 4:59
  Jaclyn Strominger: And then there's the work hat, and then there's the wife hat, and then there's the cook hat.
• 5:04
  Jaclyn Strominger: There's all the hats.
• 5:06
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 5:06
  Jaclyn Strominger: And and your business, right?
• 5:08
  Amy Kemp: Yes.
• 5:09
  Amy Kemp: And so he said, I think you need to take action.
• 5:14
  Amy Kemp: And Monday, this was on Thursday, we're starting a training for people who use the habit finder assessment.
• 5:22
  Amy Kemp: And it was the craziest thing I'd ever considered.
• 5:26
  Amy Kemp: I mean, I just thought, what?
• 5:28
  Amy Kemp: I mean, I'd never, I had never ever thought, hmm, maybe I should use it, you know, it just wasn't like that.
• 5:34
  Amy Kemp: And so it was so crazy.
• 5:37
  Amy Kemp: I came home and talked it over with my husband, and he just said, every time we've invested in you, it's been worth it.
• 5:42
  Amy Kemp: Do it.
• 5:43
  Amy Kemp: And I was like, all right, you know.
• 5:45
  Amy Kemp: So I engaged in this lengthy education process, but then at the same time started with two groups of female leaders that led to really it grew so much faster than I could have imagined.
• 5:58
  Amy Kemp: This new iteration of my professional career, which is using this tool and curriculum with my clients.
• 6:05
  Amy Kemp: So yeah.
• 6:07
  Jaclyn Strominger: That's right.
• 6:08
  Jaclyn Strominger: So that's so so I'm curious.
• 6:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: So I kind of go back when you first did the habit tracker.
• 6:15
  Jaclyn Strominger: Was there a habit that you found that you were like would that I unlocked that was like, oh my gosh.
• 6:22
  Amy Kemp: Yeah, I'll tell you a couple that still because the habit finder measures risk.
• 6:27
  Amy Kemp: So it measures how high your risk is of falling into certain patterns of thinking subconsciously.
• 6:34
  Amy Kemp: I and a lot of people who think like entrepreneurs have very high risk in one particular area where the the measurement is called obsessive.
• 6:45
  Amy Kemp: It means that our brains never stop thinking.
• 6:48
  Amy Kemp: Like we're thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking.
• 6:53
  Amy Kemp: Thinking about thinking, you know.
• 6:55
  Amy Kemp: And there are a few risks correlated with this.
• 7:01
  Amy Kemp: One is that uh we tend to get really attached to our ideas.
• 7:05
  Amy Kemp: Yeah, okay, yeah.
• 7:06
  Amy Kemp: I get that.
• 7:07
  Amy Kemp: We because we've thought about them so long, we can unintentionally plow over people because we're so attached to our ideas.
• 7:16
  Amy Kemp: And just to give you an example that's silly, but this happened last night.
• 7:22
  Amy Kemp: My son plays high school volleyball.
• 7:25
  Amy Kemp: So we're heading home from his game.
• 7:28
  Amy Kemp: My husband is in the car, and I have in my head been thinking all day, oh, the game will probably be short because the team we were playing wasn't very good.
• 7:38
  Amy Kemp: We can get home, and I have this project I'm working on in my yard.
• 7:41
  Amy Kemp: I love my flowers, and so I'm like, I really want to get to this project.
• 7:46
  Amy Kemp: So I'd been thinking about this all day.
• 7:48
  Amy Kemp: Well, then my husband, we my son is starving.
• 7:52
  Amy Kemp: He wants to stop and get food.
• 7:54
  Amy Kemp: We pull off, and I'm thinking, just go through the drive-thru.
• 7:57
  Amy Kemp: We got to get home because I got this thing, right?
• 7:59
  Amy Kemp: I'm I've been thinking about it all day.
• 8:01
  Amy Kemp: He's like, Well, let's all go in and sit down.
• 8:04
  Amy Kemp: I'm just like, no, you know, and it's silly, but I can get real fierce quick.
• 8:11
  Amy Kemp: And like he didn't he didn't know that was my plan.
• 8:15
  Amy Kemp: I didn't talk to him about it, but I'm just like on a mission because my brain is moving so fast.
• 8:21
  Amy Kemp: Also, people with this habit of thinking tend to weigh over function at work.
• 8:26
  Amy Kemp: So, even for me, like I get done in four hours, what most people get done in eight.
• 8:33
  Amy Kemp: If I work eight, it's too much.
• 8:36
  Amy Kemp: I'm going too fast.
• 8:37
  Amy Kemp: People can't keep up with me.
• 8:39
  Amy Kemp: I create too much content.
• 8:41
  Amy Kemp: I'm working too much, like it's too much.
• 8:44
  Amy Kemp: So I've got to like really pace myself, right?
• 8:47
  Amy Kemp: So that's an example of a habit of thinking, this obsessive where I have a strong need to be right about things.
• 8:54
  Amy Kemp: I get really attached to my ideas, and I can plow over people just because I've thought about something so much.
• 9:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 9:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: I I've had somebody in mind.
• 9:09
  Amy Kemp: Not that you would know anything about that, right?
• 9:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: Nothing about that at all.
• 9:14
  Amy Kemp: Oh my gosh.
• 9:15
  Amy Kemp: I know.
• 9:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: Nothing.
• 9:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: No, but it's so true.
• 9:17
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, it is, you know, certain habits I know, you know, that we that we do or not do, you know, it really it's a it's amazing how they really impact what we what we have going on, you know, and it could even be, you know.
• 9:35
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I I would I feel like today it's like with today's day and age, you know, you don't realize the how that you've gotten into a habit of picking up your phone.
• 9:45
  Jaclyn Strominger: And it was actually really interesting.
• 9:47
  Jaclyn Strominger: I have a a networking group that we started here, and we did an exercise and we told everybody to go onto their phones and look at what their phone said, like how many times they picked it up.
• 10:01
  Amy Kemp: And holding to see that number.
• 10:06
  Jaclyn Strominger: Well, you could check it out on your phone.
• 10:08
  Amy Kemp: I know, I don't think I want to.
• 10:11
  Jaclyn Strominger: But what was really fascinating was is was the the oh my god, I didn't know numbers that people were just I didn't think like one guy was like, Oh, I barely pick up my phone.
• 10:24
  Jaclyn Strominger: And he was something like 500 and something, and it was hysterical.
• 10:28
  Jaclyn Strominger: And there was somebody else who was like, Oh, you know, I know I pick up my phone a lot, and she was not, and it and I remember thinking we're terrible at like our own self-awareness around these kinds of habits, yeah.
• 10:43
  Amy Kemp: Our our self-perception is very skewed, right?
• 10:46
  Amy Kemp: So that's interesting.
• 10:48
  Jaclyn Strominger: It's it was it was really it was so fascinating to me.
• 10:52
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I was like, oh my god, I could like I felt like there could there could be like a whole study on this, which is a whole other different topic.
• 10:57
  Amy Kemp: But so let me can I give you another example of like a really common, this is a really common habit of thinking that I see again, it's an entrepreneurial habit of thinking, but people, a lot of people who are leaders, you don't have to own your own business to think like an entrepreneur, I guess I should say.
• 11:15
  Amy Kemp: Another one that I'm seeing a ton right now is this swing between fantasy and catastrophe.
• 11:24
  Amy Kemp: So our brains, the very same habit of thinking that allows us to imagine a preferred future or outcome, set a goal, make a plan, right?
• 11:34
  Amy Kemp: That very same habit of thinking can also create fantasy worlds that we live in that keep us from taking the millimeter steps of creation, right?
• 11:44
  Amy Kemp: The the actual putting something into work and making it happen.
• 11:50
  Amy Kemp: We can go to fantasy easily and just live in the outcome that's in our head that's not really real, or we can swing to catastrophe.
• 12:00
  Amy Kemp: So we can very easily get a very small piece of information and then swing to catastrophe.
• 12:07
  Amy Kemp: So I'll give you an example.
• 12:09
  Amy Kemp: I had an offering that always sells out every time I've done it.
• 12:15
  Amy Kemp: And for whatever reason, last year it didn't sell out.
• 12:20
  Amy Kemp: I had like two spots that weren't taken in this offering, and I got all in my head about the reason and catastrophizing, maybe this isn't working.
• 12:32
  Amy Kemp: You know, I just went, I could build this entire narrative around the outcome that I got.
• 12:39
  Amy Kemp: Well, so we did the event, which was spectacular.
• 12:45
  Amy Kemp: We launched always at the event the next years, because I do it once a year, and it sold out in less than 24 hours.
• 12:53
  Amy Kemp: And I I think to myself sometimes, like you've just got to be careful to live where your feet are in the present moment and to deal with what's right in front of you, the list of things to do that's right in front of you, the tiny millimeter steps that will create the outcome you want, and really as much as possible stay out of the fantasy and the catastrophe and be present where you are.
• 13:22
  Amy Kemp: But that's our really common subconscious habit of thinking.
• 13:25
  Jaclyn Strominger: So I, you know, I'm fascinated by this because I totally like for like right, like don't go down the rabbit hole of like why.
• 13:31
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, and part of it I can see, you know, it's like self-protection.
• 13:34
  Jaclyn Strominger: But at the same time, do you like what do you do you think that part of that people going into the fantasy is that so many people are in this, I need to manifest, I need to manifest it, I need to manifest it.
• 13:45
  Jaclyn Strominger: So almost like we get stuck in the man, like I don't know, I don't know how to put that.
• 13:50
  Amy Kemp: Like here's the distinction, because this is so people ask me this a lot because they're like, Well, what then?
• 13:55
  Amy Kemp: I'm not supposed to dream, I'm not supposed to have a goal.
• 13:58
  Amy Kemp: That's not true.
• 14:00
  Amy Kemp: Uh you can go to the vision and you can create the vision.
• 14:06
  Amy Kemp: That's not, and I wouldn't even say bad, but that's not risky.
• 14:10
  Amy Kemp: Right.
• 14:11
  Amy Kemp: What's risky is living there.
• 14:13
  Amy Kemp: So you can go there for a short window of time each day, maybe imagine that, but then you sit down at your desk and you actually start to walk it out, right?
• 14:26
  Amy Kemp: You you aren't sure exactly how it will come together, but you take the millimeter step that's in front of you.
• 14:31
  Amy Kemp: I always say, like, eat the breadcrumb that's in front of you, and then the next one will appear.
• 14:36
  Amy Kemp: So there is to manifest something, yes, there's absolutely a vision, but then there's a come back to today where they are.
• 14:47
  Amy Kemp: The same thing for catastrophe.
• 14:49
  Amy Kemp: It's actually helpful for me to do some analytical thinking around that offering, the steps we took to you know, sell that offering, like to really kind of because if it is a dying offering, then get rid of it, right?
• 15:06
  Amy Kemp: Like pivot, do something different.
• 15:08
  Amy Kemp: I so it's not always bad to catastrophize either.
• 15:12
  Amy Kemp: It's do I live in the catastrophe and just spin and then be paralyzed with fear, or do I say, hmm, okay, then I'm gonna come back to today and really get to work on the thing that will prevent that from happening.
• 15:25
  Amy Kemp: Right.
• 15:26
  Amy Kemp: So that's the distinction.
• 15:27
  Amy Kemp: Like, how long are you staying there?
• 15:30
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right.
• 15:31
  Jaclyn Strominger: I totally I I actually love that because it actually, you know, one of the things that I think is so important, and listeners, this is really, really important to understand.
• 15:39
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, if you stay, like what Amy is saying right now, if you see yourself doing this in either one of those, like, like take a moment and like stop and think, right?
• 15:49
  Jaclyn Strominger: But know that these are like the moments where we have to, I always say measure, monitor, and adjust, right?
• 15:54
  Jaclyn Strominger: We have to be like, we have to be in that mode.
• 15:57
  Jaclyn Strominger: So listeners, take the time to think.
• 16:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, are you going into the fantasy world or are you going into catastrophe?
• 16:07
  Jaclyn Strominger: And and if you do, you know, track it as like, you know, like the habit, right?
• 16:13
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like habit tracker if you're there, right?
• 16:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: So do you have like you teach people to stay aware of that?
• 16:20
  Amy Kemp: Yeah, well, one I'll tell you a fun story.
• 16:22
  Amy Kemp: So, this in my book, I would say I write, I kind of write about it this way.
• 16:28
  Amy Kemp: If you're going to tell yourself a story, you might as well tell yourself a good one, right?
• 16:32
  Amy Kemp: Because what can happen?
• 16:34
  Amy Kemp: So here's the story that will illustrate it.
• 16:36
  Amy Kemp: I had a call with a potential client, and oh, it was a great conversation.
• 16:42
  Amy Kemp: You know, when you really connect with someone deeply, and I just felt very confident that we were supposed to move forward and work together.
• 16:52
  Amy Kemp: So he said, I want to talk it over with my wife, and I was like, great.
• 16:57
  Amy Kemp: And then a couple of days passed.
• 17:00
  Amy Kemp: I was really busy.
• 17:01
  Amy Kemp: I didn't really think of it, but by like the third day, I hadn't heard back from him.
• 17:05
  Amy Kemp: And so I sent an email checking in, and then I didn't hear back from him.
• 17:09
  Amy Kemp: Well, here's okay, so my brain can quickly go to catastrophe.
• 17:14
  Amy Kemp: Did I misread the situation?
• 17:16
  Amy Kemp: Was I too forward with him?
• 17:18
  Amy Kemp: What happened?
• 17:19
  Amy Kemp: Did I miss something?
• 17:20
  Amy Kemp: Right, what happened?
• 17:22
  Amy Kemp: And I can go to this story that I'm making up in my mind.
• 17:27
  Amy Kemp: So, what happened is a couple days later, he reached out to me.
• 17:35
  Amy Kemp: He said, Oh my goodness, I'm going through my email boxes and I see in my drafts this entire email I wrote to you saying I'm ready to move forward.
• 17:44
  Amy Kemp: I never sent it.
• 17:45
  Amy Kemp: And he said, I'd love to move forward.
• 17:50
  Amy Kemp: You know, I'm so sorry.
• 17:51
  Amy Kemp: Okay, so here was my lesson from it.
• 17:54
  Amy Kemp: While I was all wrapped up in the catastrophe, I wasn't fully present with the person I was in front of that day.
• 18:02
  Amy Kemp: Or it impacted my confidence or my trust in my knowing.
• 18:08
  Amy Kemp: Because I do have a good, like instinctive, intuitive knowing about people.
• 18:12
  Amy Kemp: And it caused me to sort of question that.
• 18:15
  Amy Kemp: And so then I wasn't showing up fully aligned for the person I was with.
• 18:20
  Amy Kemp: And it wasn't real, right?
• 18:23
  Amy Kemp: It was a made-up story in my head.
• 18:25
  Amy Kemp: And so if you're going to tell yourself a story, I might as well have told myself a good one that, like, oh, maybe he's been out of the office, maybe he's on vacation, maybe, you know, there's a million things that could happen that would leave me feeling confident.
• 18:38
  Amy Kemp: Either one could be true, just as likely.
• 18:41
  Amy Kemp: So you might as well tell yourself the one that gives you more confidence.
• 18:46
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right, right, right.
• 18:47
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, and I and I, and again, that's a huge point.
• 18:50
  Jaclyn Strominger: That's a huge takeaway.
• 18:51
  Jaclyn Strominger: Listeners, if the story that you're telling you is hindering you or stopping you, or stopping your confidence.
• 18:58
  Jaclyn Strominger: You have to, we have to be present in our conversations.
• 19:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: And as you just said, be present.
• 19:04
  Jaclyn Strominger: And you could have actually told yourself a story that said, you know, he was in a car accident, so he can't get to his computer.
• 19:10
  Jaclyn Strominger: Totally.
• 19:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 19:12
  Amy Kemp: I mean, there's nothing about that on somebody, but you know, just no, but any, but that's just as likely to be true as he thinks I'm weird and misread and I misread the situation.
• 19:24
  unknown: Right.
• 19:24
  Amy Kemp: So I might as well choose the story.
• 19:26
  Amy Kemp: If I'm gonna make one up, I might as well make up a good one.
• 19:29
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right.
• 19:29
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 19:30
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I will say, listeners, for me, as you guys all know, I'm a build big believer in relationship capital.
• 19:35
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know what I would say is like pick up the phone, right?
• 19:38
  Jaclyn Strominger: We should actually like right, like let's pick up the phone because you know what?
• 19:42
  Jaclyn Strominger: That way we can if we have this question on our eyes, at least we can if the phone, right?
• 19:47
  Jaclyn Strominger: That helped the phone or a voice message, right?
• 19:51
  Amy Kemp: I always say move toward the awkward or the unanswered or the like uncomfortable.
• 19:58
  Amy Kemp: Yeah, just move toward it and just be curious because most of the time what you find when you move toward it, I I never this doesn't happen very much now because most of my clients don't live in close proximity to me geographically, they live all over the country.
• 20:16
  Amy Kemp: But it used to be where the business that I worked in, I saw a lot of people I knew like locally around, you know, when I was out and about.
• 20:25
  Amy Kemp: I never want it to be weird at the grocery store.
• 20:28
  Amy Kemp: That's what my rule is.
• 20:29
  Amy Kemp: Right.
• 20:30
  Amy Kemp: So if I see someone, like if there's an awkward, unanswered question or something linger in the lingering in the air, I want to clear it out because if I see them at the grocery store, I just want to be able to say hello and not have it be weird.
• 20:44
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right.
• 20:44
  Jaclyn Strominger: And right, not and not yeah, get rid of any of those awkward things.
• 20:47
  Jaclyn Strominger: And it's so important.
• 20:48
  Jaclyn Strominger: It's so true.
• 20:50
  Amy Kemp: Just call, you know, like call them, send the email addressing it, whatever you need to do to like clear up those situations, I think is important.
• 21:00
  Amy Kemp: Yeah.
• 21:01
  Jaclyn Strominger: All right.
• 21:01
  Jaclyn Strominger: So I want to fast forward, I want to talk to you about your book.
• 21:04
  Jaclyn Strominger: Okay.
• 21:04
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 21:04
  Jaclyn Strominger: So so I see you.
• 21:06
  Jaclyn Strominger: Tell me a little bit about it.
• 21:07
  Jaclyn Strominger: What made you write it?
• 21:09
  Amy Kemp: Yeah.
• 21:10
  Amy Kemp: So I wrote the book for a very specific person.
• 21:14
  Amy Kemp: I work with women who are, I've kind of mentioned this, but like they have big titles or advanced careers.
• 21:23
  Amy Kemp: They make a good deal of money or they have the capacity to.
• 21:27
  Amy Kemp: They have worked really hard to get where they are, and they have a level of influence that sometimes even makes people a little uncomfortable with them.
• 21:37
  Amy Kemp: Like they're sort of prestigious, let's say, or, you know.
• 21:42
  Amy Kemp: And this book was written for women who want more influence, impact, and income, but without more work.
• 21:50
  Amy Kemp: Like these women don't, they work ethic is not their problem.
• 21:54
  Amy Kemp: They're not, you know, they're not like just starting out.
• 21:58
  Amy Kemp: They they've kind of dug some.
• 21:59
  Amy Kemp: But they want more, but like they don't want to work more hours.
• 22:05
  Amy Kemp: And so then what do you do?
• 22:07
  Amy Kemp: Right.
• 22:07
  Amy Kemp: What is the what's the next thing?
• 22:10
  Amy Kemp: But I'll tell you also that the core message of the book is that you can't outwork your thought habits.
• 22:18
  Amy Kemp: So there comes a point in every person's professional journey, I would say, where you can't work any harder.
• 22:30
  Amy Kemp: You just you don't have any more energy, you don't have any more time.
• 22:36
  Amy Kemp: If you do, it's gonna tip you over an edge of really leaning toward physical sickness or you know, it there's just this capacity that we all reach where it's like, I'm out.
• 22:48
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like I don't like when we say, Uncle, we're done, uncle, yes, yes.
• 22:53
  Amy Kemp: But a lot of times at that very moment, that doesn't erase the ambition.
• 22:58
  Amy Kemp: And it doesn't mean that you can't have a greater income or impact or influence.
• 23:03
  Amy Kemp: It actually, most of the time, the path to getting that is to slow down and work less and to change the way that you think to address some of these underlying thought habits that are holding you back.
• 23:16
  Amy Kemp: So I'll tell you, can I tell you super fast of the story of the title?
• 23:21
  Amy Kemp: Because the title's really cool.
• 23:22
  Amy Kemp: Yeah.
• 23:24
  Amy Kemp: So I had met this woman at a local networking kind of community event, and she's someone who everyone knows.
• 23:34
  Amy Kemp: I mean, her name is in the paper a lot, she's very visible.
• 23:38
  Amy Kemp: She sits at tables where decisions are made that affect thousands of people, you know.
• 23:44
  Amy Kemp: Well, I really liked her.
• 23:46
  Amy Kemp: It was a very brief interaction.
• 23:47
  Amy Kemp: A friend introduced us, and so I just reached out and said, like, I'd love to have coffee with you.
• 23:52
  Amy Kemp: So we met for coffee.
• 23:53
  Amy Kemp: I I didn't really have any intention other than I think you're cool.
• 23:58
  Amy Kemp: Right.
• 23:58
  Amy Kemp: No, no, no preconceived agenda.
• 24:00
  Amy Kemp: I didn't care.
• 24:01
  Amy Kemp: It was just, I thought she was great.
• 24:03
  Amy Kemp: So I listened to her whole story.
• 24:05
  Amy Kemp: It was about maybe 55 minutes into this hour long where we were gonna meet for coffee at this local shop.
• 24:12
  Amy Kemp: And she interrupts me and she kind of brusquely says, Why did you invite me to coffee today?
• 24:19
  Amy Kemp: And I said the first thing that came to my mind, I said, because I see you.
• 24:26
  Amy Kemp: And she put her head in her hands and just wept.
• 24:34
  Amy Kemp: And I I sat there, it was like, oh, oh, and it was a long time.
• 24:43
  Amy Kemp: And I just kind of sat there quietly, and then she kind of sat up, she wiped her eyes and collected herself a little bit, and she said, Thank you.
• 24:52
  Amy Kemp: So few people do.
• 24:54
  Amy Kemp: And I thought, oh my gosh, this is my person.
• 24:59
  Amy Kemp: Like everyone sees them, but no one really sees them.
• 25:03
  Amy Kemp: No one, because they're always in charge, they're always in front, they're always leading the thing, they're all you know, and so that really was the inspiration for the title of the book.
• 25:16
  Amy Kemp: And interest interestingly, the publisher didn't want that title because this is a funny thing.
• 25:22
  Amy Kemp: They thought people were gonna think it was like the intensive care unit when you heard it.
• 25:27
  Amy Kemp: I see you, like the I see you.
• 25:29
  Jaclyn Strominger: I see I didn't even care.
• 25:32
  Jaclyn Strominger: I neither.
• 25:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: I'm like, totally.
• 25:36
  Jaclyn Strominger: I was like, what?
• 25:37
  Jaclyn Strominger: And then it made sense because they're thinking you say it differently.
• 25:40
  Jaclyn Strominger: I see you versus I see you.
• 25:42
  Jaclyn Strominger: It's it's I was like, okay, come on, people.
• 25:45
  Jaclyn Strominger: This is where inflection in the voice really matters.
• 25:47
  Amy Kemp: It matters, anyhow.
• 25:49
  Amy Kemp: But I that was the one thing I really fought the publisher on.
• 25:52
  Amy Kemp: I just said, like, no, this is the title.
• 25:54
  Amy Kemp: This will be the title.
• 25:56
  Jaclyn Strominger: So I'm curious, did you end up working with her as a client?
• 26:00
  Amy Kemp: Yes, I did.
• 26:02
  Amy Kemp: Yeah, cool, right?
• 26:04
  Amy Kemp: Not right away though.
• 26:05
  Amy Kemp: It was a long relational like process of just building trust.
• 26:10
  Jaclyn Strominger: But okay, so key point that is a huge thing to build trust.
• 26:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I'm just gonna put this out there.
• 26:18
  Jaclyn Strominger: People, please build trust.
• 26:20
  Jaclyn Strominger: Please do not, please do not slam people with offers or just assume.
• 26:28
  Jaclyn Strominger: I'm sorry, I guess I've I'm I'm a little jaded this morning because I've gotten like 10 of them this morning on LinkedIn, and I'm like, really?
• 26:34
  Jaclyn Strominger: Come on.
• 26:35
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, anyway, so please build relationships, go the long, long, the long logging.
• 26:42
  Amy Kemp: This has been such a critical part of my whole professional life, is that and not I will tell you genuinely, I often meet with people or connect with people, and you probably do too.
• 26:58
  Amy Kemp: I don't know where it's gonna lead.
• 27:00
  Amy Kemp: I didn't know if I was meeting with her because she had something for me.
• 27:03
  Amy Kemp: I didn't know if I had something for her, I didn't know if we would just be friends.
• 27:08
  Amy Kemp: I I'm genuinely neutral and people can feel it.
• 27:14
  Amy Kemp: We're hardwired to survive.
• 27:16
  Amy Kemp: So, our mirror neurons in our brain, if you come in with agenda, people know they can feel it.
• 27:22
  Amy Kemp: Yep.
• 27:22
  Amy Kemp: If you're neutral and you can hold that space where somebody's wall comes down, then there's a moment where you get to decide do I have something to offer?
• 27:33
  Amy Kemp: Does she have something to offer?
• 27:35
  Amy Kemp: Is there something we're supposed to do together?
• 27:37
  Amy Kemp: Or was this just meant to be a great connection, a great conversation?
• 27:42
  Amy Kemp: Right.
• 27:44
  Jaclyn Strominger: I and I I love that.
• 27:46
  Jaclyn Strominger: So amazing.
• 27:47
  Jaclyn Strominger: That is so amazing.
• 27:49
  Jaclyn Strominger: It's and it's so important.
• 27:51
  Jaclyn Strominger: I think that is, you know, you just never know when a conversation is going to lead to something bigger.
• 28:00
  Jaclyn Strominger: Or, you know, as I I like to share this relationship capital, it's you know, the the number of people your relationship capital equals the number you times the number of people that you know times the number to the nth, to the the nth is to how many people they know.
• 28:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: And so you never know how many times a conversation is going to lead to somebody that's going to connect you to somebody else.
• 28:25
  Jaclyn Strominger: It may not be the the initial conversation.
• 28:27
  Jaclyn Strominger: You I always say you're one conversation away from something from building relationship capital of greatness.
• 28:34
  Amy Kemp: Oh, it's so true.
• 28:35
  Amy Kemp: People ask me that a lot.
• 28:37
  Amy Kemp: Like, where do your clients come from?
• 28:39
  Amy Kemp: And I'm like conversations, I don't know, like, but not from like a strategic campaign.
• 28:48
  Amy Kemp: It's very relational, it's very I don't know, it's almost like a spiritual following of just the next nudge or the next conversation or the next connection.
• 29:02
  Amy Kemp: I do know when I show up to serve, I've never run out of clients.
• 29:08
  Amy Kemp: You know, I know that when I show up with other people in mind and just to listen and hold space, and when I hold that energy, like my business always grows, not always from that conversation, either.
• 29:23
  Amy Kemp: Right.
• 29:25
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah, it's so true.
• 29:26
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, somebody made some comment to me, or and I think, and listeners, I think this is I again, I feel like I could talk to I'm blue in the face about this topic because I it's something that's just near and dear.
• 29:37
  Jaclyn Strominger: When you speak to other people, again, as Amy said, be neutral.
• 29:41
  Jaclyn Strominger: If you go into conversations, go into conversations with the with if you have one thing on your brain, the one thing on your brain should be how can I serve and help?
• 29:53
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yes, but other than that, yeah, take everything else out.
• 30:01
  Amy Kemp: Yeah, yeah, and we do have a lot of noise that comes in our heads when we're trying to connect with people in those settings, right?
• 30:10
  Amy Kemp: Especially if we have pressure of a quota or we have financial pressure, or we have we're trying to build something or share something or grow something, right?
• 30:20
  Amy Kemp: There's this tension that you've got to kind of put that in a box and just put it on the shelf and not bring it to the conversation.
• 30:29
  Amy Kemp: Because truly, you know, even through a LinkedIn message, you can feel the hunger, and it doesn't feel good.
• 30:37
  Amy Kemp: It's not, it's not attractive at all.
• 30:41
  Amy Kemp: Yeah.
• 30:42
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 30:42
  Jaclyn Strominger: I I'm gonna be perfectly frank and say because I want to get so freaking snarky with people, right?
• 30:50
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I'm like, but I but it's not me.
• 30:52
  Jaclyn Strominger: I'm just I don't want to be rude or disrespectful.
• 30:56
  Jaclyn Strominger: So I actually have to ask now my friendly AI bot, please give me a nice response because I because I don't want to be I have to have I'm like, please soften the response because I don't want to be mean, rude, or disrespectful.
• 31:11
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I appreciate the effort, I truly do.
• 31:13
  Jaclyn Strominger: But at the same time, I'm like, oh, please, God, awful.
• 31:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: I don't want to be sold.
• 31:18
  Jaclyn Strominger: I don't want to be pitched.
• 31:19
  Jaclyn Strominger: I don't want you know, we don't want to pitch slap people at all.
• 31:24
  Jaclyn Strominger: At all.
• 31:25
  Amy Kemp: So I also think in the era of AI, maybe one distinguishing characteristic that will determine that you can't you can't AI is that genuine connection with people, right?
• 31:37
  Amy Kemp: You can't fake it, you can't, you can learn to be better at it, but it has to come from a really rooted, grounded place.
• 31:45
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right.
• 31:45
  Jaclyn Strominger: It has to become from your heart.
• 31:46
  Jaclyn Strominger: I I truly believe that.
• 31:48
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, Amy, what are you doing?
• 31:50
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, what's happening next?
• 31:51
  Jaclyn Strominger: Where where are you speaking any place?
• 31:53
  Jaclyn Strominger: Talking about your book, what's what's coming up next?
• 31:56
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, any courses you can do?
• 31:57
  Amy Kemp: My world.
• 31:58
  Amy Kemp: Yeah.
• 31:59
  Amy Kemp: You know, my work is interesting.
• 32:01
  Amy Kemp: I only really do two, well, I do two things really, which is groups and one-on-one coaching.
• 32:08
  Amy Kemp: I do speak, but not as my main purview.
• 32:12
  Amy Kemp: It's not the main thing I do.
• 32:13
  Amy Kemp: I'm mostly just working with people.
• 32:15
  Amy Kemp: The next big place where people can engage with me is, you know, either one-on-one work, but also the launch of my groups in the fall.
• 32:24
  Amy Kemp: Um, those are just for eight to 10 women.
• 32:26
  Amy Kemp: Those are groups of women that I work with, but mostly I would invite people into the foyer of my business, which is my book.
• 32:33
  Amy Kemp: So I designed this book to feel like my work feels.
• 32:37
  Amy Kemp: In fact, the reason I picked the publisher I did is because they said, Oh, this feels like a coaching session with you.
• 32:43
  Amy Kemp: And I read it.
• 32:44
  Amy Kemp: And I was like, Yes, that's it.
• 32:46
  Amy Kemp: Like, and so this book will give you, it will definitely sift out like whether you're my person, whether this work is ready, you're ready for this work.
• 32:56
  Amy Kemp: Um, but also it's just beneficial on its own.
• 32:58
  Amy Kemp: If you want to do some work on this, I'm I'm working hard, I've gotten somewhere, and I want to go to the next place, but I'm not gonna work more.
• 33:06
  Amy Kemp: I can't work anymore.
• 33:08
  Amy Kemp: That's not the answer.
• 33:09
  Jaclyn Strominger: So yeah, yeah, that's yeah.
• 33:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: We have to learn to work efficiently a lot.
• 33:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: Very, very we have to learn to be efficient, you know.
• 33:20
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I I was always say, like, is the work that you're doing associated with the actual goal that you have, or is it not?
• 33:28
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right.
• 33:29
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, best way to connect with you, your website?
• 33:34
  Amy Kemp: Yeah, my website, which is my name, amikemp.com.
• 33:37
  Amy Kemp: So it's am y k e m p.com.
• 33:40
  Amy Kemp: Very simple.
• 33:42
  Jaclyn Strominger: So very simple, easy, easy.
• 33:43
  Jaclyn Strominger: I can't usually say that myself, but so great.
• 33:46
  Amy Kemp: In fact, when we were naming my company, we were playing around with all these different names that it could be.
• 33:52
  Amy Kemp: And finally, the person I was working with was like, you know, you're kind of the thing.
• 33:57
  Amy Kemp: So let's just call it your name because your name is easy.
• 34:00
  Amy Kemp: And you know, I was like, great, that keeps it simple.
• 34:03
  Amy Kemp: But there is some fun, there's a couple of things.
• 34:06
  Amy Kemp: The habit finder assessment is a free tool that you can take on my website, but also there's a whole section about my book.
• 34:14
  Amy Kemp: There's great video content and just some additional resources that are referenced in the book that you would enjoy if you're digging in.
• 34:23
  Jaclyn Strominger: So okay, awesome.
• 34:24
  Jaclyn Strominger: All right, and the book is on Amazon.
• 34:26
  Jaclyn Strominger: Amazon Audible.
• 34:28
  Amy Kemp: It's my voice.
• 34:28
  Amy Kemp: So I recorded it on Audible if you're a listener.
• 34:31
  Amy Kemp: Anywhere you purchase books, you can get it.
• 34:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: Well, perfect.
• 34:34
  Jaclyn Strominger: I will make sure that we have direct links in the show notes to the book, both both print and audible.
• 34:41
  Jaclyn Strominger: And please, listeners, do me the favor.
• 34:44
  Jaclyn Strominger: Go and connect with Amy.
• 34:46
  Jaclyn Strominger: She's absolutely remarkable, truly lovely.
• 34:49
  Jaclyn Strominger: And listeners, then do me the other favor and share this episode because there are really great nuggets in here that your friends and business associates and colleagues need to hear.
• 34:58
  Jaclyn Strominger: And lastly, we have a brand new episode.
• 35:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: If you love this episode and you like what we are doing here on Unstoppable Success, please head over in the link in the show notes to our Unstoppable Success School community.
• 35:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: It is brand new, so we've got a we're adding new members every single day, but it will eventually go from free to paid.
• 35:19
  Jaclyn Strominger: But we want you in there so that you can get great wisdom.
• 35:22
  Jaclyn Strominger: And we, you never know, we might even have Amy in as a guest to speak to everybody right then and there.
• 35:27
  Jaclyn Strominger: Anyway, so thank you so much for Amy for being a great guest.
• 35:30
  Jaclyn Strominger: And listeners, thank you so much for listening.
• 35:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: This is the Unstoppable Success Podcast, and I'm your host, Jacqueline Stumminger.
• 35:36
  Jaclyn Strominger: And until next time, keep leaping to your greatest success.