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How to get a Narcissist to do what you want · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So how do you get a narcissist to do what you want?
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  That's the question we're going to be answering today.
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  Y'all Lee Hammock with you today.
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  Welcome to another episode of the narcissist go.
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  We're going to hop right into today's episode.
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  Y'all like seriously, how to get a narcissist to do whatever you
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  want them to do. It's kind of like, you know, a
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  learning how to manipulate a narcissist, like playing a
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  playing the game pretty much that narcissist themselves play.
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  And you know, we all know that narcissists typically play the
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  game of manipulation. They play the, the, the game of
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  how to manipulate you, how, how to trick you, how to get you to,
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  you know, how to get you to do like they play the game to get
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  you to do what they want. So you've got to sometimes play
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  the games to get them to do what you want.
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  You know, this is not a, a dark tactic.
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  It doesn't make you a bad person to get them to do what you want,
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  because it's really is just learning to communicate with a
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  narcissist in their language. You know, like if, if, like if
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  you speak English, it's like narcissist speak Latin.
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  You know, this is like they speak in, they speak in
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  hieroglyphics. You know, you have to have a, an
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  interpreter and whatnot. And this that's my role.
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  I'm like the narcissistic interpreter right here, right?
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  I'm interpreting for for you to learn how to communicate with
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  that narcissistic partner in your life, a narcissistic parent
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  in your life and whatnot. And I know it's a struggle to
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  get them on the same track as you, right?
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  To get them to do exactly the things that you want them to do.
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  It's a huge struggle. It can be a huge struggle,
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  right? That's what a lot of people just
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  like, man, how the hell do I get them to do what I want?
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  Like they always they're they're, they are countering me
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  at every point. I want them to do this.
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  They say no, they want to do that.
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  I want them to go to Catholic school.
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  They say no, we're going to cheat.
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  They're going to be Muslims. You know, they're not even like,
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  you know, you want them never by a bad example, but that's the
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  mindset. They want to, they counter you.
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  They counter you at every point because they want to.
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  Let's be real, they count to you at every single point because
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  they want to. They want to counter you.
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  They want to make your life harder just because they feel
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  like you might have broken up with them or they feel like you
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  might escape them and don't allow them access to you
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  anymore. They can't have any kind of
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  control over you, so they just want to make your life harder
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  because their life is boring. They live these boring
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  existences where they don't have any type of happiness within
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  themselves, so they try to take it out on you.
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  They try to make, they try to make their anger onto you.
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  They try to do this angry stuff and hurt your feelings and treat
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  you a certain type of way because they're mad as hell.
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  Because they're angry as hell. That's the mindset of a
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  narcissist. That's the mindset of a toxic
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  person. That's literally how it goes.
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  They have that. We have this internal, like,
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  turmoil going in within ourselves.
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  Like we don't have any internal peace.
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  It's like it really is internal conflict that we're at all the
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  time. And it's, yeah, it's being
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  realistic. It sucks to have this type of
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  mindset. It sucks to live like this,
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  honestly. But it's my cross to bear as a
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  diagnosed narcissist, you know, it really is my how I have to
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  live my life because the personality disorder doesn't go
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  away. So in my, the way I've been
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  living my life, I encounter a narcissist all the time.
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  You know, this is not just me teaching you how to communicate
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  with me. This is me teaching you how to
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  communicate with the person in your life, right?
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  How to get them to move the way you want them to move, Right.
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  Because I have to deal with narcissists in my life.
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  I dealt yeah, I've dealt with a few narcissists in my life.
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  One of my ex best friends, super narcissistic person.
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  We were business partners for a long time.
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  But he just he's trying to stab me in the back for a girl, for a
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  girl. It's crazy.
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  But one way to get them to move, one way to get them to do what
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  you want is to make them seem like it's your their idea.
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  You have to make it. You have to make them feel like
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  whatever you are suggesting to them benefits them way more than
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  it benefits you. Like narcissist, like think
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  about it like this right here. Narcissist a lot of times have
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  like simple black and white thinking, like like seriously
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  simple black and white thinking. We think in terms of wins and
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  losses. They have to feel like it's a
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  win for them and them doing anything that you want them to
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  do feels like a loss. And I don't want to lose, right?
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  So if I don't want to lose, how do I get to the point where I
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  feel like I want to win? So you have to get to that.
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  You have to get into that mindset of how do I get to the
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  point where I feel like I'm winning?
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  Like this is a victory for them. Like, you have to make them feel
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  like they are winning. I know that sucks.
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  And I know this is like this, this is work for everybody,
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  Know, this is work for everybody.
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  But this you, this is something you can try.
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  You have to figure out a way to make them feel like this is a
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  victory for them because like this like, yeah, even if you
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  have a, even if you have a court order, a lot of nurses don't
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  follow quarter orders, right? A lot of nurses go against the
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  court order because it benefits you.
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  A lot of times a lot of stuff in the court order might benefit
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  you. You might have created the court
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  order with with Co parenting and things like that.
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  You might have created something with the business or whatever it
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  is. So they want to make it.
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  They want to make it so they get in some type of benefit, so they
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  feel empowered in this space right here.
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  So in order to feel empowered, they try to make your life
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  harder. That's all the control that they
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  have. You have to make them feel like
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  they're in some type of control, like they have some type of
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  control or voice in this opinion, right here, right?
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  This is the mindset of a lot, a lot of narcissistic people.
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  You have to make them feel like it is a direct benefit to them.
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  It's like to have you to be doing this right here, whatever
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  you want them to do, you have to make it feel like, have to make
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  them feel like it's a direct benefit to them in some way,
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  shape or form. You have to.
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  And I know people are going to say, well, Lee, this doesn't,
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  this doesn't sound right. And yeah, I understand that.
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  Believe me when I say I get it. I trust when I say I get it.
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  I know it feels like a loss to you.
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  And you can like, yo, you can be, you can go ahead and be
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  combative with this narcissistic party if you want to.
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  Like they love it when you're combative with them, they love
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  it when you fight with them, they love it when you react,
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  they love it when you argue. But if you somehow make them
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  feel like they're winning, you can get there.
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  You can move them, you can get them to do what you want by
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  making them think, making them feel like it's their idea or you
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  taking a loss. Well, can you give us an
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  example? Like if you're Co parenting with
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  a narcissist, right? And you know them better than I
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  do, right? Because you know them better
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  than I do. So if there's something that you
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  really want them to do, like there's a school that would be
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  way more beneficial for your child to go to, right?
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  You have to make them feel like that school is also beneficial
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  to them as well. You know what I mean?
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  They have better teachers. So your kid would be more
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  educated, will get more attention, which will reflect
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  better on you as a parent. You're winning.
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  That might not work. Usually you know your partner
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  better than I do. You know your ex better than I
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  do because some of y'all might still be married and still be
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  living in a household with them. So you have to make it feel like
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  it's a benefit to them. You want to go to you want to go
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  to a certain restaurant and they hate this type of restaurant.
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  Make them feel like there's a reward for going to that
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  restaurant. Make it feel like this is their
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  idea. Make them feel like this is how
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  you taking a loss. I really don't want to do this.
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  You have to make this. Sometimes you have to pretend
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  like you don't want to do something and because they like
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  doing opposite, they'll want to do it.
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  Oh my goodness, I really don't want to go to this.
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  Damn. I really don't want to go to
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  LeBlanc Steakhouse. I really hate LeBlanc.
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  I'd rather go to McDonald's. Guess what?
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  We're going tonight, babe. We're going to LeBlanc and
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  you're like, no, I won't go to LeBlanc.
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  That seems super simplistic. It can be more technical than
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  that. It can be way more technical
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  than that. You know your partner or ex or
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  parent better than I do, right? You might not think you know
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  them, but you do you spend time with them.
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  You you shared life with them or whatever you might have been
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  raised by them. So you know, you know them
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  better than I do. So understand like what works
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  for them, understand what makes them tick.
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  Understand like what moves them and motivates them because
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  that's how you win in this situation.
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  That's how you that's how you get a benefit in this situation
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  by making them feel like it's a victory for them to do this.
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  Everybody will let like if you did this right here, everybody
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  will love you. My parents will respect you.
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  My parents will like you again. My friends and family members
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  will welcome you with open arms. If you did this right here, by
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  goodness gracious, you know there'll be nothing stopping
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  them from liking you again. There'll be nothing to stop them
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  from patching this up. I'm not telling you to dangle
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  yourself out here, y'all. This is not just lying straight
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  up lying to them and just saying, hey, if you do this,
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  we'll get back together. Don't do that.
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  Don't worry. Tell them, tell them bold faced
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  lies that you can't deliver on. If this, if you can't deliver on
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  it, you might win this, you might win this one time, but it
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  won't work again because they'll never trust you again.
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  They'll never believe you again. You see, this has to be a
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  foolproof plan where they feel like they're winning and you can
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  repeat this. This can be enforceable and
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  repeatable. Whatever you decide, whatever
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  you decide to do, whatever you decide to use to make them feel
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  like they're winning, it has to be both enforceable and
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  repeatable. It has to.
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  So you have to make sure it's, you can repeat the process over
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  again you and you can deliver on whatever you say you would
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  deliver on. Because as soon as you don't
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  deliver, as soon as you don't deliver, as soon as you don't
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  get back with them like you promised, it won't work again.
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  You can't use the same thing again.
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  So whatever you trying to make them, however you're trying to
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  make them feel like they're winning and you're trying to
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  make it feel like it's their idea.
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  It has to be enforceable on your end.
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  You have to be able to follow through on your end.
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  So think it through, you know, it would really be it would
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  really be great for the, you know, the kids really miss you.
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  They would love like they miss their dad, they miss their mom.
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  They would love to spend the weekend with you or whatever.
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  But I really want to spend time with them.
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  Oh my goodness. You know, And then of course,
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  you still want to spend time with them, right.
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  But they might just try to take the kids just because you want
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  to spend time with them. You said, I just said, yeah,
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  these are these are just, yeah, these are really crude examples,
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  right? I understand that these are
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  really crude examples and they sound extremely manipulative.
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  But I'm telling you, sometimes you have to play at their level.
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  If you don't play at their level, they're going you, you
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  might end up losing. You know, if you're not willing
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  to play at their level, you're not willing to play with that
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  mindset, then you might end up losing in some way, shape or
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  form because this is how they think, right?
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  This is how they think. This is how they operate.
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  So you want to get to the point where you're thinking and
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  operating on your level, on their level, where you can feel
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  like you're winning. You know, you want to win.
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  You want to feel like you're winning.
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  You want to feel like this is your space to be in.
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  You know, you want to feel like you're understanding and this is
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  how things are going to work out for you.
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  So whatever you feel like, like say, whatever you do, you have
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  to be able to follow through on it.
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  You make a promise. You have to be able to deliver
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  on it. Because if you don't, I'm
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  telling you, you won't be able to do it again.
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  It won't work again. You it.
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  Yeah, I'm telling you it won't. It will not work again.
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  You get one time and up and yeah I cut this thing short.
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  If you made it this far, make sure you subscribe to the
• 10:50
  channel check out the check out my support groups
• 10:52
  courses.mentalillness.net yes job.
• 10:55
  My Facebook is still currently hacked.
• 10:57
  Don't buy anything from that page when I have it back if I
• 11:00
  get it ever get it back not going on wood.
• 11:03
  I will let y'all know, thank you so much, but this is peace.
• 11:06
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:08
  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
• 11:11
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:13
  to the channel. Helps reach more people and
• 11:15
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
• 11:17
  through another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 11:19
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 11:21
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 11:23
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 11:25
  video. Peace.