Latest / Alignment With Jenn / DO THESE 7 THINGS TO STOP PLAYING SMALL✨ Quantum Leap Your Life in 30 Days -- #61

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DO THESE 7 THINGS TO STOP PLAYING SMALL✨ Quantum Leap Your Life in 30 Days -- #61 · Alignment With Jenn

• 0:00
  Hello, and welcome to this episode of the Alignment with
• 0:03
  Jen podcast. I'm your host, Jen Ditzy, and
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  today we are going to be talking about the psychology of playing
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  small and how to stop doing it. So one of the biggest things
• 0:14
  that I hear from my clients is that they feel like they're
• 0:17
  playing small. And it's such a wild thing
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  because I'll have clients come to me in their early 30s as well
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  as like in their 60s. And what's interesting is they
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  all feel this sense of playing small and they all want to get
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  out of this, this area of not living up to their full
• 0:35
  potential. Because The thing is, your soul
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  came here to express itself, to grow, to expand, to become more.
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  That's why you will always want more.
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  You will always want another level is because your soul is
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  literally designed for expansion.
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  And when we are playing small, what we are doing is we are
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  basically resisting the deepest desire of our soul, which is to
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  grow, to expand, to connect with the creator with source energy.
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  When we play small, we are not living in alignment.
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  And when we are not living in alignment, it's much harder for
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  us to attract the level of abundance, the level of
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  connection, the level of love, of appreciation, of impact that
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  we truly, truly desire. And most of the women that I
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  work with, and I believe most of the women that listen to this
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  podcast are women that have a purpose, that have a vision,
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  that want to create something amazing in the world, whether
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  it's a side hustle, whether it's a business, whether it's in
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  their corporate career. But they have this vision of
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  really living their purpose. And I believe one of the things
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  that stops most people from living their purpose is this
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  habit of playing small. So I want to explain the
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  psychology of this. I want to talk about how your
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  subconscious mind really impacts your ability to play full out in
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  your life and show up fully, take risks and show up and
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  become the version of you that you want to be and what you can
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  do to stop playing small so you can actually really create the
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  life that you know that you're here to create.
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  O let's first talk about what's playing small is so I was at
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  this family BBQ, this is maybe 5 or 6 years ago and one of my
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  cousins was talking about another cousin.
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  And this second cousin was just starting this new business and
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  his business was getting up and running.
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  But as with most new businesses, there were some hiccups, there
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  were some challenges. And this other cousin was his
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  brother and he said I don't understand why he can't just be
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  OK with what he has. And in my that has stuck with me
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  so, so, so deeply because I think that that is a mentality
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  that a lot of people feel. And it creates this playing
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  small like why can't I just appreciate what I have?
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  Why can't I be OK with what I want?
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  And feeling almost this dissonance or this guilt for
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  wanting more when as I said, your soul is here to desire
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  more. It's normal to want more.
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  And there should never be any guilt or shame about wanting to
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  create an extraordinary life for yourself.
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  And I think that has to be said at the beginning of this
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  episode. The dreams that you have for
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  yourself, like the most outlandish wild dreams that you
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  have for yourself, are tiny in comparison to what the universe
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  wants to give you to what's truly available to you.
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  And so any dream that you have is part of your path.
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  You're meant to go after it. You're meant to become the
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  person that you need to be to manifest that dream.
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  So that's the piece, number one, that I really want to get out of
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  the way. So if you're thinking anything
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  similar to that, come into this episode with a new frame of mind
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  of recognizing maybe I actually can create these most
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  extraordinary things. Maybe I'm not beholden to what
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  society has said is OK because average is average for a reason,
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  right? But if you want to be
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  extraordinary, you have to start acting as an extraordinary
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  person. And part of that is not playing
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  small. So what does playing small look
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  like? What are the symptoms?
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  So one of them is staying in a job, a relationship or a version
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  of you that you've outgrown. It can be a job that you're
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  like, oh, this job, this was me. This job pays so well.
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  Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to make this much money
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  doing anything else. That was me for eight years.
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  I wish I had shrunk that down to two years, right?
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  It can also be a relationship. Oh my gosh, I have so many
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  clients that have been in relationships for decades and
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  they are like, this isn't for me, but I'm so afraid to leave,
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  right? That's playing small.
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  Why do we play small? Fear, right?
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  We're afraid of what's on the other side.
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  That's always the result. Fear is the thing that we are in
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  this life to learn how to overcome.
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  And there's also identities that we've outgrown.
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  So sometimes if you hang out with people from your past, like
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  I'll hang out with some of my friends from high school or even
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  college, and they'll remember versions of me that I no longer
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  am, right? And it's a really interesting
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  thing because it's like they have in their mind this old
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  identity of me, and I have in my mind the new version of me,
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  right? And there's this disconnect.
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  And sometimes we can sort of fall to that level of what
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  people are expecting of us, of these old identities.
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  But part of your growth is to say, yeah, you know, I used to
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  be like that, but actually now I believe this, or actually now I
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  feel this way. And if that friendship or that
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  relationship's meant to stay in your life, it will.
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  And that'll be OK, this new version of you.
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  But part of the challenge of this work of personal growth and
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  becoming different than you were and becoming better is that
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  relationships are going to fall away, especially if people are
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  not open to growth. If people are not open to
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  becoming better versions of themselves, there's going to be
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  some challenges there, right? I call it the clearing.
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  I think I've talked about this in past episodes.
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  When you're manifesting any new level, there's always this phase
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  that I call the clearing, and it's where old stuff gets
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  cleared out. So that could be your limiting
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  beliefs, your doubts, your fears.
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  It could be relationships, it could be a job.
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  It's like the universe is like, I'm going to get rid of all this
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  stuff because you don't need it anymore.
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  One of my best friends just went through a breakup after 2 1/2
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  years and she said, you know, she was struggling with this
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  breakup. And she said she's like, you
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  know what I realized? And I was like, whoa, this is a
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  mic drop. It was so good.
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  She was like, I realized that this relationship, the universe
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  took this relationship away because I wouldn't have let it
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  go even though it wasn't right for me.
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  Sometimes things have to go because you won't outgrow them
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  and you need to grow. It's like you need to get your
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  little butt kicked out the door sometimes.
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  And that's what she said. And I was like, that's amazing.
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  Like, whoa. So there's waiting until you
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  feel perfectly ready. That's playing small.
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  I'm a big proponent of just doing the thing.
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  I see a lot of people spending months and months and months in
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  preparation, and I just don't think that's valuable.
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  I think if you want to create something, you need to start
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  taking action on it almost as immediately, as quickly as you
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  can. Because the more that you stay
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  in preparation, it's almost like this mountain of resistance
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  slowly starts to build up and it becomes harder and harder and
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  harder. Oftentimes the reason we're over
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  preparing is because we're afraid anyway.
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  So that fear just has time to grow.
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  But it's like if you just step off the ledge and you just go,
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  it's so much easier. When I started this podcast, so
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  I started this podcast about a year, a little over a year ago.
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  And I knew that if I stayed in preparation, if I did all the
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  research on how to launch a podcast and those strategies and
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  all that kind of stuff, I probably wouldn't launch it.
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  So I bought this podcasting course.
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  I spent like maybe two days going through how do you set up,
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  like a mic? And I initially did it in my
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  house. How do you do like the
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  logistical stuff? And then I made myself record
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  the first episode that weekend because I knew if I didn't, it
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  would be so much harder for me the longer I waited.
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  Then I recorded episodes and episodes and episodes.
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  And then it's grown and la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, right?
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  You've got to get yourself to take that initial action, hiding
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  your opinions, your gifts, or your ambitions, being small,
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  right? With other people, being small
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  with what you want, not sharing what you truly desire.
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  This happens a lot in intimate relationships because we fear
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  that we'll lose that person if we fully express what we truly,
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  truly want. And that's hard.
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  That's courageous to do that. Under charging is also a big way
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  that we play small. Oh, you know, like I, I'll just
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  charge like this little amount, right?
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  I don't, I don't know, I'll just charge this little amount when
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  you don't really want to charge that you want to charge more.
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  Something I really, really often see is people supporting other
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  people's visions rather than supporting their own.
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  Like whether it's your partner, whether it's a person that you
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  work for, it's putting a lot of effort into someone else's
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  vision when you have this vision inside of you that hasn't been
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  birthed yet and you're afraid to birth it.
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  And this can create a lot of disharmony within us.
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  I have a client who she works on movies like film productions,
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  and she also wants to start writing her own films.
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  And she asked me, she's like, do you think I should wait until I
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  have a break in order to start writing my own films?
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  And I was like, absolutely not. You should always find a way to
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  prioritize your own dreams and your own visions alongside
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  whatever it is that you're doing for your income, for whatever it
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  is that you are doing currently in your life.
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  Because if that's your current life, but you're like, I want
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  this, you need to start building that now, Even if it's an hour a
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  week or 15 minutes a day. When I started my first
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  business, it was a supplement business.
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  I didn't know what I was doing. I was working a full time
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  corporate job. I was travelling basically
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  across the country every single week and I didn't have a lot of
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  time. But what I did have is I had 15
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  minutes a day and I had a desire to create this business.
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  So I spent 15 minutes Monday through Friday learning how to
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  start a supplement business. And eventually that little
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  snowball got bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger
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  and I had a business. I had customers, all sorts of
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  stuff, right Wild. Starting with 15 minutes a day.
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  So time is not an excuse. I don't believe money is an
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  excuse. I think that if there's a will,
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  there's a way. It's not a lack of resources,
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  it's a lack of resourcefulness. How resourceful are you willing
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  to get? So why do we play small?
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  Essentially, it is our mind, particularly our subconscious
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  mind, trying to protect us. We may have had experiences in
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  the past where we went for something and we didn't succeed.
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  I remember I went, I had a swim meet and it was like the first
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  time. This is when I was in high
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  school. I was swimming this race and I
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  was swimming on varsity. And I was so, so, so excited.
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  And I get in the pool and I'm swimming and I'm trying my
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  hardest. And I had just eaten Flaming Hot
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  Cheetos. You know where the story is
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  going. It's gross.
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  So I had to get out of the pool. I threw up.
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  It was so gross. And for me, that was like this,
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  oh, this thing I had to rewire because in my mind I took it as,
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  oh, you shouldn't play fall out because something bad will
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  happen. That's how my subconscious
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  interpreted that event. So I had to rewire that, right?
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  But we all have experiences like that where we've tried to go for
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  something and maybe it didn't work out or people judged us or
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  people were mean about it. I really struggled to learn to
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  read. I didn't learn to like fully
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  read. I think I've shared this before
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  until like third grade that created a lot of fear in me of
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  public speaking, of feeling like I was intelligent.
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  And those are things I've had to rewire.
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  I feel good about those now. That's why I can share it with
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  you. But for you, what are those
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  stories that are playing in your mind that are saying it's not
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  safe to play full out, It's not safe to go big, It's not safe to
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  go to that next level because you need to do that work to
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  rewire those beliefs, to change those beliefs, to get your mind
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  to see things in a different way.
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  Because what happens is, is your subconscious mind takes that
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  memory, especially if it's very emotionally charged and it finds
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  evidence of that for years and years and years and years.
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  So it will find evidence that it's not safe to playful out,
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  it's not safe to be seen. It's not safe to be me.
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  Other people will judge me. I can't do it, I'll fail.
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  And it will stack all that evidence, not that that evidence
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  is true, but because of this memory, your mind is filtering
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  the world for that experience to prove that to be true.
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  It's like the opposite of how science works.
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  Science, you have a hypothesis and then you remain objective to
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  find if it's true or not. Your brain works the opposite.
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  Your brain is like Oh my gosh this is the truth.
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  Dang OK. We got to make sure we find
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  every shred of evidence to prove that to be true.
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  This is why I'm so passionate about doing the deeper
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  subconscious rewiring work. Because once you do it, your
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  mind automatically sees the world in a different way.
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  Your mind automatically creates different results from what's
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  happening in your life. I'll share a little bit more
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  about that. But if you want help rewiring
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  those deeper beliefs, those deeper memories, and really
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  shifting to become someone who feels comfortable playing full
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  out, being seen, showing up for yourself, then you can send me
• 13:34
  the word podcast on Instagram. My Instagram is at alignment
• 13:37
  with Jen and I will send you a 5 minute video about my program,
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  my community, where I guide you through rewiring these deeper
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  beliefs that hold people back. We've got the idea that our
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  subconscious is trying to protect us, right?
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  It's trying to keep us safe from repeating those negative
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  experiences. The other side of this coin is
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  that anything that we do or don't do has a hidden payoff.
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  And playing small has a hidden pay off, right?
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  It protects us from being rejected.
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  It protects us from publicly failing.
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  It protects us from outgrowing people we love, becoming
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  responsible for something bigger.
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  There's a lot of protection that happens from playing small.
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  And so when we want to play a bigger game, we have to
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  reconcile within ourselves. What am I trying to protect
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  myself from and how do I overcome that?
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  And a big part of this is that rewiring work, it's really
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  changing the way that our mind is relating to being seen,
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  right? Responsibility, our connections
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  and love, because there's often a fear of something we're going
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  to lose when we play small. So what might that be for you
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  and I? I just want you to kind of sit
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  with that, right? In an area of your life, if you
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  find you're consistently staying in a job that you don't really
• 14:56
  love, right? Why your soul didn't come here
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  to do that. Your soul didn't come here for a
• 15:02
  mediocre relationship that doesn't feel that good for you.
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  Your soul came here to expand, to express itself.
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  So if it's not doing that, if you're not doing that, why ask
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  yourself that question, right? Journal about it, see what comes
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  up. The thing that happens when we
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  play small is there's also a cost, right?
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  There's a payoff. We protect ourselves from things
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  that aren't necessarily bad things, right.
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  They and likely they won't even happen.
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  Most of the time they don't even happen.
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  But there's a cost as well to playing small.
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  So the first cost that I see is the cost of our self trust.
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  So when we don't fully show up for ourselves, when we don't
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  fully put ourselves out there, we damage that internal
• 15:48
  relationship with ourselves. Your subconscious sees you not
• 15:52
  fully showing up and it's like, oh, OK, I guess that's like how
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  we do things. So when she wants to go after
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  this bigger thing, she might not fully show up, right?
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  She might play small. So I don't know if I'm going to
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  fully feel comfortable doing that because I don't know if we
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  can handle that. It creates this weird internal
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  relationship. And so part of the way that you
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  build that self trust, and self trust is the foundation of every
• 16:15
  area of your life. Part of the way you build that
• 16:18
  is starting to play bigger even in microwaves, right?
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  It could be posting a piece of content even though you feel
• 16:25
  it's super cringy. It could be expressing to your
• 16:29
  partner and need that you have, even though you feel so
• 16:32
  uncomfortable about expressing it.
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  It could be telling your friend that something they said hurt
• 16:38
  you. It's starting to play a bigger
• 16:40
  game. You don't have to go from zero
• 16:42
  to 1,000,000. You can start in all of these
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  microwaves playing a bigger game, expressing yourself more,
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  showing up more. Maybe it's raising your hand in
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  a meeting and being like, I got an idea, right?
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  And you can stumble through the whole answer.
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  It doesn't even matter. It's just the fact that you
• 17:00
  showed up and like I said in the last episode, it's about the
• 17:05
  Rep. It's not about the perfect
• 17:07
  result. And I believe the biggest cost
• 17:10
  is the unlived life. I've talked about this in
• 17:12
  previous episodes and this is not a concept I came up with.
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  This is a concept from Carl Jung.
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  And it's this idea that our shadow, basically our fears, our
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  doubts, our insecurities, prevents us from living the life
• 17:26
  that we truly came here to live. And the way I see it is like,
• 17:29
  it's almost like you remember that game.
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  Let's get ready to rumble. And there's like the boxers.
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  That's kind of how I see our life.
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  It's like our soul is like, I want to do this.
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  And then our fear, our unlived life side of ourselves, that
• 17:40
  shadow side is like, actually that's scary.
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  Like, let's not do it like the devil and the Angel on the
• 17:45
  shoulders, those different sides of us.
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  And your goal here in this life is to overcome those fears and
• 17:53
  those doubts so you can express yourself and you can live your
• 17:56
  life fully. Because the unlived life is
• 17:58
  getting to the point where you're 90 years old and you're
• 18:01
  laying on your deathbed and you're like, Dang, I really wish
• 18:05
  I had gone for it. I really wish I had been the
• 18:08
  person I thought I wanted to be. You know, I really wish I had
• 18:12
  not cared so much what people think.
• 18:14
  I really wish that I had taken those risks because pretty much
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  any mistake that you make you can undo, and pretty much any
• 18:22
  challenge that you face, you can overcome, right?
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  And so that's a part of this. The other thing I always think
• 18:29
  of too, with playing small is often times when we play small,
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  it's we're hiding something that our soul really came here to
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  express. And usually that's our purpose
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  with the people that I work with.
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  The thing is, is those gifts that you've been given to
• 18:43
  express, right? Rather, whether it's you're an
• 18:45
  astrologer, whether it's you're a coach, whether you're an
• 18:48
  actress or a writer, it doesn't matter.
• 18:51
  Whatever you came here to express, those gifts are not
• 18:54
  just for you. Those gifts are here and they've
• 18:57
  been given to you, so that way you can share them with other
• 19:00
  people. And so when you don't share your
• 19:02
  gifts, the people who need those gifts are not receiving them.
• 19:06
  So it's important to also realize like there's somebody
• 19:09
  out there that your gifts were made for that you're meant to
• 19:13
  share those gifts with. So thinking about that as you do
• 19:17
  or don't play small. So I want to kind of give you 3
• 19:20
  steps to basically to help you begin to rewire this.
• 19:25
  Now, I will say I can't rewire this for you in a podcast
• 19:28
  episode. Sometimes I'll get comments and
• 19:30
  they're like, why can't you like do more rewiring in the
• 19:32
  episodes? Literally that's something I do
• 19:35
  in my community. It's very tailored, it's very
• 19:37
  specific, it's live like it's a, it's a real thing.
• 19:41
  It's very precise. So, but I can give you a formula
• 19:44
  and I can give you a structure to get started.
• 19:46
  But if you want that deeper work, then that's something we
• 19:49
  do together, right? That is something that I've
• 19:53
  spent over a decade perfecting. I do it live because I get
• 19:57
  feedback from my clients as I do it.
• 19:59
  It's not something that I can just put onto a podcast and you
• 20:02
  can listen to, you know, 30 times and you're good.
• 20:05
  That stuff can help a little bit, but there's deeper levels
• 20:08
  to it. So anyway, but I want to give
• 20:10
  you these three steps. So the first is identify
• 20:13
  whatever the subconscious rule that you're operating off of is.
• 20:17
  And I recommend going back to looking at that area where
• 20:20
  you've been playing small and ask yourself, what am I really
• 20:23
  avoiding? And I would do some deeper
• 20:26
  journaling on it. I would ask yourself, you know,
• 20:28
  this is a great question. What bad thing happens if I, I
• 20:33
  post on social media, if I, you know, go big in my business, if
• 20:37
  I put myself out there in dating, what bad thing happens?
• 20:42
  And you're going to get a response from your subconscious.
• 20:44
  Your subconscious always answers you.
• 20:46
  It's not hiding anything. It's just we don't always know
• 20:49
  how to talk to it. And I would encourage you to
• 20:52
  just write and write and write and write and just keep asking
• 20:54
  yourself that question to get to those deeper layers so you can
• 20:57
  understand it. And then once you understand it,
• 21:00
  this is where that deeper rewiring work comes in.
• 21:04
  Part of the process, though, is just understanding what's
• 21:06
  operating, and that's going to create changes for you just from
• 21:09
  understanding it and bringing awareness to it.
• 21:12
  It's like shining a flashlight in a dark corner.
• 21:14
  Then what we do is we neutralize the emotion on that.
• 21:19
  So I use a variety of different tools to neutralize that
• 21:22
  emotion. I use my subconscious rewiring
• 21:25
  process to neutralize that emotion.
• 21:27
  Some ways that you can do this is like tapping is pretty good
• 21:31
  at it. That's probably the one that I
• 21:33
  think most people use. Tapping is good.
• 21:36
  I would say it's like it's like a lighter tool, but that's
• 21:38
  something you can do to neutralize that emotion.
• 21:41
  On top of it, another thing you can do too is when you're doing
• 21:45
  that journaling afterward, do something to release that
• 21:48
  emotion. So it could be breathwork, you
• 21:50
  could go to a yoga class, you could do something to help
• 21:53
  yourself move that energy out of your system.
• 21:56
  But again, my rewiring, you know, that I've spent a very
• 22:00
  long time perfecting, I think is the best way to neutralize this.
• 22:03
  And I can't really explain that in this.
• 22:06
  But then the next part of it that you can also do is finding
• 22:10
  new evidence for your brain. So deciding, OK, what do I want
• 22:13
  to believe instead? And then actively teaching your
• 22:17
  mind to actually look for evidence of that, right?
• 22:21
  You should always be looking for evidence of the reality that you
• 22:24
  want to create instead of the reality that you don't want to
• 22:26
  create. So, so many people create
• 22:29
  evidence of what they don't want through this.
• 22:31
  Like, oh, you know, I'm worried about this, I'm worried about
• 22:33
  this. It's like worry becomes this
• 22:35
  defense mechanism, but it's actually a reality creation
• 22:38
  mechanism. And we start to worry and then
• 22:41
  we start to find evidence of what we're worried about.
• 22:43
  So instead, pick the belief that you'd rather believe and
• 22:46
  actively every single day, look for evidence of that.
• 22:50
  And that's going to start to really shift these things and
• 22:53
  change these things in your life.
• 22:55
  Because as I mentioned earlier, your mind's already finding
• 22:57
  evidence of the opposite, right? But when you clear that out,
• 23:00
  neutralize it, then start to find evidence of the opposite,
• 23:03
  things start to change. So the last piece of this is
• 23:08
  taking that bold action in the direction of your dreams.
• 23:12
  This is such a powerful way and it's essential part of the
• 23:15
  rewiring process, of the becoming process.
• 23:18
  Pick things that you can do to actively move toward that
• 23:21
  vision, right? Even if it's 15 minutes a day,
• 23:25
  even if it's on the weekends, right?
• 23:27
  Even if it's outside of your nine to five job.
• 23:29
  But what can you do? What are like 3 specific actions
• 23:32
  that you can take in the next week to actually start to change
• 23:37
  that programming within yourself and stop playing small, right?
• 23:41
  Because playing small is a habit.
• 23:43
  It's a pattern. So you overcome that by doing
• 23:46
  the opposite. So I hope you've loved this
• 23:48
  episode. If you want help with this
• 23:51
  process, this is literally the work I do in my programs.
• 23:54
  Send me that word podcast on Instagram at alignment with Jen
• 23:57
  and I'll send you a 5 minute video about that.
• 24:00
  And if you've enjoyed the episode, please follow the the
• 24:03
  show. It really, really helps the show
• 24:06
  grow. It helps new people find this
• 24:07
  content. And yeah.
• 24:09
  All right, I hope you have a fantastic day.
• 24:11
  Bye.