Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / RUNNING THROUGH: Adrianne Haslet, Boston Marathon Bombing Survivor

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RUNNING THROUGH: Adrianne Haslet, Boston Marathon Bombing Survivor · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: To learn how to walk again is one of the
0:02
Speaker 1: most beautiful, most incredible gifts that I so wish we
0:08
Speaker 1: all had. I wish that we all had memories of
0:11
Speaker 1: learning how to walk. Like if I could grant this
0:13
Speaker 1: world that, I think we would all just be a
0:16
Speaker 1: hell of a lot more grateful.
0:31
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily Abani here, you are listening to a
0:36
Speaker 2: special week of content here on Hurdle called Running Through
0:42
Speaker 2: with Global Running Day on Wednesday, June first. It's only
0:45
Speaker 2: fitting that we wrap up season nine and celebrate all
0:48
Speaker 2: week by bringing five back to back episodes to the feed.
0:52
Speaker 2: You guys, you know the deal. Here on the show,
0:55
Speaker 2: I am dedicated to bringing Hurdler's content that encompasses all
0:58
Speaker 2: that is well illness. Still running holds a really special
1:03
Speaker 2: place in my heart. While I originally leaned into running
1:06
Speaker 2: as a weight loss tool back in college, it has
1:09
Speaker 2: turned into a passion of mine helping me personally get
1:13
Speaker 2: through a ton of difficult hurdle moments and ten marathons
1:18
Speaker 2: later become a happier, healthier version of myself. This week,
1:23
Speaker 2: I am talking with other inspiring women who have also
1:26
Speaker 2: turned to running during some of life's biggest, darkest hurdles,
1:29
Speaker 2: we get vulnerable, talking about tough topics like loss and grief,
1:33
Speaker 2: depression and postpartum depression, and how running in sport has
1:37
Speaker 2: helped them persevere, rediscover their self worth, and move forward
1:42
Speaker 2: with their head held high. To kick things off, I
1:45
Speaker 2: am welcoming at twenty thirteen Boston Marathon bombing survivor Adrian
1:49
Speaker 2: Haslett to the show. In today's episode, we talk about
1:52
Speaker 2: how she turned one of the worst days of her
1:54
Speaker 2: life into something positive, refusing to be called a victim.
1:59
Speaker 2: Before that awful day, the then professional ballroom dancer didn't
2:03
Speaker 2: know much at the time about the sport of running,
2:06
Speaker 2: but these days, well, there's hardly a day that goes
2:09
Speaker 2: by where she doesn't lace up her sneakers. In today's episode,
2:14
Speaker 2: she talks about what it was like for her to
2:16
Speaker 2: come to sport as an adaptive athlete and recalls her
2:21
Speaker 2: vivid memories of frightening twenty thirteen day. She shares what
2:25
Speaker 2: it was like to meet her as she calls him
2:28
Speaker 2: superhero Surgeon, and reflects on what it was like to
2:31
Speaker 2: learn how to walk again, saying that if we all
2:35
Speaker 2: had that experience as an adult, we may be better
2:38
Speaker 2: more compassionate people. Of course, she talks to us about
2:42
Speaker 2: getting into running and shares what it felt like to
2:46
Speaker 2: slay and I'll use that word slay twenty two Boston
2:52
Speaker 2: Marathon a huge accomplishment for her, her second ever alongside
2:57
Speaker 2: the Goat Saline Flanagan in five hours, eighteen minutes and
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Speaker 2: forty one seconds. So this episode is full of hope
3:07
Speaker 2: and a beautiful, beautiful through line that where there is
3:11
Speaker 2: a will, there is a way. I have to give
3:15
Speaker 2: a huge, huge thanks to my sponsor for this week
3:19
Speaker 2: of content, and that sponsor is Tracksmith. Tracksmith, as you
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Speaker 2: use the code Hurdle twenty two for free shipping. Now,
4:03
Speaker 2: this is really special to me. Tracksmith is working with
4:06
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4:10
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4:15
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4:20
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4:42
Speaker 2: so grateful to Tracksmith for partnering with me on this
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Speaker 2: and again, that code for anyone to do some good
4:50
Speaker 2: and get free shipping over on tracksmith dot com is
4:53
Speaker 2: Hurdle twenty two. Make sure you're following along with hurdle
4:57
Speaker 2: over on the socials. It's at Herbal podcast. I am
5:00
Speaker 2: over at Emily a Body And with that, let's get
5:04
Speaker 2: to hurdling today. I am sitting down with Adrian Haslitt.
5:15
Speaker 2: She is a runner, a Boston bombing survivor. I am
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Speaker 2: so excited to be here with you. A keynote speaker
5:22
Speaker 2: what's going on? Adrian?
5:24
Speaker 3: Hi, how are you? I'm so excited to be here.
5:28
Speaker 2: I love any podcast recording that starts with really exciting.
5:31
Speaker 3: Vibes like this, SA same.
5:35
Speaker 1: I've been looking forward to talking with you. I'm a
5:37
Speaker 1: fan of your podcast and I'm just happy to be here.
5:39
Speaker 2: Thank you, of course, well so happy to have you
5:43
Speaker 2: here as a part of this special series week here
5:45
Speaker 2: on Hurdle called Running Through. I would have been I
5:50
Speaker 2: don't even know what I would have been a fool
5:52
Speaker 2: not to reach out to you, to have you come
5:54
Speaker 2: on the show and share parts of your story with
5:58
Speaker 2: the Hurdlers during this week of talk looking through using sport,
6:02
Speaker 2: the sport that you and I both loved so much
6:04
Speaker 2: to overcome challenging times, and you, as I mentioned at
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Speaker 2: the top of this running Through, a Boston bombing survivor
6:12
Speaker 2: who didn't run before her incident. So that was a
6:17
Speaker 2: big wind up intro. I want to hear about what
6:23
Speaker 2: life was like for you before twenty thirteen. Let's start there.
6:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, gosh, before twenty thirteen, I was a professional ballroom
6:33
Speaker 1: dancer as a career. So a lot of people don't
6:35
Speaker 1: see that as an athletic sport, but gosh, dancing so
6:39
Speaker 1: is I was training and teaching and practicing pro twelve
6:45
Speaker 1: hours a day and getting dressed up in Ostrich feathers
6:48
Speaker 1: and sequence and Swarsky crystals every weekend or sometimes every night,
6:54
Speaker 1: and performing and competing all over and it was just
6:57
Speaker 1: a blast. It was so much fun. But it really does.
6:59
Speaker 1: It takes up, you know, so much of your time,
7:01
Speaker 1: and that's awesome. But I didn't have, you know, outside things,
7:06
Speaker 1: like you know, sometimes when you're a runner, you have
7:08
Speaker 1: all these other activities because you can't, like physically run
7:11
Speaker 1: for twelve hours a day. Some people might be able to,
7:13
Speaker 1: like my boyfriend's crazy ultra runner, but usually you have
7:16
Speaker 1: other outside interests.
7:17
Speaker 3: But I was just dancing, like that's it. I didn't
7:20
Speaker 3: know any other worlds at that time, certainly didn't know
7:22
Speaker 3: any runners.
7:24
Speaker 2: I didn't know any runners. And it's probably really funny
7:26
Speaker 2: right now, like even the sentence you just said, like
7:28
Speaker 2: my boyfriend crazy ultrarunner, Like reflecting on your journey in
7:32
Speaker 2: twenty thirteen, you probably never thought that your partner could
7:35
Speaker 2: be a crazy ultrarunner.
7:37
Speaker 3: Oh gosh. No.
7:38
Speaker 1: I was also married twenty thirteen, So that's the whole nother.
7:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
7:42
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, the whole everything now is just so
7:46
Speaker 1: different from anything that it was before.
7:48
Speaker 2: I would argue that the amount of stamina that it
7:51
Speaker 2: takes to dance for like ten twelve hours a day
7:54
Speaker 2: is just as much taxing as it would be to
7:57
Speaker 2: like be trotting around.
7:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is, definitely, it is definitely. I mean, gosh,
8:03
Speaker 1: I think about dancing now for even an hour's straight
8:07
Speaker 1: at the level that I was, and I just need
8:09
Speaker 1: a nap. It just sounds I was in like a
8:13
Speaker 1: two inch heel or one and a half inch heel.
8:16
Speaker 1: But if I was doing Latin dancing, which was like samba,
8:18
Speaker 1: any sort of chacha, rumba, swing, salsa, You're in like
8:21
Speaker 1: a three and a half inch heel. So yeah, you're
8:23
Speaker 1: not just going for twelve hours. You're doing that in
8:26
Speaker 1: heels and practice dress clothes or like work clothes basically
8:30
Speaker 1: that just have a lot of stretch. Because yeah, it's
8:32
Speaker 1: a lot.
8:34
Speaker 2: It's for sure. So you were living in Boston of
8:39
Speaker 2: the time of the twenty thirteen Bobbings. Where did your
8:42
Speaker 2: day start that day?
8:44
Speaker 1: So my day started I was I had just recently
8:49
Speaker 1: won third in the world in ballroom dancing and it
8:51
Speaker 1: was incredible and awesome, and I decided to take a
8:55
Speaker 1: day off. And I didn't usually take days off. We
8:58
Speaker 1: think in the sport of dancing. We think it's really
9:00
Speaker 1: cute that Brady has an off season. Like that's cute, sweetie,
9:03
Speaker 1: Like you also have backup and someone else that knows
9:06
Speaker 1: all your moves may not be able to do him
9:08
Speaker 1: as well, but like knows all your moves, But ballroom
9:10
Speaker 1: answers if we get injured, we just take a cord
9:13
Speaker 1: Zon shot and keep going because we're the only ones
9:15
Speaker 1: who know our choreography.
9:16
Speaker 2: So also, like what a Boston thing of you to
9:19
Speaker 2: just be like Brady has a backup?
9:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, you know. I said that once in
9:24
Speaker 1: a speech and he was there, but I'd been saying
9:27
Speaker 1: it for so long and I forgot that he was
9:29
Speaker 1: there and he just like laughed and rolled the size
9:31
Speaker 1: of me. But whatever, I stand by. I stand by
9:33
Speaker 1: what I say. Yeah, I didn't take days off very
9:36
Speaker 1: often and at all, And decided to take a day
9:40
Speaker 1: off and slept in a little, went to breakfast and
9:44
Speaker 1: went to lunch and walked. It was walking around and
9:46
Speaker 1: I heard a bunch of commotion over on the next
9:48
Speaker 1: street next to me, and I thought, well, what is that?
9:52
Speaker 3: Like, why are people screaming and yelling that? Like? Why?
9:55
Speaker 3: What is it a parade? Like what's happening?
9:57
Speaker 1: And I went a couple streets over and saw a
10:02
Speaker 1: road race and a bunch of people running, and they
10:05
Speaker 1: were like white in the face and crying for a
10:07
Speaker 1: million different reasons, I would imagine, and I asked someone,
10:10
Speaker 1: I said, what is going on? And they said, it's
10:12
Speaker 1: the Boston Marathon, And well, I understand now that that's
10:16
Speaker 1: like a national holiday in Boston. It certainly wasn't in
10:19
Speaker 1: my world because if I were teaching runners who were
10:23
Speaker 1: round runners, I didn't know, and we certainly didn't talk
10:25
Speaker 1: about running, so I didn't know any runners at all.
10:29
Speaker 1: So I asked, I asked what the distance was and
10:33
Speaker 1: they said twenty six point two miles and looked at
10:35
Speaker 1: me acrosssiyed like, you know, like, how could this person
10:38
Speaker 1: not know that they're in Boston on marathon weekends, which
10:41
Speaker 1: is exactly how I would look at someone now, And
10:45
Speaker 1: I said, it's a long way to go for a statement.
10:47
Speaker 3: Nechlason a free banana, and they were like they.
10:50
Speaker 1: Just kind of laughed and rolled their eyes, and it
10:52
Speaker 1: was near the finish line, and I turned and walked
10:56
Speaker 1: away from the finish line and then heard a giant
10:58
Speaker 1: blast behind me. In the first blasted, the line had
11:00
Speaker 1: gone off, and I plugged my ears. Thank goodness, that
11:05
Speaker 1: actually saved me from tonightas which is ringing in your ears,
11:11
Speaker 1: and it saved me from that. I plugged my ears
11:14
Speaker 1: and put my head down which protected my face, and said,
11:17
Speaker 1: the next one's going to hit. I just knew it
11:19
Speaker 1: was something other than fanfare. I just knew that it
11:23
Speaker 1: was a terrorist attack. And I don't know how I
11:25
Speaker 1: knew that. I don't know exactly how that how I knew,
11:28
Speaker 1: but I just knew. And the next one hit. And
11:31
Speaker 1: looking back at surveillance footage with the FBI when I
11:35
Speaker 1: was working on the trial, and I was a witness
11:38
Speaker 1: and obviously didn't know who it was then because it's
11:42
Speaker 1: so crowded you don't know who you're standing near. But
11:44
Speaker 1: I was like shoulder to shoulder with the person, the monster,
11:47
Speaker 1: I don't ever say his name, the monster that did
11:50
Speaker 1: this to me. And he dropped the backpack right at
11:53
Speaker 1: my feet and obviously a lot of other people's feet
11:56
Speaker 1: around me, and took off, but I was on the
11:58
Speaker 1: ground and had immediately lost my life left foot, and
12:01
Speaker 1: life has never been the same since.
12:03
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, I can't even imagine the hysteria that was
12:10
Speaker 2: occurring right around you, and to even have this much recollection.
12:16
Speaker 2: And I know we're just kind of getting started here,
12:18
Speaker 2: but it is remarkable to hear that you have such
12:24
Speaker 2: vivid memories of this day. So the incident happens, the
12:30
Speaker 2: blast goes off, and do you stay awake or do
12:36
Speaker 2: you pass out?
12:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, hysteria is a good word for it.
12:38
Speaker 1: It was absolute chaos, as people would imagine, and a
12:41
Speaker 1: lot of people have seen on the news. My memory
12:43
Speaker 1: is crystal clear, which certainly made me a good witness.
12:47
Speaker 1: But I just I stayed awake through the whole thing.
12:49
Speaker 1: If I were passed out, they think I was only
12:51
Speaker 1: passed out for like the shock, the initial maybe five
12:54
Speaker 1: second shock of it, but I.
12:56
Speaker 3: Remember all of it.
12:57
Speaker 1: And I landed on my left hip, which luckily, you know,
13:02
Speaker 1: if you think about that in detail, like your left
13:04
Speaker 1: leg gets blown off, you're going to go down first
13:06
Speaker 1: on your left side. And I had a big gash
13:09
Speaker 1: on my right thigh.
13:10
Speaker 3: Had been open.
13:12
Speaker 1: I'm really fortunate that I was wearing like three and
13:15
Speaker 1: a half inch heels that day, because it was very
13:19
Speaker 1: clear that if I were lowered to the ground, then
13:22
Speaker 1: I would have lost both knees and I would have
13:24
Speaker 1: been a double amputee. The blast hitting my right thigh
13:27
Speaker 1: was quite literally right above that bone, so I would
13:31
Speaker 1: have absolutely lost double if I had been wearing heels.
13:37
Speaker 3: And yeah, I remember everything.
13:39
Speaker 1: I was on the ground and I opened my eyes
13:42
Speaker 1: and I didn't know if they were actually open or not,
13:45
Speaker 1: because all I saw was gray. I just thought, like,
13:47
Speaker 1: this is it. It was like I must not be alive,
13:49
Speaker 1: Like there's no possible way that you would survive a
13:51
Speaker 1: terrorist attack. Because I was hit by the second blast.
13:54
Speaker 1: I had seen the first blast, and I knew that
13:57
Speaker 1: it was bad, you know. I knew that Boston was
13:59
Speaker 1: in a really bad situation, that I was in a
14:01
Speaker 1: really bad situation, even before looking down and seeing that
14:05
Speaker 1: I had no left foot. And I once I saw that,
14:08
Speaker 1: I somehow, you know, your adrenaline pops in to try
14:11
Speaker 1: and save your own life.
14:12
Speaker 3: And I rolled.
14:14
Speaker 1: Over, just sort of plopped over onto my belly, and
14:17
Speaker 1: I started like barrel rolling with my arms or dragging
14:21
Speaker 1: myself with my arms, I guess is better term for
14:23
Speaker 1: it across the sidewalk, and I was just trying to
14:25
Speaker 1: get away, like I don't know what I was going
14:27
Speaker 1: away from, or like when the next one.
14:29
Speaker 3: Was going to hit. I certainly didn't think there would
14:30
Speaker 3: only be two then I was.
14:32
Speaker 1: Someone grabbed me by the shoulders and drug me over
14:35
Speaker 1: to a staircase, and I immediately was eye to eye
14:38
Speaker 1: with an off duty doctor that was must have been
14:41
Speaker 1: right nearby and seen my injuries that were really really bad.
14:44
Speaker 1: I mean my jeans were blown off and blown open,
14:46
Speaker 1: and he whipped his belt right off and tied to
14:48
Speaker 1: tourniquet and then grabbed someone else's belt and tied to
14:51
Speaker 1: tournique around my other leg that was bleeding profusely and
14:54
Speaker 1: I and I started to turn really cold and close
14:57
Speaker 1: my eyes a lot, and they were like, Adrian, stay awake, saywake,
14:59
Speaker 1: say away, and just screaming at me. And then five
15:03
Speaker 1: super hot Boston environment walked in and they put me
15:07
Speaker 1: in the back of an ambulance and I was on
15:08
Speaker 1: my way to Boston Medical Center and I met my
15:11
Speaker 1: Superman surgeon who saved my life.
15:13
Speaker 2: That day, Superman Surgeon. Wow, Yeah, all of this just
15:18
Speaker 2: absolutely incredible. Is it possible to even try to articulate
15:24
Speaker 2: the amount of pain that you were in?
15:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know it's it is impossible to articulate, for sure.
15:30
Speaker 1: But part of that is the brain not remembering it.
15:33
Speaker 1: I know that that's not always true, because in twenty nineteen,
15:36
Speaker 1: I was unfortunately hit by a car going forty five
15:38
Speaker 1: in the crosswalk, and I know all the pain from that.
15:41
Speaker 1: I remember screaming. I remember that I was in pain,
15:44
Speaker 1: but I don't remember what the pain felt like.
15:46
Speaker 2: Wow, that makes sense now, I hear that. I hear that.
15:50
Speaker 2: And so you get to the hospital and you meet
15:53
Speaker 2: your superman surgeon and at this point your family is
15:56
Speaker 2: actually on the West coast. Is that correct?
15:58
Speaker 3: Yeah?
15:59
Speaker 1: So I grew up right side of Seattle, Washington. My
16:01
Speaker 1: parents had an independent bookstore in Seattle. Books and records,
16:05
Speaker 1: remember those back before it was like hip to have records.
16:08
Speaker 1: That was like the only way you could get music.
16:10
Speaker 3: Hip.
16:11
Speaker 1: Do people still say hip? I believe people say yep, okay,
16:14
Speaker 1: all right. Back then we were saying hip. And I thought,
16:17
Speaker 1: for sure, there's no way my family and friends can
16:19
Speaker 1: get here before before I die to say goodbye, because
16:22
Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely had people telling me that they
16:25
Speaker 1: didn't think I was going.
16:25
Speaker 3: To make it.
16:26
Speaker 1: You know, it was it was really gruesome, Like there
16:29
Speaker 1: were a lot of it was really bad and graphic,
16:31
Speaker 1: but there was a lot of talk of what was
16:33
Speaker 1: used to in the blast, that it was radioactive, like
16:36
Speaker 1: so there were times when the doctors would be working
16:38
Speaker 1: on us, all of the survivors, and then they would
16:41
Speaker 1: all just step back and like not touch you, and
16:44
Speaker 1: you would be losing a ton of blood. And so
16:46
Speaker 1: that's not to blame anyone, I want to be really clear,
16:48
Speaker 1: but like there was just a lot like they didn't
16:51
Speaker 1: know if any of us were going to make it
16:53
Speaker 1: because of that, and so they had advised me to
16:56
Speaker 1: call and say goodbye to my family, and also I
16:58
Speaker 1: had just lost a lot of blood, so I said,
17:01
Speaker 1: I called and said goodbye to my parents and then
17:03
Speaker 1: wheeled into surgery.
17:04
Speaker 2: Can you talk to me about that phone call?
17:06
Speaker 3: It was tough.
17:07
Speaker 1: I mean, that's an understatement, but I remember thinking, like,
17:11
Speaker 1: which one am I going to call? Am I going
17:13
Speaker 1: to call my mom who probably won't answer because she
17:15
Speaker 1: has absolutely no idea how to turn to wring her
17:17
Speaker 1: up and down on her phone, even though she wants
17:21
Speaker 1: you to call the time my dad, But like what
17:23
Speaker 1: if the other one wasn't home, or what if they
17:27
Speaker 1: don't answer, Like what am I going to say in
17:29
Speaker 1: a voicemail? What if they're driving they definitely won't answer
17:33
Speaker 1: because they you know, it's at least at the time,
17:35
Speaker 1: it was illegal to answer your cell phone in Washington State.
17:39
Speaker 3: What it is now? Yeah, right, yeah. I wasn't sure
17:42
Speaker 3: who I should call. Then I decided I would call
17:44
Speaker 3: my dad.
17:45
Speaker 1: I'd want to talk to him more anyway, Daddy's girl
17:48
Speaker 1: and ended up being that they were together. They were
17:49
Speaker 1: driving on the freeway and I said, what are you doing?
17:53
Speaker 1: And he said, we're driving on the freeway And I said,
17:54
Speaker 1: you need to pull over, and he I was trying
17:57
Speaker 1: to be calm because I didn't want to cause an accident,
17:59
Speaker 1: but it was oviously chaos around me, and I was
18:02
Speaker 1: in really bad shape. And I must have sounded too
18:04
Speaker 1: calm because he said, you took your drive test in
18:06
Speaker 1: the state of Washington, eating you know it's illegal to
18:08
Speaker 1: pull over in a freeway. I was like, okay, Like,
18:12
Speaker 1: do not scream when I tell you this. But I've
18:15
Speaker 1: been in a terrorist attack. I have no left foot
18:17
Speaker 1: and I need to say goodbye to you right now.
18:18
Speaker 1: And he got my mom to pull over and I
18:21
Speaker 1: said goodbye, and I told him I loved him, and
18:25
Speaker 1: then I talked to my mom and I can't go
18:27
Speaker 1: into what we talked about because I won't be able
18:30
Speaker 1: to finish the interview. But it was it was tough.
18:33
Speaker 1: It was very tough. Yeah, it's I mean, it's the
18:35
Speaker 1: worst that could happen, right. That's a really hard, terrible
18:39
Speaker 1: thing to have to say goodbye to your people. And
18:42
Speaker 1: I was convinced I wasn't going to make it because
18:45
Speaker 1: I didn't think you could lose a limb and live.
18:47
Speaker 3: Like, I know that there are other apts out there.
18:48
Speaker 1: I'm not an intelligent woman, but like there was there
18:52
Speaker 1: were no certainties. There was no like, Okay, now I'm
18:54
Speaker 1: at the hospital, I'm safe. I didn't feel that way
18:56
Speaker 1: at all. I felt very in very capable hands. I
18:59
Speaker 1: knew my superman surgeon was the best of the best,
19:01
Speaker 1: head of cardiovascular surgery. Now he's like the CEO of
19:04
Speaker 1: the hospital. He's not, but like in my eyes, he's
19:08
Speaker 1: like the king of all of it. So I definitely,
19:11
Speaker 1: you know, all of us felt like what's going to happen.
19:13
Speaker 2: Next, I want to talk about your recovery, but I
19:17
Speaker 2: also want to ask you, like, how long did that
19:21
Speaker 2: feeling linger with you, being worried about just walking down
19:26
Speaker 2: the hallway or opening your front door or being at
19:30
Speaker 2: a crosswalk and this happening again.
19:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, it stayed with me for probably two and a
19:36
Speaker 3: half years.
19:36
Speaker 1: That's interesting. No one's ever asked me that before. It
19:39
Speaker 1: stayed with me for probably about two and a half years. Definitely,
19:41
Speaker 1: that's PTSD, right, I mean, that's normal to have that,
19:45
Speaker 1: that's your brain. It's a lot of people think PTSD
19:48
Speaker 1: is the person not letting go of the trauma, but
19:51
Speaker 1: it's the trauma not letting.
19:52
Speaker 3: Go of the person.
19:53
Speaker 1: And it's really really important to differentiate those things because it's.
19:58
Speaker 3: Not my fault. It's not me not going to therapy.
20:00
Speaker 3: I was.
20:01
Speaker 1: I worked very diligently to find a therapist and did
20:04
Speaker 1: and still go to him. You can work really hard,
20:06
Speaker 1: but your body and your brain are trying to reconcile
20:10
Speaker 1: the fact that you just lost your limb. And when
20:14
Speaker 1: you have been enjoying a sunny day and everything's going
20:17
Speaker 1: really well in the world for you, and something happens
20:19
Speaker 1: on like the happiest, sunniest day. It can make a
20:23
Speaker 1: happy sunny, calm days seem terrifying, right, just like if
20:27
Speaker 1: something happened to someone on a road, or something happened
20:30
Speaker 1: to someone in the woods, they're not going to return there.
20:32
Speaker 1: But on a happy sunny day, you have to return
20:35
Speaker 1: to those So in life, that just is going to
20:39
Speaker 1: happen again, right, So.
20:42
Speaker 3: It wasn't.
20:42
Speaker 1: My PTSD is not about the actual location. So I
20:46
Speaker 1: get asked a lot if being at the marathon or
20:49
Speaker 1: at a road race is triggering, But no, because I
20:52
Speaker 1: didn't know what a road race was, so like I didn't.
20:54
Speaker 3: I wasn't associating that with that.
20:56
Speaker 1: So there were people that were near me, other survivors,
20:59
Speaker 1: who stood in that same spot every year since they
21:02
Speaker 1: were like born with their family. It's this deep Boston tradition,
21:05
Speaker 1: and now that space is forever tainted because of what happened.
21:08
Speaker 1: And I totally get that. But my PTSD is loud noises,
21:13
Speaker 1: suspicious backpack, So like fireworks or a kid's birthday party
21:18
Speaker 1: with a lot of balloons that will pop someone having
21:20
Speaker 1: a big box of books and just like drops it
21:22
Speaker 1: near me, like all of a sudden, makes the groundshake
21:24
Speaker 1: and makes the loud noise, I'll fly through the roofs.
21:27
Speaker 3: So so yeah, I.
21:28
Speaker 1: Think you know, that stays with you for a long time.
21:31
Speaker 1: But the stranger danger, which you were referring to for
21:34
Speaker 1: lack of a better term, that stays for a while
21:36
Speaker 1: because these people that did this just look like your
21:38
Speaker 1: average Joe, which I think is better because I wouldn't
21:41
Speaker 1: want to think that it was like some type of person, right,
21:44
Speaker 1: it was a white dude into baseball hats. It was
21:45
Speaker 1: really hard, you know. I definitely my first few times
21:49
Speaker 1: back out just on a sidewalk, I thought everyone was
21:52
Speaker 1: a terrorist. And I never said that publicly for like
21:55
Speaker 1: five or six years because I was ashamed of that.
21:57
Speaker 1: But you know, the world proved to me that that's
21:58
Speaker 1: what was true. So yeah, so that was really hard. Yeah,
22:02
Speaker 1: it was really tough, and you know I had to
22:04
Speaker 1: get a lot of help with that and had to
22:07
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, this is my brain trying to you know,
22:10
Speaker 1: I need to be proven now, like it's building trust again, right,
22:14
Speaker 1: So the world had to prove to me that that
22:16
Speaker 1: wasn't actually true, and that took me getting back out
22:19
Speaker 1: there again and again and again and deciding that, Okay,
22:23
Speaker 1: that's not actually true. This doesn't actually happen all the.
22:25
Speaker 2: Time when you were in the recovery phases. Did you
22:32
Speaker 2: want to spend time alone or did you not want
22:34
Speaker 2: to spend time alone?
22:35
Speaker 3: Good question.
22:36
Speaker 1: I didn't know what I wanted first of all, looking back,
22:40
Speaker 1: I had no idea what I wanted, but I certainly
22:42
Speaker 1: thought I did. It's like being eighteen, You're like, you
22:45
Speaker 1: think you know everything, but you're so young in the
22:47
Speaker 1: new body and new trauma that you don't know what
22:50
Speaker 1: you need. That being said, I wanted to have people around,
22:53
Speaker 1: but I also didn't have the healthiest people in my
22:56
Speaker 1: life at that time. My husband at the time and
22:58
Speaker 1: I were already having big issues and had talked about divorce.
23:02
Speaker 3: Actually, that morning of the bombing.
23:04
Speaker 1: And dance wasn't very healthy in the mental health space
23:09
Speaker 1: or body space. To stand in front of a bunch
23:12
Speaker 1: of old white dudes and string standing down a string bikini.
23:16
Speaker 1: They get to tell you how good or bad your
23:18
Speaker 1: body is with like actual numbers up like ten or
23:23
Speaker 1: zero or whatever. So when something bad happens to you
23:27
Speaker 1: and you're in a trying to be perfect environment, that
23:32
Speaker 1: doesn't lend itself to people mothering you or like being
23:36
Speaker 1: there for you or you know that just doesn't that
23:39
Speaker 1: the the like beauty queen industry doesn't lend itself to
23:45
Speaker 1: like wrapping their arms around you while you're in the
23:47
Speaker 1: fedal position, sobbing. So all that said, I didn't have
23:55
Speaker 1: people around me that I needed to and that was
23:57
Speaker 1: really hard. So I wanted people around me, but I
24:00
Speaker 1: didn't have those people.
24:02
Speaker 2: I know that the like FBI flew your family, and
24:06
Speaker 2: so how long did they stay with you?
24:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, So when I woke up from my surgery, my
24:11
Speaker 1: parents were there and my Superman surge and at the
24:13
Speaker 1: end of the bed, which was incredible and also awesome.
24:17
Speaker 1: They didn't like wake up in a room alone, and
24:19
Speaker 1: it was just the best scenario that could have been,
24:22
Speaker 1: just waking up. In general, it was good, right, still living.
24:27
Speaker 1: So they stayed for two and a half weeks. My
24:32
Speaker 1: dad went back to pack stuff because obviously they you
24:36
Speaker 1: can't pack when you're just trying to go visit your
24:38
Speaker 1: daughter after she's been blown up by a terrorists. They
24:41
Speaker 1: alsually didn't know what they wanted to bring. They didn't
24:42
Speaker 1: know how long they were going to be here. I
24:45
Speaker 1: think overall, it was like three weeks or so. And
24:49
Speaker 1: you know, my brothers came I have two older brothers,
24:51
Speaker 1: they're twins, and they came out and that was awesome.
24:53
Speaker 1: But my brother's boss at the school he was teaching
24:58
Speaker 1: at the time only gave him three days, which is
25:02
Speaker 1: absolute bullshit in my mind. And my other brother, you know,
25:08
Speaker 1: he has four kids and a business to run, so
25:11
Speaker 1: he came out for I think a week.
25:13
Speaker 3: That was all he could stay.
25:14
Speaker 1: You know, it's hard to like, you can't just have
25:17
Speaker 1: people coming and you know, they're not sleeping at the
25:20
Speaker 1: hospital with you, so like there's a lot of logistic
25:22
Speaker 1: stuff that can happen that's really hard.
25:24
Speaker 3: I will say that the FBI, as you said, they.
25:26
Speaker 1: Flew people out and they have funds for that, which
25:29
Speaker 1: I think everyone should know. If the absolute worst happens
25:33
Speaker 1: in your world, they will track your people down and
25:35
Speaker 1: get them to where they need to go and put
25:37
Speaker 1: them up in a hotel. So that was wonderful and
25:39
Speaker 1: something that I wish everyone knew about the FBI.
25:41
Speaker 3: They take care of you.
25:43
Speaker 1: And that's not to benefit them, that's just that's the
25:45
Speaker 1: government doing amazing things for their people. So that was
25:51
Speaker 1: wonderful and very helpful, and we each had a victim
25:54
Speaker 1: advocate that was like in charge of their family and
25:57
Speaker 1: making sure. So, for instance, I didn't know that the
26:01
Speaker 1: blast had come. I thought the blast had come from
26:04
Speaker 1: the sky for like three months because I wouldn't let
26:06
Speaker 1: anyone talk to me about what happened. I actually had
26:08
Speaker 1: put a sign on the outside of my door saying,
26:10
Speaker 1: I have enough truth that I'm dealing with, like my
26:12
Speaker 1: leg is gone. I don't want to know any thing
26:15
Speaker 1: more than that. And going back to the FBI, they
26:18
Speaker 1: would escort and drive my parents from wherever they were
26:20
Speaker 1: staying to the hospital. So I didn't even know there
26:23
Speaker 1: was lockdown, Like I didn't know that was a thing,
26:25
Speaker 1: Like while the whole world was launching this thing, Like
26:27
Speaker 1: I had no clue.
26:29
Speaker 2: After you get out of the surgery and that you are,
26:34
Speaker 2: you know, in quote unquote recovery, what is that transition?
26:38
Speaker 3: Like, Yeah, it's tough.
26:41
Speaker 1: I mean I think it's just there's a thing that
26:44
Speaker 1: happens with your brain after trauma, especially early on. That
26:49
Speaker 1: is what my therapist refers to as broken record, where
26:53
Speaker 1: your subconscious is just trying to figure out what just
26:55
Speaker 1: happened and reconcile it with your brain and your new reality,
26:59
Speaker 1: and and so it sounds like a broken record, like
27:05
Speaker 1: someone could be telling you a bunch of information about
27:08
Speaker 1: prosthetics and you're gonna walk one day, and here's what
27:12
Speaker 1: we did with your leg, and here's how you treat
27:14
Speaker 1: this wound. And meanwhile, in your head, it's just a
27:17
Speaker 1: broken record like, oh my gosh, my leg is gone.
27:19
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I got blown up by the terrist,
27:20
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, my leg is gone, you know, over
27:22
Speaker 1: and over again.
27:24
Speaker 3: And you can't intake new information.
27:25
Speaker 1: So who knows who I met, who knows what I said,
27:28
Speaker 1: who knows what they said to me?
27:30
Speaker 3: No clue.
27:31
Speaker 1: You just can't in take new information. So people will
27:34
Speaker 1: say like we had the most heartfelt conversation, and I'm like, really,
27:38
Speaker 1: I don't remember that. I was also on every medication possible.
27:41
Speaker 1: But it just looked what did that look like? It
27:44
Speaker 1: looked like a lot of crying and a lot of anger.
27:49
Speaker 1: I didn't know anger was actually grief, but it was.
27:53
Speaker 1: It was a lot of crying. I was just really sad,
27:55
Speaker 1: you know, it's just really sad that my world would
27:57
Speaker 1: never be the same. And there were a lot of time.
28:00
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
28:00
Speaker 3: I thought I.
28:00
Speaker 1: Couldn't walk again, and certainly never dreamed of dancing or
28:03
Speaker 1: becoming a runner.
28:04
Speaker 2: I recall from I believe it was another podcast that
28:07
Speaker 2: I listened to you speak on where even going into surgery,
28:11
Speaker 2: you told your superman surgeon that you were the number
28:15
Speaker 2: three ballroom dancer in the world and he needed to
28:18
Speaker 2: do something so that you could become number one.
28:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did.
28:23
Speaker 1: I was searching that perfection so deep that that's what
28:26
Speaker 1: I said to him, And I can't believe I did that.
28:28
Speaker 3: I mean, it makes me sick.
28:29
Speaker 1: That's who I was, you know, I was really searching
28:32
Speaker 1: that perfection and I wanted to be first, like that
28:36
Speaker 1: was all that mattered to me. And that's hard. That's
28:38
Speaker 1: a hard reality to grasp. But then the other side
28:41
Speaker 1: of that of finally not being that perfect sure feels good,
28:46
Speaker 1: like take me or leave me.
28:48
Speaker 2: When do you think you personally emotionally got from the
28:55
Speaker 2: place of non stop anger to more gratitude, which is
29:04
Speaker 2: I know where you live your life from now. When
29:07
Speaker 2: did that really start to transition for you?
29:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I remember my friends and family coming
29:17
Speaker 1: into the hospital. This is where I started seeing glimmers
29:20
Speaker 1: of it. It wasn't a full transition at this point,
29:23
Speaker 1: but I got there later on. I started to see
29:25
Speaker 1: glimmers of it because I had people coming into the
29:27
Speaker 1: hospital that were visiting.
29:28
Speaker 3: Me and just being really pissy about their own lives
29:34
Speaker 3: and they had it really good.
29:35
Speaker 1: And just getting really upset about small things and all
29:40
Speaker 1: of this, and.
29:41
Speaker 3: It just I just was like, you've got to be
29:45
Speaker 3: kidding me.
29:45
Speaker 2: You know, the audacity for someone to come into your
29:48
Speaker 2: hospital room with like their not to say that, like
29:51
Speaker 2: people aren't entitled to their issues, but you would think
29:54
Speaker 2: to know your audience.
29:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah, Well that tells you who I was
29:58
Speaker 3: hanging out with.
29:59
Speaker 1: And you know, my mom can be really negative and
30:02
Speaker 1: I don't mind saying that out loud.
30:03
Speaker 3: I'm not here to keep her secrets.
30:05
Speaker 1: And we battle about that a lot, and I told her,
30:12
Speaker 1: you can't talk negatively about anyone while I'm in here, Like,
30:15
Speaker 1: you can't do it.
30:16
Speaker 3: I don't want to hear it anymore.
30:17
Speaker 1: And that was really hard for her, and she had
30:21
Speaker 1: to leave the room a lot in order to tell
30:23
Speaker 1: someone else something negative about someone and that's tough. And
30:27
Speaker 1: that was really eye opening to me to have to
30:31
Speaker 1: really observe people in a new way because all I
30:36
Speaker 1: was doing, all I was doing all day every day,
30:38
Speaker 1: was just sitting and listening to people. And so when
30:41
Speaker 1: I wasn't having that broken record in my head, and
30:43
Speaker 1: so when I saw people being negative or just about
30:48
Speaker 1: stupid stuff, I just remember thinking, like, if I make
30:53
Speaker 1: it through this, which I don't know, it feels like
30:55
Speaker 1: I am and I'm being told that I'm going to live,
30:57
Speaker 1: you know, I've lived this past week or whatever the hospital.
31:00
Speaker 1: I'm certainly not going to be perfect. There is no
31:02
Speaker 1: such thing, nor do I want it. But I'm going
31:05
Speaker 1: to try my hardest not to talk crap about people
31:07
Speaker 1: and just be really grateful for the little things that
31:09
Speaker 1: I can do. And so that was the glimmer of
31:12
Speaker 1: that gratitude of just like being gratitude, of being alive, gratitude.
31:19
Speaker 1: There was a little bit of gratitude that I got
31:21
Speaker 1: to start my life over again. As strange as that
31:23
Speaker 1: sounds like, not grateful it happened. I want to be
31:25
Speaker 1: really clear, never grateful it happened. I'm not one of
31:29
Speaker 1: those people some people get hit by a car and
31:30
Speaker 1: they're really excited it happened because it changes their life.
31:32
Speaker 1: I am not in that space and I never will be,
31:34
Speaker 1: but I was grateful that I could. I had glimmers
31:37
Speaker 1: of like, I'm going to do some serious editing in
31:39
Speaker 1: my life and of people in places and things and
31:43
Speaker 1: marriage and stuff. And then later on that gratitude came
31:48
Speaker 1: when I learned how to walk. I got my leg,
31:51
Speaker 1: and you step down on that leg and you have to,
31:55
Speaker 1: you know, numb all of these nerves that are just
31:57
Speaker 1: very angry about what happened and their surgery. There's so
32:01
Speaker 1: much pain and yes, you get a leg, and it's
32:05
Speaker 1: exciting to get a leg, but it's not your leg,
32:07
Speaker 1: and so a lot of tears that happen when people
32:09
Speaker 1: get their first leg. Yes it's gratitude, but like it's
32:12
Speaker 1: also just anguish that this is now real. And I
32:18
Speaker 1: started to walk between ballet bars that I used to
32:22
Speaker 1: dance between, and to learn how to walk again is
32:27
Speaker 1: one of the most beautiful, most incredible gifts that I
32:33
Speaker 1: so wish we all had. I wish that we all
32:36
Speaker 1: had memories of learning how to walk. Like if I
32:38
Speaker 1: could grant this world that, I think we would all
32:40
Speaker 1: just be a hell of a lot more grateful. If
32:43
Speaker 1: you look at yourself going downstairs, like literally going taking
32:47
Speaker 1: steps downstairs, you fall like you fall to the next step.
32:52
Speaker 1: And so to take a new foot, a new body
32:55
Speaker 1: part that you can't feel is on the edge of
32:58
Speaker 1: the stair and fall onto it and hope, hope that
33:02
Speaker 1: it catches you and you don't crack your skull open.
33:05
Speaker 3: I mean, there is no better gift.
33:08
Speaker 1: I'm not talking and coming back from injury, which don't
33:10
Speaker 1: get me wrong as hard I've done that too, but
33:12
Speaker 1: to have a whole new body part and to put
33:16
Speaker 1: your hands just like a toddler does at the end
33:18
Speaker 1: of this new body part and be like, Okay, that's
33:20
Speaker 1: what that feels. Like I had no idea my body. No,
33:22
Speaker 1: we all know our body where like I have a
33:24
Speaker 1: mole there and a funny tonail there, but like to
33:27
Speaker 1: get to know an entirely new body part. There are
33:29
Speaker 1: a lot of psychologists that say that losing your leg
33:33
Speaker 1: is like mourning your own death because it's the only
33:36
Speaker 1: thing that's like you literally lose a part of yourself,
33:39
Speaker 1: and there's a rebuilding and newness about getting a new
33:42
Speaker 1: body part and rebuilding yourself. And that happened for me
33:45
Speaker 1: when I learned how to walk, and then the gratitude
33:47
Speaker 1: came from.
33:48
Speaker 3: Oh, guess what, I have to pee?
33:49
Speaker 1: I can get up and pee like because there was
33:51
Speaker 1: a long time where I couldn't, And so that was
33:54
Speaker 1: just the gratitude from that. I mean, I love running,
33:56
Speaker 1: I love I love learning really fast, I love damn
33:59
Speaker 1: s and I'm so proud that I've been able to
34:01
Speaker 1: do all of that.
34:02
Speaker 3: But there's nothing like walking.
34:05
Speaker 2: You learn how to walk, when do you learn how
34:10
Speaker 2: to run?
34:12
Speaker 1: I learned how to I went on my first run
34:15
Speaker 1: Year's Day twenty sixteen. I had never been a runner,
34:19
Speaker 1: like literally wrote like forged notes in high school to
34:22
Speaker 1: get out of running the presidential fitness or like the
34:26
Speaker 1: obligatory mile that you have to do to prove yourself
34:30
Speaker 1: in high school and middle school and such.
34:31
Speaker 3: And I never did it ever.
34:33
Speaker 1: I was like six six sick, skip class, served attention,
34:37
Speaker 1: whatever worth it, I don't care, and I would never
34:39
Speaker 1: sweat in public.
34:41
Speaker 3: And I decided to pick it up.
34:43
Speaker 1: I wanted to send a great, big thank you to
34:45
Speaker 1: everyone who was in the running community and everyone who
34:49
Speaker 1: just rallied around all of us survivors in that Boston
34:52
Speaker 1: strong message. It just meant so much to me. And
34:55
Speaker 1: so I started to run run slash like jog fall crawl.
35:00
Speaker 3: It was not easy.
35:02
Speaker 2: And when you started the run jog crawl skip situation,
35:08
Speaker 2: did you have any expectation or were you just happy
35:13
Speaker 2: to try to move your body in this newer way?
35:17
Speaker 1: You know, I didn't have too much of an expectation
35:20
Speaker 1: because I still didn't know any runners. Like I knew
35:23
Speaker 1: I had met Shelane at that point and that was awesome,
35:25
Speaker 1: but I didn't know stats or pace or any of that.
35:29
Speaker 3: And so.
35:31
Speaker 1: I wasn't like part of a run group where I
35:34
Speaker 1: was comparing myself to other people. I was just running
35:37
Speaker 1: by myself, like very incognito. I didn't want witnesses.
35:42
Speaker 2: Also, of note, though, we would be remiss if we
35:44
Speaker 2: didn't touch on the fact that you may or may
35:47
Speaker 2: not have told Anderson Cooper that you were going to
35:51
Speaker 2: run the marathon having never run a day in your
35:55
Speaker 2: life after everything went down.
35:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep, it was. I want to say, I need
36:00
Speaker 1: to look this up. But it was like four or
36:02
Speaker 1: five days after I lost my leg. I was in
36:04
Speaker 1: the hospital and my mom snuck in or someon Cooper
36:07
Speaker 1: into my room, just casual, just casual, and she went
36:12
Speaker 1: down to Copley Square, and I didn't know she was.
36:16
Speaker 1: I knew she was going to Copley Square, but I
36:17
Speaker 1: didn't know she was going to bring him back.
36:18
Speaker 3: And she did.
36:21
Speaker 2: She just went and found him.
36:23
Speaker 3: She just went and found him. Yeah, just no big deal.
36:25
Speaker 3: Do you want to go talk to my daughter? That's
36:27
Speaker 3: very that's very her. Yeah.
36:29
Speaker 1: I told him that I wanted to learn how to
36:31
Speaker 1: dance again. He said, will you teach me if you learn?
36:33
Speaker 1: And I said sure, like hell yes, And then that
36:36
Speaker 1: felt really good to say that goal out loud. So
36:38
Speaker 1: then I somehow out of my mouth came yeah, and
36:40
Speaker 1: I think one day I'll run the Boston Marathon as
36:42
Speaker 1: a thank you to everyone who has supported all of
36:45
Speaker 1: us and kept us going. And my dad was like
36:48
Speaker 1: in the background, like waving his hands, like, you do
36:50
Speaker 1: not do.
36:51
Speaker 3: That, You do not run. You are not that person.
36:54
Speaker 3: Don't say that.
36:55
Speaker 1: And meanwhile I forgot the cameras were there because you know,
36:58
Speaker 1: his blue eyes. So so yeah, I had told a
37:02
Speaker 1: bunch of people. So I had a lot of people
37:04
Speaker 1: that had this expectation or this they were, you know,
37:08
Speaker 1: hadn't forgotten that I had said this in twenty thirteen.
37:11
Speaker 1: So I thought I'd give this running a try, And
37:14
Speaker 1: when people asked me about it, I kept reminding them
37:17
Speaker 1: I'm like, do you know that that's twenty six point
37:19
Speaker 1: two miles, Like that's really long, And then they would
37:22
Speaker 1: respond with, yeah, but you could do anything, and I'm like, ugh,
37:26
Speaker 1: I don't want you to believe in me right now.
37:27
Speaker 1: I want you to be like, it's totally fine if
37:29
Speaker 1: you don't do it.
37:30
Speaker 3: So it was really hard.
37:32
Speaker 2: When did running transition from something that you kind of
37:37
Speaker 2: dreaded but hoped to get into to an activity that
37:42
Speaker 2: gave you solace and helped you relearn and refine a
37:47
Speaker 2: bit of your sense of self.
37:50
Speaker 1: You know, I had been running for about four or
37:54
Speaker 1: five months, and I still didn't tell anyone. And I
37:58
Speaker 1: was doing some walking at that point, you know, like
38:00
Speaker 1: run walking, but I was running. And and I didn't
38:03
Speaker 1: know run walking wasn't running or what you're supposed to
38:05
Speaker 1: run the whole time, Like, I didn't know any of
38:06
Speaker 1: these things.
38:07
Speaker 2: So, yeah, run walking, running. Anyone listening to this right now?
38:10
Speaker 2: It's running?
38:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, if Slane says it is, it is, it is.
38:14
Speaker 3: And And so.
38:17
Speaker 1: I was at brunch one day and I finally told
38:20
Speaker 1: my friends I was like, I'm running and they said,
38:23
Speaker 1: no way, how how far are you running? And I said, oh,
38:26
Speaker 1: I don't know. Is there is there like a do
38:30
Speaker 1: you have a car follow you? Like you know, I
38:31
Speaker 1: have no sense of direction, Like I don't know, I
38:33
Speaker 1: don't even know where I go.
38:34
Speaker 3: I just run to.
38:37
Speaker 1: Find the house again and like I didn't know what
38:40
Speaker 1: I was doing and uh.
38:42
Speaker 3: And they said, no, Adrian, there's an app for that.
38:44
Speaker 3: And I said, oh cool, where is that? So they
38:47
Speaker 3: downloaded it. I don't do tech.
38:48
Speaker 1: Everyone learned how to tech when I was on a
38:50
Speaker 1: ballroom dance floor, as you know, because I'm trying to
38:52
Speaker 1: get onto this podcast recording. So anyway, they downloaded the
38:55
Speaker 1: app and I went out the next morning and I
38:57
Speaker 1: found out I was running ten miles and I was like, well,
39:00
Speaker 1: holy hell, I didn't know that that's far.
39:03
Speaker 2: If you have been at that video you were watching
39:05
Speaker 2: right now, you guys would have seen my face like
39:07
Speaker 2: completely drop in shock. Yeah, oh my goodness.
39:11
Speaker 3: Same same. I had no idea.
39:13
Speaker 1: I thought I was just out there forever because I
39:15
Speaker 1: was really bad at it, which I was, but I thought,
39:20
Speaker 1: well I could double that and add six. I'm gonna
39:22
Speaker 1: do the marathon, like, I don't need to be perfect,
39:24
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do it. And then then Emily, I
39:27
Speaker 1: never ran further than ten miles, and then I was
39:29
Speaker 1: towing the line at the twenty sixteen bus in marathon.
39:32
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, whatever, I don't need it. I'm fine. Like,
39:35
Speaker 1: you don't think you're not training if you've never done
39:37
Speaker 1: it and you don't have run our.
39:38
Speaker 2: Friends, So then you hit a lot of hurdles when
39:43
Speaker 2: it comes to actually running the marathon. Talk us through
39:49
Speaker 2: the see of hurdle moments that you had between what
39:54
Speaker 2: was twenty sixteen and twenty twenty two.
39:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, twenty sixteen. I it was so tough. I was
40:00
Speaker 1: staying at that start line with my boyfriend at the
40:04
Speaker 1: time who's now one of my best friends, love him Dan,
40:06
Speaker 1: and had a full panic attack and he said, you know, Adrian,
40:15
Speaker 1: what will get you to the finish line is nothing
40:16
Speaker 1: compared to what got you to the start. And I said,
40:18
Speaker 1: you're right, You're right, that's true. Like I had learned
40:22
Speaker 1: how to walk again, I danced, I performed. I had
40:26
Speaker 1: done so much with PTSD that I was able to
40:28
Speaker 1: be in crowds again and around loud noises and all
40:32
Speaker 1: the things, and so I the gun went off and
40:36
Speaker 1: I started running and then ran for about five minutes,
40:40
Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, that was really hard. And
40:42
Speaker 1: then I crawled, walk, hobbled, stopped in almost every medical
40:45
Speaker 1: tent to hang out, I stopped for lunch.
40:49
Speaker 3: I like crawled, I was carried.
40:52
Speaker 1: I barely made it, and I was a final finisher
40:54
Speaker 1: in ten hours and forty four minutes in twenty sixteen,
40:57
Speaker 1: and two seconds after crossing the line, then President Barack
41:01
Speaker 1: Obama tweeted me and said, congratulations, Adrian. We carry on,
41:05
Speaker 1: we finish the race. We don't let terras stop us.
41:09
Speaker 1: And that was incredible and amazing. And I was so
41:12
Speaker 1: in so much pain from running, and I'd had major
41:15
Speaker 1: issues with my prosthetic throughout that race, run krawl, and
41:20
Speaker 1: I hadn't trained, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
41:23
Speaker 1: It was amazing, but I came in dead last, and
41:25
Speaker 1: I really wanted to see what it would be like
41:27
Speaker 1: to come in first. And so let's see, that was
41:31
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen. Twenty seventeen, I spectated, and one year I
41:36
Speaker 1: was testifying, and then twenty or no, twenty eighteen, I
41:41
Speaker 1: trained really really hard and was cruising at like eight
41:46
Speaker 1: minute miles. And that was the year of the hypothermia.
41:52
Speaker 1: It was so awful in Boston that year that they
41:54
Speaker 1: closed the airport. One of my dear friends who's at
41:57
Speaker 1: the BAA and he described it as a frozen car wash,
42:01
Speaker 1: which is exactly what it was. And I got hypothermia
42:04
Speaker 1: at like mile six or mile ten, I don't even remember,
42:07
Speaker 1: and I didn't know my own name, and I was
42:08
Speaker 1: pulled and that was heartbreaking. I mean, they made the
42:11
Speaker 1: right decision, the medical team made a right decision to
42:13
Speaker 1: pull me, but that's a hard till to swallow.
42:15
Speaker 3: That was heartbreaking.
42:17
Speaker 1: And then twenty nineteen, I was training and one hundred
42:22
Speaker 1: days out, I was walking to dinner, had the right
42:23
Speaker 1: of way in a crosswalk in a car going about
42:27
Speaker 1: forty forty five miles an hour barreled into me and
42:30
Speaker 1: actually hit me on my left side. They didn't have
42:33
Speaker 1: any headlights on. They did not give him a breathalyzer,
42:37
Speaker 1: which was horrific, but he hit me on my left side,
42:41
Speaker 1: and because his carbon fiber bumper hit my carbon fiber
42:45
Speaker 1: leg I flew about four car links ahead of me
42:49
Speaker 1: and was lucky there were no other cars on the
42:51
Speaker 1: road and I just smashed into pavement and shattered my
42:53
Speaker 1: left arm, shoulder, everything hip, and I was in the
42:57
Speaker 1: hospital for another three or four months because I couldn't
42:59
Speaker 1: get my life gone with only one arm, and then
43:02
Speaker 1: twenty twenty hit. But in the good news between twenty
43:06
Speaker 1: nineteen and twenty twenty was that I had been advocating
43:09
Speaker 1: for a new paradivision in the Boston Marathon. I had
43:11
Speaker 1: looked around at divisions that would include people who look
43:16
Speaker 1: like me and people who ran like me in the
43:17
Speaker 1: running blades, and I was very heartbroken to learn that
43:22
Speaker 1: even the Paralympics doesn't have anything above. I thought it
43:24
Speaker 1: was the four hundred, but it's.
43:25
Speaker 3: Actually the two hundred meters for us.
43:27
Speaker 1: They don't have five k's or ten k's or fifteen
43:30
Speaker 1: hundreds or marathon. They do for people in chairs and
43:34
Speaker 1: people who are visually impaired, but they won't print out
43:37
Speaker 1: any extra bibs for us, and there aren't any of
43:41
Speaker 1: the major marathons or five k's or ten k's. So
43:44
Speaker 1: I was advocating really hard for that and had worked
43:47
Speaker 1: on becoming a faster.
43:48
Speaker 3: Runner, and I was.
43:51
Speaker 1: Really happy that when I was recovering from being hit
43:54
Speaker 1: by that car. The BAA took me out to launch
43:56
Speaker 1: and said, we now have a division, so we would
43:59
Speaker 1: love for you to win it. We'd love for you
44:01
Speaker 1: to run it. We'd love for you to be you know,
44:03
Speaker 1: there at that starting line in twenty twenty. And then
44:05
Speaker 1: we all know what happened in twenty twenty, and then
44:10
Speaker 1: that one was postponed the very first time Boston Marathon
44:13
Speaker 1: did not ever run, even through the wars, and it
44:17
Speaker 1: was a hard time for everyone in twenty twenty. And
44:18
Speaker 1: then I was training for the twenty twenty one race,
44:22
Speaker 1: which I was training hard for, but rolled my ankle
44:27
Speaker 1: about a month out from the race and sprained it.
44:29
Speaker 1: I couldn't walk for a few days, and it was
44:31
Speaker 1: just really really hard, and my doctors told me there's
44:34
Speaker 1: absolutely no way, like you shouldn't even be walking in
44:37
Speaker 1: this probably without you know, help, and this is unable
44:43
Speaker 1: to do it. And then finally toiled the line in
44:44
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two. So yeah, step back after step back
44:47
Speaker 1: after step back. Oh my god, it was just so
44:51
Speaker 1: much and so much to get to this race, even
44:55
Speaker 1: to the start line. And my coach and support runner
44:59
Speaker 1: and very dear friend, Shelene flanagain had That's why we
45:02
Speaker 1: made that our a goal was just to get to
45:04
Speaker 1: the start line healthy because we knew how many times
45:07
Speaker 1: I had tried to do that. And you know, it
45:10
Speaker 1: is a lot of us think of the finish line,
45:12
Speaker 1: but just to get to the start healthy is a
45:16
Speaker 1: huge accomplishment. We put our bodies through a lot in
45:18
Speaker 1: marathon training and as runners in general, no matter what
45:22
Speaker 1: distance you're yeah, no matter what distance you're doing.
45:25
Speaker 3: So my history with that goal.
45:27
Speaker 1: Twenty sixteen was an awesome race and I'm glad I
45:29
Speaker 1: did it, and you know, I wouldn't change anything. It
45:32
Speaker 1: was a reflection of my training, but yeah, I wanted
45:34
Speaker 1: to I wanted to compete.
45:36
Speaker 3: In the marathon for sure.
45:37
Speaker 2: Twenty twenty two was what you really came for. So
45:40
Speaker 2: for you five hours, eighteen minutes, forty one seconds of
45:44
Speaker 2: your life alongside one of the best to do it
45:48
Speaker 2: in the game. When you reflect on that day, if
45:52
Speaker 2: you had to pick one word to describe it, what
45:56
Speaker 2: do you go with?
45:58
Speaker 3: Oh, man, immediately here and I like to start to
46:01
Speaker 3: tear up.
46:02
Speaker 1: Perfect And I don't like using that word because I've
46:05
Speaker 1: talked about my history with that word, but it was perfect.
46:08
Speaker 1: Because it was exactly what I needed exactly. I think
46:13
Speaker 1: if I just look at it without me in it,
46:15
Speaker 1: just observing Boston and all the other runners, I think
46:18
Speaker 1: it was perfect for them, even though I'm sure that
46:20
Speaker 1: everyone had different days out there. I mean perfect, as
46:22
Speaker 1: in the crowds were back, it was back on Patriots
46:25
Speaker 1: Day again.
46:26
Speaker 3: It was.
46:28
Speaker 1: So you can never have the like perfect air, quote
46:33
Speaker 1: perfect weather. I had dialed in the humidity and the
46:36
Speaker 1: weather and it was the exact numbers I wanted, Like
46:39
Speaker 1: that never happens, and so that was.
46:43
Speaker 3: Amazing to be able to do that and have it
46:45
Speaker 3: be that weather.
46:46
Speaker 1: And that greatly affects how my leg performs and whether
46:50
Speaker 1: I'm slowing down for that or not.
46:51
Speaker 3: So that was a huge benefit. But yeah, it was.
46:54
Speaker 1: It was the most perfect day. And I had the
46:57
Speaker 1: best of the best in the business right next to
47:00
Speaker 1: me to enjoy it with. And you know, Chilaine had
47:06
Speaker 1: major history with the race as well. She had you know,
47:09
Speaker 1: wanted to win it herself, and she was there. Her
47:13
Speaker 1: first Boston Marathon was in twenty thirteen, and she had
47:17
Speaker 1: a really good day and crossed the finish line and
47:21
Speaker 1: the blast went off and she was at the Copley
47:22
Speaker 1: Square Hotel, and she was actually the first professional runner
47:26
Speaker 1: to let the Boston Athletic Association know I'll be back
47:30
Speaker 1: in twenty fourteen, like I will be back to run
47:33
Speaker 1: this race. And she used to hand out water right
47:36
Speaker 1: near the finish line back when they had a water
47:38
Speaker 1: stop that close to the finish line to runners and
47:41
Speaker 1: when her dad was running, so she had major history
47:43
Speaker 1: with this race and with my story as well as
47:47
Speaker 1: developing such a close friendship. So it was just such
47:51
Speaker 1: a full circle moment of not being a runner and
47:54
Speaker 1: then suddenly being there with her was just it was amazing.
48:00
Speaker 2: But it has running given you.
48:03
Speaker 3: Running has given.
48:04
Speaker 1: Me the ability to show up as I am, not
48:06
Speaker 1: only for the run in the morning it straightly out
48:08
Speaker 1: of the bed and no makeup and flat shoes and
48:11
Speaker 1: sweating in public, but it's given me the ability to
48:15
Speaker 1: show up in life as I am, as I want
48:18
Speaker 1: to be, as I am in my personality, as I
48:21
Speaker 1: am in my body being scarred for multiple traumas and
48:28
Speaker 1: broken and missing pieces. It's given me the ability to
48:31
Speaker 1: show up and prove that I can still be strong.
48:33
Speaker 1: And it's given me incredible friendship that are truer than
48:37
Speaker 1: anything I've ever known. It's given me confidence.
48:40
Speaker 4: To try other things that I probably wouldn't have tried
48:43
Speaker 4: if I hadn't just crushed twenty six point two miles
48:46
Speaker 4: or even just a mile or whatever it was that
48:49
Speaker 4: I did that morning.
48:50
Speaker 2: What excites you right now?
48:52
Speaker 3: Right now? In running?
48:55
Speaker 1: I am very excited that the Boston Methodic Association just
48:58
Speaker 1: announced that the Boss the BA ten k, will now
49:03
Speaker 1: be competitive for people like me, So we now have
49:05
Speaker 1: a competitive division, which is very exciting. I'm excited that
49:10
Speaker 1: my post COVID hack, my cough and my lungs are
49:14
Speaker 1: starting to clear. I was very concerned because I was
49:19
Speaker 1: really struggling. It was really struggling. I haven't really let
49:21
Speaker 1: that on, but I've been really struggling with trying to
49:24
Speaker 1: run any distance since Boston because of COVID. I got
49:28
Speaker 1: it really really badly boosted and boxed and all those things,
49:32
Speaker 1: but man, it hit me.
49:34
Speaker 3: I'm excited. I'm excited to decorate this new house.
49:38
Speaker 1: I just moved in with my boyfriend right before the marathon,
49:43
Speaker 1: and so it's been fun. That's been really fun and
49:47
Speaker 1: developing that relationship further and deeper. And I love decorating
49:51
Speaker 1: a new house. That's exciting.
49:54
Speaker 2: What's your favorite piece of running gear right now, Adrian.
49:58
Speaker 3: Oh, running gear? Oh well, well, I just got a
50:01
Speaker 3: bunch of bronment.
50:02
Speaker 1: You know, before the marathon, I got some really sick
50:04
Speaker 1: hits from Bronment. So those are those are very exciting.
50:08
Speaker 1: I'm excited to sport the crop come in the summer heat.
50:11
Speaker 1: The BA ten k is actually run on my birthday,
50:13
Speaker 1: so I'm pretty stoked. I know it's pretty fun, so
50:17
Speaker 1: go for the win for that. Although it's now that
50:19
Speaker 1: the ten k is happening, there are people that I
50:22
Speaker 1: don't even know that I don't know what the competition
50:24
Speaker 1: is going to be like because it's a different distance
50:26
Speaker 1: and there are new people showing up. And that's what
50:28
Speaker 1: I wanted when I fought for this division. But you
50:31
Speaker 1: know what, I'd love to take a race so it
50:33
Speaker 1: doesn't need to be too competitive and and so I'm
50:37
Speaker 1: looking forward to yeah, rocking the crop. So I think
50:41
Speaker 1: my new my favorite running thing right now is is
50:44
Speaker 1: definitely the BTC gear. And I just got a peloton tread.
50:49
Speaker 2: So welcome to the peloton fam.
50:51
Speaker 3: I'm deep in the peloton fam.
50:53
Speaker 1: Now I'm I'm doing I've told anyone this yet, but
50:57
Speaker 1: I can say it here. I brought on to give
51:01
Speaker 1: some feedback on how Peloton works with people with disabilities,
51:05
Speaker 1: so I'm eager to try out all of their things
51:08
Speaker 1: and be able to work with them on making it
51:11
Speaker 1: more inclusive in the future, so both with software and hardware.
51:15
Speaker 1: So it's very exciting, and I love the Peloton fam.
51:18
Speaker 1: Becks and I've been friends for a while and I
51:20
Speaker 1: just I'm super stoked. So it's very exciting.
51:24
Speaker 2: What would you say is one of your favorite Are
51:28
Speaker 2: you a podcast or a music runner?
51:31
Speaker 3: Ooh? Both? But music?
51:33
Speaker 1: I think with dance like, I'm so highly motivated with music.
51:36
Speaker 1: Shlene and I were joking that we needed We kept
51:39
Speaker 1: sending each other playlist because obviously we were across the
51:41
Speaker 1: country from each other, and so she ran with her
51:46
Speaker 1: phone She's never run a marathon with her phone before,
51:48
Speaker 1: and then we played. She tried to play me some
51:50
Speaker 1: music when it was I was having some hard times,
51:53
Speaker 1: but the crowds were so loud we couldn't hear it, which.
51:54
Speaker 3: Is a good thing to happen. I am definitely motivated
51:58
Speaker 3: by music.
51:59
Speaker 2: Do you have a like number one running song?
52:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know it's so not unique. It's stronger
52:07
Speaker 1: by the score.
52:09
Speaker 2: I love that for you.
52:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so good.
52:12
Speaker 1: I mean, and I ain't going to die tonight by Mackelmore,
52:16
Speaker 1: who I grew up near.
52:17
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, for fun fact, yeah, fun fact.
52:22
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Right now, if someone goes to your
52:26
Speaker 2: Instagram page, they see a woman that is an adaptive athlete.
52:32
Speaker 2: When you look in the mirror, what is it that
52:35
Speaker 2: you see looking back at you.
52:38
Speaker 3: Oh wow, that's a great question. I see.
52:47
Speaker 1: I see someone who's fought really, really hard to get here.
52:56
Speaker 3: I have thought really really hard throughout.
53:01
Speaker 1: My life to get to where I am now, and
53:04
Speaker 1: I'm really proud of that. Yeah, I see someone who's
53:10
Speaker 1: doing her very best two not be perfect and to
53:18
Speaker 1: show up as yourself and to keep advocating for others
53:23
Speaker 1: who are like me. I know what it's like to
53:26
Speaker 1: be in a hospital room and feel completely broken when
53:30
Speaker 1: you've identified as having a perfect body. That is really hard.
53:35
Speaker 1: And I want to be there for other women and girls,
53:37
Speaker 1: And I mentor a lot of girls through the early
53:40
Speaker 1: days of being amputees. And when I look in the mirror,
53:43
Speaker 1: I am really proud that I can do that.
53:46
Speaker 2: Right now, Adrian, you have an opportunity to offer yourself
53:50
Speaker 2: a piece of advice. Laying in that hospital room, knowing
53:54
Speaker 2: what you know. Now, what do you tell yourself going
53:58
Speaker 2: through that Hurtle moment?
54:04
Speaker 1: Hold on tight, It's okay to edit ruthlessly and frequently
54:12
Speaker 1: kick them, kick them all out and start over.
54:15
Speaker 3: Like it's never too late to do that. That's going
54:17
Speaker 3: to sound like I was divorced. My husband divorced me, But.
54:22
Speaker 1: I I kick them all out and edit ruthlessly because
54:27
Speaker 1: you need to protect yourself and and you have to
54:32
Speaker 1: protect your mental health.
54:33
Speaker 3: It's just really important your mental health.
54:36
Speaker 1: If you if you are surrounded by people who aren't healthy,
54:39
Speaker 1: you are going to be unhealthy in body and mind.
54:43
Speaker 1: And if you're unhealthy in your mind, you're going to
54:44
Speaker 1: be unhealthy in your body. I mean, that's just they're
54:46
Speaker 1: they're not they're not parallel, they're linked.
54:50
Speaker 3: Yeah.
54:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, Adrian. The world is so much better
54:54
Speaker 2: for your light and for your perspective. And I'm so
54:57
Speaker 2: excited that we were able to finally come together and
54:59
Speaker 2: do this. For anyone who's not yet following along with
55:02
Speaker 2: you on the socials, how do they do that? How
55:05
Speaker 2: do they keep up with you? Give us the details.
55:07
Speaker 3: I am.
55:09
Speaker 1: I am an Instagram addict. I am not sorry about that.
55:13
Speaker 1: I told my therapist early on that that was not
55:14
Speaker 1: something we were going to work on.
55:16
Speaker 3: We had plenty of other things.
55:20
Speaker 1: So I am on Instagram under my own name, Adrian Haslett,
55:22
Speaker 1: Adrian HD on Twitter, and I'm will.
55:25
Speaker 3: Never be on Facebook. I think I exist on there,
55:27
Speaker 3: but he to know on.
55:29
Speaker 2: That one, Helton know. I'm over at Emily Body and
55:33
Speaker 2: over at Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys
55:38
Speaker 2: next time