Latest / Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice / Is Comparison the Thief of All Joy

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Is Comparison the Thief of All Joy · Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice

0:00
Speaker: Hello, this is Ray with Get Real Ray, a place and space for life
0:03
Speaker: and business tips from this creative soul to hopefully
0:06
Speaker: inspire you on your journey, or at the very least, provide you
0:10
Speaker: with some laughs.
0:11
Speaker: And so let's get real.
0:14
Speaker: Let's get real about comparison.
0:18
Speaker: Craving real advice?
0:20
Speaker: Tired of feeling like every other small business owner or
0:23
Speaker: solopreneur is raking in the dough while you just seem to be
0:26
Speaker: raking, secretly looking for a reminder that starting your own
0:30
Speaker: business is not as glamorous as others make it look.
0:34
Speaker: Whether you're looking to change the game in your relationships
0:37
Speaker: at home or at the workplace, you've come to the right place.
0:41
Speaker: My name is Ray.
0:42
Speaker: I went from corporate America to running my own small business to
0:45
Speaker: becoming a solopreneur.
0:46
Speaker: I'm a professional actor and
0:48
Speaker: dare we say, a professional busy
0:50
Speaker: body because this body is about
0:53
Speaker: to be busy all up in your
0:54
Speaker: business.
0:54
Speaker: So let's get real.
0:57
Speaker: So comparison is the thief of all joy.
1:01
Speaker: Or so they say.
1:02
Speaker: But when you are an
1:05
Speaker: entrepreneur, a solopreneur, a
1:07
Speaker: small business owner, someone
1:08
Speaker: who is in business for
1:09
Speaker: themselves, well, you need to
1:12
Speaker: compare.
1:13
Speaker: It's part of what's going to keep you competitive.
1:20
Speaker: Comparison.
1:21
Speaker: Is it really the thief of all joy?
1:24
Speaker: Or is it just the weird mental
1:26
Speaker: chatter that be going on up in
1:27
Speaker: here?
1:27
Speaker: What's going on up in there in your head?
1:30
Speaker: Um, that really is the thief of all joy.
1:35
Speaker: So let's talk about it.
1:36
Speaker: All right, my friends.
1:39
Speaker: So for those who are partaking in the video, I really wanted to
1:43
Speaker: record this out in the sunshine.
1:44
Speaker: Um, like it's a beautiful day.
1:46
Speaker: It's my last day on this island, and I just want to share as much
1:51
Speaker: of this island as humanly possible with people.
1:55
Speaker: Why?
1:56
Speaker: It's not to have you compare and be like, oh, I wish I could be
2:02
Speaker: on that island just like her.
2:04
Speaker: And it's not because I want to
2:08
Speaker: invoke some sort of weird
2:10
Speaker: jealousy thing.
2:11
Speaker: Oh, that.
2:13
Speaker: She's in some beautiful place.
2:15
Speaker: Oh curse her.
2:17
Speaker: I hope she dies in a horrible, fiery crash.
2:20
Speaker: No, it's because my friends be crazy.
2:24
Speaker: And I'll say, hey, you should
2:27
Speaker: come and visit me in random
2:28
Speaker: place, even though it's probably
2:30
Speaker: not going to work with your
2:31
Speaker: schedule.
2:31
Speaker: And they're like, yeah, Ray, we have lives that don't include
2:37
Speaker: you ninety nine percent of the time, so we cannot come through
2:41
Speaker: and hang with you.
2:42
Speaker: So the second next best thing is to share it with all of my
2:48
Speaker: friends online and be like, hey, in my heart of hearts, you were
2:53
Speaker: here with me, dear podcast listener, In my heart of hearts,
2:58
Speaker: you are here with me and we're doing really nice things
3:03
Speaker: together now because you know this girl be broke as a joke.
3:07
Speaker: Not all the times, okay.
3:08
Speaker: But sometimes, um, we are not
3:12
Speaker: running around spending lots of
3:14
Speaker: money at Granny's attic buying
3:16
Speaker: up all kinds of second hand
3:18
Speaker: clothing, though I am trying to
3:21
Speaker: decide if I am going to go to
3:23
Speaker: the granny's attic tomorrow
3:24
Speaker: before I leave the island, just
3:27
Speaker: to see if there are some
3:30
Speaker: delicious looking second hand
3:32
Speaker: items that should be on this
3:34
Speaker: body now.
3:36
Speaker: Okay, I'm gonna put a pause right there because I was
3:39
Speaker: talking to a friend who lives in Turkey and he was just like, or
3:43
Speaker: should I say Turkey?
3:45
Speaker: And he said his daughter wanted a car and so he was going to
3:49
Speaker: have to get her a car.
3:51
Speaker: And I said, dude, your daughter wants a car.
3:54
Speaker: Your wife wants a new house, but you've just got a new house,
4:00
Speaker: like three years ago.
4:02
Speaker: But now she wants another new house.
4:05
Speaker: So what kind of job do you have, Mr. Moneybags?
4:08
Speaker: He's like, no, I'm not rich.
4:10
Speaker: I'm not.
4:10
Speaker: Trust me.
4:11
Speaker: And so we were talking it
4:12
Speaker: through and I just jokingly,
4:14
Speaker: kind of jokingly, partly very
4:17
Speaker: serious.
4:18
Speaker: I said, why don't you get your daughter a second hand car?
4:22
Speaker: Because the girl knows exactly what kind of car she wants.
4:25
Speaker: And we looked at the price and I
4:26
Speaker: was like, that's not a cheap
4:27
Speaker: car, but you can get a second
4:30
Speaker: hand version for five thousand
4:32
Speaker: US dollars.
4:33
Speaker: Yay!
4:34
Speaker: Now, mind you, um, he's in another country, so the price
4:39
Speaker: not be exactly the same?
4:41
Speaker: Finding that car second hand may not even be as humanly possible,
4:45
Speaker: but I'm just throwing out ideas.
4:46
Speaker: We call this the spitballing.
4:48
Speaker: And he's like, no, I hear what you're saying.
4:53
Speaker: But in this country, people
4:56
Speaker: don't want things used or second
4:58
Speaker: hand.
4:59
Speaker: They want new.
5:00
Speaker: I was like, man, it's gotta be rough being a dad.
5:03
Speaker: Okay, so, um, maybe you are a
5:07
Speaker: mom listening to this and you
5:08
Speaker: are shaking your head going
5:09
Speaker: away.
5:10
Speaker: Girl, I know it's rough being a mama to them children.
5:13
Speaker: They will take you to the bank,
5:16
Speaker: cash you in and take every penny
5:17
Speaker: you got.
5:18
Speaker: And if that is your life, I'm sorry for you.
5:21
Speaker: Um, but it's partly your choice, right?
5:26
Speaker: You raised that child.
5:27
Speaker: Okay.
5:28
Speaker: So anyway, we're not running around spending lots of money.
5:34
Speaker: And when it comes to having your
5:36
Speaker: own business, you don't have to
5:37
Speaker: run around spending lots of
5:38
Speaker: money in order to have a strong
5:40
Speaker: business.
5:41
Speaker: You don't have to put ads in all
5:43
Speaker: the publications, do all the
5:45
Speaker: social media things, hire all
5:47
Speaker: the assistants.
5:48
Speaker: You can do a lot with very little.
5:51
Speaker: And the great thing about this island is that there's lots of
5:54
Speaker: free hiking trails.
5:56
Speaker: There's lots of nice rocky beaches to go hang out on.
6:01
Speaker: There are, during the summer, lots of free events.
6:05
Speaker: There was a concert in the park
6:07
Speaker: Thursday night that I passed
6:10
Speaker: through.
6:10
Speaker: When they were doing soundtrack, I decided that I was not going
6:15
Speaker: to come back.
6:16
Speaker: The band sounded great, but I
6:18
Speaker: was like, oh, by the time I get
6:19
Speaker: back to the house and teach my
6:21
Speaker: class.
6:22
Speaker: Do I really want to drive back down here and fight for parking
6:25
Speaker: to see this band?
6:27
Speaker: And I don't even know if it's okay to have the dogs down here.
6:29
Speaker: So yeah.
6:31
Speaker: And I actually have some work I'm supposed to be doing.
6:33
Speaker: I'll go back home today.
6:35
Speaker: There is a festival, the Japan Festival, and there's a car show
6:41
Speaker: that I'm not sure was actually part of the Japan Festival.
6:44
Speaker: It might be like a separate event.
6:46
Speaker: They're right across the street from each other.
6:47
Speaker: It's an island, y'all.
6:48
Speaker: There's only so much space.
6:50
Speaker: And so, lo and behold, I was.
6:54
Speaker: I've been seeing the signs for this festival all week.
6:56
Speaker: Oh, man, I should really go to that festival.
6:58
Speaker: And then when I mapped out my
7:00
Speaker: day, I said, well, this is the
7:02
Speaker: second to last day on the
7:04
Speaker: island.
7:05
Speaker: I still have to finish this tax thing.
7:11
Speaker: I have a class to teach.
7:12
Speaker: I've got some online Cambly English to do.
7:16
Speaker: And I also want to record some Get Real Rae Hay as well as get
7:24
Speaker: caught up on my story podcast.
7:29
Speaker: I will say I feel very
7:32
Speaker: embarrassed how behind I am on
7:34
Speaker: those.
7:34
Speaker: Part of the reason I'm behind is because I have said that I want
7:42
Speaker: to record certain material.
7:45
Speaker: And so when I'm reading a story
7:47
Speaker: and then all of a sudden the
7:48
Speaker: ends of the story is just
7:51
Speaker: incredibly morbid.
7:54
Speaker: Like, ah, I don't want people trying to go to sleep.
7:57
Speaker: And then they suddenly find themselves at the end of the
7:59
Speaker: story going, oh my gosh, I can't sleep because everybody died.
8:03
Speaker: Or that was gruesome or that was incredibly sad.
8:06
Speaker: And I'm depressed, and I think I
8:08
Speaker: just need to curl up and call my
8:09
Speaker: mommy.
8:10
Speaker: So yeah, I'm not trying to be out here being a killjoy.
8:13
Speaker: On the other hand, there are other stories that I'm reading
8:17
Speaker: for my gothic, um, literature podcast and some of the stories
8:23
Speaker: I'll look up in advance.
8:24
Speaker: Is this a short story?
8:25
Speaker: And I'm loving it.
8:26
Speaker: The story is feeling good.
8:28
Speaker: I will tell you, a lot of times I don't read the stories fully
8:31
Speaker: before I start recording because girl only got so much time and
8:37
Speaker: I'm reading this story and then all of a sudden I'm going, wait,
8:39
Speaker: that was just chapter one.
8:41
Speaker: There's four chapters, but geez,
8:43
Speaker: Louise, now I'm gonna have to go
8:46
Speaker: to sleep and come back to this
8:48
Speaker: later and maybe later isn't the
8:51
Speaker: next day because there's
8:53
Speaker: construction outside or dogs
8:55
Speaker: barking or TV's blaring music,
8:58
Speaker: whatever.
8:59
Speaker: I need this quiet space to record.
9:01
Speaker: Now this thing gets put on hold by the time I come back to it.
9:04
Speaker: What were the voices I was using for that podcast?
9:07
Speaker: Now I have to revisit.
9:09
Speaker: How can I make sure that the
9:11
Speaker: listener doesn't notice that
9:12
Speaker: there's been two weeks, three
9:14
Speaker: weeks, or even four weeks that
9:15
Speaker: have gone by since I started
9:17
Speaker: this?
9:18
Speaker: Maybe I record something
9:19
Speaker: completely, but then don't have
9:21
Speaker: time to edit it because my
9:25
Speaker: website has is having issues or
9:28
Speaker: because I actually need to, um,
9:33
Speaker: pay attention to my clients who
9:35
Speaker: are paying me and make sure that
9:37
Speaker: they are receiving excellent
9:38
Speaker: service.
9:39
Speaker: So what is the first thing you
9:41
Speaker: may have noticed for all my
9:42
Speaker: rambling is that being a
9:43
Speaker: solopreneur involves wearing
9:47
Speaker: multiple hats and strong time
9:50
Speaker: management and just accepting
9:52
Speaker: that if you are doing multiple
9:55
Speaker: things, if you're not just
9:57
Speaker: solopreneur accountant, but you
9:59
Speaker: are also solopreneur accountant
10:02
Speaker: and financial consultant for
10:05
Speaker: small businesses and volunteer
10:09
Speaker: mentor for new business owners,
10:12
Speaker: then you've got a couple of pots
10:14
Speaker: on the stove, and they're going
10:16
Speaker: to be times when you're like,
10:18
Speaker: mm, it's something burning or
10:19
Speaker: wait, is that over there still
10:21
Speaker: even cooking?
10:22
Speaker: I put it on simmer, but it looks
10:24
Speaker: like it ain't even doing
10:26
Speaker: anything.
10:27
Speaker: The the vegetables are still raw in the stew.
10:29
Speaker: So with that being said, um, it's not easy to run a business.
10:36
Speaker: It's not easy to be a solopreneur.
10:38
Speaker: It's not easy to be a small business owner and entrepreneur.
10:40
Speaker: It's just not easy.
10:41
Speaker: True.
10:42
Speaker: The more money you make, the more you can hire other people
10:48
Speaker: to do certain things for you.
10:49
Speaker: Take some of the load off.
10:50
Speaker: But as they say, mo money, mo problems.
10:56
Speaker: And when I did have a team working with me and in a sense
11:03
Speaker: working for me, um, I struggled not just to, I guess for me,
11:16
Speaker: there was this struggle of, I really wanted to make sure that
11:19
Speaker: everyone felt taken care of and that they got what they wanted.
11:24
Speaker: And as a result, that meant I was taking less when sales went
11:30
Speaker: down because everybody wanted to go back to in person.
11:34
Speaker: I wasn't giving myself a raise, but I let them have a raise
11:39
Speaker: because I knew that I wanted to keep the good workers and the
11:44
Speaker: likelihood of people having to leave because they needed to
11:48
Speaker: make more money, because they had to pay their rent again, or,
11:53
Speaker: um, they were looking to go out shopping and concerts and stuff,
11:58
Speaker: I don't know.
11:59
Speaker: Whatever.
11:59
Speaker: They needed more money.
12:00
Speaker: I wanted to be able to keep the
12:03
Speaker: good people and in order to keep
12:05
Speaker: the good people, I had to be
12:06
Speaker: able to pay them more money,
12:07
Speaker: which means I wasn't making more
12:08
Speaker: money.
12:09
Speaker: Um, unfortunately, that whole
12:13
Speaker: transition happened when a
12:14
Speaker: personal life change occurred
12:17
Speaker: where my financial
12:20
Speaker: responsibility to family, uh,
12:22
Speaker: drastically changed.
12:23
Speaker: And so yeah, it was tough.
12:26
Speaker: It was tough.
12:27
Speaker: Um, but we live and we learn.
12:31
Speaker: And so if you are somebody who is doing your own business
12:37
Speaker: thing, you really need to make sure you are balancing your
12:42
Speaker: personal beliefs along with your projections for the future.
12:48
Speaker: I've always done projections,
12:50
Speaker: but even projecting, okay, we've
12:54
Speaker: got enough income to let us
12:56
Speaker: maintain things for six months
12:58
Speaker: before we have to start reducing
13:03
Speaker: courses if this doesn't make any
13:07
Speaker: money.
13:07
Speaker: Um oh.
13:10
Speaker: Or whatever the alternatives were.
13:13
Speaker: Um, with that being said.
13:18
Speaker: I mean, I had my six month
13:20
Speaker: projection and then I had my
13:23
Speaker: projection of, okay, worst case
13:25
Speaker: scenario.
13:26
Speaker: And then the projection of,
13:27
Speaker: okay, what does the year look
13:29
Speaker: like?
13:29
Speaker: Um, and in previous businesses,
13:33
Speaker: I've had my projections of,
13:34
Speaker: okay, what happens if we don't
13:38
Speaker: have even forty percent of
13:41
Speaker: tickets sold.
13:42
Speaker: What happens if only twenty percent of tickets sold?
13:45
Speaker: What's my target?
13:46
Speaker: How many shows can I afford to run at?
13:49
Speaker: Only twenty percent of tickets sold.
13:52
Speaker: Can I guarantee that I'll be
13:53
Speaker: able to sell at least twenty
13:54
Speaker: percent?
13:55
Speaker: And I'm just going to say, when there is a massive hurricane
13:59
Speaker: that sweeps through town the week before your event and other
14:06
Speaker: catastrophes have occurred within that same year, um, golly
14:12
Speaker: gee, gosh, it's kind of a not so good of a financial thing, let
14:17
Speaker: me just put it that way.
14:19
Speaker: Then you're like, oh my gosh, I
14:21
Speaker: had all these projections, but
14:22
Speaker: they I've already burned through
14:25
Speaker: my emergency fund and the backup
14:27
Speaker: emergency fund.
14:29
Speaker: Did you learn something there?
14:31
Speaker: Have do projections, have an
14:34
Speaker: emergency fund, have a backup
14:35
Speaker: emergency fund and always look
14:39
Speaker: at what is the worst possible
14:42
Speaker: scenario that could happen for
14:44
Speaker: whatever business adventure
14:45
Speaker: you're doing.
14:46
Speaker: Uh, don't just look at the best possible scenario.
14:49
Speaker: This is the thing that really makes me angry, traps my heart
14:54
Speaker: about a lot of these freelance and entrepreneur podcasters out
15:03
Speaker: there, these advice people, and I'm gonna call out one person.
15:07
Speaker: I am she's not the only one.
15:10
Speaker: So I'm going to call out this other group too.
15:12
Speaker: They're not the only ones, but they are big name brands.
15:19
Speaker: Now, to be fair, I haven't taken
15:21
Speaker: advice from these people in
15:23
Speaker: three or four years, possibly
15:26
Speaker: longer.
15:27
Speaker: So my I hope of hopes is that
15:31
Speaker: they have changed their tune
15:32
Speaker: since then.
15:35
Speaker: However, given the YouTube
15:38
Speaker: titles that I've seen popping
15:40
Speaker: up.
15:40
Speaker: I don't think these people have changed their tune.
15:42
Speaker: Okay.
15:43
Speaker: Mhm.
15:44
Speaker: And one of these people I've talked about before, actually,
15:46
Speaker: I've talked about both before.
15:48
Speaker: So calling out Cody Sanchez, who is a YouTuber.
15:54
Speaker: And I think she has a lovely personality.
15:56
Speaker: This is not a personal attack on her.
15:58
Speaker: I don't like these where people
16:00
Speaker: try to pit people against each
16:02
Speaker: other.
16:02
Speaker: There's none of that.
16:03
Speaker: That's not necessary.
16:05
Speaker: I'm only commenting on the
16:08
Speaker: message she has sent in her
16:11
Speaker: interviews about her world of
16:13
Speaker: business.
16:14
Speaker: Now, it might not be her.
16:15
Speaker: It could totally be the editing
16:17
Speaker: people who are editing these
16:20
Speaker: videos.
16:21
Speaker: But I've seen some of her YouTube videos.
16:24
Speaker: I've heard her on other podcasts being interviewed.
16:28
Speaker: I've seen YouTube interviews in which she's being interviewed by
16:31
Speaker: someone else, and there is this.
16:33
Speaker: And there's nothing wrong with being positive.
16:35
Speaker: I appreciate being positive, but there is the tendency to portray
16:40
Speaker: being a solopreneur or an entrepreneur as something that
16:47
Speaker: is really easy.
16:49
Speaker: Anyone can do it and you'll instantly become rich.
16:54
Speaker: And I've commented before on the whole idea of, yeah, just get a
16:59
Speaker: piece of land and then you're gonna put it up on Airbnb as and
17:06
Speaker: some camping sites as a spot where people can pitch a tent.
17:11
Speaker: And then you can, once you make
17:14
Speaker: some money from that, you can
17:15
Speaker: actually purchase some nice
17:17
Speaker: tents and make it a glamping
17:19
Speaker: site and you can get some goats
17:22
Speaker: and put the goats on the land in
17:23
Speaker: order to keep the land like
17:26
Speaker: maintained.
17:28
Speaker: And now people have an
17:29
Speaker: experience because they can go
17:30
Speaker: camping with goats or glamping
17:32
Speaker: with goats, and you pay the guy
17:34
Speaker: who lives next door to your plot
17:37
Speaker: of land to keep an eye out for
17:39
Speaker: troublemakers.
17:40
Speaker: And look at all this money you're making.
17:42
Speaker: And look at how this business is just growing and multiplying.
17:47
Speaker: And it all sounds great.
17:49
Speaker: Like, yeah, I gotta get me a piece of land.
17:51
Speaker: How are you paying for this piece of land?
17:54
Speaker: Do you have to take out a loan to pay for this piece of land?
17:57
Speaker: And what makes your piece of land worth visiting over someone
18:02
Speaker: else's piece of land?
18:03
Speaker: Because everyone's got a piece of land.
18:06
Speaker: You know, Joshua Tree or
18:09
Speaker: wherever some Coachella festival
18:11
Speaker: is happening.
18:12
Speaker: Um, what happens if the festival
18:16
Speaker: is canceled or there's a major
18:18
Speaker: weather disaster?
18:20
Speaker: How are you going to handle not
18:24
Speaker: renting out your land during
18:25
Speaker: that period?
18:26
Speaker: And what is your land doing throughout the year?
18:29
Speaker: Because you're not going to have renters year round.
18:33
Speaker: There are a number of people who
18:34
Speaker: have listened to bigger pockets
18:36
Speaker: and try to do Airbnb arbitrage
18:39
Speaker: or, um, add an Adu and then rent
18:43
Speaker: it out.
18:45
Speaker: And now you have this renter.
18:47
Speaker: And there are a number of people who feel burdened by the fact
18:50
Speaker: that they have to make sure that whoever they're renting to not
18:53
Speaker: only pays their rent, but also keeps the property maintained
18:58
Speaker: or, you know, now they need to upgrade this, that.
19:03
Speaker: And the other thing with the property, the washer went out
19:06
Speaker: or, uh, the door broke or what have you, or they have to spend
19:12
Speaker: more time interviewing the right kind of candidate because they
19:15
Speaker: don't want to have another person, like not pay rent and
19:19
Speaker: bail on them.
19:20
Speaker: So even being an owner of
19:22
Speaker: property isn't the world's
19:24
Speaker: easiest thing.
19:25
Speaker: It is a way to make money, but
19:26
Speaker: it doesn't make you instantly
19:27
Speaker: rich.
19:28
Speaker: Okay, so there is that.
19:33
Speaker: My point is, in a lot of these interviews, people talk about
19:37
Speaker: how quick and easy it is to make money, but they are not talking
19:40
Speaker: about how quick and easy it is to lose money.
19:43
Speaker: I get inundated with emails day in and day out from businesses
19:50
Speaker: that want me to place my advertising with them.
19:52
Speaker: Some of these businesses I used to advertise with, and I just
19:55
Speaker: always laugh when the new young sales rep reaches out and tells
20:01
Speaker: me, um, hey, you know, I'd love to set up a call to talk to you
20:07
Speaker: about how you can increase your business or don't you want to be
20:10
Speaker: fully booked for next year?
20:11
Speaker: Let's set up a call.
20:12
Speaker: We're going to grow your business.
20:13
Speaker: And sometimes I humor them just to find out.
20:15
Speaker: Okay.
20:16
Speaker: Is anything new with your company?
20:18
Speaker: No, no. Nothing new.
20:20
Speaker: You want me to pay more money
20:22
Speaker: for the exact same service I was
20:24
Speaker: previously getting?
20:25
Speaker: And there are no guarantees with advertising with you.
20:27
Speaker: And I understand they have a job to do.
20:29
Speaker: They have to meet their sales quota.
20:31
Speaker: They have to have a number of people sign on for contracts in
20:37
Speaker: order to keep their jobs, but that's not doing me any favors.
20:41
Speaker: There's no guarantee for me.
20:44
Speaker: I'm in business to make money, too.
20:46
Speaker: So while you're in business for you, I'm in business for me.
20:50
Speaker: Coming back to the idea of making sure that you do your
20:54
Speaker: projections and you put your.
21:00
Speaker: Entire needs ahead of any people
21:04
Speaker: pleasing nature that exists
21:06
Speaker: with.
21:06
Speaker: You're really wanting to do well
21:08
Speaker: for your team or by your team, I
21:11
Speaker: should say, because as much as I
21:14
Speaker: wanted for my team to be secure
21:18
Speaker: financially and not everybody
21:20
Speaker: jumped ship at once, which was
21:23
Speaker: huge.
21:23
Speaker: I was able to keep some
21:25
Speaker: customers longer because I was
21:27
Speaker: able to keep their teacher
21:29
Speaker: longer.
21:31
Speaker: At the end of the day, I could have not raised rates as much as
21:41
Speaker: I did or as quickly as I did.
21:43
Speaker: I could have stayed, staged it out a little bit more.
21:45
Speaker: And that's one thing I wish I had done.
21:47
Speaker: Um, and there were a few people who were like, hey, you already
21:51
Speaker: pay me more than the other guy.
21:53
Speaker: So if you're suggesting to me that I'm actually worth more
21:57
Speaker: than that, thank you.
22:00
Speaker: And I really appreciate the people who got it right because
22:02
Speaker: they were contractors.
22:03
Speaker: So I didn't have to pay them more.
22:04
Speaker: I could just wait for them to
22:06
Speaker: try to negotiate their
22:07
Speaker: contracts, but instead also
22:09
Speaker: wanting to be in a kind of a
22:11
Speaker: mentoring role.
22:12
Speaker: I would say to individuals, um,
22:14
Speaker: this is what your contract has
22:16
Speaker: previously been.
22:17
Speaker: We love working with you and giving our projections.
22:22
Speaker: I think a contract of this nature would be fair.
22:27
Speaker: Do you agree?
22:28
Speaker: Disagree.
22:28
Speaker: What are your questions or concerns.
22:30
Speaker: Right.
22:30
Speaker: So it was my way of saying, I want to give you a raise, but
22:33
Speaker: your contractor, I can't give you a raise.
22:35
Speaker: You have to want more money.
22:38
Speaker: Um, and I am I am proud of that relationship.
22:42
Speaker: So when people say capitalism is bad, business owners are bad.
22:46
Speaker: Well, they don't say business owners are bad.
22:48
Speaker: They say capital is bad.
22:49
Speaker: Big business is evil.
22:50
Speaker: Businesses are evil.
22:52
Speaker: I come back to the idea of.
22:58
Speaker: But every big business was a small business.
23:01
Speaker: At some point, everyone started from somewhere.
23:04
Speaker: And yes, there are a lot of businesses that are horrible,
23:09
Speaker: absolutely horrible, run by evil, maniacal people who have
23:13
Speaker: very low self-esteem and only care about money like a troll
23:19
Speaker: that lives under a bridge.
23:21
Speaker: Oh, I need more money.
23:23
Speaker: MM. Um, it's like, what are you
23:25
Speaker: gonna do with all that gold
23:26
Speaker: troll?
23:27
Speaker: You can't eat it.
23:29
Speaker: You can't.
23:30
Speaker: You just.
23:31
Speaker: What?
23:32
Speaker: Using it as a pillow is hard, you know.
23:35
Speaker: That hurt.
23:35
Speaker: So what's up?
23:37
Speaker: So anyway, um.
23:39
Speaker: I find myself going.
23:44
Speaker: My business is small now, but I
23:46
Speaker: don't want my business to be
23:49
Speaker: forever small.
23:50
Speaker: And there are many businesses
23:51
Speaker: out there who want to be forever
23:52
Speaker: small.
23:53
Speaker: They want to be forever the mom and pop shop.
23:57
Speaker: And maybe they have kids they want to pass it on to.
24:01
Speaker: Maybe they're like, we have kids, but our kids have just
24:04
Speaker: said they don't want anything to do with their business.
24:06
Speaker: So when we retire, this business closes.
24:08
Speaker: That's certainly a thing.
24:10
Speaker: And a lot of business owners are in that boat.
24:13
Speaker: The ability to work for yourself
24:17
Speaker: and provide a service for others
24:18
Speaker: and pretty much do it all on
24:19
Speaker: your own, minus maybe one person
24:23
Speaker: to help you with your website
24:25
Speaker: stuff, or one person to help you
24:27
Speaker: with your financial books or one
24:29
Speaker: person to help you book
24:30
Speaker: appointments.
24:30
Speaker: There's a lot of different ways
24:32
Speaker: that solopreneurs will contract
24:35
Speaker: out one or two things, because
24:38
Speaker: their energy is best spent
24:39
Speaker: providing that service, that
24:41
Speaker: skill set, making the product,
24:43
Speaker: whatever.
24:44
Speaker: And that's fine, and that's great and that's beautiful.
24:48
Speaker: But a lot of times we start businesses because we want to
24:52
Speaker: help more than ten people.
24:56
Speaker: We want to help more than just our friends and neighbors.
24:58
Speaker: We want to help hundreds of people or thousands of people.
25:04
Speaker: And it's okay to want to grow
25:07
Speaker: bigger than your neighborhood,
25:11
Speaker: to want to serve many people,
25:15
Speaker: especially if you are providing
25:16
Speaker: something that you feel is
25:17
Speaker: bringing something good into
25:19
Speaker: this world.
25:21
Speaker: And so I one of the things I do is dance.
25:27
Speaker: I think that everybody can dance.
25:29
Speaker: I don't know why my nose is so itchy.
25:30
Speaker: Y'all, I'm over here scratching my nose.
25:31
Speaker: Oh, I don't know why my nose is itchy.
25:33
Speaker: Uh, but something is.
25:36
Speaker: My face might fall off.
25:37
Speaker: If you're watching the video version of this, I apologize.
25:39
Speaker: My face might fall off, my nose might just fall onto the floor.
25:42
Speaker: And then you'll just have this, like, noseless creature
25:45
Speaker: yammering at you.
25:47
Speaker: But if you're listening to the
25:48
Speaker: audio, um, then you don't have
25:52
Speaker: to worry about looking at a
25:53
Speaker: noseless creature.
25:54
Speaker: I'm just saying, use a lucky ducky.
25:57
Speaker: Um, though that that I think that would break some, uh,
26:01
Speaker: viewing records is f legit.
26:05
Speaker: Like I just had some sort of bodily malfunction on camera,
26:10
Speaker: but we're not gonna, we're not gonna go there.
26:12
Speaker: We're not gonna start ripping off arms and appendages or what
26:16
Speaker: have you to go viral.
26:18
Speaker: So anyway, lo and behold, um, when you are creating something
26:26
Speaker: that you think provides some good in the world.
26:28
Speaker: And as I mentioned, dance has been a huge part of my life for
26:32
Speaker: a very long time.
26:33
Speaker: It is I, I, this is just hitting me.
26:37
Speaker: So this is why I'm pausing.
26:39
Speaker: Hesitating is throughout my life, I've always been drawn to
26:46
Speaker: different artistic endeavors.
26:50
Speaker: And it could be, it could be that little me.
26:58
Speaker: At the age of twelve, when she
27:00
Speaker: heard her community center
27:02
Speaker: ballet teacher tell her mother
27:04
Speaker: that I was good and I should
27:08
Speaker: keep dancing.
27:09
Speaker: Little me may have internalized
27:12
Speaker: that as I am good at this thing
27:17
Speaker: and I should never stop doing
27:20
Speaker: it.
27:22
Speaker: I hadn't thought of that before, but I do wonder if part of my
27:28
Speaker: passion for dance is just me going, Mama, look at me.
27:33
Speaker: I'm a people pleaser.
27:35
Speaker: Ha ha ha ha.
27:36
Speaker: Um. But I love dance.
27:38
Speaker: I've always loved dance.
27:39
Speaker: So let's not do armchair therapy.
27:44
Speaker: Let's not assume that the reason I dance is merely to please, um,
27:50
Speaker: merely my inner child looking to please my mom.
27:52
Speaker: My mom was like, oh, okay.
27:53
Speaker: Whatever.
27:54
Speaker: My mom wasn't like, let's get you into the academy.
27:59
Speaker: Like, no, back in the day, you know, it's like, okay, cool.
28:06
Speaker: Parents nowadays are like, oh, you said my child has the voice
28:11
Speaker: of a songbird.
28:12
Speaker: I'm going to put them on America's Got Talent, and I've
28:14
Speaker: got to get twenty different coaches and private tutors.
28:17
Speaker: MM. Uh.
28:18
Speaker: So that's one style of parenting.
28:21
Speaker: Um, I'm not saying it's the best.
28:24
Speaker: AM I saying it's the worst?
28:25
Speaker: I don't know.
28:27
Speaker: I think there can be a lot of pressure with that.
28:29
Speaker: Um, but lo and behold, I love dance, I love dancing, it is a
28:35
Speaker: huge part of my life.
28:37
Speaker: I also know that I'm physically
28:39
Speaker: getting older, and I'm only
28:40
Speaker: gonna be able to dance for so
28:41
Speaker: much longer.
28:42
Speaker: Um, now.
28:44
Speaker: True.
28:45
Speaker: I have heard of women still performing from in in flats
28:54
Speaker: instead of high heels or, uh, from a chair.
28:59
Speaker: I've seen ballet teachers teaching from a chair.
29:02
Speaker: Um, I remember going to a musical theater class and I
29:05
Speaker: loved the class, but it did bother me that the teacher could
29:12
Speaker: not do a lot of the stuff he was asking us to do, because his
29:16
Speaker: body could no longer do it.
29:17
Speaker: So he would just have a student step forward and demonstrate.
29:21
Speaker: Um. Now, I don't think as a dancer, you have to dance so
29:29
Speaker: extreme that you ruin your body.
29:31
Speaker: I don't think that's a good way
29:33
Speaker: to have a dance life or dance
29:36
Speaker: career.
29:36
Speaker: But there are a lot of people in the dance industry who complete
29:39
Speaker: think it's completely acceptable to have to have knee surgery,
29:45
Speaker: hip surgery, all kinds of surgeries all the time, um, in
29:49
Speaker: order to extend their career.
29:50
Speaker: There are these hummingbirds over here, you guys that are all
29:53
Speaker: up on this water feeder.
29:54
Speaker: And I'm so in awe.
29:57
Speaker: Maybe I'll be able to share some video with you.
30:00
Speaker: Of course, if this is the audio
30:01
Speaker: version, you won't get the
30:02
Speaker: video.
30:02
Speaker: But anyway, so lo and behold, I want to help others understand
30:10
Speaker: that they can dance.
30:11
Speaker: I really get pissed off when I hear people say, oh, I can't
30:14
Speaker: dance, or my adult always told me I couldn't dance.
30:17
Speaker: Oh, I've got no talent.
30:19
Speaker: Okay.
30:19
Speaker: Hello.
30:21
Speaker: The character Elaine from Seinfeld, who couldn't dance.
30:24
Speaker: She was still dancing.
30:26
Speaker: And that perceived lack of
30:30
Speaker: talent, those jerkish moves have
30:33
Speaker: become iconic.
30:36
Speaker: Um, it goes down in history as
30:39
Speaker: one of the funniest, memorable
30:42
Speaker: comedic moments in television
30:44
Speaker: history.
30:46
Speaker: So I would love to help more people with dance.
30:54
Speaker: And I've spent at least a decade now.
30:57
Speaker: Oh my goodness.
30:58
Speaker: Oh, it's been over a decade.
30:59
Speaker: Whoops.
31:00
Speaker: Oh, I wonder if it's been two decades.
31:03
Speaker: Uh oh, hold up now.
31:04
Speaker: Oh my goodness.
31:06
Speaker: It has definitely been two decades.
31:09
Speaker: Oh possibly longer because I'm
31:11
Speaker: thinking I'm like, I may have
31:13
Speaker: started those classes in twenty
31:16
Speaker: fourteen, but.
31:18
Speaker: I started my first business in
31:21
Speaker: two thousand and six, and I was
31:24
Speaker: doing dance through that
31:25
Speaker: business.
31:26
Speaker: So honestly, and I may have been
31:30
Speaker: offering dance before starting
31:32
Speaker: my business, I can't quite
31:33
Speaker: remember.
31:34
Speaker: After a while you get old, you just don't remember.
31:36
Speaker: Oh, what's my name?
31:37
Speaker: Who am I?
31:38
Speaker: Where am I?
31:39
Speaker: Um. So at least two decades.
31:41
Speaker: We're gonna say at least two decades of.
31:44
Speaker: Back when I was a wee peanut.
31:46
Speaker: Y'all don't be trying to guess how old I am.
31:47
Speaker: Don't do it.
31:49
Speaker: Um, at least two decades of trying to help the masses, help
31:54
Speaker: people believe in themselves and have confidence in dance.
31:58
Speaker: And my thing is, you don't have to be the best dancer.
32:01
Speaker: You don't have to be America's Got Talent ready, or become a
32:06
Speaker: backup dancer for Madonna or become a prima ballerina.
32:13
Speaker: Um, music video dancer.
32:15
Speaker: Top commercial dancer.
32:17
Speaker: You don't have to have the top of all those things, but you do
32:22
Speaker: have to have is belief that you can prove to yourself.
32:28
Speaker: You can you can choose to break out that skill or not break out
32:32
Speaker: that skill, whatever you want.
32:34
Speaker: I've worked with a lot of couples who've said, yeah, when
32:37
Speaker: we go to other people's weddings, we're on the dance
32:41
Speaker: floor all the time now.
32:43
Speaker: We used to just sit and watch other people.
32:47
Speaker: Or I used to have to wait until he had a couple of drinks, and
32:49
Speaker: then he'd be willing to try.
32:51
Speaker: And now we feel like, no, let's just get out there.
32:52
Speaker: Let's have some fun.
32:54
Speaker: To me, that's a beautiful thing.
32:57
Speaker: Same thing with reading.
32:58
Speaker: Writing up.
33:02
Speaker: To here.
33:03
Speaker: I get so saddened when I hear people say, I'm not even saying
33:09
Speaker: his children because I just had an adult say this to me today.
33:12
Speaker: Yeah, I don't like books.
33:17
Speaker: I don't read, but I watch TV and
33:20
Speaker: I'm just thinking there are
33:25
Speaker: countries where young people are
33:28
Speaker: having to walk miles to get to a
33:31
Speaker: small shack where they learn to
33:34
Speaker: read.
33:36
Speaker: There are people who want to be
33:39
Speaker: able to read, but they can't
33:43
Speaker: access books.
33:45
Speaker: There are people who want to be able to write, but no one will
33:55
Speaker: show them how.
33:57
Speaker: Or they are constantly in fear that someone will find their
34:01
Speaker: writing and they will be punished for it.
34:04
Speaker: Especially for women.
34:05
Speaker: Because in many places throughout the world, women are
34:11
Speaker: only seen as bearers of children and maintaining the home.
34:16
Speaker: And so all of this I'm gonna be a home life and make some
34:21
Speaker: sourdough and chop some wood and be on the homestead.
34:24
Speaker: If that's you, that's fine, but do not.
34:32
Speaker: Try to suggest that that way of
34:38
Speaker: living isn't a luxury, because
34:45
Speaker: it is.
34:47
Speaker: If you are someone who can afford a ten thousand dollars
34:58
Speaker: stove or your own pizza oven and all of this fabric and sewing
35:06
Speaker: machines to make your own dresses and the time to be at
35:11
Speaker: home And homeschool the kids.
35:16
Speaker: Keep in mind that there are
35:20
Speaker: women who have been doing the
35:23
Speaker: job of making the clothes for
35:25
Speaker: the kids who have been doing the
35:27
Speaker: job of making all the food from
35:29
Speaker: scratch.
35:31
Speaker: They've been doing these jobs without a social media
35:36
Speaker: following, without a YouTube channel, without a ten thousand
35:41
Speaker: dollars oven, without a spouse who will let them go shopping on
35:49
Speaker: their own, who will let them make decisions for the children?
35:54
Speaker: Who will let them choose whether
35:56
Speaker: or not they're having children
35:58
Speaker: that year?
36:00
Speaker: Who will let them choose?
36:03
Speaker: Anything in their lives.
36:06
Speaker: There are women who are expected to do those things.
36:14
Speaker: And those women don't have a
36:15
Speaker: choice, especially young women
36:21
Speaker: who really want to have an
36:23
Speaker: education or for their
36:24
Speaker: education, but they're not
36:27
Speaker: allowed to because that's not
36:29
Speaker: how it's done in their country
36:30
Speaker: or their culture or their
36:32
Speaker: community.
36:34
Speaker: And then they find themselves at fourteen, being forced to marry
36:40
Speaker: somebody who already has another wife and is considerably older.
36:49
Speaker: Those young women, they don't get choices.
36:52
Speaker: I know you guys.
36:53
Speaker: We you might be like, wait, did we what?
36:57
Speaker: How are we talking about, uh, child brides and trad wives?
37:07
Speaker: But it comes to choice And all of these things are related.
37:16
Speaker: If you are in a position where
37:21
Speaker: you can make lots of choices,
37:24
Speaker: you can see because we all have
37:28
Speaker: choice, right?
37:29
Speaker: So if you are in a position where you can see there is a
37:31
Speaker: different way to live, that there are other options out
37:34
Speaker: there, then that means you are in a position to make choices.
37:39
Speaker: And it also means that you are
37:41
Speaker: in a position to compare what
37:45
Speaker: you have or don't have to what
37:46
Speaker: someone else has or doesn't
37:48
Speaker: have.
37:49
Speaker: And so comparison in and of
37:52
Speaker: itself is not the thief of all
37:54
Speaker: joy.
37:55
Speaker: It is the choices that we make that steal our joy.
38:00
Speaker: If you choose to have constant chatter in your mind about, oh
38:04
Speaker: man, they got something.
38:06
Speaker: And uh, my, why isn't my
38:07
Speaker: business popping like that
38:09
Speaker: person's business?
38:10
Speaker: Why am I not as rich as that person?
38:11
Speaker: Why did I not get the raise now that the person got the raise?
38:15
Speaker: Why why why why why?
38:16
Speaker: It's a good thing to ask some questions.
38:19
Speaker: Okay.
38:19
Speaker: So why didn't you get the raise?
38:21
Speaker: Well, maybe you didn't get the raise because you still are not
38:26
Speaker: delivering the kind of results that warrant the raise.
38:29
Speaker: Or maybe you were passed up for
38:30
Speaker: the promotion because you take
38:32
Speaker: off a lot more than the other
38:33
Speaker: person.
38:34
Speaker: So even though your work is good, if both of you are
38:36
Speaker: delivering good work, but you're constantly having to take off
38:41
Speaker: the supervisors looking at, well, I need to make sure that
38:45
Speaker: someone's going to be available to put in the time for this job.
38:49
Speaker: And that might not seem fair, but that's the way it is.
38:54
Speaker: And is it better for the team to have a higher up who has to
39:00
Speaker: constantly take off?
39:03
Speaker: Does the whole team suffer, or does the team have to make
39:08
Speaker: adjustments in order to accommodate that person who's
39:11
Speaker: having to constantly take off?
39:12
Speaker: Sometimes, you know, adjustments can be made, and sometimes the
39:17
Speaker: easier thing to do, if all else is equal, is to just give the
39:22
Speaker: position to the other person who also delivers good results.
39:28
Speaker: Equally talented, equal experience.
39:31
Speaker: The one difference is that they have the availability.
39:38
Speaker: Hey.
39:38
Speaker: Just saying.
39:40
Speaker: Um. So yes, at times it can feel
39:44
Speaker: unfair that someone else has
39:46
Speaker: something and we can want to
39:49
Speaker: compare what we have, what we
39:50
Speaker: don't have to, what we see going
39:52
Speaker: on with other businesses, what
39:54
Speaker: we see going on at the
39:55
Speaker: workplace, what we see going on
39:56
Speaker: with social media, what we see
39:57
Speaker: in the carpool lane with other
39:59
Speaker: families.
40:00
Speaker: Oh, that mom, she always has her hair and nails done, man.
40:05
Speaker: She's always looking terrific.
40:08
Speaker: Why do I have bags under my eyes and stains on my shirt?
40:11
Speaker: What's going on over here?
40:14
Speaker: Oh, man.
40:14
Speaker: That person at work.
40:17
Speaker: Their English is amazing.
40:18
Speaker: I know English is not their first language.
40:20
Speaker: Why is my accent so thick cursed?
40:25
Speaker: We can compare, but don't let that comparison stop your joy.
40:31
Speaker: Instead, take action.
40:34
Speaker: Be proactive.
40:35
Speaker: See if there's anything that you can do.
40:38
Speaker: Do you need to work on your English in a different way?
40:40
Speaker: Do you need to make changes in
40:42
Speaker: your life so that you have less
40:46
Speaker: demand on having to take off
40:48
Speaker: time?
40:49
Speaker: Do you just need to find a different job?
40:51
Speaker: Do you need to not even worry
40:56
Speaker: about a promotion and getting a
40:58
Speaker: raise, but instead just
40:59
Speaker: reallocate how you spend your
41:01
Speaker: money?
41:01
Speaker: Maybe you don't even want more responsibility.
41:03
Speaker: You just really wanted more money.
41:05
Speaker: Well, maybe if you reallocate how you spend your money, you
41:07
Speaker: don't even need more money.
41:08
Speaker: There are a ton of options, a ton of choices that can be made,
41:15
Speaker: a ton of choices that can be made that do not include using
41:18
Speaker: comparison as a tool to say, my life is horrible.
41:23
Speaker: Boo hoo hoo!
41:25
Speaker: My joy has been stolen.
41:26
Speaker: All right, my friends, this sun
41:28
Speaker: is all up in my eyes and I'm
41:30
Speaker: sweating.
41:31
Speaker: So we're gonna end this.
41:33
Speaker: I hope you found these tips and tricks.
41:36
Speaker: Tip tips, tips and tips and tricks.
41:40
Speaker: Were there any tricks?
41:41
Speaker: I hope you found these tips some what helpful.
41:45
Speaker: If you're starting to compare, think about what you're
41:48
Speaker: comparing, why you're comparing.
41:49
Speaker: Make sure that comparison is
41:51
Speaker: relevant to you and your
41:53
Speaker: business.
41:54
Speaker: Your life, your world, your family, your existence.
41:57
Speaker: Put it into perspective.
41:59
Speaker: Don't just focus on the Pollyanna positive.
42:01
Speaker: Don't just focus on the gains and the grain.
42:04
Speaker: Maybe that mom who always looks
42:06
Speaker: put together, maybe she's in a
42:08
Speaker: serious buttload of debt because
42:10
Speaker: she's spending all her money to
42:12
Speaker: look good.
42:13
Speaker: Good.
42:13
Speaker: Or maybe she does not have the
42:15
Speaker: connection she wants with her
42:16
Speaker: children.
42:16
Speaker: I don't know, I don't know.
42:18
Speaker: We can always say the grass is
42:19
Speaker: greener on the other side, but
42:21
Speaker: sometimes the other side we see
42:22
Speaker: the green grass not really
42:24
Speaker: realizing that underneath that
42:27
Speaker: dirt, there's just holes from a
42:30
Speaker: family of moles that live
42:32
Speaker: underground.
42:33
Speaker: And yeah, and also keep in mind that you probably have the
42:40
Speaker: ability to make far more choices in your life than someone else.
42:47
Speaker: And don't let the choice be to
42:49
Speaker: make comparisons that make you
42:51
Speaker: feel bad.
42:52
Speaker: Okay, my friends, until next time.
42:55
Speaker: Peace.
42:57
Speaker: Thanks for listening.
42:58
Speaker: If you think this podcast would help a friend, then please feel
43:01
Speaker: free to share it with them.