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From Timidity to Feminine Assertiveness With Cara Tuttle · Skirts Up!

• 0:00
  What's
• 0:00
  up?
• 0:00
  Skirts
• 0:00
  up,
• 0:01
  squad.
• 0:01
  Did
• 0:01
  you
• 0:01
  just
• 0:02
  take
• 0:02
  my
• 0:02
  wine?
• 0:02
  I
• 0:03
  did.
• 0:07
  It's
• 0:07
  Samantha
• 0:08
  and
• 0:08
  Melissa.
• 0:09
  I'm
• 0:10
  going
• 0:10
  to
• 0:10
  actually
• 0:10
  tell
• 0:11
  you
• 0:11
  guys
• 0:12
  how
• 0:12
  it
• 0:12
  is
• 0:13
  right
• 0:13
  now.
• 0:14
  It
• 0:14
  was
• 0:15
  so
• 0:15
  fun.
• 0:15
  We
• 0:15
  couldn't
• 0:15
  even
• 0:16
  make
• 0:16
  it
• 0:16
  up.
• 0:16
  I'm
• 0:16
  gonna
• 0:17
  do
• 0:17
  it.
• 0:17
  I'm
• 0:17
  gonna
• 0:17
  wear
• 0:17
  it
• 0:17
  in
• 0:17
  public.
• 0:18
  And
• 0:19
  then
• 0:19
  she
• 0:19
  looks
• 0:20
  at
• 0:20
  me
• 0:20
  and
• 0:20
  she
• 0:20
  goes,
• 0:21
  that's
• 0:22
  what
• 0:22
  Jesus
• 0:22
  is
• 0:22
  for.
• 0:23
  We
• 0:23
  are
• 0:24
  about
• 0:24
  normalizing
• 0:24
  things
• 0:25
  that
• 0:26
  are.
• 0:26
  Hard
• 0:26
  to
• 0:27
  talk
• 0:27
  about.
• 0:28
  I
• 0:28
  was
• 0:28
  like
• 0:28
  deer
• 0:28
  in
• 0:28
  headlights.
• 0:29
  Skirts
• 0:29
  out,
• 0:30
  but
• 0:31
  keep
• 0:31
  your
• 0:31
  pant.
• 0:35
  Hey,
• 0:36
  guys,
• 0:36
  it's
• 0:36
  Samantha.
• 0:37
  Oh,
• 0:37
  and
• 0:37
  Melissa,
• 0:39
  if
• 0:39
  you
• 0:39
  hadn't
• 0:40
  figured
• 0:40
  it
• 0:40
  out.
• 0:41
  Yeah.
• 0:42
  So
• 0:42
  we
• 0:43
  chit
• 0:43
  chat
• 0:43
  before
• 0:43
  we
• 0:44
  get
• 0:44
  into
• 0:45
  our
• 0:45
  recordings
• 0:46
  now.
• 0:46
  And
• 0:47
  people
• 0:47
  who
• 0:47
  pay
• 0:48
  the
• 0:48
  subscription
• 0:49
  get
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  kind
• 0:49
  of
• 0:50
  hear
• 0:50
  our
• 0:50
  befores
• 0:51
  and
• 0:52
  the
• 0:52
  chit
• 0:52
  chat
• 0:53
  after
• 0:53
  with
• 0:53
  our
• 0:53
  guests.
• 0:54
  And
• 0:55
  so
• 0:55
  that's
• 0:56
  where
• 0:56
  we
• 0:56
  forget
• 0:57
  sometimes.
• 0:57
  To
• 0:57
  be
• 0:57
  like,
• 0:58
  oh,
• 0:58
  it's
• 0:58
  Samantha
• 0:59
  and
• 0:59
  Melissa.
• 1:02
  It's
• 1:02
  like,
• 1:02
  oh,
• 1:03
  now
• 1:03
  we're
• 1:03
  live.
• 1:04
  We
• 1:04
  are.
• 1:05
  Okay.
• 1:06
  So
• 1:07
  we
• 1:07
  were
• 1:07
  sitting
• 1:08
  here
• 1:08
  going
• 1:08
  back
• 1:08
  and
• 1:08
  forth
• 1:08
  on
• 1:09
  like,
• 1:09
  what's
• 1:09
  our
• 1:09
  fail?
• 1:09
  We
• 1:10
  never
• 1:10
  fail.
• 1:12
  So
• 1:12
  then
• 1:12
  something
• 1:13
  came
• 1:13
  to
• 1:13
  me.
• 1:13
  One
• 1:14
  of
• 1:14
  the
• 1:14
  things
• 1:14
  that
• 1:14
  we
• 1:15
  did
• 1:15
  that
• 1:16
  my
• 1:16
  family
• 1:16
  did
• 1:17
  over
• 1:17
  the
• 1:17
  break,
• 1:18
  it
• 1:18
  was
• 1:18
  Labor
• 1:19
  Day,
• 1:19
  we
• 1:19
  didn't
• 1:20
  have
• 1:20
  any
• 1:20
  plans,
• 1:21
  but
• 1:21
  like,
• 1:21
  I
• 1:21
  just
• 1:21
  woke
• 1:22
  up
• 1:22
  that
• 1:22
  morning
• 1:22
  and
• 1:22
  I
• 1:22
  was
• 1:23
  like,
• 1:23
  I
• 1:24
  want
• 1:24
  to
• 1:24
  do
• 1:24
  something
• 1:24
  outside.
• 1:25
  And
• 1:25
  our
• 1:25
  boat
• 1:25
  hasn't
• 1:26
  been
• 1:26
  working,
• 1:26
  so
• 1:26
  we
• 1:26
  haven't
• 1:27
  been
• 1:27
  able
• 1:27
  to
• 1:27
  go
• 1:27
  out
• 1:27
  onto
• 1:28
  the
• 1:28
  lake.
• 1:28
  And
• 1:28
  I,
• 1:28
  I
• 1:29
  love
• 1:29
  this
• 1:29
  summer.
• 1:29
  And
• 1:30
  taking
• 1:30
  the
• 1:30
  boat
• 1:30
  out
• 1:30
  and
• 1:30
  just
• 1:30
  getting
• 1:31
  to
• 1:31
  float
• 1:31
  in
• 1:31
  the
• 1:31
  middle
• 1:31
  of
• 1:31
  the
• 1:32
  lake
• 1:32
  and
• 1:32
  tube
• 1:33
  and
• 1:33
  all
• 1:33
  that
• 1:33
  stuff.
• 1:33
  And
• 1:34
  so
• 1:34
  I
• 1:34
  just
• 1:34
  was
• 1:34
  like,
• 1:34
  I
• 1:35
  need
• 1:35
  time,
• 1:35
  water.
• 1:36
  And
• 1:36
  so
• 1:37
  we
• 1:37
  were
• 1:37
  like,
• 1:37
  well,
• 1:38
  what
• 1:38
  can
• 1:38
  we
• 1:38
  do?
• 1:39
  And
• 1:39
  Simon
• 1:40
  goes,
• 1:40
  well,
• 1:40
  we
• 1:40
  haven't
• 1:40
  kayaked
• 1:41
  this
• 1:41
  year.
• 1:42
  And
• 1:43
  so
• 1:43
  we
• 1:43
  decided
• 1:44
  to
• 1:44
  take
• 1:44
  the
• 1:45
  kids
• 1:45
  kayaking.
• 1:47
  So
• 1:47
  we
• 1:47
  had
• 1:48
  Nora,
• 1:48
  the
• 1:48
  three
• 1:49
  year
• 1:49
  old
• 1:49
  Amelia,
• 1:50
  she
• 1:50
  just
• 1:50
  turned
• 1:51
  10
• 1:51
  during
• 1:52
  break.
• 1:52
  And.
• 1:53
  And
• 1:53
  Logan,
• 1:53
  who
• 1:54
  he
• 1:55
  just
• 1:55
  turned
• 1:55
  14.
• 1:56
  So
• 1:56
  he.
• 1:56
  Or
• 1:56
  yeah,
• 1:57
  so
• 1:57
  he
• 1:57
  was
• 1:57
  13
• 1:57
  at
• 1:58
  the
• 1:58
  time.
• 1:58
  And
• 1:59
  we
• 2:00
  did.
• 2:00
  Amelia
• 2:00
  and
• 2:00
  Logan
• 2:01
  both
• 2:01
  have
• 2:01
  their
• 2:01
  own
• 2:01
  kayak.
• 2:02
  Yeah,
• 2:02
  it
• 2:02
  was
• 2:02
  a
• 2:03
  double.
• 2:03
  Yeah,
• 2:04
  no,
• 2:04
  no,
• 2:04
  everyone
• 2:05
  had
• 2:05
  their
• 2:05
  own
• 2:05
  kayak.
• 2:05
  Logan
• 2:06
  had
• 2:06
  a
• 2:06
  great
• 2:06
  time.
• 2:07
  Amelia
• 2:07
  struggled
• 2:08
  for
• 2:08
  a
• 2:08
  little
• 2:08
  bit
• 2:08
  and
• 2:09
  she
• 2:09
  actually
• 2:09
  got
• 2:09
  stuck
• 2:09
  on
• 2:10
  the
• 2:10
  top
• 2:10
  of
• 2:10
  like
• 2:10
  one
• 2:10
  of
• 2:10
  the
• 2:11
  like
• 2:11
  little
• 2:11
  rapid
• 2:12
  waterfall
• 2:12
  things.
• 2:12
  And
• 2:13
  that
• 2:13
  was
• 2:13
  a
• 2:13
  little
• 2:13
  traumatic
• 2:14
  for
• 2:14
  her.
• 2:15
  Yeah.
• 2:16
  So
• 2:16
  she
• 2:16
  ended
• 2:16
  up
• 2:16
  actually
• 2:16
  losing
• 2:17
  her
• 2:17
  kayak
• 2:17
  and
• 2:18
  she
• 2:18
  was
• 2:18
  like
• 2:18
  stuck
• 2:18
  on
• 2:18
  top
• 2:19
  of
• 2:19
  the
• 2:19
  waterfall.
• 2:21
  It
• 2:21
  was,
• 2:22
  it
• 2:22
  was
• 2:22
  stressful.
• 2:22
  It
• 2:23
  was
• 2:23
  very,
• 2:23
  very
• 2:23
  stressful.
• 2:24
  But
• 2:25
  when
• 2:25
  we
• 2:25
  were
• 2:25
  getting
• 2:25
  packed
• 2:26
  up
• 2:26
  and
• 2:26
  getting
• 2:26
  ready
• 2:26
  to
• 2:27
  leave,
• 2:27
  Simon
• 2:27
  had
• 2:27
  the
• 2:28
  idea,
• 2:28
  he
• 2:29
  says,
• 2:29
  look,
• 2:29
  like,
• 2:30
  Ada
• 2:31
  died,
• 2:31
  what,
• 2:32
  like
• 2:32
  six
• 2:32
  months
• 2:32
  ago
• 2:32
  at
• 2:33
  this
• 2:33
  point?
• 2:33
  And
• 2:33
  he
• 2:33
  goes
• 2:34
  and
• 2:34
  you
• 2:34
  haven't
• 2:35
  been
• 2:36
  bonding
• 2:36
  with
• 2:36
  the
• 2:36
  puppies
• 2:37
  at
• 2:37
  all.
• 2:37
  And
• 2:38
  he
• 2:38
  was
• 2:38
  like,
• 2:38
  and
• 2:38
  it's
• 2:39
  time,
• 2:39
  like
• 2:39
  you
• 2:39
  need
• 2:39
  to
• 2:40
  start
• 2:40
  making
• 2:40
  a
• 2:40
  connection
• 2:40
  with
• 2:41
  them
• 2:41
  because
• 2:41
  they're
• 2:41
  here
• 2:42
  and
• 2:42
  they're
• 2:42
  only
• 2:43
  two
• 2:43
  so
• 2:43
  they're
• 2:43
  gonna
• 2:43
  be
• 2:43
  here
• 2:43
  for
• 2:44
  a
• 2:44
  hot
• 2:44
  while.
• 2:45
  I
• 2:45
  was
• 2:45
  like,
• 2:45
  yeah,
• 2:46
  I
• 2:46
  guess
• 2:46
  you're
• 2:47
  right.
• 2:47
  Like,
• 2:47
  I
• 2:47
  just,
• 2:47
  I
• 2:48
  really
• 2:48
  haven't,
• 2:48
  like,
• 2:48
  I
• 2:48
  haven't
• 2:49
  spent
• 2:49
  a
• 2:49
  lot
• 2:49
  of
• 2:50
  time
• 2:50
  with
• 2:50
  them.
• 2:50
  Like
• 2:50
  myself
• 2:51
  personally
• 2:51
  with
• 2:51
  them.
• 2:52
  I
• 2:52
  just
• 2:52
  haven't
• 2:53
  wanted
• 2:53
  to,
• 2:54
  which
• 2:55
  is
• 2:55
  kind
• 2:55
  of
• 2:56
  sad
• 2:56
  and
• 2:56
  that
• 2:56
  sucks
• 2:57
  for
• 2:57
  them,
• 2:57
  but
• 2:58
  working
• 2:58
  on
• 2:59
  it.
• 2:59
  So
• 2:59
  he
• 2:59
  suggested
• 3:00
  that
• 3:00
  I
• 3:00
  pick
• 3:01
  one
• 3:01
  of
• 3:01
  the
• 3:01
  puppies
• 3:01
  and
• 3:01
  bring
• 3:01
  them.
• 3:02
  And
• 3:02
  I
• 3:03
  don't
• 3:03
  know
• 3:03
  why,
• 3:03
  but
• 3:03
  I
• 3:04
  gravitate
• 3:04
  towards
• 3:04
  the
• 3:05
  boy
• 3:05
  puppy,
• 3:05
  Madden.
• 3:06
  So
• 3:06
  we
• 3:06
  have
• 3:07
  a
• 3:07
  boy
• 3:07
  and
• 3:07
  a
• 3:07
  girl,
• 3:08
  Madden
• 3:09
  and
• 3:09
  Matea.
• 3:10
  And
• 3:10
  I
• 3:11
  don't
• 3:12
  know
• 3:12
  if
• 3:12
  like
• 3:12
  I
• 3:13
  just
• 3:14
  maybe
• 3:14
  subconsciously
• 3:15
  haven't
• 3:15
  wanted
• 3:15
  to
• 3:15
  bond
• 3:16
  with
• 3:16
  another
• 3:16
  female.
• 3:17
  I
• 3:17
  don't,
• 3:18
  I
• 3:19
  don't.
• 3:19
  Because
• 3:19
  of
• 3:19
  Ada.
• 3:20
  Yeah,
• 3:20
  maybe,
• 3:20
  like,
• 3:21
  I
• 3:21
  don't
• 3:21
  know.
• 3:21
  But
• 3:22
  like
• 3:22
  Madden,
• 3:23
  he
• 3:23
  is
• 3:23
  a
• 3:23
  snuggle
• 3:24
  bug.
• 3:24
  Like
• 3:24
  he's
• 3:24
  the
• 3:24
  one
• 3:24
  that
• 3:25
  likes
• 3:25
  to
• 3:25
  snuggle
• 3:26
  and
• 3:26
  mate
• 3:26
  doesn't.
• 3:27
  So
• 3:27
  maybe
• 3:27
  that's
• 3:27
  the
• 3:27
  other
• 3:28
  part
• 3:28
  of
• 3:28
  it.
• 3:28
  Like
• 3:28
  Madden
• 3:29
  likes
• 3:29
  to,
• 3:29
  to
• 3:29
  be
• 3:29
  attached
• 3:30
  to
• 3:30
  me.
• 3:30
  He
• 3:30
  makes
• 3:30
  it
• 3:31
  easy
• 3:31
  to
• 3:31
  love.
• 3:32
  Yeah,
• 3:32
  yeah,
• 3:32
  yeah.
• 3:33
  So
• 3:33
  I
• 3:33
  was
• 3:33
  like,
• 3:33
  okay,
• 3:34
  well
• 3:34
  I
• 3:35
  guess
• 3:35
  we
• 3:35
  can
• 3:35
  bring
• 3:35
  Madden.
• 3:36
  And
• 3:36
  so
• 3:37
  I
• 3:37
  kayaked
• 3:38
  with
• 3:38
  Madden
• 3:38
  on
• 3:38
  my
• 3:38
  kayak
• 3:39
  and
• 3:39
  this
• 3:39
  is
• 3:39
  like
• 3:39
  the
• 3:39
  kind
• 3:40
  where
• 3:40
  you
• 3:40
  sit
• 3:40
  on
• 3:40
  top
• 3:40
  of
• 3:41
  it
• 3:41
  so
• 3:41
  you
• 3:41
  like
• 3:41
  kind
• 3:42
  of
• 3:42
  have
• 3:42
  to
• 3:42
  balance.
• 3:43
  And
• 3:44
  so
• 3:44
  Madden
• 3:45
  and
• 3:45
  I
• 3:45
  balanced
• 3:45
  together
• 3:46
  on
• 3:46
  the
• 3:46
  kayak
• 3:47
  and
• 3:47
  did
• 3:47
  the
• 3:47
  rapids
• 3:48
  and
• 3:48
  he
• 3:48
  did
• 3:49
  great.
• 3:49
  He
• 3:50
  loves
• 3:50
  water.
• 3:51
  And
• 3:51
  so
• 3:52
  watching
• 3:52
  him
• 3:53
  swim
• 3:53
  and
• 3:53
  stuff.
• 3:53
  He
• 3:54
  used
• 3:54
  Ada's
• 3:54
  life
• 3:55
  jacket
• 3:56
  and
• 3:57
  yeah,
• 3:57
  we
• 3:57
  spent
• 3:58
  the
• 3:58
  whole
• 3:58
  day
• 3:59
  with
• 3:59
  him
• 3:59
  on
• 3:59
  the
• 4:00
  lake
• 4:00
  and.
• 4:01
  And
• 4:01
  I
• 4:01
  really
• 4:01
  did
• 4:02
  bond
• 4:02
  with
• 4:02
  him
• 4:02
  and
• 4:03
  to
• 4:03
  where
• 4:03
  like
• 4:03
  I
• 4:03
  have
• 4:04
  found
• 4:04
  myself.
• 4:04
  We
• 4:05
  went
• 4:05
  camping.
• 4:06
  We
• 4:06
  talked
• 4:06
  about
• 4:06
  this
• 4:06
  in
• 4:07
  last
• 4:07
  episode.
• 4:07
  We
• 4:07
  went
• 4:07
  camping
• 4:08
  and
• 4:09
  we
• 4:09
  were
• 4:09
  like,
• 4:09
  oh,
• 4:09
  we
• 4:09
  should
• 4:09
  bring
• 4:10
  one
• 4:10
  of
• 4:10
  the
• 4:10
  dogs.
• 4:10
  And
• 4:11
  we
• 4:11
  were
• 4:12
  like,
• 4:13
  I
• 4:13
  go,
• 4:13
  we
• 4:13
  should
• 4:14
  probably
• 4:14
  be
• 4:14
  bring
• 4:15
  Matea
• 4:15
  because
• 4:15
  I
• 4:15
  took
• 4:16
  Madden
• 4:16
  last
• 4:16
  time.
• 4:16
  And
• 4:17
  then
• 4:17
  I
• 4:17
  like
• 4:17
  was
• 4:18
  just
• 4:18
  like
• 4:18
  shoulder
• 4:18
  slumped
• 4:19
  and
• 4:19
  I
• 4:19
  was
• 4:19
  like,
• 4:19
  but
• 4:20
  then
• 4:20
  Madden
• 4:20
  will
• 4:20
  be
• 4:21
  sad
• 4:21
  and
• 4:21
  then
• 4:22
  like
• 4:22
  he'll
• 4:22
  be.
• 4:23
  Will
• 4:23
  you
• 4:23
  not
• 4:23
  take
• 4:23
  both?
• 4:24
  We
• 4:25
  could
• 4:25
  have,
• 4:25
  but
• 4:26
  it
• 4:26
  was
• 4:26
  just
• 4:27
  a
• 4:27
  lot.
• 4:27
  Yeah,
• 4:28
  it
• 4:28
  was
• 4:28
  a
• 4:28
  lot.
• 4:28
  The
• 4:29
  you
• 4:29
  also
• 4:29
  had
• 4:30
  those
• 4:30
  extra
• 4:30
  kids
• 4:30
  for
• 4:31
  living.
• 4:31
  Exactly.
• 4:32
  And
• 4:32
  so
• 4:33
  actually
• 4:34
  we
• 4:34
  ended
• 4:34
  up
• 4:34
  not
• 4:34
  taking
• 4:35
  either
• 4:35
  of
• 4:35
  them
• 4:35
  and
• 4:35
  we
• 4:36
  took
• 4:36
  kya
• 4:36
  instead,
• 4:37
  the
• 4:37
  13
• 4:37
  year
• 4:37
  old
• 4:38
  husky.
• 4:39
  Which
• 4:40
  actually
• 4:41
  makes
• 4:41
  sense
• 4:42
  that
• 4:42
  it
• 4:42
  might
• 4:42
  be
• 4:42
  kind
• 4:42
  of
• 4:42
  a
• 4:43
  little.
• 4:43
  She's
• 4:43
  a
• 4:43
  little
• 4:44
  laid.
• 4:44
  More
• 4:44
  laid
• 4:45
  back.
• 4:45
  Yeah,
• 4:46
  yeah.
• 4:46
  She
• 4:46
  doesn't
• 4:46
  leave
• 4:46
  Simon's
• 4:47
  side.
• 4:47
  And
• 4:48
  just
• 4:48
  was
• 4:48
  just
• 4:48
  real
• 4:49
  chill
• 4:49
  and.
• 4:50
  And
• 4:50
  the
• 4:50
  puppies
• 4:51
  have
• 4:51
  been
• 4:52
  pretty
• 4:52
  mean
• 4:52
  to
• 4:52
  her.
• 4:53
  And
• 4:53
  so
• 4:53
  we
• 4:54
  had
• 4:54
  the
• 4:54
  neighbor
• 4:55
  kids
• 4:55
  taking
• 4:55
  care
• 4:56
  of
• 4:56
  the
• 4:56
  dogs
• 4:56
  that
• 4:56
  we
• 4:57
  left
• 4:57
  at
• 4:57
  home.
• 4:57
  And
• 4:58
  so
• 4:58
  it
• 4:58
  just
• 4:59
  made
• 4:59
  us
• 4:59
  feel
• 4:59
  a
• 5:00
  little
• 5:00
  more
• 5:00
  comfortable
• 5:00
  to
• 5:01
  not
• 5:01
  leave
• 5:01
  dogs
• 5:02
  that
• 5:02
  don't
• 5:02
  get
• 5:02
  along
• 5:03
  with
• 5:03
  the
• 5:03
  kids
• 5:03
  like
• 5:03
  because
• 5:04
  anything
• 5:04
  could
• 5:04
  happen
• 5:05
  and
• 5:05
  you
• 5:05
  know,
• 5:05
  it
• 5:06
  wouldn't
• 5:06
  be
• 5:06
  their
• 5:06
  fault.
• 5:06
  It's,
• 5:07
  you
• 5:07
  know,
• 5:08
  that
• 5:08
  would
• 5:08
  be
• 5:08
  traumatizing
• 5:09
  for
• 5:09
  everyone.
• 5:09
  So
• 5:10
  we
• 5:10
  ended
• 5:10
  up
• 5:10
  taking
• 5:10
  Kaya
• 5:11
  so
• 5:11
  that
• 5:11
  the
• 5:11
  puppies
• 5:11
  who
• 5:12
  get
• 5:12
  along,
• 5:12
  like
• 5:12
  nothing
• 5:13
  can
• 5:13
  happen.
• 5:13
  Right.
• 5:14
  So.
• 5:14
  So
• 5:15
  yeah,
• 5:15
  I
• 5:15
  caught
• 5:16
  myself
• 5:16
  thinking
• 5:17
  about
• 5:17
  Madden
• 5:17
  and
• 5:17
  his
• 5:18
  feelings
• 5:18
  and
• 5:18
  like,
• 5:19
  oh.
• 5:19
  And
• 5:20
  so
• 5:20
  I
• 5:20
  was
• 5:20
  like,
• 5:20
  oh,
• 5:20
  I
• 5:21
  think
• 5:21
  it
• 5:21
  worked.
• 5:22
  I
• 5:22
  think
• 5:22
  we're
• 5:22
  bonding.
• 5:23
  I'm
• 5:24
  changing
• 5:24
  my
• 5:24
  fail.
• 5:25
  I
• 5:26
  think
• 5:26
  that
• 5:26
  was
• 5:26
  a
• 5:26
  long
• 5:26
  story.
• 5:27
  Sorry.
• 5:27
  That
• 5:27
  was,
• 5:28
  it
• 5:28
  was
• 5:28
  a
• 5:28
  great
• 5:29
  story.
• 5:30
  It
• 5:30
  made
• 5:31
  me
• 5:31
  change
• 5:31
  my
• 5:31
  sale.
• 5:31
  Okay.
• 5:32
  So
• 5:32
  ultimately,
• 5:33
  for
• 5:33
  some
• 5:33
  reason,
• 5:34
  on
• 5:34
  some
• 5:34
  level
• 5:35
  I
• 5:35
  had
• 5:35
  not
• 5:36
  connected
• 5:36
  with
• 5:36
  any
• 5:36
  dogs
• 5:37
  since
• 5:37
  Ada
• 5:38
  died.
• 5:38
  And
• 5:39
  you
• 5:39
  know,
• 5:39
  Simon
• 5:40
  pointed
• 5:40
  it
• 5:40
  out
• 5:41
  and
• 5:41
  I
• 5:41
  have
• 5:41
  made
• 5:41
  an
• 5:41
  effort
• 5:42
  and
• 5:42
  I
• 5:42
  do
• 5:43
  feel
• 5:43
  bonded
• 5:43
  to
• 5:43
  Madden
• 5:44
  and
• 5:44
  I
• 5:44
  like
• 5:44
  his
• 5:44
  snuggles.
• 5:45
  So
• 5:45
  I
• 5:46
  think
• 5:46
  it's
• 5:46
  beautiful
• 5:47
  that
• 5:47
  Simon
• 5:48
  could.
• 5:50
  Well,
• 5:50
  he
• 5:50
  waited
• 5:50
  for
• 5:51
  the
• 5:51
  right
• 5:51
  moment
• 5:51
  to
• 5:51
  say
• 5:52
  it
• 5:52
  too.
• 5:52
  He
• 5:52
  didn't
• 5:52
  say
• 5:53
  it
• 5:53
  like
• 5:53
  right
• 5:53
  after
• 5:53
  Ada
• 5:54
  was
• 5:54
  gone.
• 5:55
  Right.
• 5:55
  Unless
• 5:56
  he
• 5:56
  did
• 5:56
  and
• 5:56
  you
• 5:56
  just
• 5:56
  didn't
• 5:57
  left
• 5:57
  that
• 5:57
  part
• 5:57
  out.
• 6:00
  No,
• 6:00
  I
• 6:00
  actually
• 6:01
  tried
• 6:01
  to.
• 6:01
  I
• 6:01
  think
• 6:02
  we
• 6:02
  talked
• 6:02
  about
• 6:02
  this
• 6:03
  last
• 6:03
  season.
• 6:03
  I
• 6:03
  actually
• 6:04
  tried
• 6:04
  to
• 6:04
  get
• 6:04
  rid
• 6:04
  of
• 6:04
  the
• 6:04
  puppies
• 6:05
  after
• 6:05
  she
• 6:06
  died.
• 6:06
  I
• 6:06
  was
• 6:06
  like,
• 6:07
  I
• 6:07
  just
• 6:07
  don't
• 6:07
  even
• 6:07
  want
• 6:07
  these
• 6:08
  dogs.
• 6:08
  Like,
• 6:08
  yeah,
• 6:09
  yeah,
• 6:10
  no.
• 6:11
  I
• 6:11
  think
• 6:11
  it's
• 6:11
  beautiful
• 6:12
  that
• 6:12
  he
• 6:13
  could
• 6:14
  approach
• 6:14
  you
• 6:14
  and
• 6:15
  be
• 6:15
  like,
• 6:15
  hey
• 6:15
  Sam,
• 6:16
  I
• 6:16
  think
• 6:16
  it's
• 6:16
  time
• 6:16
  that
• 6:17
  you
• 6:17
  kind
• 6:18
  of
• 6:18
  open
• 6:18
  up.
• 6:19
  Like,
• 6:19
  yeah,
• 6:20
  they
• 6:20
  need
• 6:20
  you
• 6:21
  and
• 6:21
  you
• 6:21
  need
• 6:21
  them.
• 6:22
  Yeah,
• 6:23
  I
• 6:24
  really
• 6:24
  like
• 6:24
  that.
• 6:25
  And
• 6:25
  you
• 6:25
  did.
• 6:25
  You
• 6:26
  heard
• 6:26
  it.
• 6:26
  You
• 6:26
  heard
• 6:26
  it.
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  did.
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  gave
• 6:28
  it
• 6:28
  a
• 6:28
  try.
• 6:29
  Yeah,
• 6:29
  it's
• 6:30
  like
• 6:30
  really
• 6:30
  hard
• 6:31
  and
• 6:31
  important
• 6:32
  part
• 6:32
  of
• 6:33
  a
• 6:33
  relationship
• 6:34
  is
• 6:34
  hearing
• 6:34
  the
• 6:35
  hard
• 6:35
  things
• 6:36
  and
• 6:37
  knowing
• 6:37
  that
• 6:37
  the
• 6:37
  person
• 6:38
  is
• 6:38
  coming
• 6:38
  from
• 6:38
  a
• 6:38
  place
• 6:38
  of
• 6:39
  love.
• 6:39
  And
• 6:40
  yeah,
• 6:40
  you
• 6:40
  know
• 6:41
  what's
• 6:41
  actually
• 6:41
  kind
• 6:42
  of
• 6:42
  what
• 6:43
  also
• 6:43
  helped
• 6:43
  and
• 6:44
  it
• 6:44
  was,
• 6:45
  you
• 6:45
  know,
• 6:45
  we
• 6:45
  talk
• 6:45
  about
• 6:46
  this
• 6:46
  in
• 6:46
  our
• 6:46
  recording
• 6:46
  sometimes
• 6:47
  and
• 6:47
  I
• 6:47
  actually
• 6:47
  think
• 6:48
  it's
• 6:48
  like
• 6:48
  during
• 6:48
  the
• 6:48
  recordings
• 6:49
  that
• 6:49
  are
• 6:49
  coming
• 6:49
  out
• 6:49
  for
• 6:50
  season
• 6:50
  four
• 6:51
  that,
• 6:51
  that.
• 6:52
  What's
• 6:52
  that
• 6:52
  word?
• 6:52
  Synchronicity.
• 6:53
  Synchronicity,
• 6:54
  like
• 6:54
  when
• 6:55
  something
• 6:55
  is
• 6:55
  supposed
• 6:56
  to
• 6:56
  be
• 6:56
  like
• 6:56
  grabbing
• 6:57
  your
• 6:57
  attention.
• 6:57
  Like
• 6:57
  it
• 6:58
  pops
• 6:58
  up
• 6:58
  multiple
• 6:58
  times.
• 6:59
  Yeah.
• 7:00
  So
• 7:00
  Simon
• 7:01
  made,
• 7:02
  you
• 7:02
  know,
• 7:02
  said
• 7:02
  this
• 7:03
  shortly
• 7:04
  after
• 7:04
  I
• 7:05
  had
• 7:05
  a
• 7:05
  one
• 7:05
  on
• 7:06
  one
• 7:06
  conversation
• 7:06
  with
• 7:06
  Jennifer
• 7:07
  that
• 7:07
  you
• 7:07
  guys
• 7:07
  met
• 7:08
  at
• 7:08
  the
• 7:08
  last
• 7:08
  episode.
• 7:09
  The
• 7:09
  founder
• 7:09
  of
• 7:10
  Canine
• 7:10
  Assistant.
• 7:11
  I
• 7:11
  was
• 7:11
  having
• 7:11
  a
• 7:12
  private
• 7:12
  conversation
• 7:13
  with
• 7:13
  her
• 7:14
  and
• 7:14
  we
• 7:14
  were
• 7:14
  talking
• 7:15
  about,
• 7:15
  you
• 7:15
  know,
• 7:16
  when
• 7:16
  the
• 7:16
  dog
• 7:16
  that
• 7:17
  we're
• 7:17
  really
• 7:17
  bonded
• 7:17
  with
• 7:17
  dies.
• 7:18
  And
• 7:18
  we
• 7:18
  were
• 7:18
  talking
• 7:19
  about
• 7:19
  how
• 7:19
  I'm
• 7:19
  just
• 7:19
  struggling
• 7:20
  to
• 7:20
  bond
• 7:20
  with
• 7:20
  the
• 7:21
  puppies,
• 7:21
  and
• 7:22
  she
• 7:22
  just,
• 7:22
  you
• 7:22
  know,
• 7:22
  like,
• 7:23
  was
• 7:23
  very
• 7:23
  gentle
• 7:23
  about,
• 7:24
  like,
• 7:24
  you
• 7:24
  know,
• 7:25
  saying,
• 7:26
  like,
• 7:26
  you
• 7:27
  know,
• 7:27
  you
• 7:27
  got
• 7:27
  to
• 7:27
  give
• 7:27
  them
• 7:28
  a
• 7:28
  chance.
• 7:28
  It's
• 7:29
  not
• 7:29
  fair,
• 7:29
  you
• 7:30
  know,
• 7:30
  to
• 7:30
  him
• 7:30
  to
• 7:31
  not
• 7:31
  have
• 7:31
  that
• 7:31
  bonding.
• 7:32
  Because
• 7:32
  I
• 7:32
  think
• 7:33
  I
• 7:33
  had,
• 7:33
  you
• 7:33
  know,
• 7:34
  at
• 7:34
  that
• 7:34
  point
• 7:35
  feeling
• 7:36
  like
• 7:36
  I
• 7:36
  probably
• 7:36
  bond
• 7:37
  with
• 7:37
  him
• 7:37
  more.
• 7:38
  And
• 7:39
  she
• 7:40
  was
• 7:40
  able
• 7:40
  to
• 7:41
  kind
• 7:41
  of,
• 7:41
  like,
• 7:41
  give
• 7:41
  suggestions
• 7:42
  on
• 7:42
  how
• 7:42
  to,
• 7:43
  like,
• 7:43
  connect
• 7:43
  with
• 7:43
  him.
• 7:43
  And
• 7:44
  I
• 7:44
  go,
• 7:44
  okay,
• 7:45
  so
• 7:45
  that
• 7:45
  was
• 7:45
  two
• 7:46
  people
• 7:46
  in,
• 7:46
  like,
• 7:46
  a
• 7:46
  really
• 7:46
  short
• 7:47
  period.
• 7:47
  Be
• 7:47
  like,
• 7:48
  no,
• 7:49
  let's
• 7:49
  start
• 7:49
  spending
• 7:50
  time
• 7:50
  with
• 7:50
  them,
• 7:50
  and
• 7:51
  you'll
• 7:51
  have
• 7:51
  a
• 7:51
  connection,
• 7:52
  and
• 7:52
  you'll
• 7:52
  build
• 7:52
  a
• 7:53
  bond,
• 7:53
  and
• 7:53
  one
• 7:53
  of
• 7:54
  them
• 7:54
  will
• 7:54
  attach
• 7:54
  to
• 7:55
  you.
• 7:55
  And.
• 7:56
  Yeah.
• 7:56
  So
• 7:57
  it
• 7:57
  was
• 7:57
  just
• 7:57
  one
• 7:57
  of
• 7:57
  those
• 7:57
  things.
• 7:58
  That's
• 7:58
  awesome.
• 7:59
  That's
• 7:59
  awesome.
• 8:00
  Thank
• 8:00
  you
• 8:00
  for
• 8:01
  sharing
• 8:01
  that.
• 8:02
  Yeah.
• 8:04
  What's.
• 8:04
  What.
• 8:05
  What
• 8:05
  did
• 8:05
  you
• 8:05
  change
• 8:05
  yours
• 8:06
  to?
• 8:06
  So
• 8:06
  you
• 8:08
  being
• 8:08
  vulnerable
• 8:09
  and
• 8:10
  talking
• 8:10
  about
• 8:11
  the
• 8:12
  dogs,
• 8:12
  and
• 8:12
  then
• 8:12
  you
• 8:12
  brought
• 8:12
  up
• 8:13
  Kaya.
• 8:14
  It
• 8:14
  made
• 8:14
  me
• 8:15
  realize
• 8:15
  I
• 8:16
  have
• 8:16
  a
• 8:16
  fail
• 8:17
  of
• 8:17
  last
• 8:18
  episode.
• 8:19
  And
• 8:19
  actually,
• 8:21
  you
• 8:22
  heard
• 8:22
  it
• 8:22
  last
• 8:23
  episode.
• 8:23
  But
• 8:23
  it's
• 8:23
  something
• 8:24
  that
• 8:24
  I
• 8:24
  struggle
• 8:24
  with
• 8:25
  all
• 8:25
  the
• 8:25
  time,
• 8:26
  is
• 8:26
  I
• 8:26
  have
• 8:27
  a
• 8:27
  discrimination
• 8:27
  against
• 8:28
  huskies.
• 8:29
  Okay,
• 8:30
  you
• 8:30
  did
• 8:30
  mention
• 8:31
  that,
• 8:31
  like,
• 8:31
  what
• 8:32
  that
• 8:32
  is
• 8:32
  that.
• 8:33
  That's
• 8:33
  not
• 8:33
  the
• 8:33
  first
• 8:33
  incident
• 8:34
  that
• 8:34
  you've
• 8:34
  had
• 8:34
  with
• 8:34
  a
• 8:35
  husky.
• 8:36
  No.
• 8:36
  So
• 8:37
  the
• 8:38
  thing
• 8:38
  is,
• 8:39
  when
• 8:40
  I
• 8:40
  first
• 8:40
  moved
• 8:40
  here,
• 8:41
  Brett
• 8:41
  had.
• 8:43
  Oh,
• 8:43
  Simon's
• 8:44
  dogs.
• 8:45
  Yeah,
• 8:46
  well,
• 8:46
  he
• 8:46
  and
• 8:47
  his
• 8:47
  own.
• 8:47
  Honestly,
• 8:48
  Simon's
• 8:48
  dogs
• 8:48
  were
• 8:48
  good.
• 8:51
  No,
• 8:51
  they
• 8:51
  weren't,
• 8:52
  but
• 8:52
  they
• 8:52
  were
• 8:53
  not.
• 8:53
  You're
• 8:54
  talking
• 8:54
  about,
• 8:54
  like,
• 8:54
  Yume
• 8:55
  and
• 8:55
  Falcor.
• 8:56
  Yume
• 8:56
  is
• 8:57
  Brett's
• 8:57
  dog,
• 8:57
  and
• 8:57
  she's
• 8:58
  awful.
• 8:58
  It
• 8:59
  was
• 8:59
  supposed
• 8:59
  to
• 8:59
  be
• 8:59
  his
• 8:59
  dog,
• 8:59
  but
• 9:00
  I
• 9:00
  feel
• 9:00
  like
• 9:00
  Simon
• 9:00
  took
• 9:00
  care
• 9:01
  of
• 9:01
  her
• 9:01
  the
• 9:02
  most.
• 9:03
  Oh,
• 9:03
  Simon
• 9:04
  didn't
• 9:04
  live
• 9:04
  there.
• 9:05
  Oh,
• 9:06
  that's
• 9:06
  right.
• 9:06
  He
• 9:06
  did
• 9:06
  leave
• 9:07
  Yume
• 9:07
  with.
• 9:08
  With
• 9:08
  him.
• 9:09
  That's
• 9:09
  right.
• 9:10
  I.
• 9:10
  I
• 9:11
  thought
• 9:11
  it
• 9:11
  was
• 9:11
  always
• 9:11
  Brett's
• 9:12
  dog.
• 9:12
  But
• 9:12
  anyway,
• 9:13
  the
• 9:13
  point
• 9:14
  is,
• 9:14
  it
• 9:15
  was.
• 9:15
  She
• 9:15
  was
• 9:15
  not
• 9:15
  a
• 9:16
  good
• 9:16
  dog.
• 9:16
  Waverly,
• 9:17
  who
• 9:17
  I
• 9:17
  had
• 9:18
  owned
• 9:18
  for
• 9:18
  at
• 9:19
  that
• 9:19
  point
• 9:20
  probably,
• 9:21
  like,
• 9:23
  12
• 9:23
  or
• 9:23
  13
• 9:24
  years,
• 9:25
  had
• 9:25
  never,
• 9:26
  ever
• 9:26
  been
• 9:26
  attacked
• 9:26
  by
• 9:27
  another
• 9:27
  dog.
• 9:28
  And
• 9:28
  then
• 9:28
  you
• 9:28
  May
• 9:29
  attacked
• 9:29
  her
• 9:29
  twice.
• 9:31
  And
• 9:31
  the
• 9:32
  first
• 9:32
  time,
• 9:32
  like,
• 9:32
  she
• 9:33
  was
• 9:33
  in
• 9:33
  so
• 9:33
  much
• 9:34
  shock
• 9:34
  that
• 9:34
  she
• 9:34
  was
• 9:35
  just
• 9:35
  shaking
• 9:36
  for,
• 9:36
  like,
• 9:36
  probably
• 9:37
  a
• 9:37
  good
• 9:37
  hour
• 9:37
  afterwards.
• 9:38
  And
• 9:38
  she.
• 9:38
  Which
• 9:39
  one
• 9:40
  you
• 9:40
  May
• 9:40
  attacked?
• 9:41
  Waverly.
• 9:41
  Waverly.
• 9:43
  Which.
• 9:44
  Which.
• 9:44
  Which
• 9:45
  of
• 9:45
  your
• 9:45
  dogs
• 9:46
  was
• 9:46
  the
• 9:46
  one.
• 9:46
  That
• 9:46
  ended
• 9:47
  up
• 9:47
  hiding
• 9:47
  in
• 9:47
  the
• 9:47
  closet
• 9:48
  for
• 9:48
  a
• 9:48
  long
• 9:48
  time?
• 9:49
  Okay.
• 9:50
  Okay.
• 9:51
  Yeah.
• 9:51
  Everywhere
• 9:52
  I
• 9:52
  moved,
• 9:52
  he
• 9:52
  liked
• 9:53
  to
• 9:53
  find
• 9:53
  the
• 9:53
  closet
• 9:54
  wherever
• 9:54
  we
• 9:54
  lived,
• 9:55
  and
• 9:55
  that
• 9:55
  was
• 9:55
  his
• 9:55
  house.
• 9:57
  He
• 9:58
  just
• 9:58
  loved
• 9:58
  being
• 9:58
  in
• 9:58
  a
• 9:58
  closet.
• 9:59
  But
• 9:59
  anyway,
• 10:01
  so.
• 10:01
  And
• 10:01
  then,
• 10:02
  yeah,
• 10:02
  they
• 10:02
  were
• 10:02
  just
• 10:02
  really
• 10:03
  badly
• 10:03
  behaved.
• 10:03
  And
• 10:04
  here's
• 10:04
  the
• 10:04
  thing.
• 10:05
  I
• 10:06
  know
• 10:08
  because,
• 10:09
  because
• 10:09
  like
• 10:09
  I
• 10:09
  also
• 10:10
  have
• 10:10
  a
• 10:10
  pit
• 10:10
  bull.
• 10:10
  Like
• 10:10
  I
• 10:11
  know
• 10:11
  that
• 10:11
  dogs
• 10:12
  get
• 10:12
  bad
• 10:13
  raps
• 10:13
  and
• 10:13
  it's
• 10:14
  not
• 10:14
  their
• 10:14
  fault.
• 10:15
  It's
• 10:15
  just
• 10:16
  not.
• 10:16
  And
• 10:17
  I
• 10:17
  know
• 10:17
  huskies
• 10:17
  have
• 10:18
  a
• 10:18
  lot
• 10:18
  of
• 10:18
  energy
• 10:18
  and
• 10:19
  they
• 10:19
  need
• 10:19
  to
• 10:19
  be
• 10:19
  with
• 10:19
  the
• 10:19
  right
• 10:20
  family.
• 10:21
  But
• 10:21
  I
• 10:22
  think
• 10:22
  that's
• 10:22
  what
• 10:22
  made
• 10:22
  me
• 10:22
  mad
• 10:23
  at
• 10:23
  the
• 10:23
  dog
• 10:23
  park
• 10:23
  is
• 10:24
  I
• 10:24
  feel
• 10:24
  like
• 10:24
  you,
• 10:24
  you
• 10:25
  need
• 10:25
  to
• 10:25
  know
• 10:25
  like
• 10:25
  be
• 10:26
  educated
• 10:26
  about
• 10:26
  the
• 10:26
  dog
• 10:26
  you're
• 10:27
  gonna
• 10:27
  get.
• 10:27
  Yeah.
• 10:28
  Like
• 10:28
  huskies
• 10:28
  are
• 10:28
  not
• 10:29
  bad
• 10:29
  dogs.
• 10:29
  They're
• 10:30
  not
• 10:30
  bad
• 10:30
  dogs.
• 10:30
  And
• 10:30
  I
• 10:31
  know
• 10:31
  that.
• 10:32
  And
• 10:32
  so
• 10:32
  I
• 10:32
  just
• 10:32
  wanted
• 10:33
  to
• 10:33
  kind
• 10:33
  of
• 10:33
  say
• 10:34
  I'm
• 10:35
  sorry
• 10:35
  for
• 10:38
  being
• 10:38
  like.
• 10:38
  And
• 10:38
  he
• 10:39
  was
• 10:39
  a
• 10:39
  fucking
• 10:39
  husky.
• 10:41
  Wow.
• 10:41
  I
• 10:41
  think
• 10:41
  we
• 10:42
  all
• 10:42
  do
• 10:42
  that.
• 10:42
  I
• 10:42
  like,
• 10:43
  I
• 10:43
  don't
• 10:44
  know.
• 10:44
  I
• 10:44
  definitely
• 10:45
  discriminate
• 10:45
  against
• 10:46
  small
• 10:46
  dogs.
• 10:47
  Actually
• 10:47
  recently
• 10:48
  I
• 10:48
  was
• 10:48
  looking,
• 10:48
  I
• 10:49
  don't,
• 10:49
  I
• 10:50
  ended
• 10:50
  up
• 10:50
  on
• 10:51
  a
• 10:52
  apartment
• 10:52
  website
• 10:53
  and
• 10:53
  you
• 10:53
  know
• 10:53
  how
• 10:53
  they
• 10:53
  list
• 10:54
  like
• 10:54
  oh,
• 10:55
  we
• 10:55
  love
• 10:55
  your
• 10:55
  furry
• 10:56
  animals,
• 10:56
  dogs
• 10:57
  welcome
• 10:57
  or
• 10:57
  whatever.
• 10:58
  But
• 10:58
  then
• 10:58
  they
• 11:00
  have
• 11:00
  this
• 11:00
  like
• 11:00
  long
• 11:00
  ass
• 11:01
  list
• 11:01
  of
• 11:01
  dogs
• 11:01
  that
• 11:02
  aren't
• 11:02
  accepted.
• 11:03
  And
• 11:03
  so
• 11:04
  I
• 11:04
  was
• 11:04
  like,
• 11:04
  okay,
• 11:04
  well
• 11:05
  let's
• 11:05
  see
• 11:05
  this
• 11:05
  list.
• 11:06
  And
• 11:06
  I'm
• 11:06
  reading
• 11:06
  through
• 11:06
  it
• 11:07
  and
• 11:07
  of
• 11:07
  course
• 11:07
  it's
• 11:07
  like
• 11:08
  nothing
• 11:08
  with
• 11:08
  pitt
• 11:09
  or
• 11:09
  pit
• 11:09
  mix,
• 11:09
  nothing
• 11:10
  with
• 11:10
  shepherd
• 11:10
  or
• 11:10
  shepherd
• 11:11
  mix.
• 11:11
  And
• 11:12
  then
• 11:12
  there
• 11:12
  was
• 11:12
  like
• 11:12
  some
• 11:12
  reasons
• 11:13
  that
• 11:13
  I'd
• 11:13
  never
• 11:13
  heard
• 11:14
  of
• 11:14
  before
• 11:15
  and
• 11:15
  then
• 11:15
  I
• 11:15
  started
• 11:15
  cracking
• 11:16
  up
• 11:16
  because
• 11:16
  then
• 11:16
  it
• 11:17
  started
• 11:17
  moving
• 11:17
  into
• 11:17
  like
• 11:18
  smaller
• 11:18
  dogs
• 11:18
  and
• 11:19
  it
• 11:19
  like
• 11:19
  specifically.
• 11:20
  Really?
• 11:21
  Yeah,
• 11:21
  it
• 11:21
  specifically
• 11:22
  mentioned
• 11:22
  a
• 11:22
  basinji
• 11:23
  and
• 11:24
  I
• 11:24
  was
• 11:24
  like,
• 11:24
  that's
• 11:24
  a
• 11:24
  really
• 11:25
  random
• 11:25
  dog
• 11:25
  to
• 11:26
  decide,
• 11:26
  like
• 11:27
  oh,
• 11:27
  not
• 11:27
  a
• 11:27
  basenji.
• 11:28
  Like
• 11:28
  one
• 11:28
  they're
• 11:29
  like
• 11:29
  hardly
• 11:29
  ever
• 11:29
  owned.
• 11:30
  And
• 11:30
  to
• 11:30
  like,
• 11:31
  I
• 11:31
  like,
• 11:31
  I
• 11:32
  don't.
• 11:32
  Know,
• 11:32
  I
• 11:32
  think
• 11:32
  they
• 11:33
  are
• 11:33
  kind.
• 11:33
  I
• 11:34
  think
• 11:34
  they
• 11:34
  do
• 11:34
  have
• 11:34
  like
• 11:35
  a
• 11:35
  thing
• 11:35
  for
• 11:36
  being
• 11:36
  very
• 11:36
  like,
• 11:37
  what's
• 11:37
  the
• 11:37
  word?
• 11:38
  Aggressive.
• 11:38
  But
• 11:39
  more
• 11:39
  I
• 11:39
  guess
• 11:39
  I
• 11:40
  would
• 11:40
  call
• 11:40
  it
• 11:40
  loyal
• 11:41
  to
• 11:42
  my
• 11:42
  owner.
• 11:42
  I
• 11:43
  don't
• 11:43
  see
• 11:43
  a
• 11:43
  fudgeing
• 11:43
  Chihuahua
• 11:44
  on
• 11:44
  it.
• 11:44
  And
• 11:44
  I
• 11:45
  feel
• 11:45
  like
• 11:45
  they
• 11:45
  attack
• 11:46
  people
• 11:46
  more
• 11:46
  than
• 11:47
  any
• 11:47
  big
• 11:47
  dog.
• 11:47
  Like
• 11:48
  I
• 11:48
  know.
• 11:49
  And
• 11:50
  then
• 11:50
  see
• 11:50
  that's
• 11:51
  the
• 11:51
  other
• 11:51
  thing.
• 11:51
  And
• 11:52
  I
• 11:52
  don't
• 11:52
  really,
• 11:53
  I
• 11:53
  do
• 11:53
  not
• 11:54
  have
• 11:54
  an
• 11:54
  affinity
• 11:54
  for
• 11:54
  small
• 11:55
  dogs.
• 11:55
  I
• 11:55
  like,
• 11:56
  I
• 11:56
  don't
• 11:56
  like
• 11:56
  small
• 11:57
  dogs.
• 11:57
  They
• 11:57
  got
• 11:57
  puntable
• 11:58
  size
• 11:58
  and
• 11:58
  I
• 11:59
  don't.
• 11:59
  Like,
• 11:59
  I,
• 12:00
  I
• 12:00
  but
• 12:01
  I
• 12:01
  really
• 12:02
  do
• 12:02
  100%
• 12:03
  believe
• 12:04
  that
• 12:04
  it's
• 12:05
  because
• 12:05
  they're
• 12:06
  small.
• 12:06
  And
• 12:06
  so
• 12:07
  the
• 12:07
  owners
• 12:07
  who
• 12:08
  get
• 12:08
  them,
• 12:11
  they
• 12:11
  don't
• 12:12
  train
• 12:12
  them
• 12:12
  because
• 12:13
  they're
• 12:13
  like,
• 12:13
  oh,
• 12:13
  it's
• 12:13
  just
• 12:14
  small.
• 12:14
  It's
• 12:14
  not
• 12:14
  going
• 12:14
  to,
• 12:15
  can't
• 12:15
  really
• 12:15
  do
• 12:15
  anything.
• 12:16
  It
• 12:16
  doesn't
• 12:16
  matter
• 12:17
  if
• 12:17
  it's
• 12:17
  jumping
• 12:17
  up
• 12:17
  on
• 12:19
  so
• 12:19
  cute
• 12:20
  a
• 12:20
  little
• 12:20
  dog.
• 12:22
  And
• 12:22
  so
• 12:22
  I
• 12:23
  do
• 12:23
  think
• 12:23
  that
• 12:23
  that's
• 12:23
  A
• 12:24
  disservice
• 12:24
  to
• 12:24
  the
• 12:24
  dogs.
• 12:26
  And
• 12:27
  look,
• 12:29
  I
• 12:29
  don't
• 12:29
  own
• 12:30
  in
• 12:30
  a
• 12:30
  small
• 12:30
  dog
• 12:31
  and
• 12:31
  I
• 12:31
  haven't
• 12:31
  trained
• 12:32
  one,
• 12:32
  so
• 12:32
  I'm
• 12:33
  not
• 12:33
  exactly
• 12:33
  out
• 12:33
  there
• 12:33
  doing
• 12:34
  the
• 12:34
  Lord's
• 12:34
  work,
• 12:36
  but
• 12:36
  pea
• 12:37
  brains.
• 12:37
  I'm
• 12:37
  just
• 12:37
  kidding.
• 12:38
  Sorry,
• 12:38
  guys.
• 12:39
  No,
• 12:39
  they
• 12:39
  can
• 12:39
  be
• 12:40
  really
• 12:40
  smart.
• 12:40
  But
• 12:40
  I
• 12:40
  do
• 12:41
  think
• 12:41
  that
• 12:41
  people.
• 12:42
  Yeah,
• 12:43
  I,
• 12:43
  I
• 12:43
  think
• 12:43
  it's
• 12:45
  maybe
• 12:45
  not
• 12:45
  always
• 12:46
  their
• 12:46
  fault.
• 12:47
  Like,
• 12:47
  actually,
• 12:48
  usually
• 12:48
  it's
• 12:48
  probably
• 12:49
  not.
• 12:49
  Yeah.
• 12:49
  Working
• 12:50
  in
• 12:50
  the
• 12:50
  animal
• 12:50
  hospital,
• 12:51
  I
• 12:51
  definitely
• 12:51
  gained
• 12:52
  this
• 12:52
  like
• 12:53
  dis,
• 12:54
  like
• 12:54
  this
• 12:54
  like
• 12:54
  dislike
• 12:55
  and
• 12:56
  disdain
• 12:56
  towards
• 12:56
  small
• 12:57
  dogs
• 12:57
  because
• 12:57
  it's
• 12:58
  like,
• 12:59
  you
• 12:59
  know
• 12:59
  when
• 12:59
  you
• 13:00
  go
• 13:00
  to
• 13:00
  go
• 13:00
  touch
• 13:00
  someone's
• 13:01
  small
• 13:01
  dog
• 13:01
  to
• 13:01
  like
• 13:02
  perform
• 13:02
  like
• 13:02
  the
• 13:02
  exam
• 13:03
  or
• 13:03
  whatever,
• 13:03
  and
• 13:03
  the
• 13:03
  dog
• 13:03
  starts
• 13:04
  snipping
• 13:04
  at
• 13:04
  you
• 13:04
  and
• 13:05
  like
• 13:05
  bites
• 13:05
  you.
• 13:06
  Yeah.
• 13:06
  The
• 13:06
  owner's
• 13:07
  like,
• 13:07
  oh,
• 13:07
  you're
• 13:08
  so
• 13:08
  silly.
• 13:09
  And
• 13:09
  it's
• 13:09
  not
• 13:10
  silly.
• 13:10
  Like,
• 13:10
  if,
• 13:11
  if
• 13:11
  a
• 13:11
  shepherd
• 13:12
  did
• 13:12
  this,
• 13:12
  like,
• 13:13
  it
• 13:13
  would
• 13:13
  not
• 13:13
  be
• 13:13
  funny.
• 13:14
  Like,
• 13:14
  why
• 13:14
  are
• 13:15
  we
• 13:15
  like
• 13:15
  treating
• 13:15
  the
• 13:16
  small
• 13:16
  dogs
• 13:16
  differently
• 13:17
  than
• 13:17
  the
• 13:17
  big
• 13:17
  dogs?
• 13:18
  Like,
• 13:18
  dog
• 13:18
  just
• 13:18
  bit
• 13:19
  me.
• 13:19
  Like,
• 13:19
  it's
• 13:19
  not
• 13:19
  cute.
• 13:20
  And
• 13:21
  like,
• 13:22
  I
• 13:22
  just
• 13:22
  still
• 13:22
  to
• 13:23
  this
• 13:23
  day
• 13:23
  I
• 13:23
  am
• 13:23
  more
• 13:24
  likely
• 13:24
  to
• 13:24
  get
• 13:24
  into
• 13:24
  a
• 13:25
  tight,
• 13:25
  tight
• 13:25
  space
• 13:26
  with
• 13:26
  a
• 13:26
  shepherd
• 13:27
  growling
• 13:27
  at
• 13:27
  me
• 13:27
  than
• 13:28
  like
• 13:28
  a
• 13:28
  chihuahua.
• 13:29
  Like,
• 13:29
  it's
• 13:29
  just
• 13:29
  not
• 13:30
  gonna
• 13:30
  happen.
• 13:30
  So
• 13:31
  that's
• 13:31
  fair.
• 13:32
  Yeah.
• 13:32
  I
• 13:33
  grew
• 13:33
  up
• 13:33
  hating
• 13:33
  small
• 13:33
  dogs
• 13:34
  because,
• 13:34
  like,
• 13:34
  my
• 13:35
  dad
• 13:35
  hated
• 13:36
  them
• 13:36
  and
• 13:37
  he's
• 13:37
  like,
• 13:37
  they're
• 13:37
  just
• 13:37
  stupid.
• 13:38
  And
• 13:38
  so
• 13:38
  I
• 13:38
  was
• 13:39
  always
• 13:39
  like,
• 13:39
  yeah,
• 13:39
  they're
• 13:40
  so
• 13:40
  stupid
• 13:40
  and
• 13:40
  I
• 13:40
  still
• 13:41
  don't
• 13:41
  love
• 13:41
  them.
• 13:42
  But
• 13:42
  there
• 13:43
  are
• 13:43
  some
• 13:43
  small
• 13:43
  dogs
• 13:43
  that
• 13:44
  I
• 13:44
  love.
• 13:44
  Like
• 13:44
  Michelle
• 13:44
  has
• 13:45
  a
• 13:45
  little
• 13:45
  tiny
• 13:45
  dog
• 13:45
  and
• 13:46
  her
• 13:46
  name
• 13:46
  is
• 13:46
  Lollipop
• 13:47
  and
• 13:47
  she's.
• 13:51
  So.
• 13:51
  But
• 13:51
  I
• 13:52
  do
• 13:52
  try
• 13:52
  to
• 13:52
  remind
• 13:52
  myself,
• 13:53
  like,
• 13:53
  okay,
• 13:54
  but
• 13:54
  that's
• 13:54
  what
• 13:54
  I
• 13:55
  did.
• 13:55
  See,
• 13:55
  I
• 13:55
  did
• 13:55
  the
• 13:55
  same
• 13:55
  thing
• 13:56
  with
• 13:56
  the
• 13:56
  huskies,
• 13:56
  though.
• 13:56
  That's.
• 13:57
  Yeah.
• 13:57
  I
• 13:57
  have
• 13:57
  to
• 13:58
  remember,
• 13:58
  it's
• 13:59
  not
• 13:59
  their
• 13:59
  fault.
• 13:59
  Well,
• 14:01
  yeah,
• 14:02
  that's
• 14:03
  our
• 14:03
  little
• 14:03
  TED
• 14:03
  talk
• 14:04
  on
• 14:04
  small
• 14:04
  little
• 14:05
  rat
• 14:05
  dogs
• 14:05
  that
• 14:06
  we
• 14:06
  are
• 14:06
  learning
• 14:06
  to
• 14:07
  love
• 14:07
  today.
• 14:08
  We.
• 14:09
  Well,
• 14:10
  it's
• 14:10
  October,
• 14:11
  so.
• 14:11
  October.
• 14:12
  You
• 14:12
  know,
• 14:12
  we
• 14:12
  usually
• 14:12
  talk
• 14:13
  about
• 14:13
  domestic
• 14:13
  violence
• 14:14
  and,
• 14:15
  and
• 14:15
  so
• 14:15
  we,
• 14:15
  we
• 14:16
  tried
• 14:16
  to
• 14:16
  pull
• 14:17
  again.
• 14:17
  I
• 14:18
  think
• 14:18
  we
• 14:18
  talked
• 14:18
  about
• 14:18
  this
• 14:18
  in
• 14:19
  the
• 14:19
  last
• 14:19
  episode.
• 14:19
  That
• 14:19
  just
• 14:20
  people
• 14:20
  come
• 14:20
  to
• 14:20
  us
• 14:20
  and
• 14:21
  conversations
• 14:22
  come
• 14:22
  to
• 14:22
  us
• 14:23
  that
• 14:23
  just
• 14:23
  are
• 14:23
  meant
• 14:24
  to
• 14:24
  have.
• 14:24
  And
• 14:24
  so
• 14:25
  someone
• 14:25
  who
• 14:26
  found
• 14:26
  us
• 14:26
  on
• 14:26
  our
• 14:26
  network,
• 14:27
  her
• 14:27
  name's
• 14:27
  Kara
• 14:28
  and
• 14:28
  her
• 14:29
  background
• 14:29
  is
• 14:30
  teaching
• 14:30
  women
• 14:30
  how
• 14:31
  to
• 14:31
  be
• 14:31
  assertive.
• 14:32
  And
• 14:32
  it
• 14:33
  fits
• 14:33
  perfectly
• 14:34
  because
• 14:34
  in
• 14:35
  her,
• 14:35
  you
• 14:35
  know,
• 14:36
  full
• 14:36
  time
• 14:36
  job,
• 14:37
  what
• 14:37
  she
• 14:37
  does
• 14:37
  is
• 14:38
  she
• 14:38
  teaches
• 14:38
  people
• 14:39
  what
• 14:39
  sexual
• 14:40
  assault
• 14:40
  is
• 14:41
  in
• 14:41
  like
• 14:42
  college
• 14:42
  age
• 14:42
  kids
• 14:44
  so
• 14:44
  that
• 14:44
  they
• 14:44
  can
• 14:45
  one
• 14:45
  prevent
• 14:45
  it.
• 14:46
  One,
• 14:46
  you
• 14:47
  know,
• 14:47
  help
• 14:47
  men
• 14:48
  understand
• 14:49
  what
• 14:49
  no
• 14:49
  is
• 14:50
  and
• 14:50
  the
• 14:50
  signs
• 14:50
  of
• 14:51
  something
• 14:51
  not
• 14:51
  being
• 14:51
  okay
• 14:52
  and
• 14:52
  helps
• 14:52
  when
• 14:53
  the
• 14:53
  girls
• 14:53
  be
• 14:54
  more
• 14:54
  assertive
• 14:54
  so
• 14:55
  that
• 14:55
  they
• 14:55
  don't
• 14:55
  end
• 14:55
  up
• 14:56
  in
• 14:56
  situations
• 14:56
  that.
• 14:57
  Yeah.
• 14:57
  They
• 14:58
  don't
• 14:58
  need
• 14:58
  to
• 14:58
  be
• 14:58
  in.
• 14:59
  And
• 14:59
  it
• 14:59
  just
• 14:59
  fits
• 14:59
  perfectly
• 15:00
  with
• 15:00
  October.
• 15:01
  Yeah.
• 15:02
  One
• 15:02
  of
• 15:02
  my
• 15:02
  favorite
• 15:03
  things,
• 15:03
  and
• 15:04
  I
• 15:04
  think
• 15:04
  I'm
• 15:04
  pretty
• 15:05
  sure
• 15:05
  it
• 15:05
  was
• 15:05
  her
• 15:05
  that
• 15:05
  said
• 15:06
  this.
• 15:06
  She
• 15:06
  didn't
• 15:07
  just
• 15:07
  talk
• 15:07
  about
• 15:07
  what
• 15:07
  no
• 15:08
  looks
• 15:08
  like.
• 15:08
  She
• 15:08
  talked
• 15:08
  about
• 15:09
  what
• 15:09
  yes,
• 15:09
  looks
• 15:09
  like.
• 15:10
  Yes.
• 15:11
  You
• 15:11
  know,
• 15:12
  like
• 15:12
  consensual
• 15:13
  sex.
• 15:14
  And
• 15:14
  I
• 15:14
  just
• 15:14
  loved
• 15:15
  that.
• 15:15
  I
• 15:15
  loved
• 15:15
  that.
• 15:16
  Like,
• 15:16
  putting
• 15:16
  that
• 15:16
  kind
• 15:16
  of
• 15:17
  spin
• 15:17
  on
• 15:17
  it.
• 15:18
  Yeah.
• 15:18
  So,
• 15:18
  yeah,
• 15:19
  she
• 15:19
  was
• 15:19
  like,
• 15:19
  I'm
• 15:19
  not
• 15:19
  teaching
• 15:19
  the
• 15:20
  kids
• 15:20
  to
• 15:21
  be
• 15:21
  afraid
• 15:21
  of
• 15:21
  sex
• 15:22
  and
• 15:22
  not
• 15:22
  like
• 15:23
  sex.
• 15:23
  So
• 15:23
  she
• 15:23
  was
• 15:24
  like,
• 15:24
  everyone
• 15:24
  should
• 15:25
  feel
• 15:25
  comfortable
• 15:26
  with
• 15:26
  sex.
• 15:27
  Feels
• 15:27
  good.
• 15:27
  It's
• 15:27
  supposed
• 15:27
  to
• 15:28
  be
• 15:28
  fun.
• 15:28
  And
• 15:28
  so
• 15:28
  she
• 15:28
  teaches
• 15:29
  kids
• 15:30
  and
• 15:30
  coaches
• 15:30
  them
• 15:31
  on
• 15:31
  sex
• 15:31
  is.
• 15:32
  I
• 15:32
  say
• 15:32
  kids
• 15:33
  like
• 15:33
  they're
• 15:33
  young
• 15:33
  adults,
• 15:34
  like
• 15:34
  they're
• 15:35
  20,
• 15:35
  but,
• 15:36
  you
• 15:36
  know,
• 15:36
  teaches
• 15:37
  them
• 15:37
  sex
• 15:37
  is
• 15:37
  fun.
• 15:38
  And.
• 15:38
  And
• 15:38
  that's
• 15:38
  probably
• 15:39
  what
• 15:39
  we.
• 15:39
  We
• 15:39
  could
• 15:40
  use
• 15:40
  in
• 15:40
  the
• 15:40
  school
• 15:41
  system.
• 15:41
  It
• 15:41
  sounds
• 15:41
  scary
• 15:42
  to
• 15:42
  say
• 15:42
  that,
• 15:43
  but,
• 15:44
  you
• 15:44
  know,
• 15:45
  we
• 15:45
  use
• 15:45
  the
• 15:45
  scare
• 15:46
  tactic.
• 15:47
  And
• 15:47
  that
• 15:47
  doesn't
• 15:47
  do
• 15:48
  anything
• 15:48
  except
• 15:48
  for
• 15:48
  create
• 15:48
  a
• 15:49
  taboo
• 15:49
  and
• 15:50
  then
• 15:50
  create,
• 15:50
  like,
• 15:51
  this
• 15:51
  interest
• 15:52
  because,
• 15:52
  like.
• 15:52
  Oh,
• 15:53
  what's
• 15:53
  that?
• 15:53
  Like,
• 15:54
  you
• 15:54
  know.
• 15:55
  Yeah.
• 15:56
  It's
• 15:56
  such
• 15:56
  a
• 15:57
  hard
• 15:58
  topic,
• 15:58
  and
• 15:59
  I
• 15:59
  don't
• 15:59
  really
• 15:59
  know
• 15:59
  what
• 15:59
  the
• 16:00
  answer
• 16:00
  is.
• 16:00
  I'm
• 16:00
  not
• 16:01
  going
• 16:01
  to
• 16:01
  lie.
• 16:01
  But
• 16:02
  I
• 16:02
  love
• 16:02
  her
• 16:02
  approach.
• 16:03
  I
• 16:03
  love
• 16:03
  what
• 16:03
  she
• 16:03
  does,
• 16:04
  and
• 16:04
  I
• 16:04
  try
• 16:05
  to
• 16:05
  take
• 16:06
  her.
• 16:07
  What
• 16:07
  she
• 16:07
  says
• 16:08
  about
• 16:08
  assertiveness
• 16:09
  and
• 16:09
  try
• 16:09
  to
• 16:09
  carry
• 16:10
  that
• 16:10
  into
• 16:11
  my
• 16:11
  day
• 16:11
  since
• 16:11
  we've
• 16:12
  had
• 16:12
  that
• 16:12
  conversation.
• 16:13
  So,
• 16:14
  yeah,
• 16:14
  I
• 16:14
  definitely
• 16:14
  took
• 16:15
  something
• 16:15
  out
• 16:15
  of
• 16:15
  this.
• 16:16
  Yeah.
• 16:16
  It's
• 16:16
  great,
• 16:17
  you
• 16:17
  guys.
• 16:17
  So
• 16:18
  take
• 16:19
  it
• 16:19
  away,
• 16:19
  Kara.
• 16:22
  Today
• 16:22
  we
• 16:23
  have
• 16:23
  with
• 16:23
  us
• 16:23
  Kara
• 16:24
  Tuttle.
• 16:24
  She's
• 16:25
  the
• 16:25
  author
• 16:25
  of
• 16:25
  Drowning
• 16:26
  into
• 16:26
  Timidity.
• 16:28
  Did
• 16:28
  I
• 16:28
  say
• 16:28
  that
• 16:29
  word
• 16:29
  right?
• 16:30
  You
• 16:30
  said
• 16:30
  yes.
• 16:31
  Is
• 16:31
  it
• 16:31
  drowning
• 16:32
  in
• 16:32
  timidity?
• 16:33
  Yes.
• 16:33
  Okay.
• 16:34
  Okay.
• 16:35
  That's
• 16:35
  like
• 16:36
  a
• 16:36
  tricky
• 16:36
  word,
• 16:36
  timidity.
• 16:38
  I
• 16:38
  know.
• 16:38
  I
• 16:38
  regretted
• 16:39
  it
• 16:39
  after
• 16:39
  I've
• 16:39
  done
• 16:39
  it,
• 16:40
  because
• 16:40
  when
• 16:40
  I've
• 16:40
  had
• 16:40
  to
• 16:40
  say
• 16:40
  it,
• 16:41
  then
• 16:41
  I'm
• 16:41
  like,
• 16:41
  am
• 16:41
  I
• 16:41
  putting
• 16:42
  extra
• 16:42
  syllables
• 16:42
  in
• 16:42
  there?
• 16:43
  But.
• 16:44
  Right.
• 16:44
  Well,
• 16:45
  thanks
• 16:45
  for
• 16:45
  joining
• 16:45
  us,
• 16:46
  Kara.
• 16:46
  We're
• 16:46
  excited
• 16:47
  to
• 16:47
  talk
• 16:47
  about
• 16:47
  this
• 16:48
  because,
• 16:49
  you
• 16:49
  know,
• 16:49
  as
• 16:49
  you
• 16:50
  have
• 16:50
  mentioned
• 16:50
  and
• 16:51
  talking
• 16:51
  to
• 16:51
  you
• 16:52
  briefly,
• 16:52
  women
• 16:53
  are
• 16:53
  raised
• 16:54
  to
• 16:54
  be
• 16:55
  polite
• 16:55
  and
• 16:56
  respect.
• 16:57
  Polite
• 16:58
  to
• 16:58
  be
• 16:58
  respectful.
• 16:59
  And
• 16:59
  it
• 16:59
  sounds
• 17:00
  like
• 17:00
  you
• 17:01
  have
• 17:01
  a
• 17:01
  way.
• 17:02
  That's
• 17:02
  bullshit.
• 17:03
  Yes.
• 17:04
  Yes.
• 17:05
  That's
• 17:05
  a
• 17:05
  great
• 17:05
  way
• 17:05
  to
• 17:05
  put
• 17:05
  it.
• 17:06
  I
• 17:06
  agree.
• 17:09
  Yeah.
• 17:09
  So
• 17:09
  tell
• 17:09
  us
• 17:09
  about
• 17:10
  it.
• 17:10
  Sure.
• 17:11
  I.
• 17:11
  I
• 17:12
  wrote
• 17:12
  a
• 17:12
  book
• 17:12
  during
• 17:12
  the
• 17:13
  pandemic.
• 17:13
  I'm
• 17:13
  one
• 17:13
  of
• 17:14
  the
• 17:14
  people,
• 17:14
  you
• 17:14
  know,
• 17:14
  who
• 17:14
  did
• 17:15
  that.
• 17:16
  And
• 17:16
  that
• 17:16
  was
• 17:17
  good
• 17:17
  for
• 17:17
  me
• 17:17
  because
• 17:17
  I
• 17:17
  needed
• 17:17
  to
• 17:18
  figure
• 17:18
  out
• 17:18
  something
• 17:18
  to
• 17:18
  do
• 17:20
  because,
• 17:21
  you
• 17:21
  know,
• 17:21
  my
• 17:21
  work
• 17:21
  changed
• 17:22
  dramatically
• 17:22
  overnight.
• 17:23
  They
• 17:23
  sent
• 17:23
  us
• 17:24
  home,
• 17:24
  and
• 17:25
  I
• 17:25
  was
• 17:25
  like,
• 17:25
  what
• 17:26
  am
• 17:26
  I
• 17:26
  going
• 17:26
  to
• 17:26
  do
• 17:26
  with
• 17:27
  myself?
• 17:28
  But
• 17:29
  I
• 17:29
  was
• 17:29
  really
• 17:29
  lucky
• 17:30
  that
• 17:30
  this
• 17:31
  woman
• 17:31
  who
• 17:31
  had
• 17:31
  seen
• 17:32
  me
• 17:32
  speak
• 17:32
  a
• 17:32
  few
• 17:32
  years
• 17:33
  prior
• 17:33
  reached
• 17:33
  out
• 17:33
  on
• 17:33
  me,
• 17:34
  reach
• 17:34
  out
• 17:34
  to
• 17:34
  me
• 17:34
  on
• 17:35
  LinkedIn.
• 17:36
  And
• 17:36
  this
• 17:36
  is
• 17:37
  like
• 17:37
  day
• 17:37
  three
• 17:37
  after
• 17:37
  they
• 17:38
  started
• 17:38
  to
• 17:38
  close
• 17:38
  things,
• 17:39
  you
• 17:39
  know,
• 17:39
  and.
• 17:39
  And
• 17:39
  send
• 17:40
  people
• 17:40
  home.
• 17:41
  And
• 17:41
  she
• 17:42
  really
• 17:42
  was
• 17:42
  like,
• 17:42
  why
• 17:43
  haven't
• 17:43
  you
• 17:43
  written
• 17:43
  a
• 17:43
  book?
• 17:44
  And
• 17:44
  I
• 17:44
  was
• 17:44
  like,
• 17:44
  oh,
• 17:45
  gosh,
• 17:45
  you
• 17:45
  know,
• 17:45
  I
• 17:46
  mean,
• 17:46
  like,
• 17:46
  that's
• 17:46
  great
• 17:47
  in
• 17:47
  theory,
• 17:47
  but
• 17:48
  when
• 17:48
  are
• 17:48
  you
• 17:48
  going
• 17:48
  to
• 17:48
  sit
• 17:48
  down
• 17:48
  and
• 17:49
  do
• 17:49
  that?
• 17:49
  But
• 17:50
  it
• 17:50
  was
• 17:50
  really
• 17:50
  the
• 17:51
  perfect
• 17:51
  time.
• 17:51
  So
• 17:52
  we.
• 17:53
  The
• 17:53
  world
• 17:53
  was
• 17:54
  like,
• 17:54
  you're
• 17:54
  going
• 17:54
  to
• 17:54
  sit
• 17:54
  down
• 17:54
  and
• 17:55
  do
• 17:55
  it
• 17:55
  now?
• 17:56
  Yes.
• 17:56
  No.
• 17:56
  She
• 17:57
  was
• 17:57
  really
• 17:57
  perfect
• 17:57
  for
• 17:58
  me,
• 17:58
  too,
• 17:58
  because
• 17:59
  I
• 17:59
  wouldn't
• 17:59
  have
• 17:59
  done
• 18:00
  it
• 18:00
  otherwise.
• 18:00
  Right.
• 18:00
  Her
• 18:00
  name's
• 18:01
  Linda
• 18:01
  Eastman,
• 18:02
  and
• 18:02
  she's
• 18:03
  helped
• 18:03
  a
• 18:03
  lot
• 18:03
  of
• 18:03
  women
• 18:04
  publish
• 18:04
  books,
• 18:05
  and
• 18:05
  she's
• 18:06
  a
• 18:06
  really
• 18:06
  great
• 18:06
  coach
• 18:07
  for.
• 18:08
  But
• 18:08
  I
• 18:08
  had
• 18:08
  connected
• 18:09
  with
• 18:09
  her,
• 18:10
  and
• 18:11
  she
• 18:11
  was
• 18:11
  really
• 18:11
  trying
• 18:11
  to
• 18:11
  do
• 18:11
  a
• 18:12
  nice
• 18:12
  thing,
• 18:12
  too,
• 18:12
  because
• 18:12
  of
• 18:13
  what
• 18:13
  was
• 18:13
  going
• 18:13
  on
• 18:13
  in
• 18:14
  the
• 18:14
  world.
• 18:14
  So
• 18:14
  she
• 18:14
  was
• 18:14
  like,
• 18:15
  I'm
• 18:15
  doing
• 18:15
  these
• 18:15
  scholarships,
• 18:16
  and
• 18:16
  I
• 18:16
  just
• 18:17
  think
• 18:17
  you
• 18:17
  have
• 18:17
  a
• 18:17
  book
• 18:17
  in
• 18:18
  you.
• 18:18
  We've
• 18:18
  got
• 18:18
  to
• 18:18
  figure
• 18:18
  out
• 18:18
  what.
• 18:19
  This
• 18:19
  is
• 18:19
  interesting.
• 18:20
  And
• 18:20
  I
• 18:20
  was
• 18:20
  hoping.
• 18:21
  Yeah,
• 18:21
  I
• 18:21
  know.
• 18:21
  It
• 18:21
  was
• 18:22
  just
• 18:22
  perfect
• 18:22
  timing.
• 18:23
  Can
• 18:23
  I
• 18:23
  ask
• 18:23
  you
• 18:23
  real
• 18:24
  quick,
• 18:24
  like,
• 18:24
  what
• 18:24
  made
• 18:25
  her.
• 18:25
  How
• 18:25
  did
• 18:25
  she
• 18:25
  find
• 18:25
  you?
• 18:26
  What
• 18:26
  made
• 18:26
  her
• 18:26
  come
• 18:26
  to
• 18:26
  you
• 18:26
  and
• 18:27
  say,
• 18:27
  you've
• 18:27
  got
• 18:27
  a
• 18:27
  book
• 18:27
  in
• 18:27
  you?
• 18:28
  Yeah.
• 18:28
  What
• 18:28
  were
• 18:28
  you
• 18:28
  posting
• 18:29
  that
• 18:29
  caught
• 18:30
  her
• 18:30
  attention?
• 18:31
  That
• 18:31
  is
• 18:32
  a
• 18:32
  great
• 18:32
  question.
• 18:33
  She's
• 18:33
  in
• 18:33
  Louisville,
• 18:34
  Kentucky.
• 18:34
  I'm
• 18:35
  in
• 18:35
  Nashville,
• 18:35
  Tennessee.
• 18:36
  So
• 18:36
  regionally,
• 18:37
  I
• 18:37
  think
• 18:37
  we
• 18:38
  had
• 18:38
  some
• 18:38
  overlapping
• 18:39
  conversations,
• 18:39
  contacts,
• 18:40
  you
• 18:40
  know,
• 18:40
  where
• 18:41
  she
• 18:41
  had
• 18:42
  seen
• 18:42
  that.
• 18:42
  But
• 18:42
  I
• 18:42
  do
• 18:44
  the.
• 18:44
  The
• 18:44
  career
• 18:45
  which
• 18:45
  has
• 18:45
  had,
• 18:45
  you
• 18:45
  know,
• 18:46
  some
• 18:46
  different
• 18:47
  roles,
• 18:48
  has
• 18:48
  been
• 18:48
  focused
• 18:49
  on
• 18:49
  empowering
• 18:49
  women.
• 18:50
  Okay.
• 18:50
  And
• 18:51
  so
• 18:51
  I
• 18:51
  think
• 18:51
  that
• 18:51
  was
• 18:52
  what
• 18:52
  came
• 18:53
  to
• 18:53
  her
• 18:53
  attention.
• 18:54
  And,
• 18:54
  you
• 18:55
  know,
• 18:55
  in
• 18:55
  my
• 18:55
  day
• 18:55
  job,
• 18:55
  I
• 18:56
  focus
• 18:56
  on
• 18:56
  sexual
• 18:56
  misconduct
• 18:57
  prevention.
• 18:57
  And
• 18:58
  so
• 18:58
  that
• 18:58
  is
• 18:59
  sexual
• 18:59
  harassment,
• 19:00
  sexual
• 19:00
  assault,
• 19:01
  stalking,
• 19:01
  dating,
• 19:02
  violence,
• 19:02
  domestic
• 19:03
  violence,
• 19:04
  any
• 19:04
  of
• 19:05
  the
• 19:05
  ways
• 19:05
  that
• 19:05
  people
• 19:05
  in
• 19:06
  broadly.
• 19:07
  But
• 19:07
  a
• 19:07
  lot
• 19:07
  of
• 19:07
  women
• 19:08
  are
• 19:08
  impacted
• 19:08
  by
• 19:08
  that.
• 19:09
  Okay.
• 19:10
  But
• 19:10
  what
• 19:12
  I
• 19:12
  often
• 19:13
  speak
• 19:13
  on
• 19:14
  as
• 19:14
  a
• 19:14
  speaker
• 19:15
  might
• 19:15
  be
• 19:15
  for
• 19:15
  a
• 19:15
  women's
• 19:16
  luncheon
• 19:16
  or
• 19:16
  a
• 19:17
  breakfast.
• 19:17
  Sometimes
• 19:18
  it's
• 19:18
  Women's
• 19:18
  History
• 19:19
  Month.
• 19:19
  You
• 19:19
  know,
• 19:19
  sometimes
• 19:20
  it's
• 19:20
  the
• 19:20
  Related
• 19:21
  Domestic
• 19:21
  Violence
• 19:22
  Awareness
• 19:22
  Month
• 19:22
  or.
• 19:23
  Or
• 19:23
  Sexual
• 19:23
  Assault
• 19:23
  Awareness
• 19:24
  Month.
• 19:24
  I
• 19:24
  think
• 19:24
  that
• 19:25
  we
• 19:25
  had
• 19:25
  overlapped
• 19:26
  in.
• 19:26
  In
• 19:26
  some
• 19:27
  of
• 19:27
  those
• 19:27
  spheres.
• 19:29
  And
• 19:29
  she
• 19:30
  did
• 19:30
  say,
• 19:31
  like,
• 19:31
  what
• 19:31
  do
• 19:31
  you
• 19:31
  want
• 19:31
  to
• 19:31
  write
• 19:31
  about?
• 19:32
  And
• 19:32
  I.
• 19:32
  And
• 19:32
  I
• 19:33
  said,
• 19:33
  you
• 19:33
  know,
• 19:33
  I.
• 19:35
  I
• 19:35
  want
• 19:35
  it
• 19:35
  to
• 19:35
  be
• 19:36
  broader
• 19:37
  than
• 19:37
  the
• 19:37
  work
• 19:37
  that
• 19:37
  I
• 19:38
  do
• 19:38
  in
• 19:38
  my
• 19:39
  day
• 19:39
  job,
• 19:39
  because
• 19:40
  people
• 19:40
  are
• 19:41
  really
• 19:42
  coming
• 19:42
  to
• 19:42
  talk
• 19:42
  to
• 19:43
  me,
• 19:43
  like,
• 19:43
  on
• 19:43
  the
• 19:43
  side
• 19:44
  about
• 19:44
  assertiveness.
• 19:45
  Now,
• 19:46
  they
• 19:46
  weren't
• 19:46
  calling
• 19:46
  it
• 19:47
  that
• 19:47
  necessarily.
• 19:47
  But
• 19:47
  it
• 19:48
  was
• 19:48
  like,
• 19:49
  you
• 19:49
  know,
• 19:49
  I
• 19:49
  have
• 19:49
  this
• 19:50
  tough
• 19:50
  conversation
• 19:51
  that
• 19:51
  I
• 19:51
  want
• 19:51
  my
• 19:52
  supervisor
• 19:52
  or
• 19:53
  boundary
• 19:53
  setting
• 19:53
  in
• 19:54
  a
• 19:54
  relationship
• 19:55
  or
• 19:55
  salary
• 19:55
  negotiation,
• 19:56
  something
• 19:56
  like
• 19:57
  that.
• 19:57
  And
• 19:57
  they
• 19:57
  were
• 19:58
  just
• 19:58
  wanting
• 19:58
  a
• 19:58
  minute
• 19:58
  of
• 19:58
  my
• 19:59
  time
• 19:59
  here
• 19:59
  and
• 19:59
  there,
• 20:00
  and
• 20:00
  I'm
• 20:01
  happy
• 20:01
  to
• 20:01
  give
• 20:01
  it.
• 20:01
  You
• 20:01
  know,
• 20:01
  I
• 20:01
  mean,
• 20:02
  it's
• 20:02
  like
• 20:02
  the
• 20:03
  women
• 20:03
  need
• 20:03
  to
• 20:03
  support
• 20:03
  other
• 20:04
  women
• 20:04
  for
• 20:04
  sure.
• 20:05
  And
• 20:05
  I'm
• 20:06
  thrilled
• 20:06
  that
• 20:06
  they
• 20:06
  think
• 20:06
  that
• 20:07
  I
• 20:07
  am
• 20:07
  an
• 20:07
  assertive
• 20:08
  person.
• 20:10
  And
• 20:11
  we
• 20:11
  had
• 20:11
  these
• 20:11
  meetings,
• 20:12
  but.
• 20:12
  But
• 20:13
  really,
• 20:13
  what
• 20:14
  had
• 20:14
  been
• 20:14
  kicking
• 20:14
  around
• 20:15
  in
• 20:15
  my
• 20:15
  mind
• 20:16
  is
• 20:16
  the.
• 20:17
  Sorry,
• 20:17
  the.
• 20:18
  That's
• 20:19
  okay.
• 20:19
  Is
• 20:19
  the
• 20:19
  quick
• 20:20
  cram
• 20:20
  session
• 20:21
  or
• 20:21
  the.
• 20:21
  Like.
• 20:21
  Yeah.
• 20:22
  I'll
• 20:22
  give
• 20:22
  you
• 20:22
  this.
• 20:22
  Like,
• 20:23
  these
• 20:23
  quick
• 20:24
  tips
• 20:24
  or
• 20:24
  a
• 20:24
  script
• 20:25
  is
• 20:25
  not
• 20:25
  the
• 20:25
  best
• 20:26
  we
• 20:26
  can
• 20:26
  do.
• 20:26
  Right.
• 20:27
  Like,
• 20:27
  it's
• 20:27
  better
• 20:27
  than
• 20:28
  nothing.
• 20:28
  For
• 20:28
  sure.
• 20:29
  Okay.
• 20:29
  It's
• 20:29
  not
• 20:29
  the
• 20:30
  best
• 20:30
  we
• 20:30
  can
• 20:30
  do.
• 20:30
  And
• 20:31
  the
• 20:31
  reason.
• 20:31
  Deeper.
• 20:32
  Yes.
• 20:32
  The
• 20:33
  reason
• 20:33
  that
• 20:33
  people
• 20:33
  think
• 20:34
  that
• 20:34
  I'm
• 20:34
  assertive
• 20:35
  is
• 20:35
  it's.
• 20:35
  It's
• 20:35
  a
• 20:36
  daily
• 20:36
  practice
• 20:36
  for
• 20:37
  me.
• 20:37
  It's
• 20:37
  like
• 20:37
  the
• 20:37
  way
• 20:38
  I
• 20:38
  communicate.
• 20:39
  It's
• 20:39
  actually
• 20:39
  linked
• 20:40
  to,
• 20:41
  you
• 20:41
  know,
• 20:41
  increased
• 20:42
  health
• 20:42
  outcomes
• 20:43
  and.
• 20:43
  And
• 20:43
  positive,
• 20:44
  healthier
• 20:44
  relationships.
• 20:45
  So
• 20:46
  the
• 20:46
  book
• 20:47
  was
• 20:47
  where
• 20:47
  I
• 20:47
  could
• 20:47
  talk
• 20:47
  about
• 20:48
  that,
• 20:49
  you
• 20:49
  know,
• 20:50
  in.
• 20:50
  In
• 20:50
  a
• 20:50
  fuller
• 20:51
  context
• 20:51
  and
• 20:51
  touch
• 20:52
  on
• 20:53
  assertiveness
• 20:53
  in
• 20:53
  the
• 20:54
  workplace.
• 20:54
  Assertiveness
• 20:55
  in
• 20:55
  your
• 20:55
  personal
• 20:55
  relationships,
• 20:56
  assertiveness
• 20:57
  in
• 20:57
  your
• 20:57
  sexual
• 20:57
  relationships.
• 20:59
  And
• 20:59
  the
• 20:59
  real
• 20:59
  pros
• 21:00
  to
• 21:01
  embracing
• 21:02
  it
• 21:02
  more
• 21:02
  fully.
• 21:03
  Yeah.
• 21:04
  Because
• 21:04
  how
• 21:04
  do
• 21:04
  you.
• 21:05
  I.
• 21:06
  How
• 21:06
  do
• 21:06
  you
• 21:07
  differentiate
• 21:09
  assertiveness
• 21:09
  from
• 21:10
  aggressiveness?
• 21:10
  Because
• 21:11
  I
• 21:11
  feel
• 21:11
  like
• 21:11
  it
• 21:12
  does.
• 21:12
  Commonly,
• 21:13
  it
• 21:13
  feels
• 21:13
  aggressive,
• 21:14
  at
• 21:14
  least
• 21:14
  to
• 21:14
  me.
• 21:15
  Yes.
• 21:16
  And
• 21:17
  that's
• 21:17
  a
• 21:17
  great
• 21:17
  question.
• 21:17
  And
• 21:18
  the.
• 21:20
  There
• 21:20
  are
• 21:20
  a
• 21:20
  lot
• 21:20
  of
• 21:20
  ways
• 21:21
  we
• 21:21
  gender
• 21:21
  that.
• 21:21
  Right.
• 21:22
  So
• 21:22
  where
• 21:22
  people
• 21:23
  will
• 21:23
  think
• 21:23
  if
• 21:23
  a
• 21:23
  woman
• 21:24
  is
• 21:24
  being
• 21:24
  assertive,
• 21:25
  it
• 21:25
  feels
• 21:26
  aggressive
• 21:26
  to
• 21:26
  them.
• 21:27
  Because
• 21:27
  sometimes,
• 21:28
  like,
• 21:28
  even
• 21:28
  still,
• 21:29
  we're
• 21:29
  not
• 21:29
  used
• 21:29
  to
• 21:30
  it.
• 21:30
  Or
• 21:30
  for
• 21:30
  women,
• 21:31
  being
• 21:32
  that
• 21:33
  direct
• 21:34
  or
• 21:34
  sometimes
• 21:35
  forceful
• 21:36
  or
• 21:37
  not
• 21:37
  letting
• 21:38
  something
• 21:38
  go
• 21:38
  can
• 21:38
  feel
• 21:39
  aggressive
• 21:39
  to
• 21:39
  them.
• 21:40
  Right.
• 21:40
  But
• 21:40
  if
• 21:40
  you
• 21:41
  look
• 21:41
  at
• 21:41
  male
• 21:41
  models
• 21:42
  of
• 21:42
  leadership,
• 21:43
  we
• 21:43
  respect
• 21:43
  that
• 21:44
  in
• 21:44
  men.
• 21:45
  We
• 21:45
  think
• 21:45
  they're
• 21:45
  tenacious,
• 21:46
  that
• 21:46
  they're,
• 21:46
  like,
• 21:47
  hungry
• 21:47
  or
• 21:47
  they're
• 21:48
  ambitious,
• 21:48
  or
• 21:48
  that
• 21:49
  they're
• 21:49
  strong.
• 21:50
  And
• 21:51
  sometimes
• 21:52
  it
• 21:52
  is
• 21:52
  bad
• 21:53
  behavior,
• 21:53
  sometimes
• 21:53
  it's
• 21:54
  aggressive
• 21:54
  behavior.
• 21:54
  And
• 21:55
  we,
• 21:55
  you
• 21:55
  know,
• 21:55
  it
• 21:55
  can
• 21:56
  be
• 21:56
  steamrolling
• 21:56
  or
• 21:57
  bullying,
• 21:57
  and
• 21:58
  we
• 21:58
  don't
• 21:58
  want
• 21:58
  to
• 21:58
  be
• 21:58
  there.
• 21:58
  Like,
• 21:59
  that's
• 21:59
  not
• 21:59
  what
• 21:59
  I'm
• 22:00
  recommending.
• 22:01
  But
• 22:02
  we
• 22:02
  don't
• 22:02
  need
• 22:02
  to
• 22:03
  be
• 22:03
  timid
• 22:03
  or
• 22:03
  passive
• 22:04
  aggressive
• 22:04
  either,
• 22:05
  which
• 22:05
  is
• 22:05
  on
• 22:05
  the
• 22:06
  other
• 22:06
  side.
• 22:06
  So
• 22:07
  this
• 22:07
  is
• 22:07
  about
• 22:07
  landing
• 22:09
  in
• 22:09
  the
• 22:10
  middle
• 22:10
  of
• 22:10
  those.
• 22:10
  Yeah.
• 22:11
  Being
• 22:12
  present,
• 22:12
  communicating
• 22:13
  clearly,
• 22:15
  not
• 22:15
  expecting
• 22:15
  our
• 22:16
  partners
• 22:16
  or
• 22:17
  other,
• 22:17
  you
• 22:17
  know,
• 22:18
  friends
• 22:18
  or
• 22:18
  boss
• 22:19
  to
• 22:19
  read
• 22:19
  our
• 22:19
  mind,
• 22:20
  but
• 22:20
  engaging
• 22:21
  fairly
• 22:22
  and
• 22:23
  directly.
• 22:23
  And
• 22:24
  that's
• 22:24
  really
• 22:24
  what
• 22:24
  assertive
• 22:25
  is.
• 22:25
  That's
• 22:26
  all.
• 22:26
  But
• 22:26
  we
• 22:26
  have
• 22:27
  to
• 22:27
  redefine
• 22:27
  it
• 22:27
  because
• 22:28
  people
• 22:28
  are
• 22:28
  thinking
• 22:29
  that
• 22:29
  it
• 22:29
  means
• 22:29
  aggressive
• 22:30
  behavior.
• 22:30
  And,
• 22:32
  you
• 22:32
  know,
• 22:33
  you
• 22:33
  can
• 22:33
  win
• 22:33
  some
• 22:34
  short
• 22:34
  term
• 22:34
  battles
• 22:34
  with
• 22:35
  aggressive
• 22:35
  behavior,
• 22:35
  but
• 22:36
  you
• 22:36
  won't
• 22:36
  win
• 22:36
  the
• 22:36
  war.
• 22:37
  Right.
• 22:37
  You
• 22:37
  know,
• 22:37
  fair.
• 22:38
  That
• 22:38
  will
• 22:38
  actually
• 22:39
  teach
• 22:39
  people
• 22:39
  not
• 22:40
  to
• 22:40
  engage
• 22:40
  with
• 22:40
  you,
• 22:41
  not
• 22:41
  to
• 22:41
  want
• 22:41
  to
• 22:41
  call
• 22:41
  you,
• 22:42
  to
• 22:42
  match
• 22:43
  bad
• 22:43
  behavior
• 22:43
  with
• 22:44
  bad
• 22:44
  behavior.
• 22:44
  And
• 22:44
  we
• 22:45
  don't
• 22:45
  want
• 22:45
  to
• 22:45
  be
• 22:45
  in
• 22:45
  that
• 22:45
  toxic
• 22:46
  space
• 22:46
  either.
• 22:47
  But
• 22:47
  we
• 22:47
  do
• 22:47
  want
• 22:47
  you
• 22:48
  to
• 22:48
  feel
• 22:48
  safe,
• 22:49
  to
• 22:49
  feel
• 22:49
  heard,
• 22:49
  to
• 22:50
  be
• 22:50
  seen
• 22:50
  to
• 22:51
  be
• 22:51
  a
• 22:51
  contributor,
• 22:52
  you
• 22:52
  know,
• 22:52
  in
• 22:53
  a
• 22:53
  meeting
• 22:53
  and
• 22:54
  engage
• 22:54
  fairly
• 22:55
  with
• 22:55
  other
• 22:55
  people.
• 22:55
  Right.
• 22:56
  Is
• 22:56
  there
• 22:56
  an
• 22:57
  example
• 22:57
  that
• 22:57
  you
• 22:57
  have
• 22:58
  where,
• 22:59
  you
• 22:59
  know,
• 22:59
  a
• 22:59
  person
• 23:00
  may
• 23:01
  answer
• 23:02
  in
• 23:02
  a
• 23:02
  traditional
• 23:03
  way
• 23:03
  versus
• 23:04
  how
• 23:04
  they
• 23:04
  would
• 23:04
  answer
• 23:05
  in
• 23:05
  a
• 23:05
  assertive
• 23:06
  way?
• 23:06
  There
• 23:07
  are
• 23:07
  lots
• 23:07
  of
• 23:07
  examples
• 23:07
  of
• 23:08
  timidity.
• 23:09
  Right.
• 23:09
  So
• 23:10
  I
• 23:10
  think
• 23:10
  that
• 23:10
  one
• 23:10
  day
• 23:11
  when
• 23:11
  I
• 23:11
  was
• 23:11
  venting,
• 23:11
  I
• 23:12
  was
• 23:12
  like,
• 23:12
  we're
• 23:12
  drowning
• 23:12
  in
• 23:12
  timidity
• 23:13
  and
• 23:13
  people.
• 23:14
  That
• 23:14
  needs
• 23:14
  to
• 23:14
  be
• 23:14
  your
• 23:14
  book.
• 23:15
  And
• 23:15
  I
• 23:15
  was
• 23:15
  like,
• 23:16
  write
• 23:16
  that
• 23:16
  down.
• 23:18
  Write
• 23:19
  that
• 23:19
  down
• 23:19
  somewhere,
• 23:19
  you
• 23:19
  know,
• 23:20
  and
• 23:20
  so
• 23:20
  that's
• 23:20
  actually
• 23:20
  what
• 23:21
  that
• 23:21
  came
• 23:21
  from
• 23:21
  is
• 23:23
  when
• 23:23
  you
• 23:23
  put
• 23:24
  it
• 23:24
  that
• 23:24
  way.
• 23:24
  I
• 23:24
  can
• 23:24
  literally
• 23:25
  see
• 23:25
  myself
• 23:25
  in
• 23:26
  those
• 23:26
  situations
• 23:26
  where
• 23:27
  it's
• 23:27
  like,
• 23:27
  this
• 23:27
  is
• 23:27
  really
• 23:27
  uncomfortable,
• 23:28
  so
• 23:28
  I'm
• 23:28
  just
• 23:28
  gonna
• 23:29
  walk
• 23:30
  away.
• 23:30
  Yes.
• 23:31
  And
• 23:31
  there
• 23:31
  are
• 23:32
  times
• 23:32
  when
• 23:32
  that
• 23:32
  might
• 23:32
  be
• 23:32
  the
• 23:33
  best
• 23:33
  strategy,
• 23:33
  but
• 23:33
  we
• 23:34
  don't
• 23:34
  want
• 23:34
  to
• 23:34
  like
• 23:34
  default
• 23:35
  to
• 23:35
  that,
• 23:35
  you
• 23:35
  know,
• 23:36
  so.
• 23:37
  Yes.
• 23:37
  So
• 23:38
  a
• 23:38
  lot
• 23:38
  of.
• 23:38
  Because
• 23:38
  I
• 23:39
  work
• 23:39
  on
• 23:39
  a
• 23:39
  college
• 23:39
  campus,
• 23:39
  so
• 23:40
  I
• 23:40
  talk
• 23:40
  to
• 23:40
  like
• 23:40
  a
• 23:40
  lot
• 23:40
  of
• 23:41
  young
• 23:41
  women
• 23:42
  students
• 23:42
  and
• 23:42
  we
• 23:42
  have
• 23:42
  a
• 23:43
  lot
• 23:43
  of
• 23:43
  young
• 23:43
  entry
• 23:43
  level
• 23:44
  employees,
• 23:45
  and
• 23:45
  they're
• 23:45
  the
• 23:46
  ones
• 23:46
  who
• 23:46
  are.
• 23:47
  I,
• 23:47
  I
• 23:47
  found
• 23:47
  myself
• 23:47
  giving
• 23:48
  like
• 23:48
  repeat
• 23:48
  advice
• 23:49
  where
• 23:49
  I'm,
• 23:49
  I'm
• 23:50
  starting
• 23:50
  to
• 23:50
  them
• 23:50
  and
• 23:51
  I'm
• 23:51
  saying,
• 23:51
  like,
• 23:52
  when
• 23:52
  you
• 23:52
  go
• 23:53
  into
• 23:53
  a
• 23:53
  meeting,
• 23:53
  are
• 23:54
  you
• 23:54
  sitting
• 23:54
  at
• 23:54
  the
• 23:54
  table
• 23:55
  or
• 23:55
  are
• 23:55
  you
• 23:55
  choosing
• 23:56
  the
• 23:56
  seat
• 23:56
  that's
• 23:56
  like
• 23:56
  along
• 23:57
  the
• 23:57
  wall?
• 23:57
  And
• 23:58
  why.
• 23:59
  Sometimes
• 23:59
  that's
• 23:59
  appropriate
• 24:00
  if
• 24:00
  you're
• 24:00
  the
• 24:01
  lowest
• 24:01
  ranked
• 24:01
  and
• 24:01
  there's
• 24:02
  too
• 24:02
  many
• 24:02
  people.
• 24:02
  But
• 24:03
  sometimes
• 24:03
  that's
• 24:04
  choosing
• 24:04
  passivity
• 24:05
  and
• 24:05
  not
• 24:05
  positioning
• 24:06
  yourself
• 24:06
  for
• 24:06
  influence.
• 24:07
  Or
• 24:08
  that's
• 24:08
  a,
• 24:09
  A
• 24:09
  quick
• 24:09
  tip
• 24:10
  that
• 24:10
  I
• 24:10
  give.
• 24:10
  Talk
• 24:11
  to
• 24:11
  some
• 24:11
  women,
• 24:11
  like
• 24:12
  audiences
• 24:12
  that
• 24:12
  are
• 24:13
  like
• 24:13
  over
• 24:13
  50
• 24:13
  or
• 24:13
  they're
• 24:14
  retired.
• 24:14
  And
• 24:14
  so
• 24:14
  I'm
• 24:14
  like,
• 24:15
  talk
• 24:15
  to
• 24:15
  them.
• 24:15
  And
• 24:15
  I'm
• 24:16
  like,
• 24:16
  if
• 24:16
  you're
• 24:16
  on
• 24:16
  a
• 24:17
  plane,
• 24:17
  do
• 24:17
  you
• 24:18
  ever
• 24:18
  claim
• 24:18
  the
• 24:18
  armrest
• 24:20
  or
• 24:20
  do
• 24:20
  you
• 24:20
  fold
• 24:21
  yourself
• 24:21
  in
• 24:21
  and
• 24:22
  you
• 24:22
  do.
• 24:22
  Oh
• 24:22
  my
• 24:23
  goodness,
• 24:23
  you
• 24:24
  don't
• 24:24
  think
• 24:24
  that's
• 24:24
  for
• 24:24
  you?
• 24:25
  And
• 24:25
  listen,
• 24:26
  if,
• 24:27
  you
• 24:27
  know,
• 24:27
  or
• 24:28
  on
• 24:28
  the
• 24:28
  subway,
• 24:29
  you
• 24:29
  know,
• 24:29
  are
• 24:29
  you
• 24:29
  standing
• 24:30
  or
• 24:30
  giving
• 24:30
  a
• 24:30
  seat?
• 24:31
  If
• 24:31
  on
• 24:31
  a
• 24:32
  sidewalk,
• 24:32
  are
• 24:32
  you
• 24:33
  always
• 24:33
  moving
• 24:33
  out
• 24:33
  of
• 24:34
  the
• 24:34
  way?
• 24:34
  And
• 24:34
  I
• 24:34
  mean,
• 24:34
  I
• 24:35
  don't
• 24:35
  want
• 24:35
  you
• 24:35
  to
• 24:35
  play
• 24:35
  chicken
• 24:36
  and
• 24:36
  run
• 24:36
  people
• 24:36
  off
• 24:36
  the
• 24:37
  road.
• 24:37
  That's
• 24:37
  not
• 24:37
  the
• 24:38
  advice
• 24:38
  either,
• 24:39
  but
• 24:39
  that's
• 24:39
  going
• 24:39
  to
• 24:39
  tell
• 24:40
  you
• 24:40
  a
• 24:40
  little
• 24:41
  bit
• 24:41
  about
• 24:41
  who
• 24:41
  you
• 24:41
  are
• 24:42
  in
• 24:42
  a
• 24:42
  situation
• 24:43
  and
• 24:44
  whether
• 24:44
  or
• 24:44
  not
• 24:44
  you
• 24:44
  feel
• 24:45
  entitled
• 24:45
  to
• 24:45
  take
• 24:46
  up
• 24:46
  an
• 24:46
  appropriate
• 24:47
  amount
• 24:47
  of
• 24:47
  space
• 24:48
  or
• 24:48
  the
• 24:48
  same
• 24:48
  space
• 24:49
  in
• 24:49
  the
• 24:49
  world
• 24:50
  as
• 24:50
  other
• 24:50
  people.
• 24:51
  And
• 24:52
  a
• 24:52
  lot
• 24:52
  of
• 24:52
  times
• 24:52
  women
• 24:53
  have
• 24:53
  been
• 24:53
  really
• 24:53
  socialized
• 24:54
  to
• 24:54
  be
• 24:54
  pleasant
• 24:56
  as
• 24:56
  a
• 24:56
  priority.
• 24:57
  Right.
• 24:57
  Like,
• 24:57
  to
• 24:57
  maintain
• 24:58
  the
• 24:58
  peace
• 24:58
  rather
• 24:59
  than
• 24:59
  to
• 24:59
  advocate
• 25:00
  for
• 25:00
  their
• 25:00
  own
• 25:00
  needs
• 25:00
  or
• 25:01
  their
• 25:01
  safety.
• 25:02
  And
• 25:02
  so
• 25:03
  it
• 25:03
  depends
• 25:04
  what
• 25:04
  we're
• 25:04
  asking
• 25:04
  for.
• 25:05
  Right.
• 25:05
  But
• 25:05
  so
• 25:05
  for
• 25:05
  women
• 25:06
  who
• 25:06
  are
• 25:06
  trying
• 25:06
  to
• 25:08
  advance
• 25:09
  their
• 25:09
  careers,
• 25:10
  I
• 25:10
  need
• 25:10
  them
• 25:10
  to
• 25:10
  sit
• 25:10
  at
• 25:11
  the
• 25:11
  table,
• 25:11
  I
• 25:12
  need
• 25:12
  them
• 25:12
  to
• 25:12
  talk
• 25:12
  in
• 25:13
  the
• 25:13
  meeting,
• 25:13
  you
• 25:13
  know,
• 25:14
  and
• 25:14
  with
• 25:15
  less
• 25:16
  pause
• 25:16
  and
• 25:17
  hemming
• 25:17
  and
• 25:17
  hawing
• 25:18
  also,
• 25:18
  you
• 25:18
  know,
• 25:18
  you
• 25:19
  need
• 25:19
  to,
• 25:19
  like,
• 25:19
  own
• 25:19
  your
• 25:20
  ideas.
• 25:20
  And
• 25:21
  so
• 25:21
  that's
• 25:21
  the
• 25:22
  type
• 25:22
  of
• 25:23
  mindset
• 25:25
  that
• 25:25
  I
• 25:25
  talked
• 25:25
  to
• 25:25
  them
• 25:25
  about,
• 25:26
  about
• 25:26
  shifting
• 25:26
  from
• 25:27
  passivity
• 25:27
  to
• 25:28
  assertiveness,
• 25:29
  like
• 25:30
  in
• 25:30
  the
• 25:30
  workplace.
• 25:30
  So
• 25:31
  there's
• 25:31
  an
• 25:31
  example
• 25:31
  and
• 25:32
  those.
• 25:32
  And
• 25:32
  start
• 25:32
  small.
• 25:33
  It's
• 25:33
  like
• 25:33
  anything
• 25:34
  else.
• 25:34
  Go
• 25:34
  ahead
• 25:34
  and
• 25:34
  start
• 25:35
  small.
• 25:36
  We
• 25:36
  want
• 25:36
  you
• 25:36
  to,
• 25:36
  like,
• 25:37
  build
• 25:37
  comfort
• 25:38
  and
• 25:38
  think
• 25:38
  of
• 25:38
  this
• 25:39
  as
• 25:39
  muscle
• 25:40
  or
• 25:40
  strength
• 25:40
  building,
• 25:41
  you
• 25:41
  know,
• 25:41
  and
• 25:41
  so
• 25:42
  you're
• 25:42
  just
• 25:42
  going
• 25:42
  to
• 25:42
  say
• 25:42
  one
• 25:43
  thing,
• 25:43
  one
• 25:44
  thing
• 25:44
  in
• 25:44
  the
• 25:44
  meeting.
• 25:44
  You're
• 25:44
  going
• 25:44
  to
• 25:45
  contribute
• 25:45
  one
• 25:45
  idea,
• 25:46
  you
• 25:46
  know,
• 25:47
  and
• 25:47
  then
• 25:47
  I,
• 25:47
  like,
• 25:48
  try
• 25:49
  to
• 25:49
  make
• 25:49
  them
• 25:49
  laugh,
• 25:49
  too,
• 25:49
  because
• 25:50
  humor
• 25:50
  is
• 25:50
  great,
• 25:50
  but
• 25:50
  I'm.
• 25:51
  But
• 25:51
  we
• 25:51
  all
• 25:51
  know
• 25:51
  the
• 25:51
  people
• 25:51
  who
• 25:52
  take
• 25:52
  up
• 25:52
  too
• 25:52
  much
• 25:52
  space
• 25:52
  in
• 25:53
  any
• 25:53
  conversation,
• 25:54
  too
• 25:54
  much
• 25:54
  space
• 25:55
  in
• 25:55
  a
• 25:55
  meeting.
• 25:55
  And
• 25:56
  so
• 25:56
  I'm
• 25:56
  like,
• 25:56
  are
• 25:56
  their
• 25:57
  ideas
• 25:57
  amazing?
• 25:58
  And
• 25:58
  everybody's
• 25:58
  like,
• 25:58
  like,
• 25:59
  usually
• 25:59
  no,
• 26:00
  you
• 26:00
  know,
• 26:00
  we're,
• 26:01
  like,
• 26:01
  talking
• 26:02
  a
• 26:02
  lot.
• 26:02
  And
• 26:02
  I'm
• 26:02
  like,
• 26:02
  yeah,
• 26:03
  you
• 26:03
  have
• 26:03
  one
• 26:03
  good
• 26:03
  idea.
• 26:04
  There's
• 26:04
  a
• 26:05
  reason
• 26:05
  we
• 26:05
  hired
• 26:05
  you.
• 26:06
  There's
• 26:06
  a
• 26:06
  reason
• 26:06
  that
• 26:07
  your
• 26:07
  voice,
• 26:07
  your
• 26:08
  identity
• 26:08
  is
• 26:08
  really
• 26:09
  useful
• 26:09
  here.
• 26:10
  But
• 26:10
  if
• 26:10
  you
• 26:10
  don't
• 26:11
  talk,
• 26:11
  it's,
• 26:11
  you
• 26:12
  know,
• 26:12
  it's
• 26:12
  not
• 26:13
  being
• 26:13
  heard.
• 26:13
  But.
• 26:14
  And.
• 26:14
  And
• 26:14
  I
• 26:15
  try
• 26:15
  to
• 26:16
  charge,
• 26:16
  like,
• 26:17
  the
• 26:17
  people
• 26:17
  who
• 26:17
  work
• 26:17
  for
• 26:17
  me.
• 26:17
  I'm
• 26:18
  like,
• 26:18
  I
• 26:18
  need
• 26:18
  you
• 26:18
  to
• 26:19
  represent
• 26:19
  our
• 26:19
  office
• 26:20
  in
• 26:20
  this
• 26:21
  meeting,
• 26:21
  you
• 26:21
  know,
• 26:21
  and
• 26:22
  not
• 26:23
  be
• 26:23
  invisible
• 26:24
  or
• 26:24
  be
• 26:24
  quiet
• 26:24
  or
• 26:25
  not
• 26:25
  talk
• 26:25
  about
• 26:26
  what
• 26:26
  our
• 26:26
  perspective
• 26:27
  might
• 26:27
  be.
• 26:28
  And
• 26:28
  so
• 26:28
  we
• 26:28
  can't
• 26:29
  let
• 26:30
  the
• 26:30
  very
• 26:30
  assertive
• 26:31
  or
• 26:31
  aggressive
• 26:31
  people
• 26:32
  dominate
• 26:33
  the
• 26:33
  world.
• 26:33
  Then
• 26:34
  it's
• 26:34
  not
• 26:34
  serving
• 26:35
  the
• 26:35
  rest
• 26:35
  of
• 26:35
  us.
• 26:36
  Yeah.
• 26:36
  I
• 26:37
  feel
• 26:37
  as
• 26:37
  you
• 26:38
  explain
• 26:38
  that,
• 26:38
  like,
• 26:38
  what
• 26:39
  I
• 26:39
  envision
• 26:39
  and,
• 26:40
  you
• 26:40
  know,
• 26:40
  has
• 26:40
  happened
• 26:41
  in
• 26:41
  the
• 26:41
  past
• 26:41
  is
• 26:42
  it's
• 26:42
  the
• 26:42
  male
• 26:42
  boss
• 26:43
  and
• 26:43
  we're
• 26:43
  having
• 26:43
  a
• 26:43
  meeting,
• 26:44
  and
• 26:44
  then
• 26:44
  you
• 26:45
  do
• 26:45
  contribute
• 26:45
  a
• 26:46
  little
• 26:46
  bit
• 26:46
  of
• 26:47
  an
• 26:47
  offering
• 26:48
  of
• 26:48
  an
• 26:48
  idea,
• 26:49
  and
• 26:49
  it's
• 26:49
  meh.
• 26:50
  Yeah.
• 26:50
  And
• 26:50
  then
• 26:50
  brushed
• 26:51
  off
• 26:51
  and
• 26:51
  continue
• 26:51
  the
• 26:52
  conversation.
• 26:52
  So,
• 26:52
  like,
• 26:52
  what
• 26:53
  do
• 26:53
  you
• 26:53
  say
• 26:53
  when
• 26:53
  it's
• 26:53
  just
• 26:53
  brushed
• 26:54
  off
• 26:54
  and
• 26:54
  you're
• 26:55
  like,
• 26:55
  tend
• 26:55
  to
• 26:55
  be
• 26:56
  brushed
• 26:56
  off
• 26:56
  stuff.
• 26:57
  Yes.
• 26:57
  And
• 26:58
  what
• 26:58
  can
• 26:58
  also
• 26:58
  happen
• 26:59
  is
• 26:59
  then
• 26:59
  like,
• 27:00
  you
• 27:00
  know,
• 27:00
  brother
• 27:00
  Bob
• 27:01
  says
• 27:01
  the
• 27:01
  same
• 27:01
  idea
• 27:02
  two
• 27:02
  minutes
• 27:02
  later
• 27:02
  and
• 27:03
  then,
• 27:03
  oh
• 27:03
  my
• 27:03
  gosh.
• 27:06
  So
• 27:06
  the
• 27:06
  stuff
• 27:06
  like
• 27:07
  that
• 27:07
  happens.
• 27:07
  And,
• 27:08
  and
• 27:08
  there's
• 27:08
  solid
• 27:09
  research
• 27:09
  on
• 27:09
  this.
• 27:09
  Right.
• 27:10
  So
• 27:10
  sometimes
• 27:10
  people
• 27:11
  think
• 27:11
  that
• 27:12
  like
• 27:12
  I'm
• 27:12
  a
• 27:12
  grumpy
• 27:12
  feminist
• 27:13
  and
• 27:13
  I'm
• 27:13
  like,
• 27:13
  look,
• 27:13
  there's
• 27:14
  all
• 27:14
  the
• 27:14
  research
• 27:14
  in
• 27:14
  the
• 27:14
  world,
• 27:15
  all
• 27:15
  this.
• 27:15
  Okay,
• 27:15
  read
• 27:16
  Harvard
• 27:16
  Business
• 27:16
  Review
• 27:17
  if
• 27:17
  you
• 27:17
  need
• 27:17
  it.
• 27:18
  People
• 27:18
  observe
• 27:19
  meetings.
• 27:19
  We
• 27:19
  still
• 27:20
  see
• 27:20
  a
• 27:21
  lot
• 27:21
  of
• 27:21
  these
• 27:21
  things
• 27:22
  play
• 27:22
  out
• 27:22
  in
• 27:22
  sexist
• 27:23
  ways.
• 27:23
  And
• 27:24
  yeah,
• 27:24
  we
• 27:24
  have
• 27:24
  had
• 27:24
  like
• 27:25
  women
• 27:25
  as
• 27:25
  a
• 27:25
  whole
• 27:26
  have
• 27:26
  made
• 27:26
  a
• 27:26
  lot
• 27:26
  of
• 27:27
  gains
• 27:27
  in
• 27:27
  a
• 27:27
  lot
• 27:27
  of
• 27:28
  profess
• 27:29
  in
• 27:29
  over
• 27:29
  the
• 27:30
  past
• 27:30
  few
• 27:30
  decades.
• 27:31
  But
• 27:31
  this,
• 27:32
  it's
• 27:32
  often
• 27:32
  described
• 27:33
  as
• 27:33
  low
• 27:33
  level
• 27:33
  sexism
• 27:34
  still
• 27:34
  happens
• 27:35
  day
• 27:35
  in
• 27:35
  and
• 27:35
  day
• 27:36
  out.
• 27:36
  I
• 27:36
  think,
• 27:36
  if
• 27:37
  you
• 27:37
  don't
• 27:37
  mind,
• 27:37
  I
• 27:38
  think
• 27:38
  a
• 27:38
  lot
• 27:38
  of
• 27:38
  people
• 27:39
  get
• 27:39
  confused
• 27:40
  with
• 27:40
  like.
• 27:41
  And
• 27:41
  it's
• 27:42
  the
• 27:42
  same,
• 27:42
  I
• 27:42
  see
• 27:42
  it
• 27:42
  with
• 27:42
  people
• 27:43
  being
• 27:43
  with
• 27:43
  racism
• 27:44
  too.
• 27:44
  It's
• 27:45
  like,
• 27:45
  well,
• 27:45
  just
• 27:46
  because
• 27:46
  it's
• 27:46
  not
• 27:46
  on
• 27:46
  a
• 27:46
  conscious
• 27:47
  level,
• 27:47
  they
• 27:47
  think,
• 27:48
  well,
• 27:48
  I'm
• 27:48
  not
• 27:48
  being
• 27:48
  sexist,
• 27:49
  I'm
• 27:49
  not
• 27:49
  being
• 27:49
  racist,
• 27:50
  I
• 27:50
  don't
• 27:50
  do
• 27:50
  it
• 27:50
  on
• 27:51
  purpose.
• 27:51
  Well,
• 27:51
  that's
• 27:52
  not
• 27:52
  what
• 27:52
  we're
• 27:52
  saying.
• 27:52
  We're
• 27:52
  just
• 27:53
  saying
• 27:53
  that
• 27:53
  there
• 27:53
  is
• 27:54
  a
• 27:54
  level
• 27:54
  of,
• 27:54
  of
• 27:54
  racism
• 27:55
  or
• 27:55
  sexism
• 27:56
  going
• 27:56
  on
• 27:56
  because
• 27:56
  it's
• 27:57
  great
• 27:57
  in
• 27:57
  our
• 27:57
  society.
• 27:59
  It
• 27:59
  is.
• 27:59
  And
• 27:59
  so
• 27:59
  it's
• 28:00
  like
• 28:00
  I.
• 28:00
  The
• 28:01
  harm
• 28:01
  still
• 28:01
  happens.
• 28:02
  Or
• 28:02
  like
• 28:02
  this
• 28:02
  is
• 28:02
  the
• 28:03
  difference
• 28:03
  between
• 28:03
  intent
• 28:04
  and
• 28:04
  impact.
• 28:04
  Right,
• 28:05
  right.
• 28:05
  I
• 28:06
  know.
• 28:06
  They're
• 28:06
  like,
• 28:07
  there
• 28:08
  are
• 28:08
  people
• 28:08
  with
• 28:09
  great
• 28:09
  intentions
• 28:11
  who
• 28:11
  are
• 28:11
  just
• 28:11
  used
• 28:12
  to
• 28:12
  the
• 28:12
  usual
• 28:12
  patterns
• 28:13
  of
• 28:13
  things
• 28:13
  who
• 28:14
  either
• 28:14
  don't
• 28:14
  know
• 28:14
  they're
• 28:15
  doing
• 28:15
  it
• 28:15
  or
• 28:16
  don't
• 28:16
  think
• 28:16
  it's
• 28:16
  that
• 28:17
  big
• 28:17
  of
• 28:17
  a
• 28:17
  deal.
• 28:17
  Yeah.
• 28:19
  And
• 28:19
  it,
• 28:20
  it
• 28:20
  does
• 28:20
  help
• 28:20
  to
• 28:20
  confront
• 28:21
  them
• 28:21
  with
• 28:21
  evidence.
• 28:22
  Right.
• 28:22
  So
• 28:22
  not
• 28:22
  just
• 28:22
  like
• 28:23
  Cara's
• 28:23
  opinions,
• 28:23
  you
• 28:24
  know,
• 28:24
  I'll
• 28:24
  like
• 28:24
  walk
• 28:24
  around
• 28:25
  talking
• 28:25
  about
• 28:25
  things,
• 28:25
  but
• 28:26
  it
• 28:26
  help
• 28:26
  when
• 28:27
  I
• 28:27
  show
• 28:27
  them
• 28:27
  a
• 28:27
  graph,
• 28:28
  you
• 28:28
  know,
• 28:29
  or
• 28:29
  they
• 28:29
  say
• 28:30
  things
• 28:30
  like,
• 28:31
  well,
• 28:31
  I
• 28:31
  don't
• 28:31
  know
• 28:31
  why
• 28:32
  all
• 28:32
  the
• 28:32
  women
• 28:32
  of
• 28:32
  color
• 28:33
  are
• 28:33
  leaving
• 28:33
  the
• 28:33
  company.
• 28:33
  And
• 28:34
  I'm
• 28:34
  like,
• 28:34
  well,
• 28:35
  things
• 28:35
  like
• 28:35
  that
• 28:36
  meeting
• 28:36
  where
• 28:36
  they
• 28:36
  get
• 28:36
  brushed
• 28:37
  off,
• 28:37
  that
• 28:38
  adds
• 28:38
  up
• 28:38
  over
• 28:38
  time.
• 28:39
  They
• 28:39
  don't
• 28:40
  feel
• 28:40
  seen
• 28:40
  and
• 28:40
  valued.
• 28:41
  They
• 28:41
  don't
• 28:41
  feel
• 28:41
  like
• 28:42
  they're
• 28:42
  able
• 28:42
  to
• 28:42
  do
• 28:42
  the
• 28:43
  work
• 28:43
  we
• 28:43
  hired
• 28:43
  them
• 28:44
  to
• 28:44
  do.
• 28:44
  They're,
• 28:45
  you
• 28:45
  know,
• 28:45
  eventually
• 28:46
  going
• 28:46
  to
• 28:47
  go
• 28:47
  where
• 28:48
  they,
• 28:48
  the
• 28:49
  work
• 28:49
  feels
• 28:49
  more
• 28:49
  meaningful
• 28:50
  to
• 28:50
  them.
• 28:51
  And
• 28:51
  so
• 28:51
  the
• 28:52
  small
• 28:52
  stuff,
• 28:53
  you
• 28:53
  know,
• 28:53
  which
• 28:54
  is
• 28:54
  the
• 28:54
  privileged
• 28:55
  person's
• 28:55
  way
• 28:55
  of
• 28:55
  thinking
• 28:56
  about
• 28:56
  it,
• 28:56
  the
• 28:56
  small
• 28:57
  stuff
• 28:57
  absolutely
• 28:58
  adds
• 28:59
  up.
• 28:59
  Oh
• 29:00
  yeah,
• 29:00
  it's
• 29:00
  not
• 29:00
  so
• 29:01
  small
• 29:01
  anymore.
• 29:02
  It's
• 29:02
  not
• 29:02
  so
• 29:03
  small.
• 29:03
  It's.
• 29:03
  And
• 29:03
  it's
• 29:04
  actually
• 29:04
  like
• 29:05
  the,
• 29:06
  there's
• 29:06
  an
• 29:06
  iceberg
• 29:07
  graphic
• 29:07
  I
• 29:07
  use
• 29:08
  when
• 29:08
  I'm
• 29:08
  talking
• 29:08
  about
• 29:08
  sex
• 29:09
  harassment
• 29:09
  in
• 29:09
  particular,
• 29:10
  there's
• 29:10
  this
• 29:10
  iceberg
• 29:11
  graphic,
• 29:11
  which
• 29:11
  is,
• 29:12
  like,
• 29:12
  below
• 29:12
  the
• 29:13
  waterline
• 29:13
  is
• 29:13
  a
• 29:14
  very
• 29:14
  broad
• 29:15
  based
• 29:15
  of
• 29:15
  behaviors
• 29:16
  that
• 29:16
  people
• 29:17
  think
• 29:17
  they
• 29:17
  don't
• 29:18
  need
• 29:18
  to
• 29:18
  address
• 29:18
  because
• 29:18
  they
• 29:19
  don't
• 29:19
  want
• 29:19
  to
• 29:19
  overreact,
• 29:20
  they
• 29:20
  don't
• 29:20
  want
• 29:20
  to
• 29:21
  report
• 29:21
  those.
• 29:21
  They
• 29:22
  don't
• 29:22
  want
• 29:22
  to
• 29:22
  get
• 29:22
  anyone
• 29:22
  into
• 29:22
  trouble
• 29:23
  over
• 29:23
  what
• 29:24
  they're
• 29:24
  deciding
• 29:24
  is
• 29:25
  one
• 29:25
  comment
• 29:26
  or
• 29:26
  they
• 29:27
  didn't
• 29:27
  really
• 29:27
  mean
• 29:27
  it.
• 29:27
  You
• 29:28
  know,
• 29:28
  something
• 29:28
  like
• 29:28
  that.
• 29:28
  So
• 29:29
  we're
• 29:29
  really
• 29:29
  good
• 29:29
  at
• 29:30
  talking
• 29:30
  ourselves
• 29:32
  into
• 29:32
  not
• 29:33
  overreacting
• 29:34
  or
• 29:35
  minding
• 29:35
  our
• 29:35
  own
• 29:36
  business.
• 29:36
  You
• 29:36
  know,
• 29:36
  that's
• 29:36
  where
• 29:37
  everybody's
• 29:37
  like,
• 29:37
  you
• 29:37
  know,
• 29:38
  I
• 29:38
  did
• 29:38
  hear
• 29:38
  it,
• 29:39
  but
• 29:39
  I'm
• 29:39
  just
• 29:40
  going
• 29:40
  to
• 29:40
  mind
• 29:40
  my
• 29:40
  own
• 29:40
  business.
• 29:41
  Then
• 29:41
  nothing
• 29:42
  changes.
• 29:42
  That's
• 29:42
  why
• 29:43
  I
• 29:43
  won't
• 29:43
  let
• 29:43
  my
• 29:43
  kids
• 29:44
  work
• 29:44
  in
• 29:44
  the
• 29:44
  restaurant,
• 29:45
  because
• 29:45
  it's
• 29:45
  so
• 29:45
  common
• 29:46
  for,
• 29:46
  like,
• 29:46
  everyone
• 29:46
  to
• 29:47
  be
• 29:47
  touchy.
• 29:47
  And,
• 29:48
  like,
• 29:48
  if
• 29:49
  one
• 29:49
  of
• 29:49
  the
• 29:49
  guys,
• 29:50
  like,
• 29:50
  slaps
• 29:50
  your
• 29:50
  butt
• 29:51
  and
• 29:51
  you,
• 29:51
  like,
• 29:51
  turn
• 29:51
  on
• 29:51
  your,
• 29:51
  like,
• 29:52
  excuse
• 29:52
  me.
• 29:52
  Then,
• 29:53
  you
• 29:53
  know,
• 29:53
  everyone
• 29:54
  around
• 29:54
  be
• 29:54
  like,
• 29:54
  he
• 29:54
  does
• 29:54
  that
• 29:54
  to
• 29:55
  everyone.
• 29:55
  Prude.
• 29:56
  Yeah.
• 29:57
  Right.
• 29:58
  So
• 29:58
  we've
• 29:58
  really
• 29:58
  minimized.
• 29:59
  I
• 29:59
  mean,
• 29:59
  in
• 30:00
  the
• 30:00
  law,
• 30:00
  by
• 30:01
  the
• 30:01
  way,
• 30:01
  these
• 30:01
  things
• 30:01
  could
• 30:02
  be
• 30:02
  sexual
• 30:02
  assault
• 30:03
  contact.
• 30:03
  You
• 30:03
  know,
• 30:04
  it
• 30:04
  could
• 30:04
  be,
• 30:04
  like,
• 30:04
  forcible
• 30:05
  fondling.
• 30:06
  You
• 30:06
  know,
• 30:06
  that's.
• 30:06
  I
• 30:07
  mean,
• 30:07
  that
• 30:07
  creepy
• 30:07
  term
• 30:07
  still
• 30:08
  around
• 30:08
  in
• 30:08
  the
• 30:08
  law,
• 30:08
  but
• 30:09
  that's
• 30:09
  like,
• 30:09
  it's
• 30:09
  no
• 30:10
  in.
• 30:10
  In
• 30:10
  different
• 30:11
  state
• 30:11
  statutes.
• 30:11
  Like,
• 30:12
  we've
• 30:12
  decided
• 30:13
  those
• 30:13
  things
• 30:13
  are
• 30:13
  wrong,
• 30:14
  but
• 30:14
  we've
• 30:14
  told
• 30:15
  people,
• 30:15
  and
• 30:16
  particularly
• 30:16
  young
• 30:17
  adults,
• 30:18
  it's
• 30:19
  normal
• 30:19
  behavior.
• 30:20
  And.
• 30:20
  And
• 30:20
  that,
• 30:20
  like,
• 30:21
  if
• 30:21
  you.
• 30:21
  If
• 30:22
  you
• 30:22
  voice
• 30:22
  your
• 30:23
  discomfort,
• 30:23
  you're
• 30:23
  the
• 30:23
  problem.
• 30:24
  So.
• 30:24
  Right.
• 30:25
  My
• 30:25
  book
• 30:25
  is
• 30:25
  trying
• 30:25
  to
• 30:26
  correct
• 30:26
  some
• 30:26
  of
• 30:26
  that,
• 30:27
  actually,
• 30:27
  and
• 30:27
  be
• 30:27
  like,
• 30:27
  no,
• 30:28
  you
• 30:28
  have
• 30:29
  a
• 30:29
  right
• 30:29
  not
• 30:29
  to
• 30:29
  have,
• 30:30
  you
• 30:30
  know,
• 30:30
  your
• 30:30
  ass
• 30:30
  slapped
• 30:31
  in
• 30:31
  the
• 30:31
  restaurant.
• 30:32
  Exactly.
• 30:33
  No
• 30:33
  one
• 30:33
  should
• 30:33
  be
• 30:34
  grabbing
• 30:34
  your
• 30:34
  butt.
• 30:34
  That's
• 30:35
  not
• 30:35
  actually
• 30:35
  fine.
• 30:36
  Yeah.
• 30:37
  So
• 30:38
  actually,
• 30:38
  since
• 30:38
  we.
• 30:39
  I
• 30:39
  feel
• 30:39
  like
• 30:39
  we
• 30:40
  can
• 30:40
  all
• 30:40
  picture
• 30:41
  this
• 30:41
  scenario
• 30:42
  in
• 30:42
  this.
• 30:42
  Yeah.
• 30:43
  This
• 30:43
  scenario.
• 30:44
  So
• 30:44
  let's
• 30:44
  say
• 30:44
  that
• 30:45
  that
• 30:45
  is
• 30:45
  what
• 30:45
  happened.
• 30:46
  And,
• 30:47
  you
• 30:47
  know,
• 30:47
  the
• 30:48
  individual
• 30:48
  is
• 30:48
  like,
• 30:48
  yeah,
• 30:49
  I
• 30:49
  don't.
• 30:49
  I
• 30:49
  don't
• 30:50
  like
• 30:50
  that.
• 30:50
  Everyone's
• 30:51
  like,
• 30:51
  oh,
• 30:51
  he
• 30:51
  does
• 30:51
  that
• 30:51
  to
• 30:51
  everyone.
• 30:52
  Like,
• 30:52
  what?
• 30:53
  How
• 30:53
  would
• 30:53
  I
• 30:53
  respond
• 30:54
  if
• 30:54
  that
• 30:54
  were
• 30:54
  me?
• 30:56
  So
• 30:57
  you
• 30:57
  have
• 30:57
  more
• 30:57
  time
• 30:57
  than
• 30:58
  you
• 30:58
  think.
• 30:58
  Okay,
• 30:59
  So
• 30:59
  I
• 30:59
  have
• 30:59
  a
• 31:00
  lot
• 31:00
  of.
• 31:00
  Of
• 31:00
  people
• 31:01
  who,
• 31:01
  when
• 31:01
  they
• 31:01
  start
• 31:02
  thinking
• 31:03
  about
• 31:03
  this,
• 31:03
  they're
• 31:03
  like,
• 31:03
  oh,
• 31:04
  you
• 31:04
  know,
• 31:04
  they
• 31:05
  think
• 31:05
  I'm
• 31:05
  so
• 31:05
  quick.
• 31:06
  They're
• 31:06
  like,
• 31:06
  oh,
• 31:06
  you're
• 31:06
  so
• 31:07
  quick
• 31:07
  and
• 31:07
  you're
• 31:07
  so
• 31:07
  feisty.
• 31:08
  Right.
• 31:09
  Two
• 31:09
  or
• 31:09
  three
• 31:09
  days
• 31:10
  to
• 31:10
  think
• 31:10
  of
• 31:10
  what
• 31:10
  I
• 31:10
  should
• 31:11
  have
• 31:11
  said.
• 31:11
  Right.
• 31:12
  And
• 31:12
  that's
• 31:12
  okay.
• 31:13
  How
• 31:13
  we
• 31:13
  all
• 31:13
  are.
• 31:13
  I
• 31:13
  feel
• 31:14
  that's
• 31:14
  how
• 31:14
  I
• 31:14
  am.
• 31:14
  Yes.
• 31:15
  Oh,
• 31:15
  yeah.
• 31:16
  I
• 31:16
  mean,
• 31:16
  like,
• 31:16
  listen,
• 31:16
  I
• 31:16
  do
• 31:16
  that
• 31:17
  too,
• 31:17
  where
• 31:17
  I'm
• 31:17
  like,
• 31:18
  oh,
• 31:18
  you
• 31:18
  know,
• 31:19
  days
• 31:19
  later,
• 31:19
  I'm
• 31:19
  like,
• 31:20
  only
• 31:20
  I
• 31:21
  crafted
• 31:21
  my
• 31:22
  whole
• 31:22
  argument
• 31:22
  where
• 31:22
  I'm
• 31:23
  gonna
• 31:23
  tell
• 31:23
  him
• 31:23
  how
• 31:23
  it
• 31:23
  is.
• 31:24
  No,
• 31:24
  you
• 31:24
  know,
• 31:25
  like.
• 31:26
  But
• 31:26
  you
• 31:27
  do
• 31:27
  get
• 31:27
  better
• 31:27
  with
• 31:27
  practice,
• 31:28
  you
• 31:28
  know,
• 31:29
  So
• 31:29
  I
• 31:30
  have
• 31:31
  really
• 31:31
  practiced
• 31:32
  this.
• 31:32
  First
• 31:32
  of
• 31:33
  all,
• 31:33
  it
• 31:33
  was,
• 31:33
  like,
• 31:33
  just
• 31:34
  for
• 31:34
  my
• 31:34
  own
• 31:35
  self.
• 31:36
  Like,
• 31:36
  I.
• 31:36
  I
• 31:36
  wanted
• 31:37
  to
• 31:37
  be,
• 31:37
  like,
• 31:38
  I
• 31:38
  had,
• 31:38
  like,
• 31:38
  girl
• 31:38
  power,
• 31:39
  you
• 31:39
  know,
• 31:40
  thoughts
• 31:41
  in.
• 31:41
  In
• 31:41
  junior
• 31:42
  high
• 31:42
  and
• 31:42
  high
• 31:42
  school,
• 31:42
  but
• 31:43
  I
• 31:43
  didn't
• 31:43
  have
• 31:43
  a
• 31:43
  voice
• 31:43
  to
• 31:44
  those,
• 31:44
  you
• 31:44
  know,
• 31:44
  now
• 31:45
  later
• 31:45
  on,
• 31:45
  because
• 31:45
  I'm
• 31:46
  a
• 31:46
  nerd,
• 31:46
  you
• 31:46
  know,
• 31:46
  then
• 31:46
  I'm
• 31:46
  like,
• 31:46
  I
• 31:47
  got,
• 31:47
  you
• 31:47
  know,
• 31:47
  got
• 31:47
  my
• 31:48
  degree
• 31:48
  in
• 31:48
  women's
• 31:48
  studies.
• 31:48
  So
• 31:49
  I've,
• 31:49
  like,
• 31:49
  really
• 31:49
  got
• 31:49
  the,
• 31:50
  like,
• 31:50
  academic
• 31:50
  credentials
• 31:51
  behind
• 31:51
  it
• 31:51
  now,
• 31:52
  but
• 31:52
  I
• 31:52
  had
• 31:52
  to
• 31:53
  do
• 31:53
  the
• 31:53
  work
• 31:53
  myself.
• 31:54
  And
• 31:54
  law
• 31:54
  school
• 31:55
  will
• 31:55
  help,
• 31:55
  you
• 31:56
  know,
• 31:56
  I
• 31:56
  mean,
• 31:56
  it
• 31:56
  really
• 31:57
  teaches
• 31:57
  you
• 31:57
  to.
• 31:58
  To
• 31:58
  jump
• 31:58
  in
• 31:58
  there,
• 32:00
  but.
• 32:00
  But
• 32:01
  I
• 32:01
  had
• 32:01
  to
• 32:01
  do
• 32:01
  that.
• 32:02
  So
• 32:02
  I'm
• 32:02
  like,
• 32:02
  yeah,
• 32:02
  I've
• 32:02
  got
• 32:02
  years
• 32:03
  of
• 32:03
  practice,
• 32:04
  you
• 32:04
  know,
• 32:04
  I've
• 32:04
  got,
• 32:04
  like,
• 32:05
  years
• 32:05
  of
• 32:05
  practice
• 32:05
  doing
• 32:06
  this.
• 32:06
  So
• 32:06
  it
• 32:06
  seems
• 32:06
  like
• 32:07
  I'm
• 32:07
  really
• 32:07
  quick,
• 32:07
  but
• 32:07
  I
• 32:08
  am
• 32:08
  having
• 32:08
  those
• 32:08
  same
• 32:10
  pauses,
• 32:11
  you
• 32:11
  know,
• 32:11
  like,
• 32:12
  getting
• 32:12
  turned
• 32:13
  off.
• 32:13
  Like,
• 32:13
  did
• 32:13
  they
• 32:13
  just
• 32:13
  say
• 32:14
  what
• 32:14
  I
• 32:14
  thought
• 32:14
  they
• 32:14
  said?
• 32:15
  And
• 32:15
  not
• 32:15
  wanting
• 32:15
  to
• 32:16
  overreact,
• 32:17
  but
• 32:17
  I've
• 32:17
  learned
• 32:18
  to.
• 32:18
  To
• 32:19
  jump
• 32:20
  in
• 32:20
  and
• 32:20
  clarify,
• 32:20
  you
• 32:21
  know,
• 32:21
  so
• 32:21
  now
• 32:21
  I'll
• 32:21
  be
• 32:22
  like,
• 32:22
  I'm
• 32:22
  sorry,
• 32:23
  what?
• 32:23
  You
• 32:24
  know,
• 32:24
  and.
• 32:25
  Or
• 32:25
  you
• 32:25
  can
• 32:25
  just
• 32:26
  start
• 32:26
  with
• 32:26
  not
• 32:26
  laughing
• 32:26
  at
• 32:27
  the
• 32:27
  joke.
• 32:27
  That's
• 32:27
  a
• 32:27
  great
• 32:27
  place
• 32:28
  to
• 32:28
  start.
• 32:28
  It's
• 32:29
  such
• 32:29
  a
• 32:29
  hate
• 32:30
  place
• 32:30
  to
• 32:31
  start
• 32:31
  is
• 32:32
  better
• 32:32
  yet,
• 32:33
  make
• 32:33
  them
• 32:33
  explain
• 32:33
  it.
• 32:34
  That's
• 32:34
  what
• 32:34
  I
• 32:34
  was
• 32:34
  just
• 32:35
  about
• 32:35
  to
• 32:35
  say.
• 32:36
  So
• 32:37
  you
• 32:37
  would
• 32:37
  stop
• 32:37
  and
• 32:38
  be
• 32:38
  like,
• 32:38
  did
• 32:38
  you
• 32:38
  just
• 32:39
  touch
• 32:39
  my
• 32:39
  butt?
• 32:40
  Yes.
• 32:40
  Yeah.
• 32:41
  Yeah.
• 32:42
  Why
• 32:42
  is
• 32:42
  that
• 32:42
  okay?
• 32:44
  It's
• 32:44
  not
• 32:44
  okay,
• 32:45
  you
• 32:45
  know,
• 32:45
  right?
• 32:45
  Like,
• 32:48
  yeah,
• 32:48
  that's
• 32:48
  not
• 32:48
  okay.
• 32:49
  So
• 32:49
  that's
• 32:49
  a
• 32:49
  yeah.
• 32:50
  If.
• 32:51
  Now
• 32:51
  if
• 32:51
  you
• 32:52
  push
• 32:52
  the
• 32:53
  person
• 32:53
  and
• 32:54
  be
• 32:54
  like,
• 32:55
  you
• 32:55
  touched
• 32:55
  my
• 32:56
  back.
• 32:56
  And
• 32:56
  what
• 32:56
  is
• 32:57
  very
• 32:57
  sad
• 32:57
  is
• 32:58
  society
• 32:58
  then
• 32:59
  will
• 32:59
  say,
• 32:59
  you
• 32:59
  overreacted.
• 33:01
  But
• 33:01
  if
• 33:01
  you
• 33:02
  can
• 33:02
  have
• 33:02
  the,
• 33:02
  like,
• 33:03
  wait,
• 33:03
  what
• 33:03
  is
• 33:04
  happening?
• 33:05
  Moment,
• 33:05
  that
• 33:06
  is
• 33:06
  a
• 33:06
  little
• 33:08
  less
• 33:08
  aggressive.
• 33:08
  Although
• 33:09
  I
• 33:09
  will
• 33:09
  defend
• 33:09
  your
• 33:09
  right
• 33:09
  to
• 33:10
  be
• 33:10
  aggressive
• 33:10
  in
• 33:10
  that
• 33:10
  situation.
• 33:11
  I
• 33:11
  really
• 33:11
  will.
• 33:12
  You
• 33:12
  need
• 33:12
  your
• 33:12
  anger
• 33:13
  validated.
• 33:13
  You
• 33:13
  need
• 33:13
  your
• 33:14
  bodily
• 33:14
  autonomy
• 33:14
  valid.
• 33:15
  Validated.
• 33:16
  I'm
• 33:16
  happy
• 33:16
  to
• 33:16
  do
• 33:16
  that,
• 33:17
  but
• 33:18
  that
• 33:18
  feels
• 33:18
  risky
• 33:19
  because
• 33:20
  people
• 33:20
  do
• 33:21
  then
• 33:22
  shift
• 33:22
  focus
• 33:23
  to
• 33:23
  the
• 33:23
  person
• 33:24
  who
• 33:24
  is
• 33:24
  outraged,
• 33:25
  you
• 33:25
  know,
• 33:26
  about
• 33:26
  what
• 33:26
  happened
• 33:26
  to
• 33:27
  them
• 33:27
  in
• 33:27
  a
• 33:27
  way
• 33:27
  that's
• 33:28
  unfair.
• 33:28
  So
• 33:29
  a
• 33:29
  great
• 33:29
  tactic
• 33:29
  is
• 33:30
  simply
• 33:30
  being
• 33:30
  like,
• 33:31
  did
• 33:31
  you
• 33:31
  just
• 33:31
  touch
• 33:32
  my
• 33:32
  butt?
• 33:33
  Or
• 33:33
  not
• 33:33
  laughing
• 33:34
  at
• 33:34
  the
• 33:34
  joke
• 33:34
  or
• 33:35
  saying
• 33:35
  like,
• 33:35
  I
• 33:36
  don't
• 33:36
  get
• 33:36
  it,
• 33:36
  and
• 33:36
  just
• 33:37
  kind
• 33:37
  of
• 33:37
  staring.
• 33:39
  This
• 33:39
  is
• 33:39
  so
• 33:40
  good.
• 33:40
  I
• 33:40
  Mean,
• 33:40
  it's
• 33:40
  actually
• 33:41
  a
• 33:41
  great
• 33:41
  tactic
• 33:41
  because
• 33:41
  then
• 33:42
  it
• 33:42
  just
• 33:42
  kind
• 33:42
  of
• 33:42
  falls
• 33:42
  flat,
• 33:43
  and
• 33:43
  then
• 33:43
  they're
• 33:43
  like,
• 33:43
  the
• 33:44
  truth
• 33:44
  of
• 33:44
  the
• 33:44
  joke,
• 33:45
  which
• 33:45
  might
• 33:45
  be
• 33:45
  their
• 33:46
  racism.
• 33:46
  Right.
• 33:47
  Sexism
• 33:48
  is
• 33:48
  just
• 33:48
  hanging
• 33:49
  out
• 33:49
  there.
• 33:49
  But
• 33:50
  you
• 33:50
  didn't
• 33:50
  actually
• 33:51
  say.
• 33:52
  You
• 33:52
  shouldn't
• 33:52
  have
• 33:52
  said
• 33:53
  that
• 33:53
  that
• 33:53
  joke
• 33:53
  was
• 33:53
  racist,
• 33:54
  which
• 33:54
  you
• 33:55
  can
• 33:55
  again.
• 33:56
  But
• 33:56
  if
• 33:56
  that
• 33:57
  doesn't
• 33:57
  feel
• 33:57
  safe
• 33:58
  and
• 33:58
  sometimes
• 33:59
  the
• 33:59
  problem's
• 34:00
  our
• 34:00
  boss,
• 34:00
  or
• 34:00
  sometimes,
• 34:01
  you
• 34:01
  know,
• 34:01
  the.
• 34:02
  The
• 34:02
  person's
• 34:03
  stronger.
• 34:04
  You
• 34:04
  know,
• 34:04
  like,
• 34:04
  if
• 34:05
  they're
• 34:05
  safety
• 34:05
  concerns,
• 34:06
  then
• 34:06
  you
• 34:06
  might
• 34:06
  want
• 34:06
  to
• 34:06
  try
• 34:07
  a
• 34:08
  different
• 34:08
  tactic
• 34:09
  to
• 34:09
  address
• 34:10
  the
• 34:10
  behaviors.
• 34:11
  But
• 34:12
  can
• 34:12
  I
• 34:13
  share
• 34:13
  a
• 34:13
  quick.
• 34:13
  A
• 34:14
  quick
• 34:14
  little.
• 34:15
  So
• 34:15
  I
• 34:15
  remember
• 34:15
  one
• 34:16
  time
• 34:17
  I
• 34:17
  was
• 34:17
  working
• 34:18
  at
• 34:18
  a
• 34:18
  quilt
• 34:18
  shop,
• 34:18
  and
• 34:19
  one
• 34:19
  of
• 34:19
  the
• 34:19
  reps
• 34:20
  came
• 34:20
  to
• 34:20
  show
• 34:21
  me
• 34:21
  some
• 34:21
  fabrics,
• 34:22
  and
• 34:22
  it
• 34:22
  was
• 34:22
  a
• 34:22
  guy
• 34:22
  who'd
• 34:23
  been
• 34:23
  in
• 34:23
  the
• 34:23
  business
• 34:23
  forever,
• 34:24
  and
• 34:25
  he
• 34:25
  says,
• 34:26
  after
• 34:26
  you,
• 34:27
  and
• 34:27
  I'm
• 34:27
  going
• 34:27
  up
• 34:27
  the
• 34:28
  stairs.
• 34:28
  And
• 34:28
  he
• 34:29
  said,
• 34:29
  what
• 34:29
  are
• 34:29
  you.
• 34:30
  He
• 34:30
  said
• 34:30
  something?
• 34:30
  Yeah.
• 34:30
  This
• 34:31
  is
• 34:31
  a
• 34:31
  job
• 34:31
  where.
• 34:32
  Or
• 34:32
  this
• 34:32
  is
• 34:32
  a
• 34:32
  moment
• 34:33
  where
• 34:33
  it's,
• 34:33
  like,
• 34:33
  polite
• 34:34
  of
• 34:34
  me
• 34:34
  to
• 34:34
  get
• 34:35
  to
• 34:35
  see
• 34:35
  the
• 34:35
  behind
• 34:36
  of
• 34:36
  a
• 34:36
  woman
• 34:36
  because
• 34:36
  I'm
• 34:36
  walking
• 34:37
  up
• 34:37
  something
• 34:37
  really
• 34:38
  rude
• 34:38
  and
• 34:38
  inappropriate.
• 34:39
  And
• 34:39
  I.
• 34:39
  And
• 34:40
  I
• 34:40
  was
• 34:40
  just
• 34:40
  like,
• 34:41
  whoa.
• 34:41
  I
• 34:41
  turned
• 34:42
  around,
• 34:42
  I
• 34:42
  said,
• 34:42
  wow.
• 34:43
  And
• 34:44
  he
• 34:44
  goes,
• 34:44
  oh,
• 34:45
  well,
• 34:45
  I
• 34:45
  can
• 34:45
  get
• 34:45
  away
• 34:45
  with
• 34:46
  that
• 34:46
  because
• 34:46
  I'm
• 34:46
  an
• 34:46
  old
• 34:46
  man.
• 34:47
  And
• 34:47
  I
• 34:47
  said,
• 34:47
  can
• 34:47
  you,
• 34:48
  though?
• 34:49
  And
• 34:49
  then.
• 34:50
  That's
• 34:50
  great.
• 34:51
  He
• 34:51
  got
• 34:51
  so
• 34:52
  uncomfortable
• 34:52
  because
• 34:53
  he
• 34:53
  knew,
• 34:53
  because
• 34:54
  then
• 34:54
  it
• 34:54
  was
• 34:54
  on
• 34:54
  him
• 34:54
  to
• 34:54
  answer
• 34:55
  and
• 34:55
  to
• 34:55
  have
• 34:56
  a
• 34:56
  reason,
• 34:56
  like.
• 34:56
  And
• 34:57
  he
• 34:57
  realized
• 34:57
  there's
• 34:57
  nothing
• 34:58
  I
• 34:58
  can
• 34:58
  say
• 34:58
  because,
• 34:59
  no,
• 34:59
  that's
• 34:59
  not
• 34:59
  cool.
• 35:00
  He
• 35:00
  knew
• 35:00
  it.
• 35:01
  And
• 35:01
  so
• 35:01
  he
• 35:02
  immediately
• 35:02
  goes,
• 35:02
  so,
• 35:03
  yeah,
• 35:03
  it
• 35:03
  was
• 35:03
  so
• 35:04
  funny
• 35:04
  because
• 35:04
  he
• 35:04
  goes,
• 35:05
  so
• 35:05
  this.
• 35:05
  What's
• 35:05
  the
• 35:06
  state
• 35:06
  part
• 35:06
  of
• 35:06
  Georgia
• 35:07
  again?
• 35:07
  And
• 35:07
  he
• 35:07
  totally
• 35:08
  just
• 35:08
  pivoted
• 35:09
  to
• 35:09
  something
• 35:09
  that
• 35:09
  made
• 35:10
  no
• 35:10
  sense.
• 35:11
  That's
• 35:11
  great.
• 35:12
  And,
• 35:14
  like,
• 35:14
  it
• 35:14
  was.
• 35:15
  You
• 35:15
  didn't
• 35:15
  risk
• 35:16
  your
• 35:16
  job,
• 35:16
  but
• 35:16
  you
• 35:17
  reacted.
• 35:19
  You
• 35:19
  disrupted
• 35:19
  the
• 35:20
  moment.
• 35:20
  You
• 35:20
  prompted
• 35:21
  some
• 35:21
  further
• 35:21
  reflection
• 35:22
  on
• 35:22
  his
• 35:22
  part.
• 35:23
  You
• 35:23
  know,
• 35:23
  like,
• 35:24
  I
• 35:24
  think
• 35:24
  that's,
• 35:25
  like,
• 35:25
  a.
• 35:26
  An
• 35:26
  excellent
• 35:26
  way,
• 35:27
  and
• 35:28
  a
• 35:28
  lot
• 35:29
  of
• 35:29
  us
• 35:29
  aren't
• 35:29
  doing
• 35:29
  that,
• 35:30
  so
• 35:30
  that.
• 35:31
  That's
• 35:31
  the
• 35:31
  way,
• 35:32
  you
• 35:32
  know,
• 35:32
  to,
• 35:32
  like,
• 35:33
  they
• 35:34
  think.
• 35:34
  A
• 35:35
  lot
• 35:35
  of
• 35:35
  the
• 35:35
  old
• 35:35
  men
• 35:35
  do
• 35:36
  think
• 35:36
  that,
• 35:36
  like,
• 35:37
  the
• 35:37
  world's
• 35:38
  now
• 35:38
  overreacting
• 35:39
  and
• 35:39
  oversensitive,
• 35:40
  and
• 35:40
  it's
• 35:40
  all
• 35:40
  been
• 35:40
  fine.
• 35:41
  And
• 35:41
  I'm
• 35:42
  like.
• 35:42
  But
• 35:42
  it's.
• 35:43
  It's
• 35:43
  not
• 35:43
  fine.
• 35:44
  It's.
• 35:44
  It's
• 35:45
  not
• 35:45
  fine,
• 35:45
  and
• 35:46
  we
• 35:46
  don't
• 35:46
  want
• 35:46
  you
• 35:46
  to
• 35:47
  continue
• 35:47
  doing
• 35:47
  it,
• 35:47
  and
• 35:48
  we
• 35:48
  shouldn't
• 35:49
  have
• 35:49
  to
• 35:49
  do
• 35:49
  the
• 35:49
  work
• 35:50
  to
• 35:50
  make
• 35:50
  them
• 35:50
  change,
• 35:50
  but
• 35:51
  nobody
• 35:51
  else
• 35:51
  is.
• 35:52
  Is
• 35:52
  the
• 35:52
  sad.
• 35:52
  There
• 35:52
  you
• 35:52
  go.
• 35:53
  Yeah,
• 35:53
  unfortunately.
• 35:54
  Yeah.
• 35:54
  It's
• 35:55
  like,
• 35:55
  it's
• 35:55
  not
• 35:56
  our
• 35:56
  fault,
• 35:56
  but
• 35:56
  at
• 35:57
  the
• 35:57
  same
• 35:57
  time,
• 35:57
  by
• 35:58
  not
• 35:58
  speaking
• 35:58
  up
• 35:59
  and
• 35:59
  being
• 35:59
  like
• 36:00
  taking
• 36:00
  it
• 36:00
  more
• 36:00
  seriously.
• 36:01
  Like
• 36:01
  it's
• 36:01
  not
• 36:01
  going
• 36:02
  to
• 36:02
  get
• 36:02
  any
• 36:02
  better
• 36:03
  or
• 36:03
  change.
• 36:04
  It's
• 36:04
  really
• 36:05
  not.
• 36:05
  And
• 36:06
  like
• 36:06
  the.
• 36:06
  If
• 36:07
  you're
• 36:07
  the
• 36:07
  target
• 36:08
  or
• 36:08
  the
• 36:08
  victim
• 36:08
  in
• 36:08
  a
• 36:09
  situation,
• 36:09
  you
• 36:10
  know,
• 36:10
  frankly,
• 36:11
  I
• 36:11
  expect
• 36:11
  less
• 36:11
  from
• 36:12
  you.
• 36:12
  Just
• 36:12
  survive
• 36:13
  it,
• 36:13
  you
• 36:13
  know,
• 36:13
  like
• 36:13
  just,
• 36:14
  yeah,
• 36:14
  do
• 36:15
  what
• 36:15
  you
• 36:15
  can
• 36:16
  to
• 36:17
  hopefully
• 36:17
  minimize
• 36:18
  your
• 36:18
  risk
• 36:18
  and
• 36:18
  get
• 36:19
  out.
• 36:19
  But
• 36:19
  if
• 36:19
  you're
• 36:20
  the
• 36:20
  bystander,
• 36:21
  then
• 36:21
  I
• 36:21
  expect
• 36:21
  more.
• 36:22
  You
• 36:22
  know,
• 36:22
  let
• 36:22
  me
• 36:23
  just
• 36:23
  tell
• 36:23
  you.
• 36:24
  The
• 36:24
  types
• 36:24
  of
• 36:24
  things
• 36:25
  that
• 36:25
  I
• 36:25
  experienced
• 36:26
  and
• 36:26
  heard
• 36:26
  in
• 36:27
  the
• 36:27
  restaurant.
• 36:27
  Again,
• 36:28
  why
• 36:28
  my
• 36:28
  kids
• 36:28
  will
• 36:29
  never
• 36:29
  work
• 36:29
  in
• 36:29
  the
• 36:29
  restaurant.
• 36:30
  I
• 36:31
  need
• 36:31
  this
• 36:31
  day
• 36:31
  off
• 36:32
  because
• 36:32
  I
• 36:32
  have
• 36:33
  to
• 36:33
  take
• 36:33
  my
• 36:34
  3
• 36:34
  year
• 36:34
  old
• 36:34
  to
• 36:35
  the
• 36:35
  doctor.
• 36:36
  You
• 36:36
  can
• 36:37
  have
• 36:37
  that
• 36:37
  off
• 36:37
  if
• 36:37
  you
• 36:37
  suck
• 36:38
  my
• 36:38
  dick.
• 36:39
  Right.
• 36:40
  And
• 36:40
  then,
• 36:41
  you
• 36:41
  know,
• 36:41
  everyone
• 36:41
  around
• 36:41
  is
• 36:42
  like,
• 36:42
  oh,
• 36:44
  and
• 36:44
  I'm
• 36:44
  the.
• 36:46
  And
• 36:46
  he
• 36:46
  was
• 36:46
  serious.
• 36:47
  That's
• 36:47
  the
• 36:47
  sad
• 36:47
  part.
• 36:48
  He
• 36:48
  was
• 36:48
  serious.
• 36:48
  Yes.
• 36:49
  What
• 36:50
  else
• 36:50
  did
• 36:50
  I
• 36:50
  hear?
• 36:51
  Like,
• 36:51
  it's
• 36:51
  just
• 36:52
  stuff
• 36:52
  like
• 36:52
  that,
• 36:53
  it's.
• 36:54
  Very
• 36:54
  explicit
• 36:54
  like,
• 36:55
  like
• 36:55
  the
• 36:55
  service
• 36:55
  industry.
• 36:56
  So,
• 36:56
  you
• 36:57
  know,
• 36:57
  the
• 36:58
  women
• 36:58
  in
• 36:58
  particular
• 36:59
  who
• 36:59
  work
• 36:59
  in
• 36:59
  restaurants
• 37:00
  also,
• 37:01
  you
• 37:01
  know,
• 37:01
  like
• 37:01
  LGBTQ
• 37:02
  people
• 37:02
  who
• 37:03
  work
• 37:03
  in
• 37:03
  restaurants
• 37:04
  also
• 37:04
  are
• 37:05
  experienced
• 37:05
  so
• 37:05
  much
• 37:05
  harassment.
• 37:06
  Right.
• 37:06
  Bartenders,
• 37:08
  servers,
• 37:08
  hostesses,
• 37:10
  you
• 37:10
  know,
• 37:10
  I
• 37:10
  mean,
• 37:11
  like
• 37:11
  when
• 37:11
  MeToo
• 37:12
  was
• 37:12
  happening
• 37:13
  a
• 37:13
  few
• 37:14
  years
• 37:14
  ago
• 37:14
  and
• 37:14
  there
• 37:14
  was
• 37:14
  a
• 37:15
  lot
• 37:15
  of
• 37:15
  talk,
• 37:16
  the.
• 37:16
  We
• 37:16
  saw
• 37:16
  a
• 37:17
  lot
• 37:17
  of
• 37:17
  policies,
• 37:18
  changes
• 37:19
  in
• 37:19
  corporate
• 37:19
  workplaces
• 37:20
  respond
• 37:21
  in
• 37:21
  some
• 37:21
  ways,
• 37:21
  but
• 37:22
  there
• 37:22
  are,
• 37:22
  there
• 37:22
  are
• 37:23
  whole
• 37:23
  industries
• 37:23
  and
• 37:24
  this
• 37:24
  is
• 37:24
  a
• 37:24
  perfect
• 37:24
  one
• 37:24
  that
• 37:24
  were
• 37:25
  left
• 37:25
  behind.
• 37:25
  Right.
• 37:26
  Where
• 37:26
  we
• 37:26
  know
• 37:26
  the
• 37:26
  behavior
• 37:27
  is
• 37:27
  rampant
• 37:28
  and
• 37:28
  tolerated,
• 37:29
  it
• 37:29
  becomes
• 37:31
  just
• 37:31
  part
• 37:31
  of
• 37:31
  the
• 37:31
  conversation.
• 37:33
  Yes,
• 37:34
  it
• 37:34
  is.
• 37:34
  It
• 37:34
  is
• 37:35
  widely
• 37:35
  accepted
• 37:36
  in
• 37:37
  hotels
• 37:37
  also.
• 37:38
  You
• 37:38
  know,
• 37:38
  people
• 37:39
  who
• 37:39
  are
• 37:39
  doing
• 37:40
  cleaning
• 37:40
  or
• 37:40
  janitorial
• 37:41
  services,
• 37:42
  you
• 37:42
  know,
• 37:43
  a
• 37:43
  lot
• 37:43
  of
• 37:43
  risk
• 37:43
  and
• 37:44
  don't
• 37:44
  have
• 37:44
  a
• 37:44
  lot
• 37:45
  of
• 37:45
  workplace
• 37:45
  protections.
• 37:47
  So
• 37:47
  where
• 37:47
  their
• 37:47
  shifts,
• 37:47
  where
• 37:48
  the
• 37:48
  work
• 37:48
  is
• 37:48
  hourly.
• 37:49
  We
• 37:49
  have
• 37:49
  so
• 37:49
  much
• 37:49
  work
• 37:50
  to
• 37:50
  do
• 37:50
  in
• 37:51
  addressing
• 37:51
  sexual
• 37:52
  harassment
• 37:53
  because
• 37:53
  you
• 37:54
  know,
• 37:54
  the
• 37:54
  boss
• 37:54
  can
• 37:55
  means
• 37:55
  it
• 37:55
  till,
• 37:56
  till
• 37:57
  he's
• 37:57
  called
• 37:57
  on
• 37:57
  it
• 37:57
  and
• 37:58
  then
• 37:58
  it's
• 37:58
  joke.
• 37:59
  Right,
• 37:59
  Right,
• 37:59
  exactly.
• 38:01
  And.
• 38:01
  But
• 38:01
  you
• 38:02
  know,
• 38:02
  like
• 38:02
  if
• 38:02
  they'll
• 38:02
  get
• 38:02
  the
• 38:02
  blow
• 38:03
  job,
• 38:03
  then
• 38:03
  fine,
• 38:04
  you
• 38:04
  know.
• 38:04
  Right.
• 38:05
  But.
• 38:06
  And
• 38:07
  sometimes,
• 38:07
  honestly
• 38:08
  even
• 38:08
  then
• 38:08
  he'll
• 38:08
  probably
• 38:09
  still
• 38:09
  say,
• 38:09
  oh,
• 38:09
  it
• 38:09
  was
• 38:09
  just
• 38:10
  a
• 38:10
  joke,
• 38:10
  but
• 38:10
  she
• 38:10
  went
• 38:11
  for
• 38:11
  it.
• 38:11
  And
• 38:11
  who
• 38:11
  might
• 38:11
  have
• 38:12
  turn
• 38:12
  it.
• 38:12
  You
• 38:12
  know
• 38:12
  what
• 38:12
  I
• 38:12
  mean?
• 38:13
  Right.
• 38:13
  It's
• 38:13
  always.
• 38:14
  He's
• 38:14
  going
• 38:14
  to
• 38:14
  say
• 38:15
  it's
• 38:15
  consensual.
• 38:15
  He's
• 38:16
  going
• 38:16
  to
• 38:16
  say
• 38:16
  like,
• 38:16
  yeah,
• 38:17
  we
• 38:17
  liked
• 38:17
  each
• 38:17
  other,
• 38:17
  it
• 38:18
  was
• 38:18
  fine.
• 38:19
  And
• 38:19
  we're
• 38:20
  not
• 38:20
  addressing
• 38:20
  the
• 38:20
  like
• 38:21
  power
• 38:21
  differentials
• 38:22
  in
• 38:22
  that.
• 38:22
  Like
• 38:22
  you
• 38:23
  need
• 38:23
  to
• 38:23
  take
• 38:23
  your
• 38:24
  kid
• 38:24
  to
• 38:24
  the
• 38:24
  doctor,
• 38:25
  you
• 38:25
  know,
• 38:25
  like
• 38:26
  that's
• 38:26
  a
• 38:26
  real
• 38:26
  need.
• 38:26
  And
• 38:27
  we
• 38:27
  don't
• 38:28
  have
• 38:28
  workplace
• 38:28
  protections
• 38:29
  or
• 38:29
  sufficient
• 38:30
  time
• 38:31
  off
• 38:31
  for
• 38:32
  you
• 38:32
  know,
• 38:32
  healthcare,
• 38:33
  childcare,
• 38:34
  and
• 38:35
  so
• 38:35
  those
• 38:35
  are
• 38:35
  ripe
• 38:36
  for
• 38:36
  abuse
• 38:36
  in
• 38:36
  the
• 38:37
  workplace.
• 38:38
  So
• 38:39
  you
• 38:39
  mentioned
• 38:39
  that
• 38:39
  you
• 38:41
  do
• 38:41
  or
• 38:41
  did
• 38:41
  work
• 38:42
  on
• 38:42
  a
• 38:42
  campus,
• 38:43
  and
• 38:43
  I
• 38:44
  feel
• 38:44
  like
• 38:44
  I
• 38:44
  heard
• 38:45
  that
• 38:46
  in
• 38:46
  the
• 38:46
  first
• 38:47
  few
• 38:47
  months
• 38:47
  of
• 38:48
  school,
• 38:48
  starting
• 38:49
  on
• 38:50
  campus
• 38:50
  is
• 38:50
  like,
• 38:51
  pretty
• 38:51
  high
• 38:52
  in
• 38:52
  sexual
• 38:52
  assault
• 38:53
  and
• 38:54
  sexual
• 38:54
  harassment.
• 38:55
  Yes,
• 38:56
  it
• 38:56
  is.
• 38:56
  So,
• 38:58
  like,
• 38:58
  20
• 38:58
  years
• 38:58
  of
• 38:58
  my
• 38:59
  career
• 38:59
  have
• 38:59
  been
• 38:59
  on
• 38:59
  college
• 39:00
  campuses.
• 39:00
  So
• 39:00
  that's
• 39:01
  like
• 39:01
  really
• 39:01
  the.
• 39:01
  The
• 39:01
  day
• 39:02
  job.
• 39:02
  But
• 39:03
  yeah,
• 39:03
  so
• 39:03
  the
• 39:03
  risk
• 39:04
  is
• 39:04
  high.
• 39:04
  We
• 39:04
  call
• 39:04
  this
• 39:05
  the
• 39:05
  red
• 39:05
  zone,
• 39:06
  actually,
• 39:06
  like,
• 39:06
  it
• 39:07
  has
• 39:07
  a
• 39:07
  term
• 39:07
  like
• 39:07
  this
• 39:08
  time
• 39:08
  frame.
• 39:09
  It
• 39:09
  is.
• 39:10
  There's
• 39:10
  a
• 39:10
  real
• 39:10
  seasonal
• 39:11
  nature
• 39:11
  to
• 39:11
  the
• 39:12
  risk
• 39:12
  of
• 39:12
  sexual
• 39:13
  assault
• 39:13
  for
• 39:13
  college
• 39:13
  students,
• 39:14
  and
• 39:15
  it
• 39:15
  goes
• 39:15
  along
• 39:15
  with
• 39:16
  the
• 39:16
  academic
• 39:16
  calendar.
• 39:17
  So
• 39:18
  for
• 39:18
  students,
• 39:18
  if
• 39:19
  you
• 39:19
  think
• 39:19
  of
• 39:19
  like
• 39:19
  the
• 39:19
  first
• 39:20
  year
• 39:20
  student,
• 39:22
  same
• 39:22
  for
• 39:22
  sophomores.
• 39:23
  They
• 39:23
  have
• 39:23
  a
• 39:23
  heightened
• 39:23
  risk,
• 39:23
  too.
• 39:24
  They're
• 39:25
  moving
• 39:25
  to
• 39:25
  a
• 39:25
  new
• 39:26
  place.
• 39:27
  They
• 39:27
  need
• 39:27
  to
• 39:27
  make
• 39:28
  new
• 39:28
  friends.
• 39:29
  They
• 39:29
  might
• 39:30
  have
• 39:30
  an
• 39:30
  absence
• 39:31
  of
• 39:31
  parental
• 39:32
  supervision
• 39:32
  for
• 39:32
  the
• 39:33
  first
• 39:33
  time.
• 39:33
  They
• 39:34
  might
• 39:34
  experience
• 39:35
  increased
• 39:36
  availability
• 39:36
  to
• 39:36
  alcohol
• 39:37
  or
• 39:37
  drugs,
• 39:38
  sometimes
• 39:38
  for
• 39:38
  the
• 39:38
  first
• 39:39
  time.
• 39:40
  And
• 39:40
  it's
• 39:41
  very
• 39:41
  exciting
• 39:41
  for
• 39:42
  them.
• 39:42
  It's
• 39:42
  very
• 39:42
  fun.
• 39:42
  But
• 39:43
  there's
• 39:43
  also
• 39:43
  a
• 39:43
  lot
• 39:43
  of
• 39:43
  social
• 39:44
  activity.
• 39:45
  And
• 39:46
  sometimes
• 39:46
  this.
• 39:47
  Sometimes
• 39:47
  this
• 39:47
  is
• 39:47
  connected
• 39:48
  to
• 39:48
  the
• 39:48
  athletic
• 39:49
  season
• 39:49
  because
• 39:49
  we
• 39:49
  have
• 39:49
  social
• 39:50
  activities
• 39:50
  related
• 39:51
  to
• 39:51
  that.
• 39:51
  You
• 39:51
  know,
• 39:51
  so
• 39:52
  anytime
• 39:53
  there's
• 39:53
  going
• 39:53
  to
• 39:53
  be
• 39:54
  increased
• 39:55
  drinking,
• 39:55
  we're
• 39:55
  going
• 39:55
  to
• 39:55
  have
• 39:55
  an
• 39:56
  increased
• 39:56
  risk
• 39:56
  of
• 39:56
  sexual
• 39:57
  assault.
• 39:57
  And
• 39:58
  so
• 39:58
  this
• 39:58
  is
• 39:58
  why
• 39:59
  the
• 40:00
  students
• 40:00
  face
• 40:01
  this
• 40:01
  risk.
• 40:01
  Right.
• 40:02
  In
• 40:02
  August,
• 40:03
  September
• 40:03
  and
• 40:03
  October
• 40:04
  on
• 40:04
  most
• 40:04
  campuses.
• 40:05
  That's
• 40:05
  if
• 40:06
  they
• 40:06
  follow
• 40:06
  the
• 40:06
  semester
• 40:07
  schedule.
• 40:07
  That's
• 40:08
  the
• 40:08
  period
• 40:08
  of
• 40:09
  heightened
• 40:09
  risk.
• 40:10
  And
• 40:10
  it's
• 40:10
  because
• 40:11
  we're
• 40:11
  just
• 40:11
  kind
• 40:11
  of
• 40:11
  throwing
• 40:12
  them
• 40:12
  into
• 40:12
  this
• 40:12
  new
• 40:13
  social
• 40:13
  situation.
• 40:14
  And
• 40:14
  so
• 40:14
  we
• 40:14
  do
• 40:15
  try
• 40:15
  to
• 40:15
  do
• 40:15
  a
• 40:15
  lot
• 40:15
  of
• 40:15
  prevention
• 40:16
  education
• 40:17
  and
• 40:18
  like,
• 40:18
  bystander
• 40:18
  training
• 40:19
  with
• 40:19
  students
• 40:19
  at
• 40:20
  that
• 40:20
  time,
• 40:20
  because
• 40:20
  we
• 40:21
  know
• 40:21
  that.
• 40:22
  That
• 40:23
  most
• 40:23
  sexual
• 40:24
  assaults
• 40:24
  that
• 40:24
  occur
• 40:24
  on
• 40:25
  a
• 40:25
  college
• 40:25
  campus
• 40:25
  are
• 40:25
  happening
• 40:26
  in
• 40:26
  that
• 40:26
  time
• 40:26
  frame.
• 40:27
  That's
• 40:27
  so
• 40:28
  interesting
• 40:28
  because
• 40:29
  you're.
• 40:29
  I
• 40:29
  can
• 40:29
  see
• 40:30
  how
• 40:30
  education's
• 40:31
  important.
• 40:31
  I
• 40:31
  re.
• 40:32
  I
• 40:32
  kind
• 40:32
  of,
• 40:32
  as
• 40:32
  you
• 40:32
  were
• 40:33
  talking,
• 40:33
  remembered
• 40:34
  being
• 40:34
  that
• 40:34
  age.
• 40:34
  I
• 40:35
  was
• 40:35
  actually
• 40:35
  a
• 40:35
  little
• 40:35
  younger.
• 40:36
  Oh,
• 40:36
  that's
• 40:36
  right.
• 40:37
  Yeah.
• 40:37
  And
• 40:37
  I
• 40:38
  remember,
• 40:38
  like,
• 40:38
  you
• 40:38
  go
• 40:39
  into
• 40:39
  a
• 40:39
  situation
• 40:40
  where
• 40:40
  you're
• 40:40
  in
• 40:41
  college
• 40:41
  and
• 40:41
  it's
• 40:41
  like,
• 40:42
  here
• 40:43
  I
• 40:43
  am.
• 40:44
  I
• 40:44
  don't
• 40:44
  really
• 40:45
  know
• 40:45
  the
• 40:45
  rules
• 40:46
  of
• 40:46
  this
• 40:46
  game.
• 40:47
  So
• 40:47
  I'm
• 40:47
  gonna
• 40:48
  sit
• 40:48
  back
• 40:48
  and
• 40:48
  I'm
• 40:49
  just
• 40:49
  gonna
• 40:49
  let
• 40:49
  things
• 40:49
  happen
• 40:50
  and
• 40:50
  watch.
• 40:51
  And
• 40:51
  that
• 40:52
  must
• 40:52
  be
• 40:52
  pretty
• 40:52
  normal.
• 40:53
  And
• 40:53
  you're
• 40:54
  kind
• 40:54
  of,
• 40:54
  like,
• 40:54
  trying
• 40:54
  to,
• 40:55
  like,
• 40:55
  build
• 40:55
  a
• 40:56
  new.
• 40:56
  New
• 40:57
  boundary
• 40:57
  system
• 40:57
  almost.
• 40:58
  Yes.
• 40:59
  And
• 41:00
  I
• 41:00
  think
• 41:00
  that
• 41:00
  the
• 41:01
  education
• 41:01
  is
• 41:02
  really
• 41:02
  important
• 41:02
  because
• 41:02
  you
• 41:03
  can
• 41:03
  have
• 41:04
  someone
• 41:04
  tell
• 41:04
  you,
• 41:04
  hey,
• 41:04
  no,
• 41:05
  that's
• 41:05
  not
• 41:05
  normal.
• 41:06
  This
• 41:06
  is.
• 41:06
  It's
• 41:06
  okay
• 41:07
  to
• 41:07
  react
• 41:07
  this
• 41:07
  way
• 41:08
  and
• 41:08
  have
• 41:08
  these
• 41:08
  boundaries
• 41:09
  up
• 41:10
  and
• 41:10
  don't
• 41:10
  let
• 41:10
  anybody
• 41:11
  tell
• 41:11
  you.
• 41:11
  Oh,
• 41:12
  you
• 41:12
  just
• 41:12
  don't
• 41:12
  know
• 41:13
  the,
• 41:13
  the
• 41:13
  thing.
• 41:13
  You
• 41:14
  just
• 41:14
  don't
• 41:14
  know
• 41:14
  how
• 41:14
  it
• 41:14
  goes
• 41:14
  because
• 41:15
  you're
• 41:15
  so
• 41:15
  young
• 41:15
  or
• 41:15
  naive
• 41:16
  or
• 41:16
  whatever.
• 41:17
  Yes.
• 41:18
  I
• 41:18
  mean,
• 41:18
  that
• 41:18
  is,
• 41:18
  that
• 41:18
  is
• 41:19
  exactly
• 41:19
  what
• 41:19
  we're
• 41:19
  trying
• 41:19
  to
• 41:20
  do.
• 41:20
  You
• 41:20
  know,
• 41:21
  the.
• 41:22
  There
• 41:22
  is
• 41:24
  no
• 41:24
  consistency
• 41:25
  in
• 41:26
  the
• 41:26
  sexual
• 41:27
  education
• 41:27
  that
• 41:28
  young
• 41:28
  adults,
• 41:29
  really
• 41:29
  globally.
• 41:30
  But,
• 41:30
  you
• 41:30
  know,
• 41:30
  like,
• 41:30
  I'm
• 41:31
  more
• 41:31
  focused
• 41:31
  on
• 41:31
  the
• 41:31
  U.S.
• 41:32
  so
• 41:32
  I
• 41:32
  know,
• 41:32
  and
• 41:32
  I
• 41:32
  know
• 41:32
  more
• 41:33
  about
• 41:33
  the
• 41:33
  U.S.
• 41:33
  but
• 41:34
  there
• 41:34
  is
• 41:35
  no
• 41:35
  consistency
• 41:35
  yet
• 41:36
  in
• 41:36
  what,
• 41:36
  if
• 41:36
  any,
• 41:37
  sex
• 41:37
  ed
• 41:37
  they're
• 41:38
  getting.
• 41:38
  Right?
• 41:39
  They're.
• 41:39
  They're
• 41:39
  getting
• 41:40
  to
• 41:40
  college
• 41:40
  from
• 41:40
  all
• 41:41
  these
• 41:41
  different
• 41:41
  places.
• 41:41
  And
• 41:42
  some
• 41:42
  of
• 41:42
  them
• 41:42
  have
• 41:42
  had
• 41:43
  experience,
• 41:43
  like
• 41:43
  in
• 41:44
  person
• 41:44
  experience,
• 41:45
  but
• 41:45
  a
• 41:45
  lot
• 41:45
  of
• 41:45
  them
• 41:45
  haven't
• 41:46
  actually.
• 41:46
  So
• 41:47
  if
• 41:47
  we
• 41:47
  look
• 41:47
  at
• 41:48
  Generation
• 41:48
  Z,
• 41:49
  if
• 41:49
  we
• 41:49
  look
• 41:49
  at
• 41:49
  like
• 41:49
  today's
• 41:50
  young
• 41:51
  adult,
• 41:51
  young
• 41:52
  college,
• 41:52
  I
• 41:52
  remember
• 41:52
  you
• 41:53
  saying.
• 41:53
  That,
• 41:53
  that
• 41:53
  the
• 41:53
  kids,
• 41:54
  the
• 41:54
  students
• 41:54
  lie.
• 41:55
  Oh,
• 41:56
  yeah,
• 41:56
  well,
• 41:56
  like,
• 41:56
  that's
• 41:57
  true
• 41:57
  for
• 41:58
  us,
• 41:58
  that's
• 41:58
  true
• 41:58
  for
• 41:59
  them.
• 41:59
  You
• 41:59
  know
• 41:59
  what
• 41:59
  I
• 41:59
  mean?
• 41:59
  They're,
• 42:00
  they're
• 42:00
  saying
• 42:00
  they're
• 42:00
  doing
• 42:00
  way
• 42:01
  more
• 42:01
  than
• 42:01
  they're
• 42:01
  doing
• 42:02
  the
• 42:02
  same
• 42:02
  way
• 42:02
  that
• 42:03
  like,
• 42:03
  you
• 42:03
  know,
• 42:03
  boys
• 42:04
  in
• 42:04
  particular
• 42:04
  did.
• 42:05
  When,
• 42:05
  oh,
• 42:05
  we're
• 42:05
  talking
• 42:05
  about
• 42:06
  how
• 42:06
  much
• 42:06
  sex
• 42:06
  they
• 42:06
  do
• 42:07
  have.
• 42:07
  Okay.
• 42:07
  Oh,
• 42:07
  yeah.
• 42:08
  You
• 42:08
  know,
• 42:08
  so
• 42:08
  they,
• 42:09
  they
• 42:10
  do
• 42:10
  to
• 42:11
  each
• 42:11
  other,
• 42:11
  especially
• 42:12
  because
• 42:12
  it
• 42:12
  is
• 42:12
  new
• 42:13
  norms,
• 42:13
  new
• 42:13
  world.
• 42:14
  Who
• 42:14
  am
• 42:14
  I
• 42:14
  in
• 42:14
  this
• 42:14
  environment?
• 42:16
  You
• 42:16
  know?
• 42:16
  And
• 42:16
  listen,
• 42:16
  I
• 42:17
  thank
• 42:17
  God
• 42:17
  I'm
• 42:17
  not
• 42:17
  in
• 42:17
  it.
• 42:17
  I
• 42:18
  don't
• 42:18
  want
• 42:18
  to
• 42:18
  be
• 42:18
  that
• 42:18
  age.
• 42:18
  I'm
• 42:19
  not
• 42:19
  being
• 42:19
  this.
• 42:20
  I
• 42:20
  need
• 42:20
  new
• 42:20
  friends,
• 42:21
  you
• 42:21
  know,
• 42:21
  I
• 42:21
  got
• 42:21
  plenty
• 42:22
  of
• 42:22
  friends.
• 42:22
  I
• 42:22
  know
• 42:23
  who
• 42:23
  I
• 42:23
  am.
• 42:23
  I
• 42:24
  got
• 42:24
  boundaries.
• 42:24
  But
• 42:25
  this
• 42:25
  is
• 42:25
  like
• 42:26
  really
• 42:26
  hard
• 42:27
  for
• 42:28
  really
• 42:28
  the
• 42:28
  16
• 42:29
  to
• 42:29
  24
• 42:29
  year
• 42:29
  olds.
• 42:30
  That's
• 42:30
  a
• 42:30
  real
• 42:31
  age
• 42:31
  range
• 42:31
  of
• 42:32
  heightened
• 42:32
  risk
• 42:32
  for
• 42:33
  them.
• 42:34
  And
• 42:34
  I
• 42:35
  think
• 42:35
  we
• 42:35
  can
• 42:35
  just
• 42:35
  do
• 42:36
  better
• 42:36
  than
• 42:36
  them
• 42:36
  learning
• 42:36
  the
• 42:37
  hard
• 42:37
  way,
• 42:37
  you
• 42:37
  know,
• 42:38
  I
• 42:38
  mean,
• 42:38
  like,
• 42:38
  I.
• 42:38
  Surely
• 42:39
  we
• 42:39
  can
• 42:39
  then
• 42:40
  give
• 42:40
  them
• 42:41
  accurate
• 42:41
  information.
• 42:42
  And
• 42:42
  if
• 42:42
  we
• 42:43
  do
• 42:43
  have
• 42:43
  sex
• 42:43
  ed,
• 42:44
  I
• 42:44
  would
• 42:44
  love
• 42:44
  for
• 42:44
  it
• 42:44
  to
• 42:45
  include
• 42:46
  consent
• 42:46
  education
• 42:47
  and
• 42:48
  boundary
• 42:48
  setting.
• 42:49
  And
• 42:49
  some.
• 42:49
  And
• 42:49
  boundary
• 42:50
  setting
• 42:50
  is
• 42:50
  assertiveness.
• 42:51
  You
• 42:51
  know,
• 42:51
  like
• 42:51
  that's
• 42:52
  what
• 42:52
  this
• 42:52
  is
• 42:52
  and
• 42:53
  bystander
• 42:53
  intervention.
• 42:54
  So
• 42:54
  what
• 42:54
  do
• 42:54
  I
• 42:54
  do
• 42:55
  if
• 42:55
  I
• 42:55
  see
• 42:55
  something
• 42:55
  and
• 42:56
  my
• 42:56
  friend
• 42:56
  is
• 42:56
  in
• 42:56
  trouble?
• 42:57
  You
• 42:58
  have
• 42:58
  to
• 42:58
  be
• 42:58
  assertive
• 42:59
  to,
• 42:59
  to
• 43:00
  be
• 43:00
  a
• 43:00
  good
• 43:00
  active
• 43:01
  bystander.
• 43:02
  Right?
• 43:02
  So
• 43:02
  for
• 43:02
  me,
• 43:03
  these
• 43:03
  things
• 43:03
  are,
• 43:03
  are
• 43:04
  all
• 43:04
  connected.
• 43:04
  And
• 43:05
  we
• 43:05
  have
• 43:05
  in
• 43:06
  the
• 43:06
  US
• 43:06
  had
• 43:06
  an
• 43:07
  expectation
• 43:07
  that
• 43:08
  schools
• 43:08
  will
• 43:08
  offer,
• 43:09
  if
• 43:09
  not
• 43:10
  require,
• 43:10
  what
• 43:11
  we
• 43:11
  call
• 43:11
  bystander
• 43:12
  intervention
• 43:12
  training
• 43:13
  for
• 43:13
  about
• 43:13
  10
• 43:13
  years
• 43:14
  now.
• 43:14
  So
• 43:15
  there's
• 43:15
  some
• 43:15
  good
• 43:15
  news
• 43:15
  in
• 43:16
  this
• 43:16
  story,
• 43:16
  right,
• 43:16
  Is
• 43:16
  that
• 43:17
  they're
• 43:17
  in
• 43:18
  college,
• 43:18
  more
• 43:19
  education
• 43:19
  on
• 43:19
  these
• 43:20
  topics
• 43:20
  than
• 43:20
  ever
• 43:20
  before.
• 43:21
  So
• 43:22
  the
• 43:22
  bystander
• 43:23
  interventions
• 43:24
  that
• 43:24
  I
• 43:24
  remember
• 43:25
  are
• 43:25
  confront,
• 43:26
  delegate,
• 43:27
  Distraction,
• 43:28
  document
• 43:29
  and
• 43:29
  delay.
• 43:30
  It
• 43:30
  sounds
• 43:31
  like
• 43:31
  the
• 43:31
  example
• 43:32
  that
• 43:32
  you
• 43:32
  just
• 43:32
  gave
• 43:33
  is
• 43:34
  distract.
• 43:37
  Distract
• 43:37
  and
• 43:37
  check
• 43:38
  in.
• 43:38
  I
• 43:38
  mean,
• 43:38
  it
• 43:39
  can
• 43:39
  be
• 43:39
  a
• 43:39
  combo.
• 43:40
  So
• 43:40
  like,
• 43:40
  like
• 43:40
  you're
• 43:41
  acting
• 43:41
  like
• 43:41
  you
• 43:41
  need
• 43:41
  her
• 43:42
  to
• 43:42
  go
• 43:42
  to
• 43:42
  the
• 43:42
  bathroom
• 43:42
  with
• 43:43
  you.
• 43:43
  Is
• 43:43
  that
• 43:43
  a
• 43:43
  delay?
• 43:45
  Delays
• 43:45
  also?
• 43:46
  Yeah,
• 43:46
  you
• 43:46
  know,
• 43:46
  like
• 43:47
  whatever
• 43:48
  works.
• 43:48
  We'll
• 43:48
  take
• 43:49
  whatever
• 43:49
  works.
• 43:49
  You
• 43:50
  know,
• 43:50
  if
• 43:50
  you
• 43:51
  think
• 43:51
  your
• 43:52
  friends
• 43:52
  are
• 43:53
  the
• 43:54
  problem,
• 43:54
  which
• 43:54
  sometimes
• 43:54
  they
• 43:55
  are,
• 43:55
  you
• 43:55
  know,
• 43:55
  it's
• 43:56
  not.
• 43:56
  We
• 43:56
  don't
• 43:56
  only
• 43:57
  know
• 43:57
  the
• 43:57
  right
• 43:58
  victim.
• 43:58
  We
• 43:58
  also
• 43:59
  know
• 43:59
  the
• 44:00
  friend
• 44:00
  who
• 44:00
  gets
• 44:01
  or
• 44:01
  too
• 44:02
  drunk
• 44:02
  or
• 44:02
  what,
• 44:02
  you
• 44:02
  know,
• 44:03
  so
• 44:03
  you
• 44:03
  can
• 44:03
  go
• 44:03
  up
• 44:04
  to
• 44:04
  him
• 44:04
  and
• 44:04
  be
• 44:04
  like,
• 44:04
  hey,
• 44:04
  I
• 44:05
  think
• 44:05
  your
• 44:05
  car
• 44:05
  is
• 44:05
  getting
• 44:05
  towed.
• 44:06
  That
• 44:06
  creates
• 44:07
  disrupts
• 44:08
  at
• 44:08
  the
• 44:08
  moment.
• 44:08
  You
• 44:09
  know,
• 44:09
  you
• 44:09
  can
• 44:09
  separate
• 44:10
  the
• 44:10
  parties,
• 44:10
  you
• 44:11
  can
• 44:11
  check
• 44:11
  in
• 44:11
  with
• 44:12
  the
• 44:12
  person.
• 44:13
  But
• 44:13
  I
• 44:13
  also
• 44:13
  teach,
• 44:14
  you
• 44:15
  know,
• 44:15
  so
• 44:15
  like
• 44:15
  in
• 44:15
  the
• 44:15
  fraternities,
• 44:16
  if
• 44:16
  they're
• 44:16
  hosting
• 44:17
  the
• 44:17
  parties,
• 44:18
  somebody's
• 44:18
  responsible
• 44:19
  for
• 44:19
  party
• 44:20
  patrol.
• 44:20
  Okay.
• 44:21
  They
• 44:21
  call
• 44:21
  it
• 44:21
  different
• 44:22
  things.
• 44:22
  So
• 44:22
  they
• 44:22
  have
• 44:22
  sober
• 44:23
  monitors,
• 44:23
  right?
• 44:23
  The
• 44:24
  person
• 44:24
  who's
• 44:24
  not
• 44:24
  supposed
• 44:24
  to
• 44:25
  drink,
• 44:25
  who
• 44:26
  is
• 44:26
  somewhat
• 44:27
  responsible
• 44:27
  for
• 44:27
  safety.
• 44:28
  So
• 44:29
  if
• 44:29
  you're
• 44:29
  a
• 44:29
  new
• 44:30
  member
• 44:30
  and
• 44:31
  you
• 44:32
  see
• 44:32
  a
• 44:32
  problem,
• 44:32
  but
• 44:33
  you
• 44:33
  don't
• 44:33
  know
• 44:33
  what
• 44:33
  to
• 44:33
  do,
• 44:34
  or
• 44:34
  you
• 44:34
  think
• 44:36
  they're
• 44:36
  going
• 44:37
  to
• 44:37
  get
• 44:37
  mad
• 44:37
  if
• 44:37
  I
• 44:37
  talk
• 44:37
  about
• 44:38
  like
• 44:38
  the
• 44:39
  senior
• 44:39
  who's
• 44:39
  doing
• 44:40
  something
• 44:40
  inappropriate,
• 44:41
  they
• 44:41
  should
• 44:42
  be
• 44:42
  able
• 44:42
  to
• 44:42
  go
• 44:42
  to
• 44:43
  party
• 44:43
  patrol
• 44:43
  or
• 44:43
  the
• 44:44
  sober
• 44:44
  monitor
• 44:45
  who
• 44:45
  should
• 44:46
  not
• 44:46
  be
• 44:46
  a
• 44:46
  new
• 44:46
  member
• 44:47
  if
• 44:47
  they're
• 44:48
  doing
• 44:48
  this
• 44:48
  correctly,
• 44:48
  you
• 44:49
  know,
• 44:49
  and
• 44:49
  say
• 44:49
  like,
• 44:50
  hey,
• 44:50
  I
• 44:50
  don't
• 44:50
  know
• 44:51
  about
• 44:51
  that
• 44:51
  situation
• 44:51
  over
• 44:52
  there.
• 44:52
  Or
• 44:52
  I
• 44:53
  saw,
• 44:53
  you
• 44:54
  know,
• 44:54
  some
• 44:55
  like
• 44:55
  a
• 44:56
  really,
• 44:56
  really
• 44:56
  drunk
• 44:57
  girl
• 44:57
  being
• 44:57
  led
• 44:57
  to,
• 44:58
  you
• 44:58
  know,
• 44:58
  a
• 44:59
  bedroom.
• 44:59
  And
• 44:59
  I'm
• 44:59
  not
• 44:59
  sure
• 45:00
  that
• 45:00
  that's
• 45:01
  fine.
• 45:01
  Right?
• 45:01
  You
• 45:02
  don't
• 45:02
  have
• 45:02
  to
• 45:02
  know
• 45:02
  what
• 45:02
  you're
• 45:03
  seeing.
• 45:03
  You
• 45:03
  don't
• 45:03
  have
• 45:04
  to
• 45:04
  over
• 45:04
  respond.
• 45:05
  You
• 45:05
  know,
• 45:05
  we're
• 45:05
  telling
• 45:06
  them,
• 45:06
  like,
• 45:06
  we're
• 45:06
  not
• 45:06
  expecting
• 45:07
  them
• 45:07
  to
• 45:07
  call
• 45:07
  the
• 45:07
  police,
• 45:08
  except
• 45:08
  when
• 45:08
  you
• 45:08
  need
• 45:08
  to
• 45:09
  call
• 45:09
  the
• 45:09
  police,
• 45:09
  then
• 45:09
  please
• 45:10
  call
• 45:10
  the
• 45:10
  police.
• 45:11
  But
• 45:12
  you
• 45:12
  can
• 45:12
  delegate
• 45:13
  to
• 45:13
  that
• 45:13
  person
• 45:13
  to
• 45:14
  go
• 45:14
  look
• 45:14
  into
• 45:15
  the
• 45:15
  situation,
• 45:16
  you.
• 45:16
  Know,
• 45:16
  So
• 45:16
  I
• 45:18
  never
• 45:18
  heard
• 45:18
  of
• 45:18
  a
• 45:18
  sober
• 45:19
  monitor.
• 45:19
  Do
• 45:19
  they,
• 45:20
  I
• 45:20
  mean,
• 45:20
  like,
• 45:20
  obviously
• 45:21
  I
• 45:22
  didn't
• 45:22
  go
• 45:22
  to
• 45:22
  college.
• 45:24
  Well,
• 45:24
  yeah,
• 45:24
  fair.
• 45:25
  But
• 45:26
  I
• 45:26
  was
• 45:26
  never
• 45:26
  in
• 45:27
  any
• 45:27
  fraternities
• 45:27
  or
• 45:28
  sororities.
• 45:29
  I
• 45:29
  mean,
• 45:29
  but
• 45:30
  is
• 45:30
  that
• 45:30
  like
• 45:30
  a
• 45:31
  thing,
• 45:31
  like
• 45:31
  they
• 45:31
  have
• 45:32
  to
• 45:32
  have
• 45:32
  at
• 45:32
  every
• 45:33
  party?
• 45:33
  Is
• 45:33
  that
• 45:33
  a
• 45:34
  real
• 45:34
  thing
• 45:34
  or
• 45:34
  is.
• 45:34
  It
• 45:34
  like,
• 45:35
  oh,
• 45:35
  the
• 45:35
  look
• 45:35
  on
• 45:35
  her
• 45:36
  face.
• 45:37
  Yeah,
• 45:37
  I'm
• 45:38
  like,
• 45:38
  it
• 45:38
  depends.
• 45:39
  So
• 45:39
  I'm
• 45:39
  like,
• 45:40
  my
• 45:40
  answer,
• 45:40
  like,
• 45:40
  it
• 45:41
  is
• 45:41
  a
• 45:41
  real
• 45:41
  thing.
• 45:42
  That
• 45:43
  many
• 45:44
  teams,
• 45:45
  student
• 45:45
  organizations,
• 45:46
  sororities,
• 45:47
  fraternities,
• 45:47
  like
• 45:48
  we
• 45:48
  try
• 45:48
  to
• 45:49
  cover
• 45:49
  all
• 45:49
  of
• 45:49
  them
• 45:49
  is
• 45:50
  a
• 45:50
  real
• 45:50
  thing
• 45:51
  because
• 45:51
  they
• 45:51
  get,
• 45:51
  they
• 45:52
  get
• 45:52
  additional
• 45:52
  training.
• 45:52
  So
• 45:53
  they
• 45:53
  might
• 45:53
  get
• 45:53
  like
• 45:53
  some
• 45:54
  sexual
• 45:54
  misconduct
• 45:54
  prevention.
• 45:55
  Training
• 45:55
  or
• 45:55
  bystander
• 45:56
  intervention
• 45:57
  training.
• 45:57
  They
• 45:58
  should
• 45:58
  also
• 45:58
  get
• 46:00
  host
• 46:00
  responsibility
• 46:01
  training
• 46:01
  or
• 46:02
  like,
• 46:02
  you
• 46:03
  know,
• 46:03
  party
• 46:03
  host
• 46:03
  training.
• 46:04
  And
• 46:04
  schools
• 46:05
  have,
• 46:05
  have
• 46:06
  different
• 46:06
  policies,
• 46:06
  but
• 46:07
  they
• 46:07
  definitely
• 46:07
  have
• 46:07
  like
• 46:07
  alcohol
• 46:08
  policies.
• 46:09
  Some
• 46:09
  schools
• 46:10
  say
• 46:10
  you
• 46:10
  can't
• 46:10
  have
• 46:11
  alcohol
• 46:11
  at
• 46:11
  any
• 46:11
  event.
• 46:12
  You
• 46:12
  know,
• 46:13
  some
• 46:13
  schools
• 46:13
  say
• 46:13
  you
• 46:14
  can
• 46:14
  have
• 46:15
  alcohol
• 46:15
  with
• 46:16
  certain
• 46:17
  branders.
• 46:17
  Right.
• 46:18
  Some
• 46:19
  schools
• 46:19
  say
• 46:19
  you
• 46:20
  can
• 46:20
  have
• 46:20
  beer
• 46:20
  only
• 46:21
  but
• 46:21
  not
• 46:21
  liquor,
• 46:22
  you
• 46:22
  know,
• 46:22
  like.
• 46:23
  And
• 46:23
  so
• 46:23
  it's,
• 46:23
  there's
• 46:23
  no
• 46:24
  one
• 46:24
  rule.
• 46:26
  And
• 46:26
  some
• 46:26
  counties
• 46:26
  are
• 46:27
  dry.
• 46:27
  Counties
• 46:27
  were
• 46:27
  like,
• 46:28
  you
• 46:28
  know,
• 46:28
  so
• 46:28
  it
• 46:28
  depends
• 46:29
  where
• 46:29
  the
• 46:29
  school
• 46:29
  is.
• 46:29
  It
• 46:30
  depends
• 46:30
  on
• 46:30
  if
• 46:31
  it's
• 46:31
  public
• 46:31
  or
• 46:31
  private.
• 46:32
  It
• 46:32
  depends
• 46:32
  on
• 46:32
  if
• 46:32
  it's
• 46:33
  religious
• 46:33
  affiliated.
• 46:34
  But
• 46:34
  lots
• 46:35
  of
• 46:35
  schools
• 46:35
  have
• 46:35
  lots
• 46:36
  of
• 46:36
  policies
• 46:37
  about
• 46:37
  the
• 46:37
  social
• 46:38
  event,
• 46:39
  you
• 46:39
  know,
• 46:40
  and
• 46:42
  if
• 46:42
  the
• 46:42
  organizations
• 46:43
  follow
• 46:43
  the
• 46:44
  policies,
• 46:44
  those
• 46:44
  events
• 46:45
  should
• 46:45
  be
• 46:45
  safer.
• 46:46
  Okay,
• 46:47
  but
• 46:48
  they
• 46:48
  are
• 46:48
  young
• 46:48
  adults.
• 46:49
  Okay?
• 46:49
  So.
• 46:49
  Right.
• 46:50
  Sometimes
• 46:51
  they
• 46:51
  do
• 46:51
  and
• 46:52
  sometimes
• 46:52
  they
• 46:52
  don't.
• 46:53
  And
• 46:54
  actually
• 46:55
  the
• 46:56
  organizations
• 46:57
  or
• 46:57
  the
• 46:57
  schools
• 46:58
  like
• 46:58
  that
• 46:58
  have
• 46:58
  more
• 46:59
  money
• 46:59
  often
• 46:59
  are
• 47:00
  able
• 47:00
  to
• 47:00
  have
• 47:00
  safer
• 47:00
  events.
• 47:02
  So
• 47:02
  sometimes
• 47:03
  the
• 47:03
  schools
• 47:03
  are
• 47:03
  able
• 47:04
  to
• 47:04
  hire
• 47:04
  bartenders
• 47:05
  to
• 47:05
  come
• 47:05
  in
• 47:05
  and
• 47:05
  host,
• 47:06
  like
• 47:06
  to
• 47:06
  be
• 47:07
  a
• 47:07
  licensed
• 47:07
  bartender
• 47:08
  at.
• 47:08
  The
• 47:08
  party
• 47:08
  because
• 47:09
  they
• 47:09
  have
• 47:09
  to
• 47:09
  monitor
• 47:10
  the.
• 47:10
  I
• 47:11
  feel
• 47:11
  better
• 47:11
  about
• 47:12
  that,
• 47:12
  you
• 47:12
  know,
• 47:12
  or
• 47:13
  sometimes
• 47:14
  the
• 47:14
  students
• 47:14
  can
• 47:15
  bring
• 47:15
  their
• 47:15
  alcohol.
• 47:16
  The
• 47:16
  students
• 47:16
  of
• 47:16
  legal
• 47:17
  drinking
• 47:17
  age
• 47:17
  can
• 47:18
  bring
• 47:18
  their
• 47:18
  alcohol
• 47:19
  and
• 47:19
  like
• 47:19
  check
• 47:20
  it
• 47:20
  in,
• 47:20
  you
• 47:21
  know,
• 47:21
  and
• 47:21
  the
• 47:21
  bartender
• 47:22
  is
• 47:22
  distributing
• 47:23
  a
• 47:23
  certain
• 47:24
  number
• 47:24
  of
• 47:24
  drinks.
• 47:25
  But
• 47:25
  there's
• 47:25
  interesting.
• 47:27
  Yeah,
• 47:27
  you
• 47:27
  know,
• 47:28
  like
• 47:28
  different
• 47:28
  than
• 47:28
  when
• 47:29
  I
• 47:29
  was
• 47:29
  young.
• 47:29
  It
• 47:30
  is
• 47:30
  very
• 47:30
  different.
• 47:31
  I
• 47:31
  think
• 47:31
  we're
• 47:32
  probably
• 47:32
  like
• 47:32
  similar
• 47:33
  to
• 47:33
  the
• 47:33
  same
• 47:33
  age,
• 47:33
  but.
• 47:34
  Yeah,
• 47:34
  like
• 47:35
  it's
• 47:35
  20
• 47:35
  years.
• 47:36
  Wow.
• 47:37
  It
• 47:37
  shouldn't
• 47:37
  be
• 47:38
  a
• 47:38
  free
• 47:38
  for
• 47:38
  all
• 47:39
  to,
• 47:40
  to
• 47:40
  address
• 47:40
  some
• 47:41
  of
• 47:41
  the
• 47:41
  risks
• 47:42
  of
• 47:42
  yesteryear,
• 47:43
  you
• 47:43
  know,
• 47:45
  but
• 47:45
  some,
• 47:46
  you
• 47:46
  know,
• 47:46
  sometimes
• 47:47
  they,
• 47:47
  they
• 47:47
  don't
• 47:48
  follow
• 47:48
  the
• 47:48
  rules
• 47:48
  and
• 47:49
  then
• 47:50
  aren't
• 47:50
  as
• 47:50
  safe
• 47:51
  as
• 47:51
  they
• 47:51
  could
• 47:51
  be.
• 47:51
  And
• 47:52
  so
• 47:52
  for
• 47:52
  us
• 47:52
  too,
• 47:52
  we
• 47:53
  really
• 47:53
  want
• 47:53
  the
• 47:53
  young
• 47:53
  people
• 47:53
  to
• 47:54
  know
• 47:54
  that
• 47:54
  like,
• 47:54
  like
• 47:55
  it's.
• 47:55
  The
• 47:55
  alcohol
• 47:56
  policy
• 47:56
  is
• 47:57
  actually
• 47:57
  connected
• 47:58
  to
• 47:58
  sexual
• 47:58
  misconduct
• 47:59
  prevention,
• 47:59
  you
• 48:00
  know,
• 48:00
  because
• 48:00
  it's.
• 48:01
  Because
• 48:01
  overwhelmingly
• 48:03
  what
• 48:03
  we're
• 48:03
  seeing
• 48:03
  on
• 48:04
  a
• 48:04
  college
• 48:04
  campus
• 48:05
  is
• 48:05
  alcohol
• 48:06
  facilitated
• 48:06
  sexual
• 48:07
  assault.
• 48:08
  It
• 48:09
  makes
• 48:09
  sense.
• 48:09
  It's
• 48:09
  not
• 48:09
  the
• 48:10
  only
• 48:10
  way
• 48:10
  it
• 48:10
  can
• 48:10
  happen,
• 48:10
  for
• 48:11
  sure.
• 48:11
  You
• 48:11
  know,
• 48:11
  like
• 48:11
  nobody
• 48:12
  has
• 48:12
  to
• 48:12
  be
• 48:12
  drinking
• 48:13
  for
• 48:13
  sexual
• 48:13
  assault
• 48:13
  to
• 48:14
  happen.
• 48:14
  No,
• 48:14
  but
• 48:14
  like
• 48:14
  when
• 48:14
  you're
• 48:15
  impaired,
• 48:16
  yes,
• 48:16
  it's
• 48:17
  going
• 48:17
  to
• 48:17
  go
• 48:17
  up.
• 48:18
  The
• 48:18
  risk
• 48:19
  goes
• 48:19
  up
• 48:19
  of
• 48:19
  both
• 48:20
  being
• 48:20
  victimized
• 48:21
  and
• 48:21
  perpetrating,
• 48:22
  you
• 48:22
  know,
• 48:22
  because
• 48:23
  like
• 48:23
  if
• 48:23
  you
• 48:24
  consume
• 48:25
  and
• 48:25
  to
• 48:25
  the
• 48:25
  point
• 48:26
  of
• 48:26
  intoxication
• 48:26
  or
• 48:27
  certainly
• 48:27
  incapacitation,
• 48:29
  you
• 48:29
  are
• 48:29
  not
• 48:29
  going
• 48:30
  to
• 48:30
  be
• 48:30
  good
• 48:30
  at
• 48:30
  reading
• 48:31
  the
• 48:31
  other's
• 48:32
  behavior,
• 48:33
  you
• 48:33
  know.
• 48:33
  Yeah.
• 48:33
  You're
• 48:34
  not
• 48:34
  going
• 48:34
  to
• 48:34
  be
• 48:34
  good
• 48:35
  at
• 48:35
  knowing
• 48:35
  how
• 48:36
  much
• 48:36
  they've
• 48:36
  had
• 48:36
  to
• 48:36
  drink
• 48:37
  or
• 48:37
  assessing
• 48:37
  how
• 48:38
  intoxicated
• 48:38
  they
• 48:39
  are.
• 48:39
  Oh,
• 48:40
  so
• 48:40
  do
• 48:40
  you.
• 48:41
  Are
• 48:41
  you
• 48:41
  able
• 48:41
  to
• 48:41
  teach
• 48:42
  the
• 48:42
  young
• 48:43
  men
• 48:43
  how
• 48:44
  to
• 48:44
  assess
• 48:44
  that
• 48:44
  even
• 48:45
  if
• 48:45
  they're
• 48:45
  the
• 48:45
  ones
• 48:45
  drinking?
• 48:46
  Like,
• 48:47
  do
• 48:47
  they
• 48:47
  even
• 48:47
  worry
• 48:48
  about
• 48:48
  that?
• 48:48
  Good
• 48:48
  question.
• 48:50
  If
• 48:50
  you
• 48:50
  talk
• 48:51
  to,
• 48:51
  like,
• 48:51
  young
• 48:52
  men
• 48:52
  today,
• 48:53
  they
• 48:53
  will
• 48:53
  tell
• 48:53
  you
• 48:54
  that
• 48:54
  their
• 48:54
  fear
• 48:54
  of
• 48:55
  being
• 48:55
  accused
• 48:55
  of
• 48:55
  sexual
• 48:56
  assault
• 48:56
  is
• 48:56
  very,
• 48:57
  you
• 48:58
  know,
• 48:58
  like
• 48:58
  their,
• 48:59
  their
• 48:59
  fear
• 49:00
  of
• 49:00
  being
• 49:00
  accused.
• 49:01
  Being
• 49:02
  accused
• 49:02
  is
• 49:03
  not
• 49:03
  matching
• 49:03
  up
• 49:04
  with
• 49:04
  reality.
• 49:04
  Now
• 49:04
  I
• 49:05
  know
• 49:05
  that,
• 49:05
  like,
• 49:05
  they
• 49:05
  could
• 49:06
  be
• 49:06
  accused,
• 49:07
  they
• 49:07
  could
• 49:07
  commit
• 49:07
  sexual
• 49:08
  assault,
• 49:09
  but
• 49:09
  they're
• 49:10
  really,
• 49:10
  really
• 49:10
  worried
• 49:11
  about
• 49:11
  that.
• 49:12
  So
• 49:12
  I
• 49:13
  try
• 49:13
  to
• 49:13
  be
• 49:13
  like,
• 49:13
  then
• 49:13
  you
• 49:14
  really
• 49:14
  need
• 49:14
  to
• 49:14
  be
• 49:14
  clear
• 49:15
  about
• 49:15
  obtaining
• 49:15
  consent,
• 49:16
  you
• 49:16
  know,
• 49:16
  so
• 49:16
  like,
• 49:16
  how
• 49:16
  do
• 49:17
  I
• 49:17
  use
• 49:17
  that
• 49:18
  fear
• 49:18
  to
• 49:18
  reach
• 49:18
  them
• 49:19
  then?
• 49:19
  You
• 49:19
  know,
• 49:20
  Because
• 49:20
  I
• 49:20
  don't
• 49:20
  want
• 49:20
  them
• 49:20
  to
• 49:20
  be
• 49:21
  like,
• 49:21
  you
• 49:22
  just
• 49:22
  never
• 49:22
  know.
• 49:23
  And
• 49:23
  it's
• 49:23
  like
• 49:23
  the
• 49:24
  game
• 49:24
  of
• 49:24
  roulette.
• 49:24
  I
• 49:25
  want
• 49:25
  to
• 49:25
  be
• 49:25
  like,
• 49:25
  no,
• 49:26
  there
• 49:26
  are
• 49:26
  ways
• 49:26
  we
• 49:26
  can
• 49:27
  reduce
• 49:27
  the
• 49:27
  risk
• 49:28
  of
• 49:28
  you
• 49:28
  being
• 49:28
  accused,
• 49:29
  you
• 49:29
  know?
• 49:29
  Right.
• 49:30
  There's
• 49:31
  research
• 49:31
  on
• 49:31
  that
• 49:31
  and
• 49:32
  there
• 49:32
  is
• 49:32
  research
• 49:32
  that
• 49:33
  shows
• 49:34
  that
• 49:34
  men
• 49:35
  over.
• 49:35
  Back
• 49:35
  to
• 49:35
  assertiveness.
• 49:36
  The
• 49:36
  men
• 49:37
  overestimate
• 49:38
  women's
• 49:38
  sexual
• 49:39
  interest
• 49:39
  in
• 49:39
  them.
• 49:40
  Ah.
• 49:41
  And
• 49:41
  women
• 49:42
  say,
• 49:42
  oh,
• 49:42
  I
• 49:42
  was
• 49:43
  just
• 49:43
  being
• 49:43
  polite
• 49:43
  so
• 49:44
  that
• 49:44
  I
• 49:44
  don't
• 49:44
  get
• 49:44
  harassed
• 49:45
  best.
• 49:45
  Right.
• 49:46
  So
• 49:46
  we
• 49:46
  have
• 49:46
  like
• 49:46
  this,
• 49:47
  this
• 49:47
  disconnect
• 49:48
  happening.
• 49:48
  And
• 49:48
  this
• 49:48
  is
• 49:48
  for
• 49:49
  women
• 49:49
  and
• 49:49
  men
• 49:49
  of
• 49:50
  all
• 49:50
  ages.
• 49:50
  This
• 49:50
  is
• 49:50
  not
• 49:50
  just
• 49:51
  college
• 49:51
  students.
• 49:52
  Yeah.
• 49:53
  You
• 49:53
  know,
• 49:53
  that
• 49:53
  women
• 49:53
  think
• 49:54
  we're
• 49:54
  being
• 49:54
  polite
• 49:55
  so
• 49:55
  that
• 49:55
  we
• 49:55
  can
• 49:55
  navigate
• 49:55
  the
• 49:56
  world
• 49:56
  safely.
• 49:57
  And
• 49:57
  men
• 49:57
  are
• 49:57
  being
• 49:58
  like,
• 49:58
  she
• 49:58
  smiled
• 49:58
  at
• 49:58
  me.
• 49:59
  She
• 49:59
  must,
• 50:02
  you
• 50:03
  know,
• 50:03
  and
• 50:03
  so,
• 50:04
  and
• 50:04
  sometimes
• 50:05
  people
• 50:05
  get
• 50:05
  really
• 50:05
  annoyed,
• 50:06
  but
• 50:06
  it's
• 50:06
  not
• 50:06
  my
• 50:06
  research,
• 50:07
  you
• 50:07
  know,
• 50:07
  I
• 50:07
  mean,
• 50:07
  again.
• 50:07
  Right.
• 50:08
  You
• 50:08
  want
• 50:08
  the
• 50:08
  citations?
• 50:09
  I'm
• 50:09
  happy
• 50:10
  to
• 50:10
  share
• 50:10
  it.
• 50:10
  You
• 50:10
  know,
• 50:11
  there's
• 50:11
  plenty
• 50:11
  of
• 50:12
  studies
• 50:12
  on
• 50:12
  this.
• 50:14
  And
• 50:14
  so
• 50:16
  yes,
• 50:16
  the
• 50:17
  answer
• 50:17
  is
• 50:17
  yes,
• 50:17
  that
• 50:18
  we
• 50:18
  do
• 50:18
  talk
• 50:18
  to
• 50:18
  the
• 50:19
  young
• 50:19
  men.
• 50:19
  And
• 50:19
  they're
• 50:19
  like,
• 50:20
  okay.
• 50:21
  And
• 50:22
  I
• 50:22
  have
• 50:22
  really
• 50:23
  sincerely
• 50:23
  engaged
• 50:24
  young
• 50:25
  men
• 50:25
  who
• 50:25
  want
• 50:25
  to
• 50:26
  learn
• 50:26
  and
• 50:26
  who
• 50:26
  are
• 50:26
  worried
• 50:27
  about
• 50:27
  what
• 50:28
  goes
• 50:28
  on
• 50:28
  in
• 50:28
  their
• 50:28
  student
• 50:29
  organizations
• 50:30
  and
• 50:30
  who
• 50:30
  come.
• 50:30
  The
• 50:31
  world
• 50:31
  has
• 50:31
  changed
• 50:32
  because
• 50:32
  they
• 50:32
  don't
• 50:33
  just
• 50:33
  want
• 50:33
  to
• 50:33
  meet
• 50:33
  with
• 50:34
  like,
• 50:34
  me
• 50:34
  and
• 50:34
  my
• 50:34
  team
• 50:34
  because
• 50:35
  they
• 50:35
  have
• 50:35
  to.
• 50:35
  They.
• 50:36
  They
• 50:36
  want
• 50:36
  more
• 50:37
  of
• 50:37
  our
• 50:37
  time
• 50:37
  than
• 50:37
  like,
• 50:38
  you
• 50:38
  know,
• 50:38
  I'm
• 50:38
  like,
• 50:38
  I
• 50:38
  can't
• 50:38
  meet
• 50:39
  with
• 50:39
  you
• 50:39
  every
• 50:39
  week,
• 50:39
  you
• 50:39
  know,
• 50:40
  like,
• 50:40
  because
• 50:40
  they're,
• 50:41
  they're
• 50:41
  really,
• 50:42
  they
• 50:42
  really
• 50:42
  do
• 50:42
  care.
• 50:43
  They
• 50:44
  don't
• 50:44
  want
• 50:44
  to
• 50:44
  tolerate
• 50:45
  that
• 50:45
  kind
• 50:45
  of
• 50:46
  harm
• 50:47
  in
• 50:47
  their
• 50:47
  midst.
• 50:48
  But
• 50:48
  they
• 50:48
  don't
• 50:48
  always
• 50:49
  know
• 50:49
  what
• 50:49
  to
• 50:49
  do.
• 50:49
  They're
• 50:50
  young,
• 50:50
  you
• 50:50
  know,
• 50:50
  so
• 50:51
  it's.
• 50:51
  It.
• 50:52
  It's
• 50:52
  really
• 50:53
  fun
• 50:53
  to
• 50:53
  work
• 50:53
  with
• 50:53
  them
• 50:53
  because
• 50:54
  they,
• 50:54
  there
• 50:54
  is
• 50:55
  sincere
• 50:55
  interest
• 50:56
  and
• 50:57
  they're
• 50:57
  curious.
• 50:58
  And
• 50:58
  so
• 50:58
  we
• 50:58
  do
• 50:59
  teach
• 50:59
  them
• 51:00
  things
• 51:00
  to
• 51:00
  say,
• 51:01
  ways
• 51:01
  to
• 51:02
  not
• 51:02
  kill
• 51:02
  the
• 51:02
  vibe.
• 51:03
  You
• 51:03
  Know,
• 51:03
  because
• 51:03
  they,
• 51:04
  because
• 51:04
  they're
• 51:04
  like,
• 51:04
  well,
• 51:04
  I
• 51:05
  don't,
• 51:05
  you
• 51:05
  know,
• 51:05
  I
• 51:05
  don't
• 51:05
  want
• 51:06
  to.
• 51:06
  Do
• 51:06
  you
• 51:06
  consent?
• 51:07
  And
• 51:07
  then
• 51:07
  yeah,
• 51:08
  you
• 51:08
  know,
• 51:08
  like.
• 51:08
  Or
• 51:09
  they're
• 51:09
  like,
• 51:09
  we
• 51:09
  filmed
• 51:09
  video.
• 51:10
  And
• 51:10
  I'm
• 51:10
  like,
• 51:10
  oh
• 51:10
  yeah,
• 51:11
  not
• 51:11
  going
• 51:11
  to
• 51:11
  work,
• 51:11
  you
• 51:12
  know,
• 51:12
  for
• 51:12
  so
• 51:12
  many
• 51:12
  reasons.
• 51:13
  But,
• 51:15
  but
• 51:15
  like,
• 51:15
  I'm
• 51:16
  like,
• 51:16
  listen,
• 51:16
  nobody's
• 51:17
  going
• 51:17
  to
• 51:17
  be
• 51:17
  mad
• 51:18
  at
• 51:18
  you
• 51:18
  if
• 51:18
  you
• 51:18
  pause
• 51:19
  and
• 51:19
  say
• 51:19
  like,
• 51:20
  is
• 51:20
  this
• 51:20
  okay?
• 51:21
  Do
• 51:21
  you
• 51:22
  like
• 51:22
  this?
• 51:22
  Like,
• 51:23
  nobody's
• 51:23
  going
• 51:23
  to
• 51:23
  be
• 51:23
  mad
• 51:24
  the
• 51:24
  next
• 51:24
  day
• 51:25
  when
• 51:25
  they're
• 51:25
  talking
• 51:25
  about
• 51:25
  it
• 51:26
  to
• 51:26
  their
• 51:26
  friends.
• 51:26
  They're
• 51:27
  just
• 51:27
  going
• 51:27
  to
• 51:27
  say,
• 51:27
  you're
• 51:27
  considerate,
• 51:28
  you're
• 51:28
  going
• 51:28
  to
• 51:28
  get
• 51:29
  a
• 51:29
  good
• 51:29
  reputation.
• 51:29
  Actually,
• 51:30
  this
• 51:30
  is
• 51:30
  going
• 51:31
  fine.
• 51:31
  You
• 51:31
  know,
• 51:31
  this
• 51:32
  is
• 51:32
  going
• 51:32
  to
• 51:32
  be
• 51:32
  fine.
• 51:33
  So
• 51:34
  the
• 51:34
  laws,
• 51:34
  the
• 51:35
  policies
• 51:35
  often
• 51:36
  don't
• 51:36
  require
• 51:37
  a
• 51:37
  verbal
• 51:37
  yes.
• 51:38
  You
• 51:38
  know,
• 51:38
  like,
• 51:38
  like
• 51:39
  I'm
• 51:39
  100%
• 51:40
  fine
• 51:40
  if
• 51:40
  they
• 51:40
  get
• 51:40
  the
• 51:40
  verbal
• 51:41
  yes.
• 51:41
  I
• 51:41
  like
• 51:42
  words.
• 51:42
  Words
• 51:42
  are
• 51:42
  great
• 51:43
  words.
• 51:44
  But
• 51:45
  most
• 51:45
  of
• 51:45
  the
• 51:45
  policies
• 51:46
  are
• 51:46
  saying
• 51:46
  that
• 51:47
  consent
• 51:47
  can
• 51:47
  be
• 51:47
  conveyed
• 51:48
  through
• 51:48
  words
• 51:48
  and,
• 51:49
  or
• 51:49
  actions.
• 51:51
  But
• 51:51
  that's
• 51:52
  where
• 51:52
  students
• 51:53
  sometimes
• 51:53
  say
• 51:53
  it's
• 51:53
  gray
• 51:54
  area.
• 51:54
  And
• 51:54
  so
• 51:54
  we
• 51:55
  try
• 51:55
  to
• 51:55
  teach
• 51:55
  them
• 51:55
  like,
• 51:56
  look,
• 51:56
  if
• 51:56
  it
• 51:57
  feels
• 51:57
  gray
• 51:58
  area,
• 51:58
  you
• 51:58
  got
• 51:59
  to
• 51:59
  clarify
• 51:59
  though,
• 52:00
  you
• 52:00
  know,
• 52:00
  you
• 52:00
  don't
• 52:00
  get
• 52:00
  to
• 52:00
  just
• 52:01
  like
• 52:01
  keep
• 52:01
  going.
• 52:02
  Right.
• 52:02
  So
• 52:03
  a
• 52:03
  person
• 52:03
  shouldn't
• 52:03
  have
• 52:04
  to
• 52:04
  fight
• 52:04
  you
• 52:04
  off.
• 52:05
  You
• 52:05
  know,
• 52:06
  I
• 52:06
  think
• 52:06
  of
• 52:07
  what
• 52:07
  we
• 52:07
  were
• 52:07
  taught.
• 52:07
  We
• 52:07
  were
• 52:07
  taught
• 52:08
  to
• 52:08
  like
• 52:08
  me,
• 52:08
  the
• 52:08
  attacker
• 52:09
  in
• 52:09
  the
• 52:09
  groin
• 52:09
  and
• 52:09
  yell
• 52:10
  no.
• 52:11
  Or
• 52:12
  they
• 52:12
  thought
• 52:12
  we
• 52:12
  were
• 52:12
  going
• 52:12
  to
• 52:12
  like
• 52:13
  blow
• 52:14
  the
• 52:14
  rape
• 52:14
  whistle,
• 52:15
  you
• 52:15
  know.
• 52:15
  Right.
• 52:16
  These
• 52:17
  ideas
• 52:17
  that
• 52:18
  it's
• 52:19
  not
• 52:19
  really.
• 52:21
  Yeah,
• 52:21
  but
• 52:22
  it's
• 52:22
  not
• 52:22
  what
• 52:22
  most
• 52:22
  people
• 52:22
  do.
• 52:23
  Like
• 52:23
  I
• 52:23
  have
• 52:23
  never
• 52:24
  in
• 52:24
  20
• 52:24
  years
• 52:24
  had
• 52:25
  anyone
• 52:25
  be
• 52:25
  like,
• 52:25
  well,
• 52:25
  he
• 52:26
  tried
• 52:26
  to
• 52:26
  attack
• 52:26
  me
• 52:26
  and
• 52:27
  I
• 52:27
  blew
• 52:27
  my
• 52:27
  rape.
• 52:28
  Yeah.
• 52:28
  And,
• 52:29
  and,
• 52:30
  and
• 52:31
  the,
• 52:31
  if
• 52:31
  you
• 52:32
  have
• 52:32
  a
• 52:32
  whistle,
• 52:32
  blow
• 52:32
  the
• 52:32
  whistle
• 52:33
  in
• 52:33
  their
• 52:33
  face.
• 52:33
  I
• 52:33
  mean,
• 52:33
  again,
• 52:33
  I'm
• 52:34
  not
• 52:34
  against
• 52:34
  any
• 52:34
  of
• 52:35
  the
• 52:35
  tools,
• 52:35
  you
• 52:35
  know,
• 52:35
  like,
• 52:36
  try
• 52:36
  what
• 52:37
  can
• 52:37
  do
• 52:38
  to
• 52:38
  fight
• 52:39
  off
• 52:39
  the
• 52:39
  harm.
• 52:40
  But
• 52:40
  we
• 52:40
  can't
• 52:40
  rely
• 52:41
  upon
• 52:41
  that
• 52:41
  because
• 52:42
  then
• 52:42
  I'll
• 52:42
  have
• 52:42
  people
• 52:42
  who
• 52:43
  are
• 52:43
  like,
• 52:43
  I
• 52:43
  was
• 52:43
  digging
• 52:43
  through
• 52:43
  my
• 52:44
  bag
• 52:44
  and
• 52:44
  I
• 52:44
  couldn't
• 52:44
  find
• 52:44
  my
• 52:45
  whistle.
• 52:45
  You
• 52:45
  know,
• 52:46
  I
• 52:46
  mean
• 52:46
  like,
• 52:46
  this
• 52:46
  is
• 52:46
  not
• 52:47
  going
• 52:47
  to
• 52:47
  work.
• 52:47
  We've
• 52:47
  got
• 52:48
  to
• 52:48
  really
• 52:48
  deal
• 52:49
  with
• 52:49
  the
• 52:49
  moments
• 52:50
  that
• 52:50
  are
• 52:50
  these,
• 52:50
  like
• 52:50
  human
• 52:51
  to
• 52:51
  human
• 52:52
  interpersonal
• 52:53
  communication.
• 52:54
  And
• 52:55
  sometimes
• 52:55
  it's
• 52:55
  not
• 52:55
  going
• 52:56
  to
• 52:56
  work.
• 52:56
  I
• 52:56
  want
• 52:57
  to
• 52:57
  be
• 52:57
  clear,
• 52:57
  you
• 52:57
  know,
• 52:57
  it's
• 52:58
  like
• 52:58
  some
• 52:58
  people
• 52:58
  are
• 52:59
  just
• 52:59
  trying
• 52:59
  to
• 53:00
  harm
• 53:00
  you
• 53:00
  and
• 53:00
  cross
• 53:01
  your
• 53:01
  boundaries
• 53:01
  and
• 53:02
  all
• 53:02
  the
• 53:02
  different
• 53:03
  tactics.
• 53:03
  And
• 53:03
  no
• 53:04
  amount
• 53:04
  of
• 53:04
  assertiveness
• 53:05
  is
• 53:05
  going
• 53:05
  to
• 53:05
  be
• 53:05
  able
• 53:05
  to
• 53:06
  stop
• 53:06
  that.
• 53:06
  So
• 53:06
  we
• 53:07
  just
• 53:07
  want
• 53:07
  to
• 53:07
  be
• 53:07
  clear
• 53:07
  that
• 53:07
  we're
• 53:08
  not
• 53:09
  blaming
• 53:09
  anyone
• 53:09
  in
• 53:10
  any
• 53:10
  way
• 53:10
  for
• 53:10
  what
• 53:10
  they
• 53:11
  were
• 53:11
  or
• 53:12
  were
• 53:12
  not
• 53:12
  able
• 53:12
  to
• 53:12
  do.
• 53:13
  You
• 53:13
  know,
• 53:13
  some
• 53:14
  people
• 53:14
  freeze,
• 53:14
  some
• 53:15
  people
• 53:15
  find,
• 53:15
  some
• 53:15
  people
• 53:16
  fawn,
• 53:16
  which
• 53:17
  is
• 53:17
  actually.
• 53:17
  Or
• 53:18
  appease.
• 53:18
  That's.
• 53:19
  That's
• 53:19
  rational.
• 53:20
  That
• 53:21
  is
• 53:21
  you
• 53:21
  trying
• 53:21
  to
• 53:22
  minimize
• 53:22
  the
• 53:22
  harm
• 53:23
  in
• 53:23
  the
• 53:23
  moment.
• 53:23
  Get
• 53:24
  out,
• 53:24
  you
• 53:24
  know,
• 53:25
  fight,
• 53:25
  flight,
• 53:25
  freeze,
• 53:26
  or
• 53:26
  like
• 53:26
  a
• 53:26
  piece
• 53:27
  are
• 53:27
  things
• 53:27
  that
• 53:27
  we
• 53:27
  typically
• 53:28
  see
• 53:29
  as
• 53:29
  a.
• 53:30
  If
• 53:30
  you're
• 53:31
  being
• 53:31
  targeted,
• 53:31
  you
• 53:32
  know,
• 53:32
  or
• 53:32
  harmed
• 53:33
  as
• 53:33
  the,
• 53:33
  as
• 53:34
  the
• 53:34
  human
• 53:34
  reaction.
• 53:35
  So
• 53:36
  what
• 53:36
  about
• 53:36
  the
• 53:36
  situations
• 53:37
  where.
• 53:39
  Where
• 53:39
  the
• 53:39
  boy
• 53:39
  keeps,
• 53:40
  like,
• 53:40
  you
• 53:40
  know,
• 53:40
  trying.
• 53:41
  You're
• 53:41
  like,
• 53:41
  no,
• 53:42
  I
• 53:42
  don't
• 53:42
  want
• 53:42
  to.
• 53:42
  And
• 53:43
  they
• 53:43
  try
• 53:43
  again,
• 53:43
  no,
• 53:44
  I
• 53:44
  don't
• 53:44
  want
• 53:44
  to.
• 53:44
  So
• 53:44
  eventually
• 53:45
  you're
• 53:45
  like,
• 53:45
  fine,
• 53:46
  like,
• 53:46
  and
• 53:46
  you
• 53:46
  just
• 53:46
  cave
• 53:47
  in
• 53:47
  because,
• 53:47
  like,
• 53:48
  they're
• 53:48
  not
• 53:48
  going
• 53:48
  to
• 53:48
  leave
• 53:48
  you
• 53:48
  alone
• 53:49
  until
• 53:49
  you
• 53:49
  just
• 53:49
  say
• 53:49
  fine.
• 53:50
  So,
• 53:50
  like,
• 53:50
  is
• 53:51
  that
• 53:51
  considered
• 53:51
  consensual?
• 53:52
  Or
• 53:52
  like,
• 53:52
  what
• 53:53
  is
• 53:53
  that?
• 53:54
  The,
• 53:54
  the
• 53:54
  answer.
• 53:55
  The,
• 53:55
  you
• 53:55
  know,
• 53:56
  the,
• 53:56
  the
• 53:56
  legal
• 53:56
  answer,
• 53:57
  the
• 53:57
  lawyer
• 53:57
  answer
• 53:57
  is
• 53:58
  always,
• 53:58
  it
• 53:58
  depends.
• 53:58
  And
• 53:59
  so
• 53:59
  the
• 53:59
  answer
• 53:59
  is,
• 53:59
  it
• 54:00
  depends.
• 54:01
  We
• 54:01
  do,
• 54:02
  a
• 54:02
  lot
• 54:02
  of
• 54:03
  schools
• 54:03
  do
• 54:03
  address
• 54:04
  coercion,
• 54:04
  and
• 54:04
  so
• 54:05
  that
• 54:05
  repeat
• 54:05
  pressure
• 54:06
  or
• 54:06
  threats
• 54:07
  or
• 54:07
  intimidation
• 54:08
  is
• 54:08
  often
• 54:09
  called
• 54:09
  coercion
• 54:10
  in
• 54:10
  our
• 54:10
  policies.
• 54:11
  And
• 54:12
  so
• 54:12
  we
• 54:12
  do
• 54:13
  address
• 54:13
  that.
• 54:13
  We
• 54:13
  do
• 54:13
  teach
• 54:14
  about
• 54:14
  that.
• 54:15
  And
• 54:15
  I
• 54:16
  think
• 54:16
  societally
• 54:17
  we've
• 54:17
  made
• 54:17
  some
• 54:17
  progress
• 54:18
  on
• 54:18
  that.
• 54:19
  So
• 54:19
  I
• 54:19
  do
• 54:19
  tell
• 54:19
  them,
• 54:20
  like,
• 54:20
  if,
• 54:20
  if
• 54:20
  someone
• 54:21
  says
• 54:21
  no
• 54:22
  or
• 54:22
  seems
• 54:22
  ambivalent,
• 54:23
  you
• 54:23
  don't
• 54:23
  get
• 54:23
  to
• 54:24
  keep
• 54:24
  pressuring
• 54:24
  them.
• 54:25
  And
• 54:25
  that
• 54:25
  repeat
• 54:25
  pressure
• 54:26
  can
• 54:26
  amount
• 54:26
  to
• 54:26
  coercion,
• 54:27
  which,
• 54:27
  you
• 54:27
  know,
• 54:28
  at
• 54:28
  the
• 54:28
  institutions
• 54:29
  I've
• 54:29
  worked
• 54:29
  at
• 54:29
  in
• 54:29
  the
• 54:29
  past
• 54:30
  has
• 54:30
  also
• 54:30
  been
• 54:31
  considered
• 54:31
  a
• 54:31
  policy
• 54:32
  violation.
• 54:33
  So
• 54:33
  you
• 54:33
  shouldn't
• 54:34
  do
• 54:34
  that.
• 54:35
  But
• 54:35
  they're
• 54:36
  getting.
• 54:37
  Excuse
• 54:37
  me.
• 54:37
  Young
• 54:38
  people
• 54:38
  are
• 54:38
  often
• 54:38
  getting
• 54:39
  bad
• 54:39
  advice
• 54:40
  from
• 54:40
  TV
• 54:41
  and
• 54:41
  film
• 54:41
  or
• 54:43
  problematic
• 54:44
  people
• 54:44
  in
• 54:44
  their
• 54:44
  lives
• 54:45
  that,
• 54:45
  like,
• 54:45
  oh,
• 54:45
  if
• 54:46
  you
• 54:46
  just
• 54:46
  keep
• 54:46
  trying,
• 54:46
  eventually,
• 54:47
  you
• 54:47
  know,
• 54:47
  she'll
• 54:48
  cave.
• 54:48
  Like,
• 54:48
  you
• 54:49
  know.
• 54:49
  Right.
• 54:50
  They
• 54:51
  still
• 54:51
  tell
• 54:51
  us
• 54:52
  that
• 54:52
  they
• 54:52
  hear
• 54:53
  that
• 54:53
  from
• 54:53
  people.
• 54:54
  Yeah,
• 54:55
  but
• 54:55
  we
• 54:56
  tell
• 54:56
  them
• 54:56
  that
• 54:56
  that's
• 54:56
  not
• 54:57
  what
• 54:57
  consent
• 54:57
  looks
• 54:58
  like
• 54:58
  because,
• 54:58
  again,
• 54:59
  the
• 54:59
  people
• 54:59
  should
• 54:59
  want
• 55:00
  to
• 55:00
  be
• 55:00
  there.
• 55:01
  It
• 55:01
  should
• 55:01
  be
• 55:02
  happening
• 55:02
  at
• 55:02
  the
• 55:02
  same
• 55:03
  pace.
• 55:03
  It
• 55:03
  should
• 55:03
  be
• 55:04
  mutual.
• 55:04
  And
• 55:05
  you
• 55:05
  don't
• 55:05
  want
• 55:05
  to
• 55:05
  be
• 55:05
  in
• 55:06
  the
• 55:06
  gray
• 55:06
  area
• 55:06
  or
• 55:06
  you
• 55:07
  don't
• 55:07
  want
• 55:07
  to
• 55:07
  be
• 55:07
  defending
• 55:07
  this
• 55:08
  behavior
• 55:08
  afterwards.
• 55:09
  Right.
• 55:10
  That's
• 55:11
  not
• 55:11
  going
• 55:11
  to
• 55:11
  look
• 55:11
  good
• 55:12
  if
• 55:12
  they're.
• 55:12
  If
• 55:14
  what
• 55:14
  we
• 55:14
  agree
• 55:14
  on
• 55:14
  is
• 55:15
  that
• 55:15
  you
• 55:15
  did
• 55:15
  keep
• 55:16
  pressuring
• 55:16
  over
• 55:17
  and
• 55:17
  over.
• 55:17
  It'S
• 55:17
  probably
• 55:18
  safe
• 55:18
  to
• 55:18
  say,
• 55:18
  if
• 55:18
  you're.
• 55:19
  Not
• 55:19
  sure,
• 55:21
  I
• 55:21
  tell
• 55:21
  them
• 55:21
  to
• 55:21
  opt
• 55:21
  out.
• 55:22
  There's
• 55:22
  always
• 55:22
  tomorrow.
• 55:23
  There's
• 55:24
  things
• 55:24
  you
• 55:24
  can
• 55:25
  do,
• 55:25
  you
• 55:25
  know,
• 55:25
  that
• 55:26
  there
• 55:26
  will
• 55:26
  be
• 55:26
  somewhat.
• 55:27
  There'll
• 55:27
  be
• 55:27
  another
• 55:27
  opportunity
• 55:28
  in
• 55:28
  their
• 55:28
  future,
• 55:29
  you
• 55:29
  know.
• 55:30
  Yeah,
• 55:30
  just
• 55:31
  see
• 55:31
  yourself
• 55:31
  out
• 55:31
  if
• 55:32
  there's
• 55:32
  any
• 55:32
  sort
• 55:33
  of
• 55:33
  reluctance.
• 55:33
  But
• 55:33
  then
• 55:34
  I
• 55:34
  could
• 55:34
  see
• 55:34
  that
• 55:34
  that
• 55:34
  goes
• 55:35
  into,
• 55:35
  like,
• 55:36
  the
• 55:36
  real.
• 55:37
  The
• 55:37
  like,
• 55:37
  oh,
• 55:37
  I,
• 55:38
  I
• 55:38
  Didn't
• 55:38
  mean
• 55:38
  that.
• 55:38
  I'm
• 55:39
  sorry.
• 55:39
  Go
• 55:39
  ahead,
• 55:39
  continue.
• 55:40
  If,
• 55:40
  If.
• 55:41
  If
• 55:41
  the
• 55:42
  boys
• 55:42
  or
• 55:42
  men
• 55:43
  are
• 55:43
  being
• 55:43
  taught
• 55:44
  that,
• 55:44
  like,
• 55:44
  oh,
• 55:44
  if
• 55:45
  they
• 55:45
  say
• 55:46
  anything
• 55:47
  along
• 55:47
  the
• 55:47
  lines
• 55:47
  of,
• 55:48
  I
• 55:48
  don't.
• 55:48
  Not
• 55:49
  that,
• 55:49
  and
• 55:49
  then
• 55:49
  they're
• 55:50
  just
• 55:50
  like,
• 55:50
  okay,
• 55:50
  abort
• 55:50
  mission.
• 55:51
  Like,
• 55:52
  the
• 55:52
  girl
• 55:53
  likely
• 55:53
  will
• 55:53
  be
• 55:54
  like,
• 55:54
  oh,
• 55:56
  it's
• 55:56
  okay,
• 55:56
  it's
• 55:56
  okay.
• 55:57
  Go
• 55:57
  ahead.
• 55:58
  There
• 55:58
  is
• 55:58
  a
• 55:58
  lot
• 55:58
  of
• 55:59
  that.
• 55:59
  Yeah,
• 56:00
  there's
• 56:00
  a
• 56:00
  lot
• 56:00
  of
• 56:01
  that.
• 56:01
  And
• 56:02
  you
• 56:02
  know,
• 56:02
  in
• 56:02
  the,
• 56:02
  in
• 56:02
  the
• 56:03
  US
• 56:03
  we
• 56:03
  see
• 56:03
  that
• 56:04
  behavior
• 56:05
  of,
• 56:05
  like,
• 56:05
  making
• 56:05
  it
• 56:05
  okay
• 56:06
  and
• 56:06
  making
• 56:06
  people
• 56:06
  feel
• 56:06
  better
• 56:07
  and
• 56:07
  making
• 56:07
  the
• 56:07
  moment
• 56:08
  less
• 56:08
  awkward
• 56:08
  to
• 56:09
  be
• 56:09
  really
• 56:09
  gendered.
• 56:10
  But
• 56:10
  it's
• 56:10
  also
• 56:10
  like,
• 56:11
  we
• 56:12
  see
• 56:12
  it
• 56:12
  with.
• 56:12
  With
• 56:13
  international
• 56:14
  students
• 56:14
  too,
• 56:14
  about
• 56:14
  different
• 56:15
  cultures
• 56:16
  who
• 56:16
  engage
• 56:17
  with
• 56:17
  people
• 56:17
  very
• 56:18
  respectfully
• 56:18
  and
• 56:18
  civilly,
• 56:19
  which
• 56:19
  usually
• 56:20
  is
• 56:20
  a
• 56:20
  great
• 56:20
  thing.
• 56:21
  Yeah.
• 56:21
  But
• 56:21
  is
• 56:22
  this,
• 56:22
  like,
• 56:22
  making
• 56:23
  it
• 56:23
  okay?
• 56:23
  And
• 56:24
  that
• 56:24
  can
• 56:24
  be
• 56:24
  cover
• 56:25
  for
• 56:25
  people
• 56:25
  to
• 56:25
  get
• 56:26
  away
• 56:26
  with
• 56:26
  a
• 56:26
  lot
• 56:26
  of
• 56:26
  bad
• 56:27
  behavior.
• 56:28
  Right.
• 56:28
  Is
• 56:28
  if
• 56:29
  they
• 56:29
  then
• 56:29
  act
• 56:29
  like
• 56:29
  it's
• 56:30
  a
• 56:30
  joke
• 56:30
  or
• 56:30
  then
• 56:30
  act
• 56:31
  like.
• 56:31
  Because
• 56:31
  we
• 56:32
  do
• 56:32
  have.
• 56:32
  I
• 56:32
  do
• 56:32
  have,
• 56:33
  you
• 56:34
  know,
• 56:34
  stories
• 56:34
  where
• 56:34
  people
• 56:35
  are
• 56:35
  like,
• 56:35
  they
• 56:35
  stopped
• 56:36
  for
• 56:36
  a
• 56:36
  minute
• 56:36
  and
• 56:36
  they
• 56:37
  said
• 56:37
  they
• 56:37
  were
• 56:37
  sorry,
• 56:37
  but
• 56:38
  then
• 56:38
  they
• 56:38
  did
• 56:38
  it
• 56:38
  again,
• 56:39
  you
• 56:39
  know.
• 56:39
  Right.
• 56:40
  So
• 56:40
  then
• 56:40
  there's
• 56:40
  this
• 56:41
  back
• 56:41
  and
• 56:41
  and
• 56:41
  forth
• 56:42
  that
• 56:42
  is
• 56:43
  really.
• 56:43
  It's
• 56:43
  really
• 56:44
  confusing
• 56:44
  for
• 56:44
  person
• 56:45
  afterwards
• 56:45
  too,
• 56:46
  because
• 56:46
  they
• 56:46
  were
• 56:46
  like,
• 56:46
  well,
• 56:47
  they
• 56:47
  weren't
• 56:48
  rude
• 56:49
  the
• 56:49
  whole
• 56:49
  time,
• 56:49
  but
• 56:50
  then
• 56:50
  they
• 56:50
  assaulted
• 56:51
  me,
• 56:51
  you
• 56:51
  know,
• 56:51
  which,
• 56:51
  like,
• 56:52
  can
• 56:52
  be
• 56:53
  a
• 56:53
  perpetrator's
• 56:54
  technique
• 56:54
  actually
• 56:54
  to
• 56:55
  do
• 56:55
  it
• 56:55
  and
• 56:55
  get
• 56:55
  away
• 56:55
  with
• 56:56
  it,
• 56:57
  which
• 56:57
  gets
• 56:57
  us
• 56:58
  into
• 56:58
  a
• 56:58
  whole
• 56:58
  other
• 56:58
  conversation.
• 56:59
  But.
• 56:59
  But
• 56:59
  yes,
• 57:00
  you
• 57:00
  know,
• 57:00
  so,
• 57:00
  like,
• 57:01
  it's
• 57:01
  all
• 57:01
  fraught
• 57:02
  with
• 57:03
  risk.
• 57:04
  And
• 57:04
  so
• 57:04
  the
• 57:04
  more
• 57:05
  we
• 57:06
  can
• 57:06
  talk
• 57:06
  about
• 57:06
  them
• 57:07
  being
• 57:07
  really
• 57:07
  clear
• 57:07
  communicators,
• 57:08
  like
• 57:09
  wanting
• 57:09
  clear
• 57:09
  communication,
• 57:10
  but
• 57:10
  giving
• 57:11
  clear
• 57:11
  communication
• 57:12
  or
• 57:12
  asking
• 57:12
  for
• 57:12
  it,
• 57:13
  you
• 57:13
  know,
• 57:13
  can.
• 57:14
  Can
• 57:14
  make
• 57:14
  this
• 57:14
  much
• 57:15
  safer.
• 57:16
  But
• 57:16
  if
• 57:17
  it
• 57:17
  is
• 57:17
  enthusiastic
• 57:18
  and
• 57:18
  it's
• 57:18
  mutual,
• 57:18
  you
• 57:19
  know,
• 57:19
  then
• 57:19
  it's
• 57:19
  like,
• 57:20
  then
• 57:21
  it's
• 57:21
  that,
• 57:21
  like,
• 57:22
  again,
• 57:22
  that's
• 57:22
  a
• 57:22
  safer
• 57:23
  place
• 57:23
  to
• 57:23
  be.
• 57:23
  Right.
• 57:24
  Like
• 57:24
  the.
• 57:25
  Not
• 57:26
  legally
• 57:26
  required,
• 57:26
  but
• 57:27
  such
• 57:27
  a
• 57:27
  great
• 57:27
  sign.
• 57:28
  Right,
• 57:29
  Right.
• 57:30
  It
• 57:30
  really
• 57:30
  should
• 57:31
  be
• 57:31
  the
• 57:31
  goal.
• 57:32
  Yeah.
• 57:34
  Wow.
• 57:34
  So
• 57:35
  I
• 57:35
  was
• 57:35
  just
• 57:35
  kind
• 57:35
  of
• 57:36
  thinking
• 57:36
  about
• 57:36
  how
• 57:37
  you're
• 57:37
  talking
• 57:37
  because,
• 57:37
  like
• 57:37
  you
• 57:38
  said,
• 57:38
  this
• 57:38
  all
• 57:38
  circles
• 57:38
  back
• 57:38
  to
• 57:39
  assertiveness
• 57:41
  women.
• 57:41
  And
• 57:42
  like
• 57:42
  you
• 57:42
  said,
• 57:42
  Sam,
• 57:43
  you're
• 57:43
  saying
• 57:43
  a
• 57:43
  girl
• 57:43
  will
• 57:44
  sometimes
• 57:44
  want
• 57:44
  to
• 57:44
  make
• 57:45
  the
• 57:45
  person
• 57:45
  feel
• 57:45
  better.
• 57:45
  We're
• 57:45
  like,
• 57:46
  oh,
• 57:46
  well,
• 57:46
  it's
• 57:46
  okay.
• 57:46
  Sorry,
• 57:47
  I
• 57:47
  didn't
• 57:48
  really.
• 57:48
  You
• 57:48
  know.
• 57:49
  Yeah.
• 57:49
  And
• 57:49
  it's
• 57:50
  like,
• 57:50
  we
• 57:50
  do
• 57:51
  have
• 57:51
  kind
• 57:51
  of
• 57:51
  like,
• 57:52
  a
• 57:52
  lot
• 57:52
  of
• 57:53
  pressure
• 57:53
  on
• 57:53
  us,
• 57:54
  or
• 57:54
  at
• 57:54
  least
• 57:55
  even
• 57:55
  if
• 57:55
  it's
• 57:55
  just
• 57:55
  pressure
• 57:56
  we
• 57:56
  put
• 57:56
  on
• 57:56
  ourselves
• 57:57
  because
• 57:57
  of
• 57:57
  what
• 57:57
  we
• 57:57
  were
• 57:58
  taught
• 57:58
  growing
• 57:58
  up.
• 57:59
  But
• 57:59
  yeah,
• 57:59
  like,
• 57:59
  to
• 58:00
  make
• 58:00
  the
• 58:00
  people
• 58:00
  around
• 58:00
  us
• 58:01
  feel
• 58:01
  Comfortable.
• 58:02
  So
• 58:02
  what
• 58:03
  can
• 58:03
  you
• 58:03
  say
• 58:03
  about
• 58:04
  assertiveness
• 58:05
  and
• 58:05
  how
• 58:06
  assertive?
• 58:07
  Well,
• 58:08
  you
• 58:08
  already
• 58:08
  kind
• 58:08
  of
• 58:08
  did
• 58:09
  talk
• 58:09
  about
• 58:09
  assertive
• 58:09
  is
• 58:10
  different
• 58:10
  than
• 58:10
  aggressive.
• 58:11
  Yeah.
• 58:12
  And
• 58:12
  I
• 58:12
  just
• 58:12
  want
• 58:12
  to,
• 58:13
  like,
• 58:13
  kind.
• 58:13
  Of
• 58:13
  go
• 58:13
  back
• 58:14
  to
• 58:14
  that.
• 58:14
  I
• 58:14
  just
• 58:14
  think
• 58:15
  it's
• 58:15
  really
• 58:15
  interesting.
• 58:16
  I
• 58:16
  don't
• 58:16
  know
• 58:16
  if
• 58:17
  you
• 58:17
  had
• 58:17
  any
• 58:17
  more.
• 58:18
  Yeah,
• 58:19
  I.
• 58:19
  I
• 58:19
  mean,
• 58:19
  I
• 58:19
  think
• 58:20
  I.
• 58:20
  I
• 58:20
  think
• 58:20
  if
• 58:21
  we
• 58:22
  transition
• 58:23
  a
• 58:23
  little
• 58:23
  bit
• 58:23
  from
• 58:23
  what
• 58:23
  we
• 58:23
  were
• 58:23
  talking
• 58:24
  about,
• 58:24
  I
• 58:24
  think
• 58:24
  if
• 58:24
  someone's
• 58:24
  trying
• 58:25
  to
• 58:25
  cross
• 58:25
  your
• 58:25
  boundaries,
• 58:26
  you
• 58:26
  can
• 58:26
  aggressively
• 58:27
  defend
• 58:27
  your
• 58:27
  boundaries,
• 58:28
  you
• 58:28
  know,
• 58:29
  Like,
• 58:29
  I.
• 58:29
  You
• 58:29
  don't
• 58:30
  have
• 58:30
  to
• 58:30
  be
• 58:30
  pleasant
• 58:30
  about
• 58:31
  that.
• 58:31
  Right.
• 58:32
  Um,
• 58:32
  but
• 58:33
  just
• 58:33
  to
• 58:33
  be
• 58:33
  clear,
• 58:34
  aggressive.
• 58:34
  We're
• 58:34
  saying
• 58:35
  don't
• 58:35
  touch
• 58:36
  me.
• 58:36
  Right.
• 58:36
  Or
• 58:37
  are
• 58:37
  we,
• 58:37
  like,
• 58:37
  there
• 58:37
  might
• 58:38
  be.
• 58:38
  A
• 58:38
  moment
• 58:38
  where
• 58:38
  that
• 58:39
  is
• 58:39
  a
• 58:39
  totally
• 58:39
  valid
• 58:40
  response,
• 58:40
  you
• 58:41
  know?
• 58:41
  Oh,
• 58:42
  right.
• 58:42
  Okay.
• 58:43
  But
• 58:43
  in
• 58:43
  the
• 58:44
  workplace,
• 58:44
  you
• 58:45
  know,
• 58:45
  in
• 58:45
  a
• 58:45
  meeting,
• 58:46
  like,
• 58:46
  if
• 58:46
  you
• 58:46
  come
• 58:46
  up
• 58:47
  with
• 58:47
  that
• 58:47
  kind
• 58:47
  of
• 58:47
  intensity,
• 58:48
  that's
• 58:48
  going
• 58:49
  to
• 58:49
  be
• 58:49
  aggression.
• 58:49
  That's
• 58:50
  not
• 58:50
  going
• 58:50
  to
• 58:50
  serve
• 58:50
  you
• 58:50
  well,
• 58:51
  you
• 58:51
  know,
• 58:52
  and.
• 58:52
  Or
• 58:52
  if
• 58:53
  you're
• 58:53
  like
• 58:54
  the.
• 58:54
  If
• 58:54
  you're
• 58:54
  navigating
• 58:55
  sexual
• 58:56
  harassment
• 58:56
  across
• 58:57
  a
• 58:57
  power
• 58:57
  differential,
• 58:58
  you
• 58:58
  know,
• 58:59
  I.
• 59:00
  Again,
• 59:00
  I'll
• 59:00
  totally
• 59:01
  defend
• 59:01
  your
• 59:01
  right
• 59:02
  to
• 59:02
  be
• 59:02
  safe
• 59:03
  and
• 59:03
  free
• 59:03
  from
• 59:03
  that,
• 59:04
  but
• 59:04
  a
• 59:04
  lot
• 59:04
  of
• 59:05
  people
• 59:05
  won't
• 59:06
  feel
• 59:06
  able
• 59:07
  to
• 59:07
  summon
• 59:08
  that
• 59:08
  kind
• 59:08
  of.
• 59:09
  Of
• 59:09
  like,
• 59:09
  firm
• 59:10
  response,
• 59:11
  nor
• 59:11
  should
• 59:11
  you
• 59:11
  have
• 59:12
  to,
• 59:12
  you
• 59:12
  know.
• 59:12
  Okay.
• 59:13
  And
• 59:14
  so
• 59:15
  there
• 59:15
  might
• 59:15
  be
• 59:16
  times
• 59:16
  when
• 59:18
  aggressive
• 59:18
  behavior
• 59:20
  can
• 59:20
  match
• 59:20
  the
• 59:20
  aggressive
• 59:21
  behavior,
• 59:21
  you
• 59:21
  know,
• 59:22
  like,
• 59:22
  I
• 59:22
  think
• 59:22
  like
• 59:22
  a
• 59:22
  boundary
• 59:23
  violation,
• 59:24
  that
• 59:24
  a
• 59:25
  sexual
• 59:25
  assault
• 59:25
  is
• 59:25
  aggressive
• 59:26
  behavior,
• 59:26
  you
• 59:27
  know,
• 59:27
  and
• 59:28
  you
• 59:28
  don't
• 59:28
  have
• 59:28
  to
• 59:29
  be
• 59:29
  polite
• 59:29
  in
• 59:29
  the
• 59:29
  face
• 59:29
  of
• 59:30
  that,
• 59:30
  but
• 59:32
  because
• 59:32
  we've
• 59:33
  tolerated
• 59:34
  differences
• 59:34
  in
• 59:35
  behavior.
• 59:35
  So,
• 59:36
  you
• 59:36
  know,
• 59:37
  parents,
• 59:37
  like,
• 59:37
  parents
• 59:38
  really
• 59:38
  have
• 59:38
  a
• 59:38
  role
• 59:38
  here.
• 59:39
  If
• 59:39
  you
• 59:39
  expect
• 59:40
  your
• 59:40
  daughters
• 59:40
  to
• 59:40
  be
• 59:41
  better
• 59:41
  behaved
• 59:41
  than
• 59:41
  your
• 59:41
  sons,
• 59:42
  you're
• 59:43
  contributing
• 59:43
  to
• 59:43
  the
• 59:44
  problem
• 59:44
  here.
• 59:44
  Yeah.
• 59:45
  So
• 59:45
  if
• 59:46
  you
• 59:46
  are
• 59:46
  like,
• 59:46
  boys
• 59:47
  will
• 59:47
  be
• 59:47
  boys,
• 59:47
  and
• 59:48
  boys
• 59:48
  are
• 59:48
  allowed
• 59:48
  to
• 59:48
  be
• 59:48
  physical
• 59:49
  and
• 59:49
  loud
• 59:50
  and
• 59:50
  rambunctious
• 59:51
  and
• 59:51
  take
• 59:51
  a
• 59:51
  up
• 59:51
  space,
• 59:52
  and
• 59:52
  the.
• 59:53
  The
• 59:53
  girls
• 59:53
  in
• 59:53
  your
• 59:53
  life
• 59:54
  are
• 59:54
  not
• 59:54
  allowed
• 59:54
  to
• 59:54
  do
• 59:54
  that.
• 59:55
  That's
• 59:56
  the
• 59:56
  breeding
• 59:56
  ground
• 59:57
  for
• 59:57
  a
• 59:57
  whole
• 59:57
  host
• 59:57
  of
• 59:58
  bad
• 59:58
  behaviors
• 59:59
  here
• 59:59
  and
• 1:00:00
  socialization
• 1:00:01
  to.
• 1:00:01
  For
• 1:00:02
  women
• 1:00:02
  to
• 1:00:02
  be
• 1:00:02
  pleasant
• 1:00:03
  and
• 1:00:03
  not
• 1:00:03
  assert
• 1:00:03
  their
• 1:00:04
  boundaries.
• 1:00:04
  Yeah.
• 1:00:05
  So
• 1:00:05
  I
• 1:00:06
  have
• 1:00:06
  a
• 1:00:06
  chapter
• 1:00:06
  in
• 1:00:06
  my
• 1:00:06
  book,
• 1:00:07
  but
• 1:00:07
  I'm
• 1:00:07
  a
• 1:00:07
  believer
• 1:00:08
  that,
• 1:00:08
  like,
• 1:00:08
  we
• 1:00:09
  should
• 1:00:09
  raise
• 1:00:09
  angry
• 1:00:09
  girls.
• 1:00:11
  We
• 1:00:11
  should
• 1:00:11
  allow
• 1:00:12
  women
• 1:00:12
  and
• 1:00:12
  girls
• 1:00:13
  to
• 1:00:13
  be
• 1:00:13
  angry.
• 1:00:13
  And
• 1:00:14
  actually,
• 1:00:14
  people
• 1:00:14
  are
• 1:00:14
  much
• 1:00:15
  more
• 1:00:15
  comfortable
• 1:00:15
  talking
• 1:00:16
  about
• 1:00:16
  their
• 1:00:16
  daughters.
• 1:00:17
  Hypothetical
• 1:00:17
  or
• 1:00:17
  hypothetical
• 1:00:18
  daughters
• 1:00:18
  or
• 1:00:18
  real
• 1:00:19
  daughters.
• 1:00:19
  If
• 1:00:19
  I
• 1:00:19
  say,
• 1:00:19
  like,
• 1:00:20
  like,
• 1:00:20
  let
• 1:00:20
  them
• 1:00:20
  be
• 1:00:20
  angry,
• 1:00:21
  a
• 1:00:21
  lot
• 1:00:21
  of
• 1:00:21
  women
• 1:00:21
  are
• 1:00:22
  like,
• 1:00:22
  yeah.
• 1:00:23
  And
• 1:00:23
  then
• 1:00:23
  I'm
• 1:00:23
  like,
• 1:00:24
  you
• 1:00:24
  too,
• 1:00:24
  can
• 1:00:25
  be
• 1:00:25
  angry
• 1:00:26
  them
• 1:00:27
  to
• 1:00:27
  each
• 1:00:27
  other.
• 1:00:27
  They're
• 1:00:27
  like,
• 1:00:28
  yes,
• 1:00:28
  I
• 1:00:28
  am
• 1:00:29
  angry,
• 1:00:29
  but
• 1:00:29
  they
• 1:00:29
  don't
• 1:00:29
  feel
• 1:00:30
  like
• 1:00:30
  this
• 1:00:30
  need
• 1:00:30
  to.
• 1:00:31
  They
• 1:00:32
  don't
• 1:00:32
  Feel
• 1:00:32
  as
• 1:00:32
  validated
• 1:00:33
  in
• 1:00:33
  expressing
• 1:00:34
  their
• 1:00:34
  anger.
• 1:00:35
  And
• 1:00:36
  I
• 1:00:37
  don't
• 1:00:37
  want
• 1:00:37
  you
• 1:00:37
  to
• 1:00:37
  be
• 1:00:37
  angry
• 1:00:38
  in
• 1:00:38
  a
• 1:00:38
  way
• 1:00:38
  that's
• 1:00:38
  like
• 1:00:39
  bitter
• 1:00:39
  and
• 1:00:39
  ruining
• 1:00:40
  your
• 1:00:40
  life.
• 1:00:40
  But
• 1:00:40
  I
• 1:00:40
  do
• 1:00:41
  guess
• 1:00:41
  that's.
• 1:00:42
  Yeah.
• 1:00:42
  Because
• 1:00:42
  that's
• 1:00:42
  kind
• 1:00:43
  of
• 1:00:43
  angry
• 1:00:44
  about.
• 1:00:44
  That's.
• 1:00:45
  Yeah,
• 1:00:45
  I
• 1:00:45
  agree.
• 1:00:46
  I
• 1:00:46
  think
• 1:00:46
  that's
• 1:00:46
  kind
• 1:00:47
  of
• 1:00:47
  like
• 1:00:47
  you
• 1:00:48
  as
• 1:00:48
  you've
• 1:00:48
  been
• 1:00:48
  talking,
• 1:00:49
  because
• 1:00:49
  I
• 1:00:49
  don't
• 1:00:49
  think
• 1:00:49
  I
• 1:00:50
  really
• 1:00:50
  gave
• 1:00:50
  you
• 1:00:50
  a
• 1:00:50
  real
• 1:00:51
  question
• 1:00:51
  earlier.
• 1:00:52
  Earlier,
• 1:00:52
  but
• 1:00:52
  it
• 1:00:52
  kind
• 1:00:52
  of
• 1:00:52
  started
• 1:00:53
  forming.
• 1:00:53
  It's
• 1:00:53
  like,
• 1:00:54
  how
• 1:00:54
  do
• 1:00:54
  you,
• 1:00:55
  when
• 1:00:55
  you're
• 1:00:55
  in
• 1:00:55
  a
• 1:00:55
  situation
• 1:00:56
  where
• 1:00:57
  you're
• 1:00:57
  like,
• 1:00:57
  hey,
• 1:00:57
  I
• 1:00:57
  need
• 1:00:58
  you
• 1:00:58
  to
• 1:00:58
  back
• 1:00:58
  off,
• 1:00:58
  but
• 1:00:58
  you
• 1:00:59
  don't.
• 1:00:59
  So
• 1:00:59
  you
• 1:00:59
  don't
• 1:01:00
  want
• 1:01:00
  to
• 1:01:00
  hurt
• 1:01:00
  their
• 1:01:00
  feelings
• 1:01:00
  either.
• 1:01:01
  How
• 1:01:01
  do
• 1:01:01
  you
• 1:01:01
  come
• 1:01:01
  back
• 1:01:01
  and
• 1:01:02
  say,
• 1:01:02
  hey,
• 1:01:03
  wasn't
• 1:01:03
  trying
• 1:01:04
  to
• 1:01:04
  hurt
• 1:01:04
  your
• 1:01:04
  feelings.
• 1:01:04
  I
• 1:01:05
  just
• 1:01:05
  wanted
• 1:01:05
  to
• 1:01:05
  establish
• 1:01:06
  like
• 1:01:06
  these
• 1:01:07
  boundaries.
• 1:01:07
  Yeah.
• 1:01:08
  Without
• 1:01:09
  looking
• 1:01:09
  like
• 1:01:09
  you're
• 1:01:09
  trying
• 1:01:09
  to
• 1:01:10
  flip
• 1:01:10
  flop.
• 1:01:10
  That's.
• 1:01:11
  I
• 1:01:11
  guess
• 1:01:11
  that's
• 1:01:11
  kind
• 1:01:11
  of
• 1:01:12
  where.
• 1:01:14
  It
• 1:01:14
  really
• 1:01:14
  depends
• 1:01:15
  on
• 1:01:16
  the
• 1:01:16
  relationship.
• 1:01:17
  Right.
• 1:01:17
  And
• 1:01:17
  if
• 1:01:17
  you
• 1:01:17
  want
• 1:01:17
  to
• 1:01:18
  do
• 1:01:18
  that
• 1:01:18
  repair
• 1:01:19
  or
• 1:01:19
  not,
• 1:01:19
  you
• 1:01:19
  know,
• 1:01:20
  Like,
• 1:01:21
  I,
• 1:01:21
  I
• 1:01:21
  do
• 1:01:22
  think
• 1:01:23
  for
• 1:01:23
  women
• 1:01:23
  in
• 1:01:23
  particular,
• 1:01:24
  you
• 1:01:24
  know,
• 1:01:26
  you
• 1:01:26
  are
• 1:01:27
  not
• 1:01:27
  causing
• 1:01:27
  the
• 1:01:27
  problem.
• 1:01:28
  Remember
• 1:01:29
  that.
• 1:01:29
  Right.
• 1:01:29
  And
• 1:01:30
  naming
• 1:01:30
  the
• 1:01:30
  pro.
• 1:01:31
  The
• 1:01:31
  person
• 1:01:31
  who
• 1:01:31
  names
• 1:01:32
  the
• 1:01:32
  problem
• 1:01:32
  is
• 1:01:33
  not
• 1:01:33
  actually
• 1:01:33
  causing
• 1:01:34
  the
• 1:01:34
  problem.
• 1:01:34
  Okay.
• 1:01:35
  And
• 1:01:35
  I
• 1:01:35
  think
• 1:01:36
  we
• 1:01:36
  forget
• 1:01:36
  that
• 1:01:36
  ourselves.
• 1:01:37
  And
• 1:01:37
  I
• 1:01:37
  think
• 1:01:37
  we
• 1:01:37
  forget
• 1:01:37
  that
• 1:01:37
  in
• 1:01:38
  the
• 1:01:38
  workplace,
• 1:01:38
  you
• 1:01:38
  know,
• 1:01:39
  because
• 1:01:39
  then
• 1:01:39
  it's
• 1:01:39
  like
• 1:01:39
  they
• 1:01:40
  think,
• 1:01:40
  oh,
• 1:01:41
  like
• 1:01:41
  who's
• 1:01:41
  stirring
• 1:01:41
  up
• 1:01:42
  trouble?
• 1:01:42
  And
• 1:01:42
  they
• 1:01:42
  think
• 1:01:43
  it's
• 1:01:43
  the
• 1:01:43
  reporting
• 1:01:43
  party.
• 1:01:44
  It's
• 1:01:44
  not
• 1:01:44
  the
• 1:01:45
  reporting
• 1:01:45
  party.
• 1:01:46
  The
• 1:01:46
  person
• 1:01:46
  who
• 1:01:47
  tells
• 1:01:47
  us
• 1:01:47
  about
• 1:01:48
  what's
• 1:01:48
  going
• 1:01:48
  on
• 1:01:49
  that
• 1:01:49
  should
• 1:01:49
  not
• 1:01:50
  be
• 1:01:50
  going
• 1:01:50
  on
• 1:01:51
  is
• 1:01:51
  not
• 1:01:51
  actually
• 1:01:52
  the
• 1:01:52
  problem.
• 1:01:52
  But
• 1:01:53
  we,
• 1:01:53
  we,
• 1:01:54
  we
• 1:01:54
  sit
• 1:01:54
  in
• 1:01:54
  this
• 1:01:55
  space
• 1:01:55
  of
• 1:01:55
  like,
• 1:01:56
  keep
• 1:01:56
  the
• 1:01:56
  peace,
• 1:01:57
  mind
• 1:01:57
  my
• 1:01:57
  own
• 1:01:57
  business,
• 1:01:58
  and
• 1:01:58
  then
• 1:01:58
  we
• 1:01:58
  get
• 1:01:59
  confused
• 1:01:59
  about
• 1:01:59
  who's
• 1:02:00
  actually
• 1:02:00
  causing
• 1:02:00
  the
• 1:02:00
  problem.
• 1:02:01
  The
• 1:02:02
  person
• 1:02:03
  violating
• 1:02:04
  the
• 1:02:04
  boundary,
• 1:02:05
  engaging
• 1:02:05
  in
• 1:02:06
  the
• 1:02:06
  bad
• 1:02:06
  behavior
• 1:02:07
  is
• 1:02:07
  the
• 1:02:07
  problem.
• 1:02:07
  And
• 1:02:08
  we
• 1:02:08
  got
• 1:02:08
  to
• 1:02:08
  keep
• 1:02:08
  our
• 1:02:08
  focus
• 1:02:09
  there.
• 1:02:09
  And
• 1:02:10
  then
• 1:02:10
  for
• 1:02:11
  you,
• 1:02:11
  you
• 1:02:11
  know,
• 1:02:12
  like,
• 1:02:12
  you
• 1:02:13
  have
• 1:02:13
  every
• 1:02:13
  right
• 1:02:13
  to
• 1:02:13
  protect
• 1:02:14
  your
• 1:02:14
  boundaries.
• 1:02:14
  You
• 1:02:15
  get
• 1:02:15
  these
• 1:02:15
  boundaries,
• 1:02:16
  they
• 1:02:16
  get
• 1:02:16
  those
• 1:02:16
  boundaries.
• 1:02:17
  They
• 1:02:17
  need
• 1:02:17
  to
• 1:02:18
  stay
• 1:02:18
  over
• 1:02:18
  there
• 1:02:19
  unless
• 1:02:19
  you
• 1:02:19
  invite
• 1:02:20
  them
• 1:02:20
  over
• 1:02:20
  here,
• 1:02:20
  you
• 1:02:21
  know,
• 1:02:21
  and.
• 1:02:21
  Right.
• 1:02:22
  But
• 1:02:22
  it,
• 1:02:23
  but
• 1:02:23
  it
• 1:02:23
  does.
• 1:02:23
  Like,
• 1:02:24
  the,
• 1:02:24
  the
• 1:02:25
  reason
• 1:02:25
  I
• 1:02:25
  get
• 1:02:25
  talk
• 1:02:26
  invitations
• 1:02:27
  on
• 1:02:27
  this
• 1:02:27
  is
• 1:02:28
  because
• 1:02:28
  we
• 1:02:28
  are
• 1:02:29
  so
• 1:02:29
  used
• 1:02:30
  to
• 1:02:30
  having
• 1:02:31
  very
• 1:02:31
  teeny,
• 1:02:32
  tiny,
• 1:02:32
  narrow
• 1:02:32
  boundaries,
• 1:02:33
  you
• 1:02:33
  know,
• 1:02:33
  that
• 1:02:34
  we're
• 1:02:34
  used
• 1:02:34
  to
• 1:02:34
  being
• 1:02:34
  violated.
• 1:02:35
  And
• 1:02:35
  so
• 1:02:35
  we
• 1:02:36
  do
• 1:02:36
  have
• 1:02:36
  to
• 1:02:36
  do
• 1:02:36
  the
• 1:02:36
  work
• 1:02:36
  of
• 1:02:37
  thinking
• 1:02:37
  like,
• 1:02:37
  oh,
• 1:02:38
  no,
• 1:02:38
  wait,
• 1:02:39
  I
• 1:02:39
  have
• 1:02:39
  a
• 1:02:39
  right
• 1:02:40
  to
• 1:02:40
  a
• 1:02:40
  egalitarian
• 1:02:41
  relationship,
• 1:02:42
  to
• 1:02:42
  a
• 1:02:42
  healthy
• 1:02:43
  relationship.
• 1:02:43
  I
• 1:02:44
  have
• 1:02:44
  the
• 1:02:44
  right
• 1:02:44
  to
• 1:02:45
  set
• 1:02:45
  some
• 1:02:46
  expectations
• 1:02:46
  for
• 1:02:47
  my
• 1:02:47
  mother
• 1:02:47
  in
• 1:02:47
  law
• 1:02:47
  about
• 1:02:48
  what
• 1:02:48
  she's
• 1:02:48
  allowed
• 1:02:49
  to
• 1:02:49
  do
• 1:02:49
  in
• 1:02:49
  my
• 1:02:50
  life
• 1:02:50
  or
• 1:02:50
  not,
• 1:02:50
  or
• 1:02:50
  come
• 1:02:51
  over
• 1:02:51
  or
• 1:02:51
  not,
• 1:02:51
  or
• 1:02:52
  expect
• 1:02:52
  from
• 1:02:52
  my
• 1:02:52
  husband
• 1:02:53
  or
• 1:02:53
  not.
• 1:02:53
  You
• 1:02:53
  know,
• 1:02:54
  but
• 1:02:54
  because
• 1:02:55
  we
• 1:02:55
  think
• 1:02:55
  we
• 1:02:55
  have
• 1:02:55
  to
• 1:02:55
  Be
• 1:02:55
  nice
• 1:02:56
  and
• 1:02:56
  pleasant.
• 1:02:56
  We
• 1:02:57
  let
• 1:02:57
  those
• 1:02:57
  boundary
• 1:02:58
  violations
• 1:02:58
  happen
• 1:02:59
  all
• 1:02:59
  the
• 1:02:59
  time,
• 1:03:00
  and
• 1:03:00
  then
• 1:03:01
  it
• 1:03:01
  can
• 1:03:01
  be
• 1:03:01
  done.
• 1:03:01
  But
• 1:03:02
  it's.
• 1:03:02
  It's
• 1:03:02
  tough
• 1:03:02
  to
• 1:03:02
  reassert
• 1:03:03
  them.
• 1:03:03
  It's.
• 1:03:04
  It's
• 1:03:04
  easier
• 1:03:05
  to
• 1:03:05
  build
• 1:03:05
  them
• 1:03:06
  initially
• 1:03:08
  or,
• 1:03:08
  you
• 1:03:09
  know,
• 1:03:09
  it's
• 1:03:09
  a.
• 1:03:09
  It's
• 1:03:09
  a
• 1:03:09
  teach
• 1:03:10
  people
• 1:03:10
  how
• 1:03:10
  you
• 1:03:10
  want
• 1:03:10
  to
• 1:03:10
  be
• 1:03:10
  treated
• 1:03:11
  type
• 1:03:11
  of
• 1:03:11
  approach.
• 1:03:12
  If
• 1:03:12
  you
• 1:03:12
  can
• 1:03:13
  do
• 1:03:13
  it
• 1:03:13
  on
• 1:03:13
  the
• 1:03:13
  front
• 1:03:13
  end,
• 1:03:14
  that's
• 1:03:14
  great.
• 1:03:16
  We
• 1:03:16
  can.
• 1:03:16
  We
• 1:03:16
  could
• 1:03:17
  try
• 1:03:17
  to
• 1:03:17
  do
• 1:03:17
  it
• 1:03:17
  in
• 1:03:17
  the
• 1:03:17
  middle
• 1:03:17
  of
• 1:03:18
  the
• 1:03:18
  relationship.
• 1:03:18
  You
• 1:03:18
  have
• 1:03:19
  every
• 1:03:19
  right
• 1:03:19
  to
• 1:03:19
  rebuild
• 1:03:19
  your
• 1:03:20
  relationship.
• 1:03:20
  You
• 1:03:20
  have
• 1:03:20
  a
• 1:03:21
  right
• 1:03:21
  to
• 1:03:21
  go
• 1:03:21
  to
• 1:03:21
  your
• 1:03:21
  romantic
• 1:03:22
  partner
• 1:03:22
  and
• 1:03:22
  say,
• 1:03:22
  I'm
• 1:03:23
  not
• 1:03:23
  getting
• 1:03:23
  what
• 1:03:23
  I
• 1:03:23
  need.
• 1:03:23
  You
• 1:03:24
  know,
• 1:03:24
  you
• 1:03:24
  have
• 1:03:24
  a
• 1:03:25
  right.
• 1:03:25
  Change
• 1:03:25
  my
• 1:03:25
  mind
• 1:03:26
  or
• 1:03:26
  change
• 1:03:26
  your
• 1:03:27
  mind.
• 1:03:27
  You
• 1:03:27
  do
• 1:03:27
  actually,
• 1:03:28
  you
• 1:03:28
  know,
• 1:03:28
  like,
• 1:03:29
  they
• 1:03:29
  might
• 1:03:29
  be
• 1:03:29
  caught
• 1:03:30
  off
• 1:03:30
  guard.
• 1:03:31
  They
• 1:03:31
  might
• 1:03:31
  not
• 1:03:31
  be
• 1:03:32
  happy
• 1:03:32
  to
• 1:03:32
  hear
• 1:03:32
  it.
• 1:03:32
  You
• 1:03:33
  know,
• 1:03:33
  the
• 1:03:34
  way
• 1:03:34
  things
• 1:03:34
  were,
• 1:03:34
  working
• 1:03:35
  for
• 1:03:35
  them
• 1:03:35
  might
• 1:03:35
  be
• 1:03:36
  appealing
• 1:03:36
  to
• 1:03:36
  them,
• 1:03:37
  but
• 1:03:37
  you
• 1:03:37
  do
• 1:03:38
  have
• 1:03:38
  the
• 1:03:38
  right
• 1:03:39
  to
• 1:03:40
  ask
• 1:03:40
  for
• 1:03:41
  something
• 1:03:41
  different.
• 1:03:42
  And
• 1:03:42
  so
• 1:03:43
  it.
• 1:03:44
  Your
• 1:03:44
  approach
• 1:03:45
  depends
• 1:03:45
  on
• 1:03:45
  how
• 1:03:45
  much
• 1:03:46
  repair
• 1:03:46
  or
• 1:03:47
  maintaining
• 1:03:48
  of
• 1:03:48
  the
• 1:03:48
  relationship
• 1:03:49
  you
• 1:03:49
  want
• 1:03:49
  to
• 1:03:49
  do.
• 1:03:50
  Okay,
• 1:03:51
  so,
• 1:03:51
  like,
• 1:03:52
  if.
• 1:03:53
  I
• 1:03:53
  mean,
• 1:03:53
  I
• 1:03:53
  was
• 1:03:53
  traveling,
• 1:03:55
  like
• 1:03:55
  business
• 1:03:55
  travel
• 1:03:56
  a
• 1:03:56
  few
• 1:03:56
  weeks
• 1:03:56
  ago
• 1:03:57
  and
• 1:03:57
  got
• 1:03:58
  in
• 1:03:58
  late
• 1:03:59
  and
• 1:03:59
  the
• 1:03:59
  hotel
• 1:04:00
  restaurant
• 1:04:00
  was
• 1:04:00
  still
• 1:04:00
  open
• 1:04:01
  and
• 1:04:01
  I
• 1:04:01
  hadn't
• 1:04:02
  eaten
• 1:04:02
  yet.
• 1:04:03
  And
• 1:04:03
  I
• 1:04:03
  mean,
• 1:04:04
  honestly,
• 1:04:06
  I
• 1:04:06
  even
• 1:04:06
  do
• 1:04:06
  the
• 1:04:06
  same
• 1:04:07
  as
• 1:04:07
  a
• 1:04:07
  individual.
• 1:04:08
  I
• 1:04:08
  was
• 1:04:08
  like,
• 1:04:10
  I.
• 1:04:10
  I
• 1:04:11
  almost
• 1:04:11
  never
• 1:04:11
  eat
• 1:04:11
  in
• 1:04:12
  the
• 1:04:12
  restaurant.
• 1:04:12
  I
• 1:04:12
  almost
• 1:04:12
  always
• 1:04:13
  take
• 1:04:13
  it
• 1:04:13
  back
• 1:04:13
  to
• 1:04:13
  the
• 1:04:14
  room.
• 1:04:14
  So
• 1:04:14
  I
• 1:04:14
  will
• 1:04:14
  be
• 1:04:14
  left
• 1:04:14
  alone,
• 1:04:15
  you
• 1:04:15
  know?
• 1:04:15
  That's
• 1:04:16
  right.
• 1:04:17
  There's
• 1:04:17
  times
• 1:04:17
  when
• 1:04:18
  you
• 1:04:18
  avoid
• 1:04:18
  just
• 1:04:19
  being
• 1:04:19
  out
• 1:04:19
  in
• 1:04:19
  public
• 1:04:20
  because
• 1:04:20
  you
• 1:04:20
  don't
• 1:04:20
  want
• 1:04:20
  to
• 1:04:21
  be
• 1:04:21
  approached
• 1:04:21
  or
• 1:04:22
  bothered
• 1:04:22
  and
• 1:04:22
  you
• 1:04:22
  don't
• 1:04:22
  want
• 1:04:22
  to.
• 1:04:22
  I
• 1:04:23
  don't
• 1:04:23
  want
• 1:04:23
  to
• 1:04:23
  deal
• 1:04:23
  with
• 1:04:23
  it.
• 1:04:24
  It.
• 1:04:24
  I
• 1:04:24
  know
• 1:04:24
  too
• 1:04:24
  much
• 1:04:25
  because
• 1:04:25
  of
• 1:04:25
  my.
• 1:04:25
  Life,
• 1:04:25
  work,
• 1:04:26
  you
• 1:04:26
  know
• 1:04:26
  what
• 1:04:26
  I
• 1:04:26
  mean?
• 1:04:26
  I
• 1:04:26
  was
• 1:04:26
  just
• 1:04:27
  like.
• 1:04:27
  But
• 1:04:28
  I
• 1:04:28
  was
• 1:04:28
  just
• 1:04:28
  tired
• 1:04:28
  and
• 1:04:29
  I
• 1:04:29
  was
• 1:04:29
  like,
• 1:04:29
  you
• 1:04:30
  thought
• 1:04:30
  it
• 1:04:30
  was
• 1:04:30
  fine.
• 1:04:30
  It
• 1:04:31
  wasn't
• 1:04:31
  very
• 1:04:31
  busy.
• 1:04:32
  I'll
• 1:04:32
  just
• 1:04:32
  sit,
• 1:04:32
  you
• 1:04:33
  know,
• 1:04:33
  and
• 1:04:33
  get
• 1:04:33
  something
• 1:04:33
  to
• 1:04:34
  eat
• 1:04:35
  and
• 1:04:35
  have
• 1:04:35
  a
• 1:04:36
  glass
• 1:04:36
  of
• 1:04:36
  wine
• 1:04:36
  at
• 1:04:36
  the
• 1:04:36
  end
• 1:04:36
  of
• 1:04:36
  a
• 1:04:37
  long
• 1:04:37
  day.
• 1:04:37
  And
• 1:04:37
  there's
• 1:04:38
  nothing
• 1:04:38
  wrong
• 1:04:38
  with
• 1:04:38
  this.
• 1:04:38
  This
• 1:04:39
  should
• 1:04:39
  be
• 1:04:39
  fine.
• 1:04:39
  And
• 1:04:40
  I
• 1:04:40
  eat
• 1:04:40
  my,
• 1:04:40
  you
• 1:04:41
  know,
• 1:04:41
  sandwich
• 1:04:41
  and
• 1:04:41
  I
• 1:04:42
  have
• 1:04:42
  my
• 1:04:42
  wine
• 1:04:42
  and
• 1:04:42
  I'm
• 1:04:43
  paying
• 1:04:43
  my
• 1:04:43
  check
• 1:04:44
  and
• 1:04:44
  I'm
• 1:04:44
  leaving,
• 1:04:45
  and
• 1:04:45
  all.
• 1:04:45
  All
• 1:04:45
  things
• 1:04:45
  seem
• 1:04:46
  fine,
• 1:04:46
  you
• 1:04:46
  know.
• 1:04:47
  And
• 1:04:47
  then
• 1:04:48
  right
• 1:04:48
  when
• 1:04:49
  I'm
• 1:04:49
  like,
• 1:04:49
  setting
• 1:04:49
  the
• 1:04:49
  check
• 1:04:49
  down,
• 1:04:50
  a
• 1:04:50
  man
• 1:04:50
  swoops
• 1:04:51
  in
• 1:04:51
  and
• 1:04:51
  sits
• 1:04:51
  next
• 1:04:51
  to
• 1:04:51
  me
• 1:04:52
  too
• 1:04:52
  close,
• 1:04:52
  pulls
• 1:04:53
  the
• 1:04:53
  chair
• 1:04:53
  and,
• 1:04:53
  you
• 1:04:53
  know,
• 1:04:53
  automatically
• 1:04:54
  is
• 1:04:54
  assuming
• 1:04:55
  he's
• 1:04:55
  ent
• 1:04:56
  to
• 1:04:56
  some
• 1:04:56
  of
• 1:04:56
  my
• 1:04:56
  space.
• 1:04:57
  And
• 1:04:57
  what
• 1:04:57
  I
• 1:04:57
  thought,
• 1:04:58
  even
• 1:04:58
  though
• 1:04:58
  I
• 1:04:58
  know
• 1:04:59
  better,
• 1:04:59
  even
• 1:04:59
  though
• 1:04:59
  I
• 1:04:59
  really,
• 1:05:00
  you
• 1:05:00
  know,
• 1:05:00
  is
• 1:05:01
  like,
• 1:05:01
  I
• 1:05:01
  knew
• 1:05:01
  better,
• 1:05:02
  I
• 1:05:02
  should
• 1:05:02
  have
• 1:05:02
  just,
• 1:05:02
  you
• 1:05:03
  know,
• 1:05:03
  taken
• 1:05:03
  this
• 1:05:03
  to
• 1:05:04
  my
• 1:05:04
  room
• 1:05:04
  as
• 1:05:04
  if
• 1:05:04
  it
• 1:05:04
  is
• 1:05:05
  somehow
• 1:05:05
  my
• 1:05:05
  fault.
• 1:05:05
  And
• 1:05:06
  none
• 1:05:06
  of
• 1:05:06
  this,
• 1:05:07
  none
• 1:05:07
  of
• 1:05:08
  not
• 1:05:08
  at
• 1:05:08
  all.
• 1:05:09
  You
• 1:05:09
  know,
• 1:05:09
  but
• 1:05:09
  he
• 1:05:10
  swoops
• 1:05:10
  in
• 1:05:10
  and
• 1:05:10
  he's
• 1:05:10
  fine.
• 1:05:11
  And
• 1:05:11
  again,
• 1:05:11
  I'm
• 1:05:11
  polite
• 1:05:12
  because
• 1:05:12
  I
• 1:05:12
  don't
• 1:05:12
  know,
• 1:05:13
  you
• 1:05:13
  know,
• 1:05:13
  because
• 1:05:13
  we're
• 1:05:14
  like.
• 1:05:14
  We
• 1:05:14
  give
• 1:05:14
  every
• 1:05:15
  individual
• 1:05:15
  the
• 1:05:15
  chance.
• 1:05:16
  Like,
• 1:05:16
  they're
• 1:05:16
  starting
• 1:05:16
  from
• 1:05:16
  scratch.
• 1:05:17
  Like,
• 1:05:17
  we
• 1:05:17
  don't
• 1:05:17
  know
• 1:05:17
  where
• 1:05:18
  this
• 1:05:18
  is
• 1:05:18
  going.
• 1:05:18
  Yeah,
• 1:05:19
  you
• 1:05:19
  don't
• 1:05:19
  know
• 1:05:20
  where
• 1:05:20
  this
• 1:05:20
  is
• 1:05:21
  going.
• 1:05:21
  This
• 1:05:21
  is
• 1:05:21
  going
• 1:05:22
  exactly
• 1:05:22
  where
• 1:05:22
  we
• 1:05:23
  all
• 1:05:23
  think.
• 1:05:23
  Think
• 1:05:23
  it's
• 1:05:23
  going.
• 1:05:24
  Yeah.
• 1:05:25
  And
• 1:05:25
  he's
• 1:05:25
  really
• 1:05:26
  pushy,
• 1:05:26
  and
• 1:05:26
  he's
• 1:05:26
  like.
• 1:05:27
  Motions
• 1:05:27
  to
• 1:05:27
  the
• 1:05:27
  bartender
• 1:05:28
  who
• 1:05:28
  already
• 1:05:29
  was
• 1:05:29
  pouring
• 1:05:29
  me,
• 1:05:29
  like,
• 1:05:30
  a.
• 1:05:30
  Another
• 1:05:31
  glass
• 1:05:31
  of
• 1:05:31
  wine
• 1:05:31
  that
• 1:05:32
  I
• 1:05:32
  didn't
• 1:05:32
  ask
• 1:05:32
  for,
• 1:05:33
  you
• 1:05:33
  know,
• 1:05:34
  because
• 1:05:34
  he'd
• 1:05:34
  ordered
• 1:05:35
  it
• 1:05:35
  over
• 1:05:35
  there
• 1:05:35
  before
• 1:05:35
  he
• 1:05:36
  came
• 1:05:36
  to
• 1:05:36
  sit
• 1:05:36
  down.
• 1:05:36
  And
• 1:05:37
  so
• 1:05:37
  it's
• 1:05:37
  just
• 1:05:37
  in
• 1:05:37
  front
• 1:05:38
  of
• 1:05:38
  me.
• 1:05:39
  And
• 1:05:39
  again,
• 1:05:39
  everything's
• 1:05:40
  fine
• 1:05:40
  till
• 1:05:40
  it's
• 1:05:41
  not,
• 1:05:41
  you
• 1:05:41
  know,
• 1:05:42
  and
• 1:05:42
  we
• 1:05:42
  don't
• 1:05:42
  want
• 1:05:42
  to
• 1:05:42
  overreact.
• 1:05:44
  And
• 1:05:44
  so
• 1:05:44
  I
• 1:05:44
  was
• 1:05:45
  like,
• 1:05:45
  what
• 1:05:45
  is
• 1:05:45
  this?
• 1:05:46
  And
• 1:05:46
  bartender
• 1:05:47
  is
• 1:05:47
  like,
• 1:05:47
  it's
• 1:05:47
  what
• 1:05:48
  you
• 1:05:48
  were
• 1:05:48
  having
• 1:05:48
  before.
• 1:05:49
  And,
• 1:05:50
  you
• 1:05:50
  know,
• 1:05:51
  I
• 1:05:51
  said,
• 1:05:51
  I
• 1:05:51
  didn't
• 1:05:51
  ask
• 1:05:51
  for
• 1:05:51
  this
• 1:05:52
  now.
• 1:05:52
  I
• 1:05:52
  mean,
• 1:05:52
  I
• 1:05:52
  do
• 1:05:52
  this
• 1:05:52
  for
• 1:05:52
  a
• 1:05:53
  living.
• 1:05:53
  So
• 1:05:53
  I'm
• 1:05:53
  like,
• 1:05:53
  real
• 1:05:53
  assertive.
• 1:05:54
  So,
• 1:05:54
  yeah,
• 1:05:55
  might
• 1:05:55
  be
• 1:05:55
  his
• 1:05:56
  mistake
• 1:05:56
  sitting
• 1:05:56
  next
• 1:05:56
  to
• 1:05:57
  me.
• 1:05:57
  Wrong
• 1:05:58
  girl,
• 1:05:58
  you
• 1:05:59
  know?
• 1:05:59
  But
• 1:06:00
  he's
• 1:06:00
  like,
• 1:06:00
  what
• 1:06:01
  are
• 1:06:01
  you.
• 1:06:01
  Where
• 1:06:01
  are
• 1:06:01
  you
• 1:06:01
  going?
• 1:06:01
  And
• 1:06:01
  I
• 1:06:02
  was
• 1:06:02
  like,
• 1:06:02
  I'm
• 1:06:02
  gonna
• 1:06:02
  go
• 1:06:02
  back
• 1:06:02
  to
• 1:06:02
  my
• 1:06:02
  room.
• 1:06:03
  And
• 1:06:03
  he's
• 1:06:03
  like,
• 1:06:03
  why?
• 1:06:03
  Why
• 1:06:04
  would
• 1:06:04
  you
• 1:06:04
  do
• 1:06:04
  that?
• 1:06:04
  You
• 1:06:05
  know?
• 1:06:05
  And
• 1:06:05
  I
• 1:06:05
  was
• 1:06:05
  like,
• 1:06:06
  a
• 1:06:06
  slate,
• 1:06:06
  and
• 1:06:06
  I've
• 1:06:07
  traveled
• 1:06:07
  all
• 1:06:07
  day,
• 1:06:08
  and
• 1:06:08
  why
• 1:06:08
  do.
• 1:06:08
  You
• 1:06:08
  have
• 1:06:09
  to
• 1:06:09
  explain?
• 1:06:10
  But
• 1:06:10
  we
• 1:06:10
  do
• 1:06:10
  explain,
• 1:06:11
  you
• 1:06:11
  know?
• 1:06:11
  And
• 1:06:11
  so
• 1:06:12
  then
• 1:06:12
  it's
• 1:06:12
  like,
• 1:06:12
  I
• 1:06:12
  can't
• 1:06:13
  just
• 1:06:13
  want
• 1:06:13
  to
• 1:06:13
  do
• 1:06:14
  with
• 1:06:14
  my.
• 1:06:15
  What
• 1:06:15
  I
• 1:06:15
  want
• 1:06:15
  to
• 1:06:16
  do.
• 1:06:16
  And
• 1:06:17
  he's
• 1:06:17
  kind
• 1:06:17
  of
• 1:06:17
  blocked
• 1:06:17
  me
• 1:06:18
  in.
• 1:06:18
  Right?
• 1:06:19
  Which
• 1:06:19
  is
• 1:06:20
  normal.
• 1:06:20
  Right?
• 1:06:21
  We're
• 1:06:21
  used
• 1:06:21
  to
• 1:06:22
  this
• 1:06:22
  in
• 1:06:22
  the
• 1:06:22
  setting.
• 1:06:23
  Except
• 1:06:23
  this
• 1:06:23
  is
• 1:06:23
  not.
• 1:06:24
  Like,
• 1:06:24
  this
• 1:06:24
  is
• 1:06:24
  not
• 1:06:25
  a
• 1:06:25
  bar
• 1:06:26
  that
• 1:06:26
  I
• 1:06:26
  chose
• 1:06:27
  to
• 1:06:27
  go
• 1:06:27
  out
• 1:06:27
  to,
• 1:06:28
  to
• 1:06:28
  socialize,
• 1:06:29
  to
• 1:06:29
  meet,
• 1:06:29
  you
• 1:06:29
  know,
• 1:06:30
  I
• 1:06:30
  mean,
• 1:06:30
  like,
• 1:06:30
  this
• 1:06:30
  is
• 1:06:31
  right
• 1:06:31
  Wednesday
• 1:06:32
  at
• 1:06:32
  like,
• 1:06:33
  9:30,
• 1:06:34
  you
• 1:06:34
  know,
• 1:06:34
  in
• 1:06:35
  a
• 1:06:35
  business
• 1:06:35
  travel
• 1:06:36
  situation.
• 1:06:37
  And
• 1:06:37
  he
• 1:06:38
  was
• 1:06:38
  just
• 1:06:38
  really,
• 1:06:38
  really
• 1:06:38
  pushy.
• 1:06:39
  And
• 1:06:39
  then
• 1:06:39
  he
• 1:06:39
  started
• 1:06:40
  touching
• 1:06:40
  me,
• 1:06:40
  you
• 1:06:40
  know,
• 1:06:41
  and
• 1:06:41
  then
• 1:06:41
  I
• 1:06:41
  moved
• 1:06:42
  his
• 1:06:42
  hand,
• 1:06:42
  and
• 1:06:42
  I
• 1:06:42
  was
• 1:06:42
  like,
• 1:06:43
  you
• 1:06:43
  can't.
• 1:06:43
  And
• 1:06:43
  then
• 1:06:44
  I.
• 1:06:44
  What?
• 1:06:44
  I
• 1:06:44
  was
• 1:06:44
  like,
• 1:06:44
  like,
• 1:06:44
  these
• 1:06:45
  are
• 1:06:45
  my
• 1:06:45
  boundaries.
• 1:06:46
  And
• 1:06:46
  deeper.
• 1:06:46
  Your
• 1:06:47
  boundaries,
• 1:06:47
  you
• 1:06:47
  know,
• 1:06:48
  and
• 1:06:48
  then
• 1:06:48
  he
• 1:06:48
  finally
• 1:06:49
  was
• 1:06:49
  like,
• 1:06:49
  what
• 1:06:49
  do
• 1:06:49
  you
• 1:06:49
  do
• 1:06:49
  for
• 1:06:49
  a
• 1:06:50
  living?
• 1:06:50
  And
• 1:06:50
  I
• 1:06:50
  was
• 1:06:50
  like,
• 1:06:50
  oh.
• 1:06:53
  You
• 1:06:53
  know,
• 1:06:53
  But
• 1:06:54
  I
• 1:06:54
  was
• 1:06:54
  just
• 1:06:54
  like,
• 1:06:55
  oh,
• 1:06:55
  my
• 1:06:55
  God.
• 1:06:55
  Like,
• 1:06:56
  I.
• 1:06:56
  You
• 1:06:56
  think
• 1:06:56
  you
• 1:06:57
  age
• 1:06:57
  out
• 1:06:57
  of
• 1:06:57
  it.
• 1:06:57
  You
• 1:06:58
  think
• 1:06:58
  it's.
• 1:06:58
  It's.
• 1:06:58
  You
• 1:06:59
  think
• 1:06:59
  you're
• 1:06:59
  fully
• 1:07:00
  prepared.
• 1:07:00
  But
• 1:07:00
  this
• 1:07:01
  went
• 1:07:01
  on.
• 1:07:01
  What
• 1:07:02
  I
• 1:07:02
  even.
• 1:07:02
  I,
• 1:07:03
  like,
• 1:07:03
  I,
• 1:07:03
  who
• 1:07:03
  know
• 1:07:04
  all
• 1:07:04
  of
• 1:07:04
  this,
• 1:07:04
  who
• 1:07:04
  practices
• 1:07:05
  all
• 1:07:05
  of
• 1:07:05
  this,
• 1:07:05
  let
• 1:07:06
  this
• 1:07:06
  go
• 1:07:06
  on
• 1:07:06
  far
• 1:07:06
  too
• 1:07:07
  long,
• 1:07:07
  you
• 1:07:07
  know,
• 1:07:08
  and
• 1:07:08
  then
• 1:07:09
  I
• 1:07:09
  excused
• 1:07:09
  myself
• 1:07:10
  to
• 1:07:10
  go
• 1:07:10
  to
• 1:07:10
  the
• 1:07:10
  restroom
• 1:07:10
  and
• 1:07:11
  I
• 1:07:11
  went
• 1:07:11
  to
• 1:07:11
  a
• 1:07:11
  different
• 1:07:11
  restroom
• 1:07:12
  because
• 1:07:12
  I
• 1:07:12
  was
• 1:07:12
  like,
• 1:07:12
  this
• 1:07:13
  man
• 1:07:13
  is
• 1:07:13
  going
• 1:07:13
  to
• 1:07:13
  follow
• 1:07:13
  me.
• 1:07:14
  You
• 1:07:14
  know,
• 1:07:14
  like
• 1:07:14
  you
• 1:07:14
  just
• 1:07:14
  got
• 1:07:15
  on,
• 1:07:15
  you
• 1:07:15
  know.
• 1:07:16
  You
• 1:07:17
  know,
• 1:07:17
  because
• 1:07:17
  I
• 1:07:17
  excuse
• 1:07:18
  myself.
• 1:07:18
  And
• 1:07:18
  so
• 1:07:18
  then
• 1:07:19
  I
• 1:07:19
  saw
• 1:07:19
  him
• 1:07:19
  try
• 1:07:20
  to
• 1:07:20
  go
• 1:07:20
  to
• 1:07:20
  the
• 1:07:20
  other
• 1:07:20
  one.
• 1:07:21
  And
• 1:07:21
  so
• 1:07:21
  I
• 1:07:22
  basically
• 1:07:22
  am
• 1:07:22
  hiding
• 1:07:23
  and
• 1:07:23
  waiting
• 1:07:24
  for
• 1:07:24
  him
• 1:07:24
  to
• 1:07:24
  go
• 1:07:24
  up
• 1:07:24
  the
• 1:07:24
  elevator
• 1:07:25
  so
• 1:07:25
  that
• 1:07:25
  I
• 1:07:25
  can
• 1:07:25
  then
• 1:07:26
  go
• 1:07:26
  to
• 1:07:26
  my
• 1:07:26
  room
• 1:07:26
  by
• 1:07:26
  myself,
• 1:07:27
  you
• 1:07:28
  know,
• 1:07:28
  And
• 1:07:28
  I
• 1:07:28
  was
• 1:07:28
  like,
• 1:07:29
  I
• 1:07:29
  mean,
• 1:07:29
  my
• 1:07:29
  God,
• 1:07:29
  I
• 1:07:29
  am
• 1:07:30
  47
• 1:07:30
  years
• 1:07:30
  old
• 1:07:31
  and
• 1:07:31
  you're
• 1:07:31
  still
• 1:07:31
  in
• 1:07:32
  that
• 1:07:32
  situation,
• 1:07:32
  equipped
• 1:07:33
  at
• 1:07:33
  asserting
• 1:07:34
  my
• 1:07:34
  boundaries
• 1:07:34
  and
• 1:07:34
  all
• 1:07:35
  of
• 1:07:35
  this
• 1:07:35
  stuff.
• 1:07:35
  And
• 1:07:35
  he
• 1:07:36
  was
• 1:07:36
  perfectly
• 1:07:36
  friendly
• 1:07:37
  until,
• 1:07:38
  you
• 1:07:38
  know,
• 1:07:38
  until
• 1:07:39
  it
• 1:07:39
  got
• 1:07:39
  pushy
• 1:07:40
  at
• 1:07:40
  the
• 1:07:40
  end
• 1:07:40
  and
• 1:07:40
  I
• 1:07:41
  had.
• 1:07:41
  And
• 1:07:41
  I
• 1:07:41
  said
• 1:07:41
  no
• 1:07:41
  know,
• 1:07:42
  several
• 1:07:42
  times.
• 1:07:43
  Now,
• 1:07:43
  I
• 1:07:43
  don't
• 1:07:43
  owe
• 1:07:44
  him
• 1:07:44
  that
• 1:07:44
  much
• 1:07:44
  politeness,
• 1:07:45
  right?
• 1:07:46
  Like
• 1:07:47
  I.
• 1:07:47
  My
• 1:07:48
  disinterest.
• 1:07:48
  I
• 1:07:48
  told
• 1:07:49
  him
• 1:07:49
  I
• 1:07:49
  was
• 1:07:49
  in
• 1:07:49
  a
• 1:07:49
  relationship,
• 1:07:50
  you
• 1:07:50
  know,
• 1:07:50
  I
• 1:07:50
  mean,
• 1:07:50
  it
• 1:07:50
  just
• 1:07:51
  kept
• 1:07:51
  going
• 1:07:51
  and
• 1:07:51
  going.
• 1:07:51
  And
• 1:07:52
  we
• 1:07:52
  think
• 1:07:53
  this
• 1:07:53
  is
• 1:07:53
  totally
• 1:07:53
  normal.
• 1:07:54
  This
• 1:07:54
  is
• 1:07:54
  like
• 1:07:54
  the.
• 1:07:55
  What
• 1:07:55
  the
• 1:07:55
  price
• 1:07:55
  of
• 1:07:55
  navigating
• 1:07:56
  the
• 1:07:56
  world
• 1:07:56
  in
• 1:07:57
  the,
• 1:07:57
  in
• 1:07:57
  a,
• 1:07:57
  you
• 1:07:58
  know,
• 1:07:58
  woman's
• 1:07:58
  body.
• 1:07:59
  Yeah,
• 1:07:59
  but.
• 1:08:00
  And
• 1:08:00
  I
• 1:08:00
  was
• 1:08:00
  fine
• 1:08:01
  and
• 1:08:01
  I
• 1:08:01
  was
• 1:08:01
  just
• 1:08:01
  navigating
• 1:08:01
  it.
• 1:08:02
  And
• 1:08:02
  then
• 1:08:02
  I
• 1:08:02
  get
• 1:08:02
  back
• 1:08:02
  to
• 1:08:02
  the
• 1:08:03
  room,
• 1:08:03
  then
• 1:08:03
  I'm
• 1:08:03
  like
• 1:08:03
  pissed,
• 1:08:04
  you
• 1:08:04
  know?
• 1:08:04
  Yes.
• 1:08:06
  Mad
• 1:08:06
  again,
• 1:08:08
  as
• 1:08:09
  you're
• 1:08:09
  hiding
• 1:08:09
  or
• 1:08:10
  were
• 1:08:10
  you
• 1:08:10
  like,
• 1:08:11
  just
• 1:08:11
  not
• 1:08:11
  at
• 1:08:11
  the
• 1:08:11
  point
• 1:08:11
  where
• 1:08:12
  you're
• 1:08:12
  like,
• 1:08:12
  what
• 1:08:12
  the.
• 1:08:12
  The.
• 1:08:13
  Yeah,
• 1:08:14
  yeah,
• 1:08:14
  I
• 1:08:14
  was
• 1:08:14
  really
• 1:08:14
  in
• 1:08:14
  that
• 1:08:15
  for.
• 1:08:15
  I
• 1:08:15
  was
• 1:08:15
  really
• 1:08:15
  annoyed,
• 1:08:16
  you
• 1:08:16
  know,
• 1:08:16
  because
• 1:08:17
  the
• 1:08:17
  bartender
• 1:08:17
  was
• 1:08:17
  like
• 1:08:18
  making.
• 1:08:18
  Was
• 1:08:18
  like,
• 1:08:18
  huh,
• 1:08:19
  you
• 1:08:19
  know,
• 1:08:19
  making
• 1:08:19
  sorry
• 1:08:20
  faces
• 1:08:20
  at
• 1:08:20
  me,
• 1:08:21
  you
• 1:08:21
  know,
• 1:08:22
  and
• 1:08:22
  didn't
• 1:08:23
  stop
• 1:08:23
  it.
• 1:08:23
  Well,
• 1:08:24
  the
• 1:08:24
  whole
• 1:08:24
  room
• 1:08:25
  was
• 1:08:25
  very
• 1:08:25
  clear
• 1:08:25
  that
• 1:08:25
  I
• 1:08:26
  was
• 1:08:26
  not
• 1:08:26
  interested.
• 1:08:26
  This,
• 1:08:27
  like,
• 1:08:27
  this
• 1:08:27
  took
• 1:08:27
  on
• 1:08:27
  a
• 1:08:28
  whole
• 1:08:28
  dynamic,
• 1:08:29
  turns
• 1:08:29
  out
• 1:08:30
  like
• 1:08:30
  a,
• 1:08:30
  A,
• 1:08:30
  a
• 1:08:31
  board
• 1:08:31
  game
• 1:08:31
  conference
• 1:08:32
  in
• 1:08:32
  town
• 1:08:32
  and
• 1:08:33
  there
• 1:08:33
  were
• 1:08:33
  a
• 1:08:34
  number
• 1:08:34
  of
• 1:08:34
  bystanders
• 1:08:35
  who
• 1:08:35
  did
• 1:08:35
  nothing
• 1:08:35
  also.
• 1:08:36
  So
• 1:08:36
  it's
• 1:08:36
  just
• 1:08:37
  me
• 1:08:37
  fending
• 1:08:37
  for
• 1:08:37
  myself.
• 1:08:38
  And
• 1:08:38
  I
• 1:08:38
  feel
• 1:08:38
  very
• 1:08:38
  equipped
• 1:08:39
  to
• 1:08:39
  do
• 1:08:39
  that,
• 1:08:40
  you
• 1:08:40
  know,
• 1:08:40
  Like,
• 1:08:41
  I
• 1:08:41
  know
• 1:08:41
  all
• 1:08:41
  the
• 1:08:41
  strategies.
• 1:08:42
  So
• 1:08:42
  I
• 1:08:42
  was
• 1:08:43
  just
• 1:08:43
  like,
• 1:08:43
  I
• 1:08:43
  guess
• 1:08:43
  I
• 1:08:44
  could
• 1:08:44
  ask.
• 1:08:44
  Oh,
• 1:08:44
  board
• 1:08:45
  gamer
• 1:08:45
  man.
• 1:08:46
  I've
• 1:08:46
  been
• 1:08:46
  to
• 1:08:46
  board
• 1:08:46
  gaming
• 1:08:47
  conferences
• 1:08:48
  because
• 1:08:48
  I
• 1:08:48
  have
• 1:08:48
  a
• 1:08:48
  board
• 1:08:48
  gamer.
• 1:08:50
  It
• 1:08:50
  was
• 1:08:50
  great,
• 1:08:50
  it
• 1:08:51
  was
• 1:08:51
  fascinating.
• 1:08:51
  But
• 1:08:51
  they
• 1:08:52
  were
• 1:08:52
  very
• 1:08:52
  busy
• 1:08:52
  and
• 1:08:53
  engrossed
• 1:08:53
  in
• 1:08:53
  their
• 1:08:53
  fame
• 1:08:54
  at
• 1:08:54
  a
• 1:08:54
  table,
• 1:08:54
  you
• 1:08:54
  know,
• 1:08:55
  over
• 1:08:55
  there.
• 1:08:55
  But
• 1:08:56
  there
• 1:08:56
  were
• 1:08:56
  things
• 1:08:56
  I
• 1:08:56
  could
• 1:08:56
  do.
• 1:08:57
  Like,
• 1:08:57
  I
• 1:08:57
  did
• 1:08:57
  feel
• 1:08:57
  safe
• 1:08:58
  enough
• 1:08:58
  to
• 1:08:58
  do
• 1:08:58
  that
• 1:08:59
  and
• 1:08:59
  I
• 1:08:59
  was
• 1:08:59
  kind
• 1:08:59
  of
• 1:08:59
  like
• 1:09:00
  rolling
• 1:09:00
  my
• 1:09:00
  eyes
• 1:09:01
  at
• 1:09:01
  the
• 1:09:01
  whole
• 1:09:01
  situation
• 1:09:02
  and
• 1:09:03
  debriefing
• 1:09:04
  it
• 1:09:04
  later
• 1:09:04
  in
• 1:09:04
  my,
• 1:09:05
  in
• 1:09:05
  my
• 1:09:05
  mind
• 1:09:06
  and
• 1:09:06
  when
• 1:09:06
  I
• 1:09:06
  was
• 1:09:06
  like,
• 1:09:06
  talking
• 1:09:06
  to
• 1:09:07
  a
• 1:09:07
  girlfriend.
• 1:09:08
  But
• 1:09:09
  that's
• 1:09:09
  why
• 1:09:09
  I
• 1:09:09
  was
• 1:09:09
  just
• 1:09:10
  like,
• 1:09:10
  oh
• 1:09:10
  my
• 1:09:10
  God,
• 1:09:10
  it's
• 1:09:11
  so
• 1:09:11
  routine.
• 1:09:12
  Yeah,
• 1:09:12
  it's
• 1:09:12
  so
• 1:09:13
  routine.
• 1:09:13
  It's
• 1:09:14
  so
• 1:09:14
  typical.
• 1:09:15
  And
• 1:09:15
  I'm
• 1:09:15
  sure
• 1:09:16
  this
• 1:09:16
  man
• 1:09:16
  thinks
• 1:09:16
  this
• 1:09:16
  Behavior
• 1:09:17
  was
• 1:09:17
  fine.
• 1:09:18
  Probably
• 1:09:18
  doesn't
• 1:09:18
  even
• 1:09:19
  remember.
• 1:09:19
  I
• 1:09:19
  think
• 1:09:19
  twice,
• 1:09:20
  and
• 1:09:20
  he
• 1:09:20
  probably
• 1:09:20
  doesn't
• 1:09:20
  remember.
• 1:09:21
  Yeah.
• 1:09:22
  Yeah.
• 1:09:23
  Well,
• 1:09:23
  I
• 1:09:23
  don't
• 1:09:23
  want
• 1:09:24
  to
• 1:09:24
  take
• 1:09:24
  any
• 1:09:24
  more
• 1:09:24
  of
• 1:09:24
  your
• 1:09:24
  time.
• 1:09:25
  And
• 1:09:25
  this
• 1:09:26
  has
• 1:09:26
  been
• 1:09:26
  a
• 1:09:27
  really
• 1:09:27
  great
• 1:09:27
  conversation
• 1:09:28
  that
• 1:09:28
  hopefully,
• 1:09:29
  you
• 1:09:30
  know,
• 1:09:30
  brings
• 1:09:30
  people
• 1:09:30
  to
• 1:09:31
  be
• 1:09:31
  like,
• 1:09:31
  oh,
• 1:09:31
  okay,
• 1:09:32
  well,
• 1:09:32
  let's
• 1:09:32
  just
• 1:09:32
  start
• 1:09:32
  speaking
• 1:09:33
  up
• 1:09:33
  and,
• 1:09:33
  like,
• 1:09:34
  making
• 1:09:34
  the
• 1:09:34
  room
• 1:09:34
  a
• 1:09:34
  little
• 1:09:35
  more
• 1:09:35
  uncomfortable.
• 1:09:36
  And
• 1:09:36
  I
• 1:09:36
  just
• 1:09:36
  want
• 1:09:36
  to
• 1:09:37
  share
• 1:09:38
  something
• 1:09:38
  that
• 1:09:38
  stood
• 1:09:39
  out
• 1:09:39
  with
• 1:09:39
  me,
• 1:09:39
  with
• 1:09:40
  the
• 1:09:40
  lady
• 1:09:40
  that
• 1:09:41
  I
• 1:09:41
  was
• 1:09:41
  talking
• 1:09:41
  to.
• 1:09:42
  She's
• 1:09:42
  older,
• 1:09:43
  and
• 1:09:44
  I'm
• 1:09:44
  someone
• 1:09:44
  who's
• 1:09:45
  always
• 1:09:45
  been
• 1:09:45
  timid
• 1:09:45
  and
• 1:09:46
  uncomfortable
• 1:09:47
  if
• 1:09:47
  someone's
• 1:09:48
  looking
• 1:09:48
  at
• 1:09:48
  me
• 1:09:48
  in
• 1:09:48
  general.
• 1:09:49
  So
• 1:09:49
  at
• 1:09:50
  first
• 1:09:50
  I'm
• 1:09:50
  thinking
• 1:09:50
  I'm
• 1:09:51
  timid
• 1:09:51
  that
• 1:09:51
  people
• 1:09:51
  are
• 1:09:51
  looking
• 1:09:52
  at
• 1:09:52
  me
• 1:09:52
  because
• 1:09:52
  I
• 1:09:52
  didn't
• 1:09:52
  like
• 1:09:52
  my
• 1:09:53
  body.
• 1:09:53
  Now
• 1:09:54
  that
• 1:09:54
  I
• 1:09:54
  had
• 1:09:54
  surgery
• 1:09:55
  and
• 1:09:55
  love
• 1:09:56
  my
• 1:09:56
  body.
• 1:09:56
  Then
• 1:09:56
  I
• 1:09:57
  was
• 1:09:57
  timid
• 1:09:57
  that,
• 1:09:57
  like,
• 1:09:58
  people
• 1:09:58
  are
• 1:09:58
  looking
• 1:09:58
  at
• 1:09:58
  it
• 1:09:59
  and,
• 1:09:59
  like.
• 1:09:59
  Like,
• 1:09:59
  sexualizing
• 1:10:00
  it
• 1:10:00
  to
• 1:10:00
  where,
• 1:10:00
  like,
• 1:10:00
  I
• 1:10:00
  was
• 1:10:01
  trying
• 1:10:01
  to
• 1:10:01
  stay
• 1:10:01
  covered
• 1:10:01
  up.
• 1:10:02
  And
• 1:10:03
  this
• 1:10:03
  elder
• 1:10:03
  lady
• 1:10:04
  who,
• 1:10:04
  too,
• 1:10:05
  has
• 1:10:05
  had
• 1:10:05
  surgery,
• 1:10:05
  and
• 1:10:06
  she's.
• 1:10:06
  She's
• 1:10:06
  very
• 1:10:07
  well
• 1:10:07
  spoken,
• 1:10:08
  very.
• 1:10:08
  Like,
• 1:10:08
  you
• 1:10:09
  respect
• 1:10:09
  her.
• 1:10:09
  When
• 1:10:09
  she
• 1:10:10
  walks
• 1:10:10
  into
• 1:10:10
  a
• 1:10:10
  room
• 1:10:11
  and
• 1:10:11
  she
• 1:10:11
  saw
• 1:10:11
  me,
• 1:10:12
  like,
• 1:10:12
  keep
• 1:10:13
  covering
• 1:10:13
  myself
• 1:10:14
  up
• 1:10:14
  and
• 1:10:14
  pulling
• 1:10:14
  my
• 1:10:14
  stuff
• 1:10:15
  up,
• 1:10:15
  and
• 1:10:15
  she
• 1:10:15
  was
• 1:10:15
  like.
• 1:10:16
  She
• 1:10:16
  pulled
• 1:10:16
  me
• 1:10:16
  aside,
• 1:10:17
  and
• 1:10:17
  she
• 1:10:17
  goes,
• 1:10:18
  why
• 1:10:18
  are
• 1:10:18
  you
• 1:10:18
  so
• 1:10:18
  fidgety?
• 1:10:19
  Are
• 1:10:19
  you
• 1:10:19
  okay?
• 1:10:19
  And
• 1:10:19
  I
• 1:10:19
  was
• 1:10:19
  like,
• 1:10:20
  yeah,
• 1:10:20
  I'm
• 1:10:21
  just
• 1:10:21
  trying
• 1:10:21
  to
• 1:10:21
  be
• 1:10:21
  like,
• 1:10:21
  you
• 1:10:21
  know,
• 1:10:22
  I
• 1:10:22
  don't
• 1:10:22
  want
• 1:10:22
  to
• 1:10:22
  be,
• 1:10:22
  like,
• 1:10:22
  inappropriate.
• 1:10:23
  And,
• 1:10:23
  you
• 1:10:23
  know,
• 1:10:23
  there's,
• 1:10:24
  like,
• 1:10:24
  other
• 1:10:24
  husbands
• 1:10:24
  here
• 1:10:24
  and.
• 1:10:25
  And
• 1:10:25
  stuff.
• 1:10:25
  And
• 1:10:26
  she
• 1:10:26
  goes,
• 1:10:28
  so
• 1:10:28
  why
• 1:10:28
  do
• 1:10:28
  you
• 1:10:28
  have
• 1:10:28
  to
• 1:10:29
  cover
• 1:10:29
  up?
• 1:10:30
  And.
• 1:10:30
  And
• 1:10:31
  so
• 1:10:31
  she,
• 1:10:31
  like,
• 1:10:32
  asked
• 1:10:32
  me
• 1:10:32
  these
• 1:10:32
  questions.
• 1:10:32
  I
• 1:10:32
  was
• 1:10:33
  like,
• 1:10:33
  well,
• 1:10:33
  I
• 1:10:33
  just
• 1:10:33
  don't
• 1:10:33
  want
• 1:10:33
  to
• 1:10:34
  offend
• 1:10:34
  anyone.
• 1:10:34
  And
• 1:10:35
  she
• 1:10:35
  goes,
• 1:10:36
  I
• 1:10:36
  work
• 1:10:36
  with
• 1:10:37
  construction
• 1:10:37
  men
• 1:10:38
  for
• 1:10:38
  a
• 1:10:38
  living,
• 1:10:38
  and
• 1:10:39
  do
• 1:10:39
  you
• 1:10:39
  know
• 1:10:39
  what
• 1:10:39
  I
• 1:10:39
  do?
• 1:10:41
  She
• 1:10:41
  was
• 1:10:41
  like,
• 1:10:42
  if
• 1:10:42
  one
• 1:10:43
  of
• 1:10:43
  the
• 1:10:43
  men
• 1:10:43
  are
• 1:10:43
  staring
• 1:10:44
  at
• 1:10:44
  my
• 1:10:44
  boobs,
• 1:10:45
  I
• 1:10:45
  say,
• 1:10:45
  dawn,
• 1:10:46
  am
• 1:10:46
  I
• 1:10:46
  staring
• 1:10:47
  at
• 1:10:47
  your
• 1:10:47
  dick
• 1:10:47
  right
• 1:10:48
  now?
• 1:10:48
  And,
• 1:10:49
  like,
• 1:10:49
  she's
• 1:10:49
  like.
• 1:10:49
  And
• 1:10:49
  I
• 1:10:49
  make
• 1:10:50
  it
• 1:10:50
  uncomfortable.
• 1:10:50
  Like.
• 1:10:51
  Like,
• 1:10:51
  no,
• 1:10:51
  I
• 1:10:52
  don't.
• 1:10:52
  So
• 1:10:52
  eyes
• 1:10:53
  up
• 1:10:53
  here.
• 1:10:55
  No,
• 1:10:55
  I
• 1:10:55
  love.
• 1:10:56
  I
• 1:10:56
  mean,
• 1:10:56
  I
• 1:10:56
  love
• 1:10:56
  that.
• 1:10:57
  Right.
• 1:10:57
  And
• 1:10:57
  it's
• 1:10:57
  the
• 1:10:57
  same
• 1:10:57
  message.
• 1:10:58
  It's
• 1:10:58
  like,
• 1:10:58
  you
• 1:10:58
  should
• 1:10:59
  be
• 1:10:59
  safe
• 1:10:59
  and
• 1:10:59
  you
• 1:11:00
  should
• 1:11:00
  have
• 1:11:00
  healthy
• 1:11:00
  relationships,
• 1:11:01
  and
• 1:11:01
  you
• 1:11:01
  should
• 1:11:02
  be
• 1:11:02
  able
• 1:11:02
  to
• 1:11:02
  show
• 1:11:03
  up
• 1:11:03
  and
• 1:11:03
  be
• 1:11:03
  fully
• 1:11:03
  present
• 1:11:04
  and,
• 1:11:04
  you
• 1:11:05
  know,
• 1:11:05
  as
• 1:11:05
  your
• 1:11:05
  authentic
• 1:11:06
  self
• 1:11:07
  in
• 1:11:07
  all
• 1:11:07
  of
• 1:11:07
  these
• 1:11:07
  different
• 1:11:08
  spaces.
• 1:11:08
  And
• 1:11:09
  I
• 1:11:09
  really
• 1:11:09
  wish
• 1:11:09
  you
• 1:11:09
  were
• 1:11:10
  welcomed
• 1:11:10
  in
• 1:11:10
  that
• 1:11:10
  way.
• 1:11:11
  Right.
• 1:11:11
  And
• 1:11:11
  that
• 1:11:11
  we
• 1:11:11
  didn't
• 1:11:12
  have
• 1:11:12
  to
• 1:11:12
  do
• 1:11:12
  the
• 1:11:12
  work,
• 1:11:13
  but
• 1:11:14
  I
• 1:11:14
  want
• 1:11:14
  you
• 1:11:14
  to
• 1:11:14
  feel
• 1:11:15
  entitled
• 1:11:15
  to
• 1:11:16
  all
• 1:11:16
  of
• 1:11:16
  that.
• 1:11:16
  And
• 1:11:16
  if
• 1:11:17
  that
• 1:11:17
  means
• 1:11:17
  that,
• 1:11:17
  you
• 1:11:17
  know,
• 1:11:18
  you're.
• 1:11:18
  You're
• 1:11:18
  asserting
• 1:11:18
  your
• 1:11:19
  boundaries
• 1:11:19
  and
• 1:11:19
  you're
• 1:11:20
  participating
• 1:11:20
  fully
• 1:11:21
  and
• 1:11:21
  you're
• 1:11:21
  communicating
• 1:11:22
  clearly
• 1:11:22
  and
• 1:11:22
  there
• 1:11:23
  uncomfortable,
• 1:11:23
  that's
• 1:11:23
  not
• 1:11:23
  your
• 1:11:24
  problem.
• 1:11:24
  Yeah,
• 1:11:25
  that's
• 1:11:25
  Their
• 1:11:25
  problem.
• 1:11:26
  Right.
• 1:11:27
  And
• 1:11:27
  a
• 1:11:27
  lot
• 1:11:27
  of
• 1:11:27
  that
• 1:11:27
  work
• 1:11:27
  is
• 1:11:28
  their
• 1:11:28
  responsibility.
• 1:11:29
  But
• 1:11:30
  you're
• 1:11:30
  in.
• 1:11:30
  In.
• 1:11:31
  You're
• 1:11:31
  entitled,
• 1:11:32
  you
• 1:11:32
  know,
• 1:11:32
  to
• 1:11:34
  wonderful
• 1:11:34
  things.
• 1:11:35
  And
• 1:11:35
  so
• 1:11:35
  I
• 1:11:35
  want
• 1:11:35
  you
• 1:11:36
  to,
• 1:11:36
  like,
• 1:11:36
  go
• 1:11:36
  out
• 1:11:36
  and
• 1:11:36
  get
• 1:11:37
  them
• 1:11:37
  and
• 1:11:37
  then.
• 1:11:37
  But
• 1:11:38
  also.
• 1:11:38
  Yeah,
• 1:11:39
  don't
• 1:11:39
  worry
• 1:11:39
  about
• 1:11:39
  pissing
• 1:11:40
  people
• 1:11:40
  off
• 1:11:40
  or
• 1:11:40
  making
• 1:11:41
  them
• 1:11:41
  uncomfortable
• 1:11:41
  if
• 1:11:42
  they're
• 1:11:42
  crossing
• 1:11:42
  your
• 1:11:42
  boundaries.
• 1:11:43
  You
• 1:11:43
  know,
• 1:11:43
  like
• 1:11:44
  Melissa's
• 1:11:44
  example,
• 1:11:45
  like,
• 1:11:45
  just
• 1:11:45
  ask
• 1:11:45
  a
• 1:11:46
  question
• 1:11:46
  back
• 1:11:46
  and
• 1:11:47
  then
• 1:11:49
  when
• 1:11:49
  they
• 1:11:49
  start
• 1:11:49
  getting
• 1:11:49
  weird
• 1:11:50
  about
• 1:11:50
  it,
• 1:11:51
  there's
• 1:11:51
  your
• 1:11:51
  answer.
• 1:11:52
  There's
• 1:11:52
  your
• 1:11:52
  answer.
• 1:11:53
  They
• 1:11:53
  knew.
• 1:11:56
  Yeah.
• 1:11:56
  And
• 1:11:57
  I
• 1:11:57
  like
• 1:11:57
  to.
• 1:11:57
  I
• 1:11:58
  really.
• 1:11:58
  I'm
• 1:11:59
  really
• 1:11:59
  liking
• 1:12:00
  the
• 1:12:00
  whole
• 1:12:01
  bystander
• 1:12:02
  assertiveness
• 1:12:02
  that
• 1:12:03
  you're
• 1:12:03
  talking
• 1:12:03
  about
• 1:12:03
  too,
• 1:12:03
  because
• 1:12:04
  we.
• 1:12:05
  Need
• 1:12:05
  to,
• 1:12:05
  like,
• 1:12:05
  take
• 1:12:05
  care
• 1:12:06
  of
• 1:12:06
  each
• 1:12:06
  other
• 1:12:06
  and
• 1:12:06
  lift
• 1:12:06
  each
• 1:12:07
  other
• 1:12:07
  out.
• 1:12:07
  And
• 1:12:07
  that's.
• 1:12:08
  It's
• 1:12:09
  really,
• 1:12:09
  really
• 1:12:10
  key.
• 1:12:10
  You
• 1:12:11
  know,
• 1:12:11
  it's.
• 1:12:11
  It's
• 1:12:11
  a
• 1:12:11
  public
• 1:12:12
  health
• 1:12:12
  model.
• 1:12:12
  It's
• 1:12:13
  also.
• 1:12:13
  It's
• 1:12:13
  like
• 1:12:13
  a
• 1:12:13
  solidarity
• 1:12:14
  or
• 1:12:14
  sisterhood
• 1:12:15
  model,
• 1:12:15
  you
• 1:12:15
  know,
• 1:12:16
  it
• 1:12:16
  is
• 1:12:16
  what
• 1:12:16
  we
• 1:12:16
  can
• 1:12:17
  do.
• 1:12:17
  So
• 1:12:17
  if
• 1:12:17
  I
• 1:12:18
  am
• 1:12:19
  safer
• 1:12:19
  in
• 1:12:19
  this
• 1:12:19
  moment,
• 1:12:20
  then
• 1:12:20
  I
• 1:12:21
  need
• 1:12:21
  to
• 1:12:21
  do
• 1:12:21
  the
• 1:12:22
  work
• 1:12:22
  that
• 1:12:22
  might
• 1:12:22
  be
• 1:12:23
  a
• 1:12:23
  little
• 1:12:23
  bit
• 1:12:23
  uncomfortable
• 1:12:23
  of,
• 1:12:24
  like,
• 1:12:24
  making
• 1:12:24
  you
• 1:12:25
  also
• 1:12:25
  safe,
• 1:12:25
  you
• 1:12:26
  know,
• 1:12:26
  or,
• 1:12:28
  you
• 1:12:28
  know,
• 1:12:28
  my
• 1:12:28
  God,
• 1:12:28
  the
• 1:12:29
  buddy
• 1:12:29
  system.
• 1:12:29
  It's
• 1:12:29
  the
• 1:12:29
  buddy
• 1:12:30
  system,
• 1:12:30
  you
• 1:12:30
  know,
• 1:12:30
  that,
• 1:12:31
  like,
• 1:12:31
  has
• 1:12:31
  served
• 1:12:31
  us
• 1:12:32
  well
• 1:12:32
  for
• 1:12:32
  centuries.
• 1:12:33
  We
• 1:12:33
  just
• 1:12:33
  got
• 1:12:33
  it.
• 1:12:34
  We
• 1:12:34
  just
• 1:12:34
  got
• 1:12:34
  to
• 1:12:34
  do
• 1:12:35
  it,
• 1:12:35
  you
• 1:12:35
  know,
• 1:12:35
  but,
• 1:12:35
  like,
• 1:12:36
  if
• 1:12:36
  you
• 1:12:37
  have
• 1:12:37
  privilege
• 1:12:37
  or
• 1:12:38
  safety
• 1:12:38
  or
• 1:12:38
  assertiveness
• 1:12:39
  skills
• 1:12:39
  or
• 1:12:40
  confidence
• 1:12:40
  or
• 1:12:40
  whatever
• 1:12:41
  it
• 1:12:41
  is
• 1:12:41
  in
• 1:12:41
  that
• 1:12:41
  moment,
• 1:12:42
  you
• 1:12:42
  know,
• 1:12:42
  it's
• 1:12:43
  the
• 1:12:43
  rising
• 1:12:43
  tide
• 1:12:43
  lifts
• 1:12:44
  all.
• 1:12:44
  All,
• 1:12:44
  all
• 1:12:44
  boats.
• 1:12:45
  Like,
• 1:12:45
  you've
• 1:12:46
  gotta
• 1:12:47
  take
• 1:12:47
  care
• 1:12:47
  of
• 1:12:47
  yourself,
• 1:12:48
  but
• 1:12:48
  take
• 1:12:48
  care
• 1:12:48
  of
• 1:12:48
  others.
• 1:12:49
  Yeah.
• 1:12:50
  Perfectly
• 1:12:51
  said.
• 1:12:51
  Thank
• 1:12:51
  you
• 1:12:52
  so
• 1:12:52
  much.
• 1:12:53
  Thank
• 1:12:53
  you.
• 1:12:53
  This
• 1:12:53
  is
• 1:12:53
  really
• 1:12:53
  fun.
• 1:12:54
  Thank
• 1:12:54
  you
• 1:12:54
  for
• 1:12:54
  having
• 1:12:55
  great
• 1:12:55
  conversation.
• 1:12:56
  I
• 1:12:57
  can
• 1:12:57
  tell
• 1:12:57
  you,
• 1:12:57
  you
• 1:12:57
  have
• 1:12:57
  so
• 1:12:57
  much
• 1:12:58
  fun
• 1:12:58
  talking
• 1:12:58
  about
• 1:12:58
  it.
• 1:12:59
  I.
• 1:12:59
  I
• 1:13:00
  do.
• 1:13:00
  Thanks.
• 1:13:01
  So
• 1:13:01
  you
• 1:13:01
  have
• 1:13:01
  classes
• 1:13:02
  that
• 1:13:02
  if
• 1:13:02
  anyone's
• 1:13:03
  interested
• 1:13:04
  in
• 1:13:05
  gaining
• 1:13:05
  up
• 1:13:05
  their
• 1:13:06
  skills
• 1:13:06
  and
• 1:13:06
  in
• 1:13:07
  assertiveness
• 1:13:07
  and
• 1:13:07
  being
• 1:13:08
  more
• 1:13:08
  com.
• 1:13:08
  Confident
• 1:13:09
  and
• 1:13:09
  comfortable
• 1:13:10
  in
• 1:13:10
  these
• 1:13:10
  situations,
• 1:13:11
  you
• 1:13:11
  have
• 1:13:11
  courses
• 1:13:11
  for
• 1:13:12
  them.
• 1:13:12
  This.
• 1:13:13
  I
• 1:13:13
  do
• 1:13:13
  them
• 1:13:13
  sometimes.
• 1:13:14
  So
• 1:13:15
  the.
• 1:13:15
  On
• 1:13:15
  my
• 1:13:16
  website,
• 1:13:16
  you
• 1:13:16
  can.
• 1:13:16
  You
• 1:13:16
  can
• 1:13:17
  buy
• 1:13:17
  the
• 1:13:17
  book,
• 1:13:17
  but
• 1:13:17
  I've
• 1:13:17
  got
• 1:13:18
  some
• 1:13:18
  free
• 1:13:18
  downloads,
• 1:13:18
  so
• 1:13:18
  if
• 1:13:18
  you're
• 1:13:19
  not
• 1:13:19
  ready
• 1:13:19
  to
• 1:13:19
  buy
• 1:13:19
  the
• 1:13:20
  book,
• 1:13:20
  we've
• 1:13:20
  got
• 1:13:20
  some
• 1:13:20
  free
• 1:13:20
  worksheets
• 1:13:21
  and
• 1:13:21
  then
• 1:13:22
  I've
• 1:13:22
  got
• 1:13:22
  an
• 1:13:22
  assertiveness
• 1:13:22
  workbook
• 1:13:23
  coming
• 1:13:23
  out
• 1:13:23
  soon.
• 1:13:24
  And
• 1:13:24
  it'll
• 1:13:24
  be
• 1:13:24
  available
• 1:13:24
  on
• 1:13:25
  my
• 1:13:25
  website,
• 1:13:25
  but
• 1:13:25
  on
• 1:13:25
  Amazon,
• 1:13:26
  and
• 1:13:26
  that's
• 1:13:27
  wonderful.
• 1:13:27
  So.
• 1:13:29
  Plug
• 1:13:30
  your
• 1:13:30
  website
• 1:13:30
  real
• 1:13:30
  quick
• 1:13:30
  for
• 1:13:31
  us.
• 1:13:31
  It
• 1:13:31
  is
• 1:13:31
  drowning
• 1:13:32
  intimidity
• 1:13:32
  dot
• 1:13:33
  com.
• 1:13:33
  Of
• 1:13:34
  course
• 1:13:34
  it
• 1:13:34
  is.
• 1:13:36
  Oh,
• 1:13:37
  my
• 1:13:37
  God,
• 1:13:37
  I
• 1:13:37
  love
• 1:13:37
  it.
• 1:13:38
  It.
• 1:13:38
  I
• 1:13:38
  do.
• 1:13:38
  Word.
• 1:13:39
  I.
• 1:13:39
  I
• 1:13:40
  will
• 1:13:40
  forever
• 1:13:40
  be
• 1:13:41
  like,
• 1:13:41
  I
• 1:13:41
  am
• 1:13:42
  timidity.
• 1:13:43
  You
• 1:13:43
  know,
• 1:13:43
  it's
• 1:13:44
  funny
• 1:13:44
  because
• 1:13:45
  in
• 1:13:45
  the
• 1:13:45
  very
• 1:13:45
  beginning
• 1:13:46
  when
• 1:13:46
  you
• 1:13:46
  said
• 1:13:46
  it,
• 1:13:46
  I
• 1:13:46
  was
• 1:13:47
  almost
• 1:13:47
  like,
• 1:13:47
  well,
• 1:13:47
  wait
• 1:13:48
  a
• 1:13:48
  minute.
• 1:13:48
  What
• 1:13:48
  does
• 1:13:48
  timidity
• 1:13:49
  mean?
• 1:13:49
  And
• 1:13:49
  I
• 1:13:49
  was
• 1:13:49
  like,
• 1:13:50
  it
• 1:13:50
  just
• 1:13:50
  means.
• 1:13:51
  Yeah,
• 1:13:52
  it
• 1:13:52
  just
• 1:13:52
  means
• 1:13:52
  timid.
• 1:13:53
  You
• 1:13:53
  know,
• 1:13:53
  it
• 1:13:53
  made
• 1:13:53
  it
• 1:13:54
  more
• 1:13:54
  complicated.
• 1:13:54
  But,
• 1:13:54
  yeah,
• 1:13:55
  once
• 1:13:55
  you
• 1:13:56
  started,
• 1:13:56
  like,
• 1:13:57
  the
• 1:13:57
  assertiveness
• 1:13:58
  and
• 1:13:58
  being
• 1:13:58
  timid,
• 1:13:59
  I
• 1:13:59
  was
• 1:13:59
  like.
• 1:14:00
  Timidity,
• 1:14:01
  of
• 1:14:01
  course
• 1:14:02
  I
• 1:14:02
  like
• 1:14:03
  it.
• 1:14:03
  I
• 1:14:03
  like
• 1:14:03
  it.
• 1:14:03
  I
• 1:14:04
  love
• 1:14:04
  it.
• 1:14:05
  So.
• 1:14:06
  Well,
• 1:14:06
  thank
• 1:14:06
  you
• 1:14:07
  so
• 1:14:07
  much.
• 1:14:08
  And
• 1:14:09
  I
• 1:14:09
  look
• 1:14:09
  forward
• 1:14:10
  to
• 1:14:10
  our
• 1:14:10
  listeners
• 1:14:10
  listening.
• 1:14:11
  Yeah.
• 1:14:12
  Thank
• 1:14:12
  you.
• 1:14:13
  Did
• 1:14:13
  you
• 1:14:13
  like
• 1:14:13
  the
• 1:14:13
  episode
• 1:14:14
  that
• 1:14:14
  you
• 1:14:14
  heard
• 1:14:14
  today?
• 1:14:15
  Great.
• 1:14:16
  Share
• 1:14:16
  it
• 1:14:16
  with
• 1:14:17
  a
• 1:14:17
  friend.
• 1:14:17
  And
• 1:14:17
  don't
• 1:14:18
  forget
• 1:14:18
  to
• 1:14:18
  rate
• 1:14:19
  and
• 1:14:19
  review.