Latest / DISGRACELAND / Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love Pt. 1: No Direction Home

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Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love Pt. 1: No Direction Home · DISGRACELAND

0:00
Speaker 1: All right guys, welcome into this week's rewind episode of
0:02
Speaker 1: disgrace land We are getting into our nirvana story this
0:06
Speaker 1: weekend and we released these episodes originally back in march
0:10
Speaker 1: of 2019 I gotta say when they were released. I
0:14
Speaker 1: was shocked. I was legitimately shocked at the reaction Uh
0:19
Speaker 1: the blowback from people who really believe that kurt cobain
0:23
Speaker 1: did not commit suicide um It was so strong that
0:31
Speaker 1: it forced me to dig back into the research and
0:33
Speaker 1: see if I missed anything. And I came out the
0:35
Speaker 1: other side, and I still believe what I believed when
0:38
Speaker 1: these were originally released and written. You know, Courtney Love,
0:44
Speaker 1: think what you might about her. I do not believe
0:47
Speaker 1: she is a killer, despite what some documentaries might say.
0:51
Speaker 1: When you look at the actual evidence, including evidence from
0:54
Speaker 1: a so-called organization, study that came out in February of 2026.
0:59
Speaker 1: It got a lot of hype, a lot of news.
1:02
Speaker 1: We looked at all of that and came to the
1:05
Speaker 1: same conclusion. Kurt Cobain was a deeply tormented artist. Courtney
1:11
Speaker 1: Love is a deeply complicated person and artist. And their
1:16
Speaker 1: story is tragic. The story of Nirvana is singular in
1:20
Speaker 1: the history of rock and roll. And these two episodes
1:24
Speaker 1: reflect those Two points. Releasing them again now for a
1:30
Speaker 1: specific reason. There's a Courtney Love documentary coming, I don't
1:33
Speaker 1: know when, in the next couple months, some point. And
1:38
Speaker 1: I think what I want to do is I want
1:39
Speaker 1: to hear from you guys and hear what you think
1:41
Speaker 1: on this story. Do you still, after listening to both
1:44
Speaker 1: of these episodes, still believe that Kurt's death was not
1:49
Speaker 1: the official cause of suicide, death by suicide, or do
1:53
Speaker 1: you believe something nefarious happened? I want to know 617-906-6638,
1:57
Speaker 1: voicemail and text to let me know at DisgracelandPod on
2:00
Speaker 1: the socials, DisgracelandPod at gmail.com. And based on the reaction
2:04
Speaker 1: I get from you guys, I might end up taking
2:06
Speaker 1: a deeper look into the so-called conspiracy theorists who believe
2:11
Speaker 1: that something else was at play. We'll get into that later.
2:15
Speaker 1: Here's part one of the Nirvana story. Kurt Cobain is
2:36
Speaker 1: a celebrated and defiant icon of Generation X. His wife,
2:41
Speaker 1: Courtney Love, was once the most hated woman in America,
2:44
Speaker 1: and to this day still does what she can to
2:46
Speaker 1: wear that crown. Courtney Love, like Kurt Cobain, was unapologetic, fierce, determined, ambitious, authentic,
2:54
Speaker 1: and a total hypocrite. The two were also totally in
2:58
Speaker 1: love and at times completely insane. They spit in the
3:01
Speaker 1: face of authority, did more heroin than Johnny Thunders, and
3:04
Speaker 1: one of them lived long enough to brag about it.
3:07
Speaker 1: They challenged gender norms in the music industry patriarchy and
3:10
Speaker 1: reluctantly played the roles of their generations John and Yoko
3:14
Speaker 1: by way of Sid and Nancy. Despite his marriage to
3:17
Speaker 1: Courtney Love and birth of their daughter Frances Bean, Kurt
3:21
Speaker 1: Cobain never really had a home. He was born into dysfunction,
3:25
Speaker 1: and as a child was rejected by his family, his community,
3:28
Speaker 1: and society at large. He never had a chance. But
3:32
Speaker 1: for a minute, before burning out, he shined brighter than most.
3:36
Speaker 1: He channeled his rejection through the saving grace of his
3:39
Speaker 1: beloved punk rock, and in doing so, became the reluctant
3:42
Speaker 1: voice of a disaffected generation, and popular beyond his wildest dreams.
3:47
Speaker 1: Wanted by everyone, even by his account, the most attractive
3:51
Speaker 1: and talented female artist on the scene at the time,
3:54
Speaker 1: Courtney Love. It goes without saying that Kurt Cobain and
3:58
Speaker 1: Courtney Love made great music. And that music you heard
4:01
Speaker 1: at the top of the show, that wasn't great music.
4:03
Speaker 1: That was a preset loop from my Mellotron called Mellow
4:06
Speaker 1: Street Corner Serenade, BK1. I played you that loop because
4:10
Speaker 1: I can't afford the rights to I'm Too Sexy by
4:13
Speaker 1: Right Said Fred. And why would I play you that
4:16
Speaker 1: specific slice of cheeky cheese, could I afford it? because
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Speaker 1: that was the number one song in America on February 24th, 1992.
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Speaker 1: And that was the day that Kurt Cobain married Courtney Love,
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Speaker 1: creating what would become one of, if not the most
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Speaker 1: notorious couples in rock and roll history. On this, the
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Speaker 1: first of a special two-part episode to commence season three,
4:38
Speaker 1: Cheeky Cheese, A Street Corner Serenade, No Direction Home, Courtney Love,
4:43
Speaker 1: and Kurt Cobain. I'm Jake Brennan, and this is Disgraceland.
5:16
Speaker 1: Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain. Not literally. Figuratively. Like most
5:25
Speaker 1: everything else in Kurt's life, his wife was too much
5:27
Speaker 1: for him to handle. His fame, his success, and all
5:31
Speaker 1: the trappings that came with it that he tried in
5:33
Speaker 1: vain to reject. Not to mention the pressure of living
5:36
Speaker 1: up to the hype, his addiction to heroin, his crippling
5:39
Speaker 1: stomach pain, the deep wounds of his childhood, and his
5:42
Speaker 1: inability to find comfort or a sense of home anywhere
5:44
Speaker 1: or with anyone. Despite his complex yet loving relationship with Courtney,
5:50
Speaker 1: her own heavy personal baggage piled on top of everything
5:53
Speaker 1: else became unbearable for Kurt Cobain. Most people point to
5:59
Speaker 1: his heroin addiction as the main reason for his death,
6:02
Speaker 1: or that he was simply depressed. But those explanations are
6:05
Speaker 1: too easy. Others lay the Yoko trip on Courtney Love,
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Speaker 1: but that is, as John Lennon would say, thick and ordinary.
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Speaker 1: Courtney Love came into a relationship with Kurt Cobain as
6:16
Speaker 1: an experienced heroin user, sure, and she did indeed enable
6:20
Speaker 1: Kurt's addiction. But the real truth is that he enabled
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Speaker 1: hers just as much. No one thing was responsible for
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Speaker 1: his death, and no matter how intriguing the conspiracy theories are,
6:30
Speaker 1: the ones that try to paint the death of some
6:32
Speaker 1: wild murder scheme cooked up by Courtney are, in a word, untrue.
6:37
Speaker 1: Courtney Love did not literally kill Kurt Cobain, but she did,
6:40
Speaker 1: quite literally, save his life. In early January 1992, Kurt
6:46
Speaker 1: Cobain was becoming the biggest rock star in the world,
6:49
Speaker 1: and he was miserable. He was away from home, whatever
6:52
Speaker 1: that was, and suffering through the highs and lows of
6:54
Speaker 1: a serious heroin addiction. Heroin, for Kurt, had a dual effect.
6:59
Speaker 1: On the one hand, it was the one thing that
7:01
Speaker 1: stymied his crippling stomach pain, a psychosomatic illness that doctors
7:06
Speaker 1: were never able to officially diagnose. But it bared similar
7:09
Speaker 1: symptoms to the worst aspects of every stomach ailment you
7:12
Speaker 1: know of. IBS, ulcers, rumination disorder. Certainly this pain demanded
7:17
Speaker 1: something stronger than warm milk and laxatives. On the other hand,
7:22
Speaker 1: heroin was an express ticket straight to oblivion. A trip
7:25
Speaker 1: for Kurt Cobain that had become a necessity. He began
7:28
Speaker 1: using a few years earlier when his band Nirvana was
7:31
Speaker 1: just starting out. He knew the danger involved, but he
7:34
Speaker 1: also knew his pain and his heartache. And he knew
7:37
Speaker 1: that no other drug, not the acid he'd swallowed, the
7:40
Speaker 1: coeludes he'd taken, the speed he'd snorted, none of it.
7:42
Speaker 1: had the power to suppress the deep feelings of loneliness
7:45
Speaker 1: and rejection he'd carried with him since adolescence. So heroin,
7:50
Speaker 1: for Kurt, was about self-medication, physical and psychological. For Courtney,
7:56
Speaker 1: though not without her own childhood pain and demons, heroin
7:59
Speaker 1: was about getting high. She'd started using earlier when she
8:03
Speaker 1: first struck out as a musician because shooting dope was
8:06
Speaker 1: quite literally, in her estimation anyway, what the cool kids
8:09
Speaker 1: were doing. But Courtney... at least in comparison to Kurt,
8:13
Speaker 1: had it under control. Which meant that the burden of
8:16
Speaker 1: being the responsible one usually fell to her. And what
8:19
Speaker 1: that meant, in hardcore junkie reality terms, was that she
8:22
Speaker 1: was the one who had to take care of Kurt
8:24
Speaker 1: when he overdosed. And he overdosed a lot. But this time,
8:28
Speaker 1: he was dead, lying on the floor of the Omni
8:31
Speaker 1: Hotel in New York City. Next to the bed his
8:33
Speaker 1: fiancée was asleep in, Courtney Love, the singer of the
8:36
Speaker 1: rapidly rising grunge band Hole. A few hours earlier, Nirvana
8:40
Speaker 1: had made their live television debut on Saturday Night Live.
8:44
Speaker 1: It had also been the same weekend that Nirvana's major
8:46
Speaker 1: label debut album, Nevermind, knocked Michael Jackson's Dangerous from the
8:50
Speaker 1: number one slot on the Billboard charts. It was a
8:53
Speaker 1: moment Kurt had long dreamed of. For astute fans of Nirvana,
8:58
Speaker 1: it was obvious that their performance on SNL was uneven,
9:01
Speaker 1: but nonetheless, it was still a triumph. It was not
9:04
Speaker 1: only their first live TV performance on a long-running late-night
9:07
Speaker 1: tastemaking series, no less, but it was also the first
9:10
Speaker 1: live national television performance of a quote-unquote grunge band, the
9:14
Speaker 1: new sound percolating out of the cloudy confines of America's
9:17
Speaker 1: Pacific Northwest. And beyond that, for many young Americans, Nirvana's
9:21
Speaker 1: first SNL appearance was their first look at punk rock. Sure,
9:25
Speaker 1: Nirvana had a new take on the genre that first
9:27
Speaker 1: broke back in 1977, but at its core, the band
9:31
Speaker 1: was punk as fuck, in style, sound, and ethos. For
9:37
Speaker 1: suburban kids watching that night, their first look at the
9:40
Speaker 1: band must have been arresting. A three-piece, the band couldn't
9:44
Speaker 1: have looked more mismatched. The drummer is barely seen behind
9:48
Speaker 1: his massive kit, but holy shit can he be heard,
9:50
Speaker 1: flailing about wildly with a distinct hardcore energy. The type
9:54
Speaker 1: that can only be learned on the makeshift stages of
9:56
Speaker 1: all ages shows at VFW halls and in friends' sweaty basements.
10:00
Speaker 1: The bass player was like, what, 14 feet tall? A
10:03
Speaker 1: giant bearing down on his black Fender Precision bass, making
10:06
Speaker 1: it look like a ukulele in his grip. In the
10:10
Speaker 1: scrawny little singer next to him, otherwise an afterthought in
10:13
Speaker 1: comparison to the Charisma Despair rhythm section, were it not
10:16
Speaker 1: for his intensity. It's obvious from the first second you
10:19
Speaker 1: lay eyes on despite his disinterest in the song he's playing.
10:22
Speaker 1: But he's unlike anything you've seen before. His hair is
10:25
Speaker 1: dyed plum red, a deeper shade of Johnny Rotten. His
10:28
Speaker 1: jeans are baggy and so torn you assume they're his
10:31
Speaker 1: only pair. He's wearing a button-down cardigan sweater that is
10:34
Speaker 1: two sizes too big over what appears to be a
10:36
Speaker 1: homemade concert t-shirt for a band called Flipper that most
10:39
Speaker 1: of the world has never heard of before. He's going
10:43
Speaker 1: through the motions, but the rhythm section is going apeshit.
10:47
Speaker 1: Sail on, goes the song. Their first single, Smells Like
10:52
Speaker 1: Teen Spirit, which up until that point had been a
10:54
Speaker 1: heat-seeking missile on the charts and ubiquitous on radio and MTV,
10:59
Speaker 1: is getting a good live working over by a band
11:01
Speaker 1: that America is falling in love with right there in
11:03
Speaker 1: that moment on live television. If in 1992 you'd been
11:11
Speaker 1: listening to college radio or staying up late to watch
11:14
Speaker 1: Dave Kendall on MTV's 120 Minutes or sweating it out
11:17
Speaker 1: in punk rock clubs, the song's elements were nothing new
11:20
Speaker 1: to you The quiet, loud, quiet verse-chorus-verse arrangement was straight-up
11:25
Speaker 1: Pixies and the discordant guitarist stonk of Sonic Youth. The
11:29
Speaker 1: pounding rhythm hit you hard like Seattle's Melvins, a band
11:32
Speaker 1: whose t-shirts were worn proudly by both members of the
11:35
Speaker 1: rhythm section on stage that night. But taken in composite,
11:39
Speaker 1: layered onto one another, and combined with their own unique
11:42
Speaker 1: style and attitude, the band was something completely new for
11:45
Speaker 1: the time. The second performance on SNO. was the pummeling
11:50
Speaker 1: Petropace territorial pisses. It's more punk than grunge-sounding, faster, angrier
11:55
Speaker 1: than Smells Like Teen Spirit, and more subversive with its lyric,
11:59
Speaker 1: Never met a wise man, if so, it's a woman.
12:02
Speaker 1: The singer is screaming bloody murder, and you're wired into
12:05
Speaker 1: his pain. It's deeper and more visceral than anything else
12:09
Speaker 1: mainstream music had offered to that point. John Lennon may
12:12
Speaker 1: have paved the way with his primal scream, but it
12:14
Speaker 1: never made its way to the top of the charts.
12:16
Speaker 1: And the singer's shattered torture is obvious and right there
12:19
Speaker 1: on the screen. It's balanced out by the precision of
12:22
Speaker 1: the rhythm section. The song ends and the band trashes
12:25
Speaker 1: their equipment. But they're a nomad hatter Keith Moon Grims
12:28
Speaker 1: from past generations. The destruction is pure violence. All menace.
12:33
Speaker 1: Three times the Pete. During the show's end credits, the
12:43
Speaker 1: band is aligned on stage next to the host, Northern
12:46
Speaker 1: Exposure's Rob Morrow. Cast members, notably Chris Rock, Kevin Nealon,
12:51
Speaker 1: and David Spade mill about behind them. The band picks
12:54
Speaker 1: up as Morrow says goodnight, and then the bass player
12:56
Speaker 1: grabs the drummer by the sides of his face and
12:59
Speaker 1: plants a full-on tongue kiss on him. The singer notices
13:02
Speaker 1: what's happening and can't help but smile. He grabs them
13:05
Speaker 1: both in a group hug and is grabbed by the
13:07
Speaker 1: bass player and kissed just as forcefully as his drummer was.
13:10
Speaker 1: He backs off, he's hysterical, and is picked up by
13:13
Speaker 1: his drummer and swung around joyfully. Everything about it spoke
13:17
Speaker 1: to me as a 17-year-old at the time, watching it
13:20
Speaker 1: all play out alongside my closest high school stoner buddies
13:23
Speaker 1: on the couch at my friend Dorf's house. It was smart, funny, juvenile, punk,
13:28
Speaker 1: and pissed. It was loud, fast, feminist, queer, and confident.
13:32
Speaker 1: And it was fun, and totally, and completely subversive. It
13:36
Speaker 1: was Nirvana. And it was 100% unlike anything else that
13:40
Speaker 1: had been on live national television before. As a culture,
13:44
Speaker 1: thanks to Nirvana, we had entered new territory. And Chris Novoselic,
13:48
Speaker 1: Dave Grohl, and Kurt Cobain had gloriously pissed all over it,
13:52
Speaker 1: marking it as their own. So, it was a triumph.
13:56
Speaker 1: But Kurt Cobain wasn't in the mood for celebrating. Fuck
13:59
Speaker 1: the cast party. He needed to get hyped. The needle
14:26
Speaker 1: puncturing the skin was part of the addiction. The piercing,
14:30
Speaker 1: the droplet of blood thumbing down the syringe, it all
14:33
Speaker 1: meant one thing.
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Speaker 2: Oblivion.
14:38
Speaker 1: And oblivion was what Kurt Cobain craved. He prepped the
14:42
Speaker 1: china white, slammed it into his arm, and drifted off.
14:46
Speaker 1: The dream was less a dream and more a pastiche
14:49
Speaker 1: of shame and rejection. It was one of the things
14:52
Speaker 1: Kurt hated about heroin. Usually, if he used enough of
14:56
Speaker 1: it and he was kind of legendary for the amount
14:58
Speaker 1: of dope he could handle at one time, the high
15:00
Speaker 1: would be heavy enough to suppress the dreams, but every
15:03
Speaker 1: now and then, those days back in Aberdeen crept up
15:05
Speaker 1: from his subconscious. In the dream, it was Kurt in
15:09
Speaker 1: jail writing porn for his fellow inmates to jerk off to. This,
15:13
Speaker 1: of course, never happened in real life, but that didn't
15:16
Speaker 1: stop Kurt from telling this story to help bolster his
15:18
Speaker 1: own mythology. And the lies seeped into his subconscious. It
15:23
Speaker 1: wasn't that he was ashamed of the lie or the
15:24
Speaker 1: masturbation or even the arrest over a slew of minor
15:27
Speaker 1: offenses that resulted in an eight-day stay in the local
15:30
Speaker 1: Aberdeen jail. He was ashamed because he had no one
15:33
Speaker 1: to call to bail him out. He was 19 years
15:36
Speaker 1: old and literally didn't have anyone. And it had been
15:39
Speaker 1: this way for most of his adolescence. Kurt's mom, Wendy,
15:43
Speaker 1: kicked him out at the age of 17. Kurt went
15:45
Speaker 1: to live with his father, Don, and in the beginning
15:48
Speaker 1: it was okay. Better than being with his mom and
15:50
Speaker 1: having to tell his horny friends to stop gawking at her.
15:53
Speaker 1: But then his dad met Jenny and decided to start
15:56
Speaker 1: a new family. It was clear to Kurt that he
15:58
Speaker 1: didn't fit into his dad's new life. Jenny had two
16:02
Speaker 1: kids and Kurt frequently clashed with his new step-siblings. His
16:06
Speaker 1: dad made a feeble effort at making it work but
16:08
Speaker 1: ultimately acquiesced to his new wife's wishes and kicked Kurt out.
16:12
Speaker 1: Kurt bounced back to his mom's and she took him
16:15
Speaker 1: in briefly. He fought constantly with her new husband until
16:18
Speaker 1: eventually landing back out of the house. Kurt went to
16:21
Speaker 1: stay with his grandparents in their trailer for a time,
16:23
Speaker 1: but that didn't work. So teenage Kurt Cobain shuffled from
16:26
Speaker 1: house to house, staying with friends and their families when
16:28
Speaker 1: he could, and eventually landing in various foster homes until
16:32
Speaker 1: he was old enough to move into an apartment with
16:34
Speaker 1: a friend at age 18. But at the time of
16:37
Speaker 1: the arrest, he was homeless, alternately sleeping at the house
16:40
Speaker 1: of a high school English teacher and in the backseat
16:42
Speaker 1: of a friend's mom's beat-up Volvo. Regardless of his living situation,
16:47
Speaker 1: Kurt had no family support system to call on from jail.
16:51
Speaker 1: He'd been rejected so fully, so often from both his
16:55
Speaker 1: mother and his father that calling them, now, at age
16:58
Speaker 1: 19 would have been futile. If they weren't there for
17:01
Speaker 1: him when he was 17, then how, he reasoned, could
17:03
Speaker 1: they possibly be there for him as a young adult?
17:07
Speaker 1: Shame and rejection borrowed itself into Kurt Cobain and despite
17:10
Speaker 1: the tremendous amounts of powerful heroin he injected, it still
17:14
Speaker 1: fucked with him. Oblivion was the goal because reality was
17:18
Speaker 1: too painful, even for a man on the verge of
17:20
Speaker 1: realizing his dreams. His heroine dreams were preferable to reality,
17:25
Speaker 1: as there were usually nothing more than big, black, heavily
17:28
Speaker 1: weighted blankets holding him down, compressing him to this cruel
17:31
Speaker 1: world as it spun wildly, doing its best to shake
17:34
Speaker 1: him from its surface. But this dream... The one where
17:38
Speaker 1: he was back in Aberdeen, in jail, writing porn, jailed
17:41
Speaker 1: rednecks surrounding him in the cell, some of them masturbating furiously,
17:45
Speaker 1: the rest of them looking at him with distrust and
17:47
Speaker 1: hate and the feeling that he's trapped, unable to get out,
17:51
Speaker 1: unable to go home. This was a dream of deep
17:53
Speaker 1: emotional pain. Kurt searched for a way out, away from
17:58
Speaker 1: the hurt, deeper into the darkness. But when he saw
18:01
Speaker 1: his chance, he took it and dove headfirst into the
18:04
Speaker 1: black unknown. And there was a flat thud. In Kurt's unconscious,
18:08
Speaker 1: it was the sound of breaking through. But in Kurt's
18:10
Speaker 1: four-star New York City hotel room, in the early morning
18:13
Speaker 1: hours after his legendary SNL performance, it was the sound
18:16
Speaker 1: of him falling off of his bed, onto the floor,
18:19
Speaker 1: and into a heroin overdose. When Courtney awoke and realized
18:27
Speaker 1: Kurt wasn't sleeping next to her, her heart jumped into
18:30
Speaker 1: her throat. She immediately feared the worst. She found Kurt
18:34
Speaker 1: on the floor next to the bed, his skin green
18:36
Speaker 1: and in a death-like unconsciousness. She pounced, straddling him as
18:42
Speaker 1: he lay on his back. She began pounding his chest
18:44
Speaker 1: with her fist to get his lungs pumping. When that
18:46
Speaker 1: didn't work, she got to her feet, grabbed the ice
18:49
Speaker 1: bucket on the room service tray with the empty bottle
18:51
Speaker 1: of champagne in it, and began palming hands full of
18:54
Speaker 1: whatever unmelted cubes of ice she could find into her
18:56
Speaker 1: near-dead fiancé' s asshole. But when that didn't revive him, she
19:01
Speaker 1: surveyed the room for Kurt's leather jacket, the one with
19:03
Speaker 1: the Vaseline's pin on. She saw it crumpled on the
19:06
Speaker 1: floor in the corner. Courtney had the pin off in seconds.
19:09
Speaker 1: She pulled Kurt's dirty jeans down to his ankles, ripped
19:12
Speaker 1: off his boxers and began poking his testicles with the pin,
19:15
Speaker 1: pausing only to smack Kurt across his acne cheeks, then
19:18
Speaker 1: returning to stab the scrotum with the pin again. Finally,
19:22
Speaker 1: he began to come back to life. Courtney threw cold
19:25
Speaker 1: water on his face and his eyes opened. She then
19:27
Speaker 1: pulled him to his feet, started dragging him about the
19:30
Speaker 1: room to get him moving again. Once he started to
19:32
Speaker 1: gain his strength and hold himself up a bit, She
19:35
Speaker 1: began rotating his arms to get more of the blood flowing.
19:38
Speaker 1: It was all routine to her. She'd saved his life
19:41
Speaker 1: before and would save his life again. It was a
19:44
Speaker 1: process he'd grown accustomed to, grown to depend on. He
19:48
Speaker 1: was familiar, like home. We'll be right back after this word, word, word.
19:58
Speaker 1: Before Courtney, there was Tracy. Before stardom and four-star hotels,
20:03
Speaker 1: there was a one-room apartment in the college town of Olympia, Washington.
20:07
Speaker 1: Kurt moved there from Aberdeen to live with Tracy in
20:10
Speaker 1: a studio apartment. The place stunk and wasn't as tidy
20:13
Speaker 1: as Tracy would have liked, but it was home. Their home. Together.
20:20
Speaker 1: Tracy worked and made enough for them to get by. Barely. Mostly,
20:24
Speaker 1: Kurt didn't work. He slept until noon and spent his
20:27
Speaker 1: days playing guitar, sometimes strumming in front of the TV,
20:31
Speaker 1: sometimes journaling or making art. Tracy shrugged off Kurt's clutter,
20:35
Speaker 1: his weird drawings, his apparent inability to wash a dish,
20:38
Speaker 1: and his neediness. She loved him, and so she took
20:42
Speaker 1: care of him, made sure he ate at least one
20:44
Speaker 1: meal a day, didn't sleep too much, that sort of thing.
20:48
Speaker 1: As for Kurt, he'd said it more than once, Tracy
20:50
Speaker 1: was the perfect girlfriend, and he only missed Wendy, his mom,
20:53
Speaker 1: a little. As perfect as Tracy may have been, Kurt
20:58
Speaker 1: left her back at the apartment on an April Sunday
21:01
Speaker 1: in 1988. And along with Chris Novoselic and Dave Foster,
21:04
Speaker 1: Nirvana's third drummer, loaded their gear out of their practice space,
21:08
Speaker 1: packed up a borrowed Econoline van, and drove 60 miles
21:11
Speaker 1: north to Seattle so that his new band could play
21:14
Speaker 1: a legit rock show in a real club with a
21:16
Speaker 1: real PA. Kurt was quiet, trying to ignore his clenching gut.
21:22
Speaker 1: He told himself things were good. Things would be fine.
21:25
Speaker 1: Just a couple of months ago, they'd recorded their demo,
21:27
Speaker 1: and since then, Kurt had worked hard to get the
21:29
Speaker 1: tape into the hands of local tastemakers in the punk
21:32
Speaker 1: scene who could help him. Not that he'd admit it.
21:35
Speaker 1: He'd asked for friends' help in circulating the demo and
21:37
Speaker 1: getting college radio airplay, and in doing so, managed to
21:41
Speaker 1: snag the interest of a partner at the newly formed
21:43
Speaker 1: record label Sub Pop. An excited Jonathan Pullman shared the
21:48
Speaker 1: demo with his less-than-enthusiastic partner, the more business-minded of the two,
21:52
Speaker 1: Bruce Pavitt. The enterprising duo discussed whether to finance a
21:57
Speaker 1: single by the scrawny kid who they thought might, on
21:59
Speaker 1: his best day, someday, maybe approach the coolness of their
22:03
Speaker 1: label's BMOC, Mark Arm of Mudhoney. So they invited Nirvana
22:08
Speaker 1: to play one of their sub-pop Sunday shows at The
22:10
Speaker 1: Vogue in Seattle, where Kurt was told they'd have an
22:13
Speaker 1: audience of music executives and representatives. Pullman wanted the reaction
22:18
Speaker 1: of local tastemakers, their positive reaction, in order to justify
22:21
Speaker 1: signing the On the other end of the phone, Kurt
22:24
Speaker 1: imagined an adoring crowd, the faces of the members of
22:27
Speaker 1: Tad and other bands he loved, shining up at him
22:29
Speaker 1: on stage. He cleared his throat and in his calmest
22:32
Speaker 1: whatever voice that he could muster said, Sure. Cool. Chris
22:39
Speaker 1: gave the wheel a sharp turn and pulled into a
22:41
Speaker 1: lot beside the Vogue. It was late afternoon. Kurt hopped
22:45
Speaker 1: out to stretch and to check out the building that
22:46
Speaker 1: had hosted new wave acts and other bands. Bands that
22:49
Speaker 1: were better than Nirvana. Bands that knew what they were doing.
22:53
Speaker 1: What if he sucked? He felt the nerves in his stomach,
22:56
Speaker 1: felt the bile burn his esophagus. He ripped off his
23:00
Speaker 1: jean jacket, held back his hair and vomited onto the pavement.
23:04
Speaker 1: Then he sat, head in hands, trying to control his breathing.
23:07
Speaker 1: His bandmates stood back and waited for him to pull
23:10
Speaker 1: his shit together. The show itself was kind of a haze.
23:15
Speaker 1: Kurt couldn't shake his nerves. After soundcheck, they went backstage
23:19
Speaker 1: assuming the club would fill up as Pullman had promised.
23:22
Speaker 1: But when they got up to play, they saw their
23:24
Speaker 1: audience consisted of maybe 10 people, among whom were friends
23:27
Speaker 1: of friends and maybe one industry person, a DJ. What
23:31
Speaker 1: the hell? Kurt got shaky again, shaky and angry, deflated, nauseous.
23:36
Speaker 1: And while the rhythm section held their own through the set,
23:38
Speaker 1: powering through technical glitches, Kurt hung on by a thread.
23:43
Speaker 1: He strummed and mumbled lyrics without intensity and with zero
23:46
Speaker 1: connection to the few people standing in front of the
23:48
Speaker 1: stage who he occasionally peered at from under the fringe
23:50
Speaker 1: of his hair. And there was little clapping. There was
23:53
Speaker 1: no encore. And it was embarrassing. Offstage, and with a
23:58
Speaker 1: camera pointed at him, Kurt screamed, We sucked! They drove
24:04
Speaker 1: straight home. In the van, it was quiet. A loop
24:06
Speaker 1: of the night's disaster played over in Kurt's brain. He
24:10
Speaker 1: told himself they'd practice more. At least five times a week,
24:13
Speaker 1: as any real band should. And that he'd write better songs,
24:16
Speaker 1: great songs. and that they would improve and rule the world,
24:19
Speaker 1: and if it wasn't with Sub Pop, it would be
24:21
Speaker 1: with some other label, a better label, without some P.T.
24:24
Speaker 1: Barnum wannabe in a flannel shirt at the helm. After
24:29
Speaker 1: the gig, Kurt committed himself. To himself. He drafted a
24:34
Speaker 1: new band bio. Greetings. We realize that there was once
24:37
Speaker 1: a 60s band called Nirvana, but don't get us confused
24:40
Speaker 1: with them because they totally suck big fucking dick. Nirvana
24:43
Speaker 1: sounds like Black Sabbath playing the knack, Black Flag, Led Zeppelin,
24:47
Speaker 1: and the Stooges with a pinch of Bay City Rollers.
24:50
Speaker 1: He rehearsed his answers to future interview questions. Hi, I'm
24:55
Speaker 1: the moody bohemian member of the group. Blonde, frontman, the
24:58
Speaker 1: sensitive type. I like pasta, turtles, girls with weird eyes, writing, reading...
25:03
Speaker 1: keeping my mouth shut, cake decorating, horseback riding, gun cleaning,
25:06
Speaker 1: Sally Struthers impersonations, piña coladas and getting caught in the rain,
25:10
Speaker 1: butt fucking, acupuncture, painting, friends, cats, goats, mohair sweaters, cultivating
25:14
Speaker 1: a fine army of facial blemishes, scarification, blah, blah, blah.
25:18
Speaker 1: And he wrote letters to his friends and heroes whom
25:20
Speaker 1: he hoped to befriend. Mark, whoa, Polly Peregrine is my
25:25
Speaker 1: favorite song of this decade. I've been soaking up the
25:27
Speaker 1: sounds of the screaming trees for a few months, and
25:30
Speaker 1: I think it's way better than most. Although in the
25:32
Speaker 1: pop genre, I like pixies and smithereens a bit better,
25:35
Speaker 1: but Polly Peregrine, Jesus God, what a complete masterpiece. He
25:41
Speaker 1: walked around the apartment, unconsciously crafting his nonchalant slouch. His
25:45
Speaker 1: blue-eyed rock god shrugged toward oblivion. His jeans ripped, his
25:49
Speaker 1: shirt flannel, his shoes chucks, and his hair dirty. He
25:53
Speaker 1: calculated to look uncalculated. He cared, but didn't want to
25:57
Speaker 1: seem to care. He imagined his next time on stage,
26:00
Speaker 1: he'd get it right. Then the phone rang. It was Pullman.
26:05
Speaker 1: The single with Sub Pop was on. No shit, Kurt
26:09
Speaker 1: thought to himself. Of course Pullman and Pavitt loved the show,
26:12
Speaker 1: and so did the quote-unquote industry execs, and the DJ
26:15
Speaker 1: from KCMU, and of course whoever was in the crowd
26:18
Speaker 1: that night that passed as scenesters. In a good mood,
26:24
Speaker 1: the best mood he'd been in in a long time,
26:26
Speaker 1: Kurt wrote to his friend Dale Crover, drummer for the Melvins,
26:29
Speaker 1: to ask for advice slash drop a humble brag that
26:32
Speaker 1: his band had signed with Sub Pop. It was a
26:35
Speaker 1: big deal, he casually mentioned. And oh yeah, by the way,
26:38
Speaker 1: our final name is Nirvana. Tour. The road. This is
26:57
Speaker 1: where it all happens. The sex, the drugs, the rock
27:01
Speaker 1: and roll. The making of your myth. For a touring musician,
27:05
Speaker 1: the road offers plenty. But the reality is that no
27:08
Speaker 1: matter how many adoring fans you meet or a pure
27:10
Speaker 1: adolescent release you feel on stage, Being away from home
27:14
Speaker 1: at some point really starts to suck. Your clothes stink
27:18
Speaker 1: in ways you didn't imagine possible. You can't find a
27:21
Speaker 1: decent healthy meal. You're sick and tired of every last
27:24
Speaker 1: one of your bandmates. You haven't shit right in weeks.
27:27
Speaker 1: You get poor to no sleep and you crave intimacy.
27:30
Speaker 1: Real intimacy. The kind that only a significant other, someone
27:34
Speaker 1: who truly cares for you, can give. This is what
27:38
Speaker 1: most musicians feel at some point on the road, no
27:40
Speaker 1: matter how experienced or successful. But as a new band,
27:44
Speaker 1: making little or no money, you're driving from gig to gig,
27:47
Speaker 1: playing to small to sometimes non-existent crowds. Sometimes you play
27:51
Speaker 1: to just the doorman and the bartender, but it's all
27:53
Speaker 1: good because you're paying your dues, just like Black Flag,
27:56
Speaker 1: you tell yourself. You try to keep it together, keeping
27:59
Speaker 1: enough energy in reserve to stay sane, to remember who
28:02
Speaker 1: you are in civilian life back home. Now imagine that
28:06
Speaker 1: sense of loneliness with the added shit situation of not
28:09
Speaker 1: having a real home to go back to once tour
28:11
Speaker 1: has ended. That's how it felt for Kurt Cobain. On
28:16
Speaker 1: the road, on stage, he had a hard time controlling
28:18
Speaker 1: his mood when things went wrong. When there were technical problems,
28:22
Speaker 1: when the sound on stage didn't match the sound in
28:24
Speaker 1: his head, he'd get frustrated, angry. He'd let it affect
28:28
Speaker 1: his performance. Added to that, he missed his girlfriend and
28:31
Speaker 1: his stomach was a chronic mess that he tried drinking
28:34
Speaker 1: into a truce with Strawberry Nestle quick. He wanted connection
28:38
Speaker 1: and attention but had little. All of this took a
28:41
Speaker 1: toll on him as he toured in 1989 to support
28:44
Speaker 1: Nirvana's debut album, Bleach. Their European tour with the band
28:49
Speaker 1: Tad was brutal. 37 shows in 42 days. When there
28:54
Speaker 1: was enough money to stop in a hotel, Kurt would
28:56
Speaker 1: often share a room with Tad drummer Kurt Danielson. And
28:59
Speaker 1: with the lamps low, they'd shoot the shit. One night,
29:02
Speaker 1: an exhausted Kurt lay back on the soft white comforter,
29:05
Speaker 1: letting two fluffy white pillows cradle his head and sighed. Fuck,
29:09
Speaker 1: it was good to lie down. on a real bed.
29:13
Speaker 1: He and Danielson talked as they often did late into
29:15
Speaker 1: the night, the pauses between their words getting longer as
29:19
Speaker 1: they drifted towards sleep. Kurt's mind was on Tracy, how
29:23
Speaker 1: she was losing patience with the money situation. His thoughts
29:27
Speaker 1: then shifted to his mother, Wendy. He remembered when he'd
29:30
Speaker 1: proudly played Nirvana's Love Buzz single for her on Christmas Eve.
29:34
Speaker 1: She'd been unimpressed and hoped he had a backup plan.
29:37
Speaker 1: He only let that hurt a little. She loved him, right?
29:41
Speaker 1: She had to, he thought. He was 22 years old,
29:44
Speaker 1: but in some ways he was still just a boy.
29:47
Speaker 1: A boy who was about to go from total obscurity
29:50
Speaker 1: to super fame. You know, he said to Danielson, I've
29:54
Speaker 1: wanted to go home since the first week of this tour.
29:58
Speaker 1: I could go to my mom's right now. She'd let me.
30:00
Speaker 1: She'd wire me the money. There was a pause. The
30:03
Speaker 1: pain he felt now wasn't in his gut, but farther up.
30:07
Speaker 1: A tightness in his chest and throat. She'd have me,
30:10
Speaker 1: he insisted. She'd have me, you know? Danielson didn't know.
30:14
Speaker 1: He couldn't tell if Kurt was talking to him or
30:16
Speaker 1: talking to himself. Whether he was shooting straight or bullshitting.
30:20
Speaker 1: There are world-class bullshitters out there who are easily recognizable
30:24
Speaker 1: and repellent. The types of people you don't want to
30:26
Speaker 1: waste your time with. Then, there are different types of bullshitters.
30:30
Speaker 1: The type who spin lies, not to hurt or impress you,
30:33
Speaker 1: but to weave you into the alternate reality they've created
30:36
Speaker 1: for themselves. Usually, because their reality is too big of
30:39
Speaker 1: a drag to accept. Kurt Cobain was this type of bullshitter.
30:43
Speaker 1: You wanted to believe his bullshit as strongly as he did.
30:47
Speaker 1: But you could seldom tell what was real and what
30:49
Speaker 1: was myth with Kurt. Nowhere was this more obvious than
30:52
Speaker 1: within his lyrics, particularly throughout the songs on Nirvana's second album, Nevermind.
30:57
Speaker 1: The success of Nevermind, Nirvana's first for the major label DGC,
31:01
Speaker 1: was staggering. In four short months, Nirvana went from releasing
31:05
Speaker 1: a record their label predicted would have only modest success
31:08
Speaker 1: to number one on the Billboard charts by January 1992.
31:11
Speaker 1: The record was propelled by its first single, Smells Like
31:15
Speaker 1: Teen Spirit, a song which Kurt said was a direct
31:18
Speaker 1: rip-off of his favorite band, the Pixies. Kurt was being
31:22
Speaker 1: somewhat disingenuous. In total truth, the song had turned out
31:25
Speaker 1: to be exactly what he'd set out to write. ultimate
31:28
Speaker 1: pop song. And Nirvana weren't only bringing fame to themselves.
31:32
Speaker 1: The success of Nevermind shone a light on the feedback-laden
31:35
Speaker 1: flannel Seattle scene where they'd come from. And suddenly, all
31:39
Speaker 1: flights west were jammed with A & R men. Bands
31:41
Speaker 1: like Mudhoney and Pearl Jam signed to major labels on
31:43
Speaker 1: Nirvana's coattails. Hollywood got in on the action too. with
31:48
Speaker 1: movies like Cameron Crowe's highly stylized singles that romanticized Generation
31:52
Speaker 1: X in the context of Seattle with its coffee shops
31:55
Speaker 1: and quote-unquote grunge musicians, including Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder and
31:59
Speaker 1: a host of other disenfranchised characters dressed in cargo shorts
32:03
Speaker 1: and long johns as they looked for love. Kurt clutched
32:07
Speaker 1: his gut as things got sillier when grunge music meshed
32:10
Speaker 1: with mainstream celebrity and fashion. First, bands like Soundgarden and
32:15
Speaker 1: Alice in Chains went mainstream, In the Lemonheads, Dreamy Evendando
32:19
Speaker 1: emerged as a grunge heartthrob. On the runways and in
32:22
Speaker 1: the fashion mags, designers hawked grunge-inspired styles. Flannel layers, cardigans
32:27
Speaker 1: and ironic t-shirts, slip dresses, baby dolls and ripped tights.
32:31
Speaker 1: It was all androgyny and heroin chic as gaunt, ethereal
32:34
Speaker 1: models slouched and posed and scowled like rock stars or
32:37
Speaker 1: drug addicts. Kurt's anti-fashion had become fashion. The idea that
32:43
Speaker 1: Kurt Cobain, 5 foot 9 inches of him, 130 pounds
32:47
Speaker 1: with his ripped jeans and duct tape sneakers, had become
32:50
Speaker 1: a fashion icon was ridiculous. The ridiculousness didn't stop there.
32:55
Speaker 1: Kurt's image was blasted across countless magazine covers. His voice
32:59
Speaker 1: rang out in regular rotation all over the airwaves. Tickets
33:03
Speaker 1: for his concerts were in high demand. He was in
33:06
Speaker 1: high demand. DJs, journalists, tastemakers hung on his every word.
33:10
Speaker 1: He was wanted by everyone. It was a feeling he
33:14
Speaker 1: could not get used to. Fame has a way of
33:16
Speaker 1: opening up the world, but for Kurt, it seemed that
33:19
Speaker 1: for every door that opened, another two would close. Old,
33:22
Speaker 1: familiar rituals were no longer possible. Kurt couldn't just pop
33:26
Speaker 1: into a record store. Hell, he couldn't even pop into
33:28
Speaker 1: the local 7-Eleven for a pack of smokes. He'd be recognized, accosted.
33:33
Speaker 1: He didn't mind the real fans, but it was the
33:35
Speaker 1: new legion of fly-by-night fans, the Meatheads and Johnny-come-latelys who
33:39
Speaker 1: didn't know the Melvins from the Munsters that bothered him.
33:43
Speaker 1: Kurt could see one now, no, two, outside the window
33:46
Speaker 1: of the 7-Eleven he was currently wandering around in. He
33:49
Speaker 1: was looking for Strawberry Quick, and they were looking through
33:52
Speaker 1: the window at what the magazines called the new voice
33:54
Speaker 1: of a generation, and hoping for an autograph or worse,
33:57
Speaker 1: Kurt thought, conversation. They were big, northwestern lumberjack types. As
34:03
Speaker 1: they approached, Kurt seemed to recognize one of He was older,
34:07
Speaker 1: and of the two had the fuller mustache. His hair,
34:10
Speaker 1: parted in the middle, feathered on the sides, screamed 1981
34:13
Speaker 1: in a way that his Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt
34:16
Speaker 1: did not. Kurt turned on the heels of his Chuck
34:19
Speaker 1: Taylors and walked straight for the magazine rack. He picked
34:22
Speaker 1: up the first mag he could reach, People Magazine, the
34:25
Speaker 1: one with Nick Nolte, the so-called sexiest man alive on
34:28
Speaker 1: the cover, and buried his face in its pages to
34:30
Speaker 1: throw the meatheads off the scent, or at least give
34:33
Speaker 1: them the impression that Kurt didn't want to talk. And
34:35
Speaker 1: he began reading the article on Nolte. Supposedly, Nick was
34:39
Speaker 1: the strong, sensitive type. A man's man. The kind that
34:42
Speaker 1: women couldn't resist. And Kurt Cobain was at least one
34:46
Speaker 1: of those things. Sensitive. The sight of the dude with
34:49
Speaker 1: the feathered hair jarred his memory and brought back to
34:52
Speaker 1: him again the details from his arrest in Aberdeen back
34:55
Speaker 1: in 1986. Sensitive as he was, the pain of that night,
34:59
Speaker 1: more specifically the shame of it, coupled with the embarrassment
35:02
Speaker 1: of being recognized in the moment, had his stomach in knots.
35:06
Speaker 1: The feathered hair and the mustache, and that was it.
35:09
Speaker 1: The cop. The arresting officer. More memories bashed his heart
35:14
Speaker 1: up into his throat. The feeling of the cuffs on
35:16
Speaker 1: his wrists, the ache in his cheekbone from having his
35:19
Speaker 1: face slammed onto the hood of the cruiser. The smell
35:21
Speaker 1: of spray paint for the can of Krylon. Mr. Feathered
35:25
Speaker 1: Hair seemed bigger then. Maybe the uniform had something to
35:28
Speaker 1: do with it. It was for sure more authoritative than
35:30
Speaker 1: the red hot chili pepper shirt he was wearing now.
35:33
Speaker 1: Big or not, Kurt couldn't help but remember how mean
35:36
Speaker 1: the dude was. He had no tolerance for Kurt's kind,
35:39
Speaker 1: and the look in his eyes said that he'd rather
35:41
Speaker 1: be beating the tar out of Kurt than reading him
35:43
Speaker 1: his rights. The cop couldn't have been a couple years
35:46
Speaker 1: older than Kurt, but he clearly hated him. And Kurt
35:50
Speaker 1: hated him right back. And they both had their reasons.
35:53
Speaker 1: For Kurt, it was self-preservation. For the cop, it was disrespect,
35:57
Speaker 1: something Kurt had in spades. Disrespect for authority, for society,
36:01
Speaker 1: and for his elders. Why should he respect them? They
36:04
Speaker 1: were never there for him. He was alone, on his own.
36:07
Speaker 1: The only thing that ever showed up for Kurt Cobain
36:10
Speaker 1: was music, more specifically punk rock. But what was more
36:14
Speaker 1: punk than spray painting God is Gay on a public wall?
36:18
Speaker 1: But Kurt was caught red-handed, and he was off to jail,
36:20
Speaker 1: or at the time, he thought he'd rot away forever,
36:23
Speaker 1: without anyone to call to come bail him out.
36:26
Speaker 2: Mr.
36:26
Speaker 1: Feathered Hair snapped Kurt out of it.' Hey, you're Nirvana. Hey, look,
36:31
Speaker 1: it's Nirvana!' Hey Nirvana, sign my pack of smokes. Kurt
36:35
Speaker 1: recognized the voice. At least he thought he did. Aberdeen
36:38
Speaker 1: meatheads all kind of looked the same. Maybe it was
36:41
Speaker 1: his imagination that made the connection. This so-called fan in
36:44
Speaker 1: the here and now. Was it possible that he was
36:47
Speaker 1: the same cop that locked him up six years ago?
36:50
Speaker 1: The irony was too much for Kurt. He turned his stomach,
36:53
Speaker 1: grabbed the pen, ripped off the cellophane from the pack
36:56
Speaker 1: of Marlboro Reds. signed Mr. Feathered Hair's box of smokes
36:59
Speaker 1: with an illegible scribble and walked fast out the door.
37:05
Speaker 1: Kurt had what he wanted, success, but it was not
37:07
Speaker 1: what he expected. With the help of MTV and the
37:10
Speaker 1: strength of the surreal and captivating video for Smells Like
37:13
Speaker 1: Teen Spirit, his band had become so popular, so mainstream,
37:17
Speaker 1: that now, the same log-headed, mustachioed rednecks who beat him
37:21
Speaker 1: up and ridiculed him back in Aberdeen, to Kurt, all
37:24
Speaker 1: different versions of his mother's ex-boyfriends, were now, card-carrying members
37:28
Speaker 1: of the Nirvana fan club. What the fuck? You spend
37:33
Speaker 1: your life as an outsider, thoroughly unwanted by almost everyone.
37:38
Speaker 1: Your parents don't want you. Your school doesn't want you.
37:41
Speaker 1: You have few friends. You don't fit in and you're ridiculed,
37:44
Speaker 1: so you turn inward. But there's always music. It's inside
37:47
Speaker 1: of you and outside of you. It's punk rock and
37:50
Speaker 1: it's freedoms. You hole up in your room or at
37:52
Speaker 1: your friend's house where you're crashing, consuming culture that is
37:55
Speaker 1: cast off by most kids. You read Burroughs and Bukowski.
37:59
Speaker 1: You listen to Bad Brains and Black Flag and The
38:01
Speaker 1: Beatles and Black Sabbath, and somehow you feel yourself reflected back.
38:06
Speaker 1: There are others like you, other punks who live music,
38:09
Speaker 1: a loose-knit crew of outsiders. So maybe you're not so alone.
38:12
Speaker 1: You have kin, and you find freedom and connection, find
38:15
Speaker 1: a path for yourself, a way out. Music. You immerse
38:19
Speaker 1: yourself so fully in it and everything else that you love,
38:22
Speaker 1: horror movies, cartoons, comics, you love it all because it's dependable, stable.
38:28
Speaker 1: It can't kick you out. You find a couple of
38:30
Speaker 1: kids you think you're cool enough to play music with
38:32
Speaker 1: and you jam. Then you play some shows and suddenly,
38:35
Speaker 1: through the powers of repetition, osmosis, and just fucking doing it,
38:39
Speaker 1: everything you've ingested, all the seven inches in comic books
38:42
Speaker 1: and classic rock cassettes and horror movies, all of it
38:45
Speaker 1: comes out in a semi-formed voice that is uniquely you.
38:49
Speaker 1: Your music starts to get out into the world and
38:51
Speaker 1: you wake up one day and you learn that you
38:53
Speaker 1: aren't the only one. There are millions of other disaffected
38:56
Speaker 1: kids who feel the same as you. And you've given
38:58
Speaker 1: them a voice. You've set it to a beat that is,
39:01
Speaker 1: almost by accident, unique. You've become the zeitgeist. Everyone is
39:05
Speaker 1: picking up what you're putting down. Even the people who
39:07
Speaker 1: you despise. Who drove you into your corner to create
39:10
Speaker 1: what you created in the first place. The jocks, the squares,
39:14
Speaker 1: the Mr. Mustaches and Tree Fuck Johnsons. All of them
39:17
Speaker 1: are into you, and they like to sing along, but
39:19
Speaker 1: they know not what it means. They've given you everything,
39:22
Speaker 1: but what you really need is someone, someone to let
39:25
Speaker 1: you collapse into, who will listen, who will protect you,
39:29
Speaker 1: someone to love, who will love you back. You need
39:32
Speaker 1: somewhere to go to lay your heavy head. You need
39:35
Speaker 1: a home and someone to make it with. Otherwise, look out, Oblivion,
39:40
Speaker 1: because here you come. Disgraceland was created by yours truly
40:05
Speaker 1: and is produced in partnership with Double Elvis. Credits for
40:08
Speaker 1: this episode can be found on the show notes page
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Speaker 1: at disgracelandpod.com. If you're listening as a Disgraceland All Access member,
40:16
Speaker 1: thank you for supporting the show. We really appreciate it.
40:18
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40:21
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Speaker 2: Weekly unscripted bonus episodes, special audio collections, and early access
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40:51
Speaker 2: at DisgracelandPod.
40:53
Speaker 1: Rock and roll up. He's a bad, bad man. Hey guys,
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Speaker 1: thanks for checking out this Rewind episode of Disgraceland on Nirvana.
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Speaker 1: That was part one. Part two comes up right now.