Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1152 - Why Inside Out 2 is Essential Viewing for Every Parent

Transcript

#1152 - Why Inside Out 2 is Essential Viewing for Every Parent · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm starting with the take home message on today's podcast, Kylie,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Inside Out Too is a must watch. I know that
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: we're months and months and months late here, but as
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: a family, we've just sat down and watched Inside Out
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: two and it has blown us away.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Let me catch you up. Riley's officially a teenager now,
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: which means more emotions, anxiety, Hello on we envy and embarrassment.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Families podcast, Real parenting solutions every
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcasts. I'm justin. I'm
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: here with Kylie, my wife and mum to our six kids.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't think they could do any better than Inside
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  Speaker 2: Out one.
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  Speaker 1: I was uninterested in watching it. I feel like we've
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  Speaker 1: watched enough Disney movies over the years with our six kids.
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  Speaker 1: My goodness.
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  Speaker 2: So we sat down with our kids and we watched
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: it a few weeks ago, and our fourteen year old
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  Speaker 2: in particular was an absolute blubbering mess by the end
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: of it. And when I dissected it with her, the
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: acknowledgment for her was when Inside Out one came out.
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  Speaker 2: She was roughly about the same age as Riley.
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  Speaker 1: I need to stop you there, we got to do
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  Speaker 1: some quick maths. I did say roughly, well, Riley has
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: aged two to three years and it's taken nine years
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: for her to do that, So, very very roughly, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: she was a little bit younger and now she's a
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: touch older. And there's been nine years from twenty fifteen
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  Speaker 1: to twenty twenty four for the two movies. And again
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  Speaker 1: I just wasn't that interested in it. But I just
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  Speaker 1: all I want to say is wow, wow, Wow, what
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  Speaker 1: a movie.
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  Speaker 2: Even as an adult, as I sat there and watched it,
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  Speaker 2: it was literally like they had an inside of you
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  Speaker 2: into my.
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  Speaker 1: Brain that it's such an incredible job. They've really talked
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  Speaker 1: to great people obviously as they've built this movie. You
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: went back and watched it a second time because I said,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: we've got to do it on the podcast. We've got
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  Speaker 1: to talk about this. Even though we're months and months
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  Speaker 1: and months late, we've got to talk about this. You
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: sat down with pen and paper and started taking notes
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  Speaker 1: when you watched it the second time.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I may have fallen asleep the first time, not
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: because of me. He was boring, because I was exhaustious.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Living living on fumes. All of our kids. We sat
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  Speaker 1: down with three or four of them or something like that,
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  Speaker 1: and all of them were blubbering messes. Gosh, it's good,
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  Speaker 1: So let's get into it. I'm going to highlight a
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  Speaker 1: couple of things. You're going to add a lot more
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  Speaker 1: because you've taken copious notes why you need to watch
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: inside out to and what you'll learn.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Riley's life is more complex now. It requires more sophisticated
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  Speaker 2: emotions than all of you.
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  Speaker 1: You just aren't what she means any more. Joy, how
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  Speaker 1: dare you, madam?
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  Speaker 2: You can't just buddle us up. Oh that's a great idea.
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  Speaker 1: First thing for me. I love the way the film
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  Speaker 1: visualizes the construction zone nature of the teenage brain. There
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: are two times during childhood where brains literally explode with
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: development and everything. I'm going to say it gets undone
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: and redone. That's not exactly correct, but for our purposes today,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: it's sufficient. When a children are toddlers, their brain goes
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: through this enormous explosion, and everything that was working a
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  Speaker 1: certain way shifts at changes. Same thing happens with adolescence.
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  Speaker 1: The film shows headquarters literally under construction. New neural pathways
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: are being formed, old systems are being renovated. And for
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  Speaker 1: me watching this happen, it's such a perfect depiction of
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  Speaker 1: what goes on when our adolescents or our young adolescents
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  Speaker 1: enter puberty.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: I love the way they've built on the story. In
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  Speaker 2: their first movie, the take home message for Joy was
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  Speaker 2: recognizing and learning that all emotions, the good and the bad,
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  Speaker 2: are important. And in number two, we're now coming to
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  Speaker 2: recognize that all the experiences that we have in life,
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  Speaker 2: the good and the bad, make up the beautiful whole.
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  Speaker 2: I just think it's such a beautiful insight into the
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  Speaker 2: making of us as individuals.
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  Speaker 1: There's some curious parts in the movie where Joy is
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  Speaker 1: getting rid of all of the memories that could potentially
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  Speaker 1: be bad, all the memories that don't build Riley into
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  Speaker 1: a perfect specimen of a human.
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  Speaker 2: Well, Joy's job is to help her feel joy. That's
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  Speaker 2: her job. She wants her to be happy all the time,
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  Speaker 2: and so the experiences that leave her feeling a little
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  Speaker 2: bit sad or just you know, kind of feeling embarrassed,
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  Speaker 2: she doesn't want those ones. She doesn't want them in
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  Speaker 2: the front of her brain where she can recall them quickly.
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  Speaker 2: She wants them as far back as possible so that
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  Speaker 2: Riley can experience joy. That's her job.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, the thing that I want to talk about most.
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  Speaker 1: To me, this is the crux of the film. New
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: emotions come on board, so we see nui, which is
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: not Nui on we on we. I'm Australian and I'm
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: going to say Nuire's on we, which has done so well.
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  Speaker 1: So well. There's embarrassment. There's also anxiexiety, and to me,
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  Speaker 1: anxiety is the star of the show. I love the
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  Speaker 1: way anxiety comes in and takes control of Riley's brain
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  Speaker 1: at a critical juncture in her life. And the perfectly
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  Speaker 1: positioned thing to me for anxiety is that everything makes
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  Speaker 1: sense when anxiety takes over. Anxiety steps in, starts pushing buttons,
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  Speaker 1: and there's a perfectly logical rationale for everything that anxiety
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  Speaker 1: encourages Riley to do. Whether it's about popularity with friends,
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  Speaker 1: whether it's about making the team, whether it's about it
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  Speaker 1: doesn't matter what it's about. Anxiety has got Riley's best
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: interests at heart, and we see because of anxiety that
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  Speaker 1: Riley makes a number of really smart moves. But we
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  Speaker 1: also see that anxiety leads Riley down some unhelpful parts
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  Speaker 1: as well.
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  Speaker 2: One of the things that I think the movie depicts
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  Speaker 2: so beautifully is the realized that all of our emotions
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  Speaker 2: are working together for our good. The challenge that the
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: movie depicts so beautifully is that once anxiety takes over,
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  Speaker 2: she's not a team player. She doesn't allow the other
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  Speaker 2: emotions to be a part of it before she comes on.
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  Speaker 2: Joy's the leader, She's the definite leader in the group,
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  Speaker 2: but she's able to work with all of the emotions
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  Speaker 2: because the number one she learned how important being angry was,
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  Speaker 2: how important being sad was, and so she uses their
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  Speaker 2: strengths to help Riley move through her emotions. Once anxiety
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  Speaker 2: comes on, with all the energy that she has, she's
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  Speaker 2: not interested and anyone else's input. She wants to take over.
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  Speaker 2: And she's so beautifully acknowledged in that that her job
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  Speaker 2: was to keep her safe for the future, and.
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  Speaker 1: My job is to protect her from the scary stuff
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  Speaker 1: she can't see.
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  Speaker 2: I plan for the future. Oh, I can show you.
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  Speaker 2: You're going to love it. Joy's job was about keeping
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  Speaker 2: her joyful in the moment and to be mindful of
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  Speaker 2: what's been in the past.
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  Speaker 1: This taps in so perfectly as well with adolescent brain development.
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  Speaker 1: I mentioned there are two times for the brain explodes.
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  Speaker 1: The first one is during toddlehood. The second one is
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: during adolescence. And this second brain explosion, I mean toddlers
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  Speaker 1: and children, they just don't think about the future. But
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  Speaker 1: once we hit adolescents, that's when future planning strategy thinking.
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  Speaker 1: That's when the prefrontal cortex comes on board, and we.
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  Speaker 2: Don't spend time in the present because we're so worried
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  Speaker 2: about the future.
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  Speaker 1: And to tie in with something that I've been saying
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  Speaker 1: for over a decade, maybe two decades now, when our
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  Speaker 1: emotions are high and we're speaking about all emotions, but
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  Speaker 1: specifically emotions like anxiety, our intelligence is diminished. And that's
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  Speaker 1: because anxiety takes over. It doesn't let anything else step in.
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  Speaker 1: There are two metaphors that I love here. The first
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  Speaker 1: is from doctor Lisa to Moore. She's one of America's
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  Speaker 1: best known child and adolescent psychologists. She was I believe
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  Speaker 1: a consultants too inside out too and her fingerprints are
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  Speaker 1: all over it. Novelle I think through this. She says
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  Speaker 1: that we should let emotions have a seat at our
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  Speaker 1: cognitive board of directors, but they shouldn't chair the board
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  Speaker 1: and when anxiety steps in, emotions go up, intelligence goes
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  Speaker 1: down because anxiety starts to share the board, and through
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  Speaker 1: the movie we see what happens there. She's also got
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  Speaker 1: another brilliant metaphor though, She talks about how when emotions
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  Speaker 1: get stirred up and become high, it's like picking up
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  Speaker 1: a snow globe and shaking it. And now you can't
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  Speaker 1: see the picture in the snow globe clearly because all
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  Speaker 1: of the snow's buzzing around. And we see that depicted
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  Speaker 1: so beautifully in the movie. After the break, I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to share my last big insight, the thing that blew
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  Speaker 1: me away, And I know you've got about fourteen pages
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  Speaker 1: of contenting you want to whip through as well. I'm
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  Speaker 1: watching Inside Out too, and one of my favorite things
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: see in the whole thing. I loved seeing the complexity
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  Speaker 1: and the mixed emotions. I loved seeing the social complexity
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  Speaker 1: as Riley tried to navigate to friend groups. But my
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: one of my favorite things was watching the parents with
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  Speaker 1: their emotions and having their own little emotional board of
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  Speaker 1: directors going nuts in their brain.
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  Speaker 2: The biggest shifting point in the movie was when all
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  Speaker 2: the original emotions had been banished to the back of
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  Speaker 2: the brain right, And there comes a point where Joy
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  Speaker 2: recognizes that for the first time, she's willing to acknowledge
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  Speaker 2: she doesn't have the answers.
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  Speaker 1: Come on, please, what am I missing?
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  Speaker 2: This is really.
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  Speaker 1: Critical because an adolescent's brain is so much more complex
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  Speaker 1: and their situations are so much more complex than a
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  Speaker 1: child's brain.
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  Speaker 2: So she realizes that she doesn't have all the answers,
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  Speaker 2: and the other emotions are looking at her to know
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  Speaker 2: what to do next.
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  Speaker 1: She's been the leader of the pack for Song, and
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  Speaker 1: she just says, maybe this is what happens when you
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  Speaker 1: grew up.
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  Speaker 2: You feel must joy. It's just so melancholy and sad
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  Speaker 2: in that moment when she acknowledges that growing up is hard.
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  Speaker 1: But but but we know from good science that joy
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  Speaker 1: is at the very core of who we're supposed to be,
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  Speaker 1: where life is supposed to be joyful. It's just that
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  Speaker 1: it can't stay. There's a wonderful thing that I heard
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  Speaker 1: from a I think it was a rabbi in a
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  Speaker 1: book or a talk that I was listening to, a
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: book that I was reading, or a talk that I
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: was listening to, who said, you can't stay on top
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: of the mountain. The view is so great at the
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: top of the mountain, but you can't live on top
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: of the mountain. Now, obviously we're not talking about Australian
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: mountains here. We're talking about the Alps or the Pyrenees.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: We're talking about the Rocky Mountains or something like that.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: And we've been to some of those places, and you
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: can't have houses up there. The houses stop in the valley.
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  Speaker 1: You can't stay on top of the mountain.
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  Speaker 2: But that was part of the shift for Joy because
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: she has an exon in that moment before she has
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: that realization and she just says to everyone, you.
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  Speaker 1: Know how hard it is to stay positive all the time.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: When all you folks do is complain, Complain, Complain, Jimny,
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  Speaker 2: mother love and druget. Like, she just loses it in
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: that moment because she's exhausted from having to be the
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  Speaker 2: one who's in the front seat the whole time.
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  Speaker 1: We're away supposed to be happy.
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  Speaker 2: And I think that that is just it's just so well,
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  Speaker 2: so well depicted. But the saving part of the movie,
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: in order for them to actually save the day, they
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: rode an avalanche. I'm gonna get emotional. They wrote an
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  Speaker 2: avalanche of all the bad memories that Joy had to
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  Speaker 2: throw into the back of the brain because she didn't
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: want them. It was that avalanche of bad memories that
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: actually restored Riley's true sense of self because while ever
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: we feed ourselves with only the positive we recognize and no,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: it's not our true self. We are those things, but
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  Speaker 2: we're all so selfish, and we're also unkind from time
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  Speaker 2: to time, and we're also not loyal to our friends
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  Speaker 2: or whatever it is. But we're also beautiful and thoughtful
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: and respectful. They make up the whole picture. And I
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: just love that. It was an avalanche of bad memories,
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  Speaker 2: an avalanche of difficult, hard moments in time that actually saved.
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  Speaker 1: Her inside out too. You can get it on Disney
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Plus hashtag not sponsored. We just wanted to talk about it.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: We should have talked about it months ago. We should
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: have watched it months ago. But hey, we're not going
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: to bat ourselves up about it. I definitely think it's
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: worth a couple of watches. And if you can sit
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: down with your kids, regardless of their age, Kylie, it's
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: worth sitting down and talking to them, watching it and
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: having a chat about what the movie taught them, and
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: even if.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: The kids don't want to watch it, you should.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, you don't have to watch Disney movies
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: just with the kids. You're allowed to watch them on
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: your own.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: You might actually get a bit more out of it.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Such a good show. The Happy Families Podcast is produced
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Hey, we'd love for
• 13:02
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• 13:04
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• 13:21
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• 13:24
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• 13:27
  Speaker 1: dot au. Back tomorrow on the Happy Families Podcast. Wow,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: those guys are jokes.