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Write Your Own Obituary Before You Retire · Retire and Thrive

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Welcome back to another edition of Retire and Try podcast where
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we help you live your life with purpose, wealth, and confidence.
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Hey, Cody, we're back. We are back bring another
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episode, episode 5 of the series for the perspectives.
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It's a good one. You'd mentioned last week you're
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excited about this and you know it's your stage in life.
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It's interesting to hear you're excited about a legacy.
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What excites you about a legacy at your stage?
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Well, that's what it's all about, isn't it?
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I mean, we're here working our whole life to kind of build
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this, this lifestyle and this this environment we want to live
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in. And then we retire and
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ultimately get to do the things we want to do.
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But not to be morbid, but that'll end.
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And then what happens then? I mean, that's what that's what
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lasts forever is the legacy. And it's not always about estate
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planning documents. It's not always about what's
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written in your will, but it's sometimes it's written in the
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obituary is is morbid as that is, you know, what do you want
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people thinking or saying about you when you go?
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And so, yeah, I'm a long ways away, hopefully from from being
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at that point. But it's being built right now
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along with you. My legacy is being built.
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Yours is to everyone watching how you will be remembered is
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based on what you're doing right now.
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And so it's exciting to be intentional about what you're
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doing. It's not just how you're
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spending your money, but but what makes you happy and, and
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who makes you happy and who you make happy along the way too.
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So legacy is not estate planning.
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They are different. We work with estate planning,
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but we also help people understand the best, not the
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best way, but a good way to make sure they're doing intentional
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things to build on top of their legacy as they enter retirement.
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I. Don't necessarily want to turn
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this around on you, but do you feel like as people retire, they
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have more time to reflect on some of this?
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Because what I often hear is when people are approaching
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retirement or they're retired, we hear the word grandchildren a
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lot. And so I almost feel I'm just
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curious to get your perspective from working with retirees as
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well, that when people are in their mid 60s or 70s and you
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start to hear what my grandchild this or my grandchildren, is
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that because they want to pass a legacy to their grandchildren?
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Do you think more than their own kids?
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Because or I still have a say in how they may become or my
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influence may be beneficial for them and my kids are too old
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because they're now in their 40s.
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Or what's your, what's your take on?
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I just again, a lot of these podcasts are just random
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questions. I mean, we try to stay on topic,
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but I think the legacy is a very important one.
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But I do hear grandchildren a lot and I'm curious to know what
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you've heard and what your thoughts are.
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Yeah, and I just, I don't want this to be morbid conversation,
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but the reality is grandpa and grandma get less time with that
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child then then likely the parents do.
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And so I think that is what makes them happy.
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And it is the, the excitement of I get to see, you know,
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granddaughter, grandson smile and laugh and play and color on
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the wall and not have to clean it up because mom and dad are
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going to have to do it. And mom and dad did it on my
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wall. And right now my, my mother in
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law's at home watching our our daughter because daycare is
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closed today. And I know she's happy as can be
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to do it. And so I think it is a big part
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of retirement is being able to just go on on a whim and go see
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grandchild and play and, and, and make memories while it while
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you're able to, and, and, you know, physically able to, to run
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around with the kids. So I think it's a huge part of
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it, but also they're doing that a lot of times to help out their
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children still, you know, daycare is not cheap and, and
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things come up. And so grandparents typically
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are very, very eager to help, but they love it.
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I mean, they're, they're part of their legacy is seeing now this
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next generation being brought up.
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So grandchildren are are beautiful.
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I think a lot of it is previous experiences too.
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I know a lot of people that say, well, we used to go visit my
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grandma, grandpa down in Florida every summer.
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And so I mean, they might be their 60s.
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And so I think some of that is we want to kind of emulate or
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replicate kind of what I did when, you know, I was 6 or 8
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years old and we used to go to Florida every year for two weeks
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and go visit grandpa and grandma.
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And I know my mom when she was alive, she kind of made a thing
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that when the kids turn 16, she would winter down in Arizona.
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And so she would say, I want my grandkids and she'd take care of
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their flights and everything. It's just kind of one-on-one
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special time with grandma. So I think some of the
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experiences that some of our clients have that are retired,
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they want to share some of those same experiences with our
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grandchildren. But I was just curious to know
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what your thoughts were on the grandchildren.
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No, that's, that's awesome. And, and uniquely enough, just
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last month, about a month ago, we went on our first family trip
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with my wife and my daughter and on an airplane actually.
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So that was a fun experience. But we were going to grandpa and
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grandma's my wife's parents place in, in Lake Havasu,
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Arizona. And that was our daughter's
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first family trip to Grandpa and grandma's vacation home area.
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And she absolutely loved it. And, and she won't probably
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remember any of it, but those pictures of us being at Grandpa
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and grandma's will last forever. And so I mean, that's that's a
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that's a very, very memorable moment.
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And yet you capture that and that's that's a, again, part of
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your legacy. Where did, where is your first
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vacation? And there's beautiful pictures
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of her smiling by the mountains. And so it's just very, very
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cool. Yeah.
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Let's, let's shift a little bit more specifically around the
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legacies and, and away from, you know, we, we, we've talked, I
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mean, the whole 5 perspectives is not about your financial plan
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and the estate planning documents and everything else.
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But let's shift a little bit away from that and let's kind of
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get a little bit more granular about the legacy, if you will.
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Yeah, legacy. A lot of people tend to think of
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legacy. What am I going to leave behind?
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And usually they think of financial matters in that way,
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you know, do I need to get a trust?
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Do I need to have a will to establish who gets what?
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And in this manner, I think the main point we want to make is
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legacy is more than that outside of the numbers.
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And when we talk about legacy, you're creating that every
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single day in retirement. And it's, it's what you spend
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your time doing and who you spend it with.
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A lot of people when they retire, want to make sure they
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leave this earth with, with positivity and, and, and
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friendships and, and some sort of giving ability, whether it's
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at your local church or through the community or your volunteer
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events. And so it is fun to hear the
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unique legacy that it that is often built through through some
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of our clients, for some of our clients, just by some of the
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volunteer work. You never would have thought
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they would, they would do and the new things that they are
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absolutely passionate about that we didn't know as they retire
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and, and, and sometimes that can be financial giving, right?
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Certainly the numbers can play into it with donor advised funds
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and charitable distributions from accounts.
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But the most impactful is typically what you do, which is
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volunteering or working for people who need help or whatever
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the case may be. So legacies built really a lot
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on that, but it's a culmination of things and it's not easy to
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figure out right away. You typically have a good idea
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coming into retirement. And I think that's kind of some
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of your idea of start thinking about what you want your legacy
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to be. So it doesn't have to be day
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one, but by, you know, the 1st 52 weeks that that first year,
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you might want to have at least a little bit of a game plan,
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right? Building that part of your plan,
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not financial plan as though, although it's connected, but
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plan. What do you want to do for
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building a legacy? I feel like that that that's
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that's spot on in that often times we do think of legacy and
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we're talking about a distribution or leaving a big
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dollar amount or a dollar amount, whatever they're big or
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small. But I think the way I look
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through things on legacy, it's instilling values maybe that you
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lived and whether it's through grandchildren or whether it's
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through your own children, you know, remembering you as someone
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who had, you know, a strong faith or someone who put a
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priority on family or someone who, you know, intentionally
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showed up or what whatever it might be.
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That's important. But I think a lot of times when
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I, I refer to legacy, it has nothing to do with money, but
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everything to do with who you are as a person.
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What are your core values as a person and how do you instill
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those into the next generation or two generations?
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Right. Going back to your question
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about grandkids, right, I mean, I mean, their, their legacy is
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they want their children and their grandchildren to know how
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much they care about their family or, or how much they
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prioritize them. That's huge.
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I mean, family is always first, right?
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I mean, whether it be your faith or family, it's always, always
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top two up there and you're always doing what you can to
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support them and you want that to be seen.
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And so I think that's really important.
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It's a really big part of the the perspectives here as we wrap
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up the whole 5 perspective series.
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But what does, what does, what is the hardest part about trying
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to figure out what your legacy can be?
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Right? You, maybe you go into
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retirement and you're a, a worker, a hard worker and, and
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you've worked your entire life trying to build this wealth or,
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or this happiness for your family.
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How do you then change your mindset and say, and maybe you
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don't change your mindset, but how do you go into this new
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stage of life saying now I need to focus on legacy, not work or
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or or finances as much? I think part of it goes back to
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the the 4th lesson we talked about last week and that's your
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inner circle, which can include in family.
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You talked about can it include family and pets and pets?
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Yeah, exactly. And pets.
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But when I think about, you know, that question, it's like,
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you know, a lot of clients of ours when we asked them what is
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retirement look like for you? The answer often times is I want
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to spend more time with my kids. And like in my case, my kids are
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in three different states, none of which are in the state that
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I'm at. So it does make it more
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challenging. So if I were retired, I would
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spend more time in each one of these states with my kids.
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And so that is part of the legacy of, you know, spending
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more quality time with the kids. It might be helping them around
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the house, whether they got little projects to do or if
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they've got kids that you're spending time with your
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grandkids. And so I feel like when we talk
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about legacy and, you know, changing things once you retire,
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I think you have to do a little bit of introspective and find
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out what is it? What's the message I want to
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leave my kids? What's the message I want to
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leave my grandchildren? What do I want to be known for?
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And this was a little bit of a challenging exercise, but I've
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done it before. If you have to be in the right
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head space. So don't do it when you're super
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tired, but go into a room by yourself and write your own
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obituary. What do you want to be known
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about yourself? And again, it's a hard thing to
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do, but it's it's real. And if there's a disconnect
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there, I want to be known for this and this and this and this.
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And he was, you know, he was a great employer.
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He was a great Co worker or he was a great manager or whatever
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it was, or he was a great friend or a great dad.
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I mean, those aren't just words, but truly, what do you want
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people to remember you by? And again, I know it's heavy.
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I was just. Going to say that's real, but it
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but it's true. I I've done that and it was, I
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was at a workshop when we did that and it does matter.
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It's not easy. I mean, like you said, you got
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to be in the right headspace and there might be tears.
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There might be 5 or 6 sessions that you have to go back and
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forth it sounds like because I can't even imagine right now
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myself going in the room and doing that.
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I think having a having a little one at home makes it harder for
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me to do that. But that's powerful.
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And I think that's very unique. And not to get personal and you
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don't have to share much at all, but you said you've done it and
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you've experienced it. You mind sharing maybe what you
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care about to to be part of your legacy?
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Maybe not the whole thing, but what is some of what you want
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people to remember about Dan Langworthy 20 years for 30 years
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from now? Yeah, there's a lot of things.
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And yeah, this is, this is very, very personal.
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I appreciate you asking this. You're not shy to ask.
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You know, I made the decision about 5 or 6 years ago that I
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wanted to build a company of significance.
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And part of the reason of building a company of
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significance wasn't just to grow the company.
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But one of the things I've I've I've recognized and I've shared
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this with no less than 50 people is I absolutely get a lot of
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energy. And I would love to have my
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legacy be something to the effect of not only was he
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instrumental in building a company of significance, he
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built a company where it encouraged people to thrive and
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grow in their career. And what I have shared with a
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lot of people is that what I thought was going to give me
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energy wasn't really what gave me the most energy.
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And that is looking at a Cody Schaefer today versus 4 1/2
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years ago when he started and looking at the skill set and the
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relationships he's built through the organization.
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And I can say that literally about every single employee and
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how far they've come. So that's a one.
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That's one thing for me. I don't know where Fortress is
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at in five years or 20 years from now.
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I mean, part, it's hard for me to to to say this in front of
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now over 9000 subscribers, which again, that's crazy to me too,
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but it's hard for me to say in front of 9000 subscribers 20
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years from now, Fortress still exists because I don't know.
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I mean, I probably will not be involved, but I'm not going to
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have to say in how things shake out.
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I mean, I'd love for it, but at the end of the day, I want to
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give people an opportunity to thrive in their career.
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And I feel like I've done what I could and I will continue to
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foster that relationship or foster that environment, whether
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that's through higher education or whether that's through
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opportunities or whatever it might be.
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So that's one thing and I think, you know, reflecting back to
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when I did this about five years ago, I mean, I always think
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about, I always want to be known as the guy that was just
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genuinely cared about people. I mean, that's just, and that's
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how I feel I do come across because I truly am.
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We were in a meeting you and I the other day and we kind of did
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a little debrief and you're like, wow, you really touched a
14:48
few of his heartstrings. I'm like, well, I truly care
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about the guy. I mean, he's going through some
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challenges right now and, and I genuinely want to know if
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there's anything we can do to help him.
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And I think that's just just just part of my personality.
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I do know we want to wrap this up, Cody, and thank you for
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asking that, that. That is a very heavy question.
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There is one thing that I, I can't leave this conversation
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without saying because I think it's, it's probably going to be
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the most valuable thing in this episode that people can take
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away. This goes back 1012 years ago.
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I was at a workshop and a, a guy stood up, gave a small
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presentation for 1/2 an hour and he had created, he had written a
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book and he'd created this weekend retreat.
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And it was all on something called ethical wills.
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And ethical will is nothing more than you writing down your
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values, your legacy, what you want to leave your kids.
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And it was a great I, I went all day Friday and all day Saturday.
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And I got quote certified as an ethical will provider.
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And I did a couple of workshops on it.
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But Long story short is my mom attended that workshop and she
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took it a step further. She and her late brother wrote
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their life story, and it was so interesting because her brother
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was 10 years older than her, and they wrote their story together
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until he went off to college and then their stories separated.
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And then she continued. It's a book that's I don't know
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how many pages, but she had many editions bound.
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She gave a teacher her kids. Every year I get a box of
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Kleenexes and I read this and it's unbelievable.
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So that's something that my kids each have her life story too.
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Not so cool. And it's and it is emotional and
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you start reading these things and you're like, wow, I never
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knew that. You know, she went to Saint all
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of college and her parents were janitors at the college and that
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she was able to go to school for free there because of that.
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And it's just it's part of that connection that you don't ever
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lose. I mean, it's one thing to leave
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like we talked about dollars, but when you leave a legacy such
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as your life story, and it could be 10 pages or it could be 110
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pages that can pass on for generations to generations.
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So I encourage the audience, regardless of what stage that
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you're in, to write your life story and share some of those
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deep, meaningful values that that they're important to you.
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Yeah. Well, First off, really
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appreciate you sharing that. I mean, obviously that's that's
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heavy and that's what we're talking about.
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I mean, this is not an easy thing to do and sharing that
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personally, I mean, that means a lot to to viewers to help kind
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of give an idea of how difficult it could be, but how meaningful
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it it truly is. The legacy is not always money.
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It's it's what's remembered. So very, very cool.
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I appreciate you sharing that and into the to the viewers that
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are Fortress clients. We will be here 20 years from
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now. I'll make sure that and, and
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going for further on than that too.
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But I appreciate you sharing that.
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And again, that the, the five perspectives, it's a great
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booklet and I think it's worthwhile going through.
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There's, there's worksheets in there that you can do things
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like that. But again, right in the
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obituaries, kind of a, a unique little aspect that I think is
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very valuable. So I appreciate that.
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If you haven't looked at it yet, please look at it.
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And I think that's all we've got for time today.
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But it, it was fun. I'm glad we were able to go
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through that book that I hope you guys found a lot of value in
18:18
that. Yeah, thank you.
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I'm going to lastly say this. It's really hard for me to get
18:22
my head around this, but this is the 49th episode of Retire and
18:27
Thrive. And so I would share with the
18:30
viewers next week we're going to come up with our 50th episode
18:34
might be a little bit unique because it is our 50th episode.
18:37
So it's a little bit of a milestone for us.
18:38
And again, when I started this 49 episodes ago, had no idea how
18:44
this thing was going to unfold and whether we're going to have
18:46
two people watching or, or, or what the numbers were.
18:48
But again, we appreciate the viewership.
18:51
I appreciate the the the working on this I.
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Have one last question. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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In the 50th episode, are you going to be wearing a suit?
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I haven't even thought of that. Maybe I shouldn't.
19:01
Maybe I should should show up in my weekend attire tune.
19:04
In I don't even know what that looks.
19:06
Like I, I don't know either, but that's a good question.
19:08
But but yeah, so I, I would encourage you all to tune in
19:12
next week for the 50th episode of the Retire and Thrive.
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