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The Secret Your Teen Won't Admit: More Connection · IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

• 0:00
  Ben: I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective.
• 0:06
  Ben: This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important.
• 0:17
  Ben: Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life.
• 0:22
  Ben: Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.
• 0:33
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Hello.
• 0:33
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:36
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Thank you for being here with me.
• 0:38
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I am Ben Pugh and I am a life coach that specializes in fact.
• 0:44
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I believe I'm the only life coach that I know that specializes in coaching parents and teenagers.
• 0:51
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And today, in today's episode, I'm going to share with you one of the most empowering parenting secrets that I know, and we're going to discredit one of the most dangerous and most limiting.
• 1:07
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Beliefs that parents have and the belief that we're going to kind of throw out the window and never entertain again is this belief that my teen wants nothing to do with me.
• 1:19
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Now, that is something that's really easy to believe because if you're like me, your teen has probably told you that they want nothing to do with you, but the truth is they actually do want to connect with you.
• 1:33
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And the secret is your teen wants you.
• 1:36
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: To connect with them, but we'll get into all the good juicy bits of that.
• 1:42
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: But first I want to do a couple of things.
• 1:45
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Number one, I want to thank JFactor01.
• 1:52
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I think I know who you are.
• 1:53
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I'm not 100% sure.
• 1:56
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Anyways, he left me a review on my podcast recently and he said I reviewed this podcast before and I'm going to do it again.
• 2:05
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: This is the best podcast for parents with teens slash preteens.
• 2:11
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: This podcast has been so helpful in understanding how to have a healthy relationship with my sons.
• 2:17
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: It's helped me realize that I can be the father that I've always wanted to be.
• 2:22
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: It's helped me stop the guilt cycle and be actively involved in the change that I want to see.
• 2:29
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: It's helped me gain confidence again in myself as a father that I can make a positive influence.
• 2:36
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: It's helped me love my sons and show them that love.
• 2:41
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: We even listened to some episodes together and it helps us all be on the same page.
• 2:47
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Forgiveness is real.
• 2:48
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Change can happen and it starts with me.
• 2:52
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: It's helped me recognize the generational cycles and start the change.
• 2:57
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I'm so grateful I came across this podcast and Ben and the people he brings to the show.
• 3:03
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Thank you for sharing your knowledge and saving us as parents.
• 3:07
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I want to thank you for leaving me that review.
• 3:10
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: That is amazing.
• 3:12
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: You might not realize this, but reviews are really important to help podcasts be found.
• 3:19
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: If you want to help other parents like you who are struggling with their teens or who want a better relationship with their teen, if you want to help them.
• 3:28
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Start by leaving me a review and then that makes my podcast easier for them to find.
• 3:35
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Now, one last thing before we get into the meat and potatoes of this episode, and this will be a short episode.
• 3:43
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I want to share with you something really cool that we've added to the podcast I believe you can do it on any podcast player, but I'm on iTunes right now.
• 3:55
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: If you click on the episode, there's my icon, uh, where it says Impact parenting with perspective and that ripple.
• 4:04
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: there's the name of the podcast when it came out.
• 4:06
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: There's the play button, and below that there's a link that says, send Ben a text.
• 4:16
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: If you send me a text, you can send me a text saying, Ben, I'm struggling with my teenager.
• 4:23
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I caught him looking at porn.
• 4:25
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: What should I do?
• 4:26
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Or you can send me a text that's like, Hey, I've experienced this and I need your help.
• 4:30
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I don't know how to approach this, but if you send me a text, I will take the text that you send me and I will turn it into.
• 4:39
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: An episode so that I can best help you with whatever you're struggling with Now, right now I don't get a lot of texts, so I would imagine if you're listening to this podcast and if you send me a text, there's a very good chance that next week's podcast will be for you.
• 5:00
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: So.
• 5:01
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Please take advantage of that new option.
• 5:04
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I want to help you the best that I can and one of the best ways for me to help you and other parents,'cause I promise you are not alone.
• 5:13
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: There are other parents struggling with our teenagers, and one of the best ways for me to help you and as many parents as I can is for you to send me a question and say, Hey Ben, would you be willing to talk about this?
• 5:29
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And then.
• 5:30
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: We can come up with topics that are relevant to you and other parents, so please feel free.
• 5:36
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Send me a text and if this podcast has been beneficial, also please leave me a review.
• 5:44
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: That really helps me.
• 5:46
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: By helping me find other people who want help working with their teens.
• 5:52
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Okay, so with that, let's get into this parenting secret, this secret that your teen wants you to connect with them.
• 6:03
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And I call this a parenting secret because.
• 6:06
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: When I tell parents this, most of them don't believe me.
• 6:09
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: They're like, no, no, Ben, you don't understand.
• 6:12
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Just yesterday, my teen told me, I hate your guts.
• 6:16
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I wish you would get run over by a rhinoceros and that I never had to look at your ugly face.
• 6:21
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Your teen can tell you some nasty, nasty things.
• 6:25
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: This is even a secret to them, but they want to connect with you.
• 6:30
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: It's more than a want.
• 6:32
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: It's like a biological need and desire, and there's this myth.
• 6:39
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: There's this false belief that no teens don't want anything to do with their parents.
• 6:44
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: My teen hates me.
• 6:45
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: My teen wants nothing to do with me.
• 6:48
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And a lot of parents believe this, and it isn't your fault.
• 6:53
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: This is even pushed in the media.
• 6:55
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Like we see so many shows about parents who are estranged and their teens hate'em, and.
• 7:02
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: That doesn't have to be true for you.
• 7:06
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And like I said earlier, your teen might even tell you at point blank that I hate you.
• 7:11
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I want nothing to do with you.
• 7:12
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: You are the dumbest parent on earth.
• 7:15
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: But I promise you, deep down they want you to connect with them.
• 7:21
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And a lot of parents make the mistake of trying to.
• 7:25
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Manipulate their teen into doing the work to connect with them, the parent.
• 7:31
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And I'm telling you, it's gotta start with you.
• 7:33
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: You can connect with your teen.
• 7:36
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: So I want to just think about this.
• 7:41
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Look at how many people have serious mental and emotional issues that are tied or rooted in.
• 7:52
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Not having a good relationship with their parents.
• 7:56
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Like I hate the term mommy issues or daddy issues, like it really takes away from what's really going on here.
• 8:04
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: But a lot of issues really do stem from a poor relationship between a parent and a child or even a teenager.
• 8:15
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And the powerful thing is that if you can realize this now.
• 8:19
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: You can start improving your relationship today, and your teen might not even know that they want to connect with you.
• 8:27
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: They might have no idea how to connect with you.
• 8:30
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And so when you realize this, you can trust that, hey, my teen wants a connection with me.
• 8:37
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: You can trust that, hey, my teen wants me to connect with them.
• 8:43
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And when you start believing this connection with your teen will become your reality, and when you believe that your teen actually wants a relationship with you and they want to connection with you, you'll start finding new and better ways to connect with your teen.
• 9:04
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: So.
• 9:04
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: You can keep believing the old myth that man teens want nothing to do with their parents.
• 9:10
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Or you can believe your personal myth.
• 9:13
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: My teen hates me and wants nothing to do with me.
• 9:17
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Or you can start believing that your teen wants you to connect with them.
• 9:25
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And I'll share a little secret your mind.
• 9:29
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Finds exactly what you're looking for.
• 9:32
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: If you believe your teen doesn't want anything to do with you, you will keep finding evidence to support that.
• 9:39
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: But if you believe now my teen wants me to connect with them, that's what you're going to find evidence.
• 9:45
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Your kids gonna come home for dinner at night and you're gonna be like, gosh dang.
• 9:50
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: They do want connection.
• 9:51
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: They come back every day.
• 9:53
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: They have a car, they have a credit card.
• 9:56
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: They can fill up the tank with gas and drive off into the sunset and be gone for months at a time.
• 10:02
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: When you start believing that your teen wants you to connect with them, that will become your reality and you will start finding ways to connect with your teen.
• 10:15
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I promise this is a game changer.
• 10:19
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: The next time you catch yourself complaining to a friend and saying, gosh, my teen wants nothing to do with me.
• 10:25
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I want you to catch yourself in that myth, and I want you to find an example of how your teen actually does want you to connect with them.
• 10:33
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: And I want you to brag.
• 10:36
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: To your friend rather than complain, like, man, my teen, he wants me to connect with him so bad.
• 10:42
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: He keeps inviting me to go to his basketball games.
• 10:46
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Or my teen.
• 10:48
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: My teen riding the bus home with the teen.
• 10:51
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: He says it's too cramped.
• 10:53
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: He says it's not comfortable.
• 10:54
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: It stinks on the way home.
• 10:56
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: 'cause they're all sweaty.
• 10:57
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Well, guess what?
• 10:58
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: That's proof to me that my teen wants a connection with me.
• 11:02
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: He wants me to give him a ride home so that we can connect.
• 11:06
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I promise you this is a game changer.
• 11:09
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: Stop believing the lie that teens want nothing to do with their parents, and trust me, your teen wants you to connect with them.
• 11:17
  ben_1_03-05-2025_141745: I'll see you next week.