Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / I Set a Boundary... Now What? (Dealing with the Fallout Of A Narcissist)

Transcript

I Set a Boundary... Now What? (Dealing with the Fallout Of A Narcissist) · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:02
  So yesterday I gave you three ways to set boundaries with a
• 0:06
  narcissist or a toxic person. Today we're talking about the
• 0:10
  war that starts after you say no, after you set that boundary,
• 0:16
  after you put a stop to whatever's been going on and you
• 0:20
  try to put a stop to it, right? Because when you set a boundary
• 0:23
  with a narcissist or a very highly toxic person, they don't
• 0:27
  say thank you. Thank you so much for that
• 0:30
  boundary. It, it made me love you even
• 0:33
  more. I love the fact.
• 0:34
  Did you set that boundary, that boundary with me?
• 0:37
  I, I enjoy boundaries, especially when they're set by
• 0:42
  you. They don't say that now, do
• 0:44
  they? No, most times as you start a
• 0:47
  boundary, they'll start a smear campaign.
• 0:50
  They'll start to use the kids as weapons or, or, or big or
• 0:56
  they'll go into silent treatment to punish you or they go to some
• 0:59
  narcissistic rage. They start throwing a damn
• 1:03
  narcissistic temper tantrum. Of course, y'all if y'all new
• 1:06
  here? I'm Lee Hammock.
• 1:07
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. And today I'm telling you why
• 1:10
  narcissistic people react this way when you set a boundary and
• 1:14
  how to stay strong when they try to break your lines, when they
• 1:18
  try to breakthrough it and whatnot.
• 1:21
  So that's what we talked about today.
• 1:22
  Y'all, what is going on? Welcome to the live.
• 1:24
  Welcome to the live. Welcome to the live.
• 1:26
  Ashley, what's up Angela, what's going on?
• 1:29
  But yeah, y'all, if you didn't watch yesterday's video about
• 1:32
  three ways to set a boundary with a narcissist, make sure you
• 1:35
  go check that out. Make sure you check that out.
• 1:37
  What is going on, Jeanette? Thanks, Lee for.
• 1:39
  Oh yeah. Well, I just had a one-on-one
• 1:41
  with her the other day. So yay.
• 1:43
  What's going on? We did a one-on-one after she
• 1:45
  was live. So, yeah, as you know, to a
• 1:49
  narcissist, setting a boundary is abusive to them.
• 1:57
  We, like a narcissist, will consider you setting a boundary
• 2:01
  or telling them no, telling them that you don't like something.
• 2:05
  They will consider that abuse and they will try to make it
• 2:09
  seem like you are an abuser. And I know that sounds
• 2:16
  ridiculous. I know it sounds stupid, because
• 2:20
  it is. It's ridiculous and it's stupid.
• 2:23
  It's dumb as hell. But this is how the mind of a
• 2:26
  lot of narcissists work. It really, truly is.
• 2:31
  It's crazy. It's it's ridiculously crazy how
• 2:34
  the mind of a lot of narcissistic people work.
• 2:36
  It really, truly is. So they'll tell you, hey, look,
• 2:41
  you can't tell me. No, you are not.
• 2:43
  They'll call you. Look, no, if you set a boundary,
• 2:45
  they'll call you a narcissist. If if you set a boundary on a
• 2:51
  narcissist, they'll call you a narcissist.
• 2:54
  It's crazy as hell. Blessings to you, Jante.
• 2:57
  What's up, Ladonna? What's going on?
• 2:59
  Saint Louis Melody, what's up? What's up?
• 3:03
  What's up? But yeah, they'll tell you that
• 3:05
  you're a narcissist. You're like, this is like Angela
• 3:08
  said. They'll call you evil when you
• 3:11
  set a boundary. And then when you don't break
• 3:13
  your boundaries, they'll call you evil.
• 3:15
  I'm an abuse victim. They'll start to sneak dissing
• 3:19
  you on social media. They'll start doing things like
• 3:21
  that to really mess with you. Appreciate it, Christine.
• 3:24
  What's going on? They'll start doing things to
• 3:27
  really mess with you, to really get inside of your head.
• 3:29
  So to a narcissist, that boundary is abuse.
• 3:32
  Y'all they they will call your boundary controlling because you
• 3:36
  set a boundary. They will try to call you
• 3:38
  controlling for setting a boundary.
• 3:42
  They'll call you controlling for setting a boundary.
• 3:46
  How crazy is that? Right?
• 3:47
  There you go. You all you, you look, you set a
• 3:51
  boundary. You say, hey, look, I don't like
• 3:54
  if you cuss. If you yell at me again, I'm
• 3:57
  going to I'm leaving the room. That's my boundary.
• 4:01
  Wow, you going to try to control how I talk?
• 4:03
  Wow, you really are controlling. You are a narcissist.
• 4:09
  Isn't that crazy as hell? Isn't that insane how that mind
• 4:13
  works right there in in that instance they will call you
• 4:16
  controlling when you try to set a boundary like it's crazy and
• 4:22
  this is how the mind works right there.
• 4:24
  That always happen to have Juqueta.
• 4:25
  Juqueta. Juqueta.
• 4:26
  Yep. What up?
• 4:27
  What up? What up y'all?
• 4:29
  I'm just going through the comments.
• 4:29
  Y'all drop a comment. Just drop a hay or something
• 4:32
  like that in the comments. Let me know you're here.
• 4:33
  But yeah, yeah, to a person like let's, let's get inside.
• 4:38
  Let's get inside the mind of a narcissist real quick.
• 4:40
  Y'all. Let me set the mood.
• 4:41
  It's a dark, damp cave now. Seriously, to a narcissist, I'm
• 4:48
  you. As a narcissist, I'm used to
• 4:50
  people not to let me know. I'm used to having zero limits
• 4:54
  and 0 boundaries set. I'm used to it.
• 4:56
  I'm used to that. I'm used to this freedom to do
• 4:58
  what I want when I want A to. So to me, someone that's used to
• 5:04
  doing what I want when I want, a boundary feels like you're
• 5:07
  putting me in a prison cell. A boundary feels like you're
• 5:10
  locking me up. A boundary feel like you're
• 5:13
  holding me. A boundary feel like you're
• 5:15
  holding me hostage. Right?
• 5:18
  And that's why you get a, a visceral reaction sometimes when
• 5:21
  you're dealing with a narcissistic person.
• 5:24
  It really is. That's why you get a visceral
• 5:26
  reaction. You set a boundary, you'll get a
• 5:28
  visceral reaction L As Justin said, I once took away his vape
• 5:32
  while he was driving after years of him being cleaned from his
• 5:35
  smoking cigarettes addiction. He yelled at me and said I'm
• 5:38
  being controlling. See you said you got to set a
• 5:41
  boundary. No smoking in the car, no doing
• 5:43
  this, no doing that. Took a vape, he calls you
• 5:45
  controlling and started yelling and screaming at you.
• 5:47
  You will get a visceral reaction.
• 5:50
  That's how it goes right there. That's how it goes. 24 and I'm
• 5:54
  selfish. What happened in 24,000?
• 5:56
  What's going on, Amanda, What's up?
• 5:57
  What's up? What's up?
• 5:59
  I try not to lie. I try not to lie.
• 6:01
  Nikki, know who you are and what they're and they're 90% about
• 6:06
  it. Yep.
• 6:07
  So they keep staying clear. He helps give you that clarity
• 6:10
  out. It really does.
• 6:14
  What's up? What's up?
• 6:16
  I told him he couldn't come in my room anymore after we I told
• 6:20
  where'd he go? I told him he couldn't come in
• 6:22
  my room anymore after we broke up.
• 6:24
  And he told me I need therapy. You really going to lock me out
• 6:30
  of the room? You really going to do this to
• 6:33
  me? You really going to do it?
• 6:35
  Do me like this? Wow, I can't you.
• 6:38
  I can't lay in the bed with you no more.
• 6:40
  I can't snuggle with your more. I can't 'cause we just 'cause we
• 6:43
  broke up just because we get a divorce, it mean I can't snow.
• 6:47
  I can't feel the cheeks on me no more when I go to sleep.
• 6:50
  I can't snuggle. I can't beat a big spoon no
• 6:52
  more. Wow.
• 6:54
  You're manipulative. You're using, you're using your
• 6:56
  body to manipulate me. You're a narcissist.
• 6:59
  See how crazy that sound right there?
• 7:01
  Yeah, you is that crazy? That sounds in that situation
• 7:03
  right there. You could be right there.
• 7:07
  Yeah. So taking the vape.
• 7:08
  Yeah, they they could be a that example could be kind of a
• 7:11
  little obscure right there. I get that right there.
• 7:12
  Right. Say what you mean.
• 7:14
  Mean what you say. Yeah.
• 7:17
  Yep. Yep, Yep.
• 7:18
  So in, in this, in this instance, will you, will I say
• 7:22
  it? Narcissistic people, like they,
• 7:25
  they like to trick you on purpose.
• 7:27
  I think a lot of people understand that.
• 7:28
  A lot of people realize that. So a lot of narcissists will do
• 7:32
  little things, do small things to see if you're actually
• 7:37
  enforce the boundary that you set.
• 7:39
  You know, if you watched my video yesterday about setting
• 7:42
  bounds with the narcissist, you don't haven't seen it.
• 7:44
  Go to my YouTube channel, watch it right now and then come back
• 7:46
  to this live. It'll be a replay, right?
• 7:48
  You realize that like if you set a boundary, you have to have a
• 7:52
  consequence, right? You have to have a consequence.
• 7:56
  So once you set a boundary with a narcissist, they will
• 7:59
  absolutely start to sometimes, sometimes they'll absolutely
• 8:03
  start to try to poke at you a little bit to see what they can
• 8:05
  get away with. They also try to set you off on
• 8:10
  purpose to see exactly what you'll do, to see if you enforce
• 8:14
  that boundary, right. If you yell at me, I'm going.
• 8:18
  I'm if you yell at me, I'm leaving the house.
• 8:21
  They might yell at you to test to see if you leave the house.
• 8:24
  If you hit me, I'm calling the police.
• 8:26
  They might, they might push you, you know what I'm saying?
• 8:28
  They might not hit hit you completely.
• 8:30
  I didn't hit you. I just shove you.
• 8:31
  That's not a hit. See.
• 8:32
  Wow wow, wow. If you smoke it like if you if
• 8:36
  you smoke in the house again, I'm going to take your vape.
• 8:39
  See definitely that'll be better except right there.
• 8:41
  So these guys got an opinion. Y'all, You set a boundary.
• 8:45
  Most narcissistic people are not going to just take it late.
• 8:50
  Take it, take it in stride right.
• 8:53
  You set a boundary with a narcissist.
• 8:56
  Very rarely are they going to be like you know what that is an
• 9:00
  amazing boundary. You just said, I love the fact
• 9:03
  that you told me no. I love the fact that you stood
• 9:06
  up for yourself and put your foot down.
• 9:07
  I love that. Like they're like, thank God for
• 9:11
  boundaries. They're not going to do that.
• 9:16
  You mean drop your comment? If you're just joining, make
• 9:21
  sure you drop your comments for the Q&A.
• 9:23
  I'm doing a few minutes before the Q and I'm just typing in the
• 9:27
  conversation as well. PSI have not responded at all to
• 9:30
  his missed call or the voicemail he left.
• 9:32
  There you go. There you go.
• 9:34
  That's what ends up happening right there.
• 9:35
  Y'all? Yeah.
• 9:35
  Protect yourself. He is still texting my parents
• 9:38
  while we are no contact. Six months.
• 9:40
  He wants a reaction. You see?
• 9:42
  You go no contact. He's trying to poke the bear.
• 9:45
  You set a boundary by cutting off communication.
• 9:47
  He tries to poke the bear by reaching out to your parents and
• 9:50
  stuff like that. You said it goes.
• 9:52
  You said it goes right there. This is what happens.
• 9:54
  Who said that? Yes, this is true right here.
• 9:57
  There are a lot of narcissists that absolutely love the
• 10:01
  challenge of trying to violate your boundaries and get away
• 10:03
  with it. Yep.
• 10:05
  They, you know, some of them do, they do love the fact that you
• 10:07
  just have a chat. They they look at your
• 10:09
  boundaries as a challenge and this is the type of stuff that
• 10:11
  they'll do. Narcissists like your reactions
• 10:15
  fuel a narcissist. I'll say it like that, right?
• 10:18
  Narcissistic people use your reactions as fuel for them to
• 10:22
  behave a certain type of way, to act a certain type of way.
• 10:24
  So you get that right there. And it's in these, in these
• 10:27
  situations, like you have to be able to set a boundary and not
• 10:32
  give them a reaction after the boundary.
• 10:35
  When I say not give them a reaction, it doesn't mean not
• 10:37
  enforce the boundary. It means don't snap and don't,
• 10:42
  like I said, because they want they, they want to put you on
• 10:44
  the phone, they want to do certain things, they want to
• 10:46
  record you. They want to do a lot of
• 10:48
  different things to set you up right now the Gray right method
• 10:51
  doesn't work. We have to live with an art.
• 10:52
  So it it works. Sometimes it really just
• 10:55
  depends. Gray rock I, I, I wish I knew a
• 10:57
  statistic about exactly how effective it is, but it's not
• 11:00
  always effective right. Sometimes when you set a
• 11:02
  boundary or when you go. I actually did a just recorded a
• 11:05
  video about Gray rock and it's going to go live in the next
• 11:07
  couple days on YouTube. When you said that when you
• 11:11
  record, I mean, what is that? When you grey rock a narcissist,
• 11:14
  some of them will snap on you, right?
• 11:18
  Because grey rocking is removing your emotional reactions,
• 11:20
  removing the emotional energy. Some of them will snap on you
• 11:23
  and lose their damn minds and be angry as hell at you.
• 11:26
  They'll think you're going crazy.
• 11:27
  They'll they'll look at you like you're trying to antagonize them
• 11:30
  or set them off on purpose because you're not because
• 11:36
  because you're not reacting like you normally would.
• 11:39
  They look will look at you like you're crazy.
• 11:41
  So some of them will snap if you do great rocking.
• 11:43
  So be careful y'all with this. It's too much right there.
• 11:45
  What's going TG? My ex said he see me in 10 years
• 11:49
  time. I will never have him back.
• 11:51
  He said he'll see you in 10 years.
• 11:53
  He said that specifically. That's kind of crazy right
• 11:55
  there. You know what I'm saying?
• 11:57
  What's an example of a good consequence that's not just
• 12:00
  leave? Because as we know, not everyone
• 12:01
  know. So it really depends.
• 12:02
  Like I can't really give you an off the cuff example of a good
• 12:06
  consequence because the consequence depends on what you
• 12:08
  can do. What are you capable of doing in
• 12:11
  this situation, right? The consequence, like I said,
• 12:14
  I'm going to leave the room, I'm going to hang up the phone.
• 12:17
  Those are consequences. I'm going like, this is kind of
• 12:20
  like punishing the child. I'm going to take your phone
• 12:22
  away. I'm going to take your
• 12:23
  PlayStation, I'm going to take your Barbie doll.
• 12:25
  Whatever it is, you're going to take something from them.
• 12:27
  You're going to remove access to something in this situation.
• 12:31
  Whatever they're trying, if they're trying to get something
• 12:32
  from you, you're going to be able to remove access, something
• 12:36
  that you have power over to do. And typically the power or the
• 12:39
  leverage that you have in these situations is going to be
• 12:42
  something associated with you. If you keep yelling at me, I'm
• 12:46
  not going to sleep with you. You know what I'm saying?
• 12:49
  Whatever consequence that is. I wanted to to.
• 12:53
  I I waited a long time to see this live.
• 12:55
  Yeah. What up?
• 12:55
  What up? What up?
• 12:57
  Two weeks stalking me same time every morning driving my house.
• 13:00
  Yeah. That's crazy.
• 13:01
  That's insane right there. That isn't it really is insane.
• 13:05
  First time watching staying married to a narcissist is a lot
• 13:08
  day four of the silent treatment.
• 13:09
  Yeah. So when you're getting the
• 13:10
  silent treatment, whatever. Like I said, that's why I said
• 13:12
  earlier, sometimes you set a boundary or they will give you
• 13:16
  the silent treatment, right. And what happens in this
• 13:18
  instance, you have to learn how to give you if you're staying in
• 13:21
  the situation, sometimes you got to learn how to enjoy the
• 13:24
  silence. They, they're giving you silence
• 13:26
  to punish you, right? So if you start knitting or find
• 13:29
  a book to read or going for a walk or just start doing yoga or
• 13:33
  meditating while they give you the silent treatment, that will
• 13:36
  piss them off because they're, they're thinking the silence is
• 13:39
  supposed to make you cry like sometimes.
• 13:41
  And it has, it has happened before to some people, right?
• 13:44
  They go, they use the silent treatment, you might start
• 13:46
  crying sometimes that's what they want, right?
• 13:51
  That's what happens sometimes in his space.
• 13:54
  So enjoy, learn how to enjoy the silence find peace and solitude
• 13:59
  in the silence that you need right.
• 14:01
  He reached out and told me that my clothes were bleached and in
• 14:03
  the trash. I didn't respond.
• 14:04
  Good job, good job. They want a reaction.
• 14:07
  They want you to be like why you do that to my clothes so he can
• 14:10
  call you a whore or something like that or he so he can talk
• 14:13
  some junk till you try to hurt your feelings.
• 14:15
  So good good for you right there, good for you.
• 14:18
  But like this way, this goes on right here, y'all so when you're
• 14:22
  doing like I'm gonna ask this to the I'm just ask this to the
• 14:26
  chat right here. When you set a boundary, how did
• 14:30
  your narcissistic partner respond right?
• 14:33
  What did they say to you when you set a boundary?
• 14:36
  How did they react when you set a boundary?
• 14:39
  Drop it in the chat Yeah, drop it in.
• 14:41
  Just drop it in the chat. You said, I saw somebody said
• 14:46
  Jackie said I set boundaries and he had the nerve to say I'm the
• 14:50
  one person you should have no boundaries with.
• 14:51
  Wow, isn't that crazy as hell? Because this, this is like the
• 14:57
  first thought that popped in my, in my mind when you said that
• 15:00
  was the phrase or the term unconditional love.
• 15:03
  You got to love me unconditionally, no strings
• 15:06
  attached. You got to love everything about
• 15:09
  me. No strings attached, no
• 15:10
  conditions, no nothing. You can't.
• 15:13
  You can't have a boundary with your husband.
• 15:15
  You can't set a boundary with me.
• 15:17
  They got what? Boundaries in the Bible.
• 15:19
  They didn't put boundaries in the Bible, did they?
• 15:23
  You see what I'm saying? That's what goes up.
• 15:25
  That drives me crazy. I love the silence.
• 15:27
  Yep. The silence.
• 15:28
  Silence. Silence.
• 15:30
  They need the reaction. It's their supply.
• 15:34
  It's their supply. Yeah, I got a lot of stuff.
• 15:36
  Come on, he had access to my home camera when I delete when I
• 15:40
  realized I deleted it, then he started riding by my house.
• 15:43
  It's crazy woo. Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 15:47
  Crystal said she set a boundary and he immediately intentionally
• 15:51
  violated it. Yep, they I just I was just
• 15:53
  going over the how they test those boundaries.
• 15:55
  They want to see if you're actually going to enforce it
• 15:58
  right. That's just kind of like you
• 15:59
  take a kids PlayStation and it's just like if you if you swing
• 16:02
  your hand at me again, I'm going to pop your ass and they like
• 16:06
  just to test you out just like a child, right?
• 16:08
  It really is a child. Every TG, the everything a
• 16:13
  narcissist does typically is going to be transactional.
• 16:17
  They have to get something out of it.
• 16:19
  They don't want to do, you know, something for nothing.
• 16:22
  So everything, and I mean everything is transactional.
• 16:27
  Transactional with a narcissistic person.
• 16:30
  I'm not doing nothing for nothing in return, right?
• 16:33
  Everything is transact transactional Boo Boo, Boo, Boo
• 16:37
  Boo Boo. Boundaries don't faze him.
• 16:40
  He thinks he deserves see what he wants from me.
• 16:41
  Yeah, that's the ownership dynamic.
• 16:43
  Once you yeah, I'll be real with you.
• 16:45
  It's harder to set a boundary later on in a relationship,
• 16:48
  especially somebody's get somebody is accustomed to doing
• 16:52
  what they want to do. It's very difficult to tell them
• 16:54
  to stop doing something that they've been doing for 5/10/15
• 16:57
  twenty years. It's very difficult to try to
• 16:59
  get them to stop doing something when they there's been no
• 17:02
  nothing to stop them before, you know what I mean?
• 17:06
  He hasn't text text me back in months when set the boundary and
• 17:10
  blocked them. So he was just he wouldn't he
• 17:12
  wouldn't ghost. She set a boundary, man went
• 17:14
  ghost. Good for you though.
• 17:16
  You know, she set a boundary. He said, I guess our connection
• 17:19
  is gone. Lindsay said she set a boundary
• 17:23
  and he started on a guilt trip. Get in the car, babe.
• 17:26
  We're going on a guilt trip. She set a boundary and he said I
• 17:31
  wasn't ass and blocked me. Wow, my dad wouldn't talk to me
• 17:37
  for going against him. It was my wedding and he banned
• 17:40
  the entire family. They didn't go, not even my mom.
• 17:43
  Wow. Wow.
• 17:46
  You set a boundary and they accused you of talking to
• 17:48
  someone else. That's literally how it goes
• 17:50
  right there. You said they bounded with a
• 17:51
  narcissist and they absolutely accused you of talking to
• 17:54
  somebody else. Appreciate.
• 17:55
  Appreciate the Super sticker. Who's that man?
• 17:57
  Man Chaos brew. Appreciate that.
• 17:59
  Great work as always. Thank you so much.
• 18:00
  I really appreciate it. Truly, truly thank you.
• 18:04
  Any donation to the channel or greatly appreciate it.
• 18:07
  Yeah, I appreciate. Thank you.
• 18:07
  Thank you. Thank you.
• 18:09
  I'm free now. Order of protection since
• 18:10
  November. Flex on them.
• 18:14
  Stay safe, stay safe, stay safe. Healed, Brittany says He keeps
• 18:20
  making fake social media accounts trying to talk to me
• 18:23
  like he's someone else because I cut him off.
• 18:25
  But he gives himself away by certain words he uses.
• 18:28
  Why not just come to me as himself?
• 18:30
  Because he wants to test you right here.
• 18:32
  First of all, he want to test to see if you talk to somebody
• 18:34
  else. But now he's also testing to see
• 18:36
  if he sometimes they, they know. They know that you know it's
• 18:40
  them. So sometimes it's kind of like
• 18:42
  role-playing and whatnot, right? They are entitled to the end of
• 18:46
  time. Absolutely yes, absolutely yes
• 18:51
  talk talk about a narc man using honesty's weapon loopholes.
• 18:55
  I I I'm going to say they come back to it later.
• 18:58
  He even said to me people overuse terms like boundaries.
• 19:01
  He's people overuse the word narcissism is overused and so is
• 19:06
  boundaries boundaries overused as well.
• 19:09
  Thank you appreciate the Super chat super sticker Teresa, I
• 19:13
  appreciate you said you. You're amazing as always Lee,
• 19:15
  thank you thank you. I appreciate it y'all like
• 19:17
  seriously, all donations to the channel, all contributions are
• 19:20
  truly, truly appreciated. Thank you so much.
• 19:22
  Like seriously, let's say 12. I set boundaries and he was
• 19:27
  like, Nah, I'm not doing that boundaries.
• 19:29
  Oh wow. He just, I'm I'm not doing it.
• 19:35
  Wow. He's like, you set a boundary.
• 19:37
  Man just said no, no, he swore I had someone else and come to
• 19:42
  find out everything he accused me of was in fact he was doing.
• 19:44
  Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep. Accurate for a lot of times when
• 19:48
  you're dealing with a narcissist, an accusation is
• 19:51
  absolutely a confession. Yep, an accusation is absolutely
• 19:55
  a convention. Not all the time, but a lot of
• 19:57
  times, right. Oh my God.
• 19:59
  Yeah, I see I got some spam in here.
• 20:01
  Robert Diaz. I heard come in, come in BS
• 20:05
  about WhatsApp. I hate it.
• 20:08
  Hate it start going through your phone goes when they start
• 20:12
  accusing you. OK, sorry.
• 20:14
  I'll. I'm going through a lot of
• 20:16
  things my court not over till 2027 and I will get it extended.
• 20:20
  Stay safe, stay safe. Narcissists are going to use
• 20:24
  different strategies to break your boundaries, different
• 20:25
  language and behavior. Yep, absolutely true.
• 20:29
  Never able to set a boundary. He did whatever he wanted when
• 20:33
  it even when the lies came out of his mouth.
• 20:35
  Boundaries are not allowed. You see there you go right
• 20:37
  there. So I'm not, it's very difficult
• 20:38
  to set a boundary with somebody who's always who already is
• 20:41
  normally doing what they want to do.
• 20:43
  Yeah, I told my husband don't slap me or patting me on the
• 20:45
  ass. And he keeps doing it just
• 20:47
  because he says I'm his wife. Nigga's mad when I tell him to
• 20:49
  stop. Yep.
• 20:50
  That's that owner. That's that ownership.
• 20:51
  That really is part of the ownership dynamic, gal.
• 20:54
  They think you belong to them. They really, truly do.
• 20:58
  I own you. You can't tell me to not slap
• 21:01
  that ass. You can't do that.
• 21:02
  Appreciate the Super, super chat, Caroline.
• 21:05
  I appreciate you. If you have any questions, just
• 21:06
  drop it in the conversation too. I say I appreciate all the the
• 21:11
  donation contribution to the channel.
• 21:12
  Y'all Did I miss something? What is going on?
• 21:17
  Told me I starve without him. I need him.
• 21:20
  That's what they want to feel right there.
• 21:21
  They want to feel like you need them because that makes them
• 21:24
  feel empowered right there. If you need me, I feel
• 21:28
  empowered. You see what I'm saying?
• 21:33
  There's a person I know who told me that no one will believe me
• 21:36
  for how they treated me. I even had a pastor call me and
• 21:40
  tell me I need to stay and work it out and go to counseling.
• 21:43
  Boy, I don't think you understand how much this makes
• 21:46
  me angry right here. Oh boy, ah, boy, that pastor
• 21:52
  calling you and saying you need to work it out, I think, and
• 21:54
  that pastor needs to go to hell. Always telling people like these
• 21:57
  pastors out here who are uneducated about abuse or who
• 22:01
  just don't care, who more worried about what God says.
• 22:03
  You got to forgive. They won't care if you die,
• 22:06
  right? If you go back to a relationship
• 22:09
  where you a pastor tells you to go back into a relationship and
• 22:12
  you lose your life, they won't care.
• 22:14
  They were like well, well, God, she's in a better place.
• 22:18
  I knew she was safe. I knew she was out of that
• 22:20
  toxicity, but I got a little a little birdie in my ear told me
• 22:24
  to tell her to go back into it. And yes, she lost her life, but
• 22:27
  now she's with God is how crazy it is right there.
• 22:31
  She's with God right now. God, take our Angel into your
• 22:37
  house after they told you go back in there and you didn't
• 22:40
  lost your damn life. Excuse my.
• 22:45
  I don't think I understand. Must get my nerves.
• 22:47
  It's straight facts. You speak nothing but facts.
• 22:49
  I try, I try. You know?
• 22:50
  I try, I try, I try. Everyone tells me the same.
• 22:56
  Once they meet him, they all change their tune.
• 22:58
  He's so charming and calculating.
• 23:00
  Yeah, because that's the point. They're going to put their best
• 23:03
  foot forward. Of course, when they first get
• 23:05
  in, when they first meeting somebody, get in talking to
• 23:07
  somebody, of course they're going to put their best foot
• 23:09
  forward. Hell yeah.
• 23:11
  You mean the the best. The best foot forward.
• 23:14
  And the best foot. The best foot is a pig leg,
• 23:17
  right? You know who they really are,
• 23:20
  But everybody else is seems to be confused or forget who they
• 23:23
  actually are. Right?
• 23:25
  Forgot. He's saying that everyone that
• 23:29
  will listen that he's the victim lies.
• 23:31
  Yep, there you go. But you see, I go right there.
• 23:34
  He's telling everybody who will listen that he's the victim
• 23:37
  here. But is he the victim?
• 23:39
  No. In his mind, he might be the
• 23:41
  victim, but you see how that goes right there?
• 23:44
  You know, I try to keep it hot and ready, Angela.
• 23:46
  I always try to keep it hot and ready.
• 23:48
  The smear campaign is brutal. After you set boundaries.
• 23:51
  Yep, Yep, Yep. Have you set a boundary?
• 23:55
  A lot of times you have to prepare for that narcissistic
• 23:58
  person to, to lie, to lie to people about you.
• 24:01
  They're going to lie to other people about what you're
• 24:03
  actually doing, how we actually got in this situation.
• 24:07
  They're going to lie. Telling when the truth does not
• 24:09
  benefit them. They're going to tell a damn
• 24:12
  lie. That's just how it goes right
• 24:13
  there. Realistically, that's how it
• 24:15
  goes. Projection is the game with
• 24:19
  mine. He tells on himself so hard.
• 24:21
  Yep, Yep, Yep. It's hard to keep it in
• 24:25
  sometimes. They sometimes they want to tell
• 24:26
  you because they, they want to get away with it, you know?
• 24:30
  Marie said I was told this, I was told to stop being the
• 24:34
  victim and that I'm pathetic and sleep with the other man.
• 24:37
  Oh dear Lord, you're you're the victim.
• 24:40
  You're pathetic and you're sleep with other men.
• 24:43
  He would just he would just launch into some tirades about
• 24:45
  you. Will you?
• 24:46
  Before you set a boundary. Why don't you explain this
• 24:48
  American man? They're going to pull before
• 24:50
  they pull it. Why don't I American man, I'm
• 24:54
  I'm gonna refuse. I'm black sheep from the entire
• 24:57
  family in my friends circle. After 15 years because you're a
• 24:59
  narcissistic partner or ex, I urgently get where I need to go
• 25:07
  this time. There you go.
• 25:09
  It helps you out there, you know, just get into where you
• 25:11
  go. Helps you out in the long run.
• 25:14
  Courtney said. I've been one of your followers
• 25:16
  and you've helped me so much. Yay, yay.
• 25:18
  I'm always happy to. Yeah, I'm always, seriously, I'm
• 25:20
  always happy to help. That's been my goal since I
• 25:23
  started the mental illness. So for a narcissist like brand
• 25:27
  or platform or whatever is to help as many people as I
• 25:29
  possibly can, right? I do that in my coaching.
• 25:33
  I do that in my on my Zoom calls.
• 25:35
  I do that everywhere. That's that my Zoom calls.
• 25:37
  They're still. You can find a Zoom call at
• 25:41
  mentalillness.net. mentalillness.net.
• 25:45
  I'll drop it in the chat. Y'all said no, the victim.
• 25:52
  Why doesn't the victim explain the smear campaign to family and
• 25:55
  friends before they set the boundary?
• 25:57
  Expose their game before they play?
• 25:59
  I mean, sometimes you can do that, right?
• 26:00
  Sometimes you can do that, but sometimes you don't know what
• 26:02
  they're going to say with the smear campaign, right?
• 26:04
  I mean, if you can be specific about the lies or whatever
• 26:06
  they're going to tell to get out ahead of it, yeah, do that,
• 26:08
  right? But some narcissist is going to
• 26:13
  lie and come up with some off the wall kind of craziness.
• 26:16
  Would be difficult to get even prepared for this smear
• 26:18
  campaign, right? Smear campaign help find out who
• 26:23
  your true friends are. Yeah, a smear campaign
• 26:26
  absolutely help. It can be a smear campaign can
• 26:30
  become a life filter for you. Because this is how I look at
• 26:33
  it. If so, if a narcissist is lying
• 26:36
  on you to your friends and your family, and they choose to
• 26:40
  believe the narcissist and not ask you about anything, they
• 26:44
  just filter them. They just filter themselves out
• 26:46
  of your life. You don't have to deal with them
• 26:48
  anymore. You know what I'm saying?
• 26:50
  This is what happened right there.
• 26:53
  Your channel saves lives. I appreciate it.
• 26:54
  It's. Yeah.
• 26:55
  The goal is to help as many people as humanly possible.
• 26:58
  I promise you, that's the goal is to help as many people as
• 27:02
  humanly possible. Of course, it's at.
• 27:06
  I'm confused. I'm confused.
• 27:09
  The guy I've been with told me to leave him alone in a mean
• 27:12
  way, so I have. And now he goes out his way to
• 27:14
  be mean to me and anger me. Yeah.
• 27:16
  Because they don't. They expect you to beg and cry
• 27:19
  and plead for them, right? They expect you to be begging
• 27:23
  and crying and sneezing, farting, throwing up for them to
• 27:27
  come back to you. They expect that's what they
• 27:29
  expect right there. They expect that you're going to
• 27:31
  do that type of stuff right there.
• 27:33
  They expect that sooner or later you're going to pop back up.
• 27:36
  That's what they expect. So it's kind of like ice even.
• 27:41
  Even if I tell you to leave, I'm expecting you to put up a fight.
• 27:48
  As dumb and as ignorant as that sounds, that's literally the
• 27:52
  mentality right there. That's literally the mentality
• 27:57
  right there. What kind of people fall for
• 28:00
  this American banks? People that already don't like
• 28:04
  you or have some type of ill will towards you and gullible
• 28:07
  people. Right.
• 28:08
  Gullible people or people who don't know you.
• 28:10
  I don't say it's gullible people, but people also people
• 28:13
  who don't know you. Like, they're just believing
• 28:15
  100% of what the narcissist says.
• 28:20
  You know, they they get cooked Nelly oil disaster you.
• 28:24
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll, they'll fake leave,
• 28:27
  hopefully thinking that you want to fight for them.
• 28:29
  Mine got so mad. I didn't change that when he
• 28:31
  left, I told him no to an absurd request he made.
• 28:34
  Yeah, I just posted, if you don't follow me on Instagram, I
• 28:36
  just posted a a news article about a man.
• 28:40
  He told his girl that he was leaving.
• 28:41
  He's like, I'm leaving for good this time.
• 28:43
  And she said OK. He turned around and shot her in
• 28:46
  front of her kids and then shot herself.
• 28:49
  Literally. These relationships can cost you
• 28:51
  your life. Y'all, these relationships can
• 28:54
  cost you your life. But anyway, y'all, I'm trying to
• 28:56
  keep this around 30 minutes. I appreciate y'all tuning in
• 28:58
  with me. Y'all riding with me for this 30
• 29:00
  minute live session. I'll be live again maybe
• 29:03
  Saturday 'cause I'm trying to go live every other day.
• 29:05
  So it might be live again every other Saturday.
• 29:07
  If you follow me on YouTube, make sure you hit that hit that
• 29:10
  like subscribe button on YouTube and whatnot.
• 29:13
  Join one of my groups. Y'all.
• 29:14
  I'm, I'm live in my groups. Almost every single I'm I'm I
• 29:18
  post in my groups literally almost every single day.
• 29:21
  So you join my support group. Everything is available at
• 29:24
  mentalillness.net mentalillness.net It's on the
• 29:29
  screen right here. Y'all hit the subscribe button
• 29:32
  if you haven't. I appreciate every second one of
• 29:34
  y'all. Thank you thank you thank you
• 29:35
  and as always y'all as always as always, mental illness is out
• 29:39
  peace. Somebody asks how you leave as
• 29:41
  safely as possible. Safely as possible.
• 29:44
  Make a plan.