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Forgiveness & Reconciliation: How to Heal and Move Forward in Faith · Fostering Faith

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  Welcome back to Fostering Faith. I'm gonna be
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  your host today and we are moving on with our
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  love and friendship series. And so we are in
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  a season where February and Valentine's Day and
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  you just... coming off the holidays. And so we
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  are full of love and life here at Fostering Faith.
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  And so if you are new here to Fostering Faith,
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  we are just fostering our faith together. We
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  are walking in community, figuring it out as
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  we go and just loving every minute of it. And
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  so if you are a returned listener, thank you
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  so much for coming home this week. And so today
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  we're going to be talking about forgiveness and
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  reconciliation. Forgiveness is really is an easily
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  one of the hardest commands that God has ever
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  given us to give and I had recently did a episode
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  on forgiveness and I had a lady she had reached
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  out and she said that she had been walking in
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  unforgiveness for years and listened to that
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  podcast and was just really moved by it and she
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  reached out to the person that she had held in
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  offense and she had forgiven them. And so I know
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  that these messengers are encouraging people.
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  And so we just want to thank you for reaching
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  out and letting us know that you guys are hearing
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  us. Comments, share us on social media and subscribe
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  and allowing us to grow this podcast. And so
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  we can just help people. That's what we're here
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  to do. And so we are going to be moving into
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  forgiveness is one of the easiest and hardest
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  commandments that God has ever called us to do.
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  And so it's funny because we love talking about
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  how God forgives us, and we shout, we cry, we
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  lift our hands, we get emotional, talk about
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  grace and mercy and restoration. But the moment
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  God turns the conversation and says, now you
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  go forgive others the way I forgive you, suddenly
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  everybody gets real quiet. Because forgiveness
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  isn't just spiritual, it's surgical. It cuts
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  into places that we've tucked away. It exposes
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  wounds we thought we moved past from. It forces
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  us to confront things that we've been pretending
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  didn't bother us anymore. And if we're honest,
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  a lot of us learn just to live with the emotional
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  limping instead of letting God heal that leg.
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  And so forgiveness is uncomfortable because it
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  requires honesty. And honesty means admitting,
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  yes, that hurt me. Yes, that disappointed me.
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  Yes, that broke something in me. Yes, I'm still
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  angry. Yes, I still replay it. And yes, I wish
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  it happened differently. Forgiveness is not denial.
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  It is not minimizing. It is not pretending. It
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  is not spiritualizing the pain away. God never
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  calls you to lie to yourself in order to appear
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  holy. He calls you to bring truth into His presence
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  so He can work with it. Think of David in the
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  Psalms. This man is so honest. He didn't hold
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  anything back. He poured out every emotion into
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  the table before God. Anger, betrayal, fear,
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  disappointment, sorrow, confusion. And God never
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  once said, David, stop being dramatic. God met
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  him in the emotions and shaped him through the
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  honesty. Forgiveness doesn't start with your
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  willpower. It starts with a willingness to say,
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  God, This hurts so much. Help me carry this.
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  And maybe the reason for forgiveness is so painful
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  for you is because the wound wasn't small. It
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  was big. And maybe it wasn't a one -time thing.
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  Maybe it hurt you repeatedly. And maybe it was
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  ongoing neglect. Maybe it was an emotional abandonment.
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  Maybe it was a betrayal by someone that promised
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  to be loyal to you. Maybe it was someone who
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  preached grace. but never gave you any. Maybe
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  it was someone who said, I'll never hurt you
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  and then hurt you deeply. Maybe it was someone
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  who never, someone who should have protected
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  you. Maybe it was yourself. You just don't carry
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  events, you carry people. And when people wound
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  us, the wound doesn't stay small. And so let's
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  start here. Forgiveness is not pretending something
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  didn't hurt. Forgiveness is admitting something
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  did hurt and choosing to not let you own you
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  anymore. Forgiveness is not sweeping the pain
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  under the rug. It is sweeping the bitterness
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  out of our heart. Forgiveness is not saying,
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  I'm fine. It's saying it mattered, but it won't
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  define me. I think a lot of confusion around
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  forgiveness comes from the misunderstanding of
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  what forgiveness actually is. And so let's break
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  it down. And so forgiveness is not forgetting,
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  excusing, approving, reconciling, trusting again
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  immediately, pretending everything is the same,
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  ignoring consequences, restoring someone to the
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  same level of access. Forgiveness is releasing
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  the bitterness, letting God be the judge. cutting
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  the emotional tie between you and the offense,
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  choosing freedom over resentment, handing over
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  the right to revenge, and letting the Holy Spirit
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  heal the wound, protecting your heart from becoming
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  hardened, obeying God even whenever you're feeling
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  disagree. Forgiveness is a spiritual discipline,
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  a supernatural act, a healing posture. You forgive
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  because holding on only hurts you. And Paul says
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  in Ephesians 4 .31 -32, Notice the order. Let
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  bitterness go. Then you can walk in kindness
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  and compassion. You can't carry bitterness and
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  Christ -like love at the same time. Forgiveness
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  detoxifies your spirit. It's this spiritual cleanse
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  you don't ask for, but you desperately need.
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  And let's go into something a little bit deeper.
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  Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same
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  thing. This confuses so many of us. Forgiveness
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  is a command. Reconciliation is conditional.
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  Forgiveness is one -sided. Reconciliation is
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  two -sided. You can forgive someone completely
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  and never reconcile the relationship. Forgiveness
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  heals the heart. Reconciliation restores the
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  relationship. And that relationship may not be
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  safe, healthy, wise, or meant to continue. Look
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  at Romans 12, 18. If it is possible, as far as
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  it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
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  Not. Stay best friends. not let them back into
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  your inner circle not pretend nothing happened
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  as far as it depends on you live at peace meaning
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  do your part keep your heart clean set your boundaries
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  release your bitterness some relationships can't
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  be reconciled because the person is unrepentant
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  unsafe emotionally abusive Patterns never change.
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  The wound is deep and the trust is shattered.
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  The season's over. God removed them to protect
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  your calling. The relationship was built on dysfunction.
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  Reconciliation requires repentance, accountability,
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  fruit, humility, and the willingness to rebuild
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  trust. And that's why forgiveness is not weakness.
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  Forgiveness is wisdom. Forgiveness is strength.
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  Forgiveness is in alignment with heaven. Let's
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  talk about some something most people never say
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  out loud. Forgiving someone does not mean you
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  understand why they did what they did. You may
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  never understand. Some behavior is unexplainable.
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  Some choices make no sense. Nonsense. None doesn't
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  make no sense. Some betrayal. will never come
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  with closure but forgiveness isn't based on understanding
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  it's based on surrender your surrender the right
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  to carry the weight you surrender the need for
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  explanation you surrender the desire to replay
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  that hurt because replaying pain is how the enemy
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  keeps you stuck in your past forgiveness pulls
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  you from your present healing pulls you into
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  your future now let's go deeper one of the hardest
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  people to forgive is not your husband, not your
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  best friend, not your co -worker, it's yourself.
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  We hold ourselves to an impossible standard.
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  We punish ourselves for things Jesus already
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  paid for. We rehearse our regrets and we replay
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  our failures and we rehearse who we used to be
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  instead of receiving who God says we are now.
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  But let me say this lovingly and boldly. If God
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  has forgiven you, who are you to keep punishing
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  yourself? You are not more just than God. You
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  are not more righteous than God. And you are
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  not more powerful than the cross. Some of you
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  need to forgive your younger version of yourself.
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  Some of you need to forgive the messy, sacred,
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  insecure version of you that made decisions out
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  of fear, loneliness, trauma, and immaturity.
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  You are not the same person anymore. Stop treating
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  your healed self like you are broken. Now I want
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  to go into something really important. Healing
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  takes time. And a lot of Christians think, I
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  forgive them, why do I still hurt? Because forgiveness
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  is a decision. Healing is a process. Just like
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  salvation is a moment, but sanctification is
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  a lifetime. Forgiveness doesn't remove memory,
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  it removes the poison. Forgiveness doesn't erase
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  the scar, it drains the infection. Forgiveness
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  doesn't rewrite the past, it releases your future.
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  It's like taking out the thorn, and the thorn
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  is gone instantly, but the wound takes time to
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  close. Let healing be gradual. Let God work slowly.
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  Let yourselves be human. And I want to address
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  the person who says, Tracy, I don't want to forgive.
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  I'm not ready. Then let's start with this. Are
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  you willing to let God make you willing? Because
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  willingness, is the first seed. You don't have
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  to feel forgiveness to begin forgiveness. And
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  so let me pray this over you right now. Lord,
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  soften their heart, loosen their grip on bitterness,
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  make space in their spirit for healing, give
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  them willingness over if they don't have that
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  feeling yet. We know that you can heal all wounds.
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  We pray this in Jesus' name, amen. And before
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  we close, I wanna give you a picture. Imagine
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  holding a rope. Someone wronged you and you grab
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  the rope. The rope symbolizes the offense. The
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  longer that you hold it, the more it burns. Your
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  hands blister. Your fingers ache. Your heart,
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  your arms cramp. And you keep holding it because
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  letting go sometimes validates what's happened.
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  But letting go doesn't justify the other person.
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  It feels, frees you from the burn. And forgiveness
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  is opening your hand, letting the rope fall and
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  allowing God to tend to the wounds. And so your
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  action this week is simple but powerful. Write
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  down one name or one moment, bring it to God
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  every day and ask Him to help you release it.
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  Start the process. You don't have to finish it
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  today. Just you have to start. And so we hope
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  that this message encourages you this week. Forgiveness
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  is the poison that you're drinking. Let go of
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  the bottle. Let go of the anger. Let go of the
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  hurt. Let God help you heal. And so we would
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  love to pray for you. Dear Heavenly Father, thank
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  you so much for these listeners. I lift them
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  up, every person that's listening. You see their
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  hidden pain. You see the deep betrayal. You see
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  the silent wounds. You hear the private tears
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  fall on their pillows. You know every story.
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  Today I pray for supernatural strength to forgive,
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  to heal the brokenhearted, to restore what was
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  taken, to release them from bitterness, resentment,
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  heaviness, show them the freedom that comes from
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  obedience, cover their hearts with peace, surround
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  them with your comfort, and teach them to forgive
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  the way that you forgive us, fully and freely.
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  We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. And Amen.
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  Oh, we hope that this message encouraged you.
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  We hope that these series are giving you encouragement
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  in life. Make sure that you are going to the
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  website fosteringsfaithmedia .com and you are
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  downloading the workbooks that we put together
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  for you guys and even maybe take it to your church
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  and see about doing a Bible study on them together
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  for past episodes. We hope this message encourages
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  you, inspires you and that you are growing closer
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  to Christ. Have a great week. We love you guys.