Latest / Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis (Jason Newland) / (music) Whisper Wednesday | LMBYTS #1378 | Jason Newland | 18th June 2025

Transcript

(music) Whisper Wednesday | LMBYTS #1378 | Jason Newland | 18th June 2025 · Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis (Jason Newland)

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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to fugitive any I think that he
0:09
Speaker 1: is getting to him a little bit. It's getting to
0:14
Speaker 1: me a little bit. It's making me do strange things
0:20
Speaker 1: and it's not so Hello, welcome to let me boy.
0:26
Speaker 1: You do not let me boy to sleep. This is
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Speaker 1: Wisper Wednesday. It's still I don't know what time. It is,
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Speaker 1: about four o'clock, two minutes the four peer. Please only
0:45
Speaker 1: listen when you can safely close your eze. I've been
0:50
Speaker 1: waiting all day to do this because there's building work
0:53
Speaker 1: going on opposite me in the flat opposite Norway. It's
1:00
Speaker 1: not in all Way, but a flat. When you go
1:04
Speaker 1: out the front door the opposite door in there, he's
1:10
Speaker 1: having his bathroom redone and he's had his bath taken
1:13
Speaker 1: out today. Now I can't readly complain about the noise
1:22
Speaker 1: because it's been pretty quiet. It's far enough away to
1:26
Speaker 1: not really affect me too much. But the other side
1:31
Speaker 1: of it is I need to keep Finny occupied auditarily
1:40
Speaker 1: because if he has movement out of the front door,
1:49
Speaker 1: he's got a wad of barking. So this is the
1:54
Speaker 1: first moment of the whole day where there hasn't been
2:00
Speaker 1: music or some kind of something that he can listen
2:08
Speaker 1: to to distract him apart from when we've been out.
2:15
Speaker 1: So I'm not sure how he's going to react when
2:18
Speaker 1: he because the bath is actually in the doorway, the
2:23
Speaker 1: one they've removed, so when they drag that down the stairs,
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Speaker 1: I'm guessing Vinnie will give some type of response which
2:40
Speaker 1: is understandable. Wow. Okay, So I'm guessing it's the artist
2:56
Speaker 1: day of the year so far, and I probably could
2:59
Speaker 1: do wearing shorts or wearing not much inside. But I
3:06
Speaker 1: can't walk around in just me undeath because I've got
3:10
Speaker 1: no curtains up. I washed my curtains at the weekend
3:18
Speaker 1: and I just haven't bothered to put them back up yet.
3:23
Speaker 1: Even though it'll take me probably five minutes, I'll put
3:27
Speaker 1: it off. Actually it might have been two weeks ago
3:31
Speaker 1: I did it. So I want to say thank you
3:34
Speaker 1: to Ben, and you know why. Ben knows why. It's
3:41
Speaker 1: as I thank you for your messages. And I have
3:50
Speaker 1: made a few changes today, not a lot of changes,
3:54
Speaker 1: just a couple. I only one that may affect people.
4:01
Speaker 1: I'm not doing it to affect people. I'm just doing
4:04
Speaker 1: it because basically, here's what I've done I have. I've
4:10
Speaker 1: decided to get rid of the website. I do have
4:13
Speaker 1: like a backup plan in place, a redirection, but I'm
4:19
Speaker 1: waiting for it to kick in because it's not working
4:22
Speaker 1: at the moment. So the website. I did have another
4:27
Speaker 1: website building as well, so that's gone also, So a
4:30
Speaker 1: website's gone. I was getting so few visits it really
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Speaker 1: wasn't financially viable. There's like sixty six dollars a month
4:47
Speaker 1: for twenty twenty visits maybe a day. It just wasn't. Yeah,
4:53
Speaker 1: I couldn't keep it going, so I've let that go
4:57
Speaker 1: for now. I've tried to redirect the domain name, which
5:03
Speaker 1: is Jasonnewland dot com to my podcast page, which has
5:09
Speaker 1: all my podcasts on whytch. Yeah, so like the main podcast.
5:16
Speaker 1: What I haven't done, which is really important, is I've
5:20
Speaker 1: not deleted any podcasts. I'm not having some weirding going
5:24
Speaker 1: on to nothing's been deleted apart from the website. All
5:29
Speaker 1: the podcasts are running just like normal, including the speaker ones,
5:35
Speaker 1: the SoundCloud ones, and so wherever you listen online it's
5:41
Speaker 1: still there. Nothing's changed. A couple of other things I've
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Speaker 1: done trying to reduce my outgoes because this financial change
6:00
Speaker 1: is come in my way. I hopefully coold ones because
6:04
Speaker 1: I've I bought some lot of tickets this week. But
6:12
Speaker 1: I have got rid of a few things I don't
6:16
Speaker 1: need to pay out for that perhaps I don't need anymore,
6:21
Speaker 1: and they will making life easier, but I can kind
6:26
Speaker 1: of do around around them. Because my PIP, which is
6:36
Speaker 1: like a disability thing that's up for a few I
6:40
Speaker 1: think soon, and the government have changed it so chances
6:47
Speaker 1: I won't get anything, so I can't even need to
6:50
Speaker 1: prepare for that. Also, there's no longer any adverts on
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Speaker 1: the webs on their third podcasts, not that that was
7:03
Speaker 1: really wasn't that was not Sometimes I didn't even cover
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Speaker 1: the cost and running all the different things. But it's okay,
7:12
Speaker 1: so that's all gone. I comrade of Camphor, which was
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Speaker 1: the editing software that I used for editing the images,
7:27
Speaker 1: so Camva's now gone. I was like thirteen pound a month.
7:33
Speaker 1: I've got rid of the transcription cause I was adding
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Speaker 1: transcriptions to the podcasts and to the website and looking
7:44
Speaker 1: at maybe putting a book together, but that's probably not
7:48
Speaker 1: gonna happen anytime soon, so I got rid of that
7:51
Speaker 1: just transcription, which was twenty twenty pound a month. I've
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Speaker 1: kept chat chet GPT because that's what I use for
8:02
Speaker 1: the images to create the images that canva with the
8:08
Speaker 1: finalizer all and put it together. So yeah, I'll be
8:15
Speaker 1: using only chet GPT. I'm trying to think of anything
8:23
Speaker 1: else that I've managed to offload canver transcription the website,
8:45
Speaker 1: but no, so the podcast stumpaign, I think fifty five
8:53
Speaker 1: pounds a month for Spreaker, so that's that's doable. I
8:59
Speaker 1: can manage that, and there will come in time when
9:05
Speaker 1: they will start to charge me more if I keep
9:09
Speaker 1: increasing the amount of recordings that are onund there, which
9:12
Speaker 1: is going to happen naturally. All my old recordings not
9:22
Speaker 1: on my website. You know that let me boy you
9:26
Speaker 1: to Sleep one to fifty and then fifty one, two hundred,
9:31
Speaker 1: et cetera. All those podcasts about my spreaker page. So yeah,
9:43
Speaker 1: it's all all available, you just need to just I
9:49
Speaker 1: posted the link to the spreaker page which has all
9:55
Speaker 1: my podcasts. I posted on my Facebook, which is Jason
10:01
Speaker 1: Newland's boring group. You know what A said other things.
10:09
Speaker 1: I spent a good a couple of days really promoting
10:17
Speaker 1: the Facebook group, like really going all out. I made
10:22
Speaker 1: a podcast just specifically to try and get a few
10:28
Speaker 1: more members, and that and some other stuff I did,
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Speaker 1: And after all that, I've got one. I've got two
10:39
Speaker 1: new members, both the same person, and both two different
10:44
Speaker 1: Facebook pages with one person the same name. So I'm
10:52
Speaker 1: wondering whether or not Facebook is really the place where
10:57
Speaker 1: people gather anymore. I don't know, maybe cause I'm not
11:06
Speaker 1: reading on Twitter. I don't know. I think people find
11:14
Speaker 1: my stuff when they when they want to, when they
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Speaker 1: I'm not hard to find online. Just my name, Jason
11:24
Speaker 1: Newland easy to find. I'm all over the place, not
11:32
Speaker 1: just mentally, but i'm all you know, I'm on all
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Speaker 1: the main podcast hosts, so it's very easy to find me.
11:43
Speaker 1: Of course, I'm also on sound Cloud. Someone's having a
11:47
Speaker 1: good old cough outside. Miss You could say it's a
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Speaker 1: perfect day to day. It's a blue sky, a little
12:04
Speaker 1: bit of a breeze, a little bit, not a lot, A
12:10
Speaker 1: little bit because I took Vinny out put it about
12:16
Speaker 1: an hour ago, and we went to the park. At
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Speaker 1: one point we were sitting. When I was sitting, I
12:29
Speaker 1: was standing under the tree where he was standing under
12:33
Speaker 1: the tree and getting some shade. As I was standing
12:37
Speaker 1: there with it, he had his tongue out, and well,
12:41
Speaker 1: I had my tongue out as well. And the breeze,
12:46
Speaker 1: it was glorious, Such a glorious breeze. His neck is
12:55
Speaker 1: so weird. Okay, none of the other people around was
13:01
Speaker 1: staring at him. He had this toungue out, But why
13:04
Speaker 1: was he staring at me? So I came out and
13:11
Speaker 1: put some clothes on 'em. And I had a shower
13:16
Speaker 1: today before going out. On me, not the first time
13:20
Speaker 1: I've had a shower. This is the first time I've
13:24
Speaker 1: had a shower today. So I had it about or
13:29
Speaker 1: two o'clock before I went out. I was sweating like
13:38
Speaker 1: I'd had a shower, dried myself off, like completely dried
13:43
Speaker 1: myself off. Water was grown out my ears, and couldn't
13:49
Speaker 1: believe it. It was just there was a puddle in
13:57
Speaker 1: my shoes that wasn't a puzzle to my shoes. I swamp,
14:01
Speaker 1: but there wasn't a swamp. Why am I saying now,
14:03
Speaker 1: I don't know. I never know, But yeah, it was nice.
14:11
Speaker 1: It's a little it was a little bit too hot
14:14
Speaker 1: for the little one. And there he is making him tired.
14:23
Speaker 1: He's fast asleep, even though he was awake when I
14:26
Speaker 1: started this. He's completely exhausted. I can always tell as well,
14:34
Speaker 1: because when I go to get up out of the chair,
14:39
Speaker 1: you know when he's sort of half asleep or just rested,
14:42
Speaker 1: you'll jump up with me. But just now, before I
14:46
Speaker 1: started this, I went over and got my to go
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Speaker 1: and put stuff away before coming back. He didn't want
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Speaker 1: to move. He was just lying the like really, it's like,
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Speaker 1: what do you want? Just staring at me? Why have
15:04
Speaker 1: you got ga up? Now? I've been listening to some
15:11
Speaker 1: Richard Bandla videos from probably the early eighties, late seventies,
15:19
Speaker 1: early eighties, probably late eighteen, early eighties, and Richard Bandlow
15:24
Speaker 1: is the co creator of newer linguistic programming. Normally know
15:33
Speaker 1: it's NLP, but now NLP is also known as is
15:46
Speaker 1: it natural language programming or something? In computers, So NLP
15:53
Speaker 1: kind of has more than one meaning now a little
15:56
Speaker 1: bit like CBT. I actually remembered this is totally true.
16:05
Speaker 1: I was at college, and when I was here in university,
16:09
Speaker 1: we had to learn about other therapies as well, because
16:12
Speaker 1: I was studying persons entered the counseling, which is Rogerian therapy,
16:19
Speaker 1: Carl Rogers and all that stuff. But we also had
16:24
Speaker 1: to look at other things that gustalled psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, behaviorism
16:36
Speaker 1: and all this stuff, and CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, and
16:44
Speaker 1: also my dad's and his wife was there and they's
16:50
Speaker 1: all said, what you doing is I've just been studying CBT,
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Speaker 1: And she said, what's that? I said, I'll show you,
16:58
Speaker 1: so go by now. And when if I didn't actually
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Speaker 1: I think it was her laptop or I'm not sure
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Speaker 1: if I even had a phone that could do the
17:15
Speaker 1: Internet back then. So I went to her laptop or
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Speaker 1: a computer. I said, I'll show you. So I put
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Speaker 1: CBT into gurgle. Now I didn't realize that there's more
17:32
Speaker 1: than one CBT. There's at least three. Now, I made
17:41
Speaker 1: the mistake, and I did. There was a time when
17:44
Speaker 1: you could just put I feel lucky, So you put
17:47
Speaker 1: CBT and it collect I feel lucky and it'll just
17:51
Speaker 1: come up with the the you know, our website to death,
17:55
Speaker 1: so chosen. I don't know if any remembers that. It's
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Speaker 1: a long time ago. Well, I didn't realize there's three
18:09
Speaker 1: different CBTs. There's one CBT, which is the motorbike test,
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Speaker 1: So in order to get to ride a motorbike or
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Speaker 1: motorcycle or maybe a moped, I don't know. I think
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Speaker 1: it's a motorbike. It's called a CBT. I don't know
18:30
Speaker 1: what stands for something training. And then there's another one
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Speaker 1: CBT that's the website that came up, and there was
18:45
Speaker 1: a really explicit image a parent in mind. My stepmom's
18:50
Speaker 1: like standing next to me, and I'm pointing out that
18:55
Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing. So I press I feel lucky,
19:00
Speaker 1: you know. As I clicked that, and my dad calls
19:03
Speaker 1: me if he said, old, what do you want? Do
19:06
Speaker 1: you wanna do you wanna beer? Or do you want
19:08
Speaker 1: a whiskey? So I'm looking at him. I said, I
19:11
Speaker 1: just have a beer beer place. And my stepma says,
19:16
Speaker 1: so that's what you studying the university? And I said yeah,
19:20
Speaker 1: and I can't busy focusing on my dad and she
19:24
Speaker 1: said really, I said yeah, why? So I turned back
19:28
Speaker 1: and it was the third one and it was this
19:33
Speaker 1: big image and not something you particularly want to watch
19:41
Speaker 1: online with your step parent cock and ball daughter. That's
19:46
Speaker 1: what cb D stood for. There, It's not even a joke.
19:49
Speaker 1: This really happened. At least. I was very surprised because
19:58
Speaker 1: I've never even heard of that. I mean really, it's like,
20:03
Speaker 1: I don't know really talk stuff like this, But I'm
20:05
Speaker 1: just saying, this is real. It's like what CBT. I
20:11
Speaker 1: was like, No, that's not what I'm learning at university
20:16
Speaker 1: is cognitive behavioral therapy. She said, but you said CBT,
20:21
Speaker 1: said yeah, that is CBT. This this also apparently is Okay, CBT,
20:28
Speaker 1: fair enough, but it's not the CBT. Why would Google?
20:33
Speaker 1: They wouldn't do that now, but why back then? You know,
20:38
Speaker 1: demail stuff that they're just chucking in without even like
20:41
Speaker 1: I don't want that. I want something different. I'm not
20:45
Speaker 1: looking for that. Ah, it's anyway, So m hm. Do
21:02
Speaker 1: you ever hear voices? Okay, I mean I'm talking like
21:05
Speaker 1: real voices, and sometimes I don't know if it's a
21:10
Speaker 1: person talking, or if it's a person on a mobile
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Speaker 1: phone talking like one speaker, or if it's a radio
21:21
Speaker 1: or if it's a television do you ever get that?
21:28
Speaker 1: And like it's like continuous talking, it's almost like it's
21:33
Speaker 1: not there's no pauses. So maybe there's two people talking.
21:42
Speaker 1: Mind you I've known people that just talk and talk
21:44
Speaker 1: and talk. Yeah, my landlady used to be like that.
21:52
Speaker 1: She used to talk to me. I'd be in the
21:54
Speaker 1: toill and She'll still be talking to me. Seriously. I'd
21:58
Speaker 1: actually be on the toll and she to still be
22:01
Speaker 1: saying whatever she was talking about. I was like, why
22:08
Speaker 1: are you still talking? She used to like me when
22:14
Speaker 1: I first moved in there, my landlady, this isn't back
22:19
Speaker 1: in nineteen ninety one, and then in nineteen ninety three,
22:26
Speaker 1: kind of near the end of the year ish, we
22:30
Speaker 1: had a new person move in, and I think she
22:33
Speaker 1: fell in love with him, and he was always around
22:38
Speaker 1: doing stuff for her and spending time with her, and
22:43
Speaker 1: I mean she I think she invited me into a
22:46
Speaker 1: living room twice. Once was when she told me she
22:49
Speaker 1: was going to kick me out. Another time she wanted
22:52
Speaker 1: me to watch an Italian opera. I preferred the eviction
22:59
Speaker 1: one to be fair, and he was in there all
23:04
Speaker 1: the time. I don't know if they could on it's
23:08
Speaker 1: not nothing to do me, but he really took a
23:14
Speaker 1: dislike to me and started stirring it up. So I
23:19
Speaker 1: ended up moving out. Oh the eviction that didn't happen.
23:23
Speaker 1: She just said she had enough of me, and I said,
23:26
Speaker 1: oh please, I'll do anything. She said anything, and I
23:33
Speaker 1: sung that song from that UH movie. I would do
23:37
Speaker 1: anything anything. Anything was I do to do little? I think,
23:46
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't feel I don't feel like
23:53
Speaker 1: proud of myself by it. She moved down when she
23:55
Speaker 1: was on the toilet. It's true. I don't my bag
24:01
Speaker 1: actually didn't. I just I ordered a taxi and I
24:14
Speaker 1: think I packed everything up while she was into black bags,
24:19
Speaker 1: brought them downstairs and moved out. I couldn't be there
24:25
Speaker 1: anymore because she wasn't being nice to me. I think
24:34
Speaker 1: I kind of over over spent my welcome, as it were.
24:43
Speaker 1: But even now when I think back and I wonder,
24:46
Speaker 1: why did I just stay there for so long? It
24:51
Speaker 1: was just this laziness. I don't know. I kind of
24:57
Speaker 1: liked the choir because I lived off or live behind
25:01
Speaker 1: the graveyard. So the front of the house was a
25:04
Speaker 1: cul de sac, so there's no traffic, and then behind
25:09
Speaker 1: the house was it wasn't just a graveyard. There was
25:12
Speaker 1: an old graveyard that not winning there was a newer
25:17
Speaker 1: graveyard next to it. There was active I used to
25:22
Speaker 1: go for walks there, so it was nice and peaceful.
25:31
Speaker 1: Maybefos been weird? Do you think? I just remember my
25:42
Speaker 1: favorite thing in the world, really, other than going to
25:45
Speaker 1: comedy clubs was going to the West End buying a book,
25:54
Speaker 1: coming home reading a book, seeing up in bed reading
26:02
Speaker 1: a book. That was That's why I enjoyed doing and
26:10
Speaker 1: we kind of intending to get back to that. I
26:13
Speaker 1: just need to get my eyes tested so I can
26:16
Speaker 1: start reading again, because my eyesight is a bit boo
26:22
Speaker 1: boo at the moment. That's another another reason why I've
26:28
Speaker 1: kind of I've come to the conclusion that what decision.
26:37
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't want to spend long periods of time
26:44
Speaker 1: staring at the computer screen. It's not good for my eyes.
26:50
Speaker 1: I think it's affecting my eyes because I'm doing it
26:52
Speaker 1: for what twenty five years, like you know, thousands and
27:01
Speaker 1: thousands and thousands and thousands of hours since two thousand, tiny,
27:09
Speaker 1: I've been staring at the computer screen sometimes ten thirteen,
27:13
Speaker 1: fourteen hours a day. So yeah, thousands upon thousands of hours,
27:21
Speaker 1: and I don't think it's been great for my optical
27:28
Speaker 1: nerves or whatever. And when I take a break from
27:34
Speaker 1: looking at the computer. My eyes do feel better my
27:37
Speaker 1: eyes that was sounded like my eyes, my eyes feel
27:42
Speaker 1: more relaxed. I'm okay, for like an hour or so,
27:50
Speaker 1: that's about it. I think an hour a day, you know,
27:55
Speaker 1: do the editing, and then I'm bload them and that's done.
28:05
Speaker 1: In fact, I don't even I mean it's a little
28:08
Speaker 1: bits stand in the computer post. I don't need to
28:13
Speaker 1: be online the whole time looking at the over the screen.
28:19
Speaker 1: And also, I think with the way technology is working,
28:28
Speaker 1: especially with things like CHET GPT, I can ask it
28:35
Speaker 1: to make mew things, maybe use the chat a bit more,
28:41
Speaker 1: use the microphone and verbally do requests as opposed to
28:47
Speaker 1: typing in so that, howse maybe make it a little
28:52
Speaker 1: bit easier, a little bit more thorough, a bit more
28:57
Speaker 1: or less scary computer to screen. And it would be
29:07
Speaker 1: nice to get back to reading and learning. But not
29:13
Speaker 1: for any kind of reason other than just for fun.
29:22
Speaker 1: You know. I'm interested in the hypnosis. I'm interested in
29:30
Speaker 1: chronic pain relief. I'm interested in techniques to help people.
29:36
Speaker 1: Different things that I can say, different ways of saying
29:39
Speaker 1: it that can be useful to help people. So that's
29:44
Speaker 1: not changed. I don't feel any less wanting to help people.
29:49
Speaker 1: If anything more that that desire, what that need is,
29:57
Speaker 1: I'd say it's grown stronger as I've got a so
30:08
Speaker 1: but what I like to do, how I like to
30:11
Speaker 1: sort of work things out is I like to learn things,
30:16
Speaker 1: but then just let it all be in my brain
30:20
Speaker 1: and perculate, perculate maybe and just mixed together with all
30:27
Speaker 1: the other stuff so that I can come up with
30:33
Speaker 1: ideas when I'm talking that may be useful. And I
30:45
Speaker 1: suppose it's about feeding my brain with helpful stuff and
30:54
Speaker 1: also things that I'm interested in, because if I'm not
30:57
Speaker 1: interested in something, I might as well just there's there's
31:02
Speaker 1: no point reading it. There's not there's no point in
31:06
Speaker 1: watching something I'm not interested in because I just switch off.
31:12
Speaker 1: I don't take any notice. So I suppose I need
31:19
Speaker 1: to work within my I suppose in some ways to limitations.
31:25
Speaker 1: But I'd like to think of those geniuses.
31:32
Speaker 2: Work within my genius.
31:46
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think what else has happened today? Not
31:51
Speaker 1: a lot on yesterday. There wasn't a hug amount of
31:57
Speaker 1: sound really from MMM the neighbor, but there was a
32:05
Speaker 1: fair bit of sound I think it was. There was
32:10
Speaker 1: other music and things like that from other neighbors. I
32:14
Speaker 1: think it was blocking the noise, So I'm guessing that
32:18
Speaker 1: people downstairs could hear it more than I could, which
32:22
Speaker 1: does make it kind of makes sense because if they're
32:27
Speaker 1: drilling and stuff and breaking concrete into the floor, that's
32:32
Speaker 1: going to affect anyone that shares that ceiling, doesn't it.
32:37
Speaker 1: I suppose. I know I share the floor, but I'm
32:42
Speaker 1: quite far removed. I mean a room. That's the first
32:47
Speaker 1: I could get away from where he is, not not
32:52
Speaker 1: to get away from him, just this is where my
32:54
Speaker 1: living room is, and I've got no no walls that
33:02
Speaker 1: really share. But he's next door neighbor does and downstairs
33:06
Speaker 1: from him does. They both share the same kind of
33:11
Speaker 1: like his bathroom away a minute, his allay in his
33:19
Speaker 1: bedroom he shares with next door. But the floor is shared,
33:25
Speaker 1: isn't it really? I guess with next door downstairs Ice
33:34
Speaker 1: Shoe the bathroom, Yeah, the bathroom and ceiling for downstairs
33:41
Speaker 1: would be his bathroom floor. So they can feeling or
33:48
Speaker 1: they can hear it. But so far I've heard a
33:55
Speaker 1: bit of banging, a bit of stuff like that. Was that.
34:00
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, pepe pee pee pee pew pee pee pee
34:04
Speaker 1: pee pew pee peep. Now that sounds more like than
34:08
Speaker 1: I would Space Invaders game or something pe pew PuO
34:14
Speaker 1: pew buck Rogers Pu pu pu Star Wars, even pipi
34:20
Speaker 1: pew pu pu. Perhaps that's why I should have done.
34:25
Speaker 1: I should have done voices and sounds. I could have
34:30
Speaker 1: been a I could have been voices, a voice for
34:34
Speaker 1: like animation pu peu and half. I'd go with that
34:40
Speaker 1: one sound though, but it's quite a good sound pu puh.
34:50
Speaker 1: If I only ate all these things I could have done,
34:54
Speaker 1: I don't wonder. I think back to when I was fifteen.
34:59
Speaker 1: I left school, when I was even too young to
35:04
Speaker 1: join the army. I was so young. It was just
35:11
Speaker 1: the choices. I mean, some of the choices I couldn't
35:14
Speaker 1: do till I was sixteen. But a lot of things
35:17
Speaker 1: I could have just there wasn't There's the things I
35:25
Speaker 1: wasn't able to do. I couldn't apply to join the
35:27
Speaker 1: police force, I couldn't go to university. There's certain things
35:32
Speaker 1: I wasn't allowed to do because of having no qualifications
35:37
Speaker 1: and leaving school at so early age. Because I left
35:42
Speaker 1: I think it was April nineteen eighty six, and I
35:48
Speaker 1: wasn't sixteen till the end of August, so it was, yeah,
35:54
Speaker 1: four months whatever till I was sixteen, and I was
36:04
Speaker 1: suddenly earning sixty pounds a week working full time, which
36:10
Speaker 1: of fifteen was a huge amount of money for me,
36:14
Speaker 1: huge amount a huge Honestly, I was buying clothes. I'd
36:23
Speaker 1: buy a new clothes. I was walking around dressed nice
36:28
Speaker 1: for the first time. Really, my dad didn't walk around
36:33
Speaker 1: horribly dressed when I was a kid. But I'm saying
36:35
Speaker 1: for the first time, I could choose my own Actually,
36:40
Speaker 1: I kind of did choose my own clothes, really, but
36:44
Speaker 1: most of the clothes was school uniform, wasn't it. I'm
36:51
Speaker 1: not not at home. I need to give myself some pajamas.
36:57
Speaker 1: That's what I need to do. I realized that I'm
37:04
Speaker 1: looking at my clothes lately and I'm just wearing the
37:07
Speaker 1: same old stuff every day. I've got these dark brown
37:14
Speaker 1: tracksuit bottoms. Horrors. Is there? Can you horras? He's had
37:20
Speaker 1: an argument with his with his wife, Doris. I got
37:30
Speaker 1: seven pairs in his tracksuit bombs. So I wear a
37:33
Speaker 1: different bear every day, and I'm pretty sure people see
37:39
Speaker 1: me they've never seen me wear anything else. For years.
37:43
Speaker 1: They I don't know if they think I'm just wearing
37:45
Speaker 1: the same thing every day. I'm like the same pair
37:49
Speaker 1: of tracksuit bombs, which I'm not. There's different ones, they're
37:55
Speaker 1: just all the same. So I've decided I'm going to
38:03
Speaker 1: try and get myself some clothes, a little bit of
38:13
Speaker 1: clothing every week. So I'm trying to. Every time I
38:20
Speaker 1: get paid, I put ten percent away saving and that's
38:28
Speaker 1: for veterinary bills for him. And I'm also saving up
38:35
Speaker 1: so I can go and get my eyes tested and
38:38
Speaker 1: pay for some decent glasses. The eye test is free,
38:43
Speaker 1: but so anyway, that's what that ten percent is for.
38:46
Speaker 1: It's basically, now, we got a dog barking, blimey. That
38:55
Speaker 1: dog hardly never used to bark before. Now I can't
38:57
Speaker 1: shut up part when it's not barking, which most of
39:01
Speaker 1: the time, most of the time it's quiet. So I
39:04
Speaker 1: don't know why I'm moaning. I do know why I'm
39:09
Speaker 1: moaning because I love it. I love moaning rare. It's
39:15
Speaker 1: my right as an English person to moan, to complain
39:19
Speaker 1: about the weather, or just talk about the weather, and
39:22
Speaker 1: to just moan. That's that's why, that's my my human
39:28
Speaker 1: right and to drink lots of tea. So what was
39:38
Speaker 1: I gonna say, Oh yeah, Septen, I'll try and put
39:42
Speaker 1: away for future fat bills, future things. I dentists because
39:54
Speaker 1: I haven't got a dentist, So dental bills because that
39:59
Speaker 1: was three hundred p under one additude removed a couple
40:02
Speaker 1: of years ago or a year and a half ago.
40:08
Speaker 1: So and the other thing is for my eyes. So
40:13
Speaker 1: that's those three things that I need to put that
40:18
Speaker 1: away for. And now I'm going to spend a percentage
40:27
Speaker 1: of workouts, a percentage more percentage of every time I
40:31
Speaker 1: get paid, and contribute that towards getting some clothes, whether
40:38
Speaker 1: it's a pair of socks or a pair of pants,
40:43
Speaker 1: underpants or a T shirt wherever, just to start getting
40:47
Speaker 1: some But I don't know half decent clothes because most
40:53
Speaker 1: of what I've got is worn out and old and grotti.
41:01
Speaker 1: I mean, because I've got a tendency of buying cheap stuff,
41:05
Speaker 1: like cheap T shirts five for a pound. No maybe not,
41:10
Speaker 1: but like you know, five T shirts for twenty quid.
41:18
Speaker 1: They're fine to start with, but after a few washes,
41:22
Speaker 1: they just they don't look great. So it's something I
41:31
Speaker 1: want to try and do. Also, I need to look
41:36
Speaker 1: at getting a winter coat. This is probably the best
41:40
Speaker 1: time of the year to get a winter coat, really
41:42
Speaker 1: because I'll be cheaper because I don't have one. I
41:47
Speaker 1: got this old thing my dad gave me probably about
41:51
Speaker 1: ten years ago, probably longer actually, and it's something he
41:56
Speaker 1: used to wear on the dogs. He came to me
42:00
Speaker 1: and I just had as a backup. But then the
42:04
Speaker 1: two winter coats that I did have got mislaid, so
42:10
Speaker 1: I ended up with nothing. So I've been wearing that
42:13
Speaker 1: one for the last couple of years, which is okay.
42:17
Speaker 1: I got a big jumper on underneath. But I think
42:22
Speaker 1: since I lost a little bit away, I feel the
42:26
Speaker 1: cold a little bit more than I used to because
42:31
Speaker 1: I used to be like a seal, you know, in
42:35
Speaker 1: the winter. I just I had so much blubber I
42:38
Speaker 1: didn't really feel feel the cold at all. Now I
42:43
Speaker 1: still don't feel it hugely, but a little bit more
42:50
Speaker 1: so I've got a little bit less faun on me.
42:56
Speaker 1: I'm still heavy enough to be fair affected by the window.
43:00
Speaker 1: That's good. That is an advantage of not being really
43:07
Speaker 1: really slim and light, because I used to get blown
43:12
Speaker 1: around by the wind. I used to have to wear
43:15
Speaker 1: heavy boots in the libraries. Seriously. I remember once we
43:27
Speaker 1: went kiting, and my dad used to love kiting, and
43:37
Speaker 1: we go to the top of the cliffs and well,
43:46
Speaker 1: that was a windy day. I was on a windy day,
43:51
Speaker 1: and because we lived near the beach, windy days are
43:55
Speaker 1: very generous, there's a lot, a lot of them, and
44:05
Speaker 1: we'd be flying these kites and it was great. But
44:07
Speaker 1: I would actually find myself being lifted up by the kite.
44:14
Speaker 1: I mean, did this when I was a kid, So
44:16
Speaker 1: I probably only wait, I'm know, a four stone or
44:22
Speaker 1: five stone maybe, so you know, it wouldn't take a
44:26
Speaker 1: lot for a four stone to be lifted off off
44:30
Speaker 1: the ground. Yeah, I don't know why I start thinking
44:40
Speaker 1: of that. That was quite good times actually, and my
44:49
Speaker 1: dad had a friend who owned and I don't know
44:52
Speaker 1: if it's an ice cream place. I think it was.
44:58
Speaker 1: It was like this restaurant. I think it was like
45:00
Speaker 1: a restaurant bar, but I had an ice cream bar
45:03
Speaker 1: in it, so I don't think based on where I
45:08
Speaker 1: was positioned, that they would make enough money just selling
45:11
Speaker 1: ice cream. So it was actually a venue. So we
45:15
Speaker 1: went there and we used to get some ice cream.
45:22
Speaker 1: That was a long story that didn't really lead anywhere. Tony.
45:28
Speaker 1: I kind of just said, would go and have some
45:30
Speaker 1: ice cream. I just remember it was quite a big
45:36
Speaker 1: group with tables and stuff, and I think my dad
45:43
Speaker 1: used to do work for the man, like electrical stuff,
45:51
Speaker 1: but it was also friends with him. I think if
45:59
Speaker 1: I was ever to had my time again and I
46:04
Speaker 1: had to choose to say a trade, I don't really know.
46:14
Speaker 1: I thought about this like, I don't think i'd want
46:17
Speaker 1: to be an electrician. I don't think i'd want to
46:25
Speaker 1: be a carpenter, just because I don't. I've never really
46:33
Speaker 1: I never really I did would work at school being
46:41
Speaker 1: never really kind of yeah, I never found it interesting.
46:48
Speaker 1: There was I didn't metal work as well. That was
46:53
Speaker 1: even less interesting. I just working with metal wasn't really
46:57
Speaker 1: something that I particularly looked forward to. No down junior school.
47:12
Speaker 1: I used to like woodwork because it was just part
47:15
Speaker 1: drafts and I'd be working with balsa wood. So what
47:20
Speaker 1: I needed was a little knife, Uh little you had
47:24
Speaker 1: to I suppose he's a w whittling I think it's called,
47:29
Speaker 1: and a bit of sandpaper and I would make this,
47:32
Speaker 1: Uh what are they called not yachts canoes made these
47:40
Speaker 1: little canoes, and I used to quite enjoy doing it,
47:46
Speaker 1: and cross stitchen as well. I loved across the stitching.
47:50
Speaker 1: Oh yes, I don't know what it was. I think
47:58
Speaker 1: I think it might be they gave me a focus,
48:05
Speaker 1: something to really focus on. It took my mind away
48:09
Speaker 1: from what I was thinking about. I guess maybe, and
48:17
Speaker 1: I needed that. It was about nine and ten when
48:20
Speaker 1: I did that, and I was I felt good. I
48:26
Speaker 1: felt very relaxed when I did stop stotch critchen, stotch
48:31
Speaker 1: critchen critch, stotching, cross stitching, cross stitching. I tried it.
48:41
Speaker 1: It came when I was in my twenties. I can't
48:48
Speaker 1: remember what happened. I don't know why I didn't stick
48:52
Speaker 1: it to it, because otherwise I've been doing it now
48:57
Speaker 1: one night. Whether if I did do it now, i'd
49:01
Speaker 1: probably use a tambourine. Okay, it's not you know that
49:07
Speaker 1: round thing that you the use, or I think you can.
49:12
Speaker 1: Maybe you can use like a not a door frame,
49:17
Speaker 1: like a frame thing and you put the material on
49:22
Speaker 1: and you can do it that way, just so you
49:24
Speaker 1: can kind of see what you're doing. Tambourines they were
49:30
Speaker 1: like tambourines. They're around anyway. They didn't have like you
49:39
Speaker 1: can shape them. You can join the orchestra or a
49:44
Speaker 1: choir because I didn't make any noise, so as an
49:53
Speaker 1: accompaniment they weren't much use. But for stock stock critchen
50:01
Speaker 1: cross cross stitching. Why such a hard word to say,
50:06
Speaker 1: cross stitching, cross stitching, bliming. I think it's because I
50:16
Speaker 1: haven't said it for some while it's not it's not
50:21
Speaker 1: a term that I've used very often in the last
50:26
Speaker 1: fifty years on forty five years. But I still love it.
50:33
Speaker 1: I really did, really did. Just perhaps that's why I
50:41
Speaker 1: need although To be honest, I find making podcasts have
50:51
Speaker 1: kind of the same reaction for me. It's unfocused, but
50:59
Speaker 1: not on myself. Although I'm talking about myself, I'm not
51:06
Speaker 1: focused on There's nothing going on in my mind other
51:13
Speaker 1: than the next word. Well maybe wondering why I said
51:18
Speaker 1: the next word. That's a very focused, very relaxing thing today,
51:25
Speaker 1: making a recording for me because if it wasn't, then
51:33
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it. Yeah, I'm not gonna do something
51:41
Speaker 1: I don't want to do. I've tried. That's my whole life,
51:48
Speaker 1: trying to do that but as far as recordings, I
51:52
Speaker 1: have forced myself to make recordings in the past and
51:56
Speaker 1: it doesn't work. I'll do it with recording. Then I'll
52:00
Speaker 1: have to trash it because I realized I've just been
52:06
Speaker 1: a little bit too grumpy. So I only make a
52:17
Speaker 1: recording when I want to, when i'm up through it
52:23
Speaker 1: and i'm feeling I mean, sometimes I do one when
52:26
Speaker 1: I'm tired. Sometimes I do one because I know I
52:33
Speaker 1: need to do it. But it's it's not that I
52:36
Speaker 1: don't want to. I might give myself a little nutch
52:43
Speaker 1: maybe on a Q and a Friday when I'm thinking
52:47
Speaker 1: I've left it late. I'm gonna have to do it.
52:50
Speaker 1: If I don't do it now, i'll have to do
52:52
Speaker 1: it in the morning. And I think, no, I'm doing now.
52:57
Speaker 1: But it's never It's never forced. Wow, my starch just
53:05
Speaker 1: a proper circle. That's why din he had breakfast cere
53:11
Speaker 1: yesterday because I haven't had any food, so I need
53:16
Speaker 1: to since Monday. So I need to like my food food,
53:21
Speaker 1: you know, So I'm gonna make myself a couple of
53:26
Speaker 1: toasted sandwiches once a Monday is yeah. Second, I just
53:52
Speaker 1: needed to check something I don't know in my freezer.
54:05
Speaker 1: I did have some rolls which I can toast or
54:10
Speaker 1: let them do frost in the use them as roll
54:15
Speaker 1: bread rolls, basically that Gia pattern gee patter, the Geo
54:20
Speaker 1: patter or Jupetter geopetti rolls, and I'll cook something in
54:28
Speaker 1: the air for iron to eat them inside the rolls.
54:36
Speaker 1: I don't know if I've got any left in the freezer,
54:44
Speaker 1: and if I have, I'm gonna have to stick them
54:48
Speaker 1: in the air yer to do frost. But then I think,
54:55
Speaker 1: maybe what instead is a just have some toast with
55:03
Speaker 1: something inside the toast rather than chepatter rules Because I
55:09
Speaker 1: do have at least one loaf of bread in the freezer,
55:16
Speaker 1: so I need to remember to eat it because I
55:21
Speaker 1: know that if I leave the bread in the freezer
55:23
Speaker 1: too long, the bread just goes wrong. It's not weird
55:30
Speaker 1: as you think, Oh, you've put in a freezer should
55:33
Speaker 1: last for ages and ages it's frozen. But if it's
55:38
Speaker 1: left in it too long, the results of toasting a
55:44
Speaker 1: piece of bread a slice of bread that's been in
55:47
Speaker 1: the freezo too too long is not nice. Fresh toast
55:59
Speaker 1: is quite nice. Fresh bread toast is also yum yum yum.
56:04
Speaker 1: Yum yum. Depending I think depends on what kind of
56:09
Speaker 1: bread is. But that was weird. There's a bread called
56:18
Speaker 1: toasty that we can get right, it's too big to
56:22
Speaker 1: fit in the toaster long wise, it's ridiculous. It's corn toasties.
56:32
Speaker 1: You'd think that meant it's for toasting unless I've got
56:35
Speaker 1: the smallest toaster in the world. Dog getting a guard
56:40
Speaker 1: who was barking again. Hopefully it's stock Now that dog
56:48
Speaker 1: is exactly the same as Loki. Same make same. Everything
56:53
Speaker 1: really looks different, but kind of the same type of dog.
57:00
Speaker 1: Saint marking Saints sounds are saying, deep old voice. I
57:15
Speaker 1: don't know if you can hear my stomach. I'm gonna
57:20
Speaker 1: have to go and eat.
57:22
Speaker 3: Eat, I tell you eat, Yes, I'm gonna eat. Maybe
57:28
Speaker 3: it's gonna had some ice cream. So when I when
57:33
Speaker 3: I went out with Finnie, I came back had a cornetto.
57:37
Speaker 3: I gave him some some of the ice cream. He
57:40
Speaker 3: can't have the cornetto has got chocolate on the the
57:44
Speaker 3: crust or whatever, but this is just strawberry and vanilla.
57:49
Speaker 3: So I gave him a bet of the ice cream
57:52
Speaker 3: and he lapped up.
57:55
Speaker 1: Very quickly. M Oh he's just waking up. His head
58:02
Speaker 1: was hanging down. I was gone back to sleep again.
58:07
Speaker 1: He just he has weird dreams. Ever down woke him
58:12
Speaker 1: up because literally making those strangest sounds. This was on
58:21
Speaker 1: Monday night. I don't know what he was thinking, but
58:29
Speaker 1: just spend time with the neighbor who used to have him.
58:33
Speaker 1: He spent about an hour and a half with her
58:37
Speaker 1: for the first time since the beginning of the year. Really,
58:43
Speaker 1: and I think it's it's had an emotional effect on
58:49
Speaker 1: him because he adores her, absolutely adors her. He's known
58:56
Speaker 1: as since he was born, since he was literally born.
59:00
Speaker 1: She's one of the first people he ever saw in
59:04
Speaker 1: his life, so he's got a big attachment to her.
59:10
Speaker 1: I'd say that after two and a half years of
59:14
Speaker 1: living here and sleeping in the bed with me and
59:17
Speaker 1: being with me nearly all the time, he's probably got
59:22
Speaker 1: an attachment to me as well. I just don't know.
59:27
Speaker 1: It seems to be different with her. It's just I
59:40
Speaker 1: gave her the lead and she walked off, and he
59:42
Speaker 1: went with her, didn't look back, didn't care. I wasn't there.
59:48
Speaker 1: It kind of I don't know. I feel that he
59:52
Speaker 1: should want to stay with me in a way. But
1:00:01
Speaker 1: I think he's happy. He's happy. He's a happy boy.
1:00:05
Speaker 1: He doesn't get the stimulations that he needs, I don't think,
1:00:11
Speaker 1: but he does get out a few times a day.
1:00:15
Speaker 1: He sees quite a few different dogs, lots of different people,
1:00:19
Speaker 1: he says a lood to. There's an amazing amount of
1:00:24
Speaker 1: people around him that know him by name and any
1:00:29
Speaker 1: any like. I don't even know who half the people are.
1:00:36
Speaker 1: Let's everyone seems to know him less sort of coke,
1:00:53
Speaker 1: get withselves some food, and need to also get delivery.
1:01:01
Speaker 1: I forgot about that. Yeah, I need to give myself
1:01:04
Speaker 1: delivery cause of running out of milk. I'll just see.
1:01:13
Speaker 1: I might have enough milk for tomorrow morning. I do know.
1:01:18
Speaker 1: We'll see, We'll see what happens, cause maybe I'll wait
1:01:22
Speaker 1: until tomorrow get delivery tomorrow. I've definitely got enough milk
1:01:30
Speaker 1: for tea, for a few cups of tea. But I
1:01:36
Speaker 1: don't know if the breakfast cereal. And I do like
1:01:39
Speaker 1: to have my I do like to have my ready
1:01:46
Speaker 1: break in the morning, and it takes some needy a
1:01:50
Speaker 1: bowl of milk, I tell it. Okay, yeah, good boy,
1:02:00
Speaker 1: did you have a lovely sleep? You did okay, you're right,
1:02:11
Speaker 1: good bully. He laid his head down again. There's strangers.
1:02:23
Speaker 1: When he's lying on the sofa with me next to me,
1:02:27
Speaker 1: I can have my hand on him the whole time,
1:02:30
Speaker 1: stroking him, massaging him just and he's fine with that.
1:02:38
Speaker 1: But if we're in bed, doesn't does not put my
1:02:43
Speaker 1: hand on him. Hand it like nowadays, showered to me.
1:02:55
Speaker 1: I like you as a friend, like this weird thing
1:02:59
Speaker 1: to say he needs a bath. Wow, you know it's
1:03:10
Speaker 1: literally gonna say. He doesn't even react to the word bath,
1:03:20
Speaker 1: But as soon as I said he needs a bath,
1:03:24
Speaker 1: he looked up at me. I my stomach a got
1:03:30
Speaker 1: a game, which means it's dim thing. It's time. So
1:03:41
Speaker 1: thank you for listening. Remember to be kind of because
1:03:47
Speaker 1: you do deserve to be happy a be gentle with yourself.
1:03:53
Speaker 1: You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love. Five