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Alexa, Play “Younger You”… We Grew Up But Miss Who We Were · Wait... What's Next?

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hi guys, welcome back to Wait, what's next?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: The podcast where we talk about transitions, including the ones where you look at your life and think, wait, when did I become this version of me?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Lately, I've been seeing all the shows we grew up watching, celebrating 20 years.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it kinda stopped you for a second and say, how are we already here?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: When do we become the adults?
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's what today's episode is about.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: That in-between of growing up.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Taking on real responsibilities, making harder decisions, relying on your own judgment, but still trying to hold on to the light, the joy, the version of you that felt a little more carefree.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: No one really prepares you for that part.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: The part where you're evolving, but you don't fully recognize yourself anymore.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about what it actually feels like to mature.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: The moments where you realize you're the one making the calls, what a concept, the small identity crisis that not just come with age, but with the experiences you allow yourself to have.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us go through this earlier, some later, but at some point we'll hit a moment where we feel a little lost.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're losing pieces of who we are while slowly becoming someone new.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's not a bad thing.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's the whole point.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been in a season where you don't fully recognize yourself, this one is definitely for you.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: How is your week?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: How was my week?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, here, we'll start with that.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, we haven't talked in a while, and I feel like you've been everywhere.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've been nowhere.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: For the first time, I haven't been traveling, but I still feel like life is just coming at me from all different angles, and I'm just trying to tackle it.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: But it's been good.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the weekends, it's nice.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I told you that I was gonna go to see my my boyfriend's family.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: They live in Caramel by the sea, which is a beautiful place.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's literally Santa Barbara 2.0.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's so beautiful, and it's been so hot that the weather was just amazing to be in the ocean.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you know about this, but Pebble Beach is one of the number one golf courses where people from all over the world come.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: We always go get dinner there.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's really nice to just be able to hang out there.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Every time I go there, that's where we go.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really fun, and it was just so wholesome.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: But obviously, we all miss Noah because he's not there.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a very interesting dynamic.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: I like though that you get to hang out with his family, that feels very next level.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's so interesting.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want to hear about you and your dynamic with your boyfriend's family because I do think it's a blessing when you meet these people and they feel my family.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: In a way, I was telling my mom this.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I feel closer to them than many of my own family.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't see them as much.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I see Noah's family way more than my own.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think it is a blessing to be able to be close to your partner's family.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Damien's only relative is really his mom.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: He has like cousins and stuff that are kind of distant.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: So we just have his mom who's in Florida, and that's kind of far.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: But she's supposed to come out here and visit.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: And now that we've been dating for a year and a half, it makes more sense to really bring her in too.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I want that, and he wants that, and she wants that.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I've met her a couple times, but it's just hard because she was in a completely different part of the country.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I was in Florida for work one time and I got dinner with just her, so that was nice.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think that was the last time I saw her.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: So you met her without your boyfriend, or you have met her before?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: I met her first with him, and then I want to say that I didn't see her again until I went to dinner with her.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: But a lot of the times when he FaceTimes her, we're on the phone together, so it's all three of us talking.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And how's the dynamic?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I love her.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm excited for her to come out here.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be good.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: So your mom and her haven't met you?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: They actually have.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, really?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I totally forgot about this.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: So she came out when I was gone for work because I'm just always gone, so it's hard to work around my schedule.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: But the day that I got back, she was still here.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think maybe she had a flight that night.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I we were meeting up with my parents.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, my some of my family, and she was with us.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: So she came and she met my mom.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, so she did meet my mom, but it was kind of it was very brief and a little bit chaotic because of what was happening.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: But it was nice to at least like get one introduction in there.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then hopefully, when she's out here for longer, we'll be able to do a little bit more some breakfast and or whatever it is.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is like the first person that you kind of brow in in the parents are meeting each other, or has have you done this before?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh, I don't know.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: I high school, but that doesn't really count.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then I don't think any of my ex's moms have met my mom.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think that maybe at some point some of them had texted each other, the moms, but I yeah, I don't think anybody's met in person.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: But this is also my most serious relationship.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because as we all well, as you know, and anybody who follows me on social media, we went ring shopping.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I know, I saw that.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you want to jump into it?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because I thought we were saving this for something else.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: We were just talking how I love how we're like, oh, we'll talk about that down the line.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're not just a little teaser, you know, just a little, a little just a little bit, just a little teaspoon, and then we just get people warm up, and then one day we'll jump in once we're ready.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But we were just talking about how you feel putting rings on.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've never done that before, especially with somebody that you feel like it's your person, it just gets real.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: So please tell me how you feel.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: The first time we did it, I was so awkward and uncomfortable.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: But this was also a while ago when we kind of did it for a first time.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: But this was the first time that we actually made an appointment and did the whole thing, and this was just like fun and exciting.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: But I almost feel like like he gets all quiet.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: He likes a different ring than I like, so it's kind of funny.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he likes Princess Cut, and I'm not a fan of Princess Cut on my hand, on other people, yes, but on my hand, it just doesn't really balance out my hands correctly.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just funny because like I'm in there, like I kind of know what I want, and I'm saying all this stuff, and he's just like like sitting learning.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I sort of love how he is he hasn't a strong opinion of something like that because I feel like most of the time a guy is kind of like, well, one, it's oh, this is the ring for her, or at the end of the day, it's for you.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I like a man who's involved, I like a man who's an opinion.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: We love that.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: So he actually agreed with me that the princess cut didn't look right on my hand.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: You don't seem like a princess kind of girl.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, part of the problem too is I have pretty big hands for a girl and long fingers, like piano fingers, and I think princess cut just doesn't really sit right on my hand unless it was like a fat rock, which I wouldn't mind, but I do like other styles.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think any girl will mind.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: The one I sent you today, yeah.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: That one was that one is massive.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: That was beautiful.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'll be I wouldn't be mad with this one.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is exciting.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, hopefully we'll learn more about it.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe you just said you guys are going out for a year and a half though.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like you guys have been going out for way longer.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I feel like this man has been in your life for so long.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Does it feel like longer?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: He's my best friend though.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I've never been more comfortable with someone in my entire life.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: And we spend all day together every day because of the way that our work schedules are.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: It actually kind of complements our time because I work from home and I work East Coast hours, and his job has odd hours, so we get to spend a lot of time together, which is nice, and yeah, never get bored, always happy.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: Earlier I fell asleep and on him, and I was like, Can you just not go to work so I can just keep sleeping here?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Great.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's tough though, that he spends the whole day with you and then he has to get up and go to work at nighttime.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: That would require so much self-power for me.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he sleeps while I'm working in the office.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's adulting, that is having responsibilities, and that's pretty much what we're gonna be talking about today because I don't think you ever think of the day that you're gonna grow up and become the person that runs your own life, and not only that, gradually older people like your parents start depending on things.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you've noticed this, but that has been a huge realization for me as well.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really nice to talk about it because I am not gonna lie, this year has been one of those for me in so many ways.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um when you hear older millennials and people that are around our age talking about these situations, it just makes you feel so much better.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just listened to a few podcasts where people address that and I'm like, oh my god, I've been feeling unwell, and I thought it was just me, and I don't know how I'm going to handle these situations, but it's really nice to hear everyone else going through it.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: What are you feeling unwell about specifically?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be the one that says, I don't want to buy real estate, I don't want to be tied on a place like I want to have this financial freedom.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I want to travel and I want to just have it not be heavily tied to somewhere because I have responsibilities that I need to take care of.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so while it has been a blessing that I had the opportunity to buy my apartment and now I have a job that requires me to be in an office five days a week, but it's an extremely, really good job.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think that now I'm starting to feel like I'm rooting somewhere, and with that comes growing, right?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm being pushed to grow and to have more.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: But when you have more, more responsibility comes with that.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that my parents bought the apartment and they manage it and they pay the taxes and they do all of these different things.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And for my work, it's not like they get they take care of that, which is so different when you were growing up.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: When you were growing up, you were showing up to places, they were taking care of you, they were feeding you, like you were just trying to survive your own little world, which was going to school.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now it just feels like there's so much, and I think that has been kind of heavy on me lately.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of things coming at once, and I don't have anybody else to go to but myself.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have to figure it out.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thankfully, we have Chad GPT, our bestie, and other resources, but it's really that realization like, wow, I'm an adult, nobody is doing this for me now.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Have you felt like that at all?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Here and there, and I also have to say mad respect to our friends with kids who are going through what you're describing and then have kids on top of it.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because thinking about all of that, I can't imagine adding in that component.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't have real estate, right?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's one thing that you and I are different in.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: I live in an apartment, I pay rent, I don't own a property.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's something that I've debated on because I feel like when you're younger, you have all these aspirations and you're gonna get married by 26 and you're gonna have babies at 28, and you're gonna own a home and you're gonna do this.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: And as I started to get older, it was like, wow, that's kind of impossible.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like all those memes that are like, oh, well, I guess we should have bought a home two years before I was born.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah, that's where we're at.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's impossible now.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: So some of those responsibilities are different, but it is the bills, and it's like, oh, now I owe taxes since this is tax season, and now I have to pay rent, and now I have a medical thing, and I do have my fur baby.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: He's expensive.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oops.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: I also like to buy him treats, so that's kind of my fault.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it is every I feel like every week I'm like, where did all my money go?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, where's my life?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: What just happened?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just sitting here, and you know, I don't think I'm doing anything crazy.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's a pretty standard life and buying buying groceries.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's like my biggest day-to-day stress because food is so expensive, and it's just I don't know how my parents raised three kids with the cost of food and two of those being boys, because I don't even want to buy food from my boyfriend since he eats like triple the amount of me.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: So different stress, small stress, big stress, but I don't know.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: I think back to like three years ago and how different even three years ago felt.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because I have a friend who is 27, and I was telling her, I was like, 27 is so different from 30, and it's so hard to explain that until you get there.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: But 27 felt so different, and I know that, yeah, I know that 33 is going to feel really different, really different.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: 28 even felt different, just these different stages of growth.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: When do you feel like there was a shift for you?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I turned 30 last year.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I have just one shift because I have definitely felt shifts at different stages in my life.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: I would say probably every year and a half to maybe two years is when I can identify bigger shifts and how I'm feeling.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And the biggest one now is you and I have talked about this offline is being more of a homebudy and enjoying not doing anything on a Friday night.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that shift slowly started to happen.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like a light switch went off, and all of a sudden I just stopped everything.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: It was like I spent one Friday night in a month, and then all of a sudden I was like, maybe that's not so bad.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm spending more Friday nights in.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not that I don't want to do things with friends, I just appreciate my time different.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's also a product of the season of life that I'm in.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: I have the boyfriend, I have the dog, I have the job with a lot of travel, I have my family, and just the different stressors and maybe the pressure that's coming in kind of makes you reevaluate where you're at.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, when I was 28, I would say there was a shift there.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: When I was 26, 27, I definitely shifted.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And one of those being that my job changed and I actually ended up with more free time than I'd had in a long time.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was living life different then.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was going out more than I ever had, and I was experiencing nightlife.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was a different shift.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was always busy.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: I also think I knew that that was temporary.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then now I'm in this season where Sunday I'm buying matching pajamas and laying on beanbag chairs in our like game room office room.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: But don't you just love it?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I loved it.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: I had a great day.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: We bought this new.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: This is not, this is not an ad.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: I've never heard of this brand, but they're called Cozy Earth.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: Love the pajamas.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am a comfort girly.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: I have comfort sweats, but I think I'm about to be a cozy earth girl.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: And Damien has a matching pair too.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: And now we have our matching black set, and he was so excited to buy a matching set with me.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Can you remember the time when we were partying four nights a week and we just couldn't wait until the weekend hit?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just like you said, it's so funny how gradually it just changed because I felt that if I didn't go out that weekend, what's the point of the week?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, literally, I needed to be out.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was a need.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was always making plans, always talking to people.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: There was this constant need of just socializing.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember even after we graduated, we had our first corporate job, Sunday will hit, and I would be just so tired.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because of course, your battery does start kind of kind of winding down.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, my energy was the same to keep seeing people.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And also we were single and just doing all the things, but I would do it again the next week.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it just became this cycle.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: In terms of going out and partying, the shift happened on 2020 for me.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: People were in, nobody was able to go out.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I had this peace in my heart where I just felt so comfortable, so happy that nobody could go out.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had no fumble, everyone was in their houses, and I was just like, guys, like I much rather be home with my cup of tea and just watching a show or just playing a game than going out, just because also my body really felt better.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think I was the healthiest I've ever been on 2020 because I wasn't drinking.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: It was so different.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: My 2020 was, I mean, 2021 is when I moved to New York.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: So New York was having underground clubs.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, very different.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: But did you feel like you were dealing with some tension of almost kind of creating new boundaries for yourself and still trying to navigate who you used to be where you were going out more and you were kind of spending your time differently because you're also just as busy as you were, it's not like you're less busy, it's just you're busy doing different things.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: You're so right.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when I turned 28, I felt the shift.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: I said something weird happened, I just couldn't pinpoint what it was.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: I all of the sudden would just go out, and then while being out, I kind of had this awareness of looking around and feeling like, What am I doing here?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be here anymore.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: It just starts becoming repetitive, people getting drunk, nobody's talking about anything that is serving you, and also your body's dire, you're drinking, you're spending a lot of money on going out.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: That recovery process the next day, you just feel kind of like what did I just do with my day?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember in Santa Barbara when I turned 28, and I just remember thinking, wow, I started doing things by myself.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I tried to push myself to go to a coffee shop by myself and go to dinner by myself.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: I did that once, and it was just so liberating.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: I brought a book and I didn't even read my book.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was just eating and just watching people interact in real life, and so I started to shift into depending so much on that social anxiety that I had and being with people, which I love our friends and I love all of our little moments together.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I think I started grounding in myself more and finding things that I enjoy that not necessarily other people were enjoying, but just doing things for myself.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: I always felt so much respect for people that were kind of loners and they were just like, oh my god, like I can just go and do all these things by myself, go on a hike and all these things.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was very dependable of people to do that.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody wasn't there to go on a hike with me, I wouldn't go, or if somebody wasn't there to go on coffee shop, I wouldn't go.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I would just stay at home.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: So very dependent on people, and that was a huge shift for me where I was pushing myself out of that comfort zone because as you know, I mean, after college, some of your friends are around, and then slowly people start to leave, and then you start realizing too that this is my life.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I have to start doing things for my life, not where my friends are going, what they're doing.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think that was the shift when I was 28.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And when I turned 30, I felt nothing.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think you guys keep me young because you guys are a few years younger than me.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I think I was with you guys.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: I felt 28 or 29.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I've never felt that I was 30.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: But this year, which I'm gonna be 33, I felt it.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of things happen.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do you believe when people say Benance in retrograde or whatever that is?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I'm on that transition because this year I felt it all relationship-wise, not with my boyfriend, but all the relationships with family, financially, career, all of these different things are coming in different directions.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: I said about the finances earlier, but it's really just different parts of my life that I just feel that are changing and changing drastically from what I grew up with.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: I say the term Mercury is in retrograde sometimes.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I fully believe it, but on a side note, I am I thought it was Venice.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, you got it.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, we got there.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: I am in full support though of leaving functions, whatever it is, social events when your body says it's time to go.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because I got to the same place where it was like same thing, like this is the same thing that's happening every night.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: And once I'm tired, I'm out.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: I just go home.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: All of my friends know that I am likely to leave early, and I have no shame with that.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to wake up the next day and feel bad.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: Or as somebody once put it to me, drinking all of that stuff is just stealing happiness from the next day.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to do that to myself because I will feel bad the next day, right?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: But I definitely still struggle, I think, with feeling like I miss or want to do some of the stuff that I was doing years ago, but also not really wanting to do it because if I do, I still leave early and realize it's not really for me.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think I just want like a little taste of it.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so sometimes I do it.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like I went out Friday night and did like a happy hour with some friends, and then you know, let myself go to another place.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: And my one girlfriend was like, Oh my gosh, you're staying out.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Yeah, but I still left at nine.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like that was early.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone else was out late.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was the first to leave.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, bye.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: Called an Uber.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't even warn everyone.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: I was just like, okay, my Uber's here.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: See you later.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: So many comments.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're literally me.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you a year and a half until you fully transition into I'm just not even gonna show up because that's where I'm at right now.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even my friends don't even invite me, and this really, really oh, we're doing this.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're having people over, so then I go, it's more wholesome.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: But you wouldn't find me on a random concert.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I have some friends who still do that and they have actually.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Texted me, they said, I went to see Calvin Harris, and we've seen Calvin Harris together four times.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's just honestly that fifth time just didn't feel that good.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because it's the same thing.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, really, what else is this dude gonna give you?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's just another night of getting drunk.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we've done the most amazing Calvin Harris experience, which was in Vegas Prime.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, you did Ibiza.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: We saw we were next to him in Vegas.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't get closer to the guy in Vegas.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: So to me, I'm like, why are you trying to go to a civic center where it's thousands of people?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're so far, you can barely even see the guy.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: The respect to the people that are doing it.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: But what I was saying, and I want to go back to is I started to be known by the girl who does the Irish goodbye because I would show up because I had FOMO and I was like, you know, I was like, okay, whatever, I'll just go because I just I feel like I still need to do something tonight.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: I would show up, we will go to dinner because the dinner part I enjoy.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: I like to go get dinner and a drink.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then they're like, okay, we're going.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna go karaoke or we're gonna go drink somewhere else.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I would go, and then once their people started getting drunker, and I wasn't trying to drink, just because I need to know that this is worth it, like the vibe is right, we're not chasing the party, we're all getting drunk and doing something different.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: But if I'm like, guys, we come to this bar basically every weekend, we do the same thing, we'd have the same conversations.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to drink and then not be able to do anything Saturday or Sunday.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: My friends are making fun of me because my logic was if I say to anybody that I'm gonna leave, they're not gonna let me go.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna be like, Why are you leaving and make me feel bad?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I opted to just leave.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: I would only say goodbye to the person next to me, like, hey, I'm leaving.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, someone has to know you're leaving, otherwise, they're gonna freak out and be like, Did you get kidnapped?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was my co-workers from my last company, and I would always be like, Hey, I'm going.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: So they started saying that the Irish go by.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I love it because you don't have to explain to people why you're leaving.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: You showed up and you have no FOMO anymore, and then you just go home, and then you feel like you conquered the night.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then by 11 p.m., I'm watching Sex in the City, I have food in my bed, and I'm living my best life.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I totally get that.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you a couple more years, Samia.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: Then I think you'll get to the point where you're gonna be doing self-care at home, the mask all night, popcorn shows.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Also, once you have a boyfriend, and we're not those girls that just ditch everything else because you have a boyfriend.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, to me, going out and going to bars and stuff like that, when you have a boyfriend, you do it once in a month, or when you're seeing something new, somebody's visiting you.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm showing you around.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, if it was the other way around, it's kind of sauce.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, what's going on?
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you need to be in a bar drinking with people?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to be in that type of environment.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't think it's necessary personally.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like the relationship component of that in bars would be a completely different topic.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: But to your point, yeah, changing jobs, getting a boyfriend, getting a dog, whatever it is, your life doesn't stop.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: It just shifts.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I think something that we haven't yet touched on that's really important here is the friend component.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because your friends, your true friends, will still show up for you, even if you're growing in different directions.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of what we're talking about comes from the lens of women who are in their early 30s, late 20s.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe they're single, maybe they have boyfriends, but you and I, we don't have kids.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: There's certain stressors that we're just not in that phase of our life.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm sitting here and I'm listening to you and I'm thinking about my friends who I know who are in completely different places.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: They have completely different priorities.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: They have husbands, they have one kid, they're trying for seconds, whatever it might be, and how their life has shifted.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I don't feel like those friendships are any less than they ever were.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Being the girl that was more single or only has a boyfriend or doesn't have kids, my friends that do, and they're opposite or different, still show up for me, just like I hope I show up for them.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because even though, you know, I'm not gonna force them to do a girl's night, their life has now progressed into a different stage where maybe that's just not practical, but I'll meet them where they can meet me because what matters more is the friendship.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: And same thing with the friends that you're talking about.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: They know you Irish exit, they know that you're not gonna come out and do these club nights and drink all night, but they let you meet them where you're comfortable and they appreciate that time and they're grateful for it instead of pushing you into a box that you're not gonna be in, because everyone's life does change.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember thinking about this when I was making the decision to leave New York, and not everyone's response was positive because some people are very much like, Oh, you're moving for a boy.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: Why would you do that?
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because our relationship was only six, seven months.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I get it.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: When you list a timeline, some people have a problem with it, and it sounds like it's too quick and it sounds like it's too soon.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I know a group of people who want to be where I am, and they'll likely eventually be where I am.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: I just happened to be there first, but I also have friends who did go in that direction and moved away for the same reason and made those decisions, and they had to make the decision that was right for them, and we're still friends, we're still there.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of that, I love that you brought these up because I've been the friend who's single, and I've also been the friend who's in a relationship, right?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: That is another shift that we need to talk about.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: I remember I was single, and there was a time when one of our friends, she needed to move away, and she came to confine on me and asked me what did I think about it.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: And my reaction was very much I would never tell them this is what you need to do.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because I always knew I'm never gonna tell somebody what to do.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna tell them my opinion and they can do with that information what they will.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: I remember having a conversation with her, and I kind of basically told her the same thing.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was just like, do this for you, don't do this for him.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: You need to make your own life and make sure that you both are putting 50-50 because the last thing that I want for you is to make all of these changes in your life, and then for whatever reason, not because of him, but just because of life, things don't work out.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to have something of your own.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: While that is very genuine and very logical, once you are in a relationship and you are faced with that question, it's completely different the way you go about it.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay now I will tell her you do have to uh trust your relationship, you have to have conversations with this person, and there has to be some compromise from both sides where you both know that this is gonna serve both of you.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: It took for me to be in a relationship, have feelings for somebody, be in that type of headspace to be able to get to this conclusion.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just so interesting what you said.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: You do have to love people if they're really your friends, and love them for where they are, and not necessarily agree upon all of the things because your situation currently it's going to affect the way you go about life, their opinions about you, and about each other.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I have another example.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when I was single, I was living in San Francisco, and I was the fifth whale.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was always the third whale, the fifth whale, the seventh wheel, all of that.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Always.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but I kind of loved it.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I really got along with couples, and I never was like, oh my god, like I'm the single one.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was just Well, you also got to spend time with your friend, and arguably maybe one of the most important, if not the most important person in their life, and they got to bring you in and accept you for being in the place you're at in your life.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I felt very grateful that my couple friends who were settled down, who by the way had really healthy relationships, at least from my perspective, and who actually inspire me to be hopeful that I was gonna find that one day.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I told those two couples, you guys are my hope, my motivation that this type of relationship exists for me somewhere in the future.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was really good.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: I really like to be part of that, and I remember it was the two couple and then another guy who had a girlfriend and me.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: He had a dilemma, and so he brought it up to the table.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we were all dissecting the situation.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: He said, I have been dating this girl and I love her, they were doing a long-distance relationship.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: He was living in a sept, she was living in New York.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: They had a party, they got drunk, and he got kissed in the mouth.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: It was like a kiss.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: He was debating whether or not to tell her, right?
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I barely knew this guy, but I remember thinking in my single mindset, well, if you really like her and you were really drunk, I probably wouldn't say anything because you didn't mean anything.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's just gonna ruin her vibe, she's gonna be annoyed, it's just gonna create all this drama.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of like where my mind went as a single person.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because for me, I think at the time was the value of having a relationship, right?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Don't put your relationship to the side, that's your priority.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: You probably shouldn't be doing that, but I mean, guys are guys, you're drunk, whatever.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that was my take.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so I remember my friends, my two girlfriends, they were like, Absolutely not.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: The first thing that you need to do right now is call her and tell her what happened because that's trust, and you have to own what happened, telling the truth.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's so much more important.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, guys, like, no, this is too much.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was kind of like a bro mindset.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, guys, very You're like, why are we creating drama, guys?
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: Girls are traumatic.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we don't need to, we don't need to go there.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then now I think of that day now that I have my boyfriend, I'm like, oh my god, what was I thinking?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, he needed to call her and tell her what happened.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I love that because it helps me recognize that we shift, that change happens depending on the experiences that you have in life and what you find yourself, and you have to accept that you change.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: Some of them are positive, like this, and some of them are hard to accept, but they're inevitable, and you just have to go with life.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds like you had a perspective shift or you were forced to kind of see the other lens there.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a large part of what we're talking about is definitely your perspective shifting, whether it be your life shifted or a friend, or maybe you've just been able to do some reflection and put yourself in someone else's shoes.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_01: But being able to take that step back and reevaluate the way things are, I think opens up your mind and ultimately can lead to healthier decisions as well.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: And hearing this story, I know that we haven't talked about this and not to kind of like go off on a side tangent or a side story, but you know, and some other people know that I messaged someone like an entire year after a relationship ended because he had cheated on his girlfriend.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: And same thing, like there was a little bit of me that was like, Well, it's like a year in the past, like I haven't talked to this person in over a year, and why stir the pot now?
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_01: But then I got the opinion of some other people, and majority, almost everyone, was like, no, you should say something, even if it's a year later and that relationship is done and over, they were with that girl and still with that girl, and so I did.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I think that when you look at it, it's like, okay, well, well, what what's really like the healthiest choice?
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that can be different for everyone, but I think some things like I always believe it's better to have the information and go from there.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: And it's better to make going back to what you're talking about with going out, it's better to make the choice that makes you feel best and you feel healthiest, even if that tension causes other issues, whether that be with friends or people who don't support those decisions.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, you're gonna be the one that wakes up on a Saturday morning or a Sunday morning and you're gonna feel the way that you feel, and it's your choice.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's you're in control of that.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Everything that you're saying, the word that keeps coming in my head is maturity.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: People always say, like, oh, you know, you get older and you're mature.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is maturity.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's realizing honing into your values, but also realizing what's okay and what's not okay, and being able to act accordingly.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, and I would even say most times, what's okay is the hardest choice.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's the not let it be, it's actually approach the situation, you gotta address it.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: So many people go to therapy for this, right?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: To be able to face things, to address them, because it's really hard to do the hard thing, even when it's the right thing.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: I agree, by the way, that the best thing for yourself is not always the easy decision.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: It often is the hard decision.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: And something that I have learned from my relationship is that trust is everything because I put myself in how would I feel if that was happening to me?
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: If say this uh guy that I dated uh was uh cheating on me with this girl and she reached out to me and she let me know how would I feel about it?
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I probably be devastated and heartbroken, but that's giving me clarity.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you put yourself in this other person's shoe and kind of have sympathy as a woman, as being in that situation, it helps you see clarity on what you have to do.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, you have your relationship, you guys probably have a lot of conversations of things, experiences that happen, and you learn from those experiences every time the common denominator is always be honest and always have trust because this is your person.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't relay everything that is happening and be truthful, then you're not building something that is rooted in actual love and honesty.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just gonna start having secrets and having things that I am not gonna lie, I know are gonna come out at some point, and it's just gonna ruin the relationship.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've learned that early on, for very small things that eventually became big things, I realized like I will never make this mistake again.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: Those little things and those little decisions, like when I was single and just thinking this doesn't really matter, now is so huge for me that the thought of me undermining that, it's like crazy.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even recognize that person that thought like that.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: There's a term for this, and I cannot remember it for the life of me, but it's something along along the lines of how when you don't make decisions that align with your beliefs and who you are, you can feel that tension, right?
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so then you respond to that tension and it makes you feel misaligned, it makes you not fully confident in who you are, it makes you not fully comfortable.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that to boil down this whole discussion that we've been talking about, it kind of comes to that.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's making decisions that you feel like are best for you, regardless of what that looks like to other people in the outside world.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_01: And objectively speaking, some decisions are going to be healthier than others, but you know, trust that friends, family, yourself that you can figure out what that healthy decision is going to be and people can help guide you there.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: But ultimately, whether it be shifting into a softer life, as I know you'd like to put it, Laura, or debating boundaries or feeling FOMO or whatever it is, as long as you know at the end of the day that you're staying true to yourself, life will work its way out.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: The people who are supposed to be there will be there.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: The places that you're supposed to be, you will be in, and it'll end up making sense eventually.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: I have one more question for you, and I think we can end the episode with this.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Have you identified a very specific time in your life what you felt like you had an identity crisis, and how do you overcome it to finally find peace?
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_01: Hmm, I don't know.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_01: An identity crisis.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: I would say that the most that I've ever lost myself and who I was was when I was in a really bad relationship, really toxic.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I was so caught up in my day-to-day emotions that I had completely lost sight of myself.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was irritable, I was angry, I was anxious, I was not who I was.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't until that fog lifted that I realized how much I lost myself.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: But because I was so wrapped up in the crisis of the time, I wasn't sitting there necessarily feeling the tension of that identity crisis.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: It was after, and then I kind of had to do a little cleanup.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: And there were some people that I went to and I acknowledged some of the times that I was not authentic to who I was because that guilt stayed with me for a long time.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: I would say that's probably the closest, not so much when it comes to careers or where I'm at or relationships or any of that, but but it is any time that I feel like I've acted in a way that's misaligned from who I actually am.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: How about you?
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think right now.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome to go through this transition with me and I'll give updates.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which is really fun.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's what all this is about.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: We're taping this real time and we're going through these transitions together.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: So this is not like, oh, we figured it out and we are good to go for the rest of our lives.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I definitely think that right now, I was telling you how seeing the comeback of Lizzie Maguire and she's doing this.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: Lizzie Maguire, Hillary Duff is doing this whole concert era because she's bringing back and utilizing a lot of who she was 15, 20 years ago, Lizzie Maguire.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then recently um Miley Saros just created a documentary of the 20-year anniversary of Hannah Montana.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna lie, this got me emotional because it kind of syncs with where I am in life, which is I am no longer a child, I am not longer somebody who's just trying to figure out I'm a whole adult.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: And all of these people that I grew up with, like those childish shows and Disney and all of these things, they are also grown up with me.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: We're all in such a different stage in life.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: And she was talking about it and getting emotional, and she even wrote a song called Your Younger Self.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: I heard the song and I was like, oh my god, this hits home so hard because I had been feeling like that.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to forget the child in me.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to lose that spark and the how fun and just the lightness of life because I'm caught up in all of the seriousness of being an adult.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's the thing that I'm battling right now, not letting go and completely losing that side of me that I always want to keep until the day I die, but also taking action.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's one of the biggest takeaways from this transition.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've have had to not wait around, wait for somebody else to fix it.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: I had to tackle everything that is coming and not let it come to me, but face it and do the work, learn whatever it is that I need to do, it's just being proactive and rather than reactive.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I can do all that while still being fun and enjoying life.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: So that's where I'm at.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny hearing you say that, just to wrap this up, because earlier you said that give it a couple years, a year and a half, and I'll go through the same oceans that you went.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: And this specific topic, I feel like I've gone through some of this over the last year, and that's maybe why I'm not in the exact place that you're in, is because I think I've been making more proactive decisions just based on how my life experiences have shaped the last handful of years.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's put me in a place to be more proactive.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_01: So my position is I currently at this moment feel pretty sure about who I am and where I'm at and where I'm going.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_01: And there's minor things that I'm still figuring out.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like we could talk about the identity crisis of a career and things like that.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: But regardless of where you are, where I am, it's okay to be on that journey and to be in that place.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: And for you, for anybody who's in a similar place as you, it's the ability to give yourself grace to figure it out and get there and to not be so stressed out about not being there yet because you're on the right path.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: And we're talking about it.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: And this is gonna be our therapy moving forward, and now we'll have to definitely do some regular check-ins on your identity crisis and find out where we're at.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_01: So and I'm excited to hear how that sorts itself through, and I fully trust that you'll be okay in that journey.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's literally therapy.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: People know about the podcast now more, and so when I saw my boyfriend's family this weekend, um, my boyfriend's sister-in-law, she listens to it, and so she brought it up to the family.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the family was like, You have a podcast?
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone was talking about it, so now they're listening to it.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, shout out to your brother's sister in law.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, right?
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what about this for listening?
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: My boyfriend's sister in law.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: Boyfriend's sister in law.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to Claire.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is not about age.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's about life experiences.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: And depending on your life experiences is what pushes you to go through this little small identity crisis.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think you went through this already because you left your family, you moved to a different city, so far from them.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: You kind of build your own life.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: You became so independent.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: And while I did that from small lapses in time, I think right now it's becoming more of a reality because I don't want to tell too much about it, but there is a possibility that I'm gonna have to make moves and really start building up a life with my boyfriend.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's becoming more and more real.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: Facing that, it's making me think of all of these transitions and really become independent away from your family.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that really pushes you to trigger this little crisis that it is a crisis, but I think it's for growth.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: So for all of you guys who are going through the same transitions in life, you're not alone.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be recording these as we go through them.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: So tune in to the podcast.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you know anybody who's going through these transitions, I hope that our conversations, our stories are able to reach everybody who's going through it and you don't feel alone.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_01: Beautifully said, Laura.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I agree, I think it is more about life experience.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna have so much more to talk about next week.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we do.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we have our first guest of the season.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_00: She's amazing, and we cannot wait until we tell her story.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: So tune into the podcast.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: As always, find us on Wait What's Next Podcast, on social media, and on YouTube as well.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: We have all of our videos, and yeah, we'll see you guys next week.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: See you next week.
• 45:49
  unknown: Bye.