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112: The Art of the Comeback: Rebuild Your Life After a Major Setback · The Everyday Awesome Project

• 0:23
  Polly Mertens: Hey superstars, welcome back.
• 0:25
  Polly Mertens: Polly here.
• 0:26
  Polly Mertens: I love this topic.
• 0:31
  Polly Mertens: This was your idea.
• 0:32
  Polly Mertens: The art of the comeback, sister.
• 0:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, because I'm in the middle of one.
• 0:36
  Samantha Pruitt: Because you're having one.
• 0:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Yet again, I swear to goodness, I have lost count.
• 0:42
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm I really, I mean, you'd look it up in the dictionary.
• 0:46
  Samantha Pruitt: My face might be there.
• 0:47
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't know.
• 0:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Come back.
• 0:49
  Samantha Pruitt: Comeback queen.
• 0:50
  Samantha Pruitt: Comeback queen.
• 0:51
  Samantha Pruitt: With the tiara and everything.
• 0:54
  Polly Mertens: No doubt.
• 0:54
  Polly Mertens: No doubt.
• 0:55
  Polly Mertens: So one of our recent, I think it was our last episode, was about, you know, those unforeseen, you know, wha-bams from life, right?
• 1:03
  Polly Mertens: Like, so this is the like the rebound, the restructuring, the finding your path out, if you will, like rising strong when life knocks you down, right?
• 1:11
  Polly Mertens: Whether it's a surprise, um, relationship shift, work shift, health shift, who knows, right?
• 1:18
  Polly Mertens: Like a left turn suddenly either forces or you choose, right?
• 1:23
  Polly Mertens: Whatever is going on in your life.
• 1:24
  Polly Mertens: So this one is like, what do you do?
• 1:26
  Polly Mertens: Right?
• 1:27
  Polly Mertens: Like, how do we create the art of a comeback?
• 1:29
  Polly Mertens: I love that.
• 1:30
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 1:30
  Samantha Pruitt: And the and comebacks are are really reckonings.
• 1:34
  Samantha Pruitt: So to be clear, a wrecking ball, y'all.
• 1:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 1:37
  Samantha Pruitt: So you either like I swing that shit around all the time.
• 1:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Woo! I'm one of those like nom chuck people with wrecking balls.
• 1:46
  Samantha Pruitt: But sometimes some other mofo rolls into the room or the building or my life and drops a wrecking ball.
• 1:53
  Samantha Pruitt: And that's there's no human being listening to this who has not experienced a reckoning.
• 2:00
  Polly Mertens: You're not alive if you haven't had some sort of wake-up.
• 2:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Impossible.
• 2:04
  Samantha Pruitt: Yes.
• 2:04
  Samantha Pruitt: And most of us are all going to be like scales.
• 2:07
  Samantha Pruitt: It doesn't matter.
• 2:08
  Samantha Pruitt: There's no judgment here.
• 2:09
  Samantha Pruitt: Whatever it felt like to you, like everything blew up.
• 2:13
  Samantha Pruitt: There was a reckoning.
• 2:14
  Samantha Pruitt: That's what we're talking about.
• 2:16
  Samantha Pruitt: And specifically, how do you come back from your face in the dirt?
• 2:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Everything is completely different than it was 10 minutes ago or yesterday or whatever.
• 2:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Like how you come back from these things.
• 2:29
  Samantha Pruitt: And not only come back, like survive them.
• 2:33
  Samantha Pruitt: We're not talking about surviving them.
• 2:35
  Samantha Pruitt: We're really talking about tremendous, you use the word um post-traumatic growth growth, right?
• 2:41
  Samantha Pruitt: That is a great way of acknowledging what we're talking about today.
• 2:46
  Samantha Pruitt: It's a growth experience, it's an opportunity to rise up and rise strong, as Brene Brown would say.
• 2:54
  Polly Mertens: And I think one of the things that when I studied this topic, when we were going to talk about this, is so if your life is like looks like a, you know, it's like blipping along at a certain level, like on an X on an XY chart or something like that.
• 3:06
  Polly Mertens: Boop, boo-boo, just cruising along.
• 3:08
  Polly Mertens: And then the comeback is there's a moment where it goes bloop and it dips down.
• 3:13
  Polly Mertens: And the idea is not to get back up to the level you were at on the XY axis before.
• 3:18
  Polly Mertens: It's like, I think these things are brought into our life to push us beyond where we were comfortably cruising along in life, right?
• 3:27
  Polly Mertens: So it's that knockdown, wake-up call, sh earth-shattering news or something like that.
• 3:32
  Polly Mertens: And we have those blips, and we'll talk about dipping and falling into that dip, which is totally natural, right?
• 3:38
  Polly Mertens: Like, like that there's a recovery, there's a grief, there's a you know, post-traumatic, right?
• 3:43
  Polly Mertens: Something has happened unexpected or planned and like still a shock to the system.
• 3:49
  Polly Mertens: But it's the comeback, it's like coming out of that dip, whatever that, you know, and that's what we're focusing on is coming out of it, not staying in it, right?
• 3:57
  Polly Mertens: Like not hanging out in that eddy.
• 3:58
  Polly Mertens: You know, it's like you don't spiral down.
• 4:02
  Samantha Pruitt: And not just rebounding, not rebounding too early or prematurely, or without learning the lessons, or without really leveling up your life and the opportunity that this reckoning has presented for you.
• 4:14
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 4:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Saying yes to it, you know.
• 4:16
  Polly Mertens: Damn straight, damn straight.
• 4:18
  Polly Mertens: Because you know, I think part of what our life trajectory path is, is as growth-seeking being, which I think we all are, right?
• 4:27
  Polly Mertens: Is life is not meant to be a flat line.
• 4:30
  Polly Mertens: Like it's it's we're just not designed to have a flat line.
• 4:33
  Polly Mertens: Like, yes, it's a little squirrely and quirly and all this stuff, and it's gonna have little blips and ups and downs, dip, you know, but I on the on the whole, it goes in an upward trajectory over the the course of your life.
• 4:45
  Polly Mertens: You're not the same person you were as a young child, as a teenager, as a 40-something person that you're gonna be when you're 80, right?
• 4:51
  Polly Mertens: And it's a it's an upward path.
• 4:53
  Polly Mertens: And these blips kind of help us sometimes intersect with the life that we're meant to be on the next level, right?
• 5:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Just like your body is always physically regenerating, you know, your cells, your organs, every part of your physical body, so should be your emotional body.
• 5:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Your mental and spiritual body should be also coming along for the ride.
• 5:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Indeed.
• 5:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Indeed.
• 5:16
  Samantha Pruitt: And if you're flatlining, I mean, flatlining means that your heart is stopped and your life is over.
• 5:22
  Samantha Pruitt: So why the hell would we want to be subscribing to living that way on the flatline?
• 5:26
  Polly Mertens: Well, you know, the mind has a ability to want to keep us that.
• 5:31
  Polly Mertens: That's what it wants to maintain.
• 5:32
  Polly Mertens: That's its goal is don't move from safe, secure, sameness, no change, thank you very much.
• 5:40
  Polly Mertens: Too risky, too risky outside the box.
• 5:43
  Polly Mertens: So, yeah, it's its job is to keep that line flat.
• 5:46
  Polly Mertens: But that's not how we enjoy life.
• 5:49
  Samantha Pruitt: Heck no.
• 5:50
  Samantha Pruitt: So, what stops people from making a comeback?
• 5:54
  Samantha Pruitt: We're sort of getting into it now.
• 5:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, I would say a few things, and you can add to it, you know, a disconnection from yourself.
• 6:01
  Samantha Pruitt: So that is really just feeling disoriented anyway, already, pre-reckoning, right?
• 6:08
  Samantha Pruitt: Like not really feeling totally grounded in living by your purpose and your values and things of that nature, feeling disconnected from yourself and the world around you.
• 6:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Can definitely do that.
• 6:17
  Samantha Pruitt: A lack of self-worth, right?
• 6:20
  Samantha Pruitt: So people just not feeling worthy of that next chapter of their life.
• 6:27
  Samantha Pruitt: That's a big one, unfortunately.
• 6:30
  Samantha Pruitt: A lack of courage or allowing fear to be what guides you rather than courage to be what guides you, and then shame and guilt for maybe whatever did transpire.
• 6:41
  Samantha Pruitt: And so latching on to those emotions, the fear, the guilt, the shame, etc., rather than really processing in them, moving through that and then moving on.
• 6:53
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, that all feels like just kind of hanging out in an eddy or hanging out at a little flat line.
• 6:58
  Polly Mertens: Um, what's keeping that locked in place is what I'm hearing.
• 7:02
  Polly Mertens: You know, the the dimensions of emotional states that you get stuck in or you get prescribed to, or you don't recognize you kind of have a self-inflicted cage that you've um erected.
• 7:16
  Polly Mertens: You know, it reminds me when I had my eating disorder.
• 7:18
  Polly Mertens: After I look back at it, I have this metaphor that I think about is I was in a cage and I put myself in it and I forgot I had the key.
• 7:26
  Polly Mertens: Right.
• 7:26
  Polly Mertens: You know, and I think addiction can feel one way from inside the cage, but once you're out of it, you can look back and say, Oh, I did that.
• 7:35
  Polly Mertens: I was doing all that shit to myself.
• 7:37
  Polly Mertens: I was putting that self-judgment, self-work loathing, all that stuff on myself.
• 7:43
  Polly Mertens: I didn't have the tools, didn't have the skills, was, you know, inexperienced that the a lot of the things that we teach now with, you know, emotional mastery and you know, creating a compelling vision and all this stuff, you know, getting support and whatnot.
• 7:54
  Polly Mertens: So I could see how a lot of the things that you just described are ways of recognizing that we've put ourselves in a cage of low self-worth, you know, self-esteem, whatever.
• 8:04
  Polly Mertens: And um, we have the key, you know.
• 8:07
  Polly Mertens: And so we'll talk about some of those as part of the comeback.
• 8:09
  Polly Mertens: Like, what do you do?
• 8:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 8:11
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 8:11
  Samantha Pruitt: Or in some instances, people, let's say um it's a relationship breakup or a financial disaster or um work, you know, you get fired or something happens with your business or whatever, you know, people will push back and say, Well, I didn't cause those things, right?
• 8:28
  Samantha Pruitt: Those things just like again, somebody came with the wrecking ball rather than me swinging the wrecking ball all by myself, right?
• 8:35
  Samantha Pruitt: That's gonna happen in life.
• 8:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Like these things are going to happen, but then holding on to, well, I deserved it, or this always happens to me.
• 8:48
  Samantha Pruitt: These stories that people can tell themselves, you know.
• 8:50
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh, I did X, Y, Z, and therefore this was the result.
• 8:55
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy.
• 8:58
  Samantha Pruitt: Whatever you are telling yourself or somebody else might be telling you, maybe it is a boss, maybe it is a now an ex, maybe it is a whatever, right?
• 9:06
  Samantha Pruitt: I made a wrong financial decision or something like that.
• 9:09
  Samantha Pruitt: You don't have to hold on to that shit as part of your identity.
• 9:12
  Samantha Pruitt: First of all, it isn't true.
• 9:14
  Samantha Pruitt: If you really think you have that much power over everything going on around you, I'm not sure who the hell you think you are.
• 9:20
  Samantha Pruitt: You have a clue, right?
• 9:21
  Samantha Pruitt: But you've got to break out of that story quickly.
• 9:24
  Samantha Pruitt: Otherwise, you will continue to buy into it.
• 9:27
  Samantha Pruitt: You will actually do things to reinforce it.
• 9:31
  Polly Mertens: Well, the power lies in the new story that you tell, exactly where you're pointing to, right?
• 9:35
  Polly Mertens: You know, there's there's things that happen to us, and then there's the story or the meaning that we make up about the things that happen to us, right?
• 9:41
  Polly Mertens: You tell a disempowering story, you tell a worthless story, you tell a self, you know, self-fulfilling story, that will be your experience, right?
• 9:48
  Polly Mertens: And so it's getting a handle on the story, the beliefs, what's going on up inside the mind that is keeping you in that state.
• 9:56
  Polly Mertens: And oftentimes, I swear to God, dude, it was like I was telling you this before we started, and maybe this we'll talk about a little bit more later, but somebody was just saying how, you know, they were like, Oh, I don't want to start over.
• 10:06
  Polly Mertens: They were like heading towards divorce and like, oh, starting over, starting over sounds like a horrible thing.
• 10:12
  Polly Mertens: I'd rather just stay in this horrible relationship.
• 10:14
  Polly Mertens: It's like, and then they reframed it to starting fresh.
• 10:18
  Polly Mertens: And that just like opened up a new possibility for them that, oh, that doesn't sound so life shattering, you know, like that sounds better than where I'm at right now.
• 10:28
  Polly Mertens: So small shifts in language and story can really impact your ability to move forward or stay stay in the same, right?
• 10:36
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh, totally.
• 10:37
  Samantha Pruitt: We all tell ourselves stories.
• 10:39
  Samantha Pruitt: We get to be the author of our own lives, believe it or not, whether we think we're doing it or not, we're freaking doing it, right?
• 10:47
  Samantha Pruitt: I can just quickly use the example of recently hurting my back, right?
• 10:51
  Samantha Pruitt: And all the stuff that went on with that whole shenanigans.
• 10:53
  Samantha Pruitt: And I could have very easily gone down that dark path of telling myself the story of, well, first of all, I hurt myself, I'm to blame, right?
• 11:03
  Samantha Pruitt: So I could have started just layering on this like drama around it all.
• 11:07
  Samantha Pruitt: And then, oh, and now I'm in pain and now I'm suffering, and you know, there's no way out because these doctors can't want to help me and they want me to do pain drugs instead, and they want me, right?
• 11:19
  Samantha Pruitt: So I could have given up, continue to give up my power and continue to like double down on this victim mindset because I, by my own hands, you know, created the injury.
• 11:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Fuck that.
• 11:30
  Samantha Pruitt: What are you talking about?
• 11:31
  Samantha Pruitt: Like how quick I was sure I was shocked.
• 11:35
  Samantha Pruitt: And there is a process that happens when there's a reckoning, right?
• 11:38
  Samantha Pruitt: There's legitimate emotional feelings and things that we'll talk about that in a second.
• 11:42
  Samantha Pruitt: But I wasn't going to add to the already natural process of when this happens and how to emotionally and psychologically deal with it by adding layers of BS myself or allowing a medical doctor to add a layer of BS on top of me.
• 11:58
  Samantha Pruitt: Hell no, that's called giving up your power.
• 12:01
  Polly Mertens: Love it, love it.
• 12:02
  Samantha Pruitt: So storytelling.
• 12:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, so how do you make a comeback?
• 12:05
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, first of all, mindset.
• 12:07
  Samantha Pruitt: This is what we're talking about right now.
• 12:09
  Samantha Pruitt: You have to have the right mindset, and you have to start with what is real.
• 12:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 12:16
  Samantha Pruitt: So, first of all, there has to be some sense of acceptance on what is reality.
• 12:21
  Polly Mertens: Oh, and well, and there's a difference.
• 12:24
  Polly Mertens: Okay, so what I want to just point to here is reality and the meaning, right?
• 12:29
  Polly Mertens: And so we just talked about that briefly is like there's what's so and then so what.
• 12:34
  Polly Mertens: Like, like so-and-so said this.
• 12:37
  Polly Mertens: I I no longer work there.
• 12:39
  Polly Mertens: This person has left the house, right?
• 12:41
  Polly Mertens: Like, that's the what's so.
• 12:42
  Polly Mertens: Okay, and and what does that mean to you?
• 12:44
  Polly Mertens: Like, what are you making that mean, right?
• 12:46
  Polly Mertens: Oh, I'm terrible or I'm whatever, right?
• 12:48
  Polly Mertens: So just noticing the layer and the meaning that we instantly want to add to the what's so, right?
• 12:55
  Polly Mertens: The next thing I want to, so that's mindset is like the story I'm gonna tell myself in craft and the meaning and formulation of how what this means.
• 13:03
  Polly Mertens: What does what just happened mean?
• 13:06
  Polly Mertens: And can I filter the way that the fear monger, the you know, analytical mind, all these things are gonna make wrong or protection or isolate me or whatever, right?
• 13:17
  Polly Mertens: Um and choose the meaning that I'm gonna give to this moment.
• 13:21
  Polly Mertens: And the second thing I think that is important is um, and you and I talked a little bit about this before we went on air, is I think the most important thing when you're in a pit or you've dropped down, you've had a moment down, is being able to start to feel for, see for, reach for the future-compelling vision.
• 13:40
  Polly Mertens: Because without that, you, you know, it's like if there's no hope, no possibility or whatever, yeah, like why bother?
• 13:49
  Polly Mertens: You know, of course you'll stay in that longer.
• 13:51
  Polly Mertens: But reaching for, and that's where you and I were talking about the metaphor of like, if anyone in our circle, you and I included, for each other, was going through something and we were hanging out in it longer than, you know, like processing or whatever, we'd be like, yo, what's going on over there?
• 14:07
  Polly Mertens: You know, like you're down in the hole and we're like, hey, give me, let me give you a hand.
• 14:11
  Polly Mertens: You know, like maybe maybe you need a little hand up here.
• 14:13
  Polly Mertens: Remember, you were up here before, you know, you just fell down a little bit.
• 14:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 14:17
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 14:18
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, sometimes you can see it for yourself.
• 14:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, you know, I went through waves with this whole thing, and anytime I go through some kind of reckoning, there's a wave of emotions and process and all that stuff.
• 14:30
  Samantha Pruitt: But, you know, hopefully in your toolbox, you have some tools to be like, oh, the sun is up there.
• 14:37
  Samantha Pruitt: And if I do a pull-up, thank God I practice pull-ups, I can get myself back up there again, right?
• 14:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 14:42
  Samantha Pruitt: But if you don't have those skills or that toolbox to know to look up for the sun where hope is at, right?
• 14:50
  Samantha Pruitt: Or know how to foist yourself up and get yourself out of that place, then you need to reach out to people.
• 14:57
  Samantha Pruitt: And even if you are like me and maybe I have the skills or whatever, it's still good for me to reach out to people and share the experience.
• 15:06
  Samantha Pruitt: There is still healing in that.
• 15:08
  Samantha Pruitt: None of us need to do this alone.
• 15:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Definitely.
• 15:11
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, there's a lot of humans living on this planet, okay, people?
• 15:14
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and however you uh whatever you've surrounded yourself by uh uh as a you know strong team, if you will, or a dynamic or a community that sees you, gets you, doesn't let you stay on the ground in the dirt or in the pit or wherever you've fallen um for very long.
• 15:31
  Polly Mertens: You know, it's like okay, I I get you, you you fell down.
• 15:34
  Polly Mertens: You know, it's kind of like when kids fall down.
• 15:36
  Polly Mertens: It's like, oh, are you are you okay down there?
• 15:37
  Polly Mertens: You know, and they cry it out and then they get up or whatever, you know.
• 15:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 15:41
  Samantha Pruitt: They're the most reasonable people on the earth because they just do what comes natural to them without other people, you know, having judgment or whatever.
• 15:50
  Polly Mertens: They cry it out and then move next.
• 15:52
  Polly Mertens: Oh, ice cream, you know, or whatever.
• 15:54
  Polly Mertens: Well, look, there's a kitty cat, you know, whatever the next thing is, right?
• 15:58
  Polly Mertens: If we could just fall down and get back up as quickly as they do, right?
• 16:02
  Polly Mertens: Instead of like, I'm on the ground on my back like a spider or a turtle, like I'm on my back, and then you know, somebody come and turn me over.
• 16:08
  Polly Mertens: It's like, you can get up.
• 16:09
  Polly Mertens: You're not no turtle.
• 16:11
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 16:12
  Samantha Pruitt: And sometimes you really do have to own your own shit.
• 16:14
  Samantha Pruitt: Like you have to be like, huh, as part of the reflection and looking at what is real and what is true, right?
• 16:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Without assigning just stories to it.
• 16:23
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, hey, these things happened, and I was part of that.
• 16:26
  Samantha Pruitt: Last time I checked, I showed up to that marriage or that job or that financial decision or whatever the hell, CrossFit if I'm gonna break my back or run a hundred miles up and down the freaking, you know, Yahoo! Mountains, and no wonder my face is in the dirt.
• 16:42
  Samantha Pruitt: I signed up for that.
• 16:43
  Samantha Pruitt: I paid good money for that shit.
• 16:45
  Polly Mertens: Well, and I would say don't put down the pickaxe and don't dig it her deeper, also, like like you know, put all put all that story or whatever.
• 16:53
  Polly Mertens: It's like, oh, I belong down here and making a grave and like staying there for weeks.
• 16:57
  Polly Mertens: Like, no, let's let's go.
• 16:59
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, but if you can, um, and this won't happen immediately at the time, but it's part of the process of healing, take uh real inventory, then you can look at whoa, what are the lessons here?
• 17:09
  Samantha Pruitt: And I mean, for me, because apparently I have this gift awakening.
• 17:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, I'm always like, damn, not right away.
• 17:19
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm pissed off or upset or whatever right away.
• 17:22
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm grieving too, right?
• 17:23
  Samantha Pruitt: But eventually I come around to let me just sort of sort through this.
• 17:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 17:27
  Samantha Pruitt: What are my pieces to own and how can I learn from that?
• 17:31
  Samantha Pruitt: Hopefully, so it doesn't happen again.
• 17:33
  Samantha Pruitt: Or if it happens this way, that way, again, or whatever, will I respond differently next time?
• 17:39
  Samantha Pruitt: Will I maybe handle it differently?
• 17:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Will I speak up more?
• 17:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Will I leave the relationship faster?
• 17:45
  Samantha Pruitt: Will I make a different decision over here?
• 17:47
  Samantha Pruitt: Will I whatever?
• 17:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Right?
• 17:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Like these are huge.
• 17:50
  Samantha Pruitt: This is exactly that post-traumatic growth that we're talking about.
• 17:54
  Samantha Pruitt: Huge opportunities to level up your freaking game.
• 17:59
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 17:59
  Polly Mertens: And I think something you you were pointing to also is like there's a period right after, like, whether that's hours, days, weeks, whatever.
• 18:09
  Polly Mertens: Like you just braced for you just got the whacking ball came in, the the bad news, the the loss, the the hurt, the upset, whatever it is.
• 18:20
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, take it in, man.
• 18:22
  Polly Mertens: Like, like allow yourself to be there, reckon with that fall, like boom, you got knocked down a little bit.
• 18:27
  Polly Mertens: All right, I'm on the ground, like be there for a minute.
• 18:30
  Polly Mertens: Like, yeah, okay.
• 18:32
  Samantha Pruitt: And then, and then the first step is just to stabilize.
• 18:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Because many times your nervous system and your brain and your whole freaking life, by the way, can be a disaster, basically.
• 18:42
  Samantha Pruitt: And so you first need to stabilize.
• 18:45
  Polly Mertens: Yeah.
• 18:45
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, uh, am I safe?
• 18:47
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 18:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Am I really safe?
• 18:50
  Samantha Pruitt: And then I mean physically safe, you know, and then do I have the basics I need here to be able to breathe and think and start to process, you know, like that is a real thing.
• 19:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Like sometimes that isn't actually there for you initially, and you need to take the time to really stabilize and become safe first.
• 19:10
  Polly Mertens: And I just want to say I think the the first most important thing, depending on the moment or what it is, there may some people may instantly need to hibernate or cocoon or like be away from people for a little bit.
• 19:23
  Polly Mertens: But pretty quickly, I would say it's important that you talk, you you start sharing, right?
• 19:29
  Polly Mertens: You know, like when I've lost a loved one or even my kitty cat or whatever, comforting and community, being heard, being seen, sharing that upset, that grief, that loss with other people quickly helps it sort of like move through our body, move through our life.
• 19:44
  Polly Mertens: So if you need that moment or moments of isolation or just kind of recovering from yourself, and then I would say get into conversation, get into communication of some form or the other, it will start to help that processing, that that moment pass, if you will.
• 20:04
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 20:04
  Samantha Pruitt: And I think hopefully for many people it is their first instinct, but not always to go be with someone else who unconditionally loves you and can give you a hug, can see you, can bear witness to your pain, can Hold a space for you.
• 20:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Like all of that kind of stuff is so freaking important.
• 20:23
  Samantha Pruitt: Right?
• 20:23
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 20:24
  Samantha Pruitt: A hundred percent.
• 20:25
  Samantha Pruitt: I want to add one other thing that I think is important in mindset is would y'all just have a sense of humor.
• 20:32
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 20:33
  Samantha Pruitt: Crazy shit is happening left and right.
• 20:36
  Samantha Pruitt: Life is ironically insane half the time.
• 20:39
  Samantha Pruitt: And if you don't have some sense of humor, not all circumstances are worth laughing about, but many of them are.
• 20:46
  Samantha Pruitt: And you know, maybe it's just under the surface.
• 20:48
  Samantha Pruitt: It just how freaking ludicrous that moment was or that thing that happened or whatever.
• 20:53
  Samantha Pruitt: And being able to like release it that way sometimes is really healthy for people.
• 20:57
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, everybody's different.
• 20:59
  Polly Mertens: And I I think the other one that I would add to that, because I agree, is um can you how soon can you find the gift?
• 21:05
  Polly Mertens: You know, life is always happening for me, not to me, right?
• 21:09
  Polly Mertens: Um, like you and I talked about where we've had people contact us where they lost a job and it was like, yeah-hoo! You know, it's sometimes that that in the beginning I was like, ah, and then quickly I saw in how many years of my life, how many friends that went through that, like things were better, way better afterward, right?
• 21:25
  Polly Mertens: And relationship too is like good riddance, you know.
• 21:28
  Polly Mertens: So, you know, I often celebrate a little early than they may be one year, but like I'm you know, like my um uh Jill, if you're listening to this, I know you're one of our listeners.
• 21:38
  Polly Mertens: Uh, she lost a job recently, and I was like, sweet, Sarah, because she wants to um go look at um rental property, she wants to buy an Airbnb.
• 21:45
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, serendipitous, you know, opportunity to go to, you know, go Airbnb shopping.
• 21:50
  Polly Mertens: I'm like, get out there, go take a vacation, you know, like just lightening that impact, if you will.
• 21:57
  Samantha Pruitt: So these are all mindsets.
• 22:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Mindset.
• 22:01
  Polly Mertens: And it's not, and you know, and it's not like I'm a failure, it's over, that was, you know, whatever.
• 22:06
  Polly Mertens: It's like, okay, there's a moment where your mind may say that because it's like, ah, rejection, something happened.
• 22:11
  Polly Mertens: And then, like, how can I transform that, right?
• 22:14
  Polly Mertens: Like, what else could this mean?
• 22:15
  Polly Mertens: What else is possible?
• 22:17
  Polly Mertens: I want, you know, one of my favorites is like, I wonder why it's trying to happen here.
• 22:20
  Polly Mertens: Like it opens my mind to the doorway of a whole new possibility, or where's the gift in this, right?
• 22:27
  Samantha Pruitt: To me, that was really the silver lining of the pandemic COVID, you know, situation for many, many, many people, me included.
• 22:36
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, I had a business for 15 years, it basically was annihilated overnight, and I'm not the only one.
• 22:40
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, there are millions and millions and millions of us globally, built could be billions of us, of course, but most people's lives change dramatically in that bubble couple years, right?
• 22:51
  Samantha Pruitt: And again, you can either seize the opportunity or you can get trapped in that vicious cycle of just buying into, you know, henny penny, the sky is falling.
• 23:05
  Samantha Pruitt: What's going to happen next?
• 23:06
  Samantha Pruitt: Now, you know, first of all, turn off the news, obviously, but like get on rebuilding your life and looking at what's possible.
• 23:13
  Samantha Pruitt: And if you have the right mindset about seeing these scenarios as opportunities, then you'll be shocked what the hell is waiting out there for you.
• 23:23
  Polly Mertens: And I would say, you know, start of that is asking questions that start to guide your mind in the direction of that compelling future, that that vision, that light at the end of the tunnel, the way out, the hopefulness.
• 23:35
  Polly Mertens: You know, find, you know, because the mind will search for answers to questions.
• 23:38
  Polly Mertens: We say, if we say questions like, why is this happening to me?
• 23:41
  Polly Mertens: And what did I do wrong or why do I deserve this or whatever?
• 23:44
  Polly Mertens: Like, nope, new questions, whole new vocabulary of questions, like, what else could this mean?
• 23:50
  Polly Mertens: And I wonder what's the gift in this, and you know, what am I going to learn from that?
• 23:54
  Polly Mertens: You know, like you said, like journaling, I love that, right?
• 23:56
  Polly Mertens: But journaling with questions in mind that guide the mind to support hopefulness, not learned helplessness of like what's wrong with me.
• 24:05
  Polly Mertens: You know, maybe there's some processing of that.
• 24:07
  Polly Mertens: Do that shit fast.
• 24:08
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, like, yeah, take a fucking inventory.
• 24:10
  Polly Mertens: Like, yeah, like you chose wrong or you didn't see this coming.
• 24:13
  Polly Mertens: You made a mistake in judgment of whatever investing your money.
• 24:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, you saw lots of signs and you chose to uh I mean, the they were neon signs, okay?
• 24:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Hello.
• 24:22
  Samantha Pruitt: And you're like, and it's a moment.
• 24:25
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, you know what?
• 24:26
  Polly Mertens: Maybe I do need a fucking wake-up call.
• 24:28
  Polly Mertens: Like, I'm not being honest with myself in the moment of like, what didn't I see here?
• 24:32
  Polly Mertens: What didn't I see of what are I mean, the people you know, so yeah.
• 24:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Not in a way to berate yourself, but to be like real about it.
• 24:40
  Samantha Pruitt: Like I said, owning your stuff and be like, hey, this is a skill.
• 24:44
  Samantha Pruitt: I was laughing because I was recently talking to somebody about a relationship choice that they made that was no buen okay, for many, many, many reasons.
• 24:56
  Samantha Pruitt: And I was like, Well, somehow you overlook that and that and that and that and that as so apparently there's a few things that you might want to add to your checklist.
• 25:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, in terms of you learning some skills around how to not only choose who to be in relationship with, but how to navigate those relationships.
• 25:14
  Samantha Pruitt: There seems to be a couple of holes, kinks in your armor.
• 25:17
  Samantha Pruitt: You got they're missing a few skills.
• 25:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, what are the skills?
• 25:21
  Samantha Pruitt: And then with that person, literally what we were like, they were self-identifying, and I was just helping them by prompting them.
• 25:27
  Samantha Pruitt: What are the things that you know you you feel like you're not that good at?
• 25:31
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, for some reason I overlook this, or I don't pay attention to that, or I don't ask these questions, but okay, cool.
• 25:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, now you know.
• 25:39
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 25:40
  Samantha Pruitt: Now you know.
• 25:41
  Polly Mertens: I had this funny visual as you were talking about that.
• 25:43
  Polly Mertens: I had two visuals come up.
• 25:44
  Polly Mertens: One was like, this isn't the right visual.
• 25:48
  Polly Mertens: I'm just gonna say it just because it's silly.
• 25:49
  Polly Mertens: It's like like you're in the ring of a relationship, like a boxing ring or whatever, and you just got your ass kicked because, like, you know, you're you're playing with the wrong set of tools here.
• 25:58
  Polly Mertens: Like you, you know, somebody just like took advantage of you or you know, hurt your heart because you weren't, you know, having boundaries or whatever, or didn't do good filtering or something like that.
• 26:08
  Polly Mertens: And the next one I jumped to was like training for something.
• 26:12
  Polly Mertens: You know, I had my ass handed me, you know, when I was training for Iron Man for the swimming.
• 26:15
  Polly Mertens: Like I was like not up to speed with the swimming level that I was gonna need for that race.
• 26:20
  Polly Mertens: And I kept getting my ass handed to me.
• 26:21
  Polly Mertens: And I was like, I go out and I'd be like, oh crap, and I'd go back and I'd regroup and learn some things or whatever.
• 26:27
  Polly Mertens: I didn't like not do it, right?
• 26:29
  Polly Mertens: But I didn't go, oh, I'm a horrible swimmer.
• 26:32
  Polly Mertens: Oh well, you know, it was like, I fucking suck at this swimming thing right now.
• 26:37
  Polly Mertens: I need to do, I gotta get a new wetsuit, I gotta get in the swimming pool more, I gotta practice, I got, you know, leg cramps all the time.
• 26:44
  Polly Mertens: What do I need to do about that?
• 26:45
  Polly Mertens: You know, so those moments of like, okay, this is the what's so.
• 26:49
  Polly Mertens: This is how I'm not prepared for this or what I can get out of this, right?
• 26:54
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 26:55
  Samantha Pruitt: So then you look for solutions, right?
• 26:59
  Samantha Pruitt: You go after more intel, more solutions, more skills that you need, more resources, more support, whatever.
• 27:06
  Samantha Pruitt: At least you pivot in that direction, right?
• 27:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Which is the forward path.
• 27:12
  Samantha Pruitt: There's no reason to like give up on your goals of being in a relationship, owning your own business, doing the Iron Man, whatever, making money, whatever your things are.
• 27:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, there's no reason to give up on those dreams because somebody whooped your ass a couple times.
• 27:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Big freaking deal.
• 27:29
  Polly Mertens: You know, I mean, this is just life is full of all I was underprepared here.
• 27:33
  Polly Mertens: I didn't have this.
• 27:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, we're getting it.
• 27:36
  Samantha Pruitt: So I love that stuff because you know, that's like that reminds me of my story of my first 100 miler, right?
• 27:44
  Samantha Pruitt: And in case people don't know that story, I'll tell it very quickly.
• 27:47
  Samantha Pruitt: But basically, I'm not gonna run 100 miles that day.
• 27:50
  Samantha Pruitt: No Fullio.
• 27:51
  Samantha Pruitt: I'd never even run anything longer than 50 miles.
• 27:55
  Samantha Pruitt: So I'd only run up to 50 miles at that point, and that just about killed me.
• 27:58
  Polly Mertens: That was no joke alone.
• 28:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Someday, some way I will make it to Western States, where I had this really long goal, way out there, way out there.
• 28:07
  Samantha Pruitt: So I'm just gonna roll up the next season into a very small 100-mile where nobody's gonna be there.
• 28:13
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, 100 people, no one gives two shits about this, and I'm gonna shoot for 60 or 65 miles, right?
• 28:18
  Samantha Pruitt: Even if I make 70, freaking winning, winning mofo and going home and you know, drinking a beer and calling it a day kind of thing, right?
• 28:27
  Samantha Pruitt: But that story is, right?
• 28:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Like at the middle of the night, I'm laying in the dirt, it's freezing cold, I can't talk anymore, I can't eat anymore.
• 28:34
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, I am freaking talk about wrecking ball, annihilated.
• 28:38
  Samantha Pruitt: I was like a shell of myself laying in the dirt in the dark.
• 28:43
  Samantha Pruitt: But that's what it was.
• 28:46
  Samantha Pruitt: I put myself there, I willed that to happen because I made these choices, right?
• 28:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Made some really poor decisions along the way, but yeah, only to rise out of that dirt 45 minutes later and come back to life and finish a hundred miler with there's no way in hell that should have happened.
• 29:08
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, but I am a relentless mother, you know, so I was gonna see what was possible.
• 29:15
  Samantha Pruitt: This is anybody can do this.
• 29:17
  Samantha Pruitt: There's nothing special about me that that happened.
• 29:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, I just decided again, I took charge and I decided what was going to happen next and how I was going to take that apparent failure, right?
• 29:34
  Samantha Pruitt: That apparent reckoning, and what I was gonna do with it, either that day in the moment, in that kind of scenario, or you know, years later, or whenever it whenever it happens, right?
• 29:45
  Samantha Pruitt: We get to choose.
• 29:46
  Samantha Pruitt: We get to choose what happens next.
• 29:51
  Samantha Pruitt: And people just need to own that.
• 29:53
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and the choice of how we language it and where what we do with it.
• 29:57
  Polly Mertens: You know, you're like, I can't remember, but you've told me this story, and it's kind of like, well, I'm just gonna see how far I can get, see if I can get to the next aid station or whatever.
• 30:04
  Polly Mertens: Like a compelling vision.
• 30:06
  Polly Mertens: I can remember running, and it's like if I can make it to that flashlight or you know, lamppost or whatever, you know, you you set little exact mini milestones out there for yourself.
• 30:15
  Polly Mertens: You're like, oh, can I make it to that thing?
• 30:17
  Polly Mertens: Okay, look, I made it to that thing.
• 30:19
  Polly Mertens: All right, can I go to the next one?
• 30:20
  Polly Mertens: Right.
• 30:20
  Polly Mertens: And those are metaphors for all of life, right?
• 30:23
  Samantha Pruitt: So totally, totally, dude.
• 30:26
  Samantha Pruitt: I freaking ran across Death Valley.
• 30:28
  Samantha Pruitt: What in the hell?
• 30:29
  Samantha Pruitt: What kind of insane person am I?
• 30:31
  Samantha Pruitt: Right?
• 30:31
  Samantha Pruitt: This seemed like a good idea during the pandemic.
• 30:33
  Samantha Pruitt: I had some spare time.
• 30:34
  Samantha Pruitt: But if I would have gotten there and been like, well, I have to think about the finish line 135 miles from now on the freaking portal of Mount Whitney and run across there's no way now, right?
• 30:47
  Samantha Pruitt: You got to chunk that shit down.
• 30:49
  Samantha Pruitt: So it doesn't matter what the thing is and how hard it is, you gotta bite that off in nuggets, right?
• 30:56
  Samantha Pruitt: It's like you can't eat the whole whatever pie in one sitting.
• 31:01
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, maybe some people can, right?
• 31:03
  Samantha Pruitt: But that's not really the right tactic.
• 31:05
  Samantha Pruitt: You and I are talking about really breaking it down in order to get through this out the other side and really be in a totally different, amazing place that you don't even know exists yet.
• 31:15
  Polly Mertens: You know, and I think some, you know, if we talk, if we think of like the Grand Canyon as like a pot, you know, if you have one of the things that's a good thing.
• 31:20
  Polly Mertens: If you're seeing our video right now, Samantha's in the Grand Canyon in the video.
• 31:25
  Polly Mertens: So if you have a Grand Canyon moment where it's like a fucking implosion in your life, and all of a sudden you're like, uh, how do I ever get out of it?
• 31:31
  Polly Mertens: You're the bottom bottom of the canyon, like that looks freaking impossible, right?
• 31:37
  Polly Mertens: Like, I like knowing that there's a ledge, there's a vision, there's a okay, that's back up to where I want to be, let's say.
• 31:45
  Polly Mertens: And you don't just boop, you're not a you know, superhero.
• 31:49
  Polly Mertens: You don't just jump out of it.
• 31:50
  Polly Mertens: Like, you take it one step at a time, right?
• 31:52
  Polly Mertens: And however long it takes is how long it takes.
• 31:54
  Polly Mertens: And uh, I think having friends along the way and having snacks and you know, taking breaks, whatever, you know, but just chunk your way out of that, right?
• 32:04
  Polly Mertens: That's part of the comeback and those small wins, right?
• 32:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
• 32:08
  Samantha Pruitt: Some things not to do.
• 32:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Don't cling on to the past, okay.
• 32:12
  Samantha Pruitt: Don't compare yourself to others.
• 32:14
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh, this would have never happened to my sister, or this would have never happened to my friend, or whatever.
• 32:18
  Polly Mertens: Okay, comparison.
• 32:19
  Polly Mertens: Oh, yeah.
• 32:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh, no, no, not helpful.
• 32:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Shoot on yourself.
• 32:24
  Samantha Pruitt: Stop shooting on yourself.
• 32:25
  Samantha Pruitt: I should have done this and I should have done that.
• 32:27
  Samantha Pruitt: It's all a bunch of BS.
• 32:28
  Polly Mertens: I should be further than I am by now.
• 32:30
  Polly Mertens: It's like, you know what?
• 32:30
  Polly Mertens: That's not helpful.
• 32:31
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, these are all ways you stay stuck.
• 32:33
  Polly Mertens: Let that go.
• 32:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Let go of the doubt and trust yourself.
• 32:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Totally.
• 32:38
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, this is foundational stuff.
• 32:40
  Samantha Pruitt: Developing trust with yourself is just like, man, one of the most important things you can do with your time and energy is just establishing a sense of self-worth and trust of yourself.
• 32:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Dude.
• 32:52
  Samantha Pruitt: And that's all an inside job.
• 32:53
  Samantha Pruitt: No one's doing this for you.
• 32:55
  Polly Mertens: And I just want to double-click on that.
• 32:56
  Polly Mertens: That shit is built before you need it, right?
• 32:59
  Polly Mertens: It's kind of like having the uh like if you were in a race and you knew how to um like safety standards, or right, like whatever.
• 33:08
  Polly Mertens: Like if you were doing an adventure race, right?
• 33:10
  Polly Mertens: Like, let's say you knew first aid skills or something.
• 33:13
  Polly Mertens: You're like, but you gotta go learn the first aid skills before you get into the race.
• 33:16
  Polly Mertens: You don't like get into the race and go, damn, I just whatever effed up some part of my body.
• 33:21
  Polly Mertens: I don't have the first aid skills.
• 33:23
  Polly Mertens: Now you're effed, right?
• 33:24
  Polly Mertens: So like self-trust is before you get into the damn race, before you get in that situation, build that muscle, build that reservoir, build that you know, bank account with yourself of trust and worth.
• 33:36
  Polly Mertens: So and it's and it's usually outside of the domain of whatever you're in, right?
• 33:40
  Polly Mertens: Like it's small, small, yeah, yeah.
• 33:43
  Samantha Pruitt: And build it in the other areas of your life, and then when you need it in a professional circumstance or in a relationship or whatever, it's there.
• 33:51
  Polly Mertens: I got this.
• 33:52
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, it's there.
• 33:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, just hanging out, waiting for you.
• 33:55
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 33:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Obviously, try new things, you know, like, but I wanted that job, but I wanted that boyfriend, but I wanted that house or whatever that what the hell?
• 34:07
  Samantha Pruitt: How do you even know until you've gone out in the world to see how many flavors of ice cream there are?
• 34:12
  Polly Mertens: Totally.
• 34:13
  Polly Mertens: There's a lot, you know, and I think there's a period.
• 34:16
  Polly Mertens: Um, one of the things I want to touch on here is we were talking about that compelling vision.
• 34:19
  Polly Mertens: So, you know, some of the path that we're on, and then the wrecking ball comes in, there's a dotted line to where that path was going, right?
• 34:28
  Polly Mertens: You're you're married to someone and you think, oh, this is how my life is going to go for the next 50 years or something like that.
• 34:33
  Polly Mertens: And then insert, you know, a transition, that dotted line doesn't exist, right?
• 34:38
  Polly Mertens: And so it's like, oh, there's a grieving of that thing.
• 34:41
  Polly Mertens: But it's not about, oh, I wish I, you know, if we keep pointing to that dotted line of where our life was supposed to go with the job or the person or whatever, we, you know, we'll have more regrets.
• 34:51
  Polly Mertens: It's like, we'll start creating crafting a new path, like carve forward a new path, like let as best you can let go and not long for that.
• 35:00
  Polly Mertens: Like you're not gonna have that again.
• 35:01
  Polly Mertens: That's not happening again, right?
• 35:03
  Polly Mertens: Okay, pivot now, create a new vision, a new future.
• 35:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 35:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Also, it's a bullshit story you're telling yourself.
• 35:10
  Samantha Pruitt: That dotted line to what you thought it was gonna be.
• 35:12
  Samantha Pruitt: It was never gonna happen.
• 35:13
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm just gonna tell people right now.
• 35:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 35:16
  Samantha Pruitt: I literally fantasy, okay.
• 35:19
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm gonna be 57 this year.
• 35:21
  Samantha Pruitt: I've been through some things.
• 35:23
  Samantha Pruitt: I cannot think of one thing where I totally knew how it was gonna go and nailed it.
• 35:28
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 35:28
  Samantha Pruitt: Hell, absolutely not.
• 35:32
  Samantha Pruitt: No, impossible.
• 35:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, we don't have that much power and control.
• 35:37
  Samantha Pruitt: And this is, I'm not saying this to be negative or have people feel like, oh, why bother?
• 35:42
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, there's no hope in hell here.
• 35:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Reality check fools, you don't have that much power and control.
• 35:47
  Samantha Pruitt: So if you thought your life was gonna look a certain way, because you had this job forever and then you retired or you stayed married this person or whatever.
• 35:54
  Samantha Pruitt: That's not how it was gonna go.
• 35:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Let me just be the one to inform you that that's not how it's gonna go.
• 35:59
  Samantha Pruitt: So you're hanging on to something that isn't even real, right?
• 36:04
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and I think the more important perspective to take on um is I don't know how to metaphor this, but like why these things happen in our life is to mold us, not the life.
• 36:19
  Polly Mertens: It's not like what that looks like, it's who we become along the way.
• 36:23
  Polly Mertens: The things and the experiences are like these little badges and you know, parts of us that we form and shape and discover about ourselves that nothing can take away from, right?
• 36:34
  Polly Mertens: Like you and all the comebacks and the the blowing up businesses and blowing up your body and all this stuff that you've like, you superhuman, you know, this this you that you are, like you take that with you into any life situation, right?
• 36:48
  Polly Mertens: And I think these moments, these whatever, are us discovering parts of ourself that don't go away in whatever direction, you know, we start taking a left turn all of a sudden.
• 36:59
  Polly Mertens: You're taking all of that with you.
• 37:02
  Samantha Pruitt: Totally.
• 37:02
  Samantha Pruitt: I just got this beautiful vision when you were describing that so eloquently of being like a patch quilt, right?
• 37:08
  Samantha Pruitt: And like over the time of your life, like there's threads coming bare here and a hole here, whatever, and you just keep patching the quilt because it's your life.
• 37:17
  Samantha Pruitt: You're weaving the more patches, the more beautiful it is.
• 37:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Like this thing becomes literally a work of art.
• 37:24
  Samantha Pruitt: It's the same thing with scars.
• 37:25
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, I got a lot of scars.
• 37:27
  Samantha Pruitt: That's because I like to hurt myself.
• 37:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, but like I don't think, oh wow, I that's ugly, or I wish that wasn't there, or whatever.
• 37:35
  Samantha Pruitt: It's like, well, that's a story, and that's a story, and that's a story, and this is a story over here, and that you know, like this is just part of the patch quail called Sam.
• 37:42
  Polly Mertens: And I think one of the things you pointed to, so you're in this wonderful program that I can't wait for you to be telling us more about called A Year to Live right now.
• 37:50
  Polly Mertens: And you just talked about um your experience of the leader of that, Vinny, and you can maybe tell him in a minute, but you were just sharing how just him sharing who he was and what turns him on and about this program, like his genet, his him generating himself in front of that room and the expression and the words he uses and the things he has to say and the stories he may tell, and whatever all of that is, is his patch quilt expressing in that moment in front of you.
• 38:20
  Polly Mertens: And so that's what inspires people is the life that we've lived is so varied and so dynamic and whatnot.
• 38:26
  Polly Mertens: And it's like it's our expression, you know, of that to the people in our life, right?
• 38:32
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, seriously, seriously, yeah.
• 38:35
  Samantha Pruitt: He is a good example.
• 38:36
  Polly Mertens: Um, because he had some down, wasn't he a drug addict, or or was he or am I misremembered?
• 38:42
  Samantha Pruitt: V-I-N-N-Y Vinny, F-E-R-R-A-R-O.
• 38:47
  Polly Mertens: Ferraro.
• 38:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 38:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Uh-huh.
• 38:48
  Samantha Pruitt: And the program is called A Year to Live.
• 38:53
  Samantha Pruitt: And the book is by Stephen Levine.
• 38:55
  Samantha Pruitt: And yeah, Vinny, in particular, today with our group, and there's over 660-something people in this group, which blows my freaking mind.
• 39:04
  Samantha Pruitt: Amazing.
• 39:04
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 39:05
  Samantha Pruitt: Amazing.
• 39:06
  Samantha Pruitt: Humans on the journey doing the hard ass work.
• 39:10
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, really literally, we're going to stare our own mortality, life and mortality in the face.
• 39:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Like this is amazing.
• 39:17
  Polly Mertens: You don't even know, man.
• 39:18
  Polly Mertens: You don't know.
• 39:19
  Polly Mertens: So good.
• 39:20
  Samantha Pruitt: All kinds of stuff's about to happen this year.
• 39:22
  Samantha Pruitt: But um, having somebody like him in the room and speaking and presenting and just being holding a space for us and creating a space with us, I mean, that is freaking magic, dude.
• 39:34
  Samantha Pruitt: And my point about that is all of us are capable of that.
• 39:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Every single one of us at any given moment can also choose to be that person for ourselves or for another.
• 39:45
  Samantha Pruitt: And really, what in the hell are we here for if we're not for that?
• 39:50
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, that's why we're freaking here.
• 39:52
  Polly Mertens: You know, I just got this visual.
• 39:53
  Polly Mertens: I have, I've put in my uh window of uh my office here, I have one of those like round crystals, like the the critical crystals, and it it's shoots off rainbows, right?
• 40:03
  Polly Mertens: And I was thinking about Vinny over his lifetime has been this diamond, whatever you want to call it, and he's faceted, right?
• 40:11
  Polly Mertens: So light comes through him and hits you, hits the people on the call, and you're different because the light that's coming through.
• 40:19
  Polly Mertens: Him and his facets is like you know, and we are every of these comeback moments, these jarring things or whatever we these change, they're like we cut little facets in ourselves.
• 40:29
  Polly Mertens: So the light that flows through us is different, it's transformed, it's a rainbow of colors coming through us and out of us.
• 40:36
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, and then those colors that energy is put on the next person and then the next person and the next person, right?
• 40:41
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah, and it's all beautiful.
• 40:44
  Polly Mertens: It's all beautiful.
• 40:45
  Samantha Pruitt: So we want people to start slowly but get busy doing this work, right?
• 40:49
  Samantha Pruitt: We want them to be stacking wins, and it's not all gonna be unicorns and rainbows and glitter as much as Polly really wants it to be.
• 40:59
  Polly Mertens: Oh good, it's all good.
• 41:00
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, no, but there's there's there's dirt and sweat, and you know we've been through it, we're gonna go through it, you know, totally.
• 41:08
  Samantha Pruitt: Totally, totally.
• 41:09
  Samantha Pruitt: I know what the bottom of that Grand Canyon looks like many, many times, and there's a lot of dirt and sweat down there.
• 41:14
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm gonna drag your ass down there in the next year.
• 41:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, but things that we want you to do too is also celebrate this growth.
• 41:20
  Samantha Pruitt: So as you're on that journey, the process through the comeback, which we're saying, you know, is gonna be a ride.
• 41:28
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, celebrate the path, celebrate the win, celebrate the learnings, the knowledge.
• 41:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Like if you have a revelation, like this person did in this relationship combo when I was coaching them about wow, I guess I really, these are some weaknesses I have around being in relationship or picking relationships.
• 41:44
  Samantha Pruitt: It's like that's a freaking win.
• 41:45
  Samantha Pruitt: You just had so much awareness and growth in the opportunity that you learned about yourself.
• 41:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, that's winning right there.
• 41:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Like we got to celebrate every time there is this moment that we either have an aha moment ourselves or we experience something that brings that out for us, or whatever the dynamic is.
• 42:07
  Samantha Pruitt: We need to celebrate that stuff.
• 42:09
  Samantha Pruitt: We've got to.
• 42:10
  Polly Mertens: And I think the most important thing is to share it, like in that moment.
• 42:13
  Polly Mertens: Like that's where we hear it more for ourselves, too.
• 42:16
  Polly Mertens: Because like you can go click, click something like aha's for you.
• 42:19
  Polly Mertens: When you share it, a it's more real for you.
• 42:21
  Polly Mertens: And then A, that it might help that person that you're sharing it with, but it certainly is gonna help you.
• 42:25
  Polly Mertens: So share a win, share an aha moment, share a oh fuck, I didn't realize that's what I was doing, you know.
• 42:31
  Polly Mertens: Like, but the sharing of it is so powerful and transformative.
• 42:35
  Polly Mertens: Like it's a different level.
• 42:36
  Polly Mertens: It's like I find, you know, when we are stuck up in our mind, just this ethereal place that like thoughts just like to swim on by.
• 42:45
  Polly Mertens: Sometimes, you know, especially when people get into anxiety, it's because it's all like blah, right.
• 42:49
  Polly Mertens: And you go and you transform that into the written word, like you just get down and journal.
• 42:53
  Polly Mertens: Like it doesn't feel like I don't know, people I've coached before it was like overwhelm is like their daily life, right?
• 42:58
  Polly Mertens: And I'm like, well, write down the shit you gotta do.
• 43:00
  Polly Mertens: And they're like, Oh, it's just because they were trying to keep it in their head, right?
• 43:04
  Polly Mertens: So some of this is like write down your experience, write down your aha, or share your experience, right?
• 43:09
  Polly Mertens: It transforms it from you from inside.
• 43:11
  Polly Mertens: You you digest something different, you you the brain processes it differently.
• 43:16
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, I think you take the sting out of it, you know, you let some of the hot air out of it, and it just becomes like a eh.
• 43:22
  Samantha Pruitt: When I say that, it's not so bad, you know, or or like holy crap.
• 43:26
  Samantha Pruitt: It's freaking 10 things, you know, I can have it done in the next 48 hours.
• 43:30
  Samantha Pruitt: It's not a hundred things, like you know, I was telling myself.
• 43:33
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, and the other thing I want to um remind people is like if they're if they're one of these people that's always looking back, right?
• 43:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Or they're like dragging their history with them and they really are stuck because perhaps there is a trauma or an incident or something going on with them mentally and emotionally that is not allowing that freedom that we're talking about, the switch, then get some help.
• 43:59
  Samantha Pruitt: Get some help.
• 44:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Don't stay stuck, don't stay in it.
• 44:03
  Samantha Pruitt: You're worth a lot more than that, and there is so much help out there, honestly, tons of help.
• 44:09
  Polly Mertens: Let that shit go.
• 44:09
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, totally.
• 44:10
  Polly Mertens: It's it's like you know, pulling a sled behind you, or you're carrying a you know, a sack of whatever on your body, right?
• 44:17
  Polly Mertens: It's weighing emotionally, physically, spiritually, all of that.
• 44:21
  Polly Mertens: It's slowing where you're designed to go, right?
• 44:23
  Polly Mertens: And yeah, sometimes people, and I'll say, you know, I've done this before 20 years eating disorder, you know, like put my past into my next day, put the back, you know.
• 44:31
  Polly Mertens: I just kept carrying it forward, but now we have those tools.
• 44:34
  Polly Mertens: So you're right.
• 44:34
  Polly Mertens: Like, how can you let the baggage that you're carrying or holding on to go and set yourself free?
• 44:41
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, that's really what it is.
• 44:43
  Samantha Pruitt: That's what we're talking about, and making a comeback is freaking fabulous, like it's fun.
• 44:49
  Polly Mertens: Make it fun.
• 44:50
  Samantha Pruitt: So damn rewarding, you know, like high-fi back is suffering, it can be fun because you know on the other side is something really freaking amazing.
• 45:01
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah.
• 45:02
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, I'm a hundred percent confident.
• 45:04
  Samantha Pruitt: Like anybody can call me right now with whatever the thing is, and I'm going to be able to uncover some golden nugget on the other side.
• 45:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, I just that's how I look at life, and that's how I choose to live.
• 45:14
  Samantha Pruitt: But I feel like that's an opportunity for all of us too.
• 45:17
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, you can see the dirt in the mine, or you can look for the gold, you know.
• 45:20
  Polly Mertens: Just my constant like you've got the headlamp on.
• 45:23
  Polly Mertens: Where are you looking?
• 45:24
  Polly Mertens: Right.
• 45:24
  Polly Mertens: So, yeah, there's dirt.
• 45:25
  Polly Mertens: There's some shit in this story, right?
• 45:27
  Polly Mertens: And guess what?
• 45:28
  Polly Mertens: There's a tunnel at the end, and there is some gold.
• 45:31
  Polly Mertens: So stop looking at the dirt.
• 45:32
  Polly Mertens: You're overly obsessing about that.
• 45:34
  Polly Mertens: Let's go.
• 45:34
  Polly Mertens: So I get it.
• 45:36
  Polly Mertens: I get it.
• 45:37
  Polly Mertens: Good stuff, my dear.
• 45:38
  Polly Mertens: Good stuff.
• 45:39
  Polly Mertens: Any last one things that we want to what where do you think this?
• 45:43
  Polly Mertens: What's the synopsis of this?
• 45:45
  Polly Mertens: What's what's most important in this work, would you say?
• 45:49
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, for me, I just want to really live leave people with that message once again, which is like reiterating that as shitty as it might feel right now, okay, I swear on my personal life and experience that there is always something better.
• 46:08
  Samantha Pruitt: And if you have in your mind that this reckoning is not coming for you, stop fooling yourself.
• 46:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Just build the muscles, build the skills, be ready to do the tango and step into the arena when they're when it's time.
• 46:24
  Samantha Pruitt: You can handle it.
• 46:26
  Samantha Pruitt: I have confidence in you.
• 46:28
  Polly Mertens: My two things.
• 46:29
  Polly Mertens: One is this too shall pass, you know, having some sort of phrase that gets you through those tough times, right?
• 46:34
  Polly Mertens: Like, oh, I wonder what's trying to happen here.
• 46:36
  Polly Mertens: This too shall pass.
• 46:37
  Polly Mertens: Life is always happening for me.
• 46:38
  Polly Mertens: Something, right?
• 46:39
  Polly Mertens: And then um just remembering you've been like you were asking, you're like, oh, we should have some comeback stories.
• 46:46
  Polly Mertens: I was like, no, I don't really.
• 46:47
  Polly Mertens: And then I was like, oh yeah, there was that.
• 46:48
  Polly Mertens: Oh yeah, there was that.
• 46:49
  Polly Mertens: You know, and I was like, Oh, I have been through some stuff, right?
• 46:53
  Polly Mertens: So we've gone through stuff and we've sort of gone through it, survived it, grown better for it.
• 46:59
  Polly Mertens: So just hey, remember the next time you face it, like, oh, I've done this before.
• 47:03
  Polly Mertens: Okay, I got that.
• 47:04
  Polly Mertens: You know, I don't love being punched in the face, but okay, I got this.
• 47:09
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, I didn't even uh mean to share this, but I'm gonna share it now anyway.
• 47:12
  Samantha Pruitt: Is I'm gonna start writing on Substack, which you already have awareness.
• 47:15
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm working on that project, but one of my weekly writings is gonna be about comebacks, not just mine, but about other people's stories too, because I'm seeing like so much beauty in it.
• 47:26
  Samantha Pruitt: It's the art of a comeback.
• 47:29
  Polly Mertens: Love it.
• 47:29
  Samantha Pruitt: It is pure freaking life art.
• 47:32
  Samantha Pruitt: And we these stories inspire me.
• 47:36
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah.
• 47:36
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, we're totally, you know, the human spirit is an amazing energy when we take those dips and blips or whatever.
• 47:44
  Polly Mertens: Like we love cheering each other on, like, damn it, brother.
• 47:47
  Polly Mertens: Yes, you know, because I think we as a universal soul and spirit are moved and more because of the things that we individually go through that grow us as a community, a family, a collective, right?
• 47:59
  Polly Mertens: So yeah, love that.
• 48:00
  Polly Mertens: Exactly.
• 48:01
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, can you do more of that?
• 48:02
  Polly Mertens: Not less me.
• 48:03
  Polly Mertens: Like, I'd love I love, you know, one of my things is I I love looking out in my environment and community, and I love learning other people's stuff so I can get it without having to go through it.
• 48:12
  Polly Mertens: I'm like, oh, I see that what that happened to you.
• 48:15
  Polly Mertens: Okay, mental note.
• 48:17
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, like I'm not good at that.
• 48:20
  Samantha Pruitt: That's just not how I evolved as a person.
• 48:22
  Samantha Pruitt: I you gotta get in it.
• 48:23
  Samantha Pruitt: Have to have always had to be the one.
• 48:27
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't know.
• 48:28
  Samantha Pruitt: Maybe at some point that will not be my story anymore.
• 48:31
  Samantha Pruitt: And I'll be like, hey, I should learn something from your mistake.
• 48:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Nope.
• 48:38
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't know how to do it.
• 48:39
  Polly Mertens: I'm gonna dive in in.
• 48:40
  Polly Mertens: Love it, love it.
• 48:42
  Polly Mertens: All right, ladies.
• 48:43
  Polly Mertens: All right, let's rock this.
• 48:44
  Polly Mertens: Let's remind our beautiful humans uh as we sign off today.
• 48:49
  Samantha Pruitt: How your life feels is not important.
• 48:51
  Samantha Pruitt: It's how it looks.
• 48:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh, I just reversed that.
• 48:55
  Polly Mertens: One more time, one more time.
• 48:56
  Polly Mertens: The comeback already, right?
• 48:59
  Polly Mertens: How it feels is the important.
• 49:02
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, for sure.
• 49:04
  Polly Mertens: And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome