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The Secret of the 3 C's of Communication Shared #4 · How To Talk To Humans

• 0:03
  Larry Wilson: Hi, this is Larry Wilson and this is how to talk to humans. This is the podcast that shows you how to improve your communication skills. Are you looking to get a better job?
• 0:15
  Larry Wilson: Are you looking to find a relationship? Are you trying to do things in your life that have frustrated you and eluded you so far, I can show you so easily how to change that. Now, I can only do it with humans. If you're looking to deal with vampires or zombies, extraterrestrial, this is not the show for you. But if you're really looking to improve your communication skills, I can show you what I've learned from 40 years in show business, working with the biggest celebrities and superstars in the world. And their secrets are unbelievable.
• 0:54
  Larry Wilson: What I'm going to be teaching you during this course of this podcast every week, are tools that you can use to communicate toward success. I've been telling a lot of stories about where I learned the tools and techniques that I've used to build wills and methods. But today, I'm actually going to give you some more concrete practical applications. Because these things do, as illustrated in the stories that I told you they do. Show you how to build confidence, they show you how to communicate with clarity. They show you all the power that you can have both personally and professionally, and how it can be transformational for your life. I am a firm believer that everything worth having in this life begins and ends with communication. I think no one can dispute that. It is I say it from the vantage point of my entire life. I've seen that again and again. And that's why I share some of these stories with you. But I want to give you something like I say more practical. Sometimes in Wilson method, I refer to the three C's. And those C's are connect, communicate, create. And I'm going to tell you more what I mean about that. But let me just say that the reason sometimes, in another episode, I'm going to tell you about the three Ds. But the reason I use these techniques of saying like three C's, is I want to give you a touchstone so that if you're really interested in what we're discussing here, and you're practicing it, and you're trying to employ these tools. If you get lost at some point, as we all do, I know I do that you can think of the three C's. And then, you know, our brains are hardwired to seek out patterns.
• 3:27
  Larry Wilson: That's just the way the human brain works. Now, I've told you this before, how to talk to humans is only about talking with humans. I don't know how those creatures in the Black Lagoon brains work. I don't know. You know, werewolf brains?
• 3:43
  Larry Wilson: I don't know. I would think the werewolf brains would be interested more in food and things like that. I'm just guessing, I don't know. But human brains are designed to seek out patterns. So when I tell you the three C's, your brain things? Well, that's right, three C's. And you can remember, oh, connect, communicate, create. I want you to learn to connect with people before you've spoken a word. And this is using all semiotic techniques, all things that are not spoken. Well. The most obvious, of course, is how you smile. And then people think we'll god I've seen some people do some smiles that were scary.
• 4:37
  Larry Wilson: Yeah. And unfortunately, or else fortunately, just depends on your, your appetite for my peculiar stories. I'm going to tell you where I learned. One of the most valuable lessons about smiles was at the poker table. I was you know, in my career have spent so much time in casinos, working in casinos. You know, if I was an opening act for some big star like Sammy Davis Jr.
• 5:08
  Larry Wilson: I'm only working like an hour a night total. I have a lot of free time. So a lot of times, I would wind up at the poker table. Nowadays of course poker really means Texas Hold'em. Now, I think they're probably still some places where they're dealing the seven cards that are five cards. Maybe. Well, Hold'em is where it's at. It's fast.
• 5:39
  Larry Wilson: It's exciting. The thing about Hold'em that's so funny is it makes it similar to the way people think about sex. Everyone thinks they're really good at it, whether they are not the whoever thought of Texas Hold'em. It's so deceptively simple that it looks like oh, yeah, I can do that. Sure, you can't. But what you learn, of course, like in everything in life, the people who are experts have accumulated different technique over the course sometimes of years or a lifetime. And what happened when I was playing a lot of poker?
• 6:23
  Larry Wilson: Some of the poker players, I guess, because they liked me because I was friendly. Because I talked to people I talked to humans. They took pity on me, and they would pull me aside and one time they you know, you want to get a bite to eat or something. They'd say, you don't really understand this came to you? And I'd say yes, I do. I'm, I'm very they go, no, no, you really don't have a clue. And so they took pity on me, and they would teach me and I remember one guy in particular, took a cocktail napkin and wrote some, like he wrote four things that I should pay attention to. And I'm not going to go into them because this is not a podcast about how to play Hold'em. I'm sure there is one out there.
• 7:01
  Larry Wilson: There's probably 1000 of them out there. But as soon as I started following those four things, I started winning more money, and my game got better.
• 7:11
  Larry Wilson: And I thought, Oh, I get it.
• 7:11
  Larry Wilson: There's all this stuff. I didn't so and I started to become friends with some of these top players. And sometimes I would see them do something that seem like they were mind reading or something. Well, obviously, they weren't mind reading. They had some knowledge or some technique. And I would pester them. I go, how'd you do that?
• 7:36
  Larry Wilson: What was that? What was that?
• 7:36
  Larry Wilson: You know, and I'll never forget, I was in a Las Vegas playing poker at the Bellagio. And I can't remember the size of the game. But there was a lot of money on the table. And there was a huge pot. Thank God I wasn't in. But a gigantic pot.
• 7:57
  Larry Wilson: My old friend from Kentucky, Tom Stinson would have said, it was a pot so big a show dog couldn't jump over it. That's how big it was. It was huge. And it got down to just all the cards were dealt. And there were only two players remaining. And one guy at the very end pushed all in, I guess his last few $1,000 is gigantic. And the guy who was his opponent had to determine whether he should call or fool.
• 8:41
  Larry Wilson: And he studied the guy for what I thought was a long time. And he was sort of talking to him.
• 8:44
  Larry Wilson: And he said, Really, and he's just talking out loud, you're allowed to say whatever you want, you know, if you're in the hand, and he said some stuff, he said am I supposed to think that you have any sort of talking, and then after what seemed like a very long time, like several minutes, he said, I call and he pushed his money in and the other guy threw his cards in what we call the muck meaning the discards, essentially, quitting the hand, he folded his hand without showing. He forfeited his interest in that.
• 9:24
  Larry Wilson: And so the guy who had called him scooped in this gigantic pot, and I kept my eye on when that guy got up to go to the men's room. I follow that, you know, some of these stories have a sort of unsavory tone to them.
• 9:34
  Larry Wilson: I fall in the men's room and said, I really need to talk to you guys. Like how about if you wait till I leave the men's room. I said, Fine, fine, but I'm going to be outside. You're waiting. I said, I saw that hand. I want to know what what went on how to know this guy said I don't know if it's true, but I don't know if he told me or somebody else at the table time. He was an FBI interrogator. And he said to me said, You didn't see what went on there. I said, No, I didn't see. The guy pushed all in. And you thought and thought and thought and you talk to him and talk to me, he never answered you. And then you call. He goes, Yeah. He said, he said, In my work, I've learned that a real authentic smile is symmetrical.
• 10:31
  Larry Wilson: A fake smile, is asymmetrical. I said, Okay. He said, so I was talking, trying to get that guy to smile. And what at one point when I said, Oh, you're trying to, you want me to think you made the nut flush, or whatever it was us. And the guy sort of looked at me and smiled and said, and it was lopsided. So I knew he was lying. And I thought, Oh, my God. I said, Could this be true? Or is this guy just a nut? Well, I started paying attention. Of course, it's true. Of course, he didn't.
• 11:10
  Larry Wilson: He wasn't just taking a chance.
• 11:15
  Larry Wilson: He had seen enough criminals.
• 11:15
  Larry Wilson: When you say, Oh, you weren't anywhere near the murder site.
• 11:20
  Larry Wilson: And they smiled, there was this crazy lopsided, if you look at yourself in the mirror, while you're trying to some of the smiles, if you go online, and search for pictures of people smiling of images, you'll see some of them look so horrifying.
• 11:36
  Larry Wilson: Because it's someone trying to smile. And it's this horrible rictus that is just, it's terrifying, real smiles, unless you're a trained actor. And I'm not saying you need to be a trained actor to employ Wilson methods, a whole separate kind of thing. But if you think about something pleasant, if you think of a memory, it might be a person, it might be a child, it might be a pet. It might be a fantastic cheeseburger. I don't know. If you think about something that's a really pleasant memory, or natural facial ethic produces authentic smile. If you go into a meeting with people you've never met before, and you take a moment before you go into that room.
• 12:34
  Larry Wilson: You close your eyes. And you just think of that, you know, it's funny, because I know immediately I think of I think of my son, when he was like four years old, racing around the house. He races through the kitchen, or my wife is and he says, Can I have some breakfast?
• 13:00
  Larry Wilson: And she says yes, and he's already racing out. And then he races back in a second. He's racing. He goes, banana pancakes, please. And then races out and my wife sort of laughs and goes, Okay, all right. My son races back and says, it's a pleasure doing business with you. When I think of that, I can't help but smile. I have a huge smile on my face. thinking he's like four years old. Where did he get this from? I mean, there's, there's a million examples with him that just make me laugh. You if you access something like that in your memory, people don't know what you're thinking. I'm not saying you're supposed to trick people.
• 13:46
  Larry Wilson: I'm saying you want to let people see your human qualities.
• 13:51
  Larry Wilson: If you access a pleasant memory, you can use this online on Zoom.
• 13:59
  Larry Wilson: You ever been in these meetings on Zoom? And these people look like zombies? Even though we're almost positive? They're human.
• 14:08
  Larry Wilson: It's a terrifying experience?
• 14:12
  Larry Wilson: Well, it's because there's no human energy exchange taking place. The reason that I prefer live performance for my career, all the television appearances, hundreds of television appearances I did. I thought of them just as a promotional, you know, it was so that people could see me and be interested if they saw us performing live somewhere near them. Because as a performer and as an audience member, you can feel the exchange of human energy that's taking place if it's a good entertainer. I know we've all had the experience of seeing some Don't perform live who seems like they're performing by rote, they're mechanical. And it feels weird, it feels off, we don't really feel connected to them. When the performer is open to us, and when we feel that we're seeing their authentic self, we feel a connection to that's the first see in the three C's is to connect. And there's so many elements, we don't have time to delve into all of them here, but obviously, your eyes, Shakespeare writes, The eyes of the windows to the soul. This guy's like writing this 600 years ago. How did he know that it would still be true today? Well, because it's obviously one of these fundamental truths. The eyes.
• 16:10
  Larry Wilson: You know, I see people do marketing, where they're wearing sunglasses. And I think you must be drunk, or insane. I'm not buying anything from somebody wearing sunglasses. I'm not listening to anything. Anyone says, who's wearing sunglasses?
• 16:29
  Larry Wilson: I feel like they're putting up a barrier between me and them.
• 16:33
  Larry Wilson: They don't want me to see. And this is frequently why people do that. Because they feel insecure. They feel uncertain.
• 16:43
  Larry Wilson: I've talked to lots of entertainers, who some of them especially, you know, like in Rock and roll's are wearing sunglasses on stage. And they've just said, Yeah, I'm nervous.
• 16:55
  Larry Wilson: I'm really nervous. I can't stand. Well, it's very clear.
• 17:00
  Larry Wilson: Now, you may fool some people in the audience think, oh, that person's super cool. That's why they're wearing sunglasses. But if you're really confident, you should be able to look someone directly in the eye. If you're not trying to hide something, if you're not trying to calm them, or scam them, somehow, you should be able to look them directly in the eye. And when you do, it has a profound effect in a crazy way. Especially nowadays, I think that a lot of what I teach in wills method might have been more commonly employed 30 or 40 years ago, a prequel computer, pre smartphone. I think a lot of the things I teach were very commonplace. But nowadays, you may not have a lot of facial ethic. Because you're just texting. Well, why would you need to have facial ethic, you're sort of detaching yourself from your body, which I should point out, parenthetically, is not a good thing. Close parenthesis, it's not a good thing to detach from your body. We're human beings.
• 18:16
  Larry Wilson: And if you aren't using all the skills and techniques you have at your disposal, to communicate better with humans, you're missing a phenomenal part of the human experience. You're just missing out on. And when you access these things, I know that there must be people listening, who have seen someone could be a man could be a woman who interacted with people, where everyone just found them, magnetically attractive. But objectively looking at this person, you thought they aren't really that attractive. No, they might not have been, but they were using things that actually exemplified their human qualities. I can't tell you how many times I've seen this. I knew a guy when I was growing up, who'd had a terrible disease as a child and was given medication that one of the helped him, but one of the horrible side effects for him.
• 19:32
  Larry Wilson: His face was terribly pockmarked, I mean, looked like a plaster of paris riddled with a BB gun. And his vocal cords were damaged.
• 19:46
  Larry Wilson: So they sort of sounded like this is voice all the time sound like this.
• 19:52
  Larry Wilson: And I saw this guy. He had the most gorgeous girlfriends. One after another. I saw heard again and again. Because he was so unapologetically human, he let people see that people were drunk, I was frightened of him the first time I met him, I was frightened of his appearance, and the sound of his voice. But he was so authentic and open and making eye contact with you that you felt like, wow, this guy sees me, he really sees me.
• 20:33
  Larry Wilson: It's, you know, a one of those extraordinary experiences that you have. So, I, I want to make sure I talk a little bit about the other two C's. The first is to connect before you've said a word. So that you can communicate your message. And your message might be as simple as I'm new here, or your message might be, I'd like a promotion.
• 21:04
  Larry Wilson: Or your message might be, I have something that I think you'll find extremely valuable. Or your message might be, I find you very appealing. These are all so that you can then create authentic bonds. These authentic bombs that are created when we connect with people, so that we can communicate those authentic bonds last for ever. They never ever go away. Now, it's more obvious in show business. You'll hear people talk about someone.
• 21:59
  Larry Wilson: I met this person 20 years ago, and I've never forgotten this experience. And it's easy to write that off thinking well, yeah, because they were famous because. But in real life. I told you on another episode about an elementary school teacher I had Mr. Cohen. I don't think a day goes by I don't think about him. Obviously, I learned some very valuable stuff. But that's not what I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about the authentic bond he had with all the kids in his class and every class. I know, they all felt it. They may not have understood what it was. But we had a special feeling about him.
• 22:46
  Larry Wilson: You can create this with everyone you communicate with using those three C's. This has been Larry Wilson, I want to thank you for spending this time with me. And I hope you found this information useful. If you're looking for more you can find it at the Wilson method.com There's a ton of stuff there. In fact, if you want you can even speak to me because I'm human.
• 23:21
  Larry Wilson: Send me an email at info at Wilson method.com Because I read every single one. I hope that you'll join us next week in this continuing journey. And you'll be with me for the next episode of how to talk to humans.